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#sauce: paul rudd
mifunebooty · 1 year
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My nap only made me horny
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floral-hex · 1 year
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had been thinking about seeing the new Ant-Man when it came out, ya know, on one of the discount days bc movie tickets are pricey these days. I mean, it looked right up my alley; alternate dimensions, timeline fuckery, cool visuals, Jonathan Majors ripped as hell. Buuuuut I saw some spoilers, some shitty cellphone footage, read some reviews, ended up caving and reading the plot online… so anyway, I decided to spend that money on a jug of soy sauce and bag of jalapeños, and I think that’s a fair alternative.
#I go through a buttload of soy sauce and jalapeños#they just go with everything!#also no Marvel hate at me on this post#just let me enjoy my visual junk food#is it so bad to want to see Paul Rudd towering before me on a giant screen???#anyway… yeah… it looked really interesting to me. much more so than any of the recent Marvel movies.#I love science fiction with alternate dimensions and time stuff#buuuut… I guess I couldn’t really expect Marvel to actually do anything too exciting with those concepts#but hey! it might actually be good when I finally see it!#I just don’t have much of a disposable income and I think I’d rather spend that cash on foodstuff I know I’ll enjoy#and I’d rather not spend money on going out if I’m this ambivilant on it#critic’s reviews are mid. viewer reviews are completely unreliable to me#marvel fans will either give super positive reviews just bc it’s marvel#or they’ll tank their reviews for the dumbest reasons. like saying it’s too woke bc black Kang#fickle as cats and just as reliable#ALSO I saw tweets saying stuff like ‘oh it’s the beginning of a new phase so it’s a little rough and not that great but give them a break!#my buddy my friend they have churned out so many of these films by now#’new phase’ means nothing! they should know how to tell a good story!#and why can’t the start of a new story arc be good? you can have a good story that sets things up for the future#you butts. you fools.#I was honestly so hyped to see Kang fuck shit up 😕#and I actually really like the Ant-Man movies#I just haven’t really been into any of the Marvel movies after Endgame#okay but again… I haven’t seen it. just read the plot and some reviews.#don’t listen to me. I’m just ranting.#I wanted something really weird and cool with characters dying or whatever I dunno… I’m grumpy about it#but I made some fried rice. it’s good. I got some jalapeño in my eye. that’s not so good.#I hope no one actually wasted their time reading through these tags. I’m sorry if you did#you can ignore this#text
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justn78 · 3 months
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Paul Rudd squirted with sauce
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saiilorstars · 1 year
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Ch. 16:  Spicy Sprinkles
Fandom: Criminal Minds // Pairing: Spencer Reid x OFC
[Story Masterlist] // [Aitana’s Masterlist]
Taglist: @ocappreciationtag​​​​​​​​​ @arrthurpendragon​​​​​​​​​ @anotherunreadblog​​​​​​​​​ @maaaaarveeeeel​​​​​​​​​ @stareyedplanet​​​​​​​​​​​ @averyhotchner​​​​​ ​​​​​@foxesandmagic​​​​
If you’d like to be a part of this OC’s taglist, let me know!
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It was the traditional stormy type of night that invoked the movie night Aitana set up at her home with Elia. It was perfect.
"It is pouring out there." Elia peered out the window in the kitchen. She flinched back when the pellets of water started sounding like it was smacking the glass.
"Yeah, I know." Aitana was pouring their popcorn into a large bowl. "Makes it a perfect night for a movie marathon."
Elia agreed and walked away from the window. "I can't believe you chose Clueless first, though."
"Hey!" Aitana was quick to frown, even pointing a finger at Elia to watch her mouth. "It is a masterpiece."
Elia rolled her eyes when she reached the isle. "Please, you just think Paul Rudd is hot."
"True," Aitana paused to confirm. "That's very true."
Elia chuckled and shook her head. "I missed this, you know?" Aitana smiled and went through the cabinets for hot sauce. "The bickering? Deciding who was hot and who wasn't. All that stuff."
Aitana returned with the Valentina hot sauce bottle in hand. "Me too," she agreed.
"Those people you work with are good people." Elia rested her hands against the isle. "Especially that Spencer. I felt so bad when he told me you thought he kept your journal."
Aitana preferred not to think about that anymore. She felt guilty enough. "Yeah, I said my sorries and we're good now. Absolutely good." She popped the lid of the hot sauce and poured a hefty amount over the popcorn.
"What's absolutely good?"
Both women looked to the threshold to see Angel coming in. "Oh, popcorn," he stuck a hand into the bowl despite Aitana's protests. "Needs more lemon."
"Where are you going?" Elia noted his dressy appearance.
"Out with some friends," he shrugged and grabbed another handful of popcorn.
"Seriously? It's pouring," Aitana gestured to the window. "Why don't you stay with us?"
Angel made a face that clearly expressed his dislike of the idea. "I know what movies you two like to watch and I'm not interested." He reached for some more popcorn when Aitana smacked his hand away.
"Please be careful out there," she warned.
"Aren't I always?" He kissed the top of her head, waved goodbye at Elia then hurriedly took some more popcorn from the bowl to go on his way.
"Angel!" Aitana called after him with a groan. Angel's laughter carried out with him.
Elia chuckled as well. "Are you sure living together is a good idea for your blood pressure?"
"I'm beginning to wonder the same thing," Aitana picked up their bowl that was now relatively less full than before. "C'mon, Clueless awaits." Elia nodded and followed her into the living room.
~ 0 ~
"Kelly Landis went missing 3 days ago," Penelope had lit the screen for the team to see. "Two days ago, the Georgetown 'Monitor' received this." Aitana passed out the lucky photograph of an admittedly beautiful woman styled for the 40s.
"So whoever took this, took Kelly. And wanted the world to know it," Rossi said after taking the photograph for him and Spencer to see.
"Is that you?" Hotch quietly asked Penelope for some reason. The others couldn't tell what he was pointing at but Penelope seemed to because she was quick to place a pile of papers over whatever Hotch pointed at.
"Where was she found?" Spencer had asked and unknowingly became Penelope's lifeline.
"Uh, she was found in Georgetown, in an alley, late last night."
Hotch seemed to move on from the incident with the question. "I sent Morgan and Prentiss."
"Only one victim?" Rossi noted the strange number and looked at Aitana and Penelope for an explanation. They didn't often take cases with only one victim.
"Umm…" Aitana glanced to Hotch for that one. Neither she nor Penelope had personally picked up the case. This time around, he had and for a very good reason.
"It's what he did to her that concerns me," Hotch explained as Penelope started passing out another file for them. "Morgan sent these, also late last night. He and Prentiss are waiting in the district."
"The body seems posed. Left arm raised…" Spencer paused once he hit the magic picture Hotch and Aitana were waiting for. It was the only way they would understand. "Oh...that's a first."
Rossi leaned to his side to be able to see the photograph. His eyebrows raised. "I see your concern."
"What?" Penelope tried to lean forwards in hopes of catching sight of the picture. She hardly ever looked through them.
"Umm, Garcia…" Aitana stretched a hand to reach Penelope's arm and gently pulled the woman back from the table. "I wouldn't…"
Penelope saw the fervent shake of Aitana's head and it just fueled her curiosity more. "What?" She flipped her head in Spencer's direction. He was still staring at the picture, much like Rossi was. "Reid, what?"
Aitana readied herself for Penelope's reaction as soon as Spencer's mouth opened. "Her lips have been removed."
"Oh! Oh!" Penelope shuddered. "Oh, my God!"
"Maybe a trophy," Rossi theorized.
"Next time, just trust me," Aitana whispered to Penelope. She'd already seen the pictures and had gone through the same reaction. She was a raw profiler alright. She needed to get used to things like those.
"Maybe he ate them?" Spencer said as he took a bite of his muffin.
Aitana wondered how long it would be before she could eat like that and ask questions like those. Penelope would never get used to it.
"Ok, now I have that memory burned in my mind for the rest of my life!" she cried.
"You asked," Spencer calmly reminded her.
"The photo he sent to the "Monitor" and the way her body's posed and the mutilation, it must be a representation of someone," Rossi said, not at all concerned with Penelope at the moment. "At least by sending a photo, the media's opened a line of communication."
"Unfortunately, it also means we can expect more of these victims because of the super special attention the media gave the first," Aitana sighed. It would be the perfect fuel for the Unsub.
~ 0 ~
"33 years. 2 days left to retire. Not once did I have my name in print," lamented the Captain of the local precinct. He came to pin the victim's, Kelly, photograph on the evidence board. "Now it's alongside a 22-year-old girl left butchered in an alley."
"Who found her?" Hotch asked him. Now that they were in the precinct, they were taking up the new evidence they'd picked up since last night.
"Homeless guy."
"We need to compile a list of Kelly's direct relatives, friends, co-workers, boyfriends, everyone."
The Captain agreed but then admitted, "When we got the photo, I expected a ransom, not a body."
"This isn't about money. It's about that," Hotch pointed to Kelly's photograph. "Attention. By sending in the photo, the unsub's handiwork becomes the center of attention."
"It wasn't sent. It was walked into the "Monitor" building," the Captain corrected. "No one saw a thing."
"He must have gotten a big thrill doing that," Aitana walked into the room, having overheard the last bit of the conversation. "I hope no one minds but I went ahead and gave the order not to speak to the press. I figured stopping the special attention was key for the case."
"That was good, thank you," Hotch said. She smiled and joined the others at the table.
"You know, you guys usually work serial murders. All we have is Kelly," the Captain said, showing his confusion over the matter.
"What you have is unique, in fact. It's a first for all of us," Spencer corrected. They were all thoroughly surprised with the scene and that was saying a lot considering that most of them had been on the job for years now. Surprising them wasn't exactly an easy thing to do.
"Kelly represents someone specific to the unsub. Love and hate in equal measure," Morgan specifically pointed between Kelly's beautiful photograph and the one of her corpse.
"What the hell does cutting her lips off represent?"
"It's a fetish, an obsession linked either to a profoundly deep love or possibly disgust of lips," explained Spencer. "As Morgan pointed out, emotions that are in direct conflict with one another."
"It's his signature. And not one that's on any database," Rossi said. That alone was worthy of a lookover.
A short moment later, the team had been given a map for the start of their profile. They'd marked the important sites so far.
"The office for the Georgetown "Monitor" is here on M street. Kelly's body was found in Rykers Alley here…" Hotch was going over the points with the others, "Three blocks west is where he hand-delivered Kelly's photo. And 10 blocks farther east are offices of practically every major media outlet."
"Why choose the "Monitor"?" asked the Captain.
"He reads it or it's his comfort zone," Morgan shrugged. The site was literally right next to the site where Kelly was found.
"You think he lives in Georgetown?"
"Until we find signs of sexual assault, we can't be sure it's a he," Emily clarified.
Aitana had busied herself with Kelly's file on the side. "It says that Kelly lives in Alexandria but she works on the Hill. Is that correct?"
The captain nodded but he added, "She didn't have a chance. It was her first day as a Senate Page."
Aitana lowered the file to her chest. That could've been a prominent detail the Unsub knew of. "What time was she supposed to report for work?"
"9 a.m. neighbors saw her leave in the morning. She didn't have a car. If she used the bus or the Metro, no one saw her."
"Can we see a copy of the autopsy report?" Hotch then asked.
"Happening downstairs as we speak."
"And we'd like to see a list of everyone you've interviewed so far."
"It's on my desk. I'll get it," the Captain started on his way out.
Hotch purposely waited until the man was gone to speak again. "Kelly's body was dumped in the district. It's likely that she was abducted and killed here, too."
"Then he's local. And MPD's done a comprehensive neighborhood canvass," Morgan reminded.
"They have," Hotch agreed and soon the others realized what he meant. "They've probably already interviewed the unsub."
~ 0 ~
It was late in the afternoon when Aitana got sight of the local newspaper sitting on a detective's desk. She picked it up and couldn't believe her eyes. "Are you kidd—"
"What do you have?" Spencer walked up to her, having been curious what was making her eyes widen.
"I'm beginning to think the press doesn't really care what I say." She turned the newspaper around for him to see the headline.
"'Agents of the BAU investigate the Hill Ripper'," he read and soon heard an unlikely noise from Aitana's frowning lips.
"I specifically said no one talk to the press and what does someone do? Exactly what I said not to!" Aitana dropped the newspaper on the desk beside her with a thud. "They gave him a frikin name too!"
"It happens, trust me. JJ went through so many of these things." Spencer pushed the newspaper to the other end of the desk.
Aitana could appreciate that but it was hard not to feel entirely upset about this. "What did she do?"
"Does it really matter?" he gave her a smile that willed her to remember their conversations on the matter.
"No, it doesn't," Aitana took in a breath. "I will try to control my blood pressure. It's dangerously high right now."
"Mediation works," he was quick to say. "There's actually 5 pressure points that are said to reduce high blood pressure. There's the point between your big toe and second toe, the LI 4 which is your large intenstine, the PC 6 on your inner forearm, GB 20 known as the Wind Pool or just the Galladder and that one's actually to points on the neck and then the third on the base under your skill, and the GV 20 on the top of your skull."
Aitana blinked rapidly as the long, and fast-paced, ramble finished replaying in her head. "Um...well...if you have low blood pressure you can take a spoonful of salt to raise it."
Spencer cocked his head for a moment. "Uh—"
"I know it doesn't have anything to do with it but I just wanted to say something smart too," Aitana smiled sheepishly.
"Okay," Spencer laughed lightly, prompting her to do the same.
"I sounded stupid, didn't I?"
"No, not at all! I just...I didn't expect you to say that…then again, you probably didn't expect me to dump information on you like that either."
Aitana shrugged. "I've been taking it as a challenge to say something smart in return. Not to show off—" she said quickly in case he made that assumption, "—but to sort of up my game, you know? That's right," she giggled at Spencer's reaction, "I'm playing a game with you, Dr. Reid, and I don't lose." She started for the conference room but turned around midway there. "That's not to say that you need to up your game because if you do then I most likely will lose! And yes, I'm pretending like I'm not losing right now so shh!"
Spencer found himself smiling after her. He knew he always ended up thinking the same thing about her: she was breezy and casual and fun. Her bits like this were always fun to follow. No one else seemed to take him in the same manner that she did. It was new and it wasn't often he got to face 'new'.
~0~
The next day, the team got word of a missing girl. There was no doubt in their minds that it was done by the same Unsub. It forced the profile to be handed out a bit ahead of schedule.
"Penny Hanley, 19. She lives in Arlington, works in an art gallery. Yesterday she didn't make it to work or back home," Hotch started by showing the group of officers and detectives the picture of their newest victim. "She caught the Metro to Union Station. Her father dropped her off."
"Her purse was found a few blocks away on a side street. It's most likely where she was abducted," Rossi said.
"Kelly was taken for 3 days. If he's holding to pattern, Penny's already on day 2," Morgan regretfully said. They lost a whole day because no one was able to file the report until the given time.
"Today the Georgetown 'Monitor' will receive a photo," Aitana raised Kelly's photograph as an example. "Whatever happens, we cannot—" she put as much emphasis as possible on the word, "—allow another photograph like Kelly's to be published." She would supervise that entire building if that's what it took. "We need to get ahead of the media. They've already named him "the Hill Ripper'."
"I want undercover units to lock that building down," the Captain instructed, "And if you see him, let him walk in. Do not apprehend him before."
"We're looking for a white male in his mid to late 40s, approximately 6 feet tall, slim build," Hotch described.
"We think he's a local and a loner, and he's most likely unemployed," Emily added, "He's moving his victims around the city unseen, so we know he has a vehicle. It's probably an older model, but well maintained."
"What does he think this is?" An officer pointed to the scrap of paper on the evidence board that they'd discovered the previous day.
"A page from what we believe is a script was found inserted in Kelly's throat," answered Spencer. "Somehow in the unsub's mind, Kelly seems to have failed expectations."
"Although there were no sexual interactions ante or postmortem, the removal of the lips is in itself a sexual act. A behavior which tells us we're dealing with a borderline personality." Hotch emphasized the importance of this detail for when it came to apprehending the Unsub.
"Based on the obvious theatricality of the case, we think he worked in or around the arts," Aitana thought it was a fairly obvious assumption based on the shots of the victims and their appearances. Apparently, it wasn't always the case for the local enforcements. "Three days may represent a 3-act play, of which Kelly was the star."
"Kelly was killed 3 days after she was abducted. That means…" Hotch paused for a moment, "Penny may only have a day left."
The clock had started running without their notice and now they had to catch up in order to save Penny. To catch up, they started at the Union Center, the last place Penny was seen before disappearing.
"You know, the times that I had to take the train, my mom always told me to text or call every so often to make sure that I was alright," Aitana confided with Emily as they walked into the building, behind Hotch and Spencer.
"Mm, that's what Mothers always do...smother," Emily smiled knowingly. Her mother may not have done the exact same things as Aitana's mother, but she had her own similar situations.
"Alright," Hotch claimed the group once they were walking inside. "Let's start."
"This building has 3 exits- north, south, and west…" Spencer noted as they neared the center of the grand waiting room.
"You're here to target a woman, but you don't want to attract attention," Hotch said.
Aitana saw dozens and dozens of seats around them. Any one place may have been the spot where the Unsub waited.
"Well, standing in the middle gawking at passing women, would certainly attract attention…" Emily trailed off only to start with something completely new. "Like you're doing now." Both Aitana and Hotch saw Emily looking at Spencer who, for some reason, had his attention somewhere else...on someone else.
"What's that?" He blinked with an awkward, yet sheepish, smile at the trio.
"Just like that," Emily snapped her fingers, "I. Q. of 187 is slashed to 60." Spencer flushed.
Aitana snickered as she came up beside him. "It's alright. If I saw Paul Rudd, my little I.Q. would be nonexistent."
To Spencer's relief, Hotch didn't comment on any part of this moment. He was scoping the area. "Sitting and reading the paper would give him an excuse to watch without being noticed."
"Far enough away not to attract attention but close enough to make sure she's the right one," Aitana said. Emily purposely walked a good distance from them to repeat Penny's probable walk down the room. Aitana then looked around and presumed that the closest row of seats had to be where the Unsub had seen Penny.
"You know, she works 15 blocks east of here. Her father said she walked through this train station every day…" Spencer trailed off as he searched for something above them. "If he were sitting here, he's on camera." And indeed he found a couple cameras upset up in the corners of the ceiling.
~ 0 ~
By the time night fell over the city, the team had closed off the area they were certain Penny and the Unsub were in.
"They're going door to door where it's a 5-block-radius with over 2,000 homes." As Emily said that, the creases of concern ran through her forehead. As much as they wanted that path to work, she wasn't that hopeful. "Unless they get lucky, that could take days."
"Undercover units have staked out the Georgetown "Monitor" building," Aitana said as a means of reinforcements. There was no way that guy was going to get away with another trip of his. She was personally overseeing that matter.
"Garcia, anything on the footage from the Union Station?" called Hotch to the woman standing by the phone line.
"Lab is analyzing it frame by frame, but it was pretty clear he doesn't know those cameras are on him."
"Permits?" Rossi tried.
"Cross-checking with the profile, we've got male, late 40s, truck, van, or SUV. That brings it down to 600 potentials."
"Garcia, what zone covers Rykers Alley-" Morgan started when Penelope answered it before.
"M street and Charlotte street? Two zones."
"No, that doesn't help."
"Well, come on, I'm the high priestess of all things digital, but I'm not a God!"
"So what permit covers all zones?" Spencer tried his hand. That had to be the only way the Unsub could stay at the Union Station for three whole hours.
"Only one. Disabled."
Aitana felt her phone buzz in her pocket. "Scuse me," she apologized and walked out the room to take the call. As soon as she got the gist, she was out on a hasty trip.
She returned twenty minutes later with a photograph in an evidence bag. "Apparently," she dumped the bag on the table for the others to see, "A kid on a BMX dropped this off at the Monitor a half hour ago." She was tired of being upset that her side of the job wasn't getting done as successfully as possible. She just needed to remember that when it came to the media, nothing ever went one straight path. "He said a bum gave him 20 bucks."
Rossi, along with the others, could see the heat of anger in the young Agent. "Well, at least it didn't make the news," he said for her comfort.
She would have to concede on that.
"Until he finds another way to contact the media," Spencer blurted, only realizing a moment later it probably wasn't the best thing to say. Aitana took the comment silently but with a clear distaste.
"We'll do it for him," Hotch decided, startling Aitana when he gave her the next task, "We need him to break cover, get out in the open. Call a press conference with every major media outlet present."
"Wh-what?" she stuttered. "E-every major media?"
Hotch nodded, none the wiser about what he had just asked from her. "Yes, quickly please."
"O-o-okay." Aitana deliberated for a moment, ignoring the burning eyes she felt from everyone as best as she could. Eventually, it got easier when the pressure started stacking on her shoulders and she focused more on how she would no doubt fail with this task. "Okay…" she turned on her heels and walked out of the room.
~ 0 ~
Penelope must have rang at least five times before Aitana graced her with an answer and even then, it was a collision of "No's, why's, and the most important 'Not ready'."
"Slow down there, Sprinkles! You're starting to sound like our Boy Genius!"
"I am freaking out, Penelope," Aitana walked purposely down the Union Station. Everything was being prepared for the press and with each closing second, Aitana felt like her body was about to collapse out of sheer nervousness. "I know that this is what I signed up for but now that I actually have to do it—"
"You feel like you'd rather have the ground swallow you whole?" Penelope hummed, sticking her pen's lid between her teeth. "Yup, I know exactly how that feels. I was in your shoes before they made the genius decision to hire you."
"This isn't what I studied for!" Aitana exclaimed then checked over her shoulder to make sure she hadn't been so loud. Nope, everyone kept working like nothing. "What was I thinking letting JJ convince me I could do this?"
"Probably that you would rise up to the challenge," Penelope shrugged on the other end. "Which, personally, I think you will." Aitana squeaked. Penelope pulled her pen out of her mouth to laugh.
"I should just quit now—"
That stopped Penelope midlaugh. "No! Don't you dare! You can't leave ue, Sprinkles!"
Aitana stopped in front of the platform where, in half an hour, she would stand to address God knew how many reporters. She wasn't lying when she said this wasn't what she ever intended to do as a career. Being a liaison wasn't part of her resume but Hotch hired her anyway. She'd done undercover stints, short term and slightly long term. She'd faced criminals as a fresh Agent, fought them, so why was THIS this so hard?
"This is the first time I'm really doing something after Witness," she answered herself out loud. "This moment...defines whether or not I'll ever be capable of holding a job again." Penelope listened quietly on the other end. "If I'll ever be normal again…"
"I think you're putting way too much pressure on yourself," Penelope said, then added, "And that's coming from me. I have a phobia about having a video camera even pointed at me. I get all nervous and I start to panic and I forget what I'm gonna say and my hands get all sweaty and then my hands start to shake."
"I don't feel that," Aitana realized after checking her free hand. No sweat whatsoever.
"Then all is not lost my dear Sprinkles," Penelope smiled. "You're nervous because it's the first press meeting you have to do, that's understandable, but you're adding things into it that have nothing to do with it."
"But—"
"This does not define whether or not you'll be normal again. Newsflash, you already are normal."
"I'm really not, Penelope. I have anxiety sometimes, I have trauma…"
"Doesn't make you abnormal, sweetheart. Look, I was never planning on sharing this with anyone but...I owe you for the journal—"
"No, Pen, you don't," Aitana sighed. "That's forgotten now."
"And I'm super grateful but I still learned things about you that I shouldn't have so here's one of mine. And I'm gladly telling you in hopes that it'll help you. I do theater. The Tolgate Theater to be exact."
"What? Seriously?" Aitana blanked. SHe couldn't imagine it. "But you just said you hate cameras…"
"I do but when I'm on the stage, it's different. Don't ask me to explain because I wouldn't be able to. I go up there and suddenly I'm not Penelope Garcia anymore. I'm my character. I know it's not the same thing but...when I'm on the stage, I forget about the audience. I'm telling a story for myself and tonight I guess you'll be telling a story too."
Aitana found herself smiling. "I hope my story is different from yours."
"Not as much as you would think," Penelope said as she considered the topic of the current play she was in. "But all the same, tell the story, Sprinkles. I'll be supporting you!"
"Thanks Penelope," Aitana managed to say before she heard Hotch.
"Serrano?"
Aitana squeaked again and spun around to see Hotch leading the team her way. "Gotta go!" she quickly told Penelope and hung up. "E-everything is planned."
"Good," Hotch nodded. "All you have to do is stay calm. Don't let the room control you."
Aitana blinked with surprise. He knew she was nervous? God, what kind of profiler was she if she couldn't even keep this a secret?
"Keep your answers short and to the point. Don't comment on the Kelly Landis case. Keep the focus on Penny."
"I hear you, I really do, but I'm beginning to think that hiring me was a big mistake." She regretfully met his straight face. Now he knew how to hide his emotions. "You and JJ thought that I would be good as a half liaison-half profiler Agent but I don't think I can be." She glanced over her shoulder to the platform. "Because I keep looking at that and the only thing I remember is the last time I was surrounded by the media." After the massacre happened, there was chaos to get those still alive out and to the hospitals. She was one of the few who got out with minor injuries. It wasn't long before the media found out she was one of the three witnesses to the crime. Cameras flashing everything, questions thrown from every angle, all reminding her of the worst night in her life. "This is the first time I'll actually show my face to the world," she whispered, "Telling them I'm back."
"Aitana, everyone from that time is either dead or in prison," Emily reminded her. Aitana brought her attention back to the team. "No one can harm you, they're gone."
"Yeah," Aitana agreed. She knew that, of course she did. She remembered it everyday.
"Baby steps," reminded Rossi but Aitana scoffed.
"This isn't a baby step, this is throwing me in," she made a gesture with her arms.
"Aitana, you're going to do it," Spencer said matter-of-factly. Aitana didn't understand how he was so sure of it. He hadn't even said it in a forceful way, merely another fact he simply knew was true.
"And how do you know that?" she decided to ask.
"Because Penny's in trouble and you're a good Agent. If there's a chance to save her life, you'll do it."
Aitana pursed her lips together. Behind her closed lips, her teeth grinded together. "I hate that you always seem to be right."
"Aitana," Hotch called, shifting her attention over to him, "The Unsub needs to see a face and a look that he recognizes. You'll be perfect."
"I'm not blonde and I'm not dying my hair blonde," Aitana warned him with a hint of a smile. "I don't think that's a color I can pull off."
"We can take a test drive," Emily said as she pulled a paper bag from behind her back.
Aitana's eyes widened. "Oh n-n-n-n-n-no," she wagged a finger. "I'll do the damn press but I'm not wearing a wig!"
"It's to match with the victims," Morgan pointed out, not that he needed to.
Aitana was ready to argue when another idea hit her. "What if I don't look exactly like the victims but more like the era he's living in?" The question threw the entire team off. "Keep the wig, Emily. Let just find me some bobby pins and the make up." She took the paper bag from Emily and handed it a confused Morgan. She grabbed Emily's arm and headed somewhere unknown to the others. As they watched after the two women, Emily gave them a shrug because she was just as curious.
~ 0 ~
The next time Aitana returned, she was not blonde just as she wanted. Her short hair was curled in a manner that resembled Kelly's and Penny's hairstyle. She even had the 40s makeup going on.
"The idea is that the Unsub will either appreciate my face or he'll think I'm just a wannabe and he'll work twice as hard on Penny," Aitana checked herself in the bathroom mirror. Every strand of her hair had to be right. "Either way, Penny will stay alive."
Emily smiled behind her, impressed with the way Aitana thought. "And there's the profiler side."
Aitana took in a breath. "God, I hope so."
Aitana stepped up to the platform and headed for the podium. She had to blink several times to get her vision back from all the flashing cameras on her. She had everything on her side. Hotch had gone over in detail with her the whole point of the conference. This wasn't about any of them, not even the Unsub. Penny was the prime star, literally. Aitana agreed. It's why she did what she did to her face.
She cleared her throat to start speaking. "Penny Hanley went missing 2 days ago. We have received over 3,000 calls. Her family is obviously deeply worried and is looking forward to her prompt and safe return—"
"Isn't Penny Hanley yet another victim of the Hill Ripper?" A female reporter cut in.
"Uh, well...right now, all we know is that Penny is missing—"
"Who sent that photo in just like the Kelly Landis case?" asked another reporter.
Aitana was about to bring a hand to her forehead to rub when she remembered the make up. The questions kept coming even when she clearly wasn't able to answer them. She glanced to her left where Morgan stood. She wasn't starting out strong and she knew it.
"We, uh, we would like to take this opportunity to reach out to the public," she waited for Morgan to raise Penny's current photograph for the cameras, "Penny was last seen here, leaving Union Station—"
"You mean she was taken by the Hill Ripper," a third reporter interrupted her and for some reason, Aitana lost fear in favor of anger.
"Rumors are that Kelly Landis was found with her lips cut off," another reporter added.
"Excuse me," Aitana's voice had raised two notches, "I am talking!" she all but snapped. She raised a finger to point at those who had cut her off previously. "And I am still talking!"
From the side, Morgan's lips stretched into a smile. JJ definitely didn't do that. Even Penelope, who was watching from her safe 6 by 9 room, was impressed.
Aitana was herself for a reason. She had attitude when provoked and it seemed like this was the first time they would be seeing it. "I am talking about Penny Hanley and you're gonna listen," she looked directly at the cameras. The reporters weren't her focus, after all. She wasn't talking to any of them, she was talking to the Unsub about Penny, the star he so clearly wanted to enter the mainstream media. "Penny Hanley's name has captured the attention of not only the nation, but also the entire world. This photo is the most recent image we have of Penny. We believe it was taken and sent by the person who abducted her."
"I want to say something!" Aitana heard and before she knew it, Penny's father had taken the spot from her. "I want to say something to the sick son of a bitch that has my daughter."
"Mr. Hanley, we all want to find your daughter," Morgan tried to get the man off but it was too late.
"You know, I say something, she dies, I plead for her life, she dies. I don't have any money, my wife passed away 2 years ago. She is all I have, and if this sick bastard gets away with this, I don't know what I'll do. My little girl right now is in your hands. Maybe she's already with God."
Aitana hated to be so harsh with a grieving father but she pulled the microphone in her direction. The act was enough of a distraction for Mr. Henley that Morgan was able to bring him away.
"Ladies and gentlemen," Aitana claimed the attention again, "I have just received this notice. The general public must reduce their movements around M street, Georgetown, for the next few hours."
"Agent Serrano, do you have a lead in the ripper case?" A reporter inquired.
Aitana shook her head. "No, but we do have an address," she said directly to the camera. When she was able to step down, she immediately went up to Morgan. "Tell me I did alright," she glanced in Mr. Hanley's direction. He was losing it by the minute. "I tried my best but he just stepped in and…"
"Serrano, you did good," Morgan assured her. "With the media, it's never going to be easy. Besides, you shut them up with that attitude. Looks like Sprinkles has some spice to her." Aitana snorted into a laugh. "Spicy Sprinkles?"
"No," Aitana said, still laughing.
"A little attitude to go with your littleness is not bad…" He hovered his hand over her head. There was a vast height difference between them that she did not appreciate being pointed out.
"Be quiet," she pointed but ended up smiling anyways.
~ 0 ~
The press meeting had done its job and lured the Unsub out. Fortunately, the team was able to rescue Penny before she would be killed. Even though they weren't able to capture the unsub as well, they did have a promising lead: his car.
"May Walden is the person the disabled tag was assigned to," Penelope informed them over the line. "The unsub is Rhett Walden, her son."
"Tell us there's an address," Rossi said. They were sitting tight in their cars, save for Morgan and Aitana, waiting for the address to come their way.
"Oh yeah!" Penelope delivered. "1503 Hope street. Oh, my gosh." The last part wasn't expected.
"What is it?" asked Aitana. She and Morgan were waiting not so patiently at the precinct. Was there something new they had missed again?
"There's a photo of May Walden from 1956. It's exactly the same as Kelly and Penny. It's a set photo from a movie called "Reflection of Desire." May was 19 when it was taken."
"She's got to be over 70 by now," Morgan made the calculations.
"Yeah. M street, Rykers Alley, they were all locations on this film. It was the only movie she ever made, and...she was 4 months pregnant when this picture was taken."
"Which ended her career," Emily concluded. There went the Unsub's motive.
"And the father?" asked Spencer.
"Co-star. Do you think she made her son do all of this?"
"Penelope, I think she made her son do a lot more than this," Morgan looked back at their victims' photographs.
~ 0 ~
Rhett Walden turned out to have lost not only his mother but his marbles too. The team was shocked when they arrested him and the corpse of his mother...who wore Kelly's lips.
"Oh God, the 50s are always so glamorized but...no one ever stops to think what really went on during that era," Aitana remarked. She had made herself comfortable leaning against the desks opposite Emily and Spencer.
"Most people glamorize the period purely out of aesthetic reasons," Spencer leaned back on his chair. "Hardly anyone seems to acknowledge the polio epidemic that hit, or the racism that went on. Prices were low only because the wages were terrible—"
"And there's your local history lesson for the night," Emily pointed, subtly prompting that said lesson wasn't asked for.
Aitana still smiled at Spencer. "I'm going to hit pause on the game cos I do not have one right now. I'm very tired."
Spencer smiled with her. Right, the game. "You did well in the press meeting." He'd been meaning to get around to that. Aitana was a nervous wreck, after all, and to have commanded an entire group of reporters was certainly no easy task.
"Yeah," Emily smirked, "Morgan told us how you basically told everyone to shut up."
"I did not!" Aitana was quick to correct, though her smile was contrasting her stance. "I just told them to…"
"I'm talking," Emily mimicked her, causing a round of laughter from all three. "If I could record that, I would."
Aitana playfully rolled her eyes. "Yeah, maybe that was a pretty cool moment. I will be using it from here on out."
"Seriously though, good job," Emily stuck her hand up in the air, making Aitana chuckle when she wiggled her fingers for a high five.
Aitana leaned off the desk and walked over to slap her hand against Emily's. She then glanced at Spencer and raised her hand. "C'mon, don't leave me hanging," she warned him.
He was hesitant about it for reasons he presumed she didn't remember but since he wasn't planning on being rude and dampening her mood, he raised his hand anyways. He was mighty surprised when Aitana air high-fived him instead of the traditional palm-to-palm.
"You didn't think I forgot about our special high five, did yah?" Aitana chuckled at his reaction.
He closed his hand and pulled it down to his lap. "Uh, I...sort of?"
Aitana shook her head, still laughing. "Course not."
Emily watched the abashed Spencer merely smiled at Aitana. He had no idea how to respond to Aitana anymore.
"Hey!" Penelope called as she and Morgan walked up to them. "Clear your calendars!" she announced as she handed out tickets to the trio.
"Is this for your play?" Emily raised an eyebrow at her.
"You're in a play?" Spencer turned the ticket over twice to make sure he didn't miss something.
"I thought you didn't want anyone to know," Aitana said, rather puzzled.
"I know but…" Penelope shrugged, "Maybe telling my story to people I know might be fun."
"We'll be there," Morgan promised her, his eyes flickering between the trio until they all agreed.
"We are like family, I've heard," Aitana said casually and threw Morgan a look. "I'd be happy to start employing that."
"Thanks, Sprinkles!" Penelope beamed.
"But these are front row, right?"
"Uh, hold on," Morgan raised a finger, "I'm in the front row."
"You're dreaming because I am," Emily said.
Penelope fell into a fit of chuckles watching everyone fight over the front row seat...that none of them actually had.
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watchonlinetvseries · 8 months
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Hard Knocks: Training Camp with the New York Jets Episode 5 (Sept 5, 2023)
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Hard Knocks: Training Camp with the New York Jets #5 Summary Hard Knocks: Training Camp with the New York Jets Episode 5: Embedded camera crews at the Jets’ training camp in Florham Park, N.J. chronicles third-year head coach Robert Saleh preparing his team of young emerging stars and prominent veterans – most notably, four-time NFL MVP, Aaron Rodgers, Offensive and Defensive Rookies of the Year Garrett Wilson and Sauce Gardner, and defensive All-Pros C.J. Mosley and Quinnen Williams — for the upcoming NFL season.
Watch Streaming or Download Hard Knocks Season 18 Episode 5 Online Full HD (Free Trial) Here:
=» Watch Hard Knocks: Training Camp with the New York Jets Episode 5
Title: Hard Knocks Season 18 Episode 5 Episode Title: Hard Knocks: Training Camp with the New York Jets #5 Runtime: 00: 55: 14 minutes Genre: Documentary Stars: Liev Schreiber, Zach Thomas, Chad Hutchinson, Eddie Kennison, Dave Campo, Darren Woodson, Paul Rudd Network: HBO
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suchananewsblog · 1 year
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All The Sauces From Season 20 Of ‘Hot Ones’ Are Available On Amazon
From Gordon Ramsay critiquing the wings as he ate them to Paul Rudd becoming a meme after his appearance on the show, there’s no shortage of great celebrity moments on Hot Ones, the YouTube series where celebrities eat increasingly spicy wings during an interview. Hot Ones is currently on its 20th season; recent episodes have featured Jenna Ortega, Austin Butler, and, most recently, Pedro…
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“I’m the sexiest man alive?!!”
“you’re the sexiest man alive!!”
“IM THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE!!”
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the one time i decide to doodle Hansoo and it’s just a shitpost— it wasnt even supposed to be him but here we are LMAO
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bonniegrrl · 5 years
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See Paul Rudd joke about Thanos' butt while eating veggies dipped in hot sauce
The Ant-Man actor is even funnier when his mouth is on fire. 
Read more in my CNET article here.
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leighlim · 4 years
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The challenges with playing two parts in the way that we did (there's many ways of doing it). I would record the lines for both characters. Then I had a thing in my ear, and I would act as one character. Then the response was a guy off the side hitting a button for the reply. And then I would flip around and remember where I was standing, where I was looking...and just act opposite to the sound.
Paul Rudd
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jandcreations · 4 years
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Watching the “Hot Ones” / “First We Feast”
This video has made me LOVE Paul Rudd waaaaay more for his random “talent” or trick to do with a phone camera. Hahahaha!!!
I had to share. I hope you all appreciate Paul Rudd a little more too! I know I do now.
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maraczeks · 4 years
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uks s1 thread pt 7
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musette22 · 2 years
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Minnie! If you’ve never watched Hot Ones, highly recommend Paul Rudd’s and Elizabeth Olsen’s episodes. Both of them completely crush. They hardly flinch at the sauce. But on the other hand, Tom Holland was tapped out by like the third wing 😂 highly recommend giving those episodes a watch before Seb’s episode later this week
Oohh thank you for the tips, lovely!! I will definitely check those out! For anyone else who's interested, here is the Paul Rudd one, here's Elizabeth Olsen, and here is Tom Holland losing it 😂
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bleuskais · 5 years
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WHAT AN ABSOLUTE GOOFBALL/DELIGHT/MAD MAN/LEGEND
Bonus:
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thespamman24 · 2 years
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What is that ladybug show? Who is that girl with the stupid red jumpsuit. It looks awful on her. Every one must make fun of her at school. Why is there a blonde cat boy. He looks like how barbecue sauce smells. That’s a terrible thing. They have no fashionable sense. There voices sound like if goats played jazz, and if Hbo Max was a person then they would probably be Paul Rudd.
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