#saying no

[ghost-blush-art]

A quick doodle I did today inspired by a cat meme I once saw. I seriously need to start setting boundaries but the thought of confrontation literally makes me want to cry 🥲

This week was quite a stressful one so I’m glad that it’s over 🥹

#doodle #digital art #digital drawing #artists on tumblr #comic art #digital illustration #doodlings #cute art #saying no #mental health #setting boundaries

[desultory-suggestions]

I am so proud of you for every time you have practiced asserting your boundaries and saying no. You deserve respect and you deserve compassion.

#mental health #ed recovery #suggestions #self love #anxiety #depression #boundaries #setting boundaries #asserting boundaries #saying no #consent #loss of consent

[akindplace]

Some boundaries can have a degree of flexibility, but others should be upheld when they affect your health, for example, which is something that is very personal and very serious. And if someone tries to call you out for being inflexible to try bending your boundaries, ask yourself why is it so important for them that you compromise your own health for them, and if it would be worth the trouble. Some boundaries must be upheld when them not being respected puts you in an extremely stressful and even risky situation.

Sometimes saying “no” can be so uncomfortable. Just remember that you don’t need to give anyone a lengthy explanation, besides you taking your own boundaries seriously, because honestly, that’s the best way to explain without giving too much away. And people who are too insistent on you tolerating uncomfortable situations for their own comfort are not easy to handle on most cases, so saying “no” and keeping the reasons as short and simple as you is the best to end the subject. If they keep pushing, maybe it’s time to consider walking away from them, if you can.

One-sided relationships tend to remain this way, to drag on, and to make you feel exhausted. Please uphold your own boundaries, especially when they involve things like your health, your safety, your own basic needs.

No one should get to demand you to ignore those boundaries, no matter who they are. If you can, walk away from them, and stay safe.

If you enjoy my writing, consider buying me a ko -fi 🧋

#boundaries #upholding boundaries #relationships #toxic relationships #saying no #original writing

[moonlit-positivity]

Some things about boundaries:

The word "boundary" is just a word that means "a line".

A line can be drawn for any situation, at any time, for any reason at all.

A line can be drawn for many reasons. Maybe you're tired of being treated a certain way, you're tired of giving finances to someone, you're tired of a parent treating you poorly, you're tired of taking on responsibilities that leave you drained. You have to draw a line.

The line is to separate you from the actions and behaviors and stresses of others.

The line is necessary bc without it, you're left suffering- often in silence.

You have to determine when, where, and how to draw that line.

The line can be drawn by removing yourself from the situation.

The line can also be drawn by making others aware of your lines ahead of time.

You can do this by spending some time considering what your lines need to be, when they need to be enforced, and how you'd like to enforce them.

There is no guarantee that others will respect your lines.

This is the first and most prevalent sign that you need to limit, withdraw, or consider other ways to protect your lines.

It is never your fault when others cross your lines. Sometimes it's unintentional. Mistakes do happen. But if it's a repeat offense then the problem lies with the person repeatedly disrespecting you, not you.

That being said, repeat line breakers often do not understand that you deserve respect. This is why it's up to you to draw that line in other ways.

Your lines are precious and absolutely deserve to be protected, respected, and considered in every aspect of your life.

Your lines can fluctuate. You can change your mind at any time. You can have strict lines with some people, and loose lines with others. You can change a loose line to a more stricter line, and vice versa. Please consider thinking long and hard before you do.

Lines can be hard to determine. Please do not be hard on yourself for not understanding how to draw them, or what they even mean. You deserve the time and space to figure it out.

Lines can absolutely be drawn with authority figures, medical practitioners, family members, siblings, parents, friends, co-workers, bosses, and other people who hold power over us.

You should never feel ashamed about drawing your lines. Your lines are precious. Your lines are there to protect you. Honor them well. Surround yourself with people who ask and honor them too.

Some lines can be as simple as "I dont respond to texts after 8pm." Some lines can be "i will block this person because they hurt me." Some lines can be "I am forced to interact with this person so I will be nice in passing, but I will not allow them any other access beyond that." Some lines can be "I don't give out personal information to people I don't feel safe with." Some lines can be "this situation causes me a lot of stress so I will step away and reconsider."

All lines are valid.

Lines do not have to be understood in order to be respected.

Everyone on this earth is entitled to drawing lines. You are included.

Lines are not just limited to adults. Children are allowed to draw lines too. It is necessary to allow them to.

So many lines can be drawn in life. Personal space lines, bodily autonomy lines, emotional lines, financial lines, work space lines, friendship lines, relationship lines, social justice lines, spiritual lines, personal lines, and so many more.

People who use your lines against you are not to be trusted.

Pay attention to the ones who justify crossing your lines. Those people are dangerous and should not be ignored.

You are allowed to draw lines even when others are mad at you or insist that your lines are too much.

If you are having trouble setting a line in motion, do some heavy thinking about what the hardest part is and go from there.

Sometimes in order to draw a line, we have to get comfortable with changing our current position in life. Sometimes the people we need to draw lines with are so intertwined with our lives that we have to uproot our entire system in order to cope & move forward. Please treat yourself with compassion while you figure it out.

You are always worth the effort to draw a line. No matter how big or small that line has to be.

Hope this can help. 🌸

#recovery #ptsd #trauma #mental health #boundaries #healing #setting boundaries #saying no #codependency #people pleasing #communication #emotional health #emotional regulation #self work #self care #inner work #personal growth #advice #life advice

[the-healing-mindset]

How many times have you ended up in something you wish you had had the strength to say no to?

Source: Dr. Glenn Doyle

#neglect #emotions #feeling #childhood trauma #childhood emotional abuse #childhood emotional neglect #life #living #trauma response #boundaries #healthy boundaries #reminder #gentle reminder #saying no

[slightlyaggressiveaffirmations]

YOU CAN SAY NO!!!

NOT EVEN "SORRY, NO..." OR "NO, BECAUSE..." OR "NO, BUT..." - JUST STRAIGHT UP FUCKING "NO!!!" IS A FULL FUCKING SENTENCE AND YOU'VE GOT EVERY RIGHT TO SAY IT!!! YOUR BOUNDARIES MATTER!!!

#saying no

[remembertheplunge]

Jim and I bought our first Apple computer 2/10/2007 and officially entered the world of the internet.

We bought a house together In Modesto, California in 1998.

I don’t do well in groups. I’m too independent.

In these 3 journal entries I’m combing quotes that inspire a possible journal response with rubber stamp prints, an actual stamp and a sketch of the moon to convey the feel of the day. The placement of the words on the page help convey the meaning of the journal entries as well.

I also return to include a margin note months after I made the original entry which changes the mood of the page.

#journaling #journal #gay relationship #gay #gay history #writing #saying no #saying no to group #some pages from my 2008 joutrnal #Jim was my partner

[justmeandmyrandomthoughts]

I rather be a bitch than a doormat

#boundaries #girlblogging #self love #self care #saying no #people pleaser #healing #self healing

[csuitebitches]

On Being Resilient

It’s very important that you know and understand the importance of being resilient. It’s easy to say you’re strong when you’re obviously not.

I feel that sometimes the whole “fake it till you make it” culture has some clear problems with it.

The problem with culture like that is that your external doesn’t match the internal. So even if you look confident, you won’t feel it, and you won’t exude real confidence. While such a tactic is a great short term method, it’s not healthy for the long term - you are going to have to address those issues.

When you look up online on how to build resilience, you’ll see a flux of similar things. Positive thinking. Positive friends. Relax. Breathe.

I’m sorry if I disrespect any of those authors - but quite frankly, I find it a little bullshit-y.

So let me share with you things I’ve actually learned, tried and tested on my path to being resilient. That doesn’t mean that I’m 100% resilient.

But bear in mind that I was an overly sensitive child, very emotional teenager - and now in my 20s, I don’t get affected by situations to that extent. And I’ve stopped victimising myself, another plus.

As usual. If this doesn’t work for you, I’m sorry. This is not a cookie-cut template. It’s better for you to be inspired by this and recreate your own rather than follow it exactly so. But do what you feel is best.

•••

1. I started by creating a SWOT analysis of myself.

- S- Strengths: skills, values you have, good habits, what you can offer to people in terms of skills (both corporate life and personal life). Examples: honesty, problem solver, marketing, drawing, Excel, etc.

- W- weaknesses: things you know you’re not good at, both private life and corporate life. Examples: impatient, temper issues, programming (I hate it lol), paying attention for a long time, bad relationships etc.

- O- opportunities: what are incoming opportunities? Club memberships, conferences, job offers, career changes, online courses, etc. if you don’t have any, CREATE them. Go online and look for networking events. Go on coursera/ EdX and find a course you want to actually do.

- T- Threats: What obstacles are coming your way? For instance, your plate may be full. Or you have to compete for a job. Examples : being obtrusive, having competition, being a perfectionist, etc.

•••

2. Next, I took a couple of days to really go over the SWOT. You have to be honest with yourself. Fully. No one else will see it but you. You could even go around and ask your closest friends and family what they think are your best and worst qualities.

•••

3. Next, I took a mental resilience test online, because I realised that I wanted to quantify my data. It’s easier to improve when there’s a number visible to you. I used this: click here.

They score you on four factors:

* Motivation

* Concentration

* Coping With Pressure

* Confidence

•••

4. After seeing my score and analysing it properly, I decided to etch out a game plan for each factor. Here’s a sample:

- Motivation:

* setting smaller goals in order to succeed

* Accepting failure and moving on fast

* Asking for feedback on performance (work, school, organisations)

* Working on things that give me satisfaction

- concentration:

* using brain games such as Elevate and Mental Math to improve focus

* Reading more

* Trying different things at work/ school to remain focused (some people work best around other people. Some people work best alone. Some prefer noise, white noise or silence. Figuring this out really helps).

- Coping with pressure

* making quicker decisions (I used to take forever to make decisions because my emotions would come in the way. Now I stick to a simple pros and cons list and it helps me a lot).

* Being able to deal with adversity. Two things come in play here - a) learning from other people’s mistakes (ted talks, videos, your boss, parents, friends etc) b) learning from your own mistakes. Put yourself in micro situations - such as choosing where to eat with your friends or partner (not always, mind you - but stop being indecisive when they are too!), take on responsibility at work, etc.

- Confidence

* You need to believe that you will succeed.

* For me, setting mini goals a week is the most effective. Areas: Home (laundry, cleaning, etc), Self (homework, exercise, meditation, habits, learning new things), Environment (social life, work life, friends, family).

* I use a free habit tracker “Habit” (pink icon in the App Store) to track my 6 daily habits.

•••

4. Resilience comes with progress. It comes slowly. There will be setbacks. There will be issues. There are often times when, in a fit of emotion, we forget about resilience and get carried away in our situation. You need to realise this. You need to remind yourself to be resilient every single day. Say it out loud or write it down or set a reminder, I don’t care. But you need it at the back of your brain.

You’ll face all sorts of situations to show your resilience. Maybe a team member isn’t doing their part in a project. Maybe a friend of yours is adamant in you doing a certain thing with them. Maybe your family has some expectation of you that you’re not interested in achieving.

Resilience doesn’t mean aggression. It doesn’t mean anger. It means being tactful, calm, level headed but firm. It means that you don’t fake-compliment to make someone feel nice (occasionally it’s necessary if a friend or something is really down). It means you convey your genuine opinions about something and not necessarily agree with the majority.

#c suite #powerful woman #ceo aesthetic #personal growth #that girl #productivity #strong women #getting your life together #feminine energy #balance #resilience #staying strong #boundaries #saying no #fake it till you make it #fake it til ya make it #being strong #self aware #growth #self growth #routines #growing up #adulting #being more mature #mature #that girl aesthetic #boss girl #boss lady #boss babe #mental health

[hellyeahscarleteen]

“When sex isn't something you want or doesn't feel right, you get to opt out. Being part of sex you don't want or that doesn't feel right for you tends to result in unhealthy, dysfunctional or just-plain-old-crummy relationships, a sexual life you probably won't feel good about or enjoy, and feeling in conflict or out-of-touch with yourself. A big part of being at peace with and enjoying our sexualities and sexual lives is making choices that feel in alignment with our wants and needs, our own ethics and values, things we want to explore, our abilities and our limits and boundaries. So, when it's not what we want, no or "not now" is not only something we can say, it's usually the best thing to say.”

#sex ed #sex education #relationships #resources #saying no #boundaries

[pratchettquotes]

Once upon a time, the plural of "wizard" was "war."

But the great, open ingenious purpose of UU was to be the weight on the arm of magic, causing it to swing with grave majesty like a pendulum rather than spin with deadly purpose like a morningstar. Instead of hurling fireballs at one another from fortified towers the wizards learned to snipe at their colleagues over the interpretation of Faculty Council minutes, and long ago were amazed to find that they got just as much vicious fun out of it. They consumed big dinners, and after a really good meal and a fine cigar even the most rabid Dark Lord is inclined to put his feet up and feel amicable towards the world, especially if it's offering him another brandy. And slowly, by degrees, they absorbed the most important magical power of all, which is the one that persuades you to stop using all the others.

Terry Pratchett, The Last Continent

#wizards #unseen university #the last continent #discworld #terry pratchett #academics #university #faculty #war #peace #armistice #change management #academia #contented #comfortable #magic #saying no #power #the most important magical power of all #the plural of wizards

[mbti-notes]

im isfp and i cant figure out why i always help people unnecessarily or do favours that i dont want to do. i always am searching for external validation and im beginning to stress over being a pushover. I dont want to be one yet i still am and am too afraid to say no because then people might view me as not “nice” or change their minds on me. i think that would be my biggest fear. do you have any advice on overcoming this?

You say you aren't able to figure out why and then went on to answer why: "...because then people might view me as not “nice” or change their minds on me".

1) Set Priorities and Goals More Consciously: Generally speaking, people make decisions based on what is important to them. And when there are many things important to them and not enough time/resources to attend to them all, they have to prioritize and choose their top concern(s).

The way you make decisions indicates that your top concern is being liked, so you pursue this goal, at the expense of other important goals. If you wish to change this, then you have to: i) reflect on what else is important to you, ii) reset/rearrange your priorities, and iii) change your decision-making accordingly. As long as you keep prioritizing this desire to be liked, nothing will change.

2) Improve Your Emotional Intelligence: You are at the mercy of your emotions, particularly fear (of being disliked). If you don't want to be blindly driven by emotions and, instead, want to make decisions more rationally, you have to become more aware of how your emotions work and learn to manage them more consciously.

i) Root Cause: One thing you should do to resolve an unhealthy fear response is to understand the root cause of it. There are four unconscious responses to fear: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. These are primal emotional responses that evolved when humans were still living as animals, so they are not necessarily good strategies when dealing with the complexities of modern human socializing.

You have formed the habit of fawning over people in order to neutralize any threat they could pose to you. This raises an important question for your reflection: Why is it that your first instinct is to view people as "threats" to be neutralized? How did you come to adopt this negative attitude of mainly seeing the negative side of people, of being afraid of them hurting you?

Usually the root cause has some relation to: past experiences of rejection or abandonment; faulty beliefs about how the (social) world works; overactive imagination (e.g. catastrophizing); social incompetence; inferiority complex. You have to learn to be more mindful of these issues in order to disarm them. If you're unable to get to the bottom of the fear by yourself, therapy is a good idea.

ii) Confront: Another thing you should do to resolve an unhealthy fear response is to take gradual and graduated steps to confront the fear so that you can realize just how irrational it is. "Irrational" means the intensity of the fear is out of proportion to the reality of the threat. By accumulating a lot of real-world evidence to contradict your irrational beliefs, it is easier to put them to bed.

Confronting your fear means learning how to say "no" in social situations and observing what happens. How people respond to your "no" isn't the main point. The main point is you have to learn that, whatever happens, it's not the end of the world, it's not going to kill you, it's not as bad as you imagined, and you can handle it.

Question: Do people like/love you for real? If they do, they wouldn't want to do anything to hurt you, right? Saying "no" to them should spark curiosity and conversation rather than anger or rage. But if you never say "no" and never explain to people what hurts you, they won't have any idea about it and they'll keep doing hurtful things without realizing. And in the event that saying "no" does spark anger and you unfortunately discover that someone doesn't like/love you for real and is only out to get something from you, wouldn't you want to know the truth and have an opportunity to stop being mistreated or exploited by them?

In other words, knowing the truth about each other is very important for developing healthy and close relationships. People won't know the truth about you and you'll never learn the truth about them until you are able to speak up and advocate for yourself.

3) Improve Your Social Intelligence: You choose to fawn over people because it is the easiest path. You probably believe that saying "no" is the more difficult path because you don't know how to do it and, particularly, how to handle the aftermath.

If social incompetence is the main factor holding you back, then it would be a good idea for you to study and learn better social skills, particularly communication, assertiveness, and boundary setting. Without these skills, you won't know how to say "no" in a way that still allows you to maintain harmonious relationships with people. See past posts and the book recs on the resources page for more info.

4) Type Development: Being an unhealthy introvert means you don't know how to extravert without causing harm to yourself, so you end up failing and then sabotaging your growth by avoiding extraverted development. It might be necessary for you to learn how to use your auxiliary function appropriately, see the Type Dev Guide.

#isfp #fear #social anxiety #assertiveness #boundaries #saying no #emotional intelligence #social skills #ask

[moonlit-positivity]

Respect yourself enough to know when you're being disrespected and walk away.

#recovery #ptsd #trauma #mental health #boundaries #healing #healing thoughts #setting boundaries #saying no #communication #toxic relationships #toxicity #abuse #abusive relationships #self care #self love #self respect #self compassion #growth

[mgasulatnihoney]

Self Respect

“You are responsible for your own emotional and mental well-being and if you have given someone else the power over your life for those two things you should immediately take back control.” ― Germany Kent

#relationship #setting boundaries #taking advantage #self respect #saying no #genuinefriendship #lgbtqphilippines #lgbtqph #mentalhealthawarenessmonth #world mental health day #relatable #selflove #socialmediatoday #social battery #energy saving #tarot reader #tarotreadertiktok

[slightlyaggressiveaffirmations]

NO IS A COMPLETE FUCKING SENTENCE!!!

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO JUST SAY NO!!! YOU DO NOT NEED TO MAKE AN EXCUSE!!!

(sometimes it's not that easy, and i get that. it's ok to do whatever you need to, for safety + to make your life easier. i'm just saying that not wanting to is all the reason you need)

#saying no

[eternallyevolvingsoul]

You are allowed to say NO to things that make you uncomfortable. You are not here to please everyone else. Prioritize yourself and your peace. You are responsible for your own well-being. It is not in your power to make everyone else feel better about themselves and their lives.

#boundaries #saying no #starseed #positive #lyran #spiritual quotes #spiritualawakening #spiritualawareness #spiritualgrowth #spiritualjourney #boundary setting