s.b Holidate - Ch.5 Easter
Pairing: Sirius Black x Female Reader
Word Count: 7k
Synopsis: Her and Sirius have a complicated relationship and things get even more complicated when they agree to start a fake relationship to get their parents off their back
Warnings: Swearing and drinking, they fight
A/N: i cannot believe i am on chapter 5. anyways i hope you're enjoying this lots <33
Masterlist | Holidate Masterlist
Unfortunately I hadn’t found anyone between St. Patrick’s Day and Easter, but really, I couldn’t confidently say that I had been trying. I was too distracted and angry at Sirius to do anything. I was sure that the alcohol that night had intensified everything and yet there was still a sour taste in my mouth whenever I remembered it. All it made me feel was sadness that he thought that way about me. Just when I was starting to get used to him and his ways.
Easter was at Goyle Manner and for some reason I was scared to see Sirius. I still had his leather jacket, but he hadn’t sent an owl about it. I wondered if he wanted to forget our last conversation just as much as I did. I didn’t bring the jacket to Goyle Manner. Firstly, because I couldn’t let people see me carrying it around as if I cared about him, and secondly, he probably would have worn it just to spite me. So it stayed at home, resting on the back of the chair near my desk.
I was wearing a fitted white dress that fell just around my knees. It had a strap on one shoulder with a bow on the same side and I paired it with shimmery heels.
It was a bright sunny morning and the house was filled with flowers and eggs that had been charmed to open as tiny chicks popped out while lively music played in the background. The sunlight was streaming into the open entertaining space and there was chocolate strewn around the place for people to take and I thought that I was in heaven. I went to grab a chocolate before I was interrupted.
“Where’s my jacket?” I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest, as I turned to the familiar voice.
“I burnt it.” I hadn’t, of course. I just wanted to spite him. He gasped dramatically.
“You haven’t.” He was wearing nicer clothes today and I foolishly thought I was having a good impact on him. His hair was smooth and fell in soft waves and he was clean shaven, showing the defined angles of his face.
“And what if I have?” He knew I was joking but I wanted him to humour me.
“I’d have to excuse myself and go cry in the bathroom.” It wasn’t his best and I didn’t laugh.
“You seem mad at me.” I started walking further into the room, I stole a chocolate egg from one of the server’s platters along with a glass of champagne and was unwrapping it as we walked. When I didn’t answer he continued. “Why are you mad?”
I didn’t want to tell him that I was upset because he insinuated he hated me. He’d probably laugh and say that was one of the nicer things he had said to me. I also didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that his words had upset me, so I settled with, “because you’re an ass.”
“What’s new?” People were walking around us, chatting and laughing and for a moment I forgot to stress about people watching us.
“Sorry, it’s just really hard being the golden child,” I spat at him, repeating what he had called me the last time I saw him.
“This isn’t still about St. Patrick’s Day is it?” I gave him an innocent look as I started eating the chocolate and he scoffed, “I was trying to be nice.”
“By saying you hated me?”
“I definitely did not say that,” he scoffed again as if I was being ridiculous and it made me feel flustered.
“Well you insinuated it.” My eyes were wide in disbelief and he frowned at me.
“I don’t think you understood me,” he stressed, “I was trying to be nice.”
“Well it didn’t make me feel good about myself.” He rolled his eyes at me and I frowned.
“I think you’re overreacting.” He said it so nonchalantly that it took me a second to realise exactly what he had said.
“Excuse me?” I had stopped walking but he had walked a few steps in front of me so he had to turn around.
“It was a kind gesture.” I couldn’t believe he was belittling my feelings like that and it made me hot with rage.
“Was it?” I had finished my chocolate and I could feel the wrapper balled up in my fist, the edges scratching my skin. “Because to me it just sounded like you telling me how much you hated me.”
“You’re being ridiculous.” It was as if he was pleading with me to drop the subject but I still had anger brewing in me from that night and he was only adding to the pot.
“You know nothing,” I practically screeched. I had said it so loud that the people around us had started to turn to look and I hoped they would think it was just us being our usual hostile selves. I started walking outside so our voices wouldn’t echo and be heard. Sirius followed.
It was warm and bright outside, despite there being a slight breeze. There were many people outside enjoying the sun and finding the eggs that had been hidden in the garden.
“You know nothing,” I repeated in a much calmer voice. I hate how riled up he could get me. “You’re blaming me for still being a part of this society but you haven’t left.” I was worked up now and I think this had been building up in me since St. Patrick’s Day and with no one listening in on our conversation I continued. “You think you’re so amazing because you’re got into Gryffindor but you’re just like the rest of us, you still live with your parents, you still use their money and what do you even do to try to get them to see another perspective? Nothing. You’re unmotivated and immature and you make me so angry.”
It was the first time I had seen Sirius Black speechless. We both stood there in silence. I had said it all in one breath and I was trying to calm myself down. There were people laughing around us and children making noises of delight, but it still somehow felt that everything had frozen.
“Well I’m glad I know where I stand.” I felt my whole body deflate as he turned around and walked the other way. Maybe I was a bit too harsh. If I was being honest I thought he would fight back. Say something just as nasty about me and we would go back and forth until…I wasn’t sure what. But I guess we weren’t how we used to be and this just confirmed it.
If he thought I was overreacting before I’d love to know what he thought of me now.
I was used to not having Sirius on my arm during the entirety of these celebrations. I had spent most of my life without anyone on my arm during these things. But for some reason I suddenly felt lonely and I had a weird feeling that I was forgetting something as I walked back inside. I got a glass of champagne from a server walking past, hoping it would help me forget everything that had just happened. When I brought the glass away from my lips there was someone standing in front of me.
“Happy Easter.” I smiled and repeated the greeting, but I could feel everything in my stomach reach my throat and I suddenly wished that I was sitting down. “It’s a beautiful day to celebrate, isn’t it?” I was looking around to see if anyone was seeing this, but people were walking around us as if the conversation was completely normal.
“It’s a lovely day.” I think this was the first conversation I had ever had with him.
“Almost as lovely as you look.” I laughed and thanked him, suddenly not knowing what to do with my hands.
“You look dashing yourself, Tiberius.” He was flustered and I didn’t think it looked good on him.
“So where’s Sirius?” I opened my mouth to say ‘why should I care?’ but then I thought against it and for some reason I let out an awkward giggle instead.
“Oh you know him,” I waved my hand, “he can never sit still.”
“Yes, my apologies, he does seem a bit unpredictable. I wish I could say I wasn’t surprised to hear you two were dating.” What the fuck was I meant to say to that? Surely he knew that we almost got married. Usually the bride was the last one to be told and I knew so he had to have known. Surely this wasn’t an innocent stab at Sirius and I knew that I had to defend him otherwise I wouldn’t put it past Tiberius to let the rest of society know about the cracks in Sirius and I’s relationship.
“Oh yes,” I laughed awkwardly, “well you know, we went to school together, we grew up together. It seems I can’t get rid of him no matter how hard I try.” I laughed at my joke but he didn’t find it funny and gave me a toothless grin.
“Yes, I think everyone was a bit surprised. We’ve watched you grow up together and you two never did get along.” I hoped he realised how odd it sounded for him to say that he watched us grow up but I wasn’t going to call him out on it.
“I think it would be easier to list the names of people Sirius actually gets along with.” My joke fell short again and I couldn’t help my eyes wander around the room, hoping that someone would pick up on this awful conversation and save me.
“So how is being a healer?” I sighed in relief at the change in direction of conversation and started speaking about my experience. It seemed everything that had happened since I had started fake dating Sirius had taken all of my thinking space and even at work I was constantly distracted about it. I didn’t tell Tiberius this. “And what does Sirius do, again?” he asked when I finished speaking. I had a feeling that he knew that Sirius didn’t currently have a job. I almost wanted to ask about his work at the Ministry, even if I thought it was a disastrously boring topic, just so I could ignore the question.
“Like I said,” I was laughing again and my cheeks were starting to tire, “you know what Sirius is like, he is always on the go, never in one spot for too long.”
“But does he have the means to support you if you get married?” When he said married I was sure I was going to puke. I had enough trouble seeing Sirius at these celebrations and I couldn’t even imagine having to see him every single day. Not that it mattered though. Nothing between us was real and I would eventually find someone who I would want to spend everyday with.
“Well with my job, I’m sure we will do okay.”
“But he’s the husband. Don’t you want a comfortable and respectable life?” I was speechless because that was exactly what I had been telling Sirius.
I was sure that if one of the chandeliers hanging above us fell right on top of me it would have been less painful than this conversation. I laughed awkwardly and out of the corner of my eye I could see Regulus smirking over at me. He was talking to Sirius who had his back towards us and as Regulus whispered something in his ear Sirius’ whole body suddenly snapped towards me and he started taking long strides to get to us.
“Princess, there you are.” He was wrapping a hand around my waist and I knew I was stressed because it didn’t bother me that he had called me princess in the company of another.
“I was just talking to Tiberius.” Sirius looked over as if he was just realising there was another person here and he held out his hand.
“How are you, Nott? Haven’t spoken to you in ages.” It was all very informal and I could tell that Nott was not enjoying it. Nott took part in society just like me, so he was always looking his best. There wasn’t a hair out of place and the suit he was wearing looked like it was made specifically for him. I didn’t think it was fair to compare him to Sirius who had only just gotten his pants put up after I told him to on Valentine’s Day.
“I am fine, thank you.” He looked distastefully at his hand after shaking Sirius’. If I wanted to be mean I would’ve said that we were talking about because I knew Sirius would have the guts to say what he was really thinking. But that was a Sirius thing to do and I didn’t see it reflecting well on either of us, so I didn’t.
It briefly crossed my mind that I wanted Sirius to say what he was thinking because I knew we were thinking the same thing, but I currently wasn’t in the mood to agree with him so I pushed the thought out of my head.
“So, how's finding a wife?” I guessed I didn’t have to help Sirius be himself. My mouth opened in shock at his question and I could see Nott getting all worked up out of the corner of my eye, but Sirius was looking as if this was all a normal, appropriate conversation
“Well we can’t all be lucky like you.” He motioned towards me and I smiled at him. Sirius's grip on my waist tightened and if Nott wasn’t around I would have pulled his hand straight off me.
“No, you can’t.” I looked over at Sirius who kept a keen eye on Nott. He had his usual mischievous glint in his eye and I was petrified of where he was going to take this. I was sure I must’ve looked nauseous because I definitely felt it. “But I think she’s out of your age range anyways.” He gave me a cheeky smile and I was absolutely speechless.
“Excuse me?” Nott was obviously offended and for a moment I was going to tell Sirius to stop so he wouldn’t embarrass me. I still had to find another boyfriend and I didn’t need Sirius ruining my reputation.
“Oh, no?” Sirius was acting surprised as if he had no idea how normal it was for large age gaps to be present in these types of marriages. “You’re desperate for anyone?” Nott was turning a horrible shade of red and I was hoping that he would leave because I had had enough second hand embarrassment for one day. He cleared his throat awkwardly and chose to ignore the question.
“Well, I must be going, it was nice chatting with you.” He paused there and I gave him a bright smile to hopefully make up for this awkwardness. “Black, if you ever need help finding a job I can always speak to some people, wouldn’t want you to be unable to provide for your wife.” He walked off and Sirius’ hand tightened once more before he removed it from me.
I turned over to face him scowling and I gently pushed him on the shoulder, putting space between us.
“That was awful.” I turned around, my eyes wide and my face fearful that Nott would go and spread the news of this horrible conversation. “What were you thinking?”
“What?” Now that Nott was gone and he was only talking to me, I could still see the residue hurt behind his eyes about what I had said earlier, but somehow he had made me even more angry than what I was this morning.
“You completely embarrassed me in front of him,” I complained. I tried to keep my voice down so no one would hear us for the second time today and looking around it seemed that everyone was, thankfully, preoccupied.
“Since when do you care about what Nott thinks of you?” His eyes were squinted at me and I gave him an exasperated look.
“It’s not just Nott, what if he tells others? You know how fast word spreads around here! And what are they all going to think of me? I’ll never find a real boyfriend if you keep embarrassing me like this.” He scoffed at that and I realised that maybe I should have asked what will they think of us instead of me.
“Are you fucking serious?” I saw the opportunity and foolishly I took it.
“Well I’m not fucking him,” I mumbled, not meeting his eyes. I thought he was angry before but he turned livid and I was upset because I couldn’t even boast about how good of a joke it was. He chose to ignore me anyway.
“I’m sorry, weren’t you the one crying to me on Christmas that you didn’t want to marry him?”
“I wasn't crying.” I frowned up at him but he didn’t acknowledge my comment.
“You know, I really don’t get you.” I was thankful that he was at least keeping his voice down so others wouldn’t hear. I did a quick scan again and turned to him when I saw no one was watching us. I guess they were used to us being together now. “One minute you’re telling me your life issues as if I actually give a shit, then I kindly offer to help you, and do a fucking fantastic job of doing so,” he paused to take a breath, “then you tell me you’re going to find another boyfriend so you can get rid of me which, by the way, where the fuck is he? Because I’m sick of doing this, you’re just as bad as everyone else here and the quicker you end this the better for me.”
This time it was my turn to be speechless. I had visibly shrunk after his speech and I wondered if he also tasted the vile taste of humiliation in his throat when I had done the same to him this morning.
“You two seem angry.” I was glad to hear Regulus’ humorous voice because it saved me from coming up with an answer.
“What’s it to you?” Sirius had his arms folded around his chest and I couldn’t meet any of their eyes in fear of crying. I felt like I was going crazy. If my younger self saw me be visibly upset by the words of Sirius Black she would have laughed at how pathetic I was being. He had said much worse to her and she had always replied with something equally as venomous. For some reason, present me just couldn’t find the words.
“Believe it or not, I do care about you two.” He cooed dramatically at us and I could feel him try to find my eyes but they were glued to the floor.
Out of the corner of my eye I could also see Sirius trying to find my eye and I hoped he felt guilty about the way he had spoken to me. When they both realised I wasn’t giving up they let out a sigh.
“Go away, Regulus,” Sirius grumbled. I knew I must’ve looked sad because Regulus didn’t fight it and I could hear his footsteps get softer. “I’m sorry.”
“Well at least I know where I stand.” I gave him a murderous look as I repeated the words he had told me before and stormed the other way before I started crying in front of him. I wasn’t going to let him see me cry. I wasn’t going to let anyone see me cry. I was going to suck it up. And then cry when I got home. I had half a mind to go find Tiberius and beg him to marry me if Sirius was going to treat me like that. Merlin knows he would need the ego boost after his conversation with Sirius.
I spent the rest of the afternoon with my friends and avoiding Sirius. And Regulus. And Tiberius. I made eye contact with Sirius a few times, but I turned away as soon as I saw him and I think he got the hint that I didn’t want to talk because he didn’t make his way over to me.
I was ecstatic when it was time to go. I didn’t even say goodbye to Sirius. He didn’t deserve it. I went straight up to my room as soon as we got home. It was late afternoon and the sun was still shining even if it was threatening to go down. I pulled my curtains down so no light could come in, it seemed too happy for me in my state of sadness.
I took an extra long time in the shower and I was in my summer silk pyjamas. I had all of the Easter chocolate my parents had given me sprawled out on my bed and I was ready to make myself sick from eating them.
I loved Easter because I loved chocolate. The Goyle’s had plenty around the house, free for anyone to take and eat and I was excited to take advantage of it, but I had had such a dramatic day that I had only had that one egg I had picked up at the beginning before everything turned to shit.
I picked up the book on my nightstand and rested my back against the backboard of my bed. There was still enough light to illuminate the words and I unwrapped a chocolate and started eating it, hoping that it would distract me from all of my worries.
Need to find a boyfriend. Need to apologise to Sirius. No. Sirius needs to apologise to me. Need to return his leather jacket. No. He doesn’t deserve nice things.
Unfortunately the book did nothing to distract me and in an hour I had only read ten pages. I sighed and put the open book on my bed spine up so I wouldn’t lose my spot. I grabbed another chocolate and took a bite out of it. I went over to my desk to see if there was anything there that could distract me instead.
Sirius’ jacket was still on my chair. It was disgusting and I didn’t care if that upset him. He certainly didn’t care about hurting me. I thought that I was handling it quite well considering I had only cried briefly in the shower. People usually didn’t speak to me in such an angry tone and it wasn’t something I was willing to get used to. The only person who had ever spoken to me like that was Sirius and so I wasn’t sure why this time I was so upset by it. And was that what he really thought of me? That I was just like everyone else in that society? I guess I had thought I was different to them somehow, but really, I wasn’t. I still went to these celebrations, I still did everything my parents asked of me. I was still the golden child.
I finished my chocolate and sighed. I was sad because before St Patrick’s Day I had seen a different side of Sirius. The side that remembered I liked chocolate and didn’t kiss me when I didn’t want him to and apologised for things he did ages ago. A side where we could tease each other without being mean and where I could rest my head on his shoulder because we were almost getting along. Or maybe just because we were really drunk. But we were in a new territory and I think I foolishly had thought that we could stay there. Today just reminded me that this was Sirius Black. He was never going to be the respectable partner I deserved.
I started playing with the sleeve of his jacket as a wave of fear came over me when I remembered what he said. Because I’m sick of doing this, you’re just as bad as everyone else here and the quicker you end this the better for me. As if I was getting the better end of this deal. Did he really want me to find someone else? Didn’t he still want money from his family? What if he did call it off and then I’d go straight to Tiberius and this would have all been wasted time. We really should have put a time period on this.
My thoughts were interrupted by a tapping at my window. My heart skipped a beat and I grabbed my wand and walked slowly over to it. It wasn’t an owl because it was too heavy, but I had shut my curtains so I couldn't see what was on the other side of the glass. I had my wand ready and I quickly pulled back the curtain.
I squinted my eyes at Sirius Black standing outside on the ledge of my window. I opened the glass and glared at him. The sun was still up but only slightly, there was a golden glow that entered my room as I put my wand down and folded my arms over my chest.
“What are you doing here?”
“I want my leather jacket.” I rolled my eyes at him and walked over to my desk to grab it.
“Here.” I threw it at him and he wobbled as he tried to catch it and hold on so he wouldn’t fall. We stood like that for a moment. Sirius hunched over on the window sill and me, my arms folded and my face annoyed as I stared at him expectantly, waiting for him to leave. I felt bare with only my pyjamas on. Sirius was still in his clothes from the celebration but his hair was messy and his clothes wrinkled. I thought that if I did my hair properly and put on some nice shoes, I would still look classier than him.
“Are you going to let me in?”
“No,” I answered immediately. Why would I let him in?
“Please? It was really hard trying to get up here.” My room was on the top floor so I didn't doubt that. I was curious as to how he got up but I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of asking. “I came to apologise.” I let out a large sigh and motioned for him to come in. I was interested to hear what he had to say. That was all.
The house shook as he landed and I made an effort to close the window quietly, even though Sirius had made enough noise to alert the whole street of his presence.
“Are you busy?” He looked over at my open book and the empty wrappers of chocolate thrown across my duvet and I shrugged.
“I wanted to apologise.”
“Okay.” He moved a chocolate wrapper from my bed and sat on the edge.
“I can see how what I said would have upset you on St. Patrick’s Day.” I still had my arms folded and I was now standing in front of him. “I’m sorry, I was genuinely trying to be nice but it didn’t come out right.” He paused. “It’s not an excuse, but I was really drunk.” He really was.
“That’s okay.” I was more upset about his rant after Nott so forgiving him for this was easy considering I didn't think I’d ever get an apology.
“And I’m sorry for yelling at you today. I honestly thought I was helping you, but I forgot that we’re different. We act differently. And I didn’t mean what I said afterwards,” he paused, “about you finding someone else,” he clarified, “I just said it to get you angry. Nott had gotten me all worked up, I despise him by the way.” I let out a humourless chuckle.
“I was humiliated.” I glared at him and he sighed. I wasn’t sure why I was so humiliated, I didn’t think anyone heard us, but for some reason my pride had been hurt.
“I’m sorry,” he looked up at me, “I know just being with me is humiliating for you, you deserve better.” I took a deep breath, trying to steady the beat of my heart. I think I ate too many chocolates.
I wanted to say that I did deserve better but for some reason I sat down next to him instead.
“I didn’t mean what I said when I called you unmotivated and immature either. I just wanted to get you angry too.” My voice was soft. I wasn’t sure if I was telling him the truth, but for some reason I wanted to tell him that.
“I don’t know, I think I deserved that.” I let out a chuckle and reached out to grab another chocolate. “Do you want one?” I passed one over to him, hoping it would act as a peace offering. I feared I had forgiven him too easy but then I remembered that this relationship between us was fake and really, he didn’t have to come apologise at all.
“No thank you, I don’t like chocolate.” If I hadn’t just taken a bite of my own chocolate I would have opened my mouth at him in shock.
“You don’t like chocolate?” I asked when I had finished chewing. I furrowed my eyebrows and he grinned down at me. “It’s my favourite.”
“I know,” he laughed, “we went over this, that's why I bought you some on Valentine’s Day.” I felt funny when he said that so I didn’t respond.
“But I thought you liked chocolate when we were younger?” I had distinct memories of Sirius and I stealing all of the chocolate and then getting in trouble from our parents at these celebrations.
“Yeah but it makes me feel sick now.” He shrugged his shoulders, but he still had a small grin on his face.
“Are you lactose intolerant?” I was being serious so I wasn’t sure why he found it so funny.
“No, just chocolate.” I squinted my eyes up at him and he let out another chuckle before sighing.
“That doesn’t make sense.” He shrugged again but I wasn’t happy with the answer. “I’m a healer, it can’t just be chocolate that makes you sick.”
“I’m so sorry Doctor, should I book an appointment? How much longer do I have left?” He was being sarcastic and I rolled my eyes at him before finishing my own chocolate. He laughed because I was annoyed and I tried to hide my grin.
“But you ate my chocolate on Valentine’s Day.” I wasn’t sure why I was still arguing this but his answers were very unsatisfactory.
“That was just to annoy you.” He gave me a boyish grin and I gave him an unimpressed look.
“You’re a dick.” We were both laughing.
We stopped laughing and there was a beat of silence. It seemed that all of the yelling from today was forgiven and for some reason I was glad.
“Can we go back to how we were?” Sirius asked. My heart skipped a beat.
“How we were before all this started? Or when we agreed to fake date?” I wasn’t sure which answer I wanted.
“When we agreed to fake date.” He turned to me and he seemed satisfied with where this was going. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel the same. “You’re alright when I can look past your socialite status.” I shook my head and laughed at him.
“And you’re alright when you’re not trying to annoy me.” I paused. “And eat my chocolates.” I frowned up at him and he smirked at me.
“When am I not trying to annoy you?” We were looking at each other and for a moment I was certain that it was only Sirius and I in this world. I wasn’t stressed about my mother coming in and finding Sirius Black unannounced on my bed. I wasn’t trying to think of all the eligible purebloods who might be interested in me once Sirius and I called this off. I didn’t care about what people thought about Sirius and I because all that mattered were the two of us.
I wasn’t sure what it was but I could suddenly feel it flowing through my body. In that second when we were both looking at each other, a flurry of emotions behind our eyes, there was a shift and a shiver ran down my spine at the thought.
“I didn’t expect this to turn out like this.” I was sure that I had eaten too many chocolates and was coming down with something because it was a stupid thing to say.
“Like what?” We were whispering and I started playing with the ends of my pyjama shorts.
“I don’t know,” I did know, “sometimes I don’t want to rip your head off and I thought I would live my whole life wanting to rip your head off.” I wasn’t sure what it was but my brain wasn’t able to catch up with what I was saying.
“You’re welcome.” He was laughing and I liked how his eyes crinkled when he did, so I started smiling as well. His eyes were a nice shade of grey. They looked dull due to the lack of light, but his usual hint of mischief lighted them up, before suddenly it was gone.
“Do you think if I was sorted into Slytherin we would have been closer?” I turned away from him. I hadn’t really considered that, but I was sure that now it was going to take up all of my thinking space.
I remembered our first conversation after he had been sorted into Gryffindor. It was in the hallway after breakfast the second day of school.
“Sirius,” I had called out to him. He was with three other boys but he stopped at the sound of my voice. “You got sorted into Gryffindor.” I wasn’t sure why I said that.
“And you got sorted into Slytherin.” He had a stupid grin on his face and an air of amusement as he mocked my statement, eliciting an eyeroll from myself.
“Did you tell your parents?” We were standing in the hallway, people walking around us and I wondered if they suddenly saw the way his face paled.
“Yeah, they’re not that happy about it.” I gave him a sympathetic look and we stood, facing the other for a moment, neither of us knowing what to say. “I know this must be hard for you,” he said sarcastically, “but be strong for me, yeah? Don’t miss me too much.” I rolled my eyes playfully at him and took a deep breath.
“Yes, I am very upset that I won’t have anyone to constantly annoy me, how will I ever survive?” He shrugged his shoulders and for some reason I was smiling like an idiot.
“It’s okay, I’ll still annoy you between classes.” I shook my head at him and one of the boys he was walking with called out his name. I thought it was rude that they were interrupting our conversation and my face changed as I shot them an icy glare. “I'll see you around.” I nodded at him and he walked away. There was an odd feeling in my tummy and so I went back to the Common Room, blaming it on the nerves of starting school.
I would never have admitted it before but for some reason I thought I could now. I was sad that Sirius wasn’t sorted into Slytherin. He was the only person my age in our society and so when I started I had to rely on the older children in our society to keep my company. And none of them were as fun as Sirius.
I realised I had been quiet for a moment and so I answered.
“Nah,” I looked up at him innocently, “no matter what timeline, you’d always get on my nerves.” He laughed but his eyes didn’t crinkle and I wasn’t sure why it made me sad.
“I think we would have.” He was looking straight ahead and I was looking at his side profile.
“Yeah?” My voice was barely above a whisper and his tone matched mine.
“Yeah.” He left it at that and I was scared about where the conversation would go. My heart was still caught up with the scenario of Sirius being in Slytherin and I wasn’t sure why.
“Do you think maybe we can forget about today? I’m really sorry, I just haven’t been in a great place.” I wanted to ask him why he wasn't in a great place but I didn’t think I was allowed to as a fake girlfriend.
“Yeah. Let’s just move on.” He nodded and I was hoping he would leave or change the subject because I didn’t like how serious it was getting.
“What are you reading?” He leaned back to reach my book and he fell flat on my mattress as he held it up above himself.
“Please,” I said sarcastically, “make yourself comfortable.” But I copied his actions and laid down next to him. He had a finger on the page I had left it on and he turned to look at the front cover.
“I’ve never heard this before.” Our shoulders were touching and I wasn’t sure if I should move my arm. He was looking up at my book, but my head was turned to look at his side profile. His nose had a little bump in it and for a moment I wanted to reach out and trace the bones sticking out on his face.
“I didn’t realise you were so well read?” I questioned humorously, finding it odd that he would think he had heard of it before. Sirius Black was not known for being a reader.
“There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me, princess.” For a moment I wanted to ask him what I didn’t know about him. But there was no point. One day I would find someone else and learn everything about them and I didn’t need random facts about Sirius Black to take up any of that space.
“It’s a muggle book.” I admitted, as he brought the book down to his chest and turned to face me.
“Blasphemous.” We were looking at each other again and I forced myself to blink.
“I know.” I was glad we were back to laughing again, but there was something missing in Sirius’ eyes and for some reason I questioned him about it. “Are you sure you’re okay? If this is too much for you we can always stop.” I wasn’t sure why I said it and I wasn’t sure what it was that had made me think that I didn’t really want this to stop.
“No,” he said a bit too quickly, “no,” he sighed, “no, I shouldn’t have said that today. I want to keep doing this.” He turned to face me and for a moment I believed him. “Just to keep getting money from my parents, you know?” My heart sunk. “I just really feel bad about today and wanted to apologise.”
“Are you sure that’s it?” I wasn’t sure why I was pushing it.
“Me and my parents had a fight.” Of course. That was probably why he was apologising about this and trying to make it work. Without me, they’d kick him out and he would have to say goodbye to their money. I had forgotten Sirius needed me just as much as I needed him.
“I’m sorry.” He shrugged. “Do you want to talk about it?” I suddenly felt queasy and if I was being honest, I didn’t really want to talk about it, but I was his fake girlfriend and weren’t they meant to help with this type of stuff?
“No thanks.” I was looking over at him and I nodded even if he had turned to look back up at my ceiling.
“But it would make me feel better if you read your blasphemous muggle book to me. It’s going to be bad because it’s by a muggle, obviously, but I want to see just how bad it is.” I laughed at him because he was an idiot, but for some reason I took the book out of his hand and found my page.
“It’s my favourite book so you’ll obviously enjoy it.” I gave him a bit of a debrief as I sat up and moved so my back was against the backboard. Sirius sat up, but he instantly laid back down so his head was resting on my thighs.
I felt like he was a bit too close to me, but for some reason I didn’t want to tell him to move.
He put his leather jacket beside him and put his arms above his head. He closed his eyes and I began reading.
The sun had set and I had to turn my bedside table lamp on. I couldn’t tell if Sirius was actually listening or not, but he didn’t tell me to stop so I continued until my throat hurt and my eyes watered.
I wasn’t entirely sure who fell asleep first. I told myself I would just rest my eyes for a moment and then I would be ready to continue, but that was the last thing I remembered.
When I woke up, I felt unusually light and I noticed my book was beside me, closed. I groaned when I realised I would have to find where I was up to but I froze when I saw a note sticking out. I had become familiar with that annoyingly neat handwriting and I opened the book and pulled it out.
Thank you for getting my mind off things. I’m sorry I’m a dick. I promise I’ll do better.
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