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maeizy · 1 year

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C!ranboo little sister x reader!

I HATE MYSELF RN, I LOST THE DANG REQEST THERE WAS TWO AND I REMEMBERED THE FIRST ONE- sjdjdnsidndoanfiehidn anyways the request was by @fantasyfiction-net ! and no I dont have a discord server yet! Ill try and make one though, ty for the advice! And yes I'd love to be freinds!!:D annnyways- ONWARD!!

INFO FOR REQESTS MY FANDOMS, AS WELL AS BLOG

GENRE: PURE FLUFF!<3

SYPNOSIS:x-reader where very young sibling,age 4-5. of C!ranboos, gets close with the sbi, Tubbo, philza, tommy ecr. To where he thinks they like the sbi more than him but they dont.

PRONOUNS: gn

TRIGGERS: getting hurt; (by water[since readers also half enderman]), no others!

Notes <3- totally didnt forget about this- I kinda hate it but its whatever I guess. Sorry for being so inactive as of kate, I'm making a lot of more fics, not in this fandom but in others like Lockwood and co ect. Please please please make sure to check out my blog info and my other stuff I have it linked in ever post :D sorry of this is trash but I hope y'all enjoy anyways.

you and ranboo where getting ready to go to philzas house it had just started to snow. you had always been fascinated by the white floating specs that reminded you of your very own purple ones that floated around you from time to time connecting to you to your ender man heritage.

"Y\N!" your older brother Ranboo yelled out as your tiny bare feet thudded out of the shack door breaking free from your bigger brothers arms to excitedly run out to the snow and attempt to flop down on it, but as soon as your bare skin touched the cold frozen flakes of water it burned, the excitement was then sucked away, as a searing pain tore through the pads of your exposed feet.

an enderlike screech of pain burst from your shocked mouth and purple particles was all your vision picked up on as you subconsciously teleported back, with a soft woosh, you popped back into the small space of the entrance of the Shack, that you and ranboo called home.

upright and confused, you where frantically holding your foot with a Audible "ow,ow,ow,ow,ow-" trying to balance on one leg and hopping backwards. already loosing your balance due to your freakishly long limbs for your age. (Thank your enderside) with a hiss you where sent wheeling back. being uncorranated as is, and then adding the fact you where standing how you where at the moment, you knock things down with you as you fall and land on your back with another shriek and a loud thump.

You let out another small, half hurt half annoyed huff, as tears formed at the ends of your green and red eyes. ranboo panicked running over in a semi-shocked state to grab onto you checking the red scorch marks on your left foot as you pushed yourself up on your elbows to let out another soft "ow" as he bent down to pick up your small 5 year old form.

being carefull not to bump into anything as he stumbled to set you on the staircase as he went to go grab some bandages rambling on with a " oh no!- I said to get your enchanted shoes on! Water hurts us-aww no please don't cry- healing poti-TUBBO"

The shorter boys head popped around the thrown open door as cold wind pushing its way in in a blizzard you hadn't noticed brewing till now, too focused on the throb in your foot.

The boys chipper voice was followed by ranboo half falling down the stairs to greet him and help you "Hi ran boo and- RANBOO WHY ARE THEY CRYING?!" ranboo fumbled with The wrappings as he wrapped it around the fresh wound " they went outside! in the snow! without enchanted boots and got hurt when it melted on them!" The little kid rushed over to tubbo hugging him tightly completely oblivious to ranboo who was trying to help; and ran into the shorter hybrids arms tubbo stooped to pick the younger child up as he set them down again on the staircase.

She wasn't full blown crying now, just sniffling as she tried to wipe of runaway tears as tubbo patted her head warmly with a small comforting grin to calm her nerves. she let the goat boy wrap the rest of the bandages around her foot then gave him an exited hug and a small. "thank you tubtub!" And got to her feet ignoring the ache and running to the front door to pick up her shoes, while ran boo wined a little at The younger boo and crossed his long arms in silent protest, giving a little huff of annoyance.

Tubbo chuckled "apparently she just likes me more" he said in a joking tone. But ranboo frowned "pftt-no.she-" tubbo laughed again as ranboos face turned a shade out of embarrassment. "whatever" he grumbled as he walked over to little y\n as she finished yanking the big enchanted boots onto her much smaller feet. she hummed with a happy little smile as he watched her with furrowed eyebrows standing their a little she got up humming a song tommy taught her and unconsciously grabbed his bigger hand bouncing as she pulled him outside "Phil's!phils!phils!" She chanted as her hand slipped from his when they got to the front porch of their small home in the snowy biome. Phil and technos conjoined house in the distance, lit with a warm light as the girl twirled through the snow twords it.

Ranboo teleported to the front step of philzas house with ease and tubbos head peeked out of the door of ranboos house, confused and annoyed, his shouts unheard as he ran across the landscape to join ranboo, and his sibling, who was huffing up the steps. "Cheater" you glared with a tired face. Your brother grinned as tubbo caught up. they didn't bother to knock as tubbo opened the door lazily and thunked his snow boots on the side of the doorframe. piles of snow landing on the hardwood deck from his boot.

The younger boo copied his actions holding onto the door frame for balance. And with a less powerful kick, her boot collided with the door, sending a little amount of Triump into the girl as she soon forgot about it and rushed into the house.

when she spotted philza and Wilbur having a chat in the kitchen she ran straight to them ranboo trailed aimlessly after her finding a spot next to tubbo as he chatted with tommy. Tomny and tubbo where fighting over who got the last peice of cake to which ranboo intervened and took it holding it above their heads while he took little pieces to eat himself while tommy and tubbo complained.

The little girl rushed over to hug phil who managed a "hey mate!" and patted her head and before he could say anymore she found techno who was talking to Wilbur.

"no -you have to kill them, then you can drag them into the-" he spotted the younger girls salt and pepper hair as she was silently staring curiously at him. He switched up his words as she walked up to him with a small cautious and confused face "kill someone?!" You questioned "uh-but of course we would skip the uh first step. and We would -drag them... to a nice place to have a talk-" she laughed hugging the pig-man who akwardly patted her back with a grimance. A glare shot from wilbur burned into technos skull.

You then hugged Wilbur who already had his arms stretched out. and with a warm smile she ran straight into him as she gripped his jumper with all her force. She leaned her small form back to Look up at his muddy eyes. With a mischievous grin then snatched his glasses off his scarred nose putting them on there face quickly, and dodging his long arms they Ignored the shouts of the older man. running off to find philzas arms to hide in. You darted into the living room, stopping shortly to take in there surroundings. the chatter from the boys, the sun streaming through the window, and the wonderful smells coming from the kitchen of whatever Phil was mixing up. it was comforting, but the loud footsteps behind them where not.

You couldn't make it to philza in time so you went to the person you would normally go for comfort, ranboo. Your brothers long limbs where crisscrossed on the floor and he silently nodded along as tubbo and tommy conversed. His green and red eyes found yours and his mouth turned into a grin and you sprinted twords him. Tommy spotted you coming there way and intervened "HEY y\n!" His bandaged arms opened wide, with a boyish toothy grin. Before you could decide who to go to, Wilbur rounded the corner. a glare set on his face as he squinted at her. "AHAHHHH" you ran straight into tommy.

the betrayal on ranboos face was prominent, his arms dropped slowly to his sides as his smile faded. though he didn't show it his heart panged a little As Tommy's arms locked in around you. He was supposed to be the one you ran too. He was your brother!

Wilbur barreled into the living room trying to take you from him. Tommy attempted to throw you on the couch and quickly cover you up with a pillow but it didn't work. The fight was over, Wilbur grabbed his glasses back off your defeaded half dead looking form and grabbed the pillow and proceeded to beat tommy with it.

You lifted yourself up, your hair now disheveled from the two brothers. You looked over to ranboo, your own brother, who looked a bit downtrodden. A wary smile was shot tword you, you huffed, feeling a bit tired you walked over to him, laying your head on his shoulder and gripping his arm "you ok big man?" He said as he patted your head lovingly "yes-can we go home now?" you yawned "we can- but I thought you wanted to hang out with techno, and tommy and-" " ranboo! I wanna spend time with you!" you smiled up at him, your eyes squinted. ranboo, forgetting you where a very unfiltered five year old died at your next words "Tommy's a little loud anyways-" he Busted open with laughter as wilbur did too, pausing over Tommy's defeated form on the spot on the floor where he had been being hit multiple times with the soft round throw pillow clutched in wills grip, tommy yelled in protest "HEY! I PROTECT YOU AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME??" You look at him blankly " ummmmm- yes." Ranboo shoots grin his way, and scoops you up and grabs your shoes. As you slowly drifted off to sleep, you could hear techno voice echo " the kid was right, you are really obnoxious tommy" and another yelp from the blonde boy as a pillow thrown from techno this time, hit him square in the face. another loud scream was heard this time from tubbo "GET WRECKED" and a bust of laughter was heard.

This was your family.

And as you grew up, it always stayed that way, no matter what you went through, this, what some would call a ragtag group. was stuck with you, as family and you were ok with that, as long as your big brother stuck by your side, you felt impossible.

#dsmp x reader #dream smp headcanons #bench trio headcanons #sbi fanfic #sbi x reader #dream smp imagine #ranboo x reader #tubbo x reader #wilbur soot x reader

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roonilwazlibimagines · 8 months

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s.b Holidate extras - sirius loves her

Pairing: Sirius Black x Female Reader (holidate reader) Word Count: 4k Synopsis: just a little insight into Sirius' feelings over the years <3 i really want to rewrite holidate from his perspective but if it happened it would be an end of year/next year thing, but also i am in the mood to write, I still have my cedric fic that i need to upload and i am self indulging myself with a regululs fic because respectfully i'm only an active writer when i'm at my worst mentally <3 but idk if i'll upload it because it is very self indulgency but i can be convinced

Masterlist | Holidate Masterlist

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

Sirius Black was sure that his mother had been trying to set him up with her since the day she was born.

He wasn’t sure because he couldn’t remember, but he was willing to place a very hefty bet that from the moment his mother first saw her, she had began praising her beauty and he was sure that she hadn’t stopped since.

He had vague memories when he was a baby of his mother cooing at her and rambling on about how gorgeous she was. Sure, Sirius was barely a year a old, but he swears that his mother would do it so often, that the memory was ingrained in his mind at such a young age.

Because that was all he would hear.

‘Don’t you think she’s just adorable?’

‘She’s just so stunning.’

‘She’s the prettiest little girl I’ve ever seen.’

So maybe, when Sirius was a few years older and could actually speak and form his own thoughts, his mothers constant pestering about her beauty had managed to seep into his mind. Sirius was still too young to be interested in girls, but he knew that beautiful meant something nice to look at, and she was nice to look at.

She always had nice dresses on, her hair always combed to perfection - even as a young girl - and she had a cheeky smile that his mother used to say would one day get her in trouble.

Sirius didn’t understand. There were many things he did that she said would get him in trouble one day. When he spoke back: ‘That mouth of yours is going to get you into trouble one day, Sirius Orion Black.’ When he grumbled and moaned about going to all the fancy events: ‘That attitude of yours is going to get you into trouble one day, Sirius Orion Black.’ But when she said it about her it sounded different and this annoyed Sirius. ‘Oh my,’ she had exclaimed when they were barely six years old, ‘that smile of yours is going to get you into trouble one day.’ She even laughed, ‘don’t know how anyone could ever say no to you.’

But even when Sirius was a tiny bit older and he had a very vague understanding that girls could be pretty, he still thought she was pretty. Even if he still wasn’t sure how much of this thought was his mother’s doing.

She was his friend, of course he found her pretty. She was always shy at first, but Sirius knew how to get her talking and as soon as she started giggling at his idiotic ways, he couldn’t help but laugh with her, even if he didn’t really find it funny.

She was gentle and kind to him when not everyone in that society was, and Sirius began to understand that beautiful didn’t just have to mean something nice to look at.

And when Sirius was a little bit older still, a year or two before he would be off to Hogwarts, he had a pretty good feeling that even if his mother hadn’t been constantly nagging him about her beauty since the moment he was born, he would still find her pretty.

He wasn’t sure what it was. There were other girls in their society, close to his age, but he didn’t think they were pretty like he thought she was pretty. Sure, they dressed nice and there was never a hair out of place, just like her.

But there was something missing.

Sirius didn’t think about it too much, she was his friend and that was all.

Even at this age he knew that he was a black sheep in his familiy and in this society and he knew that none of his thoughts or beliefs aligned with those of the people around him and he had a sneaky suspicion that this had impacted who he found pretty.

Which, he knew, didn’t make sense considering she was very much a part of that society, but he was still a child. It wasn’t a big deal.

Until he got to Hogwarts. And even at eleven, the girls at Hogwarts were very much attracted to Sirius Black and Srius Black was never one to shy away from attention. And he thought they were pretty, he really did, but even if he would never have admitted it, he knew none of them compared to her.

He thought she was pretty in a way that only an eleven year old could. She had a nice smile and Sirius liked the colour of her eyes. He preferred it when she wore her hair down and he liked when she wore red. But these were only fleeting thoughts that he never spent too long on.

And then came the day she stopped talking to Sirius and Sirius felt like absolute shit. She got angrier and meaner and had her glare always been this icy? She had glared at him multiple of times throughout their childhood, but there was always a playful crease between her eyebrows that Sirius often found the urge to smooth out.

Sirius was a little older now, and he thought that as her mean demeanour grew, his attraction to her would shrink.

It was probably why he never found anyone else in that society attractive. They were all assholes. She wasn’t.

But it seemed his mother had really done a good job of ingraining her beauty into his mind because he couldn’t escape the thought.

Not that he thought about it often, it would flicker into his mind late at night when he lay awake, trying to figure out why she stopped talking to him. And it would pass his thoughts when he saw her laughing with her friends, only for her face to turn cold as soon as she made eye contact with him.

And then Sirius was old enough to be genuinely interested in girls and he got a girlfriend, and then another, and then another, and a few nights here and there as well. And he managed to keep her out of his mind for the most part of it.

Of course, that was when she wasn’t rolling her eyes at him or telling him how pathetic he was.

If he was beiing honest, which he didn’t really want to be, he was starting to see her in a new light. Because as much as he’d deny it if anyone asked, she really was gorgeous.

She was effortlessly pretty and Sirius needed to know that she woke up looking like a mess because there was no way a person could be as perfect as her.

She didn’t wear makeup at Hogwarts, but he thought that maybe she wore it when they had Common Room parties. But it didn’t make a difference to Sirius, because whether she had makeup on or not, her eyes still sparkled when she laughed and when she was talking about something she enjoyed her whole demeanour lit up.

He had seen how she dressed outside of Hogwarts which was why he knew that she dressed much more casually at school. And maybe, every weekend Sirius would look over to her in the Great Hall to see if she was wearing that one pair of jeans that he especially loved. And now, Sirius thought he preferred when she tied her hair back because he liked the way the necklace she had been wearing since she was a child rested on her chest. That was all.

He hoped that maybe her beauty would diminish as she continued to be cruel to him and Sirius would say that it did, but he knew deep down, that it didn’t.

Unfortunately, Hogwarts wasn’t the end of it either. If he wanted any support from his parents, he still needed to show up to those stupid events that society held and it wasn’t until Christmas of the year they finished Hogwarts that Sirius realised he had been lying to himself for most of his life.

She was wearing a red dress that hugged every curve on her body and these shoes that made her legs seem like they went on forever, and Sirius grabbed two champagne flutes from the server next to him and drank them both in one go.

It wasn’t a new fact to Sirius that she was always well dressed, but she was no longer wearing the frilly, flowery dresses he now knew her mother dressed her in and Siriuis didn’t know what to do with himself.

Of course, the day ended with a fight between the two of them. And, maybe, Sirius was the one who started it, but they were standing next to each other at the dessert table and he couldn’t really say, ‘hey, I really like this dress, it looks really good on you,’ after years of fighting, so instead he said, “Huh, I thought I’d never have to see you again after Hogwarts.”

That earned him an eyeroll and a scoff and a, “That makes two of us.” and a sarcastic smile to really seal the deal.

So maybe, Sirius’ eyes had a mind of their own when she walked away, but the dress just fit her really well. And it was red. His favourite colour.

And so he’d find joy in seeing what she would wear to these stupid events. Sirius was old enough now to admit it. She was pretty. Anyone with common sense would say the same thing. It was something you couldn’t deny. Not that this meant anything more though.

And Siriuis didn’t deny it that night at that bar in Diagon Alley either. A place he never in a million years would have guessed he’d see her.

He couldn’t see what she was wearing because it was hidden from her coat, but he saw her jeans peaking out from the bottom and his mind wondered back to their Hogsmeade trips back at Hogwarts and he couldn’t help but smile as he watched her drink from her glass.

Sirius should have known immediately that there was something wrong, there was no possible reason that she would be here unless it was an emergency.

And then he remembered what his mother had said just a few hours ago.

“Did you hear? She’s being married off to Tiberius Nott. Such a shame,” his mother sighed, “I always hoped you two would sort out your differences, but I can’t blame her for not wanting you.” She said, as if it wasn’t even an option that Sirius might not want her. “Such a shame, she’s too pretty for him.”

And for once, Sirius agreed with his mother. She was too pretty for him.

So Srius sat there and pretended like he didn’t want to tell her that Nott was punching above his weight. And he watched her walk into Malfoy Manor in another tight fitted red dress and Siriuis, once more, finished his champagne in one sip.

And so, maybe, when he proposed his idea to fake date her, it came from a selfish place. But Sirius couldn’t help it. Really.

She was standing outside, her body shivering from the cold, the shoes she was wearing making her legs look they went on forever and those stupid tight dresses she wore. It made him lose all rational thought and so really, he couldn’t be to blame.

And then New Years Eve came and his stupid brother had to come in and ruin everything, even if at first he was glad for his brothers presence because just maybe he wanted an excuse to kiss her. He tried to convince himself he didn’t want to, he tried to tell himself that he saw her like a sister, but he knew it wasn’t true and in the end it didn’t even matter because she didn’t want to kiss him.

Sirius didn’t know why this upset him so much.

He had faced rejection plenty of times and it didn’t phase him, but for some reason a little hole opened in his chest when she said ‘Why would I want to kiss you?’

And then she went and got drunk and Sirius couldn’t lie. He was enjoying it. She was always harsh to him and he didn’t blame her, he could be just as mean back, but tonight, she was a little looser and Sirius didn’t know whether to be happy about having a semi normal conversation with her, or upset because there was no way he was going to be kissing her when she was this drunk and when she obviously didn’t want him to.

No, he was happy because, really, he had no interest in kissing her. Really.

And then they pulled off their fake kiss and Sirius pretended a jolt didn’t go through his body at the little noise of surprise that left her lips and he pretended he didn’t feel tingly where their foreheads met or on the palm of his hands.

And then when they went home she just had to go and remind him that she didn’t actually like him. He thought they were getting somewhere normal, but he was wrong and he was a little grumpy. He wasn’t going to lie.

And it was all so overwhelming that he forget to even think about that prank his brother had also generouosly brought up. So when he was lying in bed that night, his stomach turned itself into a knot because it had taken him almost ten years to figure out that she stopped talking to him immediately after that prank.

And then Valentine’s Day came and she was suddenly in his room that he maybe spent an extra thirty minutes making sure was presentable. And maybe he knew what he was doing when he put on his grey sweatpants.

He wasn’t sure whether or not to get her a present, but he wasn’t cruel. Besides, when he saw that outfit stuffed right at the back of the stupid muggle store he had went in with Remus, there was one person that came into his mind.

Simply because he called her princess. That was all. Really.

And he thought it was funny so he brought it over and laughed even if she was not impressed. But she was getting ready and he thought her dress was a little ridiculous and a little over the top, but it fit her nicely and his mind was still swirling with that prank from their second year so he stood beside her like a good boyfriend should and at the end of the day, he apologised.

He was surprised when she agreed to come with him to St. Patrick’s Day, but he was grateful because he was telling the truth. He really didn’t want to hear about all the people his friends were telling him about, but he left out the part that it felt wrong. It felt like cheating.

He didn’t want to get his frends involved in their fake dating scheme, but he’d rather that than trying to explain why he sudddenly, wasn’t interested in dating.

And she came in this short green dress and Sirius suddenly became a fan of green. And it was lucky he had already had four cups of firewhiskey before she arrived, otherwise he might not have been able to tell her.

And maybe that much alcohol was the reason that this was the night Sirius was finally honest with himself.

It just popped into his head.

I love her.

And he wanted to shake himself because he didn’t love her. But with her eyes sparkling as she thanked him and teased him about the last time they spoke about style he couldn’t help but hear his mother’s praise of her in his head. ‘She’s the prettiest girl I’ve seen.’

And when she was playing with Harry and he realised she was good with kids he wondered why this was a universal turn on because suddenly, he was picturing her with his kids and Sirius told himself to slow down.

And then she was sitting in his leather jacket, in his arms, talking with his friends and the thought came back to Sirius.

I love her.

No. He didn’t. But he could love her. He thought.

When she wasn’t at his throat she wasn’t that bad. And so when she left Sirius tried to explain to her that he did actually enjoy her company so maybe she wouldn’t be so harsh with him, but then he fucked it up as he usually did.

And, of course, he was beating himself up for it as soon as she left, but like she usually does, his mother just had to help break him down.

‘You’ve been going out for a while now,’ she hummed. They’d had this conversaiton plenty of times before and it always ended with ‘Don’t ruin this, Sirius.’

‘She could ruin this too, you know?’ He would reply because he knew she could be mean if she wanted to, but this time he kept quiet, because he thought maybe he had ruined it.

So Easter came and Sirius wasn’t entirely sure what his heart was doing when he saw her with Nott, but he knew it didn’t feel good. Sirius wasn’t one to feel insecure, but even he couldn’t lie and say that her and Nott didn’t look good together.

Much better than what he probably looks with her. And then they spent that night together and Sirius was sure that something had changed and he hoped it was going in the direction he wanted it to go in.

And maybe he wanted to hint at that when he asked her what she thought would have happened if he had been sorted into Slytherin. A question that had been bothering him since his first night at Hogwarts.

He laid there with his eyes closed, but he was far from sleep and so when she suddenly stopped reading he opened one eye to see her eyes closed and the book fall flat on her chest.

He smiled to himself.

He wanted to stay like this. He wanted to lie next to her and pull the blanket closer to her but he knew that wasn’t a normal thing to do. So he slowly got up and wrote a note and left it with the book.

And when he put the book on her nightstand he couldn’t help but take one last look at her.

She really was the prettiest girl he had ever seen.

And then Mother’s Day came and it seemed both of their mothers had done their best to ruin the day. And Sirius knew that she didn’t have a headache when she left and he knew he should have told her that his mother wanted her to come over, but how could he explain that that would make it too real?

That seeing her get along with his mother did something weird to him that he couldn’t quite explain and thinking about marriage made his stomach do a flip because Sirius had spent his whole life being uninterested in marriage, but now, he couldn’t get it out of hs head.

And then the Engagement came and Sirius had never felt so insecure. Why was she being so cruel? And why did he want to do nothing other than go and comfort her when she was crying and asking to break up? He was sure they were going in a good direction, but he suddenly felt like he was twelve years old all over again trying to imagine what could have possibly happened that made her stop talking to him.

Then it was her birthday and Sirius was kicking himself because he had been preparing her present since Easter and it felt wrong not to give it to her. He wanted to give it to her on her actual birthday, but then he saw her with Nott and he saw that necklace on her that he had never seen before and suddenly the two books in his hand looked pathetic, so he hid it behind the corner of her house and tried to act like everything was normal when he came over and spoke to her.

Sure, maybe it was weird for him to be doing this. But it was her birthday and he felt like shit and he still wasn’t sure what went wrong and maybe, he was going a little crazy because this was the second time she had done this to him and a part of him needed to know this wasn't his fault.

And Father’s Day came. He had heard a rumour that Nott was going to propose. His mother had been telling one of the other mother’s about it and Sirius had heard when he went to get a glass of water in the kitchen even though his mother changed the topic mid sentence as soon as she saw him walk into the kitchen.

She’ll say no. Was the first thought he had, but really, he couldn’t be sure. She just wanted that respectable and comfortable life that he, obviously, couldn’t provide.

That was, untl, she was at his door, her makeup smudged and her bottom lip trembling as she recalled what had happened. And Sirius would be lying if he said he wasn’t happy to hear this.

And then, they were centimetres away and Sirius wanted nothing more than to kiss her. They hadn’t spoken in almost a month and he was the first person she thought to come see seconds after she declined a marriage proposal, so Sirius didn’t think it unlikely that she wanted to kiss him too. But she was very fragile and if Sirius was gonig to do this, he was going to do this right. She deserved that.

And he felt so confident in this choice until she hurriedly ran out and Sirius was ready to grovel to ensure she would forgive him for what he now understood was a mistake.

So when Sirius was trying to figure out what to dress as for Halloween, he took a gamble and went as a prince, only for the gamble to pay off when he saw her come as a princess. And even with the frown tugging on her lips, he still thought she was the prettiest princess he had ever seen.

And on his birthday when she finally became his princess, he suddenly felt infinitely lighter. Until he saw that picture of her in that princess outfiit he had provided her with. That one went straight into his drawer so only he would ever see that.

Sirius was never one to feel insecure, but if you were to tell him that he was punching above his weight with her, he wouldn’t disagree. She was the prettiest girl he had ever seen and he made sure that he told her that every single time he saw her, because he was sure he would die if he ever lost her again.

And he couldn’t help but laugh when he took those photos off his mirror of the girls on the motorbikes because he was sure that they would stay there forever. But they got replaced and Sirius was reminded everyday of how lucky he was.

And when they were finally married and Sirius reailsed he probably should thank his mother. He was sure that without her constant nagging of her beauty, he still would have thought she was the prettiest girl he had ever seen, but maybe he would have needed a push into that direction. Because she was definitely out of hs league.

And he realised she was right. That smile would get her in trouble. But it also got him in trouble, because his mother was right. How could anyone ever say no to her?

And Sirius finally got to wake up to her every morning and he wanted to tell his younger self that unfortunately, she was perfect, and even if in the morning she woke up with the short hairs that framed her face hanging in all directions, and even if she stll had sleep in her eyes and morning breath, she still was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.

#sirius black #sirius black imagine #sirius black fluff #sirius black burb #sirius black holidate #marauders #marauders imagine #marauders blurb #marauders fluff #sirius back series #marauders series #harry potter #harry potter series #harry potter imagine #harry potter bllurb #harry potter fluff #sb #sbi #sbf

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roonilwazlibimagines · 2 years

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ivy - r.b x female reader x s.b

Blurb: they've basically been arranged to be married since they were born and that's exactly what both of them want, until sirius black gets invovled OR she cheats on her fiance (regulus) with his brother (sirius) - based on ivy by taylor swift Word Count: 10.3k here's a little preview ! A/N: i wrote this and i loved it and then i read it and i hated it and then i fixed it and now i don't mind it

Warnings: no smut in detail but like smut is mentioned and really heavily alluded to, and cheating partner, a bit of regulus wanting a traditional housewife as well

Masterlist

For some reason I squeezed Regulus’ hand.

“We’ve been dating for three months.” I was scared to meet his eyes, but I couldn’t look away from him. My heart was beating and I was scared Regulus was going to feel my pulse racing and wonder why meeting his brother’s lover had increased my heart rate so significantly.

“That’s wonderful,” I heard Walberga say. She continued speaking but I wasn’t processing any of it because Sirius finally found my eyes and I thought I was going to cry.

I don’t know why I thought he would look guilty because he didn’t. He looked unsure, but when he quickly met the eyes of his lover, the look he returned to me was one of something similar to amusement and I was sure my heart was going to shatter in my chest.

~~~

I was seventeen when Regulus Black proposed to me. We had just finished school and Voldemort had been defeated. We had been dating since we were fifteen.

“You have my whole heart, you are my entire world, it would be my biggest privilege to have you as my wife.” It was golden hour and we were outside in my family's garden. It was just us and the sun was illuminating his face, his cheekbones as prominent as ever and the look in his eyes as soft as the petals tickling my feet. He was down on one knee and the expensive ring was glittering in the sun.

I didn’t know what to do with my hands. I was crying and I was nodding before he even asked the question.

It was a moment from a film, I was sure of it.

From the moment we were born our parents had done everything to ensure that there was some type of spark between Regulus and I. They would constantly take us to the other’s house so we could play when we were younger and it seemed that by the time we could make our own decisions and form our own thoughts, our parents had been successful and there was a spark between us that everyone was sure would turn into a blaze.

Our fire was strong. We sat next to each other in the Great Hall, we would partner up for group tasks, we would spend countless nights in the Common Room getting to know the most intimate parts of the other.

Then when we were fifteen our fire began to burn the brightest I had seen it when Regulus leant over and asked if he could kiss me and I was bringing my lips onto his before I could say yes.

“Will you marry me?” He asked.

“A million times, yes.” I brought my hands on top of his and as he stood up I wrapped myself around him. I could feel his chest move as he let out a mix of a chuckle and a sound of relief and I felt his arm move to wipe at his eyes. I pulled back and grabbed his face in my hands and we both moved in for a kiss. While we did that he took the ring out of the box and placed it on my finger. The metal was cool on my finger. It fit perfectly.

“I love you so much, Regulus.” He whispered the words back and our foreheads rested against the other as we stayed like that until I pulled away for one more kiss and we went to tell our families the good news.

They were ecstatic.

“We always knew you would end up together,” my mother had beamed.

“We’d be heartbroken if you didn’t.” Walbergua was holding me close. “I’m finally going to have a daughter!” I was so happy and I smiled up at her before looking over at Regulus who looked ecstatic.

Our fire was beginning to blaze and there was nothing that could put it out.

I think everyone knew that this would happen. The Blacks were a noble house and mine were just as respected and being an only child, I had to ensure the longevity of my family's legacy. I wasn’t sure if it was because of the way I had been brought up, but I couldn’t help but think that this was what I was made to do.

I wanted to get married straight away. We loved each other. What did we have to wait for? But Regulus said it wasn’t a good time.

“Half of our friends and family are going through trials at the moment and we don’t know what’s going to happen to them.” Regulus had already been through his trial after the war and he had come out successful. We were sitting next to each other on the edge of my bed at my parents house. It was late at night and Regulus was just about to leave before the conversation had started. “Darling,” I turned to face him, “I would marry you this instant with no one but ourselves present, but you deserve a celebration, our love deserves a celebration. We have our whole lives ahead of us and we don’t need a certificate for everyone to know you have completely enamoured me.”

He was looking at me and I was pretending to think about it as if I wouldn’t blindly follow his every word.

“Okay,” I said. He brought me closer to him and I let my head rest on his shoulder.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you,” I responded.

So our friends went through their trial and some were currently in a cell in Azkaban, but some weren’t and I was itching to get married. The flame was getting hot and restless and for some reason it made me nervous.

“I think we should wait until our house is ready.” We were at Black Manor, sitting in his room late at night. His back resting on the backboard while I sat in between his legs. I turned my head back to look up at him, but the position hurt so I turned properly to face him, no longer in his lap.

“Are you sure you actually want to marry me?” I was teasing him but his face turned hard and he grabbed my hands in his.

“Don’t even joke about it.” He had a crease between his forehead and I kissed it, hoping it would straighten it out. Regulus had an infamous frown. A frown where his bottom lip jutted out and his forehead creased and his eyebrows merged together. He looked sad and I knew I would do anything to get rid of it. “But don’t you think it’s a nice tradition for us to be able to spend our first night as husband and wife in our own house?”

“What? So we can consummate it?” I let out an unattractive laugh and he shook his head playfully at me before grabbing my hips and moving me on top of him so I was straddling him.

“Yeah,” he shrugged his shoulders, but there was a boyish grin on his face and I couldn’t help but kiss his cheek, glad that his frown was gone.

“Why wait?” I started grinding my hips on his thigh and he reached out to his bedside table so he could grab his wand and cast a silencing charm.

Regulus followed everything his parents said and he always had. Of course, I had done the same, but it was always carried differently with Regulus. He was very traditional.

When we were children and I’d speak too loudly he’d tell me to be quiet so no one could hear. When I told him I wanted to try out for Quidditch he told me that it wasn’t safe. When we were sixteen and I told him what I wanted to be once we left Hogwarts, he gave me a confused look. “You’ll be my wife, you won’t have to work.” When the war finally came and I prepared myself to fight by his side he wouldn’t let me come. “It’s not safe out there for you. I don’t want you to worry your pretty little mind about this.” When I was aching to get married to him, he made me wait because our house wasn’t ready.

But our house was soon built and I was ecstatic at the prospect of moving in with the love of my life, but there was a lot of preparation to do for our wedding and when the next available date for our dream reception wasn’t until a year later, it was pushed back.

“Please don’t stress about it.” I was stressed about it and he knew.

“I can’t help it, I just want to get married to you.” We were in the dining room at Black Manor. Regulus didn’t want to move into the house until we were married and we had already had this discussion so there was no point having it again.

“And you will,” he grabbed my hands in his, “we’re going to get married and it’s going to be just as beautiful as you.” He bent down to press a kiss to the top of my forehead. “I don’t like when you stress.”

He was almost frowning at me and I knew how my mood affected him. If there was one thing that I knew would upset Regulus no matter what, it was me feeling sad or anxious and I didn’t want him to worry about me feeling undeniably frazzled at the idea that I was still only his fiance.

We were nineteen now, almost twenty and I still wasn’t married, but we finally were able to have our engagement party at Grimmauld Place. During the time since he had engaged to now, there were a lot of things I had learnt about a flame. The first was that a fire doesn't just burn by itself, if you want it to stay alight, you need to feed the flame. The second was that you can become so enthralled by the beauty of a fire, you can forget how hot it burns. The other was that water can’t always put out a fire and sometimes, can even make it worse.

I loved Regulus, but it was hard when our families were both so influential in the noble wizarding society. People were commenting on everything we did.

People had been asking me for the last two years why we weren’t married and I could never really explain it to them. It was embarrassing and there was a part of me that grew to resent Regulus for making me wait so long to marry him even if I knew it wasn’t his fault. I didn’t want to bring it up with him though, he wouldn’t be happy knowing I was upset and I didn’t want to stress him over such a small thing.

Then, of course, there was the issue that Regulus and I didn’t always see eye to eye about our future.

“Do you think I could get a job now?” I had asked him one night while we were out to dinner. The war was over and we had been out of Hogwarts for around a year and we had been engaged for almost the same amount of time.

“Why would you ever want to get a job?” He laughed and I fought a frown. Neither Regulus or I had jobs during the war, so it was easy for him to say, ‘let’s just wait until this is all over with, yeah? For our safety.’ But now it was over and Regulus was already well respected in his field while I was still on house arrest. I knew from when I mentioned it in the past that Regulus didn’t necessarily want me to work, we both came from privileged families and he had high paying jobs lined up since he was sixteen, but I was bored staying at home and I didn't think I was cut out for the life of a housewife as Regulus wanted me to be.

“I’m bored at home all day.” I pouted, trying not to act like it was a big deal.

“Maybe you can find a hobby,” he shrugged, “the house elves could always teach you to cook or maybe you could learn to knit.”

“But I could be paid to have a hobby.”

In the end I won. Regulus decided that it wouldn’t hurt if I got a part time job, but nothing permanent because I would need to quit once we had kids. If I thought about it too much I thought I’d start to cry so I pushed it out of my head and focused on my new casual job at Flourish and Botts in Hogsmeade. It wasn’t a lot and it was only a couple days a week, but I needed more to do than socialise and this provided me with that. Besides, a lot of the people in our society I was used to socialising with were finding it hard to find time now that they had kids.

My choice of ignorance was working up until Regulus and I spoke to his grandmother at our engagement. I was on Regulus’ arm as we greeted everyone, thanking them for joining us in our celebration of love and everyone was commenting that I was absolutely glowing as a bride-to-be.

“You look stunning,” Regulus’ grandmother beamed, bringing her hand out to squeeze my arm that wasn’t hanging onto Regulus. I thanked her and she turned to Regulus to tell him how handsome he looked and how proud she was of him. “You’ve definitely waited long enough,” she teased and I breathed out a laugh.

“You can’t rush love,” Regulus replied and I was glad that he wasn’t as embarrassed as I was.

“You’ve been engaged almost longer than you were dating,” she laughed and I wanted to cry. I knew it wasn't a big deal, but when you’ve spent almost the last two years of your life at home with nothing to do, you focus on these things.

“And we’ll be married even longer,” Regulus said. I smiled. Of course, I was overreacting, I had nothing to be worried about. Regulus loved me and I loved him, it was fine.

“Married soon and then you’ll have kids and you can finally quit your job. I don’t know why Regulus would ever let you work,” she said as if it was the most disgusting thing her grandson had done.” She continued speaking but I zoned out.

There it was. Kids.

I had chosen to ignore the fact that one day Regulus would want me to quit my job, but I was ignoring the reason I’d have to quit that job even harder.

Kids.

I wasn’t sure what it was about them. Maybe I just didn’t have the motherly touch like I was supposed to, but I just never saw them as part of my future. I wanted to tell Regulus this, of course, but it wasn’t easy when I knew that was all he ever wanted.

“I can’t wait to marry you,” he had whispered to me towards the end of our seventh year.

“I can’t wait to marry you,” I whispered back. He had snuck me into his dorm room and our voices were quiet as we laid in his bed, well past midnight, trying not to wake up his roomates.

“And we’ll have a big house,” he started playing with the tips of my fingers, “and have kids.” I tensed up. “I’ve always wanted a lot of kids.”

How do you tell the man you love, the man you would do anything for, that you don’t want kids?

“And you’ll make a darling mother,” his grandmother said and I let out a breathy laugh as I was brought back to reality.

“Oh,” I said, “I don’t know.” I was hot. And I was trying to laugh it off but she shook her head at me.

“Nonsense,” she said, “it’s what you were made for.” Regulus looked down at me and I met his eyes. He was smiling, but I could tell there was something wrong. He was asking me questions with his eyes and for once, I didn’t have an answer so I turned away.

When the conversation had changed and Regulus and I finally had a chance to excuse ourselves, he turned to face me.

“Are you okay, darling?” He asked. I wasn’t. I was hot and I wanted to remove my hand from his because it was clammy, but I had a feeling it would only worry him more.

“I think I just need some fresh air, it’s a bit stuffy in here, don’t you think?” A crease formed between his eyebrows. He wasn’t convinced.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No it’s okay,” I tried to say naturally, “it’ll be rude if we both disappear.” He gave me a curt nod and quickly brought my hand up to his lips before letting me go.

It was late in the afternoon and the sun was struggling to peak out over the clouds, but the little bit that was left was creating a golden hue.

I was outside the back of Grimmauld Place. My head was spinning. I was so overwhelmed. I knew even though Regulus and I had chosen to marry the other, our relationship wasn’t an accident. My parents liked him and made us be friends as we grew up, his family was of similar status to mine and we had a spark.

We had a spark.

We have a spark.

I had no right to be upset about this, as much as it felt like he could, Regulus couldn’t read my mind. I was the one who had to tell him what I was thinking, but I had always thought that as I got older I would want kids. But here I was and I felt trapped and somehow the flames between Regulus and I that once used to warm me up were starting to burn me.

I almost started crying until I heard footsteps behind me. My heart rate sped up because I thought it was Regulus but when I turned around, it was only Sirius.

“Oh, hi Sirius.” He only nodded at me and pulled out a cigarette. I scrunched my nose up but turned away in fear he would find offence in it. He chuckled.

I had never had a real relationship with Sirius. I grew up with him just as I did with Regulus, but I maybe only spoke to him once at Hogwarts and had only ever greeted him and said goodbye when I had went over to visit Regulus.

“You want one?” He bent the packet of cigarettes towards me and I looked down at them before looking up at him.

“I don’t smoke.” I thought he was stupid for asking, but I didn’t want to be rude.

“It’s never too late to start.” I stared at him as if he was an idiot. Which he was. He looked back at me and shrugged. “Might make you feel less stressed.”

“I’m not stressed,” I argued.

“Sure,” he muttered and I couldn’t believe it when I put my hand out, my palm facing upwards, ready for Sirius to put a cigarette in it. He raised an eyebrow at me and passed one over, helping me light it and telling me how to do it properly.

I brought it to my mouth and inhaled but instantly cringed at the taste. I felt uncomfortable knowing he was watching me.

It did relax me. For a second. Before I realised what I was doing and threw it on the ground.

“Hey,” he whined, “they’re not cheap.”

“I’m sorry.” I wasn’t, I was more frantic than anything, “I don’t know why I took it, Regulus would flip if he ever found out.” I had heard Regulus rant about how much he hated Sirius’ smoking habits.

“It’s no good for him,” he had frowned, “they’re going to kill him.”

“Does Regulus control everything you do?”

“No.” I sent him a dirty look. He knew nothing about Regulus and I’s relationship.

“And the smell is horrible, I don’t even know how people find enjoyment in it.” I had responded to Regulus’ concerns.

Regulus was no different to me and I was no different to him. It was a bad judgement and I knew that if Regulus found out he wouldn’t be happy.

“It sure seems like he has you on a tight leash,” he shrugged his shoulders and I felt my whole body go hot at that comment.

“That is ridiculous, you have no idea what you’re talking about.” He looked at me for a moment before he continued.

“So you’re happy to become his pretty little housewife?” I squinted my eyes at him. What did he know? He laughed and it almost sounded cruel. “Everyone forgets that Regulus is my brother, I know him a lot better than anyone realises.” He shrugged his shoulders and walked closer to me. “He’s a bit of a traditional man, don’t you think?” I was a bit too dumbfounded to speak. He was standing right next to me and I had to look up at him. “Personally, the submissive housewife just isn’t for me, but each to their own?” He was looking down at me and flicked his cigarette. I wanted to know how he knew all of this. Even if he was his brother, how did he know how I felt.

But suddenly, all I could think was that Sirius tasted like smoke.

I pulled away at the thought.

I had just kissed Sirius Black.

I had just kissed my fiance's brother.

I looked up at him with wide eyes and he looked down at me with a clenched jaw. I was sure I was going to be sick and for some reason I thought the only way to stop it was to kiss him again and so I did.

Sirius was rough where Regulus was soft. His hands were calloused and I could feel it on my cheeks as he brought me closer to him during our second kiss. His hands were moving into my hair and when he pulled back to ask, “want to come back up to my room? Maybe I can help you destress,” I foolishly let him lead me up to his room.

I was on his bed. The back of my head was in contact with one of his pillows and my hands grabbing at his sheets. Sirius was all hands. Hands in my hair. Hands hovering over my neck not knowing whether or not he could push down harder so moving them down to my breasts instead. Playing with my nipples until my back was arching and he had a smug smirk tugging at his lips. Running the pads of his fingers down my sides and making me shiver. Squeezing the flesh of my bum before lifting my thigh so my leg was hooked around his waist before they finally moved to where I wanted him the most.

I only began to wonder if he had cast a silencing spell in his room when his thrusts were slowing down and my body was starting to shake and all I wanted was to scream out because he was making me feel so good.

I didn’t. Because as soon as he pulled out of me and laid down next to me, our chests heaving, I ran to the bathroom. I was sure I was going to throw up and so I knelt in front of the toilet, dry heaving until Sirius called out, “are you okay?”

“No,” I replied, but he didn’t come to check on me and so I pulled my knees up to my chest and started crying.

I had just cheated on my fiance. My best friend. The only person I had ever truly loved. And I had cheated on him with his brother.

No matter how hard I sobbed, Sirius never came to check on me and so I pulled myself up and walked over to Regulus’ room, neither Sirius nor I saying anything as I shut the door behind me. I had some beauty products in Regulus’ bathroom and so I tried to make myself look presentable. My dress was creased and I was trying to flatten it with the palm of my shaking hands when I couldn’t remember the spell to fix it. I redid my hair and reapplied my makeup before I raced back down, scared people would notice my disappearance.

“My love, there you are.” Regulus had reached out for my hand and I spun around to face him. I was sure the guilt was going to eat me alive and if it didn’t, I was convinced I would end up spewing it out anyway. “Are you okay, you look ill?” He brought a hand to my forehead and he frowned. “You feel hot. Did the fresh air not help?”

“I have a bit of a headache.” It wasn’t a complete lie but I still felt horrible when Regulus’ frown deepened.

“Have you taken anything? Do you want something to eat? Some water?”

“Some water would be nice, thank you.” He called a house elf over and requested some water. I was hoping that some water would calm me down because I was very hot. I was hot with embarrassment and guilt and shame and I was hot from the fire that had been ignited between myself and Sirius Black.

We were going to get married seven months after our engagement. The week following the engagement I thought I was going to go mad. I didn’t want to tell Regulus what had happened between Sirius and I because I knew how he would react.

“I feel like I have to be perfect because of him,” Regulus had told me when we were still in Hogwarts. We were sitting in the Slytherin Common in our seventh year, I was practically sitting on his lap in front of the fire. Our legs were tangled together and my hands rested over his which were on top of my stomach. “But even after he continuously does everything wrong, my parents still have hope that he will get something right, so I’m stuck trying to prove my worth while my parents praise him for the bare minimum.”

But I wasn’t a cheater. You are. A voice would whisper in my ear and I’d fight the urge to hit my head with the palm of my hand to get rid of it. Regulus would freak out if he ever saw me do that and so I would clench my fist and focus on the pain of my nails digging into my palm. I just had to convince myself that it never happened and then I wouldn’t feel so guilty. As long as I didn’t see Sirius, it was almost easy, and Sirius was barely at the manor so everything was going to be fine.

“When are you going to quit work?” Regulus asked, bringing me out of my train of thought. We still weren’t in our own house yet so I was in Regulus’ bed at Black Manor, trying not to think about how it differed to Sirius’. There was nothing but genuine curiosity in his voice and for some reason, that made it worse.

“I don’t see why I should quit now, we’re not getting married for a few more months.” He frowned. It was day time and he was walking in and out of his bathroom getting ready while I sat on the edge of his bed, waiting so we could go on a date.

“Because I don’t want you to be stressed.” There was that frown that would make me do anything to get rid of it.

“I’m not stressed.” My voice was a bit too defensive and I realised that I was actually stressed, just not about work.

He came to sit down next to me on the bed and wrapped an arm around me. I instinctively leaned into him.

“Darling,” he said, “you’ve been acting strange ever since our engagement. You’ve had headaches almost every day and unless you’re ill I cannot understand why. It leaves me to believe that planning this wedding and working is too much for you and I’d much rather you quit and be healthy than kill yourself over this.” He sat down next to me on his bed and took my hands in his. My hands were sweaty and my heart was pounding fast. I thought I’d have a little bit more time working before I got married and would have to give up my tiny bit of independence, but even if I knew I was going to fight it, I already knew that I would eventually quit. It was the only way to settle Regulus and maybe, part of me thought that if I did this for him, it would make up for what I had done.

“I’m fine,” I tried to sound convincing.

“You’re not,” he stressed.

I was staring into his eyes and he was staring into mine and I thought I was going to be sick. I didn’t even want to think it. How could I have done what I did to him?

“I don’t want to quit,” I said.

“Why not?”

I couldn’t explain to him that I liked the independence it gave me. That I liked making my own money. “But you have mine.” He would argue.

“It keeps me busy.”

“Well soon you’ll be busy with our children,” he said as if that was a good thing.

“I need to think about it, do you mind if I go get a glass of water?” I couldn’t have this conversation right now. I didn’t think I could ever have this conversation. Maybe I was naive for thinking I could put it off forever, but thinking about it gave me a headache and if I had headache Regulus would be able to tell and that would only prove his point.

“I’ll get Kreacher to get you one.” He turned around as I stood up and I went still.

“It’s okay, Kreacher’s probably busy.” He didn’t fight me and so I walked out of his room and paused, trying to catch my breath before I walked downstairs.

I was dizzy. I was guilty. I felt sick.

I sighed and walked down the stairs, watching my feet press onto each step before it almost stepped on another.

“Sirius.” He nodded at me, but didn’t say anything. The memories of us together fled through my mind. The way his hands squeezed me, the sounds that I had made when his hips were relentlessing thrusting into me, the way he had moaned when I finally came.

I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to ask him to forget what had happened between us, but I wondered if acting like it never happened in the first place was a better route.

“How are you?” He didn’t smile at me when he asked.

“I’m fine.” I paused. “How are you?”

“Fine,” he smirked and for some reason I felt hot. “Well,” he paused, “you know where to find me.” He brought his hands out to hold onto my waist as he gently moved me so he could walk past me. My whole body had tensed up at his touch, suddenly reminded of the way he had squeezed that same body part when his head fell back in pleasure and his release was hot on my stomach.

I was shaking as I went to get a glass and I hated myself for wondering if his last comment was an invitation.

I wasn’t sure if it was an invitation but that night after Regulus and I had gone on our date and Regulus was in the shower, I found myself knocking on Sirius’ door.

He pulled me in and I was lying down on his bed.

“We have to be quick, angel, don’t want Regulus finding out now do we?” I grew hot at his comment but didn’t say anything, I just let his hands travel underneath my shirt, his hands grabbing at my breasts while he brought his lips onto mine.

I wasn’t sure why I was doing this. Regulus definitely satisfied me. But there was a spark between Sirius and I that wasn’t lit by someone else and there was a moment where I was able to forget everything that was going to happen. I didn’t like Sirius as I liked Regulus, I didn’t love him. But it seemed somehow Sirius understood my pain and even if it didn’t make sense, I still found it comforting.

When Sirius placed his hand over my mouth and my eyes clenched shut I tried to tell myself that I wasn’t a bad person. I tried to tell myself that I had been spoiled because Regulus had done everything to make sure I’d never feel stressed and so now, at the first sign of stress, I was acting crazy.

When Sirius finished he pulled my shirt down and got off me. He went into the bathroom and didn’t say anything so I quickly raced back to Regulus’ room. It felt wrong, knowing that Regulus’ room was always so close by.

I sat on his bed just as he got out of the shower and I tried to control my breathing. There was a ringing in my ear and I hoped Regulus would remain oblivious.

I wasn’t a bad person. Regulus didn’t even have to know. Besides, I was not going to go back to Sirius Black’s room.

“I’ll quit my job tomorrow.” I said as soon as he came out of the shower. An old t-shirt hanging to his chest and his wet hair covering his eyes. He grinned at me and I didn’t even flinch when he came over and wrapped his arms around me, drenching my own shirt in the process.

I think a part of me thought that if I did this one thing for Regulus, then maybe it would make up for the fact that I had slept with his brother. Twice.

I briefly wondered what Regulus would think if he found it. Foolishly, I thought he would take my side and blame Sirius for beguiling me. I liked to think he’d get angry and defend my honour, maybe do some damage with the intense flame between Regulus and I, but really, I wasn’t so sure.

I had been able to avoid Sirius for about a month, but tonight I was having dinner at Grimmauld Place and Sirius was there. He kept making eye contact with me and smirking when I quickly turned the other way.

I didn’t like that he had that power over me. I didn’t like that my thighs clenched everytime it happened.

When we were having dessert I commented on how much I was enjoying it to Walburga. “This is delicious.” I looked up at her and beamed.

“Thank you, darling,” she sat up straighter, “I’ll have to give you the recipe. This is the only dish I don’t trust the house elves to make, it’s been in my family for too long.”

Regulus was holding my hand under the table and I squeezed it tight in my own.

“Oh, I’m a horrible chef,” I laughed, trying to make light of my lack of skills, “I’d probably ruin it, I’d need the house elves to make it for me.”

“Well now that you’re off work, maybe you could learn.” Walburga was smiling at me and the softness of her voice gave me no reason to feel bad about myself, but there was a sinking feeling in my stomach that I couldn’t push away and for some reason I turned to look at Sirius.

“You’ll have plenty of time now while you don’t have any kids, trust me,” Walburga laughed, “as soon as they come along you can say goodbye to everything you used to enjoy.”

I felt sick and no longer wanted the dessert that I had just complimented Walburga on. I was feeling light headed and dizzy and I blamed my sickness for the reason that I followed Sirius Black so willingly into his room.

I was outside after saying goodbye to everyone and just as I was about to turn to apparate, there was a hand on my arm.

“Want to forget about what just happened?” I nodded stupidly up at him as he lead me to his room, making sure no one would see or hear us.

This time apparently he wanted to try something different because I was on all fours on his bed and he had a hand tugging at the ends of my hair and when I fell limp on his bed, a wave of ecstasy flooding through my body, I decided that I had to be a big girl and talk to him about this.

“We can’t keep doing this.” I was on my tummy lying on his bed and he was letting go of my hair and moving himself off of me.

“I’m not the one who keeps agreeing to do it.” I wanted to tell him that technically we both had to agree on doing this but I didn’t want to acknowledge that I had agreed to do this in the first place.

“I’m engaged to your brother.” I sat up, pulling my dress down and my underwear up as I sat cross legged on his bed. He sat on the edge of it and I was looking at his back.

“So why do you keep saying yes?” I wasn’t sure and so we both sat in silence for a moment.

“I feel horrible.” I was sure I was going to start crying and from previous experience I knew Sirius wouldn’t care which was why I was so surprised when he sighed and turned around, putting his arms out and letting my cry into his chest. “I’ve ruined everything.” I was sobbing and making his shirt damp, but he didn’t say anything.

“No you haven’t.” I wanted to tell him that I had. “He made you quit your job.” When he said it like that I was almost convinced that he was right. “And you’re lucky he even let you have one in the first place.” I pulled away to look at him. “And tell me, darling, do you really want kids?” All I could do was frown at him. He already knew the answer. I wasn’t sure how he knew the answer, but it felt so good to have someone understand me that I didn’t think about it.

“But I love him,” I whimpered. When he pulled me back into his chest I felt hot and I knew what was happening.

I was using all of my energy to help start the fire between Sirius and I that the flame between Regulus and I was starting to dwindle. I thought that quitting my job for him would help our fire blaze, but it was only containing it.

I went home feeling like shit that night. Even if my body was satisfied, my heart was in pain and I began to wonder if I should tell Regulus. If the roles were reversed I would want the same honesty and maybe it was only fair.

That was the only reason why the next week when Regulus was at work and I had nothing to do because I had quit my job I went over to Grimmauld Place to see Sirius. I knew the house would be empty, minus him, so I wasn’t surprised when he answered the door.

“Missed me that much?” He rose an eyebrow at me suggestively and I frowned.

“I’m going to tell Regulus.”

“No you’re not.” His face changed instantly and he was holding onto my arm and pulling me in the house. “You can’t tell him.”

“Why not?” I folded my arms across my chest as we stood facing the other.

“Because it will destroy him.” I had thought about that. I’d also thought about how he might even leave me, but the guilt was eating me alive and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could deal with it.

“I can’t keep doing this, he is my fiance.” I was so determined that I would convince Sirius but I wasn’t entirely sure why because it didn’t take much for him to convince me to get once more on my hands and knees on his bed while his hips thrusted into me at a relentless pace.

“Tell Regulus how you really feel, tell him he’s an ass and you want your job back and you don’t want kids, but you can’t tell him about this.” He was lying next to me on his back and I was on my stomach. I didn’t think about how he was trying to get me to tell him things that only affected me and not him.

“I can’t,” I said, “what if he leaves me?”

“He will if he ever finds out about us.” I thought he would, but when Sirius said it, with no sympathy whatsoever in his voice, my heart shattered.

“I thought that if I quit my job for him, it would cancel this,” I motioned between us, “out.” I didn’t think about how I had begged and pleaded to get a job in the first place all for it to disappear within months

“You’re an idiot.” His voice wasn’t cruel but it wasn’t playful and I didn’t know how to take it. But then his lips were on mine and my heart was racing because I had been sexual with Sirius Black more times than I’d like to admit, but we had never been intimate like this and I knew that if I let him continue, I was crossing a line I’d never be able to go back from.

Regulus and I’s fire had been burning so long and keeping me warm that it was a comfort I had come to rely on, but with only a few days until my wedding I was scared it hadn’t been receiving the proper attention it needed and was going to fizzle out because all the attention had been on the wildfire that had been created between Sirius and I. I told myself that it was getting all of my attention because I was trying to put it out, trying desperately hard to contain it, but in all honesty, I was at mercy to the flames and easily let them engulf me until I was shaking underneath him, begging him for I don’t know what.

I hated that I came to look forward to my meetngs with Sirius Black. Whenever Regulus and I disagreed on something or whenever the topic of children seemed to come up, I’d be thinking about when I could meet Sirius next. I hated what we had become.

At times Regulus could tell when something was wrong. When I couldn’t meet his eye, or I’d lay limply below him, wondering if he could tell another man’s hands had been where his currently were.

“Are you okay my love?” I hummed, looking up at him when he asked. He had just pulled out to finish and he was sitting up, reaching out to hold onto my arms.

“I have a bit of a headache.” I knew he wouldn’t believe me if I said nothing was wrong.

“Still?” He asked. I wanted to argue and tell him that I knew it wasn’t because of my job, but then I’d have to explain to him what I thought it was. “I thought they’d get better when you quit.” He frowned at me, moving a hand to bring it to my forehead. “Maybe we should go get it checked out.”

“I think I’m just stressed because of our wedding.” I too was frowning at him and he leant down to press a kiss to the corner of my lips.

“Oh darling,” he cooed at my trivial woe, “please don’t get yourself worked up over it. It’s going to be perfect and if it isn’t then I’ll deal with it.” He was looking into my eyes and I nodded at him. “I don’t want you worrying your pretty little head over anything, okay?” I continued to nod at him, a sinking feeling in my stomach at the knowledge that I was cheating with the man who would do anything for me.

I felt like I was deceiving him. My parents had convinced him and his family that I was this perfect child, ready to be a wife to one of the most respectable men my age, and yet here I was, being unfaithful to the one man I truly loved. Because I did truly love him, he treated me with nothing but respect, it was just a shame that our values didn’t align. That was all.

I knew ths when we first started dating as well and yet I thought I’d be able to ignore it. I felt foolish and stupid, but I couldn’t help it. Sirius Black had ignited his way into my life and he has taken up such a big part of it, that I couldn’t find an inch where he was missing. Regulus had me and yet, somehow, I felt like I was somehow Sirius’.

The feeling never went away. It even stayed there when I was in Sirius’ room, cursing him because I didn’t want to do this. Again.

“Then why are you here?” he’d ask, but I wouldn’t answer as he took my top off.

It was still there when Regulus and I were in bed a few days later and I’d bought pretty lingerie to convince myself that I wasn’t a bad person. I wouldn’t buy lingerie for just anyone.

“You are too good to me,” he’d murmur, pressing a kiss to the top of my forehead as I held back tears.

And it was there the night before my wedding. I had lost count of the amount of times Sirius Black had made me scream. Regulus still didn’t know anything and with no work to keep me busy throughout the day I thought I was going to go crazy with the guilt and the stress and the desire.

I was in my bed. Regulus and I were getting married tomorrow. I was marrying the love of my life. Regulus was marrying a cheater.

We had booked accommodation close to our reception for our family and Regulus was a traditional man so I was lying in my room, by myself, staring up at the ceiling and holding back tears.

This was all Sirius’ fault. He was one who convinced me to do it. I was sure of it. I just wasn’t sure why I was the one who had gotten out of bed, late at night, to go to his room.

I was in my pyjamas, barefoot, and if I wasn’t so emotionally exhausted, maybe I wouldn’t have knocked on his door.

When he opened it, he had a devilish grin on his face and my heart sunk.

“Come for one last time?” I guess we both knew that this would be the last time we would do this. It was one thing to cheat on my fiance, a whole other to cheat on my husband. “Better make it good darling.”

And then he was dragging me by the wrist into his room, locking the door behind me, and taking off his clothes. I followed suit as my back made contact with his mattress.

“Fuck,” he swore as he moved his hands from my nipples, down my sides until he finally gave my thighs a squeeze, “Regulus is a lucky man.”

I had heard those words uttered thousands of times before. I had heard it when we were fifteen and he finally told his mother we were dating who was ecstatic that our fire had started to burn. I heard it when I was nineteen and we were telling our friends that we were engaged, and here I was, hearing it again from Regulus’ brother whose fingers were teasing my entrance as if I belonged to him.

I tried to imagine Regulus. Tried to imagine his face and his voice and his touch, but Sirius could tell that something was wrong.

“C’mon darling, you’re holding back,” he grunted, “don’t tell me you’re feeling all guilty about it, that never stopped you before.”

He was right and I hated him for it. So I squeezed my eyes shut and I felt him inside of me and I tried not to think about how sore I’d be tomorrow.

When we had both climaxed and were trying to catch our breath, we both sat up on the bed.

“I guess this is it,” I said.

“Well we could continue?” He had a tantalising look on his face and for a moment, I almost agreed.

“No,” I said instead, a bit too forcefully, “I can’t do that to Regulus.”

“You’ve already done it to Regulus.”

I hated how blunt he was.

I think he could tell that he had upset me because he let out a long sigh.

“Don’t stress about it darling.” My head snapped at him, for a second there, he sounded a bit too much like his brother. “Didn’t you say that you evened it out or something? You kept doing this, but you gave up your job?”

I was surprised he remembered.

“Yeah,” I mumbled and we sat in silence.

“Well then,” he said, bringing his hand to squeeze my shoulder, “you’re all set for tomorrow.” I looked up at him.

I think this was the first time I had properly looked into Sirius Black’s eyes. They were similar to Regulus’. They both had the Black genes that gave them grey eyes, but I was sure that if you had to test me, I’d be able to tell them apart.

I had memorised Regulus’ eyes. They were the moon, shining down at me and providing all the light he had during my darkest of times. They were metallic, providing me with strength and support when I needed it most. They were something physical, something constant that I had come to rely on.

Sirius’ eyes were new to me. They reminded me of the clouds, providing shade on a sunny day only to gather and turn the sky dark to prepare everyone for a storm. They were smoke, coming from the fire that I had started and fogging up my vision so it was the only thing I could see. They were fluid and as much as I saw the beauty in them, I knew that I couldn’t trust them.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said and quickly fixed myself before rushing to my room in hopes that no one saw me.

I wanted sleep to find me quick as I knew I would need my rest for the big day tomorrow, but of course, I tossed and turned.

I was hot. I was hot from the fire that had started between Sirius and I and I was burning. I kicked the blankets off and I took my clothes off, but nothing was helping. Regulus and I’s spark had burnt out and Sirius’ had come to replace it and it wasn’t warm and comforting like what I was used to, it was harsh and smouldering and I kept repeating the words over again.

You started it. You started it. You started it.

But I wasn’t sure who I was putting the blame on.

I closed my eyes. I wasn’t a bad person. I was in pain. Even if he had good intentions, Regulus had asked me to do things I did not want to do with no compromise and Sirius seemed to know exactly what I needed. He had just helped me feel better and really, when I put it like that, I was almost convinced that Regulus wouldn’t even mind.

I opened my eyes when I heard the organ start and before I knew it, I was standing in front of Regulus who had tears in his eyes as he took my arm.

We were standing apart from each other while our celebrant spoke, my hands in Regulus’ and our eyes never leaving the other.

I hated that all I could think about was Sirius’. It was hard not to, I tried to convince mysel, because they were so similar.

I was near tears.

I looked into the eyes of the man standing in front of me and I remembered staring into them when our spark started, I remember watching them when we started to blaze, and unfortunately my most recent memories of them was of my inability to look at them too long in fear that he would know how I had put that fire out.

I stared into them and I saw my life flash before them. I saw our kids, I saw my life change, I saw everything that I wanted to forget.

So really, I couldn’t be blamed when all I wanted to see was the stormy eyes I had looked into last night. The eyes that had helped me put out the fire between me and my fiance, the eyes that racked over my body in praise and promised me nothing but pleasure as they watched me fall apart.

“I do,” Regulus said.

”I do,” I said, and the cool metal of the ring was on my finger.

We stood closer together and kissed. I wondered how he would be reacting. Maybe, there was a part of me that wanted him to be jealous. Maybe, I pulled away a little too quickly from Regulus to turn around and face our friends and family. Maybe, my eyes found him immediately.

He looked bored. He wasn’t even looking at me. My breath got hitched in my throat.

What more can he do? I asked myself. It’s his brother’s wedding.

So we celebrated our wedding night and we moved into our house, and we finally got to consummate it and when Regulus turned to face me and said, “I love you so much, my love, you have made me the happiest man in the world.” I remembered that ashes, if retained quick enough, can reignite a fire.

All I had to do was put out the fire between Sirius and I. That was all. And so a month later, after Regulus and I had settled into our house and we had gone on our honeymoon and there was a thin light stripe on our fourth finger whenever we took the ring off, I decided that I needed to pay Sirius a visit.

I wasn’t sure why my heart was pounding. I was probably stressed about having this conversation. I knew it would have to end between us eventually, I guess I just wanted the fire to last a little longer.

With no work, it didn’t take me long to find a free day to go visit the eldest Black brother, I just had to make sure no one else was home.

And after confirming with Regulus a thousand times without seeming too suspicious, I was now standing in front of the door of 12 Grimmauld Place.

I knocked. I waited a minute before I heard footsteps.

“What do you want?” Sirius Black asked when he opened the door and saw who it was. He was in tracksuit pants and a thin cotton top and with his hair tied back, I thought he was a vision.

“I-I just came to,” I muttered. I wasn’t sure why I was so nervous, I guess I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a part of me that wanted to see if anything else came from this meeting, but he was staring at me intensely and I felt small under his gaze.

“Spit it out,” he said. He seemed rushed. Like he wanted me to go away so he could get back to whatever he was doing. I wasn’t used to this greeting from him.

“Just came to say that this was it.” I wasn’t feeling so confident anymore.

“Yes,” he said, “you’re married, we’re done, is that all?”

“Babe,” someone whined and my whole body froze, “who is it?”

“Oh,” I said when I realised he had company. “You’re busy.”

“Yeah,” he said. We stood there facing each other, not a word said. I was so focused on trying to put out this fire when Sirius had already started a new one. I wasn’t sure why my whole world came crashing down at this point, but for some reason, I could no longer hold it up.

“How long has this been going on?” I asked.

“I don’t know, a few months or something,” he shrugged, obviously agitated that I was stopping him from going back to whoever was currently in his bed.

“Okay,” I said. We had also been doing this for a few months and in some weird way, I felt like I had been cheated on.

“Is that all?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, I’ll see you later,” and with that, the door was slammed in my face.

The tears fell before I even apparated away. How foolish could I have been? I felt betrayed. I thought what Sirius and I shared was something special and unique. It seemed he could read me so well and I foolishly thought that that meant something. But obviously it didn’t if he was seeing someone else.

I sobbed as I walked back up to my room shared with Regulus to be alone with my thoughts. I guess this was the universe’s cruel way of karma. I cheat on my fiance and the person I cheat with cheats on me.

I thought it was some sick joke.

I felt heartbroken but I wasn’t sure why considering Sirius Black never had my heart. But I knew I had been lied to and deceived and the weight of the guilt was finally starting to crushing me. This was ust the first time I had allowed myself to feel it all.

I cried all afternoon until an hour before Regulus got home when I decided I’d have to make myself presentable.

When he came home he wrapped his arms around me and I selfishly found comfort in his embrace.

“Hello, my love,” he greeted and a wave of guilt washed over me. I was so concerned with the fire between Sirius and I, and the guilt had been consuming me since the first time we did it, but I think now, that all the smoke had gone away, I felt the full weight of what I had done.

I was a horrible person.

“Are you okay?” He asked, pulling back and holding onto my shoulders as he took in my appearance. I didn’t trust myself to speak without breaking down so I grinned at him and nodded. I wanted to grovel, I wanted to beg and plead for his forgiveness and I probably would have if I wasn’t so scared of him finding out. “Good, because we’ve been invited home tonight,” he said, pulling away to get a glass of water. I followed him to the kitchen. “Sirius has finally found himself someone and it must be real because he wants us to meet them.” He kept talking but everything around me went silent.

I was going to throw up. I wanted to scream. I needed to cry. I had to sit there and act like everything was fine. At least I’d have Regulus there by my side. I wasn’t sure I deserved that.

So there we were, at Grimmauld Place. Regulus and I had just arrived and Sirius was sitting on the lounge with them.

For some reason I squeezed Regulus’ hand.

“Nice to meet you,” Regulus said and I smiled politely, almost hiding behind his arm. He quickly glanced back at me when he realised how tight my grip on him was, but he relaxed as my grip did. “How long have you been going out?”

“That’s wonderful,” I heard Walberga say. She continued speaking but I wasn’t processing any of it because Sirius finally found my eyes and I thought I was going to cry.

That night Regulus and I were lying in bed. It was pitch black and my heart was sitting at the bottom of my stomach in a million pieces. “I’m happy Sirius has found someone,” I had my back turned to him and I felt so guilty that I stupidly turned around to face him. He was on his back but he turned to face me. “Are you okay?” Of course he would know when something was wrong.

“I’m fine, just,” I paused, “have a bit of a tummy ache.” I looked down and swallowed and immediately felt his arms enveloping around my shoulders, pulling me closer to his chest.

“Oh darling,” he cooed, placing a hand on my tummy and rubbing soothing circles with his fingers. I let my forehead rest on his chest and he pressed a kiss to the top of my head.

I was burnt. There had been too much fire and too much smoke and I had been suffocated and hurt, and yet, I was still confident that we could reignite the fire we once had.

“I’m happy for Sirius too.”

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