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#scared

So this happened…


Today a patient of mine walked in stating that she MAY get us sick because she’s been around the COVID-19 virus. She is a USPS worker and someone in her office was tested positive for it. She came in coughing, not covering her mouth and just stating “if you guys get sick, it’s because of me”.

Now, I’ve been sick all week. I’ve been feeling tired. I’ve lost my appetite. I have on and off again fever. My chest hurts. But I’m still trucking on. And when she sees me she says “you’re the first one that’s going to get sick from this. I’m calling it.”

My dad has a lung condition and he has a ventilator at home. When he heard of my symptoms, he quickly went to my room and gave me his ventilator.

My chest still hurts but I heard that no clinic is taking patients right now. And even if I did go, they wouldn’t treat me.

So I’m staying in my room. And I feel like shit. It’s hard for me to breathe but I keep telling myself it will be okay.

Sorry for the post, guys. I just wanted to share this with you.

For some, this whole situation is ridiculous and it may seem that way at first, until it hits you.

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04.04.2020 2:19AM

A liquid fell on my lips and I wiped my lips with my thumb. Blood. Blood from which I have no idea how it fell onto my lips. I checked my nose and nothing, clean. I checked my lips, no cut. I look up at the ceiling, nothing.

Where did this blood come from. And why did it fall on my lips.

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My emotions have been a rollercoaster these past two weeks. I try not to look at the news but then I hear about it everywhere at work and suddenly I’m looking at the news again before bed. Sigh. My friends and family are alive and healthy though, so for that I am grateful.

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Do you ever just want to leave? Leave everything behind and not come back for a year or two, just to see what changed while you were gone, because while you stay here change feels impossible and you just want to escape?

Me too.

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i had a nightmare the other night…

with everything that is going on in the world right now this nightmare hit me hard.

i was at the hospital and they wouldn’t let me in…

my sister was in there… she’s 5 years old…

i couldnt get to her.

i remember screaming and crying when they told me.

fuck, i cant even say it…

but im sure you understand what had happened.

when i woke up my throat was burning…

my heart was racing…

my cheeks stained with tears…


i’m terrified

what this world has come to and what is happening, is horrible..

i’m terrified

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image

Fresh air while sleeping.

Hope it doesn’t get worse than this.

Don’t know if it is the virus I have .. been sick with fever, a bit diarrhea, sore muscles and joints, and something with my lungs for two days .. yes have been in contact with doctors over the phone, they can’t do anything unless it gets worse..

I’m scared when my boyfriend leaves for work (he works at night to morning) ..

Haven’t said anything about me being sick to our families.. don’t want to worry them unless it gets worse..

Watching SPN stuff always helps, watching happy YouTube vids always helps ..

Trying not to let the anxiety take over ..

I’m so tired of being scared!

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I don’t know what words to use anymore. I don’t know how to string it together. Everything is so very very hard. And I just don’t know how to convey it in anything other than “hard. Just hard.”

I’m tired of holding.

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S//
We’re all a little broken inside, but I am scared that I am so broken I will ruin you. I want to let my broken love your broken. What is that going to cost you?
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Wir müssen Lernen uns mit dem zufrieden zu stellen was wir besitzen. Wir denken zu oft darüber nach was uns im Kleiderschrank noch alles fehlt, ob wir nicht doch lieber die air Max oder Balenciaga haben wollen. Menschen ohne Essen, ohne Kleidung zum Wechseln, geben sich mit einem Brot in der Woche zufrieden und wir konsumieren mehr als wir brauchen.

Bibel: und er fiel auf die Erde und betete an. Und er sagte: Nackt bin ich aus meiner Mutter Leib gekommen, und nackt kehre ich dahin zurück. Der HERR hat gegeben, und der HERR hat genommen, der Name des HERRN sei gepriesen!

So wie du auf die Welt kommst, rein, ohne Sünde und nackt, so kehrst du auch vor Gott zurück, materielles ist danach vergänglich, aber deine Taten bleiben zurück, egal ob gut oder schlecht. Das einzige was sich am Ende verändert sind die Sünden, nur die Sünden.

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