#school is taking everything out of me

[stuckinapril]

me stoically navigating my way through drama bc bigger things are ahead and it’s not my fault people are dumb

#kissed a guy at a kickback and thought we caught a vibe only to find out he just wants to fuck me. next #friend’s bf of 7 years drunkenly hit on me at the same kickback (I was not ok w this). they ended up beefing over me. he denied everything. #do I want to be involved in this? no. and so I simply ignore it and keep it pushing #and the guy I kissed is cancelled. like he is dead to me. so that’s also taken care of #it’s back to studying full-time for the mcat #going to the gym/taking walks daily #volunteering at the refugee center + clinic #getting published in orgo research papers #and trying to snag the opportunity to shadow doctors at a massive cancer research center. like I’d kill for it #december was such a mess but I’ve finally made peace w the fact that most of the stuff that happened I couldn’t prevent #but I’ve mourned it enough !! whatever drama comes out of it I’ll handle just fine #i literally want to be a multitasking academic weapon everyone is intimidated of this year #i am not letting something as puny as a dumb man (both of them btw) stop me. goodbye #also everyone involved is older than me (they’re both 23) but it all just feels like such high school behavior #this is not a euphoria episode like I’m literally just not entertaining any of this #had to get this off my chest. i feel better #p

[swordheld]

hi! your blog is one of my favourites and i absolutely adore reading your thoughts. my grandfather recently passed away and it feels like i lost myself with him. how do i continue living after this? there is this constant weight on my chest and it feels like an emptiness has made a home inside of me. how do i go on when it feels like the world crashed on my shoulders?

hello, love! this is so very sweet and kind of you, and i hope you're treating yourself gently and kindly right now - there aren't words for a loss like this. that heaviness is difficult, and hard, and painful. it's okay if things don't feel okay, right now, or even soon - i think that's something that a lot of the people i know that have gone through similar grief feel: like they should be able to get back to a relative 'normal' in a [insert far too short period of time].

but it's okay if it hurts. that's where i'd like to start. you're allowed to feel that emptiness, that world-crashed feeling that goes beyond words, beyond time. don't feel like you have to rush this to feel some sort of better. things get easier with time, i promise you this, but sometimes painful feelings are important to feel, too. cry, scream, feel your emotions. they're a part of you. grieve.

it's perhaps a little silly, but when i think about death i always think about a couple of space songs: mainly drops of jupiter by train and saturn by sleeping at last. there are perhaps others that speak to the emotions better, but these two have always hit something a little deeper for me, and are popular for a wide-reaching reason.

and while personally i don't know much about grief like this, i do know a lot about love; and i think they're a lot of the same thing.

the people we love are a part of us, and this is why it takes from us so deeply when we lose them, because it does feel like we've lost a part of ourselves in the wake of it. but it's because they were so central to our experiences of living - our lives, that the separation introduces a hollowness - a place where they used to be. a home that now goes unlived in.

an emptiness, like you said.

but just because they're not here physically, doesn't mean he's not still there, in your heart, in your life, your memory. you can hold him close in smaller ways, as well: steal a sweater, or cologne/scent for something a little more physical and long lasting for remembering. hold onto the memories you cherish, the things that made you laugh, the ease of slow mornings and gentle nights. write them all down, slide a few photographs in there, go through it and add more when you miss him. keep them all close, keep them in your heart.

you're not alone, in this. he's still there, with you, it's just - in the little things.

he's with you in the way you see and go about your daily life, in doing what he liked to do, in the ways he interacted with the world that you shared with him. the memories you recall fondly when the night is late or the moment is right and something calls it into you like a melody, an old bell, laughter you'd recognize anywhere.

but i think, perhaps most importantly above all others - talk about him. with your family, your friends, his friends, strangers; stories are how we keep the people we love alive. the connections they've made, the legacies and experiences they've left behind, and so, so many stories.

how lucky, we are - to love so much it takes a piece of us when they go. grief is the other side of the coin, but it does not mean our love goes away. it lives in you. it lives in everyone who knew him, in the smallest pieces of our lives.

the people we love never really leave us, like this: they're in how we cook and the way we fold our newspapers, our laundry, in the radio stations we tune in to and the way we decorate our walls, our photo albums. they're in the way we store our mail, organize our closets, the scribbled notes in the indexes of our books. the meals we love and the drinks we mix, the way we spend time with one another. they've been passed down for generations, for longer than history - and we are all the luckier for it.

think about what you shared with him, and do it intentionally. bring him into your life, like this, again. whether it's crosswords or poetry or sports or anything else. if one doesn't help, try another. something might click.

i hope things feel a little easier for you, as they tend to do only with time. i hope you find joy in your grief, even if it is small and hard to grasp at first. know that your hurt stems from so much love that there isn't a place to put it properly, and that it is something so meaningful and hurting poets and storytellers have been struggling to put it into words and sounds that feel like the fit right for eons, and that it is also just simply yours. sometimes things don't have to make sense. sometimes they just are - unable to be put into words or neat little sentiments, as unfair and tragic as they come.

but i promise it will not feel like this forever. your love is real. and perhaps, on where to begin on from here - i think it's less on finding where to begin and just beginning. and you've already started. you've taken the most important and crucial step: the first one. wherever you go, after that, from here? you'll figure it out. you always have, and you always do. it'll come, as things always do. love leads us, as does light - and you're never alone in your hurt. in your grief, your missing something dear to you. i think if you talk about it with others, you'll find they have ways of helping you cope as well - and they have so much love of their own to spare, too.

as an aside, here is the song (northern star by dom fera) i was listening to when i wrote this, for no other reason more than it makes me think of connections, and love, and how we hold onto the people we love and how they change us, wonderfully and intrinsically. it's a little more joyous than the others i've mentioned, and plays like a story, and it made me think of what is at the core of this, love and stories and i am here with you, and maybe it'll bring you some joy, if you'd like it. wishing you all my love and ease 💛

#q&a. #birdsong. #wishing u gentle ease; the death of a loved one is near inexplicable to put into words and i hope you take care of yourself gently <3 #i hope this will make u laugh: when i was a tiny child in middle school there were times i would go outside in my tiny suburban cul de sac- #in the rain and sing along to my lil ipod nano and i only remember doing this to drops of jupiter. can you imagine going out to get the mai #after a long day of work and you just hear this kid singing train in the streets. in the RAIN.... it makes me laugh like i really. #i really thought i was so cool and deep and emotional ghjkd but i find it v funny that i only remember it w/ that one train track. #and saturn just. it's my fav s.a.l. song for a reason. that slow violin opening? the piano coming in gentle and easy? #it feels like light. like hope. like something new - a dawn after the long dark. that beautiful things can begin again even where #it hurts. and there is nothing more human than a sentiment like that. #how rare and beautiful it is to truly exist. what it is to be alive and get to be here and live with other people. with those we love. #i think your grandfather was so lucky to be able to know you. to have you in his life for the time you had together. #i'm no spiritual person; but i like to believe when you're thinking about him? he's thinking about you too. #the second law of thermodynamics (physics nerd mode) is that no energy has ever been created/destroyed since the beginning of the universe. #so it has to go somewhere - it's that carl sagan quote of 'we're all made of stardust'. because we are. we used to be stars; planets; etc. #i think it's why i think of these space songs - because they're a part of everything; once more; when they go. us and everything else.

[figofswords]

the post grad why did i get an art degree what am i even doing what do i want in life where am i going crisis has finally hit i want to. lie down in the dirt. or something

#WHAT AM I DOING!!!! #i get up i go to my stupid retail job i stick labels on bags they pay me fucking thirteen bucks an hour i come home i lie on the couch #too tired to draw in too much pain to go anywhere no energy to reach out to college friends to do anything fun #no idea where the even start with getting an industry job no clue what i even WANT at this point #trying to remember what i loved so much about comics i want it BACK i HATE this #WHAT IS THE POINT!!!! WHAT DO I WANT WHERE AM I GOING!!! WHAT COMES NEXT!!!!!! #there's no clear career trajectory i can't do freelance i need structure i can't work too much i need free time #my brain doesn't work every job requires me to move across the country the irs just took fucking three hundred stupid dollars from me #my friends live in different states i can't get a job without experience i can't get experience without a job #i can't work on my portfolio with no energy and no time and i dont have any money and everything is so expensive all the time #i can't get anywhere bc i dont drive and im too stressed to think about taking driving lessons again #and WHAT DO I WANT! #THE MOST INTERESTING THING I DO EVERY WEEK IS GO TO PHYSICAL THERAPY! #I AM EXCITED EVERY WEEK FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!! WHY!!!!!!!! #anyway WHATEVER i need to go to bed #delete later #i got into spx. today. so. had to have a crisis about how i felt when i attended spx (energized. excited. a part of something. ambitious) #versus how i feel now (tired. unmotivated. kind of apathetic about art. disconnected) #i dont miss the stress of school but i miss being around other artists. ppl who speak your language and who want the same things you want #ppl who are excited abut art and that makes YOU excited about art. ppl who get you #i miss that i want that back #whatever. its 1am i gotta go shower i have an 8.5 hour shift tomorrow. wahoo. $13.50/hr lets go

[mainapnifavouritehoon]

hi guys i-

#Hey so i wanted to talk about this really bad this has been bothering me for quite some time #i have been busy a lot these days and i dont get time at all to do anything but i can see myself wasting my time just scrolling #I have school and then coaching and then ofc i have to study on my own for which i barely take out time as im highly careless #My last 2 exams went absolute shit and that fucking scares me because i'll be having my JEE soon #Mummy has been telling me to stay away from my phone and ik she trusts me but she but she deserves a daughter that studies ig? #And now i kind of consider that as an option because this phone is very very distracting #I have been thinking about deactivating but i realized it would mean i would lose all my precious posts and interactions #So i wont be deleting this blog as i am too attached (i will be coming back istg) #I will be taking a break and ig thats what yall call a hiatus #I will be giving away my phone to my parents (trust me i have to) #Ik this will be hard for me to just leave all of a sudden so i'll slowly start vanishing if that makes sense? #This message also doesnt mean that i will be shutting down my phone rn at this moment and that this is goodbye #This is just to prepare the people that i love and who love me that i will be highly inactive and not come online for maybe months #This is not an impulsive decisions i have really thought through this #Also just to tell you again MAIN ABHI GAYAB NAHI HONE WAALI BUT THODE TIME MEIN I WILL GO ON A BREAK THIS IS JUST A PRE HIATUS MESSAGE #Also i hope you guys will still love me and remember me once i come back #Because coming months are going to be hard for me #I hope you understand and ily guys okay? #(Oh god why am i so dramatic about everything) xoxo

[sojutrait]

prom night!

prom went great for lena! gus made sure to slip in some extra votes for her to win prom queen and wolfgang won prom jester. gus on the other hand got stood up by autumn and couldn’t get in the party spirit 🗿🗿 he did get to squeeze in a dance with audrey, even if she was bitter about him not asking her to prom in the first place

#ts4 #sims 4 high school years #s #*halabi legacy #*hgen6 #*helena halabi #*augustus halabi #*wolfgang munch by gunthermunch #i audibly giggled when wolfie won prom jester i didnt even vote for that category😭😭 #very annoyed at autumn not showing up i spent like 20 minutes on her look they had matching corsages and everything #yes hes semi cheating on u but dont take that out on me bitch! #*nico dhawan

[bericas]

scott appreciation week (day 4) → the shape you take

people get hurt here. people fall down and stay down and I don’t like the way the song goes. — richard siken

#twedit #teenwolfedit #scottmccallweek23 #scottmccalledit #scott mccall #HIII i like this one a lot <3 #and also i love this guy!!! #if its unclear the parallels are #peter pinning scott and roaring in school --> scott tenderly holding liam by the shoulders --> scott howling in school as he protects ppl #and then its #deucalion giving scott a choice that isnt really a choice at all and scott following him --> #scott giving hayden a choice that really is a choice --> #alec willingly following scott #also deucalion disingenuously taking scott under his wing vs scott genuinely taking alec under his wing #hayden too but that parallels deucalion and scott less imo. anyway i only have so many characters per tag so its hard to sum that up neatly #ANYWAY. scott shapes his identity as an alpha through subverting everything he is taught by other alphas #it really takes a lot out of me that scott shows up with red eyes and that signals safety to alec #when red eyes only ever meant to danger to scott when he was a beta #by changing the song for himself he is changing the song for everyone around him. send tweet!!!!!!

[stardial]

it’s been an incredibly tumultuous last one and a half months for me emotionally, but i think i’m finally starting to recover properly and it feels really nice

#the first like. week and a half of the year was amazing becuase i got to spend it with anethia <3 and then rama and sunday <3 #but like as soon as i got back to school one of my friends died and that put me in such a severe downward spiral #and there was like a month there where i just like. could barely function #and for a while it just felt like i was barely barely clinging onto life at all and idk if i’d been able to make it without rama (<333) #but then when i felt like i’d rly hit my own personal rock bottom i just like. suddenly got a grip on myself? #and now i’ve been taking care of myself and i’ve been doing my hobbies and i’ve been.. happier #and it feels so good. instead of being anxious abt everything i’ve been trusting people #instead of rotting away i’ve been doing things! sewing and cleaning and writing etc #it feels nice <3 #arambles #sorry bit of a personal post but i’ve just rly wanted to get it out there

[kraviolis]

Belos: I’m going to raise Luz as my daughter and ensure that she remains pure and loyal to me.

Also Belos: I’m going to let the 7-years-old clone of my brother take care of her I’m sure he’ll be able to do that.

you joke but thats LITERALLY his entire thought process at first. he's so isolated and arrogant that he couldnt possibly comprehend the idea that luz wouldnt see him as her father despite the fact he literally told hunter he was going to be her older brother and never once encouraged hunter to see him as anything but an uncle.

i attribute this to the fact that philip is an orphan who only ever knew his blood brother as his only caretaker, so he sorta took having a brother for granted and didn't realize that was something you could want rather than something that just Is.

(also caleb was the only person philip ever truly knew + loved and even well into his 300s he never once picked up a child psychology book and realized that Perhaps His Worldview Was Skewed Because Of That.)

he literally like. could not comprehend the idea that you could even choose your own family outside of like. being adopted by someone. thats the other thing with him being so annoyingly christian in this AU, he was taught that your blood family (esp yr parents) is always the most important thing in your life & you should always be grateful to them no matter what.

(this is another factor into why he keeps making grimwalkers. in his own twisted viewpoint, it's him giving caleb another chance. and another. and another-- at least in this specific characterization of him.)

philip thought that him adopting luz would mean she would immediately be eternally grateful to him and call him father and the whole nine yards. but he forget to actually express that expectation until it was too late (aka until he heard her call him uncle for the first time)

honestly, hes not MAD about it. he's just sorta :( about it bcus hes not actually insane and can still logically think like "she did say she had just lost her real father to an illness its perfectly reasonable for her to not want to replace him" (he doesnt think it outloud but he also enjoys living thru her vicariously

but also later on as she gets older it gets to a point where he's like "ok its been years now why isnt she trying to replace him yet" bcus he thinks its a normal + healthy part of the grieving process to replace the person you lost (figuratively or, in his case, Literally)

#qna #anonymous #little lamb au #toh #also luz is sort of catholic in this AU bcus she was raised like that #as in camila + manny would take her to church on sundays and she did sunday school sometimes and they'd encourage her to pray #but they never like. enforced it on her. it was more of a cultural thing for all three of them than a spiritual thing. #but belos is DELIGHTED when he hears baby luz praying out loud before bed on her first night in the castle #he tries to casually ask her about it like 'what is this God can you explain it to him' #but then as he listens to her little five year old explanation of God and Jesus she drops enough hints to make him realize #'Oh Good Lord She's Fucking CATHOLIC?' #'god truly is testing me by guiding this lamb into my care but no matter. no child is beyond redemption' #cue belos trying to push her more towards protestantism by attempting to have religious debates with a fucking. five year old #who has no concept of religion beyond 'jesus died for my sins which means i shouldnt lie to my abuela about taking an extra empanada' #sorry i love belos forgetting that religion exists up until luz arrives in the demon realm #and then he realizes Oh Fuck Thats Right. Im Doing This For God & Jesus Not Just For Fun #and then suddenly remembers everything his pastor from 400 years ago ever said to him

[ectonurites]

SUPER DARK TIMES (2017) DIR KEVIN PHILLIPS

#tragically had to skip the 'are you afraid of me' exchange i love at the start bc. this scene is Long #super dark times #josh templeton #zach taylor #sam edits #btw i'm firmly in the 'Josh didn't kill John' camp. bc to me THIS scene is the point that... makes the most sense as Josh's breaking point/ #'villain turn' if that's what you'd want to call it. because this is really when Josh... sort of 'officially' loses Zach. from early on in #the movie it becomes clear how much Zach is like... an anchor for him—the way Josh is just fucking *chanting* his name in distress during #the Daryl accident. The way Josh begs Zach to believe him that it was an accident. The way Josh turns to Zach for answers/clarity/direction #Like even if we want to take a cynical approach and think of it as Josh just latching onto Zach in the Daryl situation because he was There #rather than that being an established thing w/ them... in the aftermath of that same incident Josh is still looking to/depending on him! #Josh self isolates at first... but after they talk & Zach tells him they shouldn't act weird Josh goes back to school. (yes #he lashes out there because He's Dealing With The Crushing Guilt but *all* of 'em are acting off then—Charlie specifically calls attention #to the idea they all probably are) Josh goes to the party just like Zach said they should and is *visibly confused* when Zach seems mad to #see him there. He goes to Zach's house to talk and you can SEE how caught off guard he is by what Zach says. Even though the script version #of this scene is VERY different from the final version I do think this one bit of description from it is... insightful: 'Josh seems sincere #almost vulnerable. But Zach is too focused to see it.' LIKE in this scene Zach is already convinced Josh has lost it! He's trying to act #more neutral about it (claiming they could just 'draw a line') but we saw his phone call with Charlie. Because of his own guilt-fueled #paranoia—something shown pretty clearly through the assorted dream sequences and like tht scene of him walking in the hall hearing people #gossip about Daryl—it seems like everything lines up too well! that '*of course* it's Josh and what if it's *been* Josh all along and well #then the role *I* played in the situation really isn't *my* fault because it was all *Josh* and...' etc. even if that's more subconscious #But like... this scene is really when it hits Josh! from the moment he asks if Zach's afraid of him now like... there's a shift. although #Zach says he isn't... i mean he fucking stumbles on the word 'afraid' (like... he hangs on the 'f' sound a moment too long to sound natural #its very subtle but like Noticeable). But Josh sees right through him. Zach doesn't trust him anymore. Zach thinks he's the bad guy. the #monster. Josh feeling like he lost the last person he had in his corner feels like the most realistic thing to... push him over the #edge. like that's a compelling tragedy to me—the idea that these two poorly coping with the Daryl situation in these separated ways where #they *aren't* talking/communicating ends up CREATING the feedback loop that makes everything get worse and worse. #But for that to be the case... it wouldn't make sense for Josh to have just randomly killed John before this scene. I think it's a more #interesting story if certain things really ARE just coincidences but it's that Zach's paranoia won't let him see that 🤷

[ramayantika]

Learning here alone in college that you yourself will keep some people as the second or even third priority, and some people being your 'good' friends too will treat you the same way, and there will be times you will feel left out and wander if you are wrong or maybe not that wanted, which is true, you are not wanted by them, but you need to still keep hope that you are your own person, and perhaps you need to wait for newer circles to come, people who will choose you, and people whom you will choose.

But then despite all their misgivings, you will still treat them with a smile, and keep your head up and move ahead. There are so many people you are yet to meet, and so many wonderful moments waiting to unfurl in your life.

And remember that some of your old friends are still there, those one or two good companions, separated by colleges, states and, countries, will have your back and vice versa. Reach out to them, because some times they too are awaiting your text and a call

#samridhi speaks #just got ignored by my roommate and as the one who gets left out here while also has to decline events #the loneliness does get to you #which is why I talked to my friend whonis in 2nd year of med school #we all feel the same and I know I will always have her because our mentality and maturity matches each other and I think hers is even more #and better #I was first insecure and annoyed too at the way I am treated #like being the one who will take everything with a smile and all taking me for granted #without rarely one showing concern for you #but this too is a new experience to have and I am here to get through it

[bbreaddog]

.

#personal #certainly one of the strangest birthdays I’ve had #nothing happened #but like /nothing/ happened y’know? #it’s nice receiving bday wishes from ppl who know my bday #I hate getting them from ppl who take up less than 30% of my headspace usually #like it feels impersonal and like it’s out of obligation #there’s a school meeting tomorrow #none of my coworkers or my boss have said anything about my bday today which is good #and I hope to god no one finds out tomorrow #also a bit strange Not receiving bday wishes from friends I talk to daily #I’m not exactly one to advertise my bday #I actually met up with a friend a couple days ago and they asked me what’s been happening in my life #bc even tho we talk every day #they don’t know anything about me #which was pretty bizarre to find out #bc I thought I updated them on like #everything #do I really not talk about myself ever? #my best friend also has been asking me the same ‘what’s happening with you’ type thing every time we’ve met up #and like #I update our high school friend gc #but only one other person actually checks the chat so… #I never know how to answer when I’m asked what’s been happening recently #what’s worth bringing up? #what have I already said? or what haven’t I said rather #idk #it’s strange #I’m feeling a mix of complicated things atm #will expand later on

[sysig]

You learn to live with it, learn to love it if you can (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #Helix #ZEX #Dexter Favin #I 👏 want 👏 ZEX 👏 to be 👏 happy!! 👏 #I want him to be hale and hearty and living his best life!! I want him alive and well!! #Professional Take-ZEX-Out-of-Situations-er* *(Not actually paid to do this I just feel very strongly about my volunteer work) #Lol #To do with my love towards Max as well? I'll never tell (yes) #Thinking about a ZEX that managed to get back up on his feet with Dex et al's help and start to make a life for himself #Gets into human fashion and goes back to school and makes friends and kisses people <3 It makes me happy #It's not a complete blank slate-start over but if he was able to come out from under everything - persevere - I'd like to see what he'd be ♥ #It's also enjoyable to think about his rise out of pain into something neutral - and then from neutrality to something positive #Going from constantly being afraid and isolated and sad and lonely to a kind of passive disinterest #Very much the stages of grief #Coming up into acceptance - I wonder how isolated he would feel from his life as Admiral ZEX :( #Moments where he's still very far away. Our scars never really leave us they just fade little by little #And some things that he'll never get to experience as a human like depth perception and parallax haha #But still <3 Growing into what Max never had the chance to be ;; #Still not making his parents ''proud'' or whatever |P Dex just happy he's showing initiative and y'know - interest in existence #I do like the idea that he still calls him DAX - the one thing he can't give up completely - but it becomes something like an inside joke #A painful one but a kind of wink and a nod that they both Know #Things will never be the same but they're both taking each day as they come - together #Hhhhh even just little bits of happiness ;; I just want them to be A Little happy

[likesplatterpaint]

I’ve taken more days off than usual this year between getting covid and honestly just. Stress. Not usually sick but. I think I need it.

Yeah.

Still feel guilty af.

Never regretted taking one though. Someone else can be compelled to proctor the SAT on their planning. Im feeling super fucking under-appreciated lately.

#the culture of being a teacher is…gross #I have other coworkers who are chronically out why can’t I just. not feel guilty??? #I wouldn’t need to take these days if everything wasn’t so Mich #don’t get my wrong I love what I am supposed to be doing #it’s just that the job is so much more than that #apparently if you take ten or more school days off you’re considered a chronically absent teacher by most spaces on the internet #that’s my usual number for the year but not this time #I have the damn days. admin is on vacation rn ffs. someone else!! can proctor! not my problem!!! #AMP cert tests for advanced on Thursday and Friday #which reminds me I need to email school manager about coverage for that fucking ugh

[macroglossus]

being evaluated for adhd by having one of those full psych evals that last like two hours. scared frightened etc.... last time i took it i lied extensively bc i was 13 and thought they might tell my mommy if i said i had suicidal thoughts. and i still have a habit of lying to therapists bc i'm embarrassed......... AGH idk. what if i take it and they tell me that the reason im Like This is bc im genuinely just weird and shitty and not bc im mentally ill at all. SCARED

#which is dumb bc i have been formally diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses i dont think they can just take it back right????? #this is so stupid and cliche but what if i have been faking it........ all along........ Argh. #when i was in res i was put on adderall (bc the house psych just kind of experimented w meds LMFAO) and i had to go off them after like #two weeks bc it was affecting my appetite in a way i couldnt afford at the time lmao. but i do genuinely feel like it helped during that #time.... which is why i want to go on it again!!!! but im scared theyll just be like nah and i wont be able to take any of my meds anymore #is that crazy. am i being crazy rn. idk i truly do think most of my experiences w school and like. life could be explained by adhd and #when i was a kid they thought i had it but the two meds they tried didnt work for me so they just. kind of gave up #and i was really extremely unable to do school and graduated hs w an insanely low gpa and then dropped out of community college. LMAO. not #that people w adhd cant be good in school i just couldnt make myself do homework and couldnt listen in class bc i was too busy focusing on #listening. if that makes sense #IDK. idk. i know it's become like. a trend to have adhd is the issue and everything is being attributed to having it so im worried that ive #like. accidentally fallen in w that? even though ive thought i had it for forever and everyone has been like girl do you have this. IDK!!!! #idk. idkkkk im just like. genuinely scared. it's not the end of the world if im not diagnosed obviously but that means that #im just like this for no reason at all. and there's no way of helping it bc it's just the way i am. and i actually am just shitty n lazy. #epic. which incidentally is the proper name for how fucking long these tags are my bad. if you read this far sorry for being insane 👍

[cerise-on-top]

hey! i am once again requesting because i genuinely love your writing. is it cool if you write skittles with an s/o who has severe anxiety and often gets anxiety attacks? i completely understand if not! -💾

Hey there! Thank you, that's very kind of you! I hope I was able to do this request justice as well! I'm not really sure Skittles would know how to deal with someone like that in the best way possible, but he tries!

Skittles with an S/O with Severe Anxiety

He knows Nevada is a place where just about anything and everyone tries to kill you, but he never let that get to him. Still, he can see why you’d be anxious all the time about just about anything there is. Skittles is a rather relaxed kind of grunt, so he could usually be your voice of reason when your anxiety is telling you something bad again. Sure, things usually are bad in Nevada, but it helps to hear that not everything is going to be the worst case scenario. Sometimes you need a different outlook in life, and Skittles certainly has that. He’s well aware you always worry about him getting killed, or worse, but he can assure you that he’ll always come back to you. He has died a few times indeed, but he’s been brought back to life every time, so he sort of just assumes everything is going to be alright. If you’re too anxious about something, then he can do it either for you or with you, it really depends on what it is you need to do. If you ever pass out from fear, then he’ll stay by your side until you wake up again, draping a blanket over you so you don’t get cold. He doesn’t really know what to do with you, in all honesty, since grunts usually aren’t as severely anxious in Nevada, but he’ll stay by your side until you feel better. It’s the thought that counts. Even if you tell him to fuck off, chances are he’ll stay with you to make sure nothing even worse happens. You being irritated doesn’t bother him, he’s used to being insulted and around grunts who want him dead. However, as mentioned before, he will try to be your voice of reason. Sure, his views of the world aren’t as realistic either since he’s ever the optimist, but sometimes it’s just nice to hear someone’s voice. If you’re slowly starting to hyperventilate he’ll try to talk you out of it by telling you a story or two in order to distract you. It doesn’t eliminate the problem, he knows that, but if he can get your mind off of what’s bothering you for a second he can deal with the problem more easily.

Once he sees you freeze up entirely for a prolonged amount of time before storming off to somewhere where no one will see you, he knows something more severe than the usual is up. It’s during those few times, when he sees you act strangely, that his smile fades as well as he’s just that concerned. Skittles will give you a few moments by yourself before he ditches whoever he was with at the moment and seeks you out. Once he finds you, he’ll get you to a calm and quiet place where the both of you are alone. Skittles will ask you what’s wrong. He won’t judge you, even if you don’t know why you suddenly got an anxiety attack, all he knows is that you need help. He rarely ever sees anyone cry, so seeing you do such really does break his heart. Again, he’ll try to calm you down by calmly talking to you. Might put a hand on your back, but won’t repeat doing such if you flinch away from him. He’ll let you talk about whatever it is you need to get off your chest, or, if you can’t speak, then he’ll tell you about the butterflies he saw near a flower field and promises you to take you there someday. He’s well aware that you likely just need someone with you at that moment, even if he doesn’t know what to do. He hopes that him staying with you, distracting you, would be enough. However, he will shoo away any new grunts that might come along. This would be one of the few times where he might be rougher with them as well so they’ll go away. He won’t raise his voice, but he’ll make it known that you and him need to be alone right now. Will do anything to keep your mind off of what’s bothering you and get you away from any and all triggers you had in that moment. Since this seems to be a persistent problem for you, he’ll encourage you to seek out a medical professional. He knows someone, even if he might not be sure that person is actually a doctor, who might be able to help you. Since he can imagine living with anxiety all the time being very rough, he would not be opposed to having you be medicated for it. Will even go to all of your appointments with you if you need it.

#madness combat #madness combat x reader #madness combat skittles #skittles x reader #I think I've had exactly two anxiety attacks in my life so I got lucky on that one #it happened twice when I looked someone in the eyes #I just froze up and thought I was going to die from fear. the first time I cried as well. but it never happened again afterwards #I'm not sure I did this request justice since I'm not nearly as anxious in life anymore as I used to be #I used to be anxious about everything all the time but I've since calmed down ever since I got older #I've got other issues now. anxiety too from time to time but that's usually only when coupled with my delusions #I think I once almost passed out at school from anxiety though. but that was because of my delusions. not fun in the slightest #anyway I take some good meds now that really do help me a lot. I've been doing a lot better since and am a lot happier now too #it's genuinely an incredible little med: it lifts my mood makes me less anxious and treats some of my symptoms as well. #it helps me sleep too! so it's really good!