things i’ve heard college professors say pt. 12
-go home and enjoy your second nap of the day, because you just took your first one in my class
-i would just like to point out that I went a whole hour and 15 minutes talking about a piece where a girl castrates her father and didn’t mention Freud once
-genre is such a pretentious word. Probably because it’s French.
-the thing that intrigued me the most about the alien erotica,,,
-(student) I’d say that the Constitution is an institution
(professor) uh oh
-god, I think I have a fever
-today we’re going to be talking about *eerie noises* critical race theory
-(professor) When was the California gold rush?
(professor) San Francisco…
(professor, muttering) Jesus
-I wasn’t as concerned with the age gap discourse as I was with the god gap discourse
-the problem that is called Mitch McConnell,
-we’re going to talk about food. Because I like food.
-eighth time is the fucking charm
-*is reading aloud and gets to the word “peculiarities”* shit shit shit
-adjusting to the realities of real circumstances sucks
-doesn’t it feel good to blame people?
-(student) what was your research process like for writing this book?
(professor) I don’t know man, I was drunk, I can’t remember
but I’m passing so I’m doing something right
How’s finals going for everyone currently in school
things i’ve heard college students say pt. 22
-no man who is pro life knows where the clit is
-if squirt was carbonated… call that cream soda
-i want to join the jiu jitsu club on campus but I’m afraid someone will choke me and I’ll come
-Paul no offense but you smell like New Jersey
-I feel like foreign STDs have more spice to them. Like if you have chlamydia in Scotland, is it really that bad?
-i would just like to say that this class single-handedly made me want to study abroad
-shout out to the girl whos’ on doordash in class right now
-you probably smell like nickels, what do you want from me?
-men just voting against hitting it raw huh
-it is officially getting railed in a sundress season
-someone left their clit on the sidewalk outside BoJames
-people don’t snort in Delaware
-taco bell hot sauce is an important element of any office supply system
-hey disney! I have some nationalist propaganda that appeals to a young audience! Come and get it!
-HUGE RAGER PULL UP! 1600 PENN AVE NW, DC
-if the multiverse is real i hope i’m a trophy wife in a least one
3 questions to ask the english teachers you've had throughout the years:
Was there a student that lit up at positive feedback from you more than anyone else in the class and took any opportunity to talk with you during class time rather than talk with their peers?
Was that student queer?
Was that student autistic?
My favorite assignments in school were always the ones that were like
“Demonstrate a proficient understanding of the characters by writing an original story that could take place within or after the events of the book while maintaining and/or developing all proper character development as demonstrated throughout the story”
You’ve asked me to write fanfiction￼