ok, so Chronicles of Riddick is a terrible movie, but the sheer AESTHETIC
this has been out for almost twenty years and I’m just now getting around to watching it???? ME, who loves ridiculous space opera more than any other person I know???
Anyway, have some aesthetic:
They use melee weapons in space, which is a trope you can pry away from my cold, dead hands.
The bad guys are so fucking fabulous I neither know nor care what their actual motive is (something about necromancy and soul stealing and religious fanaticism, I think. Maybe.). They have this space goth, black and gold future medieval aesthetic. I would join them just for the outfits.
The landscape looks like THIS. THIS IS HOW YOU DESIGN A WEIRD ASS SCI FI PLANET. ARE YOU LISTENING, EVERY SCI FI MOVIE EVER BESIDES AVATAR I GUESS?
Fuck your desert planets and forest planets and ice planets, give me more rock formations of DEATH with lava and some weird magnet shit going on in the sky.
Alexa Davalos is stunning and badass in this, and gets some gratuitously unrealistic fight scenes I wasn’t even mad about.
She also gets a goth costume change.
Have I mentioned they sword/knife/whatever-the-hell-that-giant-thing-Karl- Urban-was-holding fight???
I cannot for the life of me remember this dude’s name, but YES he is wearing what looks like the back of a human ribcage on his head. I told you these bad guys were extra af.
Judi Dench is in this also, looking stately and ethereal, and she’s this alien (?) that can shapeshift into wind or something.
THANDIE MOTHERFUCKING NEWTON is in this, as, idk, the queen of the space goths or something. She’s dramatically evil, spends the entire plot chewing on the scenery, and, honestly, she’s the best part of the movie.
Her outfits, you guys. Padme Amidala could never.
Emo Karl Urban is here too. This is the most attracted I’ve ever been to him, and that includes Lord of the Rings.
What was the plot of this movie? Fuck if I know. All I know is it’s god-awful, and you should watch it RIGHT NOW.