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#sebastian cardin
dozydawn · 2 months
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Elle, March 1989.
Photographed by Gilles Bensimon.
Model: Sebastian Cardin.
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a-state-of-bliss · 1 year
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Vogue Italia March 1989 - Sebastian Cardin by Albert Watson
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sleepiest-token · 8 months
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i may be a relatively new ghost listener but the imagery is simply too awesome to not be inspired by so I made this a while ago :)
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ask-sebastian · 2 months
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20. Three songs that remind you of the person who sent this one:
Throwback for my fellow night owl:
Cause vibes:
And of all the kick ass bands you’ve introduced us to, this one feels like it has your name all over it:
Three songs I absolutely love.  🖤 I feel seen.
I shall spare you (and everyone else) from Spiracle this time around.
Because you shared this song and the wonderful story to go along with it when we did the My Favourite Things playlist, so now whenever I hear Mt. Joy, I think of you.
F+TM always makes me think of you.
And vibes.
Because us.
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drugfreeemo · 1 year
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Since Ghost are releasing an EP for their 13th anniversary, can the Ghost fandom blow it up for Sebastian?
“Can you hear me now?” - Tobias Forge
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rosyfingereddawnn · 1 year
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CALLING ALL GHESTIES THAT CAN DRAW. COPIA AS SAINT SEBASTIAN. PLEASE. THAT IS ALL
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i don’t even know anymore
edit: image ids under the cut
image 1: image id: a tumblr post edited to look like characters from the ace attorney series are speaking. dahlia hawthorne says “yes im trying to kill you LOL stop being so immature about it” with a happy expression. end id
image 2: image id: a tumblr post edited to look like characters from the ace attorney series are speaking. aura blackquill says “*sips green chemicals out of my Erlenmeyer flask using a silly straw*” with a happy expression while clonco stands to her left. end id
image 3: image id: a tumblr post edited to look like characters from the ace attorney series are speaking. at the top of the post is a picture of a bunch of snails in a ring with one snail in the center on top of a glass table. text on the picture reads “My girlfriend walked outside this morning to see this, a bunch of snails in a circle with leader in the middle…” juniper woods says “We’ve found it Snail Church” with a happy expression. myriam scuttlebutt then says “snurch” with her arms crossed. hugh o’conner says “Take me to snurch” with a smug expression. end id
image 4: image id: a tumblr post edited to look like characters from the ace attorney series are speaking. trucy wright says “weatherboy (derogatory)” while pouting with her hands on her hips. apollo justice asks “op what does this mean” with an exasperated expression. trucy replies “wouldn’t you like to know weatherboy” with a happy expression. end id
image 5: image id: a tumblr post edited to look like characters from the ace attorney series are speaking. aura blackquill says “im the smartest person on earth. if you saw my tits you’d understand.” with a smug expression while resting on clonco. end id
image 6: image id: a tumblr post edited to look like characters from the ace attorney series are speaking. raymond shields says “i love not being a teenager but also sometimes people on the internet just say words and i have to look them up on urban dictionary like i’m 90” with a disappointed expression. end id
image 7: image id: a tumblr post edited to look like characters from the ace attorney series are speaking. franziska von karma says “standing next to sunflowers always makes me feel weak like “look at this fucking flower. this flower is taller than i am. this flower is winning and i’m losing.”” with an angry expression. phoenix wright comments “Wow you are not ready to hear about trees” with a thoughtful expression. end id
image 8: image id: a tumblr post edited to look like characters from the ace attorney series are speaking. sebastian debeste says “Thots on the Pope” with a smug expression. miles edgeworth responds “So the pope has thoughts now” with a thoughtful expression. kay faraday comments “crawling all over him like weevils” with a happy expression and justine courtney says “They’re called cardinals I think” with a neutral expression and her gavel extended. end id
image 9: image id: a tumblr post edited to look like characters from the ace attorney series are speaking. pearl fey says “One day I hope I am the girl that walks into a room and all eyes are on her.” with a dejected expression. young trucy wright then says “The trick is to get a really big hat and then scream” with a happy expression. end id
image 10: image id: a tumblr post edited to look like characters from the ace attorney series are speaking. athena cykes says “u ever think about how ur skeleton is always wet” with a thoughtful expression. apollo justice replies “I wish I never had but thanks for ruining my life” with an exasperated expression. trucy wright adds “don ’ t worry ! there will come a time when it ’ s not :)” with a happy expression. apollo says “Thanks! Even worse :)” with a scared and startled expression. end id
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visiosatanae · 6 months
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Branded
Ficlet below the cut, please mind the warnings 🔞❗
This involves exactly what the picture implies, so please do not read any further if you aren't a fan of graphic depictions of torture and violence. Needless to say, MDNI
The room was cold when you finally came to, the sweat beading up on your skin now freezing. Your head hurt, a throbbing ache still pounding behind your eyes. Your body was upright, arms raised above your head but you found you couldn't move. Panic began its course as you realized you were completely devoid of clothing, vulnerable to the draft of this makeshift dungeon. You couldn't remember how you got here, only that the Cardinal had requested your presence urgently before-
The Cardinal…
Shakily you craned your head to look around the room. There were no windows and the walls and floor were stone, suggesting you were underground. The only light came from a few wall sconces and the fireplace crackling away in the corner with what looked like a rack of fire pokers next to it. In front of you was a table filled with surgical instruments and knives. You struggled with your binds, the metal around your wrists and ankles groaning against the frame you were attached to. 
"Ah, it seems the puttana has awoken." A chill ran up your spine, freezing at the sound of the Cardinal's voice from behind you. "Did you get your beauty sleep, cara?" 
"Why did you take me?" Your voice is hoarse. "I didn't do anything to you, Cardinal." You hear him stand from wherever he was sitting, slowly and methodically making his way towards you. 
"Our Dark Lord may be the father of all lies, Sorella, but that doesn't mean you are allowed to lie to me." He tuts, finally coming into view. He wore his red cassock, his usual biretta nowhere to be seen. 
You try to wrack your brain for any clue as to what he's talking about, but you can think of nothing. "Your Eminence, I don't know-"
You felt his hand around your face, the soft leather of his gloves digging into your cheeks and stopping you from speaking. His heterochromatic eyes pierced yours, as if trying to discern something behind them. After a moment he released you, your jaw aching. 
"I guess you really don't understand." He mused to himself, making his way towards the fireplace. You watched him warily. Rumors around the ministry warned of the Cardinal having a foul temper and unpredictable nature. And it seemed you were inadvertently on the receiving end of his ire. "Tell me, how do you feel about Brother Sebastian?" 
A pang of fear shot through you at the name. "He's a friend. We have a class together and we talk sometimes." You tried to keep your voice from shaking. "Please don't hurt him, he hasn't done anything." 
"He touched what is mine," the Cardinal snapped, voice firm and cold. He then bent to pick up something from the fire; another poker you must have missed. But as he turned around you could see it wasn't just an implement for stoking the fire. The end was flat and red hot, two backwards C's glowing in curling metal script. 
"As a boy, I had a habit of coveting things that were mine, or what I wanted to be mine." You felt yourself pale, eyes widening as he stepped closer. He inspected its fiery glow, ensuring the temperature was even throughout. "I learned that the only way to keep the other children away from my things was to mark it as such. Pen was much too easy to rub or scratch off, so I began to carve instead." You couldn't help but eye the table of knives and scalpels. He looked thoughtful as he reminisced. "But in the end, I found that branding was the quickest and most effective method. Even to this day." His eyes flicked to yours and your heart stopped under his gaze. 
He came closer still and your brain finally put the pieces together, your head shaking and your breath quickening. “Please, please no, please no…” Your pleas trailed off as he held the brand close to you. You could feel the heat emanating off of it even though it was still inches away. He reveled in the look of absolute terror on your face. “You’re insane,” you spat, your fear reducing your ability to speak rationally. 
“Tell you what, cara,” he ignores your words, “I’ll let you pick the next one, hm?”
“The next?” You felt lightheaded. 
“Si,” he nodded. “I have quite the collection. You didn’t expect just one, did you?” You wanted to throw up as he brought the red hot metal lower, hovering below your waist. “But the first choice is mine, as are you.”
A scream echoed within the walls of the nearly barren room, your throat beginning to burn but not as much as your skin. The Cardinal pressed the brand firmly to your thigh, holding it in place with a gloved hand to ensure the mark was as perfect as possible. It felt like forever before the iron was removed, the smell of burning flesh churning your stomach. Even at the awkward angle you could see you were branded as his, the letters “CC” marking your thigh forever in a blistering burn. 
The Cardinal eyed his handiwork, seeming satisfied with how it turned out. You shrieked as the leather of his gloves brushed your tender skin, his fingers caressing what he had done. Hot tears ran down your face with a sob, the pain already beginning to break you. With a smile he patted your face. 
“We are not done yet, dolcezza,” he said, walking back towards the rack of branding irons. 
“Please.” Your whisper still echoed in the room. “Please have mercy, Your Eminence.” 
“Sweet Sorella,” he cooed, picking out another design. “Mercy is for those who worship God. And as you well know, He does not step foot here…” 
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hamletthedane · 1 year
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Transcribing the Oscar Wilde Questionnaire
Because nearly every response is a gem. (Here's a link to a high-res photo of the questionnaire, completed by Wilde in 1877)
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N: Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde, 1877
Your Favourite
Colour? couleur de rose (often a [red?]).
Flower? Lilium Auratum
Tree? Stone Pine and Lemon Tree
Object in nature? The sea (when there are no bathing machines)
Hour in the day? Post hour.
Season of the Year? Beginning of autumn.
Perfume? almond blossoms
Gem? Sapphire in winter / Diamond in summer.
Style of Beauty? that of Guido [Reni]'s St. Sebastian and of the "Venus of Melos [sic - Milo]"
Names, Male and Female? Eucharis, Florence, Cecil
Painters? Fra Angelico; Turner; Caravaggio.
Musicians? Mozart, Gounod, Chopin.
Piece of Sculpture? Apoxyomenos of Vatican.
Poets? Euripides, Keats, Theocritus, and myself.
Poetesses? Sappho and Lady [Jane] Wilde
Prose Authors? Plato and John Ruskin.
Character in Romance? Achilles; Nausikaa
[Character] in History? Dr Newman. Alexander.
Book to take up for an hour? I never take up books for an hour.
What book (not religious) would you part with least? my Euripides.
What epoch would you choose to have lived in? the Italian Renaissance.
Where would you like to live? Florence and Rome.
What is your favourite amusement? writing sonnets, and Riding.
What is your favourite occupation? Reading my own sonnets .
What trait of character do you most admire in man? the power of attracting friends.
What trait of character do you most admire in woman? the power of becoming either a Cleopatra, or a St. Catherine
What trait of character do you most detest in each? Vanity; self esteem; conceitedness
If not yourself, who would you rather be? a Cardinal of the Catholic Church
What is your idea of happiness? Absolute power over men’s minds, even if accompanied by chronic toothache.
What is your idea of misery? living a poor and respectable life in an obscure village.
What is your bête noir [sic]? a thorough Irish Protestant
What is your dream? getting my hair cut
What is your favorite game? Snipe and Lawn Tennis
What do you believe to by your distinguishing characteristics? [the word “humility” is scribbled-through] inordinate self-esteem
If married, what do you believe to be the distinguishing characteristics of your better-half? Devotion to her husband [Note: written high in margin as cheeky reference to response in #34]
What is the sublimest passions of which human nature is capable? asceticism; ambition
What are the sweetest words in the world? Well Done!
What are the saddest words? Failure!
What is your aim in life? success, fame or even notoriety
What is your motto? [No response]
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stephensmithuk · 4 months
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The Mazarin Stone
First published in 1921, this was an adaptation of a one-act play Doyle wrote called The Crown Diamond: An Evening with Sherlock Holmes that ran in London that same year and featured Sebastian Moran.
It is also written in the third person, rare for a Holmes story.
A gasogene was a two-globed late Victorian device for producing sparkling water or other such carbonated beverages; the liquid was placed in the bottom and a mixture of tartaric acid and bi-carbonate of soda at the top. You tipped it slightly to start the process going. They had a habit of exploding under pressure, so were in a wire or wicker mesh to stop glass flying around if they did.
Cardinal Mazarin (1602-1661) was Chief Minister to Louis XIII and XIV from 1642 until his death. Succeeding Cardinal Richelieu of The Three Musketeers fame, he proved a hugely effective diplomat, playing a key role in the Treaty of Westphalia of 1648, whose principles of national sovereignty remain key to modern international relations.
He acquired a massive art, literature and jewel collection as well, leaving eighteen diamonds called "the Mazarins" to Louis XIV on his death.
Air guns with a pellet discharge of under 12ft/lb are today legal to own in the UK without a licence - anything over that is legally a firearm and regulated as such i.e. licences are needed.
A gudgeon is one of many small bottom-dwelling fish.
Algeria had been gradually conquered by France between 1830 and 1903, become an integral part of the country; something most colonies did not have happen to them. It also gained a very large number of European settlers.
"Train-de-luxe" referred to a train exclusively made up of CIWL carriages, all of which were pretty luxurious with the obvious exception of the dedicated luggage vans. The Orient Express was one such train for much of its history.
"It's a fair cop" is a British slang expression meaning "it was wrong and you caught me fairly".
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aviradasa · 3 months
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Welcome to my masterlist
REQUESTS ARE OPEN
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{Picture from Pinterest}
Shows:
The umbrella Academy
Supernatural
The walking dead
Miraculous ladybug
How to train your dragon (all spin-off shows)
The dragon Prince mysterys of Aaravos
Once upon a time
Hazbin hotel
Helluva boss
Movies
Van helsing 2004
Hellboy 1 and 2
Labyrinth 1986
The MCU as a whole (Marvel cinematic universe)
Same with the DC universe
Avatar 1 and 2
Pirates of the Caribbean (all movies)
Games
Sally face
Call of duty
Skyrim
Legend of Zelda breath of the wild/ tears of the kingdom
Assassins creed 2
Stardew valley
Books
Creepypasta
(Work in progress I’m reading a lot more recently so give it time any book suggestions are welcome.I’m a huge fantasy fan!!!)
Bands:
Ghost
David Bowie
Mcr
(I’ll add more here once my will to live dies again.)
Characters I will write for:
The umbrella academy:
Luther
Diego
Allison
Klaus
Five
Ben
Viktor
Lila
Marcus
Fei
Alphonso
Sloane
Jayme
Supernatural:
Sam
Different characters react to you stoned/couch logged
Dean
Different characters react to you stoned/couch logged
Castiel
Different characters react to you stoned/couch logged
Lucifer
Different characters react to you stoned/couch logged
(I'm only on season 5 so if you want more characters let me know and I'll do my best!)
The walking dead:
Rick
Daryl
Different characters react to you stoned/couch logged
Glenn
Maggie
Michonne
Negan
Carl
Rosita
Abraham
Ezekiel
Carol
Miraculous ladybug:
Marinette
Adrian
Luka
Julika
Nino
Alya
Chloé
Kim
Sabrina
Jagged stone
Meeting the kids jagged stone x fem!reader HC
Rose
Nathalie
How to train your dragon:
Hiccup
Astrid
Ruffnut
Tuffnut
Snotlout
Fishlegs
Heather
Eret
Dagur
The dragon Prince, mystery of Aaravos:
Callum
Rayla
Claudia
Viren
Soren
Janai
Aaravos
Love long lost Aaravos x Fem!reader pt 1
Love long lost Aaravos x Fem!reader pt 2
Love long lost Aaravos x Fem!reader pt3
The sight of two stars Aaravos x Startouched elf! Reader
Nyx
Ibis
Amaya
Corvus
Gren
Terry
Zubeia
Once upon a time:
Emma Swan
Regina Mills (the ‘Evil’ queen)
Mr.Gold ( Rumpelstiltskin )
Mary Margaret Blanchard (Snow white)
Captain Killian ‘Hook’ Jones ( Captain hook)
David Nolan (Prince charming)
(work in progress)
Hazbin hotel:
Charlie
Vaggie
Angel dust
Husk
Nifty
Alastor
Lucifer
Rosie
Vox
Velvett
Helluva boss:
Blitz
Blitzø x male!reader HC
Blitzø x Gn!Reader HC
Moxie
Millie
Loona
Van Helsing (2004):
Dracula
Aleera
Marishka
Verona
Gabriel Van helsing
Anna valerious
Velkan valerious
Carl
Hellboy 1 and 2 (live action 2004-2008 movies)
Hellboy
Different characters react to you stoned/couch logged
Abe
Liz
John
Prince Nuada
Different characters react to you stoned/couch logged
Princess nuala
Labrynth 1986
Jareth the goblin king
Marvel:
Peter Parker
Thor
Loki
Tony Stark
Dr, Stephan strange
Wanda
Bucky
Natasha
Nick Fury
Bruce banner
Steven Rodger
DC:
Bruce Wayne
Barry allen
Oliver Queen
Clark kent
Robin
Starfire
Raven
Cyborg
Beastboy
Joker
Harley
Poison Ivy
Catwoman
Avatar 1 and 2
Jake sulley
Naytiri
Neteyam
Lo’ak
Kiri
Miles Quaritch
Javier “spider”
Aonung
Grace
Pirates of the Caribbean:
Captain jack sparrow
Captain Hector Barbossa
Will Turner
Elizabeth Swan
James Norrington
Bootstrap bill turner
Davey jones
Lord Cutler Beckett
Calypso ( Tia Dalma)
Sally face:
sal fisher
Larry johnson
Ash
Travis
Call of duty:
Ghost Mw2 and 2009
König
Soap
Price
Graves
Skyrim:
Cicero
Astrid
Arnbjorn
Farkus
Vilkas
Aela
Balgruuf the greater
Legend of Zelda Botw/totk:
Link
Zelda
Mipha
Daruk
Revali
Sidon
Urbosa
Kass
ganon
Assassins creed 2:
Ezio
Stardew valley (Sdv):
Alex
Elliot
Harvey
Sam
Sebastian
Shane
Abigail
Emily
Haley
Leah
Maru
Penny
The wizard
Caroline
Dwarf
Jodi
Kent
Krobus
Robin
Pierre
Sandy
Ghost:
Papa Emeritus 1 (primo)
Papa Emeritus 2 (secondo
Papa emeritus 3 (terzo)
Papa emeritus 4/cardinal copia
Swiss
Aether
Mountin
Phantom
Aurora (we have the same name irl lol)
Rain
Cirrus
Sunshine
Cumulus
Sodo
Dewdrop
David bowie(going by era and current stage persona):
Ziggy stardust
Aladdin sane
The thin white duke
Major tom
David bowie
My chemical romance
Gerard way
Party poison
Mikey way
Kobra kid
Frank iero
Fun ghoul
Ray toro
Jet star
I will add Other characters to any of these lists if you would like to request a character go on ahead!
What I will write/Rules:
Rules:
No bullying or harrassment to anyone or groups of people in the comments. BE NICE TO OTHERS
No homophobia
No racism
No hatred
What I will write:
Fluff
Angst
Smut
Lemon
Info about Aviradasa!
I go by she/they
I have a cat named Nyx!
I am Demiaroace
I love horror movies with my whole life!
I have a tendency to obsess over shows/movies for undetermined periods of time 🤣
My favorite colors are Purple, red, pink, and black
My favorite singer is David bowie!
I can't choose a favorite band cause I love to many!
The movie Labyrinth by Jim Henson with David bowie and Jennifer Connelly Is my favorite.but Van helsing 2004 is a close second
PS. When requesting please be specific to what fandom/character you want(I will do crossovers.) just so I can make sure to get everything right for ya!
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vetteldixon · 1 year
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I was once treated to a stark example of Vettel’s race-face dark side when he effectively lost the Formula 3 Euroseries title to Paul di Resta in 2006 at Le Mans.
Vettel had already spun a podium finish away in race one, but compounded this by running through the gravel in race two, easing di Resta’s march to the title. Beaten twice by his teammate, the cardinal sin… Imagine the rollicking he’d have received from Dr Marko for that one!
It was the seminal weekend of that season, and I probably broke quite a few rules by gatecrashing parc ferme while the French marshals weren’t looking. I intercepted Vettel in the queue for the weighing scales, literally seconds after he’d got out of the car and removed his crash helmet.
Gone was the tousled-haired smiley kid I’d been keeping tabs on since Formula BMW, where he was clearly a stand-out talent and with a genuinely engaging personality to go with it every time we spoke.
I suddenly felt like I was in a scene from the exorcist – this simply wasn’t the same person I had grown accustomed to dealing with. The most remarkable aspect was he didn’t even sound like his regular self as he growled one-word responses to my questions to what had gone so badly wrong.
In fact, the only multi-word response I got was him suggesting that I’d got what I wanted as a fellow Brit was now going to win the title! Talk about out of character…
So, while I’ll acknowledge that he has a dark side, for want of a better phrase, the other 99 percent of the time Vettel has been nothing but gracious, generous with his time and genuinely funny to be around.
Besides, show me an elite sportsman and multiple world champion who doesn’t pack the ability to be utterly ruthless and single-minded when it suits them?
~from “Sebastian Vettel hasn’t changed a bit--but perceptions of him have” for motorsport.com by Charles Bradley
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ask-cardi-c · 7 months
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Hey Cardinal!
Who was your first crush? (And why did you crush on them?) 🖤
You will laugh.
Let me preface this by saying that I was raised very Catholic, no?
My first crush was Saint Sebastian. Just look at art of him. He is still my favourite saint.
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ask-sebastian · 8 months
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Number Two!
One of my favorite shows ever. I was lucky enough to go to Red Rocks last summer with some friends to see this band, and it was truly other world-y.
We had already had an amazing day, hiking and exploring the small town of Morrison that's right outside the venue and this song hit as a perfect cumulation of the whole day and trip. Everything slowed for a minute, as I let the breeze hit my face and the acoustics of this song drifted from between the colossal sides of the mountain that we were all nestled in. In the distance, the lights of the city were seen down in the valley, and above - beautiful stars.
How lucky was I to be in such a beautiful place with such beautiful people.
Even the traffic afterwards didn't bother us....it was too insane to get an uber so we all trekked back DOWN the mountain like lil hobbits and waited out the traffic in a .....
YOU GUESSED IT
....karaoke bar.
This such an amazing story, and the way you phrased the end and trekking down like little hobbits made me immediately think of this
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All this reminiscing has me thinking about the adventures I've had in my life and how important it is and how lucky we are to be able to just exist in a moment. Especially in a digital era when we often spend so much our time documenting our every day lives to be consumed by others.
It is easy to forget to just experience things. Just for ourselves. Maybe the memory will fade in time, maybe it won't, but that makes it beautiful in a way.
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stardewremixed · 1 year
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After Christmas sales... what is everyone getting?
Haley loves a good deal! She will stockup on her favorite cosmetics and pick up photo solution for her dark room.
Alex has finally saved enough money for an autographed gridball card. He's been saving all year long.
Sebastian is down to shop for computer parts so he can finally make the upgrades he wants.
Sophia will browse the bargain bin animes.
Sam is looking for a rad new skateboard. Maybe some new guitar picks too. And oh! Some CDs of his favorite bands. Wow! His Fave holiday movie is on sale. Oh and batteries. Can't miss discounted batteries in the checkout aisle.
Shane doesn't really care for sales. Unless it's pizza coupons. Yeah, he'll take an XL pepperoni and extra packs of spicy red pepper flakes. Maybe a 2 liter of Joja cola and a side of cinnabread for Marnie and Jas.
Leah always enjoys browsing the art store for extra paints, and random craft projects. Maybe she will stop by the blacksmith for a new chisel too.
Penny and Claire ride share so they can both pick up new books. 99cent paperbacks are hard to beat. A collection of historical fiction and a tawdry romance for Penny. The history of dance and a book on birdwatching for Claire.
Maru... head in the clouds. Always thinking about robotics. She might grab a spare part here or there for her latest project. Maybe a belated gift for Harvey.
Harvey will grab his favorite bulk coffee and maybe he will even splurge on a discounted pair of aviator goggles. Just for fun.
Victor is looking to add notebooks to his collection, for his building calculations. Oh and maybe a nice fountain pen.
Olivia is a girl who loves jewelry. It's not in poor taste to buy discount, is it? She is happy to save a few dollars, which she donates to the Santa collecting for charity outside the mall.
Abigail is beyond thrilled to find her uni textbooks for a steal. Normally they cost an arm and leg.
Elliott picks up some sheet music on a lark. He is determined to learn new songs in the new year to come.
Emily comes home with an armful of yarn. Winter is in swing. And everyone needs warm sweaters.
Magnus is not fond of shopping. But he does pick up a pound of birdseed to feed the cardinals at his doorstep.
Lance needs a good pair of winter boots to traverse the snow on his many adventures.
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effervescentdragon · 2 years
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sebchal + "Listen, I know you don't want to hear this, but my feeling for you still haven't changed."
hi anon ♡ i love you for this prompt, and im sorry, im kinda going through it these days. oops.
"Will you be okay," Britta doesn't ask, and he doesn't really answer. A shrug is not an answer, but she understands him anyway. She's spent too much time by his side not to know how he feels even better than he does.
"It is what it is," he says, and she nods and leaves him be.
Sebastian sighs, carding his fingers through his too long hair, and raises his head to look at the lights of Abu Dhabi for the last time.
"Are you being dramatic in your head, Seb?"
Sebastian can't help but smile as he turns. Charles comes to stand close to him, closer than he should, like he always did, like he always does. His face is wet with sweat, and his eyes shine beautifully in the lights of Yas Marina.
Sebastian remembers when those lights shone for his victory, and sends a prayer to the gods he's not sure he believes in.
Let them shine for his victory, too. Let them shine the brightest red and gold. Let him do what I could not. Please. Let him win.
"You know me," he says, and leans a bit on Charles. "Always too dramatic." He doesn't dare stay that way, not here, not under every camera in the world, so he pulls back. Charles frowns a bit, fiddling with his helmet.
"How - will you - fuck," Charles huffs, chuckling darkly, and Seb gets it. He doesn't know what to say either. He doesn't know how to feel. He doesn't think he feels anything, not yet.
It will hit him, like the victory hit him after, twelve years ago. It will all come, the torrents of emotion, probably when he's back home in his garden. It will come, the storm, and he will weather it, like he's weathered all the other ones.
"Seb," Charles says, then turns when someone yells his name. Seb doesn't look away from him, because this is the last time they can be like this. The last time they stand as equals, both in their race suits, both with their helmets, both just fresh out of the car, sweat and fuel binding them. "I have to go, fuck, but I have to tell you something."
Sebastian's first instinct is to stop Charles from saying it, because he doesn't want to know, he can't, he - he can't take it. Can't take either option of what Charles may say to him. He opens his mouth and reaches for Charles, about to stop him by any means necessary.
He makes a cardinal mistake, though. He meets Charles' gaze.
Charles' eyes are as green as emeralds in the night, and they are so full of emotion, Sebastian thinks he may drown in them like in an ocean vortex if he doesn't look away. Seb thinks Charles may be the only storm he wouldn't survive, if he stopped avoiding it.
"Listen," Charles says, and Seb doesn't want to, but he does listen. "I know you don't want to hear this," Charles says and smiles, and it's a horrible smile. Resigned. "But my - my feelings for you haven't changed."
Sebastian's heart skips a beat. Charles steps closer.
"You don't have to do anything, or say anything," he hurries to say. "I understand. I just think you need to know that, when you go away." Charles swallows, like saying the words physically hurts him. It hurts Seb. "When you are home, and saving the world from climate crisis, and raising - I think that's the word, raising your tomatoes, well." Charles smiles, and there is a lifetime of heartbreak in that smile.
"I will miss you every moment, on track and most of those off, and I will think of you, and I will always -" He falters, his eyes darting around until they settle back on Seb's. "I will always remember you," he says like he's saying something else.
"Please, take care, mon ami," Charles says, and pats Seb's forearm briefly, and then he's pulling away, leaving Seb speechless. "Goodbye, Sebastian."
Seb wants to say something, anything, but his throat won't work. Charles smiles again, and Seb feels like crying, but then he sees Mick and Esteban running to join them, and Sebastian tears his focus away from Charles and answers the boys as best as he can when they reach him, chattering about something or other.
His eyes never move from the figure in red walking away slowly, framed by the blinding fireworks of Yas Marina.
(Someone takes a picture of it, of Charles walking away. Sebastian wouldn't admit it, not to anyone, but he prints it out on his home printer in Switzerland, and tucks it into his notebook, the one he carries around with him everywhere.)
*
The seasons change.
He sleeps, and sometimes, he dreams of the lights of Abu Dhabi, and a smile that looks like heartbreak feels.
His phone is heavy in his hand whenever he opens that one text message thread. It's even heavier when he closes it.
*
The message comes an hour earlier, because Charles has never understood timezones.
Happy New Year, Seb. May this one be your best yet :) I miss you.
He looks at the screen until it goes black.
When midnight comes, he prays.
(Not for himself; but for a win nonetheless.)
*
The seasons change.
The new season comes.
Sebastian's fingers itch every race Sunday.
He perseveres.
(He prays, and tosses, and turns, and wishes, wishes harder than he's wished for anything in a long, long time.)
*
He wonders - if love is selflessness, why does it feel so selfish to love like this?
*
He manages to stay away until Monaco.
He can't help himself.
It's Monaco.
He stays at Lewis', and his friend says nothing about it, only gives him a pass to the Mercedes garage. Sebastian appreciates him so, so much.
He watches the whole weekend from the regular seats, only using his pass on Sunday. He doesn't see Charles properly until their eyes meet again, for the first time in half a year, over Charles' Ferrari on the grid before the race.
Charles does a double take, which means Sebastian did a good job of not being seen. His eyes narrow for a moment in absolute confusion, and the straw falls out of his mouth, and Sebastian has forgotten, how absolutely beautiful Charles is right until the moment he smiles that wide, happy smile of his straight at Sebastian.
He can't look away. He knows he may be a fool, and he knows this may crash and burn horribly, but he can't find it in himself to care when Charles is beaming at him, brighter than the sun above.
You just wait, sunshine, the words play in his head. You just wait.
Charles' eyes flick to his race engineer, who's telling him something and Sebastian is just about to move on, when Charles turns back. He mouths something at Seb, eomething he can't decipher. He frowns, but Charles just laughs. He points at his car, then at his starting number on the grid, and then winks.
He still can't wink. Sebastian finds solace in that.
Sebastian raises his crossed fingers, and Charles laughs again, happy and shining, and then people obscure his vision and he has to move, but he's alright with that. He makes his way to Mercedes garage, and Toto pats him on the back, then looks into his face and says "Try not to cheer for the competition on camera, please," and Sebastian just laughs heartily, and puts the headphones on.
*
When Charles raises his pointer finger up from the first place on the podium, staring straight into the camera and grinning through his tears, and George and Lewis both douse him in champagne immediately, Sebastian's laughter is lighter than it has been for years.
Interestingly enough, so is his heart.
*
He opens the text thread.
Do you have time for dinner with an old friend, Monaco GP winner Charles Leclerc? :-)
The reply comes almost instantly.
i do, actually!!!! how long are you here for?? :)))
Sebastian doesn't even think about it as he replies.
For as long as you want me here.
He doesn't even have time to be nervous before he gets the reply that makes him feel like, well. Like he felt in Yas Marina in 2010.
always, then. forever :)
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