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#sebastian x bard
ena333333 · 7 months
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the butler and the chef
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Omg thr so married couple during thanksgiving core
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eemoo1o-animoo · 9 months
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Captions courtesy of @effrvsnt107
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Six Sentence Sunday: To Protect And Serve
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Lazily, I stir awake when I feel a steady puff of warm air against my chest. I crack my eyes open.
My breath freezes in my lungs. Sebastian lies draped over me, artfully arranged as abstract pools of light cast by the amber dawn spill through the drapes.
Most startling of all, he's completely naked, save for his cat ears.
And Christ, he's magnificent. All sleek lines and lean muscle, Sebastian is reminiscent of a lounging panther.
If I didn't wake with morning wood every day anyways, I certainly would now.
My gaze travels over the curves of his arms and shoulders, and his skin is surprisingly unmarred- while I, on the other hand, am covered in scars from my time as a soldier. I follow the lovely dip of his spine and-
Wait, how is his tail still there? There are no straps attached, that I can see...
Curiously, I reach downward and lift the tail lightly, and it does seem to be fastened to something. But I don't see how, unless-
I give it a gentle tug, and it doesn't budge, but Sebastian stirs with a moan.
Fuck, that sound went straight to my groin.
Dropping his tail, I freeze.
Jaws parting to unfurl his tongue, his ivory canines flash in a wide yawn as he readjusts on top of me and stretches one leanly muscled arm, flexing his fingers. Then he blinks down at me with those whiskey-golden eyes, and favors me with a dreamy smile.
My heart begins to pound.
"Um...good morning?" I say lamely.
Sebastian brushes his face over my neck, then licks my cheek.
I guess he really does like me.
Sebastian crawls backwards, maintaining a low center of gravity so I can't see his cock. But then his chest scrapes over my groin, making me hiss through my teeth. The moment he feels the ridge of my erection, his eyes snap up to mine, lips curling into a teasing grin.
Oh, shit.
He drags his fingers over the tenting sheets, and my shaft jerks towards the contact.
Sebastian's hands then tug the cover down my waist, just until I spring free, and those gorgeous eyes sweep over me in appraisal.
And with that, he leans downward, his gaze never leaving mine, and wraps those perfectly molded lips around the head of my cock, nursing gently.
Suddenly, Sebastian sinks down to the hilt without warning, and my hips jerk instinctively into the molten pool of his mouth until the tip touches the softness of his throat and Jesus, Sebastian sucks harder, unfazed. I think he takes my goddamned soul with him when he draws back up.
"Fuck." I curse and slide a hand into his hair, and when he jolts, I am reminded of his hypersensitivity. "Fuck, Sebastian."
As he works me down his throat I struggle to maintain a gentle grip. God, it's been so long since I've had head, and he's fucking amazing at it.
"Jesus, you're so fucking good," I gasp because I can barely speak as he all but purrs around my cock. "so fucking pretty."
I watch his perfect, heart-shaped ass, round and swaying gently back and forth with that tail and shiver as his silky hair falls across my thighs.
Sebastian then withdraws and turns his back on me, arching prettily and curling his fists into the sheets.
Those eyes burn into mine and he traps his lower lip between his teeth in a silent plea, his position an offering. A sinful temptation.
I swallow thickly.
Don't mind if I do.
I sit up on my knees and reach to stroke at Sebastian's fluffy tail, and now I can see that it is attached to—is attached to—
"Fuck."
Sliding my fingers up the furry length, I find that the end that is attached to black silicone wedged deep inside of his ass. He glances back to meet my gaze, and he nods at me, his lips parting in soft pants.
Reaching for the base of the tail, I am mesmerized by the way his puckered flesh furls around it.
I've only ever heard about toys like this from Agni, but I've never seen one before.
I give it a gentle pull, and Sebastian lets out a gasping moan as a flush creeps up his neck to settle into his cheeks.
Ohhh, fuck, he's so pretty when he moans.
"I've finally moved him up to a larger size."
I jolt when Ciel walks in.
"What?"
"The plug."
"Is that what that is?"
Ciel laughs. "My, you are old-school, aren't you?"
"Well... yeah." I admit. "I'm older than your Daddy."
He only curls his tongue over his teeth and raises a brow, telling me without telling me that he loves that more than he probably should.
"A plug helps prepare someone for anal sex. And I've moved him up to the largest size, because Sebastian wants to take us both."
Both?
"At... the same time?"
"Yes."
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You can read chapter 1 - 3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/36663283/chapters/91453651
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justanemailpigeon · 6 months
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Choose ONE ship.
No. We do not accept s3b4c3l here
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funtomfactory · 5 months
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A Kuroshitsuji Christmas
A little Black Butler Christmas thing I threw together, enjoy!
Sebastian: *narrates* It was Boxing Day, late 19th century. Just outside of London, UK, lay the grand Phantomhive manor. Its rooftops were decorated with a sheet of white snow, and its windows shimmered with light coming from within. All of the household was in high spirits; the maid, Mey-Rin, was donning some wreath in her hair. Finny, the gardener, had helped to set up real trees inside. They were decorated with candles and ornaments, and proven to be capable of taking a blow, which was proven by the cook Bardroy when he tried to set the Christmas pudding alight. Old man Tanaka was resting near the fireplace and the footman Snake was handing out hot chocolate to everyone. The season had everyone in its grasp. Everyone, safe for the young master, who was sitting cross-legged in a chair near a tree ladened with presents.
Ciel: *shifts in his chair and grumbles* Ugh, I can't believe how much time I've wasted on social frivolities these last few days, I'm horribly behind schedule on my paperwork....
Sebastian: *whispering, while smirking mischievously* Come now young master, this is a special day for us servants. You owe it to us for all our hard work.
Ciel: *sighs* I suppose you're right. Well then... *turns around towards Finny* Finny, would you be so kind to hand out the first box?
Finny: With pleasure, young master! *Finny jumps up and grabs the nearest box* This one is for... S-Snake... Hey! It's from Lady Elizabeth!
Snake: *takes the box from Finny* From Smile's fiancée? How nice, says Webster.
Ciel: Yes, she was pretty thorough with buying presents this year...
Snake unwrapped the box and looked inside. He pulled out a handful of what appeared to be tiny scarfs and hats.
Bard: Are those...
Ciel: Lizzy insisted that she wanted Snake's snakes to wear matching clothing. She insisted it would make them... *twitches his fingers* That much cuter.
Snake: That's a lovely idea! We'll wear them with pride, says Emily.
As Snake tried to fit his snakes with their new ensemble, the young master guestured Finny to hand out the next gift.
Finny: Here you go, Mey-Rin!
Mey: M-My turn?! Thank you Finny!
Mey-Rin unwraps her gift to reveal a lavishly decorated hair clip.
Mey: Oh my! It's stunning yes it is! Thank you young master!
Ciel nods in approval as Mey-Rin tries to put the clip in her hair. Meanwhile, Finny reads the tag on the third present.
Finny: This one is yours, Bard!
Bard: Alright! Let's see what we've got here! *tears off the wrapping paper* A metal cigarette case!
Sebastian: Since you're prone to... Flammable accidents we thought it suitable to buy you something to at least keep your cigarettes safe from anything catching on fire. It would be a waste if you didn't get to smoke them.
Bard: I don't know if that's a compliment... But I'll take it. Thank you very much!
Finny: *frowns at the next present* This one is for... All of us?
Bard: Well then what are you waiting for?
Ciel: Go ahead Finny, open it up.
Finny rips open the box to reveal a stack of Chirstmas hats. The hats are covered in glitter and ribbons. Ciel moans.
Ciel: Lizzy... What have you done?
Sebastian: It would be an insult not to wear them.... *takes one from the stack and puts in on his young master's head, then puts one on himself* Now we're actually dressed for the occasion.
The other servants cheer as they put on their hats. Ciel slumps in his chair, looking miserable.
Finny: Ah, this box is if you, mister Sebastian!
Sebastian: *looks surprised* For me?
Ciel: *smirks* Did you really think you would be spared?
Sebastian: *takes the box from Finny* I... Well thank you!
Ciel: I wouldn't be so quick with the gratitude...
Sebastian unwraps the present. Inside is a calendar for the new year, each month containing a drawing of cats.
Sebastian: Aah... How adorable...
Ciel: *annoyed* And here I was thinking Lizzy would give you something more...
Sebastian: Unsuitable? That thought hardly fits with the Christmas spirit, young master...
Sebastian hugs the calendar to his chest as Finny hands the next gift to Takana.
Tanaka: Ho ho ho...
Finny helps Tanaka open his present. Tanaka got an expensive looking set of tea cups.
Tanaka: Hoh!
Finny: One for you, young master! *hands Ciel a box*
Mey: Oh! That's from all of us!
Bard: Please enjoy it, young master!
Snake: And a Merry Chirstmas to you! Says Oscar.
Ciel has a quizzical look on his face as he opens the package. The servants got him a set of eyepatches.
Ciel: Wha-... Thank you...
Bard: There's no need to be embarassed about receiving a gift young master!
Finny: Now you can match them with your outfits!
Mey: Me and mister Snake picked them especially for you, yes we did!
Sebastian: *has a look of malice in his eyes as he takes out a bright, crimson eyepatch* How about you try this one, young master? It matches the hat....
There was no room for protest as Sebastian swapped the regular, black eyepatch for the coloured one. Ciel's face was barely a shade away from matching the new ensemble.
Finny: Ah, this package is for Mey-Rin again!
Ciel: Wouldn't you want to unwrap a gift yourself first?
Mey: You can't skip yourself, no you can't!
Finny: O-Okay!
Snake: Here's one with your name on it, says Wordsworth.
Finny took the box Snake pointed at from the stack.
Finny: I wonder what it is... *unwraps his gift* ... It's a book!
Bard: *reads the title over Finny's shoulder* "20 Christmas stories and carols, bundled".... With this, you'll be an expert on Christmas before the next year rolls around!
Finny: Thank you young master!
Ciel smiles as Finny stares at the cover, tears in his eyes.
Ciel: I hope you've been practising your reading skills.
Finny: I have! I'm still not that fast, though... Hey... Here's an idea... Could you read us one of these stories tonight, young master?
Ciel: Wha-
Mey: What a splendid idea that is!
Bard: Hey yeah! That would be fun! We've never heard you read something aloud like that.
Ciel: *blushes* And you never will...
Sebastian: Come now, young master, don't be a spoilsport...
Ciel: Why you... *sighs* ... Fine. But only one, and you'll have to work extra hard to do all the cleaning up in the morning.
Servants: Will do!
Ciel: *flips through the book* Hmm... Ah, here's one. A visit from St. Nicholas.
The servants leaned in closer as Ciel cleared his throat.
Ciel: 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care-
Finny: Stockings?
Bard: Yeah some people put the presents in socks above the chimney.
Mey: Really?!
Finny: That sounds fun! Let's hang our socks above the chimney too!
The servants scrambled on thier feet and ran out of the room.
Ciel: Hey! Wait!
After a while, the servants returned, each carrying a sock. Snake's sock looked wrinkled, and Bard's contained a hole. Ciel blinked in surprise, then shook his head in annoyance. The servants hung their socks on the chimney mantle, then settled down again.
Ciel: Could I please continue the story without any interruptions? ... Here we are... The children were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads, and mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap, had just settled down for a long winter's nap, when out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash, tore open the shutters and threw up the sash. The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow, gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below, when, what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.
Finny: Wow! Santa really has that many reindeers?!
Snake: Do they all have names?
Ciel: *sighs* I'll get to that in a minute... Now... With a little old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick. More rapid than eagles his coursers they came, and he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name; "Now, DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and VIXEN! On, COMET! on CUPID! on, DONNER and BLITZEN! To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall! Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
Finny: They can climb walls?!
Mey: Hush Finny, or we'll never hear the end of the story!
Ciel: As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky, So up to the house-top the coursers they flew, With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too. And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof The prancing and pawing of each little hoof. As I drew in my head, and was turning around, Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
Finny: *rushes to the fireplace, knocking over Tanaka* Santa! Santa are you in the chimney?! But the fire is on! It's hot!
Tanaka: Hoooh!
Bard: Finny! Would you please calm down?!
Snake: You know he's not real, right? Says Webster.
As Bard and Snake tugged Finny back to his place and Sebastian helped Tanaka upright again, Ciel continued.
Ciel: He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot, And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot; A bundle of toys he had flung on his back, And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack. His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow; The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath; He had a broad face and a little round belly, That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly. He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself; A wink of his eye and a twist of his head, Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
Finny: *sighs dreamily* With a description like that... How could he not be real?
Bard: You can't be serious, right?!
Ciel: This is indeed a rather joyful version of Father Christmas. He has also seen other iterations, though... *smirks impishly*
Finny: *a little scared* R-Really?!
Ciel: Read the rest of the book and find out for yourself... Now where was I... Ah... He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, and filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk, and laying his finger aside of his nose, and giving a nod, up the chimney he rose-
There was the sound of something clattering. Looking around with a jerk, the household saw Finny laying on his back on the floor, blissfully asleep, his cup of hot cocoa rolling on the carpet.
Mey: Oh dear...
Bard: He couldn't even finish the story...
Ciel: *snaps the book shut* Well I guess that's the end of it for now then... Sebastian, Bard, bring Finny to his bed. Mey-Rin, Snake, clean away the cups and then it's off to bed. We'll finish the rest of the presents tomorrow.
Servants: *nod* Yes sir!
And so, Sebastian carried Finny downstairs, with Bardroy in tow. They entered thier room and lay Finny down on his bed. As Sebastian pulled him under the covers, Bardroy put on his nightwear.
Bard: I swear he's still just a kid, despite his ridiculous strength.
Sebastian: Kid or not, I'll expect him to work hard tomorrow to mkae up for the ruckus he caused.
Bard: *slides into his bed* Geez, lighten up a bit, it's the one time a year we servants get to taste a bit of magic... Who's the spoilsport now... *turns around and starts snoring*
Sebastian: Magic, hm? *grabs the red duvet from Finny's bed and swings open the window, jumping on the windowsill and climbing towards the roof, the duvet draped over his shoulders*
The cold draft from the open window made its way to Finny, who stirred, searching for his covers.
Finny: Hm? Ah! *spots the open window and scurries over, looking around over the landscape, and spots something crimson* Santa Claus?
Meanwhile upstairs, Snake and Mey-Rin just finished their tasks.
Mey: I know I shouldn't ask, young master, but just how does the story end?
Ciel: *reopens the book and points at the last few lines of the poem* He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, and away they all flew like the down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight-
At that moment, Sebastian soared from the rooftop towards the trees, guised under a blur of red. Ciel looked in disbelief as the jaws of Snake and Mey-Rin dropped to the floor. A few flors below, Finny cheered with delight.
Finny: Santa! Santa! Bard! Look!
Bard: *Sleepy* huh...? Wha-!
As he flew by the windows, Sebastian shouted.
Sebastian: Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
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Part 1
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blue-sterling0357 · 1 year
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Hi! Can I request Bard with a multilingual fem s/o? I can see her maybe asking him out or even flirting with him in her native tongue. Maybe she might call him some pet name like “mi vida,” “corazón,” “amor,” “cariño,” “mi rey,” “amorcito,” etc.
Note: Also, “gordo” is a legit pet name. I know this because I’ve heard it used this way irl.
(Love that for him, imagine him fainting because you called him something romantic in your native language. i also did other languages as you said they're multilingual)
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Bardroy X Multilingual! S/O
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☤ Bardroy loves the fact that you can speak more than one language, he never understand how somebody can learn other languages, like you know Spanish, English, Italian, Korean and Hindi.
☤ Whenever you talk to him, you sometimes unconsciously slip into your languages, it's sccares the shit out of him, but he calms down again after a few minutes, so there's that, use this info as you please my dear summer child.
☤ If you can, please try to teach him some languages, he feels sad knowing he only knows one and that is English, which is something nearly everyone he meets can speak, even if they're foreingers....He's not the easiest to be patient with...
☤ He loves when you call him nicknames from different languages like "Corazón", "Amor", "Mi Vida", "Bello", "Ciccino", "Caro", "Tesoro", "Jannu", "Sundari", "Jagiya", "Yeobo", "Wangjanim", "Nae Sarang" and so many more, he doesn't care as long as he knows you're using it from him and only him.
☤ When you first called him something in one fo your languages, he immediately turned red and fainted there as he got so shy by you calling him something in one of your languages.
☤ Oh! He gets so jealous of people when you talk to them in one of your languages because the person doesn't know English and he knows he shouldn't be, but he can't help it as he thinks it should only be between you and him.
☤ You also asked him out through a love letter in one of your languages, not knowing he had Sebastian translate it and write it down in English for him, only then did he find you and kiss you hard on your cheeks.
☤ He loves when you speak to him or speak to someone in one of the languages as he loves how the words come out and how sweet or badass they sound, he thinks you look sexy when you speak something.
☤ He would have you translate random notes and then he would gifts those notes and letters with something back to you and all embarrased as Sebastian is not patient enough with him to translate things for him to gift to you.
☤ He and others would also sometimes join Ciel and Sebastian to trips to other countries where you and Sebatsian both often prove to be extremely useful to help translate certain languages for them.
☤ Ciel and Sebastian also use you in their investigation to question certain suspects or to find some witnesses for the investigation or to basically search for clues.
☤ Overall Bard loves this thing of you....<3
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What are your headcanons if the circus ark members instead of being adopted and raised by baron kelvin were instead raised by Sebastian in the estate ?
Ooooooooooooooo~!
So, I had a AU in the making where the circus members weren't killed but instead told by Sebastian and Ciel they can live/work at the manor instead of prison or death. This concept sounds fun, need to be tweaked to the canon source though a bit such as timeline, since the Baron Kelvin arc happened in neck breaking pace-
Him seeing the the circus members and takes them in, He goes to a party around this time and meets the Phantomhive family, Tries to be friends with Vincent and has a very creepy break down where he believes he's not worthy of being in the life of a child (gags), The circus members making themselves as a circus performing group of found family, Phantomhive murders, Circus, Ciel gets found, Kidnappings happened
So for this to work we need to find a way to pin this, aka putting this AU in a place where they stayed in the streets longer (Kelvin not showing up) and Sebastian happens to take them in and then getting Ciel like "Hi this is my master now" or putting it right where he takes them in the same night that shit went down when he and Ciel met.
I'mma do that!
Will this be shippy? Very much yes
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It was a stormy night after the demon came to the estate with his new little master, he was in town searching for things he needs to the first officially week of being a butler of a Lord that's the small heir. When walking the streets he saw them, all huddled and cold...
He brought them back to the manor in which he gave them a bath and open bedroom, planning to explain to Ciel the new faces in the morning
Morning comes and Sebastian explains they'll be servants from here on out and will be trained along side the two learning side by side
Doll, since she's the youngest/the closest to Ciel's age, became somewhat of a personal servant that'll hang out with him and give him the kid interactions he needs to grow while Sebastian and Ciel's tutors helps giving both the teachings of their levels. As they got older she became a more protective yet kind soul best friend/personal mortal body guard if Sebastian or the other servants are busy
Beast and Wendy are maids
Dagger and Beast help in the kitchen while Peter, Wendy, and Jumbo help out in the gardens/yard work, and Joker helps with Sebastian calling the shots
Beast is referred to as Mally still but Dagger and Joker were given their names by others, Joker being named Joker for a long while for his smiley spirits and Dagger being called Dagger for his fast learning on knife throwing when doing defense. Doll was named Doll by Joker as the same as the canon
Sebastian hand made the prosthetic
When Finny, Mey-Rin, and Bard were taken in and trained it was a bit easier thanks to these guys being here
Out of everyone, Doll seems to have developed a special soft spot within Sebastian. Some (Ciel) may claim it's cause she's a cat like gentle heart of a human being while others (Sebastian) assume it's cause she's "too good for this sinful world". They have a sibling/father-daughter bond
Peter and Wendy fawn over Sebastian with Mey-Rin
Doll's free to dress how she wants with the comfort of everyone else around her, same with the other servants, but there are events when many people come to the manor she must wear a typical maid uniform that has some design requested by Sebastian
Nina Hopkins's had a feel day when designing and knowing these guys!
Think this scene but with Beast-
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Rest of canon within the manga and I will do them now:
Black Butler Arc:
When Chlaus came to visit he gave them little gifts since they were beside Ciel from the very beginning, he calls Doll "ragazza piuttosto lentigginosa" which means "pretty freckled girl"
They all help Ciel with Funtom things, Doll being the biggest supporter among the entire manor and gets free taste samples guaranteed!
Now, they knew of Lizzy but never had the formal pleasure of meeting her or at least for Joker and Doll's case since they were there for some early meeting shits for a long time, so they were confused when she just randomly showed up
Lizzy dressed them up, need I say more?
When they heard Ciel never learned to dance they were allowed to snicker since by this point they're allowed to
The night when Lizzy came to the manor and threw a ball was the night where Doll, despite the engagement between Lizzy and Ciel, offered to sleep beside Ciel which comforts the two and makes Sebastian happy in a way
Whenever Madam Red and Lau and the other nobles come to the manor to play pool and gossip with Ciel, Doll and Joker are there usually beside him while everyone else does their normal duties with the servants.
One of these meetings Lau drops how close Doll and Sebastian are and how soft the "stoic dark butler" is to her, in which Ciel replies he doesn't see the difference
When Ciel get kidnapped and Sebastian left, Doll was told to come along since (again) she's Ciel's protective af bestie and personal body guard besides Sebastian, Joker being in command until the return
Now since their first month knowing each other Sebastian taught Doll hand to hand combat and knife moves, so she's skilled with blades and is still rather flexible cause lets face it I doubt she just happened to grow flexible in the circus she was already pretty limber
But when it came to Sebastian saving Ciel personally he told her to wait outside no matter the sounds she hear, a normal thing she learned
During the event when Ciel was inviting the orphans from Count Barton's orphanage it was roughly the same except Ciel wasn't the only one who did the chocolate head stealing-
Red Butler Arc:
As the word of Jack the Ripper rises, when Ciel get roped in to the case, the group were split in two investigations within the group. One half being the ones doing researching within the gutters and streets (which was Joker, Beast, and Jumbo) and the other half being the main story (which was Doll, Dagger, Peter, and Wendy)
Doll likes Grelle
When visiting Undertaker, the four couldn't help but feel creeped out somehow with him and how he interacted with him
Peter and Wendy attempted a dirty limerick to make Undertaker laugh
Dagger did his best jokes from Joker which fails
And Doll just failed cause she was nervous
Bro, picture Doll's face when Sebastian jumped out the moving carriage-
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With the two halves working together they came up with our Viscount Lord of Druitt, our literal Cult of Dionysus man with no ifs and or buts when it comes to party and sex, Aleister Chamber and found out about the party with rumors of a black market auctions at his place
Doll pretended to be a young man who's engaged to Ciel's undercover persona as Madam Red's niece and Dagger and Beast pretend to be her maid and butler
Ciel's pissy she got to wear pants for this event
At one point they were gonna get cause so Doll pinned Ciel by a wall and made it seem she was going to kiss him to avert gaze, which peeked the interest of Aleister to help before the dance
Despite they're findings being wrong and the many apologizes from Doll, she can't shake the feeling of dread of failing her mission
They were all there during the reveal and were shocked and hurt over it
In a move to save Ciel Joker lifted his arm up costing his prosthetic against Grelle's death scythe
Madam Red was pretty much all of their first mother figures so to see her being a killer and then killed herself hurt
Her past revealed didn't help
They all stayed on the ground with Ciel as Sebastian and her battle it out
Then William showed up-
"Mr Suit ruining the fun. . ." mumbles Doll as she sees him save Grelle
The funeral was hard since it was their first one ever and let's just say they all had a bit of a mental crisis about life and found it nice Ciel made a grave for Mary Jane Kelly, especially Joker who mainly helped this case to find closure of his mother
The aftermath was rather hard for a lot of them, the manor felt cold since unlike his parents Ciel wasn't the only one grieving within the manor
I think Joker gets along best with Francis and she doesn't "fix" his hair unlike the others which annoyed the crap out of Peter
They all stayed behind in the manor as Francis and Ciel have their little hunting contest but Doll joined after Lizzy's begging to join the fun. She agreed and it was kind of a fun bonding think with Sebastian and her
During Ciel's birthday celebration it was just a touch less chaotic since Joker, Beast, Dagger, Jumbo, Peter and Wendy were there
While Sebastian sighs about the cake he made he and Doll shared it
Indian Butler Arc:
Winter is fun in this household I'll say it now
Lots of Doll being the best bestie during the snow
When the assaults and crime happen, Beast tried to tell Sebastian maybe he should try and convince Ciel to step this out since it still hasn't been much time since the Jack the Ripper moment
Despite Ciel's and Sebastian protests, the gang joined him in Lau's den to search for could do this, not wanting to leave them alone after everything
Dagger and Joker and Jumbo were flustered at the girls in Lau's den and Beast did her best not to punch Lau for offering her and Doll wear the dresses
In the East End they drop knowledge of the levels of survival, which gives Sebastian and Ciel a painted picture of what their lives may be like if they didn't save them
None of them have sympathy over the con-mens who tried using the scam on Ciel
Soma ordered Agni to attack, but has a pause on Beast, Doll, and Wendy, and also Peter despite Peter taking offence over that
After Ciel explained what was happening with everyone help of "What the literal hell" and the crisis was averted, they went to the town house
Agni and Soma are there and Doll, Joker, and Dagger (being how I headcanon them being thirsty knowledge nerds) were amazed to hear he's a prince
After Doll pleaded to Ciel they agreed for the two to stay from the cold for the night, which she regretted later when she slept in Ciel's room and Soma gave them that crazy wake up call with him teasing how Ciel has his "brother" sleeping in his bed still hinting at Doll
When hearing about Soma's and Agni's search for Mina, Ciel couldn't help but feel pain
Joker, Doll, and Dagger are more amazed by the statue of Kali
When they kept showing up throughout the entire day with all of Ciel's lessons and stuff, the group found is honestly amusing
Doll and Soma got along faster than the rest which somehow annoys Ciel
Sebastian teased his friend is making a friend her level of social ques
During this someone drops Doll's a girl which makes Soma joke Ciel's a "sly smooth dog" to have her in his bed
He tried telling Doll to undress for Ciel to paint which earned him a little kick from Doll
After Ciel and Soma fenced he fenced with Doll who kicked his butt harder than Ciel in which Sebastian explained to Agni on the side lines he taught her well
Watching the butlers duke it out was fun!
Soma and Doll bond a bit more after than in which he ask why her hair covers her face in which Beast scolded that's rude
Does anyone else think Wendy would have a crush on Agni?
Some respect was raised from Joker when he heard Agni's past, cause he gets it
Agni and Joker relate to their pasts and having a basic sunshine ball who saved them i.e. Doll and Soma
During the dinner when Soma talks more on Mina, Doll somehow finds it so romantic he's doing all this for love despite she's just a maid to others but doesn't really get why she romance was never her thing
They weren't there for the Agni reveal but were told. Doll got Sebastian random ass deer head mask in return
Wendy feels upset and realized her romantic attraction to the butler when she hears his deeds
They all know of Ciel's past, but hearing it again hurts, as it hurts Soma hearing their pasts of being abused and abandoned left and right from everyone until they were saved by Sebastian and Ciel
Curry contest happens, lots of bonding and test tasting of curry
Doll wore a nice dress and Soma gave her one of his golden necklaces he forgot to give her when they became friends, as a thank you gift
Both Ciel and Doll cringe over memories of Aleister and the party
Lots of tears
Joker and them all ind of met Victoria before either in a previous case or when they go to the palace with Sebastian and Ciel who hangs for tea
Circus Arc:
Obviously since this is different cause the ones involved in the circus arc are main characters now, we'll change this!
Baron Kelvin still met the Phantomhive family and gone crazy, while he didn't find the OGs he did take in some orphans from his workhouse and others from the streets that led to the chaos of kidnapping and murder.
After getting word of the circus and leaving Undertaker's, Ciel, Sebastian, Beast, Joker, and Doll head to the circus to watch
Same stuff with the tiger and Sebastian still happened but Beast ran out to him to yell at him more, the tiger got calm when she saw her which peeked the interest of the ring master. Doll got roped in and so did Joker
After the show Sebastian was called back to get checked up by the circus' doctor and Beast and Doll came with while Joker stayed with Ciel
The ring master express impress with the three, for Sebastian's bravery and skills, Beast's somehow able to tame the usual agro tiger, and Doll's speed and flexibility
They convinced him to let them and the other "recently fired servants" join their circus
Of course Ciel was annoyed they did this without his permission but agreed in the end
Sebastian, Beast, and Doll were basically given the parts of circus members that night
Dagger did some knife throwing
Jumbo proved his strength was no laughing matter
Peter and Wendy did some tight rope walking and tricks
And Joker just got in with simple ease of doing things circus like
Ciel went through his normal trail
Doll and Ciel used the names "Tom" and "Finnian", Doll using "Tom" as a reference to "Tom the Piper's Son", and they use the guise they're brothers as Doll hides her gender
Doll was given the nickname Freckles by the troupes and was given a role of helper and tightrope walker who cross dresses since they had a dress her size
Dagger had to dye his hair that blond style with the black peek to make him look "cooler". It got stuck afterwards
When William appeared again it took Joker and Ciel to hold Doll's hands to not pounce on him
After some tricks Doll and Ciel got a tent their own and Jumbo, Peter, and Wendy share a tent while Joker and Dagger share a tent and Beast gets to share one with some other groups who tend to animals
The shower scene was somewhat different with both Ciel and Doll having a moment of panic in which Ciel quickly came up with a lie that in their previous manor they were forced to bath with others who beat them and cut them for their youth, so in pity the ring master allowed them to use a more isolated yet small shower to share
That was awkward.
Now Doll has seen Ciel's brand in their early years of being friends and staying in the same place when she walked to the bathroom without knocking and saw it which resulted in a yelling from Ciel
The two didn't even look at each other but Doll did rub his back for him and he returned the favor but it was hesitant and fast moved
That night they had a heart to heart talk with each other
Doll grew close with a circus performer named Snake who's a snake charmer/dancer
The night Ciel got a asthma attack Doll stayed by his side no matter what
Thanks to Doll, Soma and Agni, Ciel stayed in the townhouse after arriving back
Ciel left later that night to meet this Baron Kelvin man, making sure none of Joker and them will follow them
When they arrived back they all comfort Ciel's clear sign of distress, which he confessed by the fireplace what happened in grave detail
Phantomhive Manor Murders Arc:
Life back in the Phantomhive manor was fun.
Doll ask and got permission by Ciel to keep calling him "Smile" just not in front of others and he gets to call her "Freckles" in return
The Double Charles show up and Grey actually had a little nerve to flirt on to Beast much to her eye-rolling moves
I'd like to think Joker had a small side plot thought of finding out more on Grimsby Keane cause he had a moment of thinking they're related somehow
Doll is forced to wear dresses-
She and Arthur get along
Beast got plenty of Georg von Siemens harassment
When Georg gets murder, high alert by all
Doll's, Peter's and Wendy's, Jumbo's, and Dagger's alibis are the same which is they were in the billiards room while Beast's and Joker's alibis were cleaning with the servants
Doll was ready to throw hands at Lau's accusation of Ciel
To prove Ciel isn't a murderer they chain him with Arthur in a random room, who to join is Doll per request of Sebastian since she's able to protect both (Grey backed that shit up fast cause of how she fought in the kitchen) and would make a second witness to each person as Arthur and Ciel are both their witnesses of alibi
In the late night Sebastian gives the servants their original orders with him telling Joker to help with every little thing for tomorrow and staying beside Tanaka, Dagger to get some dining sets ready early in the morning, Beast to help Finny with the fire, Peter and Wendy to fix the paintings in the hallway, Jumbo to help the guests and give Doll a pocket watch
That same hour of the night when he gave Ciel a new pillow, he handed a very groggy half asleep Doll a stack of letters and tell her to give them to Joker and the rest some time the next day and rubbed her hair;
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This is his gesture with Doll
He also told Doll her letter is hidden in the kitchen
In the morning, Ciel saw Sebastian first out of the three who were locked in a room all night. Bard tried to prevent Doll from seeing but it was too late. . . Doll falls to her knees wailing, tears burning her face, sobbing more with Ciel's display of disbelief and denial
As Tanaka got the butler pins back, he and Joker take the roles of head servants as Joker realized that's what Sebastian meant the night before
Jumbo gave Doll the pocket watch
The found Patrick's body and Peter is just about done with this shit
When Karl threatened Ciel they all were pretty peeved as everyone would assume
Lau decided to be a dick and ask ciel and Doll what their actual relationship is, implying if Ciel was out of his chains she would easily lie and how odd it was Ciel slept soundly. He got slapped by Doll which no one scolded her on not even Lau cause he was honestly impressed
They searched the servant's bedrooms with the luggage and Sebastian's room to cancel out suspects
During the search in Sebastian's room Grey asked what was Doll's deal to Ciel; "That reaction was rough to watch than listening to. I would assumed her body got punched." Said Grey, twiddling with the cat toy he found. Ciel had a moment to pause, as if picking his words correctly, "The best..." He started, pausing again, "The best was to explain them is family... Upon the second day being my butler Sebastian came back with her in tow of others, claiming to take them in easily. Over the years I watched how he taught her how to read and write, how to cook, how to fight, how to be human. . . In other words their relationship is hard in words of my own...It's a bond I can't ever dare dream of one day breaking... Now that's he's gone...half of her is gone now to..."
Finny and Mey-Rin's rain crying session and Bard's speech is the same but with everyone else
When Doll got back inside she changed into a black dress Sebastian gave her forever ago with the pocket watch attached, making a promise to be strong for Ciel
Jeremy arrived and they all felt something was...odd with him
At one point Doll was helping preparations when Jeremy arrived and told her it isn't healthy to hide her tears in such a state, especially over "some butler". He comforts her as she tells him Sebastian wasn't just nor will never be just "some butler", tucking her hair behind her ear
At another point Joker struggled with his braids and started to tear up just when Jeremy arrived and helped him as Joker vents
Yet another moment in the kitchen he calls Peter and Wendy to help with booze, saying he senses they're the most wisest and doesn't talk to them as children
When the killer got revealed to be a snake, everyone was-
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Doll stopped Karl from running out the manor with a cartwheel kick
Doll finally gave the letters to everyone and found her's in the kitchen where it's facing a window that shows a fence Doll used to play on when the guest were leaving
The letter's basically told them all that happened up til Sebastian's "death" truth and all and different words for each person. Basically confirming their feelings of odd towards Jeremy and the small feelings of familiar when they're near him
They still believed he died, since they don't know he's a demon still, so when he rose from the grave after Finny and Jumbo take his ringing ass coffin out the ground the tackle hug hurts more than hell
Luxury Liner Arc:
Snake is now part of the Phantomhive family and Doll has been his main friend and supporter since day one
Wendy teased Peter a lot about the whole thing with Ran-Mao in Ciel's clothes and he got flustered
April showers are the best with this group~!
Doll and Joker kind of got extra protective since the house murder party, which is why they wound up going on the Campania ship trip with Lizzy and her family, Mey-Rin Finny Tanaka and Bard staying behind
Dagger was about to stay behind due to his low-key-high-key fear of ships
Again, Doll's force to dress in dresses which can't be helped but Sebastian brought her pants and everyone including Snake other outfits
I saw that Doll and Edward were shipped at one point in AO3 tags so that was fun- Edward has a slight crush on Doll but could never pinpoint it
These are more or less the outfits they wore during the party
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Doll and Ciel danced at one point during the party after Ciel overheard Doll getting shit talked about her looks
Basically this trip made Doll realize her deep feelings on Ciel and suffered conflict with it
She followed Ciel and Sebastian when she saw them sneak off and found them wigged up and, having no time to send her away, gave her Sebastian coat and Ciel's extra eye patch to disguise her the best they could
So she saw the corpse thing first hand
As Ronald got the souls and fought Sebastian, Ronald happened to drop he could help inform Doll and her friends their pasts if she helps him defeat Sebastian. Tempted, but she refused
Doll follows Ciel down to the lower freight to the storage area where they ran into Lizzy and Snake
Doll protected them the best she could with her blades
Meanwhile as bizarre dolls climb up to the main decks, Joker and everyone protected the best they could
While Sebastian informed the Midford family Lizzy's safe, he informed them they need to go for the heads which was easy for Dagger's knife throwing skills and the new wire string weapons Peter and Wendy has now
Jumbo picked up many people to help save them as he stomps on some BD's heads
When the iceberg hits, Joker took a look at the damage and cursed
Beast ripped a big chunk of her dress to wrap a cut on Grey's arm
When the water floods the boiler room, Snake remained with Stoker and Doll as Ciel and Lizzy get stuck on the other side, Doll and Ciel had a moment of having their hand against the door before she left
To prevent slowing them down, Doll quickly strips of her dress and remained in her petticoat and bloomers and corset with Sebastian's coat as her cover up, heels ditched and now a weapon
Joker did he best to protect a lot of the children who were just sadly there, Beast fought along side Grey and Dagger
Peter got a cheek smooched by a very grateful noble woman
When fight the Bizarre Dolls in her area, Doll recalls the simple training from Sebastian and how close she is to Ciel and Sebastian, making a promise to meet with them again
When meeting with them and Lizzy again with Snake, Doll cut her feet against the broken glass hidden in the water in which Snake piggybacked her
Everyone reunites and Joker took over holding Doll
None of them want to leave Sebastian and Ciel behind, especially not Doll since a lot happened when she's gone but Jumbo knocks her out after she was gonna jump out of Joker's hold
When she woke up she was in the life boat with the others, holding Sebastian's pocket watch and Ciel's extra eye patch
When Undertaker stabbed Sebastian and revealed his memories, they were the same but with them in the memories with Sebastian teaching them and helping them. Memories of Doll crying and running to his room in the middle of night was one of the first during that turn of respect in Ciel's and Sebastian's relationship. Another was of during a dark night Sebastian finds not only Doll in a sleeping Ciel's bed but everyone else either on the bed or around it asleep
When the two reunited with the others, they got lots of ear fulls and crying hugs from them all.
Sebastian's tackle hug was worst than when he "came back from the dead"
Doll made them promise to never do anything without her again
Dagger swears to never go on a boat again
Peter smugly informs he got "more than a few kisses" from the rescuer ship. Never specified any further
Easter is here at last and Doll finally wore pants to the party
The egg hunt was longer now cause more people
Teams were; Edward and Nina, Mey-Rin and Bard, Snake and Finny, Soma and Agni, The Double Charles, Doll and Joker, Dagger and Beast, Peter and Wendy and Jumbo were a trio, and Ciel and Sebastian
Doll and Joker were the main team to go up against Ciel and Sebastian and the Double Charles
As Ciel tries to get the egg Doll was trying to get it as well using her tricks from life and the circus event while Joker helps Sebastian fight the Double Charles
Phipps decided to name the chick Joker cause he spared so well
Public School Arc:
The night Ciel made plans to attend Weston College, Doll barges in the room revealing she was listening in on this talk
She scolded them for make these plans without her and demanded she go with, saying how she swore to never leave them alone anymore and even threatened if they refuse her she won't ever forgive them
This brings Sebastian some worry, he never had Doll not forgive him before, it sounds like a big threat
So year she's attending
Doll used the name of "Thomas "Tom" Rathbone", using Jeremy Rathbone's name title after both Sebastian and Ciel said it was fine that they "got his permission"
They get assigned to their houses with Ciel in Blue House and Doll in Violet House
Doll had to be very careful in the dorms, with Sebastian informing the school (in the guise as Jeremy Rathbone) that "his son has a medical issue that gets worst if he stays in a dorm packed of people" so she wound up getting a more quiet all-be smaller room
The one time Doll gets to fall Sebastian "Father" and it's a Catholic way-
Doll and Ciel message each other through a note in the confession booth in the church if they can't meet up somehow
Doll met Maurice Cole and there's a connection in a way, maybe cause Doll doesn't fully believe that man is a male
Cheslock: Sup Freckled Face Doll: Oh hello Scar Face
If it isn't obvious, Cheslock and Doll have a toe to toe relationship of "fuck you", has been since Doll threw a pebble at Cheslock for throwing rocks at Ciel
Doll got transferred to Green House some time after Maurice tricked Ciel, all thanks to Cricket and bullying-
So Doll got along with McMillan in a way and kicked some ass when she caught some bullies bugging the boy. She grabbed one of their cricket bat and swung dangerously close to the crotch She got three Ys This was all caught by Herman Greenhill and him and Gregory Violet did a bit of war to see who'll have this one
Edward had no idea Doll was there in a ruse of a boy identity until he saw her in the dorm
He kept quiet at first but soon pulled her aside and demanded a reason
Doll came up with a lie saying she actually wanted to feel worthy enough to be the best friend of Ciel Phantomhive and worthy of Sebastian's praise by getting a better schooling, her planning on Weston due to her afraid to be away from Ciel and, dare she shall admit, Edward
He decide to help her be comfortable but fueling the lie of Doll having a condition that requires her own room and was invited to the Swan Gazebo after hearing how she saved a student
Maurice made plans to make it Hell for Doll as well which annoys Ciel more and broke him to call upon Soma
And when I mean Hell for Doll I mean arranging someone in Green House who's connected to Maurice to break into Doll's room and tear it apart, even ripping apart her books
This led to Edward sharing a bedroom with her for the while until certain things get repaired
Soma's lie on why Doll is there is cause she just refused to be alone. Not a full lie but eh
Ciel and Doll confronts Maurice on his lies and Maurice reveals he had the art room set up for his goons to attack them, Ciel's ready to fight more cause Doll is roped in on this sick violation
Herman and Edward admires the two for being so protective and strong for each other
As Clayton takes Ciel as his Fang (I'm using a new name for it cause even though it met something else it's a no for me) Edward takes Doll as his Fang.
Some time pass and Doll gets along with the Prefects and the Fangs beside Edward and Cheslock and Doll's room been fixed
Picture gossips within that Gazebo once Doll is added to the mix
Edgar Redmond drops the bomb he sense Doll is in love and pestered who it is, so Doll simply said "I am but it's not meant to be" which Edgar swoons over "forbidden romance"
Doll chilled Cheslock out after the fire
Ciel gets picked for the Blue House team for June 4th and Doll, with Edward backing it up, gets picked for Green House's team
Doll likes looking like a knight for this entrance
When Aleister gets revealed to be Edgar's uncle, Doll gags in secret.
However Aleister recognize Doll! But not from the cruise, but from that ball with the "beautiful robin in pink", in which Edgar teases her saying he "sees her forbidden love was real"
When escaping the teasing Edgar ran into Joker who came and the two kind of...clicked
"Midford! Phantomhive! Permission to dance with your Lady Elizabeth?" Doll called out with a small smirk when Lizzy went to her
Doll gave her the same lie as she told Edward
Cheslock: "I hope to soon kick your ass in cricket Freckle Face." Doll: "Well I hoe your dreams are as vivid as your music talent when you lose Scar face"
Doll heard about the Red House upset stomach act and was appalled Ciel went that far
Green House vs Blue House is a fun game of "Oh yeah, I'm kicking your ass no strings attached" between Doll and Ciel
Edward made sure no one knew Doll's gender in the changing rooms and game
When Ciel got whacked in the head everyone screamed out, but Doll was a touch louder when she screamed "Smile"
Doll went to the inferiority with Sebastian and Ciel, and as Sebastian left the room for a second the two had a moment where they nearly kissed
Cheslock's face when it's revealed Sebastian's a butler, his prefects are murders, and Doll's a girl;
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After the case was closed Doll still writes to Cheslock, Edward, Clayton, and Cheslock Ciel knows now he may have feelings for Doll
During the London visit Joker got some juggling balls cause Edgar called him "jester" as a humor, Dagger got new blades, Beast got a new bag, Jumbo got books to read, Peter and Wendy got wine cause ye, And Doll got a hat with a nice specially made hair pin.
Emerald Witch Arc:
I headcanon Peter has German roots so he was excited
By this point the others know of Doll's crush on Ciel
Joker is still thinking on that pretty blond man he met during the 4th of June
CHLAUS IS BACK
Witches curse? Sounds like something that peeks in interest of the thirsty new knowledge nerds~
The village is cute-
Oh wait it's a bunch of women with weapons
Everyone's in love with Sieglinde's home
I was letting my sister read this whole post cause by this point it has taken me TWO DAYS to write down and she comments how Wolfram is now another person Wendy would have a serious crush on after he addressed her as her actual age and not how she looks
Ciel is still shocked how Sieglinde eats but not too much cause Doll still doesn't eat like how he does
Sieglinde grew attached to Doll fast since she's the first female her age
No one was there when Sieglinde randomly offered a threeway with Sebastian and Ciel
With Finny, Doll was picked to help Ciel after he got effected by the "curse"
Sieglinde and Peter kind of bond over the sense of being stuck with a "curse". I see Peter hating his condition more than Wendy, who more or less accepted it now
She gave him a customized male version of her dress as a thank you
Doll literally bit Sebastian when he was dragging her and Finny out
Joker's hair got cut short while they escaped
Doll and Peter were with Ciel and Sieglinde so they were able to help them switch clothes
Doll got to stab with the hair pin
Sorry it took a while and I'm stopping at the end of Emerald Witch's arc, cause as much as I want to write the Phantom-Five and everything I'm going to take a pause. I wrote this for days and I'm feeling sick guys, plus the arcs to follow are the R!Ciel territory so yeah, I'd like to hear your thoughts while I sleep
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senualothbrok · 4 months
Text
Enough
Summary: You agreed to help Astarion with the Rite of Profane Ascension, but you can't watch him go through with it. You interrupt the ritual, and Astarion turns on you. Now, you must deal with the aftermath of your actions.
Word count: 3.6k
Disclaimers: Non-18+. Astarion x female Tav. Angst. Trauma and recovery. A very angry Astarion.
AO3 link
This is the first fanfic I have written for about 20 years. I should be working on my novel, but this story honestly possessed me. I hope someone out there reads and enjoys this! If not, it was therapeutic and cathartic to write it.
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You have heard it a thousand times. The tales and the histories, all the songs you have sung. You are a bard, after all, and this story is as old and worn as your heart. Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
You know this, and you have seen it. You have seen it twist kind men into savages, transform wary women into beasts. Your own family had suffocated you under its clutches, leveraging your gifts and talents for ever more power and influence. Stripping you bare, squeezing out every drop they could get from you. You were their very own song bird, pushed about and paraded until your fingers were raw and throat was hoarse, to grant them entry into the best parties and social circles. But you were never enough. You never sang sweetly enough, or got large enough crowds. Not enough people knew you. You should have been prettier, more alluring. All the things they made you do, but you never did enough. It was never enough.
When you had escaped from them, you had vowed you would never be like them. You had promised yourself you would never become the thing you fought against. You would be different. Better. You would be good.
And yet.
You are standing in Cazador’s palace. Blood spatters the smooth ivory of Astarion’s skin. In the nightmarish hue of the ritual chamber, he glows a strange green. His crimson eyes are all fear and desperation.
“I can do this, but I need your help.”
In that moment, you cannot say no. If it were anyone else, you would refuse. There have been many conversations with Astarion - around the campfire, in his tent, even as you walked around the labyrinth of Cazador’s living hell. You have talked to him at length about this moment. You have listened as he has confessed guilt and need and hesitation and rage. You have been kind and patient, always careful not to criticise him, not to push back too much, not to hurt him. You have been good. He must make his own decision, you have been telling yourself. He has suffered enough.
So you open your mind to him, because he asks you to. You feel his frenzied hunger as he devours the sight of every scar on his back, as though their cruelty is now beauty. You watch his features which you have come to know so well. You have seen them in sleep, in battle, in laughter, in pain.  You have seen them shrouded and masked, bare and open. You watch now as they contort into something that you recognise from so many other faces and times. And as you watch, you can barely hear Cazador’s deafening screams, or register the way his mangled mess writhes and gushes. All you can see is Astarion’s widening smile as he carves at Cazador’s back, his eyes dilating like sinkholes.
You think it, even as he whisks away Cazador’s mutilated body like a rag doll. Even when Astarion slams the staff on the ground and everything around you blazes red as the blood of his convulsing siblings and the seven thousand spawn about to be slaughtered. Even when Gale and Karlach cry out at Astarion to stop, that this is a mistake, that the cost is too great. Even then, you think to yourself: this is what he wants. It is his choice. It is his right.
But in the scarlet haze, you are remembering. You are thinking of his trembling voice when he promised a broken husk called Sebastian, just moments ago, that he would free him. You think of the way his soft eyes glistened when he had thanked you and clasped your hand, stunned with the realisation that he was not just a thing to be used. You feel the crushing weight of Vellioth and Cazador and the decaying dungeons and centuries upon centuries of madness and terror. And you remember the tenderness with which he had looked at you, not days ago, believing the power of the ritual would keep you both safe. That he would protect you with it.
“I can feel their power flowing into me!”
You stare at him, spreadeagled, monstrous.
Something has begun to well inside you, like a cracking of ice, a convulsion of tears. In that whispering, you remember the promise you made yourself all those years ago.  And you know, from a deep and tattered place within you, that that promise is greater than your yearning for his love.
The blade springs from your hand on its own. You watch it sing through the air and hit its perfect note in Cazador’s maimed gut. Astarion and his siblings crumple to the floor. The crimson mist lifts, and in the silence you know, with the certainty of death, that you have lost him.
You say something, but you know it is meaningless. Nothing can repair the mistake you have made. You could have refused to help him when he asked. You could have reasoned with him, urged him to stop and think. You could have told him, from the start, that you could not go through with it. And now, you have kept your promise to yourself, but not to the man you love.
When he rises from his knees and turns to you, it is the face of a stranger that you see.
“I was so close. I could have had it all, but you took everything from me.”
Hatred hardens in his every word. And then, a tide of despair.
“Cazador won after all. I’ll never escape the hell he built.”
You cannot bear it. Your failure rips through you, and you want to reach out to him, to beg and plead and weep. But you just stand there.
He looks down at the staff in his hand.
“And if I can’t escape, then no one can.”
He splits the staff on his knee. It makes such a small sound as it splinters, but it echoes through you like an avalanche. It is the sound of seven thousand spawn being condemned to death. It is the sound of their eternal suffering. And it is all because of you. The horror and guilt erupts inside you.
It happens so fast after that. There is no time to think, to feel, to act. There is the glint of a dagger raised. You are knocked back, and a searing pain slices through your shoulder as you stare up at bared fangs looming over you. Your limbs are heavy with shock, and suddenly you feel a surge of heat and the great arc of Karlach’s war hammer over you. You hear Gale shout out a spell, and you watch as Astarion topples to the side, frozen except for the furious twitching of his eyes.
“Don’t!” you hear yourself shout. “Please, stop!”
Karlach and Gale rush to your side, cradling you up, fussing over your shoulder. But you do not feel it. You do not really feel anything. All you can do is look from them back to Astarion, pleading, but you are not sure what for.
---
“You can release his hold now.”
You are back at camp, and you have recovered your voice. For a long time, you could not speak. Shadowheart and Halsin tended to your arm, speaking soothing words over you. Gale and Karlach came to sit with you, their faces creased with concern. Wyll, Lae’zel and Jaheira stood at a distance, arguing in hushed voices. All the while, you stared into the distance, thinking of the hatred in Astarion’s gaze, and everything you had done to deserve it.
“I really don’t think that’s a good idea,” Gale says, frowning.  
“We can’t keep him like that forever.”
“The man turned on us. He tried to kill you.”
You look into Gale’s eyes. There is warmth there, streaked with pity.
“Can you blame him?”
Gale scoffs. “Yes, I can.” Then he pauses. His voice softens. “Well, perhaps in the circumstances, in the heat of the moment…” He shakes his head. “But he truly would have killed you, had Karlach and I not intervened. And that is inexcusable, after everything you – all of us - have been through with him. After everything you have done for him.”
Your vision blurs and stings.
“I fucked up, Gale. How could I have fucked up so royally? I should never have let him start the ritual. I should never have agreed with it. I’ve broken him. Seven thousand innocent people will die in agony because of me. Because I was…”
You are not used to burdening others with your emotions. You give and not take, even when you have nothing. When you are nothing. But now, you are afraid that you will break.
“…Because I failed.”
Without hesitation, Gale lays a hand on yours. It is a such a kind gesture that it chokes you. You have always been the one to look after others, to give them what they need. That is your role. It is what you exist for. If you cannot do that, what are you good for?
“Those things were never your responsibility, my dear friend. They were never your burdens to carry.”
“But he trusted me.”
“That does not mean that you must give him everything, or watch him destroy thousands of people and himself.”
You ball your fists. “Then I should have told him that, from the start. But I went along with it-”
“Because you love him.”
You have not spoken about this with Gale or anyone else. You know it is common knowledge that you and Astarion are entangled, but you have always wanted to hide the love you feel for him away. You have always known that whatever it was that lay between you was fragile. Astarion himself was not sure what you were.
Attachment does not come easily to you. You know that if you give people what they need, there is a chance that they will stay. But there is also a chance that they will snap their heads one day and no longer want what you have to offer. And then, they will go.
You have always tried to guard yourself against the pain of that departure. Even with Astarion.
“Many a mistake has been made for love,” Gale continues. “I understand this better than most.”
“This is a monumental fuck up,” you breathe. “Not a simple mistake.”
He arches an eyebrow. “Do you really want to start a competition about the magnitude and impact of our mistakes? Because if so, I believe that I would be a clear winner, and some others in our camp may also be worthy competitors.”
You are too weary to laugh. Too broken.
“Besides, I am sure if we knock our considerably enriched heads together, we can find a way to open those dungeons and release those prisoners. Especially with such a range of talented and well-resourced allies to draw on.”
You can see the questions taking shape in Gale’s head already. You give him a weak smile.
“You are only human, my friend. I know you try to be better than any of us, but even you are permitted to make mistakes.”
When he clasps you tightly to his chest, you let yourself rest into it. You want so badly to believe he is right, but you are not sure you can.
---
As you approach Astarion, you gesture behind you. You know the rest of them are all watching, wary and ready to strike at the faintest sign of danger. But you stand them down, and they linger at a respectful distance.
Released from Gale’s hold, Astarion hunches over slightly, like a cat backed into a corner. He knows he is outnumbered and vulnerable. He does not lunge towards you. His arms lie flat against his sides, his hands free of weapons. His fangs are hidden behind the tight line of his lips.
“What you did to me is worse than staking me. You might as well finish me off now.”
Every word is a cut. You flinch at each one, but you do not avert your gaze from his. Any gentleness, affection, and truth in those eyes is gone, locked behind blood-red walls. And in his abject contempt, you find a kind of freedom.
If he has already left, then you need not please him. If you are not enough, then it does not matter what you say. You have lost him already. He does not love you.
So you say what you wish you had said, from the moment that he showed you who he was, the moment you fell in love with him.
“The ritual would have killed you, your siblings, and seven thousand innocents.”
“Spare me,” he snarls. “You nodded and cooed at me, like you understood me, like you would help me. ‘I’m here for you, Astarion. I’ll help you Astarion. Tell me what you need and I’ll be there, Astarion.’ You fucking liar. You godsdamned hypocrite. You never understood me. You never wanted to help me.”
His fury is like a lash, but the pain is sobering. You brace yourself against it.
“I never said I would help you become Cazador, or let you kill thousands of people for power.”
“Please.” His laugh is vicious. “I told you from the start what I wanted. If you didn’t see that, then you’re blind. Delusional. A self-righteous idiot, living in a fantasy.”
“You wanted to be free, Astarion. To be safe.”
“You never wanted me to be free,” he seethes. “You liked me weak and broken, so I could come to you on my knees, and you could nod and smile and promise to fix me. Your own personal project, kept on a leash like a little puppy. Cuddly, harmless Astarion, healing from his hurts, all thanks to you. My saviour.”
Behind you, you can hear voices erupting and subsiding, a scuffle of shifting feet. You are grateful when no one interjects or rushes forward. This is for you and Astarion alone. It is your punishment to bear, and his truth to hear.
“You took all that power away from me,” he hisses. “It wasn’t your choice to make. It was my decision. You’re worse than Cazador.”
The words wound you like arrows, but you half expect them. You have called yourself worse things.
“Cazador would have just compelled me not to do the ritual. But you gave me a taste of what I wanted, then ripped it away from me. You’re the cruellest bitch I’ve ever known.”
You do not care that hot tears stream down your cheeks, and that your voice trembles. You let yourself say what needs to be said, not what you think he wants to hear.
“You’re right.” You take a step towards him. “I should never have let you do it. I went along with it, when I should have pushed back. But I wanted you to feel you always had someone on your side. Someone who understood. I wanted you to feel loved.”
His disgust does not deter you anymore.
“You think that this is all you are. You can’t see beyond it. What was done to you. What he made you do to others. But it isn’t. It never was. You were always strong. You can be more than what happened to you. You are more than what happened to you.”
“Like you?” he sneers. “A hero? Someone so chained to other people’s approval that you’re lost without a saving mission? That’s what you so desperately want to see when you look at me, isn’t it?”
“No.” You are surprised by the strength of your voice. “Only someone who won’t let thousands of people suffer just because you did.”
Jolts of anger course through him. “You have no idea what I suffered,” he growls. “No idea what I am owed. If you had the faintest idea of it, if you truly loved me, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. You would be burning the world with me.”
You have listened silently before, when he talked about this. What he deserves after two centuries of agony. His comeuppance. You did not challenge him because you were afraid. Afraid you would offend him. Terrified that he would leave.
“Look around you, Astarion,” you say now. “Look at everyone here. We have all suffered. No, none of us have suffered what you have suffered, and I am so deeply sorry for that. But Cazador is dead and no one else will have to suffer under him. And now, no one will have to suffer under an Ascended either.”
A snide sound of disbelief. “You are so full of bullshit I can hardly breathe from the stench.”
Your tadpole rages, ramming into his mind. You expect the resistance of loathing, but he does not fight. He allows you in. And for the first time, you show him. You let him see him your parents, and your pain, and everything that was done to you. You open yourself up, the masks you put on that you recognise in him, the performances you too are familiar with in the economy of survival. You show him your promise to yourself, and your choices, and the failures you carry around with you like a noose.
He glares at you after it is over, but you think there may be less hatred in his eyes than there was a moment before.
“Why did you show me that?”
It is easier, now that there is nothing to hide.
“Because if we all burned the world because of our suffering, there would be nothing left. And because you said you wanted something real.”
He seems backfooted that you mention it. His first moment of honesty. Your first moment of connection. The beginning of your love.
“This is real, Astarion.” Your gaze is a waterfall. You cannot stop it. “Real love, messy and painful, with a real person who makes mistakes and tells you things that you don’t want to hear. Someone who sees who you really are and who you can be, the worst and the best of you, and still loves you anyway.”
He steps back, his features clenched in spasm. You think of how his hands felt on your skin, cold as ice to the touch, yet warming you inside out like summer sunlight. You remember the lilt of his laughter as you traded jibes and jests under the furs of your tent on cold nights. You breathe in his scent on the air for the last time, those hints of bergamot, rosemary and brandy that you could recognise anywhere. You are already mourning their loss.
“Then I don’t want it,” he spits out. “And I don’t want you.”
And then he leaves.
---
You are alone. You are lying in a clearing a short walk away from camp. It is spring, and the smell of earth and grass hangs around you as the sun streaks through the trees above you. Your ears are drunk with birdsong.
It has been weeks since he left. You would be lying if you said you did not miss him. Sometimes you feel his absence like a presence. It haunts and stalks you, and when the darkness comes, you cling to your pillow in your tent and weep through waves of grief that surge through you like labour pains. But at other times, you find a kind of solace in your solitude. You are not shackled by a desperation for love from a man so broken he is not capable of giving it. You are not trapped by your own brokenness in this yearning, this ache to fill the holes in his heart. And this freedom is worth the pain.
When you had asked Astarion what he wanted, he had never known. And perhaps that had struck you so deeply because you had never known either. You had never truly known what you wanted, who you really were outside of what you could do for others. You thought you were only a thing to be used, a tool to fill someone else’s need, whatever that may be. You could be good at that. You needed to be good at that. If not, you were nothing.
But you are learning. Since he has left, you are learning that you are more than that. You are learning that you can live with your mistakes. That you are enough, just as you are.
You find that you sing now, even when there is no one around. Even when it is not for a performance, or for support in battle. You sing for yourself, and you take pleasure in it, even when your notes are off key and you cannot remember the right words, even when no one is there to praise you or reward you for it. For the first time, you are enjoying your gift for no other reason than that you wish to. It is a gift, and it comes without dread or shame or conditions.
You are humming softly as you stroll back to camp. Scratch greets you with a frenzied tail, and you roll around with him, kneeling as he plasters sloppy kisses all over your face. The simple joy of this dances over the cracks in your heart. When Scratch suddenly stops, you are almost disappointed. You glance in the direction where he has bounded, an ecstatic flurry of delight. Then your eyes catch on silver shining in the sun, two bright rubies on white silk. Your breath halts.
There he is. He is different, but the same. You look at each other. And in that moment, it is enough that there is no hatred in his eyes, which flicker with uncertainty. It is enough that his mouth is not curled into a sneer, and his brow is soft and even. It is enough that you have both survived. You have shown each other who you are, and you are still here.
He reaches his hand out to you, and you take it.
---
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feyascorner · 2 months
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8 | The Fangs Between Us
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summary. You try to swat him away, but his thumb swipes the droplets of blood to the side of your face, staring down at you with eyes that resemble rubies. You’ve always loved them, describing them as the gems you’ve stumbled across in such dire times, but now all you want to do is look away. They’re too harsh. They’re too cold. They’re too him.
You swallow the lump in your throat as he licks your blood off the pad of his thumb.
“It would’ve been better if one of us died that day.”
warnings. angst, comfort, slow burn, tav reader is a bard, italics are flashbacks
pairing. Astarion x GN!Reader
parts. TFBU masterlist
a/n. a little peek at what this guy is thinking before i move onto act 2 of this fic!! <3 also this specific flashback is not the usual pre breakup flashback it's right after the blushing mermaid incident !!
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His nightmares have long stopped making him sick.
The same dreams where Cazador would have shackles around his neck and wrists, laughing maniacally while he carves runes into Astarion’s flesh, no longer bring him the same dread the morning after. Instead, he feels a kind of numbness that spreads past his physical being into the mindless stare he bores into the ceiling. Even before the birds awaken outside the city, it's quiet in the morning. This eerie sense of stillness used to be his favorite time of day.
Because when there’s nobody outside, there’s nobody to bring to Cazador.
Now, it feels too empty. Too alone. As if he’s the only person left in Faerun.
With nobody but his own mind, he begins to replay the events of the last few months. No matter how many times he does it, it doesn’t seem quite real. The nautiloid, the grove, the underdark—all of it. From the second he first bathed in the sun’s glory to the second he lost it all anyway, it doesn’t seem real.
It doesn’t seem real that he once had someone to care for him.
But he supposes he’s mistaken. He’s had plenty of affection throughout his centuries lurking on the city's streets, albeit rare for something genuine. Regardless, it did happen. Like Sebastian or other fleeting victims of Cazador who weren’t as crude as his usual prey. Genuine people whose biggest crime was falling for Astarion’s charms at the wrong time and place.
He doesn’t remember most of their faces anymore. He’s given up on trying to.
And like clockwork, his mind fades to the moment he first tasted humanoid blood as he begins to zone out from a particular part of the ceiling. A proper meal, rather than those disgusting rats on cellar floors he’s been allowed for most of his vampiric life. He remembers the liquid gold sliding down his throat and the sheer energy that came with it—some of which he hadn’t even known he had. He recalls the heavenly metallic taste of your lifeline. How, despite all the blood, all he could smell was your soap. How hot you’d felt against his own cold and unforgiving husk of a body.
Astarion swallows, forcing himself to focus on the chipped wood on one part of the ceiling.
While on any other occasion, he’d remind himself that he’d never have a taste of you again, you had given it to him. Even though he swore all the gods above were against his odds, you’d offered him your blood as he lay pathetically against the walls of the Blushing Mermaid.
But it had been different this time. Instead of that soft smile you’d give him when he’d drink from you in the past, all that remained was a stern frown. You hadn’t run your fingers through his curls and instead chose to grit your teeth, forcing your eyes away from where he bit into your wrist. Your generosity hadn’t been one stemming from affection but one of necessity.
You had flinched away from his touch.
He’s not surprised. In fact, he should’ve expected you to shove him away the second his mouth neared your skin, and he did expect it. But instead, all you’d done was brace yourself—as if you hated his touch—and forced yourself to stay still for his sake. It was akin to watching himself endure the skin of so many strangers in hopes of convincing them into Cazador’s dungeon all those years ago. He knows it’s not the same. He knows this, but hells, did he hate how dry his throat felt after, despite feeling satiated.
He would’ve preferred if you’d just left him there to bleed.
He hates that you hadn’t done so.
He hates that you hadn’t let him ascend.
He hates that he’s forced to live alongside you.
He hates you.
Before he can tell what he’s doing, he’s standing in front of your bed. How he got here is a blur, but he has a dagger in one hand and a fist in the other. You lie blissfully asleep, unaware of the blood-red eyes that stare down at you in a daze, illuminated by nothing but the moonlight peering through the windows. He takes a moment to take in the state of your room–and though he’s not shocked at the mess scattered around the ground and desks, he’s not pleased by it either.
“Gods, how do you even live like this?” he asks, as if you can hear him.
He glances at the glint of his blade and then at your sleeping face. The same face once peppered at least a hundred kisses against his cheek, laughing loudly when he’d feign annoyance at the marks left behind. You’d only snickered then, tackling him into an embrace and allowing him to return the sentiments. Those same lips of yours are now chewed raw, almost a bloody red.
“I could finish this endless fight right now,” he whispers, his grip tightening around the handle of your blade. “I could wake you with this knife at your throat, and you’d have no choice but to kill me. I’d return the violence, of course, but only one of us would live. There would be no use fighting any longer.”
Your chest only rises and falls steadily, and he notices he hasn’t seen you at such peace since he last slept beside you all those months ago. He doesn’t see the same expression anymore because when you look at him now, it’s always accompanied by furrowed brows or a downward quirk of your lips.
He wishes you would respond.
“Ha,” he scoffs pitifully, dropping his hand. He places the blade in its rightful place on your bedside table again and sighs. “This is much too pathetic of a death for either of us. If we were to kill one another, it should be done properly—not in this mess of a room.”
With one last pathetic scan at the details of your face, he turns to leave. But before he can even reach the door, he hears a soft gasp from your bed.
For a moment, he thinks he’s been caught.
When he whips around, all he sees is your clearly asleep form, yet this time, there is no peace in your expression. Instead, it’s scrunched up into a painful grimace as your fingers grasp at your sheets and your mouth falls open to take in breaths of air that don’t come to you. He thinks you might be choking on god knows what until one of your hands flies to your throat. Your nails claw at a collar he can’t see.
He glances at his own hands.
Oh.
Astarion slowly paces back to his spot beside your bed, watching as you writhe against nothing but the air. He realizes you’re not suffocating, but it sure looks that way. He doesn’t know what to do besides watch blankly with wide eyes, but fortunately for him, the moment doesn’t last long. In seconds, your hand falls from your throat, and you continue to grimace painfully. Still, you’re no longer choking.
The bruises have faded, but only physically.
The vampire feels his hand inching toward you but freezes, unable to bring himself within a foot of your restless body without doing something he’d regret. His mind flashes back to how you’d flinched away from his touch, and it’s enough to make him drop your hand again. And being unable to decipher what he’s supposed to feel, he just stares at the wetness of your lashes, his jaw tight.
His voice is rough as he speaks.
“You foolish bard.”
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“You’re one of the Gur children.”
“So what if I am,” the small child, too frail for her age despite the fangs protruding from her gums, crosses her arms, huffing. It’s been mere minutes since you managed to sit her down on the forest grounds, bent down on one knee to reach her eye level, but she remains positively stubborn, glaring at the other vampire spawn who stands idly by your side while twirling a comb in his fingers. “That doesn’t change anything.”
“It’s important. You were turned recently, then, weren’t you?” you frown, and a flicker of recognition passes her before it vanishes again. “Why are you alone? Where are the other kids?”
“That’s what you want to ask?” Astarion hisses from your side, his hands stopping. “Stop indulging such trivial questions and demand to know whether the little brat was the one to kill that poor husband. The clock is ticking, and I still have to hunt.”
You snap in his direction. “Will you stop it? She’s a child.”
“A spawn—she’s a spawn. Get it right, darling, she’s no child.”
“You’re acting like a nine-year-old yourself.”
“Ha! As cute as it is that you’re attempting to insult me, let’s leave the lines to me, hm? Your delivery couldn’t be less enthusiastic if you tried.”
“This isn’t a joke, Astarion.”
“I didn’t say it was.”
You glare at him, and he glares straight back. The smallest of snorts, stifled by a hand, comes from Berry, and you both turn to look at her in an instant. By the time you do, she’s already back to huffing, her brows furrowed.
With an exhausted sigh, your shoulders slump. “So, did you kill Roger Highberry? Was everything an act?”
She hesitates, and though you dare to believe that what you see is sorrow, she wipes it away with a blink of an eye, gaze glued to the ground before her. “I didn’t kill him. I didn’t lie.”
“Do you think we’re idiots?” You nearly roll your eyes at his voice. “You’re telling me a spawn—one that’s been newly turned, might I add—wouldn’t go ballistic at the sight of fresh blood sleeping soundly just a room over each night?”
“I didn’t!” she spits, baring her teeth. “And I’m not talking to you! I don’t want to talk to you, you—you—asshat!”
It’s apparent that it’s her first time using the word, but you don’t bother mentioning it.
“You wretched little–!”
“Berry,” you sigh for the umpteenth time, ignoring the fuming elf behind you. “I want to believe you, but I need you to be honest. And when I say honest, I mean absolutely everything. Including why you followed me out here and tried to attack me earlier.”
She falters. And almost shamefully, she looks down at her hands again. “...I ran away from the other spawns. I didn’t want to be with them anymore, and I pretended to be an orphan to stay with Cora and Roger.”
“What?” you blink. “Why would you do that?”
“Ulma taught us vampires are evil for the blood they take from people,” she mumbles. “I didn’t want to be evil too. Even if it means leaving my friends.”
As she speaks, her face dawns with a wave of solemnness–one too familiar to yourself.
“If you’re not with the others, why did you send me to the Blushing Mermaid knowing that there’d be an ambush?” you finally ask, gentler than you should be with how Astarion impatiently taps his foot behind you, but you couldn’t care less. “It could’ve killed us.”
“I wasn’t trying to kill you,” she blurts, searing eyes darting to your silver-haired companion. “I was trying to kill him. He tried to perform a ritual and kill the rest of us with the power he’d get…I might not be with my friends, but I don’t want them to die either. I don’t want to die.”
You feel your breath still. Astarion does the same, now unmoving from his spot. However, his shock stems more from offense. “Cazador would have rid of you anyway. You were doomed from the start.”
You glare at him, still maintaining a soft tone toward the girl. “He can’t harm you anymore, Berry. Nobody can.”
She points a finger at Astarion. “I can’t be sure until he’s gone!”
“Berry–” You reach toward her hand.
“I let you see Dalyria so you’d turn him in! Not to keep him!” she hisses, slapping you away with a snarl. “And the worst of all, you let him drink from you! You let someone who wants to kill the rest of us drink from you while the rest of us have to pay greatly just to survive! If you’re his friend, then I have to hate you too!”
Eyes going wide, you find yourself standing again, cheeks tinging red. “I—that was just–”
Astarion’s attention still seems elsewhere. “I don’t want to kill you, as appealing as it sounds at the moment. Even I don’t indulge in harming children, despite how annoying I find brats like you.”
“Stop lying!” she shrieks. “Petras said you’d kill us all! That the second you finish the ritual, you’d kill the rest of us to make sure you have no competitors. That there isn’t another person like you who’d go against the will of their very master—”
“Though it sounds positively delightful, I wouldn’t be the one doing all that bloodshed,” he snaps in return, fangs visible through the grit of his teeth. “It seems my dear brother has misinformed you. The ritual itself would’ve wiped you all—which would’ve been far better for the city, clearly—but I would only be making a choice. A sacrifice.”
While the two are too caught up in the wrath of their distaste for one another, realization quickly flashes across your eyes. Suddenly, you’re standing between the two, one hand inches from Astarion’s chest as a warning, while you keep Berry shielded behind your free arm. The act catches him off guard, and you think the downward curl of his lips should scare you. “And what do you think you’re doing?”
“Go hunt—or whatever it is that you do,” you demand, fingers inching closer to your weapon. It feels too dramatic, but you decide you can never be too safe. “I need to talk to her without you here to bicker and argue with a child.”
He scoffs. “Talk about what exactly? What more is there to know? You do realize that if I were to leave now, the brat would take another attempt at your life.”
“She’s a kid. I can take care of myself.”
“When you cowered behind me just minutes ago over a damn squirrel?”
Hells. You should drive a stake through his heart just for that.
Your eyes narrow. You might’ve entertained this quip on another occasion, but that moment is not now. “Go.”
His gaze flits from you back to the child, his expression indecipherable. You want to look away from his harsh stare, but your pride doesn’t dare allow you. And you’re thankful for it. “20 minutes then. 20 minutes only, and then I shall return.”
You nod.
With one last fleeting glance and a hesitant footstep, he turns on his heel, stalking to disappear into the darkness of the woods. It doesn’t take long because, after only a few dark strides and the rustling of leaves, he’s gone, leaving only you and the blazing vampire spawn behind you.
“Is that what Petras told you?” your brows furrow at Berry. “Is that what he told everyone else? That Astarion would’ve killed you once, he became an ascendant?”
She stares up at you, gaze blazing with rage. But there’s more to it. Loneliness, longing, and the most prominent: grief. Grief for the life that’s been taken away from her and reciprocated her payment in the form of fangs. She adjusts uncomfortably in her cloak, her tiny fists clenched at either of her sides.
Her silence is the answer you need.
This must be why the other spawn isn’t against the ascension. They can’t be against it because they don’t know how it works in the first place. Just as Astarion’s siblings believed the ascension would’ve rebirthed them alongside Cazador, the remaining 7000 spawns believe the same—almost ironic, in an endless cycle that repeats itself no matter what. They aren’t even aware of the ticking clock attached to their lifelines.
“Astarion wasn’t lying,” you say softly. “He wouldn’t have killed you after becoming an ascendant. He would’ve killed you becoming the ascendant. It’s the price of the ritual.”
She releases a frustrated grasp of her nails digging into her palm. “No, you’re just saying that because you’re his friend!”
“I’m not his friend,” you admit.
And despite expecting a pang of regret pulling at the strings of your heart as you say the words. No tightness in your chest, no dryness in your throat, and no shame for the lies pouring so effortlessly out of your lips. It makes you think that perhaps it’s not a lie. You dearly hope that’s the case.
“Then what are you?”
"I'm like you,” you say. "He tried to kill me too."
She frowns. “You let him drink from you. Nobody does that. Not for something like us.”
Your heart cracks a bit at her words, but you shake your head. “It was to keep him alive. To save him, as I intend to do for you.”
“You? You’ll save us?” she scoffs, clearly unconvinced, as she picks at the makeshift bandages wrapped around the wound on her arm. It’s a flimsy piece of cloth you tore from your cloak, but it’s better than risking it against whatever natural elements the forest offers. You gently pry her fingers away, preventing her from agitating the split skin.
“I did last time,” you remind her. “I’m the one that stopped Astarion from ascending—did Petras tell you that too?”
She falters. And while there’s an apparent hesitance in her eyes, there’s something behind all the rough exterior she’s built up from an undeniably traumatic experience of becoming a spawn. She looks up at you when you squeeze her tiny hand, almost hopeful. Because despite what irreparable damage the past few months have done to her, she remains a child. An innocent caught in a war of bloodshed. And what more can you gather from a child but hope?
“You want to stay with Cora, right?”
She nods sheepishly.
“Then you’ll stay with her,” you smile. “I’ll lend you my trust if you lend me yours, and you don’t run off anyway.”
“Promise?” You hold out a pinkie. She stares at it, but when she meets your eyes, she lifts her own hand to interlink with yours. For a moment, she almost looks like she's forgotten about the reality of her situation. That even if she were to live, she wouldn't be able to stay with Cora for long, given her inevitable nature.
How childish. Innocent. And you’d do anything to keep it from becoming more sinister.
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“You let the girl go?” After ensuring Berry returns to her room, Astarion repeats the question for the third time as you turn away from the Highberry household in utter disbelief. The cold night air sends chills down your skin, and you wrap your torn cloak tightly around yourself, walking straight past him. Despite your apparent intentions of ignoring him, he trails after you urgently, following no matter how quickly your steps take you through the dead stillness of the city. “And what if she decides to kill the wife?”
“She won’t.”
“You don’t know that,” he hisses. “What makes you so sure she can go against her very nature to kill just so she can stay in a bedroom she shares with four other kids? All of which are very appetizing meals to her, by the way.”
You shoot him a glare. “I’m sure you would know.”
“I do. Which is all the more reason for me to step in so we don’t have to deal with yet another dead body on our hands.”
“I don’t need advice from someone who wouldn’t hesitate to use a comb as a weapon.” You rub the side of your head to soothe your headache.
“Seeing as you set a spawn free into the city, I’d argue differently.”
“Will you just shut up?”
“I didn’t accompany you to be a pretty toy piece at your side, darling. With the foolish choices you’re making, I have no other choice but to nag,” he rolls his eyes. The snarkiness in his voice is enough to snap what remains of your already worn patience.
“And you think you’re allowed to give me advice?” you spin around to face him, stopping dead in your tracks. “In case you haven’t noticed, you’re basically a hostage! You don’t get to make decisions on what we do!”
“Well, who else will you get advice from now that all your little friends seem to have lost all respect for you?” 
Your jaw unhinges. He stands firm, arms crossed, and it’s enough to make your blood boil. “Gods, you’re—you’re such an asshole.”
Astarion laughs bitterly. “Care to tell me anything new?”
“About your personality? We’d be here all night. You’re also forgetting that I fought with the others for your sake, you bastard,” You step closer, teeth gnashing together. “I saved your life.”
“I would’ve survived with or without your help, darling.”
“You only got this far because our friends helped you!”
“Would you like me to be grateful?” he guffaws, and your chest tightens at how condescending it sounds. “Because must I remind you that you also stole the only chance of me escaping this filthy life where I rot away on the streets and feed on lowly criminals? You’ve forced me to be what I am, and now you think I’m indebted to you?”
Why does he keep saying that? You fight the urge to just punch him.
“I’m not saying you owe me anything, you fool!” your eyes meet his in a blaze of fire. Your heart beats rapidly, and you sincerely hope it’s gone unnoticed. “How many times do I have to tell you that I never forced you to do anything—I was stopping you from becoming like Cazador!”
He’s suddenly looming over you, his gaze sharper than before in a frenzied manner. Just mentioning his old master’s name is enough to push him on the offensive. “I never would’ve become like him…not after what that bastard did to me. I would’ve become stronger and been able to help you. Us. So why in the bloody hells you ever stopped me–”
The words pour out like a mountain of sand held by a twig, and you reach to grab the collar of his shirt. “I didn’t need help! Neither of us did, Astarion. It would’ve been hard, but we would’ve made it out like we always do if we just tried!”
You’re unsure you’ll make it out this time, but does it matter anymore?
His frown creases as if none of your pleas are getting through his thick skull. And while you have half a heart to keep blurting out whatever comes to your mind, his sudden silence and the smallest of steps he takes away from you make you seal your mouth shut. Like he’s closing the door again. Like he’s leaving you all alone again.
Your voice drops, and you bring your hand back to your side.
“You’re not being fair, Astarion.”
“Darling, I’ve followed all your stupid rules and remained on my best behavior till now, even when I could’ve caused more than a few casualties. Hells, I even watched that girl go back to the orphanage alive,” he says, quieter. “I’ve been more than fair.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about.”
“What is it, then?”
“It feels like you know everything I’m constantly thinking of, whether it be you or something else,” you mumble. “But you won’t let me know what you’re thinking. I’m not asking you to tell me your deepest secret…I just need to know what I’ve done to deserve the bullshit I have to put up with. I took away the ascension from you; I get that, but is that really it? Is that really why you hate me this much? What’s worse, is that very time it feels like we can finally talk, you just—you tell me that you hate me again and then leave it there to fester even more anger on both sides.”
Astarion stares at you, his expression impossible to read. Horrified but unrelenting of the mountain of unsaid words, you continue. “Just talk to me.”
Why, you want to ask. He knows you only did what you thought was best at the time, so what have you done to deserve such cruelty?
Why do you hate me so much?
He gives you a long, hard look. It was surely only a few split seconds, but it seems like hours as you don’t even dare to breathe, rooted in place as you await his answer. It’s infuriating that you can’t tell what he’s thinking even now. He’s always been far too good at masking his feelings, and while he’d used it against you once, you never thought he’d have to again. And finally, when he moves, he doesn’t move to speak.
He shuts his eyes, and when they open again, he’s grinning. That fake, beautiful grin that brings you so much anguish and conflict simultaneously that it makes the sides of your head pound with the beating of your heart. “Fine, darling. Let’s talk if you want to so badly.”
It's so artificial that it leaves a bad taste in your mouth.
You wish he’d just tell you he hates you again.
He’s blocking you out again. Again and again, no matter how many times you take a step forward, he takes a few back, and the distance between the two of you grows larger. It’s just so exhausting and repetitive. You’re sick of it. 
“Why do I hate you? Where should I start?” he hums. “Ah, perhaps when you took it upon yourself to be the one to stab a knife through Cazador’s heart. I’m rather curious myself, darling, how did it feel? Could you feel his screams through your dagger, or were you too occupied watching the life drain from his face? Was it hard to reach his heart? Did he struggle? Oh, do tell, I’d love to know how that bastard suffered.”
The words feel like a knife to your own chest.
“To think that could have been me if I hadn’t seduced you when we met…You could’ve pierced a stake through my heart when you first caught me longing for your blood. Can you believe it? If you’d just killed me then, you wouldn’t be standing here now. You wouldn’t have let me bed you in that dirty forest clearing, and you would have never felt my lips upon yours. I could have chosen anyone else---anyone in the camp---and we wouldn't be standing here, but Gods was it easy to seduce you."
He stops, and his next words make the blood drain from your face.
"Just like the thousand other victims I brought to Cazador. You're no different from them...all you want from me are my weaknesses. You kept me this way to keep me fragile, and pathetic."
Has listening to someone's voice always been so difficult?
“I didn't—”
“But I suppose you’re the victor in another sense, my dear,” he sneers, his face impossibly close to yours, but he’s never felt so far away. “You should count yourself lucky. Few can say they’ve managed to bed me and survive to tell the tale. You even managed to make me fall for you! You, a simple naive bard, managed to seduce me! And Gods, did you put up a glorious show, darling, betraying me like you did. It was an ingenious move on your part, preventing me from reaching my full potential—the hero of Baldur’s Gate wouldn’t want anything tainting their beloved city with blood, after all–”
No, this is all wrong. This does nothing but make things worse. You wish he'd just stop.
In the blink of an eye, Astarion stops speaking. With expecting eyes, his attention flickers to the knife now pointed at his pale throat. You practically gnaw on the inside of your cheek as you inch the knife just a few centimeters from breaking skin. “Shut up.”
Astarion’s glare narrows on your hand. “Enough talking for you?”
You see that whatever man you fell in love with in what feels like another lifetime was a mask. Deep down, you’ve known that the face he wears is nothing but a facade ever since this entire fiasco started and he’d situated himself into your home. Yet, the cruelty still hurts. It hurts how much he detests you with the very same face that once worshipped your very breath. Gods, you’d been so foolish, thinking a damn vampire spawn could feel anything other than hunger….much less love.
He’d likely prefer to eat out your heart than hold it in his cold, dead hands. He’d watch you with those sultry eyes as he sinks his teeth into what remains of your heart and feels nothing but his own thirst being satiated.
So you won’t give him the opportunity. You won’t give him your heart again, even as the sky falls and the ground dissipates.
You’ve done it once, and you’ve never regretted anything more.
“You’re turn, my dear,” he says. “If you wish to say something, feel free to do so.”
He steps closer, and the tip of your blade draws a small bead of blood. He doesn’t seem to care.
Red, red, red. Your vision is growing blurry.
You inhale sharply. Breathe. You can still breathe. Words that had been bottled up inside dissipate the longer you watch him, as you understand that no matter what you say or do, he will remain as he is. While you want to tell yourself it’s because time itself has ceased for him, you know he doesn’t want to change in the first place.
“I should kill once this is over,” you mutter calmly. His blood now falls down the side of your knife. “But I’m not like you. I’m not as pathetic or petty as you are, even though I’ve been through less than you probably have. I don’t attempt murder just because things don’t go my way.”
His smile twitches.
“If you like being alone so much, then I won’t stop you. Once this is all over, I never want to see you again. I don’t care what you do, but I just want you to disappear. I want you gone, forever, in whatever shadows you hide in during the day.”
It only seems like yesterday when you begged the moon to see him one last time.
Even though he’s speaking through his teeth, he nods as you bring your knife back to your side. “I’m glad we have something to agree on.”
You want to laugh, but you fear it’ll come out as cracked.
“And you’re right,” you wipe his blood off the dagger on your sleeve, not bothering to spare him a glance. “I should have let the others behead you when we met.”
If he wants to sabotage the little good left in his life, let him. If he wants to be miserable for the rest of his undying days over what’s already been done, let him. You don’t care anymore.
Amusement drips from his voice. “A shame.”
His finger tilts your chin upward, his thumb rubbing at the side of your cheek. It’s then that you realize there’s a whiff of blood coming from a wound on your skin—a result of the forest, you’d guess. You try to swat him away, but his thumb swipes the droplets of blood to the side of your face, staring down at you with eyes that resemble rubies. You’ve always loved them, describing them as the gems you’ve stumbled across in such dire times, but now all you want to do is look away. They’re too harsh. They’re too cold. They’re too him.
You swallow the lump in your throat as he licks your blood off the pad of his thumb.
“It would’ve been better if one of us died that day.”
He takes his time to respond. 
“I know.”
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sleepingdeath-light · 11 months
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finding out his s/o is pregnant hcs ; older!our!ciel
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requested by ; echosoftheocean (—/02/23)
fandom(s) ; black butler
fandom masterlist(s) ; hub | main cast
character(s) ; our!ciel phantomhive
outline ; “ Saw the fluffy February event and meant to send an ask in sooner but forgot. I hope I'm not too late. I'm sure you know me by now, but my request is some fluff with OCiel x female reader regarding him finding out she's gonna have his heir.”
warning(s) ; none, just fluff!
his schedule had been packed full of meetings and missions for the past few months, leaving him very little time to spend with you during the day
this also meant that he saw very little of your early symptoms — certainly not enough to predict such a substantial announcement
of course he realised you were rather ill, but he assumed you were just under the weather and instructed the staff to keep an eye on you
to keep you fed, warm and healthy
so when he finally has the afternoon free to lounge with you, and he calls you into his office to spend some quality time together, he doesn’t quite understand why you seem so fidgety
nor why the servants are grinning and giggling amongst themselves as they escort you to his private office
and he certainly doesn’t appreciate he the knowing smirk on sebastian’s face as he dismisses himself with a warm smile and a bowed head to you
not until you take his hands in your own and blurt out that you were pregnant
like actually pregnant, having confirmed it every way you could: anecdotally (via bard), medically (through the family physician), based on symptoms and even according to demonic intuition (three guesses)
and as you’re explaining all of this, he’s dead silent with this startled expression on his face as he takes in the news — not quite able to believe that you were with child
this is the case for several moments until — just as you’re starting to worry — he snaps out of his stupor and he grins this broad, earnest grin and just starts laughing
he pulls you to your feet and into a kiss before dropping to his knees and placing his hands on your stomach (despite the fact that you were too early to show)
you were going to have a child, you were finally starting a family — you and him and this baby you were carrying
it was a dream come true… something more even
and between the affection and celebration of the moment he’s calling for sebastian and instructing him to ready a room adjacent to your own to become the nursery — and to increase protection around the estate
you mean the world to him and he wants nothing more than to nurture and adore this life you’re carrying — and whilst he’s scared and hurt and fearful for what the future holds, he knows that he’ll be able to bear it so long as you remain by his side
as is the nature of love
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eemoo1o-animoo · 8 months
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Perfect meme template for this fandom.
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blues824 · 10 months
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I need a Male! Reader x Yandere! Vincent, Claude, Sebastian, Undertaker, Lau, and Madam Red in my life! It’d interesting if M!reader were to be extremely cool-headed and always in a dream-like state but aware of what is happening around them and is incredibly smart. They appear sleepy but really aren’t it’s just their usual face. And they’re soul is one in a million that could keep a demon full for years. So to the characters M!reader appears as otherworldly and they are intrigued…
I love Yandere requests for some reason.
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Vincent Phantomhive
Poor dear was fearful that you would fall asleep at any point, so it is better to have you next to him at all times. But, he wouldn’t be surprised if you were always sleepwalking, because you lived as though you were in a dream. Well, he may as well be your knight in shining armor, as he needed to protect you.
You could see what he was doing. Ever since he first invited you back to the Phantomhive manor, ever since he offered you that cup of tea. You wanted to wake up, you wanted to fight back, but the poison kept you from doing it. And besides, it would be a far call to say that the Vincent Phantomhive was poisoning you. Even though you were angry, you knew you had to be reasonable. This was your fate now.
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Sebastian Michaelis
He had met you when he was going to pick up the young master’s new cane. You were a 19-year-old apprentice, who didn’t seem to have his head back on Earth. The demon breathed in and your soul just smelled so sweet. It was calling to him, to his hunger. Suddenly, Ciel Phantomhive did not have the most craved soul. So, a few days later, he wrote to your master that you were called for by Lord Phantomhive himself, but it was actually him who wanted you there.
As smart as you typically were, you did not see this coming until it was too late. He held you in his arms within the library while the master was busy with his work, and Mey-Rin, Finney, and Bard were all doing their chores. He whispered that you were his and his alone, and you then realized that your mind was steadily growing more and more cloudy. 
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Claude Faustus
He typically wouldn’t care about just any human being unless their soul called out to him. But, when he saw you in the bookstore, your mind somewhere in some distant land rather than the present, he could hear your soul. It smelled sweet, and fulfilling, and he could sense that there were other demons around waiting to collect it.
He invited you to the Trancy Manor, where he locked you in a room that was isolated so that no one would be able to hear you. He made sure that the other servants were aware that he was the only one who would tend to that side of the house, and because of his status within the household, he was never questioned. Now, without him by you during the day, you spent your days trying to escape all the while acting as though your head was up in the clouds when he checked up on you.
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Lau
You were one of Ciel’s servants, and you caught his attention with how you seemed to be living within a dream. You were operating on autopilot, but you were doing exceptionally well. It was because of you being a tiny bit of a distraction to the man that he was not paying attention to the plan that Sebastian had laid out. 
The next day, you had found yourself in his opium den. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that Ran-Mao had kidnapped you in the night and brought you to where you were now. You were bound in chains, and led up to Lau, where he had you placed upon his lap. You seemed to be a bit too aware, maybe you just needed to go to sleep. It’s unfortunate that you ended up in an opium den of all places.
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Undertaker
You had entered his shop by mistake, and he was surprised because he was not expecting any visitors, dead or alive, that day. It caused you both to laugh, and he had you sit down for a bit of tea before you made your way back. He could sense your soul, and he was aware that he wanted it just for himself. After about the third cup of tea that he prepared for you, you finally sensed that it was a bit suspicious. Of course, you were slowly getting sleepy.
In the morning, you found yourself sleeping in a coffin. You were tied up, but it was open. The Undertaker heard you struggling against the bindings, and he let out a bit of a giggle before peering over the opening of the coffin. You weren’t really listening to what he was saying, but you caught something about your soul, and you being the first to make him laugh genuinely with nothing required in return. 
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Madam Red
You were a servant from the Phantomhive Manor, and when she went to discuss with her nephew about the plans to catch Jack the Ripper, you had caught her attention. She made a comment about how her butler could learn from both you and Sebastian. However, Grelle could see the look of love in her eyes, and she knew her next orders.
The following day, you found yourself locked within a room in Madame Red’s estate. Eventually, the lady had entered the room, specifically the bedroom, where you were staying in. She greeted you with a hello darling before moving on to prepare for the night. You saw the instruments she was using, but you remember hearing her tell Grelle that there was a target that night. You let out a gasp, and you started trying to escape only to be held back by Madam Red herself. She used one of the many syringes full of something with anesthetic properties that put you back to sleep.
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writing-fanics · 8 months
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| happiest I’ve ever been | Sebastian michaelis x f!reader
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| summary: love between butler and his mistress and where they are now |
warning: implied smut : child birth :
She giggled quietly, as her lover planted kisses on her neck. Gently, leaving behind love bites in the process. “My…darling..you..tasted..absolutely..exquisite,” Sebastian said between each kiss he planted on her neck. She smiled placing her hand on his bare chest.
He stared down at with a dastardly grin on his lips. His eyes almost seemed to pierce into her soul. “Admiring the view?” She asked, and he smiled leaning down to kiss her on the lips again.
She wrapped her arms around the back of his neck, “My darling, sad to say but I must be returning to my duties,” He said, and she looked at him and pursed her lips.
She frowned, he leaned down planting a kiss on her forehead before kissing her on the lips again. “But, I would love to continue this later,” He said, and she smirked at him seductively before kissing him.
“Very well,” she said, she watched as he swiftly got out of bed and got dressed she smiled watching him get dressed. She’d never been this happy in her life since not before that fateful day. Then, Sebastian came along and as time went by she slowly developed feelings for the mysterious butler.
She didn’t know that it was fake, when she say Sebastian’s “dead” body on the ground. She couldn’t stop crying and seeing his dead body to help solve the mystery didn’t help at all. She took it upon herself to take care of the cats, inside the wardrobe.
She was an absolute wreck at the “funeral” but tried to stay strong for Ciel. But when the bell was rung she dropped whatever she was holding and immediately lunged at him as he emerged from the coffin. Sobbing and crying along with the other servants.
She was the one to take care of him once he along with Ciel and Snake, returned from the ship. Seeing that her aunt Angelina thought her how to suture up wounds she helped take care of Sebastian even though it wasn’t her job to do so.
She confessed her feelings to him, as she was bringing him back to health. She wasn’t bothered at all by the difference in their status, she cared for him and loved him and wanted to be by his side.
Sebastian at first found it highly inappropriate especially, with the fact her little brother is his master. As well on his mind the terms of the Faustian Contract, inevitably he’d consume her brothers soul and would presumably return to the demon realm.
He rejected her feelings saying that a butler and a master. Pursing a relationship would be highly inappropriate.
He watched as her smile faltered and she looked down, “V-Very, well I understand it would be inappropriate but that’s the thing I don’t really care.” She frowned, and then left his room so that he could rest.it was awhile before he eventually realized he too had feelings for her and they secretly pursued a relationship.
Our!Ciel quickly found out but was happy to see his older sister so happy for once.
( present )
“Why now?!” She screamed, in pain sweat running down her forehead as she pushed. Of all times for her to being going into labor why now?
When, the Real!Ciel revealed himself along with the Undertaker. And took his place as the rightful earl of Phantomhive. And when, Our!Ciel,Sebastian, Mey-Rin, Bard, Finny, and Snake. Are fugitives on the run.
Cries echoed throughout the room. Sebastian smiled, looking down at his wailing child. “Love, we have a beautiful baby girl.” He said, cradling the infant.
[Y/n] cried tears of joy seeing her newborn baby, her lovers arms. He placed the infant on her chest and she cooed over the baby.
“Lilith Angelina-Rachel Phantomhive,” She whispered, looking at her child. She had jet-black hair and (e/c) eyes and her fathers nose and ears she looked absolutely precious.
Sebastian and [Y/n], looked up hearing the commotion coming from outside the door. “Knock it off!” She heard, Our!Ciel shout at the servant wanting them to be quiet to let the two lovers quietly enjoy the birth of their newborn.
“I think they’ve waited long enough,” She said, gently rubbing her babies back. “Are you sure?” He asked, and she nodded looking at him.
She watched, as he walked towards the door opening. Everyone rushing into the room excitedly seeing the baby on [Y/n]’s chest. “Aw, look at her she’s so cute!” Finny cooed, looking at the baby.
“She looks just like Sebastian yes she does!” Mey-Rin cooed, and the baby slowly opened her eyes and admired the world around her.
“Would you like to hold her?” She asked, looking over at her little brother. He looked at her confused, “Why, would I want to hold your child?” He asked, and she smiled at him.
Eventually, he gave in and gently took the baby into his arms. She cooed and squirmed and he couldn’t help but stare down at his niece in awe. “What’s her name?” He asked, and she looked up at Sebastian and smiled.
“Lilith Angelina-Rachel Phantomhive,” She said, and he stared at her in absolute disbelief and then looked back down at his niece. She could’ve sworn she saw a single tear roll down the side of his cheek.
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