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#secrets

A/N: soooooo I know I haven’t finished I hope you’re the last, but this was too good of an idea to not write. ;) As always I do not own the gif…. credit goes to moviewhorexo :)

Warnings: cussing (not surprised), mentions of ptsd and flashback, angst, little bit of fluff, y’all ain’t ready

Pairings: Plus! Sized reader x Bucky, Steve x Natasha

Imagine: Running a bar was not ideal in your mind. However being able to invoke complete privacy for your clients was. All you had to do was lie about them and yourself, but what happens when your lies come to the surface and fate takes you on a whole new path? What happens when Earth’s greatest heroes force that path?

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Originally posted by moviewhorexo-blog

To say I wasn’t a fan of Fury was a major understatement. Although the day was spent laughing and forgetting about everything, Maci still dragged me to Shield headquarters. I knew she wouldn’t let me go home until her boss had heard the news. I dreaded the meeting with every fiber of my being. Don’t get me wrong, I owe a lot to Shield, but Nick Fury was one man I never liked to be in the presence of. The drive was silent except from the radio playing God knows what. The closer we got the more anxious and nauseous I felt. I was so wrapped up in my head that I wasn’t paying attention until I heard it. The first few keys made me freeze in my seat. 

500 miles
I had it all planned
Drove all day to ask your Dad for your hand
I wrote it all out
I knew what I’d say
My heart it was racing and my hands started to shake
But I, took a deep breath and I said I promise to love her
With all that I have
I’ll put nothing above her
And I won’t turn my back
She’s my everything
She’s all I’ll ever need
And she loves me at my worst
Sir, I give you my word
I promise to love her

M turn that off.” I whispered feeling the tears form, my throat went dry, and all the blood in my body turned ice cold. Maci to wrapped up in singing the song didn’t hear me. My heart began to race and I felt a cold sweat rise over my brows. ‘Maci turn it the fuck off!” I said louder this time. Her attention suddenly taken off the the song to me, but she didn’t move to change it. 

The music plays
And I’m all a mess
As I watch you walking towards me in that pretty white dress
Do you take this woman to be your wife
To have and to hold for the rest of your life
Well I, took a deep breath and I said I promise to love her
With all that I have
I’ll put nothing above her
And I won’t turn my back
She’s my everything
She’s all I’ll ever need
And she loves me at my worst
I’m giving my word
I promise to love her and keep her
Want her and need her
Make her my whole world
And when that day comes
I’ll come undone
When that doctor brings in that little girl I promise to love her
With all that I have
I’ll put nothing above her
And I won’t turn my back
She’ll be my everything
And all I’ll ever need
My little angel on earth

I tried to slow my ragging heart, while my fingers began to shake. Maci noticing finally turned the song off, but not fast enough. Tears cascaded down my cheeks. “What? Do you not like the song that much?” she asked completely caught off guard by my reaction. I shook my head in anger and wiped  the tears away fiercely. “Yes! In fact when I am around do not ever play that fucking song again!” I seethed before turning my head to look out the window. 

“Y/n talk to me… I don’t know-” Maci began, but I cut her off with my hand. Releasing a sigh, I moved to look at my best friend. “You can’t fix this M. This has to do with the bastard.” I said sighing heavily. Maci waited for me to continue. “He played it when he was in his ‘nice’ moods, but he would also play it when he wanted to hurt me. He filled my head with empty promises with that song, and crushed every single one of them with it as well. He would play it only when I was ‘good’ and swear it would be us after he fixed me. He would also play it when he would beat the shit out of me, saying I am the reason we would never be able to fulfill ‘our’ song. I detest that song, just please don’t play it around me.” I finished my eyes trained on my fingers. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked her voice breaking a little, before she quickly recovered. I just shrugged my shoulders while trying to come up with an excuse. “In a way I guess it felt like I still had something to hang onto, what it is I don’t know, but it was something no one else knew about what happened to me M. It just solidified that I was there alone, no one else. There wasn’t you or Tony, hell there wasn’t Fury yet. In some twisted sense it made it all feel more real.” I confessed slowly, while lifting my head up. Maci looked with tears in her eyes. “Y/n what happened to you changed you, and it was real. You don’t need to hold onto it to make sure it was real. Yes you were alone, but you aren’t anymore. You have people who would die for you. You don’t have to keep it all in anymore.” she said grabbing her hand with mine. I slowly nodded my head, before training my eyes on the compound. Well if anything she said was true people would die for me, but all for a secret. 

The compound was still the same as I remembered it almost 3 years ago. The walls are still white with black or gray accents actually the whole building was filled with white, black, or gray. The walk to Fury’s office was too long for comfort. My stomach twisted and churned the closer we got. Maci was walking with her head held high, without a care in the world. While I shrank into myself, but displaying a fake smile on the outside. Maci’s abrupt stop made me almost run into her. Her eyes were scanning the surroundings, before she glanced back towards me. Slowly she brought her finger to her lips motioning for me to stay quiet. Time slowed while my heart ragged on. Inhaling as quietly as I could I tried to keep myself from panicking. The compound was quiet, too quiet, normally people are everywhere like flies; but there wasn’t a soul to be seen. 

“Y/n, follow my every move! And don’t lose control…” she whispered calmly, her once green eyes now almost black. I nodded my head, before following Maci down different hallways than before. We were off the main floors and in the tunnels. If something was wrong, we would be safe there or meeting the danger head on. I replayed my favorite things to keep my breathing from rising, while my hands were beginning to tremble and my legs felt like mush. “Y/n when we . hit this door we bolt for it you hear me?” she harsly whispered while grabbing my arm. I was too focused on the door to notice Maci’s warning. Her persistent jerking snapped my gaze to her. “Shit! Your eyes.” she said before looking around. When she double checked we were alone she met my gaze again. “Y/n you have got to remain in control. You can out run my by miles you hear me, so no matter what happens you keep running.” her voice filled with conviction and determination. “M you must be dumb to think I would leave you behind.” I say while shaking my head at her. Maci just rolls her eyes before placing the keys to the car in my hand. “Y/n! We don’t know what is behind there….If the compound has been taken over and someone is here our job is to get you out of here!” she said before grabbing my arms and staring at me with a look of such desperation. “Promise me if things get ugly in there you will go straight to Tony’s! Or I swear on my aunt Helen I will whoop your ass to Timbuktu.” she whispered before locking eyes on me again. I slowly nod my head, understanding it was her job to keep me out of enemy hands. Maci content with my answer returned back to facing the door. I released the breathe I didn’t know I was holding, silently preparing myself for what was to come. Then with one finally look Maci opened the door and before we knew it all hell broke loose….

———————————————————————–

I spent the next several hours in the training room, punching everything in my path. I was currently on my 5th bag when Steve strolled in, his hands in his pockets and a defeated look on his face. I didn’t stop the task at hand which was currently to get all my pent up frustration out on the bag. Steve didn’t speak to me until I finally quit my assault on the bag. “You know Buck I’ll always have your back..” he began before trailing off like he couldn’t get the words out, but before he could finish I cut him off. “No! I get it, take their sides on how wrong it was, but you know what we did was necessary!” I snapped, throwing Steve a hard glare. He shifted uncomfortably not liking the position he found himself in. 

“I’m sorry Buck, but you know we should have just asked Tony before unlocking that file. Now I have Nat mad at me for going along with it, and Tony won’t come out of the labs.” he said looking defeated. “Don’t shift the blame, we both knew what we were doing!” I snap not being able to contain my anger anymore. “I took the blame for you because no one would question me digging up someone’s past, but do not for a second think you can come in here and guilt trip me!” I yell finally facing my friend. Steve looked passive, but I know underneath there was a storm brewing. “What do you want me to do Buck?!” he yelled back lifting his hands into the air. “I want you to help me find out more.” I say more calmly, while crossing my arms over my chest. Steve stood there mirroring me, his jaw clenching and unclenching. “I can’t do that Buck.” he says while grinding his teeth. “Then leave.” I force out, before turning back around to continue my assaults. Steve didn’t move an inch his gaze burning holes in my back. “I really am sorry Buck.” he whispers before leaving me alone with my thoughts.   

———————————————————————–

Adrenaline. That is what kept me from feeling anything. The sounds of gunshots were echoing off everywall. The only light to help guide me came out in pathetic flashes. My grip on Maci’s hand only intensified as we maneuvered through the chaos.  The only thing I could make out was we were stuck in a crossfire. There were 2 sides, this I know from the different smell of the the guns. “M we gotta find Fury.” I whisper slowing my movements. Maci didn’t respond just kept moving forward. The sudden grasp on my neck made my body freeze. “Where ya going 236.” the voice whispered, but before I could answer Maci was on the assalent, working on his grip. My blood rushed to my head and the instinct to lose control slowly crept up my spine. Effortlessly I pulled his hand off my neck, before swiftly kicking him on the ground. The scent of fear soon flooded my nostrils, making them flare with desire. But before I could do anything further, Maci’s hand on my arm pulled me away from my target. 

“Hagyd elmenni. (let him go)” Maci whispered in my ear. The urge was getting stronger to rip his heart out with each passing second, but Maci wouldn’t let me. “Ez már nem te vagy. Ne hagyja nekik elégedettségüket adni nekik. (This isn’t you anymore. Stop giving them the satisfaction that it is.)” she persisted before reaching for my hand. Closing my eyes I released my hold on his throat letting his body crumple to the floor. “Let’s move.” I whisper not liking that we were exposed. Maci agreeing continued to lead me further into the tunnels. 

Time seemed to slow as the guns continued their pursuit of victims. While moans were heard everywhere from those unfortunate of falling victim. The many hallways was starting to make my head feel fuzzy with confusion. the closer we got to the exit the quieter the shots got and so did the moans. Maci squeezed my hand three times signaling we were close to the exit. But my stomach kept churning with uncertainty. 

As we rounded the last corner, a fire rang through the halls. And before we knew it a second and then a third before we were forced back. “M are you hurt?” I ask releasing my friends hand to check my own body as well. “I’m ok, none hit me. Are you ok?” she asks before grabbing my shoulder. As soon as her hand touched my shoulder she drew it back. “Fuck your shoulder.” she breathed, while ripping a piece of her shirt off. 

“I’m fine. It’s just a scratch.” I say while avoiding her advances. “Y/n let me at least cover it.” 

“No, I said I’m fine. What we need to worry about is how the hell we are going to get through them.” 

“Well if you let me..” 

“M I swear to God if you touch me I will roundhouse kick you.” I harshly whisper. Maci let her hands fall, obviously knowing she wasn’t going to win this argument. We stood there for a few seconds gathering your thoughts on what to do next. “Ok, fuck Y/n. We have to surrender” she whispers before peering around the corner, causing another round of gunshots to echo through the hall. I slowly nod my head before making my way infront of her. “What the hell are you doing?” she says while trying to grab my shirt.  I avoid her hands while slowly bringing my own up.

 “Ez 236. A barátom és én fegyvertelen vagyunk és hajlandóak leszünk átadni mindaddig, amíg le nem engedi fegyvereidet. (This is 236. My friend and I are unarmed and are willing to surrender, as long as you lower your weapons.)”  I yell while revealing myself from the corner. There were 3 men standing in front of the door, none that I could recognize. Maci slowly followed behind me, allowing herself more room to jump back if they were to fire at her. 

“Engedje el a barátomat, és én szívesen megyek. (Let my friend go and I will go willingly.)” I yell while taking a few cautious steps forward. One of the men grunted before the weapons were lowered. “Y/n what are you doing?” Maci whispered while falling into step with me. “Saving your life.” was all I said before glancing her way. Mer face contorted with a mixture of anger and sadness. “No.” she said while stopping her movements. “M, I don’t have a choice, now move your ass. I’ll be right behind you.” I whisper, slowly bringing my gaze back to the men. We continued the walk in silence until we reached the men. 

The one in the middle nodded his head, before slowly opening the door. The sunlight burst in with a vengeance, causing me to squint my eyes. “Csak ő mozog, vagy mi lőni fogjuk. (Only she moves, or we’ll shoot her.)” he said while nodding his head towards Maci. Maci glances back at me before making her way out of the door. She stopped and looked back at me to see what I was gonna do. Our eyes met and for a second I hoped she would listen. 

I slowly tilted my head to motion her to keep walking, but she stood firm. Worry settled into my skin when the guy on the right began to lift his gun. I tilt my head again for her to keep going. Fuck Maci please for once listen. As soon as he raised his gun Maci turned back around and kept walking. As soon as the light had come it was gone. Silence filled the air before the gut in the middle began to smirk. “Azt mondták, hogy veszélyes vagy, de itt be vannak zárva ezekbe az alagutakba, és Ön is megadja magát. Hogyan érzi magát itt bezáródni velünk? (They said you were dangerous, but here we are locked in these tunnels and you surrendering. How does it feel to be locked in here with us)” he says while reaching for my hair. I slowly begin to smile allowing myself to lose control. “Nem, nem vagyok itt bezárva. Itt vagytok bezárva velem. (No, I am not locked in here with y'all. You are locked in here with me.)” I whisper before meeting his eyes. His smirk began to fall, and before I knew it their blood was covering my hands. 

Wiping my brow I make my way to the door, carefully avoiding the damage I’d caused. With a small push the door swung open, and the light welcomed me once more. Before I could walk further a voice stopped me dead in my tracks. “I see you haven’t changed sweetheart.” he said, making my skin crawl. I turned on my heels to find Brock leaning against the wall down the hallway. “Such a shame you didn’t finish like you wanted to. I mean their hearts are still in their chests.” he chuckled before motioning to the bodies at my feet. “I’m not that person anymore.” I yell, before eyeing the bodies. The Insatiable hunger starting to gnaw at my insides.

 Brock let out a small laugh before meeting my hard stare. “You may be able to lie to yourself, but never to me. I know you better than you know yourself. Hell I created you.” he says his eyes leaving mine to rack over my body. A shiver ran it’s way up my spine, turning my blood cold. He quickly met my gaze before breaking out into a dark smile. “You can run all you want Y/n, but I will get you back. I don’t like what’s mine to be gone for too long.” he whispers before pushing himself off the wall and walking back into the darkness. 

Tags: @buckysthing​, @mccloudchloe

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𝓲 𝔀𝓲𝓼𝓱 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓴𝓷𝓮𝔀 𝓱𝓸𝔀 𝓶𝓾𝓬𝓱 𝓲 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓭 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓲 𝔀𝓲𝓼𝓱 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓭 𝓶𝓮 𝓳𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓪𝓼 𝓶𝓾𝓬𝓱

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Can you keep a secret?

I guess I can.

But I’m tired of secrets.

I’m tired of it all.

You know whats more frustrating

Than keeping a secret?

Having a secret

Be kept from you.

There’s one secret in particular

I didn’t learn for so long.

I was well into adulthood

Had worked multiple jobs

I had gone to and quit college

Seen people come and go

I had already tried to kill myself

Three times before.

On one day, sat outside

I was talking with a family member

Our conversation became serious

As he revealed he knew a secret

I knew it, I knew what he’d say

I’d feared it was true for so long

He told me another family member

Molested me as a child

I was so young I couldn’t remember

But the effects linger to this day

I grew up never realizing

What caused some of my misery

In retrospect, I can see it

I found reason in my pain

It was far too late though

To change anything.

Not too long after

That family member who opened up

Who finally told me the truth

When no one else would

Was found to be attempting

Something similar with someone a little older

Everyone asked to keep it secret

I felt like I was living in a joke

Secrets never stay secret though

And because they tried so hard

Their efforts are being rewarded

With the truth being revealed

Good, I’m glad

At least someone is feeling justice

The victim is finally honest

They never REALLY wanted it to be a secret

Secrets, secrets

So many everywhere

I never thought I’d be caught

In one of their snares

But secrets can destroy lives,

Destroy minds, destroy wills

I truly do hate secrets

Cause I know secrets can kill

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So careless with my secrets 

I don’t hide them anymore

I leave it in my diary 

knowing it can turn people

and my life upside down

If someone touched it

it’ll leave them with a scar

And I think they know,

I still leave it carelessly on the window,

some days the pages flip

but I don’t flinch

no pair of hands reach for it. 

- trustonlystars

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Secrets Of Life

“And the king also said, ‘Blessed be he Lord, the God of Israel, who has granted someone to sit on my throne this day, my own eyes seeing it.’” 1Kings 1:48ESV

King David, ‘man after God’s own heart,’ 1Samuel 13:14. Does this mean David had life of easy? He suffered greatly.
—Saul recognized God’s anointing upon David, throwing spears at him in attempted murder;
—chased and hunted after him to kill him;
—Absalom, his son, hunted him like an animal;
—slept with all of David’s wives and concubines, in front of the entire city;
—his child, conceived during adultery, died;
—Adonijah, another son tried to take his kingdom.

Learning the secrets of life— David’s depended upon the Lord his God and love for God’s ways. Psalm 119: attests V5 “Oh that my ways may be steadfast in keeping your statues!”
V12 “…O Lord: teach me Your statutes!”
V15 “I will meditate on your precepts and fix my eyes on Your ways.”

After penning Psalm 23, he promised himself and others— we could count upon our faithful Shepherd to care for us no matter what sinister evils come to us, even “the shadow of the valley of death,” V4.

Although, Psalm 91 is considered to have been preserved from writings by Moses, David may have written it. The actual authorship was unsigned and leaves scholars wondering. According the Bible Study Tools, Commentary on the Treasures of David, Psalm 91 Overview— “In the whole collection there is not a more cheering Psalm, its tone is elevated and sustained throughout, faith is at its best, and speaks nobly. A German physician was wont to speak of it as ‘the best preservative in times of cholera, and in truth, it is a heavenly medicine against plague and pest.’ He who can live in its spirit will be fearless, even if once again London should become a lazar-house and the grave be gorged with carcases.”

Thousands of words were used to declare the events occurring throughout David’s life. I’ll let you read 2Samuel, instead of continuing. There’s a much greater point for you to see here. !Kings 1:1ESV “Now King David was old and advanced in years…” David had ‘lived old.’ Often the other Israeli kings died in battle, rarely of natural causes. In spite of everything, God had protected David.

Can you imagine King David singing with Andrea Crouch the chorus “Through it all
Through it all
I’ve learned to trust in Jesus
I’ve leaned to trust in God”
For it’s through the trials and troubles we learn to depend upon God alone. When medicine fails you, government fails, family, friends, and church fail you, you learn to depend on Christ alone.

Jesus/God/Holy Spirit wants us to stand fearless on His Word, believing, trusting and dependent upon The Trinity as our lone trust. Jesus’ name is “faithful and true” per Revelation 19:11. The Trinity can’t tell a lie Numbers 23:19. Matthew 7:24NLT “Anyone who listens to My teaching and follow it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock.”

David’s belief was— God would answer all of his prayers. God even allowing him the sight of his heir on his throne.

My belief is: because Jesus IS the Word of God, John 1:1, we can pray Bible words as prayers. Those words become alive leaving our mouths. I’m not just saying this I’ve proven it. In Covid-19, I’m praying Psalm 91, believing and receiving God’s protection for myself and family. Should the virus dare pass the gate of Psalm 91, it can’t take life for we’re protected in the tent of His secret place.

What are you believing? Are you fearful? Are you assured? It’s your choice. You choose.

PRAYER: Almighty God, You are my dwelling place. Thank You for hiding and protecting Your children from satan’s works. Awaken Your church, please, to Your love for them, in Jesus’ name I pray.

by Debbie Veilleux
Copyright 2020 You have my permission to reblog this devotional for others. Please keep my name with this devotional

itsyourchoicedevotionals
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7. 

My flaws, let me state, since you love to hype me up so thoughtlessly every day.
I don’t brush my teeth at night.
I don’t proofread after I write.
My fingernails’ fate is always my bite.
My books I love to annotate and highlight. 
I eat quicker than you can say bon appetit.
I don’t like to share my food and you can’t get me to feel guilty about any of it. 

My flaws, let me be clear, aren’t a source of anguish or hatred on my part. 
I’m simply aware.
Doesn’t mean I care.
The consequences are mine to bare. 
Life - its misery and magic - is my favourite affair.
I can tell you a thousand reasons why it’s never fair. 
I don’t want you to mock me or ask me to change but can you acknowledge it?

Oh, but the biggest you should be aware of?
I conceal so craftfully that often times I fool even me.
However, as you can see none of the above are flaws in the least. 
I can never spill them out for myself, are you smart enough to tell?

— April 7th, Tuesday 
     Napowrimo, 2020

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A che serve mostrarsi interessante se poi già so che ci sono parti di me - parti per me fondamentali! - che rischiano di non essere mai accettate per il solo fatto che turbano l'idea “normale” di quel che agli altri fa comodo vedere di me?

Va bene così: tu, sì proprio tu lettore/lettrice, non fingere di non essere giudizioso come tutti; anche tu, se mai io volessi rivelarti quelle parti di me, non le accetteresti mai e poi mai.

E io avrei fatto la figura del ciglione, una volta di più.


P.s. sì, non ho sbagliato: ho scritto proprio ciglione.

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Dabi x Reader
Word Count: 1778

!!Spoilers: set in PLF arc

Dabi brings you back to Deika City.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Epilogue

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(‘muted’ pink and ballet slipper pink)

Dabi pulls on a pair of gloves and walks out into the early morning sun with you. A car sits directly in front of the exit and a man with long white hair and light-colored eyes leans against it. His long parka with a fur lined hood looks better suited for winter than early spring. You squirm under his piercing gaze and wait for him to move away from the back door.

Keep reading

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