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loveemagicpeace · 5 months

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🌌Issues that you have with North Node🌌

🍸Aries North Node- you have issue being aggressive, being you , being direct & express your true energy and being your true self. NN in Aries gives you the life challenge of exerting your personal will and developing the inner confidence and courage to act in your own self-interest. Your journey is all about showing courage and embracing individuality. And finding your true self.

☁️Taurus North Node- you have issue with your self esteem. It's hard for you to feel valuable from others. Maybe you can also struggle with money or making money. You can also struggle with food or music or may you don't want to share your music or things that are close to you with others because maybe you feel ashamed to. It’s also about making sure you don’t get anywhere in a rush. Taurus is all about enjoying the simple things in life.

🥑Gemini North Node- you have trouble with expressing yourself. Speaking in public or expose yourself with saying some things that are on your mind. You also can be afraid of saying things and being wrong about it. You also struggle with your relatives & siblings. You feel that nobody really understands you or hear you. Maybe you feel that you are not good enough in school or that you're not smart enough. Your purpose is to hone your communication and social skills to become a leader in your community.

🛁Cancer North Node- you can struggle with home or family. You can also feel that everywhere you go it feels unfamiliar & maybe even at your home you can feel like you are some stranger or you are not feel safe enough there. The thing with NN in Cancer is that you actually look for a place to be safe and you look for people who will give you the comfort, nurturing and caring. People who will be there for you always and will never leave you. With cancer you can also have abandoned issues. The life's mission of those with the north node in Cancer is to become a warm and nurturing soul. A Cancer north node individual's purpose in life is to make and enjoy heartfelt connections.

✨Leo North Node- you struggle with not being seen & you can also have problems with being exposed or being in public in general. You don't want to be the center of attention & you don't like being around people or it's hard for you to show your talents to them. You are very uncomfortable taking the spotlight. In this lifetime, you sometimes experience betrayal or disappointing behavior from your group. You often felt detached, both from yourself and people around you. In this lifetime, you have to learn to exist as individual and define your boundaries.

⭐️Virgo North Node- one thing that I notice from this north node is that you actually struggle with your body or your body image or how you look like or the parts of your body. Cuz Virgo represents the body, skin , parts around the belly. So you can be actually very uncomfortable showing your body to people or maybe you can also be a critical of the way you look. You can also struggle with job and working with others. So you may be more comfortable being alone and doing things alone. These people are creative, artistic, sensitive, spiritual. You feel that you are one with the whole world. This makes you very sensitive to the energy of other people. You are very compassionate, however, there are people who take advantage of this. These people are often highly creative and have a powerful intuition.

🫧Libra North Node- you can struggle with maintaining relationships. Also being good enough for people. You can also feel lonely and hopeless. You can also feel that people don't feel the same way that you do. It's hard for you to find someone who understands you the way you want to be understand. You can struggle with betrayal, pain and a lot of people can hurt you and take advantage of you. You can also be afraid of being rejected. Because u often experience rejection as a description of who you are. They often grow up feeling that they are too much, that they will never find anyone who really gets what they have going on inside. You are concerned about questions around whether you are worthy of connection. You can usually take pride in feeling like no one ever gets you.

🌊Scorpio North Node- you have trouble with darker things & things that are more intense. Maybe intimacy can be a problem for you. You don't want to share intimacy with other people if you don’t trust em enough. You can also be afraid of intimacy. Maybe you don't want the people touch unless you trust them. It’s all about trust. If you don't trust people they cannot get closer to you. You can also have like big trust issues or you can see or feel things when they are not true. You can easily become suspicious about people & you can also be afraid of being betrayal or like sharing secrets with people and they just take your secrets with them and you can never take your secrets back. With your secrets, you feel that you are safe and that no one can take that away from you. You can also have control issues. They heal entire communities when they trust themselves in relationship to other people.

🎡Sagittarius North Node- you can struggle with faith & with believing into something. It's harder for you to find something to believe because you feel like you never have that. Also you can struggle with happiness and good luck . You feel like you never have a luck or that people around you experience a lot luck it's not you. You’re destined to embrace your wanderlust and experience new places through travel. Your purpose is to learn and seek knowledge. In this lifetime, it is key to use your intuition.

🎑Capricorn North Node- you struggle with responsibilities, stability ,career or just being stable in some things. You have to find your mission in this lifetime. It could also be something about your parents or some masculine figure or father. In general you can struggle with men or masculine figure or you just have a harder time to connect with people who have more masculine energy or man in general. You can also find really uncomfortable manipulating with other people. You can also struggle with being a leader or you can also be surrounded about a lot of people who have major career or maybe smarter than you are and you feel like a loser when you are with them. You're not but you feel that way because you attract all of people who Capricorn personalities. So you may feel uncomfortable around these people because they make you feel like you are not that good. The north node in Capricorn suggests that you need a protective shell, which you first seek in others, but later you learn to grow it on your own.

🎞️Aquarius North Node- you can struggle with finding friends or being accepted in the group. You can also feel of times like outsider or that your group don't accept you as you are. You feel so much different than them. You also struggle with social media. U may want to be seen but you feel uncomfortable to be seen. Equality will be a major focus in life. In the future, you can grow by understanding other people better and relating to them. You usually dislike the idea of being one in many and belonging to a community. Also u can have a lot of relationships and you can also have a hard time to stay in relationship or being in just one.

🧚🏼‍♀️Pisces North Node-you can struggle with your subconscious, dream ,spirituality ,finding your other self. Is about the difficulty of accepting pain. It represents self acceptance. The healing that Pisces north node seeks works through a self understanding that can only exist when pain is known and understood. You can also be afraid of pain of being hurt so you actually always escape when you feel like people it's going to hurt you. You can deal with a lot of drugs but on the other side you can also be afraid of drugs ,alcohol or things that are just feel unreal or put you in the mood that is not you. It’s not about improving the self despite pain. They grow when they learn how to forgive those who have done them wrong, when they realize that their pain does not make them more alone but that pain is something that most people know.  

☁️Commnet if u want north node in houses☁️

✨Ig-bekylibra✨

-Rebekah📀🍸☁️

#astrology #energy #zodiac signs #planets #north node in signs #your path #mission

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mcfuckity · 9 months

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You know what? Im breaking my silence. Im TIRED of people missing Jess’ character on purpose. Like, everyone can use context clues and fill in the blanks for every other character but somehow Jess is the only one taken at face value? Jess is being seen as a cold, detached, mean bitch by fans but I cannot determine whether we even watched the same movie.

Let’s address the elephant in the room, because she is a black woman who is NOT a mammy character, people criticize her harsher. Jess was MORE than Miguel’s “lackey”. She had her own thoughts and opinions. She definitely had her own personality and feelings about the entire situation. She lowkey stalled time to give Gwen chances to fix her mistakes.

If Jess was as cold as Miguel and such a “bitch”, she would’ve left Gwen the first time. Let’s not forget that Miguel was fully about to leave Gwen with her own father holding her at gunpoint, JESS vouched to bring Gwen under her name. Jess put her OWN position at risk to help Gwen and it required that she do her job accordingly. Jess made the boundary VERY clear, she is NOT Gwen’s mother. She is NOT her friend. I seen people argue that “Jess’ maternal instincts” should’ve kicked in to protect Gwen” but fully ignoring that Jess HAS A FAMILY! Jess is PREGNANT with her OWN child. Her instincts DID kick in and she chose her dimension with her family in it!

Jess was stuck in a rock and a hard place. She obviously wanted to help Gwen (considering she brought her in at the cost of her own position) but UNFORTUNATELY, GWEN messed up. Gwen saw Miles and that ultimately led to Spot escaping. You can love these characters and acknowledge that every character had their OWN thoughts and motivations that led to fuck ups. It’s not right to try to make Jess sound worse than the man who fuckin replaced his dead self out of grief, was about to leave a teen at gunpoint, and had an entire society of people chase a teenager who wanted to save his dad.

Don’t get me started on the “she’s fighting crime while pregnant argument” because we can accept superpowered people but NOT the possibility that their bodies are more resilient. NOT TO MENTION THAT PETER B HAS A WHOLE BABY ON MISSIONS???? Like, no one is calling him a bad father so what’s different with Jess? Miguel was mean as fuck to Miles upon meeting but Jess doing her JOB is considered being “mean”.

Then the “I didn’t see her enough to connect with her” is fair until everyone can somehow create entire {TERRIBLE} mischaracterizations of Hobie, Pav, and Peni who (arguably) had just about the same amount of screentime. She also shares traits with every other spider person with being snarky and quick-witted while being completely grounded. She’s literally one of the spider people that Miguel fully trusts but somehow the fandom erases her and goes “He loves Peter B and Lego Spidey🤪🤪”

Like, it’s crazy how people find it so easy to erase Jess and Margo (Spiderbyte) in fanworks for things they easily dismiss from other characters and it’s feelin like misogynoir. Like, Margo and Hobie served the same purpose with deciding to go against Miguel for Miles, yet only Hobie and Gwen gets that credit.

AND THEN THE MANY EXCUSES WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING! People keep hating on Jess/Miguel because she’s “obviously pregnant and married” but go right around and ship Miguel with Peter B. Same with Margo/Miles because it’s a bunch of “Miles and Gwen are obviously endgame” ANDDDD???? Since when did every ship HAVE TO be canon in order to be a ship? It’s especially crazy because I BARELY EVER see those comments on Miles/(Peni, Pav, or Hobie) or have no problem with having all the boys huddled around Gwen. The double standard is glaringly obvious.

In conclusion, some of you mfs dont deserve ATSV.

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frail-and-freakish · 1 year

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today, april 11th, is the anniversary of Mel Baggs' death. Mel Baggs was one of the early founders of the neurodiversity movement and believed that no one was too disabled for human rights, something that modern nd movements fail to understand to this day. sie was so instrumental to my understanding of literally everything. sie died from medical ableism and neglect during the beginning of the pandemic. we would be nowhere fucking near where we are now without hir. i've decided to make a masterlist of some of my favorite posts of hirs, organized into different categories.

(some of these are listed in more than one category because they overlap so much)

here are some of the "essentials" (what you might have already read by hir/should read first):

hir memorial site hosted by ASAN:

In My Language

the oak manifesto

There is ableism at the heart of your oppression, no matter what your oppression might be

Getting The Truth Out (many pages, parody of bad autism awareness campaign called "getting the word out")

the meaning of self-advocacy

what makes institutions bad

aspie supremacy can kill

here are some of hir beautiful writings on perceiving/communicating with hir environment as an autistic person, and on communication in general:

up in the clouds and down in the valley: my richness and yours

distance underthought

the naked mechanisms of echolalia

empty mirrors and redwoods

the fireworks are interesting

hir tumblr tag #sensing (@withasmoothroundstone)

on personhood and who has the authority to take it away:

being an unperson

what it means to be real

empty mirrors and redwoods

on institutions and the I/DD service system:

caregiver abuse takes many forms

"i don't know that person's program"

what my home means to me

dd service system tag

god help the critic of the dawn: glamour and its fallout

what makes institutions bad

post on the JRC

outposts in our heads

on online social justice communities/their inaccessibility:

Your politics have a problem when they contradict the real-life experiences of the people they're supposed to be about.

politics, ethics and mental widgets

hir tumblr tags #outside the wall and #little packages (@withasmoothroundstone)

misc:

The Bones My Family Gave Me

Please violate only one stereotype at a time

My sort of people, just as real as theirs.

Reviving the concept of cousins

gender tag

this is hir poems and creative works:

this is hir writing on autistics.org:

may hir memory be a blessing/revolution.

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narcpixiedreamboy · 2 months

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Okay I’d like anyone that sees this to blind react and put a finger down for each thing in this list you relate to. There are 9 things. You can comment your score publicly or keep it private, up to you, but I think this might be interesting for some people. Here’s the list:

-Do you tend to take criticism too personally, or gotten unreasonably defensive when someone points out a mistake you made? Do you hate admitting you’ve done something wrong?

-Do you like to daydream about doing something amazing (such as saving people from a burning building, being the one to win your team the game, being an amazing actor in a movie, etc.) and having people recognize you for the great thing you did?

-Do you place in importance on being associated with important or high status things, like trying to date/be friends with the coolest kids in your classes, or choosing to go to a prestigious university over a common state school?

-Do you tell people about things you’ve done specifically to get praise for it? Such as telling your friends about the A you got on that really hard math test, or pointing out your cool new hairstyle, or the drawing you did that you think looks really cool, specifically so that they will compliment you for it?

-Do you feel comfortable prioritizing yourself and what you want/need over other people?

-Have you ever diminished your accomplishments, or been purposefully self-deprecating so that the person will reassure you (i.e. “You’re such a good artist!” “Oh no I’m really not, anyone could do what I do” “No really, your art is amazing!”)?

-Do you find it hard to genuinely care about other people’s problems?

 -Do you get jealous easily if, let’s say at a party, your friend is getting more attention than you?

-Have you ever felt secretly happy that someone around you failed or did worse on something than you did? Like maybe you didn’t want your friend to fail their math test, but them failing it did you make you feel a little extra good and proud about the non-failing grade you got on it.

(Scroll for explanation for spoiler reasons)

So what that list was a rewriting of the DSM-5 diagnostic criteria for narcissistic personality disorder, where for each section I filled in one of the ways I actually feel that part of the criteria. So instead of “grandiose sense of self”, I said “bad at taking criticism”, because that’s one of the ways my grandiose sense of self actually presents. If this was the original diagnostic criteria, you would need 5 of 9 to be diagnosed with NPD.

The reason I asked you all to count how many you relate to is that I have seen a lot of egotypicals do this exact same stuff. My goal is to help someone possibly unfamiliar with NPD understand that people with NPD are not the foreign, subhuman monsters that we are so often represented as, but rather people who feel some normal human traits too much.

(Also please don’t use this alone to self-diagnose, it was not made for that)

(Also also, thank you to the people in the reblogs for letting me know I could’ve used the read more feature. I am new to tumblr so tips on how to use it are appreciated)

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plutosunshine · 1 year

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Astro Notes Pt. 10

✨ It is very interesting to me that both Gemini and Virgo are ruled by Mercury but are so different. Especially in terms of lies. Gemini's lies are their second nature. It doesn’t mean they lie all the time but if they need to, it is not a big problem. Also, they (I mean Gemini placements) are good at uplifting their friends so they’ll lie to make a friend happy. At the same time, Virgo placements feel like they betray themselves when they lie. Sometimes they say the truth that hurts but you may be sure that Virgo won't stab you in the back.

✨ Leo Mars people want to be right soooo much! They feel offended when they are wrong. It is that kind of person who will tell you “WHAT I TOLD YOU! I WAS RIGHT!”.

✨ I know this thing may be applied to any Pisces placement but Pisces Moon just NEEDS someone to help out. They feel empty when they aren’t doing something good for others. They may even have helpless friends with addictions or mental issues so that they could be there for them.

✨ Having 8th house overlays with your friends is sooo good. You are going through tough experiences together and transforming each other. This is the type of friend that will help you no matter what. Deep connection, conversations, and mutual understanding. You may help each other to heal deep wounds.

✨ Yes, it is very difficult to be on the same wave with a person whose Moon squares yours. However, when you have a deep bonding and desire to develop a relationship, you can deal with it. You have to understand that you never will fully understand the deep feelings and emotions of each other and you will never fully relate but know that you may find a way to cope. With time, it even deepens your connection, because you need to be more attentive and understanding.

✨ I want to mention again how important it is for Virgo Suns to have a purpose or do something no matter what. Virgo energy is so hard-working and restless that you need to navigate this energy to the right place. When you have nothing to do, no purpose or things to do, you subconsciously blame and criticize yourself which leads to low energy levels and low self-esteem.

✨ Also, Sun square Pluto can relate as well. Pluto creates much tension and when a person doesn’t have something where they can invest this intense energy, a person starts to destroy themselves.

✨ People with the 7th house in Aquarius often remain friends with their exes. I see all the time when their ex is their closest friend after the breakup. Also, it is common among people with Venus in Gemini and the 11th house. But there are a lot of indicators.

✨ People with Jupiter in the 2nd or 8th are so happy. They even don’t do anything but they have money somehow. Money just comes to them easily. (Don’t forget about other placements before saying that it's not true in your case!)

✨ People with the North Node in Leo have a chance to perform throughout their life. Maybe you reject it but it will find you anyway. Even if it is a small concert in your school or a local band that even doesn’t perform that much. Life will gift you opportunities to show yourself so don’t miss it!

✨ If you have Saturn in the 10th house, just listen. DON'T GIVE UP! I know you have high expectations for yourself and you feel incapable at times but once you give up, it will make you miserable. Don't give up on your dreams and goals! If you don’t satisfy this placement it will slowly kill you from the inside.

✨ People with Chiron in the 4th often feel guilt in terms of their family. Whatever happens in their family, they blame themselves. They think they could help or prevent some situations and it may kill them from the inside.

✨ Having Cancer placements for men in our society is crazy. Cancer energy is so vulnerable and sensitive but our society makes men hide it, which leads to suppressed anger and other emotions. That is why a lot of men with Cancer Mars have anger issues. They don’t know how to express emotions and blame themselves when they show weaknesses and insecurities.

#astrology #astro #astro observations #natal chart #birth chart #astro notes #astrology posts #zodiac #zodiac signs

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demontobee · 5 months

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Autism and Invalidation

I just can’t believe how QUICK people are to invalidate your experience. Which is why it is so important to learn to love and validate yourself.

I was diagnosed with autism earlier last year, because I had done tons of research on the topic and I had gone through the arduous process of finding a place to get the assessment done. During this process, I constantly doubted myself, and I went through loops and loops of feeling like an impostor but also the need to get answers. The assessment process itself was hard on my self-confidence as well, since I felt weird and out-of-place as an afab person assessed by the white male boy standards of autism research. Nevertheless, I got my diagnosis after weeks of filling out questionnaires and feeling uncomfortable in interviews. Having a formal diagnosis relieved me to some extent, but it has not yet cured me from self-doubt and the feeling of shame that washes over me at the thought of feigning it just to get attention, to belong somewhere, to have answers. Since I got the diagnosis, I have made huge changes in my life, which has been wonderful and terrifying at once, and I’ve had more meltdowns than I can count. And I should be proud. I have managed to overcome hurdles like my life-long comfort zone, I am trying to set boundaries and I want to find out what really makes me happy, what I was made for.

And it is exactly this achievement that makes other people doubt the validity of my experience as an autistic person.

My current therapist, who has no specific expertise in autism (especially not in afab queer autistic beans), told me last week that she thinks I was misdiagnosed. Why? Because I am able to handle change so well, because I am a very reflected person who knows exactly what their problems are and how I am harming myself, because I am able to think critically about my parents and the way they raised and treated me. An autistic person, it seems, would not be able to so that.

Bullshit.

You know how I am able to do all these things that she apparently thinks are reserved for neurotypical people? I have been teaching myself, in an ongoing and nerve-wrecking process, how to handle change. I have been working on loving myself and respecting myself enough to want to make changes that benefit me and my well-being. Setting boundaries is a hard and heart-breaking process for me. It doesn’t come naturally to me and I often feel lonely or guilty. For as long as I can remember, my mind has been going round and round reflecting on my actions, other people’s reactions, normal behavior and so on. Reflecting for me is not a skill that proves how “normal” I am, it is a survival strategy. And it is about time I put it to good use instead of fueling my anxiety and my self-criticism with it.

Just because you are developing skills that help you learn to love and validate yourself does not mean your experience as an autistic person is not valid. Formally diagnose or not. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

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moonshynecybin · 7 days

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PEDRENZO TOXIC RIVALRY YEARS FORCED PROXIMITY CURSE. TELL ME MORE

YAYYYY okay so. for dani and jorge it HAS to be after one of the most intense races of their lives. don’t ask me which I DO NOT KNOW ! i’ll leave it up to you to decide if one fits specifically but it was CRUCIALLY a knockdown drag out fucking fight. high effort. satisfying. one millionnnnn overtakes. and eventually they BOTH podium, and the race was so bananas —kinetic and tense and somewhere HOT— that they feel like the blood in their veins is legitimately made of GASOLINE— and they HATE each other at this point, but on days like this the space between them is also filled with this like. singular electricity that makes them feel like NOTHING else. the emotional release of a hard won battle… all of those endorphins panting shiny with sweat sticky with champagne… critical awareness of where the other is at all times, leftover from the track… and then they DO decide to shake hands on the podium and there’s. a moment. a spark. something a bit different than static electricity, but not far off. and they don’t think anything of it until after the race, when dani is about to get whisked away by honda to debrief— and jorge shouldn’t even notice when dani walks away but he DOES, he can FEEL it, and something prickles and begins to TEAR. jorge feels some deep instinctual part of himself seize up with panic, and theres a shout from dani’s direction and suddenly jorge’s body is moving without his permission and he’s got dani’s face in his hands and big brown eyes are looking up at him and they are fucking ANGRY. and it’s then that he knows something is very very veryyyyy wrong.

and off they go to the motogp doctors™️ ! who are like. yep! you’re cursed ! (magic ass universe where looney tunes shit like this occasionally happens to riders who ride the edge of rivalry a little too hard. rosquez have gods biggest storm coming for them in a few years.) so you have to stay as physically close as possible to each other for a couple of months!! it’ll hopefully pass. these curses don’t effect in track stuff really so you’re are both cleared to ride 🤗👍 and PEDRENZO are both like. you have to be FUCKING kidding me. dani sitting there picking at his fingernails COMPLETELY shut down and jorge just posture tight frown dialed to ELEVEN tiny little stormcloud over their heads :) and they’re holding hands because it’s the only way they don’t feel like live ants are under their skin :) THEN the doctor is like. and you guys should probably share a bed :)

and it’s rough at the beginning! they are both VERY stubborn and while dani remains the people’s princess i think when he was younger he had the capacity to just. shut the fuck down when he was pissed. close off. and jorge is NOT shy about how uncomfortable he is about the whole thing so he’s dialed the cuntress factor allll the way up. and there’s no quick fix! it’s just time! and dani is also SELF ADMITTED !!! not a patient person. SO i IMAGINE sitting next to jorge in bed and imagining himself attempting to suffocate in his most evilest of enemy’s tits is FUN but is also not a SOLUTION. action oriented guy methinks. loves solving a problem hates when the only solution is WAIT. so it ends up being this escalating arms race of belligerent horny tension where they’re literally living in each other’s pockets holding hands touching ankles sleeping in the same bed and being TORTUROUSLY aware of the other’s body the ENTIRE time. every SLIVER of skin contact i feels like a brand. passing dani in the kitchen reaching for cereal and jorge brushes a hand on dani’s waist to lean and he feels CRAZY. INSANE. that kind of stuff. and eventually i think dani (NOT PATIENT !) fucking snaps and just. jumps him. might as well make the fucking lemonade if you have the goddamn lemons !!

the REAL problem os after the curse gets lifted (of course. the second after they fuck.) when they are USED to each other’s presence and have begun to realize how much they COMPLIMENT each other and suspect (creeping at the edges of awareness) that this mighttttt be love. but they know the other was only around for months because they were literally cursed. and now they are free to go back to the status quo. where rivalry is expected. what do they do…

#they fuck. obviously. that’s what they do.#motogp #callie speaks #asks #pedrenzo

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grison-in-space · 1 month

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Part of the problem with trying to protect young people from exploitation and grooming by extremist elements of the manosphere is that our understanding of exploitation and how to tackle it is still hopelessly out of touch. Dr. Firmin explained that the very hallmarks of adolescence that most attract young men to these online communities are also the ones least understood by traditional support mechanisms. During adolescence, young people prioritize belonging, self-autonomy, and independence. This, she said, is a period in which young people are struggling with intense emotions: they are “more inclined to take risks” and are particularly unlikely to think about “long-term consequences.” As such, traditional support services are not well suited to this period, because they tend to be “targeted at individuals who don’t like to take risks and will think about the long-term consequences of their behavior and will be generally emotionally stable.” While support structures struggle against these typical adolescent behaviors, Dr. Firmin explained, those who exploit young people “will tend to work with” them, offering children

a sense of risk or going against the grain, focus on short-term gains, what it means in the here and now, and push aside the potential negative long-term consequences… They will provide means by which you can be very emotionally driven and passionate…and also validate those emotions as authentic when other adults are saying, “Don’t get so worked up.”

All this resonates powerfully with the tactics of the manosphere. Young people are offered a highly emotive narrative and a sense of deep belonging and community. They are repeatedly encouraged, in incel forums, for example, to take violent action that would position them as countercultural disrupters without thinking too much about the consequences. “It’s very easy to sell those ideas,” Dr. Firmin added, in a community that boasts about “going against the norm.” In the case of the manosphere, she said, that manifests as “pushing against this idea of new masculinity…or men’s increased role in parenting… This narrative would push against all of that, push against #MeToo, so it’s very easy then to sell it as a risk and sell it into this idea of wanting a sense of self, a sense of personal identity.” In some respects, she said, given the current climate, the attractiveness of the manosphere to young men is “not very surprising at all.”

Men Who Hate Women, 2020, Laura Bates.

... Ohhhhh. Well, Bates is talking about young men getting sucked into the manosphere, but TERF tactics make a whole lot more sense now, don't they? There's all this uncertainty in our collective lives, and a simple but risky narrative that just requires brave, passionate folks to stand up for what they believe in to fix everything...

Ah.

For that matter, the same patterns totally resonated with me in my teens and twenties; I just had causes that I still feel good about to stand up for, like queer solidarity and ace community raising and allyship as an active choice.

I'm carrying some grief about that this morning—I have a lot of scars that came from being brave and open and riskily vulnerable and trusting my own resilience and hard work to catch me, and it's been a hard, hard ten years. But I also find myself thinking in the same breath: oh. That's the same romantic tendency that's kicking off the wistfulness about labor uprisings I was so critical of last night, and that association builds commitment to changing the critically unfair economic systems of inequality we live with. That's the same energy that makes so many teenagers so emphatic about climate change. That's the thing that makes my grad students stamp feet and snap "well, it shouldn't be like that then!" while I'm trying to do more with less to support them and keep them safe. And sometimes that makes me adjust my course, often for the better.

Stuff like this really renews my commitment to listening to folks who are significantly different in age to me. Sometimes I think they are missing big things in their politics, but sometimes I think that the uncompromising optimism of what could be is a powerful, heady current.

I've only been an adult for about a decade, is the thing, and I've already watched the activism of the generation of millennial activists I grew up alongside make real, profound changes in the status quo, often but not always informed by the support and lessons of generations that have broken the trails before ourselves. I think there can be a certain complacency about that, an idea that younger folks are going to either save us unassisted (lol no) or pick up largely arbitrary battles and waste the momentum of their energy and commitment. I don't think that complacency is a good idea, but it exists. It's worth opposing.

Just like any social construct, generations are both imaginary and profoundly real at the same time, both a wave and a particle at once. It's worth thinking about what people at different ages and life stages need, and it's always worth thinking about how to build coalitions to best channel and support one another.

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animebw · 1 year

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Something I’ve noticed about RWDE and the asshole side of RWBY criticism is just how bad they are at reading anything into the things they don’t like beyond their initial dislike of them. They never say “I think X was done poorly, the writers were probably trying to accomplish Y but they fell short because Z and it hurts the show because ABC.” It’s always “X SUCKS AND THE WRITERS ARE AWFUL PEOPLE WHO HATE WRITING.”

Like, perfect example: I’ve seen a lot of people complaining about the pacing in the most recent RWBY episode, and I agree with a lot of their complaints. We weren’t given any time to see WBY’s reactions to Ruby’s choice in episode 8, how it affected them and what they thought about it before finding her at the tree. Hell, the way the start of the episode is written it basically feels like everyone forgets they exist so they can deal with Jaune’s trauma; nobody even really acts like Ruby just, you know, Did That. I get that WBY knows by now ascension isn’t death and Ruby’s probably not gone for good, but it’s still a hell of a sight to witness. And there needed to be, like, two more minutes dealing with that fallout before connecting it to Jaune’s catharsis and their mutual understanding that the people they care for aren’t gone forever. I know RWBY doesn’t have unlimited money to throw around, but it really feels like a critical scene was just cut out wholesome.

But there is a stark difference between how regular fans and RWDE voice these complaints. On one side, you’ve got normal people saying “Yeah, that was rushed, it needed a scene of WBY processing what just happened and it feels kind of callous for them to seemingly get over it so fast.” And on the other side, you’ve got the usual asshats going “OMG YANG HATES HER SISTER AND MILES AND KERRY ARE JERKING OFF JAUNE CAUSE HE’S MILES’ SELF-INSERT AND THEY HATE RUBY AND THEY HATE WOMEN ARGLABARLG.” No, you insufferable nimrods, it’s a very simple writing error, nothing more, nothing less. And you really don’t have to expend much brainpower to take that failure in context and move on. It doesn’t ruin the episode, it doesn’t take away from Yang’s scene with Ruby’s tree form, and unless you’re either stupid or deliberately arguing in bad faith, it’s not hard to take it on its own terms without blowing it out of proportion.

Despite what RWDE would have you believe, RWBY fans are fine with criticism. The reasonable, measured complaints I’ve seen from fans about this episode are proof of that. We have no problem discussing the issues with this show. But the bad-faith, poorly-researched, bias-driven, self-serving drivel that spills from these so-called critics’ mouths has no business sharing the same space as actual analysis. And we’re not going to insult our own intelligence pretending otherwise.

In short: RWBY fans have no problem with reasonable critiques. Maybe all these “critics” should try actually, you know, making some one of these days.

#anime #the anime binge-watcher #tabw #rwby #rwby volume 9 #rwby9 #I feel like I'm increasingly in my no-fucks-left-to-give posting era #it's working for me

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motherstone · 2 months

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Kazu Kibuishi nearly died while making ‘Amulet.’ Two decades later, he’s completed it. – Orange County Register (ocregister.com)

A passage from the article:

But in the decade since his recovery, Kibuishi says he still feels the effects.

“It changed my life, for sure. That’s part of the reason why I can’t write as fast as I used to. I can definitely draw just as quickly; that’s just motor skill. But writing is really what takes the most time,” he says, adding his memory has been affected – sometimes he’d finish a page only to realize he’d already drawn it before. “There are certain obstacles and hurdles I have to get over. I don’t want to use it as an excuse but … I have set a standard with my former self that is very hard for this brain to match.”

Kibuishi’s memory came up when I mention an earlier meeting we’d had. Years ago, not long after he’d recovered, I’d reached out to tell him how much my family enjoyed his books and Kibuishi had invited us to visit his Bolt City Productions studio in Alhambra. While a memorable event for us, Kibuishi says he can’t remember much from that period.

“That time in my life, I just have to accept that I was a bit of an amnesiac. There’s like a crater in my memory,” he says. “I don’t know if I’ll ever fully recover from it, but I manage well, I think, despite all of that.”

That explains why Amulet turned out the way it did. I deeply regret the harsher points of my criticisms, but my points about flaws of the series still stand.

On one thing, I presumed that his injury may have played a factor, something that severe especially in the brain is not something you would 100% recover from. On the other hand, I thought it is pretty wrong to speculate or assume further about Kazu’s medical history because that’s ultimately his business to divulge or not.

So I assumed it was arrogance. I assumed that since he’s secured a good number of loyal readers, he’s just putting whatever because a.) he’s done with Amulet, and b.) people would read his books either way, so why bother with quality? Which is not only extremely bad faith of me, but also deeply insulting to Kazu as an artist. To which I am regretful, and I do apologize. He really just can’t remember. The Amulet we started with isn’t the Amulet we ended with.

That also explains his process. He’s made around 1000 draft pages for book 9, then pick and discard what he wanted to keep and honestly, I’m pretty sure someone with a direction for their story wouldn’t have such ramblings that would take 1000 pages (I myself who also draws a lot wouldn’t make that high of a number), the process overall was just yonkers. But for someone with a spotty memory… That’s probably the best method he could come up with.

But in all honesty, reading this article gave me an overwhelming sense of peace. I could live with Kazu’s reasons if it was because he’s done with Amulet, or if it was because of executive meddling, or if it was for medical reasons. Mostly because these are all problems that can be fixed. A better project, a better employer, a better work schedule, better accommodations. I still think the writing is awful and declined badly, but I’m more relieved that it isn’t because Kazu no longer cares or values his work. Ultimately, he genuinely did the best he could.

#amulet series #kazu kibuishi

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psychelis-new · 1 year

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pick a pile: "How do you heal each other?"

take a breath and choose the photo or number that calls you the most to read about how you and your partner or person (can be a friend too) can work together and heal each other. romantic partner includes: current partner, future spouse/partner, destined person. the reading won't be strictly for romantic partners cause it may involve friends or any other type of healing as well. i will try to keep the reading for everyone. next reading will involve specifically how you work through fears together.

don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not called by any pile, let this reading slid as it may not hold messages for you. if you're called by more than one, there may be messages in each of those piles. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. energies can change and readings are based on present ones (as you read); you're always in charge of your life.

(photos found on unsplash)

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1 2 3 4

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pile 1

Healing with this person is gonna shed a light on your fears and insecurities. This person will bring a new way to see things, which in the beginning may cut you deep, both for the good and the bad: I mean, it could even be triggering but at the same time... feel okay or make you curious about seeing more of it (despite the trigger, you may realize they're right in what they say. I feel perfectionism/high self defence mechanism/prickly behavior -you don't like criticism or when people point out to you when something you do/think may be uncorrect. You want to be always perfect/right cause to you it means you are appreciated, but that's only how you learned to survive and got acknowledge by others/family and praised while growing up. You cannot be always right in life and not cause it's you but simply cause nobody can: we are just imperfect human beings. This person will hit the right spot aka your issue, but at the same time will help you heal it, if you'll trust them). I think you have brought with you this deep wound for a long time now and despite you may be start being aware of it, you still have problems dealing with it. Being criticized still gets to you, receive a negative feedback or even someone not agreeing with you may cause you a small breakdown (or even a bigger one, according on the day/period). Just try to take your time and be patient. It's hard to change the way we're used to think and let others in so that they can help us, but you can do that. Not everyone is willing to hurt you with their words (despite some words do cut deep. But you can always realize the real intention of others: to help you or crash you). Angel number 444, this person will bring tranquillity in your life, despite the shock they'll bring in at the beginning. They will for sure help you dealing with this old trauma and self worth issues, help you change the way you see things from the inside and close this long time hurting chapter. Ofc, it'll take you a while still to close it all, but you will, they'll help you by guiding you through it, holding your hand. You will need to understand and let them in, despite what they say may hurt you sometimes. They only want the best for you and that you believe in yourself, cause you are perfect in your imperfection to them, but you should be seeing this for yourself too. They want you to succeed and reach all the dreams/goals you have in mind, and they'll help you get there by helping you creating the correct mindset for yourself. Healing with them will make you more in control of your mind and wiser. You may end up working together too, they will trust your ideas and you a lot. You will help this person in learning how to communicate better, by standing your ground and letting them know their words may cut deep. You will help them see that people have feelings (they know, it's just that sometimes they don't take them too much into consideration when speaking, they seem impulsive and not pay attention to how they phrase their thoughts: this person may even have similar wounds to yours but deals with them differently; they don't care if others don't appreciate them, but they will care about you)

song: it takes two | fiji blue

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pile 2

Healing with this person will feel deep. It may be that you need to meet this person so that you both can heal something, probably from past lives as well (but not necessarily). I think it may involve some abandonment issues or other traumas related to relationships in general (remember that relationships' traumas originates not just from romantic connections but all of our connections, especially family ones: we bring those traumas in our romantic relationships too. As humans, we have different types of connections but how we act is not strictly related to each of them -except for specific things ofc as being physically intimate). This person seem to have their own problems too ofc, but theirs kinda fit yours. Let me explain. It seems that your traumas/issues are somewhat completing each other's: like you have healed something that they still have to heal and vice versa, and so you can come together to complete this healing by helping the other. This relationship will help you grow a lot, be more steady, grounded, confident and sure about yourself, and the same will be for them. This person seem kinda precise, wise, has a good way of communicating (maybe even their emotions) and isn't scared of going deep down within to understand things and themselves. They probabably have done a lot of work on themselves (and so have you -possible mirror energy) before meeting you. I think the healing will involve also 18+ stuff. You will heal inner parts of yourself also through being intimate and sharing touches, being vulnerable on different levels (ofc not just 18+, simply being touched/touching the other will help you a lot, as feeling their warmth. You may have felt lonely and left out for a while in your life and it may have happened to them too -or just to them, as resonates). Healing will be delicate (lot of respect for each other) even if probably you will feel it all is happening quite suddenly cause you aren't used to having such a person in your life (e.g. they will meet your needs and it may be something you aren't used to). In the beginning of this connection you may even feel scared of your feelings and of this person, and try to block yourself and the connection (kinda self sabotaging). But you will get used to them the moment you'll realize they are exactly what you've always needed in your life. You need time to get accostumed to this sudden change inside/out in your life, and trust it is for real and it is good. (Maybe you have never been in a romantic relationship or your feelings have never been returned by others, and they being so deeply involved in you will feel scary/uncomfortable). They feel more confident than you when you meet them or they may even have lot of friends/be known or under the spotlight for some reason/be older than you.

song: paper rings | taylor swift

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pile 3

Healing with this person will feel cozy, comfortable. Like being hugged after having been for a while under the rain, like staying under the sun and its warm rays with a smile on your face, like a gentle breeze caressing your hair, like taking a nap or watching a movie while drinking a cup of tea under your favorite blanket. So very nice "maternal" energy. Talks about "home" so even coming back home after a long time could be another metaphor. Not sure why I am talking like this, maybe this person is somewhat of a poet or has a gentle soul. It could be that they are very in touch with their feminine side (or that they are a female, take as resonates). They like to ponder, to be sure about the way they do or say something: the way they communicate their messages is very important to them, they want them to be clear and complete (I'm so trying to pay attention to words atm). But also comforting for others. They are very calm and grounded, or it feels so. Yeah, this person is home for many. For sure they feel a lot and know how to deal with emotions: maybe had to go through a lot and now they have reached a point that lets them be more in control and understanding of what is going on inside and outside of them. This knowledge, this confidence, helps them go through life with a little more ease and they want you (and maybe others too) to experience the same. To make it clear, this doesn't have to be a romantic connection for all; and even if it was, this part of their character (helping others) may be related to their job as well. This person will help you get in touch with the inner parts of yourself and start appreciating them, even those you don't like at all: you're (we're) made of darkness and light, and how they move inside of you is what makes you, you. It's what makes you special. They'll help you be more in control of your mind, more balanced between how you see and perceive things (you may tend to overthink or stress a lot). They will help you talk with your fears, with your weaknesses and realize that there's nothing bad in them. They'll help you appreciate your whole self. Angel number 505: they'll indeed bring a huge change in your life but it won't feel scary at all. it'll feel okay, a normal transition, as from day to night. You may even not realize how much you are changing by being with them, until you will suddenly realize later on. For some it may be a person not destined to stay forever in your life.

song: midnight atrophy | mr. larkowis (sorry no lyrics for you but a total mood)

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pile 4

Healing with this person will help you be more in tune with yourself and your intuition (and your Guides, if you need it). This person will bring lot of enlightment and clarity to your life, they'll help you see things with more attention, and understand them better. They may even help your third eye open. You will see better, have many realizations... even things that you may felt had been hidden from you for any reason: everything will be so clear (like, can you see the weird red structure and the "letters" in your pic? With a little focus, you'll see them). You won't care if there's too much light or darkness around you, you just will see everything. You both may be pretty spiritual, or you just need to be together to do something (may even be just help each other finding your purpose, which is standing out strongly). You will balance each other. You will be in your power (both of you). Angel number 525, they will help you stay positive and on your path (or help you realize your path/true call), whatever that is. Feels like a soulmate connection, yin/yang, two people that have to come together (maybe you were called by pile 2 as well, despite the energy feels different). You may have some psychic power or develop it when you'll be in this connection. You will come together to deal with some insecurities and learn to guide others through their lives, through their fears, through their insecurities. It feels like something that needs to be (and I cannot tell too much about). Healing and being with your person will feel like a wish come true, it will bring you all your desires, will help you deal with your emotions and be more focused on what you really want and who you wanna be: you won't be scared anymore about your deeper calling or doubting it. You won't doubt too much anymore, you'll feel more confident about your decisions. You'll trust yourself more. You will realize you'll be in charge of all your life's decisions and you will take them with no fear. You may heal this person by balancing their more masculine energy with your more feminine (but it doesn't have to be), so to create a mentality that is more stable and more fair. This totally will bring you new beginnings, new possibilities, new life experiences, new ideas. This connection will probably give you more ability to speak your truth, communicate better and stand your ground. You both may even work to help others/those in need or who cannot stand up for themselves for any reason. Huge service-vibes from you two (but ofc it doesn't have to be to others, it could be among you two: you will try to be of help/service to the other).

song: nothing is lost (you give me strenght) | the weeknd

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olderthannetfic · 7 months

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I’m kind of surprised that the whole heteronormativity BL discourse turned into me hating femme men and wanting every man to be masc. It’s doubly nuts because the story I described that got the brunt of this was one I made because of a certain masculine gay character trope that I really hated, to the point where my idea of fixing it was to basically make him sensitive and soft and a yuri on ice fan, and bullied for his lack of masculinity. If I find myself hating or feeling negatively about any part of a BL story it’s usually because of the actions of the top/seme character.

If a BL is bad, or I don’t know if it’s good or not, or I think there’s any bad writing moments at all, the top is usually the problem. This rule applies even if I think the top is a great character. This applies even if the bottom is a fucking terrorist who crippled an innocent young woman and tortured her for hours and never once grows as a person the whole story. (to be clear I really like the story i’m talking about and would recommend it, halfway across by dracze, but it’s still insane how the top basically NEEDS to be at the more toxic one in the relationship if the story has any flavor whatsoever). I know there are obviously exceptions, I can’t name a single one at the moment.

None of what i’m saying is a criticism of BL or of masc gay characters, i’m just saying that way too many people jumped to one specific conclusion about me based on my words. I really hope this doesn’t turn into discourse about me hating masc gay men and wanting everyone to be femme or some shit. I’d probably rage quit the internet for a week if that happened.

You are the only one who can't let this go. Everyone else forgot about it five minutes after it happened... or would have if your ongoing behavior didn't remind them.

As I've explained numerous times, people respond to the subtext and vibe of what a person writes as much as to their literal words. You said a bunch of shit that was laden with buzzwords and dogwhistles from communities with bad attitudes. People picked up on that.

You send lots of lengthy posts that are hard to parse and that come out of nowhere. And no, "you don't have to answer this but..." is not the ass-covering you think it is. I have to at least look at the posts in my inbox to evaluate them before they go in the queue. Normally, I don't mind if the same person sends me lots, and I don't care if they're all super interesting, but yours are particularly self-absorbed, boring, and horribly-written.

They're always phrased like "I think X about media Y". They don't invite discussion. They aren't tied to past conversations on here. They don't show the slightest spark of interest in what others think.

You apparently want eyeballs on your writing, both creative and nonfiction asks, but you're incapable of showing genuine interest in others. If these posts are an attempt to interact rather than to just say words in front of an audience, it sure doesn't show in the final product.

The posts people respond better to are just written better, but they are also more obviously part of a dialogue that treats other readers of my blog as peers, not a spigot dispensing free attention.

Why should anyone care why you dislike one BL or another? I get that you're trying to prove something about yourself, but why should anyone care about that either?

You are not the main character in other people's lives.

You're treating this like some need to clear your name, but fundamentally, that's assuming any of this matters to other people. It doesn't outside of refuting a given comment on a given post and then, like I said, forgetting about it five minutes later.

Every time you ask a new question, it just demonstrates the same lack of clue as before. For example, you recently asked (in part):

"What would changing my behavior look like? I have full plans to write […]"

It does not matter what comes in place of that ellipsis because no one cares what you do in your own art.

No one ever had an issue with your art because nobody has consumed it. And, to be honest, plenty of people have perfectly fine values for things they do. The fact that you do or don't include problematic thing X or proship stance Y in your own art is not proof of anything.

The issue is in how people talk to others about other people's art.

Endlessly trying to bring up your own work just looks like pointless grandstanding. Meanwhile, the vibe when you chat with others here has not really changed. There's still a strong subtext of unexamined assumptions and desire to make everything about yourself.

It's not about swapping out word X or Y. It's about your overall writing ability and command of subtext, which is poor. Really, really poor.

It's also about moronic statements like:

Like would it have made you mad that I said what I said if I removed those words? Because I didn't even mean them I just didn't think long enough to cut them from the post.

"Ooh, I didn't think".

Then don't fucking speak.

Or, if you do run your mouth without thinking, like most of us do sometimes, expect to suffer the consequences and don't cry like a cowardly little weasel when you do.

To be perfectly frank, I spend less time trying to promote my own work on here than you do. On my blog.

And I can actually write.

This constant me, me, me, me bullshit is what makes you seem selfish, self-absorbed, and like you're wasting everyone's time on purpose.

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lyrenminth · 1 year

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Getting back together

Note: I need to decide if I make a second part of this, because i really liked it. Anyway, tell me what do you think.

Summary: You and Joe meet again after your break up and good things happen.

Damn.

How long have been since you and Joe were in the same room? Three years? Four? Since you break up, you went zero contact. It was relatively easy because his work was very demanding and he travelled a lot, so the only thing you did was to block him in your socials and stop watching his games. Well, you lose many friendships with the others WAGS because you weren't relatable anymore but it seemed like the best for both. Actually, Joe's rising fame was one of the reasons you guys break up. Dating in college was nice and was something you could handle it, but the NFL was a different monster and living through Joe made you realized you weren't prepared for this. Being a supportive girlfriend was a hard task when you had your own problems and almost drowning on them, and of course you couldn't tell anything to Joe because he needed to be focus on his game. After many discussions with him about his moods and a couple of months in therapy made you take the decision to break up with him. It wasn't easy and Joe didn't take it nicely, but he respected your decision. "I hope you don't regret this" he said after crying in front of you.

And you thought you would regret it. The first months were hell. Crying every day feeling dumb and empty because Joe was your first love and he taught you many things. Crying because you missed him, his kisses, hugs and cuddles. The nights watching T.V and how he always criticized the series when the plot didn't make any sense. "How is that even possible?" he always exclaimed, annoyed at the T.V "That doesn't make any sense. Who is hiring these people?" And you just laughed.

But you were expecting to live with guilt the rest of you life. It took all your self-control not to call him or being in contact with him. Because if one day you and Joe meet again, you wanted to be a better version of yourself. You wanted to be present and free of bullshit from you friends and family. You wanted to feel better about you body and everything else. Of course, you didn't expect him to take you back, because you knew he wasn't that type of guy but deep inside you, with all you dreams there was a desire of a chance. Also, you friend told you he was dating here and there, he was having fun without commitment and that increased your silly hopes. So, when your eyes meet in a room full of people you felt a shiver down your spine. He tried to hide his surprise but you couldn't. You weren't expecting him there. You looked at your friend and squeezed her hand.

"Why you didn't tell me Joe was here?" you asked her, trying not to sound nervous.

"How am I supposed to know?" she replied, frowning "Go and talk to him" she encourage you.

"Are you nuts? Mindy I broke up with him" you explained.

"And?" You left out a sigh, looking around, trying to act normal.

"Oh my God, he's looking at you" she said, excited. "Stop" you mumbled, feeling like you were fifteen again. Act cool. You are cool. You talked to other people being fully aware of his presence and how all the women were around him, trying to catch his attention. You recognized Sam and Ja'Marr too. They were chatting and drinking. You tried to stay away,and in the middle of night your headed to the bathroom. You were heated and a little bit drunk. After cooling a little bit in the restroom you went out and found Joe standing in the hallway. You heart stopped watching him standing there. You thought he was a random guy but after a closer view, it was Joe. "Hi" you said, feeling a rush in your body. His blue eyes were fixed you. His face didn't change so much after these years, he was a little bit tanned, maybe from one trip to the beach. "Can we talk?" he said, raspy voice.

His first words after three years. You didn't know what you were expecting but oh, well. You nodded and you follow him to a different room you didn't know it existed. He close the door behind you. It was a bedroom...why the club had a bedroom? What kind of club it was? You were wondering why they had a room like this and didn't notice Joe was staring at you the whole time. You weren't going to hook up anyway. You wanted to talk, but he asked you first so you waited patiently. "Sam told me you were here"

"I am"

"Are you living in Cincy again?"

"I'm visiting some friends" He nodded and added "I was surprised, I didn't expect to see you again" that hurt, because you were expecting the opposite. Joe walked through the room, doubtful about his next step. "I didn't know you were here" you replied. It was true, it was the biggest coincidence of your life. Being in the same club at the same hour, the same day.

"After you blocked me I wasn't expecting that either" he said. There it was. Joe in petty mode. "I explained my reasons" you stated not wanting to explain what you already explained in the past.

"Yes, and I told you I didn't want to break up" he recalled, his eyes full of emotion. You didn’t meant to hurt him. You remembered how desesperate he was trying to change your mind “Please baby, don’t do this, we will make it, please”

You swallowed, feeling his stare burnt your skin. That was magic Joey, he made you feel special and unique. Besides, Joe was so passionate. "I wasn't the partner you deserved Joey" you replied, emotional "I was in a bad place, my family was having a hard time, my friend was having a hard time. I was having a hard time and nobody cared"

"Why you didn't talk to me?" he said, exasperated.

"Because!" you raised your voice feeling vulnerable and exposed. You cleared your throat trying to remain calm "Because I didn't want to bother you when you were in the middle of the season with a losing record. You needed to be focus, you needed to win because everyone expected it"

That was the worst season for you and Joe. And once the words left your mouth you felt relieved and exhausted. You gasped for air, not wanting to cry in front of him."I was young and immature. Everything was new to me and I didn't know how hard it was. I felt dumb when you arrived home in a bad mood and nothing I did made you feel better and then I was alone having this thoughts..." you voice cracked in the last sentence. You look up at the ceiling, avoiding Joe's eyes.

"Are you better now?" he said in a sad tone. You nodded, pressing your lips together. "Yes, I got help and things got better" He got closer to you, you remained still not knowing what to do. You were face to face again and it was like seeing him for the first time. Joe was and always will be breath taking with that sharp nose and chiseled jaw. You wanted to hug him and bury your face in his chest, instead, you move awkwardly. If you stood on your tip toes you could reached his lips.

"That's good because I have miss you really hard" he confessed in a low tone. For all the heavens, that was so unfair. "Are you drunk?" You wondered. Joe never did or said things like this.

He laughed, a child laugh. "No, I'm being honest" His body radiated heat and his smell (fresh, clean, masculine) made you dizzy. This was so wrong but so good. "What you want Joe?" you asked, fixed your eyes on his.

"I want you" he said each word clearly. You had to close your legs because it was too much. You wanted to touch him, to kiss him, to ride him until you were breathless, to scratch his back muscles while he thrust deeply inside you until he found his pleasure. "Do you want to fuck me?" you wanted to clarify.

"I want to fuck you, I want to date you, I want to have what we had before" his voice was full of desire. It made you squirm. He was so close and those pink lips seemed really appetizing.

"I...we...we need to take the things slowly" you said out of breath. Trying to put the words together without mumbling. It was bad he wasn't even touching you "I don't want to repeat the same mistakes in our relationship" He nodded a little bit effusive. "Neither do I" was all he said."And we need to talk more, I need you to listen and I need time together" you stated.

"Ok, I agree"

You nodded, more comfortable. "This isn't going to be easy but I'm willing to try" you said, finally "because I still like you" You licked your lips, leaning towards him. You looked at his soft skin and his Adam's apple going down after he gulped. "Do you still like me?" you asked. You needed to know. Instead of answering, he took your hand and put it on his crotch. You felt his erection through the jeans and it left you speechless. "Fuck, Joey" you whispered, a little bit ashamed and extremely horny. "So, take that as a yes" You looked at the door. Mindy must be worried and searching for you. You should go back and clear your mind. You needed to think straight. You forgot how powerful was Joe, how could you forget it?

"I-I need to take air" you said, blushed.

That's fine" his raspy voice made you swoon.

"I need a little bit of space right know, but I don't know what to do..." you said, nervous "Can you give me your number? I'll message you later"

"Ok"Joe took out his phone from his pocket and gave you his number. He was staring at you the whole time.

"Are you here with friends?" He asked."Yes, my friend Mindy..."

"Let me take you home"

"No" you quickly said.

"No?"

"I don't trust myself right know and I want to take the things slowly" you explained, nervous "and I think I saw you drinking"

"So, you were watching me" he said with a mischievous grin.

"Me and another fifty girls, yes"

"Then, my bodyguard can take you home"

"Do you have a bodyguard?" that was a surprise.

"Against my will" he explained. You almost rolled your eyes. "No, Mindy drive us here, don't worry" He nodded. You moved away towards the door feeling his stare on you, You wanted to say something but you didn’t know what to say. You didn’t expect to have this electrifying connection after all these years. It was like your body remembered him. Missed him.

One step at the time. You must take one step and enjoy it.

“It was nice to see you” you said, a shy smile on your face.

You wanted to see him again, and again, and again.

#joe burrow #joe burrow x reader #nfl #fanfic

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beatrice-otter · 10 months

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On AO3 Sick Systems and Letting Things Fail

I've been reading through all the posts about internal AO3/OTW workings in the last month or so, and how horrifyingly awful it can be--ranging from "overwhelming" to "intentionally abusive." (synonymous has a great roundup here.) And I keep hearing things that bring to mind Issendai's excellent essay "Sick Systems," and also experiences I've had in my two decades working in/with various nonprofits (mostly Christian, but some secular). And I have some thoughts that current OTW volunteers might want to consider. First, the essay. Sick Systems: How to Keep Someone With You Forever is excellent, readable, and very evocative. It helps you see how the sick system works, and why people stay in situations and relationships and jobs that are--from the outside--absolutely bonkers and harmful. If it has a flaw, it's that it presumes intentionality on the part of the people (whether employer or lover) who create the sick system. I have seen enough such systems in various nonprofits to know that most of the time they're not intentionally sick and awful. You don't have to try to be abusive and manipulative to create a system that is abusive and manipulative. All you really need is some combination of: incompetence, lack of imagination, high value on "the mission," low value on the well-being of the people involved (at least compared to "the mission," a feeling of pressure and scarcity (not enough time, not enough people, not enough money, not enough whatever to accomplish the all-important Mission), and an emphasis on measurable results over all else. "Incompetence" is self-explanatory. Lack of imagination means a lot of things, but the one most likely to lead to a sick system is that when there is a problem, you put a jerry-rigged patch on it and continue on, instead of figuring out how to fix the root of the problem, because you can't imagine any other way of doing things than the way you've always done it. High value on the mission sounds like it should be good! But not if it leads you to forget why you're doing it or if that belief leads you down the road of "the ends justify the means." When you value the mission more than you do the people who are working on the mission or the people you're (supposedly) serving, it's a recipe for exploitation. "You should volunteer an unsustainable number of hours per week because The Mission is so important! You believe in The Mission, don't you?" And any criticism can be deflected because it is insignificant next to the all-important Mission. Or, even better, turned into criticism of the mission. "Oh, you think we should stop abusing and exploiting our volunteers? It's because you want to see The Mission fail! We can't be abusing or exploiting people because we're Good People doing An Important Thing!" A feeling of scarcity (whether real or imagined) means that you're under pressure to do what you can without stopping and thinking about the best way to do it. You can't do it the best way, you don't have the time/people/money/whatever! So you have to cobble it together out of what you can, and exploit what you do have to make up the difference. So, for example, if you feel like you don't have enough money, or like the money you have can't legitimately be spent on certain aspects of your work, you might fill the gap with volunteers. And if you don't have enough volunteers to do it, either, you'll do it by pressuring the volunteers to work more than they should. An emphasis on measurable results, well, you get best at what you measure. And things like "the well-being of our volunteers" and "the goodwill we have created in the community" are really, really hard to measure even when they're absolutely crucial to the core of your mission. Basically, you put all of these things together in varying proportions and you get a system where people feel trapped, overwhelmed, and yet willing to twist themselves in knots and harm themselves and others to accomplish the mission, and override every reasonable objection or suggestion because The Mission comes first and they can't imagine any other way to do things and even if they did they don't have the time or resources to implement it. And hey, it can't be that bad because The Mission is getting done and we're all Good People here, right? None of this requires anyone involved to have any bad intentions whatsoever. In fact, it's more effectively harmful if everyone involved genuinely has good intentions and is not personally an asshole. Because if an asshole wants you to do something, even if you believe in The Mission just as much as they do, it's easy to stand up to them and say no if they're being unreasonable. But if it's a good person, a person you like, who is really genuinely sorry about it, but you're the only one who can do it, that's a lot harder to say no to. And then you end up with the sort of Sick System Issendai talks about, despite the fact that everyone involved has genuinely good intentions. (You know, those things they pave the road to hell with ...) Which brings me to something they taught us in my management courses in grad school, which I have seen work wonders in such situations: Don't be afraid to let things fail. Let me repeat that: Don't be afraid to let things fail. Not the entire mission of the organization, of course. But parts of it. Projects. Events. Even parts of the organizational structure. If they can't be sustainably and healthily done by the organization as it exists now, stop doing them. Let them fail. Kill them if you have to. Yes, even if they're important. Yes, even if--especially if!--it feels like the world is going to end and the sky is going to fall and the entire organization/mission will die with them. Because when you let harmful/unsustainable things fail, a world of possibilities open up. Here are some of them:

People panic and redouble their efforts to re-create the thing that failed, except with even more pressure (this is by far the worst possible outcome, but it's also the only one that ends up as bad as where you started).

You find out that when the pressure of "we have to keep this going no matter what!" is removed, people have more freedom to think and imagine and you figure out ways to improve and transform things before it actually fails. If you don't have to keep things going no matter what, you have freedom to try something that may not work. And maybe it'll make things worse, but maybe it'll make things better, and if it makes things worse then it's not the end of the world because the thing was failing anyway, you didn't kill it.

You find out that the thing you thought was so vital to The Mission ... actually isn't. You might have needed it at one point, but you don't any longer. Now you're free to stop wasting energy on useless stuff.

You find out that the thing you let fail actually is as important as you thought it was, and it really sucks that it's gone (for now). But now that you're not hustling to Make A Failing Structure Work, you have the space and time to stop and think and figure out a better and more sustainable way of doing it. Yes, some things got dropped through the cracks when you let the previous system fail, but let's be real. Things were falling through the cracks anyway or being done badly enough it might have been better if they had fallen through the cracks (the system was unsustainable and awful!) and once you get the sustainable system in place more things are being handled (and handled to a much higher standard) than ever before.

You find out that the thing that failed did so because it was designed for very different circumstances than you're actually in. Maybe the people who designed it didn't realize what was actually going to happen, but maybe things have changed in ways you didn't notice while you were trying to prop up the sick system and wondering why it's not working. Now you can design your new system for the way things actually are now, rather than the way someone else thought they were going to be a decade ago.

You find out that your organization actually has the resources you assumed they didn't. Maybe it takes a rethinking of priorities. Maybe it takes a concerted fund drive or reaching out to specific high-ticket donors. Maybe it takes a different way of recruiting and training and organizing your volunteers. Maybe a lot of things. But the limitations you thought were iron-clad were actually pretty flexible.

You find out that there are other people in/adjacent to the organization who believe in The Mission, too, and have things to contribute in ways that weren't compatible with the thing that failed, but which you can use now that you're not wedded to The Way We Used To Do It.

You find out that your organization doesn't have to do that particular thing by yourself. Maybe there are other organizations you can partner with. Maybe there are other resources in the community who are doing the same/similar work.

You think the sky will fall if things fail. You think The Mission will be irrevocably harmed if you stop grinding away at yourselves and others to make the Sick System work. You think everything will be over forever. And yet, if you genuinely let something fail--not the whole organization, but a part of it!--you will actually be in a better position to figure out what needs to be done and how to do it in a sustainable and non-abusive way. Quite often, when something gets dysfunctional, the easiest and quickest way to fix it is to let it fail (whether in whole or in part), take a breath, figure out a better way of doing it, and then rebuild something better in its place. I'm not advocating for people to let the whole OTW collapse. The OTW has done a lot of great things over the years, I am grateful they exist, and for all the time and effort put into it by all the people who have volunteered. I hope the OTW and AO3 continue on for years and decades to come (albeit in a better/healthier way). But specific projects or committees might benefit from being allowed to collapse and then seeing what new thing can and should be done to replace them. At the very least, the freedom to take a deep breath and say "if this particular part of the mission fails--whether temporarily or permanently--the sky will not fall and the world will not end" makes all the difference in the world. comments Comment? https://ift.tt/8gSnfOY

#dreamwidth #original post

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femmespoiled · 11 months

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Oh god. The pillow princess thing is really that deep? I’m not trying to be contentious I’m curious. I think living as a black lesbian in the south has skewed my idea on what things to worry about. I think being offended by pillow princess jokes is a privilege. I don’t have the time. That post isn’t for me I think.

You know, I wasn't going to reply to this, but I'm gonna be honest, I think this is contentious and you know it, also I do think you have the time, you had the time to come here and send me this passive aggressive ask about it, it seems you have plenty of time. You're sitting there and worrying, babes, quit it.

Regardless, the thing is, not everything is for you, first of all, no offence, and this is my blog and I talk about my experiences. You feel free to talk about yours in your blog and I'll make sure to not go criticize you on it, because I can just ignore it, did you know that's also an option? ♥️

I'm honestly in a way pretty self absorbed here so I don't care much about what other people post, I do recommend being like that. And that's probably why some of y'all have to come to my inbox to get my attention like this. Here you go, you have it. Moving on.

As another person of colour, I don't want to invalidate your experience as a person of colour, I'm sure it's hard, really hard, genuinely. In any case, being made fun of and rejected and treated overall like less than and like a problem by my own community and people outside of it doesn't feel like a privilege. The jokes are that people like me are bad partners, selfish, that no one likes us and no one wants us, now tell me, would you enjoy listening to it over and over everywhere you go just for existing? Unsolicited, uninvited? On social media everywhere you go it follows you, just bad comments on you thinly veiled as "jokes"? Because then you can invalidate me for having feelings and tell me I can't take a joke? it can get to you, surely can make you feel bad these "jokes".

I think it's disingenuous for you to use your black and lesbian identities to shut me up with an "I have it so much harder than you, what a privilege you have" when these jokes for sure intersect with the identities you claim to have in ways I've seen clear and I'd be surprised you couldn't see it. I'll go further, as another person of colour I have a little bit of a hard time believing this is a genuine ask from an actual black lesbian and not somebody using being black and a lesbian as a token to shock people and invalidate experiences. The more I'm on Tumblr, the more I doubt some of you people, because it's drama for the sake of drama.

I have a range and intersectionality of other problems with how people treat me, I'm a person of colour, Latina, disabled and lesbian, but when I see somebody talking about something that bothers them, I don't make it about myself to shut them up. Maybe you should reflect on that, because look at where those jokes took you, to a place in which you feel the need to shut me up when I tell you quit with the jokes. It's just another problem, but it's another problem that I personally don't need.

Oh and to end this, I'm allowed to have feelings, and you should think about why this bothers you enough to come tell me all this about it.

#ask #stone tag b #what's your endgame here?whats the goal? because the vision isn't clear

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ausetkmt · 3 months

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YourTango: If You’ve Been Keeping Your Childhood Trauma A Secret, You Need To Read This

You’ve kept your childhood trauma a secret out of shame and fear. There was no one safe to tell. Now, you don’t know who you can trust. If you open up, you’re afraid of being judged or punished. It’s a lonely way to live and bad for your mental health.

Childhood trauma is devastating, no matter what form it takes. It affects your self-esteem, trust, future relationships, and sense of safety in the world. And, no matter what you do to forget, the secrets haunt you every day.

You know some of the reasons you’ve kept secrets, but is there more? Plus, you wonder, are some of the things you’re struggling with caused by your secrets?

Yes, keeping secrets can cause psychological symptoms and problems. So, let’s talk about 6 reasons why you might be keeping your childhood trauma a secret, how secrets lead to psychological problems, and what you can do about it now.

You have your reasons for keeping your trauma a secret. Everyone is different and trauma uniquely affects each child. Yet, there are some common things.

They have to do with what you felt, what you believed about people and yourself, and the only way you knew to manage your trauma. Maybe you can relate to some of these 6 reasons for keeping trauma a secret.

RELATED: 5 Ways To Heal Your Childhood Trauma (So You Don't Have To Suffer Any Longer)

1. You wondered if it was your fault

If your trauma was a form of abuse or even a loss, you might feel it’s your fault.

Children often blame themselves when they have no other way to interpret what happened. Or, when you got yelled at and felt bad. Even if you lost a parent, you might think you made it happen because you needed too much or got angry.

It’s not true. None of it was your fault. But, you’re vulnerable as a child to what you’re told. And to your fantasies and misinterpretations of your trauma and early life.

Now you have a taunting self-critical voice in your head that tells you all kinds of negative things about yourself. That voice makes you feel bad.

If you were yelled at, called names, or criticized as a child, it’s the voice of the parent who picked on you. That voice lives inside you and makes you feel to blame for everything.

This is a terrible thing to live with. It makes you close off to people. You can’t openly be yourself because you truly feel you have things to hide. Or that no one will like who you are.

When you live with such bad feelings, it’s hard not to feel shame. If you can’t be openly who you are, you can't open up about your trauma.

All you want to do is forget what happened. You don’t see any other choice.

2. You don’t want to remember

“Forgetting” or, at least detaching from the feelings you had in (and about) your trauma, is a typical reaction. It’s called dissociation. And it’s a way of protecting yourself during the traumatic experiences — to feel as if you weren’t there.

This kind of self-protection continues if you don’t get psychological help.

You might live a fairly detached emotional life. Maybe you even have OCD to control your feelings. Of course, you don’t want to remember.

Childhood trauma is too scary and the feelings are overwhelming. Especially when there is no one there to help you or understand the feelings you have. You were alone with it.

You try your best to push aside memories if they start to come back. What else can you do? When you convince yourself not to talk about it, then you are alone now too.

3. Remembering makes you relive it

One of the reasons you don’t want to think about it and try so hard not to, is that remembering makes you relive the trauma. Sometimes it comes back in flashbacks. You feel like you are there. Little and scared and helpless. It’s all real.

So, not only does the idea of telling your secret make you feel ashamed and afraid of humiliation. But, opening up your childhood trauma in any way makes you feel that it’s happening all over again. All the feelings flood back into it. It’s just too much.

You tell yourself, you can do it. Just push it away, don’t think about it, keep yourself busy. You’re convinced it should work. There isn’t any other way to deal with it. You keep telling yourself over and over, “It’s in the past. Isn’t it? Just move on.”

RELATED: The Common Phrase People With Unresolved Childhood Trauma Say Without Even Realizing It

4. You wonder if it is better to move on

You don’t want to open up your secrets. That’s too scary especially when thinking about it by yourself is overwhelming. The only thing that makes sense is to “forget about it” and move on.

You can’t think of any other way to deal with your childhood trauma. So you have to believe that just moving on is the only thing to do.

Yet, sometimes you still have flashbacks. or memories. Even symptoms of anxiety and depression. You feel socially anxious. It’s hard to relax and completely trust. That’s one reason you keep secrets. But, it’s also a difficult way to live. You can’t get close to anyone and it’s sometimes a lonely life.

But, the very thought of letting your secret out to anyone, makes you wonder who? You’re not sure if anyone is safe enough to trust. Who wouldn’t humiliate you? And, you don’t believe that anyone could understand.

5. You think no one would understand

Childhood trauma makes it extremely difficult to trust. So, you’ve had to go it alone in most ways in your life. You were betrayed by the people you were supposed to trust, the ones who were supposed to take care of you. They didn’t understand. Far from it. Instead, they deeply hurt and emotionally scarred you.

Sometimes you think that no one you meet has suffered the way you have. Intellectually you know that other people have suffered trauma too. But, you don’t know anyone who has. Or, at least, no one has talked about it either. So, where would you find someone to understand? It seems virtually impossible.

And, what if you tried to talk to someone who hasn’t had trauma? Could they remotely “get” what you’ve gone through? How hard it is to open up?

Not believing anyone can understand makes you more lonely. Plus, if you’ve been hurt a lot since childhood, this only reinforces your conviction that keeping your secret is the only way to go. Yet, is it?

Here are some reasons why keeping secrets might not be in your best interest:

1. “Forgetting” doesn’t work

Remember. “Forgetting” is the very common psychological defense of dissociation, detachment, or numbing. Every traumatized person reacts this way. It’s the only way you can protect yourself when you’re being hurt or abused as a child. Especially when the ones who should be helping you hurt you instead.

You want to believe you can forget. Forgetting is your best attempt to keep your trauma a secret from yourself. You think, at least you want to believe, that if you don’t open it up in your mind, it will go away. Certainly, you wish it would. But, it doesn’t work. If you stop to think about it, you know that too.

You are still suffering.

RELATED: Experts Reveal The Most Common Childhood Complaint They Hear In Therapy

2. Secrets eat away at you

Your secrets are living in your symptoms. Eating away at you. You’ve tried your best to move on, but you still have flashbacks or nightmares. Intrusive thoughts and memories enter your mind. Even if you don’t realize it consciously, it’s true.

These secrets of your childhood trauma affect your life every day.

No one keeps a secret unless they feel it’s too awful to tell. And, childhood trauma is awful. That’s the truth. Childhood trauma leaves deep scars.

But, if you live with your trauma in secret, it affects you more. Those secrets eat away at you. They eat away at your self-esteem. Secrets make you feel worse about yourself because you think there’s some shame in telling. There’s not.

But, if you believe that, you can’t get help. Your symptoms continue, even if you try to forget.

3. Untreated trauma creates symptoms

The symptoms of trauma take many forms. You’ve tried to forget and go numb.

Yet, you might still experience persistent episodes of depression. Maybe an eating disorder. OCD is a frequent result of childhood trauma. Even unrelenting physical symptoms, such as gastrointestinal problems, can be the places where your childhood trauma lives.

You can’t go on forever in a state of numbness. Eventually, like novocaine or a sedative, it wears off. Something in you comes alive.

If you don’t have a conscious memory or flashback, you have anxiety or depression. Sometimes it can be really bad. Or your OCD takes over and gets worse. You might even feel panicky and not know why.

These are all forms of the psychological problems a secret begins to take. Yet, these are symptoms. And, underlying these symptoms are deeper scars.

The scars of childhood trauma affect your self-esteem and your trust in people. They're expressed in your difficulty forming close relationships. Even having the work or creative success you want. These scars hide away in your symptoms of depression, anxiety, panic, OCD, physical problems, or eating disorders.

But, these psychological symptoms are clues. They’re signals that your childhood trauma is trying to get your attention. That you need some help. And, keeping secrets makes it impossible to get them.

Secrets make you stay away from psychotherapy too. For childhood trauma, therapy can change your life.

What needs to be understood are the very particular ways your trauma is repeating itself in how you feel about yourself, your dreams, the critical voice in your head that creates your shame, and your fears of closeness and intimacy.

What is being played out is unique to you and your history, different for each traumatized child.

Think about it. Keeping secrets might have seemed the only way to go. Especially since you’ve been convinced you’ll be judged or hurt again. Or that no one will understand. But, there are experts in treating childhood trauma.

And, these experts do know about and understand the reasons for secrets and your distrust.

Where do you start? Look for a psychotherapist who specializes in childhood trauma. If you can, find an expert who also has psychoanalytic training. Why?

Because a psychoanalyst has the knowledge to get to the early roots of your trauma. You aren’t just living with symptoms. The symptoms are expressions of what happened to you.

Once you can take the risk and decide it’s best to tell your secrets to someone who understands, it's important to be in a therapy that gets to the roots of how your childhood trauma, earliest relationships, and history still affect your life.

You don’t have to be alone with the feelings you’re so afraid will all come flooding back.

You need kindness. Understanding. Help develop trust. A therapist who not only gets to the roots but will invite and be with any feelings you have, including your anger. There are therapists who can. If this isn’t happening, move on. In good therapy, telling your secrets and getting help will change your life.

RELATED: The Sad Reason Why Childhood Trauma Is Holding You Back As An Adult

Dr. Sandra Cohen is a Los Angeles-based psychologist and psychoanalyst who specializes in working with survivors of abuse and childhood trauma.

This article was originally published at Sandra E. Cohen's blog. Reprinted with permission from the author.

#Childhood Trauma #Black Trauma #Trauma #childhood trauma #Black Health #Black LIves Matter #Sandra Cohen #Black Mental Health Matters

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