I’m not good at push ups or pull ups, but fuck ups? Let me just tell you…
for the record ive started writing Plot Stuff for a thomceit fic and im. excited but trying not to be hopeful for when im inevitably unable to write it. so ive got that goin for me
Ok the smell of grease is absolutely disgusting. Am I the only one?? I know fried foods is a fear of mine but the smell of oil makes me feel like I’ve gained 20 pounds.
Gaps in His Files (Epilogue) [Relabeled; Refiled Series]
Fandom: Sanders Sides
Main: Logan, Patton
Appear: Remy, Virgil
Logan Berry has learned many things the last 10 years: a lot of math and physics, a bit of humility, and how to be a hero being just a few. Through his education, his experience teaching, and his exploits as the superhero Bluebird, he’s changed in a lot of small and large ways. He has recorded these changes in well-organized documents and files. He’s even had to create two new file designations: a red one for files about his moonlighting at Bluebird, and a light blue one dedicated to his boyfriend, Patton.
When Bluebird is targeted by a memory device and all of those 10 years of progress suddenly disappear, Patton Sanders and Logan’s extensive files are left as his only resource to get those memories back. But what is Patton supposed to do when there are clear gaps in his files? And what does he do when he is one of them?
This is set 25 years before Sometimes Labels Fail though it’s story is completely independent of it and it is not necessary to read that one first.
Notes: Superhero AU, memory loss, past child abuse, past child neglect, unhealthy ideas about ones place in relationships, emotional suppression, self-deprecating thoughts, medical procedures mentioned, very brief unhealthy views of sex
Okay, so Virgil is a little dumb in this, but just enjoy the hilarity.
i’m sick of everyone saying i’ll be fine; trust me no i won’t
We’re playing the same old game, same old levels but with different emotions..
I’m tired and it’s messy
I feel nothing genuine anymore
Sure, the occational emotional indulgence flies by like a bird every now and then, but too rarely feeling settles in my heart
I can’t have deep relations with people because I just can’t feel…deeply. Nor can I trust anyone to show them when I do feel.
I don’t know if I used to, or if I just never did.
I’m so tired, and what I do feel ?
Is unseen.and tired. And. Messy.
Pues se está quedando una noche preciosa para deprimirse
okay so following today’s binge I’m scheduling a fast tomorrow. good thing I ate almost everything in my pantry and fridge today haha.
I usually have huge difficulties staying away from food, so I’ve thought of some things which will (hopefully) keep me occupied.
1. first of all: the fridge will stay closed the entire day tomorrow. all food will be moved out of sight.
2. to keep myself occupied I’m planning on completely reorganizing my flat (it’s only one bedroom with a separate space above the apartment where my bed is, so it’s not that much space) as it is horribly cluttered.
3. If I am done with that, I can always play The Sims. I always get lost while building my dream house and then end up not actually playing haha.
4. there is a tv programme on tomorrow evening I’m looking forward to watching. so that will be my next past time. maybe do some workout while watching.
5. go to bed early. I have enormous difficulties sleeping atm though, so it’s important that I still just go upstairs and go to bed - turn on some music or something. at least try to sleep. I’m currently listening to The Infernal Devices by Cassandra Clare, which I’ve already read but I like listening to the audiobooks anyway.
I hope that I can actually pull through. It’s just a one day fast and I know so many people on here who can do so much longer, but I’ve never been good at consistent fasting. maybe this time 👀
I’m also thinking about maybe doing a picture food log to be more aware of what I eat. we will see what I’ll do with that idea.
I am so lone.
I wish I didn’t feel this way.
I wish I was content with myself.
I wish I could just shut all this sadness out.
I don’t think I’m okay
“Y'all out here with supportive families and my grandmother, the most supportive person in my family, laughs at my dreams to be successful in my career path.”
One day I’ll leave the house with no keys in my pocket. I’ll shut the door and step out without a cellphone to call my mom in case of an accident. There will be no accident.
Funny how 1 damn word can trigger my long dormant ED…maybe I do need to eat less… 🤔
I miss being a kid
When I was a young child, I told myself I wanted to live up to 100 years old— that was my goal. I wanted to live a long life. I was absolutely terrified of dying.
Ten years later and I’m begging the universe to kill me. I’m praying to God— if there even is one— that this will all end.
Honestly, I didn’t even expect to make it this far. I never thought I’d be able to see myself turn eighteen. I graduate high school in a month. I should be happy but I’m not. I feel so lost. I wasn’t planning on being alive for this long. I don’t know what to do, what steps to take, which direction to go— I’m lost.
Is anything even worth it? Should I keep on pushing? Should I go to college? Should I continue working?
Or will it all be a waste of time? “I won’t be alive in the next ten years so I guess nothing really matters.” I find myself often repeating that line.
That’s the thing about life though. You never know what the future will hold. Maybe I will be dead in the near by future. Or maybe I’ll be alive and finally happy.
The only thing I can do now is focus on the present. Let’s just hope I have enough strength to even do that…
I want to snap my fucking phone in half so i have no other choice but to stay isolated this time, no being weak and stupid and responding. If i can’t acess any social media nobody can reach me and i can’t see them so my fucking pathetic ass can’t break the quiet streak. I’d have no chance of getting another device until after quarantine and even then, might not have the money for it for a while. Could even step on the glass from the screen while im at it, might bleed nicely. Who fucking knows.