#self directed project

[rebeccafurrillustration]

How I've been editing the images, digitally collaging and colour editing on photoshop. I was able to use the blurry images stylistically, as I over exposed and used the clarity and grain on the digital images, I like the way they look against the polaroid film. 

I originally intended to have the digital images be the clear and clean looking images against the traditional film which is usually unreliable. While there is still some intended contrast, the white bleeding on the polaroid images was the thing that inspired me to push editing the digital images further, abstracting them. 

#photography #zine #self directed project #wip #editing #photoshop

[hearts4pearlescentmoon]

I know we all joke on how long the Mr.Capgras title it’s but you never notice how long it really is until you actually have to write it out

#Will wood #will wood and the tapeworms #Wwatt #self ish #self-ish #mr capgras encounters a secondhand vanity: tulpamancer's prosopagnosia/pareidolia (as direct result of trauma to the fusiform gyrus) #Mr.Capgras #Ww song cards #A bit of a teaser to a project I’m working on

[brown-little-robin]

~

if you can, would you pray for me? I am having a really hard time right now.

I just. I have too much to do 😭 I've been in survival mode 24/7 for the last four weeks. and the homework is only going to get worse, and I will only have less time for it from here on out because more clients will be booking my hours at work.

Also, I haven't been able to visit my parents for weeks, and the one in-person friend I had at college graduated last year. I'm lonely. I love you all but being with people in the body is a human need. Also, I'm struggling with even feeling like church community is worth attending church this year.

#Robin processes emotions on main #hnnnnnng #I'm so tired #blindsided by this tiredness #senior year and I'm EXHAUSTED turns out #thinking of dropping my 1-credit extra class. idk. that class is so fun though :((( it's creative writing: worldbuilding #idk. also this week in particular has just been really rough for VARIOUS reasons. among them: I have to write a proposal #for my capstone project. which! will! be! good! I get to do self-directed writing! work one-on-one with my favorite professor! #but AUGH the timing of this proposal being due This Week... #I'm sorry y'all. I've got nothing. I need help #AND IT'S RAINING AND I DIDN'T BRING AN UMBRELLA 😭 #just adding insult to injury there tbh 😂 #God's Hardest Battles To His Silliest Clowns et cetera #oh also hi I'm back early because I was lonely

[spicyicymeloncat]

Nightcord Kaito is actually my favourite virtual singer from project sekai. He’s so angry I love him. (I changed his hair to kinda resemble the character from the original Samsa mv)

#pulling myself from the depths of despair to finish this #i was working on an alternative sketch but I couldn't line it and it made me feel bad for days #but I'm glad this turned out okay #gahjsjskskskks #anyways I totally hyperfixated on the commissioned song from the immiscible discord event #Samsa #the name comes from the last name of the main character of the novel: Metamorphosis #which is a story of a man who becomes a bug and starves to death when he feels like he’s become a burden to his family #fucked up #i have so many thoughts about niigo Kaito #about how he’s probably the one vocaloid Mafuyu doesn’t like - because he’s a manifestation of the harsh reality she lives in #and maybe she sees him as an angry monstrous being (like in the song) and she’s afraid of being like him - or that she already is like him #and he’s not only angry at her mother but also angry at Mafuyu for her treatment and reflection of him #essentially he’s like a projection of her own self hatred in a way #he’s got a right to be angry but his anger is directed at himself/Mafuyu but in terms of him and Kanade he’s still a positive and #necessary force to acknowledge the truth of Mafuyu’s treatment #the event hasn’t even come out in English yet and I’m reading way to deep in between the lines lol #project sekai #Kaito #vocaloid Kaito #project sekai Kaito #niigo kaito #art #fanart #digital art #vocaloid

[cluescorner]

Randomized Robins AU - Ages + Worst Trait Exercise:

Steph (25):

Says her worst trait is her murderous rages (she is exaggerating for dramatic/comedic effect, she’s killed 3 people tops and for very good reason)

Thinks her worst trait is her spitefulness (one of the few traits she definitely got from her father + one that prevents her from fixing her relationships and living her best possible life. She’ll refuse to interact with someone she dearly loves after an argument (happens significantly less after Tim’s death) or will say things she knows are hurtful just for the sake of having the last word. This trait will worsen in some ways as the list of people who have wronged her and those she loves grows, but will also ease up as she matures and realizes the harm it’s doing to her relationships with those she loves most.)

Her worst trait really is her spitefulness

Cass (26)

Says her worst trait is her self-righteousness (she believes that her goals are righteous and, as a result, she is righteous. Cass becomes very defensive whenever someone questions the mission and often does not second-guess herself. This is a trait she only develops later in life as she grows closer to Bruce/learns to understand herself more/starts to love herself more. But she knows she isn’t perfect and when somebody she trusts criticizes something she is doing she is willing to listen. She just usually isn’t the one to START the introspection.) 

Thinks her worst trait is her self-righteousness. 

Her worst trait actually is her obsessiveness (she gets it from Bruce and, while not as bad as him, she will easily become preoccupied with her night-life and the mission if someone isn’t there to pull her back. She will do this to the point of self-destruction and it hurts her relationships with the people she loves, especially Steph.)

Tim (24)

Says his worst trait is his spitefulness (he actively rejects the idea of mending his relationships with the older members of the family and this causes him to also lack good relationships with the younger ones)

Thinks his worst trait is his obsessiveness (similar to Cass, if he gets fixated on a task or idea he will neglect everything else in his life in order to dedicate more time to it. Unlike Cass, he will almost never be dragged away from it unless Pierrot snatches control of the body and forces them to take care of themself.)

His worst trait actually is how manipulative he is (the KING of guilt-tripping and using people’s emotions against them. He’ll do whatever he needs to do to get what he wants, he’s not above crocodile tears. And he will do it to whoever he needs (or wants) to with little care for how his actions impact others.)

Pierrot (Insists: “Age doesn’t apply to me! And even if it did, I'd probably be the oldest. Or the youngest! I’d never be a middle child, though.” Mental assessments by the Bats have put him around 21, with a margin of error of 3 years. Pierrot has called this “blatant character assassination by my eternal rival!”)

Says his worst trait is that he is an irredeemable psychopath without any regard for the wellbeing of others (this is a lie and everyone who's important to him understands this). 

Thinks his worst trait is his parasitic nature (he literally would not exist had Tim not suffered the way he did. Plus he is a living reminder of one of the worst things that happened to many of his loved ones. He is a parasite injected into a functional person's body and contributes to his continued suffering. This is also a largely incorrect judgement of himself, caused by his actual worst trait.)

His worst trait actually is his limited sense of self (he doesn’t really know who he is outside of ‘inheritor to the legacy of the Joker (a man he despises yet also views as a father)’ and ‘chip in Tim’s brain that became sentient’. He slowly develops an identity over the course of his life and relationships with other people, but he lacks the foundations of identity that most people have. Pierrot will often almost become a caricature of himself and what others perceive him to be because it's the only person he knows how to be. This causes wild swings in how he behaves and relates to others, sometimes to the detriment of himself and others.)

Dick (17) 

Says his worst trait is his clinginess (he is a very extraverted person who likes to be around others, which mixed with his fear of abandonment after his parents died means that if he goes a few days without seeing/talking to a friend he will get very anxious.)

Thinks his worst trait is his anger issues (he gets ticked off very easily and will explode on people. He’s kind at his core and is usually very nice, but he has a temper that can escalate significantly. Spoiler (and later Twist) help him channel this anger into something positive.)

His worst trait actually is his anger issues.

Barbara (18)

Says her worst trait is her disability (internalized ableism, she thinks of herself as less valuable than the other Bats because she cannot be out there in the capes like they can. She will grow out of this as she matures and as she learns how invaluable her support for the team is.)  

Thinks her worst trait is her disability 

Her worst trait actually is her overly-independent nature (In an attempt to overcompensate for everything she can no longer do, she has resolved to do literally everything that she possibly can without any help from others. This results in many instances where she either takes on too much and winds up not being able to fully realize any of her tasks or where she makes her life and the lives of others significantly harder by refusing help when offered/not asking for it when she needs it.)

Damian (16)

Says his worst trait is his perfectionism (he is overly critical of both himself and others, taking any flaw or problem and amplifying it to an absurd degree. This is due in part to his life with the LoA (where even a brief misstep could lead to death), in part to how others treated him initially as Spoiler (any flaw was fixated on and used as a reason to either mistrust him or portray him as unworthy of the mantle), and in part due to the fact that he is Bruce’s son (the only person with worse perfectionism problems than Damian). Gradually, Damian has improved in this regard but it’s still a massive barrier to both his own happiness and his relationships with others.)

Thinks his worst trait is his perfectionism 

His worst trait actually is his perfectionism

Duke (16)

Says his worst trait is his definitely-real secret evil side (says this as a ‘my dad is a villain so who knows??’ joke)

Thinks his worst trait is his impulsivity in his words (Sometimes he will crack a joke or say a remark without thinking it through, leading to a LOT of hurt feelings and drama. He’ll say something without thinking it through and wind up seeming insensitive. This isn’t done because of malice, rather because Duke is someone who’s quick to act and speak. But while the mantle of Insight and his awakening powers have helped him with his actions, they do not always help with his loose tongue. As such, Duke gains an unfair reputation in the media as an instigator and will accidentally cause family drama through what he says.)

His worst trait actually is his impulsivity in his words

Jason (14)

Says his worst trait is his bad manners (he grew up on the streets and has no idea how rich-people society works, which he’s pretty insecure about considering he’s now the youngest kid of Bruce freaking Wayne). 

Thinks his worst trait is his reactiveness (Jason never got the privilege of planning ahead for various events in his life, so he instead needed to rely on being swift and harsh in how he could react to situations. It’s saved his life on multiple occasions and helps significantly in his role as Spoiler, but it can also lead to extreme overreactions (accidentally causing kidnapping scare after Jason ran away following a fight with Dick) and a struggle to plan things out ahead of time. As he grows more secure in his place in the family and in life, this trait will lessen but never fully dissipate.)

His worst trait actually is his reactiveness

#stephanie brown #cassandra cain #tim drake #dick grayson #barbara gordon #damian wayne #duke thomas #jason todd #batfamily #randomizedrobinsau #I'm debating whether I should tag this with the Joker Junior tag and those related to it for Pierrot #because like...it's not quite that. but it's also very close to that and is the direct result of that. #but Pierrot would fucking HATE to be tagged as that and sees it as an insult to his identity...which he already has problems with #so I don't think I'm gonna #anyways lmao I am totally projecting my younger self onto Barbara. How could I not? She's literally the reason I view my disability #the way that I do and she actively improved my mental health just by existing and saying some of the shit she did when I was in the #stages of accepting my own disability. So yeah I am projecting a lot onto her because I love her and see myself in her. #I'm mostly basing these characterizations on my favorite versions of them (ie Red Robin 2009 Tim and Birds of Prey Barbara). #so I'm taking the traits I like/think fit in this AU and discarding what I think either is bad or doesn't fit or if I just don't like it. #Damian's 'murder gremlin who is a meanie on purpose because he is a meanie' is entirely unappealing to me and also does not fit this AU #I prefer him when he's portrayed as a sympathetic kid (who is still an asshole) and not a demon child. So that's what I'm using. #same with Talia's 'abusive mother who is totally on-board with all of her father's bullshit and will kill someone for no reason' version #I have read enough comics to know what I like/what is most important and what I don't like/what is #BLATANT CHARACTER ASSASSINATION GRANT MORRISON YOU FUCK YOU SET TALIA BACK SO FUCKING FAR #I also decided to outline their WORST traits because I already know what I like about these characters/their best traits. #most people do. But what was a greater challenge was finding what would make their lives and those of others worse. #what would I hate about this person if I knew them IRL? What would I first suggest they get therapy for? What hurts them and why? #I found these questions really interesting in the context of this AU where some people are forced into completely different roles #the says/thinks/is was inspired by trying to answer that question for myself. I say my worst trait is my impulsiveness but when #I asked others in my life they answered 'oh so you said your weird thing where you don't ask for help right?'

[imflyingfish]

.

#i have no idea how to respond to the whole qsmp situation right now #i mean. i dont watch it or interact with qsmp ITSELF #only the fans around it #I have made fanart for it but not really because i have any particular attachment to specific characters but just because #its a very good springboard for character design and inspiration #Im very involved with the fanbase though as the QSMPnews discord is one of my main discords #and I mainly use the fandom space as a way of practicing/getting into foreign languages #although i dont watch qsmp it still has impacted my life massively in the last year #this clusterfuck of project management is difficult to unravel and know what to do with #and its difficult to know exactly where to turn your attention #or who to blame #since theres so many levels of miscommunication that hasnt been helped by the sharing of it online #i think. even if QSMP doesn't survive #it would be ludicrous to state it as an inherently harmful server #since there has been an evident change in the minecraft gaming space because of it in multiculturalism. #heck IM direct proof of that as someone who does not reguarly engage with the server itself via streams #the fact that as a result of a 21 year old kid deciding to start a sever I can end up with a group of spanish speakers trying to explain #various concepts to me in my language while i respond in theirs is. insane #so do i think that the qsmp will survive? #um. look i dont see how it can. #I've never thought that it could #but i dont think that im going to demonise fans or avoid content relating to it #considering how integral the fanspaces around it are to me and my personal quest for language proficiency #however I will attempt to keep qsmp posts on my french/spanish blogs #well that was. long-winded #idk this is a very self-centred look into the qsmp and this whole situation #obviously I hope that the staff get paid but. I really have no idea where Quackity Studios might get that money from or how the #server should either end or continue

[lith-myathar]

.

#say what you will about sera dragon age but they really were nailing something #with the ''sometimes we aren't capable of real change until someone loves and accepts us exactly as we are'' thing #if you've gone through life being told there's something wrong with you from every direction and constantly asked to change and improve #that creates both some extreme problems around self worth (feeling inherently damaged and unlovable) and a LOT of anger #anger that's got no real target so everything and everyone becomes something to resent and resist #you are not enough. you will never be enough. even the people who love you are always trying to fix you in the name of helping #and maybe you tried to be different!!! but it didn't work and so you are a constant disappointment #finding somebody who just loves you and sees you amd doesn't demand that you change is.... unthinkable #suspicious. trusting that is not going to come easily #but if it's genuine? that's a place where growth can really start. because it stops being about fighting back and all the resentment #it lets you start believing that maybe change is not synonymous without capitulation or losing this battle you've been fighting #your entire life against the world telling you you aren't good enough #a part of you believed it but another part also knew it wasn't fair and that's the part #that would rather destroy yourself with self destructive behaviors than admit they're right #ahem. i am definitely projecting here but there's a reason i always felt super attached to her!! #and i think i get it now a lot more than i used to

[whentherewerebicycles]

ok well i drove 50 min in moderately heavy traffic to get to this place only to discover that they accidentally sent my security credential to the washington dc office instead of the washington state office 🫠 then had to drive 35 min back (less traffic, at least?). kind of an annoying way to waste a morning but whatever i listened to music and thought about my story idea in traffic so at least there’s that. unfortunately this means i will have to go back sometime in the near future once they get it shipped over.

i spent a couple hours this morning prepping for the campus visit but then started overwhelming myself a little bit so i think i’m gonna gently dial that back for today and return to it later. i honestly think i could do most of the visit tomorrow and it would be just fine. the only parts that feel like big question marks are the job talk i have to give to faculty (on a prompt that will not be provided until a week or so beforehand) and an “informal workshop or something like that” i have to lead with students (they haven’t settled the details yet). but like, both of those will be fine! i’m just raring to get started on the prep work yknow and not having clear parameters means i will do the classic jes thing of going deeper and deeper into various rabbitholes until someone stops me lol.

to try to give myself some parameters:

in general, i want to approach the research/prep work less as “i must do this otherwise i won’t be prepared!!! what if someone grills me on the research on this hyper-specific topic!!!!” and more as “would doing this research be interesting to me and useful to my work as a teacher even if i weren’t prepping for an interview? if so, proceed.”

buzzwords and specific citations don’t matter! what matters is my ability to clearly communicate my big picture values as an educator and administrator, the concrete things i’ve done to enact those values in my past work, and the vision i have for building on that work in the future in this specific institutional context. if i start feeling overwhelmed or like i am beginning to flounder, i return to my core values, my concrete actions, and my vision. i trust that in an interview or job talk context i’ll be able to draw on specific examples to illustrate those things or use my deeper knowledge to answer trickier questions if they arise. 

to keep myself focused on the high-level / big-picture philosophy i want to convey, i think it might be useful to actually make a list of core values or guiding beliefs - so that i have a VERY clear sense of what i’m trying to communicate and a very concrete document to refer back to when i’m feeling a little at sea. i think that should probably be the first thing i do and the main focus of this week, before i let myself delve any further into researching random little topics that might come up in some hypothetical interview situation lol.

i want to remember something macky said, which is that most people would prefer to talk and work with someone who’s curious about the world they’re entering rather than hyper-focused on explaining how awesome they are and how much stuff they’ve done in the past. so i don’t want to let my little insecurities about whether i’m Really Qualified For This Job lead me to knowledge-dump or talk endlessly about myself to try to “prove” something. i want to go into this experience with the calm, grounded belief that this is work i am well equipped to do, so that i can keep the campus visit itself focused on engaging with students/faculty, asking lots of thoughtful questions about the school’s work and priorities, and just in general showing that i can be a good colleague/teammate who people would enjoy working with.

#it's funny i think the insecurity i'm feeling is solely because of the job i'm in right now #where i'm treated as such a junior staff person and am not given tasks of any importance and am micromanaged like i can't do anything #but like if i cast my mind back to this time last year #i was directing a program! i was balancing competing priorities and managing a bunch of complex projects at once and making decisions about #curriculum and strategic direction and so on #and people were listening to me as an expert and not questioning my authority or competence at all #it's just interesting to notice that you know #like how being treated a certain way can make you feel a certain way even if you're like #objectively this is an inaccurate assessment of my abilities #i joke with liz that i have two personas now #one is 'jessica' which is what everyone calls me at work because for some reason it's what they put on all my official stuff #who is extremely junior and a little cringing and is micromanaged constantly on exceedingly simple tasks #and one is the real me who is like... a skilled and competent adult professional #so i just gotta exorcise jessica #gotta shake her off yknow #and reconnect with my actual self #this role would be a promotion to a higher level of responsibility! that's true! #but also at my old job i was often itching for more work and more projects and a further reach in terms of what i could do #and our renewal proposal was a massively expanded version of the original grant that i would've been in charge of planning and directing #so i was ready! i AM ready! #i just had to do this other job for a while to fund my move and the exorbitant cost of trying to have a baby as a lesbian lol

[rebeccafurrillustration]

Got lots done today. 3 days until hand in and I’m prepping for the grad show. I have 3 A0 prints and two zines ✨

Feeling happy with the work, not sure how I’ll do grade wise but I’m proud with that I have done :)

#illustration #art #artists on tumblr #uniofbrighton #fashion #gender identity #photography #self directed project #finish #im proud

[malewifehenrycooldown]

drawing dinosaurs is so hard, paleoartists how do you do it?!

#this is a rhetorical question btw!! #but really this is a irl self directed project thingy for uni. #correction: it's a print but it starts as a drawing but drawing skin for dinosaurs is so hard ;w; #hiii still busy unfortunately and media interest stuff has been put on hold #shallow rambles #unless you count god hand and dbz i guess.... but even then i had to halt consuming media because focusing on my work is important #like i don't have much weeks left before its all due so :/ #so yeah i'm not staying around that long. i'll disappear again after posting this.

[salted15]

chilly should play bass clarinet

#i'm not self-projecting what are you t- [throws bass clarinet out of view and runs in the other direction] #i love bass clarinet they sound so rich on the low tones #anyways #kirby series #chilly #chilly kirby #salt text

[cappurrccino]

i feel like a thesis would have been less exhausting than a practicum

#//juri speaks #juri's grad school adventures #(this is a lie i know a thesis would have been very hard and stressful but grass is always greener etc etc) #the practicum might have been better if i had like. just projects that were set out. ''do these things'' #instead of like. having it be so self-directed? and having to try to find my own people to talk to & things to do? #Give Me Tasks Please #this week after talking to a couple people tho hopefully i'll have some actual Tasks to work on #but aaaaaauuughghghhhhhhhh #part of me does wonder if the better experience wouldn't have been from the other site i was considering that was like an hour+ away #but. c'est la vie and all. too poor for all that driving anyway

[phoenixiancrystallist]

Month 7 day 27

Did more work on whatever this is XD Finally got smrt and color dropped directly from the bajillion and six screenshots I've taken, so Frey's skin, hair, and eyes are accurate now. Sus's hand still needs work/references. I need to go through and screenshots where I don't adjust the saturation in photo mode >.> I tried using the raw image that I edited yesterday, but that looked too... pale? It didn't look right, either way. So I'll keep playing with his coloration until it looks right.

Also I decided I like his grip better with the thumb up further for some reason ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Thank goodness for my non-destructive editing process; that would have been a paaaaaiiiiiiiiiin to fix otherwise.

#the great artscapade of 2023 #art #my art #forspoken #forspoken fan art #forspoken susurrus #frey holland #when I posted this to the projects chat in my guild's discord I described it as #''More torture! ...antagonism. Flirting? ...whatever these two are doing XD'' #and I feel like that's accurate for their dynamic in general tbh #also I wrote more in the self-insert shenanigans #aaaaand then I scrapped like all of it because it was taking the story in a direction I wasn't prepared for it to go yet #or maybe even at all tbh #I might actually wind up having to scrap the last couple chapters I wrote ): #idk we'll see #I'm only 18k into this thing it's fine >w> #god it's going to be a monster like the FFXV self-indulgent self-insert bullshit fic isn't it? #at least THAT one was following the game's story and I didn't have to do a whole lot of work! #this one I'm making everything up out of whole cloth XD #*I* have to make the dumb plot decisions now I can't just rely on the canon dumb plot decisions! #don't get me wrong I'm having so much fun #but oh man #it's a LOT of work

[weepingvines]

dave strider is someone who inherently needs the watchful eye of someone else in order to tell him who he is due to his years of living under the thumb of his older brother, his guardian. dave served as bro's pet project and was constantly pushed into being the "perfect" prodigy, the perfect younger brother. you think dave ever broke the mold that bro set out for him? ever worked out who he really was under the mask of irony and years of toxic masculinity getting pumped into him and all that other shit? there is no dave strider without the influence of bro. no dave without a performance.

#ours #homestuck #dave strider #yeah yeah parents impact kids whatever #take it from someone whose parents had expectations that they projected onto him from a very young age #that shit isnt the same as you liking model trains because your grandpa collected them or something #if dave ever managed to pry his being off of the template of irony that bro set out for him #hed just go scuttling over to something else #hed be naked #he NEEDS directions. #hes an actor waiting to know his lines #ironic his alpha self is a director. #very ironic

[plenaurum]

i have a question about suit saeran: what the hell was wrong with him? like what is his deal?

#does he hate mc bc of the power she has over him? #is he projecting all of his self hatred onto her? #like the whole time he was doing all of that ‘you’re a weakling and u exist to be my toy’ spiel #I was just like: sure alright but what brought this on #suit saeran #mm saeran #mystic messenger #like I know it’s bc of trauma but mainly I’m just confused on what he thought he was gaining by doing that #and who is ray? was ray created out of trauma or was saeran? #what is going on #like the whole time he’s insulting mc I’m just sitting there like ???????? #u and I both know that what you’re saying is just not true #like babe I wasn’t abused as a child like you were I’m not very affected by your obviously self-directed insults #so like. what are u expecting to gain here