#self distructive

[no-paperwork]

"Regardless of any talent, I totally, irrationally, still have a burning desire to obliterate all competition.

I am possibly the most competitive person in the world."

Me, tonight at the bowling:

#michael sheen #welsh seduction machine #I am competitive #self distructive #distructive competition #good omens #daily michael sheen

[twasnt-tryin-to]

"Would you set yourself on fire to warm me?"

"No. but you would set me on fire, and I would let you."

#i am goin through it rn #anyway #codependent relationships #toxic relationship #self distructive #self sacrifice #martyr complex #mr darcy #will #abed #b topher #bruno #dan #my post #prince andhera #sam #aziraphale #the bentley #johnathan #wash #evan

[not-annies-blog]

im going insane i think

#self distructive

[onthevergee]

I can’t wait for hoodie szn so i can throw on my favorite oversized hoodies and sweats after cutting up every bit of my body and starving myself so no one can notice/stop me

#pro m1a #th1n$po #self h@rm #tw self destruction #pro a4a #meanspø #self distructive

[my-thoughts-in-writing]

A letter to the boy I loved, but never met

Dear you,

I want you to know that I loved you. Truly. Deeply. Excruciatingly. I loved our FaceTime calls that lasted for hours and watching movies together from different rooms; homes; cities; countries; continents. I loved how you called me baby and whispered i love you over and over again through the phone. I loved when you'd ask me to sing your favorite slow songs as you tried to fall asleep. I loved that you always stayed up when I wasn't tired so I wouldn't be alone, even though you were seven hours ahead and had to wake up in a few hours. I loved when i could hear your breathing even out when you finally fell asleep at night. I loved that you drank your tea from a yellow mug and wore yellow when you missed me because it was my favorite color. I loved that you talked to me as if you were right next to me. I loved when you called me beautiful even when my hair was a mess and I was clad in sweatpants. I love that you taught me what love felt like. 

I hated when I had to hang up the phone. I hated that we weren't watching movies off of the same screen. I hated that I had to hear you say i love you through the phone rather than hearing you softly whisper it into my ear. I hated that we couldn't sing our favorite songs while slow dancing in the refrigerator light at 3am. I hated that we had to fall asleep in separate beds with nothing to hold but our pillows. I hated that you were seven hours ahead and lost so much sleep to stay up with me. I hated that I couldn't see every ounce of stress and worry leave your body as you fell asleep at night, softly snoring. I hated that we couldn't sip tea together as the morning sunrise shone across our features in a sea of yellow and golden hues. I hated that I had to listen to your voice through a speaker instead of feeling the vibrations of your words as I held you close and carried on meaningless conversations. I hate that I couldn't hear the words you're beautiful roll off your tongue in your accent as we laid in bed wasting the day away in our pajamas. I hate that I took all of your love and gave so little back. 

Our love story was a tragically beautiful poem that was ahead of its time. Written too soon. My heart loved you from across an ocean, but my brain couldn't even think of the beach. 

I was a seventeen year old girl who fell in love with someone she'd never met. Yet, when I think back to that time, as I sit in my room nearly three years later, I know that I have never felt love the way I felt it from you. So why is it that I decided to break your heart. I was scared. We were getting so serious and I was scared that we would meet and you wouldn't want me anymore. I was young and insecure. I was selfish. I shattered your heart into a million pieces to ensure that you wouldn't have the chance to break mine. 

Sometimes when I think about you, I wonder if my decision to leave you was good for you. I think I always knew deep down that I was a hinderance on your growth. I knew that you needed to sleep more. I knew that you needed to go out and party. I knew that you needed to focus on your school work. I knew that you needed to become your own person. I knew that if you were dating me, none of that would be possible. Is this an excuse for my selfish, toxic behavior? Or is this me being an adult and knowing what's best for other people's interests?

I lay here thinking about how you fought so hard for me to stay and I realize that the day where I forgive myself for the way I hurt you will never come. No matter how many times I apologize, it will never be enough for the boy I loved and never met.

With love,       The girl who loved you  and broke your heart

#poetry #writing #spilled ink #original writing #writers on tumblr #love #long distance #heartbreak #self distructive #letter to him #dear you #im sorry

[thatgaychemist]

The Things I Hate About You

I hate how you made me feel loved, but then ghosted me.

I hate how you made out with me in the morning before brushing your teeth.

I hate how you made me feel bad for getting hot chocolate at a coffee shop.

I hate how I would do all of it over, again. Just for a chance to feel your touch. Just for a chance to feel your love. Just for a chance to feel... something.

Turns out I don't hate you. I love you. I just hate that for some reason I wasn't good enough.

#ghosted #sad poem #self loathing #relationship #poems on tumblr #poetry #self distructive #self realization

[tellmehowuknow]

it’s weird

I don’t like dick but I want him to fuck me.

Take my hair and yank it, make me say sorry for breathing the same air as him. Whatever he wants as long as he’s mine. but… I’m not even hot enough to use me like trash. So ig it’s time to chip away at myself.

#landmine kei #landmine girl #obssesive #vent post #i want to cvt #sh cvt #self h@rm #self distructive

[mad--sad--bad]

sorry but i'm also in love with death

#bpd #in love #traumatized #mentally ill #lost #trapped #part of me #self distructive #dark thoughts #i feel empty #hate this planet #hate this body #rage

[b1sexualalternativwich]

Can somebody please fall in love with me, cuz I start feeling really needy... That's not cute

#mental illness #self distructive #st4rv1ng #shtumblr #self h@rm

[deltarose]

I feel so disconnected from every one and everything

I don’t want to bother people with my stupid self isolating thoughts

It’s not their problem. It’s mine. I just don’t how to fix it.

#my thoughts #stress #tired? #tired #self isolation #self distructive #disconnected #feeling alone

[nomore-silence]

My Demons

I’m sorry for the pain I put you through

It was never my intent.

My mind was taken over

And my soul was not content.

The thoughts I had were not my own

Overtaken by my head.

One million thoughts raced on by

They would not go to bed.

Numb the tears and hide my fears

The only thing I could do

To hide my pain from everyone

That also included you.

I can’t explain what my mind does

When things start getting bad

And the fact that I even had those thoughts

Makes me extremely sad.

Ashamed that I had let my demons

Reek havoc on my mind

They talk so loud, I’m far from proud

That they leave me so blind.

Those thoughts are not what I want most

About this short lived life.

I battle with these thoughts

I tell myself to put down the knife.

And even though I’m now okay

The though still worries me

That those demons will come again

And will not let me be.

I’m sorry if I scared you

I’m sorry if you fear

If the thoughts come back, can I fight back

And try and keep you near.

I wish I could help you understand

Why my mind it gets so crazy

But even I don’t understand

Why my vision gets so hazy.

So please be patient with me

And try to understand

Those thoughts that were going through my head

Are buried in the sand

And if those demons should arise

Again another day

Understand that I’ll reach out

Because I want to stay.

Written by - Kay Coleman

#tw depressing stuff #mental health #ptsd #the semicolon project #to write love on her arms #tw depressing thoughts #sorry for being depressing #poetry #my demons #inner demons #im sorry #suicudal #self mutalition #self distructive #make it stop #im hurtin #trauma #open up #cutt1ng #get help #reach out #not the end

[deadsky1999]

…Yet, somehow I feel more alone in this house full of people than I ever felt by myself.

#Alone #lonely #loneliest #lonesome #life #anxitey #my life #abandon #abandoned #heart #abandonment #self distructive #depressed #depressing #kinda depressing #dead #love #spillthetea #all alone #sad #sadness #dying #texas chainsaw massacre

[i1ipng]

Tw: vent , self hate , ed

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I hate how my face is chubby and round and how my eyes are always puffy and how my lips are small and my nose looks weird from the side I hate how my body looks fat and I will always feel big around all of my friends I hate how I’m always the fattest one among my friends I hate how I am sick in the head mentally unstable I hate how whenever I eat something my mom tells me watch out or I will gain weight. I hate how my arms are big and they aren’t so skinny I hate when I breathe I can feel the shirt being tight. I hate how I can express my emotions to the world cuz no one is willing to listen and I hate venting because every will think they are doing something but they can’t comfort me or shit it’s always aww I’m sorry I hate everything in me I hate when I breathe I hate my scars I hate my obsession with things I hate how I get attached so easily and I hate how I fake being happy and fake being INLOVE with myself I hate my outer shell and I hate my inner thoughts and yes I care about it stop saying no one cares about how you look we all care about how others look but we lie that they look good I hate how they call me moody I hate my foot I hate my stomach is so huge and ugly and fat and disgusting I hate how my thighs looks so disgusting and fat I can’t wear any pants without them fat showing making it so uneven and disgusting I hate the hair on my face I hate my moles I hate everything every thing I hate that I lost the weight I wanted was in a good shape but for what? To gain them back? I hate everything in me I’m not even strong like the ppl in my gym and can’t do shit ppl hate me and I know it they don’t treat me like others I hate food I hate it so much everyone says am beautiful but I know when they meet me they get disappointed and disgusted when they see me they look at me and think to themselves that I am one fake bitch I am not even good at anything not in my studies not in anything I’m such a failure while typing this I just binged eat cuz I’m sick and tired of not eating and I feel guilty for doing so my skin is ugly and filled with scars and no one will love me the way I am no one everyone uses me and leave for their temporary satisfaction I hate how others are doing so much better and getting the help they need when I can’t even get anything not even help the something I want the most

#twed vent #twed in the tags #tw ed diet #4n0r3 #4na diary #low cal diet #please help #self distructive #bpd vent #comment #500 likes

[rexiaposts]

I wish I could loose weight in some impulsive way, instead of the constant patience required. I! Am! Not! A! Patient! Person! I do impulsive self destructive things, and i just wish that could go with this.

#text personal #sk1nn1 #impulsive #self distructive #unhealthy coping mechanisms

[pumpkino0]

Tw: sh

I feel so bad, it's unbearable, it's too much my body can't stand it, cutting didn't help either, I think I'm gonna throw up

#sh #self haarm #self h@rm #self h4rm #depression #mood disorder #mentally ill #mentally unstable #venting #vent #cope #tw sh #tw self h4rm #tw self haarm #tw self h@rm #self distructive

[grammymumzy]

#community #diseases and disorders #mental health #self distructive #scar #loneliness