#self esteem in marriage

[fromtheseventhhell]

I want to make a longer post about this someday but: I think Arya's TWOW arc is going to include her coming to terms with her identity as a Lady. This has been an ongoing conflict with her since her first chapter and I think her flowering in winds is going to mark a turning point. The theory of her having an apprenticeship with the courtesans holds a lot of weight and the idea of Arya going through puberty among a group of unconventional women she's fostered a positive relationship with is just too perfect. It would really have an impact on Arya reconciling her personal idea of what a Lady should be. There's also a lot that she could learn from them in terms of courtesies, communication, appearances, body-language, etc. that would elevate her current skill-set and ways her relationship with them could push the plot.

Not to mention she will undoubtedly reclaim her identity as Arya Stark, and her being a Lady is inseparable from that. Arya Stark is a Lady Stark and being a Lady is a social position, not a measure of how well someone preforms feminine tasks. She shouldn't have to relinquish her position because she doesn't fit patriarchal standards. That's not to say that she's ever going to be the perfect example of a traditional Lady but what I think will happen is that she becomes capable of playing the part. She plays several identities throughout the series but she's always been Arya underneath, so I think it's appropriate that she learns to adopt a "persona" that's part of her. Her remembering Ned putting on his "Lord's face" (+ the various examples of other characters being separate from their ruling persona) makes me think that Arya will be donning her "Lady's face" when she makes a return to Westeros.

#arya stark #asoiaf #twow speculations #Arya has been through so much traumatic shit and I think her flowering is going to bring up a lot of her self-esteem issues #I just really need her surrounded by kind older women when that happens so she can have some comfort #George saying her arc in braavos could be the plot of a YA novel?? definitely makes me think she's going to grow up a lot there #she's already one of the most mature characters so I think part of it's going to be her accepting her duty as a Stark Lady #she wants to help and protect people and the best way she can do that is if she has political power #She could learn that first hand in TWOW #possibly through her finding out about her marriage??? and meeting Jeyne in Braavos?? #and before someone says it courtesans are so much more then sex work so I don't want to hear it #they are such a big part of Braavosi high life...they're cultured and connected with very important people #I just have so many thoughts on the subject cause I think her apprenticeship with them will serve multiple purposes #the faceless men and their plans...the iron bank...the sealord...It's all connected and I think her apprenticeship with them will kick off #the braavos plot and could mark the beginning of the end of her time with the faceless men and in braavosi #half a boy half a wolf pup -> half a lady half a wolf #I think her current skillset fits well and it's likely she'll learn even more in TWOW #Arya defining her own role as a Lady and becoming comfortable means so much to me

[artiststarme]

Save Me From My Self (Esteem)

Based on a prompt from @nburkhardt. I hope it meets your expectations! Hope you guys like it and please leave your thoughts in the comments!

~*~*~*~

Eddie wasn’t used to people liking him or having positive relationships in general, really. From an early age, he learned that people would never truly like him for him. What was there to like? He wasn’t anything special and as much as he acted like he was, everyone always seemed to be able to see the broken boy behind the mask. Everyone hated him as soon as they laid their eyes on him and Eddie just couldn’t figure out why. 

Day one of being alive earned him the hatred of his mother. He was born premature after a painful labor and as soon as he was placed in his mother’s arms, all she saw were medical bills. She could see the debt and misfortune that this bundle of angst would bring her and she was already over it after a mere minute of holding him. 

She stuck around for a few years sneering and glaring at him from an emotional distance that felt infinite but a physical distance of just a few feet. And as soon as she walked into the trailer one day to find Eddie trying on her makeup and wearing her only black dress, she was done. She packed her things and left that very night with only a single sentence left to his dad in her wake, ‘you can deal with him now’.

Life became harder without his mom around. Even though her presence only brought sneers and hissed insults, she was still his mom. She’d acted as a barrier between Eddie and his dad. As soon as she’d left, everything became so much more miserable. His dad would hit him and push him around. He shaved his hair so short that his scalp bled. And worst of all, he would take Eddie on runs of the criminal variety to show him the ropes. He wanted to pass on his ‘legacy’, as if you could call grand theft auto and armed robberies a legacy. 

Eddie lived with his dad for two years before he was arrested and then Eddie was shipped off to live with an uncle he hadn’t seen in years. And poor Wayne. It took a long time for him to be able to make Eddie comfortable enough to talk, let alone function as a normal human being. Eddie was a scared boy, neglected and abused by the people that should’ve loved him, and condemned by the people that could’ve helped him. But after months of soft voices, patience, and panic attacks, Eddie came around enough to whisper stilted thoughts about DnD and fantasy that goes right over Wayne’s head. Still, Wayne would nod and ask just enough questions for Eddie to understand that he cared. That he would be the first person in his life not to hurt him. 

Everyone in Hawkins hated him. The adults of the town would turn their noses up at his skinned knees and bare head. He never even had a chance to prove himself in their scathing eyes. The kids would push him against the walls at school and poke fun at his living in a trailer. They would laugh at his worn down clothes and the shoes that always had a hole in the sole. They never gave him a chance to be himself.

Eddie had to change quickly to survive. He constructed a whole facade to act as armor to protect himself from all of the hate he received daily. He fully embraced their jaunts and sneers, he took their hisses of ‘Freak’ like it was a nickname of endearment. Eddie Munson became their worst nightmare just like they’d all expected him to. He couldn’t distinguish himself from his facade anymore, the edges having become too blurred over the years. 

When he decided to form Hellfire, he didn’t really expect anyone to join. Who would willingly associate with the Freak of Hawkins High? But Wayne had been prodding him to make some friends outside of the stray cats at the Trailer Park and who was Eddie to refuse? He never could’ve imagined Gareth, Grant, and Jeff joining or inviting him to join their metal band too. It seemed too good to be true and Eddie waited for the other shoe to drop for months. When it didn’t though, he realized that he’d unknowingly made some lifelong friends.

His self-esteem didn’t improve during the week he was on the run from the cops for a series of murders he didn’t commit, hunting a bad guy from an alternate dimension who seems dead set on ruining his life in particular. This group of people took him in like they’d known him for years and Eddie couldn’t wrap his head around it. They were protecting him, making plans to confuse the cops and clear his name, including him in inside jokes like he was their friend, he didn’t understand. With everyone new in his life, he doesn't know what to do.

Afterwards when they defeat Vecna and he almost dies, Steve “The Hair” Harrington sits by the side of his hospital bed and brings him metal cassettes from his room in the trailer that wasn’t entirely destroyed. He asks him on a date two weeks after he’s released from the hospital and of course Eddie says yes, albeit confusedly and waiting for him to deliver a punchline. But he never does. He woos him with fancy picnics and movie nights, he kisses him under the stars with a joint between their fingers, and he cuddles him deep into the night when their nightmares keep them awake.

Eddie comes to the conclusion that there must be something wrong with him. Why else would Steve be interested in him if not for all of the head trauma? And something was probably wrong with Uncle Wayne, Dustin, the rest of the Party, and his bandmates. The whole town hates him, as they should, so for the Party not to, they must be disturbed mentally. 

However, when Eddie mentions that to Uncle Wayne, Dustin, and Steve at one of their movie nights, Wayne smacks him on the backside of his head. 

“Ow, what the hell!”

“Boy, I know you ain’t stupid but that’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard,” Uncle Wayne gripes at him.

Steve just looks heartbroken. “You think something is wrong with us for loving you?”

“Stevie, you’ve had a lot of concussions…”

“Well I haven’t!” Dustin yelled. “We love you because you’re you, Eddie. The people that hate you have something wrong with them, not us!”

Eddie just blinked at him. That thought hadn’t come to mind. Maybe there was something wrong with the people that hated him and not with the few that loved him, huh.

Steve saw him thinking and reached out to hold his hand. “You getting it yet? I love you no matter what, whether I have brain trauma or not.”

Eddie nodded, “Yeah? So I can stop waiting for the other shoe to drop?”

“Yeah and I’ll prove it to you for the rest of our lives. I’ve got both shoes firmly on the ground, Eds. You never have to worry about shoes dropping with me,” Steve whispered. 

“Did you just fucking propose to him by talking about shoes?!” Dustin asked, flabbergasted.

“Huh, I guess I did.”

“I love you, Big Boy. I'd marry you in a heartbeat,” Eddie said, pulling Steve into a bruising kiss.

“Glad y’all settled this but go smooch each other somewhere else. I’m trying to watch Gremlins in peace, thanks.”

“Love you too, Uncle Wayne!” Eddie told him, borderline maniacally.

“Love you too kid, now go defile your boyfriend away from me.”

“Wayne!” Steve gasped, scandalized.

“I agree,” Dustin added.

“Dustin!” 

Eddie just laughed as he pulled Steve down the hall to his bedroom. Hey, he wasn’t going to look at a gift horse’s teeth.

He still had a long way to go when it came to recognizing his own self-worth. But with Steve, Dustin, and Uncle Wayne in his corner, it was sure to be much easier than it ever had been before.

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#They all have ways of dealing with Eddie's poor self-esteem #Wayne gently smacks him and tells him to treat himself better #Steve kisses him and usually calls off work to spend the day with him #Dustin calls him stupid and gets Steve #Steve proposes again later when gay marriage is legal and its a much better proposal than this original offhand one #stranger things #steddie #fanfic #steve harrington #eddie munson #dustin henderson #wayne munson

[angryisokay]

A lot of “how to have a happy marriage” advice is to have sex as often as possible, which is stupid as fuck. If you both wanna fuck, good for you, have at it. But also: Find forms of personal intimacy with your spouse that are not sex, not foreplay, not ‘maybe this will lead to sex’, because I guarantee that you and your spouse will have periods in your life where you just don’t want to fuck.

Making sex a vital necessity to be happy together will turn it into an obligation and a chore, which will ruin your relationship. A sex obligation will create needless arguments, allow room for insecurities and resentment to develop and fester, and generally make living together exhausting and miserable.

Find ways to be intimately close without the expectation of sex.

#'but i don't want to be in a sexless marriage' idk buddy maybe don't get married then #being with someone who only fucks you because they feel like they have to sounds pretty shitty imo #that will fuck up your self esteem their self esteem and ruin everything you could have had #why fuck things up when you could find intimate alternatives to lean on when one or both of you aren't in the mood? #and get this: it's like reverse psychology for libido! #the less you expect and demand sex -while maintaining other forms of intimacy- the more likely your spouse will want to have sex regularly

[redladydeath]

My hyper-specific Thing: Arranged/obligatory marriages to ugly and/or socially stunted men that start off highly uncomfortable but eventually develop into something loving or platonically compassionate

#redlady speaks #that’s a trope that really gets me going #alas a lot of arranged marriage fiction is too cowardly to make the guy truly unattractive and/or pathetic #also!!! ugly women!!!!! not ‘oh I have a minor burn scar’ genuine deformities!!!!! and no self esteem!!!!!!! #learning that someone *can* love them!!!!!!!!!!! #foaming at the mouth!!!!!!!!!! #also no sassy back-and-forths #just pure uncomfortability gruadually turning to affection

[lovedeluxe92]

the thing i enjoyed about renaissance the most is how little it was about jay z

#i don’t say this to be hateful necessarily i just love that she truly like #idk it very much reminded me of divorced woman vacationing in italy/nyc for the summer #i think she mentioned their marriage a few times #but it ultimately feels like she’s comfortable…with bey! and after reading about her self esteem issues i’m proud of her 🥺🫶🏼 #beyonce #renaissance

[libraryofjoy]

Chickpea stew recipe

A couple years ago I asked for help making chickpea recipes taste good, and I'm pleased to report I've practiced and now have a recipe I wholeheartely love. Thank you to all the darling people who offered advice and suggestions!

Ingredients:

A thick slice of yellow onion

A thin slice of red onion

Olive oil

At least one large clove of fresh garlic (add as much as you like!)

Half of a red or yellow bell pepper

A small, sad tomato

A small, sad carrot

A little celery if you aren't allergic

A can of chickpeas, with the aquafaba

A jar of marinara or other tomato-based pasta sauce

A little bit of chicken or vegetable bouillon, better than bouillon, or stock

Rosemary, oregano, salt & pepper, bay leaves, cayenne powder, cumin, sumac, whatever else makes you happy.

Instructions

Chop the fresh vegetables. I like a small dice or large mince to make them more forgiving if I don’t get them cooked through.

Cook the onions in a little oil over low heat for about five minutes.

Add in the garlic, carrot, bell pepper gradually, and last of all the tomato. Celery would probably be good here too, but I have a mild celery allergy so I don’t use it.

Add in the chickpeas, along with a couple tablespoons of marinara sauce. You definitely could just add more tomatoes and season it for yourself, but it’s a good way to use leftover sauce and I like that it gives me some basic seasonings that I don’t have to think about. Add water or broth if you need it at this point.

Season it! I used rosemary, oregano, salt & pepper, bay leaves, cayenne powder, cumin, and sumac. The cayenne really does a lot here--again, season to taste.

Cook it on low heat until everything gets tender and tastes like one unified dish. For me this took about an hour. The olive oil should react with the acid from the tomatoes and give a warm orangish color.

Serve with your carb of choice--it's good with corn chips, warm tortillas, rice, or fresh bread. 

I'm cooking for one person, so I can usually stretch the leftovers to last the next couple days of meal prep. It’s a really forgiving recipe if you want to add or remove things. You can also soak dried chickpeas the night before if you plan ahead. I find it relaxing to hover around the stove and take my time, but I’ve also had good results just throwing all the ingredients into a rice cooker for a weeknight meal. This stew can be vegan if you use vegetable broth instead of chicken broth.

#gab tag #food tag #I feel so marriageable when I make this. major self-esteem boost to have made stew and bread.

[viconiadevirs]

Played through Following the River again this afternoon and realising that it's the first time Carmen's been intimate with someone following her finding out her sleazebag of a husband had a sidepiece (and the dirty laundry that came up during their divorce post-Carmen getting the Arasaka boot)

#lore.txt #idk how to explain it other than after her marriage went to shit (alongside her corpo life) it left a major dent in her self-esteem #she had a lot of trouble with self-image and being able to be intimate with people. feeling violated because of how commonplace - #the commodification and the fetishization of bodies (both cis & trans) are in night city #and how that ties in with her ex viewed her - she thought he loved her and supported her despite the long hours she worked at arasaka #turns out. he was only with her for her money and bc he's a chaser #so carmen is understandably feeling very delicate and not at all confident or comfortable with intimacy #but it felt so? easy and natural with river even with all her nerves and worries #what if he turns out to be like her ex? what if he rejects her? she isn't sure which is worse. #thankfully he's nothing of the sort. #oc: carmen #pair: carmen x river

[emberwritesinsight]

Watched the first couple episodes of My Happy Marriage because it's on Netflix and looks fucking beautiful. The directors (and the VAs) did their job very well because my heart shatters into a million pieces whenever I see Miyo Saimori being mistreated, which is constantly because her family SUCKS. And the way she gets so surprised and bewildered when shown even the slightest decency and kindness from people who have power over her? Just stab me it would hurt less

Desperate to see what Kiyoka's deal is and why he's Like That. The thing he said to Miyo about absolute obedience is a huge massive yikes but beyond that he doesn't really seem evil or anything, just shit at dealing with people. I know the whole thing is going to be framed romantically regardless because *gestures broadly at title, intro, direction, general framing of everything*, but I desperately hope he's like... actually a good partner, or can become one. Mostly because I want good things for Miyo.

AND KOUJI AUGH. Bro wants good things for Miyo as much as I do if not more and what does he get? An arranged marriage with her awful sister. R.I.P.

#my happy marriage #kiyoka kudou #miyo saimori #my beloved #shaking miyo by the shoulders through the screen #yelling 'YOU DESERVE ALL THESE GOOD THINGS AND MORE' #Her self-esteem is SO LOW and for what? Because her sister can see ghosts? #Which is cool sure but Miyo can cook #And I feel like that'll make itself useful way more often #Also Miyo is a sweetheart and Kaya Is Not #I'm just ranting here I KNOW she has no confidence because it was beaten out of her #figuratively and possibly literally #But I can't stop myself from going 'GIRL YOU ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE' #Ooh Kaya. What a piece of work. #Things I like about Kaya: her hair #Things I dislike about Kaya: everything else #I mean I could maybe see her shaping up and being better but for now? #she can die for all i care

[helenaroman1111]

Embarking on the journey of romantic relationships brings with it a multitude of emotions, passions, and, at times, emotional triggers. These triggers can stir the deepest corners of our hearts, creating a delicate balance between love and vulnerability.

One of the most common issues I hear from my clients is the emotional triggers. This is especially true when it comes to painful emotional triggers, and even more so, those related to romantic relationships. It's tough when you're struggling to navigate a breakup, or when the stress from daily life finally falls on you like a ton of bricks. Lots of things can trigger an emotional response.

Maybe you're finally feeling better and you're happily driving down the road during the daily route to work and then all of a sudden, there it is: that one song on the radio that always gets you to your core. It was your song that you shared with your ex that still brings tears to your eyes. So, suddenly you miss them. Or, maybe you decide you deserve a treat and you walk into the bakery only to see that thing on the menu you know they'd order if they were standing there by your side. 

Yup, random triggers will get you every time. It can be something as seemingly innocent as a phrase or even the smell of a certain candle. And, before you know it, it's too late - you're triggered - and you feel like a deer in headlights. 

Today, we will delve into the intricate world of emotional triggers, understanding their origin, and offer expert guidance on handling them with compassion and empathy. Whether you are stepping into the realm of love anew or are a seasoned relationship connoisseur, mastering emotional triggers is the key to sustaining a profound and nurturing connection.

#love #marriage #twinflame #dating #helenaroman #relationshipgoals #soulmates #soulmate #twinflames #relationships #selflove #self love #self care #self esteem #emotional triggers

[sjhanny2000]

Hidden Within the Arrangement (1/?)

Summary: The time of war between the Uchiha and Senju is coming to an end. At least, that is what the hopes are as the two opposing groups come together to create not only a treaty of peace but a marriage arrangement between a clan heir from the Uchiha and one from the Senju. With Hashirama already married to Princess Mito of the Uzumaki and their younger brothers' dead, the weight of fulfilling the demanded marriage arrangement falls upon Tobirama’s already straining shoulders. The thing is, his very existence may be the reason why this arrangement falls apart.

A/N: It's been a hot minute since I published Madatobi but I've been holding onto this for awhile. This is technically the prequel to Secrets Worth sharing but can be read as a standalone AU as well. For my Demon Slayer readers, F&ST Finale is being worked on so don't worry!

Warning(s): Intersexed character, arranged marriage, hurt/comfort, angst, canonical/non-canonical death(s), referenced/discussed abuse, child abuse/neglect, self-deprecation, self-hatred, body dysmorphia, self-sacrificial Tobirama, bad sibling Hashirama

~~~~

If individuals were to describe themselves using a single word, Tobirama would most definitely utilize the word enigma. It was what his grandmother had used countless times in reference to him over the years their lives coincided, her stern eyes of toiled earth forever etched into his memory. It was what other clansmen referred to him as they maliciously gossiped about the “White Demon” amongst their midst, his own people spitting his name out with poisonous venom. Even his own brother had called him an enigma many times, often in moments of frustration or disappointment as they stood on opposite sides of understanding and emotions, Hashirama always warm and expressive while Tobirama stood cold and reserved. He was not like his clansmen, nor like that of his ancestors, forever a sore thumb amongst the Senju and while he never allowed it to show on his exterior, Tobirama could not deny how much it hurt on the inside no matter the effort he put into ignoring it. 

The treatment he faced had begun at a young age, only mere moments after Tobirama had taken his first strained breath. No one could have expected the child that slid out of his mother’s womb that fateful winter day, his head full of shocking white hair and vermillion eyes causing silent panic amongst the midwives present in the room. His grandmother, wise with age and experience, had only seen a child such as him once in her lifetime of forty-two years and had no hesitation in stating that the said child had died within hours of delivery, having been sickly and frail. Yet, even his grandmother had been left reeling as the delivery room’s occupants took in the sight that truly left all flabbergasted. Much to their confusion, Tobirama possessed not only male genitalia but also that of a female, a vagina clearly present behind his small but still ever present penis. Never had any of them seen this phenomena before, though rumors of this happening every so often echoed across the landscape within the Land of Fire. Most born with this condition did not live long, many seeing such a deformation as an evil that was swiftly disposed of upon delivery. Tobirama had been born with not only one but two deformities and the cards of humanity stacked against him only moments into his existence, particularly when it came to his father. Butsuma Senju did not allow any weakness to be present within the family, his words stern and his hands like steel, and the very moment his dark eyes fell upon Tobirama’s sleeping form, his fate was sealed. 

The Senju clan head had taken one disgusted look at his youngest son and chose he would rather his son be dead than show weakness. It had taken both the convincing words of his grandmother and the pleading screams of his mother to stop the man amidst his attempted drowning of Tobirama, his infant self having been no more than ten minutes old. They argued that Tobirama would prove his worth, that he would be just as strong as any other shinobi, to simply give him the chance he deserved by being his son. With bitter reluctance, Butsuma had pulled Tobirama from the bath and unceremoniously dropped him into his wailing mother’s arms, sneering that their claims of the “cursed child being of worth was a waste of breath until proven.” 

The truth of Tobirama’s deformities became a secret that only those within the room knew, Butsuma having promised a swift death to anyone who spoke of what occurred that day. Not even his own brother had come to know about his condition until the mokuton user found him lying amongst a pool of his blood when they were fifteen and seventeen respectively, his first bleed having set in some time during the night. Tobirama, however, had merely been two years old when he discovered that he was unlike others amongst his clan. 

Mother had been bathing both him and his brother when Tobirama had come to notice something peculiar between him and his brother anatomically. Much to his young confusion, the difference in what he came to know as genitalia was not striking but it was indeed noticeable; Hashirama possessed a penis as all males do but Tobirama had both male and female sets of genitalia. He had presented his mother with his confused query later as she tucked him in and Tobirama was met with a trembling lip and teary pools of obsidian, ones that he still missed terribly following her later passing. She had been hesitant in answering, nearly begging Tobirama to leave the matter be but his mind had fixated on the topic and while he was typically an obedient child, he was also stubborn. Eventually, she conceded to his demands, his mother murmuring nervously that the matter would be discussed at a more appropriate time when Hashirama, who was slumbering nearby, was not present. Little more than an hour later, his mother was cradling Tobirama to her chest as she quietly tainted his childhood innocence. 

“I am so sorry, Tobirama. I failed you.”

At first, Tobirama did not understand why she had apologized to him, for the formation of his body had been out of her control. Mother had been perfect in Tobirama’s eyes, being kind yet firm when needing to be, especially with Hashirama’s wobbly emotional state. She was the one who intercepted incoming blows, the person who gave him as many books as she could obtain so Tobirama could amass his knowledge, even at such a young age. Their mother was the one who encouraged Hashirama to follow his heart even though their father blatantly discouraged it, the clan head wanting an emotionless and brutal heir for a son instead of one of compassion and thought. He had witnessed the punishments mother received for her motherly love, ones that left her bloody and in pain, sometimes her clothes having been ripped off and legs caked in a mixture of unholy fluids. Hashirama cried about it often, sometimes even attempting to interfere because he knew what their father was doing was improper, but Tobirama always took his elder brother’s hand with a shake of his head and held him as he cried. Mother, even when so beaten and broken down by years of emotional and physical abuse, was there for them even if she was unable to get out of bed, her sadness too deep and wounds too painful. 

She had still been perfect when she had informed Tobirama that he had not only been born with a condition known as albinism but the Kami cursed him with both male and female genitalia. Her sobs were deafening to his young self as he tried to understand why having such a condition was considered wrong, why it had brought the young woman to tears just thinking about it. It however explained the brutal treatment Tobirama had received from his father, looks of disdain with rough hands, spirit shattered and bones broken, only acknowledging him on the training field and nothing more. The man did not even address him by his name, choosing to use “Boy” or “You” in place of it, something he continued to do even on his deathbed. Tobirama himself had wanted to cry, so confused as to everything that was going on whilst trying to comprehend the meaning behind her words with his small processing capacity at the time. Yet, in that moment, all he had been capable of doing was giving his mother the love she so rarely received. 

The truth of his condition, of the curse the Kami had bestowed upon him at birth, was something that was never to be discussed with anyone beside his mother. 

“Tobirama, you must promise me you will never speak of this with anyone aside from I or your grandmother! Do you understand me?!” 

Grandmother, the one to assist mother in his delivery and the first to take witness of how the Kami came to punish Senju Butsuma for his misdeeds, at least according to her understanding. 

“Your father has taken much and given little, boy. Your own mother is proof of Butsuma’s greed, seeing as how he stole her away from her own family to satisfy his own urges. You, however, are the undeniable proof that no one can escape the judgment of the Kami, not even the great Senju Butsuma. Not anyone aside from myself, you, and your mother will ever come to know this fact, hmm?” 

So, from the tender age of two years old, Tobirama never told a soul. At least, not until  Hashirama came to wake him for breakfast early one morning and found the lower half of Tobirama’s futon and blankets covered in blood, his pale thighs caked in blood much like their mother’s had been all those years. Tobirama’s desperate pleas for the mokuton user to wait had fallen on deaf ears, Hashirama swiftly rushing off to gather not only Touka but his newly christened wife Mito as well, both women demanding to know what was going on as they were ushered in. All three had been left bewildered at the sight before them and even more so as Tobirama gave his explanation but Mito and Touka, much to his quiet relief, had come to his aid immediately, gifting him with necessary products and means in alleviating the pain he was feeling within his lower belly. 

While Tobirama had the outward signs of both genitalia, it had never been confirmed whether or not he indeed had a womb as well until that very morning, shaken and unsure of how to adjust to such a development. Hashirama had promptly been banished from his room upon becoming upset that Tobirama would keep such a secret from him, “-are we not brothers, Tobirama?!” , and it had left himself ashamed and insecure within his own skin for how was he supposed to tell his anija if he was to never know about it? He was the hideous and deformed son of Butsuma Senju, the Ghost of the Senju, the White Demon, the Red Eyed Senju, a freak of nature. Albinism could be explained for it happened every blue moon over the centuries, but being intersexed? Not as much. Tobirama was already made out to be an outcast with his looks and abilities alone, what with his suiton nature rather than earth and his peculiar outward bodily features, ones that had played a role in developing the names others within the clan and beyond viewed him as. News of his condition would only place a target on his back and more of a pariah amongst his people. 

Again, the information pertaining to his person was kept quiet, Tobirama swearing his blabbering brother to ultimate secrecy with blatant blackmail that had the emotional young man squirming in his seat. Tobirama never feared Touka nor Mito of spreading word of his condition, rather the two women were firm in covertly supporting him through his monthly bleeds, offering items of relief and assistance when needed. He quickly became accustomed to retreating to his lab during the third week of the month for approximately four days, usually cocooned within the depths of his blankets with a heated water canteen and means of nutrition waiting at his bedside whenever required. In turn, Tobirama did the same when Mito and Touka experienced their own bleeds, creating a unique understanding and solidarity between them that his elder brother was quite envious of if his repetitious pouting said anything. 

 

With time, he grew accustomed to this new biological process, though it was often frustrating when it arrived early whilst on missions or even worse, on the battlefield. Luckily, he was able to cover any early starts with the draw of his blade, claiming the crimson fluid coloring the fabric of his pants had come from slaughtered enemies. No one had an inkling that Tobirama was such a deformed individual, a description his anija, cousin, and sister in law vehemently argued against if he spoke it aloud, but they always grew stubbornly quiet when he blatantly pointed out that he was indeed abnormal. 

Such abnormalities sealed his fate when it came to matters such as marriage. He knew early on that he would never be marriage material, with so many of his own clan repulsed by his albino features and others outside the Senju believing him to be a demon manifested. It was a persona their father had been eager to fuel from the moment he ordered Tobirama to slit the throat of an Uchiha male at the mere age of four years old, a twisted grin marring the man’s wrinkled face at seeing the crimson spill onto Tobirama’s snow white skin. 

These were just a few of the plethora of reasons why he had been left speechless when during the peace negotiations between the Senju and Uchiha, the Uchiha demanded not only an arranged marriage between clan heirs, but Tobirama specifically. Tobirama had gazed at Madara Uchiha with a poorly hidden slack jaw as those damning words spilled from his lips, vermillion irises searching obsidian ones with concerned confusion. The other Senjus’ had been shocked as well, Hashirama promptly thrown off as he asked the damning question of the day that seemed to be on the majority of his clansmen’s minds. 

“You want WHAT?!”

Tobirama painfully understood anija’s surprise, for he too had believed that Tobirama was incapable of feeling, having grown so used to his younger brother’s cold and calculating exterior that he had forgotten that his otouto felt just as he did, only his emotions were hidden behind a carefully crafted mask. Hashirama had been the one to call him a cruel demon as they trekked home from that cursed riverfront, rage possessing his typically joyful features as his friendship with Uchiha Madara lay in ruins at his feet. Their sibling relationship had never fully recovered from that moment, with Hashirama too stubborn to forgive him for losing his friendship with Madara and Tobirama believing him to be right in doing so. He had never been a child of normalcy, his genetics and upbringing had ensured that was the case, and Hashirama was the clan heir, the blessed mokuton user with a heart of gold that had an enticing personality that drew everyone to him. Tobirama was the spare, the bloodsoaked weapon Butsuma had carefully crafted and wielded without mercy, the cursed suiton user with a heart of ice and unwelcoming personality that scared everyone away. They were perfect opposites, as their mother always kindly pointed out, Hashirama the yin to his yang, the sun to his moon, and such differences had seemingly damaged their relationship beyond repair. Both Mito and Touka had done their damndest to assist the two brothers in mending their broken bonds but Hashirama did everything in his power to skirt around their deepest, most unhealed issue, that being one individual in particular. 

Uchiha Madara. 

This wound only seemed to grow more aggravated when Tobirama, much to his own surprise, accepted the proposal as Hashirama and Touka bickered over the matter, the two remaining members of his blood gazing at him with shock. Hashirama did his best to object on the premise, carelessly urging that Tobirama hated the Uchiha as Touka argued for Tobirama to think sensibly, that such a demand was most likely a trick to kill him once alone with Madara. Tobirama had never broken eye contact with the Uchiha clan heir, memorizing every speck of his cool and collected features in search of some sign of maliciousness or contempt, yet he found nothing. Instead, he found himself taking in a man who possessed a stern resolve, willing to marry himself away to a man of evil that he wholeheartedly despised if it meant there was to be no more bloodshed between their families, the same objective Tobirama held close to his icy heart. So, without a shred of hesitation, Tobirama had agreed, much to Hashirama and Touka’s pure horror, something he paid no mind to, gaze never leaving Madara’s as he watched pained regret spill into pools of obsidian. 

Peace was everything his anija had ever wanted since those fateful days at the Naka River. If he had to sacrifice himself for not only Hashirama but for the overall greater good, so that some justification for Kawarama and Itama’s premature deaths could be made, he swore from a young age he would do it.

He wasn’t a true human after all, right? 

~~~

A/N: Any comments, reblogs, etc. are always appreciated! Let me know if I should continue this as a series or leave it as a one-shot.

#sjhanny #naruto #naruto fanfiction #tobirama #madara #hashirama senju #hashirama #madara x tobirama #madara uchiha #tobirama senju #arranged marriage #angst #madatobi #mito uzumaki #izuna uchiha #touka senju #minor character death #self esteem issues #abuse tw #self hatred

[yeonban]

There’s  something  so...  sacred  about  marriage  when  it  brings  none  of  the  benefits  it  usually  comes  with,  but  the  people  in  it  still  love  each  other  enough  to  go  through  the  hassle  of  it  all  anyway.

#tbd. #* ooc. / posts. #This was mainly brought on by Shalnark and Feitan getting married even tho they don't exist in society's eyes so on that front it's #an useless endeavor & much more taxing than not doing it (bc of the fortune Shal pays for the matching custom-made rings) #but it also??? actually applies to so many of my other ships it's surreal #Ash and Gear are immortals who also don't exist in society's eyes but they still eventually get married simply out of love #Tarquin would get married (if u can get past his self-esteem) even though he also doesn't exist and so a 'legal' marriage isn't rly possible #In fact marriage might bring more issues than help in most of my muses' lives AND YET... (sobbing about how tender they are for their s/os)

[sroseh]

#apparently I write profound shit unknowingly when giving my friends advice #and no I’m not insulting her #we are just very different people so I was showing the difference between how we cope #sadness #depression #loneliness #lonely #divorce #marriage #wedding #relationships #dating #love #romance #self esteem #self love #femcel #body image #mental health

[lyrasjordan]

.

#my self esteem has returned from war so #i am a really good cook and i have great b**bs so idk why i am single #i am hot and smart and funny ? #i play guitar and piano ? i am only mildly annoying most of the time ?? #and yet no one is proposing marriage ?? it doesn't add up #my sister informed me today she thinks it's bc i'm ginger so.... that could be it #maybe i should go brunette again it was kind of a vibe #ANYWAY

[golisopod-mutual]

having some thoughts re: romance and marriage

#its weird even after fully embracing my aro identity i still found myself fantasizing abt like. a bit romantic marriage proposal and wedding #even though an actual romantic relationship isnt something im especially interested in #and i havent quite been able to reconcile these two things #but i think part of it is the notion society pushes which is i'll be happier if im married in a traditional relationship #and another big part. as i am realizing just now #is that i think it appeals to me not bc of the romance aspect but bc of the idea of someone caring abt me #and thinking highly enough of me. to want to marry me #like my self esteem is so garbage that i base my own opinion of myself based on how others think of me #so the idea that someone would love me and accept me enough to marry me #is the kind of external validation i crave constantly. it would be like the biggest hit of self esteem ever #for me the big appeal is 'this person thinks i am special and wonderful and worth marrying' and not the actual relationship #the fantasy is just abt making myself feel special and important and cared for. not the actual romance #obv there's a chance i still get married anyway in like. a platonic way #but thats neither here nor there

[vixlenxe]

@akumanoken​ said:

Just follow your son's lead!! well... not the wait to be proposed too but just ask them to marry you, get that eloped life.  Souji never really waits for an official wedding.

If Violet wasn’t like 50% sure that everyone in her love life would leave if presented with someone better then her, cause there are a lot of people better then her out there, she probably would. She wouldn’t try to tie someone down, knowing they deserve better then her.

#akumanoken #[God Hunter] Violent Violet; IC #she got **Self-esteem issues** #aka im girlfriend material but not wife material #unlike souji who is super marriage material #*jazz hands*

[keitamine]

Navy and Steel and Carmine and Navy Navy Navy Mr. KEI I want you to do a face reveal sooooooo bad please you sound handsome

Steel - You post the most beautiful art/fics/edits.

Carmine - I'm on one knee proposing <3.

Navy - You are literally so sexy 😳.

Anon, babe, you haven't even let me hold your hand yet. I'm not ready to be a husband! Now I'm not saying no. What I'm saying is, let's bust out the slow jazz. The cabernet sauvignon. The crocs. And the Pringles, so that one day I'll post my Metal Gear self-insert fantasy cyborg OC and you can put a face to your parasocial paramour for a night of Smash. Until then, set your CPU to 5. I main Kirby.

#anon you are so lucky #you imprinted on the one person who is fine with being anonymously demanded their hand in marriage but draws the line at demanding gender #thank you for calling me handsome though. no joke it really did something for my self-esteem. i am flattered and perplexed by you #anon #ask