“You want to quit, right?” He asks, gaze lingering on the band aids.
I manage a shrug. Empty words tumble out of my mouth, each one quieter than the last.
[ I’m ] made of lies. Yet
no one has ever dared to call me a liar
Mastered the art of disappearing without going away
I say I’m fine but cannot forget how good I was at dying.
“Talk to me,”
the silence breaks
My ache shatters into a thousand little pieces.
And it hurts. It hurts. It hurts so bad.
Laughter escapes my lungs before I can stop it.
Can’t give them what they want and mean it.
Have survived too long without wanting to.
And now that I wish for it.
I feel like it is too late.
Abandoned myself for too long.
Surviving was easy when I didn’t want to.
Biological response to the world burning around me.
Now that it matters,-
I AM SO AFRAID
like a child in an adult’s body. Cannot grasp how they expect this of me.
I’m hurting and I don’t want them to save me.
I’m 22. I’m older now.
Nothing is the same.
I’m afraid, but growing.
I want to stop hurting myself, start living.
I just cannot say it.
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This is gonna be one of those famous posts I delete after some time because I'm too scared of people's reactions, but I thought of still sharing these for a quite specific reason: disorders, especially the mental ones, can affect anyone, even the people we expect the less.
What to some people can seem stupid or weird can be a big issue for others and it mustn't be a problem to share it.
(user boxes of @disabilityuserboxes)
I don't know if someone else here is struggling with these problems I have, but if someone does, please feel hugged <3.
I am extremely proud of you for going through all that. You deserve happiness and don't let anyone or anything not make you achieve that <3.
⚠️MENTIONING OF MENTAL ILLNESSES (eating disorder, sh)⚠️
please scroll if it can be triggering <3
To all the atypical anorexia sufferers: you are valid! Your weight doesn't define the seriousness of your eating disorder, because it's a mental illness in which our body is just a secondary element.
Having an average BMI is due to several factors and it does not define the importance or not of your mental illness.
I've experienced myself being really underweight and then gaining some weight, then I can understand how difficult it is to accept that, but just because you aren't at the level in which you have to be hospitalized with urgency, it doesn't mean your ed isn't valid.
Everyone deserves recovery to become the best version of themself, please never forget that <3.
It can get better, I promise, it just takes a lot of time. Unfortunately I've experienced myself that the more you get deep into it, the more it's difficult to recover. I can't say every day will be perfect, because it won't and that's a fact, but trying and trying again is better than living in a lifeless body, isn't it?
I've doubted this a lot recently, but you what? Recovery is never linear and it's normal to have extremely bad days <3.
To all the orthorexia sufferers (I've been dealing with it too, but couldn't find the user box): You deserve recovery too <3. Just because others see you eating super clean doesn't mean they have the right to tell you that it isn't an obsession and you're just worrying over irrelevant things.
To all the people who self-harm: the frequency of you self-harming does not define the gravity of your issue.
If you self-harm once in a month it's still a big problem as if you self-harm every single day and no one can say the contrary. Your feelings and issues are valid. Sh mustn't be ignored.
To all the tricotillomania sufferers: you aren't crazy, you aren't disgusting or something and people mustn't judge you for what you're doing!
I've been suffering from it since I was nine and realized it was a problem just four years later, this because no one talks about this problem when the sufferers, instead, are a lot.
You need people to support and stay with you, not people who like to give you free critics.
Also, trichotillomania doesn't mean you are almost bald. For example, I had it for 10 years and still have all my hair, but this doesn't mean that I can't ask for help.
The first you try solving these things, the easier it will be <3.
Thank you so much for reading all this and have a wonderful day/night everyone! <3
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