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#self hate cw
closet-keys · 3 years ago
You know all those posts about ways to make it easier to tell your mean inner voice to shut up? Like “imagine they’re an annoying kid on x-box” or “imagine they’re trump” or “give them an annoying name” etc.
If those things work for you don’t read on. If they don’t, though, and telling them to shut up doesn’t make your self criticism go away, it just makes it challenge you and spiral further into upsetting thoughts—
I really recommend looking into Internal Family Systems therapy.
Instead of being about shutting up your inner critical voice, you listen to it and figure out what part of you is saying that and why, and then you address the root causes of those fears and insecurities
For example, say you have the thought “ugh I look disgusting today” and telling that voice to shut up might make it just fire back with “I’m repulsive, I’m worthless, I should die” and get progressively more extreme and negative
An IFS model might identify that voice as a Part that sees your physical body as an objectified signifier of your worth. You can then address the Part and ask “who taught you that?” or “what are you afraid will happen if you like your body? Did someone hurt you for your body? Do you think if you hurt yourself first they won’t have reason to hurt you? Maybe you trying to hurt yourself is actually you wanting to protect yourself from a greater harm from someone else. Maybe you just want to be safe. That’s okay, you deserve to feel safe. And I have other ways to feel safe now besides self harm, I’ve learned new things to do. Let’s do those.”
Then you’ve made that part feel addressed so it settles down and let’s you take care of it instead of getting louder and more defensive and agitated. So the voice in your head will stop being cruel and find healthier ways to address its fears.
And of course, this is really a strategy for you to confront the fears beneath your self hatred and accept and work through them instead of trying to suppress them with more anger and self hatred at having those fears in the first place.
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softestvirgil · 2 years ago
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You know there's a real person behind this account right? What if I did what you just told me to do? What if that was the final thing that broke me? How would you feel? I am going through a lot, and I have been through a lot. How dare you talk to me that way. Tumblr is my safe place. It is the only place I can be myself. I am sorry you don't like that others are dealing with things that you may need to censor, but how about you deal with it instead of treating actual human beings like garbage?
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plural-culture-is · 7 days ago
plural culture is feeling like a monster bc youre bipolar and plural and pretty much any potrayal of those you can find is being completely demonized ontop of people making insensitive jokes about them so ur just like well shit
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sorashq · 8 hours ago
i love the rpc positivity blogs so much & love watching my friends get all this love they deserve but dang ever just looked at those and “wow i never get these kind of messages” or whatever cause you’re the background friend or the second rate friend 
cause yeah
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fictionkinfessions · 13 hours ago
nobody: me in this shift nonstop for some reason: i hated myself for the fact that i couldn't be perfect and still hold it against myself but IN MY DEFENSE, - Makoto Naegi (#🍀🥀💚)
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thedrarrylibrarian · 6 months ago
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Part of being The Drarry Librarian is making educational posts to help our fandom grow and thrive. Today I want to address a problem that isn’t specific to our fandom, but sadly to all fandoms: sending hatred and harassment, anonymously or not. I’m not naive enough to believe I can solve this problem with a post, but I certainly hope that it makes people think twice and provides some resources to anyone who has been harassed or received hate. 
Sending negative and hateful messages never accomplishes what the sender hopes. It’s just bullying, plain and simple. And just like real life bullying, online bullying negatively impacts both mental and physical health. It causes anxiety and depression, which can manifest into physical symptoms such as headaches, stomachaches, high blood pressure and puts even young people at a higher risk for heart attacks and strokes. Especially in adolescents, cyberbullying directly contributes to self-harm and suicide ideation/attempts and even in some cases, suicide completion. 
I wish that making someone who sends hate aware of the hurt that they caused would solve the problem, but I also know that when the goal is to silence the recipient, people who send hate often don’t care about hurting others. I want these people to remember that nothing fandom related is worth this and that they are in charge of curating their own fandom experiences.
YOU have the power to unfollow, filter certain tags, or even block someone. It’s never acceptable to harass someone or send them hate over a difference of opinion though.
If you receive hate, please know that you’re not alone - this person has probably harassed other people too. It’s not your fault and you don’t deserve it. Reach out to a friend for support, because even if it isn’t bothering you in the moment, it might come back to bother you later. Document the harassment through a screenshot for reporting purposes, then block and report the sender. Delete the messages from the comments or your inbox so you don’t have to see them anymore. It’s tempting to respond, but most of the time it simply gives the person what they desire: attention and the knowledge that they upset you. If you continue to be harassed, you can change your tumblr and AO3 account settings so that only registered users can comment or interact.
Remember, you are so much more than what the hate says you are. Sending hate says far more about the person who sent it than it says about you. No one deserves hate, and everyone has worth.
We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on…that’s who we really are. • Sirius Black
The @wolfstarlibrarian’s Guides to Betaing and Commenting
International Suicide Hotlines
A special thank you to those who let me interview them in the process of making this post. I appreciated your time, insights, and perspectives and was honored that you trusted me with your stories.
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fictionkinfessions · 7 hours ago
And on one hand, I constantly was/am beating myself up about, like, why couldn't I do better? Especially just over my personal failure in that life with my trauma, depression and sense that *I* was hopeless which felt like giving up a battle for hope. I was the ULTIMATE hope, that was the one thing I was good for and I couldn't even do it right. (which was a vicious cycle of self-loathing.) I hated myself more and more for every bit of hopelessness I felt. And I still feel guilty for it. (1/2)
On the other hand, I dunno. I was put through intense trauma, and ultimate hope was just a title- it wasn't some superpower and it didn't make me mentally invulnerable. It took a toll on me, and that makes sense, and I want to let myself believe that. I want to let myself believe I was strong for pushing on anyway to make things better, and I want to see the way I felt I had to be an impossibly perfect kind of hopeful as wrong more than my "inability" to. (2/2) -Makoto Naegi (#🍀🥀💚)
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i love how when i see someone hating on a comfort character of mine i always want to immediately defend them, but if i see someone hating on any of my kins i’m just like, yeahhhh i hate myself too buddy
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outofthiszawarudo · 10 months ago
A,g,x,n for Abbacchio please 🦋🦋
hii there lovely! thank you for the request, i've been trying so hard to write more for abba, though i'm sure this is terrible— mucho sorry 🙏🙏😓✨✨
hmm, dedicated to @ship-ambrosia and @memory-mortis !! 💜
cw // implied unhealthy relationships, alcoholism, implied self-hate, and more sensitive topics are handled.
leone abbacchio — letters a, g, n, x
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a is for.. affectionate! — how do they show their partner some love?
i don't think that leone is a very.. verbal lover. he struggled to even confess his love for you, and thought for sure you'd hate him for it.
he tries his best to spit out the words in some way, but you would most likely hear it through a grumpy grumble.
but when you say it to him for the first time, he replays the moment with his [ moody blues ] for assurance that it's really true.. you're also in love with him.
he secretly likes it when you lay your head on his shoulder, he can't help but lean into the embrace.
he's going to probably be the big spoon, but you'll eventually convince him to let you hold him in your arms, don't worry. it's just in his instinct to protect his lover.
g is for.. good morning! — what's their morning routine with their partner?
i headcanon that abbacchio is an insomniac. he doesn't sleep much at night, so he's likely going to be up before you. he'll walk into the bathroom and freshen up a bit for the day ahead, though he doesn't give himself a big makeover like a beauty influencer or anything like that.
he will brew some black coffee, and drink his straight. but for you, he'll add some creamer, because he knows you don't like the bitter taste.
he'll eventually wake you up if he gets sick of waiting, shaking your shoulders a bit. he'll start laughing, a rare occurrence, if you freak out.
n is for.. nicknames! — everyone has a way of referring to their partner, what's theirs?
abbacchio calls you by your first name 90% of the time. and that's always going to be what he does around the other members, because you kinda have your relationship on the down low.
when the doors are closed, however, there's a distinct change in him. he'll lean in close to your ear and whisper sweet names in his native tongue, like “ amore mio ” [ my love ] “ caro/cara ” [ dear ] or a rarity, “ agnellino/a ” [ little lamb ]
x is for.. e(x)es — how do they deal with past partners?
we all knew this one.. but leone drinks a lot of alcohol. it's his coping mechanism for just about anything that goes wrong in his life. he's done it for years on end, and you've tried all the time you've known him to help him.
he doesn't like to think of his past partners, and all the things he did with them that he wished he hadn't. when he does, he isolates himself from the world to contemplate all those decisions.
it hurts him the most to think of his partner in the police force. deep down, he would never forgive himself for his stupidity. it leaves an emptiness in his chest every time the thought appears in his mind. the memory of it.
but in the aftermath, he realizes he's been gifted something.. a guardian angel. someone to look after him until he takes his final breath, and try their best to bring a smile to his face. that someone is his everything. that someone.. is you.
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transjewdean · 6 months ago
I'm cas coded in that I love dean but I'm dean coded in that I hate myself 😔😔
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fictionkinfessions · 13 hours ago
Shiiiiit. shit shit shit shit *shit.* memories just hit hard. i remember grabbing [redacted] by the shirt, shaking them, screaming that I deserved to die while they looked at me in horror. I was sobbing like a baby, I kept screaming at them that I was a failure, it was all my fault, I should have died, I wanted to die now, I wanted to kill myself so badly. I just couldn't stop crying. Like a dam burst in me, it just kept on flooding out, years of suicidal ideation and trauma spilling out of me.
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fictionkinfessions · 21 days ago
sans undertale, kokichi ouma, shadow the hedgehog, sasuke uchiha, all in one person. i hate this, i feel like im going to get egged
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fictionkinfessions · 8 days ago
casey hartley here. casey is such a big kin for me because i relate to him so badly. i cant afford college even with my bio family's help and im stuck in wage work. ill probably be in trade work for the rest of my life and im not the most straight-edge of people if you catch my drift. i have a criminal record. none of that inherently makes me lazy or a bad person or anything, but... if everything was how it was before? id be at the bottom of that fucking pit again. deemed worthless. no contribution to society. not to be missed. a burden on the people around me. better off sacrificed to some fuck-all existential eldritch horror that exists just past the corner of your vision. i want to be *more*. i dont want this life. i want to be worth something more than a sacrifice and my criminality. just for one lifetime.
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I was... such an ugly looking fellow. Fandom may find aesthetic in a stylized cartoony medium, but up close and face to face I was not very pleasant to look at, I can assure you.
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fictionkinfessions · 2 days ago
I hate kinning a character early in a Thing only for them to turn out to be everything I hate. @ my published canon self: SQUARE UP MOTHERFUCKER MEET ME BEHIND THE DENNY'S FOR AN ASS-KICKING!
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platanosandprejudice · a year ago
Just out here unmedicated unable to work and with a V E R Y mean shitty internal monologue
you can’t write anything you stupid piece of shit what you thought you could do something? Fucking no you can’t do anything stop trying just stop fucking speaking or making anything everything you do is horrible and nobody likes you and you should just fucking die
you’re fucking disgusting and terrible and you should burn all your work you already know you can’t sing stop trying to do something else you’re only worth being beaten and hit actually you should have stayed with your ex because at least in him being mean to you you were doing a service to the world
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does anyone know what I’m supposed to do if a person might have done something they shouldn’t but I can’t tell my organizer because it’s all my fault
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fictionkinfessions · 2 days ago
I have come to hate that I’m a Kokichi kim. I had just never seen a character that fit me so perfectly before him, down to the fact we were born on the same day. I have adhd and bipolar and when I was younger I would do the things he did out of boredom due to poor impulse control. I hated that about myself and have changed.. and now it’s just become a joke
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