I Give Up
Summary: Wanda can’t take the way the team treats her anymore. She gives the team amazing presents for Christmas, but isn’t there to see their reactions. Wanda doesn’t know how much more she can take.
Warnings ⚠️: Self Harm, Depression, Suicidal Ideation, Talk of abuse, Talk of trauma, Suicide.
A/N: please take care of yourselves. If you know reading this isn’t good for you, please don’t. I care a lot about you.
Ps. This gets sadder and sadder as it continues. It even made me cry when I was writing it. 😕
1 year. That’s how long I’ve been here. This compound is nice, I’ll give stark that. It doesn’t feel like home though. Not in the slightest.
I didn’t expect them to absolutely love me, of course not. I mean, I don’t even like me. However, I didn’t expect this kind of treatment from my “team.” Especially right after I lost my brother.
I hate him for what he did. I hate him for leaving me alone. I’ve never felt so completely and utterly alone. I haven’t talked at all in 3 months and no one seemed to care or even notice.
Maybe I will try again today. I’ll try to talk to them, create some kind of relationship even if it was a small one.
I got ready for the day. I curled my dark hair, leaving them loose and subtle. I decided to only wear mascara, not wanting to stand out too much with eyeliner. I put on a white long sleeve shirt and black ripped jeans. Finally, I slipped on some black converse.
It sounds stupid to get all ready for them considering they wanted nothing to do with me, but I couldn’t help but feel the need to impress them.
I never had friends growing up. Pietro was the only person she ever considered to be one. Maybe it was time to try and make some.
Wanda finally made her way out of her room, anxiety creeping up into her chest already. She makes her way down the stairs. She’s met with the sound of laughter.
Once she’s fully into the kitchen, she sees the whole team having brunch, talking in different groups, laughing at jokes being made.
However, once a few of them notice her, their faces change. Their smiles fade and their laughter cuts off.
“Hey Wanda. What are you doing here?” Tony speaks up, knowing no one else would have.
Wanda looks down and plays with her sleeves, a nervous habit.
“Um, I was just coming down for some breakfast.” Wanda responds in a small voice.
“You already ate today. You can’t just steal everyone’s food. Plus, you don’t even look like you need to eat.” Natasha laughs as she looks to Clint.
Truth is, Wanda hasn’t eaten in 4 days. She’s been too sad to come out of her room.
“Oh uh yeah. Of course. Im going to go to an art museum. They just opened up a new avengers exhibit and I thought maybe you guys would want to-” Wanda’s cut off.
“Yeah yeah. Sorry kid but no one cares.” Cap waves her off.
“Oh okay. I guess I’ll be back later. Bye!” Wanda waves as she walks off. No one said bye back. Instead, they all went back to enjoying their meals and their conversations.
As Wanda steps out the door, she lets out a shaky breath.
Im such an idiot. Why did I even try? Im so pathetic, no wonder why no one wants to be around me.
I walk for hours until finally, I’m sat in front of Pietro’s grave.
“Hey Piet. Why? Why did you let yourself die? Why did you leave me alone? I really need you right now. I just- I can’t do this.” I started to cry , resting my forehead against the stone. “I’m- I’m gonna see you soon. Really soon. I promise. I love you.”
I don’t know how long I stayed there. I don’t even remember falling asleep. I woke up the next morning. By back aches from leaning against stone all night.
Oh no. I told the team I would be back last night. Fuck.
After an hour of walking as fast as I can, I finally made it back to the tower.
When I made my way inside, I saw everyone on the couch huddled in the living room watching a movie.
“Hi guys. Sorry I didn’t come back last night. I went to Pietro’s grave and accidentally fell aslee-” I rambles.
“Can’t you shut up for once in your life?! Jesus Christ. No one even noticed you were gone. You just interrupted the movie at the best part!” This time, it’s Thor yelling at me. I already feel my eyes watering up.
“Oh, sorry.” My voice cracked. I try my hardest to push back my tears.
“Great, now she’s crying again. Stop being such a little bitch. Y’know, for a monster you have too much feelings.” At those words I freeze. Monster. Monster.
I don’t say anything. I can’t bring myself to speak. I quickly head upstairs. The pain in my chest is painful at this point. I hurry to my room and once I’m inside, I can’t hold it in anymore. I can’t do anything. I can’t even breath right.
I’m dizzy, I can’t think.
Wanda has passed out on her floor from not eating and her panic attack. Her color is drained from her face. She doesn’t look good.
When she wakes up at 4 am the next morning, she takes a razor from her sharpener.
Wanda goes into her bathroom, sits on the floor and makes a small cut. She doesn’t know what she’s doing, having never done this before.
Small cuts turn into big ones. Big ones turn into deep ones. Soon, there is no space left on her arms. She would be lying if she said it didn’t hurt the bitch. But that’s the point. She deserved it.
They were right. She is a monster. She’s done horrible things in her past.
After letting the blood trickle down her arms, to her thighs, than to the floor as she spaces out, she finally gets enough energy to get up.
She hurries and cleans herself and the floor up. She takes a bath.
Wanda doesn’t leave her room for two weeks.
Christmas is coming up. I’ve put in so much thought, time and effort into the presents I got everyone. I hope they like them.
Wanda has been quietly observing the team for a while. She makes sure to stay as quiet as possible and make herself invisible while she doodles in a sketch pad in the couch while her teammates have conversations around her.
She’s gotten to know them by this method. By doing this, she was able to get a good idea of what to get the others for Christmas.
It’s the day before Christmas and everyone is asleep. Or so, Wanda thought. After being awoken from a nightmare, she goes down into the kitchen for some water.
She sees Natasha sitting on one of the chairs drinking a bottle of vodka.
Wanda pours herself some water, feeling Natasha’s eyes fixed on her.
“You know, you made my life worst since the moment you stepped into it.” Natasha’s words are slurred.
“What?” Wanda’s stomach drops to the pit of her stomach.
“You heard me. Every night I dream about my graduation ceremony in the red room and it’s all your fault. I wish you would do everyone a favor and kill yourself already.” Natasha rolls her eyes.
Wanda’s eyes start to water. she slowly makes her way over by Natasha. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I made a mistake, many actually. If I could take it back I-” Natasha smacks Wanda. Hard. Wanda feels tears leave her eyes immediately. The slap was so hard, it made Wanda dizzy.
Wanda cups her cheek, running upstairs into her room.
I can’t do this anymore.
I’m a monster.
She left everyone her gift outside of their doors.
Wanda digs into the medicine cabinets, taking as many bottles that can can fit in her arms into her room. Wanda takes 9 bottles of random kinds of pills until her vision starts to fade and she feels like throwing up. Her stomach is hurting so bad.
Instead of crying of pain, she smiles as she lays down on her soft carpet, her hearing finally stops, and lastly her heart. As she takes her final shallow breath, she whispers as best as she can, “I’m sorry Pietro.”
The next morning, Christmas, everyone awakens and goes to head downstairs. They all look down and see a present waiting outside their doors. They read the name, roll their eyes and either throw it in their room or leave it on the floor.
The avengers have a great Christmas. Huddled together, matching pjs and hot chocolate as they unwrap their gifts.
“Where’s the witch?” Cap asks.
“Probably still asleep.” Clint shrugs, giving Natasha the gift he got for her.
“Good, let it stay that way.” Natasha laughs.
Thor is the first to open his present from Wanda. He sits down on his bed after unwrapping his other presents downstairs and finally unwraps the beautifully wrapt gift. The wrapping paper was a dark blue with little lightning bolts.
When Thor opens it, he sees a note,
We’ve never talked, but I’ve heard you speak to the others about your life. I’m sorry about your mother. No one deserves to lose a parent.
It took a lot of digging, but after a couple of months, I was able to contact you friend. The one from Asgard you always talk about. I think his name is Haimdall? Anyways, after I had a vision one night, I saw a lock in one of the walls in your mothers bedroom. She gave me the code.
Inside, she left a ring and a necklace for you. She told me you’d know what it meant. It took a while to get the items here on earth, but I pulled many strings to have it here by Christmas.
I’m sorry about what I did that day. The day I went in your mind. I’m sorry I caused you pain. I hope you can forgive me someday.
Wanda Maximoff <3
Thor couldn’t believe his eyes as he looked at the ring and necklace. When he was younger, his mother would tell him stories about the first ever god of thunder. He wore the ring of power and necklace if possibilities.
His mother always told him that he would earn them when time was right, and that they would be delivered to him by the strongest of all. A gentle soul that wields power. Wanda.
He had these things after wanting them forever. And it was all because of the little witch.
Tony was next, he opened the neatly wrapped box. Red paper and a yellow bow.
He too, found a note.
Dear Tony Stark,
I know we haven’t really gotten to know each other, but I have spent a lot of time listening to the stories you tell. I hope this is something you would like. Sorry if it’s not.
Your dad, Howard, he saved a folder in his industry. S.H.I.E.L.D has kept it hidden. They probably forgot it was even there. However, he wrote you a note. I left it in this this box for you.
I didn’t read it of course, but thought you would like to yourself.
Also, I heard that you have been working on a new project. I’ve seen your sketches and equations. I figured out what the missing piece was. In the box, I have an infinity stone. (You do not want to know what I had to go through to get it)
This is the power source that will activate your invention. You are a very smart man with big ideas. I’m not sure if you hear this enough, but I’m proud of you. Thank you for letting me stay here.
Also, I’m very sorry for going into your head. I’m sorry for what I made you see. I know it’s no excuse. I hope one day you can forgive me.
Wanda Maximoff <3
Tony looked at the glowing stone. Later that day, he put the stone in his project and it worked. He couldn’t believe it. His invention was merely a concept because of how impossible it was. However, it worked. And it was all because of the little witch.
Steve sat in his couch in his room and looked where he had thrown the box. He picked it up the blue box, a red bow on the top.
As he opened it, a note rested on the top.
Dear Steve Rogers,
I don’t know you too well. However, I loved to listen to your stories about the war. I’m sorry you lost the love of your life and your best friend.
I have news for you though. Your best friend, I think he talked to me one night in my dreams. He said his name was James. He told me to tell you that he’s still alive. HYDRA held him captive for a very long time, made him into a super soldier like you. He recently escaped.
He told me that he wanted to talk to you as soon as he got out, but he doesn’t know how. So, inside of the box, I have his address. I hope you choose to catch up. He really cares for you.
Another thing I got you. After researching Margaret Elizabeth Carter, I found that she left a memory box in her old apartment. It took me a long time to find it considering she kept it in her wall.
I was able to grasp what I could before I got caught. She had pictures of you and her. She also kept a pocket watch with a picture of you.
She wrote to you, everyday for 2 years after she thought you died. I put them in this box. I’m sorry you didn’t get to live the life you deserved. You are a great man.
I’m sorry for going into your mind that day and making you believe you had a life you didn’t. I hope one day you can forgive me.
Wanda Maximoff <3
Steve looked through the box and couldn’t believe what he saw. Peggy’s handwriting, words and words made just for him. A pocket watch with a picture of him and pictures of them both.
And an address that would bring him to his best friend. He felt like he could finally breath again. It was all because of the little witch.
Clint Barton sat on the couch, a purple gift in front of him decorated with a yellow bow.
He opened it, met with a note.
Dear Clint Barton,
I know we don’t talk, but I heard of your past. I’m sorry about your parents. You lost yours younger than I did. You also were in an orphanage with your Brother Barney.
You did what you could to keep you both alive. I’m sorry that you two don’t talk anymore.
I contacted the Carson Carnival, they gave me your first bow and arrows you ever used. Your brother left messages in each and every one when you left. I thought you would like to have them.
I’m sorry for hurting Natasha that day. I know that’s why you hate me. I wish I could go back and reverse what I did. I hope one day you can forgive me.
Wanda Maximoff <3
Clint looked through the box, took hold of the familiar bow. The scratches and dents he connected memories to. Finally, he read the markings on the arrows.
“To whatever end brother.”
“Day 48 without you.”
Clint hugged these items close to him, letting tears leave his eyes. He finally got closure after all those years. And it was all because of the little witch.
Bruce sat in his lab. Staring at the green wrapping paper. He opened it moments later. A note falling into his lap.
Hi Dr. Banner,
Sorry I didn’t get to know you much. You seem like a great guy. Thank you for that one time you stitched up my cuts even when you didn’t want to. Thank you for not telling the others.
Sometimes your thoughts get loud and I hear them. I’m sorry about your father. He had no right to hurt you and your mother. I’m sorry that your anger is now used against you. You deserve to be loved.
I’m sorry that you feel as sad as I do. If I could take yours away and add it to mine I would. When you told the team about your suicide attempts, they shrugged it off. I wanted to step in and give you a hug. I’m sorry you ever felt that way.
Anyways, I’m this box I have your mothers favorite pajama shirt. I saw her in my dream before. She was beautiful. She told me that I would find it in Ohio left stashed in her old closet.
When I was in there, I saw her amulet she said she always wore. I know you probably wouldn’t want to wear and amulet, so I had it made into a watch. On the inside it has your mothers initials.
I’m sorry for making you turn into the hulk that day. I had no right to do that. I caused a lot of hurt that day. I hope one day you can forgive me.
Wanda Maximoff <3
Bruce saw the watch, it carried the same carvings as his mothers signature necklace. He held the shirt close to him. After all these years, the faint smell of her perfume still lingered in the cloth. He got to feel close to his mother once again. And it was all because of the little witch.
Natasha stared at the red box on her bed for a while. She didn’t want whatever the brunette girl had to give her. Finally, the anticipation got the best of her and she opened it. The note caught her attention first.
Dear Natasha Romanoff,
I didn’t get the chance to know the real you. I got to see glimpses of it though. You have a big heart and a beautiful smile. You care a lot for those you love.
I know you hate me. You have every reason to. 2 months ago, you had a dream. A beautiful one that you subconsciously shared with me from the room next door.
I saw you with your family in Ohio. After some digging, I found out that Alexi and Melina live in St.Petersburg. I have the address in the box. I went there to talk to them.
They told me that your sister was on a mission to destroy the red room. I found her in Budapest, where I offered to help her. The week I was away from the compound, I was with her.
We took down the red room together. She said she wants to see her sister again. Again, I have her number written down as well as her address. She told me to give you this vest. It’s green, her favorite color. She said to treasure it because it’s her favorite one. She doesn’t stop talking about the amount of pockets it has.
I went through Dreykovs files, and I found out what your birth mothers real name was. Her name was Yekaterina Petrov. She was 19 when she gave birth to you. At a year and a half, you were taken from your crib at night. Your mother spent 7 years looking for you. That is, until one day she found you. Dreykov ordered for her to be killed.
I know how hard it is to lose a mother. I’m so sorry you have to endure that pain. If you wish to visit her, her grave is in Stalingrad in Soviet Union. I have the address in the box as well. On her tombstone it carry’s no name, but it is under a beautiful tree. You’ll find it.
I’m sorry you never got the life you deserved. You deserved to be a kid. You deserved to have a life with your mother. She loved you very much. You look just like her. I put a photo in a frame for you. She’s where you get your red hair from.
I’m incredibly sorry for what I did to you that day. I had no right to make you relive that day. I don’t deserve to be forgiven for that. I hope you like your present.
Wanda Maximoff <3
Natasha cried for the first time in 10 years. She called Yelena that night and talked to her for hours. They both planned to see Melina and Alexi later that week. Natasha would see her Ohio family once again. And it was all because of the little witch.
No one questioned when Wanda hadn’t left her room in 4 days. The girl usually tended to do this. They all wanted to say thank you for their gifts. But most of all, they wanted to say sorry to the young girl for how they treated her.
Later that night, the avengers sat down at the dinner table. It was a normal dinner.
“Wanda’s been in her room for days. Should one of us go talk to her?” Steve asked the group.
“Yeah I actually want to talk to her about the gift she got me.” Bruce said
“Me too.” Everyone else said.
“Okay, we’ll than we can all go up to see her after we finish eating.” Natasha decides.
The team finishes dinner and makes their way up the stairs to Wanda’s door.
Tony knocks, “Wanda, the whole team is out here. We were wondering if we could talk to you.” No answer.
“Wanda?” Thor asked. Still silence.
Natasha opened the door and immediately felt her heart drop at what she saw in front of her.
The others were frozen in shock. The smell was horrible, have been trapped inside the room for days.
Wanda laid on the floor. Her body green with blood coming out of her mouth, nose and ears.
“Clear the room. Steve, call 911. She’s gone. Has been for days.” Natasha feels her throat closing up, “she has been dead for days! We didn’t even notice.” Natasha cries now.
Everyone has tears falling from their eyes as well.
Clint grabs Natasha and carry’s her out of the room.
They close the door and wait for the police to come. Wanda’s body taken out of the compound with a cover over her body.
They arranged a close casket funeral. Her tombstone right next to her brothers. Everyone had things to say, all including sorries and thank you’s for the gifts. No one had anything to say about the wonderful personality she had because, none of them ever took the time to know the girl.
For weeks, the compound is silent. Everyone so caught up in guilt and remorse.
Finally, the team sits down and has a movie night. They all have a silent wish that Wanda would walk through that door ready to tell them about her day.
She never came though.
Wanda Maximoff was gone. She finally felt free. She had her brother by her side and she had her parents again.
Sometimes, Wanda would visit her team in their dreams. Making up for lost time and letting them get to know her.
They all learned to love the girl. They found out how bubbly and funny she could be. She looked different as well. Her eyes were lighter, a bright shade of green. Her hair was darker, healthy as it fell past her shoulders. Her skin carried a warmer color than it had before. Her scars her gone.
They loved Wanda Maximoff, but
They loved her too late.