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angelvibezluv · 3 years

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Thoughts on planets in the 12th house

Sun in 12th Looking at the world from a distance. You enjoy solitude. Away from society and within your imagination. You can see the bigger picture. You act upon your dreams to turn them into a reality. But at times you procrastinate as you tend to dream the whole day away. As you catch yourself drifting off too far, you find that you have to ground yourself back into this reality. Back into society. You may feel as if others have forgotten who you are or as if they don’t even know who you are. You feel alienated. Maybe you can’t, but everyone can see that you come up with the best creative ideas. You are a true artist. You are compromising and you accept those you feel for. Those who are alone and have no place to go. But you can have a hard time seeing things for what they are. Or you just don’t want to accept things for what they are. You may try to convince and lie to yourself often. Try not to hide yourself too much. You deserve to be seen.

・゜. ✭・. .・✫・. ゜. ・。.

Moon in 12th Your dreams are everything to you. Similar to Sun in 12th you like to disappear and spend time alone. You may like to sleep the day away because you rather be in that world. A world that isn’t like this one. A world where everything you desire comes true when you close your eyes. Though your internal realm manifests in the physical way faster than the rest. You are a daydreamer. You may feel as if you’re already living within your fantasy. A place where you feel most comfortable. You may have many dreams of your past experiences. They seem familiar. Like you’ve already lived through them before. You feel extremely connected to them. Unrealistic but intuitive. You may feel as if you have a hidden psychic ability. You are sensitive to energies so you must be careful with those you surround yourself with. Remember to protect your own energy.

・゜. ✭・. .・✫・. ゜. ・。.

Mercury in 12th You like to communicate your thoughts through art. Writing and drawing. You speak slow. Almost as if you’re pondering on your thoughts as you speak. Trying to think of the wisest thing to say. You take your time. You give great advice because you think of what’s best for everyone. Keeping in mind that others have their own thoughts and feelings as well. Though at times you may have clouded judgement. Finding it hard to think clearly. The emotions and feelings of others influence your own thoughts. You can confuse yourself easily. Losing your train of thought. Thinking of one thing and forgetting it soon after. “I feel like...” is something you say a lot. Going on and and until you decide not to share your thoughts longer. Keeping them a secret.

・゜. ✭・. .・✫・. ゜. ・。.

Venus in 12th You are the romanticizer. You have many romantic fantasies. Dreaming of the perfect significant other. You long for this love to come true. Dissvoling the boundaries of this physical realm. You feel deeply connected to those you value in your life. Staring them deep into their eyes as you create an unspoken connection. A spiritual connection. You are naturally gifted with creative skills. Feeling pleasure when creating art and diving into your imagination. You attract a lot of secret admirers. You seem to be out of reach so they watch you from the shadows. Becareful with showing compassion to everyone you meet. Your way of self care is isolating yourself from there rest of the world to self reflect. Though it can get lonely, especially when it comes to relationships. But once you do find yourself a love interest you keep them a secret. You don’t feel the need to show them off to the world.

・゜. ✭・. .・✫・. ゜. ・。.

Mars in 12th You attack your dreams with force and passion. You are full of vitality but you can be unaware this. You are restless as your passion knows no bounds. You want to do as much as possible. But you tend to drain yourself out easily. Finding yourself needing excessive amounts of rest. You have a this sex appeal that you may be unaware of. Fierce, confident and dominating. But you can be impatient, and forceful. You may try to avoid conflict but you are braver and stronger than you think. So protective, finding yourself defending others without a thought. But you mustn’t let these energies to control you. Your impulsive decisions can get you into a lot of trouble. A lot of sexual fantasies and scenarios happen in that head of yours. You may have a lot of hidden enemies lurking in the shadows. Those looking for an argument. It’s seems like they want to challenge you and poke at your weak spots.

・゜. ✭・. .・✫・. ゜. ・。.

Jupiter in 12th You are highly spiritual or extremely religious. Interested in connecting with with whatever you believe in. You are attracted towards esoteric and taboo things. Tarot cards, astrology, and maybe even witchcraft. You want to learn and experience it all. Your private space may be filled with incense, candles and crystals. You are so wise and some may even call you physic. Collecting information from your dreams and adding your own meanings and reasonings. Your empathy is out of this world and you have so much to give. You may enjoy charity work and giving back to others. Though you rather remain anonymous for these selfless acts for kindness. At times you can get lost in your own world. As you tend to overdue it. You love to travel to wherever your mind takes you.

・゜. ✭・. .・✫・. ゜. ・。.

Saturn in 12th You may have felt like you missed out on the unicorns and rainbows in the earlier years of your life. As if your innocence was taken away. Growing up you felt as if you were more mature than the rest. As if you were extremely aware for your own age. You may have been restricted from anything that had to do with spirituality. Not being allowed participate in occult like things. You take your dreams seriously and you work hard to achieve them. Though there can be delays and road blocks. Although things may not always go your way you are highly creative. Never doubt yourself. Eventually all your hard work will pay off and your dreams will come true. You are so imaginative, and always working on your creative skills. You will be able to benefit greatly from your skills one day. You might even profit off them.. ✨

・゜. ✭・. .・✫・. ゜. ・。.

Uranus in 12th You have the wildest and craziest dreams. They’re always a good story to tell. They can be confusing and chaotic. Your ideas tend to be misunderstood by others. Ideas that only makes sense to you. At times you may feel as if you have this psychic ability to see the future. Having many prophetic dreams. You are insightful and your intuition is heightened. Your imagination is out of the ordinary. Out of this world. Very different from the rest. You may have been called weird, but soon enough you became an inspiration. Others followed in your foot steps. Admiring your creativity, wishing they could be as skilled as you. You are extremely influential. You’re always one step ahead. Living an unconventional life as a traveller, artist or writer. Living in your own realm of reality, as if you’re not even here.

・゜. ✭・. .・✫・. ゜. ・。.

Neptune in 12th You seem to be living in this.. eternal dream state. You are incredibly intuitive and sensitive to the energies around you. You can always feel when something is off. Your dreams may be foggy and you can forget them quickly so writing them down in a dream journal can be extremely beneficial. You may not find interest in daily routines. Your mind wonders off quite often. Way too often. Constantly zoning out and finding it difficult to stay focused. Grounding yourself will be extremely important. As well as finding creative outlets to channel your imagination and to keep yourself busy.

・゜. ✭・. .・✫・. ゜. ・。.

Pluto in 12th You feel you must dig into your own darkness so that you can come out strong enough to help others. You give others this sense of power that intimidates them. You can sense their energies. Especially negative ones. You go through many transformations on your own. Once you come out of hiding everyone will notice your dramatic changes. Though you can be prone to addictions as you may find it hard to deal this darkness. You may be afraid of it. The power and intensity within you. So you conceal them. You may have many dark thoughts and scary dreams. You’re always staring into the abyss.

・゜. ✭・. .・✫・. ゜. ・。.

𐐪𐑂 love, angel 𐐪𐑂

#12th house #sun in 12th #moon in 12th #mercury in 12th #Venus in 12th #Mars in 12th #Jupiter in 12th #Saturn in 12th #Uranus in 12th #Neptune in 12th #Pluto in 12th #astrology #astro #mine #no part 2 this time 😂

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softer-ua · 3 years

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i can't be the only one who wants izuku to get fucking pissed at his situation, at all might, start questioning what the fuck is going on with OFA.

because if you're going to trust a fifteen year old with something like OFA and bind them to the life of a symbol, you do not get to withhold information. deku was not told he'd be dealing with an enemy like AFO when he got the quirk, nor was he told that basically its whole point was not fighting some vague concept of evil, but fighting a very tangible very dangerous villain. he wasn't told that up until all might, inheriting this power was guaranteed suicide, and even after all might you only have a vague chance of survival. to be offered such a life altering "gift", Izuku should have been warned of everything. from the start. and if not then then from the very moment izuku started seeing vestiges, or at least when AFO resurfaced. WHY IN GOD'S NAME WOULD YOU HIDE ANY, ANY BIT OF INFORMATION ON A QUIRK THAT IMPORTANT?????

no because, if you look at it cynically, All Might took this kid who had nothing and who looked up to him as effective god. He took this kid who he knew had no sense of no self-care or self-preservation. This extremely reckless kid who he saw putting his life at risk three times (sludge v1, hanging on to AM as he jumped, sludge v Katsuki) within 24 hours. He picked this kid who he knew would give everything (because Izuku had "nothing", and therefore nothing to lose) and "gifted" him with a ticking time bomb. Of course Izuku is willing to break himself if it means using OFA to max potential. So much of his self-worth is based on OFA. He's said time and time again he isn't sure if he deserves it, that it's a borrowed power. If you've taken this kid and given him everything practically overnight, of course he'll go to self-destructive lengths to prove himself worthy of it. Who'd want to go back to being nothing after all?

And this is a logical conclusion. Someone like Izuku, someone like All Might probably used to be in his youth and still kind of is, they're perfect to be put on this kind suicide mission. They're a perfect vessel. Sure they're heroic and brave and selfless, but most importantly they're willing to die for the cause. OFA the quirk knows this. Literally two seconds after Katsuki sacrifices himself telling Deku not to do shit alone, Deku renders said sacrifice useless by doing exactly what Katsuki warned him not to😭 And the quirk and vestiges encourage him. They don't give a shit about repercussions and Deku's chronic pain or possible arm paralysis. They just want to beat AFO. You go son you break those arms 🤠

Doesn't it all feel a little bit exploitative?

Look at it like this. A kid is born with no power. This kid wants to be great, but the world says he can't. He meets his hero, and the hero says he can't either. Then the kid acts heroic, but reckless. The hero sees an opening. This kid is good and doesn't care one bit about his well-being? Jackpot! He offers the kid a deal. Great power, an extraordinary gift at surface layer. But one with so many more hidden strings attached that hurt and break and haunt the kid, that he was never warned about or taught how to deal with. But he can always give it to someone else! Can he, really? Can he go back to being nothing? With a personality like his, well nope. And that's why you pick the overly selfless reckless ones. The ones that will feel indebted to you to a ridiculous degree.

Isn't it like dare I say... like a deal with the devil?

As we progress more and more into the lore of AFO and OFA, I can really see why Katsuki's started to view it as a cursed power. And with how wildly different from expectations (at least mine) + far more nuanced the Todofam drama has revealed itself to be compared to what it seemed upon first intro, I'm inclined to believe there's more to the OFA story than clean cut, young bro good guy vs mean big bro oppression.

TL;DR - All Might is the metaphorical devil jr who gave Izuku a passed down deal, and neither he nor broccoli boy read the fine print.

Bakugo’s ghost sent me this ask 💀

Lol but seriously, these are all excellent points and I’ve been sitting on this ask until I had time to answer it because you’re absolutely goddamn right

This shit is explotive af, and I’ve got a suspicion as to why

I don’t think Deku was a random choice, there’s a layer of fate/mystic woven into the bnha world that gets over looked.

Sir had insane fortune telling abilities that were never once wrong about anything except when it came to the 2 OFA users fates. Deku even specifically says he’ll smash any fate in his way, and I think on some level he knows he can because he has a different destiny.

The vestiges break him from Shinsos hold, meaning the can have some level of control over Dekus body. You think AM noticed every time something like that happened? AM didn’t even notice Bakugo internalizing all the blame for his retirement even after watching his mom force him to apologize for it??

“I keep forgetting that your still a child” AM, sir, this is the third time you’ve admitted out loud that you were just gonna let Bakugo suffer his own fate 💀 please stop indicting yourself and at least pretend you care about Bakugo outside his relationship to Deku jfc

Also what are the chances you get nine random holders and none of them turn out to be corrupt or at least too self serving to die for the cause??? Slimmer than the pages bnha is printed on.

There’s something pulling some strings here, and I think it’s the true power of First users quirk.

What would be the point of transferring a quirk if that’s it’s only power?

What would be the point of this quirk being essentially password locked?

What would be the point of this quirk being able to forced on to someone?

There’ wouldn’t be any.

But what if that’s not what the quirk is?

What if the quirk is actually passing something along, and that’s why it’s dna based, it’s the transfer of an integral part of them.

Something that would change a person if forced on them but would possibly eradicate someone if stolen. Something like a souls desire? That could be a dangerous thing to give to someone else especially if it’s something they didn’t want, now they suddenly have to?

Then you give this quirk a strength enhancing quirk?

Now it’s got some juice, how much stronger did it get? Can it sense others with a similar goal, can it make its host gravitate towards those people?

Is the firsts quirk purposely finding exploitable heros, like Nana AM and Deku. All people who were/are willing to give up everything for the cause. How much of the first is in there, how much sentient power does this quirk have?

We know that Nana gave up her family, her child, for the cause. AM never bothered cultivating a family and pushed away Sir and anyone else who is anti him dying, and now we’re seeing Deku do the same.

Deku who had no friends to begin with, a dad who’s out of the picture, and an already slightly strained relationship with his mom?

Is this quirk capable of learning? Does it know that having people you care about slows you down from sacrificing yourself?

Does this quirk compound with the other users goals make the drive stronger each time?

Idk but there’s a glimmer of hope that Deku isn’t doomed to be a glorified meat puppet, and it exists in the form of Kacchan.

No one else had someone so deeply rooted to them, who could fight right along side them. Bakugo is an outlier in this story, almost the exact opposite kind of hero OFA wants, his connection to Deku breaks the cycle.

Deku would never give up on Katsuki, and even if he tried Endeavor will start coughing up ice cubes before Bakugo lets him. He couldn’t leave Deku alone when he was convinced he hated him, there’s no way he’d do it now.

Dekus story will be different from the other users that’s for sure.

#get it?? cause endeavors quirk is hell fire 😀😀😀#bnha #mha #my hero academia #boku no hero #bnha bakugo katsuki #bakugou katsuki #kacchan #deku #izuku midoriya #all might #OFA #AFO #oneforall #allforone #nana shimura #softy answers #am i on to something #or have I just officially lost my mind?

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2am-theswifthour · 4 years

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The 8 Theory-Folklore’s Commentary on Youth

Yesterday, I took note of @taylorswift and her careful attention to the number 8.

“Not a lot going on at the moment” had 8 words. The 8th track is “august,” which is also the 8th month in the year. She has 8 deluxe editions of her album. Many attributed this to Folklore being Taylor’s 8th album. I thought it meant either a.) we needed to pay very close attention to track #8 or b.) that 8 references infinity, a.k.a “forever and ever.”

To my surprise, I was actually selling Taylor Swift short.

When listening to the album, there’s a lot of back and forth in emotion and circumstance. I was confused about the order, especially when the strikingly sobering “hoax” followed the self-aware almost-tranquility of “peace.” Then it hit me. There are two schools of thought going on.

There are 16 tracks on Folklore (excluding the bonus track none of us have heard). 16/2=8. This means there are 2 equal emotional song threads on the album. In other words, you can get two drastically different lessons listening to each group of 8.

When you separate the even numbered tracks from the odd numbered tracks you get the following:

Odd

the 1

the last great american dynasty

my tears ricochet

seven

this is me trying

invisible string

epiphany

peace

Even

cardigan

exile

mirrorball

august

illicit affairs

mad woman

betty

hoax

Odd Interpretation:

Starting with “the 1” and “the last great american dynasty,” the lyrics are very upfront in showing that the protagonists are making fully intentioned mistakes. “the 1” says, “in my defense, I have none for never leaving well enough alone” (I see you “ME!” reference). In “the last great American dynasty” it says, “she had a marvelous time ruining everything.” These characters’ folly is their youth-induced selfishness. They’re casual in the harm they cause because they distance themselves from it. They’re fine with what they don’t look at closely. When you’re young, you make a mess of things in service of YOUR need. Your need for companionship. Your need for the thrill of danger. Your need to make your mark, to be somebody, to leave something behind. The marvel of the excitement and the chase and the very vitality of teens to 20-somethings’ shenanigans blinds us to the scale of our destruction…

…until you have no choice but to face the consequences of your recklessness.

The next track, “my tears ricochet” is not your average track 5. It functions as a pivoting point. Now our narrator is the hurt party, the one baring the brunt of callous treatment. Fickle mistreatment is no longer so casual. Now it’s a torment, and the tormentor learns the scale of their damage. So much so, that they get burned too. They learned their lesson at a terrible price, but what’s most important is that they learned.

“seven” is a long-overlooked memory revisited. In this picture of naïve innocence, the narrator tells of their childish belief in the impossible. Through magic and play pretend and fantasy they are invincible. They have all the control in the world to control the world they live in. Obviously, this is a flawed perspective that everyone eventually grows out of. Fairy tales don’t solve real problems. The point is that their sense of self-importance is in service of a stronger moral compass than the first two songs. If we accept our responsibility to others, to do what we can to ensure their welfare, are we not better and more satisfied people for it?

“this is me trying” hears that lesson and attempts to walk the walk. Part of being responsible to your fellow human is taking accountability when you fumble. The narrator doesn’t know what to say or how to make it right. What they do know is that they’re here, they’ve put the bottle down, and that they’re willing to try what’s necessary to heal what they’ve hurt.

“invisible string” gives us the reward we’ve been waiting for. The narrator says, “cold was the steel of my axe to grind for the boys who broke my heart, now I send their babies presents.” This is someone who has gone from lashing out in anger at a partner from a burned relationship to genuinely wishing them well in their next stage in life. It’s a powerful testament when you can recognize that youth drives us all to make hurtful decisions and that no one is immune to change if they truly want to change. When you let the anger and lies go, the strings that tied you to them fade away. All that’s left is the string you want to hold onto. The string tied to the one who matters, because you’ve made the conscious decision to deduce that their worth as a person should equal yours. It’s a painful path to traverse through, but when you do it’s all worthwhile. That’s why the narrator can say with confidence “hell was the journey but it brought me to heaven.”

In any other album, a song like “invisible string” would be the quintessential emotional payoff for this story arc. However, because this album is a masterpiece, we have a different payoff point in “epiphany.” “epiphany” takes us out of the world of a romantic relationship. We hear descriptions of war and nurses dealing with the despair of this international pandemic. This point in this emotional thread is that it powerfully declares it’s not enough to do no harm nor is it enough to just empathize with your romantic partner. You MUST show your responsibility to your fellow man. Stand beside them. Empathize with them. See them as whole human beings. Do good by them. In other words, it is our duty to do right by everyone, for everyone bleeds, loves, and dies.

The 8-song selection ends with “peace.” The song begins by saying that their, “coming-of-age” has come and gone.” I believe this (along with “invisible string”) to be the most overtly “Taylor Swift” track in perspective. This is her speaking as herself. She lets us know that she’s grown through taking her mistakes, and the mistakes she learned through folklore, into account. She is overly aware of her flaws and feels she pales in comparison to her partner. Rather than allow those insecurities to manifest in unchecked rage or resentment, she takes it as a challenge for herself to do better. She knows she can never give him complete peace (due to inside and outside factors), but she can make the choice to give him unselfish promises and embrace the entirety of her partner’s life. This is a person who has learned the value of selflessness in love and life, which makes this whole thread worth everything.

Even Interpretation:

“cardigan” foreshadows the eventual failure of the even path. The odd interpretation I just described culminated in the narrator finding their place with “the one” because they’ve left everything petty and casually cruel behind. In “cardigan” it says “chase two girls, lose the one.” On top of this directly referencing the first track, it also implies the partner’s self-destruction. By toying with two girls, James is losing “the one.” I don’t think losing “the one” means that you keep one of the two of them. I think it means that engaging in that kind of behavior makes you into a person that isn’t ready, or worthy, of “the one” that they are meant to be with forever. Meeting and keeping “the one” has to require each partner to love themselves and their partner wholly, truly, and selflessly. They can’t be a cardigan you pick up and only wear on the weekends. They must be a wholehearted commitment.

“exile” shows the blowout from “cardigan.” The two couldn’t stay together, and Bon Iver’s (character’s) toxicity comes out full force. He thinks her new man is lesser than him. He’s prepared to throw punches despite being at fault over a hundred times. He’s seen the film before, and he didn’t like the ending because it didn’t work out for him. He wants her under his thumb, not having learned from his prior relationships that that just can’t work. They leave out the side doors, neither fully ready to confront the problems head on.

“mirrorball” is daring in its shift of focus. While all of the tracks I’ve mentioned thus far have dealt, in some way, with the problems that result from a young person’s selfishness, this song doesn’t do that. This song illustrates an extreme that young people participate in at the opposite end of the spectrum; radical selflessness. To be selfless means that you should never allow something that harms someone else to happen just because it benefits you. Young people, girls in particular, are often groomed to interpret selflessness differently. Their definition is synonymous with accommodation. Change your looks, change your personality, don’t object, and embody what your partner wants so that they’re happy. That’s why the symbol is the mirrorball in the song. It reflects everything in the room but itself. By explicitly not factoring in their own sense of self-respect in a relationship, they are unknowingly and tragically enabling their partner’s mistreatment. To be clear, that doesn’t mean abuse is their fault if they have low self-esteem. It’s not, even remotely. But not having the capacity to defend your self-worth is what keeps so many drawn into toxic relationships there for so long. This radical selflessness manifests itself in the other woman too. In “august” it explicitly says that she was living on the, “hope of it all” and that she would cancel plans in the name of a potential hookup with someone who was never hers. The idea of radical selflessness culminates in “illicit affairs” when one of the women deals with their addictive compulsion toward someone who treats them like a cheap lay. Their relationship is a secret that leaves her feeling used in parking lots and as though any trace of her is gone. These three songs have taken the desperate hopelessness of “Abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind” to the extreme.

Many have speculated that “mad woman” is a commentary on the Taylor/Scooter conflict and I’m inclined to agree. However, if I were to assign an interpretation that goes with my theory, I would say that “mad woman” details the unforeseen consequences of a tormentor’s abuse. When a toxic partner performs bad behavior, their expectation is that they will always be found in the right. After all, Taylor noted on her previous album that for men, “everyone believes [them].” So in the face of lies about her character that everyone believes, she gets rightfully angry. Her anger is their affirmation. For many, a woman being angry on her own behalf is “crazy” and “irrational.” What kind of a society have we set up? A society that promotes women to lack self-worth and, should they find it, they’ll meet a whole other exile.

“betty” is our complete look into James’ perspective. On its own, it sounds like a big romantic gesture to get behind. However, this path is very clear to put “cardigan” first. “cardigan” says, “I knew you’d miss me once the thrill expired and you’d be standin’ in my front porch light.” Lo and behold, in “betty” he shows up to her party when she doesn’t want to see him and asks if she would, “kiss [him] on the porch in front of all [her] stupid friends.” It’s an absolute punch in the gut. Betty knows in “cardigan” that he would come back after he had his fun with another girl, but that she would take him back when he saw momentary value in her again. James in “betty” claims he didn’t know anything, but that’s just an excuse. He knew what he was doing, he knew that he would be able to pick up her broken pieces with ease, he knew he could isolate her from her friends, and he knew that he could capture the imperfect “comfort” of that cardigan again.

This path ends in the final even-numbered song, “hoax.” In the odd numbers, “peace” shows a lesson learned. This even path shows what happens when we don’t learn. The seeds of youth-driven mistakes have led us here. The narrator wants nothing outside the pain of this faithless love. Without learning what it means to be selfless, the traumas of these young relationships create a never-ending cycle. The narrator knows that the “love” is a “hoax” but doesn’t care because that’s all they have. There’s no point to wanting anything else. Without the perspective of age, of truly going beyond that, they’re stuck in a truly dark place.

Final Thoughts:

Taylor Swift is an exceptional artist for a lot of reasons. No one makes albums this good this far into their career. Most artists teeter off after two or three because they retread. Their audience inevitably gets bored of them e same thing time and again. Repeating themselves is something that a lot of artists do because they want to go with the formula of what works. With Folklore, Taylor has done what few artists have dared to do. She’s allowed her discography as a place to uncompromisingly expand her worldview and challenge her listeners. She’s not reiterating previous lessons to make another quick sale. Instead, every album prior has been a steppingstone. As she said at the Time 100 Gala, she has truly turned her lessons into her legacy. From a variety of narrators, she has brought what I decree to be her best album to date. This wouldn’t happen for anyone else 8 albums into their career, but she’s done it by devoutly embracing age’s wisdom.

Learn from the highs and lows presented in these paths. As all good folklore does, it teaches us how to live better. It is our duty to live selflessly and with self-assured dignity. These writings, I have no doubt, will become integral to the legend that is Taylor Alison Swift.

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pinkoptics · 3 years

Text

Would You Catch Me If I Fall?

aka Cherik Fallen Angel fic

Part 2 of Chapter 2

(Previous parts now on Ao3)

Erik is going to do everything he can to make sure Charles is taken care of. Charles saved his life. That’s why. Right… right???

“Mr. Olsen, I believe you will do exactly as I’ve asked.”

Mr. Olsen opened his mouth, to protest most likely, but Erik was well practiced in speaking in a way that left no room for interruption. “You will, because you are aware of the exact amount my firm has donated to your hospital this year and every other before it.”

Mr. Olsen was turning an interesting shade of red. It had nothing on Azazel, but the flush beneath his skin was making a concerted effort.

“You are also aware of what it would do to this hospital’s reputation for being at the forefront of mutant medicine if my firm were to very vocally withdraw its support and place it elsewhere, say... Johns Hopkins?”

“Mr. Lehnsherr—“ Still red, but now also sputtering. “You do not have the authority. Shaw would never—“

Erik smiled in such a way that Olsen cut himself off. Erik’s smile, though the word hardly applied, very early in his career had earned him the nickname ‘The Shark.’ Only used when he knew his prey was very much backed into a corner of their own making and it was time for the kill.

“If The Incident were to suddenly appear on social media again, with a narrative much closer to the truth...”

Red became purple. “We have an NDA! You can’t—“

“When information is out it is out, Mr. Olsen. Non-disclosures only hold weight if the parties involved care about the consequences. I could give a fuck. Besides, whether this hospital is guilty or innocent, reputations once ruined are terribly hard to salvage, aren’t they? Once, tried in the court of public opinion...”

“Shaw would— you’d be—“

Erik simply raised an eyebrow.

Olsen was right. Erik didn’t have the authority to stop donations, Shaw would have his job and his ass if he ever went to the public about any of the firm’s cases. Moreover, he would probably lose his license to practice. None of those things mattered however, not because Erik truly didn’t care, but because Olsen only needed to believe he was serious. If Erik couldn’t sense the man’s weaknesses, and couldn’t exploit them, he would hardly have been the best lawyer at his firm (no matter what Emma said to the contrary). The seed of doubt, once planted in a weak mind, was notoriously difficult to weed out.

“Fine,” Olsen ground out. Looking like he was very much sucking on a lemon.

Erik levitated the paperwork he had prepared by its staple. It was accompanied by one of the disgustingly expensive fountain pens the firm utilized to perpetuate its reputation. It hovered in front of the sour countenance and Erik felt the same sense of satisfaction he did after a particularly shrewd cross examination.

Threatening Olsen in this way was beyond overkill.

However, Erik knew of nothing else that would resolve Charles’ situation as swiftly. As Olsen scratched out his signature nearly hard enough to tear paper, Charles’ need for insurance, identity, and anything else he did not have, vanished.

Besides, he’d never liked this man or this hospital, so if he got to have a little fun while getting Charles what he needed, all the better. The faster he could get Charles out of here unscathed the better. He owed him that much, possibly more. There were few people insane enough, selfless enough, to throw themselves in front of a car for a stranger. Erik had made it his life’s work to protect people who couldn’t protect themselves. Charles had more than earned that same protection until he was back to his former self.

T’s crossed and i’s dotted, Erik left Olsen to fume, so he could share the good news with Charles. The words that had been leaping forward died on his lips when he took in the state of Charles’ room.

“. . . Did you rob a florist?”

Charles graced him with a much less hysterical, much more pleasant sounding laugh than he had any time previously.

“Aren’t people just lovely? This one is from the nurse on call, Ben. He has the most adorable little boy. Teething at the moment, which is trying of course, but he’s so precious one can hardly be cross. I’m sure Ben would be happy to show you the photos too. This one is from Dr. Yousef, whom you’ve already met. She detests flowers, personally, as she’s never home consistently enough to care for them properly. This one is from Saima...”

While Charles no longer appeared to be in a state of hysteria, it appeared to be Erik’s turn, and he became suddenly, hysterically deaf. Had he misplaced a day? Or two? More? Was he the one with the head injury?

“Did you— I mean, do you know them?”

Charles cut off his still in-progress monologue about his sudden and inexplicable well-wishers.

“Oh no. We’ve just met. Nancy would like to get coffee when I’m better though. I believe that is a cultural expression of friendship, is it not? Or does coffee equal sex? It’s so hard to keep track of these things as humans rarely say what they truly mean. Why do you lot insist upon speaking in code? A code that changes every generation no less. Regardless, I’ve never had coffee. Given how utterly obsessed with it you all are I’m rather excited to find out what all the fuss is about.”

Erik didn’t know what part of that to address first, if at all.

Ben, Yousef, Saima... who the fuck was Nancy?

Sex?

Never had coffee?

“Oh Erik, I’m sorry. You look so confused again. I forget myself. I would much rather have coffee for the first time with you of course. At that diner you speak so highly of. I believe diners generally serve coffee.”

Erik blinked. Did that mean Charles wanted to be his friend or have sex with him? Or, did never having had coffee actually mean never having had sex? No. Wait. What in the fuck were they talking about?

What came out was, mercifully, “You make friends quickly.” This was something he and Charles certainly didn’t share.

“Do I?” Charles shrugged. “I love people. All people. They’re so fascinating.” Something else he and Charles certainly didn’t share. In his experience, most people were dull or cruel or both. Except Charles. Charles had been the exact opposite of dull or cruel right from the first. Crashing headfirst into Erik, literally and figuratively, and smashing all his expectations of what people did or didn’t do for one another. It might have also been the head injury/amnesia mitigating the dullness, making him say the most ridiculous things that Erik had ever heard and couldn’t even begin to sort out, but Erik didn’t really think so. He read people extremely well and Charles intrigued him. No one intrigued him.

Shoving the friends/coffee/sex equivalency conversation aside, Erik patted his briefcase. “I’ve sorted out everything with hospital administration. You won’t have to worry about insurance, bills... if there’s anything you need, just ask. They will be sure you get it.”

“I won’t ask how you managed it.” Charles’ look became conspiratorial. Almost as if he did know Erik’s methods. There was no way, of course, that he did unless he was a telepath, which Erik had already briefly mused on. “You really needn’t have troubled yourself, though I appreciate it, you, all the same.”

There it was again. The strange gravity his words seemed to possess. Erik flushed, not something he ever did, feeling that appreciation to his core. Charles’ smile deepened and somehow held the same weight as his words. Looking at it was almost too much, like looking straight at the sun, it warmed parts of Erik he hadn’t even realized were cold.

“You can stay with me,” Erik said, apropos of nothing, then flinched, his own words surprising him. It wasn’t the offer he had intended to make. The Firm put people up all the time for various reasons, and Erik had planned to slip Charles in to one of his current cases with no one the wiser. The doctor felt certain it wouldn’t be long until his memory returned, based on her previous experience of such cases.

Charles’ astonishment seemed to match his own. “Erik, that’s too much. You’ve done so much already.”

Erik rubbed at the back of neck, avoiding Charles’ eyes, which were comically, anime-wide. While he hadn’t meant to make the offer, he also found now that he had, he also had no sense of regret. His flat was large, he practically lived at the firm, so it would hardly be an inconvenience and the less he abused his position, the less tracks he had to cover.

He coughed, “There’s always Nancy.” Erik hoped the joke would break the sudden tension. “You could take her up on her ambiguous offer.” Charles laughed. Success.

“Coffee, and whatever else it may suggest, is a far cry from living together. Besides, I don’t even know Nancy.”

“You don’t know me either. You may have unwittingly saved a sociopath the world would be better without.”

Charles shook his head. “Don’t be absurd. You’re a good man, Erik. Better than you know.”

Everything about this was absurd.

“It’s settled then, when they discharge you, you can stay with me until we figure out who you are.”

Charles’ face, which Erik was already beginning to realize was nakedly expressive, came over suddenly unreadable.

“I—“ Charles hesitated, eyes flicking away from Erik to the window. Erik supposed coming to live with any stranger was enough to give anyone pause, especially someone who was as disoriented as Charles must already be. He was about to shift back to his original, much less awkward, plan when Charles’ gaze focused back on him. “All right. Until... until then.”

“Until then,” Erik echoed and they both fell suddenly silent.

He was inviting someone to live with him when he had never lived with anyone besides his mother his entire life. Roommates? Please. Erik had never had to, but would have rather lived in a squalid apartment than have to share a living space with anyone, even when putting himself through the extraordinary expenditure of american law school. Yet, here he was. Here they were. It felt right. Perhaps he had an overabundance of gratitude and quid pro quo to sate. It was the only thing that made any sense in the face of something that made absolutely no sense.

He’d probably regret it the instant Charles was in his space, but he also wasn’t someone who went back on his word, so he was taking in this stray whether he came to regret it or not.

Mama, at least, would approve.

Now on Ao3

Thanks for reading!!

#cherik #cherik fanfic #erik lehnsherr #charles xavier #fallen angel fic #pinkoptics fic

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a-writes3 · 3 years

Text

Wish You Were Sober Part Four (Fatin Jadmani x Reader)

The gif has nothing to do with the story i just think she’s pretty. Also some events may occur at different times than what happened in the show just because of the story i have in my head. I also wrote most of it at 1AM so it might not make total sense and spelling errors are expected. Enjoy. (Also please request things. Thank youuuu.)

*Italics are a flashback*

The night went by with barely any sleep but waking up in the arms of Fatin almost made up for it. All the girls had been awake by now and Dot was pestering everyone to get up and do something productive so that we don’t die. Almost everyone did except for Fatin who was being her usual self. The group had quickly become annoyed at Fatin doing nothing. She ended up walking away from the rest of the girls and off to the other side of the beach. The entire group decided this was their time to start making fun of her starting with Nora had begun an impression. Everyone else followed her and just made jokes and if they didn’t they were laughing at the others. I found myself becoming increasingly annoyed and mad at the group for the things they were saying and assuming about the girl i loved.

“Can you guys just stop?” Everyone looked at me in surprise since i had been very quiet the entire time we’ve been here.

“We’re just joking around.” Nora says quietly.

“It’s not a joke unless it’s funny. You know, you guys talk a lot of shit about sticking together and girls sticking up for girls but then you go and you pull this? What? Because Fatin’s a girl who knows what she wants and likes to have sex every once in a while? I can almost guarantee that she is more selfless and loyal than any of you. And smarter than at least half of you. You know, she’s guaranteed to get into julliard the best performing arts school in the country and y’all are acting like she never worked hard for anything.”

By now the girls were more guilty than shocked because they knew i had a point. I saw that they felt bad but i still continued.

“Yeah she may not be doing labor but i don’t blame her. Can’t you just appreciate what she’s given you? I mean who’s clothes are keeping you from freezing to death at night, huh?”

They just stay silent in an awkward silence but i was waiting for some kind of apology but was met with nothing so i just shook my head and walked into the woods.

“You guys are pathetic.” I say before walking away.

Before i could get too far i came across Fatin who had a smirk on her face and had heard everything that had just went on.

“That was hot. You sticking up for me.” She said while pulling me towards her by my shirt and putting her arms around my neck. Looking into hers eyes you could see love in them but there was also a playful glint in them which i quickly caught on to.

“If you think that i’m gonna have sex with you in the woods than you’re wrong.”

She feigns hurt and puts her hang on her chest.

“I never said that.”

“You’re eyes say differently.” I say walking away into the woods. Fatin catches up to me and laces her fingers in between mine.

“As much as i appreciated it, you didn’t have to go off on them for me. People will say what they say and i have know control over it.”

“It’s not okay. They assume things based on appearances. They don’t even know you.”

“Well a week earlier and you probably would’ve been saying the same thing.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I step in front of her and let go of her hand.

“Nothing. Just-” She sighs. “You’ve said you’re fair share of hurtful things is all.”

“That was completely different situation Fatin.”

“Look, I’m not trying to argue. I appreciate you sticking up for me truly. Just maybe tone down the aggressiveness. No need to fight for me.” She then walked back towards the other group. I end up following her. When we got back the girls were quiet and looking at me with wary eyes until Shelby proposes that we play a game. Never have i ever. It was going well untill Martha asks her question.

“Never have i ever fallen in love.”

Everyone except Rachel, Martha and Fatin takes a sip of their alcohol. Which shocked me seeing as Fatin had just confessed her love for me not too long ago. She looked at me as i was drinking and saw the hurt in my eyes but quickly looked down at the ground.

“As a follow up question, Never have i ever said I love you and not meant it.”

Unsurprisingly Fatin took a drink which left me wondering if it was about me one of her many other flings from the past.The game went by and i was increasingly overthinking everything as always.We all seperated to try and get some sleep for the night. I chose to stay up and stare at the ocean. Apparently i wasn’t the only one, Leah had taken a seat next to me in the sand. We used to be best friends until the incident with Jeff. We hadn’t spoken until we go onto the island.

“Are you okay? You seemed off all night.” She asked apprehensively, I’m guessing from the incident earlier.

“No, but i’ll get there.”

“If you wanna talk i’m here. I’m always up for spilling about feelings.”

I look at her and found myself trusting her.

“Fatin.... We’ve had this friends with benefits thing going on for about a year and when the plane crashed she told me that she loved me. But then tonight she drank when the question was about lying about being in love with someone.”

“Fatin likes girls?” Leah looks surprised but when she sees my face she backtracks. “Sorry that’s not what this is about. I don’t really know much about love but maybe talk to her. Fatin seems pretty reasonable.”

I laugh humorlessly ,“Yeah, You must not know her very much. But that’s enough about me. What’s up with you? You haven’t seen very happy lately.”

“Got my heart broken. Lost all my friends. That’s about it.”

“I can relate to that partly. How about this? I’ll be your friend as long as you don’t talk about that stupid book.”

Leah smiles, “I think i can do that.” There was a pause. “You should get some rest.” She gets up and goes to lay down. I still stay up through the night looking out at the ocean and the stars and listening to the sounds of nature behind me. After a while i thought back a year to the first time I had met Fatin at a party.

I am sitting on some strangers couch drinking from a cup that was handed to me and filled with what i presumed was some cheap vodka and smoking weed that tasted like it costed 5 dollars but any high is something. I was sitting all alone until a gorgeous brunette girl sat down next to me.

“What are you doing all alone?” She asks. The girl sees i’m not wanting to talk with strangers so she introduces herself. “Oh i’m Fatin by the way.” She gave me the most beautiful smile i’ve ever seen and i felt myself develop a small crush on the girl.

“Y/n.” I answer.

“Are you here with anyone? Boyfriend?” Fatin continues the conversation.

“No. I’m single and i don’t swing that way if you know what i mean.”

“Ah i see.” She smirks and i can see the flirtatious thoughts swirl in her mind. “How come i’ve never seen you around school?”

“Different crowds. Social statuses.”

“Hm,” She pauses to think and her eyes light up. “What do you say we get out of here and go to my house? Have some fun?” She raises her eyebrows.

I quickly understood what she was hinting at and agreed to the adventure. I didn’t have much to lose. The next morning i woke up in Fatin’s house with her telling me that i had to leave before her parents woke up which i did. On Monday i went to school and was only semi-surprised when she practically ignored my existence and against my better judgment i went up to her when she was alone.

“Uh, Fatin.”

She looked up at me and rolled her eyes a little.

“What do you what?” She asks with a slightly bitter tone.

“Can we talk about Saturday? What happened?”

“What happened was I got drunk and wanted to have fun. It was a one time thing. And with my one night stands i usually don’t speak to them after so let’s keep it that way.”

She walked away before i could say something. I would’ve believe her words had we not have hooked up countless times after that. I fell into her trap and couldn’t escape it.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by Nora walking up to me. Apparently the sun was starting to come up.

“Are you okay?” The girl says awkwardly.

I had then noticed that there were tears running down my face which i quickly wiped away.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I say not knowing if i was trying to convince Nora or myself.

“Are you sure? You’re crying.”

“I’m good. Really. Thank you though.”

She just smiled and walked away but she was followed by Fatin who sat down next to me and looked at my face but i didn’t have it in me to look back.

“You’re not actually good are you? I mean you won’t even look at me.” I didn’t answer. “Did i do something wrong?” She asks with a hint of worry. I just shook my head and closed my eyes to prevent the tears from leaving my eyes again but i was unsuccessful. Fatin reacted by pulling me into a hug but i shrugged her off and started walking down the beach, confusing the other girls as well. Leah had walked after me.

“Fatin really got to you, huh?”

“It’s not just Fatin. Remember when i took a break from school for a month in our freshman year?” Leah just nodded. “Well i was in a “Institution” apparently my depression is severe.”

“Does Fatin know?”

I shook my head. Leah had known about my mental health and how bad it had gotten but not about the hospitals or anything.

“Is it bad again?”

“Yeah.” Leah then came in for a hug which i gratefully accepted. We headed back to the group who was cautiously watching me. I sat down in the sand between Leah and Toni, who had an annoyed look on her face as usual. We all sat there and talked about our situation after a while everyone had broken off into seperate conversations. Fatin walked up to me.

“Can we talk?”

#fatin jadmani #fatin the wilds #Fatin Jadmani x reader #Fatin jadmani imagines #the wilds #the wilds imagines #leah rilke #nora reid #toni shalifoe #dot campbell

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lit-in-thy-heart · 3 years

Note

If you want to! Mergwaine and tackle hug (romantic or platonic). Idk Gwaine is just the type and it’d be so cute. Maybe after they’ve been reunited??? Or not whatever works 💗

@rainbowvamp thank you for the prompt!! 💕 i took a couple of liberties in that it's a tackle and a hug, i hope that's alright, and i'm sorry about the tone, they just seem to be getting angstier and angstier...

(set a few days after camlann)

as usual, under the cut, and thank you again!!

Whilst the rest of the court marvelled at Gwaine’s miraculously hasty recovery, Gwaine was embracing his newly-discovered invincibility by patrolling the Darkling Woods alone.

He had been clinging to life by a thread, but even in his deadened state he had recognised the hands that had slowly coaxed his body back to consciousness. Instinctively, Gwaine’s own hand jumped to his chest, where he had felt Merlin’s fingers brush against his skin. He wasn’t sure if he’d called out his name, if they’d even spoken, or quite what Merlin had done to him, but Gwaine had been able to sit up after a day and Merlin had been gone.

Healing spells had never been Merlin’s strong suit and Gwaine knew that they were capable of draining every last trace of a skittish pulse if the healer was already weakened. And Merlin would be weakened after watching Arthur die, that Gwaine knew all too well. And Gwaine couldn’t lose Merlin, not after everything that had happened. Particularly not as a result of Merlin reversing Morgana’s damage.

Gwaine pushed through the branches, tucking his hair behind his ear and pausing for a moment by a large oak tree. His fingers fumbled for the knots on the trunk as his legs threatened to crumble beneath him, seeking out the letters carved into the wood. It had been a ridiculous idea, and childish at that, but that hadn’t stopped him from leaving the scar of his initials interlinked with that of Merlin’s in the soft sunset so many years before. Severing himself from the tree as the strength returned to him in gradual waves, Gwaine moved further into the woods, plunging into the translucent darkness left by the shadows of the sun as the leaves above him obscured its path. He and Merlin had grown apart over the last year, and Gwaine had been trying his best to not let it show just how desperately his feet were treading water beneath the surface in the effort to keep their relationship afloat. Merlin had not left his side for a week after Gwaine had returned from Morgana’s clutches with Percival, but he had been paying more and more attention to Arthur and his well being, which Gwaine had attempted to apply logic to. It had made sense that Merlin was focused on Arthur, particularly with the multiple threats lurking in the shadows, and Gwaine himself had sworn loyalty to Arthur. Though that didn’t mean that his service, as it had always been, wasn’t primarily dedicated to Merlin. Everything he did – or had done – for Arthur had been because Merlin had asked him to, or because Gwaine had been able to see the expression lingering in the eyes that he knew so well, the fear that had darkened the delicate irises for the past year.

For a year, Gwaine had mourned the moments where Merlin would unflinchingly tell him about his father, or his magic, or the numerous dangers he’d encountered – though that last one had usually been reserved for when Gwaine had needed a scare to rid himself of hiccups. He had watched Merlin close off more and more of himself and Gwaine hadn’t even realised that Merlin had been dying until he had collapsed on Gwaine’s bed hours after the attempted assassination of Arthur and begrudgingly told him the whole tale. Even then he’d elected to omit the fact that Gwen was wanting Arthur dead, but Gwaine also knew that Merlin had the opinion of himself that his word was worth nothing, despite Gwaine having told him multiple times that he would believe Merlin over Arthur any day of the week. And if Merlin had spent the last of his spirit on Gwaine before they even had the chance to recover the land decimated by drought, Gwaine would never forgive himself.

Through the hesitant birdsong, the snapping of a twig resounded like a crossbow bolt to the skull. Gwaine pressed himself to a tree trunk and, one hand hovering over his sword, ignited sparks that scattered themselves across his fingertips. Through the branches, he caught sight of a hooded figure and a glint of metal and, putting aside all cautions of taking it easy, launched himself at the intruder. Having knocked them to the ground, Gwaine roughly turned them over onto their back between his legs, hand drawn back behind his head as the sparks evolved into ribbons of fire, his eyes burning with the same heat that Merlin’s had flared with so many times.

The same heat that was flickering right in front of him.

In wonder, Merlin reached up with his fingertips to graze the stubble on Gwaine’s chin, the drawn and anxious expression buried amidst it, the bruises stretched out beneath his eyes. When he spoke, he sounded like he was older than time itself. ‘I didn’t think it would work,’ he whispered, the fire in his eyes fading.

Instead of the vibrant blue that Gwaine was used to, the gaze that held his was commanded by the uncertain watery depths of the sky snatched between storm clouds. It was like all the colour had been drained from him and Merlin had been left with the dregs of his former self, and Gwaine’s hands, dropping the flames like he had dropped his guard around the warlock so long ago, jumped to Merlin’s cheeks to check that he was not some trick of his mind.

‘What happened to you?’

‘I gave you all,’ Merlin breathed back, eyes still roaming his form. ‘Because I couldn’t save Arthur, so I had to save you. Morgana was the darkness to my light, and you are my light. I couldn’t let her corrupt you. So I poured everything I had into reversing her damage. I poured everything I had into you.’

‘And nearly killed yourself in the process,’ said Gwaine sharply, fingers darting to the faint heartbeat beneath Merlin’s shirt. He slid from him, trying to conceal his trembling lower lip, and shook out his hair as he held out his arms. ‘Come here, you self-sacrificing fuck.’

Merlin fell into him like an acorn burying itself in the ground, rooting itself to the very earth it would one day become in the hopes of being able to slowly flourish. Savouring the cool touch, Gwaine wrapped his arms around the warlock in the attempt to transfer some of his body heat. Merlin was still breathing, which was always a good sign, and the heart thumping against him was stronger than it had been mere moments before. They hadn’t held each other like this since the morning that Merlin had been released from the cells after being cleared of poisoning Arthur. When Merlin touched him, it was like a butterfly was darting across Gwaine’s skin and seeking out the nectar hidden in his pores, and Gwaine closed his eyes.

‘Do you still have your magic?’

Merlin’s reply was thickened by the threat of tears. ‘I think so. It doesn’t feel as strong as it did, but I know a way to get it back if it is gone. You didn’t tell me that you’d been practising.’

Gwaine’s fingers were making their way along Merlin’s ribs. ‘There wasn’t really a chance to drop it into conversation,’ he softly said. ‘You were preoccupied with—You were preoccupied with other things.’

‘I’m sorry. For isolating myself. I just—I couldn’t afford to get distracted. I couldn’t allow everything that had been built to crumble so soon after.’ Merlin dropped his head into Gwaine’s shoulder. ‘It has anyway, though, and I’ve hurt you in the process. And I should have stayed by your side, when I healed you. But there were other voices and I was selfish and couldn’t handle the prospect of yet another failure, this time with an audience, and—’

‘Merlin, it’s alright. You’ve had so much pressure put on you for so long and, yes, you’ve hurt me, but you’re a selfless bastard who was doing it to protect me. I’d say that I expect you to make it up to me, but you’ve just saved my life, so I think that counteracts some of the distance that was between us. Not that I’ll say no to flowers, if that inclination possesses you,’ Gwaine added as an afterthought.

Pulling away, Merlin abandoned his fingers to Gwaine’s soft hair, gaze darting anywhere but Gwaine’s warm eyes. Then, he met them. ‘You know I love you, don’t you?’

Had Merlin asked that several months ago, Gwaine would have screamed that he show him, but Merlin had been willing to sacrifice himself for Gwaine. And Merlin being prepared to drain himself of his magic, the one thing that he had defined himself by – which was arguably not the best idea, but there would be time to show Merlin how much more he was worth – was more than enough proof that he loved Gwaine. ‘I know now. And I love you too.’

‘I won’t leave you again, I promise you.’

A lifetime of living as a pariah was screaming at Gwaine to not trust Merlin, to push him away to protect himself, but his heart was weeping and Merlin’s stare was so fierce for one who seemed so fragile. ‘I know you won’t.’ Gwaine pressed a kiss to Merlin’s forehead, lips lingering as he closed his eyes. ‘I know you won’t.’

#perhaps a little pleased with myself at actually managing to finish this one today even if there isn't much hug #i'm sorry...my mind just goes to places and my fingers follow #hope you like it and thanks again!#merlin #gwaine #merwaine #mergwaine #bbc merlin #hug prompts #lit writes

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aion-rsa · 3 years

Text

Squid Game’s Most Heartbreaking Hour is Also Its Best

https://ift.tt/3u23hm5

This Squid Game article includes MAJOR spoilers for all nine episodes of the series, including Episode 6.

“Gganbu” isn’t the Squid Game episode with the highest kill count. It’s not the episode when we finally discover the man behind the deadly competition, or its ultimate winner. It is not the most fast-paced or action-driven of the Netflix series’ nine installments, nor is it the bloodiest. Instead, it is a relatively quiet hour that divides its characters into teams of two, with each pair acting as their own mini-social experiment. If the “deadly competition” trope is designed to reflect on the inherent goodness or not of humanity, then Squid Game‘s most articulate answer to the question of what humans will or will not do to survive comes in “Gganbu,” and it is as nuanced as it is heartrending.

What Happens in “Gganbu”?

“Gganbu” concerns itself with the events of Round 4. Before the next, mysterious competition begins, the remaining players are asked to pair up, unaware of how the structure might come into play. Once they have chosen partners, they enter a massive room designed to look like a traditional Korean village. Each player is given a bag with 10 marbles, and instructed to play a game of their choosing with their partner. After 30 minutes, whoever has won the game, and all of their partner’s marbles, will pass the round and survive. The loser will be “eliminated.” This is the round when characters we have come to care about start dying…

This is also the episode that gives the most time to a round of a competition. Episode 7, “VIPs,” comes close with its depiction of Round Five’s bridge of glass, but the narrative focus is split between the competitors and the disgustingly rich men who have come to watch. In “Gganbu,” there is no such split focus. The players begin choosing their characters around the four-minute mark, and they enter the playing arena at around the 13-minute mark. This is where they will stay until the end of the episode, which means the viewer experiences Round 4 in what is, more or less, real time. “Gganbu” makes use of every bit of it.

Can any of these players hold on to any scrap of their humanity when they have been manipulated into Squid Game? This is the question the “deadly competition” trope seeks to explore and, sometimes, answer. Squid Game doesn’t opt for one definitive answer, but rather a more complicated and nuanced one. It does this by giving us four clear, varied scenarios to see this theme played out.

Deok-su vs. Ja-hyoung

First, we have our duo with the least surprising thematic outcome: gangster Deok-su and henchman Ja-hyoung. Unlike Sang-woo, these two have rarely pretended to prioritize anything over their own survival and accumulation of power. When Deok-su betrays Mi-nyeo, leaving her to her presumed death again and again rather than risking his own survival by teaming up with her, it’s expected. Past that, there is little artifice to Deok-su’s games with Ja-hyoung. Ja-hyoung has dropped the act that he will obey Deok-su’s orders without question, but not even Deok-su is surprised by that. After all, he lives his life without the comfort of human connection, solely trusting in violence and money as security—why should he expect anything else from his social circle? What’s most interesting here is the game stipulation that says Deok-su cannot use violence to win the marbles. This puts Deok-su at a disadvantage because violence has always been how he exerts power. While Deok-su ultimately wins, this is the most unsettled we’ve seen him up to this point, and a reminder that even violence has its limits when it comes to ensuring survival.

Sang-woo vs. Ali

Lying can be a form of subtle violence, and it’s one that Sang-woo has demonstrated himself very capable of since the beginning of Squid Game, most notably when he chose to knowingly send his “teammates,” including childhood friend Gi-hun, to the harder dalgona challenges in Round 2. If you’ve been paying attention to Sang-woo, then his betrayal of Ali isn’t particularly surprising, but it cuts much deeper. That is because, while the viewer may not be shocked that Sang-woo would trick Ali to his death to save himself, Ali is. While this characterization didn’t always work for me—I think Ali would be more discerning as a 33-year-old immigrant who has been screwed over before—it works on an emotional and thematic level. Ali is depicted as the most innocent character within the game; he is almost child-like in his portrayal. To see Sang-woo take advantage of that innocence is upsetting. It may be tempting to see Ali as a passive player in this game, but that’s not how I view him. To me, believing in the goodness of others, and taking a chance on the relationships you have built is not only an active decision, but one of the bravest ones—an action that Deok-su and Sang-woo are much too cowardly to ever take themselves.

Gi-hun vs. Il-nam

While Gi-hun may struggle to play “fair” against Il-nam when his own survival is at stake, it’s all in the context of Gi-hun’s first major decision in this episode: to take Il-nam as his teammate. When the partner requirement is announced, Gi-hun initially goes to seek a more able-bodied contestant—and he has some good options. However, when someone points out that there is an uneven number of people and makes the assumption that the odd man out will be killed, Gi-hun sacrifices the edge a more physically able teammate might give him in order to make sure Il-nam doesn’t die. In this episode, Gi-hun hits peak aspirational relatability. He is the kind of player, the kind of human, we would like to believe ourselves to be. He’s relatable in that, when Il-nam’s apparent dementia gives him the chance to avoid losing, he takes it; he wants to survive. He’s aspirational in that, when faced with entering Round 4 in the first place, he chose friendship and compassion over the presumed competitive edge. It’s not the first time we’ve seen him make that decision, and it won’t be the last.

Squid Game: What Could Season 2 Look Like?

By Kayti Burt

Is Squid Game Based on an Anime, Comic, or Manga?

By Kayti Burt

Ultimately, the outcome of “Gganbu”‘s contest between Gi-hun and Il-nam hits different once you’ve seen the ending of the season, and the Oh Il-nam twist. Il-nam doesn’t die here. In many ways, Il-nam’s arc in this episode foreshadows that reveal. For most of the episode, we and Gi-hun are led to believe that Il-nam doesn’t fully understand what’s going on. Then, with only minutes left in the round, Il-nam reveals to Gi-hun that he knows Gi-hun has been tricking him, using his apparent memory problems against him to ensure he isn’t taken out of the game. It’s a manipulation not unlike the larger manipulations of the game in the sense that Il-nam has so much more power than Gi-hun, and is using that power to play with him and see what he will do. It’s cruel because it is dishonest. Watching this the first time, Il-nam’s decision to let Gi-hun win is a powerful one, and it disappoints that the Il-nam plot twist retroactively undercuts that narrative choice. That being said, the playing out of this dynamic—both a first and second time—helps to give us a complex, nuanced view of humanity.

Sae-byeok vs. Ji-yeong

While most of the players spend their half hour playing marbles to the death, Sae-byeok and Ji-yeong choose to “enjoy” what will be the final 30 minutes of one of their lives. This decision alone is a thematically impactful one: it treats life as precious. By using that 30 minutes to share their secrets with one another, they are choosing humanity’s capacity for togetherness and connection over humanity’s capacity for violence and desperation. They tell stories about the pain they have endured, and trade dreams about a future only one of them (and then neither of them) will have. While some, especially during an initial watch, may think the “Gganbu” of the title refers to the friendship between Gi-hun and Il-nam, I think it refers to the connection between Sae-byeok and Ji-yeong. If a gganbu is, as Il-nam describes it: “a good friend, one you trust a lot [and] you share things with,” then Sae-byeok and Ji-yeong become gganbu over the course of this hour of television.

In the end, Ji-yeong decides to let her gganbu, Sae-byeok, win. If Deok-su and Sang-woo represent the worst of humanity’s capacity for selfishness, then Sae-byeok and especially Ji-yeong represent humanity’s capacity for hope. And, unlike so many stories in this subgenre, Squid Game treats Ji-yeong’s act of desperate hope as just as likely as Deok-su or Sang-woo’s desperate acts of self-interest.

Humanity is not a monolith. Some of us make selfish decisions and some of us make selfless ones. Usually, it’s a combination of both. Squid Game neither wholly condemns humanity, nor wholly celebrates it; instead, it goes for something in-between, with an eye towards hope. While other episodes in Squid Game‘s first season concern themselves with a criticism of how society allows the ultra-powerful few to make decisions about the value of human life, “Gganbu”‘s ambitions are simultaneously simpler and much more ambitious: It chooses to depict the most powerful and affecting act not as a show of violence, but rather as a quiet gift of friendship and the sharing of one’s own name. As a result, “Gganbu” is Squid Game at its absolute best.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

What is your favorite episode of Squid Game? Let us know in the comments below.

The post Squid Game’s Most Heartbreaking Hour is Also Its Best appeared first on Den of Geek.

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lumoshyperion · 3 years

Note

Your thoughts on the Cursed Child giving us pure good Slytherins like Scorpius, Albus and Craig? I'm not a Slytherin myself but it's always good to see Hogwarts houses more nuance than a house being purely good or purely evil.

It's one of my favourite things about Cursed Child, honestly? It dismantles a lot of the preconceived notions about Slytherin, and it critiques Harry and his friend’s opinions on them. It takes that scene at the end of the books ("What if I am put in Slytherin?") and expands upon it.

I've already answered a question about Craig, so I'll mostly talk about Albus and Scorpius and their relationship with their house. It's interesting seeing or hearing how each actor responds in the sorting scene. Scorpius varies from annoyed, but not surprised - to happy and relieved, in Nyx's case. But Albus is always shocked. Sean changed her reaction up every time I saw her. Sometimes they were smiling. Still riding on the high of that conversation in the train carriage to Hogwarts - which made the look in their eyes at the sorting hat's decision all the more heartbreaking. And sometimes she was already terrified. Wringing her hands, her eyes darting through the audience as the hat stalls over Albus' house. And then it happens, and they go completely still with shock.

There's a lot of stock put into characters choosing their houses, but I don't think Albus or Scorpius had a choice. Albus didn't ask for Slytherin and, even if he did, how do we know that the hat would have put him there just because he asked and not because it's where he belonged? I think a lot of people used to misinterpret the traits of a Slytherin as purely bad or black and white. Ambition? Cunning? Doing anything to get what they want? Surely these aren't the traits of a good person. Surely no one that has the ability to be kind or selfless would be sorted into Slytherin.

But one of the major bullies of Scorpius and Albus is Polly Chapman, and she's in Gryffindor. Rose, also in Gryffindor, claims that she used to be best friends with Albus, but it's clear from their conversations that she doesn't talk to him anymore and that he doesn't trust her anymore. Even his older brother is a model Gryffindor student, and yet he teases Albus constantly. Something we forget is that these are all teenagers. Scorpius, Albus, and Rose are characters we first meet when they're eleven years old, and their arcs in the play end when they're fourteen. We're all still developing our sense of self at these ages. None of us knew who we were or what we wanted. We acted based on impulse and on years of influence from our parents, our family, our friends - anyone older than us who we believed must have known better.

There's something inherently flawed about putting eleven year old’s into houses that whittle them down to the most basic of traits. Because it's not as simple as that? Hermione could have been a Ravenclaw - she's got the brains for it, and the thirst for learning. But she could have been a Slytherin, too - isn't her ambition one of the first pieces of dialogue about her in the play? Craig could be a Hufflepuff. He's kind and loyal, he's quiet and shy. We see very little ambition from him in the play, although we do know that he's prefect and that he's clever enough to be able to do the Scorpion King's homework as well as his own. I think Craig is a perfect example of houses not defining a student's entire personality. He's the perfect example of how much more complex and nuanced these kids are, beyond what their houses say about them.

With Scorpius and Albus, we have a clearer idea of why they were sorted into Slytherin. We see how well Scorpius does in the other reality, concealing his true feelings and moving from each scene with such clear goals in mind and without ever faltering in his search for answers. There's something he says in the Forbidden Forest to Snape that I think sums my answer up really well - "The world changes and we change with it. I am better off in this world." Because, like it or not, he is popular in this world. He is well liked and respected in this world. He sees that and a part of him enjoys that - he and Albus even discuss it later on in the dormitory, and Scorpius reveals how much braver and stronger he feels for his experiences. But, as he goes on to say, "the world is not better. And I don't want that."

It's about the fact that, while he does enjoy being popular and respected, none of that matters because he still sees how cruel and jaded the Scorpion King is. He sees Craig cowering at the sight of him in the library and he hates it. Of course he fixes the world because he knows it can't go on like this. But he also fixes it because he looks right through the power and strength of his alternate self, and he sees a selfishness and cruelty that he cannot accept. When Sean's Albus would laugh and bring up Polly Chapman fancying Scorpius, Nyx would give the most unimpressed shrug. And then their voice would lower and their expression would darken, as they explained just how awful the Scorpion King was. How none of that popularity or respect mattered, because it concealed an evil that Scorpius hated to have found existed in himself, even in another reality.

And continuing with the theme of that scene in the dormitory, we also hear Albus dismantling his own actions that he's made up until that point. He worries that he only wanted to save Cedric to prove himself. He only put their lives on the line because he wanted to show the world that he isn’t just Harry Potter’s son. That he isn’t just a Slytherin in a family of Gryffindors - that he can be brave and heroic, too. But there are different kinds of bravery. And Albus could have done anything he wanted to remove himself from the shadow of his dad. He’s a clever kid. He’s cunning and resourceful - he’s more of a Slytherin than even Scorpius, who comes from a family of Slytherins. But instead, he overhears a grieving father begging Harry to give him his son back, and he decides to do something about it. He decides to put himself at risk, running away from school and changing time itself to save the life of a complete stranger. Because he sees the love Amos has for Cedric - the kind of love he doesn’t feel from his own dad - and instead of feeling jealous or angry, he... wants to help. He wants to do what his dad cannot and bring an old man his son back. That’s kind. That’s heroic.

“When Amos Diggory asked for the Time-Turner my father denied they even existed. He lied to an old man who just wanted his son back - who just loved his son. And he did it because he didn’t care... because he doesn’t care. Everyone talks about all the brave things Dad did. But he made some mistakes too. Some big mistakes, in fact. I want to set one of those mistakes right. I want us to save Cedric.” - Albus, Act One Scene Three.

“I know what it is to be the spare. Your son didn’t deserve to be killed, Mr Diggory. We can help you get him back.” - Albus, Act One Scene Fourteen.

"Cedric? Your dad loves you.” “What?” “Your dad loves you. Very much. I just thought you should know that.” - Albus and Cedric, Act Three Scene Twenty.

In the final scene, Albus talks about how he wanted Delphi killed for what she did, and he says that maybe this is his “Slytherin side”. Maybe this is what the sorting hat saw in him. Because even after everything, even after all that he experienced and all that he’s seen in both Scorpius and Craig and the other Slytherin students, he’s still held down by the misconceptions about Slytherin. And that’s so unfair? It’s unfair that children have been made to feel like this. Albus is empathetic. Scorpius is kind. Craig is loyal. But they’re put into a box that none of them asked for and that is so hard to wrap your head around at that age. Because you don’t know what you did wrong, but you do know that it must have been something because suddenly everyone treats you differently. So you try to explain it to yourself. You think of everything you’ve ever said or done in a different light. And you wonder if maybe, just maybe, you are what they say you are. And you start to doubt every part of you that’s good or kind or compassionate. And it’s something that Albus struggles with the most in the play. And I’m going to close this ask with some quotes from Draco to Harry, because I think I’ve gone on for too long and because what he said is very relevant.

“You can’t talk to Albus. I can’t talk to Scorpius. That’s what this is about. Not about my son being evil. Because as much as you might take the word of a haughty centaur, you know the power of friendship.”

“My father thought he was protecting me. Most of the time. People say parenting is the hardest job in the world - they’re wrong - growing up is. We all just forget how hard it was. I think you have to make a choice - at a certain point - of the man you want to be. And I tell you at that time you need a parent or a friend. And if you’ve learnt to hate your parent by then and you have no friends... then you’re all alone. And being alone - that’s so hard.”

“Maybe the black cloud Bane saw was Albus’s loneliness. His pain. His hatred. Don’t lose the boy. You’ll regret it. And so will he. Because he needs you and Scorpius.”

ask me questions about year two, year three, and other things!

#Cursed Child #ccsquad #Craig Bowker Jr #Craig Bowker #Albus Potter #Scorpius Malfoy #Ask

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pretend-writer · 4 years

Text

Invisible Man (Diego Hargreeves x reader)

Summary: Y/N confesses her crush to her best friend, Diego who happens to be someone who he is very familiar and close with.

Pairing: Diego Hargreeves x reader

Title Reference: Invisible Man x 98 Degrees

Word Count: 2.3k words

Warning: swearing, mention of death, fluff

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Diego’s POV

This man was all Y/N talked about, always wondering if this superhero was hiding among us just like us human beings. Was he a waiter at a local restaurant or was he working as a business man?

My response was always ‘Yeah, maybe you’ve already met him.’ She would always laugh and say ‘No, there’s no way. I would know if I’ve met him.’

What she doesn’t know was that the guy she’s crushing over was me. Not me, me. But me in disguise.

The superpower I had was in my blood since I was born. My siblings and I were adopted by a man who raised us as a group of heroes that would stop crimes around town.

Father named us by numbers, we never had a name. Until our "robot" mother decided to give us a name, since then I've been called Diego. To my father however, I was always Number Two.

He treated us the way he named us, some object for his experiment. Me and my six other siblings were nothing but a tool for his amusement. I always enjoyed fighting crimes because it made the rest of the town happy but I missed every single childhood that "normal" kids had.

Growing up in this household, I started to realize I had enough of my father's experiment. When I was old enough to leave my father and this "fantastic group" that he would call The Umbrella Academy, I walked through that front door and never looked back. That was the day I decided to throw away everything I was and live as Diego Hargreeves, a normal man with normal dreams.

But it wasn't for long.

I missed the feeling of accomplishment and the sense of worth I had when I fought the bad guys; the only time I felt like I was something, like I mattered to the world. That was when I decided I was going to be Number Two once again.

This time, I kept it a secret and hid my identity. Showing my true self would've been exactly what my father wanted; fame and fortune. I didn't want that, however; I did it for me and to save the citizens of this town. I didn't care for all of that other crap. Besides, Diego was the new me and I couldn't give that up.

Then I met Y/N, the person I've been in love with since I've laid eyes on her. She came by for boxing lessons one day and from that moment I knew she was someone special.

We've grew closer, eventually going to places like watching movies or mini-golfing. She would even invite me to her friends' house for parties and introduce me to them. This was the first time I felt like a part of something important, a family.

I always had that thought in my head where I told myself "Maybe she feels the same way." There were moments where I wanted to tell her the truth; my true feelings toward her. Then that one day when I planned everything out, that was when she started talking about Number Two.

"Number Two is so brave."

"I wonder if he's alone and needs a friend."

"He's always saving everyone, that's the most selfless thing anyone can do."

It was just so hard to see someone you love talk about another man. Especially when that person was someone you were really familiar with.

Some days I wanted to tell her that I was him. The person who she was looking for, the man of her dreams was right there in front of her.

But how can I?

She loved the man that was selfless and caring, saving everyone in the city one by one. Y/N loves the thrill of the mystery behind Number Two, his hidden identity and figure out who he can possibly be.

Not only will that ruin her fantasy, she would be disappointed that it would be me. Seeing her reaction would just crush me. It also wasn't worth losing an amazing friendship over. There was no way I could live without her, I couldn't lose her.

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'A ski trip?' I questioned Y/N as I sipped my coffee. 'It's in the middle of January, probably the coldest time of the year. You sure you want to go?'

'Diego, I've been planning this trip for months. You know how much I need this.' She did her puppy dog face, knowing there was no resisting.

Rolling my eyes, I chuckled. 'You'd go anyways even if I say it's a little dangerous. There's no stopping you.'

'That's right.' She grinned, 'Besides, it wouldn't be as tragic if something happened to me anyways.'

'Why would you say that?' I frowned, not waiting anything bad to happen to her.

'Number Two might come and save me.' Her grin got wider as she fantasized about being rescued. 'Wouldn't that be romantic?'

Faking a smile, I nodded. 'I guess but I wouldn't know though, I don't know anything about romance.'

'You don't have anyone you admire, Diego?'

'No.' Maybe I answered too quickly as I tried to hide my feelings. It didn't really matter because Y/N knew me too well and detected my fib easily.

'Well, whoever the girl is Diego, she must be really great.' She giggled.

'Yeah, she's amazing and beautiful.' I smiled but deep down I wasn't feeling alright. All those words were towards her but she didn't even know how great she was.

Y/N finished her coffee as she started eating her pastry. 'You know, we can invite you to the ski trip and maybe you'll be able to hit it off with this mystery girl.'

'No, no. I'd prefer to enjoy my Y/N free weekend.' She gasped and hit me on my arm playfully. 'I'm not joking.'

'Har har. I know you'll definitely miss me, Diego.'

'Yeah, I will.' This time, I didn't joke. It was only for a few days away from her but I know I'd think about her all the time.

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Y/N’s POV

Diego was right

I hated admitting he was right but dammit he was. I was walking around a snow storm which of course had to be on the day when my friends and I decided to snowboard.

The vision was terrible and I couldn't see anything but snow on my goggles. I knew that my two friends weren't near me because I haven't heard them say anything for a few minutes now.

No matter how much I shouted their names, I got nothing. They were most likely long gone and who knows, they probably lost each other too.

The longer I was here all alone with nothing but the sound of the wind blowing, the more scared I got. I've walked everywhere but I could be just walking in circles. At this point, I didn't know anymore.

Suddenly, I felt a grip on my wrist and heard whispers in my ear. 'Follow me, I'll help you.'

With the wind blowing strongly, I barely heard what he said but I knew for a fact it was a voice of a man. I had no choice but to follow him, it was either go with him or die in the cold snow.

As the man led me to God knows where, I silently followed from behind him as he continued to pull me through the snowstorms. Even though I had a sense of relief of someone actually saving me, I could've gotten kidnapped by some freak. I still didn't feel a hundred percent safe.

After a few more minutes of hiking, I saw a small shed where the man took us both in. The place must of been some kind of equipment storage as I saw a few things they sold to us down at the lodge.

As I patted some snow off of my face and the rest of my body, I laughed. 'Thank you for saving me back there. Or kidnapping me. Either way I'm out of the snow for now.'

I heard the man chuckle but hasn't said anything else. He looked around the snow equipments with his back against me as though he was highly intrigued, I could tell he was listening but wasn't much of a talker.

Deciding to have a good look at him, I took off my goggles. Getting a clearer view, I've recognized the black outfit, it was practically engraved in my mind. Granted the journalists never had clear pictures of the man, we all knew the signature mask and the outfit he always wore.

'Number Two? Is it really you?'

He stopped moving and froze in place as I figured out who the man really was. He still didn't want to turn around but I wish he did so I could officially thank him.

'I thought I was going to die out there so thanks for saving me, uhm sir?' I bit my lip and face palmed, thinking to myself "way to go dummy. what was I thinking saying that!?"

Number Two paced towards the door, about to leave me in the shed. I went up to him to try to stop him. I tapped on his shoulder, 'Wait!'

'Oh, oops. I didn't mean to touch you I'm so sorry sir. Anyways, uhm. I really admire you and your work so the fact that you came all the way here to save me means so much. Just thought you should know.'

Number Two continued to just stand there, frozen in place; He hasn't said a word either. I didn't want to move either especially because scaring him away was the last thing I wanted to do.

As I was about to give up, he slowly turned around, revealing his face with a mask covering around his eyes. This was the first time that anyone has seen Number Two upclose as in the articles, they all say he would vanish right after he saves the people in need. Hence the lack of photographs of him.

If there were pictures of him however, I would've definitely recognized the superhero as his face was too familiar. 'Diego?'

'Surprise?' He mumbled, looking down on the ground shyly as he avoided eye contact.

My mind froze as I was still trying to put two and two together. 'Wait... so all this time, it was really you?'

Diego nodded as he scratched the back of his head, 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lie to you.'

'No, it's-' I stuttered as my mouth didn't keep up with my mind. After all, there were so many thoughts running through my head.

'Don't worry, I made sure your friends were safe too. They're back in the cabin but they were really worried about you.' Diego spoke softly, knowing that I was still processing everything.

There were more I wanted to say to Number Two but now that I found out he was Diego all along, I didn't know the right words to say. Everything was confusing at first but as it gradually started to sink in, I realized who my feelings were really for this whole time.

Reaching for Diego's arm, I pulled him closer to me and stared into his eyes, 'Who's the girl?'

He cocked his head, confused on the change of the subject. 'What do you mean?'

'The girl you said that was amazing and beautiful. Who's the girl?'

Diego sighed, fighting in his mind whether to say it aloud or not. It took a lot of him to turn around and reveal his true identity, he wasn't sure if he was ready to reveal his feelings.

'It's okay, just say it.' All this time I was blinded by my infatuation for Number Two, I blocked out my real feelings for someone else. 'Tell me.'

'Y/N...' He had a nervous look on his face, having second thoughts about blurting out the next words. 'It's you, Y/N.'

I caressed his cheeks, inching slowly to his mask as I took it off of his face. He licked his lips which gave away that he was feeling vulnerable. Diego and I knew each other so well, we knew the body languages of one another. 'You're not fucking with me, right?'

Diego eyed me up and down, then shook his head. 'I'll never do that to you.'

With my hand back on his cheek, I pulled him in for a kiss. Diego was surprised, not expecting this outcome as he paused to take his new reality all in. As the realization hits Diego, he cupped my face and finally kissed me back.

Slowly pulling away, I breathed heavily. I looked into his eyes and smiled. 'Number Two was some crush I fantasized about but it was always you, Diego. I'm sorry it took me until now to realize that.'

'Don't apologize for anything. I just want you to be happy.'

'I am, I really am. Especially because you saved me from freezing to death or flying away in the snowstorm.'

'Glad I helped you when I had the chance.' The cute grin slowly turned into a chuckle.

Furrowing my eyebrows, I asked. 'What are you laughing about.'

'"Uhm, sir. I admire you so much."' Diego mocked me and laughed louder.

'Ah, can we not relive that please.' I scrunched my face, closing my eyes as if that would help the memory go away.

'Nu-uh! That was too funny. You know, I was this close to laughing my ass off, Y/N.' Diego crouched and held onto his stomach, dying of laughter.

'Oh my-' I covered my face from embarrassment. 'I was nervous okay! I didn't know what to say.'

'Okay, okay. It was cute though, don't worry.' I gave him a death glare, knowing that he'll never drop this conversation.

The cute and romantic moment was over, but I'm not surprised because of course it was. It was Diego for crying out loud, the boy who thought "romance stinks." But man, I loved my best friend so much; I couldn't hate him.

He bit his lip to stop himself from laughing again. 'Fine, fine I'll stop. We'll just talk about it again tomorrow.'

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taglist; @seiraswriting

#the umbrella academy oneshot #diego hargreeves oneshot #tua oneshot #diego hargreeves x reader #diego hargreeves fic

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houseki-no-suffering · 5 years

Text

on ch 82 and what the hell is the deal with phos

super long wall of words ahead, you've been warned. also, im not qualified to discuss the emotional effects of trauma, so please correct me where im wrong and don’t hesitate to add on this post

contains an analysis of phos’ character arc, explanation on why and how they snapped and what might happen to our child next:

1. genki phos 2. post winter phos 3. laphos 4. on trauma 5. on snapping 6. speculations about the future

so, first things first, I could not help but notice the sheer number of parallels between this chapter and other significant points of the story. it seems to me that parallels are becoming more and more frequent as the moon arc goes on, and that’s not just because there are simply more chapters to draw parallels from as the story grows in size.

I believe that we’re at a turning point in the story, or even that the turning point has been reached, (aechmea telling barbata to fix phos for the umpteenth time is most likely going to give phos the last treasure, but ill get to it).

so, to try and understand what in the seven hells is going on with our baby at this point (the fandom collectively adopted phos since chapter 2, sign the papers if you haven’t already and donate to the fund to send phos to therapy) let’s retrace phos’ character journey.

1: genki phos

the phos who is too good for this world, too pure, the cinnamon roll who has no idea what the hell is gonna happen to them. oh joy.

hnk sets off as a coming of age story. phos is the youngest, they’re seemingly useless in a society that values usefulness above anything else so genki phos is initially driven by lack of purpose.

i’ve speculated already on the characteristics of the lustrous society, a society that emphasizes sameness over difference and that has no place for outcasts like phos and cinnabar. your value, in lustrous society, is dictated by how much and in which way you can contribute to the survival of the species, with elite fighters (the diamonds) being at the apex of the social pyramid and everyone else coming after.

additionally, while gems live in a highly interdependent and close-knitted society, such interdependence never takes into account emotions, loss, imagination, introspection and free-thinking. the society is extremely practical, apathetic, immobile, and everyone is expected to conform to that.

think about antarc: they’re the poster child of lustrous society: a 3 mohs hardness gem who managed to become an elite fighter out of sheer willpower, who’s blindly loyal to sensei, who sacrifices themselves for the greater good (the group’s interests > the individual’s interests), that does little if any introspection and that is happy about all of this and wants to leave it this way.

phos isn’t like this at all.

since the very beginning of the series we learn that phos is an anomaly. and that’s okay, other gems have been anomalies, like padparadscha, cinnabar, even antarcticite, but while those gems found a way to tip toe to the margins of lustrous society to remain unobtrusive exceptions, or forge themselves into proper, useful members of the group, phos cannot do that. which is ironic, because we know that one of phos’ core characteristics is that they’re able to change and to bring about change in a world that is as immobile and still and stiff as… well.. rock.

like @ruddy-rutile pointed out in a past analysis, phos’ problem wasn’t so much that they didn’t fit in, but that they didn’t fit in the appropriate way: they’re emotional, they’re loud, they’re unreliable, they’re not apathetic. they’re kind. compassionate. imaginative. and imagination is something the other gems lack.

this fuels a deep sense of self-hatred that even at this early stages of the story is lying just beneath the surface and oozes out quite easily, like when phos wants to help ventricosus and mumbles that it’s no problem if they die in the attempt, they’re a good for nothing after all, what difference would it make if they dont come back. at least they were able to help someone, contrary to how they were unable to help cinnabar.

this is the leitmotif of the series: phos is a kind, selfless gem who cultivates a deep sense of self-hatred. the internalized pressure and need to feel useful turns into a necessity for change. they need to save cinnabar, they need to save ventricosus, they need to become a fighter, they need to help sensei.

contrary to most of the other gems, phos loves and loves openly and unconditionally, they’re self-less by nature and that selflessness is a barrier that hides the real reason theyre so ready to put their life on the line for other people: the fact that phos thinks that their own life isnt wort a scrap.

as someone who believes to be worthless, guided by shame and guilt just for being alive and fueled by a deep desire to feel loved and accepted (just like a child), phos is unable to cope with grief and emotion if not by guilt tripping themselves even further.

the fact that the amethysts were almost taken is their fault, the fact that cinnabar is suicidal is their fault, the fact that antarc was taken is their fault, same with ghost’s abduction. the only way phos knows to cope with this guilt is by doing what every other gem does: bury these feelings deep inside their head and throw themselves into work. be useful, like alexandrite, rutile or red beryl.

2. post winter phos

what was a story about purpose, about phos’ coming of age, reaches an end at this very point, with antarc’s death. phos has become stronger at this point of the story, they have agathe legs and gold arms and they have grief to cope with, trauma.

just like alex’s job is studying the enemy and red’s job is making clothes, phos’ job is the one they originally desired for themselves: to fight. because there is nothing as valued as a good fighter in gem society and probably young phos unconsciously hoped to overcome self-hatred by taking on the most useful job there is.

post winter antarc is a skilled soldier, so skilled that bort wants to pair up with them. phos has reached their old goal: through loss and maturity, now they have a place within their society, they’re accepted and appreciated, valued but not loved. because these gems are so, so bad at emotions.

and this is where ms ichikawa begins to fool us all. she had us think that this story would be simple, but now hnk starts its steep and unrelenting detour toward existentialism and phos begins their dance toward madness and bottomless grief.

post winter phos is a soldier, they can fight off lunarians, but theyre still blaming themselves for antarc’s death.

we already said that phos is a very emotional gem and they possess a fervid imagination (probably just like lapis). so what do they do? they start thinking. “maybe i can retrieve antarc if we collect enough pieces. if i can communicate with the lunarians. if i can understand why we’re fighting.”

thinking quickly turns into questioning: why are we fighting? why are we so weak? why am i different? what changed me? is it the new additions, is it just life experiences? can we change? how can we change? antarc told me i shouldnt shy away from life, so im gonna push myself further and further.

that’s when shiro’s arc happens and sensei seems to know something about it, something he won’t tell the gems. phos’ questions suddenly turn to him.

phos is pretty much paranoid at this point of the narrative: they have experienced loss for the first time. consumed by guilt and grief for antarc’s recent abduction (even if phos still doesnt know what death means, we’ll get to that in a while), phos cannot think straight. they can’t be questioning the one authority every gem recognizes, the person phos and everyone else wants to protect, their leader, father, teacher.

phos feels like scum just for even thinking about it, as loyal and young as they are. and yet once you start questioning one minuscule thing about the way you have always lived your life, more and more will follow. it’s a cascade effect and it becomes faster the higher the number of questions, until you’re left with nothing but doubts and you must take into your hands the responsibility to find out for yourself.

this is more or less what happens to phos. they feel awful for doubting sensei the first time, in chapter 27, so they spill their guts to cinnabar, confessing their sins. but what cinnabar says does anything but put phos at ease: of course phos is doubting sensei: he’s shady, everyone knows.

however, while cinnabar is a quiet outcast, extremely prudent (and cowardly if you want) in the way they decide to face life, phos is the total opposite. they just needed a little nudge, they were already on the edge of a cliff of doubts and existential fears. cinnabar’s words are the second, big step that sets phos off on their path to the moon.

chapter 28 is when we see phos self-destructing because of this inner conflict for the first time, a pattern that will be repeated again and again the more phos loses sight of the truth, of a reliable something, a goal to cling onto and find direction.

it is ironic, because phos becomes a direction, a goal, the gems and the moon people’s hope (ch 59 and 72), but in doing so they have no hope left for themselves. let’s not forget that phos is very young by gems’ standards, not to mention in comparison to the moon people. how fair is to expect from a traumatized child to save the world and find answers to questions that run thousands of years deep and give phos nothing in return?

the pressure is enough to break phos and it does, quite literally, over and over and over again.

3. Laphos

lapis’ head comes at a time when phos was literally no longer able to manage this pressure.

it brings a waft of fresh air, it brings what emotional, kind phos needed to detach themselves from grief: coldness, rationality. and yet, it takes something away from phos as well: laphos is the phos that can no longer talk with cinnabar, the phos that brings cairn to reject the gems altogether and launch themselves into their kin’s killer’s arms. laphos is the gems and lunarians’ hope for a brief time, then it becomes the enemy.

i find it interesting how phos feels responsible for goshe and morga’s abduction too, even if phos was unconscious when it happened. phos has no clear boundaries between themselves and the rest of the world. they feel responsible for everything and guilty for everything. whatever they do will never be enough neither to make up for their past mistakes nor to find everyone a clear sense of purpose, safety, truth.

ichikawa plays with truth a lot. truth is that the lunarians are bad people and the gems must defend themselves, truth is that sensei is shady, truth is that the moon people are actually good, truth is that death is real, truth is that sensei is evil, truth is that cinnabar hates phos, truth is that the gems are evil, truth is that sensei is the only one that loves phos. who knows what the next truth will be, but can you call it truth, at this point?

if there is one point, i believe, that ichikawa is trying to make clear is that truth is subjective and that it changes, just like phos’ goal, the more knowledge you acquire and the more mistakes you make. truth is subjective but it must be sought after: you gotta keep fighting, you gotta move on even if you keep making mistakes, even if you cant undo your actions.

and another thing i think she’s trying to say is that you cannot make it alone. the moment phos tried to take it all on their shoulders, they moment they acquired lapis’ head, is the moment everything came crumbling down ten times faster than before.

and the most ironic part is that phos is still kind, even underneath that mantle of aloofness: they tried to do everything by themselves because they didn’t want to put anyone in danger, but in doing so they manipulated the gems just like aechmea. and aechmea knows and he’s been using phos for this.

4. Even more trauma

running after truth and after newer and more nuanced goals, phos has completely lost sight of themselves.

where do their alliances lie? what about their history? phos wakes up in ch 72 after the night raid and immediately breaks into pieces because they’re reminded of how cinnabar attacked them, the one gem they thought was their friend. one of the few truths phos had been clinging to.

phos wakes up after the night raid and asks the enemy “to the lunarians i look like a gem and to the gems i look like a lunarian. what am i?”

they break into pieces because they still believe they’re useless. they couldn't save cinnabar, they couldn't save antarc, they couldn't communicate with the earth gems, they couldn't even see adamant.

this is reminiscent of the very beginning of the manga: phos needs to feel useful, they need a goal, they need to be good at something. and just like they were ready to get lost at sea forever to help ventricosus they’re ready to die for someone else’s cause (not even phos’ own because they have no idea what to believe in at this point) just to be of use. after all, to phos, phos is nothing more than a scrap.

euc disagrees. ch 71 “we need you in our future” is a sentence that phos has probably ached to hear for centuries. “we need you. you are loved, you mean something, you are enough. you belong. we cannot build a future where you aren’t part of the equation. you matter”

and look at the way phos looks at euc. they can barely believe them and in fact they don’t. phos expresses some concern about dying (”after all, those less than 5 includes me”) but they still throw themselves into danger, they still take no care of themselves.

Phos’ self hatred and self-destructive tendencies run deeper than euc’s words could ever cut. those words meant well, but they were too little too late. phos thinks they don’t deserve this kind of hope, they cannot understand it, cannot fathom a world in which they are true and so they will go on believing that they are alone and worthless. next time they go on earth, they’ll go alone and unharmed

it is ironic. they did so much, they went to the moon and back multiple times, put their life on the line multiple times, made more progress toward unveiling the truth about the lunarians and finding a way for them to be free of samsara than anyone else did in hundreds (presumably) of thousands of years. they did it by themselves. in barely three hundred years. that’s impressive. and yet it’s not enough for phos. in their mind, they just keep failing.

so what’s the big deal? they can sacrifice themselves, it’s the least they can do and no one will miss them after all. unfortunately, this is true, at least to some extent.

im appalled by how little even the moon gems care about phos. they’re so self-centered it’s almost funny.

even alex, who has gone through loss and grief if not as much at least in a way similar to phos cannot find enough compassion in themselves to be concerned about phos’ wellbeing after a few months on the moon.

ive heard people mention how this could be a result of the moon people injecting who knows what into the gems or manipulating them someway or another, but i believe that there was no need to. phos is an anomaly after all, their kindness is an anomaly. the lustrous are little more than self-centered children: they are able of little if no introspection and they cannot process complex emotions like grief if not by shutting off those emotions altogether.

the moon gems are still vaguely concerned about phos. in ch 76, when phos departs for earth for the last time, they do tell them to be careful and come back if things get bad, but they do little more than that. it’s little comfort and too little emotional closeness and by no means close to the huge amount of support and (emotional) assistance that phos needs at this point.

phos tries to make do with what they have: a will to end this war and the superficial words of what should be their family, but it’s not even remotely enough. and yet phos, just like any other lustrous, is very bad at introspection: they don’t notice or if they notice they repress it. what’s one more thing down the subconscious after all? it’s fine. phos can take it, until they can no more and they snap without having any idea that they will snap.

phos’ journey, which has made them increasingly more emotional, fragile and human (the last one quite literally) has also made phos even more alone than they were at the beginning of the story. more alone, with the same sense of worthlessness, the same urgency to be good for something or self-destroy, and so much more grief, trauma, guilt and repressed emotions.

5. snapping

“I mustn’t think of anything” phos reminds themselves in ch 76. because thinking never brought anything good and because euc would see right through it.

once again, phos is repressing emotions. here they go, trying to be a cold blooded killer, ready to betray sensei again, the one person who has been good to them and that phos tried to hate with all their heart but just couldnt.

as ive written in a previous analysis, one of aechmea’s lowest blows was to tell the gems he was exploiting and manipulating to reach a salvation he doesnt deserve that if the gems want to acquire freedom they must do so by themselves. talk about coherence.

but that isnt all, he sinks even lower than this: he makes phos and the others question sensei’s affection for them. he says that sensei’s love is fake, it’s synthetic, the gems should totally make him pray or destroy him, no remorse, no strings attached. it’s such a dirty move.

no wonder it confuses phos even more. phos believes it, or tries to, they say they want to break sensei into pieces, but after the night raid they realize that it cant be that simple. sensei never attacked them. he has always been good to phos. and phos feels even more worthless, more of a traitor for daring believe in love, in sensei’s affection, when here they are, on the lunarians’ side, ready to betray him again.

how dare phos hope for anything? they dont deserve love, they dont deserve hope, they dont deserve happiness. they can try to give it to other people, they’ll kill themselves in order to do so, but they have no more hope and no love left for themselves, and they had so little to begin with.

as ive said, phos has little self-awareness and little introspection. i do believe that they had no idea they were going to snap until they did. even in ch 77, when sensei tells them he cannot pray, phos spends their last seconds of consciousness (before being attacked by all of the gems) to kindly ask him to pray. they dont care about themselves, but they dont reflect long enough to consider that reaching out to sensei like that could be interpreted as hostile by the paranoid earth gems. i think this is the first sign that phos is about to snap: they’re quite literally desperate.

tired beyond measure and forced to spend 220 more years in isolation, broken into pieces scattered all over the island, when phos comes to their senses again once kongo reassembles them they’re beyond despair. this war is taking the last toll on them and phos has no more energy to go on.

“please,” they say “pray. do it for no one else but me. grant me mercy,” from one bodhisattva to the other. they’re still somewhat normal, but when sensei fails to pray again phos can’t take it anymore. desperation and rage, fueled by hopelessness, worthlessness, grief and exhaustion make phos launch themselves against sensei, which, ironically, it’s exactly what the story needs.

apparently, phos is human enough to activate sensei but not human enough to make him pray. however, when the two of them join hands, sensei can actually pray. maybe it’s because both phos and sensei are intended to be bodhisattva? maybe because human voice commands are not as strong as contact? i have no idea.

phos has snapped by the way, and it’s weird how they go from “If only you weren’t here” to “sensei actually loves me” in a couple of chapters. in a certain way, we’re seeing phos going back to their roots: they love sensei and trust in sensei’s love, they’re once again openly emotional and impulsive, they’re once again ostracized by the gems (of course, much more violently this time).

i have written about how, after ‘fusing’ with sensei for a brief second, phos doesnt speak for the entirety of ch 81. they look and act like a literal monster, a scared animal, which is ironic since we know that they’re now human. i hypothesized that they might be reborn and that’s why they don’t speak, they’re a literal infant, but in light of ch 82, i think they’re simply hurt beyond measure.

they reversed to their old emotional persona, vomiting out all the emotions and pain and rage and hate they repressed during these 300 years. and yet they still don’t hurt anyone, not as much and as deliberately as they could at least.

they’re conscious enough to recognize the notebook and be reminded of their lost friends, realize how little the earth gems care for phos and for what they’re doing. and, i believe, when phos is rescued and comes back to the moon, they are, for the first time in the whole manga, enraged by the earth gems’ stupidity and sheer ungratefulness.

phos has been fighting for the wellbeing of everyone for centuries, putting their life on the line, never asking for anything in return and always believing that they were doing the right thing. and yet it’s not enough.

aechmea is a clever politician, and like every good politician he’s good at picking up changes and turning them in his favor.

he notices that there’s something wrong with phos and with the way they feel about the gems. maybe he doesnt yet realize that phos is angry at them for being ungrateful, but he senses something so he provokes phos: “you said to leave you on earth last time. did you change your mind?” that is “i’m not your enemy. see? im doing what you want me to do. not quite like those people down there on earth. oh, wait, were those your friends? aw, such a pity. to think they attacked you after everything you’ve done for them. but they’re your family, right? i’ll send you back to them if this is what you want. see? i’ll listen to your wishes. i am grateful.”

look how intently he looks at phos as phos incoherently and obsessively repeats the same thing over and over: “he would have prayed. he would have prayed for me. he loves me. he would have prayed.” if you want, this is also a syìubtle way for phos to apologize: they still feel responsible for their failure, but aechmea must understand: phos did everything they could, it would have worked, it was the gems’ fault.

adamant put phos back together, showing phos that he still cares. he is the only one that loves phos, while the gems (all gems, phos doesnt care much for differences at this point) keep hurting phos even if phos is only trying to help. so they must be killed. to hell with them all. and, notice, phos doesnt include themselves in the ‘gem’ category: they’re no longer a lustrous. they’re a monster, a liminal creature.

with nothing left to believe in if not sensei’s love and a promise to make him pray and then die in peace, phos wants to destroy the only thing that they believe stands between them and finally being useful, but also between them and freedom (freedom from suffering, from guilt, from existing, from their pain, from being): the gems.

this isn’t the first time that phos wants to kill something: in ch 68 they spoke about crushing sensei to pieces. it’s heartbreaking how phos went from “if only the moon people weren’t here” to “if only sensei weren’t here” to “if only the gems weren’t here.” will it turn into: “if only i weren’t here?” who are phos’ allies? who does phos feel kinship with? who is phos? they no longer know, and they’ve not known for a long time.

aechmea has noticed and he’s quick to turn the situation to his advantage. he shakes phos’ hand, he’ll grant them freedom just like phos will grant the lunarians’ freedom. he’ll forgive phos for failing, for their sins, for the bottomless despair and guilt that phos has been living with for centuries. salvation, hope, that is all phos needs.

as @rinboz pointed out, phos’ gold in ch 82 takes the shape of a lotus seed pod, a direct reference to when antarc was abducted and the gold had turned into a lotus flower.

through pain, phos had blossomed into a new character that day, marking the beginning of their long journey toward truth and toward discovering that there is no truth. the day the story changed from a coming of age manga to something much, much more intricate.

phos’ pod is empty, they have nothing left to lose, it’s a dead flower. this is the end of the journey that started with antarc’s abduction. when phos wakes up again, it will probably be with new memories and a new addition to their body, possibly red diamond.

phos’ self destruction has reached its apex because it finally became so intense to extend outwards, to other people that, in their immense grief, phos wants to bring down with them. this might be a minuscule form of progress: anger is better than repressing emotions at least, but phos’ problems are far from being solved.

6. on the future

what will be of phos then? it really depends.

the fact that they’re finally showing all that sufferance and those emotions they tried so hard to repress is good, but aechmea is still there to take advantage of it.

phos will never be free as long as they dont associate themselves with someone that truly loves them and as long as they cant find someone that can help them deal with their emotions. aechmea is just using them and only ichikawa knows what he meant when he told barbata to be careful with those 200 years emotions.

theoretically, phos was unconscious during the timelapse, but if there are emotions to treat carefully maybe they weren’t? maybe the change we’ve seen in phos this chapter depends on what they had to endure during that time. or maybe aechmea simply wants to make sure that his pet is easy to use.

i do believe we’re close to the end. i dont know if it will be the end of the series or just the end of phos as we know them. i could hope for something good to finally happen to them and for them to heal, but it would take a therapist or someone that loves phos.

maybe euclase could side up with sensei, they seemed the most concerned about phos’ status and the most prone to believe them. maybe goshe and cicada could do something again, maybe rutile will fix padpa once more and padpa will talk with the earth gems (not very likely, but im throwing theories left and right at this point), or maybe barbata will refuse to follow aechmea’s instructions, at least in part, and try to help phos.

as always, im afraid we’ll have to wait. in the meantime, please hug phos. if you read up to this point hug phos. hug them now and shower them with love, because no one else will

#houseki no kuni #land of the lustrous #hnk #phosphophyllite #meta #best

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be-not-afeared · 3 years

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Jaime Lannister and John Silver: of arcs and endings

Or, herein follows a possibly niche comparison between the character arcs of Jaime Lannister (Game of Thrones, HBO, 2011-2019) and John Silver (Black Sails, Starz, 2014-2017), in which I will argue that Jaime’s character arc fails not because of Jaime’s actions, but because of the way his story is framed to the viewer throughout the series, using Silver as a springboard to explore the requisites for a tragic yet satisfying ending.

(Yes, this is 5K words long. No, I am not sorry. Spoilers for Jaime’s and Silver’s storylines in their respective shows, and while I’ve tried to stay vague about the Bigger Picture, read at your own risk.)

Okay, so. I was, and still am, to an extent, a huge Game of Thrones fan. I’ve pored over the books, been to conventions, and spent a good couple of years while I was at uni discussing fan theories on message boards into the early hours of the morning. Jaime Lannister has been one of my favourite fictional characters for over a decade. Yet I certainly wasn’t alone in watching in horror as years of hopeful build up was thrown away in the span of one and a half episodes during the final season of the show. There are *many* things that hurt about season 8 of Game of Thrones. But the swift 180 we see in Jaime, from aiding the Starks in the Battle of Winterfell and finally choosing Brienne, to abandoning her to return to Cersei 20 minutes later, was, for me, one of the deepest cuts.

When I started watching Black Sails this August, I was immediately compelled by Silver – unsurprisingly, as someone who has exactly one favourite character type: Traumatised and Morally Grey Anti-Villain. Watching Silver’s character develop over the four seasons of Black Sails was an absolute joy, and his ending in the finale, though *incredibly difficult*, was nuanced and in character and satisfying. (Am going to try and keep as vague as possible on details here, because Black Sails is an incredible show that more people should watch and I don’t want to completely spoil the ending). Silver and Jaime are two characters with a lot of similarities and their characters arcs appear to run in direct parallel with each other: both selfish and arrogant men who become more empathetic and invested in others as the series progresses, in large part prompted by the loss of a limb. However, the gulf in reception of their overall arcs can be pinpointed to one huge disparity between the way both storylines were framed to the audience, and that is difference between redemption and tragedy.

“I was that hand”

But first! Let’s start with the more obvious stuff.

When we meet Jaime Lannister and John Silver in the pilots of their respective shows, they are both introduced as arrogant and self-serving – yet charming – men, who place the needs of themselves (and Cersei, in Jaime’s case) above all else. Silver kills and impersonates the cook on the merchant ship Flint’s crew captures, and has no qualms about lying his way onto the crew whilst simultaneously planning to sell the Urca schedule to the highest bidder. For Silver, his own survival comes before any sense of moral code. We are told stories about Jaime before we properly meet him – that he killed the previous king, Aerys Targaryen, that he has no honour – but nothing that we see first-hand contradicts this; at the end of the pilot he attempts to kill a child to cover up his and Cersei’s incestuous relationship. Silver is certainly supposed to be more likeable than Jaime, but both men, despite their lack of morals, are presented as charming, clever, and good with a one-liner. As we move through the early seasons of both shows, they are consistent in these traits, although Jaime is presented as an outright antagonist whereas Silver from the outset is a morally grey unknown entity, keeping viewers on our toes wondering if he’ll turn against Flint, against Billy, against Eleanor. Things change, for both men, however, with the direct lead up and fallout of the loss of a limb: Jaime’s hand and Silver’s leg.

The introduction of Brienne of Tarth as Jaime’s foil kickstarts his path towards becoming the honourable man he once dreamed of being. During their roadtrip across Westeros, she challenges him and is able to get under his skin in a way we haven’t yet seen before. This comes to a head when the duo are captured, and Jaime intervenes during her attempted rape, lying about her ransom worth and saving her from an awful fate. The result? The immediate amputation of Jaime’s sword hand, representative of Jaime’s identity (“I was that hand”). Jaime is punished for the first selfless act we see him commit on the show with the loss of the source of his power and self-worth.

Silver, in a similar fashion, finds himself in a position to save the crew he has spent two seasons disparaging. When he is offered the opportunity to betray his crew for an escape route, he refuses (the reasons for this refusal never outright stated, although I imagine Flint’s “where else will you wake up in the morning and matter” and Billy’s “that’s our brother you’ve got there” both factor heavily). Again, the result of this refusal is the brutal torture and eventual amputation of Silver’s leg – a man who in his own words is “not a joiner”, prone to taking what he needs and leaving, to reinventing himself, to always having an escape route. As actor Luke Arnold says: “He's a guy who's always had one leg out the door, and then they cut it off.”

What is interesting here is not only that we have two characters who are *punished* for moving beyond their selfishness, but that that punishment is specifically catered towards their defining characteristics. Jaime is left unable to fight, unable to defend himself, unable to uphold his reputation. Silver is left unable to run, unable to leave his past behind him, unable to remain without attachments. Both are left vulnerable. The loss of Jaime’s hand forces him to reinvent himself in a world ruled by swords; as Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, father to Tommen, and an honourable man working to uphold his oath, through Brienne, to Catelyn Stark. The loss of Silver’s leg, however, leaves him *unable* to reinvent himself; forcing him to rely on his crew and paving the way for the growth of his relationship with Flint and Madi. In losing their limbs both Jaime and Silver are set on paths towards gaining empathy, and are able to become invested in those around them.

“Defined by their histories, distorted to fit their narratives”

Game of Thrones and Black Sails both engage heavily with ideas of myth-making and storytelling. Stories are woven into the mythology of Westeros; a world with thousands of years of history revealed to us slowly over the seasons to suit the narrative and the teller. We are told the story of Rhaegar Targaryen’s kidnap and rape of Lyanna Stark in the pilot, and at first this serves to provide a tragic landscape for Robert’s unhealthy relationship with his wife and his crown. It is only as the show develops and we hear more about Rhaegar and Lyanna that we realise there is more to this story; in season 5 Littlefinger recounts the events of the Tourney of Harrenhal to foreshadow the reveal of Jon’s parentage later that season, that Rhaegar and Lyanna had a happy and consensual relationship and that it is Robert who could be viewed as the villain of this sequence. We are taught through watching the show to never assume that any given story is true. Black Sails similarly plays with the idea of the power of the storyteller, combining historical pirates with fictional pirates and an origin story for Treasure Island, and going to great lengths to show that history is in the hands of the victor. Most of the primary sources of pirate history are from the perspective of civilised England, and in the process of watching the show we come to realise the bias inherent in these histories; much like in Game of Thrones, they are stories, and should not be assumed to be either true or accurate. As Jack says in the finale: “a story is true, a story is untrue […] The stories we want to believe, those are the ones that survive”.

Jaime Lannister and John Silver are both characters defined by stories that are forced upon them without choice: the Kingslayer and Long John Silver. We meet Jaime as the Kingslayer; our opinion of him is immediately formed by the story of him stabbing in the back the King he had sworn to protect, and cemented by the fact that our protagonist, Ned Stark, a man we like and trust, is the one telling this story. The Kingslayer’s presence is so strong in the first two seasons of the show that Jaime becomes nameless, reduced to this one defining act. It is only after the loss of his hand, and through his developing bond with Brienne, that he is finally able to tell his own story and we realise our entire perception of Jaime’s character has been based on an incorrect interpretation of events: that in killing Aerys Targaryen Jaime was saving the population of Kings Landing from destruction via wildfire. It is only after the truth of this story has been revealed to us that Jaime is able to begin moving past the Kingslayer and forging a new identity.

We see this in reverse in Black Sails, for the story of Long John Silver is not introduced until the season 3 finale, but like Jaime, this story is not told by Silver. Billy creates the myth of Long John, commits the acts attributed to him, and uses him as a figurehead for the pirate rebellion all without Silver’s knowledge or consent. Season 4 sees Silver wrestle with this identity of King of the Pirates, surrounded by people who want to use ‘Long John Silver’ for their own benefit: Billy, Israel Hands, even Flint. As the power and influence of Long John Silver the story grows, John Silver the man is disregarded, and his value reduced to how he can further everyone else’s individual causes. Though he does embrace this title (for a time, at least) to further “Flint and Madi’s war”, a cause he doesn’t truly believe in beyond his investment in Flint and Madi as people, we come to realise that the ‘character’ of Long John Silver that we know from Treasure Island is only that: a character, a story, a collective created for a larger cause that Silver himself eventually betrays.

I have seen some criticism of this scene, but for me one of the few redeeming moments of the Game of Thrones finale was Brienne writing Jaime’s story in the Book of White. Despite Jaime’s less than satisfactory conclusion, with this act he is finally able to move past the Kingslayer; Brienne has rewritten his narrative, and he will be remembered as a Knight who “died protecting his Queen”. Silver is offered no such release. By contrast, the story of Long John Silver is all that will be remembered; the worst fear for a man who cannot bear for his own story to be known. Indeed, we learn that “those who stood to benefit most from [Long John Silver] were the most eager to leave it all behind”. While Jaime is able to escape the story of the Kingslayer, the story of Long John Silver is what will endure, “all that is left of [him] is the monster in the story they tell their children”. Hello Treasure Island.

“Reviled by so many for my finest act"

We can see here that Jaime and Silver’s narratives deal with similar themes, but often in contrasting ways. Just as with storytelling, Jaime and Silver’s backstories are key parts of their storylines in their respective shows, but operate with very different functions. (It is only as I am writing this that I’m realising how similar the themes of Game of Thrones and Black Sails actually are? If only Game of Thrones had the follow through of Black Sails... We were all rooting for you, etc etc).

Jaime’s backstory, and the truth of the act that earned him the title ‘Kingslayer’, is revealed to us mid-way through season 3. This comes at a very key moment for his character: Jaime has just lost his hand and is at his most vulnerable, and Brienne’s stubborn and persistent honour is clearly starting to affect him. “I trust you,” he says to her in the bathroom scene in 3x05, and we can assume that this is the first time he has said this to someone who isn’t a Lannister in quite some time, possibly ever. Essentially, the reveal of Jaime’s backstory comes at a moment where we are already beginning to soften towards him and are therefore open to hearing an alternative interpretation of events. While Jaime needs to be able to tell his story to begin to move past the identity of the Kingslayer, if this reveal had come too soon it wouldn’t have had the same dramatic effect, as viewers wouldn’t have been open to seeing him in a different light. All we saw of Jaime in the first two seasons was the “man without honour” that everyone believes him to be; by mid-season three we are already beginning to realise that there is perhaps more to him that meets the eye, so the reveal of his backstory has the most impact.

(This is exactly what Black Sails does with Flint’s backstory, and I firmly believe that if we had been told his story in season one as was originally the plan it wouldn’t have been anywhere near as effective. We needed to know more about Flint, and to see his uneasy partnership with Silver begin to develop as we delved into the backstory piece by piece, so that by 2x05 our hearts were ready to be broken. Buuut that’s a different essay.)

Black Sails loves a backstory. As we move through the show we slowly learn why and how our favourite characters came to be in Nassau , and universally these reveals add to our understanding of that character and their motivations: for Flint, for Billy, for Max, for Jack. We enter season four with Silver as the only character we don’t know anything about prior to the pilot. Surely then, we were about to get a ‘Jaime Lannister bathroom scene’ equivalent, a moment that will add depth and understanding to Silver’s character? Were any of the stories he has told about his past true? Who is Solomon Little? … Instead, what we get is one of my favourite sequences of the entire show, in which, after Flint realises that he knows nothing of Silver’s past, Silver reveals that Flint, and by proxy the viewer, knows “of [him] all [he] can bear to be known”. Silver is the ultimate storyteller, master of manipulating and deceiving others through the power of a narrative, yet he cannot bear to be the story himself. We never learn Silver’s backstory, and all he reveals of his past is that it speaks to “events of the kind no one can divine any meaning from, other than the world is a place of unending horrors”; he has chosen to repress his past, has rendered it unspeakable, and both Flint and the viewer are only left to wonder at what these “horrors” could be.

Although this lack of backstory adds nothing to our view of who Silver *was*, it is key to understanding who Silver *is*, and *why* Silver makes some of his more controversial choices further down the line. Silver’s need to repress his past is as key to his character as Flint’s need to define himself by his own backstory. We understand from this that Silver has experienced a level of trauma which is unspeakable, quite a feat for a show with plenty of other horrific backstories and especially pertinent given that Silver is one of our most gifted orators. Silver’s inability to process his past explains a lot of his actions in the early seasons; his coping mechanism has been to move through life without forming attachments, convincing himself that he doesn’t need (and shouldn’t need) other people. It is safe to assume that Madi and Flint are the first people he has let himself be truly vulnerable with, which paints his actions throughout season four in a different light; loving people is new for Silver, and he doesn’t know how to do it in a healthy or selfless way. The placement of this scene is as important to Black Sails as Jamie’s bathroom scene is to Game of Thrones; we needed to have already seen Long John Silver’s significance to the war spiral beyond Silver’s control, to have seen him become compromised by his love for Madi and the beginnings of the collapse of his partnership with Flint, for this scene to pack the punch that it aims for and to beautifully set up the culmination of his arc in the finale. How devastating, for a man who cannot bear for himself to be known, to be the one figure whose story will outlive them all.

Both of these scenes have stayed with me long past my first watch, and feel vital to understanding Jaime and Silver as characters. For Jaime, his backstory informs all his actions moving forward, his desire to transcend the Kingslayer, to become an “Oathkeeper”, or even “Golden-hand the Just”. For Silver, his lack of backstory informs all his actions up to this point in the narrative and prepares us for the choices to come. Just as Jaime is defined by his past, Silver is defined by his *lack* of past.

“This is not what I wanted”

So, we’ve tracked Jaime and Silver’s characters throughout the show, but how do they both end? The answer, of course, is… tragically. Jaime is offered a glimpse at what could be a peaceful life, in Winterfell with Brienne, before turning it down to return to Cersei’s side only to meet his end while the duo try to escape the collapsing walls of Kings Landing. Silver betrays Flint and Madi in a horrific fashion, ensuring that they both survive though knowing that in doing so he was destroying his relationship with Flint and that there was a chance Madi would never forgive him his actions. (Or, this is my chosen interpretation of the ending, in any case, although the point still works if you prefer one of the other readings). Just thinking about Silver’s ending in Black Sails makes me want to cry. Thinking about Jaime’s ending in Game of Thrones makes to want to cry too, although for a very different reason. Neither are the ending we would hope for these characters in an optimistic and ideal world. But Silver’s decision to betray Flint and Madi feels narratively satisfying in a way that Jaime’s decision to betray Brienne and return to Cersei never could. Why is that?

Jaime Lannister’s character progression from season 3 onwards was set up as a redemption arc. We thought we were watching a jaded and selfish man become an honourable man. The show, admittedly, takes its sweet time with this journey in comparison to the book equivalent, and inserts some *interesting* deviations which I won’t dwell on here (looking at you 4x03 and the entirety of season 5). But, ultimately, the journey that Jaime finds himself on from the moment he loses his hand seems to be heading for a triumphant ending. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t expecting him to survive the series. But I was expecting him to go out in a blaze of glory – fighting side by side with Brienne, perhaps, or protecting Bran, or one of the other characters he had wronged in the past. There was also always the chance that he would end up fulfilling the much subscribed to book theory of the valonqar, although this admittedly looked less likely as that particular line of the prophecy was cut from the show. When Jaime finally leaves Cersei at the end of season 7 it is such a triumphant moment – after years of struggling with these warring parts of himself, his toxic love for Cersei and his growing moral conscience, a decision had been made and a tie cut. We enter season 8 assuming that there is no going back. We don’t get a hint of any conflicting feelings from Jaime about this decision in the first half of season 8; we are focused on preparation for the Battle of Winterfell, and revelling in the joy of having Jaime and Brienne in the same place for longer than a single episode for the first time since season 4. We get the knighting scene (which, let’s be honest, is where the season peaks). We get the battle. We get the sex scene between Jaime and Brienne (which I… don’t love, for many reasons up to and including the weird virgin shaming jokes from Tyrion in the previous scene and their level of intoxication, but still gives no hint that Jaime is battling an inner war). And then later in that same episode, despite Brienne pleading with him to stay, we get Jaime’s snap decision to return to Kings Landing to attempt to save Cersei: “You think I’m a good man? […] She’s hateful, and so am I”.

The issue here isn’t the decision itself, or Jaime’s choice of words. We know that Jaime isn’t a good man. We know that he’s done awful things for Cersei’s love. And, if we think about it, it makes sense that he wouldn’t be able to leave behind a lifelong co-dependent and unhealthy relationship without looking back, and that he would be driven to return to Cersei’s side when the reality of her impending death hit. The issue is that none of this decision making is presented in the show itself; there was no build up, no foreshadowing. Instead of showing us why this decision was made, the show presents this scene as a shock twist, leaving the viewer with whiplash wondering how Jaime’s story could have taken such an unexpected turn so quickly. The redemption arc that we all thought we were watching was not a redemption arc at all, and don’t think I was alone in finding this revelation deeply unsatisfying.

Let’s leave Jaime for a moment and turn to John Silver. Even for viewers who entered Black Sails without knowing they were watching a prequel to Treasure Island (such as myself!), we can assume that most people have heard of the fictional pirate Long John Silver: the ‘villain’ of Robert Louis Stevenson’s adventure who embodies what it means to be a “gentleman of fortune”. When we meet clean-shaved, smarmy, two-legged Silver in the pilot most viewers will at least have an idea of the trajectory his arc will take – and that it won’t end with him and Flint skipping off into the sunset hand in hand. We know, because of history, that the pirate rebellion is doomed to fail, that slavery does not end in the West Indies, that Nassau does indeed fall back under English rule, and that piracy is eventually stamped out of New Providence. And we know, because of Treasure Island, that John Silver will end up hunting for Captain Flint’s treasure, while Billy Bones dies from a stroke at the very idea of a visit from Long John and Flint drinks himself to death in Savannah. In essence, we know that we are watching a tragedy.

The genre of tragedy dates back to Ancient Greece, and describes a narrative that presents an examination of human suffering while evoking a sense of catharsis. Aristotle defines tragedy as “an imitation of an action that is serious, complete, and of a certain magnitude … through pity and fear effecting the proper purgation [release] of these emotions.” In other words, in order for a tragedy to achieve this state of emotional release, we as the viewer need to both anticipate (or, fear) the resolution and feel sympathy (or, pity) towards the tragic hero. Black Sails does this masterfully. The pathway towards the destruction of Silver and Flint’s partnership has its grounds as early as season 2, before it has even really started to develop, where Silver talks of his fears of being “used and discarded” by Flint. In the finale of season 3 it is made explicit during their conversation before the battle, with Silver interrogating what he sees as the pattern of Flint’s loved ones dying “not just during [their] relationship, but because of it”. Silver finds himself “unnerved by the thought that when this pattern applies itself to [Flint] and [Silver], that [he] will be the end of [Flint]”. As they lock eyes across the water later on in this episode, the setup of their opposition, complicated by the genuine care between them, is complete, and we enter season 4 dreading the crumbling of their relationship. Season 4 dangles this dramatic irony over us; every time Flint mentions the indestructible force of their partnership, the things they can achieve when there is “no daylight” between them; every time Silver mentions that Flint has his “genuine trust and friendship”; every time they both speak of their partnership in the same terms as the love that Silver holds for Madi, “I’m committed to Flint, I’m committed to Madi” / “he is my friend, too”, we dread the moment where this will all change. We may not know how it will play out, but we know it is coming. The “fear” is very much present. As, indeed, is the “pity”. We understand why Silver makes the decision he does, even if we don’t agree with it. The show has taken lengths to track the development of Silver’s ability to care and make himself vulnerable to others; we believe in his love for Madi, and understand why he believes that he is doing the right thing. Silver’s tragic flaw is that in gaining empathy his selfishness moves to encompass those he cares about; he will do dark things to protect them without consideration of their own choices or agency. The finale of Black Sails is difficult, beautiful, and yes, tragic, but we end Silver’s story understanding and perhaps even empathising with the decisions he made, believing him when he says that “this is not what [he] wanted”.

Tragedy vs redemption

John Silver’s story is a tragedy. And I believe that Jaime Lannister’s story is also a tragedy; a deeply flawed man who tries to escape the inevitability of an abusive and unhealthy relationship, only to eventually fall back into this cycle and become consumed by it. The problem is that this wasn’t the story we thought we were watching. The ending of Jamie’s character arc has none of the fear, none of the pity, none of the catharsis of Silver’s, because there was no signposting towards this end. If Jaime’s arc had been treated as a tragedy from the outset then perhaps it would have felt emotionally satisfying rather than rushed and unexpected.

Admittedly, as Jaime is not as central to Game of Thrones as Silver is to Black Sails, the show could not spend as much time detailing his inner world as Black Sails does to the latter. However, if the show had framed Jaime’s story with a sense of tragedy rather than triumph, then his decision to return to Cersei in season 8 would have had the same inevitability as Silver’s betrayal. In season 1 of Game of Thrones, as in the first instalment of A Song of Ice and Fire, Cersei tells Ned Stark that she and Jaime “are more than brother and sister. We shared a womb, came into this world together. We belong together”. However, the show doesn’t include Jaime and Cersei’s later, darker ruminations, that “we will die together as we were born together” (Jaime, ASOS), and “we will leave this world together, as we once came into it” (Cersei, AFFC). Jaime and Cersei’s doomed fate in the books is entangled in a way it never is in the show, and doubly so when you factor in the possibility of Jaime actively causing Cersei’s end due to the valonqar prophecy. In addition to this, if we had seen Jaime leave Cersei earlier in the narrative and then grapple with this decision, showing him struggling to be the man Brienne believes him to be and overcome his past actions, then his failure wouldn’t have seemed so out of the blue. With very little effort or changes on the part of the show, Jaime’s *entire* arc could have been framed in a way that would have made his death a tragically fitting end to his and Cersei’s story.

Jaime and Silver both end their respective narratives in very similar places to when they were introduced, or at least they do on the surface: Jaime unable to leave Cersei even in death, Silver alone and eventually chasing treasure (yes, Madi is still in the picture, but I don’t think we are meant to infer that their future relationship will be a trusting one). However, for Silver, this similarity is only surface deep, for we followed his growth and development and understand the tragedy of his choices. Although Jaime goes through a very similar pattern of growth, the framing of his arc as redemptive means that the unexpected nosedive into tragedy in season 8 doesn’t have the weight or impact that it intends, and we are left without understanding *why* he makes his choices. Jaime’s arc is a failed tragedy that doesn’t fulfil the cathartic requirements of the genre, but with a bit of reframing it could have been as emotionally resonant as Silver’s.

Long story short: watch Black Sails.

#game of thrones #asoaif #Black Sails #jaime lannister #john silver #long john silver #black sails meta #game of thrones meta #also this is just my opinion and i am fully aware i have blind spots when it comes to both of these characters #this is just part of my new agenda to make everyone in my life watch black sails

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theheightofdishonor · 4 years

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@asilhalawadi I retyped it from memory.

There’s a lot of things the Beyblade Metal Saga get wrong (do not get me started on how dirty they did Yu) but when they got it right, it was brilliant and the connection between Ryuga, Tsubasa, and Kyoya, is one of those things.

So starting in Metal Fusion, these three are set against each other as Gingka’s rivals- I single them out specifically because these are the only rivalries that span the entire Saga. You’ve got Kyoya who starts out intimidating but is quickly established a reliable ally-no matter what he says on the contrary. There’s Tsubasa who you can’t quite get a read on until well into the third act of Fusion but ,eventually chooses a side and sticks to it. Then there’s Ryuga, the “big bad” who never chooses Gingka’s “side” even as Gingka saves his life, he’s a wild card and they often emphasize his untrustworthiness throughout the Saga. Green, Purple and Red respectively.

It’s easier to split this up and discuss the inner dynamics first so Imma start with Kyoya-Ryuga. Controversial opinion but these two are just slight variations on all the same characteristics;their personalities are centered around individuality, mistrust, arrogance, a lack of manners, and a specific honor code that they don’t like revealing- they’re mirrors.It’s interesting to note that their respective colours (the colour of their auras, Kyoya’s green and Ryuga’s Red) are complementary colours. On a colour wheel, Red is directly opposite from Green. Even as they go through the same things, they’re on different sides. In Fusion, they’re both manipulated by Doji and fight to truly develop their own personality but they’re pitted against each other. In Masters, their developments take place mostly off-screen, never meeting and in Fury, they’re once again major players on opposing sides. There is exactly two points in the series where these two collide (other than Ryuga’s death)

The first is Battle Bladers. Their match in Battle Bladers is fundamental in understanding how their characters connect. Seriously watch it, it’s one of the best battles in the Saga. Ryuga begins by trashing the stadium before the battle begins, a move that Kyoya counters by destroying the stadium even more. It’s a statement of power as much as an intimidation tactic and neither backs down. Their battle continues the same way as they snark back at each other and exchange blows each with the force of a special move. It’s very “fight fire with fire”, “eye for an eye” and it works better than anyone would have thought. Tsubasa may be the first person to ever withstand the Dark Move but Kyoya’s the first one Ryuga fully takes seriously. It’s a fascinating battle. Kyoya taunts Ryuga to force him to use his full strength and Ryuga complies-knowingly. (The implications of him temporarily pushing back the Dark Force just because Kyoya asked-I) Kyoya has full confidence that his taunts will work, he admits as much. Ryuga, for his part, verbally praises Kyoya for being the only person to ever push him this far. (Granted, the way he says it, it’s more of an insult but.) They’re so equal in power that the battle was actually up to toss before Ryuga got possessed. But the thing with fighting fire with fire is that it leads to a lot of people getting burned. Ryuga gets thoroughly possessed (and would likely have stayed that way if not for Gingka) and Kyoya is impaled by a demon spirit. (Remind me to speculate on Hikaru and Kyoya’s response to the Dark Power). It doesn’t end well for either of them- but they’re equals.

In Metal Masters, they’re both demoted to secondary characters. They get lives outside of Gingka and don’t meet face to face until Metal Fury. Like I said, their arcs are parallel so it makes sense that the next time they battle toe to toe- they’re both on the verge of a series long personal conflict that has direct consequences on the fate of the world. This time, Ryuga is the self-assured one, he had an entire (mostly)Gingka-free season to sort out his issues and grow in power. Kyoya, on the other hand, isn’t even comfortable with his new bey yet and it’s almost depressing how quickly Ryuga wins that match. Ryuga even marks on it, that although their beys may be equal in power, they themselves no longer are equals. Their maths are set into motion and that’s the last communication between the two of them.

Their individual conflicts in Fury are actually the same exact problem- stemming from the fact that they are both horrified at the thought of selflessness. They have to justify their actions as something that directly affects them and being tied down by caring about something else is one of the worst things imaginable. By this meeting in Fury, Kyoya was a ticking bomb that had its roots all the way back to the beginning of Masters. In Fusion, they had become friends, but when Masters starts, Kyoya forces their relationship strictly back into rivals and does his bet to keep it that way. (I feel so bad for Gingka who literally gets nightmares about this moment) Even when he shows up to stop Ziggurat like some kind of guardian angel with impeccable timing - he’s quick to clarify that he’s not there for Gingka and only showed up because he thought Ryuga’s presence in the World Championships was suspicious. Like he’s right but ouch. It’s important to note that no one ever calls him out on this behavior where even as he helps and fights alongside them, he’s denying that he cares. I can’t even blame them for it because it wasn’t worth the effort.

When Kyoya actively joins Gingka again in Fury to search for Legendary Bladers, he’s obviously uncomfortable with the situation. I mean, there’s only so much you can pile under the justification of doing it to secure your rivalry. Let’s be real, that excuse barely worked even all the way back in Fusion when Kyoya joined forces with a couple of people he can’t stand to follow Gingka all the way to effing Koma Village. So him going batshit was inevitable, Aguma was just the spark.

Ryuga is in the same boat, except when he professes to not care, it’s much more believable unless you take a good look at his actions. His help in defeating Ziggurat could be attributed to his canon reason of dealing with ghosts from his past. But that doesn’t explain why he practically forces Gingka to realize his bey’s power before his battle with Julian or him advising Tsubasa on overcoming the Dark Power and even making sure Tsubasa gets back to his team. When Fury starts, the audience has a reluctant hope that Ryuga will help- a thought that is promptly and swiftly crushed with a sledgehammer. You’re given a bit of hope again as we explore Ryuga and Kenta’s bonds and are barraged with scenes of Ryuga displaying consideration if not concern for the actual child following him around. But it’s not to be. In a scene that’s actually very similar to Ryuga’s OG battle with Kyoya, Doji taunts Ryuga who allows that taunt to influence his actions and again, it ends badly for him. Not only does he fully revive Nemesis, it ends up leading to his own death.

However, Ryuga does a 180 in death and his affection for Kenta/honour/guilt that this kid’s going to kill himself because he blames himself for your death brings Ryuga back to life (?) to hand the Star Fragment to Kenta. But it’s already too late and Zeus’s barrier doesn’t hold even with a replacement Summer constellation bey. His grand gesture, which is actually super emotional when you watch the entire thing, ends up doing nothing other than prolonging the battle.

But, but, but. In that very last moment when all hope is gone and Pegasus is the only bey left spinning, Kyoya admits what he’s been denying for years- the effect Gingka has had on his life and that he cares for the guy. In a show of trust that Kyoya from even a couple days previous would never have done, Kyoya offers his bey spirit along with that of his precious Leon’s to Gingka. This, of course, prompts everyone else to do the same and Gingka defeats Nemesis and saves the world. But it wouldn’t have happened without Kyoya doing that. One lives, one dies.

Now, Kyoya-Tsubasa. No worries, the rest of this is going to be significantly shorter. Green and Purple, both cool/secondary colours, are on the same side Despite this, Kyoya and Tsubasa kind of end up playing tag throughout the Saga. In Fusion, Kyoya’s the one at Gingka’s side until Doji switches the battle order in Battle Bladers and suddenly, tag, Tsubasa’s the one facing Ryuga. He loses, tag, Kyoya’s turn. In Masters, Tsubasa’s “tagged” and is now the one who travels with Gingka while Kyoya takes off and then there’s a brief pause for the Season Finale™. In Fury, Kyoya gets the star fragment, tag, he’s the one traveling with Gingka now and out of the two, Kyoya’s the one in the limelight for the rest of the season.

On a superficial level, Kyoya and Tsubasa are opposites. Kyoya’s brash where Tsubasa is reserved. Kyoya clashes head on, Tsubasa keeps his cool. Yet, under the surface, they’re alike- moody, antisocial, and emotionally constipated. Jk, that part’s not til later. Really though, they’re pretty alike. Despite Kyoya’s abrasiveness, he’s almost always got some kind of plan in battle (even if they’re occasionally dumb things like let’s start a tornado which could potentially sweep away the helicopter that’s our ride out of here) and Tsubasa is no stranger to winging it -hacking the Dark Nebula without planning it beforehand, anyone?. Their differences balance the other person out. They’re almost foils in a manner.

With these two, Fusion is the place to be. (two pints of Sam Adams and I’m workin on three) Specifically, Tsubasa’s match with Ryuga and Kyoya’s attitude about it.That clip displays it better than I could explain. Tsubasa spends most of the actual battle avoiding El Drago- his plan is to draw out El Drago’s full strength and then attack when Ryuga’s at his weakest. (it makes more sense in the story) Everyone in the stadium is against this- the crowd is booing, even Gingka and the rest of their friends are unsure but Kyoya doesn’t lose faith for a second. He urges Tsubasa to not pay attention to the crowd-to trust his instincts and at that moment, he’s the only person that believes in Tsubasa. His faith is rewarded as Tsubasa becomes the first person to withstand the Dark Move.

Despite having never battled each other, Tsubasa and Kyoya are established as equals in skill, power and intellect. And then the World Championships Qualifiers starts and along with it, Tsubasa and Kyoya’s one and only match.. The episode actually does most of the work for you by reflecting on these two, their skills and personalities. If you hadn’t thought of it already, you have now been spoonfed that Kyoya and Tsubasa are equals. The battle starts and them being equals is hammered in some more as they comment on how they know all of each other’s moves. But they don’t and Kyoya crushes him. Whether Kyoya would still have won if Tsubasa wasn’t possessed is up to debate. But the scales tip, nonetheless, and although Tsubasa overcomes the Dark Power, we’re not given a marker of any sort to tell if Tsubasa got stronger by the end. This is further complicated because in Fusion, Tsubasa never shows the extent of his power, so we don’t know if the Tsubasa that defeated the Dark Power is stronger than the Tsubasa before it. Either way, this battle marks the end of them as Tsubasa stagnates and Kyoya continues to grow stronger.

Next is Tsubasa-Ryuga, also known as my shortest section because there is exactly one thing and one thing only that ties them together- the Dark Power. Initially there are two reasons because it’s Tsubasa’s job to spy on Ryuga but the Dark Power’s more important and they didn’t interact much because of that job, anyway. Although the weakest pairing in this triangle, they have the most significant meetings, a grand total of 4, 1 of which, notably, is not a battle. The first one occurs when Doji attempts to feed Tsubasa’s power to Ryuga once Tsubasa is revealed to be a spy. It ends in a draw because Phoenix saves him from imminent failure. The second one is the Battle Bladers Match-the one where a bit of the Dark Power latches on to Tsubasa’s soul. The third is in Metal Masters. Under instructions from the WBBA, Hyoma tracks down Ryuga who then finds Tsubasa and gives him advice on defeating the Dark Power (while destroying Excalibur for the hell of it) and safely delivers him to Gingka and co. It’s the weirdest episode- plays straight out of an alternative universe. In Fury, they meet for the last time in a completely random tournament while both are searching for Legendary Bladers. They battle, Ryuga wins and again, it’s straight out of an alternative universe because Ryuga’s almost cordial- at least compared to his usual version. Like if you look at his other battles, Ryuga in this clip can even be called nice. If you watch it, you’ll note the exact second Tsubasa determines that Ryuga’s crazy. It’s also got the line “The Dragon Emperor just is The Dragon Emperor” which cracks me up for no reason. Personally, I do think Ryuga’s a smidgen softer on Tsubasa because of the shared Dark Power thing but they don’t interact nearly enough to confirm it.

(When I say last time, I do mean face to face confrontations, and not them just happening to be at the same place)

Between the three of them, they’ve got this complicated push-pull dynamic despite very limited interaction between them. They’ve also got a long list in common; from personality traits:prickly, hard-working, skilled, smart, mistrustful/suspicious, pessimistic, confident if not overconfident, antisocial, habits: most at home in the wild, unusually strong connections to their beys, and the weirdest of all; Yu who has idolized all three of them right around the time of their biggest self-crisis; Ryuga, Tsubasa and Kyoya in that order.

#beyblade #metal saga #beyblade metal saga #beyblade metal masters #beyblade metal fury #beyblade metal fusion #metal masters #metal fury #metal fusion #gingka hagane #kyoya tategami #tsubasa otori #tsubasa beyblade #ryuga #beyblade ryuga #ryuga beyblade #meta

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manifestationtips4you · 3 years

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5 Simple Ways to Change Your Life With The Law Of Attraction (Learn This)

Johanna, a college student from Kuala Lumpur, had been struggling to finish her studies.

She was living in a dorm with other students and had trouble making ends meet.

Johanna was on a scholarship which meant she needed to keep her grades high while working part-time to support her living expenses.

Strapped for time and resources, she barely got by and started feeling burnt out. If Johanna wasn't hitting the books, she was working.

Everything started to become a blur and she was losing motivation to keep going.

It got so bad that Johanna even thought about telling her parents she couldn't do it anymore and drop out of college.

But then a classmate from her philosophy class introduced her to the Law of Attraction.

Jacques, a foreign exchange student from Canada, had been reading up on it and applied it in his own life.

According to him, it had helped him manifest a solution to his own problems.

He had lived in an abusive home growing up, and Jacques learned how to shift his thinking and perspective to change his circumstances.

Johanna wasn't sure at first what to make of it, but she took Jacques's word for it and started applying its principles in her own life.

Click Here To Discover the Lazy Person's Secret To Get Everything You've Ever Wished For <= [Link this text via your affiliate link]

After she made a shift in her own mindset and attitude, Johanna started to experience some positive changes.

She eventually quit her part-time job and found another one with better pay and hours which helped with her living expenses.

It also helped free up her time, so she managed to study AND start a side income project selling items online.

Johanna ended up growing her side business so much that she got Jacques to help her manage it.

By the end of the academic year, she had turned into a completely different person.

Johanna was no longer a depressed, burned-out student from before. She had become a self-sufficient student and even made the dean's list!

The Power of Changing Your Focus

Sometimes, we get so discouraged that we feel powerless to change our situation.

Like Johanna, we fall into a FIXED mindset where we think things will stay the same and we can't do anything about it.

But the only way to break out of this negative spiral is by changing your INNER world.

This is the key to influencing your external world so you can move forward in life.

In a nutshell, the Law of Attraction is a way of living that requires you to change your frequency.

When you do this, the Universe will pick up your signal and your life will change for the better.

As for the frequency I mentioned, this is basically the vibration of energy that your mind gives off.

You can either operate at a high or low vibration, and each type will give you a specific result.

Most people don't realize they're giving off low-frequency energy, which is actually making their situation worse. Discover the Lazy Person's Secret To Get Everything You've Ever Wished For - CLICK HERE

The main problem is when you attach your emotions to your external circumstances.

For instance, it's easy to feel bad when you're broke. And naturally, it's just as easy feel the opposite if you had money in the bank.

Similarly, seeing other people in a happy, romantic relationship will make you bitter and angry if you're single.

And so on…

I'm not saying it's wrong to feel bad about things like that. However, you shouldn't use your circumstances (and how you FEEL about them) as an excuse to STOP trying.

People fail to realize that NOT doing anything about their situation will only make them feel WORSE. And this further traps them in a vicious cycle of negativity and inaction.

Thus, the Law of Attraction will help you install a more positive attitude in your consciousness.

This keeps your mind from being overrun by negativity - and more importantly, give you the leverage to BREAK FREE from your situation.

With some practice, your thoughts and actions will effortlessly work together to attract positive circumstances in your life.

But where should you start? Here are some ways to put the Law of Attraction into action and start creating massive changes:

#1: Share Your Gifts to the World

The Bible talks about the power of giving, and how it outweighs the benefits of getting.

But no matter what your faith or beliefs are, it helps to think of generosity on a LARGER SCALE.

Giving is more than just a virtue - it's a type of cosmic currency.

When you perform acts of kindness or share your resources for no other reason than WANTING TO, you're putting this currency into circulation.

And soon enough, this positive energy you send into the world - and the Universe as a whole - will find its way back to you.

You won't get it in the same form, but it will come around, one way or another.

I know that sometimes, giving feels like the LAST thing you want to do - especially when your own life is lacking in some capacity.

Why bother extending yourself when you've got enough to worry about for yourself?

But that's exactly the point.

Giving - even when you THINK you can't - will prove that this is a FALSE perception.

Let your acts of generosity serve as a reminder to everyone that in spite of everything, life IS and will ALWAYS be abundant.

Trust in the infinite energy of the Universe and tune into its unique frequency.

Your selflessness is the key to that. A generous attitude raises the quality of the vibrations you send out into the world.

Escaping the scarcity mindset and the fear of not having enough is one of the most liberating things you can do.

By doing so, you're FREE to improve the lives of others - and yours in the process.

Learn How To Use Destiny Tuning To Manifest The Life You Want - CLICK HERE

#2: Stop hanging out with losers

I don't mean to sound judgmental, but there are people in your life that will try to drag you down, whether they're aware of it or not.

You should avoid them at all costs.

People in a bad situation will try to feel better about themselves by spreading their toxic way of thinking to others.

They pull others down with their hurtful words, or convince them that they're not good enough.

Instead of doing something about their own situation, it's easier to go down this dark path and take everyone else with them.

And the Law of Attraction states that when you focus on something, the Universe will feed you more of the SAME.

So the good news is that you can choose to avoid this downward spiral and get on another path instead.

This is why you need to be careful about the company you keep. Choose the people that can share their constructive energy with you.

If their attitude, mindset and words lift you up, you know you're in the right place.

Their energy is contagious, and you'll naturally raise your own frequency and attract only good things in your life.

As for toxic people, I know there are times when you simply can't avoid them.

They could be family, friends, or co-workers - and you might be even living with some of them.

It's a challenge for sure, but do your best not to let their negative energy get to you.

You don't have to butt heads with them and simply respond with positivity.

If you're in a conversation with them, try to frame it in a healthy, positive way so you don't get sucked into their toxic field of gravity.

You don't have to change their mind; just take the “agree to disagree” route and leave it at that.

Who knows, your own energy might “rub off” on their consciousness. They might even think about what you told them and re-evaluate their own perspective.

#3: Get out from under the grind

We all have our lives to lead, and that means falling into a routine.

Now, don't get me wrong - having structure in your life is important and even necessary.

At a basic level, we need it to function on a daily basis. Incorporating helpful habits into your everyday routine is a GOOD thing.

However, there is a danger in being TOO embedded in it and shutting yourself off to trying NEW things.

Sticking too closely to your routine could make you afraid of the unfamiliar and uncomfortable - and hinder your GROWTH in the process.

So if you want to attract new and exciting things into your life, you should carve out some room for that.

Learn How To Use Destiny Tuning To Manifest The Life You Want - CLICK HERE

Doing things that help you grow ALWAYS has a place in a well-balanced life. A stable, healthy routine is the best way to avoid a soul-crushing existence.

What are the things that inspire you?

Outside of your usual chores and duties, what gives you a sense of fulfillment - even if it doesn't pay the bills?

People usually shoot down any desire for this because they're afraid they “don't have enough time.”

But you'll see just how flimsy that excuse is once you actually take the plunge and spend that time you didn't think you had.

In as little as half an hour, you could engage in a fulfilling pursuit. Find (or rekindle) a hobby, take up an online course or watch free videos.

Let it energize your senses, inspire you to greatness and empower you to create something wonderful in this world.

More than that, you can acquire knowledge to advance you in some way, like learning a skill, for example.

I recently came across a post on Twitter that made me smile.

It said: “There's too much free information online for y'all not be crushin it in whatever field.”

Use your precious time to invest in a better you and express yourself through your passions.

Don't worry about the “if”s and “how”s. Just get started with something now, and the rest of your life will adjust to it.

You won't know what new avenues will open up UNTIL you get the ball rolling,

#4: Quiet your mind

Meditation is one habit that goes very well with practicing the Law of Attraction.

When you learn how to control your thoughts (instead of the other way around), you're in the best position to manifest the things you want.

A lot of people find it challenging to keep their thoughts above water when they're flooded with negative emotions.

With meditation, you can take a step back and remove yourself from a situation in a healthy way.

There are books, free content online and mobile apps that can help you with this.

For instance, I just tried out the Insight app on my phone which is kind of like the YouTube equivalent for meditation.

Learn How To Use Destiny Tuning To Manifest The Life You Want - CLICK HERE

You can search by a specific person or channel, or even topics like easing anxiety, anger management, and so on.

This is a low-maintenance habit which will only take about 10-15 minutes daily. You could even spend five minutes if you're really strapped for time!

This basically works by sitting down on the floor (or a chair) and closing your eyes.

The idea is to take slow, measured breaths and pay attention to the physical sensations you're feeling at the moment.

Are your muscles tense? Is your heart beating quickly from the stress you're currently experiencing?

These are some of the things to be mindful of as you breathe in and out. If any other thoughts enter your mind, don't resist it.

Don't chase after them and just let it pass. Then you can go back to focusing on the rhythm of your breath.

Take this time to focus on the feelings of love, health, success and prosperity.

In other words, the things you want to ATTRACT.

Concentrate your attention on inhaling and exhaling. Once you've calmed your mind enough, you're ready to visualize the things you want to manifest in life.

This will have a powerful effect on your subconscious and put you on the path towards your goals.

And that brings us to the last life-changing habit…

#5: Affirmations

Muhammad Ali, one of the greatest boxers in history, was known for saying, “What you're thinking is what you're becoming.”

Indeed.

That attitude helped him become what he was, and it will serve you well, too.

Most of the time, people don't pay attention to the kind of thoughts they hold in their heads.

Left unchecked, they often feed into a toxic narrative they have about themselves without realizing it.

Like I said earlier, what you put in your subconscious affects you.

The things you tell yourself are like seeds you plant in your mind and they'll grow over time. Those same thoughts will express themselves in your actions and the choices you make.

So, you need to be careful which seeds you plant.

Joseph Murphy, author of the book, “The Power of the Subconscious Mind”, tells us that this part of your mind can't distinguish which thoughts are real or imagined.

As far as it's concerned, your subconscious will treat it as FACT whether it's happening in the physical world or NOT.

Thus, people don't just operate on these subconscious beliefs. Without being aware of it, they're turning their thoughts into reality.

And it WILL happen - one way or another.

The perception you have about yourself is largely influenced by the people you had around while growing up.

Their input - whether good or bad - left a mark on your subconscious that's hard to shake off.

And this programming kicks in whenever you make decisions and it dictates how you respond to tough times.

This inner dialogue can act as your inner voice of confidence and self-assurance…

…or as in most people's cases, it's the voice of fear and self-doubt.

You might think you're not good enough or smart enough because you couldn't stop the bad things from happening.

You curse yourself for messing things up, then blame it on some pre-assigned character defect.

Usually, it's in the form of labels like “Loser”, “Hopeless Case”, “Slacker”, “Weirdo” and so on.

But remember, these labels only have as much power over as you ALLOW it.

You can apply the Law of Attraction to change this inner chatter and rewire your mind for success instead.

It's impossible to attract wealth, abundance and happiness if you're focused on putting yourself down.

Learn How to Force the Universe to Manifest Your Dream Life - CLICK HERE

You can do the opposite by using encouraging statements that will empower you to take action.

Here are some examples to try during your meditation sessions:

Affirmations that span across time: Think about what's already happened, what's happening now, and what's yet to come. Then put it all together like this: “BEFORE, I was broke, miserable and hated the world. But I know better NOW and want to turn it around. Things are about to change, and SOON I'll be prosperous, happy and living my dream life.”

Affirmations that are crystal clear: Saying something like “I am loved” or “I am blessed” is a good start, but they're a bit vague. Try elaborating on these ideas and flesh them out even more. Then you'll end up with a statement like “I'm surrounded by people who love and support me. They help me grow as a person and want to see me succeed.” As for being blessed, you can say “I'm blessed with infinite opportunities and resources, and my life is full and abundant.”

Affirmations with an attitude: Another way to supercharge your subconscious is by being a little cheeky with your statements. When that voice of fear and insecurity kicks in, drown out the noise with, “Whatever, I'm amazing at everything I do. I fight like hell and do my best, and I can't hear what you're saying!” Adding some lighthearted humor amplifies your signal and makes it easier for the Universe to hear your thoughts. Try this the next time you're feeling especially down on yourself.

When you improve the quality of your thoughts, it's as if your circumstances will rearrange itself on their own.

These changes will seem to happen without doing much on your part. But the truth is that you're already doing the heavy lifting by disciplining your mind.

Starting today, you can apply these five tips I've just shared with you to create ripples of change in your life.

The more you practice them, the bigger waves will result from your efforts. I hope you make use of this knowledge and empower yourself for greatness.

Before I go, there's ONE MORE gift I'd like to share with you…

It's called the Manifestation Breakthrough Kit, and for a limited time I'm offering it totally FREE of charge.

You can combine this kit with the five tips you just learned to get even BETTER results.

learn how to FORCE the Universe to give you everything you've ever wanted…and MORE! - CLICK HERE

#manifestation #manifesting meaning #how to manifest #manifestingdreams #manifest #manifestanything #manifestingmoney #manifestyourlife #manifestingmindset

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chickensarentcheap · 4 years

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Best Part of Me -Chapter 48

Warnings: none

Tagging: @innerpaperexpertcloud, @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @alievans007, @ocfairygodmother

She sleeps on the car ride from Broome, not even waking when he stops at a grocery store to pick up much needed supplies. One of his hoodies folded and being used as a pillow as her head rests against the window; body turned sideways, both legs draped across his thighs. She’s worn out; mentally AND physically. The worry and the stress -and the enormity of the current situation- has caused a host of issues. Sleep problems, migraines, nausea, dizziness. Part of him wishes it WERE possible -even remotely- for her to be pregnant; another baby so soon after Addie would be a relief compared to the other scenarios running through his mind. He hates that his mind goes there’ into the dark and fatalistic place. Losing your first born will do that to you; strip away your optimism while heightening your paranoia. Austin’s illness had blindsided him. What was suspected to be simply a stubborn and lingering flu bug turning out to something so much worse. The ferocity of his cancer had taken everyone -even the specialists- by surprise- and they’re been little they could do to contain it; to slow down the damage it was causing. Three months. That’s all that remained between diagnosis and death. And it’s left a lot of mental trauma in its wake, even ten years later. It’s Tyler’s worst nightmare; the thought of losing her to something completely beyond his control. A threat like Mahajan is one thing. He can fight back against that; his own actions being what dictates the outcome. But a serious and possibly life altering -or even threatening- illness? Where there’s nothing he can to stop it from taking hold and progressing? That’s a thought that’s almost too much to bear.

When they arrive at their destination he leaves her in the car, giving himself the opportunity to perform a ‘search and secure’. It’s both old habit AND necessity. Anytime he’s away from home due to the job he thoroughly investigates his surroundings, whether they’re familiar or not. In that line of work you can never be too careful. Always assume that someone is watching; looking for the weak spot in your defences so they can take advantage of them. It’s just part of the game; his many years spent in a dangerous and unpredictable lifestyle have left a permanent mark. And he hates that there’s an actual NEED for it now. Theirs targets on their backs and not even this -the place that was once home- is safe. It’s a very real possibility that there’s someone, or even a number of people, keeping their eyes on them. With Mahajan’s money, he can afford to hire the best. He won’t use street thugs or rookies that will only make mistakes. He’d send people that know how to get the job done.

While the old homestead is wide open, it DOES offer some sense of security A surprise attack would be near impossible to carry out. His hearing is sharp; he’d hear tires on the gravel, the squeak of the rusted metal gate, the crunching of dirt and stone under heavy feet. The tree line is sparse and would provide little to no cover, and the mountains are rough and unforgiving even to those who are familiar with them. And even if someone did manage to navigate the terrain, they’d have to be one hell of a good shot. Not even the best of marksmen would find it easy; guys like G with extensive sniper experience. And it’s those thoughts that give at least some sort of comfort. He’s experienced; confident in his strength and his skills. He knows the land; able to navigate it and use it to his advantage.

Mahajan would know that; his guys wouldn’t last long in the unfamiliar terrain and he would hesitate on sending them there. But there’s still a chance he would, and that’s not a gamble Tyler is willing to take. So he checks the house and all of the outbuildings; anywhere that someone could possibly hide. And as he slowly and methodically walks the perimeter, his eyes scan the treeline and the mountain range; looking for anything that looks even remotely suspicious. His hearing is sharp and keen; listening for any unusual or unfamiliar noise. There’s nothing. Just the faint rumble of thunder in the distance and the sounds of rustling trees and bushes as the breeze passes through them.

Esme’s awake when he returns; still sitting in the car and watching him through her side mirror. It’s why they work so well together. Not just her knowledge of the job and all the danger and unpredictability that comes with it, but her knowledge of HIM. After almost seven years, she knows how his mind works and trusts him -and his instincts- implicitly. She would have known upon waking and finding herself alone exactly what he was up to. And her own time in the game - her experience with working side by side with mercs and seeing how they think and operate- would have her staying where she is until the ‘all clear was given’. They always seem to be in sync with one another; common experiences and their shared life always ensuring that they function as a team. It’s what makes them as strong as they are together, he supposes. They know the other’s next moves before they even begin to execute them; often aware of what the other is thinking or getting ready to say.

She waits until he’s a foot from the car before she pops open her door and steps out. “Everything good?” she asks, and then stretches noisily; bottom of her tank top rising up as she brings her arms over her head and revealing a slice of pale, smooth skin.

She complains about it often. Fretting over her stomach being nowhere as trim and smooth as it used to be. Lamenting the stretch marks that carrying five babies have left behind. And it’s not he’s never noticed them; often tracing them with his fingers or the tip of his tongue. It’s that he doesn’t see them the way she does. Those so called imperfects are reminders; badges of honor. That she’d sacrificed her body to give him children. She’s carried life inside of her. That they’d made together. And that realization only makes her more beautiful in his eyes. You never fully appreciate how strong and selfless the woman you love is until you’ve seen her pregnant. And you don’t think you could possibly love her more than you already do and then she becomes a mother and everything intensifies.

“Everything’s good,” he confirms, and then lays a palm against her stomach and leans down to kiss her. Frowning when she pushes his hand away and then yanks down the front of her shirt. “What?” She’s been extra self conscious since having Addie. Often refusing to even take off her shirt when they make love.

“You know I don’t like my tummy.”

“Well I do. So…”

“You’re weird,” she says, and then moves his hand to her side when he once again attempts to lay it against her stomach.

“YOU’RE weird.”

“Yeah, but you knew that seven years ago and you still married me. So you only have yourself to blame.”

“I’m pretty happy with my decision,” Tyler says, and covers her mouth with his.

The kiss is slow and deep as his hand slides around to the small of her back and then down onto her ass; squeezing tightly as his body leans into hers and presses her into the side of the car. Tasting a mixture of strawberry flavored lip gloss and a hint of the white wine she’d had on the plane. And while she’s the only woman he’s been intimate with -in any way or form- in the past seven years, no two kisses ever feel the same. Her lips are soft and familiar. The kind of familiarity that is never dull or boring but always makes you feel welcome and safe. Like a favorite hiding place as a child or that one sweater that is well worn and loved, yet still makes you warm and comfortable when you wear it. Every kiss...every touch...even every smile she gives him...brings him back to that. It feels like...home. And even after the kiss ends he stays tightly pressed against her, eyes closed as his hands move up to the middle of her back. Enjoying the feel of her body move against his as she perches on her tiptoes, her arms wrapped around his neck.

“So there were no bad guys lying in wait?” Esme teases, when he finally breaks away and tosses open the back passenger door. “Or did you already find and beat the shit out of them?”

“Now I know where Millie gets that talk from,” Tyler grins, as he pulls duffels and grocery bags from the back seat.

“She knows you’re an expert on kicking asses, just like I do. She knows there’s nothing you wouldn’t do to protect her.”

“I WILL break someone in half if they mess with her. Any guy that breaks her heart is going to regret the day he was born.”

“Now you’re actually admitting she’ll eventually meet boys. That’s progress for you. You’re so worried about her, what are you going to do when your sons start having girls calling at all hours of the day? Or if they get someone pregnant and make us grandparents way too young.”

“I’ll kick their asses is what I’ll do. Tanner says he wants two wives when he grows up.”

“Men can’t keep one woman happy, never mind two at once. Present company excluded. You’ve become very good at towing the line and keeping me happy.”

“It’s not that hard. All I have to do is either say ‘yes dear’ or ‘no dear’ or even just smile and nod. I just have to bring you tacos, gets the snakes and spiders out of the house, clean the toilets, and fuck you good. I’ve managed so far, haven’t I?”

“Might not now that I know your secret,” she teases. “Although the last part you’ve always been excellent at. Even when things were really bad, that was always really good. And we least we have SOME consistency.”

She’s right. Even when things went to shit and were at their very worst and they were fighting and a permanent end seemed like a very real possibly, sex had been the one thing they could rely on. When all the arguing and the harsh words and the animosity were temporarily put on hold and the bodies did all the communicating for them. It wasn’t a healthy way of dealing with things, but it was THEIR way of dealing. And coping.

“****

“It hasn’t changed THAT much,” she comments; eyes surveying the exterior of the shack as they work together to carry the bags inside. “Other than a new roof and a touch of paint, it’s pretty much what I remember. Kind of weird, don’t you think? Being back here together?”

“Never thought about it.”

“Do you ever miss it? Being here?”

“Why would I? My life’s a lot better now.”

“You’re not for sentiment, are you. You don’t feel anything? Doesn’t it bring back ANY memories?”

“Other than the day we met? Not many.”

There’s not much to fondly look back on. When he was actually home, most of his days were spent in a booze and pain med induced haze. Or he was passed out. There are weeks, even months, that he can’t remember, aside from taking any job Nik brought his way; devoting himself to one suicide mission after another.

“Everything was shit before you came along,” Tyler admits, as he presses his back against the door to hold it open. “I was shit. You wouldn’t have wanted to know me. I don’t think you realize just how big of a mess I actually was.”

Dhaka changed everything. Most just the moments on the bridge and getting shot by Farhad or the months of recovery forcing him to get clean and sober. Or finding out that he was having a kid. But those five days in that dirty hotel room. When he actually started feeling alive again instead of simply just existing.

“I think you’re too hard on yourself,” Esme counters as she steps past him, intentionally too close so her body slides against his and the back of her hand brushes over the front of his shorts. “I know you had your issues, but you weren’t a lost cause. Look how far you’ve come in seven years. If you’d really wanted to give up...if you'd really wanted to die...you would have found a way to do it long before I came along.”

“Maybe,” he says, as he drops the duffel bags in the bedroom area and then joins her in the kitchen where she begins putting the groceries away.

“There had to be some reason you didn’t do it,” she reasons. “If you were THAT bad off and wanted to die, you would have done it. You had guns in the house; you could have used them and just been done with it.”

“Maybe I was just a coward and couldn’t get up the balls to do it myself.”

“I don’t believe that. You are not a coward. You’re the furthest thing from being a coward. A coward doesn’t do the things you do. A coward runs away from those things, or they’re the ones that cause them in the first place. Guys like Asif and Mahajan? They’re the cowards. Getting other people to do their dirty work; preying on the vulnerable, ruining lives. You get people away from guys like that. You try to stop these things. You aren’t a coward.”

“I thought we weren’t going to talk about Mahajan? Or the job.”

“I’m trying to make a point. My husband is NOT a coward. You’re basing that off of one mistake you made. You were twenty five years old when Austin died. You made a bad decision. A horrible decision. But do you pay for it for the rest of your life? You’re a different person now. Say one of our kids get sick.”

“Esme…”

“I know it’s your worst fear, but hear me out. Hypothetically speaking, if one of them got sick, would you take off? Or if I got sick. Would you haul ass on out of here?”

“Of course not. I’m not who I was back then.”

“Exactly. Way back then. When you were thirty one and had a shitty wife that had seen more pricks than a pin cushion.”

He can’t help but chuckle at that. “That’s a pretty accurate description, actually.”

“You’re almost forty one now.” she continues. “You’re NOT the same guy. At all. And you’re not a coward. You never have been. You know how you always say I need to stop talking shit about myself and try to see myself through your eyes? Well you should do the same. Because the way you look at yourself? That is not the way I look at you. Or how your kids look at you. You’re not a bad person, Tyler. Regardless of what you think.”

He steps behind her now, reaching over her to help put things on the shelves she can’t reach.

“Something inside of you told you to stay alive.” she says. “Maybe it was telling you that things were going to get better. Maybe it was saying there was something...someone...out there that was going to give you a reason to keep going. I don’t know. But I do know that if you had really wanted to die, you would have done it.”

“I think you think too much about stuff like this.”

“You knew what I was like. You had your chance to get away and you didn’t take it. Now look. Now look how deep you’re stuck in it.”

“Yeah…” he lays his hands on her shoulders, kneading and massaging the tight muscles. “...five kids is pretty deep in it.”

“You think?” she scoffs.

“You know what would put me even deeper in it? Six kids.”

Esme turns around to face him, leaning back against the cupboards, hands on the counter top. “We are NOT talking about that either. It’s way too soon after Addie. She’s only five weeks old.”

“Millie was only eight weeks old when you got pregnant with the boys,” he reminds her.

“Even if we wanted another one this soon, we can’t. That can’t happen because we decided no more babies after Addie and you went and got the old…” she holds up a hand and mimics scissors open and closing with her index and middle finger.

“I’ll call the doctor when we get back. See what has to be done.”

“This is not the time to be talking about this.”

“Seems like as good a time as any. It’s just me and you. No one to interrupt.”

“You know what I’m talking about. With everything that’s happening right now, with everything that IS going to happen, this is not the time to be talking about having another baby.”

She doesn’t need to say it; the implication hanging heavily in the air. Every job you take on is unpredictable. Each one comes with its own set of hazards and burdens. Not once has he gotten out of one without some kind of injury; whether it be as simple as stitches or a concussion or a busted nose or a broken bone. Sometimes things were worse; knife wounds, bullets you have to dig out of various parts of your body. But what’s coming up...Mumbai...it’s as dangerous and risky as it gets. There’s no real game plan; just arm yourself to the teeth and hope for the best. But she’s right. It isn't the time to talk about adding to their family. Or even consider it. Because nothing would be worse than deciding to go for it and then him not making it back home.

“When you get back,” she says, as her hands slide across his shoulders and down his chest, a somewhat confident smile curving her lips. “Once you get things done and you’re home, then we’ll discuss it. Once everything is finished and calm and we don’t worry about this anymore.” Her hands reach his waist, slipping under the front of his t-shirt and resting on his belt. “I mean, there will ALWAYS be something to worry about now that you’re back in things and we have the business and…”

“But nothing like this. This? Everything that’s going on? This is…”

“Fucked?”

“That’s one way of putting it.”

“Things will be okay” her smile is brighter now; eyes sparkling up at him. “You’ll go there and you’ll do what you need to do, and then you’ll come home. And then things can go back to normal. Our version of normal.”

He nods in agreement, his bottom lip between his teeth as he combs his fingers through her hair and then tucks it behind her ears.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she says, as his hands come to rest on her shoulders and his thumbs brush along her jaw. “I know that look, Tyler. I’ve seen that look before. That’s the look you gave me before you sent me off with Ovi and Saju, That EXACT same look. And we both know how things almost ended that THAT time.”

He wants to tell her that everything is going to be okay. That it’s as simple as picking a name from a list and tracking their owners down. But the truth of the matter is that nothing is ever that easy. Every job comes with complications and its glitches no matter how boring and routine they’re supposed to be. He might manage to get to two or three of the guys before Mahajan catches on and realizes who is responsible. After that the bounty on his head will increase significantly and moving around the city without being recognized will be complicated. Every gun in Mumbai will be trained on him, and that’s a hell of a thing to escape.

“You promise me,” she orders. “You promise me you’re coming home.”

He shakes his head. “I can’t. I’m sorry, I just can’t.”

“Promise me,” she demands, both hands yanking at his belt, pulling him closer to her. “Promise me, Tyler.”

“I can’t,” he says, then presses a kiss to her forehead before drawing her into his arms.

****

They lay in a mess of tangled and rumbled sheets and sweat soaked limbs; stifling heat and the smell of sex hanging heavily in the air. Both sated and spent and resting on their sides, her back tucked into his front, their tightly joined hands resting on next to her head. Bodies and hair damp from perspiration; one of his thicker and heavier legs draped over hers and the top of his nose pressed against the nape of her neck. He can’t remember a time where he’s felt THIS relaxed; every muscle, every tendon, every ligament feeling loose and at ease. The pain in his back, shoulder, and knee nothing more than a light throbbing; a far cry from the stiffness and the agony that often makes getting out of bed in the morning seen like an insurmountable chore. Yet his senses remain sharp. Hearing her soft, slow breathing and the fluttering and flapping of the curtains as the breeze flows through open windows. Smelling the mix of sweat and other bodily fluids and the remnants of shampoo that cling to her hair. Still tasting her on his lips and his tongue and feeling the softness of her skin with her back against his chest and his thumb repeatedly brushing against hers.

These moments...the stillness and the quiet that exist after they make love...are rare these days. Their lives busy and full; the demands of raising a family often stripping away any real alone time and any form of true intimacy. There’s no one to blame for that; it is what it is. They often forget that their roles in each other’s lives extend far past just making babies and taking care of them together. And he’s missed these times. When things aren’t so hectic and their lives don’t seem so chaotic and all they have to worry about is each other. It’s been almost six years since they’ve been child free. Almost seven since those five days in Dhaka.

Of all the shitty and horrible things that had happened there…all the lives taken...how close he’d come to his own demise…it’s still nice to think about those moments in that cramped and dirty hotel room. Where he’d felt the first of the walls he’d built up around slowly crumbling down around him. It was the first time in years that he’d felt THAT alive. Where someone didn’t look at him with disgust or pity. He’d always seen on Nik’s face; written as plain as day. How disappointed she was in him; how big of a mess he’d made of himself and his life. Yet she’d never balked when it came to fucking him. Maybe she’d seen it as a form of charity; believing she was doing him a favor and lowering her standards by hooking up with the hired help. Yet in Dhaka, with Esme, he’d been both surprised -and slightly terrified- at how well they connected. It had never been that smooth and easy, especially with a woman. He’d spent years avoiding forming bonds with who he slept with; leaving almost as soon as the deed was finished and never looking back.

It had been different. SHE had been different. And he found he smiled more when he was around her. Laughed easier. He didn’t feel judged for his choice of career or the mistakes he’d made; especially when his son was dying. He found he liked the sound of her voice and the feel of her body pressed against his in bed and the way she’d smile at him whenever he returned to the room. Dhaka had been the first time where he actually enjoyed the moments after sex. Those sleepy conversations and how easy it was to share even the deepest and darkest of secrets with her. And on the fourth day he’d found himself actually hopeful about something; confident that once they were out of Bangladesh and away from the job, they could make something out of whatever the hell was happening between them. It SHOULD have been just another job. Get the information, get out, get home. But it had quickly turned into something so much more. Two broken and damaged people somehow finding comfort and solace during such a crazy, unpredictable time.

“Tyler?” she asks now, and his eyes snap open and he presses a kiss to the back of her head.

“Yeah?”

“Are you awake?”

“Would I have answered if I wasn’t?”

“Don’t be such a smart ass,” she grumbles.

He chuckles into her hair. “I’m awake..”

“I think we should agree right now that we never…ever…tell Koen we christened his kitchen table.”

He laughs. “I agree.”

It had been intense. A brief but heated argument over his refusal to promise he was coming home turning into a quick hard fuck; her bent over the table and her hair clutched tightly in his first. The second time -after carrying her to bed still buried inside of her- had been slow and lazy; wandering hands and long, deep kisses and two rounds of foreplay followed languid, attentive love making.

“You finally got your kitchen table fantasy fulfilled,” she says. “Only took you seven years. Was it what you imagined it would be?”

He smiles against the back of her neck. “It was even better.”

“It’s weird being here with you.”

“Yeah?” He places a kiss to her shoulder, then her temple. “Why?”

“Not weird in a bad way. Just weird. This is where we met. Almost seven years ago. And we’re here and we’re totally different than we were back then. In so many ways.”

He nods in agreement. “If anyone had have told me that my fake wife would end up my real wife, I would have told them they were fucking crazy. That was the last thing I ever thought I’d do again. Get married.”

“I told myself I never WOULD do it again. That there wasn’t any man on the planet that could convince me to try it a second time. And...well...look where we are now.”

“Guess I should be lucky that Gaspar was out of the game. That’s who Nik went to first.”

“Oh god,” Esme groans. “I would have had to have been fake married to HIM?”

“Afraid so.”

“Well my Dhaka experience would have gone entirely differently if that had happened. Because there was no way he would have gotten the same treatment you did.”

Tyler grins and nuzzles the tip of his nose against her ear, then kisses it. “He wasn’t your type?”

“Eww! No! What is wrong with you? I do have standards, you know. Thank God he said no. I’m going to have nightmares now. Thanks, Tyler.”

“I’ll help you sleep better.”

“I’m sure you will. You know, to be fair, I didn’t want to be fake married to anyone. I thought the entire thing sounded ridiculous.”

“See. We DO agree on things.”

“I’m just glad you turned out better than I thought you would.”

“How you mean?”

“You know how you hear stories and rumours about someone and you create a picture in your mind? Of what they’re going to look like?”

Tyler nods.

“Well you totally did NOT look like what I pictured.”

“What did you picture?”

“I thought you’d be older. Much older. Rough looking. Weathered. Mean, even. I was not expecting you to look like you do. I was pleasantly surprised, to say the least. I changed my mind very quick about Nik’s idea.”

“You at least knew beforehand. I had it dropped on me. And she was fucking sneaky about it, too. Had me agreeing to get the kid before telling me about everything else. I didn’t have a choice after that. I was in whether I liked it or not. I couldn’t exactly back out.”

“Yeah, I saw the look on your face. When Nik talked about what she wanted us to do. You were NOT happy.”

“I’d already been real married,” he says. “Why would I want to be fake married?”

“Well for one, it doesn’t cost money to get a fake divorce.”

He grins. “Good point.”

“Was it THAT awful? The thought of being fake married to me? To be THAT pissed about it? Geez. Thanks.”

“That’s not what I was pissed about. It was the whole thing. The whole idea. It seemed fucked up. It still seems fucked up when I think about it. But it wasn’t about you. It was NEVER about you.”

“It scared you. Knowing you’d have to be THAT close to someone. You didn’t like that idea, did you? That I’d be that close. You were worried about what I’d think about you. If I saw you drinking and taking the meds. You didn’t want me seeing all of that. Seeing YOU.”

“That’s pretty much it,” Tyler agrees.

“But you still went along with it. You could have changed your mind.”

“I could have. But I didn’t. What guy is going to turn down five days in a hotel room with you?”

She snorts. “Bold of you to just assume that I’d sleep with you.”

“I didn’t assume anything. I was a little hopeful. I’ll admit that.”

“Just a little?”

“I was there to do a job. Not get laid. But someone couldn’t keep their hands to themselves.”

“I am not accepting blame for any of it,” Esme laughs. “You made the first move. You’re the one that had me pressed up against a wall. With your hand around my throat.”

“That wasn't a sexual ploy. I was pissed.”

“You were so hot. IT was so hot.”

He chuckles.

“And you kissed me first, so…”

“You kissed me back. You could have punched me in the face or kneed me in the dick. But you didn’t. You went along with it. So you’re just as much to blame as I am.”

“Bullshit!” she argues. “You seduced me and you know it, Tyler.”

“You and I remember that day very differently.”

“You seduced me with your stupidly handsome face and your stupidly ripped body and stupidly beautiful blue eyes.”

He grins and presses a kiss to her shoulder. “Sorry.”

“They were the first thing I noticed about you,” she says. “Your eyes. I was on the porch with the dog, and when I looked up you were watching me. At first you were so intense and then you actually smiled at me. It was a little smile, but it was still a smile.”

“I liked what I saw.”

“I remember thinking ‘god he has beautiful eyes’. And then you turned around to say something to Nik and I got to see that you had a really nice ass too. I was sold right there and then. Beautiful eyes and an ass that looks like that? Sign me up. Maybe this fake husband thing won’t be so bad after all. And then I noticed the hair and the arms and the hands.”

“The hands?”

“You have beautiful hands.”

Frowning, his fingers release the grip on hers and he holds his hand out with the fingers played. Palm down first, then up. “You call that beautiful?” The calluses, the misshapen knuckles; the scars from surgeries, various fights, knife wounds, and from when he’d repeatedly yanked out his IV in the hospital.

“Very beautiful,” she says, and places her palm flat against his; the size difference in their hands both surreal and humorous. “Because they’re your hands. They’re Tyler’s hands. I know what they’re capable of and I know how they feel. I’ve seen them braid a little girl’s hair and rock babies to sleep and clean skinned knees. They’re very beautiful hands.”

Smiling, he lifts his head long and presses a kiss to the corner of her mouth. “You were so different,” he recalls. “Than anyone I’d ever met. Especially out here.”

“Different in a good way or…?”

“A very good way. I didn’t know who you were or what you were doing here, but all of sudden you were out there on my porch and I was watching you and listening to you with my dog. It was almost like it wasn’t real. Mind you, I was pretty fucked up on booze and Oxy and it would have made sense if I’d been hallucinating.”

She gives a small, dry laugh.

“But you were. Different. I saw the ink and the piercings and those huge dark eyes and I thought ‘fuck, she’s cute’.”

She groans.

“There is nothing wrong with being called cute. You WERE cute. You still are. You were cute and you were small and you had all those piercings and all those tats. Like part good girl, part bad girl. Certainly wasn’t expecting the likes of you to wander through my door that day. I’m glad you did though.” He presses a kiss to her temple. “VERY glad you did. Sorry I was such a dick.”

“You were fine. You seemed more annoyed with Nik than with me. And you offered me a drink. Two drinks, actually.”

“I knew the second you downed the first one that I was in trouble.”

She laughs at that, then rolls over to face him. “I have a confession to make.”

“Okay…”

“Promise me you won’t laugh?”

“Why would I laugh?”

“It’s a little...I don’t know...weird. Maybe even a little off putting.”

“Alright…”

“That night...when Nik and I got back to the hotel in Fitzroy Crossing...I was going to call you.”

“For what?”

She arches both eyebrows and stares at him pointedly.

“Oh…oh...THAT. You were going to call for THAT.”

“I was,” she admits, and then buries her face in his chest and giggles.

“Why didn’t you?”

“I have a huge fear of rejection. If I’d called and you said no…”

“I would NOT have said no.”

“...it would have made working together extremely awkward.”

He pushes a hand through her hair; those fine, soft, dark tresses slipping slowly through his fingers. “You should have called.”

“You would have showed up?”

“I definitely would have showed up.”

“Wouldn’t it have made things weird between us? If we’d hooked up that night, wouldn’t it have made working together...I don’t know...difficult?”

“Why would I? I still would have fucked you in Dhaka. That wouldn’t have changed.”

“Change one thing, everything changes. You always say that.”

“I don’t think THAT would have changed. Why wouldn’t I have wanted to in Dhaka? You think I would have been able to stop at one night? You’re underestimating your own skills.”

“What if you’d been disappointed? What if you showed up in Fitzroy Crossing and the sex sucked and you didn’t want more once we got to Dhaka?”

“That wouldn’t have happened.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I DO know that. I wasn’t disappointed the first time in Dhaka, right?”

“That’s a very good point. I’ll give you that. But…”

“There’s no buts. I would have showed up, I wouldn’t have disappointed, and things would have stayed the same in Dhaka. We wouldn’t have Millie if things DIDN’T happen Dhaka.”

“She’s the only good thing that came out of that place.”

“I don’t know about that. We’re pretty good.”

“Yes,” she smiles. “We ARE pretty good. I think we’re very good, actually.”

“We have our moments,” he agrees.

“We have more really good moments than we have bad moments. It’s just that we remember the bad before we remember the good.” She skims the knuckles of one hand along his jaw. “You’re letting it get longer. You’re unleashing your inner lumberjack again.”

“That’s how you like it best, right? You don’t like it like it when I trim it back.”

“I much prefer it like this. How it was when we met. Your hair’s growing in too. We’ll have to shave the back and the sides while we’re here.”

“I don’t ever want to hear you say I never do anything nice for you,” he chides.

“You shockingly do a lot of nice things for me. For a guy that’s such a bad ass that kills people with garden tools.”

Smirking, he wraps an around her waist and rolls onto his back, pulling her onto top of him. “You’re obsessed with that.”

“As psycho as it’s going to make me sound, it’s kind of a turn on. When I think about you kicking the shit out of people and getting all ragey and violent. I kind of like that side of you. Knowing what you’re capable of on the job. Probably because I know what you’re like when you’re NOT on the job and how different the two sides are. They’re both sexy in their own way. Job Tyler and domestic Tyler.”

“I think you have issues.”

“I do,” she grins, and pecks his lips. “A six foot three, two hundred and thirty pound issue.”

“I think I’m hovering at two forty. Maybe two forty five,”

“It’s your ginormous arms and shoulders and your big ass thighs. Sexy, big ass thighs, mind you. And your butt. It’s a great butt.”

“You said that already.”

“Great butts need to be told they’re great butts,” she reasons.

“This…” he runs his hands down her back and grabs her ass, fingers digging into the soft flesh. “...is a great butt.”

“Not as great as it used to be,” she pouts. “ Having five kids will do that to you.”

“It’s still a great butt to me.”

“You’re very biased.”

“Maybe. But it doesn’t make it less true.”

Smiling, she slides further up her body and kisses him. Soft and slow at first, then more demanding; tongue eagerly pushing its way into his mouth, fingers tightly gripping his hair as his own continue and squeeze and fondle the cheeks of her ass. And a low growl rumbles deep in his chest when she grinds her pelvis against his and he feels the stirring of his erection.

“You’re demanding.” he grins, fingertips digging almost painfully into her ass as she kisses and nibbles her away along his jaw, slowly making her way upwards.

“I think you should make love to me again,” she whispers into his ear, then traces the outer edge with the tip of her tongue.

Groaning, he lifts his hips from the bed, pressing his rapidly hardening cock against her before gripping her hips and flipping her over onto her back. A smirk on his face as both his hands and his mouth slowly descend her body, starting at the valley between her breasts.

“I think so too.”

#tyler rake #tyler rake fan fic #tyler rake fan fiction #extraction #best part of me #chris hemsworth character

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