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You’re not selfish if you always put yourself first in everything, self love has never been selfish. As a matter of fact, the more you love you, the more you determine how people treat you.  


If you love you, you will know you, you will understand you and you will know every inch of your flaws and strengths. Nobody’s gonna scare you with a word and you go to bed crying yourself to sleep. Breakups will be such a walk in the park because you know your worth; you’re grateful for the time but you’re not ready to compromise your happiness for the sake of whatever reason.


Love you more than anyone and anything in this universe, you’ll see, even how you relate with others might change.

Natasha Andeyi

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Gak gila, bermimpi tinggi di kubang peluh, karena takdir tak kan pernah melewatkan dan juga melewatkan.
karena akdir adalah apa-apa yang diusahakan, bukan hanya yang diterima ‘mentahan’.

Gak salah, merajut renjana merangkak meraup perlahan menggapai asa. Lelah yang sungguh tak apa. Meski, kok gak juga keliatan ujungnya, karena toh garis akhirnya bukan sesuatu yang tampak di dunia.

Gak ada ruginya, melepas sendu menggenggam teduh, menghadap bumi berharap langit, hingga segudang usaha dan sederetan jatuh bukan lagi segurat malu, karena perkara ini memang bukan untuk memukau makhluk.

Gak ada salahnya, diam dulu, merenungi, (si)apa sih yang dikejar ?

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If you can’t handle me at my worst. When I’m hurting and insecure. When I’m impatient, and sometimes a little selfish. When mental health clouds me, and I can’t see where I’m going, or who I am. When I bleed raw, and parts of me are hard to love. Then you don’t deserve me at my peak. When my confidence radiates beauty. When it lights up the world around me. When I am giving and selfless, and when I love without boundaries. When my spirit glows, and I’m vibrant, genuine and humble. When strangers fall in love with me and can’t imagine ever knowing someone like me again. If you can’t love me when I’m vulnerable and my heart beats once for me and twice for you, then it’s not that I’m not worth it, It is that you are not.

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Day 2 of accountability post also kind of turning into remembering all the good that was in my day too. If you only focus on the negative aspects that’s all you feel and experience but that is not reality.

List of harmful decisions I made or promise I broke today.

1) Going to bed late but I really didn’t have a set bedtime. Not yet asleep since I am writing this.

2) Didn’t do 1 of my health routines that is old that I am getting back in the habit of doing.

3) Missed working out.

4) ate sugar a lot late at night while I was working. Side note the chocolate soothes my stomach and is there a medical explanation behind that.

5) slept past my alarm for my nap.

6) Didn’t finish my test before it’s due.

List of the good things I did for my life today.

1) posting as I promised

2) Took my medication on time and recorded it and normally I just go by remembering and then I become unsure later if I did it. Also I am making the promise to write down what I took and when.

3) I went outside a couple different times.

4) talked to my mom and agreed to do EFT tapping. (Not goin to try to explain that at 1:40 am but I recommend looking it up. It was really helpful to my day even though it still went south)

5) I was agreeable with my Dad and accepted his help which is a semi big deal not that I accepted his help but that my first reaction was agreeable and pleasant even though I was having a TERRIBLE night.

6) woke up around 7:40 and got straight into starting my day. Shower, dressed, food, etc.

7) Dressed up nice, just a dress, blow dryer my hair, did my eyebrows, and lipstick. Simple but I haven’t worn a dress in a while and it was fun.

9) Wrote a good professional email and did spend a lot of time fixating on the wording.

10) Went to listen music to get energy when I was crashing.

11) Ate a good breakfast, lunch and dinner.

12) texted a friend aka I initiated the conversation which I normally don’t do.

I will be doing this every day but just to be clear if I end up posting at like 1 am it might not technically be everyday. If you see this post and like it, it might make sense to follow me to see the next post. I am writing these posts for me. If you find value in them then that’s great.

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I just really want people to remember this . I feel like even know this message is important. No matter what is going on in this world know who you are ! Know that you’re worth so much more than you even think you have. All the power you need has always been right there inside of you.

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So I updated my profile saying I was using this account to hold myself accountable.

1) I haven’t done that and I said I was going to.

2) I have not worn my retainer in a 2 weeks

3) I have not turned in 2 tests for school

4) I have gone to bed late around 1-2:40 am which is bad because I have sleep issues.

5) I have turned in homework late some even by 1 minute.

Integrity and accountability is very important to self-discipline. I am working on my self-discipline and putting this out into the world is helpful to stay in integrity. I don’t need people to see this I just need to write and post it. By this Saturday I promise to come up with a routine for my day. How will organize and manage my day, when will I relax, nap, workout and more.

Here are positive improvements that I normally don’t do.

1) I didn’t complain about chores

2) I have gone outside every day.

3) posting this

4) chatting with a new friend

5) asked for help on my homework

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