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#seriously what excuse will you have now for hating Titans so much
lycanlovingvampyre · 1 year
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MAG 151 Relisten
Activity on my first listen: apple cutting.
Haha, Big picture! On one hand the idiom of getting an overall view and then on the other hand it’s a bit more literal, since after all Simon was a painter, and he worked on big pictures!
MARTIN: „Um, excuse me sir – uh, sorry, you – can’t actually be here?“ UNKNOWN: „Oh, not to worry! I seem to be doing all right so far.“ Simon is such an icon! I love/hate that old guy!
UNKNOWN: „Ah! You must be Martin. Goodness, he was not exaggerating.“ MARTIN: „What’s that supposed to mean?“ UNKNOWN: „Oh, come now, don’t be like that.“ Yeah, what was that supposed to mean? Does Martin really look so lonely? Any other guesses?
SIMON: "…They have been in, haven’t they? I’d hate to think I’m underrepresented in here – not when Peter tells me that that (derisive) bone fellow has at least half a dozen –" Hm, is Simon perhaps a bit bothered by the possibility of his own insignificance?^^ Seriously though, the way he talks this whole episode, the dismissiveness towards any value of our lives.
MARTIN: „And you do it? Why?“ SIMON: „Is that your first question?“ MARTIN: (tense) „…is there a limit?“ SIMON: „Only until I get bored. And that does tend to come more quickly these days.“ MARTIN: „O…okay, okay then, sure, sure. First question, then. Why are you helping Peter? Don’t you serve different, you know, fears?“ SIMON: „Well, now… See, that’s actually two questions.“ This dialogue is just hilarious! xD
The One Alone and the Falling Titan are such good names. A strong yet mysterious tone.
MARTIN: „How are new powers born?“ SIMON: „Hmm… Don’t know.“ MARTIN: „How soon could it attempt this ritual?“ SIMON: (cheerily) „No clue.“ MARTIN: „How do we stop it?“ SIMON: „Can’t help you.“ MARTIN: (teeth gritted) „Could you at least try?“ I can’t possibly highlight every funny dialogue in this episode, can I?
SIMON: „The thing you have to remember is that no one actually knows how these things work – not really.“ Not-really counter of S4: 19!
SIMON: „There’s always been plenty of theories, of course, and over a century or two you do start to get an intuitive feel for it, but… there’s really no hard-and-fast rules. The powers, or entities, or fears, or whatever you want to call them, are bound up in emotion. In feeling. How they exist, what they can do, how they interact with the world… it all makes about as much logical sense as a nightmare. Which is to say, there is a certain sort of emotional logic to it all: things feel like they flow together in a way that makes sense, but if you try to stop and do the maths, then it all comes apart. At least, in my experience.“ I love this explanation! Soft magic system, soft magic system!!!
SIMON: „Because it wasn’t a very good idea…? The fear wasn’t out there – not like I hoped it was. It all sort of… fizzled. Also, a Hunter broke in and destroyed the mechanism.“ So what did happen to various rituals, which they didn’t work (without Gertrude’s or Jon’s interference). Was that in Alexandria a ritual or just a stronghold like the Institute? Either way, it was destroyed by the Dark iirc. Then the Stranger ritual in Budapest, stopped by the Slaughter. And now the Vast, sabotaged by the Hunt.
SIMON: „It’s all been getting a bit much over the last few decades. I blame the number of people. From a raw numbers point of view, it’s getting very busy. More minds equals more fear, after all.“ So is he kind of saying, the Fear business shifted into a capitalistic model? xD
SIMON: "Erm… imagine you are deaf. But every night you hear the most beautiful music in your dreams, and your every waking thought is consumed by trying to reproduce that music. – oh, you’re mute, as well, in this analogy, or at least, you can’t sing. And you need to invent the idea of a musical instrument from scratch. Everyone else is also deaf and mute, and, um –" Also, very good explanation!
MARTIN: "And – and how did you get started with it all? Did you – did – did you just look up at the sky one day and fall head-over-heels in love?" It's funny how Martin's thoughtless guesses actually come quite close to the truth. Happens in MAG 154 as well.
SIMON: (laughs) "Well, this has been fun. Now, if we’re about done –" [CHAIR SCRAPES] MARTIN: We’re not. Sit back down." SIMON: "Bold!" (chuckles) [CHAIR SCRAPES] SIMON: "I like it." I'd like to say that Martin really got bold in S4, but actually, he always had it in him and he certainly was no scaredy cat. He grabbed a few worms on the way out of his flat. He stood up to Jon several times and even snaps at him in MAG 39. He snaps at Tim in MAG 79. He decided to provoke Elias and went through with it. I'd say his fuse got shorter in S4, but he's never been a pushover and one of his advantages actually was people underestimating him.
SIMON: "I’d say, 'any time,' but honestly, if you see me again… I may just throw you off something for a joke. How do you feel about – roller coasters?" Sassy bitch! [affectionate] I do like Simon very much as a character, but in rl I would stay away as far as possible to people like this xD (tbh, there are a lot of characters I really like and appreciate, but who I would avoid at any cost irl.)
BASIRA: “I don’t think so. Three weeks I’ve been waiting to catch sight of you, and now I find you chatting with Simon Fairchild.” How did Basira recognize Simon on sight but Martin did not? Am I forgetting something?
BASIRA: "Yeah, Jon found the tapes you made for him –" MARTIN: (frantically) "Shh, shh!" This is such a huge indicator that Martin isn't actually buying into Peter's bullshit that much and still is very invested in Jon. But he needs to keep up his facade and play the long game. Very Web-y of him.
BASIRA: "And you don’t see anything suspicious about that –" MARTIN: (overlapping) "Of course I do, but it – might be the only way, and…" Oh man, the parallels to MAG 194... Except the roles are switched here and Martin didn't go through with it when the time came and he finally got the big picture.
MARTIN: "Yeah. Don’t… tell Jon. Please." BASIRA: "Fine. I can’t promise you he won’t just Know it, though." MARTIN: "… How is he?" He's still so attached! T_T
@a-mag-a-day
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asoulofatlantis · 7 months
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Those Enforcers really have far too much free time on their hands XD
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I feel like we should seriously add the "god of copper" and the "holder of Titan" or something, just to make that sound even more hillarius. (BTW... that reminds me that my boy Rean better came up with a name for himself by now.)
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We are Spriggangs, guys! Sometimes we get treated worse than the Bracers when it comes to the kind of missions that no one askes us to do but force us to do instead. I mean, what right does Marduk even have to ask us to do they job with only Kasim by our side? And what if we do not want Kasim with us? He is such a nuisance sometimes!
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Excuse me? It took me only one S-Craft attack to get you and your man to bow down to me, you really think I am scared of you after this weak display?
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Seriously? She is worse than Ouroboros, always showing up when you least expect her... and just like Cao she is never on the one side you would assume her to be. Annyoing people living in Calvard I tell you...
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I hate to admit it (for obvious reasons) but I love that Tachi. Its so darn pretty. I want Rean to have one of these too!
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I just came to the realization that I need Shizuna to live until Rean had the chance to face her again. So no matter how much she pushes my buttons or goes on my nerves with her questionable attitude as a divine blade... I need her to stay alive.
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I think I could say we give Cao far too much credit here, given how Shizuna just complimented how amazing he organized all that stuff without revealing his identity to anyone... BUT that is exactly how good Cao truly is.
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To be fair... despite what I wrote before... her personality also makes it really hard to actually dislike her despite the circumstances... She is a bit like some of those annoying Enforcers. You want to hat them, you really should hate them and you sure as hell started out no liking them much... but somewhere along the way you have gone from "Urg! Campanella!" to "Campanella! ♥" and you have no idea when and how that happened ^^' I mean, look at Shirley... when did that happen? How did it happen? I have no idea! But at this point NO ONE touches my girl! And for some odd reason Shizuna fits that description too. She is not so high on my list... but she is not getting any lower either... (Maybe it was wrong of me to rule her out as an Enforcer...)
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Lets make this sound even more ridiculous then before, shall we? With us right now, is a 13 year old child that is part of a Jeager-Corp, a guy they called the "Prodigidy" who actually is passed by a demon-spirit, a maid from Marduk whos body is not human, a jeager princess that is also a diving blade, an enforcer from Ouroboros who formerly belonged to the organisation that was responsible for little Renne getting raped through her childhood and OH I almost forgot the guy who is passed by one of the strongest devils of Gehenna. We had weird lineups in Trails-Games before but this one takes the cake AND eats it. (Fun fact, technically speaking we could add to the mix two Dominions one former Dominion (currently on leave) a former Enforcer, the daughter of Calvards President AND also Granddaughter of no other but Epstein himself, two former Assasins who usually travel with a dead man and a living puppet, a Bracer that has an A-Rank an (SPOILER!) Angel that is both male and female and could (and will) annihilate us all and to finish it off, also an Actress that is secretly some sort of Robin Hood in leather with big boobies XD So... not even Class7 could beat that up and they have two former Jeagers that have turned into bracers, just to mention to of that ridiculous lineup XD
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To be fair... if you fall in love with Cao then you have to be prepared to be betrayed eventually... just... you know... to be saved by him a bit later on eventually... and then he might betray you again some day. This is, after all, the kind of man he is ^^' Seriously, if she is ever going to marry this man, ever god of Zemeua be with her, because she will need their aide to survive a live with this traitor...
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Cao this is seriously getting old... its almost as ridiculous as fighting Gilbert at this point... not that I can compare you two in any way, but fighting you has really become a shore. Well... I guess I have to beat your damn ass a few more times then. Looking forward to it!
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He is still the traitor... but... he is so damn good at it.
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My ass!
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mejcinta · 3 years
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Titans will reportedly be casting an African-American actor for the Tim Drake role. What will the Batfam/Jason haters say now? 
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milkb0nny · 2 years
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Can I have a Gun and Daniel (separately) relationship hc with a s/o who is pretty overprotective of them. Iike the Eren and Mikasa dynamic from attack on Titan ykwim :D
I’m sorry if you haven’t watch the anime ;-;
+ I actually liked how you write your head-canons!2928$3&22 is so wholesome 😭😭😭
Thank you so much! <3 You can request anything you want anytime. ^^
Daniel Park and Gun with an overprotective s/o
(webtoon lookism: Daniel Park, Gun)
Gun
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Is it jealousy or just you being concerned? He doesn't really know. You ask him all the time if he's safe and okay. You do it because of the crew activities and dangers. You know your boyfriend loves to fight but you hate seeing him hurt. Scars and broken body parts also hurt you.
You're not pretty strong but protective. When you both go out and a girl touches him or anybody provokes your man, you will stand before him and act like a tiny mad cat. He chuckles at you and calmly excuses you two. He handles your way of protection with patience. Somewhere it's cute.
Gun is strength and power. Somewhere you know it too, but that doesn't mean he should get himself in danger all the time. You don't agree with his lust to fight. He gets himself hurt and already so many people act against him. You know your boyfriend is lovely and caring, no one should harm him.
He liked when you get mad over small injuries and want to slap the people who caused them. Basically: he doesn't take you seriously and makes fun of you. But when you get involved in danger because you want to protect him, he gets mad sometimes. He'll save you out of the fights and problems, but will give you silent treatment.
For Gun, you stay above himself. He doesn't show it often but he's overprotective as well and hates it when strangers lay a hand on your fragile being.
You'll both argue about who's stronger and smarter. Two protective beans yelling at each other and ending up cuddling and pouting. Those days are always funny. These conversations are amusing but heated af.
He catches you crying because of his injurys. "Why does he deserve it? Why is he so stupid to fight someone? Why can't he stay healthy for just two days?" He feels sorry about making you feel like he doesn't listen to you and it's frustrating you too, that you're not strong enough. He'll buy you flowers as an apology.
He will let you punch his chest when you get mad at him for making you feel useless when it comes to protecting him. Your hits don't hurt but he takes it. He'd hug you afterwards and apologize.
One thing you can protect him very well: his identity and privacy. You're good at making all traces invisible. No one should find out where you two are staying. He's incredibly grateful for that.
Daniel Park
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Having a protective partner makes Daniel feel worth a lot. He used to be bullied and mainly he protects others from harm. That somebody cares for his well-being gives him butterflies. He has now two bodyguards: you and Jay. You often contact Jay when your boyfriend vanished or told you you shouldn't come look for him: that's a sign for him to be in danger.
Daniel makes sure you won't overwork yourself being protective. When you get involved in a fight he will go between you and the other party.
He feels proud when you defend him in front of troublemakers. "You'll never be as great as Daniel! You just stink out of your mouth and act all mighty. Can't you brush your teeth?!" He laughs at your comments sometimes. You're bolt and loud when someone provokes Daniel but other than that, you're calm and lovely.
Another way of you caring for his health is making him soup and tea when he gets sick. Daniel finds it adorable how much effort you make to fight all the bacteria and viruses he catches. He can't get around you complaining how dirty his apartment is though.
"Daniel?" - "Yes? What's up?" - "Do you still plan to destroy the crews? You could just... Leave that behind and not get in danger." - "That's the thing, Y/N. You will get in danger if I live happily. I want to protect you as much as you want to protect me too." You pout and look away. Daniel uses the situation and kisses you on the cheek.
You often yell at Zack and Zoe. Don't touch him. Don't fight him. Don't dare thinking about him. You're jealous of Zoe and all the girls around Daniel and you're aware of Zack's bad temper. The thing is, that the girl didn't stop swarming around Daniel and you have to deal with soft bullying. You often take it in, in order to not cause emotional pain to your boyfriend. When Daniel notices though, he will get very scary.
"Did you just say Y/N is not worth it?!" He will get dangerously close to a girl. You drag him back, telling him it's okay. He takes your face and kisses you in front of the girls. You are worth and not to mention the work you put into your boyfriend. Daniel would never think about any other girl.
Uhhh... I feel like I didn't get it right but I tried. :'3 Hope it makes you happy. <3
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folklorelise · 3 years
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That one time he said “you’re not my mother” & “I love you”
That one time they said, “you’re not my mother!” and that one time they said “I love you” — I decided to combine these two because I found it was too short otherwise :) enjoy
MASTERLIST
Eren Yaeger:
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Most of the time, when Eren and Jean were fighting, it was in a friendly way – always bickering like siblings which is way if Levi or you were there, you would never get involved.
That is why when that one time they were fighting – for real – you and Levi arrived too late. Eren received a punch on his face and Jean had his arm broken. When you two noticed what was happening, you quickly run to where they were and separated them. Mikasa and you were restraining Eren while Levi took Jean away.
“Eren, you’re bleeding. Let’s go.” you told him before bringing him with you. “Mikasa, can you and the others stay here with Kuchel please?”
“Of course.”
When you arrived in your office, you took out your first aid kit and cleaned one of his wounds, and then stitched it up.
“What happened?” you asked Eren when you were done with the stitches.
“Nothing.”
“Well, you both ended up hurting each other so no, it was not nothing.” you argued.
“Whatever.” Eren mumbled.
“Eren! This is serious.” you raised your voice, “Jean was hurt–.”
“So was I! Why is it always everything about Jean with you? Oh right! He is your favourite after all.”
“This is not what we’re talking about right now. This is about you two being childish. Yes, you were hurt but Jean is not a titan, he can’t heal overnight. I don’t know why the fight started and I don’t want to because I’m sure it was for a ridiculous reason anyway.”
Eren was still on his nerves and he knew if he said anything, he would regret it – so he just kept quiet and stared at his shoes.
“You really don’t have anything to say?” you sighed. “Eren–, you should apologise. Both of–.”
“STOP! Stop pretending to care about me if all you want is go and check on Jean. Stop pretending you care about me at all – just, stop.”
“Eren–.” your voice quavered.
“And stop acting like my mother because you’re not. So, just leave me alone!” Eren yelled because storming out.
When you found Levi in his office, he was doing some paperwork with Kuchel on his lap.
“How did it go with Eren?” Levi asked you without looking up.
“Hm… not great.” you whimpered.
As soon as Levi heard your voice, he looked up and saw that your eyes were still red and puffy. He put Kuchel on the ground and came to embrace you. You continued to cry in his arms, putting your head on his shoulder.
“What happened?” Levi asked worried.
Levi did not insist on it when you refused to talk about it. Levi asked Sasha, Connie, and Jean to take care of Kuchel the rest of the day so he could spend the day with you.
You spend the day in your bedroom, switching between crying and sleeping. Levi stayed with you the whole time, with you clinging on him. After a few hours, you finally started to calm down and were ready to talk.
“Eren said that… it sounds ridiculous actually,” you tried to laugh, “he said that I wasn’t his mother which is true, I’m not.” you explained. “Is it weird? That I’m hurt because I consider Eren, and all of them, as one of my own children?”
“Eren’s an idiot. I’m sure he didn’t mean it.” Levi tried to reassure you.
Eren, on his side, went back to his room and stayed there for the rest of the day. After he calmed down and realised what he said to you, he started to regret it. He did not mean any of the words he said to you.
For the next few days, whenever you and Eren would see each other, you would just walk away. You did not know what to say to Eren, therefore you just decided to avoid him which is something everyone noticed. Eren really wanted to talk to you, he wanted to apologise but with you constantly walking away, it was impossible. Eren decided he would ask the captain’s help.
“I know she probably told you what happened.” Eren told Levi when he went to his office, “I just want to apologise, please?”
“Fine. She’s with Kuchel in our room.” Levi thought. “Then go and clean the stable!”
“Thank you.”
Eren run to your bedroom and went in without knocking. He found you reading a story to Kuchel and hesitated a second before calling your name.
“Eren!” you shouted surprised.
“I’m sorry, it’s just – I know you wouldn’t have opened the door.” Eren explained. “Mom,” Eren started before breaking down crying, “I’m sorry, please don’t ignore me anymore.”
“No cry.” Kuchel shouted, “ma-ma kiss, no cry.” she pulled your sleeve.
“Please don’t hate me.” Eren whispered.
“I could never hate you.” you said before hugging him.
Eren hold you so tightly that you could barely move.
“It’s ok,” you reassured him, “I could never hate one of my kids.” you admitted.
“So, you’re not mad right?”
“I’m not. It’s ok.” you patted his back.
“I didn’t mean.” Eren added, “I didn’t mean any of it.” Eren paused before adding “because I love you mom. I do.”
“Eren,” you smiled, “I love you too.”
“Lowe ma-ma me!” Kuchel shouted because you and Eren were too far away from her.
“I’m going to go now.” Eren said, “I still have cleaning duty.”
Eren left, and a sigh of relief left your mouth. Having him directly tell you that he did not mean it was a relief.
Jean Kirstein:
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Levi had been thinking about having Jean to replace him as captain in a few years or even make him squad leader. Jean obviously proved himself to be a great leader – there was no excuse not to promote him to a higher rank. He never talked about that to anyone though, particularly not to you because he knew how worried you would be. After some time, Levi decided he would talk about it with Erwin.
“Are you telling me this because you want to retire?” Erwin asked him.
“No. I don’t to retire right now.”
“Okay.” Erwin took a moment to process what Levi just told him, “What did Y/N say?”
“Nothing.” Levi casually answered.
“Really?”
“I didn’t tell her anything yet.”
“Oh… Well, I don’t see any problems in making Jean a captain now or in a few years. He has a good sense of leadership. I think that’s a great idea.” Erwin stated.
“Bur?” Levi asked expecting Erwin to continue.
“No ‘but’, just…” Erwin took a deep breath, smiling slightly, “really excited to see Y/N’s reaction.”
“She’ll love that.”
After a few days, Levi decided to call you in his office at the same time as Jean to announce the big news he had. When Jean and you arrived, he sat down at his desk before explaining why he asked to see you.
“You grew up and learned a lot these past few months and years. You have every quality to make a great captain or even squad leader.”
“Oh,” Jean blushed, “thank you, but why are you telling me this?”
“I talked about it with Erwin, and he agrees with me that–.”
“Wait.” you cut Levi in his sentence, “are you seriously trying to make Jean captain right now?” you asked dumbstruck.
“If he wants, yes.”
“What?” you laughed nervously. “No! It’s… he’s a child! This is too much responsibility and pression for him.” you argued. “Jean,” you turned around to face him, “you’re not–.”
“Y/N,” Levi cut you, “he’s not a child anymore. You know how skilled he is on the field so why are you doing this?”
“Because being a captain is too much pressure! You are responsible for everything! Yes, it includes victories, but also every death of your friends and squad members.” you rumbled, “Jean, you’re not… you can’t do this. I refuse.”
“Y/N–.” Levi started but was cut short by Jean.
“You’re not my mother!” Jean yelled, “you don’t have the right to decide for me!” he added before leaving the room.
Silence prevailed in the room. Then suddenly you started to sob violently and collapsed on the ground. Levi slowly approached you and wrapped you in his arms.
“It’s ok.” Levi whispered, “he didn’t mean it.”
You spent the rest of the day in bed, regretting everything you previously said to Jean. Levi stayed beside you, trying to calm you down but it was not successful. At night, Levi decided to pay Jean a visit to see if he calmed down. When he knocked on Jean’s door, he heard a quiet ‘come in’. Jean was curled up on himself on his bed, with his blanket over him.
“I’m sorry.” Jean sobbed. “I– I.”
“You don’t have to apologise to me.” Levi said. “Tomorrow morning, you’ll come and apologise to Y/N because no one can understand you in this state.” Levi referred to his sobbing. “She’s sorry too, just so you know.”
Then, Levi came back to you and saw that you calmed down a bit, but he knew you were hurt. It was not the first time that one of the kids told you that. When Eren did, you were inconsolable and did stayed in bed for a few days.
The next day, Jean was up really early. He came in your office and waited for you inside, sitting on the couch. He waited a few hours, but you still were not there. You were eating breakfast and played a bit with Kuchel. When you finally walked in your office, you found Jean asleep on your couch. You took the blanket you kept for you at night and delicately put it on Jean, which did not work since he instantly woke up.
“Mom!” Jean said surprised and then immediately looked away.
Neither one of you knew what to say. You sat on the table in front of his, while he was still standing awkwardly.
“I’m sorry!” you both shouted at the same time.
“No!” Jean quickly added, “I didn’t– I didn’t mean it because it’s not true. You are. You are my mom and… I’m sorry, please don’t hate me.” Jean finished his sentence trying to hold his tears back.
“I– I’m sorry too.” you apologised and walked to him to hug him, “I’m sorry because I think you would make a great captain.” you tried to smile. “You are really talented, and it would be a waste not to make you captain.”
“No, if you’re not happy I don’t–.”
“I am happy, I was just scared.” you admitted. “You… you are my child and seeing you all grown-up and taking responsibilities… is terrifying. I don’t want to you to go through what Levi, and I did when we lost–.” you suddenly stopped, not wanting to talk about how many friends you all loss.
“I thought that you refused because you didn’t think I was good enough.” Jean admitted.
“You are good enough. You are more than that. I’m sorry I made you feel that way.”
“I’m sorry too.” Jean repeated.
//
Jean was always the first one to volunteer to take care of Kuchel when neither you nor Levi could. He loved spending time with her. He grew up without siblings, so since he saw you and Levi like his parents, Kuchel was like his little sister.
“Jean, thank you for doing this.” you gave him Kuchel, “Levi and I will be back in a few hours.”
“No problem, have a safe trip!”
Jean brought Kuchel back to his room and let her play with her toys. In the meantime, Armin, Eren and Mikasa came to see Kuchel too. Sasha and Connie came later on and stayed with Jean to play with Kuchel.
“Ja!” Kuchel screamed when she saw that Jean stopped playing with her.
“What did you say?” Jean asked shocked.
“Ja.” Kuchel pointed at Jean.
“That’s my name.” Jean said happily, “can you guys believe it?” he said to his friends.
“Oh, come on,” Connie replied, “It could be anything else.”
After trying to make Kuchel repeat it a few times, which was a failure, Sasha and Connie left Jean alone since they had cleaning duties to do before the Captain came back.
“I know you said my name earlier, even though you won’t repeat, it’s fine.”
“Ma-ma?” Kuchel asked.
“She’ll be back soon don’t worry.” Jean started to clean her toys. “You know, you’re very lucky to have them as your parents. They are awesome. I love them. I mean mom– no, da– no– I mean they’re great, you know?” Jean explained as if Kuchel could understand. “Never mind.”
Jean realised what he just said and started to think about if he should tell you or not. On one hand, he wanted to because he wanted you to know how much he appreciated you being there for him, but on the other hand, it was embarrassing.
“Kirstein.” Levi called him when he found him. “I still have to go and see Erwin so drop Kuchel to Y/N.” Levi told him.
“Da-da!” Kuchel yelled happily.
Levi kissed her before leaving. Jean walked to your office and knocked on the door.
“Yes?”
“It’s me, Jean.”
“Come in.” you said, “Kuchel, hiii.” you hold your baby. “How was the day with her?” you asked Jean.
“Good. It was good.” Jean answered. “I have to mh… go. Sasha and Connie, they’re… they need me.”
“Oh, okay, thank–.”
“I love you, bye mom!” Jean said before left running.
“Ja lowe ma-ma.”
When Levi came back to your office, he found you sitting on the couch looking at the ceiling.
“What’s the matter with you?”
“Jean just said he loves me. I can’t believe all my children are now opening to me now.” you pretended to cry. “Also, Kuchel just said Jean’s nam.”
“What?”
“Here, take Kuchel because I have to go and see Jean.”
“Ja!”
“Why?” Levi asked.
“He ran away before I could say anything.”
“A weirdo,” Levi looked at Kuchel, “the first name you said had to be his…”
“You always pretend to be annoyed by him, when I know for a fact you lo–.”
“Not listening, bye.” Levi closed the door before you could finish.
When you went to Jean’s room, he was obviously not here. Therefore, you just decided to take a piece of paper and then put it on his pillow.
When Jean came back to his room, he found a little piece of saying “I love you my boy, you didn’t have to run away.” And it was signed “Mom”.
Armin Arlet:
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Armin’s new job was to teach the new cadets the expeditions’ strategy. When new cadets arrived in the survey corps, they were always surprised at how often Armin, Eren, Jean and Mikasa would call you ‘mom’ which ended up being their favourite topic during the day.
As usual, Armin would be early, waiting for the new soldiers to arrive. A group of friends were already there, talking way too loudly.
“You heard that too right?” one of them asked.
“Heard what?” another one asked.
“How the captain’s squad calls squad leader Y/N ‘mom’.”
“Yeah and?”
“Oh, come on. She obviously isn’t their real mom.”
“She isn’t?”
“Are you stupid? Anyway, I think that’s weird. I mean she has her own kid, right?”
Their discussion was cut short by other people arriving. Armin pretended he did not hear them and taught his class professionally. Near the end of the class, you decided to come so you could see if everything went well. You quietly took a place and watched until the end. When Armin was over, you walked to him started to congratulate him.
“Armin, you are a natural at this. That was really great!” you hugged him.
At the back, the group of friends who was talking about Armin and you earlier started to laugh, which Armin noticed. Armin immediately stepped away from you.
“Wh–.” you started.
“Stop doing that, you’re not my mother.” Armin stated loudly enough for everyone to hear. “Stop acting like my mother please.”
Every news cadets were looking at you both – the room was silent. Armin instantly regretted was he said and wanted to apologise but you just forced a smiled and left. You went to Levi’s office, who was with Kuchel.
“Hey. How was–.” Levi started to ask but stopped when he saw you trying to hold back yours tears.
“Armin said it. In front of so many people – it was… horrible.” you cried.
“Ma-ma?” Kuchel crawled towards you.
Levi stood up and came to hug you while Kuchel was grasping on your leg. 
“Y/N, they never mean it.” Levi reassured you.
“But…” you shook your head, “there was so many people watching us! No, they were staring at us.”
“Do you want me to go and talk to Armin?”
“No! It’s fine.” you sighed. “I mean… at this rate I’m used to it now.” you tried to laugh it up, but just ended up continuing sobbing.
“Ma-ma no cry!” Kuchel tried to comfort you.
“I’m not.” you smiled picking her up.
Levi and you spend the day playing with Kuchel – you tried to forget what Armin said and Levi wanted you not to think about it too much. Playing with Kuchel was one of the solutions. When it was time to eat, Levi suggested that he should just brought the food so you could eat in his office.
While Levi was gone, you gave Kuchel her toys and went to the bathroom. When you came back, Armin was playing with Kuchel.
“Armin. Hey.”
“Hey.” Armin mumbled. “Mh, I knocked on the door, but no one answered.”
“It’s ok.”
After a few minutes of silence, Levi entered the room with the food and stopped when he saw Armin. Levi looked at you and put the food on his desk.
“Do you need me to stay?” Levi whispered.
“Can you come back in ten minutes with Kuchel please?”
“Yeah.” Levi took Kuchel and left.
“I’m sorry about what I said.” Armin apologised looking at his feet. “I didn’t mean it.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not! I never should’ve said it on front of these people. I never should’ve said anything at all because it’s not true. I don’t think that.”
“Then why did you? Because… It’s just that these past few weeks, I,” you sighed loudly, “I heard that a lot…”
“Mom…” Armin frowned before hugging you. “I’m sorry.”
When you asked Armin what made him say it, he just avoided the question, saying that it was not important. Then, Levi came back so Armin left. He asked you what Armin had said, you told him that Armin did not say much.
A few days passed and you started to forget about that incident, but Levi wanted to know why it happened in the first place. That was why he asked Armin to meet him in his office one morning.
“What happened that morning?” Levi asked him.
Armin instantly knew what he was talking about and immediately looked away.
“I–.” Armin hesitated.
“No need to lie to me. I’ll know and you would just be wasting our time.”
“I heard people talking.” Armin whispered weakly. “They were saying things… like how weird it was for us to call her ‘mom’. And I thought, maybe that’s true.” Armin explained slowly. “I don’t know, I guess I wanted to show to these people that… it wasn’t true.”
When Armin was done talking, Levi nodded and let Armin leave. Levi never told you because Armin asked him not to. Armin never told anyone else what happened either – it was now their secret.
//
After that incident where you got badly injured, the cadets were having a hard time at night as well, especially for Armin and Jean who had to witness your body being thrown away. Both of them saw your body falling from a high level without being able to help.
Armin felt guilty because if he were not for him, you never would have got injured. After you woke up, he never really talked with you because of that guilt. You tried to talk to him because you wanted to make sure he was doing great, but every time he saw you, he would just walk away.
He would very often get nightmares too – it would often be about you regretting saving him, about you telling him that he should stop talking to you. He was scared.
“Armin,” Mikasa called him, “are you ok?”
“Yes. Why?” Armin answered absent-minded.
“You don’t look like yourself since… you know. Did you talk to–.”
“No.”
“Go talk to her.” Mikasa advised her friend.
After a few days of doing nothing, Mikasa decided to come to you because she was worried for Armin.
“I think Armin isn’t… He’s not ok.” Mikasa told you one morning.
“He’s been avoiding me I know. I thought giving him some space would be good, but I will talk to him.”
“He’s probably in his room, he’s not going out much.” Mikasa informed you.
“Thank you.”
You walked to Armin’s room and opened it without knocking, knowing if you did, he would have pretended to not be here. Armin was still sleeping, so you took a chair and placed it beside his bed and sat down. You took the book next to his bed and started to read it.
“AAH!” Armin screamed when he woke up.
“Why are you screaming like this in the morning!” you quickly put the book down.
“What– why are you here?” Armina asked hiding under his blanket.
“Mikasa was worried about you, and so was I. Why have you been avoiding me?”
“I haven’t.”
“Armin,” you stood up so you could sit on his bed, “Just tell me what has been bothering you.”
“Do you hate me?” Armin asked slowly after a long silence.
“What? No! Why would I?”
“You were hurt because of me. I was careless and–.”
“Armin, I don’t hate you.”
“But you almost–. Because of me…”
“I don’t hate you; I could never hate you. And it was not your fault at all. It was mine; I was careless and I didn’t think before acting.”
“Ok, that’s… good.” then Armin mumbled something else.
“What?” you asked confused.
“I love you mom.” Armin said timidly, looking away.
“I love you too Armin.” you said hugging him. “Get dressed now, I will wait for you in the mess hall.”
“Don’t tell anyone I said that!” Armin screamed when you left.
He was really embarrassed about it, but he was glad he did it. You were glad too, and you did not tell anyone beside Levi – you were too happy to not tell him.
Mikasa Ackerman:
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Levi and his squad were training at hand-on-hand combat as usual, only this time, Mikasa was so distracted she ended spraining her ankle. She did not tell anyone and walked on her feet as if nothing happened. Eren noticed though. He noticed how she was putting more weight on her uninjured leg.
“What’s wrong with you?” Eren asked her once they were alone.
“Nothing.”
“What’s wrong with your leg?” Eren insisted.
“Noth–.”
“It’s clearly swollen. Your ankle is twice the size of the other one!”
“I’m fine.”
“Did you tell mom yet?”
“No, why would I?” Mikasa asked.
“Because you’re hurt which means you’re not going tomorrow.”
“We don’t run or walk – I’ll be fine.” Mikasa told him before leaving.
Eren decided if to tell you himself because he knew how stubborn Mikasa was. He found you with Levi in his office.
“Eren, hi!” you greeted him.
“Talk.” Levi said annoyed. “Don’t just stand here silently.”
“She’s hurt but she doesn’t want to tell you. Her ankle, she probably sprained it when we were training. And she wants to go to tomorrow’s expedition like that.”
“Oh, I’ll go and talk to her then.” you told them. “I will be right back.”
You assumed Mikasa would be in her room at this hour, so you went to her bedroom. You knocked on her door and a few seconds, Mikasa opened the door.
“Can I come in?” you smiled.
“Mh, yes.”
You watched Mikasa carefully, but she was good at pretending to be ok. You sat on her bed before making small talk first. You asked her how the training went.
“Fine.”
“Eren told me that you hurt yourself.”
“I’m fine.” Mikasa answered coldly.
“If it’s true, I don’t want you to leave tomorrow.”
“I’m fine.” Mikasa repeated irritated.
“Show me your ankle.”
“No.”
“Mikasa.”
“I said I’m fine, so stop. It doesn’t even hurt and if I go to sleep right now, I’ll have enough rest.”
“No. It’ll be worse if you leave tomorrow so you’re not going. That’s an order.” you concluded.
“You’re not my superior!” Mikasa shouted.
“Oh, you think Levi would disagree with me?” you laughed sarcastically.
“Well, you’re not my mother to decide something like this!” Mikasa argued.
“Mik–.”
“No, I- I’m sorry.” Mikasa immediately apologised. “I’m sorry.” Mikasa repeated.
“It’s ok.” you whispered. “It’s ok.”
“I’ll stay here tomorrow.” Mikasa agreed looking down.
“Do you need me to stay here with you tomorrow?”
“No, it’s fine.”
“Okay. Then I’ll go now.” you stood up.
“You’re not mad right?” Mikasa asked timidly before you left. “I didn’t mean it, I was just…”
“I’m not,” you turned around, “I know you didn’t mean it.”
Mikasa nodded and you smiled at her before closing the door. When you went back to Levi, Eren was still here as well.
“Mom! What did she say?” Eren asked.
“She’ll stay here.” you reassured Eren, “you can go now.”
“Are you ok?” Levi asked you once Eren left.
“Yes.” you paused a second before repeating, “Yes, I’m ok.”
“Ok.” Levi smiled slightly before walking up to you to kiss you.
//
After your accident, Mikasa became overprotective of you. When Levi started to work again after a few weeks, he was reluctant to do so because that meant leaving you. Fortunately, Mikasa told him that she would stay and help you until he was over with work.
Mikasa would bring you food and help you with some of your paperwork too.
“How are you feeling today?” Mikasa asked you.
“I’m ok thanks to you. You really didn’t have to.”
“I wanted to.”
Mikasa spent an entire week with you and Kuchel. Levi was glad that Mikasa was with you since he knew how serious she was about your safety. One night, when Levi came back pretty late, he found Mikasa sleeping in bed with you while Kuchel was in the middle, still awake. Levi gently took Kuchel and left with her.
“I guess I’ll sleep on the couch tonight.” Levi told Kuchel when he put her to sleep.
When he came back, he noticed that neither one of you had a blanket one you so before going to sleep, he put one on each of you.
In the morning, Mikasa was the first one to wake up. When she realised that she was in your bed, she quickly left the bed so she could leave, but before she could she looked at you and said: “I love you mom.”, thinking you were asleep.
“Mmh, I love you too Mikasa, now go back to sleep.” you mumbled still half asleep.
Mikasa’s eyes widened and left quickly thinking she had dreamt it. Levi was the next one to wake up but decided to continue to sleep next to you when he saw that Mikasa was no longer in the bed.
“Morning.” you said half awake. “Hey. Where did you sleep?”
“Couch.” Levi answered holding you tightly.
“M’sorry ‘bout that.”
“It’s ok.”
After you both brushed your teeth and washed your face – you went to eat. Mikasa was already in the mess hall with her friends, and she kept avoiding your gaze.
“What’s the matter with you?” Eren asked Mikasa.
“Nothing.”
“Mom!” Eren yelled, “come eat with us!”
Mikasa ate her breakfast really quickly before leaving. Eren and Armin were confused as much as Levi was. You were confused at first too, but then you remember what Mikasa had said to you before leaving – you excused yourself and went after her. You found her in her room, hiding under her blanket. You sat down and tried to take the blanket off.
“Mikasa come on, don’t be embarrassed.”
“How can I not?”
“Do you want to know a secret?” you waited for an answer but Mikasa did not say a thing, “You’re not the only one who said it so there’s no need to be embarrassed...”
“What?” Mikasa suddenly stood up. “Who did?”
“You know… some of them.” you admitted before leaving as if nothing happened.
“I need to know.” Mikasa murmured to herself.
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mochegato · 2 years
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Blanket Excuses
This was not Dick’s night.  Most nights weren’t but this one especially, was not his night. He understood there was a possibility of botching his date, but he really didn’t expect to strike out with two girls. It took a special kind of sucking to pull that off.  Granted Wally and Roy had done worse before, but still, it really, really made for a miserable walk back to Titans headquarters.
He collapsed on the couch and dropped his head on Marinette’s shoulder with a whine.  Marinette chuckled and patted his head.  She held up the edge of her blanket for him as an invitation that Dick readily accepted, cozying up under it with her and trying to distract himself with the movie she was watching.
“Rough night?”  Her voice was sympathetic but still had an edge of amusement that he didn’t appreciate.  He’d full out laughed at her when the roles had been reversed a few months ago and she had been the one whining about a failed date, but still, now it was him going through it and she was supposed to be on his side.
He nodded his head mutely.  “Date not go well?” she cooed.
“Compared to the last few?  Brilliantly,” he scoffed, sitting a bit straighter and stealing some of her chips.  “Compared to… like… a real date?  No. Very much no.”
“That’s what happens when you run away in the middle,” Roy snorted.  He plopped down on the other side of Dick and tried to take some of the blanket as well.
Marinette sucked in a breath and stared at Dick wide eyed, amusement tugging at her lips.  “Oh no. You didn’t.”  She suddenly glared at Roy when her blanket was completely removed from her so he would be covered, exposing her to the significantly cooler air. She tugged it back away from him firmly. “Mine.  I worked hard to get that warm.”
“Thank you,” Roy smirked, tugging the blanket back again. “I appreciate your efforts.”
“Hey!  You’re about to appreciate my efforts to kick your ass,” Marinette hissed at him.  She tucked the blanket around her and Dick in a vain attempt at making it harder for him to steal.
Dick let out a pitiful whimper and pushed his face further into Marinette’s shoulder, completely ignoring their usual banter; it was more like white noise at this point, since they were all so accustomed to it. “It’s not like it was going well before that anyway.  At least this way I had an excuse for the epic failure.”
Marinette rolled her eyes and returned her focus to the movie.  “Excuses,” she singsonged.
“And then there was the girl after you stopped the mugging,” Roy added with a smirk.  “That almost went well…  She left laughing anyway.”
“You were there for that!” Dick exclaimed before sinking down into the couch cushions.  His cheeks flushed deep red as a groan escaped.  He didn’t think anyone had been there to witness that particular failure.  He refused to even look at Marinette, but he could feel her shaking from trying to keep in her laughter.  He brought the blanket over his head, stealing it from Marinette in the process. Served her right, the traitor, let her freeze… or at least shiver a tiny bit.
“Maybe it’s your kissing,” Roy offered, only a hint of teasing in his tone.
If Dick didn’t know him so well, he might have taken him seriously.  “I hate you,” he grumbled under the blanket.
“Roy!  That’s mean,” Marinette chastised.  She pulled the blanket away from Dick’s head and covered herself with the warmth again before she slung an arm around Dick’s shoulders protectively.
“I just meant maybe… Zatanna can teach you how to kiss. She’s really good.  And practice can’t hurt,” Roy shrugged innocently.
Dick’s head shot up to glare at Roy.  “How do you know how good she is?”
“You don’t know it has anything to do with his kissing. Maybe they just weren’t the right partners or maybe it was just the wrong timing,” Marinette protested defensively. It didn’t mean there was something wrong with a person just because they couldn’t make bad dates go well.  Dick wasn’t the only one that hadn’t had the best track record with dating lately, but at least he’d gone on some, unlike her. Not that she didn’t have opportunities, her eyes flicked to Roy for a fraction of a second, she just didn’t have the interest in random dates right now.
She turned to Dick with an encouraging smile.  “You haven’t even gotten to that point with any of them, right?”
“No… but maybe that’s the problem.  I should start out with kissing…” he offered thoughtfully.
Marinette smacked him in the forehead and shoved him away with a groan, and taking the entirety of her blanket with her. “You’re spending too much time with Brucie.”
“Okay, but hear me out,” Roy interrupted, “Zatanna is a pretty good kisser and she’s nearby.  And she might be willing to help.”
“Again, how do you know that!” Dick demanded, looking up from trying to wrestle the blanket back so he could glare at him.
“Hey!  I’m a good kisser.  And I’m right here.  What about me?” Marinette objected.
“I’m absolutely not suggesting you,” Roy grumbled, his teasing smirk falling away instantly.
Marinette knew she was just another team member to Roy, so he didn’t think about kissing her any more than he did about Garth, but so was Zatanna, and it stung more than she wanted to think about that not only was Roy’s go to person for kissing Zatanna, he didn’t even consider Marinette in the running.
“You’d be willing to kiss me?” Dick asked, whipping his head to her.
Marinette’s eyes widened, only just now realizing what she was arguing.  “I… oh, um…”
“Of course not!” Roy insisted for her.
“Excuse me?” she exclaimed, shifting around on the couch to face him, a scowl firmly placed on her lips.
Roy blinked as his mind raced trying to find an excuse.  “You’re… you… don’t just kiss people.”
“Dick isn’t just people,” Marinette huffed, almost losing the blanket and smacking Dick in the face as she motioned toward him.
“Well, he sure as hell isn’t your type,” Roy snapped.
“Hey… I might be insulted by that,” Dick pouted. He pulled the blanket back around him and Marinette and moved closer to her.  
“What?  What do you think my type is?  He’s sweet, funny, smart, supportive, handsome.  Which one of those isn’t my type?” Marinette demanded
Dick’s chest puffed out.  He opened his mouth to continue that particular conversation but before he could, Roy cut in.  “He’s a player.  He dates anyone who looks at him.”  Dick frowned at him.  And now his best friend was insulting him and ruining his chances with Marinette, which granted he hadn’t seriously considered before tonight but he most definitely wouldn’t be opposed to practice kissing with.  This night was definitely not going well for him.
“He is not a player.  He’s gone on a few dates…” Marinette started defensively.
“Nightly,” Roy cut in.
“Hey!  What the Hell, man?” Dick squawked, throwing his hands up in offense.
“Just because you’re a boring, fossilized, stuffed shirt…” Marinette snarked to Roy.  She crossed her arms over her chest and pretended to return her attention to the movie.
“I am not a stuffed shirt!” he yelled back.  “Or boring,” he added on quickly.
Dick looked back and forth between the two of them and sighed. “You know, I think I’m going to see what Wally’s up to…” he tried to cut in, but his voice, even elevated, was not enough to break the contentious air between Marinette and Roy.  He looked between the two of them waiting for either one of them to acknowledge him.  He leaned forward to get up from the couch still waiting, hoping disrupting their eye contact might garner their attention, but when they just moved slightly in a synchronized motion, to continue their glaring, he threw the arms up with a groan.
Probably best he didn’t ask to kiss Marinette anyway, judging by the atmosphere going on right now, it likely would have just made it three women he struck out with tonight.  “Unbelievable,” he grumbled, grabbing his jacket and stalking out.
Marinette snorted.  “Yeah whatever.  I bet you have an exciting night of regaling whoever you can trap on the phone, all about your new counters.”
Roy sputtered, suddenly having lost all his words, because that was in fact his plan when he got home.  After checking in on Lian, making sure she was asleep, and giving her a kiss on the head, he was planning on telling Garth about his kitchen renovation before he left.  He scowled at her and grabbed her blanket away from her in retribution.  “Oh like you’re so exciting.  You don’t go out either!”
“I have fun,” she pouted, taking sudden interest in the remote on the coffee table.
“Right.  When was the last time you went out?  You do this and school.  That’s it.” His voice was sharp and pointed, almost accusatory.
“Going out doesn’t make you not boring,” she argued, refusing to let him have this win.  She might not be hanging out as much anymore and she might not be interested in dating in the last few months since she started working more with Roy, but that didn’t mean she was boring.  “Bruce goes out all the time, constantly, and have you ever had to sit through a meeting with him?  Boredom is the most complimentary way to describe it.”
“I wasn’t even talking about dating, although you haven’t done that in a while either,” Roy started, his voice softening slightly.
“How do you know?” Marinette demanded.  She didn’t think Roy paid that close of attention to her. He certainly hadn’t discussed anything like it with her.
“I haven’t heard Lilith squeal in a while,” he deadpanned. “But what I meant is: when’s the last time you hung out with us?”  Marinette looked guiltily, because he wasn’t wrong.  She had avoided them, him especially, lately in an effort to gain distance and perspective for her heart.
He motioned between the two of them.  “We used to do stuff all the time but now you’re always too busy.  You never…” He paused suddenly.  That wasn’t something he had meant to say.  He hadn’t meant to make it quite so personal and expose himself in that way.
He opened his mouth a few times looking for an excuse or a deflection.  “Right, Dick?” he asked with a strained smile.  He blinked as he noticed the empty space between them.  “Oh.”
Marinette started pulling at the blanket to get it back and have some semblance of a shield no longer needing it for warmth as much as a barrier.  Roy pulled at the blanket at the same time, in an attempt to get her attention.  She huffed at the call out and the incessant taking of her defense mechanism.  She whipped her head up to face him, shoving her finger in his chest.  “You’re changing the subject.  This all started because you called me a bad kisser.”
Roy gasped and let go of the blanket in surprise. “That is not… I never said that.”
Marinette fell back from the sudden loss of resistance but pushed back up quickly.  “You said you would never suggest me as someone to go to for kissing advice.”
Roy scowled and pulled the blanket harshly.  “That is not what I meant.”
Marinette yanked the blanket stronger than Roy had expected, and he fell forward onto her.  He was barely able to brace himself to stop before they crashed together. His arms extended on either side of her, holding himself just above her, his chest skimming hers.  Marinette’s breath hitched at the contact.  Whatever retort she had planned died on her slightly parted lips as her eyes studied his as they darted between her lips and eyes.
He parted his lips and wet them to say something he was convinced would be charming, but she stopped him before he could.  She pulled him down to her, eliminating any distance between them, before she could second guess it, pressing her lips to his needily, like this might be the last chance she had to do it and wasn’t about to leave anything out.  He matched her every move and emotion, demanding her attention and affection. He wrapped his arm around her waist to pull her closer against him even as he pushed her against the couch, attacking her lips hungrily.
After a few minutes, they pulled away, gasping for air. When they were finally able to breathe normally, she smirked at him.  “See, I am a good kisser,” she whispered cheekily.
Roy grinned and closed the distance again until their lips were centimeters apart.  “You certainly are.  But I think I could use more convincing,” he murmured before kissing her again.  This time the kiss was softer and sweeter, more assured but just as passionate and breathtaking.
He broke away again, just far enough to tenderly caress her cheek and smile adoringly at her.  “For the record, I never doubted your skill.  I just didn’t want you kissing someone else.”
Marinette’s face went slack before her cheeks heated up in embarrassment.  “Oh.” She looked down for a second and took a deep, calming breath before she returned her attention to Roy.  “So, does that mean you aren’t interested in practice lessons with me?”
Roy grinned against her lips.  “I could definitely use the practice from an expert, if you’re willing.”  Marinette hummed in affirmation and pulled him down again.  Roy stopped them just before they kissed.  “How would you feel about moving this to my apartment?” he asked, the first hint of uncertainty leaking into his voice.  “I just… Lian is at home and I want to get back to her.  I understand if you don’t want to…” he rushed to add but Marinette cut him off with a peck on the lips.
“You’re incredibly sexy when you’re a good dad.” The captivating grin she gave him sent his heart into a rate that would rival Wally’s at top speed.
Roy smiled softly.  “Well, I hope I’m incredibly sexy then…” he froze for a second.  “I mean… no, that sounded…”
Marinette cut him off again with another kiss, soft and supple.  “I know what you meant.”
Roy smiled wider and his fingers traced her jaw.  “I could get used to getting cut off that way.”
Marinette bit her lower lip to try to contain her smile. “We should get going before we get distracted again.”
Roy chuckled and nodded in agreement.  “You are very distracting.”  He pulled her onto her feet and into his arms for a momentary distraction before they left.  She followed him willingly, letting the blanket fall to the floor, no longer needing it to keep her warm.
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fanfictionroxs · 2 years
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Amazing things that the Not Me storyline has given us:
1. The bis, the gays, the trans and no straights. 😏😂 Single queers ready to mingle 😏😏😏😌😌😌
2. Peek Romance starring:
SeanWhite: Falling in love at first sight with wide terrified but gentle eyes, but in super denial because you think they belong to that asshole you hate when in truth they belong to the twin brother of said asshole who's your future brother-in-law DAMN IT!
DanYok: STALKING. MORE STALKING. POINT A GUN AT YOU, CUFF YOU, SEARCH YOU, DRAW YOUR NAKED, FUCK THE POLICE
ToddBlack: HOMOEROTIC DROWNING and then calmly explain that since the nation is distorted, that excuses you smuggling drugs. Now let's go hatefuck. Wait why are you pointing the gun at me again? And repeat.
GramBlack: Doesn't exist in show, but go to YouTube and Archive of our own and you'll find them. Soul mate fics, emotional fmvs and rants will quench your thirst for Titanic.. I mean GramBlack.
BlackEugene: Exes. Broke up, seem to be still pining over each other, one dances for justice, the other sets houses on fire, but they get along, might be endgame if show doesn't decide to kill my darling child of the night for shock value 😤😭
3. The twin brothers and their connection:
And no, I don't mean the Magic connection that lets them feel each other's pain. I mean the love and the bond and the brotherhood they have that connects them. That's the true magical connection between Black and White 😢
4. Vigilante Activists.
Basically if you have to define the gang in two words, it's CHAOTIC GOOD. They don't mind breaking laws, because they do it for justice and equality.
5. GARAGE GANG DAD
Guuummppaaaaaaaaa
Father knows best. No seriously he knows everything, but is happy to sit back and let his kids figure it out. Happy to adopt new puppies and teach them how to become tough individuals with a strong sense of justice.
Though I'm still side eyeing the fact that he didn't try to find my Black baby 😤
6. Focus on societal issues with well written dialogues:
I loved the scenes between Gram and Nuch and White and between the guy who White met during the interview. Watching White's progress on the show was amazing because he goes from this privileged kid who thinks the system works, to being this confused individual who starts to question the world around his and finally becomes someone who understands the truth and fights for change. And I think so many of us have been like White at some point in our lives. Unaware, but not bad. All we need is to look around or have someone show us the truth and guide us onto a better path. White, who has always been under the control of his father, finally broke free thanks to the help of the gang and found a better path.
The scenes between Yok and his mum showed us how she is treated as a differently abled individual while also presenting her perspective on vigilantes and how it impacts the little guys who get fired. Heart breaking moments, but so real because this is what actually happens in the world.
While the mother-son scenes between Yok and his mum were wholesome, the mother-son scene between White and his mum were not so much. Again, very eye opening dialogues that show the mindset of corrupt law enforcers. They are supposed to be on our side, but as Black said "Power is corrupting".
Todd and Black in episode 11. I can never get over their scene. The dialogue, Black's entire being which was so passionate while also trying so hard to make Todd understand, the dialogue, Todd's denial because he's happy with the way things are just like Black's mum, the dialogue... aahhh perfection! I showed this scene to my mother and she was impressed and I tell you, that is one lady who is NOT easy to impress. This scene made me fall a hundred times harder for Black and I've already been in love with him since episode 1. 😍😂
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ackerpreach · 3 years
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This ending .... I can name 500 reasons and I will name them right now, because I don’t think I’m the only one who is upset with how things turned out. (Also, A positive message for all of you at the end)
MAJOR LEAKS SPOILERS/ READ WITH CAUTION
Update: after reading more theories from fellow RM bloggers, and sleeping over it one day, this entire chapter might be an april fools... Don't fully lose hope yet beautiful people. It's me just giving a review on a possible fake April fools chapter
After following this franchise since 2013, so nearly a DECADE. this ending is a pure disserve to the entire fandom. I feel like Yams has rushed it just for the sake of being done with the entire manga. So many things are left open, characters and their developemt are reverted back all the way to chapter 1 or are left even worse than that...
Mikasa’s worthless character development/ Aaronmika’s horrible toxic codependent relationship 
Oh honey... Let’s start with how horrible Isayama has treated her. We were all rooting for her, because we all felt like she was so misunderstood. She had a horrible childhood and imprinted on a guy who treated her like trash 99 percent of the story. And then, slowly but surely, she starts to realize she has to stop obsessing over him in the uprising arc with the help of a real man who treats her like a queen, more importantly, he treats her like a real human being. This man sees her for her abilities and that she has the power to be self dependent. She learned parts of herself, that she was able to work together with him like no one else could.  She learned parts of herself she was unable to do so if she kept obsessing about Aaron. All this love, care, mutual understanding and RESPECT these two shared. 
but...NAH FUCK THAT, right Yams?? Throw all this development away, all this bonding. Let’s make the main female lead even more yandere than she already was in the first season. Let her make out with his decapacitated head (like dude, this is also pure disrespect to Aaron’s dead body btw) and let her obsess even more about the guy who has treated her no better than a piece of toilet cloth 99 percent of the time. The guy who was never really appreciative in front of her for saving his ass billions of times, who always pushed her away, who yells at her and snaps at her whenever he can instead of reasoning and talking calmly with her in mature way. (EVEN PARODY YOUTUBE CHANNELS WHO DONT SHIP ANYTHING MAKE IT A TROPE WHERE AARON TELLS MIKASA HE HATES HER GUTS WHENEVER HE CAN) 
Then after all that, suddenly Yams tries to last minute persuade us Aaron’s always been head over heels for her???  He should have build their relationship better which he hasn’t even tried to do so... He must be thinking his fans are stupid for eating this from his hands.    
Like seriously??? What is this??? 
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Isayama is just fully contradicting himself. It’s like someone tipped him off with a buttload of money for him to write Aaron like this to satisfy shipping needs and to cash in those extra money’s from it. Even if he tried to cater to Erem*ika, this is not how you write a loving and caring couple which people will root for. 
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This next two panels just freaking infuriates me to the core of my soul. I can’t even describe how dissapointed I am with Mikasa. 
Why is she clutching that head so obsessively like that?  Why is she walking and turning her back away from her comrades? After everything they have done for her, after all they’ve been through?! After everything Armin has done? Standing up for Mikasa, beating up Aaron for hurting her. I feel like even Jean, Connie and Sasha have cared more for her in a healthy way.  Sure, Aaron cares for her romantically too apparently (What a twist Yams :)), but has he aided her to becoming a mentally healthier individual? Has he aided in her mental stability? The answer is a big fat NO!  All I see between these two after today’s raw Chapter’s are too Yandere obsessed individuals who have no clue on how to maintain a healthy relationship. 
Love should only go as far as the heart can endure and it seems like her character is not willing to be aware of that. Even Armin was able to let go of Aaron in those latest panels. Why does her entire character resolve around this guy??? I really do not understand. Her Ackerbond and her age is not an excuse for her to throw her life away like this. 
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Shonen’s disgusting portrayal of women 
I’ve seen this countless of times in the many years I’ve watched anime. SasuS*ku from Naruto, Ichih*me from Bleach, Shinji and that oranged hair girl from Neon Evangelion.. Why do these women get decreased to simpletons with one single goal? And that is to obsess over a bland male lead who either treats them like trash or doesn’t notice them up until the last last chapter (LITERALLY WHAT YAMS HAS DONE). Some go even as far as the male leading wanting the kill the female love interest and yet the female lead is still in love with them???. It’s disgusting for him to write the MAIN female character this way. 
It’s dissapointing we believed in Isayama doing Mikasa’s character right. That she’s finally being able to let go of her codependency and to live for herself maybe live in Hizuru and find more about her roots???, but every single time she shows some improvement, it’s burried deep in the ground again by the Author. It almost seems like a lowkey kink of some of the male Mangaka’s to write about a girl obsessing over them no matter what. I see this so many times to the point that I truly stand behind it that some of them might have this fantasy. 
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I wished he didn’t portray her last panels like this. Everyone else is living their lives while Mikasa is still grieving about him. I’m not saying she’s not allowed to grieve and everyone takes it at their own pace, but cmon... Show her living her life too. This is too much. Her being next to his grave and grieving him as her last panels just shoves it in our faces that YET AGAIN, BEING OBSESSED WITH AARON IS ALL HER CHARACTER STANDS FOR. 
I truly despise how Isayama handles her grieving, kissing his decapacitated head, carrying it around like some handbag, and her last panels being thissss.
The world leaving Paradis alone miraciously after all that??? 
It’s so weird and out of place with so many political feuds and disagreements between the world and Paradis, the entire Rumbling happening and we can see Mikasa just chilling outside in Paradis with no one bothering them. You can see the rings of the walls in the picture below.  I don’t know the exact reason behind as the manga is still in Korean, but from what I see, the story went the route of: throwing a happy ending without enough proper reason and  it was all fixed just like that in a snap! It doesn’t fit the entire narrative of attack on titan for things to be so peacful out of nowhere. When it comes to the narrative, how things work in that world, how hard it is to achieve peace, everything made somewhat sense up until chapter 138. 139 seems so so out of place...  It’s like I’m reading a chapter from a totally different manga. 
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Aaron Yoghurt got defeated so easily/ Aaron’s character assassination
The build up on the first part of the rumbling was great, those kids carrying coins. You could feel humanity’s fear and Aaron’s hatred in those pages. As if he truly had a goal and he has turned away completely from his comrades and his closest friends with no return. The world seemed truly doomed, but he  got defeated just like that. He was in the nape all this time (because screw the warhammer power of hiding yourself elsewhere in his ginormous titan body). There is no master plan as we all expected, and in the end he just acts all yandere in the paths with Armin and that’s it... They massacared his entire character as well. Many fan theories created a better ending with his character. Him being reincarnated as Historia’s baby would be so much better. For him to still keep on seeking and to strive for power. It has always been his motive. It’s his personality from the start until chapter 138. Even if things are okay, to keep on going and to seek that adventure, but then.. He’s so weak and directionless suddenly.. It’s so weird... This is not Aaron at all???
Using Aaron for him this entire post, because I don’t want others to invade our tags... :)))
Historia’s baby 
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The only panel we got from Historia’s child was this. Just a normal kid, normal life... Why did Isayama put so much effort in highlighting Historia’s pregnancy if it was nothing too spectacular anyway? It seemed he had major plans for this kid and for their development too??? It’s again, big plans, big developments, big relationship dynamic, but all  got thrown out of the window... 
Don’t read the next sentence if you are a minor :’) 
It’s like almost ejaculating, but stopping right before it and repeating that every single Arc.
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My energy when writing about this chapter is the same as Nostalgia Critic and his hatred for atla the live action
In Conclusion...
I know us fans should not be deciding on how this story should end, because this is Isayama’s story after all, but I truly wished for him to wrap up things much more rounded. There are so many unanswered questions... Again, I think for the sake of being done with this manga, he rushed all of it. He’s become a millionaire from this story and now his pockets are jammed full, I guess he doesn’t need to put in any effort anymore, right? Perhaps a controversial opinion, but I really wished he cared for his fans a little bit more with this last chapter by giving some answers that make sense at least. It’s his fans who gave him this platform and the opportunity to tell his story and for him to at least give in a bit of effort especially in the last chapter is the least he can do. Rivamika being canon or not, he truly rushed it without thinking much about the entire story line. He expanded it so much, he didn’t know how to bind it all together.
Even after all this, I’ll still ship them in the headcanon type of way. I do give credit to Isayama for giving us a template for such a beautiful dynamic between Levi and Mikasa. He decides to waste it, but that doesn’t mean we have to.  I want to thank all the people with amazing writing skills, the ones who give us beautiful art like @carmenlee @phit chan @vialesana​ and many more. I want to remind all of you that we can create something beautiful of our own and we don’t neccesarily need canon lore for that. The art I’ve seen, the fanfictions I’ve read have touched me deeper than Isayama ever could at times.The Mikasa in our mind is appreciate of Levi, is mature, classy and has a strong will for herself. They spend their remaining days together peacefully. Keep writing, keep drawing, stay creative. 
I love you all so so much, I’ve only been publicly active since March, but thank you Rivamika fandom for giving me so much joy as a lurker these past 7 years <3
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cosmicjoke · 3 years
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Ah, chapters 113 & 114 of AoT, and I’ve only got one thing to say.
Zeke, am I supposed to be feel sorry for the bitch?  Well I DON’T.
No, seriously, fuck this guuuuuuuuy, I know I keep saying it again and again, but God damn, if these two chapters didn’t just solidify my hatred for the bastard.
First of all, he is just... the most whiny, delusional, self-pitying pathetic loser, just... he really is.  I feel like a character in a Peanuts comic strip every time he opens his mouth.  All I hear is “whaa, whaa, whaa”.  And his delusions of grandeur would almost be funny if they weren’t so pathetic.  
Here’s the thing, alright, and I’m sorry if I’m going to offend any Zeke fans with what I’m about to say, but too bad, I guess.  
Everything out of this shitheads mouth is a lie.  And just because he’s convinced himself of his own bullshit doesn’t make the lies coming out of his mouth any more true.
He turns Levi’s fellow soldiers into Titans.  He does this without remorse.  Don’t try to tell me Zeke felt bad about it.  He didn’t.  You know how I know he didn’t?  Because in his private moments in the immediate aftermath, he mocks Levi over having done it, gloating about his supposed master plan of using Levi’s compassion against him and utilizing it to ensure Levi’s own demise.  Zeke’s entire attitude here is sickeningly unbothered, unburdened, uncaring, and smug in the EXTREME.  He mocks Levi’s compassion, literally makes fun of it and lambasts it as a pathetic sign of weakness when he says “I know you’re a caring leader.  Your soldiers haven’t done anything wrong.  They’ve just grown a little bigger.  You wouldn’t, say, slice them to pieces over that, would you?”.  This is Zeke making fun of the fact, finding AMUSEMENT in the fact that he’s just murdered 30 people who have never done a single thing to him, and reveling in what he thinks is a victory that will lead to Levi’s own death, reveling in having taken advantage of and weaponizing a better man’s kindness and compassion.  Zeke is ENJOYING this moment.  Just like he enjoyed killing all those soldiers in Shinganshina.  And then, the kicker, and this is a particular point about Zeke that just makes me absolutely sick, he pretends to himself as if he didn’t want to do it.  He PLAYS at his own regret, saying, “I didn’t want do this either,” and yet in the very next breath, continues to treat what he’s done with grotesque flippancy, saying “Still, how sad... There wasn’t even a battle or skirmish.”  Gloating over how easily he’s bested Levi and his men, before going on to sink further into his insane delusions of grandeur, blaming their inability to trust one another on Levi’s inability to “understand”.  I’m sorry, Zeke, but no.  You didn’t even TRY to help Levi understand, too wrapped up in your own egotistical god-complex to consider it a possibility.  ‘Oh, only I could possibly understand, along with Eren, the great task we two special beings have been burdened with.  He makes assumptions about Levi’s life, about the kinds of things he’s seen and experienced, and convinces himself that they couldn’t be anything like what Zeke has (which, hilariously, is all wrong, since out of everyone, Levi knows better than anyone else in the SC what it’s like to be treated as a second class citizen).  Zeke just assumes Levi couldn’t possibly ever grasp the complexities of the outside world, and so that’s why Zeke didn’t even bother trying to talk to him.  Blah, blah, blah.  No, Zeke, you didn’t share your stupid ass plan because you wanted to continue to feel special, like you’re the chosen one who gets to decide the fate of an entire race of people.  The most hilarious part of this entire sequence is when Zeke is thinking Levi couldn’t ever understand the concept of all the world’s militaries bearing down on Paradis at once, and what that means, couldn’t grasp the urgency of the situation, as if ZEKE HIMSELF isn’t completely fucking responsible for that situation in the first place.  Zeke literally engineered it.  He created the problem, and now wants to position himself as the savior.  He’s just such a loser man.  The God damned definition.  
And as if all of that wasn’t bad enough, when it turns out Zeke’s plan to take Levi out failed miserably, and Levi comes after his sorry ass like a bat out of hell, Zeke continues to mock Levi, to laugh at what Levi’s just had to do in order to survive and pursue Zeke.  He says “Where’d your adorable little men go!?  Don’t tell me you killed them all!  The poor things!”.  Are you fucking serious?  Zeke’s behavior here is one of the most sickening things in the entire story, bar none.  The way he laughs at Levi here for having to cut down 30 of his friends and comrades, the absolute display of sociopathic glee and disregard for the severe, horrific trauma he’s just caused this man, is honestly shocking.  Man, I’m sorry, but anyone who sympathizes with Zeke over Levi after this display maybe needs to reevaluate their moral compass, because it’s damned broken.  And just as an aside, Zeke’s cowardly fear of Levi is also pretty damned funny.  He’s just such a bitch./
We go from this perverse display of psychopathic megalomania into Zeke’s backstory, and again, I’m sorry if I’m gonna offend any Zeke fans here, but to all of that, I ask, so effing what?  Oh, boohoo, Zeke’s mommy and daddy didn’t shower him with praise or spend any time playing catch with him, and somehow, I guess, this is meant to excuse his attempts later in life to commit mass genocide.  Poor, poor Zeke.  Yes, his childhood was sad, he experienced neglect from his parents for two whole years, was used by them as a pawn for their idiotic plans, and ended up disappointing his father when it turned out he had no real talent.  And again I ask, so what?  This sort of experience isn’t exactly what one would call unique, or even extreme.  There are countless children in the world who go through the exact same thing in various forms.  Parents who put too much pressure on their kids to succeed, parents who try living vicariously through their children, parents who make their disappointment known and even punish their children for failing to live up to their expectations (something Zeke’s parents never did, by the way).  The point is, this isn’t even what one would classify as extreme hardship.  It’s a sad story of a child being neglected and not receiving enough love from his parents.  This isn’t to undermine the very real pain one experiences from those things.  Not at all.  That pain is real and legitimate.  But it’s also fairly common and pedestrian, as far as childhood trauma is concerned, and it doesn’t even remotely begin to justify the extreme lengths of megalomaniacal, sociopathic, genocidal tendencies he later displays.  Also, Zeke also had his grandparents, who did love him and spent lots of time with him.  He had Mr. Ksaver, who played with him and acted as a mentor to him.  It wasn’t like Zeke had no one and grew up with zero connections.  That’s BS.  
Levi calls this bitch on his shit later in chapter 114, as Zeke’s muttering away in his delusions about how he’s “saving everyone”.  He asks Zeke “That was your plan?  Mercy killings?”.  Levi’s asking Zeke here who the hell gave him the right to decide who lives and who dies?  Who gave him the right to decide who’s life is WORTH living?  When Levi says him getting to die by being eaten by a Titan is pretty merciful, considering he stole the lives of so many of his comrades, Zeke’s reply speaks volumes about just how warped and demented his thinking is, when he says “I stole nothing.  I... saved them.  Them and the children they would have... I saved them all... from this cruel world.”.  He’s literally justifying murdering countless people by trying to redefine that murder as “saving” them.  It’s not murder because it saved them from ever having to suffer again!  He’s absolving himself here of his sins by casting his actions in not just a favorable light, but trying to sell them as heroic and admirable.  He takes no, actual responsibility for what he’s done.  He removes himself from that responsibility by pretending he was doing a good thing, an honorable, noble thing, by murdering a whole bunch of people who’d never done jack shit to him.  Yippee for Zeke, I guess.  He’s the very definition of an ego-maniac, of someone suffering from a messiah complex.  He’s insane, and morally depraved.  The very fact that he’s the one who comes up with the idea of eradicating the Eldian race by rendering them infertile is only further proof of this.  What teenager comes up with a plan to exterminate an entire race of people and thinks it’s a good idea?
Right before he blows himself and Levi up, he screams “I’m hope you’re watching, Mr. Ksaver!”.  He’s indulging in his own, fanciful notions of himself as the “chosen one”, as a unique person who alone is capable of delivering humanity to salvation.  He’s showing off, asking Mr. Ksaver to watch him as he “saves the world”, because all he cares about, really, is making himself feel special, of fulfilling what he’s deluded himself into believing is his destiny, his right to decide the fate of the world. 
And then he almost kills Levi in the process.
I swear, I wish Levi had just chopped his shitty head off right then and there.  No one can blame Levi for chopping the bastards legs up like he did, for being so angry.  It wasn’t just that Zeke had killed so many of his fellow soldiers by turning them into Titans, or tried to kill Levi by turning them into Titans, it’s also how Zeke laughed about it, and laughed at the pain he’d caused Levi, treating all of it as if it was worth nothing, and then having the unmitigated gall to cast himself as the hero bestowing his benevolent mercy on all.  Give me a fucking break.
Fuck you Zeke.  I hope you rot in hell, you dumb shit.  
Also, fuck you to Floch too.  I hate that bastard almost as much.
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ushittyoldman · 3 years
Text
nobody’s fault but mine (pt. 2)
Levi wouldn’t really be Levi if he knew how to handle his intense feelings for you.
pairing. levi x fem!reader AND a little bit of jean x fem!reader (b/c once again i am a slut 4 jean too)
warnings. some fluff, language (b prepared for a lot of the f-bomb)
a/n. hi sorry 4 the long wait, life is a little hectic rn (it’s snowing n our power has been going out on n off for the past few days lmfao also school b lowkey kicking my ass) BUT i wanted 2 say thank u so so much 4 all ur feedback to part 1 it was so so so unexpected n sweet n flattering i literally still can’t wrap my head around it. i would rly appreciate some feedback 2 this one too since this is A LOT more levi n i actually adored writing him but i would luv 2 know what u guys think of my characterization of him (im a little nervy) but yes feedback is encouraged! this is kinda long but a lot happens so i rly hope u guys appreciate this n enjoy it bc it took me so long 2 write n rewrite it heheheh (side note 4 the sake of age n everything, all the 104th cadets r actually 18+ including our cute lil reader) also! pls continue 2 request more levi ok that’s it 4 now enjoy!
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“Rise and shine, sleeping beauty.”
“Jean!”
The hushed voices stirred you out of the pleasant state of unconsciousness you had been in. A sharp pain shot through your head as you slowly opened your eyes, blinking quickly to adjust to the bright light. You flexed your fingers subtly as an attempt to gain awareness of yourself and your surroundings. Once you were comfortable, you slowly turned your head to your right and saw a scene you had grown painfully familiar with– Jean arguing with someone. The victim of the week was Armin, and you almost wanted to laugh at the quick back-and-forth between the two.
“Your bedside manner… sucks,” you managed to mumble. You cringed at the uncharacteristic hoarseness of your voice.
“There she is!” Jean exclaimed, shooting a victorious smirk at Armin, before fondly looking down at you, as he moved closer to your side.
You heard multiple gasps of your name, and you quickly turned your head to your left, before regretting it due to the sharp pang that followed in your head. Nevertheless, you mustered up as bright a smile as you could, looking at your friends who had all taken various positions throughout the room. Eren was the first to your bed, embracing you tightly.
“That was scary,” he softly mumbled your name, before pulling back, “Don’t do that again.”
The concern on his face startled you momentarily, and you couldn’t help but avert your eyes. You blinked quickly before looking up and shyly smiling at Eren.
“I’ll keep that in mind for next time.”
You then looked up at your fellow cadets, who stood surrounding your small bed in the infirmary. Your love for these people sat heavily in your chest, and you beamed up at them, before you realized you were in the infirmary.
“What happened?” you genuinely asked, your husky voice taking you by surprise again.
“Oh, I’ll tell you what happened!” Jean scowled, crossing his arms in anger, “That little bastard—”
“Jean, you can’t say that about the Captain!” Sasha chided, looking sideways in fear as if to emphasize her point.
“Captain, my ass!”
You attempted to stifle your giggling, yet your mood significantly dropped upon remembering Levi’s treatment towards you this past month. You tried to conceal your obviously bothered expression, but you felt a hand softly ruffle your hair. You looked up and smiled at Reiner.
“Don’t sweat it, kiddo, I’m sure he’ll tone down the punishments after this,” he reassured, obviously mistaking your dejection over your unreciprocated feelings for Levi for something else.
Appreciating the gesture, you continued to smile up at him while nodding softly. Reiner had a comforting presence, and you felt your mood brighten slightly.
“Fingers crossed,” you deadpanned, earning a soft laugh from Bertholdt, who had taken a seat at the foot of your bed.
Jean’s relentless bashing of the Captain continued, as Sasha, Connie, and Armin attempted to calm him down, warning him about the consequences they’d all have to face if word got back to Levi. Eren gritted his teeth in irritation, as he glared up at Jean, threatening to “knock him out if he didn’t shut up,” while Mikasa had silently moved around the chaos to rest her calloused hand on your own, silently squeezing as a gesture of comfort. You squeezed back.
“Look, all I’m saying is he obviously has it out for her. She’s a better soldier than all of us– even you, titan boy— and it’s still not good enough? I call bullshit!”
“I think he’s just trying to be a good teacher, I’m sure there’s a lot I can still improve on,” you justified, and all eyes turned to you.
“There’s not,” Mikasa bluntly stated, leaving no room for argument.
Your friends all agreed, and you scrunched your nose playfully to conceal the warmth that had spread throughout your body at their praise. You worked hard to get where you were– there was a satisfaction in knowing that all of your effort wasn’t going unacknowledged.
“Jean-boy’s right—”
“Bastard!”
“—Captain Levi has been unnecessarily cruel to her, and we’ve all noticed it!” Eren’s fists clenched in anger as he ignored Jean’s yelling.
“But the Captain isn’t the type to hold grudges or act impulsively, so I think there’s something deeper to it,” Armin reasoned, apologetically glancing at you in case his words offended you.
You nodded softly, not wanting to worsen your headache; however, it didn’t really matter when Jean’s painfully loud voice retaliated almost immediately.
“He overworked her to the point of her passing out from exhaustion and severe dehydration!” His eyebrows furrowed in anger, and his sandy brown hair bounced with his every move.
You winced from the pain in your head, and the movement didn’t go unnoticed by Reiner, who glanced at you from where he stood.
“Jean— inside voice, yeah?” Reiner softly spoke, subtly tilting his head down towards you. Jean’s gaze softened and concern replaced the anger on his contorted features, as he apologized to you.
“Yeah, seriously, what are you getting so worked up for?” Connie innocently asked, before a knowing look crossed his features. He turned to his partner-in-crime, and the two donned shit-eating grins as they turned back to Jean.
“Right, that’s why.”
Bertholdt, whose lanky body had been horizontally lying across the bed comfortably, sat up onto his elbows and cluelessly asked, “What’s why?”
Sasha’s smile widened, and she crossed her arms, mimicking Connie’s knowing smirk. “It’s because Jean-boy, here, is sweet on our dear little—”
“Would you shut up!” Jean yelled louder than before, fists shaking in anger. His face was flushed an impossible shade of red, and you would’ve joined in on the laughter, had your head not exploded from the pain.
You were fully aware of the incessant teasing Jean received regarding his relationship with you, and you would honestly be lying if you said you didn’t get a kick out of it as well. Deciding to spare your friend today, you sent a good-natured smile to him, hoping that would be enough to quell his frustration.
Had you not turned to converse with Eren, you wouldn’t have missed Jean’s dazed smile.
While talking to Eren, your mind briefly drifted to Levi and the situation that was weighing heavily on you. You didn’t want to believe that the Captain hated you– you desperately grasped onto your excuse that he was simply a harsh teacher. And yet, you knew there was something more to it.
In a panic-driven moment, you momentarily wondered if he had somehow found out about your feelings for him. You remembered him telling you about his upbringing— you knew better than most that Levi and confessions of love did not go together... at all. Before you could further dig yourself deeper into the pitiful hole you had been in the past month, a painfully familiar voice broke through your intrusive thoughts.
“You know how loud you are? This isn’t a damn daycare.”
“Sir!”
All conversation in the room came to an abrupt halt. You couldn’t help but grow amused at the sight of Eren and Bertholdt scrambling off your bed to stand and salute their superior. Your small smile was wiped off your face when your eyes met stormy grey ones. You quickly looked down, before inhaling quickly and swiftly pulling your bedsheets back. You attempted to muster as much strength as you could, ignoring the multiple eyes on you. You gracefully stood up from the bed, and turned to Levi, managing the salute as well. You slowly looked up at him.
“Sir,” you shakily mumbled, internally cringing once again at the uncharacteristic rasp to your voice.
You received proud looks of admiration from your friends, though Jean’s remained more concerned than proud. Idiot! he thought to himself. We know you’re strong, now’s not the time to prove it!
Levi, meanwhile, had tried his very best to suppress the guilt that had been eating away at him for the past day; however, it had only worsened when he saw you and heard your weak voice. Upon making eye contact with you, he almost wanted to fall to his knees and apologize profusely for everything he had put you through, audience be damned. 
Levi had spent the better half of the day pacing around your room in the infirmary wing of the Scout Regiment’s base, lost deeply in his thoughts, as his concern for you weighed heavily in his heart. After a few more hours of pacing, he had finally come to the conclusion that he was an idiot (a grade A, unique brand of idiot all in a league of his very own), and that he was in love with you.
Where the first realization annoyed him to high heaven, the second one brought him a sense of peace that was only heightened every time he had looked at your unconscious form.
Levi, uncomfortable with the amount of self-actualizing he had done that day, had left the room after softly caressing your cheek, hoping to convey all of his guilt and apologies and love into the simple gesture. Once he was away from the infirmary wing of the base, he inhaled deeply, itching for the comfort of a cup of warm tea. On his way to the mess hall, he had passed by your friends from the 104th, all undoubtedly on their way to see you. Levi’s eyebrow had slightly risen upon noticing the varying looks of defiance and anger on each of their faces. He had remained unfazed, his half-lidded eyes looking away, as if he hadn’t even seen them at all.
Somehow, it was harder to face them now with you standing amongst them. 
His face retained its usual impassive and bored expression, yet it momentarily faltered when he noticed you slightly stumble from where you were standing next to the hospital bed. Levi’s heartbeat quickened, and he made a subtle move to rush over to you to catch you for the second time that day, but Jean was quicker. The taller man had been keeping a watchful eye on you, and had quickly dropped his salute to stand behind you and steady your slightly uncoordinated form. You comfortably relaxed backwards into his arms as you sent a grateful smile up at him, and he softly smiled back in response, leading you back to the bed.
Levi was both relieved and a little fucking pissed off.
“Visiting hours are over— I need to talk to the brat,” he lazily said, authority ringing loudly and clearly in his command.
For the first time in all his years of captaining the scouts, there was a quick hesitation after his command.
Levi raised an unamused eyebrow at each of the cadets, silently challenging them to disobey him. Despite his threatening aura, he wouldn’t blame any of your friends if they were to defy Levi. The Captain deserved it for his treatment of you— he’d take it like a man.
Your eyes widened in surprise when your friends subtly glanced at you, silently asking if it was okay to leave you alone with him. Upon hearing Levi’s request to talk to you, your heart had begun to uncontrollably race and you swore you could feel it in your throat. You were disappointed in yourself for growing excited at finally being able to talk to him. 
Blinking quickly, your cheeks grew hot under everyone’s gazes, so you reassuringly smiled at your eight friends, and you once again felt the genuine love you had for them erupt within your heart. 
Ever the peacemaker of the group, Armin signaled for the rest to follow him out of the room, and they each uncertainly walked behind him. Mikasa squeezed your hand once more before following closely behind Eren, who sent you an encouraging smile. Bertholdt subtly sent a thumbs up to you, while Reiner winked at you as he looked over his broad shoulder. Your smile widened; however, it faltered when your eyes met Jean’s. His irritated expression worried you, yet before you could respond, he turned away and walked past Levi.
Levi had to give it to Jean— not many people had the balls to openly glare at the Captain.
Once everyone was gone, the tension within the room increased tenfold. You looked at Levi, and you bit your lip in contemplation, anticipating what he would say. Many thoughts rang through your head.
Was it another punishment? Was he going to yell at me? Did he find out about my fee–
“How do you feel?”
You almost had to pinch yourself. After one month of barely any interactions with your friend— if you were still even allowed to call him that— you realized how starved you were for pleasant conversation with Levi.
“I’ve been better,” you breathed out, still cautious. “How… how do you feel?”
Even after such an unpleasant experience, your unwavering kindness shone just as brightly. Levi’s heart ached so sweetly, and he internally groaned upon realizing how fucking whipped he was.
He silently stepped forward, pulling a seat to the side of your bed. Once he was seated, Levi looked into your eyes, and you felt your breath hitch at the intensity of the swirl of emotions dancing within his normally cold eyes. He exhaled softly.
You noticed how tired he looked.
“Just peachy.”
There was a pregnant pause, and you came to realize that there was just too much you wanted to say to him, and you didn’t know where to start. Your soft eyes held his sharp gaze.
“You scared the shit out of me, brat.”
Your heart involuntarily skipped a beat, and your eyes widened in response.
“I did?” you internally slapped yourself at your stupid response.
“Yeah. You did.”
“Sorry, sir,” you softly mumbled.
“Levi… just Levi.”
The Levi in front of you was a completely different man from the one who you’ve had the pleasure of interacting with over the past month. You thought back to your friends and their anger at your mistreatment, and you thought of the many unfair punishments, cold shoulder treatments, and overworking during training (despite you being second only to Humanity’s Strongest, himself). Slowly, your incredulity at being treated like a lapdog began to dim and was replaced by your growing indignation. Though you were no stranger to standing up for yourself, you still felt your anxiety skyrocket as you looked back up at your superior.
“Do you hate me, Captain? Did I… did I do something?”
And there it was.
Levi knew the question would come up at some point, and yet he still felt ill-prepared in his response. He knew this was a big step for you— in the whole year that he’s gotten to know you, he learned how much you hated confrontation. You blatantly ignoring his request and choosing to address him by his title caught his attention, and he frowned. When he looked into your slightly watery eyes, a warmth spread throughout his chest, and he had to clear his throat.
“Don’t say shit like that, you haven’t done anything.”
Levi wanted to punch himself— he was never good with words.
You, however, weren’t fazed by the manner in which he spoke. You had fallen for the man, harsh words and all.
“Then why have you—” you paused as you momentarily lost your voice.
Levi thought it was cute (to be fair, he found everything about you endearing), yet he knew it would be inappropriate to openly admire you when you were so clearly upset with him.
“Sorry,” you grew embarrassed and licked your lips, “It’s just… well, why have you been ignoring me? And— and yelling at me? We stopped drinking tea together, and practicing in the forests. You don’t even acknowledge me when I talk to you! I’m sure you have a really good reason, sir, but I just—”
Levi detested the sick feeling of guilt that churned within his heart. In hindsight, he really should’ve thought it through before he began his little plan of distancing himself from you. How else was he supposed to tell you oh, everyone in the fucking Scout Regiment wants you, and so do I, but I haven’t done anything about it because I’m a pussy, so I just decided to take it out on you and wallow in my own self-pity like the sad little man I am, without sounding like he was deranged.
“—I just miss you.”
Levi’s eyes widened a fraction of an inch, and his breath hitched. This time it was the sincerity in your eyes that made him look away quickly.
“I…”
I’ve missed you too, dammit.
At his lack of a response, your eyebrows furrowed, and your irritation grew. Your small hands balled the soft bedsheet, and you swallowed to soften the burn in your throat before speaking.
“Why did you even come here?” you scoffed indignantly, attempting to mask your hurt, “Was it to just to yell at me some more? Oh, I know! Maybe I need to run through training ten more times again, right?”
The guilt churned even more in his chest, and Levi seriously wanted to punch himself. He willed himself to say something— anything— but he felt speechless in front of you.
“Levi,” you hoarsely spoke with desperation, and he looked into your watery eyes. “Say something, please.”
It was as if you had read his mind, and a slight feeling of reassurance quelled the storm in his heart; you really were the only one for him. As he met your eyes— your beautiful, enchanting eyes— he felt his self-hatred skyrocket at the amount of hurt in them. He had grown used to seeing them filled with humor, kindness, and a soft edge that was rare to find nowadays. Yet seeing them filled with such pain and hurt was unsettling, and Levi went mute for the fifth time that day.
You nodded in understanding when he failed to say anything, and your heart clenched. Jean had been right— you were nothing more than a lovesick puppy. You blinked quickly as a poor attempt to conceal your tears, yet nothing ever escaped the Captain’s attention.
His gaze softened, and Levi found out something else about himself— he really didn’t like seeing you cry.
“Shit, please don’t cry,” he tenderly mumbled, as he leaned closer to you and gently cupped your face to wipe away your tears with the pads of his thumb. 
Your breath hitched and your full lips involuntarily parted. You relished in the warmth of his touch, and you wanted nothing more than to lean into his comforting hand. Your name fell from his lips, and you felt yourself come back to reality. Remembering just how you had gotten into this situation, you decided to stand your ground. Despite everything in your body begging to give in and accept this moment with the Captain, you stood unwavering in your decision.
You gently grabbed his large hand with both your hands, and moved it away from your face and into your lap. You held it there loosely and delicately rubbed your fingers over his hand soothingly before eventually stopping, and looking back up at him.
His usual bored expression was long gone, and in its place was a very tender and vulnerable expression. A storm was brewing in his grey eyes, and you distantly remembered stargazing once with him. You had desperately wished you could read his thoughts— somehow, you had found his daunting eyes more fascinating than the starry sky. You felt an ache in your heart at the intimate memories, and you really really wished Levi loved you the way you love him.
“You know what, Levi? It doesn’t even matter if you hate me, because—” you inhaled sharply. 
This has to be done, you reassured yourself, or else you’d be subjecting yourself to an onslaught of hurt and heartbreak. 
“—Because I hate you.”
Your lip quivered and your broken voice faltered. And of course, Levi noticed.
His eyes darted down to your lips at the slight movement. His hands had stilled, and he decided that getting eaten by a damn titan would be much less painful than this.
And then he’s looking at you. You looked back at him, yet he’s looking at you— through you— in that way that makes you want to hide and hold your ground at the same time.
“Right,” Levi drawled, and you knew he didn’t believe you (hell, you were unconvinced yourself). His eyes reverted back to their cold nature, and he ran a hand through his hair, allowing the silky strands to softly land against his forehead.
He stood up, and wordlessly gave you a onceover. Under his scrutiny, you felt yourself grow insecure, but deep down you desperately hoped he’d stay. You bit your bottom lip in apprehension, and Levi’s eyes softened at the sight of your nervous habit.
How is it that he could kill titans all the livelong day yet when it came to this sweet girl, so small and disarming, he couldn’t even utter a single word?
Levi had never felt more pathetic. He peered down at you, momentarily debating whether it would be right for him to attempt one last thing before finally deciding fuck it, and gently cupping your cheek for the third time that day, bending down, and pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head. He gingerly inhaled your enticing scent, appreciating how even after the hell he had put you through, you still smelled so alluring.
You were positive that Levi could hear your heartbeat. You blinked many times in disbelief, as he pulled away and sent one last lingering gaze down at you. 
Levi slightly smirked at the pretty blush that had colored your cheeks, his half-lidded eyes drinking in the mesmerizing sight of you sitting up in your bed and gaping up at him, your cheeks flushed and wet with the remnants of your tears. He turned around and silently left the room. 
He had ignored every part of his body that begged him to stay.
▲▼▲
“Shut up, I can barely hear them!”
“Ow— Bertholdt, you’re stepping on my foot!”
“Oh, sorry.”
“Watch it, horse face!”
“Eren.”
“You piece of shit, I’m—”
The piece of bread that had been tightly held in Sasha’s grip suddenly fell to the floor. Everyone went silent.
“Holy shit, I think… I think he just kissed her.”
Jean really hoped Sasha was wrong. 
He decided to ignore the fact that her freakishly good hearing bordered on supernatural, so there was really no way she could’ve been wrong with a mere wooden door standing between her and the conversation.
“I knew there was something going on between them! Reiner— pay up.”
Reiner muttered several curses under his breath as he pulled out a hefty stack of cash from his pocket. Connie’s grin widened.
Armin had glanced up at Jean, slightly alarmed at the dark expression on his face. Before he could comfort his friend, the door suddenly opened. Everyone scrambled to straighten themselves up, attempting to act like they hadn’t been just eavesdropping on the entire conversation between you and the Captain.
A chorus of sir’s rang throughout the large hallway, and Levi grew amused at the sight before him. His lips twitched upwards, and the cadets had to almost physically stop their mouths from dropping open at the sight. Levi’s ghost of a smile disappeared when his eyes met Jean’s seething ones.
The two held each other’s gazes, Levi’s expression being cool, while Jean’s had been irritated. Levi was not a fucking idiot; he knew the kid was in love with you.
Join the fucking club.
Levi, realizing that this was the exact reason he had gotten himself into that mess with you and not really wanting to sour his somewhat good mood, looked away from Jean to nod at the group of your friends.
“As you were.”
He brushed past Jean, his gaze as intimidating as ever, as he silently walked down the hallway. Jean’s fists clenched tightly. Once Levi had turned the corner, the group exploded into chatter, their reactions varying from stunned to adoring.
Jean really really fucking hoped Sasha was wrong.
▲▼▲
Your horse trotted proudly through the vast landscape, the wind blew through your open hair, your friends teased each other amicably, and your excitement grew at finally being cleared to join the scouts on their next expedition. Though you hadn’t been getting much sleep lately, and you’ve been a little too preoccupied to eat much, nothing could bring your mood down at this moment.
You were alongside your friends as you all followed the section commanders as their horses galloped into the edge of the forest. The mission for today was to exterminate any titans who had wandered too close to the walls. A simple mission, and you were more than capable.
You had been in a great mood.
Until your eyes landed on Levi.
He had been further up, leading his own squad. He had turned around to respond to Gunther, and that’s when his eyes had met yours. Your internal conflict grew, and you ultimately ended up averting your eyes and ignoring him, deciding to maintain your cold treatment towards him. 
Him kissing your head had only further confused you, despite the sweet butterflies you felt every time you thought back to it. Levi’s treatment towards you had unexpectedly changed since that day in the infirmary, and it had reverted to the way it was before his sudden aversion to you, though there was something much sweeter in his actions. You swore you were getting whiplash.
Though he had been significantly kinder to you, you had held your ground, unrelenting in your declaration. Part of you was terrified that if you gave in and became comfortable, he’d suddenly return back to the yelling, the punishments, and the overworking. Part of you also didn’t want to face reality— your feelings were unreciprocated, and they would only serve to bring you a world of heartache and sadness.
Your cold shoulder towards him was nothing compared to the way he had treated you. Yours mainly consisted of avoiding him, and when that wasn’t an option and you had to interact with him, you kept it civil and short. Your heart would ache, but you knew it was for the best. It helped that Jean would offer approving smiles and words of encouragement, even going as far as to smirk when you had ignored the Captain.
Levi, meanwhile, had frowned when he noticed that you ignored him. Again.
In all honesty, he did deserve it, but that didn’t mean it still didn’t hurt like a bitch. He grew irked at your display. Levi hoped you would understand that him kissing your head and showing affection towards you was his grand confession of love. You knew he was shit with words, and he hoped that that would be enough.
He was sadly fucking mistaken.
His attention had been on you the whole mission. Even when the scouts had to dismount from the horses to use the ODM gear through the trees, he had somehow managed to keep a watchful eye on you. You were graceful as ever as you flew through the trees, though his observing gaze noticed that your reaction time was noticeably slower than normal. He had also noticed the dark circles under your usually bright eyes, and he grew worried upon noticing your overall state.
Levi, himself, wasn’t faring much better. He was getting virtually no sleep, running completely on caffeine, adrenaline, and pure will, yet he still made sure he was in excellent shape when it came to these missions— humanity was resting on his shoulders, after all.
The firing of a flare gun in the distance indicated that the group would be encountering titans— a lot of titans— from the left. The soldiers prepared, all eyes focused on the left. You had conveniently taken up the right-most end of the formation, and your attention had also been on the left, your blades held tightly in your hands.
It was only by chance that Levi decided to glance down at you as he soared above you in the middle of the formation. Your eyes met once again, and Levi’s heart lurched at the beautiful sight, when movement behind you immediately caught his attention. A large abnormal with the ability to jump from tree to tree had suddenly appeared and made an attempt to grab you. Your attention had been solely on Levi, so you hadn’t noticed, especially over the roar of the wind in your ears.
Levi’s eyes widened, and he yelled out your name. The rich baritone of his deep voice reached your ears, and you turned slightly behind you, yet you reacted too slowly. Your body jerked backwards, flying so far from the group. You flew through the air at such a great speed that it took you by surprise when you slammed against a tree as the wires of your ODM gear grew tangled. The abnormal had missed you— barely. Your head slammed against the tree and you felt the wind knocked out of your body at the impact.
You whimpered at the hell of a hospital stay you’d have to face after this.
The abnormal almost seemed to be grinning wider upon realizing that it had successfully subdued you. You attempted to quickly stand up, though your body yelled in agony at the movement. Willing yourself to fight back, you shakily stood up, tightly gripping your blades that had miraculously not fallen to the ground throughout the struggle. You winced at the searing pain that shot through your head, yet you clenched your teeth in determination. Realizing that your gear was broken and therefore useless, you quickly discarded yourself of it, and felt some of the tension in your body alleviate now that you were significantly lighter.
“The hell is she doing?” Jean yelled incredulously from his spot next to Levi, and the other members of the group looked on in shock as they all attempted to make it to you in time.
“She’s fighting back,” Levi spoke through gritted teeth, his worry for you eating him alive. His eyebrows were furrowed in stress and anxiety, and he was now soaring impossibly fast through the trees in order to reach you.
Stupid brat. Stupid, resilient, little brat.
“Attagirl!” Oluo and Eld cheered, and Petra shoved them, warning them to stop their blatant ogling in the middle of a dangerous mission. They skillfully dodged her attack, grinning at their adept use of the ODM gear.
A noise towards the side caught their attention, and the group realized the titans they had been anticipating were now in sight. Levi coolly assessed the shitty situation, before commanding that most of the soldiers take care of the titans, while Levi, his squad, and some of the 104th’s cadets would assist you. The group split up, and Levi turned his attention back to you, his heart thumping against his chest.
As the titan made a move to grab you, you exhaled quickly to focus before skillfully jumping onto its elongated arm and running quickly towards its nape. You were defying gravity as you gained speed the higher you went. The titan wasn’t stupid, and it began to grab you with its other arm, yet you anticipated its move. You lithely dodged it, executing a quick front flip as you narrowly escaped its grasp once again.
This was it!
You saw your opening. You leaped forward and pushed your feet against its shoulder as hard as you could, soaring high up in the air above the titan. Muscle memory served you well, and you thought back to the training circuit that had mimicked a situation almost exactly like this one. You gracefully began to spin yourself faster and faster, your cape billowing behind you as you finally readied your blades for the final blow. You yelled out, as your head pain worsened. As a result, your maneuver faltered slightly, almost imperceptible to the human eye. The titan noticed.
It lashed a large hand out again, attempting to grab you, but it accidentally slapped your body away. You cried out in pain, and you flew in the direction of your friends, hurtling towards the ground. You were falling so fast, and you felt yourself grow dizzy from being chucked around so much in the last five minutes.
Eren yelled out your name, a whimper stuck in his throat at the sight of your almost lifeless body spiraling downwards. Jean’s eyes widened, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to make it in time.
Levi’s heart stopped upon witnessing the titan slap your body with so much force. You were plummeting towards the ground at an impossible speed, and he didn’t even think twice before withdrawing his ODM gear’s hooks and diving towards you within the blink of an eye. His cape flew behind him, and a determined glint had overtaken his angry features. 
You had been bordering between consciousness and unconsciousness, yet the sight above you had been so clear that it almost felt as if everything was moving in slow motion. Your long hair flew around you, creating a curtain around your face, as you looked up at Levi. He had dived towards you, his jaw so tightly clenched. His muscular long arm began reaching out to you. The ground was quickly approaching, and you felt a sense of serenity at the sight of your Captain, despite your confusion and the severity of this situation.
“Levi,” you mumbled, smiling softly.
His face dropped upon seeing the calm expression on your face, and he willed himself to go faster, a number of expletive curses ringing through his head. 
That damn titan. Did it know how small you were? How precious you were?
He spun himself slightly to gain momentum, and he saw you were just within reach. Levi confidently stretched his strong arm out even more, managing to wrap his hand around your arm. He swiftly pulled you into his chest, one arm wrapping around your waist, while the other hand cradled your head protectively against his broad chest. He swiftly flipped himself around to face his body upwards, further ensuring he’d take the majority of the blow in case you two ended up hitting the ground, and shot both of his ODM gear’s hooks into a nearby tree, propelling both of you away from the ground and towards the high branch. You fleetingly realized how familiar this position felt.
Once Levi safely landed, he kneeled, and supported your body against his thigh as he continued to hold you in his arms. He quickly looked over his shoulder, and could make out the sight of the titan falling to the ground. All the members of his squad seemed alive and well, so he turned his attention back to you. His eyes quickly darted over your face, desperately searching for any obvious injuries.
Your eyes fluttered open at the feeling of Levi running his hands through your hair and over your cheeks. The Levi in front of you was leagues different from the cool and composed one you had come to know. He had a frantic look in his eyes, his jaw clenched tightly, as he desperately peered down at you. 
“Le… Levi?” You mumbled, your voice still a little hoarse from your recent infirmary stay.
“You are so precious to me, you hear me?” He lowly spoke, panic and anger and a whole plethora of emotions coloring his normally deadpan voice.  
Your jaw fell open and you were almost positive you were suffering from a mean concussion, and this was a hallucination. “Wha—”
“You’re a fucking brat— an incredibly frustrating, resilient little brat— but you’re mine.”
You dazedly looked up at him, and you realized how close his face was to yours. His muscular chest was heaving up and down, and a small droplet of sweat dripped down from his hairline. Levi’s handsome features held nothing but adoration for you, and in that moment nothing could bring you down from the high you were experiencing. You felt his warm hands cup your cheek once more, a habit he seemed to be fond of.
“You want a fucking declaration of love? Here it is— if anything happens to you, I swear I’ll kill every titan on this piece of shit planet,” he spoke, surprisingly unbothered with how vulnerable he was being with you. He moved closer to you, his forehead nearly resting on your own. “I don’t give a fuck if you hate me or not. You’re mine, and I’m yours. And that’s all there is to it.”
Your hand creeped up to grasp the wrist of the hand that had been caressing your face, and you tightened your fingers around it. He froze, momentarily wondering if you were rejecting his confession, and he internally groaned at the thought. 
There’d be no coming back from this one.
“You’re mine?” You shakily asked, a gloriously beautiful smile slowly gracing your features.
“That’s what I said,” he mumbled, attempting to conceal how lovestruck he felt at your smile.
“After… after we get home and I get some medical attention, you’re going to have to kiss me, alright? I’m—”
You were cut off by his lips pressing against your own. Your eyes fluttered shut, and you relished in the soft feeling of his lips molding against yours. You felt an indescribable warmth erupt in your chest, and you whimpered against Levi’s lips. His kiss was soft and warm, a huge contrast to the Levi from this past month. He pulled away just as quickly as he had bent down.
“One for the road,” he simply explained, glancing down at you. He internally smirked at the pretty blush coloring your cheeks— he was always fond of the sight.
▲▼▲
“You’re not serious.”
“Do I look like I’m joking?”
You stifled your giggles at Levi’s straight face. Your expression still showed your disbelief at what he had just told you.
“I’m not an idiot, Levi, I know how some people look at me,” you laughed, rolling your eyes playfully.
“Even the Commander?”
“Oh, I’m working my way up through the ranks right now, can’t you tell?” You teased, gesturing down to your intertwined bodies, as you both faced each other in his warm bed.
“You’re funny, brat,” he deadpanned, no heat and all fondness as he affectionately pinched your cheeks.
You snuggled deeper into his chest, savoring the warmth that you were enveloped in. You were wearing his shirt— still warm and smelling strongly of him— and you inhaled softly as your face pressed deeper into his chest. Somehow, the slight aftermath of your headache from the recent expedition began to dull slightly.
“I’m sorry again,” Levi murmured, softly cradling your head against his chest.
“Really? I couldn’t tell the first five hundred times you said so,” you teased, looking up at him. Your breath hitched at the sight of his face angled down towards you, dark wisps of hair falling over his eyes and structured face. Levi was so painfully handsome, you could feel your heart flutter.
His eyes were intense, and his guilt continued to stir within his stomach. Seemingly able to read his mind, you pressed a chaste kiss to his warm chest.
“Idiot,” you mumbled, “I really wouldn’t care if the King himself came up to me and proposed, and you know exactly why.” 
“Humor me.”
“Terrifying guy, goes by the name of Humanity’s Strongest Soldier?”
He chuckled lowly, the deepness of his voice vibrating through his chest, and your insides turned to mush. Feeling relieved at successfully pulling Levi out of his little hole of guilt, you yawned softly. Your bruised ribs still ached at times, yet you ignored it this time to cuddle deeper into Levi, who was also on the verge of sleep.
He was sleepily looking down at you, observing your attempts to get comfortable in his embrace, and he softly smiled to himself. His muscular arms tightened around you, one of his hands coming to rest on the soft curve of your hip. He relished in the fact that sleep would be coming easily to him with you here. Levi had surprised himself with how easily he was able to show his affections toward you, and he chalked it up to that being further proof that you really were the only one for him.
He felt a warmth come from the sweet pang in his chest, and it spread throughout his entire body. Levi had learned to associate that feeling with you.
His eyes closed silently, and you pressed one last kiss to his chest.
“Precious,” he mumbled, “Precious little brat.”
▲▼▲
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amaryllisblackthorn · 4 years
Text
a lot of people have this idea that Annabeth's been like, a Luke apologist and in denial since the very beginning but it's not really true?. Annabeth was angry at Luke for his betrayal in the end of Lightning Thief and during Sea of Monsters. It's only until the end of The Titan's Curse that she starts the 'Luke really isn't that bad' kind of thing.
the end of Lightning Thief:
"I can't believe that Luke..." Annabeth's voice faltered. Her expression turned  angry and sad. "Yes. Yes, I can believe it. May the gods curse him...He was never the same after his quest."
"When I get back next summer," she said, "we'll hunt down Luke. We'll ask for a quest, but if we don't get approval, we'll sneak off and do it anyway. Agreed?"
 She was really angry at him during Sea of Monsters. Her vision from the Sirens does indicate that deep down she may believe she's able to save him, or at least wants to, but it doesn't diminish the hurt and anger she does feel.
"How could you?" Annabeth sounded so angry I thought she'd explode. "Thalia saved your life! Our lives! How could you dishonor her--"
"Liar!"
"I understand you want to destroy the camp!" she yelled. "You're a monster!"
"Because you have none of your own [intelligence]!"
"That's disgusting!" Annabeth said.
"You're insane," Annabeth said.
"Go to Tartarus," she said.
All those above are on the Princess Andromeda with Luke. Then later, to Percy:
She shook her head. "We made a dozen safe houses like this. I doubt Luke even remembers where they are. Or cares."
Even in the beginning-ish of Titan's Curse, she doesn't trust him. When he's struggling under the sky and asking for her help, she's hesitant. It's only when the sky begins to fall  that she goes to help hold it.
Annabeth had tears in her eyes. She reached down like she wanted to touch Luke's face, but at the last second she hesitated. "What happened?" she asked.
"Why should I trust you?" Annabeth asked. Her voice was filled with hurt.
Then the darkness above Luke began to crumble, like a cavern roof in an earthquake. Huge chunks of black rock began falling. Annabeth rushed in just as a crack appeared, and the whole ceiling dropped. She held it somehow--tons of rock. She kept it from collapsing on her and Luke with her own strength.
However!! There's a shift in her feelings by the time Percy and Thalia rescue her and I personally think it's because she's aware that Luke 'saved' her life for the time being after Atlas ordered him to kill her after Artemis took the sky -- even though he was super complicit in her being in that situation in the first place. Compare:
Luke hesitated. "She--she may yet be useful, sir. Further bait."
and
"We'll bring Luke back," Annabeth pleaded. "To Olympus. He...he'll be useful."
I don't think it's a conscious parallel on Annabeth's part per se, but Rick Riordan using the parallel to indicate the connection. I think that's when Annabeth discovers that Luke does still care deep down, and that deep down the person that she knows is there. which is fair, because before this point he hadn’t given her any indication seeing as he literally directed  Oreius to eat her. that’s a whole ‘nother write-up, though, i think. i digress.
Once she knows this, she starts to view him as someone being manipulated and taken advantage of by Kronos, someone who was able to manipulate Ares, a god, in the first book, -- she's not wrong! He is being manipulated. That doesn't absolve him from his horrible behavior especially towards her, but she understands that Luke is a troubled, traumatized young man being taken advantage of by the evil King Titan, and she's also aware that literally no one else cares enough to try to save him.
like, the language Annabeth uses to describe Luke in the end of Titan’s Curse is the same that Percy uses to describe the demigods on the  Titans’ side in Last Olympian. 
"You don't believe me about Luke," Annabeth said, "but we'll see him again. He's in trouble, Percy. He's under Kronos's spell."
vs
I tried to wound his men, not kill. That slowed me down, but these weren’t monsters. They were demigods who’d fallen under Kronos’s spell. I couldn’t see faces under their battle helmets, but some of them had probably been my friends.
there’s another callback with the language Percy uses to describe the opposing demigods in Last Olympian. this time, to what Percy says to Luke at the end of Lightning Thief.
“He’s brainwashing you, Luke.”
“You’re being used, Luke. You and Ares both. Don’t listen to Kronos.”
vs
This kid was getting brainwashed—trained to hate the gods and lash out because he’d been born half Olympian. Kronos was using him, and yet the kid thought I was his enemy.
Poseidon put his hand on my shoulder. “Percy, there were only a few demigod warriors aboard that ship, and they all chose to battle for Kronos. Perhaps some heeded your warning and escaped. If they did not . . . they chose their path.”
“They were brainwashed!” I said. “Now they’re dead and Kronos is still alive. That’s supposed to make me feel better?
Percy has sympathy for the demigods manipulated by Kronos to be on the Titan’s sides; he sees them as victims. the reason he doesn’t for Luke, I feel, is because Luke’s betrayal made it personal. I think this is where Percy’s fatal flaw comes into play, honestly, with the personal loyalty. both in regards to the personal betrayal to Percy, as well as Percy’s loyalty to Annabeth (and thus Luke’s betrayal of Annabeth, too). and i feel this also applies, to a lesser extent, to Ethan. but that’s a whole ‘nother write-up, too (one day!)
there is, admittedly, the factor of Luke’s age in comparison to Percy, Annabeth, and most of the other campers. there’s definitely a power imbalance -- especially with Annabeth, which isn’t okay, obviously.  so even though he’s a victim and young himself, that power imbalance in regards to his actions, manipulations, etc is messed up and not okay. 
even so, Luke is still pretty young himself -- not as young as the others, but still young. like, i got into this series when i was younger than Percy and Annabeth were, so Luke, like most early 20 year olds, seemed very old to me in that regard; it’s only as i got older and closer to his are that i started to really realize that heck he was really young. so while Luke is definitely an adult in regards to the relationship he has with Percy, Annabeth, and other younger demigods -- which he should have been mindful of and makes his manipulation etc very messed up and not okay -- he’s also young himself which is something to keep in mind. like, Luke is only around 19-22? in the series. That puts him at a power imbalance in regards to Annabeth and Percy, in which he's very much an adult in the relationship, but outside of that he's still pretty young! he’s a college kid, which when you’re younger seems pretty old but then you are one and realize differently -- his brain hasn't even fully developed yet. but i’m like, seriously digressing. 
my intended point was that i disagree with the interpretation that Annabeth was blinded by emotions and a toxic relationship which led her to make excuses for Luke and unable to see him for what he really was etc,--  because Annabeth was angry at him after his betrayal and had even thought he was different, that he didn’t care anymore. The ‘Luke apologist’ behavior only starts at the end of Titan’s Curse, the third book in the five book series. I just feel like her ... feelings? perspective? position? idk the right word.... is often misrepresented? 
she becomes very defensive over Luke’s ‘inner goodness’ and stuff because she’s literally the only one who wants to save him and knows it. she knows what he’s done isn’t okay, but she keeps driving it home that he’s being manipulated because he is! it doesn’t excuse his actions but it doesn’t have to. by the end of titan’s curse, annabeth sees luke as someone terribly lost and no one trying, willing, or caring enough to save him. and like, she’s right when she sees luke as someone who isn’t beyond saving, who’s extremely lost and being manipulated through his trauma and anger -- it doesn’t excuse what he’s doing but that doesn’t make him someone not worthy of saving. despite what he’s done, luke is still her family and she will fight for him. she sees luke the same way percy sees the other opposing demigods in the last olympian and she’s right. she’s not making excuses for him, she doesn’t think he’s done nothing wrong, she’s just not willing to give up on him and she was right. as the child in the relationship/dynamic, it wasn’t her responsibility to be the one to save him and shouldn’t have been, but she wasn’t wrong in how she saw Luke.
 like, their was definitely a power imbalance in their relationship and it’s definitely important to acknowledge that, but i feel like people tend to like, erase annabeth’s agency, for lack of a better word, and attribute her desire to save Luke as being tragically misplaced? like, Luke has totally wronged Annabeth and mistreated her terribly, but like...I find her not giving up on him mostly admirable and not pitiable, though like I said as the child in their dynamic it wasn’t her responsibility.  i’m rambling though.
mostly this post was made to remind people that Annabeth was angry towards Luke, and rightfully so, until near the end of Titan’s Curse, which is where her defending Luke and insisting he could be saved really started, likely with Luke indicating he actually still cared deep down for the first time being the catalyst.  especially since it seems a lot of people give like the impression they think she’s done it from the very beginning? idk ive definitely rambled a lot and lost my main point sometime ago or something. enjoy this anyway.
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woahajimes · 3 years
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So this is more of a personal opinion but the Teen Titans run in 2003 is... really painful to read as someone who got really attached to the Young Justice (98) run. For a whooole number of reasons.. but today I will concentrate on bart (because like for the past three days al ive talked about is bart) 
Because the first issues are all “Impulse you’re so fucking useless” and “ew don’t touch me” and “Oh my god conner i missed you so much” and absolutely nobody believes in Bart. And it pisses me off. 
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Wally was written as such a fucking asshole. “I took things seriously” OH IM SORRY MR PERFECT THAT NEVER FUCKING GOOFED AROUND AND HAD FRIENDS AND GOT EXCITED AND USED HIS POWERS TO HIS ADVANTAGE???? and suddenly bart does it and he’s such a fucking failure and he’s not good enough???? Give me a fucking BREAK. “I founded the titans” okay yes do you want a gold star??? So petty and for what smh
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And I mean... bart is so... he’s bart. and I absolutely love him. He’s just excited, and people take this as ridiculously stupid and immature. And YES i have read the issues where bart spends three solid minutes talking to a cardboard cut-out of the flash, but he’s just a kid... he deserves better than whatever the fuck this run is
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.... let that one linger. I mean I’m no Bart but hearing that hurts. A lot. 
And Cassandra (i refuse to call whoever she is ‘cassie’) was such a bitch to him?? i get that she got expelled from school but the rest is all bullshit (cassandra here got expulsed because she threw a tantrum and gave out her secret idenity to the whole school and used her powers, which already tells you that this is out of character- although she might have done something similar but she wouldn’t go as far as she did)
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You can’t even blame Bart for being ‘immature’ and ‘childish’ here because they’re literally 16???? 17 at most and Cassandra is written as such a fucking bitchhh in the whole runnn and im pretty sure all my mutuals hate me for saying it so often but it makes me so angry (as you probably noticed). And I’m not talking about the costume design (although, if you ask me it’s really out of character and also its ugly and my baby cassie would have done waay better than that. I mean she had biker shorts because they were good to kick in and now she has JEANS???? and a belt to top that WITH A HEADBAND???? cassie is a barette bitch and her hair is short because she likes it like that and she would rather die than get bangs). And I don’t know what’s going on with her, but what the fuck is up with tim?? I’m sure he’s got his shit going on at home with batsy but like.... fuck you
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they’re all being such assholes to bart, but he’s there nonetheless, energetic and bubbly, as if nothing’s happened. He even had a heart-to-back with Cassandra (you can guess who spilled their heart and who gave their back)
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Oh and don’t let me forget that after this, Cassandra still thinks on leaving. But then cOnNeR goes “no you belong here” and cassandra goes “aw youre right lets kiss now” (not that i have anything against kon or the ship but it was just taken to extremes in this run, because conner this and conner that and lets clone my dead best friend and your boyfriend oh and lets kiss too because we totally dont do that enough)
Now they’re at this prison of sorts and there’s a fire, and there’s smoke and Bart takes in consideration that he might hurt someone if he goes too fast (because of the smoke) 
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And oh im sorry okay cassie no need to use THAT tone (although ill let it slide, it’s cool i get it- sorta)
AND THEN BECAUSE ITS TOTALLY NOT MOTHERFUCKING ENOUGH BECAUSE NOBODY HAS NEGLECTED BART ENOUGH ALREADY THIS HAPPENS
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“help out impulse” NO FUCK YOU???? ‘Oh impulse the smoke just magically cleared stop being so useless” EXCUSE YOU???? and may i add that kori is also... not that nice to bart...
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OH AND MAY I ADD THAT AS BART WENT IN THE BUILDING (because KORY told him to) HE GOT SHOT WITH A TRANQUILIZER THAT IMMOBILIZED HIM FOR A FUCKING HALF MINUTE AND THEN SLADE BLEW HIS KNEECAP OFF??? AND IT DIDN’T OCCUR TO FUCKING KORY THAT IT WAS HER THAT TOLD HIM TO GO IN THE FIRST PLACE???? hhh
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call me insane but this is just.... really out of character (then again almost the whole thing is) because you can’t tell me that Cassie and Kon (and tim and cissie and greta and literally anyone that bart has ever interacted with because that’s the effect that he has on people) wouldn’t destroy every piece of shit in their way to blow off slade’s other eye. and after this they do go after slade but like hhhhhhhhhhhhh my boy deserves better okay reading these issues is just liek pouring bleach in my eyes its just... sigh
OH AND THEN BART GOT AGED UP AND IM LIKE OKAY AND THNE HE DIED RIGHT AND THEY GRIEVED HIM FOR LIKE TWO MINUTES AND THEN THEY WENT BACK TO CLONING CONNER AND IM JUST LIKE???????
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thesunshinebunny · 3 years
Text
When the world falls apart, the only thing we can hold onto is ourselves (Part VII)
 Series Master list
pairing: canon Eren Jaeger x reader
content: Angst, unstable relationship, breakup, smut/nswf+18, major character death, violence, blood (obviously), war (pretty obvious)
summary: War and hate. It’s what defined the world at this exact moment. You failed your comrades, and by failing them, you failed yourself. Your relationship is hanging by a thread and your enemies will not only be found on the other side of the sea, but also in the mind of the person you love the most. How will you take the reins in the face of so much destruction?
Chapter summary: Sometimes, to understand the present, it’s necessary to pay a visit to the past. While reader is in a deep sleep, their unconscious plays a trick on them by reminding the most important and catastrophic moments in their life.
Word Count: 9.1K
Year 847, a very hot and humid day.
First day of training in the 104° squad. Each of the hundreds of soldiers coming into the slaughterhouse gathered in lines, lined up, waiting for our first orders. Announcement of names and locations. Some serious who didn’t need an introduction, other clowns who didn’t take the training seriously. Instead, I...was  waiting with an empty view towards the horizon, not seeing anything or anyone in particular.
First day, call and presentation; some came from cities, some from towns, but none from a filthy wealthy family of nobility, much less royalty. Most of us simple villagers, presented on a silver platter for the aristocracy, entering our graves on our own. Each one would have their reasons, some simpler than others, some more hypocritical than others, and others more selfish than all of us here.
First day, and there were already a couple on the ground and others being severely punished. Like the tall girl with a ponytail who had the brilliant idea to not only steal, but also cook a potato before training and eat it in the middle of line formation. A village girl, a hunter and faithful to her principles and culture; a girl who wasn’t ashamed to show her true colors on the first day, even if it gave her a punishment that would end up lasting for hours, until nightfall. An incredible example for the most stupid, but equally for the bravest. I think it was hearing where did she coming from that something inside me arose like a flower in the middle of spring, or maybe it was hearing her resound every minute around the training ground until the moon rose. I’m not very clear about it. Maybe I wanted to be nice to someone after a long time, and what better way to start with a person who was humiliated on the first day of what would be our next life.
I wasn’t quick enough to bring her something to eat when her punishment ended, a certain very short blonde beat me beforehand, but I was quick to save her a seat next to me the next night, while saving her a portion of bread. I assumed she would like it, and I wasn’t wrong. She devoured every last crumb along with her ration of dubiously sourced food on a metal plate. Hearing her eat with such enthusiasm brought a smile to my face, it reminded me of the little tadpole children who came and went in my town, asking for a piece of bread or an apple, even knowing that they had food at home. Those playful children who wandered through the small market, looking for some candy and returning disappointed at their doors when they hadn’t found any.
"I didn't hear yesterday where you came from"
Sasha, I think that's the name of the girl in front of me. Apparently she was talking when my mind wandered with nostalgia and melancholy. Her eyes were very fixed on mine, and as much as I looked away, I could still feel them penetrating my skull. I guess you can't dodge the past for long, right? At the very least, I tried to be as cautious as possible when giving my answer.
"I come from a village northeast of the wall Maria, far enough away from the wall to be warned of the fall before a titan reached our town"
She played with the poorly made metal spoon on a piece of carrot that came out of the poor soup, already cold, that this place delighted us for the second night in a row. I made me a mental note to go out hunting every now and then if I wanted to have a good meal and not end up anorexic and a failure.
“And what do you do in your village? In mine we are dedicated to hunting, but they’re taking away the land for the cattle” She took a huge bite of his bread, showing how angry she was. I couldn’t blame her, taking the land out of a hunting village was like taking away their essence, a part of their soul.
"We’re dedicated to raising horses and handicrafts" From our town came the fastest horses that the military police could ask for, some of them stayed for the field and keep the children busy.
Beautiful horses dedicated to the gambling of the nobility, others common for the plowing of the agricultural peoples. Horses dedicated to the race for the survey corps; what the government needed, we provided. It would be hypocritical of me to say now that the horse was my least favorite animal. It was not. For me they were the most beautiful, faithful and loyal creatures in this whole little world. My favorite animal without a doubt.
I wanted to talk about the various horses we managed to sell at a high price to the most authoritarian court on the Rose wall, but a noise from behind our table made my jaw drop.
A "Tsk" echoed throughout the dining room.
I turned my head, hoping to find an animal, or anything but a human like us. To my misfortune, I met the withering look of a brunette with bright green eyes, just as bright as those of the forest, and his hand holding the spoon tightly, as if my simple face angered him.
"Do you have a problem, Jaeger?" I remembered him from yesterday. Serious, tall, with a look that could kill you at any moment. Decisive and lethal. At the same time conceited and childish. He had won the ears and admiration of the majority here with well-used words and a touch of drama.
"Yes, I have a problem" his hand let the spoon escape on the plate, causing some drops to fly in all directions "I have a problem with people like you"
He got up from his seat, walking slowly but steadily toward my table, planting himself in front of me. The lap dog as a friend of his following behind him with a decomposed face, one hand half raised, perhaps to stop him if necessary. But let's face it, of the two, Eren was the one with the most strength, it was obvious to the naked eye.
"And what is that due to? Or do you wait for me to get into your little head and find some clue that can help me understand the cockroach you have for a brain?" At no time did I get up, I wasn’t going to lower myself to the same situation as him.
Half of my body had my back to him, so I was looking at him over the shoulder. He may not have liked that, ‘cause he immediately grabbed my shoulder and turned me around, waiting for me to look him in the eye.
"People like you, who come from villages far from the cities, who don’t know the real danger, are a problem" He looked so angry, angry with the world perhaps? I couldn't find an answer to that anger, nor the source of his feelings. But what I did know, was that he wasn't going to let me be trampled on by a fool who knew the world simply by seeing a titan within his short life.
"Excuse me, but you realize that many here come from villages far from the big cities and only very few saw a titan with their own eyes" And it was those same people who began to get up and look at him with bad eyes. The same ones who looked at him with wonder, as if he were an angel fallen from heaven to bring them the news of the world.
I fervently removed his hand from my shoulder and deigned to stand up, trying to gain some ground in this pathetic discussion. I wasn't going to raise my voice like I assumed the boy in front of me was going to do it at any moment, so my body did it instead.
"I don't understand what your complaints are about, but please, oh great Eren, the one who saw a titan bigger than the wall, explain to me" I could notice how his other friend was approaching towards his back, looking at me with caution.  Now, of the group of three, with her I had to be the most careful.
"Are you making fun of me?" he took a dangerous step towards me. 
“’course not” ‘Course yes, but I wasn't going to say it openly.
"People who don’t see the enemy in the face think they can come out of the walls to face it" did my ears hear that correctly? I looked at him as if a third eye had popped out on his forehead.
"Not having seen a titan in my short life doesn’t mean that I cannot go out to fight them"
"And yet you have no fucking idea what you're up against" the conversation was getting more and more heated, his feet were getting closer to mine and I could lightly feel his breath on my skin.
"That doesn't mean you can come and mistreat me" I instantly threw myself back, but ran into the legs of the table. Sasha's hand rested on my shoulder, unable to encourage me with words, but enough emotionally.
"Fucking villagers" he took a step back, turning on his heel and looking, without seeing, or so it seemed, the crowd around him "you don't know what it’s to see a relative of yours being eaten in front of your eyes!"
Ah, that's where so much hatred for the world came from. But I wasn’t his target. He must express his emotions, his anger, towards a common enemy, not towards a comrade who was going to help him in battle. Taking it with me wasn’t going to help him at all, and the fact I was from a small village didn’t mean I was naive and deserved the anger of the citizens. "I'm sorry that happened to you-"
"My mom was eaten in front of my eyes!"
"I'm sorry that happened to your mom! And I'm very sorry that you had to see it with your own eyes, but taking it out on me is not going to help you ”I pushed him back with my words, unfortunately they were not enough to stop his viper tongue.
"You can't know what it feels like to lose your mother like that" he turned his back on me, and before turning to his blond friend, he turned his head over his shoulder, looking at me again with contempt. "Go back to your village with your mommy and cries on her lap for being incapable of shit"
His comment blew me away.
He had left my mind blank and the only thing I managed to do was throw myself back, and sit down heavily on the hard wooden bench. My eyes stared into nothingness, unable to observe the multitude of eyes that settled on me with sadness, some with regret and support. Sasha sat down next to me on the left, while on the right a figure that I didn’t recognize crouched down to look me in the face. All I could make out of him, or her, were those big round blue eyes. A blue that reminded me of the rivers that flowed gracefully near my town. The same water that landed on a larger lake or river, and… perhaps, on the same sea.
"Hey, Eren-" I heard someone yell. From the tone of their voice I thought I distinguish Jean's annoyance.
I didn't have a second to reflect on what I was doing and before I could blink, a plate full of food was flying in the direction of the two boys, impacting on the wooden wall and scattering the pieces of vegetables on the floor and the people who unfortunately was close.
The two boys turned to see where the plate had come from, finding my hand half raised and smeared on the thumb of the cold soup. My body was euphoric, my breath hitched and my chest rose and fell quickly.
"You ... you don't know shit about me, or my family, or my people" I started slowly what would be the best speech I would have given in my 13 years, a speech that would bring me problems, as well as friends. “I’m so sorry about your mother, but in the same way, she was devoured by an enemy of which we still do not know exactly"
I came around the table and approached the brunette, meeting his friend halfway through. Without stopping, I hit her shoulder with mine, pushing my way over her.
"While mine was shot by the people who had to protect her" now my body was a few inches from him, taking Jean away from his side "my mother was killed for the simple fact of wanting to see the sea"
His blond friend, who hadn't been separated from him at any time, widened his eyes, even more than the person who bent down to comfort me. His eyes stared at me in amazement before turning to understanding and sadness.
"Judging by your friend's expression, he understand what I'm talking about" There was little space for me to move calmly, so I chose to get closer and closer to Eren, keeping my face a few inches from his. Even with the slight difference in height, I could manage to have an aura of warning and seriousness.
I raised my hand to his forehead slowly, preventing the girl from earlier from pouncing on me thinking I was going to hit him.
"The military police took her out of my house, placed her to the center of the village and with a pistol in the middle of her forehead" I closed my hand except for two fingers, simulating the muzzle of the rifle, and placed them in the same place as they did it with my mother "they shot her in front of her little child"
I detached my fingers from his forehead and with a "bang" I simulated the same shot that, to this day, continues to haunt me in dreams, after 6 years. My eyes observed his expression, the color had disappeared from his face, he was so pale that it seemed he was going to faint at any moment. There was no longer a trace of his anger towards me or towards the titans; An immature child had been left in front of me, from whom they had taken food for not knowing how to appreciate it.
I walked away carefully, noticing the trembling in my body, in my legs, and took small steps towards the door, leaving everyone who wanted to give me their condolences and emotional support behind.
"You are lucky that your mother was eaten by a spice stranger to her, mine didn’t have the same fate"
*** Weeks passed from that terrible night. The golden trio hadn't deigned to approach me, and for my part I longed for it to stay that way for the next three years. I didn't want people like Eren or his friends to get involved with me, I preferred the company of people like Sasha and Marco, Jean and Connie, as empty-headed as they were. I preferred to spend my free afternoons practicing archery, preventing some stupid from passing through the shooting range or next to the bullseye from getting a head shot.
"Here, I fixed your glove, now you are supposed to be able to put your thumb in without it opening" Marco had his hand extended, grabbing a leather glove, which I’d found in the storage bag of the training set.
The leaders had been very understanding when explaining the training I wanted to follow as free time. Although no faction was going to need a bow and arrow for sure, due to its inefficiency, I had given my point of view that it would end up being useful if an expedition needed more days than predicted and more food and provisions were needed, a bow was going to be of great help when hunting.
"Thanks Marco, you are an angel in this place" I proceeded to put on the worn glove and test its elasticity with the arrow and the bowstring.
"See you at night" and with that, the freckled man marked himself towards the canteen, greeting Jean in the distance who was waiting for him at the door.
The shooting area was not far from the entire training ground, close enough to observe everyone who came and went on the field, everyone who wandered without any direction or aim, and everyone who wanted to train. As well as being close enough to the training area with the movement equipment, equipment that was being used a lot recently by many colleagues in need of balance. One of them turning out to be the annoying brunette with bright green eyes, who was walking very dangerously with his friends on the target at the time I was about to release the arrow.
The small deadly weapon shot out and ended up hitting the red dot in the middle, grazing Eren's neck. He put a hand on his skin and when he saw the arrow stuck on the straw object he turned to look at me angrily.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing? That almost hit me in the neck "
"If you saw where you walking you would realize you’re in the shooting zone, if an arrow hits you it’s not my fault" I yelled at him from a distance, preparing a new arrow to launch.
When I saw him take a couple of steps towards me, I stretched the arrow back as a warning, I wasn’t going to laid on a rose’s field while he went back to being a fucking asshole. Armin, I knew his name in these weeks when listening to a conversation he’d with another person, he grabbed his arm while Mikasa put herself as a shield. They both took him away from the target and I was able to shoot the arrow without taking my eyes off them.
I followed them until they positioned themselves on one of the balancing machines, helping Eren onto the equipment. I was about to accommodate a third arrow when I heard a scream coming from his direction. My head spun at the same speed an owl would, given countless hours of practice in the woods, and I watched the last second of Eren's fall, watching in broad daylight as his head hit the stone floor. The blow could be heard from a distance, even where I was located I could hear it as if it’s next to me.
Seeing him lying swaying on the floor, half hanging from the equipment made me burst out laughing. I couldn't stop the laughter from coming out of my mouth seeing him in such bad shape. He was going to have a safe bump and maybe some neurons would end up rearranged. My laughter didn’t go unnoticed, the commander Sheith passed on his way to the shooting area and stood in front of me, looking at me with that serious, expressionless gaze.
"Cadet (Y/S)!" I settled myself as best I could, putting the bow to one side and the arrow on the back sleeve before standing firmly "help young Jaeger heal his wound"
I was puzzled and my face reflected it.
"But, sir, why me?" I begged with my words to let me go, or at least give me a couple of hours of punishment, whatever it was before starting a conversation with that selfish man, much less heal his wound.
"Are you arguing with me, cadet?"
Every movement or prayer that I could make to try to accomplish my task vanished like a leaf in the wind. I lowered my head, avoiding his frivolous gaze and waited for him to leave, snorting. I reluctantly put down the bow and arrow sleeve next to a target and headed towards the three of them, Armin and Mikasa were trying to lift Eren off the floor as they took the equipment off his hips.
"Come on, I have to heal your wound" I didn’t stop to greet them, or to explain the situation. In the same way that I approached, I went towards the canteen, without looking back.
On the short drive I overheard Armin asking about my rare kindness, to which I replied dryly that if it weren't for the commander, I'd be breaking my asshole on the floor by laughing. We walked and walked, me in front and the other two physically stable, keeping the dark-haired boy as best they could, lifting his head so that he wouldn't hit himself again. Upon reaching the canteen stairs I yelled "Sasha, I need a bucket of cold water and a washcloth!"
I opened the door for them and pointed to a table near the kitchen door so they could seat Eren. I warned them to keep his head steady, to keep him from going forward or backward, and to keep him awake at all times.
"I didn't know you knew so much about medicine" Armin pointed out when Sasha came out with the bucket of water and a cloth floating in it.
I let out a slight "hmm" before positioning myself behind Eren, squeezing the hands of the other two and allowing them to let me do my job. I ran his hair back, trying to locate the wound and notice any cuts. Finding none, I proceeded to feel the area, finding the slight bump on the upper side of the forehead. I down the cloth in the cold water, letting it soak, and placed it on his head. The water was so, so cold, it had even made me shivered, but for some reason, Eren didn't seem to be fazed at all.
I didn’t give it much importance and I passed the cloth over the bump, waiting a few seconds for it to deflate a little before going through the sides, preventing the area from becoming inflamed as well. I soaked the cloth again and laid it on the side of his forehead, indicating to Armin to press down and not move his hand while I looked for a handkerchief or some bandage to cover the blow. In the same way, I explained to Mikasa to keep watching Eren, to talk to him, even if he wasn't waiting for an answer, to keep him awake for fear of having an accident in his brain.
I found what looked like a used bandage, quite disgusting for my taste, but I wasn’t going to take much longer of my time for "patient" who didn’t deserve my treatises. I stretched the bandage as far as I could over his head, giving it two full turns before pinning it around the back of his head.
"Try to find a better bandage for the blow" I washed my hands with cold water, hoping to get rid of all the irritation the situation had caused.
"Thank you" Armin sounded really grateful, with a hint of ... sympathy perhaps? With my hands clean, I grabbed the bucket and started to put it back in the kitchen when the blonde asked me again "where did you learn all this?"
I sighed not once, but twice, the kitchen door was open and I was about to enter when I threw a look over my shoulder "everything I know, I learned from my mother's books"
And with that I closed the door behind me a second time to the golden trio.
***
Year 850, a beautiful spring night.
The night before our graduation. A hectic night. Between the well-deserved nutritious food, meat and bread that we have longed for the past three years, and the shouts of encouragement for each of us who were present that night, a great party was put together. Many people defected and others didn’t have the ability to move on. Many were frustrated when they fell short of the top ten, fearing they would be sent to the survey corps, others claimingthey had contacts in the military police and had an assured position. Others fought for their point of view before such faction; and with others I mean the same suicidal brunette. Eren, finishing 5th out of the top ten, undoubtedly deigned to throw me in my face.
"Three years and I'm still better than you, your little village tactics were useless" he smiled wickedly and his eyes showed that characteristic glow when he won a fight. Although there wasn’t a fight here, therefore, there was nothing to be gained.
"Congratulations Eren" I turned around without waiting for an answer and walked briskly towards Marco and Jean, they were both heading towards the boys cabin and I followed them to the entrance, leaving a fuzzy Eren behind.
Now, tonight, with the years of training in the past, it was time to rest, have a night of peace before the real deal began. I never thought it would arrive the next morning.
From my position, far from the main entrance to the Trost district, a thunder crashed into the ground, followed by hot smoke covering our feet. The famous colossal titan stood imposing on the side of the wall, watching my companions who were a few meters from him. From where I was standing, I could see his arm rise and run the guns and the others, burning and blinding them with its smoke.
An calvary that started very early and had no intention of ending soon. Death and dismemberment in every corner, blood flying through the air, comrades being eaten. At each step we take, each turn a building took to dodge a Titan or go after one to kill it, a comrade fell in battle; with each step I took, it was one step closer to my own death. But, call it a miracle, call it divine grace, or simple luck, I managed to reach a roof of one of the many houses destroyed by the attack. From the roof, I could see the disaster more clearly, and I could examine my own disaster with great concern.
The pants were torn in the knee area, the tips of my boots brushed my bare skin and apparently bruised from some friction. I had a blood stain in the abdomen area, apparently from a person who was eaten near me and I didn’t have the dignity to see it. I didn’t have the strength or the courage to unbutton my shirt to see the disaster that surely my body had taken in the hours we were surviving in the city. I had enough of the bruises and cuts on my hands and cheeks thanks to some small rocks flying through the air from the impacts; I didn't need to see if my ribs were in place.
In the distance, perhaps three, four houses in from where I was, were a few comrades sitting on the rooftops of another house. It seemed a few had survived and came together to rest, there weren't many titans in sight and the few there were were wandering around without looking around. Those idiots gave me the chance to jump houses, without looking down. If I looked down I would’ve see the cobblestone streets stained red, I would’ve see limbs scattered right and left. I had a goal in mind and I wasn’t going to lose focus on the death around us.
I landed on the fireplace, hitting both knees when landing, I was running out of gas and it showed. The movement wasn’t being so fluid anymore. I scrambled down the stone wall of the fireplace, landing right next to Armin. My movement gear hit his, jerking my hips and torso on impact, nearly knocking me off the roof. Armin didn't flinch, he was just looking at the tiles, but given his expression, I think he wasn't looking at anything at all. He was just preparing to stare and lose himself in the terrors of his mind.
"Armin, what happened? Ar you alright?" stupid questions. Obviously he wasn’t alright, it was reflected in his empty and dark eyes, but my mind couldn’t process correctly.
It was in automatic mode, only thinking about survival, not the correct questions for each of those who were spread out on two rooftops. Of the many who had graduated, we were reduced to two dozen, maybe a little more without counting those who were in that huge building with the gas parts. Others may have taken refuge in a house, waiting for the right moment to move and reach us. But there was little hope, even if I didn’t say it out loud, unconsciously I knew there wasn’t much to do with the people who were not among us, because after all that was exactly what was happening ... they were not with us, they weren’t in the land of the living.
How pessimistic my thinking, right? I wasn’t wrong at all.
"Armin, where is Eren?" want to know the worst?, I already knew the answer before Armin could lift his head and scream the terrible news with his lungs.
In the end, the boy who so wanted to fight the world, succumbed to the terrors of him.
But what had impacted the most was that, minutes after hearing that news, minutes after arriving at the building for gas supplements and saving the comrades who had barricaded themselves, minutes after being saved by that fighting titan, we saw the same Eren, the same brunet with bright green eyes, appear. Alive.
The surprise we all get when we see him emerge from the nape of that eccentric titan. He was fine, his skin pink and hot from the smoke of the decaying body from his titan. His titan? There was no time to understand the situation. If that, how to understand it? We saw him resurface, like a phoenix, among the ashes of a dying body, fully alive. He had all of his limbs, even the ones that had been eaten; I could see the limits of his pants and the sleeve of his shirt torn, with perfect and huge bite marks.
I stood to the side watching the scene, Armin and Mikasa crying uncontrollably when they saw his heart beat. Scientifically and medically that was impossible. Technically speaking, nothing we were witnessing was possible; And yet there was the suicidal bastard, breathing normally. His eyes closed, his lashes drooping over his lids and his hands being held by his childhood friends. Jean couldn't believe the scene before his eyes, even the other trio was hesitant to say anything, with serious faces and completely stiff eyes at Eren. Each and every one of the reactions present entered what would be a normal reaction, missing one who wanted to kill him immediately.
And I think I rushed a couple of minutes.
***
Days after the expedition to the giant tree forest.
With Annie crystallized and guarded underground, a bit of tranquility arose within the walls; a calm that only attributed to the survey corps. Citizens panicked, not understanding, not comprehending even ten percent of what the latest information was being advertised in newspapers and billboards. The general did everything possible to give us time to resupply and rest from such a hard fight. The patrol had been divided in two, and I had remained as Jean's auxiliary escort, the poor man wanted to vomit all the trip when he had to suffer the terrible order of disguising himself as Eren.
And when the time for action came, we were both prepared to assist Eren in his titan form. I wasn’t still used to seeing him at a height of more than 15 meters, but his characteristics were still there: eyes, now huge, green and shiny, as if that shine never went away, no matter how violent or dark the situation turned upside down, and his dark haired, he looked silkier and smoother in this way that the originally he modeled.
Now we where here, Armin, Mikasa, Jean and I watching him and examining his vital signs. He had fallen into a coma for the second time. I couldn't blame him, I guess controlling a titan of that caliber used up a lot of physical energy, let alone the psychological, but to be honest… mental health had already leaked out the window.Each of us were standing in a corner of the room, sometimes Armin wandered between the door and the window, sitting close to his friend on the bed when he couldn't take it anymore from the anguish. Mikasa always sat next to him, holding his hand at all times, faithfully waiting for him to open his eyes. For my part, I was watching the sun set outside the window, as the sunset gave us its warm rays and prepared us for the cold night.
Every once in a while, whenever I heard a snort or movement coming from the bed, I would turn my head and come closer to feel his breathing. He was stable, and showed no signs of any disturbance. He was completely healthy, except that he was absolutely tired. Like all of us.
There was a couple of knocks on the door, pulling all of us out of trance. Jean and Armin were being needed to give testimony in front a small assembly, before the leaders continued speaking with Commander Erwin.
Silence reigned in the room. Mikasa was still willing to maintain her position in the chair, even if the sleep weakened her with each passing minute. I could see how her eyes were closing and her head fell from fatigue, it was obvious that she needed some rest. I put my hand on her shoulder, pulling the scarf out of her hands and trying to lift her up at the same time.
"Come on, you're very tired, you must get some sleep" I led her to a sofa that was doubtfully placed on the other side of the room. Normally our rooms were only furnished with a couple of beds, a desk and a closet, ah... and a paltry window. We couldn't bother with expensive decorations or furniture like a sofa. Above all, when we didn’t receive a decent salary.
"But Eren ..." I laid her on the few cushions, not very comfortable, brown and beige, that matched the small room. When her head touched the doubtful softness of the pillows her eyes closed completely and her breathing became calm, it was a matter of seconds before she fell completely asleep.
"I'm going to take care of him, you rest" I adjusted her hair before noticing she had entered the realm of dreams. Apparently my words were enough to give her that peace of mind to go to sleep.
I knelt to remove her boots and set her feet on the lap of the sofa. Notice her legs stained with dirt, I'd bet she'd have a couple of bruises around her knees and ankles, maybe even her feet. My body was moving heavily as I searched for a blanket among the few scraps of cloth lying in the closet. In the end, I ended up finding one a bit small for her body, but it perfectly covered her torso and stomach, that way she wouldn't take cold while she was in her defenseless state.
I wanted to look out the window again, but there was nothing to observe that I hadn’t seen before, a sad and dull orange sky. I settled into the chair, feeling that I was usurping Mikasa's place for some strange reason, and I kept analyzing the young man lying on the bed. His hair was matted and a bit dirty, a shower every now and then wouldn't hurt, although he smelled conveniently well, like freshly cut wood or dry grass. A scent that, while I was destined to smell more than necessary thanks to the expeditions, I felt no discomfort smelling it on Eren. It fit him very well indeed. I might even get used to being around him if it meant smelling such a sweet scent.
Seconds that seemed like minutes, and minutes that seemed like hours. Time seemed to play against me and I felt like my body began to weigh me more and more, and more, until I fell forward and lay my face on the hard mattress and the soft fabric of the sheet. Second-rate cotton, if you would let me say so, but it did the job. It was comfortable, too comfortable, enough to let me rest for a moment and close my eyes, making time flow more quickly.
I felt a hand gently rest on my head, moving and caressing me with a tenderness I hadn't felt in years. I opened my eyes immediately expecting to find my father in front of my eyes, but instead, I spotted a still asleep Eren, scratching himself and trying to wipe the sleep out of his eyes.
I pulled his hand out of my head quickly, but without being rude, and laid them on the bed. I rubbed my eyes and gave him a half smile "Good morning sleeping beauty"
It took a few seconds for his eyes to get used to the little light that filtered through the window and when they opened they surveyed the entire room, still drowsy.
"Where is Mikasa? Armin? " he coughed after feeling a little hawking in his throat.
I stretched out on the chair, accommodating the bones of my back and immediately moved to the side, letting him see a sleeping Mikasa, comfortable and warm under a blanket. Eren inspected her, perhaps trying to find any signs of injury or complaints, but finding none he turned his gaze from her to me.
"Mikasa is asleep" I settled back on the chair, this time stretching forward a bit and resting my elbows on the bed, holding my head on my hands "Armin and Jean had to go to give their testimony for the paperwork"
Ere didn't say anything, he just nodded and gave me a brief "hmm" before looking out the window. "How do you feel?" was the last thing I said before the room fell silent again and neither he nor I deigned to say anything else.
Years of hating each other weren't going to go away, just like that. It was going to be a long road now that we were in a much worse mess than when we were 13 years old. But at least, we could talk to each other without the need to jump on each other's jugular, that's progress, right?
***
Why couldn't this bastard have a little sense of preserving of his life? Why wasn't he a little more careful, and since we are, a little more common sense? Why couldn't he stay calm for a few seconds, analyze the situation and act according to his surroundings?
Now we had to do a search party to find the damned "last hope of mankind". Galloping as fast as the horses would allow us, avoiding on all sides dozens of titans, even when one fell, five more came out. It was an order that had become more and more dangerous. And to make matters worse, having to be behind two of the most dangerous titans we could have encountered was a suicide mission and most of us knew it. We were giving it our all for an idiot, who I don't think he knew the value of the lives that were being lost in battle.
Sighted in the distance, ranks breaking and each one trying to survive while we tried to have enough time to rescue him from the armored titan, large numbers of soldiers were being eaten or crushed. You know the terror I had in my eyes to see Captain Erwin being bitten on the arm and dragged towards God knows where? If a great man like him could be defeated so easily in the blink of an eye, what was in store for us? What was in store for me?
I kept galloping, begging Phillip to keep going as fast as he could, that he never stop and be careful of everything in his path. I was so scared that I didn't know exactly to who I was saying it, the horse or myself. For sure, I knew the horse wouldn’t understand me perfectly, but he was the only thing that I could grab to at that moment, the only one that could save me.
Both left and right, titans ran everywhere, the boys had managed to reach the battleship while the others did what they could to give them time, seeing Ymir was also a sight worthy of admiration if it wasn’t because I was givind my life at this moment. And surely she was helping the blonde of "girlfriend" instead of us.
In that sway between giant bodies and tiny soldiers, the ground rumbled, the earth fell away, even trees fell at our feet. When trying to reach Mikasa before she fell, a titan came out of nowhere in front of me, trying to dodge it would be a feat, especially when he had his immense mouth pointing almost completely in my direction. I will never be able to thank the soldier who cut his neck, for seconds later to be grabbed by another titan and break his spine in such a grip. With the body decomposing and the other titan out of focus, I was able to move on, circling the smoking mass, ready to support Mikasa when another mass fell very close to me, causing the horse to jump from the force of the impact. In that second of distraction I turned my head to look at what had fallen, the ground began to crack under Phillip's legs and it only took a footfall from the armor titan to completely break apart and pieces of earth and stone came out, shotting everywhere.
As I turned my head back forward, I saw clearly how a stone flew directly towards my head. Call it reflections, call it having a guardian angel on my shoulders, but I was able to move my head in time, causing the stone to impact the gap between my shoulder and neck. I shot backward, hitting my head against the hard ground. I felt my shoulder dislocate and I noticed how by leaps and bounds the shirt, previously white, was staining with blood, as well as the jacket and the floor. My head was probably bleeding from the back as well, but the pain in my shoulder kept me from focusing on anything else. It was impossible to move it, I tried to scream for help, but my words stuck in my throat, and even if I had been able to scream, it would have been overshadowed by the hundreds more screams that were begging for help. The grass around me felt a bit comforting, like a cold hug in the last minutes of life. Body pain prevented me from reacting to the sight of a five-meter titan approaching where I was lying. Tears began to flow, falling down my cheeks; I wanted to scream, say my last goodbye, but I was so petrified that I just closed my eyes.
If I was going to die, I would rather die without seeing the horrible face of that damned titan. I preferred to have the image of my family in mind one last time. The ground began to rumble, I thought more titans were going to come for me, that I was going to be smashed into pieces, but the longer it took to feel the huge hand or a pair of teeth, I opened my eyes, finding myself, not a pack of hungry titans, but with the clear evening sky.
I raised my head and to my surprise, a bizarre surprise, all the titans that were chasing us at the time, were now going towards one of the highest. I couldn't understand what was happening, I looked around trying to find someone, to see if someone else was seeing the same thing as me. In the distance I found Armin holding a figure, I couldn't quite see who, trying to breathe normally and stand up. I tried calling out to him, but my vision started to blur and it made me dizzy from trying to lift my head even higher. I brought my hand to my head and confirmed the blood that flowed behind it, I was completely soaked in my own blood and at any moment I would end up fainting if I didn't treat my wounds.
The grinding of a horse brought me back to a state of consciousness, Phillip was back next to me and he lowered his head towards my good shoulder, pushing it up and lifting me little by little. Standing back on both feet, I leaned on his stomach and in an attempt to walk towards Armin I heard Eren's terrified scream in the distance.
Both he and Mikasa were looking at the scene without understanding anything at all, and what bothered me the most was that those stupid were still sitting on the ground, without any intention of moving. As I could, I got on the horse's lap, lying on my stomach, both arms hanging at the side, and I told him to run as fast as possible towards the two figures in the most dangerous area that could be at that moment.
"Stop looking and start moving!" I yelled at them a few feet away. They both turned their heads in my direction, wanting to say something, but only managed to gasp a few times before I arrived.
I grabbed the collar of Eren's shirt and with what little strength I had left, I lifted him off the ground "NO TIME TO TALK, LET'S GO"
Seeing Mikasa being picked up by Eren and placed on his back, I indicated to Phillip to leave the area, to try to get to safety, along with the other soldiers. At our side ran the couple of stupid who almost devoured, wondering what had happened. Their words sounded more and more distant and the ride put me in a calm trance until I was unconscious.
***
Year 851, a beautiful summer day to go horseback riding without the hassle of a titan in the area. At the same time, a beautiful day to visit the forgotten and destroyed towns.
We took our time, observing the landscape. Trees that had fallen and left their tracks on the ground and on the trunk were beginning to show traces of vegetation in their wood. The grass crushed by large feet was beginning to heal and new shoots were coming to the surface, some flower buds could also be seen. The few stone paths were smashed, small cobblestones were smashed, and there was no possibility of repair unless they were remade. Today was the day; the day it was my village's turn to be toured. We leave early to the northwest, guiding us along the river, me in the lead. The night before I hadn’t been able to sleep, to close an eye, I was nervous, very nervous, I couldn’t even eat anything for breakfast. After four years, I returned to my home, or what was left of it.
Endless nights I dreamed of returning to my small village, touring the oldest houses and greeting its inhabitants, seeing the children run, now older, and helping them take an apple from the market. I dreamed of reassembling one of our horses, of stroking and caressing them, earning me one, perhaps two licks to the face. But what I most dreamed of was to see my father's face again, to see his eyes full of dark circles and sadness at having lost his wife, the woman he loved the most in the whole world; I wanted to hold hid hands again, see them splintered after carving a piece of wood and turning it into a beautiful work of art. I wanted to lie down by the communal fire, hear stories from the elderly, shameful stories, and love stories. I wanted to be able to repeat my childhood years, to see my mother one last time, to be able to say goodbye properly.
I wished my village had been intact, but at the entrance my heart shattered. There were no standing houses in sight, all had sagging roofs, broken windows, and dried blood marks from years painting the walls.
I got off the horse looking at the damage and I was leading him forward by the mooring. Slowly, being careful not to trip over any stone, I entered the town more and more, seeing the withered flowers and their dried petals lying on the floor. Children's cloth toys, a odd wooden horse broken in half. Some walls were burned, others full of holes, the clothes hanging outside the houses torn into pieces, the stable reduced to nothing. The center, where the market normally took place, full of rubble and garbage, on the left a path of dried blood, on the right as well. I approached a stall that had not been completed, a fruit and vegetable stall, now reduced to nothingness itself. I picked up the chunk of splintered wood and found underneath what scared me the most. An arm.
I didn't know who it was exactly, the clothes were almost the same for everyone, but I assumed it was a man's; It was in the process of decomposition, pieces of meat were half detached. Beside him, a porcelain doll broken on its head, its brown curls discarded, and only dirt and fiber remained. I picked it up with both hands and kept walking in the direction… in which direction? I couldn’t tell. Only my body was on autopilot looking around me for a sign, the slightest hope that someone had survived. But one look at the stables from the beginning was the only thing that put my hopes in the trash: there were pieces of horses lying all over the ground. Not even our pride had survived. My feet stopped walking, dragging on the ground, and stopped in front of the house that saddened me the most. Mine.
Of all, this was the one in the best condition, part of the roof had fallen to the side, not on the house, and a hole led directly to the living room. The walls were completely burned, not from the destruction of a horde of titans, no. Those burns were from years before, produced by the military police. Seeing that wreck brought me the vile memory of the day of her execution. The people were scared, they implored not to kill her, but those brutes turned a deaf ear and executed her without mercy. My mother was a very dear woman to everyone and no one denied her dreams of leaving the walls, my father loved her more than anyone ... but that love of his was not enough to save her.
"(Y / N)?" I heard Eren's voice behind me.
His voice echoed in my ears, but I couldn't fully register it, I was just looking straight ahead, towards the hole in my house, looking from the outside for fear of entering. "These were the borders of my life"
I took a step forward, then another, and then another, until I collided with the first stones of the house. From that place I could see how the fire from a small oil lamp had fallen on the floor and burned part of my father's favorite armchair. I took another step, fully entering what was left of my old home. I ran my hand over the dry, scratchy fabric, dust had collected over the weeks, maybe years. Given how advanced the bloodstains were, I couldn't exactly calculate the time that had elapsed. In front of the chair was still a small desk full of sheets, most of them ruined by rubble, but some survived. Some of these had broken tips, other were left with black spots, and others were flawless, as if they had been made yesterday. Beautiful drawings of people, others of nature, others of birds or city buildings.
I kept looking for more sheets, running those that were hopelessly damaged, and under my foot I came across a paper somewhat harder and thicker than the others, even framed. The glass was broken but it revealed perfectly a small family, a man, his wife and their child. "In this dusty and destroy little house, where an artist love his wife"
I took the drawing with me, holding it tight with both hands, until I reached the only standing door in the house. The door leading to the master bedroom. I stood there for a couple of seconds, wondering if it was right for my sanity, if it was right for my conscience to open it up and find whatever was on the other side. I inhaled and exhaled a couple of times before sliding the door open. Next to the bed, on the side where my mother used to sleep, was my father's top. I wasn't brave enough to turn around and see his face. I closed my eyes when I saw the scene and left what was left of the facade with my head lowered. "The house of my childhood is gone"
***
A couple of days after hitting the ocean.
We had settled next to the shore. Jean, Sasha and Connie were playing with the small waves that were breaking in the sand, Armin was inspecting small seashells and Mikasa was dedicated to dipping her feet in the cold water. We had made a small fire to cover ourselves from the cold of the coming night. Eren and I were in front of that same fire. He watched as the small sparks flew over the small sea of ​​flames until they exploded and died in the blink of an eye. Some fell into the sand before exploding, others continued to rise until they rose higher and became part of the beginning of the starry sky.
My feet were barefoot in the sand, letting the little grains get between my toes and tickle every time I twisted them. I dropped my head on Eren's shoulder, giving me the chance to close my eyes and reopen them after a few seconds, admiring the sea towards the horizon.
After so many calamities, after so many deaths and losses, a moment of quiet was more than necessary. Maybe being this close to the bright green-eyed brunette wasn't so bad after all.
I could get used to this.
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oceanspray5 · 3 years
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honest question but certain bb fans (bbrae shippers and non shippers) always act like raven holds him/his story back whenever they are portrayed as being together… it’s a very common complaint from them but like what stories does he even have that are his in the first place? him not having anything solo has nothing to do with raven. they act so jealous of her and it’s not warranted at all. why can’t they just blame the writers. especially so called bbrae shippers…like just say you hate raven and use her as a self insert in the ship and go.
Okay wow, this is an interesting ask to get.
Tbh Anon I hadn't really seen this before you brought it to my attention just now. I've definitely seen antis use this excuse but not any bbrae shippers but then again I do stay in specific circles so it makes sense I'd be oblivious to certain going-ons in other parts of the fandom.
As far as Raven holding BB back goes, you're right that it's utter bullshit. Beast Boy sadly hasn't had as much solo spotlight as the other Titans (although someone with more knowledge about the comics would be able to help you more on that front, my knowledge on the comics is sporadic at best) but that doesn't mean he hasn't had character development or his own arcs. Beast Boy's role in the team is an important one. He's the one who's always supporting everyone but that doesn't mean he's not wrestling with his own inner demons in the process.
Take the 2003 show for example. Beast Boy centric episodes definitely seemed fewer or at least more lighthearted but they were important. BB was very central to Terra's arc and while some would say it was her arc and not BB's then that's a lie too. During S2 Beast Boy grew up a lot due to that experience. He was betrayed and heartbroken and definitely grew wiser from the experience but he also never let go of what made him himself which is why he saw the good in Terra until the end.
The Beast Within is self explanatory. It gave Beast Boy a power up in the form of the Beast but also the conflict that arises from having it. Coincidentally Raven is the one who shows him its not all that bad despite how somber he's feeling about the whole ordeal. This episode highlights his heart as well. His troubles arise from the worry that he'll hurt someone with his powers, that he hurt Raven already. He wasn't worried about himself or his unstable DNA and what transforming into the Beast would mean for him during this episode but he was absolutely worried about anything he might have done to hurt others.
Season 5 starts with Beast Boy and his connection to the Doom Patrol. How he's important and valuable to the Titans but also how big his heart is once more. His inability to leave his friends, his team, behind is what makes him who he is. Beast Boy is the kind of character who's greatest strength is not his powers but how much he loves and cares for others. You'll notice it's a recurring theme in all the episodes I've highlighted because it's just a core characteristic of who he is.
Season 5 doesn't focus much on Beast Boy despite being the season with his arc but that's okay because in the final episodes we see plenty. Beast Boy is capable and a leader within his own right. He knows how to get others to take him seriously and he does not give up when responsibility falls to him. He's dependable in more ways than just one.
The thing about Beast Boy is: he doesn't mind sharing the spotlight. His character is so intertwined with the others that he has a connection with, that his best facets are highlighted when he's with them. His core components, what makes him so endearing to the viewers, is all visible in that way.
It just so happens that one of the best characters to highlight that is Raven.
Now as fans, yeah we want to see more of Gar's own struggles. It really is unfair he's delegated to funny guy like 99% of the time and we only get 1% of focus on his own trauma and issues individually. That is something DC should work on but doesn't because (un)fortunately Gar did not have the opportunity to be delegated a Bat (and thank god for that too) and who is DC if they dare care about characters who aren't bats? But anywhoo- back to Raven.
Raven doesn't hold Beast Boy back. And Beast Boy doesn't hold Raven back. They're probably the characters that do that the least for each other because their complimentary push and pull relationship is one where they're forcing each other out of their comfort zones and learning how to better themselves constantly. Yes, we see Gar help Raven a lot through her own struggles more than we see her help him but that doesn't mean he plays second fiddle to her. It's not a thing in the show and it's definitely not a thing in the comics because I remember reading different panels where it's Raven telling Beast Boy to be the leader he is and to pull himself together because he is capable of the things he's afraid he can't do.
Raven gets a lot of spotlight from DC but unfortunately it happens because they see her as disposable or one size fits all. They age her up or down and inject her anywhere they need a spare character which means she ends up getting a variety of storylines depending on which iteration of Teen Titans she's in but she's come to lack consistency in the DC universe (like most other DC characters tbh. It's a trademark of theirs by now).
Antis will say that Raven is holding Gar back because previously they used the "Gar is holding Raven back" argument and BBRae fans beat that one to death with a stick. They know they can't use it anymore because it's been refuted through all forms of canon through the years (altho they do still try). But since nuance is a thing they can't understand, they've now taken to saying "Raven is holding Gar back" as if any of them care for Beast Boy at all. The majority of BBRae antis hate BB for utter bullshit reasons so it's impossible for me to believe any majority of them have Gar's best interests as a character at heart. They'd sooner he no longer exist in DC canon than get a solid storyline. They just found it an easy pathway to negate BBRae and are utilizing it, hoping there's less proof to refute them than they had luck doing with the other way around.
As for BBRae fans themselves, I have no idea why they would say that. I am aware that there are some toxic breed of Raven stans that are very weird when it comes to shipping so I absolutely believe that there are Gar stans who are weird about shipping too (why is this something I can see live action Titans fans doing altho tbh they'd be the only ones lowkey justified in doing so cuz that's probably the only place in canon media I can think of where it's true but again that's the writers and DC's fault for pushing Gar and the other poc characters into the bg in favor of the whites)
I think you basically answered your question yourself tho. If these so called fans like to hollow out Raven to make room for a self insert in the name of shipping BBRae then it's likely they just aren't looking forward to be ostracized from TT fan communities so they claim they ship one thing to have an in with the rest of the fans and then argue against it as well.
It could also be insecurity imo. BBRae fans have been getting a lot of flack for our ship in recent years because it's the new "cringe" ship or the one that's trendy to dunk on. So it's possible that some bbrae fans, especially younger or less confrontational ones, ship it but like to be "cool" with multi shippers or other fans of Titans media who are antis by pointing out all its (made up in this case) flaws. Sort of like saying "Oh I ship it sometimes but ofc I hate that it has xyz flaws" which, don't get me wrong, is not a bad thing. Being critical of the media you consume and are entertained by is never a bad thing. But if you're making shit up just to try and fit in with other people instead of actually being critical then that sucks.
This got really long and I feel like I may have lost the point I was trying to make somewhere along the way...
Bottom line is: BB does have his arcs. They're fewer and far between and they're just not as overarching because he's sadly an underrated character usually reduced to a stereotype but they're there and actual Gar fans can spot them from a mile away. You're 100% correct in saying that it's bad writing but also DC is very much to blame for not exploring Gar's character as much as they could.
Raven is the last person to blame as a character for Gar not having any arcs because well... as we've seen above: Gar's best parts and his growth always comes from his connection to those he loves and cares about. Raven is probably on the top of the list for who he loves and cares about and this isn't just me being a BBRae shipper. Their friendship is beautiful and has a lot of depth too so I don't think I'd be wrong in saying Gar and Raven care about each other the most out of the rest of the team. So there is no way for Raven to be holding Gar back because she facilitates his growth by manner of her connection rather than hinders it. Because most of Gar's conflict and inner demons in canon arise from his fear of being incapable of helping or saving his loved ones, and so having Raven in his life is something that would force Gar to evaluate those fears and fight them instead of bury them away.
And as far as non-canon goes? Aka the type of storylines fans would like to see Gar have but he doesn't? Well Raven doesn't exist in them because those storylines don't exist to begin with because of DC's lack of care about him so Raven can hardly be put to blame for that.
Thanks for sending in the ask Anon! I'm sorry, I hope this was coherent. I lowkey have a headache so idk if it made complete sense but yeah, that's my take on this.
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hellyeahheroes · 3 years
Text
Robin(2021) #1 Review
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Opening this comic with an assessment of a character that I have no choice but to agree with is a cheap way to score points with me.
Anyways, we caught heat for being unfair to this story since it was announced because all of us wanted it to be a Cass story since forever. And it became yet another thing Damian absorbs. I mostly ignored it because I’ve always been open about my disdain for the character and his fandom for nearly a decade. I never liked Damian because put these characteristics on a non-white passing character, they’d be dead inside of year. Then again I hate almost all of Grant Morrison monstrosities.
Regardless, new story who dis is in full effect here. We open this bad boy up with Damian gone missing and the Batfamily searching for him. Nightwing tried asking Damian’s old Teen Titans team and they obviously don’t know and probably hope Damian is dead. Tim checked Arkham Ruins(???) and Damian wasn’t there. I honestly don’t think Tim was trying to find Damian. Steph and Cass checked Damian’s farm and Steph concluded Damian has been there at least because while Damian may be a little shit, he loves his dog and pet bat dragon. Barbara checked facial recognition pings and his transactions and dude is an IRS nightmare.
Damian is missing. Bruce is worried that maybe making a violent murderous preteen Robin raised in a cabal of killers to be chief murderer was a bad idea and is worried. Barbara ensures him that they will find his son and we cut to Damian fighting Snake guy in some musty ass fight put somewhere. Because of course it’s a musty ass fight pit because while the story is well drawn, it never claimed to be not cliche.
Damian hands the scrub his ass and it turns out Damian is trying to earn a marker to participate in some tournament. I liked this panel.
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Not because of the artist flex of changing the art style, but it establishes Damian with a relatable hobby, reading manga. And not just a Shounen as you expect him to read but a slice of life manga which kind of puts his life in perspective. Also the lesson in the manga is reflective of what happens in the comic. Damian’s mastery is reflective of how he sees Hana. Hana decides to go beyond what her masters taught her. She decides to innovate and make her art her own. And that’s indicative of another flaw of Damian: Damian leans of the prestige of his teachers. He is the student that replicates the style 1:1. He wants to inherit Batman’s mantle, but doesn’t want to shed his teachings that he is proud of. And it comes down to this idea that Damian refuses to innovate and adapt because he is hiding behind his masters.
This panel saved the story so good job.
And after a talk with dead Alfred, it’s revealed that Damian is on this journey as a way to mirror Bruce’s journey into becoming Batman. It’s his way to iron his resolve without a catalyst to find a need to. It highlights his naïveté. He thinks that he can just simply copy the steps and get the same results.
Regardless what happens next simultaneously undermines the story or the impact of it.
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Okay, when you think of Martial artists in DC, you immediately think Batman, Shiva, Deathstroke, Black Canary, Bronze Tiger, Richard Dragon, and Shiva. Why I said Shiva twice? Because Shiva is the pinnacle.
So to reveal that three premier martial artists in the universe are not only not participating but they were paid off to not participate, cheated out, or were subbed in as an entry replacement, it undermines the promotion. It’s like going to a Beyonce Concert only to find out that between the words in small print Beyonce and Concert was ‘s Sister’s and now you are watching Grammy award winning Solange. Sure, it’s an unique experience but it ain’t Beyonce.
And also, there is no amount in the world that would keep Shiva away from this tournament if it’s as prestigious as it’s led to be. Let’s be real. If anything, it’s far more likely that she saw the roster of scrubs and decided to make some scratch.
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There are two characters that I recognize: Connor Hawke and Rose Wilson. I am not familiar with Connor so I am not sure if he is out of place. Rose is fine but y’know, scrub. I’m sorry Rose Wilson got her ass handed to her by Cass in the previous universe. There is no universe where I take her seriously in a fighting tournament to crown greatest fighter because the ass stomp was so thorough that Cass was beating Slade’s ego by proxy.
Back to the comic, Damian interrupts the host and basically is the fighting tournament trope of overly confident disrespectful guy with too many accolades which he will proudly tell you about them. What I like about this is the nice nod to the previous manga panel. Damian is not a great fighter. There I said it. Damian’s ability hinges on the idea that he was trained by the greatest killers and Batman but the issue is that name prestige doesn’t make great fighters. Too many times, comic books overly rely on this idea of fighting being a what you know and not being a game of not getting hit and getting hits in. It does not matter if Damian is trained by the League and Batman and it’s questionable as to how much Batman taught him in the first place. Hence why we see Damian with a sword or staff to compliment his lack of range. Damian can’t read muscle twitches like a Cass or Shiva so he has a normal reactive response and comics never highlighted his ability. The most impressive thing I’ve seen Damian do is catch a Batarang which is something I’ve seen Tim do. Damian overly relies on the idea that his teachers taught him to be the best when they simply taught him to survive in a fight.
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“But why does Cass get away with it?,” you ask. Cass has this broken hax that is reading muscle twitch and immediately knowing the instant of what you are going to do before you do it or decide to do. Cass doesn’t need range because to her, you are screaming your intentions. She doesn’t need to block an attack when she can just parry. She doesn’t need to step back when she can just step forward while slipping all attacks. She is an autistic savant at fighting with an absolute defense. Damian is just another badass teen in a world of badass adults.
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And the humbling of Damian begins...again.
Pros:
-Damian’s new costume. I like that he is branching out and starting to own his own colors. It’s nice.
-Using a character flaw to make it a theme. I like Chekhov’s gun via teachable moment. In tournament arcs, what separates the good ones and the bad ones is the idea that the hero simply must overcome their opponents and not their own self. This is why Yuyu Hakusho is awesome.
- Great art and nice continuity. It’s nice that Damian’s past wasn’t ignored for once and they didn’t just throw his Teen Titans characterization down the tubes. Say what you want, but it was arguably Damian’s longest run in spite of his fans hating it. And contrary to what they believe, it was very much in character for him. My fear going into this that Damian would not face any fallout and lo and behold he ran away.
- it’s a good start for a Damian story. Say what you want, but it’s unique in that the little shit gets his comeuppance immediately. And not that just by losing, but by dying. Damian has killed before and readily justifies it because he never realizes the weight of taking someone’s life. He’s been killed before but those were painted in a way that he is valiant. Here, this is death caused by his own arrogance. He mocks a fighter for talking shit and gets murked while talking shit. He spouts names of his own teachers and expects people to care or be weary as if Rose Wilson and Connor aren’t there. It’s a tournament sponsored by the League of Assassins, Damian. They have been taught by the league too.
Cons:
-Look I get promotion. No promoter is going to undermine their product but the fact that this tournament reeks like ABA is killing my interest to give a shit. It’s a convenient caveat to say that, “Well, a character won this so they can have the title but the title doesn’t mean anything.” I know of regardless of whom wins this, they aren’t the best. Go ham or don’t at all.
-not enough emphasis of the importance of this arc. Why even have this tournament? What’s the prize? What’s even the point?
-While the art is nice, the action is framed poorly. I like physical action like this to be nearly choreographed in a way I can see and piece movement in my head. The two fight scenes we get are somewhat disjointed in that it’s just poses. For example, Flatline’s first kick makes no sense at all and I don’t get her follow up. Trying to picture the movement hurts my head and in an action concept like this, it’s best to frame action scenes as more than doing poses. Here is a good example:
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This only emphasizes the action and gets the reader to acknowledge that this a tournament of great fighters or at least a great fighting story.
All in all, do I think this story is off to a good start? Yes. Is it going to change my opinion on Damian? Hell no. My reaction to Damian getting his ass handed to him was this.
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The issue is that it never sticks. Damian can learn and be a better person but the development never sticks. It becomes a cyclical series of events because whoever writes him next will just keep writing him as this shitty entitled murder rich kid who never learns anything and gets validated somehow. It’s been over a decade and I’m tired of the same excuses of his shitty behavior. I am tired of writers validating it or excusing it.
Damian losing isn’t an outcome I care for because it’s wasted on him. Honestly I am more interested in Connor and Rose being there. I have no faith that it will stick nor does it undo the shitty idea of the character. I have never wanted to see Damian fight. It’s never been fun to read about nor has the impetus of his character emphasized the ability or style. Placing Damian in an Enter the Dragon style tournament lacks the pizzazz of Cass doing the same thing. For example, let’s try Marvel.
Let’s say someone pitches an idea of a tournament arc styled after Game of Death. Immediately you think Martial Artists non-powered. Danny Rand, Daredevil, Elektra, Shang-Chi, Pei and Colleen Wing. Okay, instead of giving those characters the honor, you give the story to Black Cat. Honestly, I’d read it because Felicia could sell me a documentary on grass and I’d buy it but the point stands, why does Damian have this Bruce Lee inspired Martial Arts story versus the actual Chinese or East Asian Martial Arts focused member of the Batfamily, Cassandra Cain?
But this has nothing to do with what could have been. It’s a fun beginning of a possibly fun arc. In that regard, it delivers but what’s the point?
Like I said, fun story.
@ubernegro
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mochegato · 3 years
Text
Hope on Board
Chapter 21 – Missed Opportunities
Chapter 1     Chapter 20
“You’re not going to be able to make it?  I put it on the calendar and everything.  Physical and digital,” Marinette pouted.
“I know,” Dick groaned in frustration with himself.  “But I’m telling you in advance this time.  I can’t make it.  I’ll watch videos.  I’ll give you extra back massages.  I’ll hire a personal instructor.  I’m sorry.”
“Dick… we rescheduled this twice so you could make it.”  Marinette knew her voice was getting exasperated and angry, but she couldn’t help it.  This kept happening.  He kept missing everything.  At this rate, he was going to miss the birth as well.
“I know but this is… This is really important, Mari,” he begged her to understand.  This could be the missing piece they needed.  He had to go.
“And this,” she indicated her belly, “isn’t?” She was giving him a hard, challenging look.
“That isn’t… I did not say that,” he answered indignantly.
“No, I know.  That wasn’t fair,” she conceded quickly.  It wasn’t Dick’s fault he was going to be gone and he was getting better.  He was letting her know in advance he wasn’t going to make the birthing class.  She collapsed against the counter, her shoulders slumping in defeat.  “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”
Dick let out a long pained sigh.  “I know this is frustrating.  I’m frustrated and upset.  I can’t control the timing for this, for any of this.  And it’s all happening at the same time and it’s all converging and I can’t control any of it.” Dick’s voice got increasingly aggravated as he spoke and his gestures wilder.  He hated the timing of all of this, but he needed to be there.  They had finally been able to track a talon and he needed to trade off with Wally to keep up the tail.  He was the leader.  It was his family he was defending.  He had to go.
Marinette sighed and squared her shoulders.  This was just as trying on him as it was on her and she desperately wanted him not to suffer because of things he couldn’t control.  She cupped his face to bring his focus back to her.  “Yeah, it sucks and I hate it.  But we just need to remember we love each other, right?  We love each other and we want to be together.” she gave him a long, luxuriant kiss. “The universe is messing with us. We aren’t going to let it win.”
Dick observed the determined, loving look in her eyes.  Her confidence grounded him.  Things were bad now, but they would get better.  He would stop this plot and then things would be better.  He rested his hands over hers and smiled.  “We’re going to take on the universe huh?”
Marinette nodded, eyes shining with mirth, “And win.  That part’s important.”
Dick chuckled indulgently. “Of course.  And win.  Together.”
“Together,” Marinette nodded. “As long as we work together and communicate and we’re honest with each other, there’s no way the universe can bring us down.”
It took almost the entirety of Dick’s over a decade of training to hide the wince that resulted from the ‘honest’ comment.  It was like her comment was designed to cut even though he knew it wasn’t.  It still hit hard.  As soon as this was over he could come clean.  He would be honest.  And there wouldn’t be any more secrets between them.  They just needed to hold out for a few more weeks… or months… God, he hoped it wasn’t longer than that.  Instead, he smiled and nudged her nose with his.  “I love you.”
Her responding smile was absolutely brilliant.  “I love you too, Bluebird.”
<><><><><> 
“I’m so sorry I’m going to miss it.”  The remorse in Marinette’s voice was clear even over the speaker.  She was still in the office working on a few last minute issues with Lucius on issues with the fabric.
“It’s okay, Marinette.  I understand,” Dick calmly assured her.
“Yeah, we get it, Pixie Pop.  Your show is coming up really… long time from now,” Jason teased, a mischievous glint in his eyes, reveling in the chaos he was unleashing.
“It isn’t long.  It’s short. Really short,” Marinette ranted, the words spilling out quickly.  “Only a few weeks.  Can you believe it’s just a few weeks away?  I should have everything done and be working on details now.  Rachel, do not emulate this.  I expect you to be better than me.”
Lucius chuckled.  “Every inventor and creator I know does this.  This is always what it is like right before a debut.  You’re doing fine.”
“I’ve seen what you have so far, it looks amazing already,” Stephanie assured her. And it did.  She was completely blown away with what Marinette had done.
“No kidding.  You made me willing to wear designer clothes,” Duke agreed.
“Do you need anything Marinette?  Do you need me to bring over something to eat or drink?  Did you take your vitamins today?” Dick fussed.  He knew how she was when she was working and it was already dinner time.  If he knew her, and he did, then she didn’t even realize how late it was yet.
“Thank you, Dick.  I’m fine. You guys just enjoy your night together. And yes I did,” she assured him. Despite not being able to see her, Dick knew she had a smile on her face.
“Okay, I’ll let you get back to work, but I’ll see you at home tonight, right? You’re not going to spend all night there working on it?” Dick asked pointedly.
“Don’t worry Mr. Grayson.  I’ll make sure she doesn’t work herself too hard.  I’ve already ordered food in for us and a company car to take Rachel home after dinner and another for Marinette at 9, so she has to leave by then,” Lucius assured him with a chuckle.
“You two do realize I’m not a child, right?” Marinette snapped.
“Of course.  You’re an adult.  An extremely self-sacrificing, prone to self-destruction adult.  You’ll fit right into the Wayne family whenever Mr. Grayson finally wakes up.” They could hear Lucius’ smirk through the phone as well as Rachel’s giggle and Marinette’s squeak.
“Rachel!” she exclaimed a few octaves higher than normal.  “Do not encourage him!”
“Absolutely encourage him,” Stephanie called out loudly.
“Rachel, you’re supposed to be on my side.” They could tell she was trying to be offended but couldn’t quite pull it off.  “You know what?  Don’t you have homework to do?  You should be doing your homework.”
“I already got my homework done before I came here and the essay that’s due Monday,” Rachel answered easily.
“Oh, well that’s… very well organized.  Good job, Rachel,” Marinette admitted grudgingly.
“Well, somebody here should be,” Lucius teased.
“And you!  You know what, you don’t need to be here.  In fact, you’re not welcome here anymore.  You can go home.  Call a car for yourself,” Marinette growled playfully.
“Might I remind you, this is my office,” Lucius responded, completely nonplussed by her comment.
“You might, but it won’t change my previous statement.”  Lucius’ laughter rang clear through the phone, a clear indication that Marinette had punctuated her retort by sticking her tongue out at him.
“Lucius, stop flirting with my girlfriend,” Dick implored with a smile.
“Mr. Grayson, if I wanted to flirt with your girlfriend, she would no longer be your girlfriend,” Lucius responded smoothly.
“Oooooooh, damn,” Duke laughed.  “So that’s what total destruction looks like.”
“Lucius,” Marinette admonished him, “don’t say true things like that to him. One of us being a nervous wreck with a tendency to spiral into anxiety induced death spirals and nightmares is enough.”
“You okay, fam?” Tim asked cautiously.  He looked over to Dick to see how much of what she had said should be taken seriously and judging by the frown on his face, all of it except the Lucius part.
“Yeah, I’m good,” Marinette answered in an overly confident, chipper voice. They could just picture the toothy, too wide grin on her face and twitching eye.  “Just another few weeks and it will all be over,” she continued. “One way or another,” she added quietly.
“I know you’re dreading the end of our association when you’re sought out by every major name in the business, but I think your future husband is more than happy to have you out of my influence,” Lucius teased.  “Until he realizes there’s another year on the contract.”
“Yeah, okay.  On that note, I’m going to let you get back to work so Marinette can get home and in bed at a reasonable time.  Lucius… I’m keeping my eye on you,” he said in a stern voice that anyone else might have taken as serious.
Lucius laughed.  “Understood, Mr. Grayson.  Have a good night.”
“Love you, Bluebird.  Have fun, guys.” Marinette called out to them.
“Night Marinette!” Jason, Duke, Stephanie and Tim yelled to her.
“Love you too.  Night,” Dick said before hanging up.  He tapped the phone against his lips with a concerned frown.  He wasn’t doing enough to lessen her stress.  She was still too stressed and it wasn’t good for the babies. Maybe he could give her a massage tonight.  He plastered on a smile and turned to the others.  “Let’s get this movie started.”
“Is she always like that?” Duke asked after a few minutes.
“Like what?” Dick tried to give him a confused look but Duke just raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him.  “Yeah, lately, yeah.  Stress from the show.  When the show is over she should be much more relaxed.  Adrien seems to think this is completely normal and expected for her.”
“Cass and I would take her out for another girl’s night if we thought it would help, but at this point, I don’t think there is anything we can do but not add to her stress,” Stephanie grimaced.
“What a thought, not adding to Pixie’s stress,” Jason glared at Dick, a look that Dick didn’t miss.
Tim looked awkwardly between Dick and Jason.  “So… going back to what Lucius said, you thinking about proposing to Marinette?”
Dick looked away from Jason and blinked a few times, trying to get his mind to switch tracks.  “I have a ring, but not now.  Not yet. We love each other, but I don’t think we’re there yet.  There’s still trust issues,” Dick shrugged.
Jason scoffed and took a drink.  “Have anything to do with you abandoning her regularly with no notice and sketchy ass excuses?”
Dick glared at him.  “Probably,” he growled, knowing full well that was exactly what it was.  All of their problems boiled down to the Titans and him focusing too much on figuring out the Court of Owl plan.  All the missed appointments, all the missed life events, all the broken promises, were all because of Titan activity.  
“Have you thought about just… telling her?” Tim asked carefully.
Dick drew in a deep, frustrated breath.  Of course he had.  They all pushed him to tell her constantly.  Bruce had even given his blessing.  He could just tell her and alleviate a lot of their issues, but he refused to put that on her while she was already under so much stress and according to the doctor, it was dangerous for her to be under any.  He couldn’t control the fashion show but he could control this.  He wasn’t going to endanger the twins and Marinette just to make himself more comfortable.
She already got so worried about him from the injuries he came home with.  She would get that adorable, heartbreaking concerned frown and furrowed brow every time she looked at them, and since some of them took weeks to heal, she had that expression every day, several times a day for weeks.  After one particularly bad fight with Double Dare, she had nightmares for days about him getting hurt and then the babies getting caught in an attack.  He wasn’t about to tell her he did that regularly and induce nightmares every night while she was pregnant.
“You know, you’re going to have a couple kids with her pretty soon.  It might be important information for her,” Jason prodded.
“If Grayson doesn’t want to tell her, he has every right not to,” Damian interjected.
“Thank you, Damian,” Dick responded, silently, momentarily thankful he didn’t have the same protective streak for Marinette that the rest of the family had acquired.
“He knows her better than the rest of us and if he does not find her trustworthy, that insight should be respected,” Damian finished, returning his attention to the movie.
“What?” Dick exclaimed looking back at Damian in shock.  Was that really what Damian was getting from this?  Is that why he thought Dick didn’t want to tell Marinette?  “That’s not… Damian that is not why I haven’t…”
“She should know if she’s going to be doing this alone,” Jason interrupted. His voice was hard and accusatory, as it often was with Dick lately.
Distantly, Dick heard someone gasp and shuffle around, but he was far too focused to process it.  “She won’t be doing it alone,” Dick growled back.  Jason had been exceptionally hostile lately, more so than even Adrien, but the insinuation that Dick would abandon his family was going too far. “I’m going to be there for her and the babies.”
“I can’t hear the movie,” Damian warned them.
“Shut it, Imitation’s Imitation,” Jason snarled before rounding back on Dick. “Are you?  When does that start?  ‘Cuz you sure as Hell haven’t been so far.”
“Jason,” Stephanie tried to interject.
“I’ve had…” Dick started.
“Yeah, yeah.  Vigilante business, which has always been more important than making baby appointments, more important than being there for Marinette.  You need to figure out if you’re Nightwing or a father.”
“I’m both,” Dick gritted out through his teeth.
“But which is more important?” Jason argued
“Being a father, of course,” Dick yelled out.
“That’s not how it looks right now.  How many appointments have you missed?  How many events?  You abandon her constantly for things that other people could easily handle and eventually, she’s going to figure out that you don’t actually work for WE, and what’s your plan for that?  Or is that plan?  Let her figure it out and walk away from you so you don’t have to be the bad guy?”
“Shouldn’t your loyalty be to Grayson?  You’ve switched loyalties rather quickly.  One look from a pretty woman and as expected you turn your back on your family,” Damian snarled, finally turning away from the movie.  
“What the fuck do you think she is?  She’s family.  She’s carrying your niece and nephew.  They are our family, all three of them even if Dickhead walks away from them.  They are still our family and they deserve some consideration too,” Jason yelled back.
Damian opened his mouth to respond but Cass moved next to him, shaking her head. Damian grunted, but acquiesced, letting Dick and Jason fight it out between themselves.
“What is your obsession with me leaving them?  It’s not going to happen.  I’m not going to abandon them!” Dick howled.
Jason shook his head and gave a bitter chuckle.  His voice suddenly back to an eerily normal level.  “You’re right.  You always are, Golden Boy.  ‘I’m not going to’ would imply a future event.  You already have abandoned them.”
“Fuck you!  I have not.” The lowering of Jason’s voice only made Dick’s anger surge.  He was acting like he won an argument, like it was already over.  It was far from over.  “I’ve been doing everything in my power to protect them.  Whatever the Court of Owls is planning it is going to be huge and devastating, and we now know it includes Gotham.  I’ve been doing nothing but investigating them for months to stop them.  I’ve fought talons, I’ve tracked down associates, fuck, I’ve gotten captured by talons and had to get saved by Garth and Donna.”
“They should have kept you,” Jason grumbled, heading to the door.  “I’m going to go check on Pixie Pop.  It’s getting late, someone should and naturally, that someone won’t be you.”
Dick seethed as he stared at the door Jason left through.  How dare he?  How dare he! He had no right to suggest not only was Dick abandoning them, but that he wanted to.  Abandoning her was the last thing he wanted to do.  He didn’t want to leave in the middle of dates.  He didn’t want to miss the babies kicking.  He didn’t want to miss entire weeks of development.  He didn’t want to miss snuggling with Marinette.  He didn’t want to sleep without her.  He did all of that because he was protecting her, because he loved her.  He couldn’t just pass off all of his responsibilities to someone else.  He was the team leader.  He had to be the one to make the decisions.
“You okay?” Tim asked gently.  He wanted to make sure Dick was okay, but wasn’t looking to incur his wrath.  Jason had said everything that needed to be said, now Dick just needed to calm down and consider the words.
“He doesn’t understand.  He doesn’t understand what it means to be a leader, what it means to be a father,” Dick growled.
Tim looked away and gave a heavy sigh.  He wasn’t listening.  He decided he was doing the right thing and he wouldn’t listen to any other opinions. He’d dedicated himself to this course and he wouldn’t be swayed.  He’d gotten better about it in the last few years, but still had miles to go.  “Maybe,” he granted, turning to look Dick, his eyes hardened to steel, “but he does know what it means to be abandoned.”
Chapter 22
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