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moonlit-positivity · 3 months

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How to recognize when you need to set a boundary

Physical signs of your body telling you "no":

Bile in your throat

Panic

freeze response aka frozen or paralyzed w fear

Heart paced real fast

Anxiety

Unsettled stomach/gut feeling

Head fuzzy

Head & chest feels tight

Face might scrunch up in disgust/disbelief/pain etc

"ick" or "ew"

fainting or feeling weak as a result

crying

feeling like hurting yourself

cheeks hot, face flushed (embarrassment out of fear or humiliation)

fight/flight/freeze/fawn response gets triggered

body feels "charged" or "activated"

wanting to yell or shout back

wanting to run away

wanting to hide

wanting to stuff yourself with food/substances/alcohol etc to numb the pain

heart feels heavy or pounds at awkward intervals

not being able to eat

head shakes "no"

backing away

asking or screaming for help

feeling scared

feeling "on alert"

not knowing what to say

arms protecting yourself

not being able to move

Emotional signs that you are not safe:

Unsettling environment

Fawning aka "going with what they want" even if you don't feel good about it

Uncomfortable

Knowing the other person doesn't like it when you express things different from their own beliefs

Knowing if you spoke up you would be either mocked or downplayed or told you're being too sensitive

Being told you're "disrespectful" or "not allowed" to talk back or disagree in any way

Being told you're too chicken or being forced to feel dumb or stupid if you don't join in

Being openly mocked or talked about by the whole group

Expressing a concern and they get mad at you for being mad at them

You're always the one in the wrong even when you were the one being hurt

They use grandiose words and phrases to assert dominance

"walking on eggshells"

They continue to do the things you asked them to stop doing even after countless times asking them

They don't care about how you feel

They make no effort to acknowledge your feelings or acknowledge how their behavior is affecting you

They force you to participate in drugs/alcohol

They hold their power and good deeds they have done for you over your head and threaten to stop helping or support you or even take back what they have given you

They are physically aggressive/ violent

Rage

Rage during substance use

Touching you without asking

Downplaying anything you need as not important

What to do:

Take a deep breath

Take your time figuring it out

Remind yourself this isn't your fault

Stay focused on the behavior- because they WILL try to detract from it & turn it around on you

Gather your resources

Consider leaving or cutting contact

Consider therapy or online support groups to help yourself breathe and find safer spaces for yourself

Have an exit plan

Do not engage with the arguments & emotional bait

Cultivate your privacy

Cultivate your security

Cultivate yourself a safe space

Prepare yourself for the backlash

Ask someone safe to go with you

Call someone safe and ask them to stay on the phone with you if you do not feel safe

Self defense tools like pepper spray & brass knuckles

Know you're worth the exit

Take yourself seriously when they dont

Honor the gut feelings

Restore faith in your judgement

Honor your voice

Honor your body

Honor your "no"

Ask for a pause- "I need a break."

Ask for clarity- "Can you clarify that?"

Ask what their intentions are- "Are you being helpful or hurtful?"

Bring attention to the behavior and how it's making you feel- "I'm not comfortable with the way you're ignoring my concerns."

Make direct eye contact & deepen your voice- "You need to stop."

Do not apologize

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Hope this helps!

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

#recovery #ptsd #trauma #boundaries #mental health #healing #bpd #positivity #how to say no #setting boundaries #communication #relationships #toxic relationships #toxic friendships #toxic family #reminders #suggestions #compassionate reminders

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gentleaffirmations · 7 months

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I am letting go of the need to fix others.

I am letting go of the need to manage the emotions of others.

I allow other adults to be responsible for themselves.

It is okay to say no.

I am letting go of the need to anticipate the needs of others.

I have a right to my own feelings.

#weekly affirmation roundup #weekly affirmations #positive affirmation #affirmation #daily affirmations #recovery #positive affirmations #daily affirmation #positivity #positive thinking #mental health #affirmations for boundaries #boundaries #setting boundaries

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unwelcome-ozian · 11 months

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#boundaries #setting boundaries #healthy communication

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ghost-blush-art · 2 months

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A quick doodle I did today inspired by a cat meme I once saw. I seriously need to start setting boundaries but the thought of confrontation literally makes me want to cry 🥲

This week was quite a stressful one so I’m glad that it’s over 🥹

#doodle #digital art #digital drawing #artists on tumblr #comic art #digital illustration #doodlings #cute art #saying no #mental health #setting boundaries

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wordsofwisdomandsoul · 11 months

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desultory-suggestions · 2 years

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I am so proud of you for every time you have practiced asserting your boundaries and saying no. You deserve respect and you deserve compassion.

#mental health #ed recovery #suggestions #self love #anxiety #depression #boundaries #setting boundaries #asserting boundaries #saying no #consent #loss of consent

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littledoggyboy · 7 months

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I set a boundary!!!!

There’s a guy who occasionally asks for pictures and gets mad when I say no!!

So I told him, stop asking me cuz im never gonna send him any anymore!!

Please someone tell me they’re proud of me

#boundaries #setting boundaries #queer #t4t #trans #bisexaul #ftm #queer ns/fw #friends #ftm ns/fw #ftm nsft #t4t mlm

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sk-lumen · 10 months

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One amazing benefit from embracing your dark feminine is genuinely no longer being afraid of losing people, setting boundaries or imposing standards. You no longer care who you lose, or who sees you as a villain or b*tch. Because if someone ends up losing you, it's because they didn't appreciate you the first time around, and chose to fumble the bag even after you made your boundaries & standards clear. And let me tell you, it's one of the most empowering and liberating feelings ever. Know your worth and act accordingly.

#dark feminine #healing #high standards #high value woman #glow up #setting boundaries #writings #lumen's diary #growth mindset

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csuitebitches · 1 year

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Book Review: Book 1: Stop People Pleasing (a 9-part series by Patrick King, “Be Confident and Fearless.”)

I’m reading a 9-part series by Patrick King, “Be Confident and Fearless.” His books talk about becoming assertive, saying no, not people pleasing anymore and being confident. Generally, such books are quite generic but I found his take on the subject interesting. His techniques to handle certain situations seem to be quite doable too. His techniques have been highlighted in bold.

Book One: “Stop People Pleasing”

A people-pleaser is worried about rejection. They have a need, as we all do, to be accepted and treasured—to be loved. But in people-pleasers, this need is amplified to the extent that they will bend over backward just to not lose that love or acceptance. This is more invalidating than giving an honest opinion.

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In reality, people-pleasers continued promises and inaction just tick their friends off, as it becomes apparent that they are willing to be dishonest and only say what people want to hear.

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They’re not really doing what they do to improve someone else’s life—they just want to feel more positive about themselves.

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Living under the limitations of our own viewpoint, we tend to think everyone in our circle is looking at and judging how we look and behave. At most, maybe a couple of people are paying attention to most of your moves, and they’re likely people you’re already close to who are supposed to know you better than anyone else.

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When you’re so consumed with the perceived needs of others, you’re not paying yourself any attention. You could be overlooking or ignoring things you need to do to take care of yourself.

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Avoiding confrontation for fear that it might only make things worse ironically results in the very outcomes it’s meant to deflect. The absence of confrontations doesn’t mean your relationship is all healthy, and the presence of confrontations doesn’t mean your relationship has gone to the dogs.

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The BLUE model is a specific CBT strategy developed by PracticeWise to help counter negative thinking. BLUE is an acronym that stands for the kind of extremely negative thoughts you should recognize in yourself when they do pop into your head. “B” stands for blaming myself, “L” is looking for bad news, “U” means unhappy guessing, and “E” represents exaggeratedly negative thoughts.

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What many people-pleasers fail to see is that sacrificing so much of themselves in pursuit of serving everyone else around them is sabotaging their very capacity to continue being there for others when it truly matters.

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Rejecting an invite is not the same as rejecting your friend and that prioritizing your own peace of mind by just settling into a restful weekend is totally okay.

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Ask yourself, “What are the things I do to be happy?” or “What are the core beliefs I have about my worth as a person?”

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Exposure therapy is the process of deliberately placing yourself in situations that cause you fear and anxiety. You’ll need to immerse yourself in your feared situations in a gradual and progressive manner, starting from situations that cause the least anxiety and later advancing to those that cause the most intense feelings of fear.

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Creating your fear hierarchy. The fear hierarchy is an ordered list of situations that elicit your fears and anxieties.

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The first habit we must develop is the habit of self-awareness. We don’t understand why we people-please, and we’re not aware when we’re doing it.

This begins with questioning the motives for your actions: “Why exactly am I going out of my way for this person?” “Do I genuinely care for them, or am I just afraid of what might happen without them?” “Would I be doing this out of free will, or am I doing it for someone else?”

Take note of the moment you’re starting to feel internal resistance. When that happens, stop everything and question why you’re doing it.

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The second habit to cultivate is the habit of personal autonomy. An autonomous person knows what they truly believe and why they believe it. But the differences that you’ve valued your own opinion over that of others. Or you’ve at least valued it equally and not by habit put your own opinion as inferior to that of others.

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That’s why it’s important to get into the habit of expressing yourself honestly. The more you communicate where you stand, the more people will know where you’re coming from (and what your limits are). After all, people can’t read minds, and to expect others to know what you want is an impossible task.

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Remain strong under pressure. When you stop people-pleasing, you will face some angry reactions. It’s not necessarily their fault because you have conditioned their expectations. But this is where you must not fold under pressure, like you previously would have. It only takes five seconds of extreme willpower, and it gets easier every time thereafter.

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How to set boundaries:

1. Determine your core values

2. Change yourself and only yourself. You dont control other people

3. Set consequences of someone else breaking your boundaries. Write down the boundaries you have, the actions others might take that trespass those boundaries, and exactly what you will do when they’ve violated your boundaries.

4. Communicate your boundaries to others in very exact terms. Make sure everybody’s very, very clear on what your limits are.

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If you tell yourself “I can’t,” you’re simply reminding yourself of the limitations you’ve set for yourself. You’re creating a feedback loop in your brain that tells you that you can’t do something that you would normally want to do.

When you tell yourself “I don’t,” you’re creating a feedback loop that reminds you of your power and control of the situation. You’ve given yourself a line in the sand that takes the situation out of your hands. Your choice was premade to say no and thus you can stick to it more easily.

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theghoulboysblog · 3 months

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Something I appreciate VERY dearly about Shane and Ryan’s friendship is their constant show and respect of personal boundaries.

I think my favorite example of this is how when Shane will put a hand on Ryan’s shoulder, like he often does, sometimes Ryan will respond with a very straightforward, “Don’t touch me.”

Shane always immediately removes his hand. He doesn’t get upset. He doesn’t ignore him. He doesn’t accuse Ryan of being rude because he isn’t sugarcoating his boundaries.

His respecting of Ryan’s needs, and vice versa Ryan’s respecting of Shane’s needs, is something very rare and really nice to see :)

#watcher #watcher entertainment #ryan bergara #shane madej #shane and ryan #besties fr #bounderies #setting boundaries #respecting boundaries #that’s what we like to see!#we love healthy friendships over here #also ryan tells steven not to touch him occasionally too #I just think it’s more rare cause shane is much more touchy than steven is

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the-jesus-pill · 1 year

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[Image ID: a tweet by Rachel Myers @rachelsaheretic

Say no to that coffee invite, don’t respond to that old church friend who is reaching out “concerned” because of your new beliefs, set a boundary with how much of your story you share with those who won’t value it. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your journey.

End ID]

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moonlit-positivity · 10 days

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You don't need a reason to distance yourself from people. If they give you bad vibes then you deserve to honor that gut feeling and protect yourself. Even if they're not doing anything wrong or bad or even if they haven't done anything to you. You can just straight up not like someone, no context necessary. That's valid af and there's not enough emphasis on intuition and gut feelings. Yes, absolutely. Listen to your instincts.

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gentleaffirmations · 5 months

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#positivity #daily affirmation #positive affirmation #positive affirmations #affirmation #daily affirmations #affirmations #mental health #boundaries #affirmations for boundaries #setting boundaries #affirmations for setting boundaries

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agirlunfilteredsblog · 3 months

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SETTING BOUNDARIES FOR YOURSELF

Hi girls! Today we are going to talk about the importance of setting boundaries for yourself. Im not only talking about regular personal boundaries, but also boundaries with your loved ones and friends.

First of all, without setting boundaries, you allow any individual to freely take advantage of you, your kindness and your heart. Without set limits, people think they have a clear to treat however and with disregard, since YOU aren’t expressing what you like/dislike. Putting your foot down assures respect.

Secondly, the longer you allow yourself to be disrespected, the more the relationship (family, friends, significant others) takes a negative turn. You grow sour towards the people who love, without them even knowing why sometimes. Although they could be treating you in an unacceptable way, you are also responsible for standing up for yourself and being there for yourself.

Finally, I know how hard it is sometimes to be honest with the people you love. As someone diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, I sympathize even more. However, boundaries are the base for any solid relationship. The best way about it is to either be upfront about them the minute you meet them or confront when it directly happens. There is no shame in expressing your limits, and if they cannot understand it, it is NOT on you. If it ever comes to that, simply remove yourself from the situation.

so much love,

a girl unfiltered 💋

#self healing #healing #healthy life tips #lifestyle #boundaries #setting boundaries #health and wellness #that girl #wellness girl #wellness #glow up #glow up era #becoming that girl #new year 2024 #new years resolution #affirmations

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feliciao1 · 3 days

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I've always had a difficult time in setting boundaries since young. The innate desire to please everyone that has come to me for assistance is so strong, that I would brace through the mountains and storms, just for those who need me. In fact, I remembered I was kinda proud of it, because it shows how valuable am I as a colleague, friend and daughter.

But soon, I couldn't handle it anymore and collapsed. I then realized, our energy levels are finite. We are just normal human beings, not some superheroes with unlimited strength and power. Therefore, from that day onwards, I decided to set some healthy boundaries with the people around me, so that I won't burn myself out.

At first, they were unhappy about my change. Some of them even think that I was being "selfish" for not wanting to help out. But I know, that if I continue to drain myself out when my energy levels are low, it's not going to end well for everyone.

So when I'm feeling low, I start to reschedule or reject any work that is not urgent, including my colleagues' "request". I would gently let my friends and family know that I'm currently in a bad shape and couldn't share the burden of their worries and complaints at the moment.

Sooner or later, everyone around me starts to understand where my limits and boundaries were. They stopped thinking of me as selfish anymore, and knew that I was rejecting them at the moment because I was drained and needed time to recuperate.

As for me, my mental state was more stable that I ever was before, and I'm looking at life with a more positive outlook.

A gentle reminder, setting boundaries is not a selfish act, rather, it's a form of self-care, for us to protect our precious energy levels so that we don't get drained out.

I hope that everyone is doing well at the moment. Stay happy.

Felicia.

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desultory-suggestions · 1 year

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Affirmations for Self and Boundaries

- I am not responsible for the emotions of others.

- It’s okay to think of my needs and what’s first

- It is not my job to serve those around me

- I did my best I could in that situation

- I do not need others to fix me

- It’s okay to ask for support but I have to build stability for myself too

- I am not wrong for feeling this way

- I cannot always control my feelings but I can control my reactions

- I will not let my fear and guilt guide my decisions

- I am releasing the tension from my body

- I am safe and things will be okay

#mental health #suggestions #recovery #affirmations #realistic affirmations #affirmations for self #self love #anxiety #depression #codependency #codependent relationships #codependency healing #wellness #understand self #boundaries #setting boundaries

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