#seungmin au | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yourstrulyksm · 11 months

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ALL OF THE GIRLS YOU LOVED BEFORE. | ksm.

➨ pairing: kim seungmin x SHS!reader.

➨ note: not proofread, highschool x forbidden love trope.

➨ word count: 7.5k

Seungmin was known as the biggest asshole among the juniors and seniors in highschool. No one knew what he was up to, breaking all these girls’ hearts and all.

so I wondered, how did I manage to make him treat me like this?

I walked around campus for a little while as classes have not started yet. I still had two hours before studying and had absolutely nothing to do, so here I was, walking around, kicking dried leaves that fell from trees.

i stopped in front of a big tree, this was my signature place.

I sat on the bench that was under the tree and took a book out to do something to entertain me. As much as I wanted to take my phone out and chat with people, I had no one to chat with — which left me no choice but to read.

It's not like I was reading something educational; I was reading fiction.

this school year had been tough for me, my class rank went down from first to fifth, I stopped being a people pleaser which made my friends progressively leave me, Day by day.

It’s fine, it's the last year of senior year anyway.

But other than that, I was focused on one person, and that was none other than Kim Seungmin.

me and seungmin was never fond of each other, we were always fighting since we met each other and this year, he bullied me so much to the point where I lost the energy to even do anything back.

it’s not because I was offended or affected by the things he did or said, it was just because I realized that I would benefit nothing from fighting all day with him — about absolutely nothing.

I never understood why he hated me, he would often try to trip me where there were a lot of people around, hide my things for laughs, make rumours about me, and more.

I don't even care anymore, but him and his friends’ bullying doesn't seem to stop.

to be honest, when he didn't use to bully me as much, half of me enjoyed arguing with him. I was enjoying it because he didn't do physical things, but now he had just gotten worse, worse than I ever imagined.

I don't even remember the first time we started fighting and why. all I knew was that he hated me and that was not gonna die down soon.

speaking of the devil, “hey loser,” A familiar light brown haired boy stood in front on me with a couple of his friends trailing him behind.

“What do you want, seungmin?” I blurted out, my voice having an annoyed tone to it.

“we’re not even halfway through the school year and you're already stressed, it's only march.” he mocked me, making me look up to see that nasty smirk he had.

“I did not ask that... I asked you about what you wanted?” I raised my eyebrow at him, completely ignoring what he had said earlier.

“Nothing much really, How are you doing y/n?”

I knew for a fact that he wasn’t actually asking me if I was okay, I knew that he would try to pull some sick joke that would ‘offend me’

“Better than fine seungmin, how about you?” I played along his little games, I honestly am itching to know what he actually wants.

“Doing better than you, as always.” Whatever, I’m aware that he has an answer for everything, why did I even bother to respond to him.

“Well thank you for your time, you can go on with your day now.” I smiled warmly at him. it was fake but I couldn't think of a better idea of shooing him away.

He walked away, murmuring something to his friends and laughing about it which I certainly knew was about me.

I continued to listen to music and read my book at peace when seungmin left, I know I should've just ignored him but he wouldn't leave me alone unless he completely ruins my day, but to his dismay, I just don't care anymore.

Half of me wished that we were in a book; where in the end we’re either going to end up as friends or lovers. It might be weird, but I would do anything for him to stop bullying me,

even if it was being his lover.

I would basically be delusional if I said that was possible, so I shrugged off the thought.

After almost an hour of reading, I realized that I ran out of coffee. I was too focused on what I was reading that I forgot I had classes in only thirty minutes from now.

I took all of my things and went outside of campus to buy coffee from my favorite coffee shop.

Time passed by and I already had my order and was ready to leave when seungmin walked inside the café.

weird, I never knew he went here.

he and his friends laughed at me again for an unknown reason while I did my thing and completely ignored them.

there was one thing I did whenever I saw seungmin in public; it was to ignore him completely like I've never met him before.

I was afraid that he’ll embarrass me in front of people that wasn't from our university. Being humiliated in front of people from uni was already horrible and being humiliated from strangers didn't make a difference, just worse.

I tried my best to ignore him, but I don't think he was gonna let me go back inside campus without embarrassing me in front of everybody.

I was cautious around my surroundings, I knew any time now he would be sticking his foot out to trip me, so I was looking carefully everywhere.

I was able to leave the shop without getting terrorized by no other than seungmin. It was honestly a surprise and achievement to escape his terrorizing and I was here for it.

I finally calmed down and reached my campus, continuing to enter and go straight to first period.

I wasn't too late to class and not that much people were there, and gladly my favorite seat wasn’t taken by anyone yet.

I sat by the window and put my things down under my desk, I pulled out my textbook to review some topics as we had a pop quiz today.

I wasn’t stressing out as much because I was actually able to focus yesterday unlike the past few days before yesterday and I completely understood the topic.

I always enjoyed first period and the rest of my classes before lunch because well, me and seungmin didn't have the same schedule which is a relief.

But still, we had the same classes from fifth to ninth period which was hell for me, I’m so tired of crumbled paper and paper planes being constantly threw at me.

usually, those paper planes and crumpled paper will have something written in in; I always fail to not read them because of curiosity as there's something different written in it every single time.

I ignored my thoughts and continued studying until the teacher came.

Time passed by fast as the class finally ended with the school alarms lowly blaring. I breathed the sigh of relief as I stretched out my arms and back from staying still for too long.

right before I went out, I put my headphones in, not wanting to interact with anyone i see; especially that guy.

While walking to my next period, I passed by seungmin who was clueless of my presence — thankfully.

he looked troubled while he was looking for the things inside his backpack. Was it karma?

I ignored it and continued walking towards my class, and to my dismay, seungmin ran back and ‘accidentally’ pushed me.

I fell to the ground as he looked back at me, staring down, probably contemplating if he should help me or not.

To my surprise, he started picking up the books that fell from my hands and gave them back to me. He muttered a little ‘I’m sorry’ and ran back to where he was before, probably still looking for the missing object.

I stood still, I was speechless since this was the first ever time that he did something like this.

Earlier morning, he was just mocking me and probably talking bad about me with his friends and now he's helping me pick up my things?

Why should I even think too much about it, It was his fault anyway, he accidentally pushed me, he's REQUIRED to help me.

it just feels so impossible and unreal for him to do something like that...

I once again shrugged it off and continued walking to my next class, grabbing a new drink from the cafeteria before going because my coffee was already finished.

once I reached class, the seat by the window was already taken, there was only one seat left; it was at the very back.

I'm not complaining though, but I do lack focus whenever I'm back there.

I suddenly remembered when I just started highschool, I always sat at the back of the class…

with… seungmin?

Oh, now I remember.

We used to be chill around each other because we had a lot of similarities, then suddenly, everything turned into a competition of who likes what better.

then it became academic, I won a lot when it came to acads, but these days he’s either ranked one or two, never lower.

his friends was right below him, meaning I was below his friends.

I don't remember exactly what we fought about, but at least now I know some detail.

I also remembered having a small crush on seungmin?

whatever.

I probably only did because he was the only person I talked to and he was also the only person in the whole campus with the same level as me.

the teacher walked in snapping me out of my trance, she didn't wait any second and started discussing, leaving me no choice but to listen.

Throughout the whole class, I felt uncomfortable because not only was my pants feeling all itchy, but my head and my back hurts and I kept on unconsciously trying to recall me and seungmin’s past interactions.

I lost focus on the lesson but still kept trying to listen whenever I catch myself losing focus. I needed to get my rank back.

I was doing something wrong with my acads but I don't know what, if I don't get my rank back this semester I will surely get myself tutored.

But to be honest, getting tutored traumatized me. My parents used to hire really rude tutors before to get me studying ‘well’ and all.

But if I needed to get tutored to get my rank back, I WILL get tutored.

I didn't realize that the class already ended, students were already packing their stuff and leaving while I was just staring at the half blank white board that was now being wiped by the teacher.

I quickly gathered my things and left, I knew I was gonna pass by seungmin again but remembering what he did earlier, I didn't worry too much.

As expected, I passed by seungmin and to my surprise, he was walking with a sweet girl. he had his arms wrapped around her while they were laughing and talking.

oh how I felt bad for the girl. She's gonna get her heart broken like the others.

I said nothing as I noticed seungmin taking a quick glance at me and looking away. I pretended not to notice and kept walking.

So many unusual things already happened today and I don't want to encounter more, because what the hell is happening?

first of all, seungmin bullied me and suddenly became nice, I remembered all of our interactions and lost focus, and now he's walking with a random girl who's ‘bout to get her heart broken.

I've seen enough for today, I’m already so drained. I just want this day to end, it feels so long.

I only had two more classes left before lunch and that still wasn't enough to keep me content, I needed this to finish early.

I can't take more of this bullshit.

I let time fly and barely noticed that i was already walking to the cafeteria, I walked to the back of the line and waited for my turn.

When I got my beverages, I went straight to the rooftop.

I didn't like eating inside the cafeteria, There was a lot of people there and I couldn't bear the loudness.

when I was at the last step, the door from the rooftop swung open revealing a girl crying real hard and running.

the same girl seungmin was with earlier.

after her, the expected came out.

A disappointed, bored looking seungmin comes out. arms crossed and walking slowly.

I tried to ignore him and walked straight past him but of course, he became the person he was this morning.

“Y’know, you’re a real loser eating here all alone everyday.” he looked at me with a straight and serious face.

I unwrapped my burger and took a bite, pretending to not have heard him as I had my headphones on.

“i know you can hear me.”

“i know you can stop being an asshole if you wanted to.” I blurted out, I was already as annoyed by everything and I didn't want him interrupting me.

“that doesn't even- you know what, I don't care.” — “just why are you choosing to be such a loser when you can just socialize?” he boredly asks,

“and why can't you stop annoying me! why can't you stop bullying me and breaking other girls’ hearts?! why are you doing all of this when you can just become a better person?!” I yelled at him, causing him to stay silent.

“why can't you just work on yourself than to try to make me better?” I muttered.

“Because I can’t okay!” He yelled at me, I now noticed the tears that were forming in his eyes.

“Yes you can! you were a much better person when I first met you!” I yelled back, I won't let myself lose in this so-called argument.

“I miss you seungmin.” I finally admitted, looking at him with full of hope that he’ll understand.

“what?” he looks back up, trying to process what I just said.

“i said I missed you, seungmin.” I stood still, not sure of what to do or why I said that.

“How? what do you mean? I don't understand.” he looks at me teary eyed and confused.

“i meant I miss the old you, the person who was fun and chill, the person who used to listen to music with me in my classes, the person who ranted to me when he needed to and also the person that I could rant to.” at this point, I could feel the tears in my eyes start to form.

“I-... I’m really, really, really sorry y/n.” He breaks down completely and falls on the ground, covering his face with both of his hands.

I couldn't help but feel bad, he looked like a complete mess right now.

I couldn't move and didn't know what to do, but I knew I had to do something.

I went closer to him and cupped his face with both of my hands, “i forgive you seungmin, cry it all out.” after that, I hugged him and ruffle his hair while doing so.

I could feel the warmth of his breath hit my neck as he finally hugged me back and cried more onto my neck.

He was mumbling his apologies and reasons while i only sat there and kept on comforting the poor boy.

I soon enough invited him to eat with me, and he gracefully agreed.

After lunch, me and seungmin went straight to our classes.

After that, all I knew was my day went smoothly with seungmin who wasn't bullying me, and in fact was even chatting with me when we got the chance.

All of our classes are finally finished and we bid our goodbyes and separated ways.

After walking for a bit, I realized that I left my phone in our classroom.

I rushed to the classroom I was last in and went straight to my seat, thankfully, the phone was still there.

while I was walking my way back, I saw a beat up seungmin sitting on the floor and leaning on the wall.

I ran close to him, “shit, what happened?” I immediately sat down and took out the first aid kit that I always bring as I tend to be really clumsy and fall wherever I go.

“some... some group of guys stole my stuff.” he groaned while pressing onto his bruised eye.

“that looks pretty bad. let me-” I stopped talking as I focused to medicate the wounds on his face.

as I was finishing patching him up, he suddenly spoke, “why are you even helping me? you suffered so much because of me.” for a small momentum, I stayed quiet.

I realized that he was staring at me the whole time.

“the clinic is closed... when you get home, put an ice pack on this would you?” I said, pointing at his bruised eye and ignoring his question.

he gave me a reassuring nod and stood up as I did the same.

“I guess I have to go now...? bye seungmin, stay safe.” I smiled warmly at him and turned away when he grabbed my arm and turned me around.

“thank you y/n... thank you for forgiving me and helping me. I’m really thankful that you're here.” he held my hand tightly, looking at me straight in the eyes.

I stayed quiet while just looking at him. “Y/n, I... I love you.” — “This is serious, I'm not playing with you or anything, I really do love you.”

I kept quiet.

“I loved you from the start, when I first met you, but things went wrong at home and I took my anger out on people here because I thought it would be unfair if everyone was feeling fine and I wasn't. I regret everything I really do, and you made me realize that.” he sighs as he looks down, letting go of my hands.

We stayed quiet for a few seconds and I finally talked. “it’s okay, I told you right? you could change...” — “and seungmin...” I said and picked up the both of his hands, recreating his previous action.

“i love you too.” I stared at him with sincerity in my eyes.

Seungmin broke down again and hugged me tightly, I did the same thing back and patted his back. I stayed silent, there was no need to say anything.

We were quiet for a few minutes. Seungmin wasn't hugging me anymore, but his head was laying on my shoulder.

“Hey… let’s go home and talk about it, huh?” I cupped both of his cheeks as I stared at his flushed face.

His hair was messy, his eyes were puffy, his lips were plump and was pinkish while his nose and his ears were red.

I tilted my head waiting for a response as he just nodded his head.

We both stood up from the slippery floor and walked out of campus, finally.

“Y/n, do you want to… hang out for a bit?” he asked, staring at me with puppy eyes

I smiled warmly, “of course, minnie.” I said as I wiped the tears in his eyes, making him smile slightly with a hint of joy in him.

I was taken aback when he linked his arms with mine and kept on walking towards the closest café.

I stayed silent the whole time, I wish I stayed in this moment, forever.

We entered the café, arms still linked. “Do you want me to order for you?” — “Actually, that's not a question, I'll order for you. what do you want to get?” he asked, and finally unlinked our arms.

“Um, are you going to pay? I can pay for my-” before I could finish, he cut me off, “no. I will pay y/n, I owe you my life.”

“I get that I kind of changed you, but don't be drastically dramatic.” I laughed and looked at him,

“shush… just tell me what you’d like… it's an order.” he cutely shushes me like a little kid, “okay fine, I’d like to have a belgium chocolate latte, please.” I smiled at him and leaned on my hand for support.

“Of course, m’lady.” He smiled again and winked at me, I rolled my eyes at his flirty response and waited for him to come back.

A few minutes later, he came back with two drinks and a few donuts that I didn’t ask for. He probably got hungry from getting beaten up or something.

I was surprised when he gently pushed the plate of donuts towards me, “I got you some extra stuff, maybe you’d like it?” he smiles at me with shiny eyes,

“What… you know what, I'm not even gonna decline. but let's share, okay?” I jokingly say, “whatever you want, my puppy.”

damn, we aren't even dating yet.

I laughed at his sentence and decided to sip my drink and take a bite of the food, at the same time feeding him.

I noticed how his ears would get extremely red when I gave him a bite of the donut, “you’re whipped.” I seriously but jokingly said, “yes ma’am.” He closed his eyes and nodded as a response.

I laughed at his silly little response and kept on doing my thing.

Half an hour had already passed and we decided that we should go home as the sky was getting darker.

“Can I take you home?” He asks with the same puppy eyes he gave me earlier. as much as I wanted to scream and run and say yes, I stood strong.

“Seungmin, we've already spent a lot of time with each other, no need for more.” I said and placed my phone back inside my bag, he pouted at my response and crossed his arms, turning away from me.

I chuckled, “what are you doing?” He turned around my with his little pouty face and rolled his eyes, I didn't know he was so childish with people he was close with,

or only with me…?

“Please let me walk you home…” he mumbled loud enough for me to hear. “Seungmin, will you date me in the future?” I asked, waiting for a response.

Seungmin seemed to have choked on his words and turned to me, “of course?” he says in a questioning tone, like it was the most obvious thing.

“Then walk me home when we’re dating. Bye minnie! stay safe.” I said and walked the opposite way, I heard him groan and finally talk, “fine! stay safe too, Y/n.” — “thanks for today…” I wasn't too far to not hear as I smiled at his response.

I reached my house and the next thing I knew was I already took a shower and was ready to take a nap. I know this nap is gonna be peaceful remembering what happened today.

I was only supposed to take a nap but it turned into sleep, I woke up the next morning with horrible hair but a pretty face, odd.

I guess it was probably because I wasn't too stressed yesterday.

I got ready for school and time passed by like it was in a time lapse. I was able to focus well on my classes and even got a perfect score on two of my quizzes in two different subjects.

It was finally lunch break as I low-key searched for seungmin in the cafeteria, I just couldn't let him know that I was looking for him.

My heart rose as I saw Seungmin sitting at a table with a group of his friends, they were talking normally and laughing with each other.

I wanted to call his name so bad, I wanted to let him know that I was looking for him.

After a couple of moments of being interrupted by the noises of the cafeteria while eating, my mood suddenly changed.

Some girl was trying to hit on seungmin.

Why do I care? we're not together anyways.

that girl’s a whore.

why am I so affected anyway, he's still a player after all.

rip that girl’s ugly fucking face apart.

I ran to the rooftop, frustrated at the random thoughts that popped up inside of my head. I needed to clear my mind for a moment.

This is why I never eat at the damned cafeteria.

I tried to shrug the thought off and chewed my food ‘till there was almost nothing left, but then suddenly, the door swung open, revealing a smiling seungmin and the whore who now looked like she was ready to make out with him.

My heart dropped as I saw that they were about to kiss, in fucking front of me.

“get a room.” I say as I pretended to be disgusted by the two and walked out, I saw seungmin’s shocked face before I did and that was all it took for me to start crying.

It was too stressful for me and I couldn't take it anymore. I went home crying and running. Does he treat every girl like how he treats me?

I didn't mind changing my clothes as I was too focused on the fact that seungmin was doing shit with other girls and it gave me a huge horrendous amount of feeling betrayed.

I cried myself to sleep as I had nothing better to do, my only choice was to cry about it because no one knows about what happened to the both of us anyway.

only him.

I shouldn't have trusted him.

I guess trust issues are actually useful sometimes, I should've let it take over.

I woke up from the sound of rocks being thrown at my window, I looked at the time and I knew that by this time my parents would be asleep. who could be throwing rocks at my window at two in the morning?

People would hate me if I said I didn't hesitate to look at who was throwing at the window because one, it's stupid, and two, it could be a killer and my life could be in danger.

but I couldn't care any less, I just wanted to make the dude stop. I just want rest and I can't even get that as well.

I stared in shock when I saw who was in our backyard, it was none other than seungmin.

Society would say that I'm stupid or I'm making a fool of myself if it found out that I let him in, because I mean, he got me pretty fucked up in just a day.

As he entered, I backed away, I didn't want to be close to him even though I literally let him enter my room through my window.

“Y/n are you mad?” He looked at me worriedly, “Well I don’t know seungmin, am I mad?” I looked at him straight in the eyes with an emotionless face.

“You might have misunderstood, it really wasn't what it looked like-” I cut him off, I didn't want to hear more.

“Misunderstood that you were close to fucking that girl? don't worry, it’s okay seungmin. we're not dating.” I replied bluntly and crossed my arms, at this point, I wanted to cry but no tears would come out.

I chuckled, “You’re so good at acting, minnie.” I combed my hair with my hand as I crossed my arms back again after, “please… I didn't mean to…” He walked closer towards me with a ‘pitiful’ face others might say.

“No, no, it’s okay seungmin! totally fine! I mean why are you even apologizing? like we're not even dating bro.” I sarcastically responded to his lame apology.

“I’ll explain, She claimed to have liked me for years and I didn't know what to do so I acted through it! and she suddenly brought me to the rooftop and I don't know… I left her after I saw you.” he explained, making everything clear for me.

“so seungmin, are you implying that if we dated and some girl confessed to you, you’d fuck her?” I laughed and kept my arms crossed.

“No! no y/n please I really didn't want to! but my friends were making fun of me and calling me names and all…” he scratched his head, I've had enough of this bullshit.

“LAME! you're fucking lame! What kind of excuse is that?! leave my room right now. right now seungmin! fucking asshole.” I yelled and mumbled the last two words. I was so pissed off that I felt as if I wanted to jump off a cliff and die so that he could feel guilty.

The last thing I knew, he was hugging me and crying on my shoulder while repeatedly saying ‘I’m sorry, please don't leave me. I love you.

it broke my heart seeing him like this. my emotions took over me and forgave him, in the end, I was laying my head on his arm while staring at the ceiling.

the dim lamp made it comfortable enough for me to stay still, staying as quiet as ever.

“Y/n please understand if I want to keep our relationship a secret, if we start dating… y’know…” he suddenly speaks, not moving an inch.

“why?” I asked emotionlessly and bluntly, “because of my friends… My parents know you. my friends will snitch on me once they find out that I'm dating you.”

“why?” I repeated my question having no energy to form a proper conversation.

“Your parents, my parents, they know each other. my family talks a lot about how they're trying to beat each other on sales and will do anything to beat them, even if it means risking someone’s life.” he explained as I stayed silent, everything was starting to clear up.

“Seungmin, I'm sleepy.” I exclaimed and yawned, he played with my hair as I slowly melted at his touch and eventually dozed off and slept peacefully.

I woke up the next morning to see that seungmin was no longer by my side, there was only a pillow on where he had his arm and I was laying on it, he must've left while I was sleeping.

I got ready for school and the same thing happened just like any other day. I went to my classes, ate at the rooftop, went home and completely pretended that seungmin didn't exist at all.

it was already night time as I was getting ready to sleep, scrolling a bit on my phone before I heard someone throw rocks on my window again.

It's seungmin.

I let him in as he gave me a hug when he stepped inside, I hugged him back tiredly and laid down on my bed as he did the same as last night, putting his arms under my head as a pillow.

“I missed you, minnie.” I exclaimed. “I missed you too, my y/n. he replied back.

“How was your day?” he asked, “aren’t your friends wondering why you aren't bothering me at school?” I asked, completely ignoring his question.

“Oh, yeah, they did.” he scratched his head, “what did you say?” I asked,

“I said that there was no point of it anymore, and that I got lazy.” he responded. “m‘kay.” I replied effortlessly as all I wanted to do was sleep. Today was a tiring day from me and I can't even say or do anything properly.

“You seem really tired… y/n.” he says as he played with my hair like last night, “It was a stressful day.” I explained bluntly and closed my eyes.

“I have something important to ask you.” He suddenly says, making me shocked on the inside but having no energy to show it.

“What is it?” I asked nervously, “Can you be my girlfriend?” he turned to me and cupped my face with his right hand.

“huh… you're just tired. Let's get some rest.” I say and shrug it off, closing my eyes once again.

“No y/n, please give me the permission to be yours. to be your boyfriend.” he says, making me open my eyes, I now realized what he has said was serious.

“seungmin… of course.” I say in happiness. I couldn't explain how happy I was, despite the fact that I was all sleepy and tired, I still managed to have the energy to smile and hug him tightly.

He kept on playing with my hair while hugging me back too, “Goodnight, sleep well, love.” I was too tired to respond and dozed off.

As expected, I woke up the next morning with seungmin gone and a pillow under my head.

I got ready, did what I did on a daily basis and everything was going completely normal.

I went to class, ate at the rooftop, went home, and have seungmin throw rocks at my window.

I woke up the next day with seungmin gone like usual and the same cycle repeats over and over again.

Six months passed and the same thing happened every single day, except I was doing better in my studies and I was now ranked second.

I was walking normally when I saw seungmin talking to a girl who seemed to be flirting with him, he didn't seem to react the same way the girl was acting and stayed there, standing still while staring at her blankly.

I was relieved to see that he reacted like this, but suddenly, the girl started crying and pulled him into the… fucking janitor’s closet?

I stomped my way to the janitor’s closet, kicking the door open with all my strength.

“And what do you think you're doing?” I grabbed the girl by the collar, never in my life had I thought I'd do this, not even something similar to this.

I glared at the girl while she stared at me in shock.

“Talk, bitch!” I said as I slapped her, seungmin got a hold of my hand which made me stop, “why are you causing such a ruckus y/n?” I froze hearing him call me by my name which he hadn't done since we started dating.

He looked at me coldly, as if we didn't know each other at all.

“what…?” I looked at seungmin, feeling betrayed. He pulled me out of the closet leaving the girl alone and took me to the same rooftop I just came from.

“Are you out of your mind?! do you want my family to find out and break us apart y/n?!” he yelled at me, rubbing his forehead in frustration.

“You might now care but I do, I care. I don't want my parents to fucking find out! I'll fucking die!” He yelled again, kicking an empty can of soda from the floor.

“So you'll let her do shit to you? huh!?” — “I’ve had enough of your bullshit seungmin! This is the second fucking time you let someone try to fuck you!” I yelled back at him, I wasn't backing down now.

“Y/n do you really not understand?! Did you ever consider my damn feelings!?” He turned around.

that sentence broke me completely, I absolutely had nothing to say.

“We’re not getting anywhere. I can't do this anymore, I tried to work this secret relationship shit thing and it's just not working. Let's end this. I'm breaking up with you.” I stared at him in frustration and sadness.

his face dropped, “fuck… no wait, I mean, I'm sorry babe, I’m just really stressed today-” I cut him off, “don’t sugarcoat it now seungmin, I'm sick of this bullshit.” I didn't say anything anymore as I felt like I was gonna have a mental breakdown right there.

In fact, I really wanted to work out things with him but I just couldn't, if our parents hate each other so much then there was no way, we were only in senior highschool and didn't have a job to at least support our decisions with.

I knew it was better to end things with him. It was the right person, but it was the wrong time.

If only I had met him when we're in college, working or something I could work out stuff with him because I know he can handle things without depending on his parents, but I didn't, I had no choice.

seven months passed and I finally was in college. I moved out and got my own apartment that my parents provided me that I soon enough would completely own as I finally got myself a part time job at a nearby hotel.

Being a receptionist was more than enough to keep me alive which led me to renting a larger and fancier apartment.

I was loving my new life at my job, college, my house, everything.

I also met a couple of new people who were hyunjin and jeongin, I met them at a campus project that required working with other college students and we met from making background props for apparently a really big film showing only in a month.

It was a perfectly fine day when I was met with a familiar light-brown haired boy who was looking… more decent now.

I was asked to show him around campus and tell him about all the upcoming large projects we have.

Wow, great timing and great person.

There was an awkward silence between us as I scanned him, he was wearing a simple blue cardigan jacket and some baggy white pants with some good ‘ol Jordans.

“Hi… Y/n. Long time no see.” He broke the silence by speaking in a happy tone that had a hint of nervousness in it.

“Hey, seungmin… I didn't expect to be seeing you today.” it was probably because the school saw on his information that he went to the same school as me in highschool and thought that we’d know each other.

Well great, because we do.

“Um… so…” he spoke and looked down, looking for words to say, “do you wanna see the campus or talk about the projects we have soon?” I talked confidently, I was NOT gonna show him that I was nervous.

To be honest, I missed him a lot but moved on from the past and now think of our past relationship as a sweet little memory of my highschool days.

“Um- we can talk about the projects! if that’s okay…” he said as I noticed his ears get red, like it used to. he's even more shy now.

stop it y/n.

“Yeah, totally. Where do you wanna talk? here or somewhere outside campus?” I asked nicely, waiting for a response.

“Uh, can we talk in a café or something?” He chuckled lightly, oh shit, the memories.

“Oh, yeah, of course.” I said as I put my phone back inside my sling bag and waited for him to lead the way.

He brought me to the closest café and we started talking about the upcoming projects and what he needed to help with. We finished talking after only half an hour and I was finally getting ready to leave.

“Hey y/n, you seem to know everything about campus. Why is that?” He asked me genuinely, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m the university’s vice president.” I chuckled without looking at him, just gathering all of my things and shoving them in my bag.

“Actually, I've been saving up the courage to ask you this since earlier but can we talk about… you know?”

I knew it, I knew this was gonna happen.

I sat back down and sighed, “fine, make it quick. please.” I pleaded, to be honest I actually never wanted this conversation to end but of course I wasn't gonna say that to my literal ex.

“I… you know what, I'm not gonna talk about the past… I'm just gonna tell you how my days have been, is that okay?” Was he just trying to spend his time with me longer?

“Yeah, go on…” I said, “so… kinda unusual but I'm a caregiver, and I've got my own apartment too, my parents aren't controlling me anymore, thankfully. And yeah, I guess life’s pretty decent… but empty without…” he said, not finishing his words

“What about you, y/n?” He suddenly asked, “well, life’s alright. I'm doing well with my studies and I have an apartment too. I'm also a part time receptionist at a hotel,” I exclaimed.

he smiled, “You’re a receptionist? you must be rich now.” He laughed, “Not to be egoistic or over-confident or something but, it's kinda like that.” I joked around.

“But… gosh. I can't take it anymore, can we… hang out? sometimes?

I stayed silent, I didn't know what to respond. my choice would either fix all of my life problems or make more problems, but I'm saying yes.

“...okay.” I responded bluntly and stood up, “see you… tomorrow. I’ll show you around campus.” I left without hesitation.

I felt suffocated inside there, my heart was pumping really hard after I realized what I just did, I really agreed to repeat history with that guy, with seungmin.

I went home as we didn't really have school today, we just met up because the teacher just wouldn't let me skip a day and the student council wouldn't let me skip an after school meeting either.

It was already dark and I had to go to work today so I rushed home and changed into my work attire and went straight to work.

Weeks and weeks have past and me and seungmin actually started to hang out, things were working out better than before. We were able to go around places without being scared of being seen talking to each other in a friendly way.

Then suddenly, he invited me over to a café… a café I will never forget.

It was the café that we went to a lot when we were in highschool.

I felt nervous and suffocated but I still went. My heart beating rapidly was also not helping, I saw him sitting there, wearing a sweater and baggy jeans near the glass wall, the same seat we were sitting in when we first made up with each other.

I sat in front of him, waiting for him to say something.

“Y/n… hi.” he greeted me, looking as nervous as ever. I tried to act normal and keep my cool while I was speaking though, someone here had to act all cool.

“Here’s your drink, I ordered earlier.” he says smiling while slightly pushing the drink towards me. I stared at the drink, A belgium chocolate latte.

“Thanks… so why did you call me?” I asked, “So I’ve been thinking…”

“I… I missed you, romantically. Please give me a second chance, y/n.” he held both of my hands, “Um… well, seungmin…” I was speechless.

“I’m really happy that we’re talking again, I've been so sad since we fell apart. I know we can work it out, I really miss you.” he begged.

“oh…” I sighed, “okay.” I looked down, wanting to just explode because I really gave in.

“thank you, thank you so much y/n you don't know how much you mean to me.” I saw him smile passionately while holding my hands tightly.

“Do you want to come over to my apartment and talk privately about it?” he asked, “Sure, seungmin.” I smiled warmly at him.

Once we were inside his apartment, I was surprised to see how clean it was.

We were now sitting at the couch with our unfinished drinks, “Y/n… will you be my girlfriend… I'll do better, I promise.”

it's not a sin to give him a chance, right?

“Of course.” I smiled warmly at him.

“Yes! Thank you! I love you!” he yelled with excitement and started to peck every part of my face.

After all the pecking he did, he hugged me tightly. “I never thought I was gonna be able to get you back, I love you.” he said while shoving his head on my shoulder.

I ruffled his hair and the next thing I knew, we were already walking at the park.

Months have passed, we were doing amazing, we announced our relationship with everyone and my parents weren't too mad, but his parents definitely were, yet we weren't gonna let them stop up and keep us apart, we didn't do all of this for nothing.

“baby… I love you so much.” seungmin suddenly spoke in his morning voice, facing me and hugging me.

I chuckled at how cute he was when he woke up fresh from sleep, “I love you too, minnie.” I exclaimed, making him laugh, still looking high.

“minnie… do you listen to Taylor swift?” I asked him, turning to him and ruffling his hair, “Yes, of course since you love her so much.” He said,

“Well, I can relate to her, you know.” I smiled, “how?” seungmin asked, “because…”

“all of the girls you loved before made you the one i’ve fallen for. every dead end street led you straight to me, now you're all I need, I'm so thankful for all of the girls you loved before.”

a/n: hi everyone, so yes, as you can tell, this is based on a taylor swift song (all of the girls you loved before) I finished this in only two days so please bear with me if it's bad, but other than that, if you reached it here, congrats. I already consider you as my fan. Thank you for reading and have a great day!

p.s if you want to see my other socials, you can find it at ⤵

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hwangsify · 2 years

Text

K.SM. — LOVE AND THUNDER.

pairing. kim seungmin x gn reader

genre. angst, fluff, mutual pining, best friends to lovers, college au

warnings. food, one joke about death, they're both extremely tsundere but also extremely in love

summary. you develop a habit of breaking into seungmin's apartment during thunderstorms under pretense that you miss his company. seungmin sees right through you.

length. oneshot

word count. 5.5k+

taglist. @starlostseungmin @ilynaevis @luvhyun3 @dnadoublefelixx @seung-scrittore @jungwonize @plutominho

When Seungmin opens the door at 2 in the morning in the middle of a thunderstorm to find you standing right in front of him, clad in a pair of Naruto pajamas, his first reaction is to slam the door in your face.

After all, it’s been ages since he’s been able to fall asleep so soon, and he was in the middle of an excellent dream when you decided to break into his apartment. It seems, to Seungmin, that you harbor a lifelong obligation to fuck up his sleep schedule as well whenever you can’t fall asleep, because you exist solely on caffeine and sugar and probably would break the World Guinness Record for “most unhealthy lifestyle” if that happened to be a category. He adds this to his growing reasons of why he should have terminated your friendship a long time ago.

Groaning, he scrubs a weary hand over his face, wondering what he did to deserve such a fate as to have to deal with you at 2 am in the morning.

You’re still standing by the doorway when he musters up the courage (and tenacity) to open up the door again, glaring at him. He sighs. “What do you want?”

“You’re not even going to let me in?” you demand. “Even after all these years we’ve been friends? I’m offended, Kim Seungmin.”

You have a habit of calling him by his full name whenever you want something from him, and it affects Seungmin a little more than he’d like to admit.

Mumbling a string of curses under his breath, Seungmin opens the door a bit wider to let you in. When he had woken up to an incessant knocking at his door, he had been terribly irritated. After all, what kind of psychopath would stop by his apartment at 2 in the fucking morning— in the middle of a thunderstorm too? But now that you’ve made yourself at home in his apartment, tucking yourself comfortably into his couch, he finds that he can’t bring himself to be mad at you.

He shuts the door carefully behind him and turns to look at you. “Why are you even here?”

You shrug, grinning, although you don’t meet his eyes. “Maybe I just wanted to enjoy your company.”

“Cut the bullshit,” he sighs. “It’s 2 in the fucking morning. What could you possibly want from me at this time?”

His answer comes to him shortly afterwards. A loud thunderclap tears through the atmosphere, a deafening roar in Seungmin’s eardrums.

You let out a soft squeak, hands flying up instinctively over your ears, hunching over to make yourself smaller.

The realization hits Seungmin a few seconds later. He frowns. “You’re scared of thunder?”

You look up from your hunched over position to glare at him. “Of course not. What would make you think something like that?”

Your fingers tremble as you tangle them nervously in your lap, one leg jiggling up and down anxiously.

“You’re shaking,” Seungmin notes.

“It’s cold,” you shoot back, wrapping your arms around yourself and shivering just for show. “Maybe install a heating system into your apartment like a normal fucking person? It’s like below freezing in here.”

But Seungmin has known you for years now, has learned to read you far past whatever exteriors you put up. And right now, it is undeniably evident that you are afraid. Maybe even terrified.

But it’s not like you’d ever admit that out loud. And Seungmin softens at the sight of your frightened eyes, pupils blown wide from fear. Sighing, he makes his way across the room to grab a few blankets, tossing them on your lap. You frown, glancing up at him.

“You can crash here for the night if you want,” Seungmin says. And if he didn’t know you so well, he wouldn’t notice the way you visibly brighten, lips tugging up at the corners. His heart flutters at the sight, a warm fondness settling deep within his stomach.

“Really? I thought you’d kick me out or something.”

“I’m not that big of an asshole,” he sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You can leave tomorrow morning or something, I know you’ve got class.”

Another thunderclap rumbles in the distance, and you tense, shoulders hunching downwards. Seungmin frowns, leaning down to touch your shoulder.

“Hey,” he says. “Are you going to be okay?”

You let out a dismissive laugh, spreading the blankets over your lap. “Yah, Kim Seungmin. Who do you take me for? Of course I’ll be fine.”

Seungmin shifts awkwardly in front of you, one hand coming up to sheepishly scratch the back of his neck. He knows that you hate being fretted over, hate showing any sign of vulnerability at all, but a small part of him can’t help but worry.

“You can wake me up if it gets too bad, you know.”

Rolling your eyes, you reach up to shove his shoulder. “I already told you, I’m not scared. Go to sleep, I’ll be fine.”

So Seungmin trots off to bed, and you make yourself comfortable on his couch. And maybe it’s a bit eccentric to have an impromptu sleepover with your best friend at 2 am, but Seungmin finds that he doesn’t mind it. Not at all.

He likes you too much to mind.

ii.

Seungmin met you like this.

During his awkward middle school years, he decided to pick up photography as a side pastime. It was more of a spontaneous decision than anything else, but his mother had seemed supportive enough, and he was in a great need of a hobby at the time.

So one day, on a Monday afternoon, he made his way to the photography club meeting room, a long forgotten art studio located in the left wing of the school.

Cracking open the door, the first thing he realized was that he had most definitely gotten the address wrong. This realization came from the fact that you were standing directly in the middle of the room, a paint-splattered apron tied haphazardly around your waist, a creaky easel positioned right before you with a canvas stretched over it. You had been beautiful even then, with a smudge of sienna against your cheekbone and a ratty t-shirt tugged over your frame.

You had looked over the moment Seungmin had cracked open the door, eyebrows raising as he poked his head in. Seungmin’s mouth felt dry and as thick as cotten as he opened his mouth and then closed it again, one hand coming up to awkwardly run a hand through his bangs.

“This isn’t the photography club,” he managed to croak out. He had been terribly awkward back then, and your boldness had intimidated him.

“No,” you said slowly. “It isn’t.”

Just as Seungmin decided that he should just leave, you had bounded over the room in a few steps and grabbed his wrist, tugging him into the room. Seungmin didn’t even have the time to ask you what the actual fuck you thought you were doing before you had pushed him down into a chair.

“But now that you’re here,” you had said brightly. “Why not join the club?”

Seungmin later found out that you were the founder and sole member of the art club. In a school that primarily focused on STEM subjects, few people were interested in art, although that didn’t deter you from starting a club. In fact, if anything, you seemed to enjoy the solitude, although you also didn’t seem to mind Seungimin’s company.

This is ridiculous, Seungmin had thought. A bead of sweat gathered at his temple as you stared at him expectantly.

He gathered up the courage to tell you that this was all a terrible mistake, and that he actually had no intention of joining the art club. But instead, what came out was—

“Okay.”

To Seungmin’s defense, you had been extremely intimidating in your torn jeans and paint-splattered t-shirt, not to mention impossibly beautiful, and he simply could not find it in him to say no.

You had beamed then, teeth flashing in the sunlight as you grinned. “Great. Let me go grab an easel from the closet.”

And the rest was history. So really, meeting you was more of an accident than anything else, although probably one of Seungmin’s better mistakes. He pretty much spent every waking moment in your company after that, and the two of you had later, by some kind of miracle of chance, gotten into the same college as well.

You were just about the most stubborn person Seungmin had ever met, not to mention extremely intimidating when you wanted to be. You also collected ugly photos of him as a hobby, having established an entire photo album on your phone labeled “blackmail (seungmin ver.) :3” and harbored a strange love for cats.

(Really, Seungmin just couldn’t understand you. Dogs were clearly superior.)

But even so, you were still his best friend. And Seungmin wouldn’t have it any other way.

iii.

By the time Seungmin rolls out of bed the next morning, the smell of sizzling bacon has already filled the air.

Seungmin stumbles into the kitchen, stomach rumbling, to see you standing in the kitchen, hovering over a frying pan.

“Morning,” he rasps, morning voice husky from sleep. You turn around at the sound of his voice.

“Oh. You’re up.” Like you were expecting Seungmin to die in his sleep or something.

“Why,” Seungmin grins. “Were you expecting someone else?”

You glare at him before turning your attention back to the bacon. “I already finished frying the eggs, they’re on the table.”

Seungmin turns to see a plateful of fried eggs sitting in the middle of the coffee table. Despite your many shortcomings, you have proven yourself to be an excellent cook, and Seungmin trusts you enough to eat your food without worrying about getting food poisoning. He’s in the middle of loading his plate with eggs when you set down a platter of bacon next to him, humming tunelessly.

“Did you sleep well?” Seungmin asks, peering at you. There are dark circles beneath your eyes and Seungmin wouldn’t be surprised if you spent the better part of the night tossing and turning on the couch as the storm raged on outside.

You shrug. “Well enough.”

“You know, I never took you to be one to be scared of thu—”

You cut him off with a sharp hiss, glaring at him. “I told you, I wasn’t scared.”

Seungmin blinks.

“It’s okay to be scared sometimes, you know. There’s nothing wrong with having fears.”

You roll your eyes. “Just drop it, okay? I wasn’t scared.”

There’s a telltale flush of red against your cheeks though, which Seungmin wisely decides not to mention. Instead, he shrugs. “Fine.”

Outside, the storm has cleared up nicely. The sky is bright-blue and cloudless, no sign at all of last night’s tempest.

Checking your watch, you abruptly stand up, brushing off your jeans. Seungmin frowns. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to be late for class,” you mutter, quickly grabbing your things and slipping on your shoes. “I have to go.”

Seungmin swallows down the bitter disappointment that suddenly wells up in his throat. You’ve both been busy recently, and this is the first time you’ve managed to meet up in a while. He sighs and nods. “Be careful, okay?”

You sigh, glaring at him. “I’ll be fine. Stop fussing.”

And then you’re out the door and gone and Seungmin finds himself alone in his apartment. Again.

iv.

Falling in love with you had been an entirely unintentional affair.

Unlike most, Seungmin remembers exactly when he fell. It had been on a Saturday morning, when you had insisted on going ice-skating with him and a few others. Seungmin, who had always hated ice-skating, agreed to go just because everyone else was going and he’d feel bored if he stayed all by himself.

After slipping and sliding all over the ice rink for maybe 15 minutes straight, Seungmin promptly gave up and seated himself on the bleachers, content to watch the rest of the group skate. He remembered watching you and Jisung skating together, Jisung’s legs stuck together anime-style as he tried his best to keep his balance. You had wrapped an arm around his waist when he tripped and fell, tipping your head back in a laugh when Jisung let out a yelp of dismay.

Seungmin remembers the exact moment. He had taken you in then, cheeks red from the cold of the rink, face frozen in mid-laugh, surrounded in all that ice, and had vaguely registered the fact that you were beautiful. And that he wouldn’t mind spending the rest of his life by your side.

It was all downhill from there. All of a sudden, it was difficult to breathe whenever you came within a certain proximity. Maintaining eye contact with you became a terribly strenuous ordeal. Seungmin found himself stealing glances at you whenever you weren’t looking, small glimpses of your side profile or of the stray strand of hair that always fell into your eyes.

Seungmin would have given anything to have things back to how they were before. Anything to release the tightness that bubbled up in his lungs at the sight of you, to relieve this awkward one-sided tension between the two of you.

But it is much too late now, he knows. So he will put up with these stolen glances and small moments of tenderness and tell himself that it is enough. That it has to be.

The next thunderstorm hits a few weeks later. Seungmin watches from the windowsill as the sky rips apart, lightning tearing through the dark clouds, thunder rumbling in the distance, and wonders if you’ll show up at his doorstep in the middle of the night for the second time.

He doesn’t allow himself to hope. But he finds himself staying up anyway, arranging two mugs of tea on the coffee table even as he tells himself that this is ridiculous.

But sure enough, just when he’s about to crawl into bed and give up, he hears a knock by his door. He can barely stifle the smile that threatens to spread across his face as he opens the door to see you shivering on his doormat, eyes wide with fright.

Wordlessly, he wraps his fingers around your wrist and tugs you inside. You duck your head, almost ashamed, as you allow him to guide you to the couch.

When you’ve settled yourself into a corner of the couch, legs tucked underneath you, your eyes light upon the two mugs of tea sitting on the coffee table. A slow smile spreads across your face, eyes glinting mischievously as you blink up at Seungmin, saccharine sweet.

“Were you waiting for me, Seungminnie?”

“Don’t call me that,” Seungmin snaps, ears reddening.

You coo, wrapping your fingers around one of the mugs of tea. “How thoughtful of you. It’s green tea too, my favorite.”

“Only because I accidentally bought two jumbo packs of green teabags at Lotte Mart,” Seungmin retorts.

You grin, opening your mouth to reply, when a loud thunderclap sounds. Tensing automatically at the sound, tea slops out of the mug and splatters over your lap. Seungmin frowns, taking a step towards you, but you quickly recover, setting the mug down on the table and letting out a shaky laugh.

You meet his eyes, and although Seungmin is tempted to ask if you’re okay for the millionth time, something in your eyes tells him to allow you to have this, this small moment of obscurity. You’ve never been one to ask for things, too scared of the vulnerability that entails, never been one to depend on others, but Seungmin meets your eyes and realizes that you desperately need this— for him to pretend to see nothing when he has seen everything.

So instead of asking if you’re okay, he clears his throat. “Do you want to watch a show or something like that?”

You let out a barely audible sigh of relief, head hanging low in a mixture of shame and gratitude. Seungmin wonders when he learned to read you so well. Maybe it’s just a side effect of being in love with you for five years by now.

“Yeah,” you say. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

He comes to sit by you on the couch, logging into his Netflix account to click on the first k-drama that comes into view. And when you inch closer to him as the thunder roars overhead, leaning into his shoulder, Seungmin tells himself that this is just a friendly gesture. Platonic enough that it shouldn’t send his heart racing, pulse skipping a beat as your shoulder meets the firm resistance of his own.

That he shouldn’t get his hopes up when nothing ever existed in the space between the two of you in the first place.

vi.

Like this, life falls into a comfortable rhythm.

Seungmin starts regularly checking on the weather forecast (for research purposes only, he tells himself), grinning to himself whenever a storm prediction comes up on his phone. On the days when this does happen, he will get back home early to prepare two mugs of green tea, sitting by the windowsill to wait until he hears a familiar knock by his door.

Then he’ll open the door to see you standing on the doormat, arms crossed over your chest expectantly, and feign annoyance, as if his day isn’t made infinitely better whenever you decide to stop by to hide from all the thunder. You’ll leave the next morning, so Seungmin learns to make the most of the time you spend together.

It’s weird, but it almost feels like the two of you are running on borrowed time. There is a terrible sense of fugitivity that fills his chest whenever the two of you meet, and he can’t help but feel afraid for what the future might bring.

“Yah, Kim Seungmin,” you say one day, when the thunder is especially terrible and you can’t seem to keep yourself from trembling. “Sing something for me.”

Seungmin feels his cheeks flush, heart skipping a beat. You are the first one to ever ask him to sing; the feeling that fills the cavity of his chest at your words is entirely new to him.

“Are you sure?”

You snort. “Why, are you that terrible? I want to hear you sing.”

So Seungmin brings out his guitar from its case and sings some love song he learned a few months ago. It’s cheesy more than anything else, and Seungmin stumbles over some of the words when a sudden sensation of embarrassment washes over him, but he catches sight of your contented eyes in the middle of the song, the way your hands have unfurled from tense fists, and knows that this was a decision that was very much worth it.

He would never say it out loud, he knows, but he would give the world to see you happy, even if it means embarrassing himself to the core.

A long silence settles into the room when he finishes strumming the last chord, before you clear your throat. “So you’re not too bad after all.”

“You can just say that you’re impressed,” Seungmin grins. “You don’t have to act all aloof about it.”

You wrap your hands around your mug of tea to sip at it impassively, glaring at him over the rim of the cup. “Don’t get too puffed up about it. Since when did you develop such a massive ego?”

Seungmin shrugs. He’s used to your insults by now, the hard exteriors you put up. He likes you too much to let them get to him. The nights you have spent together have done nothing but prove to him that he is undeniably in love with you, and he doesn’t know how to feel about it all.

He finds himself missing you during the hours of the day that you’re not around, his mind unconsciously flitting to you during college lectures until the professor reprimands him in class, telling him to focus and to stop daydreaming.

He even drives you to McDonalds one night, when the shivering and shaking gets especially bad. The two of you share a packet of fries in the rain, thunder roaring overhead, fingers greasy from the fries, shoulders overlapping as you bend over the table, and Seungmin wonders how life could be so perfect in its fragments.

Seungmin tells you of college and how Minho accidentally dropped a dead frog on his lap while attempting to dissect it and the new songs he’s been learning on the guitar, and you listen, really listen, laughing at all the right places and interjecting whenever you think necessary with dry comments that never fail to make Seungmin grin.

Seungmin especially remembers one night, when neither of you could fall asleep and the thunder was especially loud, when you tiptoed into his room to sit next to him on the bed.

“Can’t sleep?” Seungmin had mumbled, turning to glance at you. You nod wordlessly, fingers playing with the hem of his blanket.

Then Seungmin had made some half-assed joke that wasn’t particularly funny but you had burst out laughing, maybe sheerly from the sleep-deprivation, and Seungmin had echoed your laughter a few seconds later.

Seungmin will keep this memory of laughter and thunder for years to come, he knows.

vii.

It’s almost a year later when he gets the news.

Seungmin knows he should be happy when he gets accepted into the hospital internship, he really does. After so many years of pre-med, it’s like a dream come true. But all he can do is stare at the hospital address in disbelief and shock.

Ulsan University Hospital, the address reads. A good 300 kilometers away from Seoul, away from you. And Seungmin knows that he should be grateful, because there are thousands of students who would have given their blood for a chance at this internship, but all he can think about is how you’ll be left all alone here in Seoul, without Seungmin to let you into his apartment at 2 am whenever there’s a thunderstorm.

Seungmin doesn’t know what to say when he meets with you a few hours later at a café. Instead, he stirs distractedly at his iced latte, purposely avoiding your gaze.

He’s about to put in his 5th packet of sweetener when you reach out a hand to stop him, glaring. “Are you trying to get diabetes?”

Seungmin sighs, and your gaze softens. Clearing your throat, you lean forward to peer at him. “So. What did you bring me here to talk about?”

A long silence. Finally, when Seungmin cannot bear the tension anymore—

“I got accepted as an intern at Ulsan University Hospital,” he blurts out, the words coming out of his mouth in a slippery string.

For a moment, you are so shocked that you can hardly even bother hiding the flurry of emotions within your eyes. Seungmin watches as the shock dissolves into regret and then a feigned happiness. You smile, although it looks slightly strained. “Congratulations, Seungmin. You’ve always wanted to get into an internship.”

Seungmin winces at the forced lightheartedness of your tone, opening his mouth to speak. But you push on insistently.

“I know you’ve worked really hard for this,” you say loudly, refusing to meet his eyes, to see the pity welling up within his irises. “So I’m glad all the hard work paid off. You always were a hard worker.”

“I—”

“I guess the nights of studying all paid off, didn’t they?” You’re just saying whatever comes to mind at this point, anything to keep Seungmin from talking. “I’m sure Ulsan will treat you well. I heard the street food there is to die for. And—”

“I’m thinking of not going,” Seungmin cuts in hastily, before you can bother saying anything else.

You go silent. Seungmin sighs, massaging at his temples.

“Why?” you demand. “Why do this? You’ve been wanting to get accepted into an internship for years now.”

“Because I don’t want to leave you here,” Seungmin says. “Because Ulsan is hours away and you know, it’d be really terrible if you were all alone during a thunderstorm. And because I like you a lot, okay? I don’t want you to be left alone without anyone to watch out for you in Seoul while I’m all the way in Ulsan.”

For a moment, you are dead silent. Finally, when you speak up, your voice is stretched thin.

“Let me get this straight, Kim Seungmin,” you say. “You would rather give up what you’ve been working your whole fucking life for just because you don’t want to leave me here in Seoul? Because what, you think I need someone to take care of me? You think I can’t take care of myself well enough— that I need some fucking babysitter to keep an eye on me at all times?”

“I never said that,” Seungmin says, voice hard.

“Sure, you didn’t say so,” you scoff. “But you don’t have to say it out loud for me to understand. What do I need to do for you to understand, Kim Seungmin? I’m not made of glass. I don’t need someone to follow me around just so that I don’t fall apart. I’m fine. I’ve always been fine.”

Seungmin feels the anger bubbling within him, seething and simmering deep within his stomach until it surges out of his throat.

“God, why can’t you just admit that you’re scared?” he snaps. “Is it that fucking hard to just say that you need help sometimes, that you don’t need to do everything by yourself?”

He watches as you balk, hurt clouding your eyes. He should stop, he knows. But now that he’s said it, he can’t seem to stop.

“You act like you’re so independent, like you don’t ever need anyone else. But you know what? I think you actually do need others. I think that you always have, but are too scared to say it. So instead, you push them away and pretend that you don’t need help. Because that’s how you’ve always been, haven’t you? Scared. But too afraid to admit it.”

“Shut up,” you say quietly. “Shut up.”

But Seungmin doesn’t.

“Why can’t you just let me do it for you sometimes?” he demands. “Is it so hard to admit that you’re scared? That you need help sometimes? Instead, you put on these petty fucking airs and push me away for the sake of your pride, as if I haven’t seen everything already. As if I wasn’t there all the times you fell apart and pieced yourself back together again.”

You are silent, your eyes dark pools of liquid as you gaze at him unflinchingly. Your shoulders are shaking, but besides that, everything within you is still.

Seungmin lets out a long exhale, eyes weary as he takes you in.

“Why can’t you just let me love you?”

The words are impossibly soft as they slip out of his lips. For a moment, you freeze, completely silent. There is a long pause where the two of you stare at each other from across the café table, until you abruptly stand up and grab your things, hurriedly rushing out of the café. Seungmin calls your name once, half-heartedly, but you don’t turn around.

He watches as you run out into the rain, water gathering in beads on your skin as rain drizzles overhead. Seungmin watches as you turn back to look at him once more, eyes unreadable in the slough of the rain, before you turn away from him.

The dividing of two stars, Seungmin thinks. Two constellations who met by mistake, and fragmented with a single whisper of a question.

viii.

When the next thunderstorm comes, you don’t show up by his door.

Seungmin tells himself that this is what to be expected. You hadn’t contacted him since the day at the café, and Seungmin is too afraid of what you’ll say if he bothers contacting you himself.

He mills about in his apartment as the thunderclaps sound outside, trying his best to divert his mind from you. He even goes as far as to put his headphones in, turning up his Spotify playlist so loud that he can hardly even hear the thunder anymore.

It’s no use.

Eventually, when he can’t bear it any longer, he hastily slips on his sneakers and rushes out of his apartment, hurrying towards your apartment. It’s only a few blocks away, but Seungmin is completely soaked to the bone by the time he steps into the apartment block. Shivering, he runs a hand through his slick hair and hurries up the stairs to your apartment.

When he gets there, your apartment door is opened ajar. This is the first red flag. You might be a terribly impulsive and stubborn person, but you always have been cautious about your safety. Hesitantly, Seungmin pushes the door aside and steps in, calling out your name.

You’re curled up in a ball on the couch, arms wrapped protectively around your torso. Whatever lingering anger within Seungmin’s chest melts at the sight of you as he quickly kicks off his shoes to come to stand before your shaking frame.

Your name tumbles out of his lips in a choked murmur.

At the sound of your name, you look up, a mixture of relief and anger flooding into your eyes at the sight of Seungmin. Your cheeks are wet from tears, and Seungmin wonders why it took him so long to finally work up the guts to come.

“Seungmin,” you whisper, voice impossibly small. And then you’re lunging forward to wrap your arms around his waist, pressing your face into his chest, and all Seungmin can do is hold you close, stroking the spine of your back with his fingertips.

“Sorry it took me so long,” he whispers into your hair. You sigh, still trembling, and Seungmin takes it as a gesture that he is forgiven.

“Sorry about all the things I said,” you say into his chest. “It wasn’t wrong of you to worry about me.”

Seungmin says nothing, wrapping his arms tighter around your frame. When the shaking finally stops, Seungmin pulls back to look at you.

“I meant what I said that day, you know,” he says, almost urgently, as if pleading for you to understand. “I know we just made up and shit but I can’t just let things go on like this.”

You are quiet, eyes searching his own as you tip your head forward— a silent gesture for him to continue.

Seungmin runs a hand through his hair, frustrated. “Because you always put up all these walls, you know? And I know you’re terrified of feeling vulnerable; I know you hate asking things of me because you’d rather do it by yourself.”

A heavy silence fills the room. Seungmin lets out a long exhale of a breath he didn’t know he had been holding.

“But fuck, it’s so hard sometimes, because all I want to do is be there for you.”

The moment the words leave Seungmin’s lips, it strikes him with how true they are. Something within your eyes gives in and collapses, and when you turn to look at him, eyes shining, Seungmin sees you, really sees you, for the first time in forever.

And then you’re tugging him down next to you on the couch, lips finding his own, pupils blown-wide as you pull him flush against yourself. And it’s all Seungmin can do to keep from grinning right into the kiss, because he’s imagined this scene for years now, imagined how perfect you would feel against him, imagined the flush of your cheeks and the softness of your lips, and yet nothing could have ever prepared him for the real thing.

You pull back after a few minutes, breathless, reaching out a hand to cup Seungmin’s cheek, headbutting into his cheekbone in an almost catlike gesture. “You should have told me earlier,” you breathe, touching your lips to his jaw.

“Or maybe you should have just made the first move,” he retorts.

You laugh, hugging him closer, and Seungmin laughs too, at the sheer absurdity of the situation, at the fact that he finally kissed you after fantasizing about it for years by now.

“You really should take the internship, you know,” you say after a while. Seungmin sighs, and you laugh. “I’ll be okay, promise. Besides, I’ll call you all the time whenever I need you. And you can come and visit on the weekends.”

Leaning forward, you press a kiss to the corner of his lips. Seungmin thinks about the nights you have spent together, the mistakes both of you have made on the way, the way the constellations fragmented and came together again just for this moment to happen, and holds you closer.

“We’ll figure something out,” he says out loud.

And he finds that he believes it— desperately, fiercely.

#ficscafe #kflixnet #straykidsland #seungmin au #seungmin fluff #seungmin angst #seungmin imagines #seungmin x reader #stray kids imagines #stray kids x reader #stray kids angst #📂 fics.txt #🐶#📂 straykids.txt #this was actually pretty easy to write ngl #and it was a cute prompt i was rly into the plot so

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ujimoo · 1 year

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For Tonight, For The Weekend, Forever. | KSM

synopsis: going home for your childhood friend's wedding was the easy part, however, facing him was something else entirely.

pairings: seungmin x fem!reader, jisung x OC, chan x OC.

includes: past love, first love, angst, best friend!Jisung, weekend romance, heartbreak, second-chance romance.

WARNING: mention of mature themes, suggestive - implied sex, but no actual smut. mature jokes (one death joke, sex jokes), drinking, mentions of eating and multiple restaurant 'eating scenes', maybe more i’ve missed - let me know if i have

word count: 24,976

a.n. Here it is! My longest fic I have ever written for tumblr. As I said in the teaser, this original idea comes from the song Tis The Damn Season by Taylor Swift, however, as you can tell, it's changed a lot since the original idea. ALSO, I just want to say a massive thank you to Galaxy from @plutominho for being my best friend, the greatest editor, the best person to brainstorm with and for being my number one supporter, I love you so much more than I could possibly describe. Thank you for putting up with me when it came to writing this fic and thank you for putting up with me in general haha.

a.a.n. parts in all italics are flashbacks!!

permanent tag list: @awooghan @soobin-chois @curlytxe @treetops68 @minniee-bear

tag list: @smally97 @blueleventprint @heeverseblog

It’s the sounds of typing coming from your best friend Gwen’s laptop that keep you awake– barely. Looking down at the book that was led out on the desk in front of you, you sigh. Your brain feels numb and everything you read leaves your mind the moment you look away.

It doesn’t help that the library you’re currently sitting in was eerily quiet. Sure, it was late and many other students had given up on studying at this point and you couldn’t blame them, but at the same time. It was almost too quiet.

“Did you get the invite to the wedding?” Gwen’s voice causes you to jump out of your skin. The sound of Gwen’s bubblegum-like voice definitely wakes you up.

Rubbing your eyes with the back of your hands, you question her. “Get what?”

“The invite,” Gwen says slowly. “To Mina and Chan’s wedding.”

Shrugging and pushing the book away from you. You lean back against your seat.

“I don’t know,” you starts. “Maybe, I haven’t checked my mail in a few days.”

Glancing over at Gwen, who smiles a small smile, you copy her.

“Well make sure to check, Mina will kill you if you don’t go,” Gwen laughs.

You nod your head as you begin to shove your now discarded books into your bag. It was late and you had had enough of trying to study now.

“Yeah yeah, I know, I’ll check,” you hum. “Also, make sure not to stay here too late. At least get that Dofus you call a boyfriend-...”

Gwen quickly cuts you off, “not my boyfriend.”

This was enough to cause you to mentally face-palm. Shaking your head, you put your backpack over your shoulders.

“Either way, don’t walk home alone in the dark.”

“Yeah yeah,” Gwen says. “Just make sure to catch up on sleep okay? And actually, eat something good for once!”

You don’t look back at your best friend, but raise a hand to signal that you had in fact heard her last words and made your way back to your apartment.

Your apartment was small and outdated. The air was dry, yet somehow, you were sure there was mould growing in the corner of your living room and whilst you knew you should call your landlord, you just couldn’t be bothered.

Not long now, you thought to yourself.

It wasn’t long until you could move out and move on from the place for good. It wasn’t long until you could get a better one, maybe one closer to home. Somewhere where the rent wasn’t as hefty.

Somewhere that actually kept the warmth in.

Letting your bag drop onto the small couch and you ran a hand through your hair. It wasn’t until a moment later that you remembered about having to check your mailbox. You didn’t want to, maybe you could make up some excuse that you forgot or that you misplaced your mailbox key, but you knew Gwen wouldn't stand for it.

“Shit,” you mumble, grabbing your keys once more and heading back out the door.

Thankfully, you only lived on the first floor, so it wasn’t that much of a journey down to the postroom.

The main entrance and the postroom were completely different to the rest of the building. They were in pristine condition compared to literally everywhere else. As if the main entrance was to lure you in. That’s how it happened to you at least, with promises of how the rest of the building would one day look like the polished main entrance.

Promises that were never kept.

Going over to your personal mailbox, you take the key and unlock it. There wasn’t much in there like you normally assumed. The usual; bills, junk mail, more bills. However, wedged between two letters was the card you had been looking for.

A white card sprayed with gold edges. It was definitely it.

Delicately turning it around and you smile lightly at the fancy lettering. This was definitely the type of invite one Kim Mina would send.

‘You are invited to the wedding of Kim Mina and Bang Chan’.

Closing your mailbox and quickly locking it back up. You make your way back up to your apartment. Carefully placing the invite onto your mantel above your non-working fireplace and stare at it for a moment.

Then the moment passes and you grab your backpack once more and head straight for your bedroom. There was a lot to think about when it came to the wedding, the most notable being who would be in attendance. That thought was something you didn’t want, so for now, you’d ignore it– until you couldn’t anymore.

→→

The second time Gwen asks about the invite, you’re both walking between classes. Whilst you weren’t the same majors, you were lucky enough to finish classes at the same time. So, that’s what you would do every Wednesday since you both started that year of university:

You’d finish class at the same time, meet at the main entrance to the building, Gwen would walk with you to your next class and then Gwen would wait around for her boyfriend, that isn’t her boyfriend– long story– jisung to meet her after his own class finished at 5 pm.

“So did you get the invite or not?” Gwen asks. “You never said anything about it last time.”

Pulling your bag straps closer to the middle of your chest, you hum in response. “Oh yeah, I got it.”

Gwen makes a face, basically telling you to continue, but you decide to stay silent.

“And?!” Gwen gasps. “You’re going to have to respond soon, Mina will be pissed if you don’t go, you know this.”

“I know!” you whine. “It’s just, I know I’ll see him.”

“And?” Gwen repeats. “This is our best friend since childhood’s wedding. Don’t let her dumb brother make you miss out on something like that and anyway,” Gwen gulps. “I’d be more scared of Mina’s wrath of you missing her wedding than of you having to face him for like four days.”

You sink into yourself at the thought of it, “true.”

Seeing him was one thing, but Mina’s wrath was a whole other thing entirely. The one way to describe that of Kim Mina and that was the devil in human form. Sure, she was the kindest person you and Gwen had ever met. Mina would do anything for anyone she cared about, however, Mina was blunt. She was more than blunt, she was ruthless and said things how she saw them. She couldn’t sugarcoat things just to sugarcoat, but that’s what made her words mean so much more.

All the Kim siblings were one and the same, like carbon copies of each other. Mina, her twin brother and their younger brother, Seungmin. Aka the man you didn’t want to see.

“If you really don’t want to go, then you don’t have to.” Gwen pats you on the shoulder. “But remember what I said, don’t let him be the reason for missing out on something like this. She’s only ever going to have one wedding.”

Stopping outside of the building of your next class. You nod your head.

“You’re right– and don’t say I told you so,” you quickly add when you see the look of mischief on Gwen’s face. “I’ll tell her I’m going tonight when I get home.”

“Good,” Gwen smiles. “You can drive down with me and Ji.”

You instantly let out a groan as you lean your head back., “And listen to you flirt fight or whatever the heck it is you do for like six hours?”

“We do not do that!” Gwen rolls her eyes. “And hey, it’s up to you, I was just thinking it would save you gas money…”

you give in instantly. Screw gas prices and their ways of rising prices. Can’t they just think of students for once?

“Fine! But I swear to God if you guys flirt the whole way I’m going to scream.”

Gwen pushes you in the direction of the doors and repeats herself. “We don’t and we won’t!”

you found it hard to believe her, but you decide that it was easier just to give in.

→→

By the time you got home, it was dark and you felt sticky and damp. With the changing of the weather, you had begun to dress more warmly in the morning only for you to be sweating your ass off by the time midday rolled around. To be fair, you did this every year, but still, you never learnt.

The feeling of having to go up one flight of stairs was enough to make you feel mad. Pulling off your hat, your frizzy hair springs up at the lack of force smothering it down. Shoving it into your bag, you put your keys in between your lips for a minute as you struggle to take off your scarf and shove that in there too.

Taking your keys from your lips and rushing towards your door, and unlock it. Stripping off your coat in record time, you let that and your bag fall to the floor. As you stumble to the bathroom, you take off your trousers and let them trail behind you. Flicking the light on, you head straight for your shower, turn it on and as you wait for it to heat up, you go to your bedroom to get yourself a set of pyjamas for after your much-needed shower.

The shower was nice, it was everything you needed after the day you had. You were thankful that you were able to wash away your worries about the wedding and how you were able to reminisce on the words Gwen had told you and you were even able to practice what you were going to say when you would inevitably call Mina later that night.

You turn off the shower and step out, shivering at the cold as you wrap yourself up in your towel. You dry yourself, putting on some underwear and your pyjamas. Not bothering with anything like body cream, you make your way back through the hallway, picking up your discarded trouser, your coat as well as your bag. Hanning up your coat, and resting your bag on the couch, you threw your dirty trouser into the washing basket before going back to dig your phone out of the depths of your bag.

Scrolling through the notifications on the lock screen, you ignore the notifications that were from useless apps you even forgot you had, like random tweet alerts from Twitter, video notifications from youtube and focused more on your text message alerts.

There was a string of texts from a group chat you have with Gwen and jisung and you make sure to click on that one first.

Wannabe Spiderman: 4:55 pm

Gwen told me ur riding with us to the wedding… sick!

Princess Gwen<3: 4:56 pm

Never say that again, you’re such a dork.

Wannabe Spiderman: 4:56 pm

U hurt my feelings, that is so not sick!

Princess Gwen<3: 4:57 pm

I hate you omg

Giggling away at Gwen and Jisung’s exchanges, you type out your own message before quickly hitting send.

y/nnie stupid: 6:02 pm

Weren’t you guys together at this point?

Also, who changed my nickname?

Princess Gwen<3: 6:03 pm

Yes, and who do you think?

y/nnie stupid: 6:04 pm

The dofus?

Princess Gwen<3: 6:04 pm

DING DING DING! WE HAVE A WINNER!

Wannabe Spiderman: 6:06 pm

I feel like u guys just like ganging up on me

Just say ur jealous of my great nicknaming skills and go

y/nnie stupid: 6:07 pm

Sure we are, sooo jealous.

Wannabe Spiderman: 6:08 pm

BULLIES ! all of you !

Rolling your eyes and laughing at jisung’s texts and you back out of the message chain before clicking into a private one between you and Gwen.

Gwen<3: 6:02 pm

I know you’re worried about this whole wedding thing and having to see ******** again, but it’ll be okay. I’ll fight him for you and you know Mina wouldn’t want anything bad to happen either.

y/nnie<3: 6:09 pm

Did you really censor his name?

Gwen<3: 6:10 pm

Of course, I did. He makes you upset so he must not be named in our sacred texts.

y/nnie<3: 6:10 pm

Lol, i love you

Gwen<3: 6:11 pm

Love you too<3

But, for real, the wedding will be okay, you won’t even have to leave my side if it makes you feel better. I have my own room at the hotel, we can just share so you won’t have to be alone?

y/nnie<3: 6:13 pm

Okay, would love that. I need to call Mina before it gets too late, but I’ll tell you how it goes at some point later.

Try not to kill sung when I’m gone.

Gwen<3: 6:15 pm

Yeah, you must!

And no promises<3

Closing the app, you soon pull up Mina’s contact and let your thumb hover over the call button.

It was now or never. You had to, you couldn’t push this off any longer even if you wanted to– which if you could, you probably would.

Clicking call, you hold it up to your ear as you bite at the skin around your thumbnail on your other hand in anticipation. It felt like the ringing tone was mocking you– if it could even mock you? You weren’t so sure anymore.

The call clicked through and the bright voice of Mina rang through your speakers and into your ears.

“y/nnie!” Mina exclaims. “How are you?”

Humming, you smile as you respond,. “I’m good, how are you?”

“Good, I’m good too.”

you can practically hear Mina smiling through the phone and you’re is inclined to try and match it.

“So, what are you calling for?” Mina asks.

you quickly respond, “about the wedding!”

“Ah, great! Calling to say you’re coming right? Cause I already have you set down as so.”

you laugh and attempt to nod your head before realising Mina couldn’t see you. You knew Mina would do this, you knew that she knew you would go regardless of how you felt.

“Yes yes, I’m coming so don’t think otherwise.”

“Good,” Mina hums. “I was worried for a second there when you hadn’t responded to the invite that you weren’t going to.”

“No, I’m coming.”

“You better, I’ll hunt you down otherwise,” Mina adds before letting out a laugh.

“Yeah, I know you would.” you laugh too. “And good for me, I am going so no need to get the hunting tools out.”

You can hear movement in the background and Mina soon turns her attention back to your conversation.

“I gotta go y/nnie, I’m sorry, Chan is going to be back soon and I’m in the middle of preparing dinner.”

“Okay,” you respond quickly. “I need to do some food too.”

“Yeah, you do,” Mina states. “And make sure it’s something other than ramen this time around.”

Rolling your eyes, you hum, however, you couldn’t fight her because she wasn’t wrong. “Yes, mother.”

Sharing a laugh, you both quickly say your goodbyes and end the call. You were actually starting to get hungry. Mina mentioning food had made you realise it and thankfully you had actually gone shopping for once, a few days beforehand. So, you definitely had something other than ramen that night.

→→

You weren’t sure how you ended up aimlessly wandering around at some house party. Gwen had dragged both you and Jisung there as a way to 'celebrate' the that it was the beginning of the final year, but she promptly went off somewhere leaving you and Jisung alone. That was until jisung saw something or someone and disappeared without you even knowing.

Sure parties were fun, and you liked a good party now and then, but as you stood idly, on the front porch, hoping to catch a glimpse of either of your best friends, the party had lost its spark.

The air was still cold and your knitted jumper did just a good enough job of shielding you from it, but even with your sweater paws, every now and then a shiver would run down your spine. You wondered if it would be a good time to walk home. Sure you knew, that it was dark and it was a dumb and dangerous idea to walk by yourself, especially without informing your two best friends, but even after an hour at least, you still hadn't found them.

It was boring, you were bored. You just wanted to go home and find something to watch and prayed that you kept yourself warm enough so you didn't catch a cold.

"You alright?" You jump at the sudden voice next to you and turn around to see Seungmin with a concerned look on his face.

You knew Seungmin– well knew him a bit, you had had classes together all throughout high school, but something in you changed within the last year that made you look at him differently. You weren't sure what it was exactly, but something about him made your heart flutter.

"I'm okay," you smile. "I lost my friends, I thinking of heading home." You laugh at your words.

"On your own?" He asks and you nod in response. "But it's dangerous, what if something happens?"

"Eh," you push your lips into a thin line. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"A lot of things?" He responds to your rhetorical question.

Turning your body to face him, you smile. "I'll be fine, plus if you're worried so much you could always walk me back?"

Seungmin blinks and the sides of his mouth lift into a smile, one that makes your own even wider. You shocked yourself at your own confidence, but what surprised you more was the fact he agreed.

"Okay," he hums. "I'll walk with you."

"You sure?" You ask, pointing casually at the front door. "Not worried about leaving the party so soon?"

He shakes his head and motions for you to lead the way. "Nah, the party doesn't seem to compare now."

The walk back with him was an experience like no other and Seungmin is almost charming, showering you with compliments. Saying how the walk back with you is more fun than he's had in the past hour and a half he had been back at the party.

So when you slow down and stop outside of your house, it's sad. You didn't want to part ways with him just yet, this was the most you had spoken to him in one go, and you didn't want it to end so early.

Turning to him once again, you smile. "Thank you for walking back with me."

"Thank you for your company," he smiles.

Looking up at him, your smile doesn't leave your face and his own seemed to mimic yours.

You couldn't tell how long you had both been standing there, looking at each other, but just like the walk, you didn't want it to end. He steps forward, leaning his face closer ever so slightly and whispers. "Can I say goodnight?"

Butterflies erupt in your chest as you question, "In what way?."

“A special way, with your consent of course,” he responds.

He doesn’t wait for you to finish nodding.

Your first kiss with Seungmin is short and sweet and you can taste a hint of cola on his lips.

It didn’t matter that you had nothing to compare it to, but something in your heart knew that you'd never want to kiss anyone else if it wasn't Seungmin's lips on yours.

→→

Wannabe Spiderman: 10:05 am

We’re on our way now bishh

Gwen is yelling at me already, so pls be ready :D

y/nnie stupid: 10:06 am

I’m ready and honestly, you probably deserve it

Wannabe Spiderman: 10:06 am

What is it with u guys and bullying me…

y/nnie stupid: 10:07 am

Love u too<3

Princess Gwen<3: 10:09 am

WTF I DIDNT YELL AT YOU YOU LIAR

y/nnie stupid: 10:09 am

Focus on the road?!?!!!

Wannabe Spiderman: 10:10 am

She was at a stoplight

And she did btw

y/nnie SHE JUST HIT ME

SHE DID IT AGAIN

y/nnie stupid: 10:12 am

Please don’t kill each other before we’ve even left, thanks<3

You finish typing out the text, hit send and roll your eyes as you lock your phone before slipping it into the pocket of your coat. Grabbing the small suitcase you packed basically the night before, you open and hold the door open with your foot as you try to wrangle your way out. Succeeding, you let out a huff and begin to roll the suitcase to the stairs and quickly make your way to ground level and out onto the main road.

By the time it took you to get outside, Gwen was already parked up with the trunk of her car open. She’s leant over it, clearing the bags back up so there’s a space for your stuff

“Where’s the dofus?” you laugh, your suitcase coming to a stop beside your feet.

Rolling her eyes, Gwen motions to the space in the trunk for your suitcase. “I sent him down the street for coffee. I need it, especially for this trip.”

Lifting up your suitcase, you attempt to slot it into the free place and your mind begins to wander. It had been a month since you had originally called Mina to tell her that you would be attending her wedding and for the first week since then, you genuinely felt okay, you felt good– really good. However, the past few days had been different. It was like all of your anxieties were inside of you waiting to escape– just like a shaken-up coke can.

Your hands go up to close the trunk, however, it slips from your fingers and slams shut. This causes you to jump in surprise. Standing there, staring at the girl with a concerned look, Gwen tilts her head slightly.

“You good, y/nnie?” she asks.

You quickly nod, your thoughts coming back to you. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.”

Gwen continues to look at you but decides to move on for a moment as she checks to make sure the trunk is properly closed before going around to get into the driver's seat. Looking over the top of the car at you, Gwen finally speaks once more.

“Please sit in the front, I can’t deal with Ji’s yapping in my ear constantly for six hours.”

bursting into laughter and clapping your hands together, you nod.. “Will do.”

You both get into the car and you turn to the blonde-headed girl next to you.

“I’d say, if I didn’t know you I’d say you despised Ji.”

Gwen lets out a groan, rolling her eyes as she looks at the steering wheel in front of her.

“I don’t hate him, you know I don’t hate him,” Gwen sighs. “He just frustrates me.”

“Because you love him and don’t know how to tell him.”

Gwen’s head snaps in your direction. “I don’t love him! God, why would I love him?! He’s just a goddamn idiot.”

Staring back at her with a blank expression, you blink. “Could you be any more of a tsundere?”

Gwen mimics her words and makes a face to herself in disbelief. She stares out of the large window and down the street. Looking out for jisung making his way back to the car.

“And don’t try and distract me, I know you’re acting weird and that your mind is going crazy on you,” Gwen explains.

“I’m fine,” you fake a laugh. “Finer than fine.”

Gwen snorts a laugh, “Bullshit! You’re freaking out because now you really have to go to Mina’s wedding, and see Seungmin and there’s no way for you to back out.”

Feeling your cheeks begin to heat up, you look away and try to focus on something else. You don’t even try to deny Gwen’s claims, especially since she was right.

“And you’re not even fighting me on it,” Gwen tuts. “Seriously, babe, I’ll beat him up if he tries anything. I have your back.”

You scoff and look back over to the blonde. “You couldn’t hurt anyone even if you tried.”

Mimicking her words again, Gwen rolls her eyes. “Well, it’s the thought that counts.”

“But is it though?” you ask rhetorically.

“Look, we both know jisung couldn’t hurt a fly, so it’s up to me to be the badass of the group.”

“That’s automatically Mina’s role,” you add. “And you love to burn him when he isn’t even here to defend himself.”

“Well, she’s not here right now is she? and of course I do, I need to get serotonin from somewhere.”

“You need to stop being so mean to him,” you laugh causing Gwen to shrug.

“He knows I don’t mean it,” Gwen responds, looking down to fiddle with her fingers in her lap.

“Who knows you don’t mean it?” jisung’s voice causes both of you to jump out of your skin. Gwen looks around to see jisung is leant up against the car door, peering through the window with a tray of coffees in one hand.

“Coffee,” Gwen hums, instantly going to grab one. “And no one it doesn’t matter.”

jisung raises an eyebrow and looks over at you and just shrug your shoulders. Pouting, he looks back over to Gwen. “I thought I was sitting in the front?”

“You’ve been demoted,” she says sipping away at her coffee. you weren’t sure you had even seen the girl as happy as she was with a coffee in her hand.

“Fine,” jisung huffs. “I got you a caramel latte, y/nnie.”

“And you’re the best,” you smile, leaning over to grab the hot drink from him.

Getting into the back seat, jisung leans forward between the two front seats. “So what were you two lovely ladies talking about just then?” Jisung cheekily smiles. “Gossiping about how you’re both deeply in love with me and can’t decide who should get the honour of dating me?”

Gwen rolls her eyes and fakes a gag. “God, you’re obnoxious, you wish.”

“You’re not my one-of-a-kind type of guy, sorry Ji,” you laugh, sending him a look..

“Well, I’ll have–” Jisung begins to speak, however, Gwen covers his mouth with her hand causing the rest of his sentence to come out in muffles.

“We weren’t talking about that and don’t press on it okay?” Gwen asks.

Gasping, Gwen quickly pulls her hand back before hitting Jisung in the shoulder.

Looking back and forth between the two of you,, Jisung sighs. His eyes settle on you and frowns. “This is about Min isn’t it?”

“Jisung!”

“It’s fine!” you laugh. “It’s not like he doesn’t know anything about it.”

Pushing his head back through the gap in the two front seats, he smiles, patting you on the shoulder. “I can protect you y/nnie, don’t worry.”

It only takes one shared look between you and Gwen to turn to him, blink and burst into laughter.

“What?! Why are you guys laughing?! I can protect her!”

“You-” you hiccup as you try to speak. “You’d cry if he even looked at you the wrong way.”

Jisung rolls his eyes as you both soon start to calm down, however, when you guys look at him again, both of your laughter start back up.

“Bullies,” jisung mutters to himself, leaning back into the seat with his arms crossed. “All of you.”

Gwen wipes her eyes, turning her attention towards the steering wheel. “Okay, okay,” she repeats as she tries to calm down. “We need to get going if we want to be there before nightfall.”

“Want me to play the tunes?” Jisung asks, popping his head through the gap once more. You weren’t sure where the boy got his energy from, part of you didn’t want to know. You were just thankful he decided not to drink coffee otherwise he would have been bouncing off the car walls.

“No!” Gwen cries as she starts the car. “You’ll play those stupid meme songs and you’ve been playing them nonstop already.”

“You just have bad taste,” jisung snaps back, making Gwen gasp.

“Taylor Swift is not bad taste and you know it,” Gwen laughs. “Mr let's be up at midnight so we can listen to midnights.”

jisung stays quiet and Gwen scoffs to herself and mumbles something that you're unable to hear. Shaking your head, you turn to watch the world pass you by through the window.

→→

“Can we stop to go to the bathroom?” Jisung complains from the back seat.

“Why didn’t you go when we stopped literally half an hour ago?” you laugh as you ask him, looking over your shoulder.

Jisung groans, sinking into his seat. “Because I didn’t need to go then!”

“You’re a child!” Gwen cries.

“I’m older than you!” Jisung cries back.

“By two days!”

“Can we please stop, I need to go really bad!” Jisung begins to whine, stopping a foot. “Like I can’t even hold it, I could–”

“Don’t you dare,” Gwen hisses, glaring at him through the review mirror. “The next stop is in ten minutes, so you better hold it otherwise if you piss in my car I’m leaving you there to rot.”

“Okay, okay!” jisung responds.

Watching from the sidelines, you giggle as you look back at a fidgeting jisung and then over at Gwen, you swore you could see the steam trying to escape her ears.

It was a bit longer than ten minutes before Gwen pulls the car over and stops in one of the service stations and as soon as the car is stopped and off, Jisung unbuckles his belt and is off and out of the car in a flash.

“At least we can get snacks?” you try and reassure her.

Nodding along, Gwen takes her keys and opens her door and before she gets out, she turns to you. “And we’re not sharing them with him.”

Laughing, you follow along behind her, making your way into the little shopping centre.

Going into one of the general stores, Gwen wanders away as, you pick up a basket and begin to throw in a bunch of random snacks in there for both you and Gwen– and Jisung. Eventually finding you again, Gwen’s arms are now full of bottles of cold coffee and a few bottles of pop.

“Don’t you want some water?” you ask as Gwen dumps all of the bottles into the basket.

“I’ll have water when I’m dead,” she responds.

Your eyebrows furrow together and you blink in confusion. “That’s not even the saying.”

“Eh,” she shrugs. “Too bad.”

Continuing to slowly make your way around the store and to waste time whilst you were waiting for Jisung to use the bathroom, you look over things you knew you wouldn’t buy.

With Gwen following behind you this time, she clears her throat. “How are you feeling?”

“Is this your way of seeing if I’m going to have an emotional breakdown anytime soon?”

With a blank face, Gwen stares at you when you look away from the shelf and at her.

“No, it’s just we’re like three hours away and just wanted to make sure you weren’t feeling too bad.”

You shrug. You were trying not to think about it, because if you thought about it then the shaken can of your emotions would explode. You didn’t want that, Gwen and Jisung didn’t want that and Mina, Chan and everyone else didn’t want that either.

“I’m fine,” you say with a sigh.

“You haven’t seen him since he left,” Gwen states and you nod along.

“I know Gwen,” you say laughing. “I was there.”

“It’s just, I haven’t said it yet, but it’s okay to be nervous.”

You nod and hum for the nth time. “Thanks, Gwen, I mean it.”

Gwen doesn’t say much but picks up another item before putting it into the basket and you have to shift the weight by holding onto it with your arm. Gwen sees your struggle and takes the basket from you and you both walk over to the self-service. Scanning your items and paying for them. You split the bags between the both of you and start to make your way back to Gwen’s car.

Exiting the large front doors of the service station, you stop when you see Jisung, sitting on the hood of Gwen’s car with a gigantic cup of a drink from the fast food place.

“That brat,” Gwen hisses. “I swear to God if he complains he needs to piss again in twenty minutes, I’m kicking him out of the car.”

You can’t help but laugh and you laugh even more when Jisung finally notices you both at the door and starts waving frantically at you both.

“I can’t believe I like that fool,” Gwen tries to mumble to herself, but you catch it with a gasp.

“I heard that!” You smile wide. “You finally said it! You like him!”

Her eyes narrow as she snaps her head in your direction. “You. Heard. Nothing.”

“Oh no,” You giggle, walking backwards in the direction of the car as you continue to look at her. “I definitely heard it.”

“I swear to God y/n, I’ll leave you here too.”

“Maybe that’s what I want, ever thought of that?”

“You asshole,” Gwen hisses, following after you.

“I won’t say anything,” you smile cheekily. “Yet.” You add before turning around and running over to the car.

“What’s up, ladies?” Jisung asks, taking a long sip of his drink when you stop in front of the car.

Gwen doesn’t look at either of you before opening her car door and throwing the bags inside. Looking up at Jisung once, her eyes narrow at him.

“If you complain you need to piss again in half an hour, you’re dead.”

“Got it.” He salutes.

Getting off of the hood of the car, he tries his best to look inside the carrier bags. “Got any snacks for me too?”

“No/Yes,” Both you and Gwen say at the same time.

“I thought we said we wouldn’t share!” Gwen gasps.

“I felt bad!” You whine.

“Thank you y/nnie,” Jisung says, patting you on the back. “At least one of you cares about me to get me snacks.”

“Shut up Dofus,” Gwen rolls her eyes as she gets into the car and closes the door behind her.

“She does care,” you hum at Jisung, making him laugh.

“I know,” he smiles. “It’s just fun pissing her off.”

Rolling your eyes, you open the passenger side door. “You two are unbelievable.”

→→

Resting your head in your palm, your eyes linger on the boy who was sitting at another table across from you in the dining hall. Your heart swirls when he makes eye contact and smiles before looking away.

“Why haven’t you asked him out yet?” Jisung asks, moving to the seat in front of you, blocking the boy from view.

Your eyebrows furrow, and tilting your head, you send a look of confusion in Jisung’s direction. “Who?”

His face is blank like he just mentally face-palmed ten times over. He knew that you knew who he was on about, but he still gave in to your little charade. Resting his arms on the table, he leans forward and attempts to whisper, “Seungmin.”

“Do you have to say it so loud?!” You hiss, pushing him away from you.

He shrugs, picking up some of the leftover food that was on your tray. “Eh, I tried.”

“You’re a pain in the ass,” you respond.

“Who’s a pain in the ass?” Gwen asks, falling into the seat next to you with her tray of food.

“Jisung–”

“Say no more,” Gwen simply responds.

When Jisung leans over to bug Gwen, you look back over to Seungmin and you smile at the way he looks over at you and slyly motions with his hand for you to leave the dining room.

Looking back over to Jisung and Gwen, you clear your throat. “I forgot I had to do something before our next class, so I’ll just meet you there.” You said, getting up from out of your seat.

Both of your best friends raise their eyebrows at you in suspicion.

“Going where?” Gwen asks.

“Just to the library, I’ll meet you at class,” and before they get another word out, you through your backpack over your shoulder and quickly make your way out of the dining hall and down the hallway.

It wasn’t until you were a good distance away, that a hand-pulled you into an empty storage closet.

Giggling, you lean up against the door and up at the culprit.

“Hey,”

“Hi, Min,” you smile, as his fingers entwine with your own.

Seungmin stands above you, a smile playing on his lips. He squeezes your hand and takes the smallest step closer to you, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” you hum. “My friends are starting to get suspicious about me randomly disappearing, I can't tell if they're picking up on what we're doing.”

Chuckling, he raises an eyebrow at your statement and leans in to place a kiss on your cheek. “Really?”

You nod, leaning into his touch.

Seungmin holds the kiss for a second before pulling back. “That’s…” he pursed his lips together. “That’s… wow.”

“Yeah.” You hesitated before you continued.

it had been six months, five hours and forty-three minutes since the first time Seungmin had kissed you. Not that you would ever let him know that you knew it down to the minute, but ever since, Seungmin would pull you into random storage closets or empty classrooms whenever he wanted attention. If you were all around your friends, he'd try his best to find signals to get you to sneak away with him without anyone knowing.

Sure, it was fun, but at the same time, it was hard trying to hide it from everyone you cared about most. Especially when those said friends knew of your feelings for the boy. You just couldn't get a grasp on how he felt in return. It confused you and made you wonder about how he truly felt about you.

"What would I say if they figured it out?" You asked. "How would I explain it? Us? Are we even…?"

You didn't finish your sentence and even in the dark closet, you catch Seungmin’s eyes widen in panic. He made eye contact with you for a second, but let his eyes fall to the floor just as quickly. “Um…”

Your heart drops to your stomach.

Seungmin notices a dejected glint in your eye as you push your lips together and sigh. “Listen, Y/N…”

You didn’t need to hear more; that was enough of an answer. But you were too frozen to do anything else.

"We're having fun," Seungmin tries to explain, however, it was going in one ear and out the other. "Why need to explain what's going on?"

Blinking, you nod. You couldn't say anything, it was like your mind had gone into emergency shutdown mode and you couldn't bring yourself to say a word– you couldn't. And it was like you could feel little cracks in your heart forming and everything Seungmin continued to say was like an ice pick chipping away at the already-formed lines.

"Why do they need to know our business?" This was the final blow to the ice pick he has to your heart. "Y/N..."

"It's fine." Clearing your throat, you nod and finally gain the courage to look him in the eye. There was a look in his eyes that you couldn't begin to describe, "I get it Seungmin."

Your eyes feel glassy and you blink so quickly to try and stop them from spilling over onto your cheeks. Your hand goes limp in his. He doesn't say anything, just watches you-- examines you and you finally look away.

"I need to get to class,"

You step away from him. His hand tightens around yours, but you pull it away.

"Y/N."

"I get it Seungmin, I need to go."

You quickly leave the storage closet and thankfully the hallway is empty. Hiccupping, the tears finally fall from your eyes and you wipe them away just as quickly.

The door opens again and his footsteps fill your ears. They stop for a moment and part of you wishes that he'd come over, apologise and tell you that he'd shout about you and each other from the rooftops. However, that doesn't happen and the footsteps start up again but then get quieter and quieter before they disappear completely and the sobs you've been desperately holding in escape your lips.

→→

The sun was starting to dip below the horizon and the sky was a mix of pinks and purples. At some point during the final hours of the journey, Jisung had fallen asleep in the back seat and Gwen had turned down whatever music she had on to not disturb him. You on the other hand still had your head lead up against the window, watching the world go by.

Originally, Gwen had curated a perfect road trip playlist that captured in her words, ‘the vibes needed for one such road trip’. However, after about four and a half hours into the drive, Gwen throws her phone at you for you to change the music into something more lively.

Gwen turns the music down more, so it’s almost inaudible.

“Did Mina tell you?” She questions.

Looking over at the blonde, you respond. “Tell me what?”

“She-” Gwen clears her throat. “She wants to hold a reunion dinner tomorrow night for the seven of us.”

You blink in shock a couple of times before sinking into your seat. “Nope. She did not.”

You gaze out the window again, attempting to distract yourself with the way the scenery changed from open fields to more dense town life.

Gwen glances at you and sighs. “Y/N…”

“Don’t.” You sigh. God, this is going to suck.

“It’ll be okay.”

“Will it?” Your mind is swarming with all the possible ways the dinner could go wrong. All of them involved your sort-of-an-ex.

“Plus, you have a whole day to prepare!”

She said it so optimistically. Your brain had already gotten accustomed to the fact that you would see him in three days. Now that time has been shortened to about 24 hours. Not even three years of forgetting he exists could prepare you for that.

You wish you could’ve just wiped him out from your memory. Maybe if you never remembered what happened, things would be different. Maybe it would be like a fresh start.

The hotel was a fairly fancy one, with large pillars around the entrance. You almost expected it to have a doorman to open and close doors as guests come and go.

The winter air quickly nips at your nose as soon as you get out of the car and all three of you rush to the trunk to get your things out so you can head inside.

In the next second, you’re all inside the festive-looking reception. There’s a large green tree decorated in the corner with fake gifts positioned under it.

The reception desk itself is also decorated to the nines, with lights hung up underneath the counter side and fake snow lining the floor. It also has its own little tree with a bowl of candies next to it for guests to take as they pleased.

As you enter you can hear faint jazz coming through the glass doors leading into what you assumed was a bar. The whole atmosphere was so relaxed that it put you at ease. So relaxed in fact, it let all thoughts slip from your mind as Gwen checks the both of you in.

The whole time, Jisung is clinging onto Gwen like a tired baby. Gwen tried to brush him off at first but quickly gave up once she saw he wasn’t going to move. Even after she’s done with your room and Jisung has to check into his own, he’s not moved a budge.

It's only when you guys have to take your stuff and walk to the elevators does he let her escape his grasp.

Waiting for the elevator feels antagonistically long considering you’re tired and have been stuck in the car for six-plus hours. Never had you been so excited to get into a room, fall onto the bed and let sleep guide you into dreamland. You couldn’t think about anything else about how good being in bed and sleeping the night away would feel.

Life seemed to have other plans for you though as the doors to the elevator opened and your body went into full alert.

Life hated you, it was official. This is why you weren’t allowed nice things.

The doors opened to show an equally as tired Seungmin with his older brother Minho.

There goes having even a day to prepare, you thought to yourself.

When his eyes seem to land and focus on you, it takes a second for him to react. However, Minho is faster at reacting than he is.

“What’s up guys!” the older boy smiles. “Long time no see!”

“You’re telling me,” Jisung laughs, pulling Minho into a hug. “I’ve missed your face.”

Pulling away slightly, Minho smirks at Jisung, “and I’ve missed yours.”

“You always know how to make someone blush!” Jisung chuckles, taken to the older boy's smooth words.

Whilst this is all going on, Seungmin’s eyes are trained on you and you begin to feel uncomfortable under his gaze. You can’t tell which is worse, him speaking to you or him not saying anything at all. Part of you didn’t even want to stay to hear what he had to say– if he had anything to.

You’d think after three years, maybe even a hi would be acceptable.

You were being a hypocrite though, you knew you were. Wanting him to say hi to you when you didn’t even want him to face you in the first place. It didn’t make sense.

“Or maybe you just like the attention,” Gwen mutters, before grabbing onto your hand and pulling you into the elevator. “Sorry Minho, we need to go up to our room now, long trip, you know what it’s like.”

Minho hums and smiles, “Sure go ahead! We’ll see you guys tomorrow at the dinner right?”

You nod silently as Gwen hums in confirmation.

“We’ll see you there,” she smiles quickly.

Looking at Minho you smile too. “See you there.”

“Hey! Wait for–” Jisung begins, but it gets cut off by the closing of the doors.

When the elevator starts moving, Gwen groans.

“Stupid Jisung, stupid Minho, stupid Seungmin.” she continues to repeat out loud.

Looking at her with a confused look, you blink. “You okay?”

She jumps, turning to you like she had forgotten you were even there for a moment.

“Huh?” she asks.

Repeating your question, she nods.

“I’m fine, just, I didn’t expect us to run into them tonight I’m sorry, I didn’t even realise they would be staying here.”

Shrugging your shoulders, you let your eyes gaze back over to the elevator doors. “It’s fine, not like you would have known, plus maybe it was better this way– seeing him this way I mean.”

“What do you mean?” Gwen questions.

“Now I can’t stress over the first time seeing him can I? Cause it’s already happened.”

“I guess,” Gwen responds, giving herself a moment to think about it.

“Plus I’m too tired right now, I don’t want to think anymore.” you let out a yawn and cover your mouth. Leaning into Gwen’s side, like Jisung had done not fifteen minutes earlier, you speak. “Let’s just go to our room and forget boys exist and just sleep the night away.”

Gwen laughs and you can feel her nodding her head. “That I would drink to.”

Soon enough, you were both in your room. With two large double beds, it was all that you needed for the extended weekend away. Claiming your bed,-the one closest to the window– you let your bags fall at the end of it before dramatically flinging yourself onto it.

Here’s to sleep, you thought. And forgetting boys exist.

→→

You immediately hated your dress the minute you put it on. The baby pink fabric hugged your body in the worst ways possible, and the more you stared at yourself in the mirror, the more exposed you felt. You tug at the end of it to try and pull it down more, failing to find some relief. It felt suffocating and you weren’t even sure why you packed it in the first place.

“Can you stop worrying for one second,” Gwen says as she leans forward to apply her lipstick in the mirror. “You look hot. Let Seungmin know what he’s missing.”

“Gwen!” you gasp.

Snorting a laugh, she puts the lid back on her lipstick and turns to you. “What? It’s been– three years? I don’t think it’s bad to make him regret everything he did to you in senior year.”

“It would be better if I didn’t see him at all,” you mumble whilst fidgeting with your dress again.

“Babe, remember what I said?” Gwen asks, causing you to take a deep breath before releasing it.

“Don’t let him get in the way this time. It’s about the wedding, Mina and Chan, not him.”

Gwen happily hums and takes a few steps over towards you before she lightly places a hand on one cheek and kisses the other. “You got it!”

Blinking at her, your mouth drops and you shake your head. “Ever since you confessed to liking Jisung, you’ve been weird.”

Her sweet smile drops and slaps you on your arm.

“I didn’t confess! I told you, you heard nothing!”

You giggle and wipe away whatever lipstick remains on your cheek in the mirror as Gwen slips on her shoes.

Soon after, there was a continuous knock at the door and Jisung’s loud voice echoed through it. “Come on, let’s go ladies!”

Raising an eyebrow at Gwen, she shoots you a glare.

“You heard nothing,” she whispers. “I don’t like that idiot.”

“Denial,” you whisper-sing back.

“Hurry up! They’re waiting for us!” Jisung’s voice continues to carry through the door. “Hello? Are–”

Opening the door, Gwen speaks. “Shut up idiot, try not to disturb the whole hotel, yeah?”

Jisung takes a moment to look Gwen up and down and clears his throat before straightening his back up. “You look good.”

“Thanks,” Gwen nods. “You too.”

Jisung pulls at the collar of his white dress shirt and it’s easy to notice his cheeks tint pink. “Thank you.”

Rolling your eyes, you pick up your back and put it over your shoulder. Pushing on Gwen slightly to get her out of the door, you close it behind you. “Come on, let's go, lovebirds.”

“Y/N!”

When you got to the restaurant that Mina and Chan had planned for the reunion dinner, everyone apart from you, Gwen and Jisung had already arrived and sat down. You counted your lucky stars that Seungmin was already sitting in between his older brother, Minho, and Chan.

As soon as Mina lays her eyes on the three of you, she shoots up from out of her seat and over to you.

“Look at you guys!” She laughs, pulling each of you into your own hug. “I’ve missed you so much!”

“We’ve missed you too!” You and Gwen say in unison.

“What they said,” Jisung laughs and ducks away when Mina tries to hit him playfully. “I’ve missed you too Mina.”

Going behind the three of you, she lightly pushes you in the direction of the table. “Come, come sit.”

Mina takes her seat once again beside Chan and you take the one next to her, leaving Gwen and Jisung to sit next to each other and Minho.

Pleasantries were passed around and you kept your eyes far away from Seungmin as possible. However, that was difficult when you could feel his eyes boring into you. It was only when Jisung engaged in a conversation with him that the sensation went away and you finally gave yourself the chance to look at him properly.

You could see how much he had changed in the past three years since you last saw him. The baby fat has now gone from his cheeks and his hair was a lighter shade of brown than anything he had in high school. But his eyes still glinted when he smiled and you looked away as soon as he moved his head towards you.

You couldn’t explain the way how in three years everything about him stayed the same, but changed completely at the same time.

Tucking some hair behind your ear, you try to get your attention back on what Mina was talking about.

“You good?” Mina asks, making you nod frantically.

“I’m good, gooder than good.” you smile.

Mina looks at you blankly.

“You’re a terrible liar,” she smiles. “but, I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too,” you return her smile.

“And,” Mina leans in slightly and rests her chin on one hand. “We’re going to the hotel bar after this so you won’t have to think for a while.”

Rolling your eyes, you continue to laugh. “Mina!”

“What?” She asks through her own laugh. “And who knows, maybe you’ll meet someone at the wedding, there are plenty of attractive people attending.” She finishes her sentence with a wink.

Suddenly, Chan leans in next to Mina as well with his own cheeky smile and a raised eyebrow. “Who’s this about attractive people attending the wedding?”

Mina rolls her eyes and pats his cheek after she’s turned to look at him.

“For Y/N silly,”

“Ahh, of course!” Chan laughs. “I can even introduce you to some of my friends.”

Feeling your cheeks begin to heat up, you raise a hand and shake your head. “No no no, it’s okay, you don’t need to!”

“Well, I can still introduce you!” Chan smiles. “More friends are more friends.”

Mina jokingly shrugs. “And that’s the only thing we don’t agree on, having a bunch of friends.”

“And I love you for being your people-hating self.” Chan muses.

“People are just ugh,” Mina begins to rant. “I like being able to count the people I love on two hands, thank you very much.”

Whilst Mina is continuing her speech on her hate of people, Chan is just sitting there, his eyes in the shape of hearts as he watches her. It made your heart swell with love and admiration. Mina and Chan were everything good in a relationship, they were so hopelessly in love that it honestly made you kind of jealous.

It was a love you wanted– you wished for.

Your eyes went around the table again and once again your gaze lingers on Seungmin. Even after three years, you can’t help but look his way.

There was the smoothest Jazz playing in the hotel bar. The boys, albeit mostly Jisung and Minho, were ordering drink after drink, shot after shot for everyone to enjoy. You were starting to feel the effects of the shots and you let out a happy sigh as you looked around at everyone.

Your eyes linger on Seungmin’s back as he leans up against the bar and talks to the rest of the boys. Gwen and Mina’s laughter fills your ears from next to you.

“I’m going to step outside for a bit,” you quickly say to the girls and they nod in response just as quickly whilst muttering a ‘be safe’.

Getting up from your seat, you sway and stumble your way into the hotel lobby and out into the main entrance.

The cold hits you instantly and a shiver moves up your spine. You wished you brought a jacket out with you, however, there was also something comforting about it. Resting the back of your head against the cold brick, you take a deep breath and exhale it slowly.

It was like a moment of peace in the middle of a stressful day.

“Y/N…”

And then that moment was gone.

Opening your eyes, you kept your eyes straight ahead.

“Seungmin.”

“You look good,” he starts and he takes a step into your line of sight. “And, I’ve missed you.”

“Well I wonder who’s to blame for that,” you finally look him in the eye.

He takes a step forward and frowns, “Y/N, please.”

“What do you want, Seungmin?”

“To see you.”

“Don’t say that.”

He steps forward again, “I wish we could go back, back to then.”

He brings up a hand and gently moves some of your hair from out of your face as he gazes into your eyes.

Without fail, he once again had a grip on your heart. You could curse him mentally over and over again, but still, nothing would change.

“You were the one that left,” you whisper.

“And it was so dumb of me,” he responds and repeats. "I've missed you so much."

His hand stays resting on your cheek and you’re not long how long you’re both standing there. Staring at each other, gazing into each other’s eyes.

His eyes flicker to your lips and back up to your eyes. “Why can’t we just go back? For tonight?”

“We shouldn’t,” you whisper.

“Why not?”

Frowning, you look down at his lips as well and back up. “Because it’s not that easy, you left Seungmin. Remember? You didn’t want to date officially.”

“And I was a fool and I regretted it every day after I left.”

“Even if you did, you could have come back.”

“You know that wouldn’t have been that easy either.”

“You didn’t try,” you said, tilting your head up. His thumb gently glides along your cheek.

“I’m here now,” his nose brushes against yours.

All your senses were yelling– screaming at you to stop, back away. Your heart was pounding, but your mind was completely numb. Every single movement, every touch he made sent you into overdrive.

You couldn’t tell what you’d regret more, giving in or not giving in at all.

“For tonight?” You ask.

He nods slowly, leaning in. “For the weekend?”

“Don’t push your luck,” you add, closing your eyes.

Chuckling, you feel his breath against your lips.

“For tonight.” he reaffirms before connecting your lips together.

The hand he has on your cheek slowly moves down to your neck as the other rests on your hip to try and bring you even closer together. Your own hands go up and you wrap your arms around his neck, your fingers playing with his hair.

You tried to catch your breath when your lips separate and when you open your eyes, he’s already looking at you. It’s not even a second later that you’re using your arms to bring him closer to once again reconnect your lips.

Using his thumb to angle your chin, he deepens the kiss. The longer it went on, the more and more your soul was set alight. Every sensation was heightened.

You gasp when his lips leave yours and move frantically to your chin and then down your neck.

“I’m sharing a room with Gwen,” you question in gasps as he settles on one part on the bottom of your neck. “We can’t go there.”

Without saying a word, he uses one hand to fish out his hotel room key and holds it up between two fingers for you to see.

“Are you the only one in there?” you continue to question. He reluctantly draws his attention away from your neck and goes back up to your chin before kissing your lips once more.

“Yes,” kiss. “I,” kiss. “Am,” another kiss.

“So,” he kisses you again before you can continue and you have to push him away so you can even think. “Just for tonight.”

Smiling, he takes your hand before pulling you quickly to make your way to his room. Your giggles fill his ears and your mind repeats: Just for tonight.

→→

You groan quietly, rubbing your eyes with your palms as you sit up slightly, resting your weight on your elbows. Your head hurt and your throat was unbelievably dry– you reminded yourself to never drink again, but you knew you would.

Blinking, your sight soon began clear as you and the memories of the night returned like looking into a kaleidoscope. Sitting up quickly, you curse to yourself when Seungmin groans from next to you and rolls over, thankfully, however, he stays asleep.

Quietly getting up, you slip on your underwear, fail to find your bra and attempt to put your dress from the night before back on. Once you’ve picked up your shoes and your bag, you turn back to see Seungmin. He’s lying on his front and spread out across his bed.

He looks so peaceful and part of you wants to take back everything you said and jump right back into the bed and into his arms. To stay in this little bubble, where nothing ever went wrong and to pretend like you were still teenagers foolish and in love.

It’s foolish and risky, but you take a few steps over towards his bed, lean over and lightly place a kiss on his forehead, your lips linger for a moment before you pull away and whisper. “Thank you for the night.”

As soon as you’re out of his room, it’s like you can breathe again.

You take your time walking back to your own room. Instead of taking the lift, you take the stairs just to give yourself more time to think. Your feet carry you up the cold metal stairs to the soft carpet of the hallways. Soon enough, you came to your own room and you find your key in the depth of your bag and unlock the door before swinging it open, taking a step inside and letting it close behind you.

“About time you showed up,” Gwen’s voice makes you jump out of your skin.

You let your shoes and your bag slip from your fingers and you say nothing as you walk over to your bed and fall face-first into it.

The whole time, Gwen is watching you with a frown. “What happened?”

It was a minute later that you pushed yourself to roll over and look up at the ceiling. “I slept with Seungmin.”

“I assumed that considering you and him randomly disappeared halfway through the night., I just mean how? Why? I thought you didn’t want to see him at all.”

“I didn’t think you’d be one for the intimate details,” you giggle as she fakes a gag.

“Oh god no,” she shakes her head. “I don’t want to know anything about Kim Seungmin’s sex game, I want to know how you go from never wanting to lay your eyes on him to getting under him.”

Your giggles fill the room, but they’re soon stopped by Gwen chucking a pillow at you, hitting you with a thump. “OW! What the heck Gwen?!”

“You were having dirty thoughts and I don’t want to know!”

Sitting up, you throw the pillow back to her. “You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do.” Gwen catches the pillow. “You had the giggle and you know for a fact that it wasn’t an innocent one.”

You giggle again, “Cause I didn’t just go under him.”

Thwack.

“I SAID I DIDN’T WANT TO KNOW!”

Rubbing to soothe where the pillow hit you, you quickly apologise whilst still giggling.

“I’m having trouble getting a reading on you,” Gwen states. “You came in super sad and out of it, but now you’re giggling like a madman.”

Groaning, you fall back onto the bed and look over at your blonde best friend.

“I just–” you pause. “Well–” another pause.

“Well?”

“Just for tonight,” you repeat your words from last night.

Gwen blinks, opens her mouth and closes it again. “Excuse me?”

“Just for tonight, it’s what we said last night.” You move your gaze to the ceiling. “Just for tonight.”

“And what does that mean?”

“Just like it suggests, we had one night, like nothing ever happened– as if nothing changed for a single night.”

You hear Gwen move the blankets that covered her and soon the bed dips next to you. “Babe…”

“I know,” you fake a laugh. “I’m so stupid.”

Gwen slowly moves the hair out of your face. When you look at her, you can see her frown. “You’re not stupid.”

“It’s just, I knew, I knew I shouldn’t have given in, I knew I shouldn’t have let him kiss me or let it go further than it did, but I just…” Your sentence comes to a stop as you try and think of how to continue it.

This was your mind every time you thought of Seungmin. Stuck in the middle of a forest, with no map, no compass and no way out. Lost and confused, yet every time he looked at you, spoke to you, uttered the words you so desperately wanted to hear, gave you baseless hope that he always seemed to give you. The hope that everything would work out, that he’d confess his love and scream it to the world.

But it didn’t happen then and you knew it wouldn’t happen now.

“You’re not dumb or stupid,” Gwen sighs, putting her hands on either side of your face and forcing you to look at her. “Your feelings aren’t stupid, sure it’s frustrating but you shouldn’t beat yourself up for giving into those feelings.”

“Why can’t I just move on?” you question.

“Because feelings are fickle things and it’s just not as easy as we want them to be.” Gwen frowns. “Look, everything that’s happened with you and Seungmin, they’re– they were painful for you, and sure, it’s scared you and affected you.”

“He just has this control over me and it’s like I can’t say no to him.”

Smiling a sad smile, Gwen laughs slightly. “It’s love, babe.”

“I hate it,” you laugh, but it lacks the happiness laughter normally has.

“No you don’t,” Gwen responds. “And you don’t hate him either, no matter how much you want to.”

Sitting up, Gwen’s hands fall from your face and you lean into her and she instantly wraps her arms around you in a protective hug. Letting out a sigh, you affirm her words. “I really don’t and I don’t think I ever could.”

Actually giggling, you feel Gwen place a kiss on your hairline. “Oh my foolish best friend, what am I going to do with you?”

→→

Seungmin’s couch was one of the most comfortable couches you had ever had the chance to sit on. It was a dark wine red fabric corner sofa, just warn in enough that it was comfortable.

Even though no one in their friend group knew of Seungmin and your’s ‘situationship’, the friend groups still found their way to merging– this mostly being because Jisung was a social butterfly that couldn’t keep his mouth shut, but nonetheless. Now the group was bigger, it gave you all more of an excuse to meet up and see each other.

Which would be great if you weren’t currently upset and annoyed at Seungmin. What made it worse was that you couldn’t even tell Gwen, your best friend. Sure, you could have properly told her anyway, but you didn’t want to go behind Seungmin’s back like that, especially when he had already made it well-known how he felt about the whole situation.

the time in the storage closet flashing in your mind constantly like a constant pain still reminding you that it's still there.

Every time you picture his blank stare and inability to say the words you wanted to hear made your heart crack even more. However, you didn't want to let him go, sure if Gwen knew she'd probably scream about you and your worth, but that didn't matter.

Not when your crush of the past year was actually giving you the attention you desired-- even if it was in secret. You could only do so much to show him how upset you really were. By sitting on his couch during these group hangouts, giving him little to no attention.

Was it petty? Maybe so. But it's not like you could yell and scream at him how you felt in front of everyone, not that you'd be able to do that anyway. Not when he'd give you one look and you'd break.

You were sat wedged between Gwen and Jeongin, one of Seungmin’s friends, as you barely focused on some overplayed tv show on the tv. Gwen, dramatically lead on your shoulder with a bowl of popcorn in front of her would sometimes grab a handle full before bringing it up to your mouth so you can take some. Jeongin, laying on your other shoulder, whined randomly and complained every time the show would say a bad joke.

The whole time, Seungmin is sitting alone on the loveseat, arms crossed and a scowl present on his face. This was maybe the third group hangout in a row where you had given the boy little to no attention, yet gave his friends (as well as yours) a never-ending abundance of it.

Don’t get him wrong, he wasn’t jealous. Not at all, not when he’s been the one to see the way your cheeks turn pink when he flirts with you. Or how smiley you get after he kisses you. But no, he wasn’t jealous that his friends were getting more attention than he was, that you were looking at them more than at him.

Kim Seungmin doesn’t get jealous.

One would be foolish to think otherwise.

It’s not until Mina disturbs his quiet jea– brooding time that his scowl turns into an annoyed eye roll.

“Can you help me with something in the kitchen please.” Mina states, rather than asks with a fake smile plastered on her lips. Before Seungmin can even get a word out to complain, she holds her palm up. “Don’t even try, help, now.”

It was times like this that made Seungmin wonder why people loved having siblings. Especially when his older brother and sister always took the chance to remind him that they were older.

Groaning, he gets up and follows Mina to their somewhat large family kitchen.

“What do you need help with?” Seungmin asks.

Mina doesn’t respond as she turns to him with her arms crossed. “Why are you pouting in the corner like a kicked puppy?”

The younger boy blinks and blinks again, “Huh?! No, I’m not!” He argues. “Did you want help or not?”

“Of course not!” Mina hissed. “Would you rather me ask in front of your dear friends?”

The colour drains from his face as he quickly shakes his head.

“Look, I know you may think of me as an annoying pain in the ass older sister, but I still notice things alright?” Mina says. “And I can notice when my foolish younger brother has a new love interest, no matter how hard he tries to keep it and her from everyone around them.”

“I don’t know–” Seungmin stops midsentence when Mina glares at him.

“Don’t try and pull that shit with me Seung, I know you better than you think I do.”

Rolling his eyes, he shifts his weight onto one foot.

He hates the feeling of Mina’s eyes boring into him like she was able to peel back every layer of him.

Again, he didn’t see the fuss of having older siblings.

“We’re–” Seungmin pauses with a groan. He hated this and he especially hated how it was Mina grilling him out. “We’re nothing.”

“Now, how dumb do you think I am?” Mina asks, but just like before she speaks again before he gets the chance. “No, seriously, how dumb do you think I am to think I would just take that?”

“It’s complicated,” Seungmin responds.

“Complicated because it is complicated or complicated because you’re making it complicated?”

When he doesn’t respond, Mina shakes her head and tsks.

“Do you want to date her?” Mina asks.

Seungmin halts for a moment before he shakes his head.

Mina sighs, “Let me guess, you wouldn’t want her to date someone else?”

Seungmin scowls once again, this time at the subject of her question. Had he thought about it much? The idea of you dating someone else? Of either of you dating someone else?

Not really, but would he admit that? Of course not.

“She– She can do whatever she wants.” Seungmin almost hisses. “I don’t care, like I said, we’re not dating.”

“How do you think she feels about this whole situationship? Are you guys on the same page?” Mina asks.

“The pages might be a bit smudged.,” Seungmin attempts to whisper, but all this manages to do is make Mina laugh at her poor younger brother.

“And that’s why you’re pouting in the corner like a kicked puppy,” She comments. “You’re trying to play this cool tsundere type that doesn’t care when all she wants is to be able to be open about how she feels for the person she likes.” Mina scoffs. “But let me tell you this little bro, it’s not cool and you’re going to lose her with this attitude. Not when she finally realises she can find someone who won’t be scared to show her off like she deserves.”

“Whatever,” Seungmin hisses, unable to find the words to actually say anything in defence.

“What happens when you move away for college at the end of the year? Are you just going to keep her quietly hoping for something open? Or are you going to let her go?”

Seungmin’s silent once again and at this point, he’s letting Mina’s words go in one ear and out the other. He’s had enough of her ‘older sister, I apparently know better’ lectures. And anyway, college wasn’t for another month or two at least, the way he thought about it was you didn’t even need to know. You’d break off whatever thing you had and you’d move on with how qualms. No issues.

“You haven’t even told her have you?” Mina asks at her brother’s silence.

He shakes his head, “I didn’t think there was a reason to.”

“Just so you know, the only reason I’m not beating you up right now is because you’re my brother.” Mina hisses.

Gasping, Seungmin glares at the slightly shorter girl. “Well thanks, sis, I love you too.”

“Don’t try and pull an attitude with me Seung, it’s not going to work because you know you’re being an ass right now.” Crossing her arms over her chest, Mina continues. “Whether or not you agree on what you want, you need to tell her about you leaving town for college. It’s the only decent thing to do, you can’t just up and leave her in the dark.”

Seungmin just hums.

“Seungmin,” Mina threatens.

“Yeah,” he sighs. “Whatever, I’ll think about it.”

It was only after a minute or two that Seungmin spoke once again. "Are you done lecturing me now?"

"I don't know," Mina responds. "You done being an idiot?"

Rolling his eyes, Seungmin makes his way back into the living room to see the three of you still sitting in the same position on the sofa. Gwen and Jeongin on either side of you, their heads on your shoulders.

Falling back into the loveseat, the scowl returns. Mina's words echoing in his head.

It's not like he had to tell you, it would be fine.

→→

The rehearsal dinner is in a large dining room area just off the side of the actual wedding venue. The staff had already begun setting up the room for the next day and so the were already splashes of the wedding colours as ribbons on the back of the chairs. The large dining table that was placed in the centre of the room was covered in what seemed to be a lace-like tablecloth.

The table itself was beautiful, with two large candles placed just off the centre and little name placeholders written in the same font that had been on the original wedding invitations. Of course, Mina and Chan sat in the centre, with two large thrones that reflected silver. There were two people sat either side of these thrones with the rest of the seats being on the opposite side of the table.

Taking your seat, on one side you had Jisung, which you were thankful for. On the other, you had one of Chan's friends from his home back in Australia, who introduced himself as Felix. He seemed lovely, which made sense considering he was good friends with Chan. Across from you, were Chan's brother and sister whereas Seungmin and Minho were sat on Mina's left-hand side. Once settled, you released a breath you didn't know you were holding when Chan's siblings did in fact sit in the seats across from you.

You sent Felix a smile after you had both sat down and said hello to each other.

"So," Felix smiles. "You must be friends with Mina right?"

You nod. The way Felix was smiling made you copy it in return, it was hard to not smile when you saw it. "Yeah, I am."

He makes a face of realisation then he nods slowly. "Of course, I feel like I would have remembered someone as beautiful as you if Chan had introduced us before."

Gasping slightly at his bold comment. You giggle, tucking some hair behind your ear. "Thank you,"

Hearing his laughter made you want to hear it more. It was magical. It made you wonder where Chan had found the boy. He seemed too good to be true.

As you and Felix chat, you begin to feel someone glaring daggers at you. Trying to ignore it, you remain focused on what Felix is saying.

He looks over your shoulder for a moment before gazing back into your eyes. "Just so you know, that guy over there is staring at you pretty viciously," Felix explains.

You sigh and look over your shoulder quickly to confirm it was indeed who you thought it was.

Seungmin.

He's sat there, leant back in his seat at a slight angle as he's staring at the back of your head. You could tell every part of him was tense, angry. Looking back at Felix, you smile awkwardly.

"That's," you pause. "That's complicated."

Felix laughs, again his smile makes you smile too. "Don't worry, I get it, Ex?" He asks.

You inhale sharply. "Eh, something like that."

“Ah, yes,” Felix nods. “One of those things.”

Your eyes fall to your lap as you nod in agreement. It had always been difficult to label whatever you and Seungmin had, not that he helped with that all that much. Maybe that thing was enough of a descriptor. But deep down, you always wished it was more than that.

However, all of your attention gets drawn away when the sounds of Chan tapping a fork on his champagne glass. No more thinking about that thing, Y/N. At least for now. This dinner was about Chan and Mina’s thing. A thing that was definitely so much more than whatever thing you and Seungmin have– had. Something real, something you wished for on every shooting star.

"Hi everyone," he smiles awkwardly, clearing his throat. "Thank you all for being here at our rehearsal dinner before the big day tomorrow." He looks around at Mina, who's staring up at him lovingly and takes her hand in his before he looks around at everyone again. "We're really happy you could join us in making this an event to remember for the rest of our lives." He turns to Mina again, his ears already turning pink. "And Mina, I promise I'm not going to tell you my speech early, but I am so thankful and blessed to be able to love you and be loved by you. You really make me the happiest man on earth."

Mina pouts, standing up. She uses her free hand to playfully hit Chan on the arm. "Why are you trying to make me cry in front of everybody?!" She laughs and so does everyone else. "I love you too, so much."

"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" Jisung cries, breaking the sweet moment with a raised champagne glass of his own. He quickly lowers it when both you and Gwen hit either arm. "Sorry!"

"Don't mind if I do," Mina laughs before quickly stealing a kiss from her soon-to-be husband. Chan's blush has officially moved from his ears to his cheeks at this point. His face is bright red, but no one says a word.

"Seungmin next!" Jisung laughs, staring directly into Seungmin's eyes.

Gasping next to him, Gwen hits his arm as she hisses his name. "Jisung!" You, however, lean back slightly to look behind Jisung at Gwen. With your own glare on your face, you mouth, What did you tell him? and in return, she smiles sheepishly.

Everyone at the table is silent, their eyes either on Seungmin or flickering between the two boys. Seungmin raises an eyebrow, leans forward to rest his weight on one elbow and smirks. "I will if you kiss her."

Seungmin doesn't say a name, but everyone—let's be real, everyone but Gwen—knows who he's on about. Speechless, Jisung’s mouth drops and he quickly looks down at the empty placement plate. "I didn't say anything."

Seungmin leans back in his chair before making eye contact with you. It's like all your brain cells leave you in that moment and you have to look away to try and regain a conscious thought.

Still standing, Mina sends a glare to both Seungmin and Jisung, which they shrink at before her lips quickly form into a smile.

“They’ll be bringing out the starter and then the first course very soon, so please talk whilst we wait.” She ends with a smile and sits, but not before quickly slapping Seungmin’s arm making him pout at his older sister.

You weren't able to hear what she whispered to him next, but by the look on his face, he didn't look too pleased. He turns from her, crosses his arms over his chest and looks anywhere but her direction. Catching her eye, she smiles, and you smile back.

Excusing yourself from your seat, you quickly move and crouch down in between Gwen and Jisung’s. Trying to muster up the most venomous yet loving glare you could, you smile at her. “Can I just talk to you for a minute?”

Gwen laughs awkwardly. Jisung, however, keeps his head down as he plays with his fingers like Seungmin's words are still ringing around in his head.

She pulls her seat out and you stand as she does. “Sure.”

Grabbing onto her wrist, you guide her out of the room, just far enough where you wouldn’t have to worry about anyone hearing you both. Stopping, her wrist falls from your grasp and you turn to her. “What did you tell him?!”

“Nothing!” Gwen throws her arms up and crosses them in front of her a second later. “…I mean, not nothing, but not everything!”

“You know how big of a mouth that boy has!” You hiss, “We can’t tell him shit unless we want him to spill it.”

“I know!” Gwen huffs. “I just said you guys slept together, that’s it, nothing more.”

"Gwen!"

"I'm sorry," Gwen repeats. "I don't know what happened, he looked at me and I just had to tell him."

"I stand by what I said before," you laugh. "You guys are unbelievable."

Gwen blinks and opens her mouth to speak before closing it again. Once she finds the words, she says, "When did you say that?"

You catch onto the servers starting to pass you with food on trays. "It doesn't matter," you mumble. "We should go back in before Mina starts wondering where we are." Gwen hums and nods her head, but before you can start to walk away, she grabs your wrist and pulls you into a hug.

"I'm sorry, I really didn't think he'd say that in front of everyone." you hear her mumble as you wrap your arms around her. Giggling, you hug her as tightly as you can for a second making her complain.

"It's fine," you smile. "Just next time give me a heads up you've told your boyfriend about my non-existent love life yeah?"

"He's not my–" she starts, but soon gives up. "Yeah sure, I'm sorry," she repeats.

Pulling away, you raise an eyebrow at her. "You didn't deny it?"

"Everyone says it anyway," Gwen shrugs. "He's confusing, I don't know and don't try and distract me. I wouldn't say your love life was very non-existent at the moment."

"Let's just agree to say we both have complicated situations right now?" you suggest causing the blonde to crack a laugh.

"Sure,"

Walking back into the dining hall, you see how the servers have in fact started bringing out and placing the starters for people to pick at on a separate table. Not looking where you’re going, you startle yourself by almost walking into one of the servers.

“Oh, sorry,” you mumbled, looking down and stepping aside, until you caught a whiff of one of the dishes. A server walked by with a fruit platter containing all colours of the rainbow, and the one behind them held a plate full of garlic shrimp skewers just waiting for you to grab. The smoky yet buttery aroma of steak passed you by next, pulling you back to the dinner table with Gwen in tow, who chuckled at your little trance.

Your mouth-watering, you stand on your toes as the other attendees scramble for first dibs on the incoming foods. It seemed like the steak and the garlic bread were the most popular choices, so you decide to come back for it later—there would more than likely be another plate coming anyway. Instead, something else that no one else seemed to touch makes your eyes almost pop out of their sockets in excitement.

Cheese.

There was nothing you loved more in this world than cheese and on top of that, you don't think anything or anyone could come close to it. Cheese was your best friend, sorry, Gwen, cheese was always there went something went wrong, again, sorry, Gwen, cheese was everything right in the world. Whether it was cold, straight out of the fridge, or heated up so it was warm and stringy, it was perfect. If someone told you to do something and in return they offered cheese? You’d do it in a heartbeat, no questions asked, that's just how much you loved the stuff.

Evilly chuckling under your breath, you grab your plate and make a beeline for the tiers of different cheeses to try. You take one of every option there and make a small pile of them on your plate. Brie, cheddar, parmesan, pepper jack, gouda, and—

“Ooh, camembert!”

You jump, dropping the cheese in your hand. Who dares to take your precious cheese? Just thirty seconds ago, you were the only person at the cheese board. What could have changed within that short time frame?

A hand reaches out to grab a slice of camembert and you follow it to meet eyes with the last person you wanted there. Seungmin stands across the table, an addicting, yet very punchable, smirk on his face as he places the slice of the precious camembert onto his plate.

You wanted to smack the smirk off his stupid face. Maybe smash your lips against his before you did so.

But all you could do was blink.

“Camembert,” Seungmin states matter-of-factly, holding up a slice in his hand. You aren’t sure if you should look at the cheese or at him. “Your favourite, right?”

You look down at your plate, biting your lip to keep yourself from smiling.

Seungmin bends down, smirking when he sees your flustered state. “Hey,” he chuckles, sending your stomach into knots before you could even get food in it. “Earth to Y/N…”

You blink and blink again before making eye contact with him, and he still has that brazen smile on his face. You aren’t sure how you still aren’t used to him looking at you like that. Like you’re the only two people in the room and how it could all change so instantly and you’d still be the one left in this haze of rose.

“Here,” he says, taking a piece from his plate and putting it on yours. You look between the slice of camembert and him, and he smiles at you over his shoulder as he struts over to his seat.

You’re left there standing in shock, blinking as you try to wrap your head around what happened.

“Did I really just see that?” Gwen asks as she steps next to you.

Then your rose glasses start to crack and streams of real light come through.

“Uh..” you clear your throat. “Yeah, that happened.”

“So have you, uh, spoken to him since?” Gwen begins to ask and you quickly shake your head.

“Nope.”

“Ah,” Gwen responds as she starts to pick up her own pieces of cheese.

Looking over your shoulder, your eyes scan the surrounding area and your eyes widen as you find Seungmin already looking in your direction– the same brazen smile still plastered on his face.

You turn away when you see him laugh to himself and look down at his plate. “I’m– I’m going to sit back down.”

Gwen hums in acknowledgement and you quickly rush back to your seat next to Felix and Jisung. Placing your plate down, you slip into your seat.

“Lover of cheese huh?” Felix laughs, looking down at your plate. Picking up a piece and placing it in your mouth with a happy hum, you nod your head.

“Call it a passion of mine,” you say, covering your mouth.

“Gosh,” Jisung groans from next to you. “Don’t get her started, she’ll talk about it all day.”

Throwing your head back laughing at his comment, you can’t even begin to deny it. “I’m passionate,” you respond with a smile.

Looking at you with a blank face, Jisung blinks. “You’re obsessed.”

“Devoted,” you fight, sounding out the syllables.

“Obsessed,” Jisung repeats, copying your actions.

You make a face at him before plopping another piece of cheese in your mouth and chewing away happily.

Your eyes scan the surrounding area and you feel yourself straightening up when your eyes land on Seungmin. He’s already looking at you, and you can’t tell if he looks annoyed or maybe even jealous about sitting so far away from you.

You simply turn back to Felix, propping your chin on your palm. “Now, where were we?”

“Here we go,” Jisung mutters.

You nudge him with your elbow before continuing. “Anyways… Yes, I do love cheese. But not as much as—”

“Y/N,” Jisung whines.

“Jisung!” You plaster on a cheesy grin, blinking one too many times as you turn your head to him. “Why don’t you tell them about your so-called ‘passion’,” you say, making air-quotes around “passion”, “for coffee?”

Jisung just glares at you. He keeps a straight face, but you can see the tips of his ears turning red. “You know that’s different, Y/N.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Okay, and how many cups of americano have you had this week?

“Wh– I–” he sputters. “Like, six?”

You say nothing, and just maintain your gaze on him.

“…teen.”

You smile smugly. “Mhm. And somehow I’m the obsessed one.”

Something white falls in the corner of your eye. Looking back at your plate, you don’t notice anything different, except for a piece of camembert that must have rolled off your plate. You shrug and pop it into your mouth; you did have a comically large pile of it to work through, so it was more than plausible.

You look back up, and Jisung is staring above your head with furrowed eyebrows. You follow his gaze and see… a ceiling. You wonder how many of those sixteen cups of americano were from today alone.

Felix, who also seems to have spaced out for a second, looks back at Jisung. “It’s okay, man,” he chuckles, “I had, like, three cups of coffee this morning.”

“A man of culture,” Jisung nods happily, motioning to the blonde boy with a smile.

Felix laughs, nodding his own head. “Of course, man, I need the caffeine to survive, especially with my classes.”

“Teacher or student?” You ask.

Somehow, and you’re not sure how, but Felix’s smile seems to grow wider.

“Both actually,” he hums. “Well if you class it as both I guess.”

Raising an eyebrow for him to continue, he does.

“I’m a student teacher, currently on placement in a nursery school, but I took a week off to be here,”

“That’s so sweet!” You smile, “Working with kids fun?”

Felix nods again, “Kids are just amazing,” He laughs. “Every day is different and they’re so out there, you know? It’s really a fulfilling position.”

“Sounds like you want a bunch of your own then?” You giggle, causing a pink tint to cross Felix’s face.

He shrugs, before spluttering, “I-I don’t know, m-maybe?!”

“Well, I’m sure whoever you’d be with would be very lucky.” You continue to giggle, nodding your head.

Felix’s blush deepens and he nods his head shyly.

“How about you? Seeing stuff like that in your future?”

You shrug, picking up another piece of cheese from your plate before putting it into your mouth. You let it rest there for a moment, giving yourself time to think before you swallow.

“Maybe,” you take a deep breath in and let it out as you look over to Felix. “I don’t know what’s in my cards yet, so maybe.” You shrug.

“That’s a chill way to think about it,” he smiles.

“Thanks,” you laugh. “I feel like it’s less pressuring that way you know?”

He hums, nodding his head in agreement. “Oh yeah, for sure, everything should be done at your own pace.”

“True, plus I haven’t even graduated yet so, I think I’ll focus on this hurdle before I think about another one that might not even happen yet.”

Another white object falls, and this time you look up in time to catch a hand above you before its owner pulls it back. Letting your eyes fall back to your plate, there was an additional piece of camembert on top of the few cheeses you had left. You wouldn’t have questioned it this time if you hadn’t already finished the camembert you brought with you.

Your face contorts in confusion as your gaze settles on Seungmin, who barely acknowledges you as he pulls his hand away and continues to make his way around the table and to his seat.

You blink as your eyes follow him, with your mouth open slightly in shock.

“I thought you said it was complicated?” Felix chuckles, snapping you out of your daze.

You nod, trying to get your brain to make a coherent thought. “It is…. We are.”

Jisung snorts from next to you and leans to the side slightly so Felix can see him properly. “Trust me, as someone who’s seen it all since high school, complicated is putting it simply.”

“You’re one to talk,” you mutter, shoving another piece of camembert into your mouth.

“He’s been dropping cheese off to you like your cheese fairy godmother,” Felix chuckles again.

“Don’t you mean fairy godfather?” Jisung asks.

“Fairy godperson?” Felix responds.

“Personal preference,” you shrug, “anyway, we shouldn’t let him cloud our minds with his confusing actions.”

“Are you talking to us or yourself there?” Jisung chuckles, making you roll your eyes and playfully slap his arm.

“Shut up Ji.”

Letting out a breath of air, you lean forward and quickly take another piece of cheese from your plate.

“I’m just saying, I don’t have an americano fairy godperson,” Jisung says matter-of-factly, leaning back into his seat.

You just stare at him incredulously, blindly stuffing another piece of cheese into your mouth. “How would that even work?”

He shrugs. “Maybe they have a cup of coffee ready for me in the morning?”

Swallowing the piece in your mouth, you don’t break your stare. The thought of this magical fairy godperson having to memorize Jisung’s coffee order makes you feel sorry for them. You tried it once, and never again.

“Maybe they just pour coffee into your mouth,” Felix chimes in.

You snort, rolling your eyes. “That’s almost worse, it’s like a mama bird throwing up in its baby’s mouth.”

Closing your eyes, open your mouth and tilt your head up, as if to mimic the hypothetical baby bird. After a few seconds, you feel something land in your mouth, causing your eyes to shoot open and you sit up.

You pat on your chest and quickly clear your throat. You bite down on what you can taste is cheese and swallow.

“That’s not how it went in the dream went,” you mutter to yourself as you lean back in your chair.

Jisung from beside you blinks, his mouth wide. “Huh?!”

Your eyes widen for a moment before your face breaks out into a smile at the boys confusion.

“Like,” he leans forward and whispers. “Sexual?”

You also lean forward, making him more intrigued, “Yes.”

His mouth open and closes like a fish, “that doesn’t answer my question?!”

“But do you really want the answer to that question though?” You ask, with a pessimistic look on your face.

“Yes and no,” Jisung answers almost immediately.

However, Jisung’s train of thought gets cut short when Gwen kneels down in between you two, her hand on either one of your chairs. “I’m sorry, but did I just see that right? Did he just feed you?”

“He’s been feeding her all night,” Jisung hisses. “Did you know she’s had a sex dream about seungmin and cheese?!”

Gwen rolls her eyes, “They’ve had sex before, of course, she’s had the cheese sex dream about him.”

“Um, what?!” Jisung gasps as he continues to whisper. “You’ve had it with more people than just him?”

This time it’s you that sending him a confused look. “Wait, is this about sex in general or the cheese sex dream?”

“I-” Jisung gasps. “I don’t know at this point, I’m so confused.”

“Wait, that’s not why i’m here! Gwen hisses. “That weird moment at the food table and now he’s been feeding you all night? What is up with him?”

“You tell me,” you sigh, your eyes linger on where he was currently sat, his attention on his older brother Minho and the two others sat across from him.

“If I could give my two cents,” Felix leans behind your chair for the three of you to hear. “I’m Felix, by the way,” he smiles at Gwen and offers his hand for her to shake.

“Oh, hi! I’m Gwen!”

Their hands part and Felix clears his throat. “I don’t know what happened for things to be as complicated as you say they are, but he obviously has some unresolved feelings for you.”

“How can you tell?” you ask.

“Because adults are just overgrown children and I work with children every day,” Felix explains. “He uses these little things to keep your attention, any sign of that attention going away, he comes back and does it again.”

“How are you so sure?”

The side of Felix’s lips tilt up into a smirk. He shots a look, over to Seungmin and his smirk grows widen when he notices the boy is looking over at the four of them. “Eat the rest of your cheese quick,” he looks at you again. “I’ll prove it to you.” Looking over at Gwen, he smiles. “Gwen, you go back to your seat and act natural, you guys will see what I mean.”

You do as he instructs, eating the rest of your cheese (even though you didn’t have much left anyway). After you plop the last piece into your mouth, you smile and hum.

You loved cheese so much.

You look over to Felix with a small smile. “Finished.”

“You can have some of mine,” Felix smiles and says slightly louder than normal, sliding his own plate over to you. “You are more of a cheese fanatic than I am, so you deserve it.”

You exaggerate your pout as you look at him. “You’re my new favourite person Felix.”

Even though it was an act, a pink blush still covers his cheeks as he brushes you off with a wave of his hand. “It’s fine, you’ll enjoy it more than I will anyway so go ahead.”

It’s maybe only thirty seconds later that a paper plate filled with different types of cheese– noticeably more camembert than the rest– appears beside you. Looking up quickly, you catch Seungmin with a scowl on his lips.

“Here,” he mumbles quickly, before walking back around to his chair without a second to spare.

Felix snorts, leaning backwards to send a look at Jisung and Gwen, and mouths ‘i told you’.

“Okay,” you mumble. “Maybe you’re on to something.”

In the next second, Gwen is back down kneeled beside you. “That was insane,” she gasps.

“I don’t get it,” you huff. “He was the one that didn’t want anything official in the first place.” you mumble the last part, your eyes fixed on the plate with the mountain of cheese on.

“It’s been three years,” Jisung starts. “People and their feelings can change.”

“But…” what about what he said last night? Just for tonight?

His words were one thing, but then his actions completely different. His words were, one time only, but his actions and the way your friends, and new friend, spoke about them, said that it was more than that.

Why couldn’t you just read minds? You thought to yourself, at least then you’d maybe be able to tell what he was thinking half of the time.

Looking at Gwen, you frown.

“Maybe,” Gwen sighs. “Maybe try talking to him,” her gaze narrows on you. “Properly this time.”

Your cheeks begin to heat up and you nod. Looking at Gwen, you notice her gaze is elsewhere causing you to follow it and that’s when you see Mina talking to Seungmin. Every now and then he rolls his eyes, almost like he doesn’t like her words.

“Maybe he’s being told the same thing,” Gwen says, patting your shoulder.

You shrug, maintaining your gaze on Seungmin as you bring a piece of camembert into your mouth. Maybe this was a sign to talk to him.

Maybe you could give him another chance.

→→

seungmin casually slides into his chair, a smirk present on his lips as he picks at his now full plate.

"What are you doing?" Mina's voice, fills Seungmin's ears and he tilts his head at her in false confusion.

"What do you mean?" Mina's face is blank as she blinks.

"Just casually dropping off cheese?"

"No," he responds as he takes a bite of a piece of his food. "Just need to get my steps in."

"You're full of shit Seung, seriously," she sighs.

His eyes move to you and he watches how you speak with Jisung and whom he came to learn was Felix. He notices how Gwen leaves her seat to crouch behind you. But ultimately, he notices how Felix stares at him, his own smirk twisted into his lips. Seungmin's eyes narrows as he looks at the boy and he rolls his eyes at how Felix's laugh seems to make you smile.

His eyes go back to you and he watches as you turn to eat the rest of the cheese on your plate and once you are in fact done. Felix smiles and moves his own closer to you.

“You can have some of mine,” Felix's voice fills Seungmin's ears and he gets up suddenly, causing both Mina and Minho to look at him. Felix's voice still echoing in his ears. “You are more of a cheese fanatic than I am, so you deserve it.”

He gets to the food table, grabs a paper plate and starts to put all of his annoyed emotions into putting the new pieces of cheese onto the plate. He wanted to say to say sorry to the cheese for being so mean, but he just resulted to rolling his eyes when your voice fills his ears. “You’re my new favourite person Felix.”

Silently making fun of the way you said it, he rolls his eyes again before turning around. “It’s fine, you’ll enjoy it more than I will anyway so go ahead.”

He takes the few steps over to where you're sat next to Felix and leans over and drops the plate onto the table.

"Here," he mumbles and he doesn't leave you a second to process and respond.

Quickly walking back around to his seat, he drops into it with his arms crossed. He stares at his own plate on his table and just by the way he hears Mina sigh and turn to him, he knows he's in for it.

"You seriously just can't keep chill can you?" Mina asks, clicking her tongue.

Keeping his eyes on his plate, his jaw tightens. "What do you mean?"

"Don't do this Seungmin, not right now, this is the rehearsal dinner for my wedding!" She says emphasising the word wedding. "Don't go and try and make things awkward not just for us but for her and everyone else here."

Seungmin's eyes look up at his older sister. "I'm not trying to make things awkward."

Mina rolls her eyes. "You're still full of shit Seungmin and you know that. You know what you're doing and you know why you're doing it."

Seungmin rolls his eyes and he goes to open his mouth to speak, but Mina cuts him off.

"No, you don't talk until I'm finished." Mina glares. "Now this is my wedding, you're not going to play your mind games with her. you're not going to have her regret coming and ruining this as a memory for not only her, but for me as well. I don't care if you think I'm being a bitch here, but you sort your shit out. If you really want to fix things, you don't do it like this. If you really want to fix things, you don't sleep with her on the first night of seeing each other again in hopes of it just making things go away and making it better. It doesn't work like that." Mina exclaims, causing Seungmin to shrink in his seat.

He didn't know she knew about that.

Mina sighs and frowns at her younger brother. "I love you, I really do, but you have to remember everything that happened back then was because you decided for it to happen that way. Take responsibility for it if you want things to be different with her." Mina suggests, she then laughs, trying to lighten the mood. "However, I don't know why you had to pick my wedding was the right time for it."

He tries to smile as he looks up at Mina, "I'm sorry."

Mina leans forward and messes playfully with his hair causing him to try and push her hands away. "You're my little brother and I love and support you," Mina starts, however Seungmin knew this was too good to be true. She wouldn't just praise him so casually. "But you're so fucking stupid sometimes, I mean, I love it for you, but gosh Seungmin."

there it was.

"Ouch, but I love you too I guess." Seungmin responds.

"Of course you do," Mina laughs. "I tell you the truth and you know that asshole would just laugh at you." Mina's eyes flickers to Minho, who's still focused on the other two men sat across from him.

Seungmin joins in on her laughter and nods his head. "True."

"Just," Mina sighs. "If you really want something, go for it. If you really want something with her. Tell her, don't continue to be that dumb high school kid you were and be truthful with her and lay it all out on the table."

"Okay," Seungmin hums. "I'll talk to her."

→→

You're slow to leave the dining hall after the rehearsal dinner, too caught up in chatting to Felix, Jisung and Gwen that you're one of the last sets of people to leave. You trailed out behind Gwen and Jisung with Felix by your side as you continued to laugh at Felix's jokes.

You came to a stop, however, when you saw Seungmin casually leaning up against the wall out in the hallway. When he notices you, he stands quickly and takes the few steps towards you, nodding slightly at Felix.

Patting your shoulder, Felix smiles, "I'll catch up with you later."

Inhale, exhale.

You nod, sending a similar smile to the boy beside you. "Okay, see you later."

As you watched him walk away, you took the moment to prepare yourself mentally before you turned to face Seungmin.

His hair is messier, like he's run his hands through it a thousand times whilst he was waiting for you to come out into the hallway. And his tie, once neatly laid out was now pulled loose and his top button of his white shirt was undone.

"Seungmin," you take another breath. "What do you need?"

"To talk to you," he starts. "about everything."

"Everything?" you question. "Like how you tried to choke me out with cheese today?"

A chuckle escaped the boys mouth, his lips turned up into a smile. "You know you wouldn't be mad about it if it happened."

You snorted as you tried your best to fight off a smile. "What do you want, Seungmin? Seriously."

"About us," Seungmin takes a step forward. "I mean it, I-"

Seungmin pauses mid-sentence like his brain had just up and paused on him. There was a look in his eyes that you couldn't quite figure out and when he opens his mouth to speak once more, he sighs.

"I don't want it to be just for tonight– well last night." He blushes, closing his eyes to avoid having to see your reaction.

"What?" You gasp. "Seungmin..."

You couldn't help but feel an odd sense of reversed deja vu.

“Look, I know it probably doesn’t make sense, after everything that happened between us, but…” Seungmin pauses to take a deep breath.

Your breath hitches in your throat. Something in you tells you that you know where this is going.

But it can’t go that way. You know it deep down. As much as your body screams at you to give in right then and there, your brain screams over it.

“Seungmin…” you breathe out. Your eyes flick to the floor, then back to him.

You use every fibre of your being to stop yourself from stepping closer to him. Even after all these years, he was intoxicating—the right look from him could make you weak in the knees, turning you into putty. It was a mystery how you made it through the dinner.

Seungmin notices your hesitation, and gently lifts your chin up with two fingers. He then moves his hand so it’s cupping your cheek. The look he gives you is so tender, warmth pooling in his eyes, that you have to glance back down to compose yourself.

You dare to look up again, and something in you snaps. Before you could even think about what you’re doing, your hand slowly makes it’s way up his arm before going around the back of his neck.

It truly was a mystery how you made it through the dinner, you thought for a split second. But it all goes to static when you pull him against you and press his lips to his.

His lips are chapped, like he had been nibbling on them as he waited for you. You don’t care as much as the kiss in itself is soft, sweet and a feeling swirled in your stomach like you had successfully gotten your next fix.

It quickly changes however, when his hands land on your hips, and it’s like electric shocks are sent all over your body. Sighing into the kiss, he takes the chance to overpower you and without little hassle, you let him. All you do instead is pull him closer to you– if it was even physically possible.

“I still need to talk to you,” He pulls back slightly and mumbles against your lips. You quickly cut him short with another kiss.

“This,” kiss. “Isn’t,” another kiss. “Talking.”

You’re doing everything you can to try and get him to stop thinking and to just solely focus on the act of kissing you. Moving your lips swiftly to his neck, you’re sure he can feel your smirk against his skin and you feverishly place kisses up and along his neck and jaw line.

“We can talk later,” he moans.

Taking your face in his hands, he angles you once again so you’re looking at him, smashing his lips to yours again, and you can’t think straight. It takes only mere seconds for you to full loose all thoughts of right or wrong.

You know what? Maybe one more night won’t hurt.

→→

You stare at the words that were displayed on your beat up flip up phone as you felt whatever vice was around your heart tighten.

Mina: 11:45 am

Look, I didn’t want to be the one to tell you this, but since he obviously isn’t going to tell you himself… Seungmin’s leaving for college.

I tried to get him to tell you.

You felt your throat tighten and you did your best to clear it by patting on your chest causing you to cough.

Pushing yourself away from your desk with your hands, you rise to your feet, before rushing out of your bedroom door, down the stairs and out of the door and away from your house in only a matter of seconds.

You could hear your parents calling out behind you, lost for words, but that didn't concern you at that moment. Not when seungmin was leaving and the only reason you knew was because his older sister was nice enough to tell you. Not even seungmin himself could get the courage to tell you- to break down his own walls ever so slightly just to give you the decency of telling you: hey, i'm leaving.

Haphazardly typing out a response to Mina, you hit send and shove your phone into your pocket as you continue to run as fast as you could to their house.

The adrenaline over powers the fact that you want nothing more badly as to cry. To break down and to scream to the world, to him, until your throat went dry and your lungs hurt. Because no matter how little or much he shared with others. no matter how much or how little he wanted to show the world that he cared, he still did. How, even after so many months of secrecy and silent wishes, he was more than just a senior year crush.

He was more than just a mere moment in time.

He was powerful, moving, frustrating in all of the best ways. He was addicting and even though he broke your heart every time he said he didn't want anyone to know about the both of you, you still foolishly stayed. Because you'd rather break your heart a thousand times by him than to never experience his love, even if it's not fully and out loud. No matter the odd and secretive the ways he seemed to share it.

Because in those secret moments, the ones where it was you two vs the world. Where he looked at you like you had hung the stars in the sky especially for him. He made all of the pain worth it, made all of the crying into ice cream tubs at two in the morning worth it.

Sure, maybe it didn't make sense, but nothing made sense about him. Ever. You could never fully wrap your head around the enigma that is Kim Seungmin, but you knew, if you had the chance, you’d want to spend as much time as possible trying to.

Your feet stop once you're outside of his house and whatever adrenaline you have seems to wear off as the tight feeling returns to your throat. You see movement through the living room window and even when your mind screams at you to flee, your feet carry you forward up the footpath and onto the main porch.

The ever familiar white door is a looming presence. It’s silently taunting you, beckoning you to knock on its wooden surface and face the boy who was about to be ripped from your world. Or don’t. You could just go home for all he cared, go back to your fantasy world where Seungmin will always be around, only to shatter your own heart when you finally wake up.

It was like some screwed up form of Schrodinger's cat—no matter what you do, you know you’re going to lose.

Maybe that is what compels you to stay long enough for Minho to open the door, a confused but content smile on his face.

"Oh, y/n, hi!"

You attempt to smile, but it falters, "Hey."

Whether or not he notices, he doesn’t say, which you’re thankful for.

“Here for Seung?” The older boy asks, causing your cheeks to heat up as you nod quickly. Minho hums before calling out behind him for Seungmin. “Come inside, it’s getting cold.”

“Yeah…” Seungmin’s voice softens as he looks up and sees you, standing beside Minho. “Y/N…”

Gulping, you wave before pushing your lips into a thin line.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Minho says, before turning to you and tapping your shoulder. “It was good to see you.”

You nod simply, trying your best to smile as your gaze soon moves back towards Seungmin. He’s standing at the bottom of the stairs, his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes are looking in any direction that isn’t you.

“What are you doing here?”

Ignoring his question, you respond with your own. “Are you really leaving?”

His head shoots up in surprise and the look on his face alone is enough confirmation, but it tugs at your heartstrings more when he asks.

“How did you know?”

“So you weren’t even going to tell me?” Your face twists into a frown as you blink to try and stop your eyes from feeling glassy. “Do you care so little about me that you wouldn’t even tell me?”

“How did you find out?” He rephrases his question from before as his eyes stayed on you. Boring into you like he was trying to find the centre of your soul.

“Is that all you care about right now?” You scoff. “You care more about me finding out you’re leaving than actually telling me yourself?” You blink away the tears that had threatened to fall. This time, you were the one to look anywhere but at him. “Did none of our moments together mean anything to you?”

You can’t tell if he’s deflecting, unwilling to answer your question or if he truly cares so little about the almost full year you had spent together.

“That’s just what they are though,” Seungmin sighed. “Moments in time,” he crosses his arm over his chest and metaphorically sticks a knife through your chest. “But moments pass, and this is one of those moments.”

“So they really didn’t mean anything huh?” you tsk to yourself, shaking your head lightly. “I can’t believe I’m actually going to ask, but, did I even mean anything to you?”

“Of course, you meant something to me, you’re a great friend.” Now he’s cauterising the wound, whilst trying to shove the knife in deeper.

It’s funny how someone in one moment could be beginning for your affection, only to stab you in the back the next. But it wasn’t just stabbing you in the back, it was full hung drawn and quartered. He was pulling the emotions out of you, the memories and tearing them to shreds in front of you like a child would rip open the wrapping paper on their presents on Christmas morning.

“Friends, really?” you huff, “to you, we’re only just friends? Do friends really do everything we did together?”

Seungmin slips his hands into the back pocket of his jeans as he shrugs. “Some friends might, who am I to judge?”

“So you really wouldn’t care if I did all of the things I did with you with someone else? You know, 'cause that’s what friends do apparently.” You suggest.

Seungmin falters, his jaw tightening for a second before he relaxes. There’s something that flashes in his eyes that you can’t figure out and he just hallowly laughs.

“Of course not,” Seungmin mutters. “You can do whatever you want.”

“So would it be wrong of me to assume that you did this with your other ‘friends’ too?” You felt a bubble get caught in your throat as you tried to keep your voice from failing. “Is that why you never wanted anyone else to know? Cause you had other ‘friends’?”

Seungmin pauses as his eyes bore into yours. You want to look away, but something inside of you physically stops you from doing so.

He stays quiet for the longest few seconds of your life before you attempt to speak again. “Can you at least-”

“No,” he cuts you off, clearing his throat. “It was just you. I wasn’t and didn’t see anyone else.”

“Were you embarrassed by me?”

He shakes his head almost instantly and the more he speaks, the more utterly confused you’re getting.

“No,” he says simply. “What’s there to be embarrassed about?”

“You– You–” your mind stutters. “You confuse me so much. If it wasn’t because there was someone else and it wasn’t because you were embarrassed about me, then why? Why didn’t you want anyone else to know?”

Seungmin sighs the heaviest sigh you think you’ve ever heard. It’s almost like he’s tired of repeating himself without ever actually repeating what he means.

“Because like you said, they were moments in time, moments we shared together, but that doesn’t mean everyone needs to be aware of them.” Seungmin attempts to explain.

“Not even the people that would be happy for you? Care for you and want you to succeed?”

Seungmin shrugs his shoulders once more. He’s so casual about the whole thing that it’s like a stark difference to the Seungmin he showed you in secret, the Seungmin that only you saw.

At this point, you couldn’t tell if you had gone numb to all of your emotions, or if you were reaching the breaking point. “You really just don’t care do you?”

“I didn’t say that” Seungmin responds rather quickly.

“You did,” you say twice as fast.

“I didn’t” Seungmin rebuts.

“You did, you said moments pass and that ours passed. Make it make sense?” You beg, you could accept any bit of explanation at this point. Especially if it cleared up how he was feeling and made you less confused.

However, Seungmin couldn’t do that. He just had to add more questions than answers. It was like he couldn’t help himself.

“That doesn’t mean it didn’t mean something to me.”

“Well, it meant everything to *me*, Seungmin. Don’t you get it?” Running a hand through your hair in an attempt to get it out of your face, you let a groan escape your lips. “I did everything you asked of me. I didn’t tell anyone, I snuck around for you, I let my grades slip and my friends worry about me because of you. I waited and waited because at first, I thought, this is new. It’s fine if he doesn’t want to tell anyone right away. Let us just find our place together, to make sure we actually worked well together and then maybe he’ll be comfortable sharing with at least our friends, but then I kept waiting because I care so much about you and about every single moment that we spent together and how much I didn’t want them to end that I thought that just keeping silent and continuing to wait would be enough. And it’s the fact that I’m so foolish that I could wait for you forever if you asked me to because that’s how much I love you, Kim Seungmin.”

You only notice the tears spilling down your cheeks when you begin to taste the saltiness on your lips.

“Love?” He whispers. “You love me?”

Taking in a deep breath, you wipe your cheeks and find the courage inside to look at him. His eyes are soft and red like he has his own tears welling up. Your frown deepens, “would it really make a difference if I did at this point?”

“Y/N, I…” Seungmin pauses. He opens his mouth like a fish out of water but soon finds his words. “I thought we agreed, we were just having some fun, nothing serious.”

“I never agreed to that Seungmin,” you hiccup. “I just let myself get carried away with you because I always hoped it would change.”

As he takes a step forward, you take one back closer to his front door.

“Do you really love me?” He asks, his voice almost sounding sincere.

Nodding, the tears rolling down your cheeks, drop onto the floor below you.

“I do, so goddamn much and I see now how much of a fool I was to get swept up with you.” You laugh a laugh so hollow, your soul hurts. “I’m sorry and I hope college treats you well Seungmin,” sighing, you turn and open the door. “I really do.”

Shutting his front door behind you, your feet once again carry you down the path and you stop once it connects to the main pavement.

Just like all those months before, you stand there, waiting– wishing for him to come outside and to bring you into his arms as he screams about how much he loves you, but just like then, he doesn’t.

You’re left alone with your sweater paw covering your mouth in hopes of muffling your cries.

→→

It was Seungmin pulling you closer to him that caused you to stir and wake up and it was you shooting up in bed that caused him to groan and open his eyes groggily.

“What are you doing?” he yawns, attempting to grab you and pull you back towards him.

"I- I should," you move just out of the way of his fingertips. "I should go back to my room, the wedding is later."

As you're looking around for your items of clothing, Seungmin sits up.

"No wait, just stay here and go later, we still have time." he tries to reason with you, but you just shake your head. "Come on, lets go back to sleep."

"I shouldn't, Seungmin," you mutter, slipping back into your clothes from last night.

Seungmin gets up, finds some of his own clothes before he turns to face you. "Why not? what's wrong?"

"It's just… this," you motion between you two as he steps towards you. "Us, everything about this."

"Y/N,"

Groaning, you can't stop yourself from speaking. "And I hate it when you say my name like that!"

"What's going on? Just talk to me please."

"You, Seungmin, you're just so confusing to me like a fucking enigma." you scoff. "You’re the one that never wanted to be open before, you said we had a moment and that it passed and now here we are now. Now you're acting sweet, you're trying to have my attention on you 24/7, you're feeding me cheese knowing it's my favourite, but then you say things like how you only want to be with me for the night, or for the weekend?”

You look around the room before your eyes meets his and you continue your speech.

“You say my name in the way you used to say it before, like how we weren't on the same page, saying my name in a tone like you were letting me down easy and I don't want to go through that again, Min." you slip up at the nickname. "I never wanted just for the night, just for the weekend. I wanted forever then and even after all this time, i'm still a fool for wanting it now."

“Y/N, wait–”

Seungmin attempts to speak, but you cut him off before he gets the chance to say another word.

“And you’re asking me to stay with you, to go back to sleep beside you in your arms. I just can’t stop thinking about how after today, we’ll part and it’ll be just like it was back then, another passing moment.” You gulp and look down, hoping he doesn’t see your lips waver. “I don’t think my heart can take it.”

Seungmin gently tilts your chin up, forcing your eyes to meet his once more. His gaze is soft, his chestnut eyes swimming with a kind of warmth that almost makes you want to run back into his arms right there.

“Y/N, this…” his voice is soft, and his thumb is rubbing gentle circles on your cheek. You can’t help but lean into his hand. “This isn’t just a moment.”

Your breath hitches in your throat. You almost do throw yourself into him, you’re this close. You want so badly to just give into him for the third time, but the memories come back flooding to you before you can try.

You let out a shaky breath, and you have to move his hand away in order to get your next words out.

“Then what was it last time?”

Seungmin stays silent. His lips are parted as if he’s going to speak, but no words leave his throat. You search his eyes for an answer, noticing a mixture of surprise and shock for a second, then a flash of regret. He casts his gaze down, blinking a few times to recompose himself before looking back up at you.

An uncomfortable silence hangs in the air. Your stare shifts from his eyes to his lips and back as you wait for him to speak. But still, nothing comes out. Your chest tightens at the lack of response.

A minute passes by, and Seungmin still hasn’t uttered a word. You feel crushed under the silence, physically and emotionally, and your body scrambles to find a way out before your brain can catch up.

“Wait, Y/N—” Seungmin mumbles, grabbing your hand before you can step away from him. You bite the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from looking.

“Seungmin, I can’t.”

“Yes you can,” he pleas. You don’t need to turn your head to know he’s giving you that soft, desperate look. Those goddamn fucking puppy dog eyes you always fell for in the past, and you knew if you even dared to look, you’d fall for it again.

“I can’t.” You say, shaking your hand to loosen his grip on it and begin to gather the rest of your things. “You can’t even say a word to me.”

“I am right now,” Seungmin grabs your hand one more time and succeeds in making you turn around this time.

You huff, letting your eyes trail up to this. “Okay, then tell me. If this isn’t another passing moment to you, then what was it last time?”

You clutch your purse in your hand, watching him expectantly for an answer. But another silence fills the air, and this one is louder than ever.

You don’t let the silence go on as long this time. Instead, you sling your purse over your shoulder, grabbing the rest of your things as you storm out of the room.

“I’ll see you at the wedding, Seungmin,” you say, and you turn to look back at him one more time. It takes everything in you to keep yourself from running back once you see the regret etched on his face. “Let me know if you ever have an actual answer for me.”

→→

“Now introducing, Mr. and Mrs. Bang!”

The room bursts into applause and as he watches his older sister gaze at the love of her life, happiness begins to overflow in Seungmin’s chest. For years, he’s watched Mina adorn pages in her journal, and, the minute she had access to a smartphone, her Pinterest, with ideas of her dream wedding. She had every little detail laid out—from the sequins on her dress to the exact shade of the streamers that graced the walls of the venue. It made him roll his eyes at the time, but to see everything actually come to life with the man of his sister’s dreams, it now makes his heart swell with pride.

As Mina interlocks with her fingers with Chan’s, the audience stands up to watch the newlyweds walk back down the aisle, time seems to slow down for Seungmin. He follows her as she swings her hands with her new husband, her eyes all sparkly as she looks around at all her loved ones. As happy as he is for her, he can’t help but feel the slightest twinge of envy. It sounds bad to say on his sister’s literal wedding day, but he can’t deny it anymore.

Especially not after seeing Y/N again.

But Seungmin knows there’s a time and place for his feelings now, and his sister’s special day is not one of them. So he swallows it down, and, as the attendees follow the couple out to the reception, he gently pushes through the crowd to meet Mina up at the front.

Seeing his sister so happy up close seems to bring back the warmth pooling in his stomach. “You… you look beautiful.”

Mina sends him a closed-eyed smile, patting Seungmin’s arm with her free hand. “Thank you. And thank you for being here.”

“I wouldn’t miss it.”

As Mina looks up at Seungmin, she can’t help but feel a sense of pride at how grown up her baby brother seemed to be and how much he had changed compared to his high school self.

Mina’s smile grew wider as did Seungmin’s, “I’m really proud of you, by the way,”

Seungmin feels his cheeks heat up and he scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. “This is meant to be about you,”

Rolling her eyes, Mina chuckles. “It is, but it doesn’t mean I can’t praise my baby brother does it?”

Seungmin’s eyes furrow together partly because of the question, but also because of the baby brother. “I’m not a baby.”

Shaking her head, she gazes at her new husband quickly before looking back at Seungmin. “I don’t know. Your new brother-in-law would say otherwise.”

“That’s because he’s like 100 years old and everyone is baby to him,” Seungmin mutters, rolling his eyes. Mina slaps his arm, narrowing her eyes at her younger brother.

“He’s 26, don’t be dramatic.”

“My point still stands,” Seungmin continues to mutter, shoving his hands into his trouser pockets.

Seungmin lets out a silent sigh as his eyes flicker around the room. His shoulders dropping slightly when he can’t seem to find the person he;s looking for: you.

“Why the long face?” Mina asks, “Looking for someone?”

Seungmin nods silently, his eyes still checking around the room for you.

“For Y/N?” Mina questions.

Seungmin clears his throat, his ears feeling the heat.

“Maybe…”

“Oh…” Mina’s voice drops. “You just missed her. She caught me just a minute ago and said she wasn’t feeling good. she just congratulated me and left.”

Seungmin’s shoulders drop and he does his best to smile at Mina.

Mina smiles wider, in hopes of calming him, maybe even giving him some hope. “You could go ask Gwen? She’s sharing a room with her anyway, so i’m sure she’ll know more than I do.”

Seungmin nods quickly, a hopeful smile indeed covering his face.

When his eyes focus on Mina again, she’s already looking over her shoulder, lovingly gazing at Chan as he’s chatting with Felix and another blonde that Seungmin didn’t know the name of.

“I don’t want to keep you,” Seungmin pats Mina’s shoulder. “Get back over to the love of your life.”

Mina’s grin widens at the words love of your life as she nods. Seungmin could practically see the hearts floating above her head.

“I’ll talk to you later,” Seungmin laughs and Mina just hums before she parts from Seungmin and wraps her arms around Chan’s waist when she gets close to him. Seungmin watches as Chan turns to her, his own dopey smile on his lips as he places a kiss on her hairline.

After a moment, Seungmin inhales deeply and his eyes scan the room for his new target, Gwen. She was honestly pretty easy to find, especially when she had the loud-mouth Jisung by her side–constantly.

When he sets his sights on Gwen and Jisung, Gwen is leant up against the wall and Jisung is basically hopping in place beside her. A concerned frown is etched into Gwen’s face and Jisung is doing his best, albeit not very well, to cheer her up.

“Gwen, Jisung!” Seungmin calls out as he soon stops in front of them.

Gwen stands instantly, her concerned frown now in a forced smile. “Seungmin, what’s up?”

“Mina told me Y/N left, do you know where she went?

Gwen’s face fell as she turned to look at Jisung. Jisung rubs the back of his neck.

“She left, she’s catching a train back to the city…” Jisung explains.

Gulping, Seungmin nods his head slowly.

“If you go now, you might be able to catch her, but you have to be quick.”

Seungmin perks up and nods his head quickly. The hopeful smile soon appearing back on his face. “Thank you.”

Gwen takes a deep breath and slips her hand into Jisung’s and squeezes it lightly.

“Do you think he’ll get there in time?” Gwen asks, her eyes lingering on the space where Seungmin once was.

Jisung squeezes her hand back, “we can only hope.”

“Yeah, lets hope.” Gwen slips her hand away from jisung’s grasp and makes her way back into the crowd. Leaving Jisung alone, staring at her with a small frown on his face and his heart missing the warmth of her hand.

Seungmin gasps for breath as he rushes out of the lobby of the hotel. Resting his hands on his knees, he frantically looks around to try and find a sign of you. However, no matter where he looked nothing seemed to appear.

Feeling the vibrations from his phone in his pocket. He fishes it out and a text alert from Mina appears on his screen.

Annoying Sister: 5:01 pm

She’s at central station, it leaves in an hour… Good Luck!

Seungmin smiles to himself. It’s the exact sign he needs to keep going.

→→

The small ding comes from your phone as it confirms the payment for your train ticket. Slipping it into your pocket, you smile sheepishly at the ticket attendant and take the printed-out tickets from his hands.

With a small thank you, you take your suitcase and let it trail behind you as you slowly start to make your way over to an electronic sign board to look to see which platform your train would be leaving from.

You were lucky enough to only have to catch one train back to the main city and from that station, you could easily catch the bus back to your apartment. Sure, it would be a long journey, especially by train, but you’d rather that than have to potentially face another awkward encounter with Seungmin after everything that had happened that morning.

Stepping up onto the platform, you find an empty seat and pull out your phone frowning at the notifications on your lock screen.

Gwen<3: 5:15 pm

Are you sure you want to leave? You can still ride with us in the morning…

y/nnie: 5:45 pm

Yeah, It would be best. I just don’t know if I could cope with facing him again.

Gwen<3: 5:46 pm

Okay:/ just make sure to get home safe okay?

Angling your phone up, you try to smile as you take a quick selfie to send to her. Not really caring what it looked like, you hit send and exit out of the messages app. Pulling up the gram, you scroll through your feed, randomly liking pictures posted by the few idols you liked, the random meme pages you followed and even some distance friends you had from school that you never bothered to unfollow.

You pause, however, when a photo of Mina and Chan appears on your timeline. In the photo, they’re gazing into each other’s eyes, loved-up dopey grins spread so wide across their faces that it reached their eyes. The caption reads three cheers for true love, and your heart can’t help but strain.

You couldn’t help but think of Seungmin and regret– not the time you spent together, but how you spent it together. It was like a moment, and it passed by so quickly without you even stopping to think about it. How, in the beginning, you didn’t want to face him, but you found yourself getting caught up with him the moment he set his sights on you.

You wished you could go back, but it was too late. It was too late to change what had happened. You wished you could live in this fantasy of the weekend forever. You wished you could stay beside him and lay in his arms forever.

But the moment you would step foot on the train, everything would go back to the way it was– like nothing ever happened. There would be no Seungmin, there would be another weekend of laying in his arms and enveloping yourself in his being.

It would go back to the daily torture of university and job searching. You would go back to wishing that you and Seungmin could be more than whatever you were.

Wishing you could go back and relive the weekend.

Seungmin’s leg bounces up and down anxiously as he’s sat in the back of the taxi cab. Silently praying that the damn driver would just hurry up already. Cursing him out mentally for not realising how much of an emergency this was and how bad Seungmin needed to get to the train station.

All luck seems to turn on Seungmin apparently when the cab comes to a sudden halt and a choir of car horns ring out around him– including the one from the cab he’s in.

Leaning forward, he peers through the front window. “What’s going on?”

“I dunno,” the driver shrugs, tapping on his steering wheel. “Traffic jam or something.”

“How far away are we from the train station?”

The driver looks back at him with an odd look on his face, but speaks when he sees how frantic Seungmin is. “Like ten minutes if you run?”

Digging cash out of his wallet, Seungmin throws it at the driver before hopping out of the car at lightning speed and a keep the change falling from his lips. Ignoring the way the driver is calling after him, Seungmin is too focused on running through the packed-up street. His deep breath and the sounds of his hands hitting cars as he’s sliding through the gaps to get onto the sidewalk fill his ears.

Seungmin is sure he’s never ran so fast in his life, but as the train station comes into view, it only pushes him to run faster.

He pushes through the crowds of people and up to a ticket guard, his words spewing out of his mouth with little care. He haphazardly pays, grabs the tickets and runs over to the signboard.

When he finds your platform on the map, all he can do is hope he gets there on time.

Your eyes linger on the signboard overhead of the platform as the minutes until your train arrives slowly tick away. A sudden dread fills your stomach and it’s like your body is screaming at you not to go.

Your mind and your body still burn with the memories of Seungmin’s touch, How after one night, it was like your body became more dependent– more addicted to his touch than you had ever experienced.

A bubble got caught in your throat as the overhead announcer called out about the arrival of your train. Your stomach drops.

You’re not ready to go back to normal life. You’re not sure if you’d ever be ready to go back to a life without Seungmin. All of your being was calling out for him– calling out for a sign to stay, for a reason to stay.

But when nothing seems to answer, you round up your bags and watch as the train slows and pulls to a stop in front of you and after a moment or two, the little buttons lit up to show it was now okay to open the train doors.

The stinging feeling prickles your eyes as you stare at the now-open door. This was it, the return back to reality.

You lift your suitcase onto the train and step on after it. You don’t bother to attempt to wipe away the tears that fall from your eyes, not when the ones you wipe would instantly be replaced.

A voice you recognise instantly calls out from the platform.

“WAIT!”

Seungmin just barely gets onto the train as the doors close behind him. His face is red and he’s gasping for air.

“S-Seungmin…” You blink, your mouth agape. “What are you doing here?”

Once he’s caught his breath, he stands up straight and looks you straight in the eyes.

“I’m here for you,” he declares. “I’m here to talk to you.”

You continue to look at him, waiting for him to continue.

However, before he gets the chance, the train stutters into life, causing you to fall into Seungmin’s chest, his arms wrapping instantly around you for protection.

Pushing your lips into a thin line, you stare up at him, your heart hammering against your chest. “Say what you were going to say, Min,”

His gaze on you softens as he takes a deep breath. “I care about you,” he exhales. “A lot.”.

Humming, you nod. “I care about you too.”

“No, it’s… it’s more than that.”

Seungmin opens his mouth, closes it and opens it again. It’s like he’s bringing up all of the courage he needs to say what’s really on his mind. Especially when it was too late to back out now– not that he even wanted to.

He wanted to say everything he had to say, he was going to say it.

"I've been waking up daily for the past three years wishing I could take back what I said, wishing I could take back everything. But then you were at the wedding and it was like a chance to spend time with you, to relive and to act like we were back then. It was like I was given a chance to make things right by some creature above.” Seungmin pauses, he brings up his hand to lightly brush some of your hair out of your face.

“Min…” You start, but he shakes his head before you can even continue.

“Wait, let me finish first?” Seungmin says as more of a question than a statement. You just nod, a small smile playing on your lips.

“I wasn't lying when I said it wasn't just a moment between us. It wasn't just a moment back then, either, and I was so stupid for running and hiding, calling it a passing moment when I knew fully well that it wasn't. It never was and it never will be. Please just… let me prove it to you.”

You feel your heart quicken in pace as he continues his speech. His eyes are so full of love and sincerity that you don’t know how to cope.

What Seungmin didn’t seem to know was he already had your heart, he had it ever since your senior year.

After everything, he still meant everything.

“I was an idiotic teenager who didn't know how to face or even acknowledge what I wanted. I can't go back and change that and I’ll forever regret how I made you feel back then, but I know now I don't want to make that same mistake again, I don't want to lose my chance to be with you again. So please, can we start over?”

His hands rest on your cheeks, making sure you’re staring into his eyes as he says his next words:

“Because Y/N, I don't just want you for tonight or for the weekend… I want you forever. ”

101 notes · View notes

latteseungs · 1 year

Text

moth to a flame : seungmin

moth to a flame : ksm

pairing: seungmin x f!reader (ft. lee know) genre: heavy angst, smut, there's not a speck of fluff in this, non-idol au word count: 4.4k warnings: 18+ minors please do not interact. cheating (please do not read if you are uncomfy with themes like this and for the love of god please don't cheat), name calling (babe, baby, love), explicit sexual content, desperate / jealous / possessive unprotected sex, fingering, creampie, choking, use of foul language, drinking, masturbation (m), oral (f. receiving), no happy ending, god this is a lot wow

✦ 。description: you loved seungmin out of convenience. but he was almost everything you ever wished for. the only thing missing was he wasn't minho.

📓 .✦𓂃 masterlist | AO3 | reblogs are very much appreciated <3

author's note: be mindful of the timestamps. hihi. this fic is inspired by moth to a flame by swedish house mafia ft. the weeknd, illicit affairs by taylor swift, and a few hints of high infidelity by taylor swift too. i highly recommend giving moth to a flame a listen while you read <3 an additional warning that i hate y/n here. i really do. lmAO. also, would really really appreciate some feedback because this was kinda out of my comfort zone when it comes to writing. anw, thanks for being here!!

april 2023 7:46 pm

“Hi baby, how was your day?”

You felt a pang in your chest once you heard your fiancé’s voice. He was in the kitchen as usual, drinking his favorite homemade coffee as he watched kdramas on his phone, even if you have a fully functioning large tv in the living area.

“It was alright,” an outright lie.

Work was shit. Co-workers were shit. But even if everything in your work life is slowly coming into flames and you have no choice but to face some of the shittiest people ever as your clients, you can’t believe that the shittiest out of all of them was still you.

Seungmin seemed suspicious of how you answered, probably sensing that you were lying right through your teeth. How he knows you like the back of his hand was absolutely endearing. But sometimes, all it felt like were a ton of bricks on your back.

“You sure about that, babe?” He asked, starting to put down his phone on the table. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

You hate him.

You hate how so damn perfect he is. You hate how much he loves you.

But you hate yourself more for not loving him the same way.

5:15 pm that day

“You should have told them that it wasn’t possible then?”

“It was possible, but not with the time frame they gave me!” You exclaimed exhaustively as you crashed on the couch. You pulled Minho’s button down tightly around your body, finding comfort in his scent.

“And don’t you dare tell me that I should have told them too because you, of all people, know how much I need this deal closed.”

Minho scoffed, “Shouldn’t your fiancé know about this too?”

You abruptly fixed how you sat on Minho’s couch, pushing a hand through your bed-ruined hair. Seungmin knows about the deal you have been trying to secure for almost six months now, but he doesn’t know as much as Minho does.

And that’s on you.

“Please, he also knows about this,” you were defensive, holding up your arms to your chest as you tried not to overthink.

“Then you wouldn’t be here ranting about it again for probably the third time this week alone,” he petted Soonie on his lap as he gulped the rest of his beer. His eyes never landed on yours as he talked about your fiancé.

“He’s a lawyer, for god’s sake. He would have probably closed this deal of yours months ago.”

Minho was right. He always was. Even if he was one of the most outstanding chief marketing officers out there, you sure as hell needed a good lawyer to back you too. But your fucking pride and independent mentality are in the way. You knew Seungmin could have helped you ever since you talked about the terms and conditions of the contract. You knew that Seungmin could have easily discussed how you could have agreed with better terms. You knew that Seungmin could have lessened the stress that you were going through now. But you didn’t even share a peep with him, only the tip of the iceberg.

“You know me and my tendencies to not ask for help.”

“Yeah, I know,” he grimaced. “But I can’t help but think you have a different purpose; why you didn’t ask your Seungmin to rescue you.”

He sounded cocky and bitter, but you pushed that thought to the back of your mind. You didn’t ask your oh-so-perfect fiancé because you didn’t want to seem like a damsel in distress. You didn’t want to look like you were using his career to boost yours. This was your work, your business, so why the hell would you cry out to be saved?

“Care to enlighten me?” You poked, knowing damn well that Minho wouldn’t dare explain his thoughts.

“You did it to have reason to be constantly here, using my job as a cover-up, and not make it look like you’re cheating on your soon-to-be husband.”

december 2022

“Don’t be stupid,” Chan throws you a judging stare. “And don’t you dare look at me like that because I know you came to me for a reality check and not some advice you want to hear.”

You kept your mouth shut. Thinking about leaving your perfectly good boyfriend to get back with a borderline-toxic ex might be one of your stupidest thoughts to date. Chan, being one of your closest friends for the longest time, is verbalizing it because you can never admit it to yourself.

He sighed, plopping down beside you as he handed you the beer you requested. “Cheers,” he mumbled, raising his bottle of energy drink.

“It’s stupid, no?” You groaned. “Even the thought of it is stupid.”

“Yes, it is, and I’m glad to know that you actually recognize that.”

“But—”

“But, what?” He immediately cut you off, probably knowing what you’ll say next. “It doesn’t feel the same way with Seungmin? There’s no thrill? There’s no rush?”

Shame. You were the one who would judge people for leaving their partners just for a speck of thrill before. And now you’re the one being judged. You can’t lie to yourself because you know for a fact that you deserve it.

“People would kill to be in a relationship you’re currently in, y/n. That peace you’re feeling with Seungmin? Some people crave that because they know that ‘peace’ in a relationship is what you call home. It makes them realize they’re finally with the one they’re meant for.”

But it doesn’t feel that way with Seungmin.

It was smooth sailing with Seungmin. It was actually a breeze with him—safe. He treated you like royalty. You don’t even want to think about how he looks at you because you would feel guilty even contemplating leaving him. He would hold you in his eyes like you had the entire universe. And in his world, maybe you did.

“Look,” Chan cleared his throat. “I am in no place to say this, but you need to hear it.”

You took a gulp of your beer before looking at him, prepared to hear the most heart-wrenching speech that would finally wake you up to reality and stop with your fantasy land.

But the words that came out of Chan’s mouth were something you would have never expected. Not at least for another two or three years.

“What do you mean he’s going to propose?” You gasped. It wasn’t impossible, considering the two of you have been dating for at least three years. The both of you had a stable job, your family adores him, and you’re both living together… it made sense. It would be more unusual if he wasn’t thinking about it. But to you, it felt too soon, like you were rushing into it.

“I’m not that kind of person who wants to put words in other people’s mouths, but just hear me out, okay?” he squeezed his hand on top of yours.

“Say yes. Accept it. Nothing gets better after Kim Seungmin. Trust me. Minho gave you nothing but heartbreak.”

7:58 pm

“No, baby, it’s okay, really. I’m just tired from work,” you said, kissing Seungmin on the cheek.

He sighed as he got a whiff of Minho’s perfume off of his fiancée. He wasn’t sure how many times he got to smell it that week, but he stopped counting right after knowing that this would be a regular thing for you.

You were being distant again. You always were right after being with Minho. Even if you try your best to hide that you were with him that day, a scent always lingers. Seungmin honestly doesn’t know if you were sleeping with your ex or doing anything physical with him; the fact that you would rather be with someone else hurts the same way.

Seungmin tried. He really did. But it seems like he was never really enough for you. Seungmin wasn’t dumb. He knows you were still madly in love with your ex-boyfriend even after you said yes to his proposal. He knew what he was getting into when he first started dating you, but he thought that over time, he could finally replace Minho in your heart. So maybe he is a little stupid, thinking you could get over the love of your life.

“Do you want me to run you a bath, babe?” Seungmin asked as he entered the bedroom. You were a little startled because you were in the middle of changing, but you immediately settled down when you turned to see him.

“Thanks, baby, but I’ll just cha—”

Seungmin interrupted you with kisses trailing down your neck from behind. His hands swiftly made their way to your bare waist as he gently pulled your back to him. He made sure that you felt the growing bulge from his pants.

He wanted to see if some part of you still belonged to him.

A soft moan escaped your lips, but you held Seungmin on the nape, making him halt his ministrations to your skin. “I’m not in much of a mood today, Seung.” You whispered apologetically.

That felt like a gunshot to Seungmin’s chest. He rested his head on your shoulder in defeat.

“We haven’t had sex in almost a month, y/n,” He breathed, honestly ready to raise a white flag. The way he said your name was so full of emotion and pent-up exhaustion.

He wasn’t trying to force you to do anything with him. He wasn’t some sex-deprived maniac. He can keep his dick in his pants. He doesn’t even mind if you both don’t fuck for more than a month. What worries him is that you don’t want to do it with him. This was one of the things that Seungmin was holding on to, one of the things to see if you were still even slightly attracted to him, whether it may be purely physical, he’d accept it.

It was a desperate move. But Seungmin was desperate.

You stiffened in his hold after you heard him. Twisting in his linked arms, you circled your own on his neck. “Has it really been that long?”

Seungmin didn’t even try to look at you, his eyes locked on the floor.

“I’m sorry, Seung,” you rested your palm on his cheek, turning his head in your direction, getting him to look at you. “I’ve just been so busy with the deal.” You sounded so guilty, and of course, as always, Seungmin ate it up. He always drops down his walls whenever he feels even an ounce of love from you.

“Let me make it up to you,” you started to go down to your knees, but Seungmin immediately pulled you up.

“Baby, you don’t have to do that,” he said, holding onto your arms.

“But I want to,” you dragged, starting to pepper his face with kisses.

And that was it. Seungmin folded. You have him wrapped around your fingers once again. At least he knows he was not entirely out of the picture yet.

“If you want to make it up to me, let’s do it properly,” Seungmin grumbled before kissing you fervently. He tried to kiss you with so much passion; maybe there, he could make you feel all the raw love he has for you.

Even if you don’t feel the same way.

He laid you gently on your bed, a soft moan escaping your lips when his knees came in contact with your center. Seungmin did it again and applied some pressure, making you squirm under him.

“Seung,” you moaned out, hands lifting his shirt. Your hand ran through the expanse of his torso as Seungmin shivered lightly with the way you traced his toned stomach.

He made his way down to your legs, two of his fingers tracing your clothed, wet core. He placed kisses on the inside of your thighs before pushing your underwear to the side. He tentatively placed his tongue on your clit, and you covered your mouth to stop yourself from letting out a loud groan.

He ran a stripe of his tongue on your sex, making you hold onto his hair with greater force than you intended. Seungmin felt his pants restrict even more with every sound you make, with every pull of his hair that you do. But even if he started to feel uncomfortable with how his cock went hard, he continued to lap you, making sure that no one else would make you feel the way he was making you feel right now.

“Fuck, Seungmin!” You let out, not stopping yourself anymore.

With the scream that left your lips, Seungmin couldn’t help himself. He took out his cock from his pants and pumped himself off as he continued to push his tongue in you, his other hand circling your clit.

“Yes, baby. Don’t stop. That’s so hot,” you were panting, feeling your release coming to a close when you saw Seungmin getting himself off with his hand while he ate you out.

When you started to feel the buildup in your lower stomach, Seungmin stopped altogether. You almost complained before you felt him enter you with no warning. He bottomed out immediately with how wet you were. You could instantly feel his cock in parts of you that only felt like heaven.

Seungmin tried to muffle his groan by kissing your chest, but his voice still resonated. He undid your bra quickly as he started to thrust into you. He palmed your breast, the other being sucked into his mouth while he slammed his hips into you.

“Oh my fucking god, Seungmin!” You practically screamed.

His hands on your tits were now placed around your neck, adding a little pleasure you always liked.

“You’re mine, right?” Seungmin suddenly asked.

“Yes.”

“Say it.”

You can feel your release starting to build up again on your lower stomach as you continue to take your fiancé’s cock in you. He was hitting all the right spots, and you were starting to see stars.

“Say it!” Seungmin demanded again.

“I’m yours, Seungmin!” He felt you come around him, your constraining walls feeling perfectly around his throbbing dick, your moans filling the bedroom.

“You’re mine,” he mumbled, his thrusts starting to feel erratic as he came too close to release. “I’m the only one who gets to come inside you.”

Seungmin was surprised by the words that left his mouth. He was never this possessive. Not even during sex. But maybe all the feelings that he’s been trying to bottle up were slowly spilling.

“I’m yours, Seung.” You whispered again before feeling Seungmin shoot his hot cum around your walls.

1:43 am

“Do you hate me that much to call me at this hour? Are you for real right now?” Minho grumbled from the other end.

“Then why did you answer, you dipshit?”

“Because I have no self-control when it comes to you.”

A silence enveloped the two of you. All you could hear was rustling and maybe one of the cats trying to lay beside Minho in bed.

You snuck outside your bedroom just to go out the balcony so you could call him in peace, ensuring that Seungmin was sleeping soundly in bed. After what happened with Seungmin earlier, it made you wonder if you were really not paying that much attention to him anymore. He rarely showed that vulnerable side of himself to you because he was always so composed and put together. Seeing him somewhat defeated earlier made your chest hurt.

You admit you’re unfaithful, but it doesn’t mean you don’t love him even, if that sounds so messed up.

“C’mon, what do you want? I have to leave early for work later, and Doongie is getting real chatty.”

You chuckled after hearing the constant meowing from the background; Doongie was probably grumpy that you woke him up too.

“It’s nothing. I just…” You sighed, not even remembering why you called Minho. Now you have to think of something important because he would probably not let you hear the end of it the next time you see him. If there is a next time, at least.

Thoughts started to leave your mind as your heart calmed at just hearing the sound of Minho’s breathing. No matter what others say about him or what he did to you when you were together, nothing would amount to how he makes you feel. Who would have thought that breathing through a call would calm you down? He didn’t even need to say anything.

“If I… if I break it off with Seungmin… Would you take me back?”

The question suddenly came out of you. It wasn’t even what you were planning to say. But the long pause that Minho gave as a response was already an answer.

When you were about to say you would hang up, Minho cleared his throat.

“Would you leave Seungmin?”

one week later 7:50 pm

“Aren’t you supposed to be rich?”

You scoffed at Minho’s snarky comment, but you continued to stir the pot in front of you.

After the little call that you made with Minho last week, it really shook something inside you. But you, being the coward that you are, ignored it. You promised yourself that you would start coming to Minho for business-related purposes only. Still, here you are again, cooking a meal for the both of you instead of doing it for your boyfriend.

“You probably have a personal chef at your beck and call in your huge penthouse, so why the hell would you ransack my barely stocked cupboard and refrigerator for food? You do know that I have three cats to feed, right?”

“Shut up, that’s nonsense.”

“How dare you call my cats nonsense? Look at those little devils enjoying their playground that’s worth at least a month of my sala—”

“Idiot!” you playfully hit Minho’s arm after he misunderstood what you said. “I was talking about having a personal chef; that was nonsense. I’m not rich.”

“Yeah, say all you want. But your fiancé is probably swimming in money.”

There he goes again. You sighed, turned off the stove, and removed your apron as you entered his living room.

Minho has been quite vocal about you being with Seungmin lately. It was like an unspoken rule between the both of you to rarely talk about him when you two were together. Seungmin doesn’t exist when it’s just the two of you. But recently, he keeps pointing out how you were with someone else.

You heard his footsteps follow you to the sofa, but you didn’t even want to look at him. He called out your name, but you didn’t respond. When his voice went stern, you finally glanced in his direction. He stood a few feet away from you, hands bawled into fists.

“Leave him,” Minho’s voice was barely above a whisper, but you heard him clearly. So loud that you felt like it echoed throughout the whole apartment.

“What?” You feel breathless, feeling like you were underwater; your body suddenly doesn’t want to move to gasp for air.

“Be with me.”

Minho was determined. He was finally tired of hiding. He was tired of pretending he was okay when you didn’t stay the night or hurry home before the two of you get caught. He was so sick of trying to meet you in secret or only seeing you when there was no sun outside.

He wanted to hold your hand, grab you by the waist, kiss you on your forehead. He wanted all those things back. He loved you and wanted everyone to know how much he did. He may have fucked up before, but he swore he would do better when you decide to be with him instead.

He was sick of all the sneaking around and all the lies he needed to remember. He doesn’t think he has the stomach to hold it all together much longer.

“Choose me.”

Tears were pricking your eyes, and your vision blurred with the image of Minho waiting for your answer. All you could do was open your mouth, but no words came out. You weren’t sure of the answer the day he asked if you would leave Seungmin for him. You thought that some part of you could do it and finally be with Minho. He was your greatest love and you thought you could drop everything just to be with him. But right now, with Minho almost begging you to be with him, leaving Seungmin suddenly became a clear-cut picture in your head.

You couldn’t do it.

Seungmin was too perfect. His love for you was so pure. You know that you can never return the amount of love he has for you, but you know for sure that you love him enough to stay.

And you don’t love Minho enough to choose him.

“I—”

A single tear fell from Minho’s eye. He knows.

“No, don’t,” he sighed. “you don’t need to say it. He’s good for you.”

8:06 pm

The silence between you and Minho was ear-piercing. Even after deciding that you’re not leaving your boyfriend over him, you can’t believe he still has the heart to lead you outside his apartment and volunteer to take you to your car because of how dark the streets get.

It would have been pitch dark outside if not for the dimly lit street lights and the flashlight on Minho’s phone guiding your steps on the pavement as you looked for your car. You were so used to leaving Minho’s apartment at this time that the darkness didn’t even bother you anymore.

Not until a voice so familiar called out your name from a distance.

“What’s this?”

Your heart dropped to your feet.

“Seungmin—”

“Is that Minho with you?”

Minho was suddenly in front of you, his body covering yours as Seungmin stepped closer to the both of you.

“What the hell are you doing with my fiancée?” Seungmin’s voice was raised, a voice you had never come out from him through all the years that you were together. He doesn’t look like himself. His eyes were blazing with mixed feelings, anger, hurt, betrayal, and it was all because of you.

You pushed Minho away from in front of you and ran towards Seungmin, tears overflowing in your eyes as you tried to reach for your boyfriend’s hand.

“Seungmin, I can explain, I promise!” You sounded hysterical, trying to get a hold of Seungmin, but his eyes were zeroed in on the man behind you.

“Seungmin!” Grabbing his face in your hands, you tried to get him to look at you instead. “Listen to me. This isn’t his fault. It’s me, all me, okay?”

“No,” He removed your hold from him, the voice he let out seeming like broken glass but unwavering. “You listen to me.”

A strained whimper came out from your lips, not knowing what to do. It felt like your whole world was falling apart slowly and painfully right in front of your eyes with every tear that fell from Seungmin’s eyes.

It was you who did this.

“You know what? All this time that you’ve been sneaking around with him,” there was so much venom in the way he spoke as he pointed at Minho, but he remained quiet and still, letting all the anger fall on him.

“I know about it. I’m not naive! But I told myself that one day, one day, you’re gonna stop,” Seungmin tried his best to hold in his sob, but it was too much for him. “One day, you’ll finally feel that you belong with me.”

He tried his best to remember all the times he did you wrong. He tried to think if everything he did was too big of a mistake that you have the need to cheat on him. Did he not treat you right? What was missing from him that you found in Minho instead?

He ran a hand through his hair, furiously wiping the salty tears that kept falling. “Every fucking time I smell his perfume off of you, I told myself that I would turn a blind eye to it as long as you don’t get yourself caught. As long as I’m the one you come home to.”

The pain you were feeling right now would never amount to the pain that Seungmin was feeling. All the time he kept it all in, it finally pierced through his chest, that it felt like he was physically bleeding from the pain.

“Do I love you too much to do that?”

You sob, unable to bear how much hurt you’re putting him through right now. You tried reaching for him again, but he immediately stepped away. He looked at you like he saw a completely different person was before him, not someone he asked to marry.

“Seungmin, please. I stopped. I promise I did. I already cut things off with him to stay with you,” at that point, you didn’t care. What you said was so wretched and cruel for both of the people there with you, but you couldn’t possibly see your future without Seungmin. It was too late for you to realize that, but you’re taking all your chances here just to be able to stay with him.

He scoffed. He couldn’t honestly believe that you thought you would win him back with that. “Is that supposed to make me happy? Is that supposed to redeem yourself?” He questioned incredulously. “Do you think that you finally leaving Minho after all these months, I would forgive you?”

Minho remained quiet behind you. He just stood there, taking all of it in. He deserved it. In fact, he thought he deserved more than the words coming out of Seungmin. He probably deserved a hit in the face or a few curses and vile words from your fiancé, but Seungmin wasn’t like that. That’s how nice he was; he wouldn’t even curse the man you had illicit affairs with.

While you, on the other hand, can’t do anything but cry. It was pathetic of you, but you know there was no escape from this. This was the end of the line, and you knew there was no one to blame except you and your selfishness.

Seungmin covered his tear-stricken face as he let out a choked laugh, “It’s fucking bullshit that I still don’t hate you after all of this.”

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