#sex neutral

[dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night]

#Asexual #Asexual spectrum #Sex repulsed #Sex neutral #Sex favorable #Asexuality

[moonsporemoth]

shout out to all the ace peeps who fluctuate between sex ok or positive to sex negative randomly and are tired of hearing "But you were okay with it yesterday!"

Also, shout out to my fellow autistics who fluctuate between touch-starved and touch-aversion and have to hear the same thing if we say something.

#lgbtq #aroace #actually autism #autism #neurodivergent #autistic #asd #neurodiversity #touchstarved #touch aversion #sexuality #sex negativity #sex positive #sex neutral

[ihateliterature]

I find it extremely funny how the most basic of traits become alien when aspecs are involved

Like, most people can understand that there are some people who are inherently uncomfortable with sex. Who for some reason (or no reason) are just not comfortable with the subject and that doesn't mean that they can't have sex, or won't or even that they will or any other thing except that they are uncomfortable with it. And most people can accept that until you mention the word asexual and then it's a completely foreign idea and you need to get your hormones checked

People can also date without already being romantically interested in each other. That's the whole basis of dating apps and arranged marriages. And most people understand that too. But mention aromantics and then you're an abuser

Or having sex without a romantic or even sexual interest. Everyone is aware and mostly accepting of hook-up culture, sometimes you just want sex for the hell of it. But as soon as they find out about alloaros they clutch their pearls, the same with aces that have sex for fun. Because in their fervor or hating aspecs they forgot that sex feels good. Sometimes I legitimately wonder if aphobic allos even enjoy sex at all, considering how horrified they are when they hear about aspecs enjoying it

And that's probably because most are too brainwashed by amatonormativity to realize that they too can set these boundaries. If you are uncomfortable by sex say it, discuss it with your partner. IF you don't want to call your partnership romantic say it. If you want something with strictly no romantic feelings involved say it. If you have sex with someone you are not actually attracted to that doesn't make you a bad person, you both (or more) had fun, that's what's important

These are not strictly aspec things, everyone can do it. Because, and I need alloallos to read this very carefully, because although they know it few actually internalize it, it's better to die alone then to live your entire life in a relationship you hate just because you're scared to be alone

#aspec #aromantic #aromantic spectrum #asexual #asexual spectrum #alloaro #alloace #aroace #sex repulsed #sex positive #sex neutral

[shiningstardan]

H O W A M I C E L E B R A T I N G

International Asexual Day you ask?

Of course by writing porn

#aegosexual #ace #international asexuality day #international asexual day #sex neutral

[scretladyspider]

saying that the aces who are sex favorable/neutral/have sex are treated like the only “valid” aces is just

wow

…no

I have thoughts and experiences and thoughts based on those experiences

here I go

sex repulsed and averse aces treat sex favorable/neutral aces like we’re just trying to appeal to allosexuals, like talking about our experiences is inherently harmful, like our very existence is harmful because they get told that somethings wrong with them and as a result become very defensive of their aceness — but instead of taking that anger at being constantly dismissed out on dismantling allonormativity and compulsory heterosexuality, the framework and expectations that harm them… they say that if you say “hey I’m an ace and I have sex, we all have different relationships with having sex, some of us don’t, some of us do”, that we’re saying that we’re the better aces and are going out of our way to appeal to allosexuals at the cost of how our sexuality intertwines with our personhood, that we’re trying to appeal to allosexuals, and it might make allosexuals think maybe they can have sex with any ace actually, even tho we never told them that and specified it was just our experience (because we all know all allosexuals are mindless sex machines who only think about sex and are never capable of respecting boundaries or asexuality, no sexless relationship between an allo and an ace could or has ever healthily existed) (that in parentheses was sarcasm)

allosexuals treat sex favorable/neutral aces like we’re not really ace, like by having, or god forbid, enjoying sex, we are invalidating our sexuality, like asexuality and celibacy are the same thing and therefore we’re not really ace, and any acceptance comes at the price of respect and understanding of who we actually are, and (often) don’t accept us for who we are because “you’re not like those other people”, so to be acceptable means again paying the price of constant insults, invalidation, and depending on the situation, much worse stuff actually

so we’re left in this weird place where we know personally it’s important to talk about it because we didn’t know what was wrong with us for so long but then when we do, our own community acts like saying “I exist too” out loud is purposely harmful to them, like we’re trying to hurt them, like it’s personal and vindictive and not just “I also exist, just differently from how you exist”

we go to allosexuals and say “hey I exist” and are met with “no you don’t” “not really” “oh, you just want to invade the queer community” “you wanna be oppressed” “you need to stop taking antidepressants” “you’re just a woman/feminine” etc etc, and depending on who/where we come out it may not be safe, and may even be traumatizing if it goes badly, a risk that is always taken when coming out, but surely our sex favorability is just to try to appeal to allos, that couldn’t be who we are

but if allosexuals who are acephobic start to loudly say “oh asexuals just want the right to not have sex, that’s not a sexuality”, THEN all of the sudden it’s “that’s not what asexuality is, some aces have sex!” and the same it’s sex repulsed/averse aces saying it when the community is being put down, all of the sudden we’re important and our stories matter and our perspectives matter and help challenge misconceptions about asexuality

which is it?

Why are we only allowed to say we exist when asexuality as a whole is being put down?

why is the rest of the time if we say “hey some aces have sex, we exist too” harming you, but then when acephobes take a swing at all of us, we’re suddenly important and it’s good to acknowledge the spectrum of asexuality and then it’s okay to say there’s a spectrum of sexual attraction and of sex favorability

why are you mad at us, not the structures and people and sex Ed and purity culture that says none of us are allowed to exist?

if we can’t fit in with other aces and are only valid in the eyes of sex repulsed/averse aces when we can be used to prove a point, and we can’t fit in with allos because we’re invalidated and treated like we don’t exist while still having an ace experience

where the fuck are we supposed to go?

you’re mad at the wrong thing; you’re mad at the wrong people

aces who have sex, aces who like sex, aces who rarely/conditionally experience sexual attraction, are not out to hurt you by saying “I do also exist”

we are here with you trying to find a place to fit in

I’d like to think you’d understand that but it seems like there’s a part of the sex repulsed/averse ace community determined to lock the door on a part of your own community

and I dunno

it just puts a bad taste in my mouth

#lgbtqia #queer #asexual #asexuality #sex favorable #sex neutral #sex averse #sex repulsed #text post #long post #asexual spectrum #ace discourse #acespec

[debthedemi]

#asexuality #aspec positivity #gray asexual #gray ace #aspecs of color #black aces #asexual #aces of color #ace flux #aspec #demisexuality #all aspecs are valid #demisexual pride #sex positive #sex repulsed #sex neutral #sex favorable #sex indifferent #black asexuals

[ashesbreadandbutter]

Asexual issues #1

Having to explain that asexuality is a spectrum and not just "yeah I like sex" or "no I f*cking hate it" all the time.

It's a spectrum for a reason, let's try not to accidentally invalidate others.

#asexual #aspec #acespec #ace pride #ace problems #asexual spectrum #asexual struggles #asexual stuff #sex positive #sex negativity #sex neutral #asexuel #aromantic #cupiosexual #cupioromantic #demiromantic #demisexual

[gray-ace-space]

hello again, this is poll 3/3!

as always, VOTE ONLY IF YOU FOLLOW THIS BLOG.

if you feel you don't have enough experience to be sure, just make your best guess based on what feels ok to you in your brain.

#og post #poll #ace #acespec #gray ace #sex repulsed #sex averse #sex indifferent #sex neutral #sex favorable #sex ambivalent

[aroaceconfessions]

The hate asexuals receive is in large part due to people not correctly processing their religiously and societally ingrained guilt about enjoying sex. Therefore they see asexuals as some sort of threat or attack on them for having sexual feelings.

Sex and sexual attraction are morally neutral. Having sex is fine, not having sex is fine. Both are equally good. There is not anything inherently "pure" about not having sex and as someone who doesn't, I resent the implication.

It is not enough to know intellectually there's nothing morally wrong with sex, you have to internalize it and emotionally process it. And that's where a lot of people get hung up, because they don't know how to do that properly.

#asexual #ace #aspec #acespec #purity culture #sex shame #sex neutral #sex neutrality

[puddleslimewrites]

Understanding

Villain turned the hero's words over in their head. "So you can still have sex?"

"Yes."

"But you just...don't want it?" they said with audible uncertainty.

Hero hummed. "Not exactly." They tried their best to explain that people might want sex for other reasons - for curiosity, for their partner, maybe even a genuine desire. "You can still want sex without feeling that type of attraction. It's not a requirement."

The crease in Villain's brow smoothed just a little as they nodded slowly. "Okay."

Hero almost wanted to laugh but they held it in. Villain was really trying to understand and they didn't want to ruin this moment. They were one of the few who not only wanted to listen but were really trying to absorb what Hero was saying.

"So..." Villain began, legs kicking gently over the edge of the bridge they found themselves on. Their expression was akin to that of a sad puppy as they asked, "So we can still kiss?"

"Pfft-" Hero couldn't help themself anymore. They covered their mouth with a hand, but it didn't stop the sound at all. "Sorry, that's a valid question. Your face is just too cute." Before their nemesis could refute that, they quickly said, "I'm not averse to kissing, so yes, we can still kiss."

Villain nodded again, looking satisfied this time. A comfortable quiet settled between them as they listened to the lull of the stream below.

"We should make a list."

Hero looked away from the water to find Villain staring at them intently. "Hm?"

"A list," Villain repeated. "Of what you're okay with and what you aren't. That could be good for the both of us...right?"

Hero smiled, bright and hopeful. They really didn't know how they got so lucky. "Yeah. That- That'd be great. Thank you."

#literally threw this together last minute #these two are adorable tho #international asexuality day #happy ace day! ^-^ #asexual character #asexuality #sex positive #sex neutral #puddleslimewrites #heroes and villains #hero x villain #hero and villain #writing snippet #writing #writing snippets

[moradollie]

Seeing prn bots infiltrate the asexual tag on here is fucking weird as shit

M'am you tried to hijack literally one of the most anti-sex tags on this very site where majority of people who use this tag are sex repulsed, sex negative, or just don't like XXX media (visually) on some level, esp since many aces on this site are in their teen years.

*If you are an ace SW more power to you, but you also have enough common sense to not tag your XXX material with the ace tag unless you're doing it just to bring kind of awareness to being ace and a SW

#asexual #asexuality #sex repulsed #sex neutral #sex positive

[the-lone-witch-and-secret-room]

Just saw something that pissed me off, so: sex favorable aces are asexual. Just because you have sex and maybe enjoy that sex doesn’t mean you can’t be asexual.

Asexuality can include not wanting to have sex whatsoever (sex repulsed aces, which I am personally) or having sex for the sake of a partner but not actively seeking it out/enjoying it (sex neutral), but disliking sexual acts isn’t a requirement to be asexual.

What makes sex-favorable aces asexual is the fact that they don’t feel sexual attraction.

This is something that’s pretty universally shared between all asexual people, regardless of whether you fall under sex repulsed, sex neutral or sex favorable.

Other identities under the ace umbrella also include sexual attraction in their definition, e.g. demisexual, where you only start to feel sexual attraction when you have a bond with someone, and greysexual, where you feel sexual attraction, but only sometimes, under certain circumstances.

Asexuality is not just about the act of sex! It’s not about libido! There isn’t one way to be asexual, and just because you personally aren’t sex favorable doesn’t mean you can tell those people that they’re not actually ace because they don’t fit your definition! It’s shitty!

I’ve said this before, I will say it again: you do not get to dictate other people’s sexualities. Being queer doesn’t give you the right to be shitty to other queer people because you don’t understand their identities. Being ace does not give you the right to be shitty to other aces just because you don’t understand their identities.

Aroace people already struggle to be included in the queer community because people don’t consider us queer enough. Pray tell, why the fuck are we then throwing people out of the ace community for not being ace enough, for not fitting your cut-and-dry definition of asexual?

Sex-favorable aces are already super underrepresented in the asexual community. Don’t tell them to shut up because they’ll “confuse allo people” or they’re “twisting what asexuality actually is”. Do not tell marginalized people to shut up about their identity and experiences, ever.

Allo people are being aphobic and shitty because they do not care about us. They don’t care enough to do basic research, to even try to understand us or take our word for what our identity is. They don’t think we’re queer enough and think we just want attention.

This wouldn’t change if sex favorable aces didn’t exist. The only thing you’re doing is making other people feel shitty about who they are to appease people who already hate us or at least can’t be bothered to understand our identities.

Sex favorable aces can barely say anything online and they’ll immediately be accused of not actually being asexual from all sides. Why the fuck are we contributing to that?

Yes, allo people take the fact that sex favorable aces exist to write asexual characters in sexual relationships. But they write them the same way they’d write an allo person having sex, because they can’t be bothered to try and understand sex favorable aces either! They don’t care about any of us! They just want to make an asexual character allo and take the fact that sex favorable aces exist as an excuse.

This is not on sex favorable aces!! It’s on aphobes being shitty!!!

They’d still make ace characters have sex regardless of this because they don’t think we’re valid and don’t think that sex repulsed people can be in a happy relationship because relationships aren’t “real” relationships without sex.

Sex neutral people also have sex sometimes. We shouldn’t be invalidating them for that either. Stop being shitty to fellow aces just because they have sex and potentially don’t despise it!

Also, this part going out specifically to allos since I keep hearing this shit too: yes, some allo people are absolutely down to be in a relationship with ace people and not have sex. These conversations should absolutely be had before you enter a relationship, draw lines on what you are and aren’t okay with. But someone knowingly entering a relationship with an ace person is not being led on if that ace person doesn’t end up wanting sex! Ace people aren’t being selfish or malicious or manipulative for agreeing to be in relationships with allo people who are cool with having an ace partner!

You have no problem imagining an ace person being in a relationship with an allo person and compromising by having sex with them. Why is it so difficult to imagine the allo person could be the one to compromise and not have sex? Relationships are about so much more than just sex.

#eleena rants #asexuality #ace positivity #sex favorable #sex neutral #sex repulsed #queer community #ace community #I’m so annoyed can you guys not #aphobia #tw sex mention #long post

[imgae-insertshockedgasps-16]

anime

let's imagine a scenario.

you don't particularly like anime. you don't dislike it, it's just not your favorite thing to do.

if given the choice, you probably wouldn't choose to watch anime.

but your partner loves anime.

anime is something they genuinely enjoy and it brings them pleasure. talking about anime and watching anime with their partner(s) is part of their love language and makes them feel closer to you.

so

sometimes you watch anime.

hell, you enjoy watching anime with your partner, not because of the anime, but because of the intimacy and spending time together and connection and etc.

pretty normal, right? doesn't make you 'weird', or a 'freak', or mean that "well you must actually like anime then"

great, glad we agree.

now apply that to sex and stop being bigoted abt sex-neutral aspecs (and/or stop being mean to yourself abt it)

#sex neutral #aspec #asexual #asexual spectrum #asexuality #acespec

[questioning-aspec-culture-is]

Questioning aspec culture is reducing "sex-neutral asexual aromantic, demiromantic, biromantic, sex-positive graysexual blah blah blah" into "AROACE". I'm an aroace (sometimes sex/romance repulsed/positive/neutral, aego/cupio sexual, apothiromantic, probably demiromantic, sapiosexual and romantic, considerably straight, but probably bi romantic, I probably have much more to discover etc etc etc). Can't be bothered to introduce all this even to myself, so imma just make it short, aroace.

<2

#questioning aspec culture is #sex neutral #asexual #aromantic #demiromantic #biromantic #sex positive #graysexual #greysexual #(confession: i have no idea how to spell greay) #aroace #sex ambivalent #aegosexual #cupiosexual #apothiromantic #sapiosexual #sapioromantic #labels #lgbtqia+ #queer

[heyftinally]

Okay, more thoughts from reading Loveless and being starkly reminded of my own life.

My dear fellow asexuals,

It's okay if your relationship to sex fluctuates.

It can be scary as fuck if you aren't expecting it, though.

For the longest time, I thought I was sex averse. Big no, not interested, never gonna happen. That was my truth for years.

Until it wasn't.

I was still asexual. I wasn't thinking about it or wanting it, say, in the middle of class when thinking about the person I was with. But I also wasn't opposed to it if they were in the mood when we were alone.

And that was a lot for me to come to terms with, especially while being in my first visibly queer relationship, and with that relationship being allo/ace with my allo partner really not understanding my aceness, *and* a whole list of other factors.

To put it bluntly, shit's scary.

So if you're ace and ever find yourself in a similar position where your feelings towards/relationship with sex changes dramatically (either way), whether now or in the future, I want you to remember some things I wish I'd Han an elder ace to tell me:

It's okay.

This doesn't mean you're suddenly not ace, or you were faking being ace before, or that you were faking how you felt about sex before, nor does it mean you're faking now.

This doesn't inherently mean you're changing yourself for your partner. Just because they may have been a catalyst doesn't automatically mean you're just pretending how you feel to make them happy (if that is what's happening, though, dump them and find someone who doesn't pressure you to change your relationship to sex to make them more comfortable - that's gross and you deserve better).

You're still ace, if that label still feels like home.

You're still valid in your sexuality.

It's okay if this is temporary, and it's okay if it's not.

You're allowed to feel however you feel about it: confused, scared, angry, sad, excited, overjoyed, and any combination of these or anything else.

If you have someone you can talk to it about and feel comfortable doing so, reach out. Lean on your support system.

It's okay to need to take a step back and sit with yourself and just come to terms with your new truth.

It's okay if it feels heavy, and it's okay if it doesn't.

Our community still loves and accepts you.

🖤 🩶 🤍 💜

#asexual #asexuality #sex favorable asexual #sex favorable #sex neutral #sex neutral asexual #sex averse #sex averse asexual #sex favorable ace #sex neutral ace #sex averse ace #loveless #alice oseman #alice oseman loveless #loveless alice oseman #osemanverse #asexual community #ace community

[hum-tittle]

Here's some ace pride things I made a while ago

Sex repulsed

Sex neutral

And Sex favorable/ sex positive

#ace #asexual #ace spec #asexuality #ace pride #sex repulsed #sex neutral #sex positive #lgbtqia #alphabet mafia #queer #pride #you're valid #sending love ❤️