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#sexy evil witch lady
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Pt VIII good omens a spoiler-free trailer
*walks into church, ignoring the gasps of the congregation* *holds mic to a terrified gentleman's face*
Have you ever wondered, what if the flaming sword at the Garden of Eden was insufferably in love with the Serpent?
*doesn't wait for response, shoves mic in shaking lady's face*
What if I told you, your bible studies are incomplete, because they are missing the most important story of all?
*cut to me in front of a white screen, walking seductively toward camera in a suit*
Worry not, for your prayers have been answered. Presenting, Good Omens, a kind-of biblically accurate story by Sir Terry Pratchett and Tumblr's own @neil-gaiman, now a TV show and queerer than ever. All you AO3 slow-burn hoes, we see you. You asked for it, you got it. Childhood friends is so last millennium, we give you instead, six thousand years of mutual pining.
*hard cut to David Tennant, whom I have stuck to a chair with Elmer's glitter glue* *he struggles, in vain*
Starring David Tennant and his signature slutty walk as Crowley, now in a ginger Barbie edition that comes with demonic eyes, every hairstyle and gender you could ever dream of, and instant outfit changes. It really is a miracle!
*camera swivels to focus on Michael Sheen, who is bound in blankets and looking deeply concerned*
Starring Michael Sheen the fae shapeshifter as Aziraphale, the sweetest, most cherubic murderous bitchy angel you've ever seen. Special features include automatic heart-eyes the moment he is faced with Crowley, a charming disregard for casual massacre in the name of God, and the instant outfit changes. Watch him melt your heart before breaking it! Bonus tip: try giving him sushi!
*cut back to the white screen, I am now sitting uncomfortably close to the camera*
Follow Aziraphale and Crowley as they alternatively try to follow and thwart God's ineffable plan, managing to spectacularly fail at both tasks with a consistency that amazes as it befuddles. Featuring alcohol, a bookstore, and metaphorical and literal fire as things get a little... heated in the Bible fandom.
*crossfade to Soho, I walk along the street as the camera follows me*
If that isn't enough to convince you, presenting also, idiot lesbians giving an ancient demon love advice, sexy horsepersons of the apocalypse, an unofficial wedding combined with burning Nazis alive where the most important part is the handing over of a suitcase, and the sexiest MILF witch Agnes Nutter, a literal bombshell.
*cut to disturbing close up of Neil Gaiman's face* *he tries to step away, and is met with my camerapersons*
Watch Neil Gaiman give you hope and shatter it again repeatedly, in a show where the literal apocalypse is only the background to a forbidden idiots who are lovers-to-lovers who are idiots story that is older than Time itself. Armageddon takes a backseat as Crowley serves gender, and if you thought the Antichrist was adorable, wait till you see him in Good Omens, where his evil powers are directed towards being the cutest kid he can possibly be.
*cut back to white screen, I smile ominously while twirling a human bone*
Good Omens, at your nearest Amazon Prime, with free UST, fluff, Queen, and plenty of tears. Don't miss it!
*text rapidly rolls across screen*
[Imagery has been used for representative purposes. No David Tennant, Michael Sheen or Neil Gaiman was harmed in the process of creating this advertisement. Good Omens will have expected side-effects, including unprompted sobbing, a Pavlovian reaction to bandstands, nightingales, holy water and 'the final fifteen', heartache for the foreseeable future, and intense lust for Crowley's elusive gender. Asmi is not responsible for any consequences resulting from the advertised product. Some features have been excluded from the advertisement due to space and time constraints.]
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itzvintagevibez · 1 year
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Charlize Theron's Character Prompts
Lady Leonora Lesso AKA Sexy Redhead
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Kinky: (part 1) (part 2) - in progress
My Redhead: (part 1) (part 2) - in progress
Shh: (only one part)
School for Good and Evil: (part 1) (part 2) - in progress
Babysitter: (only one part)
Do you wanna build a snowman?: (only one part)
Daydreaming: (only one part)
Strange Feelings: (i'm gonna redo this but just read this shitty piece if you'd like to)
How Nasty of Us: (only one part)
Dolls: (only one part)
Perverts: (only one part)
Killer Dean: (only one part)
"Eyes up here, Ever.": (only one part)
Fetish: (part one) (part two)-coming soon
When parallel worlds meet: (chapter 1) (chapter 2)-coming soon
Satisfied: (only one part)
Queen Ravenna AKA Step-mommy vibez
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Don't Test My Patience Child: (only one part)
She's a Witch!: (only one part)
Tears of Gold: (part one) (part two)-coming soon
Charlotte Field AKA Miss Prez
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Eyes for you (part 1) -not yet created
Your Number One Fan (only one part) - not yet created
Clea Strange AKA Marvel Queen
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Mentor's Pet (chapter 1) (chapter 2) (chapter 3) (chapter 4) (chapter 5) (chapter 6) (chapter 7) - coming soon
Elaine Markinson AKA Miss Red Lips
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Wine and Dine (only one part) - paused
Lorraine Broughton AKA Badass Spy
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I Shouldn't Have Met You (part 1) - not yet created
SKITS
Ice Cream
Smoothies
Sorry Not Sorry
My Type?
Pick Up Lines
Mistletoe
Why Do You Keep Stealing My Clothes?!
Most Likely To...
Most Likely To...Pt.2
She's Not My Girlfriend!
A B C D E F U
What do you do when you see person in need of help?
Demented Clown?!
A Gay Test
You Look Like A Never!
That Son Of A Bitch!
You Can Stop Smiling...
May The Less Horny Person Win
All I Want For Christmas Is You
Tagging My Favourite Bloggers;
@cissyenthusiast010155
@riveramorylunar
@usimp4women
@natsaffection
@livelaughlovelesso
@cat-or-kitten
@paulawand
@prettygreenpills
@sere-rine
@annie-creates
@merci-bitch
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fuaandara · 1 year
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Deep Dive: Freya - Happy Friday!
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Freya is a staple of the Norse pantheon. She is depicted with long, flowing, flaxen hair and sea blue eyes. She is a member of the Vanír tribe, a group known for its connection to nature and nature magic. Freya introduced the Aesir gods to seidr, a form of Norse divination and a magical skill that it is said can even be used to change the future. Despite being known for her gentle and, at times, sexy nature, Freya fought fiercely in battle and was known for the trail of blood she would leave behind her in war.  
Other Known Names 
Freja, Freyia, Freyja, Fröja, Frøya, Frøjya, Frua, Mardöll, Hörn, Gefn, Gullveig, and Syr 
My personal favorite title for Freya is Valfreyja or ‘lady of the slain’.  
Note: Freya comes from Germanic roots. Meaning ‘the lady’, it is the root for the modern German term of respect for an elder woman, ‘frua’. 
Family Tree 
The Norse goddess Freya, or Freyja, was the twin sister of the god Freyr. Both were Vanír gods and children of the sea god, Njörd. Her mother is unknown but frequently referenced as a much older Germanic goddess. 
She took Odr to be her husband. Little is known about Odr, but his named means ‘furious and passionate’. In many stories, Freya’s husband is Odin, and she replaces Frigg. Thus, Odr might have actually been Odin. This might be due to the migration of Germanic tribes and their religions clashing. As they blended, certain gods and goddesses replaced or overtook each other in title. Regardless, it is known that she had two daughters: Hnoss and Gersemi.  
Associations 
Freya was in charge of battle, love, fertility, and death. She, like Odin, had a claim over half the dead slain in any battle and could choose to bring them to her hall, Fólkvangar. (In fact, Freya has first pick of the slain over Odin). She is known for being gentle, but not necessarily for having a soft hand. She is a warrior goddess with a heart of gold, so while she is forgiving and nurturing, she will also expect you to grow some tough skin and learn to survive and eventually conquer.  
Freya was sex symbol and lusted after by many gods and giants alike. In a little bit, we will get into a story where her sex appeal causes quite the predicament.  
She was a völva or female practitioner of magic, or seidr. This magic was specifically used as divination, where the völva could possibly alter future events leading to better outcome in battle. Little is known about the social status of these shamans. As with many magical healers, they were revered by some and feared by others. In later periods of the Germanic tribes, the völva’s place became much more defined as a leader woman or chieftain's wife. She is also said to be the keeper of the knowledge of the runes.  
She was associated with cats, specifically two that pulled her chariot through the sky. She also was represented by pigs and had a giant boar with golden bristles named Hildisvíni. She is said to have a magical cloak of falcon feathers that can transform the wearer into a falcon.  
Friday was named after this goddess. It is believed to previously have been ‘Freya’s day’.  
Rose quartz, amber, and tiger’s eye are stones said to be associated with Freya.  
Jewelry and perfume are associated with the goddess due to her status as a goddess of beauty and fertility.  
Mythology 
Freya is a goddess of polarity, straddling love and war, life and death. Like Persephone and similar goddesses, she is seen as both a light and dark figure. She was witch, or magic practitioner, which is a position in society that also crosses the line between good and evil. Finally, she bridges the Vanír and the Aesir – nature and the celestial. 
In the great Aesir- Vanír War, it was Freya that oversaw peace talks with Odin and proper sacrifices. It is said that after this war is when she introduces the gods to magic, a crime against the Vanír. It is also said that Freya could be known as Gullveig, the narrator of Völuspá who recounts the Aesir- Vanír war and predicts the fates of the gods in Ragnarök.  
In one story, Freya becomes the center of a giant’s focus. He agrees to build a wall for the gods under tight time constraints and, if he completes the wall in time, take Freya away to Jötunheimr (the realm of ice and giants) to be his wife. Time passes and it looks as if the giant might succeed at this task. Worried, Freya reaches out to Thor and Loki for aid. In order to save her, Loki transforms into a mare and seduces the giant's prized stallion. Thor protects Freya from the giant’s rage as, without the stallion there to help him, the giant is unable to build the wall and unable to claim his bride. Another bright outcome of this story is that Loki goes on to give birth to Odin’s 8-legged horse.  
Freya’s status as a sex symbol occasionally works to her advantage. One of her prized possessions, the beautiful necklace Brísingamen, was gained after she seduced the four dwarves that crafted it. Of course, in this story, Loki finds out about Freya’s promiscuity and goes to Odin. Odin has Loki steal the necklace from Freya using his powers of transformation. When Freya comes to Odin about the theft, he reveals that he knew everything all along and that he’ll only return the necklace if she convinces two kings to go to war with each other. She does so, and the two kings fight on for centuries until a Christian comes and settles the dispute. To be fair, the written version of this story comes from the Sörla þáttr, a retelling of Norse pagan stories written by Christian priests.  
Unfortunately, a lot of the written history of Norse paganism is retold through the lenses of Christianity. This is why we see Loki depicted as a devil-like figure, and Freya stripped of her feminine power and portrayed as a harlot who was obsessed with sparkly things. It is understood that Freya would have been powerful due to her beauty and seen as a goddess of fertility and lust. Her lust was wielded against men, a weapon of her divine feminine nature.  
Modern Worship 
Many practitioners of Asatru worship Freya as a goddess of fertility, beauty, love, and abundance. Forming a connection with any deity takes time and patience. Everything you do must be done with love and intention. It is hard to complete a task then an hour afterwards claim that was in a god or goddess’s name. You first need to slow down and think about what you are doing and why. Most everyday actions can be a form of worship! Just writing this post, I started by dedicating my research efforts to Odin, a god of knowledge and its pursuit. Next time, before you step one foot outside your door, offer that time outside up to a god or goddess. Give thanks at meals for the food and company. Before you go to bed, meditate on a deity and try to connect with the universe. Effort and patience pay off when working with the gods and goddesses, but that effort and patience must be true and consistent. We can’t just turn to them when things aren’t going our way (not to say you can’t start building a relationship with them when life is far from perfect). We must also go to them when things are good and offer gratitude when life goes our way.  
There are many reasons to work with Freya. You may be deepening your connection with nature and its associated deities. You may be going through a battle and need a powerful goddess on your side to give you strength. You could be struggling to be intimate with your partner and be seeking a goddess of sexuality to aid you. Whatever your reason, tailor your practice to suit your needs. While it is not our place to take liberties with the symbolism and religious practices associated with a god or goddess, we can lean into something they are already associated with. So, if you are aiming to be a green witch and feel Freya speaks to you through nature, pick floral and natural aspects of worship. If you need support in self-confidence and beauty, use her love of jewelry and fine things to your advantage. Deities are multi-faceted and should be honored for all their parts.  
Note: Freya is a shapeshifter and goddess of transformation, so she may come to you in any form.  
Taking time to learn and research any god or goddess is also a form of worship. Set your intent before you begin and set aside a decent amount of time. Yes, life is crazy and sometimes our research is a Google article we read at our lunch break. But part of developing a connection with a deity is dedication. You don’t need hours upon hours weekly of study but, instead of scrolling through Instagram for a half hour before bed, say a short prayer and research Freya then for thirty minutes. Read the Prose and Poetic Eddas. Listen to podcasts during your drive to work that dive deep into her. Find the time and the motivation because, by coming this far, you have already decided that this relationship is a priority for you. That being said, I like to remind people that it is also never too late or too little to start. If you fall off the wagon, if you have six kids and no free time, whatever you are giving is enough. The gods see us for what we are and know what we have to offer. Don’t stress because you forgot to light a candle last Friday, Freya knows you were busy cooking dinner for your family and doing the laundry and forty other things. But do put forth some effort. The gods also know when we are taking advantage of their kindness and not trying at all.  
A first step in attaining a relationship with any nature deity is to go outside. To honor Freya, spend time gardening or planting flowers. Pick a bouquet of your favorite flowers and bring them into your home or take tedious care of your garden. If allergies keep you from enjoying flowers or grass under your feet, try house plants or sitting in the sun on your deck. While grounding and connecting to nature are best done directly in contact with nature, we make exceptions when we need to. If you live in an apartment without a balcony, open a window and let the sun and breeze hit your face for a few minutes. If it’s always rainy where you live, the window is still a great option! Nature isn’t always sunny, so taking a deep breath of that fresh, rain-soaked air is just as connecting as letting the sun splash across your skin. Listen to the thunder closely and watch the lightning (from a safe distance) write messages across the sky. 
Another great option for worship that does require a little bit of space is setting up an altar dedicated to a specific deity. While it doesn’t have to be anything grand, placing their image in a spot meant solely for them and then coming to meditate or spend time at that spot is important. For Freya, you can use mead, honey, flax wheat, apples, jewelry, or perfume to name a few options. Think nature, think beauty, think love, and think war. If invoking her for love, you may not want to leave mugwort. But, if invoking her for battle, the essential oil dragon’s blood would be perfect.   
Freya is a goddess of sensuality and sex. Connect to her by savoring things. The smell of a flower, the bite of your favorite chocolate cake, the brush of your partner’s hand across your arm. Embrace the small thrills in life and seek them out. Did you feel that breeze caress your cheek? Did you notice how that beef was so tender it almost melted in your mouth? Force yourself to slow done during mundane tasks, in seemingly meaningless moments, and find the extraordinary in them.  
On the other side of that coin, Freya is a goddess of love and known for being incredibly selfless. This means an act of kindness or love done in Freya’s name can mean a lot. It is powerful to set your intent before the act is done, but a life lived in kindness and love can be done as well and you don’t need to repeatedly say it’s for her – you can just be a good person.  
Burn incense that are floral (for nature) or spicy (for sex). Open a window or go outside and let the wind carry the smoke. Believe that with it, all your prayers are carried to Freya. Or perhaps, light a candle and leave offerings for the goddess. All Norse deities enjoy mead as an offering. You can also leave her flowers and herbs like primrose and mugwort. Do some research and find herbs associated with the traits you’d like to utilize in her.  
As a goddess of beauty, you can work with Freya by performing acts of self-care. This may mean going to yoga weekly or eating healthy. It can also include putting on makeup or adorning jewelry. Do these actions with intent, calling on the goddess to enhance your natural beauty.  
Freya is a goddess of magic and worked closely with the runes. Learning the Elder Futhark Runes and their meaning is a beautiful offering for her. I, personally, dedicate all the time I spend studying and working with the runes to Freya and have found that she has led me to some much deeper insight into their purpose and has made my rune readings much more in depth. 
Friday the 13th is a sacred day to Freya. When this day comes around, spend the day in nature. Take a walk, drink tea with honey, and end the day with a feast dedicated to the goddess. It is also said that this goddess died three times and was reborn three times, so the number 3 is important. Do things in threes in your rituals to her (for example: lighting three candles, chanting incantations three times, etc.). 
Owning a cat and taking good care of it is said to be a way to worship Freya. Cats were considered sacred to the goddess and her chariot was pulled by two large domestic cats. So, adopt local and love your furry feline friend! If adopting isn’t up your alley, perhaps you can volunteer at the shelter.  
And finally, my personal favorite form of worshipping any Norse deity: talking out loud to them. My first real experience with the Norse deities was after about two hours of me walking around my apartment yelling at them and questioning them. They immediately answered my questions in the form of my now ex-boyfriend coming home and saying some bizarrely philosophical things. So, while I don’t recommend yelling at the gods, I do encourage you to speak out loud to them. I know that the subconscious and conscious minds are powerful tools, but sometimes the most effective method of communication with your higher self is just plain old talking. Ask your questions, have a normal conversation because you’re lonely, explain what you’re doing throughout your ritual, whatever feels natural to you. And then be quiet, be patient, and see if you are answered. It might be in your next conversation, in the next words you read, in the next bird that flies by, but your answer should come. If not, maybe try yelling.  
Remember that reciprocity is key with paganism. You cannot receive something without saying thank you. You cannot ask for something without giving something in return.  Consistent practice shows loyalty and dedication. Remember that you are working with old gods. You are never guaranteed anything, and you are never too far from salvation.  
Further Readings 
Prose Edda 
Poetic Edda 
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beevean · 7 months
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i really have to lament that the standards for female characters in media are still so abysmal that people are happy to eat up #girlboss'd maria and annette in nocturne
when their character bios dropped these past few days, my mind immediately went to this iconic kate beaton comic panel:
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and this was a parody of how mainstream media "solved" sexism by invariably making every female character a badass, take no prisoners Action Girl™ (aka the proto-#girlboss) from over a decade ago
Absolutely incredible :^)
What grinds my gears is that the adaptation is deliberately flattening characters who were distinct in the original games and could have been fleshed out in a proper story.
Annette doesn't do much in RoB, true. Her one significant scene is the one where she threatens to slit her own throat rather than join Dracula. Sure, why not expand on that? An average woman without powers or training, but armed with nothing bur bravery in the face of corruption: she may not be able to strike enemies physically, but she won't fall for their mind games, and she might also be rewritten to be intelligent and tactic-- nope she's a metalbender now!!!! she's also a swordswoman!!!!! and she will be politically motivated!!!!!!
Maria is a plucky 12 yo girl without much experience of the world, but who grows to care about Richter and wants to help her. She doesn't understand, nor care, about Dracula's speech about the evil of mankind, while the adult Richter falters: she is pure innocence. Still, her unique powers give her an edge when it comes to demon slaying, all without losing her upbeat attit-- nope she's a political leader now!!!! she's also a swordswoman!!!!!! and she's always serious!!!!!! and she will be politically motivated!!!!!!!
In the original NFCV, Sypha was the only one spared because her personality admittedly was a little more upbeat and warmer, even though she also fell in the trap of being the One Braincell Of The Group. But Greta and the woman St. Germain simped for picked up the slack for her, as they were both the exact shade of competent, no-nonsense tough lady fighter, complete with "good thing I'm here to run your life now" in the former's case.
And the female villains? Striga was the only original one, being the obvious muscle of the group, but she might as well have been a henchwoman. Carmilla? A self-proclaimed queen whose personality begins and ends at #girlboss, all sexy and seductive and manipulative and with a dash of radfem. Lenore? Not quite as girlbossish, but still meant to be seen as cool and sexy (and fucking how) and a great manipulator. Erszbet? So far she looks like Carmilla 2.0. Drolta is the one we know the least about so far, but it's interesting how she was turned from an old human witch to a young sexy vampire.
You see the pattern here?
Annette and Maria are also the latest examples of characters who have been changed for no good reason in an attempt to "fix" them. NFCV hates normal people, they all have to be heroes and magic users and proficient weapon users. Instead of keeping Annette with her role of "Richter's girlfriend and a normal girl", but giving her a more substantial personality, she was completely reworked to be something that she simply isn't, and that rewriting is being praised as being So Much Better Than The Games. As if her original role is so undefensible that she needs to be reworked from scratch.
It's lazy. There is a sore lack of variety in the female cast of these shows. And it pretends to be "progressive" about it. As if women are only worth being celebrated if they're physically active and have a tough attitude.
Meanwhile, I will forever be impressed by how Ayami Kojima and Kou Sasakura took Rosaly, a literal non-entity in CoD whose only narrative purpose was to be the fridged woman, and gave her enough personality, without straying far from the archetype of the kind normal girl, that I seriously grew attached to her, something I would have never expected at first.
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mermaidsirennikita · 1 month
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I was just on Pirates of the Caribbean at Disneyland and thought, “a pirate romance would be great right about now.” Any recs? Thank you!
I dooo--these aren't really true-blue Golden Age of Piracy PIRATE PIRATE recs because a lot of those are *quite* old and *quite* problematic even by my standards... And I mean, that era of piracy is kind of inherently rough because piracy like, directly intersected with the slave trade, among other things, etc.
If you're open to something more magical and whimsical, I would absolutely recommend India Holton's The Wisteria Society of Lady Scoundrels and The League of Gentlewoman Witches. They're set in a Victorian world populated by thieves and witches and pirates who fly like, airships. They're SO funny and sexy and romantic, but they still hav stakes, too. I actually find the heroes of both books very piratey. One is like, a charmer sort of like, borderline himbo, and the other is one of the slickest heroes I've ever read. Both are great, Gentlewoman Witches edges out the first for me juuust a little because of how the sex in that one works. She's just like "I am very stressed" and he's like "I have a solution". At one point they're just jacking/fingering each other while steering the ship lmao.
Scandalous Desires by Elizabeth Hoyt OF COURSE. Charming Mickey O'Connor (one of the greatest hero names of all time sorry) is a river pirate. He's very successful, very dangerous, and has an incredibly OTT accent that Elizabeth Hoyt sells because it's Elizabeth Hoyt and she can sell almost anything. His heroine is a Quaker widow who ends up trapped on his ship because he, GET THIS, left his bastard infant daughter on her orphanage doorstep, and a year later, after she's fallen in love with this baby, shows up like "SO YEAH WE'RE IN DANGER AND I CAN'T HAVE PEOPLE USING SHIT AGAINST ME SO I WANT THAT BABY BACK EVEN THO IDGAF ABOUT IT". And Silence is like well if you're taking the baby you're taking ME too. And so he does.
The Hawk by Monica McCarty has a medieval hero who's like, a lord and shit, but also very much a self-acknowledged pirate. He's always swimming naked and using his piratical ways to do spy shit for Robert the Bruce. His heroine is an uptight Irish noblewoman he literally fishes out of the sea. This is indeed the "they fuck on a raft in the middle of a storm because the storm makes her anxious" book.
How to Tame a Wild Rogue by Julie Anne Long has a hero who's a privateer, which is BASICALLY THE SAME THING LBR. The action doesn't really take place on the ship, because he and the heroine end up in the same room at this boarding house during a once in a lifetime storm (it's like a bottle episode romance, it's really fascinating) but he's still got that pirate charm. She's a spinster and has kinda missed out on life. At one point they play this weird old-timey game to pass the time and it gets oddly sexual, which is such a Julie Anne Long thing.
Shadowheart by Laura Kinsale. Allegreto is, while also being an assassin and political mover and shaker, a pirate on the side. Part of the book does take place on a ship, I believe, and the interesting thing is that it also takes place, in part, in VENICE, so you get the whole canal life. Allegreto is legit crazy. TW: noncon for the first encounter, one of those forced consummation things because he needs the heroine to marry him as a part of his Evil Plot.
(Sidebar: I always find this scene so interesting, because it is very obviously noncon, but in a way that I think is period-accurate she sort of is like more mad about her virginity being gone? Because she needs that for marital and political reasons? And she also realizes that he SUPER got off on her biting him, and he's shaken because she really wasn't supposed to know that he was into that, and SHE begins to connect the dotes re: his sexual inclinations, in that he wants her to dominate him, which is a major weakness of his.)
Lord of Temptation by Lorraine Heath. The hero's brother basically sold him--he was willing--to piratey types when they were young teens because they were on the run from their evil uncle. So he grew up and became this well known captain/pirate. Now he's sort of integrated back into polite society, but he doesn't want it, so he goes out to sea and ends up escorting the heroine when she's on the way to see her fiancee. Cue sex on a boat. This one is really fun because it gives major ILLICIT AFFAIRS.
Any Duke in a Storm by Amalie Howard. Arguably the most traditional piratey one here. The heroine is actually a spy, but she has this pirate identity and is very cold and fierce. The hero (who naturally is both piratey and a duke) becomes her first mate (or something like that) and she actually thinks he's a part of the illegal operation she's trying to bust. HOWEVER, things get complicated because he's wildly attracted to her and trying to get into her pants. There is indeed a fight where she ends up on top of him and realizes he's massively hard and there are like 12 pirates watching.
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animebw · 1 year
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The Graveyard of Dropped Shows
So the thought occurs to me that I’ve dropped quite a few anime this season. Turns out, when you don’t pressure yourself to keep up with every show you start out of an obsessive need for cataloguing, it’s a lot easier to say goodbye to shows you don’t like. Who’d have thought? And at this point, I’m far enough into the shows I’m still watching that I’m mostly confident sticking with them to the end. Unless things really take a turn for the worse, but hey, we’ll burn that bridge when we cross to it. For now, I thought I’d just give a quick rundown of all the spring 2023 anime I started watching but gave up on for whatever reason. Cool? Cool. Welcome to the first installment of my graveyard of dropped shows!
Hell’s Paradise: Dropped at 4 episodes
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This is probably the most unfair drop on my list. Hell’s Paradise is fine, I guess; as much as I hate the overly bloomed-out lighting Mappa decided to go with, the action’s pretty fun and I’m a sucker for a good Garden of Nightmares setting. It’s a perfectly adequate Shonen Thing that’ll scratch a lot of people’s itches. But man, the older I get, the less patience I have for what I’ve come to call Shonen Gender Bullshit, or SGB for short. And sweet buttery crumpets, this show is full of it. It takes all of one episode for Sagiri to transform from a competent executioner deuteragonist to an inexperienced damsel who exists mainly to be outclassed and taught lessons by the men around her while she stares on in reactive awe. The only other female characters besides her are either evil seductresses who flaunt their bodies for the audience at the first possible opportunity or saintly, far-off idealized wives who exist as goals for Gabimaru to strive for. And in a post-Jujutsu Kaisen world, there is no more excuse for your ridiculous shonen beat-em-up to not treat its ladies with respect.
Konosuba Megumin: Dropped at 2 episodes
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Was there a time when I actually liked Konosuba? I’m sure there was, but every new installment in this series just makes it harder and harder to remember why any of us thought this show was anything more than passably amusing at best. And this is a spinoff centered on its best character! If anyone from this cast of losers and misfits had the strength to carry a side story of their own, it was the crimson witch Megumin herself. But absent the incredibly expressive, body-contorting animation that made Konosuba’s comedy work as well as it did, all you’re left with is a boring supporting cast, stupid fanservice, and jokes about guys being creepy perverts who want to molest women. Riveting.
Magical Destroyers: Dropped at 3 episodes
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It’s almost impressive how lame Magical Destroyers manages to be. It’s got some of the most unhinged, creative animation this side of mid-2000s Gainax, all the angular momentum and unhinged editing of a lost Hiroyuki Imaishi show. You can tell the series creator started as a graphic designer, because he sure designed the fuck out of these graphics. Unfortunately, you can also tell he’s a graphic designer from the script. Because all that insanely creative animation is paired with some of the dullest, stuffiest, most conservative writing imaginable. If you were hoping for some clever subversion of the “otaku are the most oppressed minority” setup, prepare to be disappointed. This is just brainless wish fulfillment for insecure manchildren who want to feel like badass revolutionaries surrounded by super-sexy, super-powerful warrior women who nevertheless happily submit to some hapless dudebro’s orders. Every single artist involved in this slog deserved to put their talents to better use.
The Marginal Service: Dropped at 1 episode
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How do you take a premise like “sexy firefighter super sentai heroes fighting aliens” and make it boring? Well, by slathering it in five layers of faux tryhard grit and grime, making every character the dullest possible archetype version of themself, and drowing the whole affair in a level of xenophobia so uncomfortable I barely made it through a single episode. Cygames just knocked it out of the park with Akiba Maid War, how did they go from that masterpiece to this?
Mashle: Dropped at 2 episodes
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This show feels like someone watched One Punch Man and Mob Psycho 100 and thought “Wow, I should make a show like that!” without fully understanding what makes them so great. Everything is such a surface-level approximation of ONE’s writing talents, from the tired “Wow, this guy is so overpowered!” gags to the reheated “Despite my powers, I just want to live a normal life” motivation. Not to mention its own struggles with the dreaded Shonen Gender Bullshit. But what really killed Mashle for me is very simple: it’s primarily comedy, and it doesn’t make me laugh. Or at least, it doesn’t make me laugh consistently enough to justify sitting through the lackluster animation and cardboard characters. I’ll just watch Mob Psycho again, thank you very much.
My Clueless First Friend: Dropped at 1 episode
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Okay, I lied: this is the most unfair drop on my list. As a simple story about a clueless elementary school boy unknowingly helping his classmate deal with bullies, there’s really nothing wrong here. But we have no absence of fantastic rom-coms to keep up busy these days. Just this season alone, My Love Story with Yamada-kun, The Dangers in my Heart, and especially Skip and Loafer have more than enough charm and wholesomeness to fill those needs. And unless you’re really fond of shrill vocal performances (seriously, whoever’s voicing the male lead makes him so irritating to listen to), there’s nothing here you can’t get much better in countless other places. Just Fine, sadly, no longer cuts it in the competitive world of anime rom-coms.
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slashingdisneypasta · 1 month
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Ive been bored out of my mind 😩 any movie or book recomendations?
You opened up the can. Do you want the worms? XD
YES!! I DO HAVE RECCOMENDATIONS!! XD And I'm so glad you asked ^^ Obviously you're not required to take any of these, but if you do- let me know what you think! ^^
If you're here, I assume you like fun, sinister and exciting villains. So I'll give you a little info on the villains in each source 😅😆
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Movies:
First of all- a n y m o v i e (or episode in a TV show) with Robert Englund playing the bad guy. You can't go wrong. Even if the rest of the source is... not-so-great... the man never misses.
(In particular: The Last Showing, Inkubus, and Good Day For It are really good! Especially the first 2.
The Last Showing (free on Plex): Villain is a weaselly, geeky loser with a with dreams of sinister grandeur.
Inkubus (free on Tubi): Villain is a sexy, sinister, cunning, smug old demon.
Good Day For It (free on YouTube): just... just have a peak at what I've been posting non-stop the whole weekend 😅🫠🫠🫠)
The Rescuers and the Rescuers Down Under. If you haven't seen these and you like Disney Villains, you must!! You get both!; a nasty woman with scary eyes and no code of ethics, and a big, sinister, crooked-grin bush man.
The Lake Placid Series. I KNOW, I KNOW- you probably read that and think 'ughh why' but LOOK- TRUST ME- The Bickerman's are a riot. A hoot, even XD From a sweet old lady who swears and feeds whole cows to the crocodiles played by Betty White to her son who's a greedy old poacher who is equal parts creepy and loony tune- they're so much fun XD The only movie in which they aren't antagonists is 3, but then you get Reba who is a grumpy, bad ass milf and is that really a miss? No, I don't think so.
Going back to kids animation- Happily N'Ever After (free on Vimeo) You got a myriad of villainous suitors to choose from in this one XD You got the Big Bad Wolves (💕❤️💕❤️💕❤️), witches, Rumplestilstkin, and Cinderella's Evil Stepmother who is- just- so hot XD A wicked lady with a slit in her dress.
... are you into creepy nasty old men? Because I think Judge Turpin played by Alan Rickman in Sweeney Todd; The Demon Barber of Fleet Street takes the cake in that department.
Little Shop of Horrors. Yes- Audrey II is plant, but he's smooth motherfucker, and some of us are into that 😆😅 And maybe so are you. And if you aren't into Audrey II, there's always Orin; a leather jacket wearing, motorbike riding, sadistic jackass.
Oh!! The Funhouse Massacre!!! Another fun one with a myriad of scary boyfriends XD (and one scary girlfriend XD). It's a cheesy gore fest but of you like that or can get past it- your villains here include a Wrestler Murder-Clown, a Psychotic, Silent Harlequinn, a Sinister and Charismatic Cult Leader, a Sexy Sadistic Dentist, a Cute Cannibalitic Chef, and a Creepy Old Taxidermist.
Disney's Once Upon A Halloween (free in parts on YouTube). It's all your favourite Disney Villains (before Dr Facilier I think) in one place- what else could you want? XD
Books:
If you like hot demons and you have a teacher kink-- then The Evil Librarian Trilogy (Michelle Knudsen) are definitely for you XD You got the evil librarian (Mr Gabriel), who is basically evil incarnate with a sexy goatee. Then you also Principal Kingston who is an older dilf wearing cargo pants and is slightly silly (my favourite, and also the reason i named my kangaroo oc kingston)-- and then Ms Kralovna; the language teacher and an absolute Queen.
Dorothy Must Die (Danielle Paige) pretty much makes Dorothy (years later) a wicked slutty dictator, the scarecrow a creepy mad scientist, the tinman a besotted obsessed guardsman, and the cowardly lion a monster. Plus there's the Nome King in the last 2 books who is describes as the 'most sinister senior citizen' which is the perfect descriptor for him XD
If you like Slasher movies, you will d e f I n e t l y love The Final Girls Support Group (Grady Hendrix). It's just so cool and interesting how Hendrix puts the actual Slashers into the book without saying their names.
Hellhole (Gina Damico). Okay this is another demon XD Except this one works in... the greasy food office in hell XD (I think XD ) Don't get me wrong, he's bad; he's powerful, and he'll kill your whole family, and he has unreasonable demands if you refuse. But he's mostly happy to sit in your basement with no pants eating tostitos and whole sticks of butter while watching project runway and playing cod for now XD And his name is Burg (as in Burgundy Cluttermuck)- isn't that cute? XD
Karen M. McManus books. Any of them. (Though, I do recommend The Cousins and Two Can Keep a Secret in particular. I cant tell you much cuz they're mysteries but they are definitely my kinda bastards. If you like the characters I write for you'll probably like them too XD The only misfortune is that, since they are mysteries, they aren't acting all villainous until the end. )
Alice and Red Queen (Christina Henry). If you have a strong stomach and you like gory, sometimes unpleasant horror- these are for you! The characters of Alice in Wonderland are n e v e r going to be the same 😅😅😅 Especially the Rabbit, who is... I think, a trafficker? Meanwhile the Walrus, um- nope, i'm not going there. Moving on!
DANCING JAX DANCING JAX DANCING JAX. These are my f a v o u r i t e books. Ever. They will always be my favourite books. And let me tell you why!!- They are o v e r f l o w i n g with vastly different, interesting, flawed characters who totally stick with you forever XD And a good lot of them are bad guys. You got:
- Austerly Fellows; a creepy charismatic cult leader type who may not actually be Austerly Fellows?? Their could be a swapped at birth/changeling sorta thing going on here?? (The 'original' Austerly had a mark on his foot and the one that his mother got back from the baby farm didn't).
- The Jockey; the kind of bad guy who ain't loyal to anyone. Not even the other bad guys. He must play everyone one way or another (its the way he was written, and he follows through), at some point. He's tricky, and weaselly, and gross. I love him.
- Jangler; Austerly's right hand man. He's a stern, crotchety and nasty old codger. His heart is as cold as ice, he's calculated, and he definitely takes joy in some of the terrible things its his job to do.
- etc. There's more but I cant give more away 😅
Thats what i can think of right now! ^^ I'd be so so jazzed if you took any of these recc's but don't worry about feeling obligated too! ^^ It was fun to talk about them XD
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wyrmskulls · 7 months
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I havnt recovered from the Caz fight yet. BUT
here are some genuine thoughts on Astarion from my- knew nothing of baldurs gate before playing run: (from me the Ace with no sense of self preservation)
"Oh great a sexy vamp man- bet friend XYX is all over that, they are romanceable, right? like dragon age?"🧛‍♂️
".... that 'don't touch me' sounded too real.... hope im wrong"
" I mean if we are cool with Shar worshippers and devil pacts why not a vamp, join the club buddy."
"he is a cagey little fuck I think I'll go after him this play through love his little faces"
"I'm not into pain, thinking this was a bad choice" chains and whips to not excite Tav XD
"I mean maybe it's the years of slavery and not sexual trauma???" 🙏
"noooo, I mean of course the sexy vamp wants to fuck, I probly have to- to get more of his story...." proceed to worry stupidly about unskippable sex scenes and noises for no reason (you can press x any time to get to the next thing / dialog)
get propositioned again at party.... "maybe this relationship won't work out, he's way to thirsty least there wasn't another sex scene lol dun worry buddy, I'll help you murder that guy that hurt you, just can't keep up with the horny XD"
"so I just feed him bad guys and tell him he is pretty? yup that checks out"
act 2
Start working on wyll, he seems like a cool guy... "whoa bud, is this you first romance scene.... by saying yes to a dance... feels icky cause I know sex happens at some point, like some entitled jerk at a bar, least astarion was real upfront about it" ( in hind sight this was unfair to wyll, but everyone was being so horny and the only scene I had was astarions so I drew some incorrect conclusions with wyll being a 'good guy' asshole)
"I mean we has evidence that deals with devils are bad.... or is it demons... anyways I support you in a friend way, getting raphel to Facebook stalk your abuser to make sure he not still pineing after you is OK with me."
Got his Act 2 scene "OHNooooooo I was right it was a sexual trauma 'don't touch me....' ohhhh noooooo. he didn't wanna fuck either????? baby boy, you never gotta sex again if you dun wanna, we can hug forever!" cried a while ngl
"look here blood witch- no means no, if your house wasn't destroyed, I'd destroy it myself."😈
"i mean he said he kills kids, so it's ok to kill him, then raphy boy will tell us if you back is bad news or really bad news <3"
"It's really bad news..... so no big astarion lover of cuddles l, will help you kill the guy who ruined your life. that's what romantic partners do. we kiss and nothing else and I will murder people to keep doing that <3" pondering an evil play through honesly
"he was so upset when Tav died in battle.... like doesn't he know rez scrolls are a thing? it's ok Tavs gonna live forever.... not sure how we will figuer that out" researches dnd lore to find several solutions XD
"Gale bud. friend. pal. I care about you and your life. your ex is shitty for asking you to do this, but also if you do blow up you'll take us all with you.... and even if you don't, #1 priority over there will be back under vamp thrall so this is a no go, put your shirt back on."🙃
act 3
found a cliff in the camp before act 3 with a song that made me cry again it is for sure astarions "wtf dude I was emotionally stable now what have you done"
"circus lady, here are all my loves deepest secrets- oh no she's a shapeshifter???? oops, it's ok love we will kill her too why not" No one can know how hurt you are but meeeeeee 😋
"a statue of my boyfriend in camp don't mind if I do~☆ aww now he has a halo so everyone can see he is a good boy who totally doesn't cause me to murder people and would never murder anyone himself" 😇
"Astarion NO, we are not gonna kill a bunch of other spawn just cause you are scared. I get it, and you don't have time for therapy but trust me that not gonna feel great in a few hundred years"
"ooooo blood bitch is back and you fucked up. look at this boy standing up for himself - yes that's right take us to your private house so we can kill you at our leisure.... man oh man I used to have morals now I got Astarion."
*****
and now I'm tired XD
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onestepbackwards · 2 years
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Warning: beware for here be vampires (or rather “a” vampire)
To be honest, i feel like it would be hard to fuck a vampire, unless you are one. First of all they have no blood or body temperature because they are practically a corps. Two, they are probably dry as fuck witch would make making out really agitating. And three, they probably wouldn't be able to feel pleasure physically so finding one that actually wants to pleasure their partner even though it doesn't benefit them much would be scarce. But on the other hand a dominant vampire paramour who bosses around butler Ingo and Emmet would be fun to read, how they became butlers to a vampire is beyond me.
Although they are mostly known for their abnormal background they are a rather compassnet individual that cares about their staff but puts on a villainous persona just for fun. Like those old stereotypical cartoonish villains.
Considering that a vampire's bite is seen as a big deal (and is a metaphore for sex) they take their time before directly asking their favorite butlers if they are willing to be feasted upon, they promise that they will take good care of them if they go too far. You know, like aftercare.
Heh, Ingo and Emmet watches as there master gose on a dramatic rant about anything regarding anything while having the same thought, if only i could fuck this beast.
I don't know, I've just been having a lot of fun thinking about vampires, ESPECIALLY the dramatic ones <3
Ohohohohohohho being a vampire and having the twins as your butlers?? 👀👀👀
Though not gonna lie, I love the idea that they care for their staff, but just act like a stereotypical villain. Anime laugh and all. It reminds me of that one comic where the vampire lady is like "BEGONE THRALLS! Leave me to my evil and sexy affairs..." And she just goes and plays minecraft. What if you found the twins being hunted by another vampire, and saved their lives? You didn't really care for humans, but you didn't like killing them needlessly either. Ingo and Emmet more or less dedicate their lives to you after that. They just,, sorta follow you home. They had no where else to go, the vampire that had been hunting them more or less took everything from them. You never tell them to leave, and they sort of just... Become your butlers. You give them rooms, and give them payment, even though both tell you it isn't necessary. They find they both just enjoy serving you! They even love going along with your theatrics. Especially Emmet. Though Ingo secretly enjoys it as well. Anytime you have company, expect them both to play along. They find it fun, and love your reactions to them going along with it. Both also end up falling for their mistress. Hard. They find you enchanting, and adore serving you. In fact, both secretly wish you would be intimate with them. When you explain one day the importance of a bite and feeding, and the aftercare, both twins are flustered. You think you might have spooked them, but little did you know, they were actually really into it. They both desperately want to wear your mark, have your bites on them. They want the world to know you own them. They are your butlers, and yours only. Both also wish to join you, in eternal life. They know it's a big request, and a lot to ask. However, both have spent months thinking about it. You treat them so well, they would do anything for you. Even though realistically, vampires probably can't feel a lot/do a lot concerning their own bodies and sex, we at least have fiction ;)
But... If you can't really receive pleasure, at least not like a human, you can still give it. Both are practically putty in your hands, loving how you touch and toy with them. Plus, you can go for hours, loving every little noise they make. By the time you're done with them, they are blabbering messes. Despite how out of it they are, both are completely content. They love you, and love being yours.
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roxirinart · 4 months
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Do you know what. I am NEVER going to save that match-3 king, dude. You know the one. 'Help me!' He cries as he is threatened by rising water, rising poisoned water, rising lava, falling water, falling poison water, falling lava, fire, an evil sexy witch lady, a pack of wolves probably, a deep-fried shoelace, a clown, a balloon shaped like a cauliflower floret, a bin bag, a full bin bag, a bath mat, a single dust mite, a
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noretreatnancy · 5 months
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does anybody remember the movie beautiful creatures? jeremy irons as a sassy little witch… emma thompson as an insane evil witch possessing a bitchy church lady… emmy rossum as the sexy evil cousin… the fucked up southern witch family drama….the fated reincarnated lovers… the family curse… all the different types of powers… they would’ve slayed a true blood esque show
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annyankers · 1 year
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Have you given us a breakdown on Anya (Train’s version) yet? I’m loving your recent Anya posts and want to know more
kdjlsfghdfjklsg OKAY!!!!! ANYANKA!!!! TRAIN'S VERSION!!!!!
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First off I fancast her with Emma Myers now or Maya Hawke in the recent past. I feel both of them could handle the role and both are closer looking to the 17-18yo age we’d need for S3!Anya which is one of my main reasons for even recasting Anyanka bc lbr... Emma Caulfield is iconic in the role no notes really on her end. But yeah, both could pull off that “alien who just moved to earth tries to hang with the teenz” vibes that are so integral to the Anya experience.
After that I just lean WAY more into her established backstory and season 3 personality, you know, how she was before they flanderized her to hell and back. Basically more of a cranky adult trapped in a shitty mortal teen body and having to deal with all this shit they can’t remember from their own youth and probably didn’t have to even deal with the first time around. Her moods are all over the place in S3-4 since she’s so new to being mortal and like...18 years old. It’s like being boss baby and needing a nap lol.
She also has beef with Willow and Giles from day one and actually develops a real friendship with Cordelia and Faith-- basically if they’re in the Scooby sphere but not well liked by the Scoobies proper they’re gonna end up friends with Anyanka. Which means by the end of the series she’s homies with Cordelia, Faith, Spike, Oz, Angel, Wesley, Andrew, etc. The only one I don’t think she’d have time for is Amy and that’s entirely because she doesn’t have time for her or Willow and their issues with magic, superiority complexes and how little they listen to her even tho she’s you know, their obvious magical superior on the knowledge front.
Circling back to Willow and Giles it’s because she’s the anti-Willow and anti-Giles in some ways and until a better set up is thought up she’s basically the spirit and mind of the shadow self hands-heart-spirit-mind metaphor that the scoobies take on. She and Spike are basically already the Rowdy Ruff Boys to the Scoobies’ Powerpuff Girls as is. She’s already kind of established as a shadow Willow in the show but I wanna you know...... NOT FORGET SHE CAN DO MAGIC FOR LIKE 4 SEASONS.
Without her demonic powers Anyanka is not as strong of a witch as Willow when it comes to pure strength. But she was an extremely gifted one even before she got 1,000+ years to hone her craft and learn more. She can buy and sell Willow and Giles any day of the week, they basically only win against her because Buffy’s the slayer, luck, MC powers etc etc yada yada. She’s also not afraid to remind them of this fact which makes Willow especially very insecure and dislike her a LOT. Along with that Anyanka still lacks a filter nor cares to get one. She probably also backed Faith’s whole bad slayer shit for a while like “yeah you go girl get your revenge!!!! (and also idk can you maybe help me get my powers back or like??? talk to your boss about it????? idk idk)”. bc ofc she’s not giving up on that so easily and also you know, Faith is a pretty wronged lady and old habits die hard. Also it parallels the Buffy-Willow friendship and makes it all sexy and evil and shadow self-y.
ofc once she realizes what he wants to do is Ascend she’s like LOL NVM I’M OUT!!!! LOL BYEEEEEE!!!!!
I’d still have her going to prom with Xander, negging him when she asks him and terrorizing him unintentionally the whole night. It’s comic gold. But I want her entry into being a main cast member to not be wholly dependent on her riding his dick on the reg like in canon so she’s the first person to bang on Buffy’s door and be like “something’s happening to the Sunnydale demon population!!!!” because ofc she still cares about them, in her brain she’s not human, she’s a demon. This whole mortal form thing is temporary really. Her and Xander is a background courting ritual of freaks and losers incomprehensible to all around them. It’s not the slap slap kiss vibes of Xander/Cordelia but it still has the same “whAT--?!?!?” moment and top tier comedic duo timing. 
Anya only really starts to see herself as human when she breaks her arm in 5x2 and even then it’s very uneasy. It’s like 8 kinds of crisis she’s combatting here guys.
Also starting in S4 she and Spike are besties. Again it’s a shadow self, my demons are their own angels, us but sexier energy. They’re serving Scoobies from the Negaverse. They’re giving “this could be you Buffy but you playing”. They’re also like, the greek chorus in the back being like “uhhhhhh what’s with the gross human-centric ethics you creeps?”. They’re another next level comedy duo. Could’ve removed his chip the whole time but he never asked so she never offered. She mentions this casually in Season 7 and he mcloses it over that for several episodes, it’s a running gag.
Anya and Willow have Tension from Season 4 on about being the Magical Girl of the group. The Scoobies all naturally pick Willow pretty consistently over Anya but then Willow Fucks Up (something blue etc) and they turn to Anya to fix it. It’s a popularity contest and they all know it and it makes Anya bitter and Willow even more insecure. This feeds into her Dark Willow Arc later. Also, she and Anya have a Wizard Fight at the end of Season 6 and it’s Sick Nasty.
Xander still leaves her at the altar because I think that’s actually very important to both of their characters and she does still become a demon again. The major difference is that she doesn’t then stop being one in Season 7. She ends out the series still a demon and the confrontation in the frat house actually is basically a psychological boss battle for Buffy that gets into shit relevant to the season and her own struggles.
Anyanka never really asked for this, she was basically tricked/manipulated both times into becoming a demon but she also gains incredible powers from being like this that realistically she wouldn’t want to give up as they’re a part of her now. Her identity is malleable, she’s been treated like she doesn’t get to have one, she has to fight to make one of her own. she’s in a position when she’s controlled by a cruel man and if she goes outside the lines or does things she feels are right the consequences are dire. She is Buffy, she’s the demon side of Buffy. The counterpoint to Dawn’s innocent youthful human girl, she’s the grown adult demon woman. She’s representing the struggles Buffy is dealing with now in herself and the plot. Buffy ends up deciding to not punish her for the murders both yes because of friendship but also because Anyanka is an irreplaceable asset, even more so now that she’s a demon again, and Buffy cannot afford to lose any of those right now. A logic that Anyanka actually approves of.
I enjoy Anya’s fish out of water and no filter vibes in the original but I hate how they consistently forget she’s smart until it’s useful again. Like lbr, S4-7 Anya is basically just there to say something cringe or funny or say “when i was a demon--” before being shunted to the back again so the Most Important People could talk. Season 3 Anya was cunning, acerbic, clever, knew the basics of how things work in the mortal world and I’m sorry-- I know it’s very important to many people but I hate her monologue in The Body. I just HATE it.
She’s been killing people for over a thousand years. She knows what death is and how it works. She knows it means this person will never eat eggs a-fucking-gain sHE KNOWS THIS!!!!! Now if this was about the emotionalness of that loss-- of being the one to actually do the losing I wouldn’t hate it!!! That actually tracks. Anyanka is basically immortal and likely as never had a single person she truly cared about die in that time. It would make sense if she understands that Joyce is dead but doesn’t know how to react to that or process it. Loss is a thing she inflicts, it’s not done to her. She wouldn’t know what to do with herself.
Also she doesn’t give a stupid fucking speech about running away that makes NO sense and just TELLS YOU SHE’S GONNA DIE with a fucking FOGHORN and then DIES POINTLESSLY IN THE FINALE. ABSOLUTELY NOT.
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amyinmyheart · 8 months
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I had a dream tonight, where I was some kind of angel. Which is unusual, usually I'm some sort of witch or fae creature in my dreams, but anyway. I was hanging out in this abandoned building with some homeless & punk people. Their leader (who protected them a lot) got really sick and then I revealed my angel nature and healed him, because otherwise he'd died. I asked everyone not to make a big deal about it and stayed with the group for a while longer.
Later, I was traveling alone and getting kind of fed up with humanity. Yes, there are good humans but also many evil ones. I was getting tired of being immortal and longing for companionship that wouldn't eventually die on me. That's when I met this 50+ year old looking dude, who was some kind of evil/fallen angel. We recognised each other as fellow angels and he tried to seduce me to "the dark side". Fat chance brother, was what I told him. He just was out of luck there with me - wrong gender representation... unless he had some evil angel sexy lady friends he wouldn't manage a seduction with me. He got grumpy, as I just wasn't phased by his flirtation attempts and I laughed at him!
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nightcoremoon · 1 year
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female hyenas have penises. kinda. more on that later.
so as many people following me probably don’t know because I don’t talk about it a lot, I am a furry. when I was a kid some of my favorite games were ratchet and clank, crash bandicoot, spyro, gex, sly cooper, okami, dust: an elysian tail, pokemon… final fantasy 12. I also never played but love the design of banjo kazooie and starfox. I love night in the woods. I love aggretsuko. I love animal crossing. I love five nights at freddy’s…’s visual design. against all odds I love undertale. my default race in the elder scrolls swaps between khajit and argonian. the only races I ever main in WoW are the tauren worgen and pandaren (AND VULPERA)! king is my tekken main. dark souls’ crow demons... enough said. I love zelda and in its later years it started getting more and more furry with each major installment. I love sonic the hedgehog. twokinds is my favorite webcomic. beastars is probably my favorite anime of the 2020s. and none of it is sexual. I just really love anthropomorphic animal characters!
…okay maybe I have a huge crush on a few characters. rivet. coco. carmelita. fran. krystal. isabelle. roxy. blaze. others I won’t name because you’ll just make fun of me. but a whole lot of it is nonsexual. regardless I’ve always wanted to settle on a particular species for my fursona.
fox. cat. wolf. skunk. rabbit. raccoon. ermine weasel.
but every one of these choices has just been me settling. I looked at a list and thought well I might as well pick one of these because that’s what everyone else does. to be a normal furry I have to really vibe with a certain animal and align with that particular choice wholly. completely. like society tends to do for sexuality. you have to pick 1. no more, no less. so I kind of wandered around between them all not really picking any in particular and figured I’d get around to it eventually but as time went on it just didn’t go anywhere. until today.
so I just randomly realized that my name rhymes with hyena. and then I realized hey wait a minute I fucking love hyenas. so I did some research on the cultural impact of hyenas and… it’s really sad. the whole world hates hyenas. muslims hate hyenas. african tribal faiths hate hyenas. the greeks hate hyenas. jews hate hyenas. damn near every single culture in the region hates them. they’re vampires. they’re werewolves (er. werehyenas?). they’re the ghosts of cannibals (if only there was a single word for a creature that was the evil ghost of a cannibal). they’re the evil mounts that evil witches ride in the night. some real fucked up stuff. and I think that’s really sad, as I LOVE hyenas. they’re one of my favorite animals. the way they’re kinda dogs kinda cats kinda neither, the way they’re shaped like fucked up demented little monsters, the way they’re murdering bastards, the way they laugh. and I’ve heard that they taste very interesting. I’d eat em.
so I decided, them. hyenas. they deserve better and I would be one hot and sexy cute and adorable hyena. fursona selected, I’m a hyena now motherfucker!
and then my partner told me female hyenas have dicks. I was like bro what? and I looked it up. lady hyenas have an appendage that looks (if not functions) like a penis.
and I (dfab, trans, no desire or plans for surgery) thought
hell. yes. bonus points. I’m double over a hyena now.
is it culturally appropriative of African culture to pick an African native animal as my fursona? …nope. no it’s not. shut up fuck you do not pass go don’t touch my inbox. :)
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messysneeze · 1 year
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generic pinned post
this is a kink blog, any minors and non-kink blogs shoo
hello! i'm a disabled snzbian very into the vulnerability, care and acceptance that can be found in snz and sick fiction.
i like a lot of gross stuff because it's nice to think about being cared for not just despite but because of what others could find disgusting. however, while i'm fascinated by these things irl i'm only attracted to them in a fictional context! not judging if you are, it just doesn't float my personal boat!
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likes: mess, illness, snotfuckery, colds, congested talk, congestion, butches, wlw sexy scenes
not my cup of tea: non-wlw sexy scenes, sore throats, anything "dry," graphic emeto, furry
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i'm not comfortable with devotees interacting with this blog, sorry - if you're not disabled and your fetish is disability rather than illness please dni.
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ocs:
modern: yasu (she/they) and kim (she/her), wives who've been happily married for 9-20 years (it depends what version of the story they're telling).
yasu: early to mid 40s. she's a japanese-american and thai masc butch. short black hair with a few grey streaks. petite. hard of hearing in her left ear (does not wear hearing aid). hot-tempered and hardworking middle manager who's patient with her employees but not with upper management. she's immunocompromised, getting sick very often and every slight illness hitting her hard. she would be at senior executive level in her company if she wasn't sick so often. works through it until she can't. dominant and has the kink.
kim: early to mid 40s. afrobrazilian lady warm brown skin and long wavy black hair with fine dustings of grey. tall proud trans femme. assorted work (retail etc). more easygoing than yasu. hypermobile. strong immune system, but still ill regularly with milder versions of what yasu's brought home. switch and has the kink. loving caretaker to yasu.
standard medieval fantasy: queen grimmaud (she/Her) and captain petron (he/xey), evil (in a camp, cartoony way) ruler of a small kingdom and her spouse. light d/s elements.
queen grimmaud: ~20s. brown skin and long, curly black hair that she ties back. a few scars. would be high femme except for the fact that petron calls her 'sir'. a competent and ambitious ruler and witch, she cares about her underlings and enjoys cackling in thunderstorms. likes to dress in red, gold and black.
captain petron: head of grimmaud's elite guard and troops. they started out as co-workers, then fell in love on the side. ~20s/30s, tawny skin and straight, tightly bound black hair; presents somewhat androgynous. workaholic strategist prone to getting colds from grimmaud's thunderstorms... as is most of the kingdom. likes to dress in black.
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will also write*:
*no minors, obviously
star wars pt/tcw/rogue one/andor, mdzs/untamed, lotr
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i'm happy to answer asks, especially writing requests!
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kidfoundonstreets · 2 years
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tlast post such a wholesome game  long post.. AND HUGE SPOILERS
so noel and sirius were talking about the diary  hhhhhhhhhhh these guys confuse me. claire definitely has some sort of history with both of them
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EVIL BATH!!!!!!! day 4 lets gooooooo whahdha heck they met each other 12 years ago?  fr tho. it felt like we learned a lot but nothing at the same time. will keep it in mind though HAHA THE DRAMATIC BITCHES
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we couldn’t find claire or wilardo,, i really hope that theyre safe is ashe really a witch researcher? maybe i’ve just heard it too much from him HAHDSAHDSWQHWQ HE LOOKS SO GRUMPY WHILE SLEEPING
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help?? we woke up a strnage place oh god backsotry moment ig.. JUST SHOT A BUNCH OF BALLOONS AND DID IT IN ONE GO FEELING SEXY oh shes actually pretty i think that the flowers at the beginning may have been her bitter thoughts or wishes maybe? i feel bad. what happened to her?? is she alright OH POV SWITCH IG
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DONT DO THIS TO ME  I SEARCHED IT. THE LITTLE SNRK HE KNOWS HE FREKAING KNOWS wandering around. oh gohd oh fuck i DO NOT trust this im so scared ashe’s going to go apeshit again especially after the witch’s heart talk in his room rn im totally gonna get caught. wtfwtf is his bag on the floor GRAB A KNIFE JUST IN CASE AS YOURE LEAVING WE HAVE TO SEARCH HIS BED TOO WHAT THE FUCK. WHY DOES HE HAVE IT. ASHE WHAT THE HELL. IM NOT EVEN SHOCKED IM JUST DISAPPOINTED HOW DID HE EVEN GET IN the guy’s gone fml THE WAY HE KILLED HIM SO FAST. JESUS DUDE WHY THOUGH. LIKE WHY NO HESITATION TOO. HE JUST DID IT  im so done. ashe i do like you and i appreciate you but you pull some of the most questionable actions in this game (straight up murder) is this all for research or something???? messed up  and the dialogue before have you done this before???? ughhgkjgw  we’re back to wilardo and claire and she’s literally asking to take claire’s entire body or she won’t let them out lady i feel bad but you gotta accept when to quit  CLAIRE IS TOO NICE LIKE HONEST TO GOD TOO NICE WHY DID SHE JUST PROTECT SOMEONE WHO WAS GONNA TAKE HER BODY SHE’S BEEN NOTHING BUT CRUEL TO YOU I KNOW THAT SHE HAS SAD SCARS FROM THE ACID BUT WHAT WH well it got them out and it wouldnt have been ideal if the person who created this was dead so ig it was a good move but damn claire really is just too sweet to people the demon is really pretty either way oh huh the flowers are positive now. i guess it reflects her mindset
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sirius is dead zizel </3
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SON OF A BITCH
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WHAT THE FUCK
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