#shadow and bone
The Saint and the Soldier. The boy and the girl.
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Photographed by Rankin for Hunger
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7K CELEBRATION | @kazs-rietvelds requested: kanej + quote
once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering. ― nicole krauss
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Waiter: What would you like Sir?
Kaz: I wish to devour the unborn.
Waiter: Excuse me?
Inej: Eggs. He wants eggs.
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𝕾𝖍𝖆𝖉𝖔𝖜 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝕭𝖔𝖓𝖊 ꜱᴇᴀꜱᴏɴ 1 ʀᴇᴡᴀᴛᴄʜ #149
↳𝟷.𝟶𝟼: 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚊𝚗 𝚊𝚛𝚛𝚘𝚠
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MAL ORETSEV | 1x07, The Unsea
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- Zoya Nazyalensky
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Hi um any reblogs would be really appreciated...Ya girl needs to make money to eat😅. I am currently minus £118 in my overdrafts lol
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CRACKS FROM THE PAST | KAZ BREKKER
Summary: You find out that Kaz is having nightmares, try to comfort him and that leads to him telling you something he has tried to hide for years.
Fandom: Shadow and Bone/Six of Crows
Characters: Y/N (no pronouns), Kaz Brekker, Jordie Rietveld (mentioned)
A/N: This wasn't requested originally but a nonny requested a oneshot like this too, unaware that I had just written this 😄 So here you go!
Warnings: nightmares, descriptions of death and grieving, angst (hurt/comfort), also this isn't my best work because for some reason I haven't been able to stay focused for very long lately.
Word count: 1.3k
Thunder rattled outside, as you tossed and turned in your bed. Ketterdam was always rainy, and thunders liked to go in circles and ruin your sleep when they occurred.
Kaz was never a good sleeper, always working, but tonight he had fallen to sleep relatively quickly for once. You looked over to his bed and could just hope that thunder wouldn’t wake him up. He was facing the wall, and you could only make out his silhouette in the dark room.
A lighting struck, illuminating the whole room and you heard Kaz yelp. You sighed, thinking he had awaken and rose up slightly, holding yourself up with your elbows.
“Jordie…” Kaz muttered, followed by a few whimpers. “I’m so sorry…”
You frowned, but then caught up. It was one of those nightmares again. You had been together with him for almost a year and you had moved into his room at the Slat only a two months ago, but you had already witnessed a dozen nightmares. He always called out to Jordie. You had tried to get him talk about his nightmares, asking him to tell you what were they about, but he always refused, circling around the topic, and you had figured that he’d tell you when he’s ready. You hadn't told him what you had gathered from his dreams, fearing that you would push him too much if you did. It was something horrible, something he had tried to hide. He was protecting himself, that much was clear. From the snippets you had gathered from his past, you knew it contained something dark, something he had wanted to bury. And you most definitely didn't want to push him.
Another lighting struck, this time with a loud rumble. Kaz turned to his back abruptly and let out more whimpers.
“Jordie, Jordie… don’t leave me…”
Kaz had told you that he wants to get over his nightmares on his own, but this nightmare seemed to be worse than most. You had to help him.
“Kaz?” you called to him softly. He didn’t wake up, but he was still shaking. “Kaz!”
He took in a shaky breath and you made your way to his bed, lighting an oil lamp on his night stand. He was sweaty and tears rolled down on his face. You had never seen him like that, and it scared you. You sat down at the edge of his bed and called out to him again.
“Kaz! Wake up!” you raised you voice a bit. “Kaz, you’re at the Slat, it’s Y/N.”
Still no reaction. You swallowed, knowing fully well how much your boyfriend hated touch but you didn’t know how else were you going to wake him. So you laid your hand on his pajama sleeve and gave him a gentle shake.
Kaz took in a few quick breaths before his eyes shot open and he launched up on the bed, now breathing erratically and you retreated your hand immediately.
“I’m sorry.” you muttered after he laid his gaze on you and could start to even out his breathing. “You were seeing a nightmare again and I couldn’t get you wake up with my voice and I didn’t want to scream at you either because then the whole Slat would have come to see what’s the matter.”
Kaz stared at you for a few seconds and then nodded, pressing his lips into a tight line. You looked at his red and puffy eyes, frowning in concern and he averted his gaze away the moment he realized why you were looking at him like that.
“I know you don’t want to talk about it, but…”
“That’s right.” Kaz interrupted you, tossing his blanket aside and taking his cane. “I have work to do. You should sleep.”
“Kaz, we’ve talked about this. We’ve agreed that you’ll even try to open up to me, honesty is one of the-”
“Can we do this later? I have work and you should sleep.”
You sighed and nodded. “Okay. But Kaz, it’s only three at the morning, you need rest too.”
“I’ve rest enough.” he laid his gaze on you as he took his gloves from his nightstand and pulled them on, before turning to you, his cold eyes getting just a slight amount of warmth as he looked at you. “But you, my dear, do need rest.”
“You know I’d stay up with force if you needed me. And right now I see you need me and I don’t want to leave you sitting here alone.” you stubbornly stated and followed him as Kaz started to make his way to his desk with a groan. “Look, I have no idea what’s so horrible that you’re constantly seeing nightmares about it or that who’s Jordie but I know that-”
Kaz stilled, stopping so abruptly that you almost collided with him. And then you realized it, you had spoken Jordie's name.
“Where did you hear that name?” he muttered, looking at the floor. You swallowed.
“You keep saying it when you have those nightmares. You keep saying sorry to someone called Jordie and beg them not to leave you.” you explained quietly and Kaz let out a long sigh. You closed your eyes for a moment, before you opened them again to look at your boyfriend, silently begging him to speak to you. “I have already figured that they’re someone from your past, from before the “harbor gave birth to you”-thing. Maybe they’re the reason why you try to hide your past so hard. They left you and you swore that you wouldn’t-”
“He died.” Kaz interrupted you, tilting his head slightly towards you and you frowned. “Jordie. He died.”
You frowned, taking another step towards Kaz. “Was he your friend?”
“Brother. I looked up to him. Trusted him too much. He was an idiot but little Kaz didn’t believe it, being so stupidly naive.” he scoffed, looking to your direction a little more but still not meeting your eyes. “He looked after me, tried to make sure I’m safe. But the Queen’s Plague made everything come tumbling down and suddenly, I was alone.”
You remembered hearing about the Queen’s Plague before. You had come to Ketterdam a few years after it had swept over the city, but the destruction it had made was still visible. You had heard it had taken so many lives, and dozens of kids were left orphan because of it.
“How old were you?” you quietly asked.
“Nine.” Kaz answered and lifted his gaze to stare at the raging storm outside from the window. You almost saw his thoughts. Kaz Brekker didn’t cry when he was lucid, but you could tell that this moment was the closest he could get. You thought about it for a moment, but then you slowly hooked your pinky with his, offering him a soft smile as he turned to look at you. After a moment, he offered you something resembling a smile himself before he briefly squeezed your pinky back and let go.
“I guess I could sleep a while longer. I’ll never know if I need it today.” he said after a moment of silence, sitting down on the bed and taking his gloves off again. You sat on your own bed and smiled at him as he tucked in again and turned off the lamp.
You heard him shuffling under the covers and took in a deep sigh and let a small smile occupy your face.
“I’m glad you told me, Kaz.” you muttered into the dark. He didn’t answer anything, but you knew he was glad about it too.
Kaz never said it to your face, but you had saved him so many times. You had taught him to love again, a feeling he was sure he wouldn't be able to feel again. If he got lost along the way, you would get him.
You were his light, guiding him through the stormy seas, who would always bring him home. You would always be there to pull him up if he was going to fall back to the dark waters, and even when he always wondered how did you love someone like him, he couldn't be happier to have you. And you weren't only bringing him home - you were home.
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Nina: Kaz, tell Matthias he's an idiot but I still love him.
Kaz: Gross. Tell him that yourself.
Nina: We had a fight.
Kaz: You're literally sitting on his lap?
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I finished reading crooked kingdom last night so uhh here's my dumb
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The Darkling: ah yes, i’m going to give Alina this colour that only I wear to show our unity as summoners
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Live where you fear to live
“I want you to be fearless,” Aleksander said, with the earnestness of a young man and the gravity of an elder; in any given moment, which was the real Aleksander, the most true? Alina couldn’t tell. “In this room, alone with me, if nowhere else in the world.”
“I don’t know what that would mean,” she said. She kept her hands folded in her lap, pressing them together to what, convince Aleksander she wasn’t out of her depth? “What it would look like.”
“It means you can ask me anything, without worrying that I will get angry or refuse to answer you. Or leave. It means you can tell me anything and know that I will listen, that my shadows will always welcome your light, that you can reveal yourself to me as quickly or slowly as you want,” he said. He walked over to crouch in front of the chair she sat in, looking up at her as if she were on a throne, an ikon to be worshipped. He laid a hand, very lightly, on her knee, reminding them both she was more than that to him. “It means I will always welcome the darkness in you as readily as the brilliance, that I will not let you burn or blind yourself if I can possibly help it—and if I cannot, I will tend to your hurts myself.”
“Why are you saying this?” Alina asked.
“No one I ever cared about said it to me,” he replied. “Not directly. No one was ever able to give me this and I wanted it so. I want it for you, so very much.”
“A Little Palace within the Little Palace,” she remarked. “A sanctum within the sanctuary.”
“A home,” he replied. “One that requires only our two hearts, two minds, two souls.”
“It sounds like merzost, the making at the heart of the world,” she said, but she put her hand on top of his and reached out with the other to touch his cheek, his temple. To stroke his hair in a caress that was tender and possessive, which she would not have tried before.
“Merzost has a cost that is paid most dearly, in a coin no one can ever imagine when they conjure it,” he said. “There is no cost here, moya dusha, only a gift I wish to give you.”
“Will you make the same promise to me, to be fearless? To tell me everything, anything, to ask for what you want,” she said.
“I will try,” he said, his eyes shining with tears.
“I want,” she began, breaking off, thinking of how she would say it. He waited, his patient silence coaxing her better than words. “I want you in my bed at night, I want to see your face when you sleep. And when I wake you up, I want your hands on me, the scent of your skin, the taste of you in my mouth—”
“Kurva,” he said quietly. “Yes,” he added, though she hadn’t said when or how.
“I want you to explain amplifiers to me, properly. I want you to let me decide what enough power is,” she said. He nodded.
“I want something impossible,” she said, warning him. Or daring him. He seemed to take it as the latter, his smile curved like a scythe.
“Tell me, my fearless girl, my beloved,” he said. She could see that what he said pleased him almost as much in the saying as in her own delighted response.
“I want Ivan to stop being so impatient with us,” she said. “Just because he and Fedyor have such a good marriage, doesn’t mean it’s that easy for everyone else.”
“I’m sorry, Alinochka” Aleksander said and he did sound genuinely sorry as well as amused and commiserating. “You have already found a desire I cannot gratify, though I share it, I most certainly do. Shall we begin with the others?”
For @vesperass-anuna who wanted a fic with the line “I want you to be fearless”
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Illuminated, pt. 9
Summary: Struggling with doubt and undoubtedly new changes to her personality, Y/N finds herself struggling to fully give in to Kirigan..
Warnings: talk of war and death, angst, fluff, sexual content
Illuminated // part 2 // part 3 // part 4 // part 5 // part 6 // part 7 // part 8
When she awoke, Y/N had stared up at the canopy. The ghost of Kirigan’s lips rested upon hers, bringing tingles to life beneath the skin. She may be a powerful Grisha, but she is still a girl – she still craves love and a partnership she senses in Kirigan.
Why is it so wrong to desire a deeper connection?
Why did Genya have to plant seeds of doubt in Y/N’s heart and why are they thriving now?
Placing a hand over the place where her wound was open and bleeding out her life force, Y/N frowns as she looks back at the immaculate state of her skin. It should be scarred, so why isn’t it?
What did Kirigan do to ensure she can keep breathing?
These thoughts haunt her throughout the week, finding it harder to keep focus as a strange duality in her grows. She always struggled to keep her emotions under control in the past, but they’ve become explosive emotional outbursts now. A part of her always longed for Kirigan, but she found herself inexplicably in pain whenever they were apart now. It’s as if her heart would bruise itself, trying to rip through the rib cage and make its way to wherever he is.
The worst of it all is when he touches her. There is no flame more damaging than the fire spreading beneath her skin when his hand caresses her, when his lips state their claim on her soul.
It’s as if she’s possessed by him, as if he had engraved his name in every single atom of her being.
“I should take my leave”, Kirigan whispers against her lips. Attempting to pull away, he leans back but her hands readily meet the back of his neck and press him closer. Her legs wrap around his waist, pushing his waist back between her parted thighs until he groans.
“I take it you’d have me stay?” He chuckles into the kiss, gripping her hip tighter.
She winces as he presses his fingers into soft flesh, certain she’d bruise. He didn’t stop, annihilating the room between them and she knew now, it would be far too easy to surrender to this desire and to his willful takeover of all her senses.
If she were to say a word, their clothes would be discarded on the floor and he’d show her just how ruthless and rough a general can be when he’s claiming new territory.
His lips attach to her neck and she moans, throwing her head back while pulling at his hair. There is no denying she’d give herself to him, that she’d gladly spread her legs and allow him to do as he pleases and that’s what snaps her out of this daze.
Opening her eyes, she stiffens against his advances. Pressing her lips in a thin line, she feels the wave of pure, unadulterated lust wash over her. She wants to stop, to pause but her entire body is struggling against her willpower and rational thought.
“No”, she manages to whisper, but Kirigan doesn’t seem to react. His lips are leaving a trail of kisses on her collarbone, his manhood rubbing against the inner side of her thighs.
Gripping his hair, she pulls it – hard. It’s hard enough to detach him from her and to force eye contact he clearly didn’t expect.
“I said no”, she says gruffly with a determination set in those eyes of hers he always looks for nowadays. They bring him a sense of accomplishment for he seeks the adoration he used to crave, that he finally has.
“Alright”, he blinks. Pulling away, he untangles himself from Y/N. Turning away from her, he clears his throat. “I did not mean to make you uncomfortable.”
Sitting up properly, she pushes her hair back. “It’s not that”, she smiles in disbelief of her own words. “We’re moving fast, that’s all.”
Swallowing thickly, he nods but does not turn back to face her. He thought it inappropriate considering he’s still hard and it’s not something he can hide at this point.
He wondered what changed in the past week. A week ago she was teasing him, all but jumping his bones and convincing him to take her, but she stopped now when they were quite close to doing precisely what she wanted all along.
Hearing her stand, he realizes she jumped down from the table he had her perched on. She was so willing, so ethereally beautiful in passionate exchange she instigated after dinner.
What had he done that was so wrong?
“I just feel a bit detached, I guess”, she continues to break the uncomfortable silence. She never quite liked it, always finding her mind is too loud when her surroundings are quiet.
“What do you mean?” Kirigan turns halfway, adjusting his kefta so his middle is covered.
“I can’t explain it”, she shrugs innocently. “Something feels…off.”
His eyes narrow ever so slightly, his body turning to her entirely. “Try to explain. I won’t judge you.”
Inhaling deeply, she blinks a few times. What should she tell him? That she’s doubting him? That she feels as if her body and mind are at war and her heart’s rotting in its unquenchable desire to be with him?
What could she possibly tell him that wouldn’t sound insane?
“I’m still struggling to reconcile the fact I nearly died recently.”
Letting out a small sigh, he takes a few steps toward her. He reaches for her hand, gingerly rubbing her knuckles with his thumb.
“I struggle knowing I could have lost you, as well.”
Her lips twitch, “But you didn’t.”
Kirigan nods, a small smile upon his lips giving her some reprieve from the internal struggles she’s been damned with.
“Thank the Saints.”
She found it odd to hear him mention saints, wondering if he truly believed in them at all. A man of his caliber certainly didn’t need Saints to rely on. He’s powerful enough not to depend on them.
“Are you alright?” She asks, noticing his smile fall.
He leaned back a little, a lazy lock of his dark hair falling to his forehead. She wished to touch the lock, to twirl it between her fingers and kiss it, but she resisted once more as he spoke.
“Sometimes I wonder if it was worth it.”
Furrowing her brows, she looks up at him with confusion. “What?” She asks quietly, glad to hear his voice instead of the silence again.
“War. The battles. The losses. All of it.” He looked over at her and their eyes locked. “And then I see you and I know I cannot afford to lose. Not now, not when I have you.”
Letting out a shuddered breath, she could her heartbeat in her ears as his hand slowly brought the back of hers to his lips. It’s a weakness she has, his attention and his gentlemanly behavior that never ceases. She can’t help but wonder if he knows that, if he can read hear so easily to conquer her without an uttered word.
She doesn’t know if there is truth in what Genya spoke, but she needs to deal with the subliminal doubt she poisoned her with. If she’s ever to trust the loving look in Kirigan’s eyes and the tenderness of his kisses, she must investigate those claims of Aleksander Morozova or the Black Heretic.
“Did I say too much?” He raises his brows, smiling at her. “Have I overwhelmed you?”
Chuckling, she shakes her head fondly. “It’s not like you told me you love me.”
Though she wouldn’t mind hearing those words. However, from the way his smile lost its warmth and his eyes hardened, she knew he wasn’t anywhere near close to saying the words she’d sell her soul to the devil for.
“It was a joke”, she smirks. “I’m not asking you to say anything you’re not ready to say.”
Licking his lips, he nods curtly. “It’s alright. Don’t worry about it.”
But she did worry. As she left him in his quarters, Y/N worried about him and about the earnestness of Genya’s words.
She worried about the alien feelings she’s been struggling with and about the possibility of never hearing him say love.
She worried about what the future holds for them, about what he had done to bring her back that night and most of all, she worried what he’d do if he knew she was about to investigate his past.
Tags: @evyiione @measshaw @aleksanderwh0r3 @carlywhomever @ntlmundy @luciadiosa @awesome-eccia @haushinka27 @justmesadgirl @misselsbells06 @woodsabby6 @alytavzla
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What's Kaz's favourite colour? Favourite food? No one knows for sure.
Instagram | Ko-fi | Redbubble | Twitter
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SHADOW AND BONE (2021-)
Season 1, Episode 8 (No Mourners)
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Can I get a 💌 for Kaz please 🥺 thank you! x
A Beautiful Mess
"You call it madness, but I call it love."
Kaz Brekker was mad.
Or so it seemed to those who did not know him. And truly know him. Not those who met up with the Bastard of the Barrel for business.
He had splurged his funds, basically throwing money at whoever would take it. All to get gifts for you.
The trinkets he gave you signified more than just a present: they conveyed his deepest emotions, the ones he had buried away so far down in his chest he had barely known they were there; they showed you how much he cared, even if he may not have explicitly shown it; and most importantly, they gave you a glimpse of his mind, seeing the turmoil every time his index finger would tap the box right before you would take it.
But it would make you so proud. Proud that he didn't need touch, didn't have to buy you those things yet still did regardless.
He had found a way to show you his love, his secret love that no one he didn't completely trust could ever know of.
It was his way. And yours too, your little gifts of paperweights swirling with rich crimsons and utterly perfectly imperfect splayed dots of ivy greens, the ideal balance of metallic grays and dark lilac shades spreading throughout the glass, misting it over, allowing it to obtain an air of mystery, one that could not be solved.
Although, the bleeding colours were also so clear, inks like a tornado of blended mayhem, yet a beautiful mess none the less.
Just like everything in Ketterdam, you were an untidy strewn disaster, as was he. Perhaps more of a body of pure chaos than others, but maybe that was just what was meant to be; maybe it was what was written in the stars long ago, mapped out before you had even met, or locked eyes, or smiled, or laughed together.
Together you were a beautiful mess.
Just like the heavy paperweights you purchased or the clunky boots he bought, your laces were knotted terribly but tied, weight of the Dregs pressing down on your shoulders but so easy to forget.
All when he was with you and you with him.
And some may call him mad for it, but Kaz Brekker planned to keep loving you, no matter the cost it brought to him, money or danger. He would fight through it all, and fight through all the world could throw at him, all the obstacles that could obstruct him and his path, for you.
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Pay attention - Jesper Fahey
Request: yea 😌 "ok well you know what this means… you have to write a fic where reader is obsessed w jespers hands. for the people.
Pairing: Jesper Fahey x reader
Summary: you ask jesper to explain once again how to properly clean your revolvers, but it's just an excuse to look at his hands
Word count: 600
A/N: for the people <3
TAG LIST (all grishaverse fics): @ayushmitadutta @mrs-brekker15 @dancingwith-sunflowers @thegirlwiththeimpala @parker-natasha @story-scribbler @romanoffstarkovs @daliareads @meiitanoia @itsnotquimey @sanktaesperanza @whymyparentscheckmyphone @aleksanderwh0r3 @ilovemarvelanne1 @marlenaisnthappy @brekker-zenik @just-deka @graceknxwlson @the-very-tired-mess @sassybadqueen
TAG LIST (Jesper Fahey): @mufnasa @mmvi-cdxx @brick-by-brick553 @treasureofmy-heart
When you get to Jesper's room, the door is slightly open. You poke your head around the door, finding him sitting on the bed shuffling a deck of cards. It's a habit to be able to keep his hands busy.
You couldn't help but look at the way his hands skilfully move the cards around.
'Jes?' you say.
He looks up and smiles when he sees you.
'Hello love.' he says. 'What's up?'
'I was wondering if you could show me how to clean my revolvers again? I know you've showed me many times before, I just forgot one small step along the way.' you say, stepping into the room while holding your revolvers.
'You want me to explain it again?' chuckles Jesper. 'At this point, I'm going to have to write you a step by step plan.'
'Will you just explain it again?' you say.
'Of course, come on.' he says, scooting over and patting a spot on the bed.
'Right.' says Jesper, taking the revolvers from you. 'Remember the first step?'
'Always take the bullets out first.' you say.
'Exactly, safety first.' says Jesper, removing the bullets.
He starts to explain again step by step how to clean them. You're not paying attention at him.
You've had your revolvers for years. You knew perfectly well how to clean them. Every step along the way. You knew how to maintain your revolvers.
Jesper is talking while he cleans your revolvers.
You watch how his fingers smoothly run along the revolvers, how his hands move them from one hand to the other.
He's wearing all of your favourite rings today. It's a shame they're too big for you, otherwise you'd steal them all the time. But they look better on him anyway, says a voice in the back of your head.
After a while, Jesper notices you're not paying attention. He nudges your knee with his, making you look up at him.
'You're not even paying attention, love.' he says.
'I am!' you say.
Jesper raises his eyebrows at you. 'You looked at my hands but your eyes were glassy.' he points out. 'You zoned out.'
'Didn't.' you mumble.
Jesper frowns, then seems to realise something. He starts to smirk, followed by a chuckle.
'Oh, I know exactly what this is about.' he says.
'Me learning how to properly clean my revolvers?' you say.
'No.' says Jesper. 'You know perfectly well how to clean those. All of this is just your excuse.'
'For what?' you say, playing dumb.
Jesper laughs. 'Don't think I haven't noticed the way you look at my hands.' he says. 'You asking again and again for me to explain how to clean your revolvers, is an excuse for you to look at my hands.'
'They're nice.' you mumble, deciding you can no longer deny the true reason why you always ask for his help.
Jesper throws his head back and laughs out loud. 'They're nice?' he says.
'Stop making fun of me!' you say. 'You have very handsome hands and I like looking at them! What's wrong with that?'
'Nothing, love, nothing.' says Jesper, still chuckling. 'I just love that you make up all kinds of excuses. You know you can just take my hands whenever you want to.'
In response, you reach out to take his hands in yours, pressing kisses to his knuckles.
'Should have known when you asked for a fourth time if I could explain how to clean your revolvers.' says Jesper.
'I was running out of excuses.' you shrug.
'Next time, just ask.' says Jesper.
'I will.' you say, kissing his hands once more.
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Here’s the list of characters I write for. Everything that I have written can be found on my masterlist.
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ma’am let me breath pls
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