Tumgik
#shadow and bone oc
happyhauntt · 1 month
Text
forgiveness with teeth — nikolai lantsov.
Tumblr media
series masterlist | writing masterlist | askbox
─── summary: nikolai lantsov is the most insufferable human being in ravka, and most unfortunately, anya is stuck with him.
─── pairing: nikolai lantsov & anya kamenev (original character.)
─── warnings: fluff, enemies, nikolai is a bit of an asshole but he's sixteen so it's allowed, threats of physical violence (but honestly he deserves it), swearing, krysa means 'rat'.
─── word count: 1.6k.
Tumblr media
     There's something about Nikolai Lantsov that makes her want to break things.
     Anya can’t quite put her finger on what, exactly, gives her the urge to shove a rifle up his ass. Whether it’s the precise curve of his spine when he leans, half-slouching against any wall he can find, hands shoved deep into the pockets of his uniform, or the pitch of his voice when he cheers after winning a card game — she can’t say. She can’t even begin to guess.
     It’s just Nikolai, and Anya swears that there has never been another person alive to tempt her fury like that boy does.
     She didn’t always feel this way. Anya knows him… Well, she knows him as well as any nobleman’s daughter knows a prince, really. As a child, she would spend at least half the year at court in Os Alta. She recalls running riot through the hallways as she chased the boys, desperate to participate in their swordplay games, desperate to prove herself as something more. She’d sneak out of embroidery lessons and hide in the library, listening to lectures on diplomacy.
     Nikolai was much the same, when they were small. A troublemaker at his very core. It was impossible to miss the way his eyes twinkled at the prospect of adventure, and once or twice, they'd snuck into the Little Palace to watch the Grisha train. The Heartrenders had noticed them, catching onto the sound of two unfamiliar heartbeats racing with adrenaline, but they'd found it more amusing than anything else.
      As Anya grew older, and spent less time at the Grand Palace due to her ill health as her mother sequestered her on the family estate, or so the rumours claimed, what little relationship she’d built with Nikolai had changed from unlikely allies in mischief to mere acquaintances. A dance shared at her birthday ball, pleasantries exchanged at the Winter Fête, and not much else.
     Anya didn’t mind it much. She’d never been a gregarious person, and often found the constant smiles and simpering associated with her rank to be tedious.
     It was a matter of great misfortune, then, when she was assigned to his regiment.
     Even future duchesses must serve their country, and when she enlisted at sixteen, Anya's parents sent her off to battle with a stern warning not to draw attention to herself, and a flurry of fretful forehead kisses. Her mother's eyes, glassy with unshed tears, haunt her nightmares even now.
     Hunched over her breakfast in the mess hall, she hears him before he sees him. That obnoxious laugh, a rumbling sound that manages to carry all the way across the room. She almost winces as it sweeps over her, a tumultuous wave of noise. She’d bet her father’s title that they can hear him all the way in Ketterdam. 
     An eerie hush settles over the mess hall as he enters, chattering away with Dominik. The rest of their regiment isn’t used to having royalty in their midst quite yet, and seeing the fresh-faced prince join the peasants for his meals hasn’t sunk in. Anya wishes it would. The sooner they realise he isn’t any better than them — and, in several instances, is actually worse — then the sooner her sanity will return.
     She hopes.
      It's not a single thing about Nikolai that makes her so frustrated in his presence. He'd been a mischievous child, but so had she, so Anya can hardly judge him for that. He's a good soldier, humble and respectful to his peers despite his royal status. She’ll begrudgingly concede that all of this is true.
     But by the Saints, it doesn’t change the fact that he is insufferable.
     She makes a conscious effort not to look at him. Instead, she glowers down at her plate as his voice grows louder and louder. By the time she senses him come to a stop at her table, her breakfast no longer resembles anything edible, and she doesn’t feel any better.
     A moment of silence passes, then another, and then —
     "You're a wretched swine, Lantsov."
     She looks up at him, finally. He’s leaning against the table, one hand resting on its sticky surface. The wicked grin that stretches over his face makes a strange fight-or-flight feeling rise in her gut. She wonders how he'd look with claw marks all over his face. "Good morning to you too, Lady Anya."
     "Krysa." She sneers at him. Any trace of ladylike etiquette vanished the moment he appeared in her line of sight. All her years of meticulous training, conditioning, all the lessons in politeness her governesses drilled into her simply evaporate.
     Anya is certain her mother would faint to see her behaving like this, and towards one of their great nation's princes? She'd never live it down.
     Fortunately, her mother isn't here.
     The noise in the mess hall picks up again now that Nikolai is here, growing to a dull background hum of mindless gossip. Soldiers fill up the open space, milling about as they gather their meagre breakfasts. Dominik sidles up alongside Nikolai carrying two trays of breakfast rations and sits down at Anya's table, offering the girl a polite smile. She grunts at him, grudgingly pushing the remains of her food around her plate with her fork.
     "What could I possibly have done to earn such ire, Nastya?"
     Nikolai's use of her nickname only causes her scowl to deepen. He hovers over her, too close for comfort, bright blue eyes two roguish diamonds glinting down at her.
     He’s teasing her. She knows that. She knows she shouldn’t rise to the bait, but his lip twists and her hands curl into fists before she can stop herself.
 ��   "You know exactly what you did." She turns away, refuses to look at him. She won't give him the satisfaction. Dominik glances between them and, bless him, does his best not to laugh.
     Anya wonders what the sentence would be for murdering a prince of Ravka. Execution, she imagines. But surely it wouldn’t be that severe, would it? He's a second son, spare to the throne, not overly important — and surely he gets on everyone else's nerves as much as he gets on hers.
     Perhaps she'll be made into a national hero for such a patriotic act.
     Even if she's executed, the short period of time between his death and hers will be blissful. And quiet. Right up until she joins him in hell (she knows damn well he's not getting into heaven, and after killing him, neither will she.)
     His chuckle rattles through her as he takes the seat beside Dominik. A girl can dream.
     "What did he do?" Dominik wonders, a curious twinkle in his eyes.
     Anya marks the prince with a stinging glare. "He fed my boots to a goat."
     "In my defence–" Nikolai chokes back a snort, spreading his hands wide. Dominik is quick to move a glass of water out of his reach, lest it be knocked over. "I thought they were my boots."
     Exasperation twists in Anya’s chest. "Why were you feeding your boots to a goat in the first place?"
     He shrugs, unconcerned. "I’d had a little too much kvas, and I thought he looked angry when I stumbled across him trying to make it back to the barracks. Distracting him felt like the best course of action. I didn't know they were your boots, Anya, truly. My sincerest apologies."
     Anya huffs, wriggling her toes inside the too-big pair of spare boots she'd been issued for the foreseeable future. She knows that she'll be feeling the pain of blisters in the coming days, and her frustration with him will only grow. How is it that their commanding officers find him so... charming?
     He has all the charisma of a puppy, all bright pretty eyes and boundless energy. It’s all simply adorable, and you find yourself falling in love — right up until the puppy shits on your pillow.
     But the puppy is sweet and sorry, and you find yourself forgiving any wrongdoings. No wonder they call him sobachka.
     Anya Kamenev never thought she’d want to kick a puppy until she met Nikolai Lantsov.
     “Apologies won’t bring my boots back,” she says, “and when we’ve marched five hundred miles through freezing rain and my blisters have blisters, I will sneak into your tent in the middle of the night, put a chicken in a pillowcase and beat you with it.”
     Nikolai pauses, fork full of food frozen midair. He blinks at her once, twice. “That’s… very descriptive. If I may ask, why the chicken? That seems unnecessarily cruel.”
     “Because a brick would land me in jail.” She rolls her eyes at him. “I never said it was a live chicken. I’ll find a dead one, or I’ll buy one from a butcher. I’m not insane, Lantsov.”
     He raises an eyebrow. “Aren’t you?”
     “Do you really want to antagonise me right now?” She kicks him beneath the table, hard enough to bruise. Nikolai hisses between his teeth. His fork drops back onto his plate with a clatter as he reaches down to rub his shin. “I can reconsider the brick, if you’d prefer.”
     “I’d go with a dead fish, if I were you,” says Dominik, grinning around a mouthful of food. “He’ll have to burn his pyjamas to get the smell out.”
     Anya smirks, eyes darting between Dominik and the prince. Nikolai’s mouth is agape as he stares at his friend. “I’ll take it under advisement,” she says with a decisive nod.
     An incredulous laugh bubbles up from Nikolai’s throat. He gives Dominik a shove. “Traitor!”
     “What can I say?” Dominik grins. “I like her odds.”
57 notes · View notes
jahayla-parker · 7 months
Text
King of My Heart : Nikolai Lantsov x Reader Series
Description: Princess Y/n and Nikolai have known each other since they were little as their families would visit each other every summer. However, Y/n and Nikolai seemingly always hated each other. To make matters more complicated, their parents arranged for them to marry. Will they be able to get along enough to maintain a political marriage, will they truly fall for each other, or will their hatred continue to tear each other apart until there’s nothing but destruction?
Warnings: angst, hurt-comfort, friends to enemies, enemies to lovers, pining, crush(es), flirting, dancing, arguments, fighting, insults/bullying, attitude, typical Grishaverse topics and themes, kissing and other romantic behaviors and content, misunderstandings, bantering, etc.
Notes: This is an ONGOING series. When a new part is scheduled for release/to be posted, I’ll update this masterlist with those details. I’m hoping to keep updating it frequently and routinely, but please bear with me if that’s not always 100% the case!
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Thoughts on if I should continue?
Tumblr media
Taglist: @iambored24601 @nghtwngs @dcmaniac101 @naushtheaspiringauthor @larathebee @hereiamhereigo @lareinaa007 @halfofagayallofaqueer @el-de-phi @kiroshki @caspianobsessed @hauntedenthusiasttragedy @adalia-jaycee @ell0ra-br3kk3r @wonderland2425 @sublimepenguinpeach-blog @kateswone @liter4ti @torresbarnes @mischiefmanaged71 @casualladyinternet @im-here-sometimes @moonflowersandsparkles @h-l-vlovesvintage @dinonuggiessss @bubybubsters @sublimepenguinpeach-blog @opheliaofficial07
Tumblr media
Nikolai Lantsov Navigation
Grishaverse Navigation
Book Boyfriends Navigation
My Main Masterlist (All My Works) Navigation
Tumblr media
93 notes · View notes
lotusqueens · 1 year
Photo
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Leigh Bardugo, Ruin and Rising
Korol Rezni. Roëd Drüsje.
The King of Scars and the red witch.
They had become a symbol of hope for their torn and drowning county and a scary story for young Drüskelle boys to shudder at.
Nikolai sometimes wondered what it felt like for Vera: to be hated and feared by the country she loved so dearly. If Ravka was the drowning man Nikolai planned to drag to shore with his last breath, then Fjerda was her’s. Despite all her words and her determination, he knew Vera would die for her country. Even if it was at Fjerda’s own hands.
83 notes · View notes
bi-bard · 4 months
Text
Shadow & Bone has been one of my favorite shows to write about. It gave me interesting characters, this sense of greater creative freedom than I've ever been offered, and this beautiful way to discuss the importance of hope and love in the face of pain and despair. It has also brought many readers to work that have shown the same level of passion and care that I hold for it. I haven't been writing for this show for a very long time, yet it feels like it has always been there. Something that was always going to happen; I just had to wait for it all to click into place. I will forever be grateful for that feeling. That sense of purpose.
I have no intention of just letting this show go after two seasons. I promise.
I will continue to write about it. My OC will continue. I plan to extend that story beyond the bounds that we have been allowed to see on screen. I also have plans to start a new series exploring another facet of the show's universe that I have not been able to explore yet.
It is sad to see the show go, but that does not mean the story ends or the characters stop. We, as fans, can keep these stories going for as long as we want them to.
I'll see you all soon.
no mourners, no funerals
28 notes · View notes
multix-ct117 · 10 months
Text
Dancing in the Dark
Tumblr media
Ophelia Laskin + Aleksander Morozova
the Darkling x the Moon Wielder
{Shadow and Bone}
“He was her dark fairytale and she was his twisted fantasy. And together they made magic.”
48 notes · View notes
moireia · 1 year
Photo
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
another fic i may never write  ↳ raisa karenin, heretics 🌑
Raisa Karenin could never really settle. She was never given the chance.
How could she when every year meant a new village to hide in? Every year meant a new name to learn. At all cost, she had to keep the secret close—one she was never to show and never to tell at the risk of her own life. The secret that her mother could read lies in heartbeats, that her father could mend wounds with a touch, that Raisa could make shadows dance. 
It was hard to make friends when anyone, even another child, could be a threat. When her family arrived at Ryveost, Raisa decided to make friends out of the flowers in the garden and the characters in her mother’s stories. Raisa created the Witch of Duva and Koja the Too-Clever Fox as shadow puppets to play with.
All these stories and all these lies were Raisa’s protection. They were the warnings that kept her safe. They were the lessons she faithfully followed even after her father was lost to the sea. Even after her mother died.
Then, after Ryevost, there was Keramzin.
Even in the loss of all that she knew, there was something to be gained. Keramzin gave her Alina and Mal—her first true friends, the three of them drawn together almost inexplicably. Perhaps it was pity for the new orphan, quiet and a little strange. Perhaps it was sympathy, knowing too well the cruelty of the others who saw you as different. Nevertheless, Alina and Mal were kind when Raisa needed it most.
At sixteen they were drafted into the First Army. It took them on different paths but they found ways to stay in touch. While Mal tracked in the woods and Alina held onto a pen, Raisa took up a rifle and became a sniper. An efficient soldier who took dangerous missions and rose quickly in rank—anything she could do to avoid the Fold. Her father had many theories about what would happen if Raisa entered the Unsea. Would it respond to her? Would the volcra hunt her, seeking shadow summoner blood even from a different line than their despised creator? Would she pass untouched? Madraya argued the risk was too great to ever try.
But then Mal is ordered to cross the Fold. Alina sets a fire and damns herself to stay with him. What choice does Raisa have but to follow? Her mother’s voice echoes in her mind as Raisa steals a cartography uniform and sneaks aboard the Skiff.
For the first time, Raisa ignores the warnings. She cannot leave her dearest friends to the darkness of the Unsea. She would follow them anywhere—even if it means risking discovery.
87 notes · View notes
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
6th February '24
Alina sketches + Persona (Ingrid)
I forgot my sketchbook at home so I had to use random papers I found in my notebooks during class.
Idk why I started enjoying just drawing and drawing like I used to, because normally I'd just be concentrated on something else and then draw; when I was a kid, I just drew without even knowing what. And now I started to do it again, and I'm so confused but actually also happy!
Also before anybody thinks this is Alina slander or something; NUH UH. I love Alina, perhaps that's why I enjoy drawing her as much.
The bottom drawing is related to my persona's lore, which is pretty complicated, but in short; Ingrid is talking about living amplifiers, since she is one as well, and often called the amplifiers (such as the stag, etc) 'friends'.
12 notes · View notes
restinslices · 3 months
Text
My Fandom Ocs
I was scrolling on tumblr and ended up seeing @mattmurdocksthighs (fantastic name btw) do this post showing off their ocs and I was like “I wanna do that” so here we are. No one asked for this but LISTEN- I don’t ONLY think about Mortal Kombat. And I’ll probably write about them at some point and get like, 2 cute lil like. I’ll keep updating this because my brain is always coughing up this shit. Their stories also got a lot of shit going on so I’m giving the very basic stuff so this shit ain’t too long. (Rereading this and the shit ended up long anyway). Last updated: 2/15/24
Kajsa Helvar
Tumblr media
Universe: Six Of Crows
Related to: Matthias Helvar - Older Brother.
Sexuality: Lesbian
Love Interest: -
Faceclaim: Ivanna Sakhno
Summary: Kajsa is Matthias’s younger sister who is believed to be dead. She survived the village fire and was taken by Fjerdan officials to become an assassin (they got a bootleg Black Widow program. Shhhhh) for them since Druskelle take too long and are easily noticeable. After she finds out he’s alive, she leaves Fjerda and tracks him down but when she realizes his girlfriend is Grisha, she believes he’s being poisoned and wants to kill Nina. When Matthias refuses to let that happen, she thinks it’s too late and the only way to save his soul is to kill him. Will she succeed? Will they make up and undo her brainwashing? Who knows? Not me.
Marina Starkov
Tumblr media
Universe: Shadow and Bone
Related to: and Malyen Oretsev - Dad. Alina Starkov - Mom.
Grisha order: Etherealki - Sun Summoner
Sexuality: Unlabeled
Love Interest: (I ain’t think that far ahead, ngl)
Faceclaim: Park Ji Hye
Summary: I was bummed we didn’t get the book ending with Mal and Alina so she was made. Mal and Alina did the dance as old as time when they found out Mal was the third amplifier and did not use any protection. This resulted in an accidental baby. Mal was at sea and Alina was married to Nikolai so they lied to the people of Ravka and said she was theirs. Mal only finds out years later during a random visit. Ngl, she was created for drama and scandal. I did not think her future through. All I knew was that she hated this Ravkan royal life and preferred to be with Mal and wanted more freedom. Typical princess shit.
Polaris Lupin
Tumblr media
Universe: Harry Potter
Related to: Remus Lupin - Dad. And before y’all ask, her mom is black but she’s not a cannon character so I’m not putting her here
House: Ravenclaw
Sexuality: Lesbian
Love interest: Bounces between Luna and Pansy cause she loves a lil bit of toxicity. She get it from Remus fr
Faceclaim: Chandler Kinney
Summary: In my version, Remus is gay. I know fans debate whether he’s bi or gay, in this version he’s gay. He’s in denial and ends up hooking up with a female witch, and while that confirmed that he had to face the hard reality of another thing about him being different, her ass must’ve been listening to Usher cause she said she was three months pregnant and she was keeping it (some of y’all enjoyed that more than others and I’m ok with this). At first he wanted nothing to do with this kid but came around to the idea, which was real convenient cause her mom got killed by her own family. Guess we locked in for life now. She has his werewolf gene and is trying her hardest to succeed in school to hopefully make their life better.
Carina Min
Tumblr media
Universe: Harry Potter
Related to: Sirius Black - Dad. One of my ocs I put in every universe is her mom. Don’t judge me.
House: Hufflepuff
Sexuality: Unlabeled
Love Interest: Fred Weasley
Faceclaim: Saerom from Fromis_9
Summary: Carina was born October 31st 1980, the year before shit went left. After Sirius’ imprisonment, her mom gave Carina her last name so she hopefully wouldn’t be connected to the Black family anymore. She is extremely sheltered and since her mom was raised after death eaters, she tries to shield her from everything wrong with the world, trying to give her the life she felt she deserved but obviously sheltering your kid as much as she did leaves them extremely codependent. Carina has always wanted for nothing and never had the need for ambition. She sees the world extremely black and white but when entering Hogwarts she finds out that’s not true and has to solve a huge question; who is she? She’s also a metamorphmagus like her mom but I didn’t know where to fit that.
Poppy Ejiri-Finstock
Tumblr media
Universe: Teen Wolf
Related to: Bobby Finstock - Dad. Mom is a non cannon character. Not the same as Carina and Lilith
Creature: Werejaguar and Kitsune Chimera
Sexuality: Bisexual
Love interest: Isaac Lahey
Faceclaim: Serena Motola
Summary: Poppy was born a human with heart disease and because of this, she has constant medical attention. She lives with Coach in Beacon Hills and is friends with Isaac, Erica and Boyd and has no knowledge of the supernatural. When Erica and Boyd go missing, she wants to investigate which Isaac is very against since the alpha pack traumatized him for investigating and he’s a werewolf. All this secrecy puts a strain of their relationship and she only finds out about the supernatural when Stiles is possessed. Lucky for her though her mom is like “bring my child back to my house” and she goes to live with her, which is also encouraged by Isaac. She only returns in season 5 because she’s experiencing heart failure and wants more time with her dad and also because her mom needs to work more. Good news, they got a heart for her! Bad news, the Dread Doctors are around. She’s kidnapped, experimented on, deemed a failure, brought back by Theo but sided with Scott and stays apart of his pack.
Wren Hale
Tumblr media
Universe: MCU
Related to: -
Sexuality: Pansexual
Love interest: -
Faceclaim: Devyn Nekoda
Summary: She is from the universe that Dr. Strange destroyed in “What If?” Her parents were two Shield scientist sent to find the Infinity Stones. They found the soul stone, her mom killed her dad and since she was a witch who specialized in power absorption she was able to absorb the stone. Unfortunately though, she was pregnant and after giving birth to her daughter, Wren sucked almost all the power out of her, leaving her too weak to even stand. Wren became a test subject immediately and this went unnoticed since in this universe The Avengers were never formed because Loki never came to Earth. She ended up absorbing the mind stone after it crashed on Earth and absorbed the rest of her mom’s power. Wren ended up clearing Natasha’s mind after a failed breach, killed everyone else at Shield and began her new life with Natasha until Dr. Strange got everyone killed. Instead of dying like everyone else, she was able to jump from variant to variant thanks to the two stones working together and now goes universe to universe killing Dr. Strange so he can never destroy another universe like hers.
Lilith Lokisdottir
Tumblr media
Universe: MCU
Related to: Loki Odinson - Dad. Mom is the same as Carina’s. She AU hops.
Sexuality: Lesbian
Love interest: -
Faceclaim: Lucy from Weki Meki
Summary: Ok so, Lilith is the product of Loki and an enhanced Midgardian. She is born during the snap which means she never gets to meet Loki and instead has a fatherly relationship with her uncle Thor. She’s still kinda in development but my idea rn is that because Loki isn’t there to teach her magic, she’s sent with Wanda. Unfortunately Wanda made a little pit stop and Westview happened. She ages rapidly in the hex and plays Wanda’s adopted niece in her little show. Because of her own magic trying to protect her and fight against Wanda’s, when the hex goes down she still looks the age she’s grown into, but her brain didn’t age as fast which causes her judgment to be skewed. So instead of being the new Goddess of Mischief, it slips into chaos and destruction. Will she be healed? Find out next episode.
Claudia Moore
Tumblr media
Universe: Twilight
Related to: Billy Black - Dad. Jacob Black - Older Brother. Rachel and Rebecca Black - Older Sisters. Non cannon character is her mom.
Species: Witch Shifter Hybrid
Sexuality: Bisexual
Love Interest: Paul Lahote (I don’t wanna hear about Rachel)
Faceclaim: Kiana Madeira
Summary: Going back in time Claudia’s mom was best friends with Billy and Sarah, Jacob’s parents. She really wanted a baby and the two volunteered to have Billy be a donor for her and she accepted. She had Claudia months after Sarah and Claudia and Jacob became best friends. Years pass and she’s friends with the kids on the reservation and has no knowledge about Billy being her biological dad. Then New Moon happens. Cullens leave, Bella drops her, and her main friend group including Jacob and her boyfriend seem to abandon her and it’s clear her mom and Billy know something and they aren’t letting her know what. After a huge fight with her mom she takes off this necklace her mom gave her that she said she enchanted so vampire powers would not work on her and has a tracking element. She runs off, sees Paul, the imprint shit happens and this triggers a change and after getting angry she turns into a jaguar bitch. So that necklace she got wasn’t just used to protect her from vampires and to track her location. It was also to suppress her shifter abilities. Now everyone thought shifters wouldn’t happen anymore and it was always sons, but her mom was like “imma just be careful”. It was like she had a protective bubble around her so that’s why the smell of vampires didn’t trigger her. When she took off the necklace that bubble was popped and when the imprinting shit happened it triggered her shifter gene. Basically saying “hey y’all can do this now! Hurry up to make up for lost time!” And that necklace wasn’t gonna work anymore. She’s a wolf not a jaguar because (I like it) it works differently for witches. In my head I have more lore for witches and how they used to assist the packs and also turn into animals but their animal would be a symbol of who they are as a person. The inside showing up on the outside type of thing. Maybe I’ll make a separate post rambling about it.
Minnie Thompson/Cullen
Tumblr media
Universe: Twilight
Turned by: Carlisle Cullen
Species: Vampire
Special ability: Power mimicry
Sexuality: She just be living
Love Interest: -
Face Claim: Vanessa Morgan (specifically as Sarah Fox)
Summary: Minnie was born in 1906 to Robert and Mary Thompson and was soon followed by a younger brother named Joseph. Growing up, Minnie had a tendency to mimic others actions and predict what they’d do next, which was usually used to avoid conflict. This increased when her father started taking her hunting, which allowed her to gain the mindset of a hunter. She meets Carlisle when he’s volunteering to help the injured in her neighborhood and finds herself enjoying his company. Her brother dies of an illness and that plus other stress drives her father to attempt to kill his wife, Minnie and himself. Luckily she survived and was turned by Carlisle, who she’d grown close to by then. She was 18 and is the first adopted daughter he gets. Over the years their relationship went downhill because of multiple situations I don’t wanna ramble about here (maybe I will on another post), but it all comes crashing down when Jasper and Alice arrive. After finding out Jasper was a proud Confederate, she gets into an argument with Carlisle and says he has to leave. This leads to an ultimatum; they stay or she stays. Carlisle continues making excuses and she leaves. She has her own solo shit she’s doing but if we skip all that and look at the books, she’s an ally sometimes. She is still angry with them and keeps her distance but they reunite and there’s some of them she cares about and doesn’t want to die, which causes her to become a temporary ally. This is the best way I can summarize this. I have an embarrassing amount of lore in my head for her.
Medora Montgomery
Tumblr media
Universe: PJO
Cabin: 10 - Aphrodite
Fatal Flaw: Recklessness
Sexuality: Demisexual
Love interest: I ain’t think that far
Faceclaim: Cascina Caradonna
Summary: She’s still a wip but as of right now her story is that she is from a wealthy family and her father despises Aphrodite for what she’s done. Growing up her father talked horribly about Aphrodite and made it seem like she is nothing more than a “whore goddess” with no real significance. She also has experienced being over sexualized like many other girls and it always being her fault has been drilled into her head. When she is sent to camp and claimed by Aphrodite, she hates it. She doesn’t hate her cabin mates but she, like others, mistakenly believe that Aphrodite only represents sex and she blames her for all the sexualization she’s faced. She is desperate to prove that she can be more and throws herself into situations that are way too big for only her to handle. She has to figure out what Aphrodite means to her, how to love herself as she is, how to get her inner light back and has to learn how to recognize that she is a victim and that creeps exist. It is not her job to make sure they keep their comments and hands to themselves.
16 notes · View notes
hiddenqveendom · 1 year
Photo
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
* — SAYANA GAN-BAYAR + NIKOLAI LANTSOV
❝ i love you as certain dark things are to be loved, secretly, between the shadow and the soul.❞ ― pablo neruda, 100 love sonnets
tag list : @mysticalficvoid​ , @victoriapedrcttis​ , @sgtbuckyybarnes​ , @joaquinwhorres​ , @decennia​ , @veetlegeuse​ , @arrthurpendragon​ , @raith-way​ , @scootermcooter​ , @stanshollaand​ , @chrissymunson​ , @foxesandmagic​ , @eddiemunscns​ ,  @waterloou​ , @endless-oc-creations​, @kingsmakers​, @https-svnshine​, @starlit-epiphany​, @dyhlanobrien​, @fragilestorm​ , @nolanhollogay​ , @carmens-garden​ , @impales​ , @emilykaldwen​, @darkwolf76​, @princessmadelines​, @iloveocs​, @nectarines-rule​​
send me a message to be added / removed !
gif credit ; [ x , x , x , moi ]
62 notes · View notes
antlerhorror · 8 months
Text
i'm going to info dump about this and maybe nobody will see it! but this story means so MUCH to me.
imagine you're in the grishaverse okay, you have shadow summoner and sun summoner and holy shit those are teenage criminals that collapse an entire government system because they want money, isn't that incredible? the whole world is a mess, this is true, but what about ... the ocean? who's crossing the seas and making that, too, a laborious task for anyone minding their own business? we already know pirates are a vaugly established group in the universe; everyone insists on calling nikolai one when he presents as sturmond. so where exactly are these pirates?
here enters the ocean's disgrace, a renowned crew of cut throats and criminals who scour the seas for plunder, particularly with the ravkan navy because fuck those guys, am i right? led by imani oakfor, queen of the seas (penned by @riverstyxsarts), this band of pirates is both comic relief when you need it and a look into the lives of characters we don't usually see in the shadow and bone setting. they're different.
imani oakfor, transwoman pirate captain of the ocean's disgrace and renowned for her ferocity and her cruelty ... with enemies, that is.
bones, a disgraced fjerdan who insists he's too old for work and has an infinity for incredibly bad romantic novellas ‐ and he can't even read.
hawk-eye, son of ambassadors turned pirate and imani's lover. once thought to be dead for years, he now makes it a point to be a cocky bastard.
kenji yào, autistic map-maker and bathtime extraordinaire. he's a squaller who's afraid of birds - no, seriously, he is. petrified of them, really. currently dating hare and another member of the crew.
hare hamilton, the quickest thief on the seas. just a young boy from the wandering isles who made due to survive and got a mother figure out of it somehow; imani might as well be his mom for how well he treats him.
fleur meijer, a runaway from the navy after she realized just how bigoted those assholes are. certified woman lover with a heart of gold and courage like no other.
and so many more characters. you don't quite understand how honored i am to write a story with someone so so talented and make entire worlds out of something that im passionate about. these guys invade my brain more than the canon cast of shadow and bone do! i know this was a bit of a doozy but let me know if you want to know more. it's my special interest at this point <3
28 notes · View notes
marsconer · 11 months
Text
too much kaz fics, too little inej fics…the sapphic urge to fix this
39 notes · View notes
happyhauntt · 6 days
Text
stay, i pray you — nikolai lantsov.
Tumblr media
series masterlist | writing masterlist | askbox
─── summary: nikolai has a decision to make. anya makes it for him.
─── pairing: nikolai lantsov & anya kamenev (original character.)
─── warnings: takes place during seige & storm just after sturmhond reveals himself to be nikolai. angst, hurt/no comfort, pre-established relationship. this one's gonna hurt.
─── word count: 2.1k.
Tumblr media
     "I've had an idea."
     The military encampment at Kribirsk is as familiar to Anya as the freckles on Nikolai's nose, the garden of her father's estate, the brittle ache of her injured knee. Crashing the Hummingbird had not been part of the plan — and her body had certainly not appreciated the impromptu swim in the nearby lake — but the First Army officers had recognised her and Nikolai, affording them all the honours of their stations and escorting them to the commander's tent.
     Anya hadn't felt all that comfortable with it. She may have been Lieutenant Corporal before her discharge, but it has become increasingly difficult to love the army that raised her while it serves the country that abandoned her. General Raevsky had once been her commanding officer. She and Nikolai had served under him on the northern border, oh, how many years ago now?
They'd both been green as grass, infantry grunts who'd never handled a rifle, never fired a shot or seen a battlefield begin to bleed. Raevsky greeted her like an old friend when they stumbled onto shore, asked how she was fairing as if he hadn't seen her only a few months ago, before she helped the Sun Summoner flee Ravka by smuggling her onto a ship bound for Novyi Zem.
     The tent Anya finds herself in is small but serviceable, with clean, fresh clothes laid out on the bed and a small plate of food waiting on the table. Nikolai disappeared shortly after their arrival, most likely to offer up an explanation to the commanders, but when he finally reappears, he finds Anya combing out the knots of her damp hair with her fingers, changed into a clean, loose shirt and army-issue trousers. She feels as if she never left the army and the thought makes her nauseous.
     "You have an idea?" She raises an eyebrow at him as he steps tentatively inside, allowing the tent flap to fall closed behind him. A playful smirk dances over her face. "Given that your last idea sent us crash-landing into a lake, I must admit I feel a little apprehensive."
     He huffs at her, an almost-chuckle that sends alarm bells ringing in her mind. A jibe like that would usually send him on a ranting spiral, fussing all about how his invention hadn’t been the reason they crashed and had, actually, worked exactly as intended for the majority of their journey.
     Teasing him is easy, and the way he smiles when she does sends warmth pouring through her. Seeing him so subdued is… troubling, to say the least. He hangs up his sword and crosses the tent to perch on the edge of her bed. His eyes remain fixed on the floor the whole time.
     Kneeling in front of him, she allows her fingers to graze over the bruise blossoming on his cheek. His eyes fall closed for a moment. "She really got you, didn't she? Our dear Sun Summoner has a mean right hook."
     "Believe me, I know. Scrappy little thing." Nikolai flexes his jaw and opens his eyes, and all once, Anya knows. It's written in the tiny lines between his brows and the quirk of his mouth and the ache in his eyes.
     "What is it?" she murmurs. Her fingers linger on his face, and he leans into the warmth of her, just slightly. Her knee protests, but she doesn't dare try to stand up. "What's happened?"
     He swallows roughly. "I've told you before, haven't I, about coming back here and helping Ravka. About fixing it before it's too late."
     Whispered conversations in a dimly-lit cabin flutter through her mind. Wishes pressed against her skin with kisses, hopes and dreams caught up in a lover's embrace. I could be better than Vasily, he'd said, and she had believed that, the way she believed the sun would rise in the morning. I could save Ravka.
     She hadn't told him the truth, then. She'd taken his dreams and folded them up into her own chest, to keep safe beside her heart, but she hadn't wanted it the way he did. Anya would sooner see Ravka burn. She cannot bring herself to feel mercy, not where this Saints-forsaken country is concerned. Not after it abandoned her when she needed it most.
     Now, she nods. A damp tendril of hair falls past her eyes. "I remember. You said you... you would find a way to convince Vasily to step aside, and your father would make you the heir. But it wasn't a plan. You said you didn't know how you'd do it, yet. Just that you wished you could."
     She may never forget it. The panic that struck her, bone-deep. The way his ambitions have haunted her ever since. He may not have known it then, but a ticking clock had been set that day. Anya never knew when their time would run out. Only that she would never be ready for it.
     He smiles, now. A rueful thing. There is no need to hide with her, no need to put on that winsome devil-may-care act he wears like armour. She is not a politician he can sway to his side, nor a danger he can charm his way out of, and yet he smiles at her. She is so beautiful, and soft, and she's not wearing her armour, either. Not here, not with him. There is nothing to smile about, and in a few moments it will all be different, but right now she is his, so he has to smile. He has to.
     He may weep, otherwise.
     "Kolya." Her voice is so quiet, barely more than a whisper, and he is so sure that she knows, already, without him having to breathe a word.
     His throat goes horribly tight, an invisible hand wrapped tight around his windpipe, as if that will stop his confession. His eyes flit to the roof for a moment. They start to sting.
     "Alina's power is the key to Ravka's survival," he says. Every word feels like lead on his tongue. "The Apparat has turned her into a living Saint, and the people love her. If I'm to make a bid for the throne and convince Vasily to step aside, it can't just be that I'm the best man for the job. That won't matter. But an alliance with the Sun Summoner might sway the odds in my favour."
     Anya watches him for a long moment. He holds his breath as time stretches, and eternity seems to pass before she even blinks. She withdraws her hand, allowing it to rest lightly on his thigh. The absence of her touch lingering in his face burns like a fresh bullet wound.
     He wonders if you can die from missing someone who hasn't gone anywhere yet.
     "An alliance with Alina." Anya narrows her eyes as the pieces click together in her mind." You mean—"
     "I'm going to ask her to marry me." His throat feels rough as sandpaper. "A political marriage, in name only. The game has changed and Alina is the only one who can level the playing field."
     He keeps talking, but Anya can hardly hear him. Her brain began to buzz with white noise the moment she heard the word marriage, as if her skull is home to a thousand angry wasps and someone suddenly decided to shake the nest. She can feel her blood rushing in her ears, her heartbeat thudding in her throat, but she doesn't dare give herself away.
     Anya Kamenev is a soldier, but she is also a future duchess. Her mother would be proud to learn that all those etiquette lessons didn't go to waste. Summoning a decade of training, her old governess' instructions rattling through her mind, her face remains delicate and empty. Not a muscle twitch or a quiver of her lip, not a hint of sorrow flashing in her eyes. She might as well be carved from marble. Her heart sits in her chest like a stone.
     "Nastya." The nickname he gave her in their army days is salt in an open wound. Nikolai reaches for her, grasps her hands in his as if she is all that can anchor him to this world. "I don't know what to do."
     "Of course you do." Somehow her voice is gentle, even though she feels jagged at the edges, like touching her might make him bleed. An instinct tugs at her, to curl her fingers around his own and hold him just as tight, but she can't bring herself to move. "You wouldn't bring it up to me if you hadn't already thought it through. You're a clever man, Nikolai. The cleverest I know, and don't let that go to your head. You know what you have to do now. You just want my permission to do it."
     Is it crueller, somehow, to ask for permission? To hand over her heart, and the knife too, as if that will make it hurt less when he carves it from her chest?
     A wet laugh bubbles out of him. "Trust you to keep my ego in check even now, Anya."
     "Someone has to," she says. She heaves herself into a standing position, wincing as her knee cracks and tiny bolts of lightning spike up her leg. "Although I think Alina will do a brilliant job. I don't mind handing over that responsibility to her."
     "Don't." Nikolai is on his feet in a moment. One hand remains in hers, his grip tight as a vice, but the other curls around the back of her neck. His thumb brushes softly over her cheek. The warmth of it makes her shudder. "Don't say that like you're going anywhere. I'm not sure I can do any of this without you."
     "Of course you can," Anya murmurs. Saints, she isn't sure the torture she endured at the hands of Shu Han's scientists hurt this much. If she closes her eyes, she can almost believe he's taken a blade and gutted her right here, like a fish on the deck of his ship.
     A ragged breath tears out of him as he says, "Alright, perhaps I can. But I don't want to."
     When he kisses her, it doesn't feel like a kiss goodbye. It doesn't feel like their last kiss in a thousand. There's a ferocity to him as he clutches her, teeth clashing, but that doesn't change the truth of it. He can hold her as tightly as he wants, but they both know she has always been smoke in his hands.
     “I would give you anything,” he says against her mouth, pressed together like hands in prayer. She feels his breath stutter against her tongue, hitched with a sob he will not set free. “Name it. Palaces and jewels, the moon, a temple built in your name, the heads of every man who ever harmed you served on a silver platter. Name it and it’s yours. Just stay.”
     Your heart. The tear slides down her cheek unbidden, and he kisses it away as he has done a thousand times before. She catches his lips with her own and kisses him again, fingers tangled in tendrils of his hair, still rough with saltwater no matter how many times he washes it. Your heart, your hand, a life with you away from this Saints-forsaken country.
     She’ll stay. She will, because Anya is a soldier, and though she no longer has any loyalty to Ravka, she still believes in him. And there is no pain in the world that could hurt more than abandoning him now, no matter how much she wishes she could.
     “Anything.” His voice, barely a whisper, a plea to those forgotten saints who have never seen fit to bestow a miracle upon them. “Anything, my darling.”
     He sinks to his knees before her, presses his forehead to her stomach. She leans and kisses the crown of his scalp, lingering a moment to breathe in the salt and sea of him. Ravka will never know how lucky it is to have a prince so loyal. She doesn’t know what they’d done to earn such devotion.
     “I know.” Despite the tears, her voice is deceptively still. Your heart. But he had already sworn it to his country, long before he ever loved her. “I want the same as you, Nikolai; peace and prosperity for Ravka.”
     He snorts against her stomach. His arms wrap tightly around her middle. “Liar.”
     “Always.” Pushing him away would not be the worst torture she has endured, but she worries it will scar her far longer than any blade could.
53 notes · View notes
jahayla-parker · 2 years
Text
Underestimated : Kaz Brekker x Reader
Summary: Three times Kaz almost tells her but ultimately refuses to admit his feelings and One time Kaz finally confesses
Warning: typical SoC/S&B warnings of violence, trauma, fights, emotional suppression, etc. , Long lol
Tumblr media
The first time was on a late night when y/n noticed how dirty and badly falling apart his gloves were. They were resting between the two of them as she watched Kaz markup the blueprint on his desk under the dull candlelight.
She was always trying to do nice things for the other crows, so she didn’t even think twice about her decision to sneak them from his room that night and take them to be cleaned and repaired.
She knew there was something special about the gloves but wasn’t sure if the specific gloves were the value themselves or if it was just simply having gloves on him he valued.
As a result, she didn’t want to risk damaging them more by using standard cleaners on them that she would be able to find around the slat.
So, she made a plan to slip them into her sweater when leaving his room that night; a skill Inej had taught her for heists.
From there, she’d take a short trip by boat to the next island where she was sure no one would recognize the gloves.
It started off well as Kaz left his gloves on the table as he always did at night as he got ready for bed.
It was very late but she’d stayed up with him most nights so he didn’t question it.
When he returned from the restroom something felt off but upon seeing y/n had left and that her book remained on his desk, he assumed that was the cause behind the sensation he had.
He made a mental note to ensure she got it back the next night and went to bed.
It wasn’t until he woke up the next day and grabbed his cane and hat that he realized his gloves were missing.
Stuffing his hands into his pockets as to not dispel the rumors as to why he wore them, he went down the stairs without his cane.
“No cane today boss?” Jesper asked immediately.
Ignoring him, Kaz looked around his group of crows and a few close dregs.
“Where’s my g-“ he began to ask, stopping only one he saw y/n wasn’t present at the breakfast table.
“Where’s y/n?” He asks firmly, looking towards Nina and Inej.
“Wait! We’re you going to say where’s my girl?” Nina smirks
Inej smirks but rolls her eyes, “there’s no way he told her his feelings”.
Kaz glared at both of them, “that is not what I was going to say. My gloves are missing if you must know”.
Nina sighs and snuggles back into Matthias more.
Inej shakes her head, “typical, the poor girl will never know how you feel”.
“I don’t feel anything, Inej” Kaz growls.
“Sure” she rolls her eyes.
Kaz glares at her again before returning to his question, “now, where is she?!”.
Inej shrugs, “I took a nap after tracking Naxious earlier”.
“She didn’t say anything to you?” Kaz questions looking at her and Nina.
“No, maybe she just slept in” Nina suggests.
“Or didn’t want to deal with you” Matthias adds.
Kaz glares at them both but grinds his teeth as he mentally reviews their interactions from the day before to see if that could be true.
He knew she wasn’t in her room, her room being immediately next to his allowed him to feel her presence or lack thereof.
But perhaps he did something to upset her, it wouldn’t be the first time.
However this would be an extreme reaction for her; usually, he’d just get a few glares, snide comments, or the silent treatment.
Unable to find anything unusual between them last night, he looked over to Jesper who was oddly quiet.
Wylan notices before Jesper and taps him and starts pointing to Kaz.
“Something you need to say Jes?” Kaz squints.
“No” Jesper says, looking away.
Kaz rolls his eyes and walks closer, his fists clenched inside his coat pocket.
“You all expect me to believe she left here this early without anyone asking her where she was going?” Kaz says, his frustration clear in his tone.
“Didn’t need to” Jesper smirks, winking as he takes a bite of his eggs.
“Excuse me?” Kaz presses, stepping closer.
“You know, when you’re handsome and nice to her, she’ll just tell you” Jesper grins.
Kaz’s glare intensifies, “I’m not going to ask again Jesper”.
Jesper rolls his eyes, “she had an errand to run”.
“Where?” Kaz demands.
“She said something about taking the boat to-“ he begins but Kaz turns around and walks back to his room.
He puts on his other set of gloves, wiggling his fingers to loosen up the stiff leather, before he grabs his cane.
He ignores the glances and gossip from the other crows as he makes his way out of the Crow Club and to the docks.
His crew manning the harbor immediately notice his presence and turn to face him.
“I did not say to stop working” he complains, resulting in them promptly returning to work.
“Rotty” Kaz demands, the dreg in question turning to face him.
“She left about six hours ago” Rotty says, not needing Kaz to ask his question.
“Where?” Kaz presses, staring at the icy water before them.
“Newfoort” Rotty answers, tensing as he waits for Kaz’s reaction.
Kaz forces a sarcastic laugh, “I believe I misheard you. I thought you said Newfoort”.
Rotty bites his inner lip, “I did sir”.
Kaz’s hand tightens on the crow’s head of his cane as he stares at Rotty, “you let her get on a boat to Newfoort?”
“You said she was free to go as she pleased” Rotty says, regret flashing over his face right after.
Kaz forcefully sighs, but nods his head once, “I did”.
Kaz normally had restrictions as to who could use their boats and ships and where his dregs and crows could go and when. It was the easiest way to be aware of issues before they arose.
Rotty was in charge of watching their harbors for any violations and reporting them to Kaz or Inej.
Y/n was an exception; the only exception to this rule.
Kaz knew her past and didn’t want to repeat it or trigger anything for her.
She’d run away from an abusive home and ended up captured and held against her will until she fought her way out.
He could see how she’d always tried to hide how anxious she got whenever they were in confined spaces, locked in anywhere, in handcuffs or restraints, or simply having restrictions on her freedoms.
Kaz tried to keep her out of the missions where those were required as often as he could.
He also made sure to demand Rotty let her pass in and out of Ketterdam as she pleased.
He’d told y/n he would not be the one to keep her from going wherever she needed or wanted.
Yet, here he was, on the docks, ready to strangle Rotty for having followed his orders.
Kaz told himself it was simply because he needed his gloves back. But he knew better....
It wasn’t his gloves being missing that made him feel this way.
Even if it had been, he had his others on him now.
Instead, he knew it was a result of something he fought so hard to resist.
As much as he hated the feeling, he feared for y/n.
He feared for her safety, her feelings, and her life.
He would of course never say this to her, she deserved far better than him.
Someone more kind and considerate.
Someone who could comfort her, hold her hand, kiss her.
“Did she go alone?” Kaz asked, returning from his dazed state.
“No boss. Specht went with her” Rotty says.
Kaz shifts his jaw silently to hide his relief.
“Very well. See to it she returns to the slat upon her arrival” Kaz muttered, glancing at the mysterious island of Newfoort once more before turning to leave.
Y/n had intended to only be gone a handful of hours, hoping to be back and have his repaired gloves on his desk before he even woke.
However, the island was new to both her and Specht.
In fact, as far as she knew, no one in the Dregs, not even Kaz himself had set foot on this island.
As a result, navigating their way to the shop took more time than anticipated.
While Specht kept watch, she waited inside the shop, not wanting to risk something happening to the gloves.
It’d taken hours for them to fix them, but when they were done, she barely recognized them.
She smiled, handed the worker some Kruge in return, and tucked them into her pocket.
She kept her hand wrapped over the gloves as she and Specht got back into the boat for Ketterdam.
“You know, he’s going to be awake and pissed when we get back” Specht laughed, starting to row.
“Has it really been that long?” She question, looking up at the sky which had now begun to glow through the fog.
When she looked back at him, Specht was smirking.
“I don’t know why you do it” he mumbled, shaking his head.
“What do you mean?” She asks, leaning back to stretch her legs.
“Try to do nice things for him. He’s the Bastard of the Barrel” Specht points out.
“And? That means I can’t be nice?” She sighs, raising an eyebrow at him.
He laughs, “not necessarily. It just means he’s not going to appreciate it, you’ll never get a thank you”.
“I’m not doing it to get a thank you” she informs him.
“Oh, I know” Specht laughs, the smirk returning to his face.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” She inquires, crossing her arms over her chest now tha they were far enough out that no one could reach the gloves in her pocket.
“You like him” Specht taunts.
“I do not” y/n states, not sounding believable in the slightest.
She’d developed a crush on Kaz long ago.
The crows knew it and would always say he returned the feelings but she knew better.
Even if she was someone Kaz would like, he wouldn’t allow himself to. No matter what Nina said about her noticing his heart flutter around y/n.
“You’re a horrible liar. I thought you were good at keeping secrets” Specht teases.
“I’ve been up for over thirty six hours, give me a break” she laughs, her cheeks flushing red.
“Fair enough. I still want to understand how you could fall for… well him” he laughs.
She sighs and shrugs, not wanting to get into it.
“Why do you care so much?” She asks, looking at the dark blue waves around them.
“I have a sister, I need to make sure she doesn’t make the same mistake” Specht says.
“Rude. But, I didn’t know you had a sister” y/n responds, gladly changing the subject.
---
Yawning as he enters the crow club, y/n grips the gloves in her pocket tightly.
“Hey! You’re back!” Nina cheers, running over and hugging y/n.
Y/n laughs and hugs her briefly, “I am, I see I’ve been missed”.
“Of course” Inej grins.
“Not nearly as much as Kaz missed you though” Jesper smirks.
“Shut up Jesp” y/n laughs, brushing off his typical comment.
“He is looking for you though” Wylan admits.
“I know. Rotty was sure to let me know my presence has been demanded upon my return” she says, rolling her eyes.
“Then why are you down there gossiping?” Kaz’s voice booms over all of them.
Each crow turns their head in his direction, Kaz standing firmly on the top step, his cane tight in his hand as he stares down at them, his eyes narrowing on y/n.
She shakes her head and whispers to the crows, “talk to you all later”.
They all mutter their versions of good luck wishes as she begins to approach the stairs.
Once she’s reached the bottom step and he looks her over once, Kaz turns and enters his room.
She sighs and follows after him.
Kaz is silent as she joins him and sits at his desk.
After a few moments of intense silence with Kaz, y/n leans back in her chair, “you wanted to see me?”
Kaz raises an eyebrow at her and nods once, “I believe you know why”.
“Because I left” y/n states.
Kaz squints his eyes and can’t hide the confusion that momentarily shows in them.
“No. I don’t care that you left “ Kaz corrects.
She scoffs quietly, “good to know Kaz”.
“Y/n” he sighs, running his hand down his face, “that’s not what I meant”.
She shrugs but refuses to make eye contact with him as she plays off how she’s feeling.
Kaz let’s out a loud sigh again, this time in realization she’s not going to help him direct the conversation.
“You are free to leave as you wish. I believed you knew that this whole time” he adds.
She simply raises her gaze until he’s able to see her eyes again.
“I will not restrict you. Not like-“ he says, unsure if he needs to it should continue.
She nods twice and curls the corner of her lips up as a small sign of gratitude.
Normally she wouldn’t be this hard on Kaz, but she’s exhausted from not sleeping in days and running around to make his life easier so she doesn’t feel too bad.
“I am not mad you left the harbor” Kaz summarizes, his eyes still trained on her.
“You’re mad I left without telling you” she suggests, tilting her chin up to look at him across the desk.
“I cannot say I was pleased by that. But no. I already stated I will not restrict you in that way” he defends, squeezing his hands together.
“Then why are you mad Kaz?” She sighs.
A million thoughts run through his head at her question.
Because she left with Specht and not him.
Because she didn’t want to tell Kaz where she was going or even that she was.
Because she did this in the middle of the night when he thought she was safe.
Because she didn’t tell any of the other crows enough details for him to know she was okay.
Because she went to an unknown island without any concern for her own well-being.
Yet, the only words he could get out expressed only the least off his concerns, “you stole my gloves”.
Y/N’s jaw drops briefly before she gives him a fake laugh, “I didn’t steal them Kaz. Saints, who do you think I am?!”
“A dreg, one of my crows. Stealing is what we do” Kaz argues, anger towards himself fueling his words.
“That’s it, isn’t it? A crow” she sighs, waving Kaz off before he can begin to speak again.
“That’s all I-... we ever will be to you isn’t it? You’ll never see us as your friends, will you?“ she says, her volume increasing as she pushes herself away from the table.
Kaz clenches his jaw as he holds back his argument about what it is he really wants, “I don’t need friends. Only the weak-“.
“Stop! I am not going to sit here and listen to this Kaz. I haven’t slept in nearly forty hours! I haven’t taken time to read the book I want to read. I hadn’t spoken to the others for more than a few minutes before you demanded I meet with you. I haven’t eaten since, I don’t even know when. And why?” She asks, palms hitting against the edge of his desk causing him to look down at her delicate hands.
“Because I’m weak. I’m weak Kaz. I’m weak because even though everyone says I shouldn’t, even though you say I shouldn’t, I care about you" she sighs.
"I’m weak because I want to hold on to some small positives in this dull world. I’m weak because I will always put others first. I’m weak because I want friends Kaz. But even more than that?” She says, her voice lowering now as his eyes return to her face.
Y/n frowns at the table before her, unable to make eye contact and yell at him at the same time.
“I’m weak because I wanted to be-. No, I’m sorry. I’m weak because I thought we were friends” she whispers, the break at the end of her sentence betraying her emotions.
Kaz swallows stiffly, clenching and unclenching his gloved hand as he debates grabbing her hand to comfort her.
“So here” she says, removing her hands from the table before his can reach towards them.
“The gloves I stole” she remarks, pulling them from her coat pocket and setting them down on the table between them.
Kaz’s eyes widen as he notices they are repaired, “y-you-“.
“Had them fixed, yeah” she rolls her eyes, “I will not ever know what they mean to you, but I knew they’re important so I had them repaired”.
“Y/n,” Kaz whispers, hating how he weak his surprise makes him sound.
“I know, I’m weak. But there, they’re fixed and this is done” she says, putting her hands back into her coat pocket.
Kaz watches as she begins to cross the room towards his door.
Unable to accept the idea of her leaving, especially when mad at him, he finally speaks up.
“You don’t understand” Kaz mutters, holding the repaired gloves in his hands tightly.
“Kaz I’m not doing this okay? I can’t keep arguing right now” she sighs, turning to face him.
“No. I am not arguing. I’m saying you don’t understand the meaning behind the gloves” he whispers, picking up his cane.
“I already told you that myself” she groans, reaching for the door handle.
“And yet, you went through all of that to fix them” Kaz says, taking a timid step towards her.
“Weak, I know. But! To be fair, I didn’t know you had a second pair” she says, pointing towards the set on his hands.
“That does not matter” Kaz says, suppressing a laugh at how quickly her demeanor changed for a split second, taking a few more steps to her.
“You want to know why I have them. But not for the same reasons as everyone else” He says, looking her over.
“I have no clue what that means, and I doubt I will. But, of course I want to know Kaz. I want to know your past, your interests and disinterests, I want to know you" she admits.
"Because I wanted to be your friend. I knew I may never know the story behind the gloves, but I thought it would be because it was too hard" she frowns to herself.
"But I realize now that I’ll never know anything about you because we won’t ever be friends” she bites her lip, shaking her head as she opens the door.
“I’ll tell you” Kaz blurts causing her to pause.
“You don’t n-“ she argues but he waves her off.
“I am well aware I don’t need to. I want to” he says, closing the distance so he can use his cane to press the door closed.
“No you don’t Kaz. You feel guilty, or whatever you tell yourself since you claim to not feel emotions. That’s something you tell a friend, and friends are for the weak “ She huffs.
Kaz shakes his head, his hair flicking the front of his forehead as he does, “I will tell you”.
“Why?” She presses, crossing her arms over her chest.
“Because you said that is what we do” he whispers.
“I said that’s what friends do” she corrects, raising an eyebrow at his simple nod in response, “and you want that? To be friends?”.
Kaz’s glance flickers to his shoes briefly before back to her and forces another nod.
Although tempted to press him to actually say it, y/n nods back, “we can be friends then Kaz, even if you don’t tell me the story”.
“I owe you-“ he argues, watching as she walks back to her seat at his table.
“You don’t owe me Kaz. All I did was get them cleaned and stitched” she laughs softly.
Kaz shakes his head, “you did more than that. You always do. I don’t owe you just for today”.
“Please” Kaz pauses, the unusual attempt to make a plea getting stuck in his throat, “let me tell you. You’re the one person I trust with this”.
Y/n sits up very rigidly in her seat as she watches Kaz hesitantly, “only if you want to”
“I do. I want you to know” Kaz says, shamefully glancing at his gloves, “I want you to know why… I can’t touch you”.
“Okay” She whispers, eyes glued on his as they look up from the floorboard to meet her’s.
Kaz takes a deep breath and sits down on the edge of his bed, closing his eyes so he cannot see her reaction to his trauma.
————
The second time was when they were discussing the plans for their next mission.
The plan was simple, y/n was to get in, analyze the situation, and get out.
Or that’s what Kaz ordered her to do anyways.
Jameson Zifran was the leader of the Legions, Ketterdamn’s newest gang.
Y/N’s mission was to get into his bar undercover as a pigeon and obtain information about who Zifran had hired to get intel on the Dregs.
Normally this would be something Inej would handle, but she was currently recovering from the last mission.
The Legions managed to find her hiding place and during their fight, they broke her leg; hence the need to find out how they got their intel.
Nina managed to repair it as much as she could, but if Inej wanted to remain the skilled spider she was, she needed to rest her leg for a few days.
Kaz was not pleased about the situation to say the least.
He was even less fond of the idea of sending y/n in Inej’s place.
Jesper had been the one to suggest it and earned one of Kaz’s signature death glares as a result.
Nevertheless, he knew she was their best option.
They needed to know who was watching Inej and how she didn’t realize it.
It was rare for someone to get the drop on Inej, and someone capable of doing so put all the crows at risk.
“Recite the plan” Kaz ordered, staring her down across his work desk.
Rolling her eyes, y/n picked at the skin on her nails, “get in, find Zifran, figure out his spider’s identity, enjoy some bubbly drinks, maybe grab a few of those gold pocket watches, and leave”.
Kaz’s stare formed into a glare as his bare hands pressed down on the table under his shoulders as he leaned towards her.
“Knock it off y/n, that’s not the plan and you damn well know it” he says, tension in his features causing a crease between his eyebrows.
Y/n smirked and looked up at him, “I know Kaz. I’m not an idiot or a child. I get in, get the identity of his spider, and get out”.
“Why do you have to do that?” Kaz groans, pressing himself back into his chair.
“Do what?” She asks, watching his body language for any hints to his actual emotions.
That was her main purpose in the crows, she was the best at the psychological components of their heists; finding someone’s emotional weakness within seconds, knowing their intimate fears, deepest desires, etc.
However, with Kaz Brekker, it was different.
Her skills allowed her to understand why he was the way he was; trauma and his body/brain putting up blocks to keep anyone and everything out for his safety.
Everyone thought he was this unjustifiably cruel, sadistic, uncaring, person; or demjin like Matthias called him.
But y/n knew better. She could see the way whatever happened in his past caused him to be this way.
To her, it all made sense. Even before she tried to understand him, she could feel he wasn’t the way they described.
Perhaps it was because he’d helped her get off the streets after managing to escape her captors.
She realized over time he likely knew who she was already and that her skills would be beneficial to his team. After all, she escaped a horde of large grown men on her own using what she knew to hit them where it hurt.
However, she could sense there was more there by the look he had in his eyes when he saw her covered in cuts and bruises the night they met.
His eyes had this look to them that signaled he wanted justice.
Kaz always called it revenge, but y/n saw it as a, slightly twisted, attempt at justice or retribution.
When Kaz opened up to her about his brother Jordie being the reason behind his desire to take Pekka down a few nights ago, she realized her long lasting assumptions were correct.
He acted the way he did in an attempt to reach whatever goal he was focused on.
With Pekka it was getting justice/revenge for Jordie, and himself, due to the betrayal and Kaz blaming him for his role in Jordie’s death.
Kaz hadn’t intended on telling anyone that story, let alone her.
He knew she somehow already saw him more positively than the others, and he wouldn’t couldn’t have that.
“Try to get on my nerves” Kaz grumbles, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“I don’t think it’s called trying if it’s working” she smirks in an attempt to hide the brief hurt that flashes in her eyes at his comment.
Kaz notices and sighs but y/n speaks again before he can withdraw his remark.
“Nonetheless, it isn’t intentional. I’m just trying to not make this so intense and dramatic” she shrugs.
Kaz lowers his hand to his table and shakes his head, “you need to take this seriously”.
Y/n rolls her eyes and stands up, “I am. I know the plan. You don’t do this when it is Inej”.
Kaz’s gaze lifts from the table to her as she straightens her leather jacket.
“I do have her reiterate the plan” he defends.
“Not this many times Kaz. We’ve been in here for nearly an hour! I clearly know the plan. Why are you pushing me more than you would Inej?” She glares.
“You can’t do what Inej can do” Kaz blurts, instantly regretting it when he sees the hurt and sense of betrayal hit her.
“Then why the hell am I here why am I a dreg, a crow?” She shouts, stepping away from him.
Kaz closes his eyes tightly, he was not meaning literally.
He knew y/n was more than capable of performing at Inej’s level or above.
He just don’t want her hurt and Inej would take risks he couldn’t wouldn’t allow y/n to.
“Great answer Kaz” y/n says sarcastically, an overly fake smile on her face as she turns to him just as his eyes open.
Kaz opens his mouth to force himself to speak, unsure what words will come out, but unable to say nothing after seeing how he hurt her by his attempt to hide his feelings.
“Don’t. I know the plan Kaz. I need to change or I’ll be late” she says, opening his door and exiting.
Kaz grips the table in frustration and curses Jesper for suggesting she go in in the first place.
———
The third time was during the actual mission itself.
The plan started off well. Y/n had gotten into the private club in disguise with no trouble.
The problem was, they had no clue as to who the spider may be and the club was packed.
Y/n used it to her advantage as much as she could, blending herself in with the crowded bodies.
She pretended she’d drank too much and was overly friendly, many groups accepting her into their circles as they continued chatting freely.
It also allowed her to get closer to other groups near by and focus on their conversations without raising suspicion.
It was clear everyone thought she was too far gone to recall anything as she learned many secrets in the first few hours.
However, she hadn’t gotten closer to finding out the spider’s identity until one of the more gruff men just outside of her current huddle murmured something about someone matching Inej’s description.
Her interest peaked and she focused on his whispered words rather than those of the drunk girls surrounding her.
One of the men with her suspect laughed darkly, “oh that’s right. She’s Brekker’s bitch!”.
Y/N’s hands instinctively formed a fist at her side at the dig towards Inej but she didn’t let her face display any reaction.
If the second man barely realized Inej’s connection to Kaz, he wasn’t the spider himself.
Instead, it was likely the one who initiated the discussion in the first place.
“You should’ve seen the way she squirmed when the bullet hit her” he said, his eyes dark, “so much for being the best. She was too easy”.
Y/n bit her inner lip to keep her anger at bay as she listened to the men drone on about the situation.
She knew this would be a possibility, so much so it was part of the plan.
Most spiders, although sneaky, loved to brag about how good they were at getting intel.
Add in the fact that they had gotten to Kaz’s, the "bastard of the barrel"’s spider, and you’ve got a strong chance for cocky men to expose their actions freely.
What she hadn’t accounted for was the anger and disgust that formed in her.
The men went on about their -less than pure- intentions with Inej that night.
It didn’t surprise her that they said these things, Inej was gorgeous and the men had already said they were surprised someone “as beautiful as she was would be Kaz’s spider”.
Plus, most men in Ketterdam were less than pure or caring of consent.
However, knowing Inej’s past and recalling the look her eyes held when y/n found her that night, told her Inej knew what was about to happen had y/n gotten to her any later.
Nausea fought with her anger as if her body were deciding whether to get justice for Inej or hide away from the whole situation like she would’ve years ago.
But y/n wasn’t that person anymore.
Plus, their bragging refreshed the horror y/n felt that night.
Kaz sent Y/n to check on Inej for having missed her check in and they’d come upon a blood-covered Inej, her leg bent wrong as she was frozen on the ground, her own blade pressed to her chest.
The men were in hoods and had the lower half of their faces covered with cloth to conceal their identity.
But they were struggling with Inej to keep her from pressing her own blade into her chest to escape the situation.
The empty and dissociated look in Inej’s eyes, her severely injured body, and the weight of what she was willing to do to escape, nearly made y/n collapse seeing her best friend in that state.
Seeing y/n, they ran off quickly before she was in range to strike them as she had her sword on her but not her guns.
They’d all assumed Inej was fine when she went to check on her so she didn’t bother packing her guns.
She preferred her sword anyways but that night she regretted it.
Instead of chasing after them, she dragged Inej to a hiding place and began to apply pressure to her wounds.
She knew she’d never make it back to the slat with Inej in the state she was in so she elected to wait for Kaz to come after her when y/n missed her own check in.
She made it as far as she could, hiding them just out of sight from the spot Kaz first found y/n years ago.
She knew Kaz would check there first.
They’d established the place as a meeting point whenever a mission would go wrong or separate the two of them.
She wanted to change the meaning of the location from her traumatic experience into less triggering when she’d have to pass so Kaz suggested that should something happen this location could be a sign of her strength and how far she’d come and that should she need it, support would still find her here.
It was the first time he truly surprised her.
She’d seen his deep understanding of her apprehension to the spot and his caring intent to change it to a more positive place for her.
He of course claimed it made it easier to ensure she did her job right, but she could tell it was because he understood her.
Therefore, it hadn’t taken long for Kaz to know where to check and drag Jesper with him to track down the two of them hiding in that alley.
He knew something was wrong, neither one missed check ins.
For both of them to do so in the same night caused a huge sense of doom to form within him.
As his cane echoed down the street, y/n lifted from her position and waved them down for help.
Since then, despite Inej being on bed rest and Nina not wanting to leave her side, Inej had tried to reassure y/n she was okay.
However, tonight, the bragging men caused those emotions, concern, fury, etc. to return at an even higher volume now.
It was then that she understood why Kaz labeled it as revenge rather than justice.
She didn’t want to make it equal as justice would suggest.
She wanted to make them pay.
Make them understand not to mess with her friends/those she cares about.
Make them suffer the way Inej had.
Call it what you will, justice or revenge, either way it was the only thing on her mind at this moment.
She had to leave her weapons behind, one of Kaz’s biggest reasons for concern, but she knew how to fight without them.
She excused herself from her group and made her way to the men.
She kept up her act and fake flirted with the man she believed was the spider.
She dragged her fingers along the cusp of his sleeve as she walked past him, her intent being to get him away from the others when she stepped outside.
However, she actions exposed a ragged scar on the back of his forearm that triggered a memory she wasn’t expecting.
She hadn’t recalled it that night, her adrenaline pushing logic from her brain, but when struggling with Inej, the man’s sleeve rolled up to show a scar, that same scar.
She was correct, he was the spider, her target.
She knew she was to leave and tell Kaz; letting him deal with it.
But the burning anger in her kept her from letting him be the one to get to have revenge.
After all, he said she couldn’t do what Inej could; maybe it was time she prove otherwise.
The man easily fell for her trap and followed her outside, away from the others.
As soon as he stepped out, y/n had him pinned against the exterior wall of the club.
“What the-“ the man gasped, anger flashing in his eyes within seconds.
“You thought you’d get away with hurting her?” y/n asks, kneeing him in the groin.
The man doubles over as he curses at her, grabbing her leg to pull her down.
Y/n removes her leg from his grip and uses the same leg to pin him to the ground with a swift kick.
“Hey!” Someone shouts from the distance.
Y/n looks over and glares at the person as they run back into the club, likely to get others.
“This is over that bi-“ the spider begins, coughing slightly.
“I don’t suggest finishing that remark” she growls, digging her heel into his back.
She knows she has no chance of winning this.
Maybe if she had her weapons, or the other crows at least.
However, the mission did not allow for either of those hence why she wasn’t supposed to be doing this.
But she couldn’t help it. She didn’t know what her plan was exactly.
She didn’t know how she was planning on making him pay for what he did to Inej when she didn’t have her weapons to hurt him in the way she wanted.
She also couldn’t use her skill of understanding his psychology because she just met him.
She knew nothing about him, not his name, not his age, nothing other than what he was responsible for.
She relied on Inej’s intel on their opponents to be able to manipulate them.
Yes, she has the skill to figure things out herself as well, but it has dwindled since joining the dregs and crows.
Kaz limited her opportunities to obtain intel.
He never said why, but he wouldn’t let her get it herself, she was to only use the intel that Inej found.
She never asked him why as she could tell it was important to him so she just accepted it.
However, after what he said earlier today, she couldn’t help but think it might have to do with how she stacked up compared to Inej.
This turmoil in her brain didn’t help her already lacking focus caused by her lack of resources.
As a result, she didn’t hear when someone came behind her until she was pulled backwards.
As she turned and punched the person holding her until he let her go, all hell broke loose.
It took her a few moments to understand why other people were fighting against her attackers.
It was only once she heard the signature whipping sound of Kaz’s cane cutting through the air as he began striking the person who grabbed her that she noticed back up had arrived.
Y/n smirked and made her way back to the man with the scar, still furious but now a clearer focus.
“Y/n/n” Jesper yells, tossing her her sword before he goes back to shooting another legion crew member.
She nods once and swings at the man, instantly slicing his abdomen.
Just as she was about to draw her sword back and strike him again, she feels a bullet graze her upper arm.
She winces but as she turns to attack whoever shot her, she notices Kaz has beaten her to it, that man now in a bloody curled-up position under his cane as Kaz towers over him.
Y/n makes eye contact with Kaz as he looks towards her to check on her status, noticing his anger even as he looks at her.
"You just had to do this didn't you?" Kaz grumbles, his fear from moments ago only increasing when she was struck.
"Not the time Kaz" she remarks, turning back to her target, the spider responsible for Inej's pain.
"I told you not to do this" Kaz argues, knocking another person down behind her as more people pour out of the club.
She ignores him and digs her heel back into the spider's thigh, making him shout.
"Enough Kaz, she's right now is not the time, the plan is over" Matthias argues from somewhere off to the side.
"It is not my fault she thought she could take them on alone" Kaz remarks in frustration at her lack of concern for herself.
Y/n turns to glare at Kaz for once again insulting her, even though she can tell he did not mean it the way it came across.
She can see it each time in his reaction to her response to his remarks, but it does not stop the pain.
While she is distracted, the spider is able to grab her leg and try to pull her to the ground.
She stumbles, catching herself barely against the wall behind him as she tries to stay standing.
“Jes” Kaz growls before making some signal y/n doesn’t recognize.
Thanks to Jesper’s sharpshooting and Wylan’s explosives, it only takes about twenty seconds until Kaz and Matthias are able to drag y/n away from the scene.
Well, Matthias had thrown her over his shoulder at Kaz’s demand and was leading her back to the slat.
Meanwhile, Kaz spared her one last angry look before turning his gaze back to the Legion’s spider.
———
Nina immediately fixed up y/n’s scrapes from the fight prior to being dragged away from it.
“He’s mad” Inej says, unnecessarily wrapping y/n’s arm with cloth.
“Kaz? When isn’t he?” Y/n murmured, her frustration of being removed from the fight clear in her voice and words.
“At you? Not as often as he is at the rest of us” Inej smirks, gently rubbing the cloth until it holds.
Y/n rolls her eyes, “ Why am I here?”
“This is your home” Nina scoffs, moving towards y/n’s swollen ankle; it’s clear she doesn’t wear heels often- let alone fight in them-.
“That’s not what I’m saying Nina. We were in the middle of a fight and your brawny boyfriend literally carried me out!” Y/n says, glaring over at Matthias who is sitting silently next to them.
“I had orders y/n. It wasn’t personal” he sighs.
“Since when do you listen to Kaz’s orders without question?” She argues, pushing each heel off with her opposite foot.
“It was clear he was not asking” he defends.
“He never really is” y/n points out.
“This was different” Matthias rebuts, causing Inej and Nina both to smirk.
Y/n rolls her eyes, “I’m not in the mood for this. Think what you will, but he only did this because be doesn’t think I’m capable”.
“That’s not true y/n” inej frowns, “besides, even if so, we believe in you”.
Y/n gives her a soft smile and nod, “thanks”.
“No, thank you. You didn’t need to-“ Inej starts, her tone displaying her guilt as if she caused all of this to happen.
“Please don’t thank me. Especially when Kaz didn’t even let me actually get revenge” y/n groans, standing up.
“Besides, no one gets to hurt you,” she looks around the portion of crows currently present and adds, “any of you”.
Before anyone can respond, she walks away and up to Kaz’s room.
Y/n crosses her arms as she throws herself into his chair to wait for him to scold her or ignore her in some passive aggressive response because he cannot just say what he is thinking and feeling.
———
It was once he made it back to the slat that night that he confessed how he felt to her.
He was not intending to, instead he wanted to ignore her and the feelings he felt that night.
He wanted to pretend none of it happened, and that if it had, it did not impact him at all.
Y/n was sitting at his desk, seemingly expecting Kaz’s normal silent treatment that a crow would get for messing up a heist or task.
However, the moment Kaz walks in, he slams his hands on the table and begins to verbally scold her behavior.
"What the hell were you thinking?!” He asks, refusing to look at her.
“Me?! You’re the one who interrupted!” She snaps.
“Because you deviated from the plan” Kaz says, trying to balance his voice and tone.
“The plan was stupid” y/n scoffs.
“Excuse me?” Kaz questions, his eyes moving closer to her but not quite looking at her.
“I said, the plan was stupid. You really expected me to not want to make him pay?! He hurt Inej! Yet your stupid damn plan was for me to do nothing?!” Y/n shouts, standing up to be more level with him.
“Yes and you deviated from it” Kaz says, his voice balanced now .
“I already admitted that! But you did too!” She remarks.
“Because you did first!” Kaz says, his tone raising with his anger again.
“You’re the one who is mad anyone deviated but it’s fine when you do it? Why?!” She yells, glaring at him.
“Because you could've been killed! " he snaps, his eyes looking her over Before landing on her arm.
“I wasn’t” she sighs.
“But you could have!” Kaz says, no longer trying to control his tone or voice.
“Why do you care Kaz?!” She asks, shaking her head.
“Because” He growls, “you are important”.
Y/n watches him for a moment, trying to figure out his meaning.
“How so?” She asks, unable to read him.
Kaz’s eyes flicker to her briefly, showing her the pain and fear behind his anger.
Looking back down at the desk he says, “it’s simple. You serve a role”.
Y/n scoffs in shock and offense, “don’t lie Kaz. You said earlier, I can’t do what Inej can do! I clearly don’t serve a role here “.
Kaz huffs, pressing himself off the table until he’s no longer leaning in it, “y/n… You underestimate your importance”.
“Inej can handle whatever the crows need on a mission if I’m gone or something happens to me” y/n says, causing Kaz to glare at her.
“I don’t care about the mission” he says, his lips forming a tight straight line.
“Saints Kaz, you and I both know that’s not true” She laughs sarcastically, “the most important thing to you is the mission, especially if it means more Kruge”.
Kaz runs his gloves hand down his face as he stares at her and shakes his head, “Y/n. Don’t be naive. You underestimate your importance…; to me”.
Y/n forces out a gust of air as she stares at Kaz in shock.
Is he actually saying he cares about someone, about her?
“You…” she begins, shaking her head as if it’ll clear her mind, “you said Inej is better. I can’t be the important one if she’s better”.
“I didn’t say she was better” Kaz rolls his eyes.
“You said I can’t-“ she defends.
“I know what I said” Kaz scoffs, “I said, you cannot do what Inej can”.
Y/n nods, raising an eyebrow at him to signal him to explain.
“I did not say you weren’t capable of doing what she can. You are more than capable. But you cannot because I won’t have you doing that. You did that tonight, and-“ he sighs, waving his hand at her arm.
“You didn’t mean that she was more skilled?” Y/n questions quietly.
Kaz frowns, a reaction he only lets her see in private on rare occasions.
Sure he scowls around others, but he doesn’t frown in response to anyone or anything as it displays his emotions; something he only will do around her every now and then.
“No” he says, his heart racing as she smiles at his confession, “you can handle the same situations. But I confess I’m not comfortable with it”.
“Because you care about me?” She whispers, stepping closer to him.
He closes his eyes and nods once, y/n noticing his reluctance to show his feelings.
“I know you think it’s a weakness to care about someone Kaz” y/n sighs, stepping close to him without touching him at all.
“But that’s what being friends means” y/n adds, turning her head towards him.
“That’s not it” Kaz sighs, looking at her.
“What do you mean?” She asks, Kaz hearing her sympathy in her tone and concern in her eyes; concern for him.
“You underestimate your importance to me yet again” He whispers, his eyes scanning every detail of her face.
Y/n smiles and despite neither of them having lit the room, he can see her blush.
Kaz hates the fact that he feels the way he does as it puts them both in danger, but her reaction pushes those fears away for the moment.
Kaz shakingly reaches out and cautiously touches her cloth wrap with his gloved hand.
“I’m okay Kaz” she laughs softly, removing the wrap Inej placed over the area the bullet grazed her.
Nina’s healing caused most of it to be fixed already, leaving only a small raised red line from inflammation.
She knew Inej was aware she didn’t need the bandage but that it told help her feel better about y/n’s injury so she let her.
However, now it was time to reassure Kaz by showing him she was okay.
Kaz silently looked over her arm, his gloved fingers hovering over it as he steadied his breath.
“Don’t do it again” Kaz says gruffly, lowering his hand and stepping back.
“First of all, where is the please?” Y/n smirks, crossing her arms over her chest.
Kaz laughs one genuine laugh, making her smile at him.
“Please, my dear y/n, don’t do it again” he says gently, surprising y/n by the lack of sarcasm in his voice.
“Do what Kaz?” She asks, her soft eyes resting on his.
“Underestimate your importance to me” He responds, abruptly moving to the sink to wash up from the fight.
Y/n grins to herself, “okay Kaz”.
Kaz glances back at her, his normally intense eyes now calm.
His feelings for her might terrify him.
And he may not have officially, fully, or conventionally confessed his feelings to her.
But he knows she at least now has some semblance of understanding as to why he won’t let her take on the riskier tasks. Meaning he knows she’ll be less likely to be reckless, which makes him calm a little.
That plus the surge of warmth in his chest at her non verbal reciprocation to his confession is all he needs to realize that whatever the risks, she’s worth it to him.
-----
That was a bit long haha but I hope you enjoyed it!
Tumblr media
622 notes · View notes
dancingsunflowers-ocs · 11 months
Text
Tumblr media
Anya Safin x Nikolai Lantsov x Zoya Nazyolansky
↳ for @reyofluke-ocs as part of her graduation gift exchange!! 🎓
16 notes · View notes
susanpxvensie-wp · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Natalya Ilyin + Kaz Brekker
               Natalya Ilyin was a Grisha (an Etherealki, to be more specific), but she'd be damned if anyone found out — she hadn't fled from Ravka for nothing, after all. As a Squaller, it was easier for her to lay low, especially amongst the crooks and thieves of Ketterdam who could barely see straight after a countless amount of alcohol.
               But, as it turns out, Natalya isn't as good at hiding as she once thought, so when Kaz Brekker comes knocking at her door, asking — demanding — that she join him, Inej Ghafa, and Jesper Fahey, on a journey across the Fold to kidnap the alleged Sun Summoner, Alina Starkov, it's an offer that she can't refuse. If she does, well, Kaz would reveal her secret and she'd be sent to her death; although he is surely bluffing (Inej would never let her die, right?), Natalya decides that she can't risk it. And the prize is one million kruge, which she could use to escape the clutches of Tante Heleen at the Menagerie and buy a better life for herself, so who is she to say no? But as a raven amongst crows, Natalya may have bitten off more than she could chew.
Read here: Wattpad, AO3
19 notes · View notes
lotusqueens · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Melissa Broder, Problem Area
Vera Kvalheim was a ghost. Vera Alekson is a soldier.
26 notes · View notes