#she didn't even make it up to her room

[novelconcepts]

the truly problematic thing about having insanely vivid dreams just about every night--and i mean the kind of vivid where you remember details days or even weeks later, like it's just another normal-ass memory--is that you wind up losing track on an emotional level of what's real. like. i know that was a dream. obviously it was a dream. but some part of my brain misses it like it really happened. i am painfully, achingly nostalgic for people i've never met, places i've never been, shit that literally could not ever happen--but i feel as though i remember. which is just the most unhinged thing, right? like, i remember going on a run that took me over a fence into Disneyland, and i remember having to take a shortcut through a Chinese restaurant, but it was fine, because Erika Ishii was there, and they'd done this before, so no worries. right? no! obviously not! why do i remember this with such visceral clarity three weeks later?

oh, what's your favorite episode of this TV show? the one i dreamt. yeah, don't worry about it, it didn't make coherent sense, but it was in the feelings, right? my ship had the best fucking scene. no, of course i can't explain it to you, that's madness. it involved a rocking chair. don't worry about it. it's fine. it's super important i don't accidentally reference this in a fic someday, though.

this shit is deranged, dude. missing people who are quite literally my own brain's invention with an actor's face. missing places that are a meld of a movie i saw once, my childhood bedroom, the second floor of my high school, and inter-dimensional space. like. no! no, this shouldn't be a thing! is, though. the clarity of it. just fucking bananas. this has been happening to me my whole goddamn life.

#dreams #the worst thing about being a writer who has had these wildly vivid dreams forever #is the CLEAR awareness that they do not follow story-logic. dream-logic is special and near-impossible to properly bottle #so like. i can't even use these not-memories #i can't write my 'new favorite episode' and share it with the class #i can't even tell my wife about the shit i fully remember seeing and doing while i sleep. because i didn't. #the other night i had such an insane flying dream that i woke up and told her 'for the record: i do dream in color.' #and she went 'of course you do.' #and i was like 'yeah of course i do but also this one was actively switching between color and black and white so. guess it's for suresies. #anyway i haven't had a dreamless night in...a really fuckin long time and it's nuts. false memories. everywhere. #it's astonishing i don't forget more real shit to make room #tell you what though. it does make warring against parasocial instincts WORSE. i am a mature adult who knows better. #but good goddamn my subconscious isn't helping

[sage-nebula]

Martha didn't get a Tennant Doctor because she didn't want a Tennant Doctor. Martha was the only one of RTD's companions who left the Doctor of her own volition, and only ever called him back on her own terms, when she had need of him.

Rose didn't leave the Doctor willingly. Rose was trapped in an alternate universe because it was either that or be stuck in a void with Daleks and Cybermen for the rest of time. And when she returned (primarily to warn the Doctor about the oncoming darkness caused by Davros but also because she wanted to be with him), she left with the Metacrisis Tenth Doctor and their own TARDIS because that was the only way to give her a satisfying ending from the viewpoint of the audience. (And even then, there are some fans who will tell you that nothing short of her being with the Time Lord Doctor in the prime reality is satisfying, but that just couldn't happen for reasons outside the narrative story.)

Donna didn't leave the Doctor willingly. Donna absorbed all of the intelligence of a Time Lord into her human brain, and this was going to kill her. She had to have her memory erased and be kept away from anything alien for presumably forever or else the knowledge would return and literally kill her. Donna begged the Doctor not to wipe her memory anyway, because she would rather have died than give up that life. Just like Rose, Donna had planned on staying with the Doctor for the rest of her life.

This was not the case for Martha. Setting aside the fact that Martha was treated like garbage for the duration of her season from a writing standpoint, by the end of season three Martha has realized two things: 1.) that she is goddamn brilliant and never deserved to feel like she was second best, and 2.) that she doesn't want the Doctor anymore. Unlike Rose, Donna, and Captain Jack, Martha leaves the TARDIS of her own free will, to pursue her own life and career outside the Doctor. Even Sarah-Jane says in "School Reunion" that she waited for the Doctor to come back for her; she didn't want to leave, not permanently! But Martha did. She chose to step away. The only other companion to have done this during RTD's run is Mickey, so I guess Martha wasn't the only one; still, she's the only one of the primary companions, the three women, to want to leave. She made that choice herself.

Now, does that mean everything about Martha's ending was perfect? No. As much as the "Smith and Jones" wordplay of her ending with Mickey is amusing (get it, like her first episode), it makes no sense when you consider that she was engaged when she returned in season four, and yet we never hear of that fiance again. I mean, I guess it's fine since it's not like we ever saw him? But what happened there? Why was no thought given to Martha's story there? What was she doing with Mickey in an active war zone? Why no mention of her in these three specials even though, last we heard of her, she was working with UNIT in a really important position? I like Mel well enough, but why couldn't Martha have been there instead? Especially since Martha and Donna had a preexisting friendship, and would have been delighted to see each other again?

With that said though, she doesn't need a Tennant Doctor. She didn't want a Tennant Doctor. Frankly, Tennant's Doctor doesn't deserve her with the way he acted ("Rose would know" right to her face, like -- dude, I get it, you're grieving, but that's fucking rude and Rose would NOT approve you using her memory to make another woman feel bad about herself). Martha's character arc was about recognizing her own brilliance and her own worth; standing on her own two feet as a PROPER doctor, Doctor Martha Jones, walking the earth and saving the world without a TARDIS or Torchwood or a Time Lord brain. Just her own fucking determination and brilliance.

Rose and Donna got Tennant Doctors because that was the way to make their final send-offs satisfying. Rose and a Tennant Doctor got to be in love and happy together in a parallel world, which is fitting considering that they were in love and never wanted to leave each other. Donna and a Tennant Doctor get to be besties and happy together in this reality, so that RTD has a convenient excuse to pull Tennant back into a story if he ever wants to again (since it'd be hard to explain why Tentoo came over, versus having Fourteen right there) . . . but also because, like Rose, Donna never wanted to leave the Doctor, she wanted to be with him forever.

But Martha didn't want that. Martha left on her own accord. She left with a smile on her face and her cell phone on the TARDIS console, so that when she said "here boy!" the Doctor would listen. She left on her terms, with him at her call, only there when she has use for him.

And honestly? Good for her.

#like it was a fucking waste that we didn't see Martha at all in these specials #or even get a mention of her but like #she wouldn't WANT a Tennant Doctor. she was the only one of the 3 who left willingly! #(and honestly who can blame her like fr . . . the shit she put up with bc of him) #(the shit in the Family of Blood episodes gave her just cause to beat his ass into next week honestly) #(she hugs him at the end but honestly she should have beat his ass. just started swinging) #(how dare he do that to her? honestly?? i'm not talking about the love plot bit bc while that was ugh it's like #small potatoes to making her as a Black woman have to WORK IN SERVITUDE TO WHITE PEOPLE #and like the scene where he grabs her arm and throws her from the room? BITCH????? #GOD i'm mad again just THINKING about it #she should have beat his ass so hard he regenerated right then and there. AGH. #ANYWAY #Martha Jones deserved better but getting a Tennant Doctor is not better #not for her. it would be like a punishment honestly #she walked away from him and then you put his sad boy ass back on her doorstep?? hello??? no thank you #doctor who #martha jones #dw spoilers #this probably sounds like I hate Tennant's Doctor but I don't #I just hate how a lot of season 3 was written wrt how Martha was treated #like Martha having very legitimate concerns in the Shakespeare episode about being a Black woman in that time period #and Ten mocks her for being concerned like ??? #ARGGGHGHHGHGHGHG #ABOUT TO FLING MYSELF INTO THE TV TO BEAT HIS ASS MYSELF ISTFG #A N Y W A Y

[lurking-latinist]

⛵

#I also keep seeing modern au aubrey-maturin art #that makes me wish I could draw and thereby contribute #unfortunately I can't even *write* modern aus generally. but I like transferring character dynamics from place to place in my brain #and I feel like I could do a university AU very nicely if I could do AUs at all #because I have had rowers in my class with as far as I could tell jack's exact personality #(unfortunately it has to be a US university AU because (a) that's what I know and (b) afaik nobody else does randomly assigned roommates) #(and I cannot pass up the opportunity for randomly assigned roommates. #OR RATHER #for 'you seem more or less human - quick let's request each other so we don't have to go into potluck' #I think that works best) #(but maybe they are both international students anyway. that works fine. & therefore extremely alarmed by potluck [can't say they're wrong] #sophie is a sorority girl. english major I think. and I can see her so clearly #(she's the part I want to draw) #she's not that into the high-octane social schedule her sorority expects her to have #but her pushy mother was a member and it is Unthinkable that sophie should not be #and a lot of the other girls are sweet :) so it's fine :) she says #feel like she has roommate issues (unlike her original self she is able to live away from mrs williams so this makes up for that) #so she's always over in jack and stephen's room. people who know her tangentially sometimes gossip about which one she's actually dating #(at that particular moment it is actually neither of them she's just hanging out with stephen) #diana freed from the shackles of 19th century womanhood creates even more and weirder drama than in canon #idk I just want to see the plot of post captain played out over text message #don't ask me HOW idk HOW i just want it #stephen is a biology major/pre-med obvs. if he can survive organic chemistry #jack is some kind of engineering major. I think he'd enjoy that with the math. diana has changed her major 7 times #(I don't know whether to put jack in rotc. I don't think it Actually actually fits - he's in the navy in canon because he's in the navy #not bc he's Inevitably Military In All Worlds. he would not want to do that if he didn't get to sail #but at the same time I find it hard to picture him not belonging to Discipline somehow. #it's more than a disinterested passion for cleanliness that drives him to wash stephen's mug for him that has had coffee and ramen in it #(and NOT in that order) #in the bathroom sink

[moinsbienquekaworu]

Housemate is letting one of her rabbits walk around at night again :/

#girl he's cute but that means i gotta leave the lights on #i can guess she's not asleep because there's light in her room and her smart tv was still pinging my phone with the casting notif #but like. you can let your own pet rabbit wander around the house with your door closed! #he's your bunny! you didn't say anything about it! #not even talking about the risk for the lil guy because this is in spirit a student house #like i'm the only full time student but we're all at that student-ish age and living consequently #by which i mean there's lots of crap on the ground that doesn't get cleaned often #the bunny is not safe walking around. he isn't. also i keep almost tripping on him #and it stresses me the fuck out personally to have to keep the lights turned on all night across the house #just because jasper's out and rabbits don't have night vision and i don't want him to be alone in the dark #but also there are for real screws on the floor of the bathroom just hanging out #like. this is not a house that is safe for rabbits to roam free around. it just isn't #and she's filled the only shelf in the bathroom with more hygiene products than anyone else #and and and and. she's a shit housemate i won't miss her when i leave to go back home #man i can't wait for the day i am not sharing living space with her. i like my other housemates! #mostly because they pick up after themselves #and they're aware that when they make a mess they have to take care of it afterwards #she just kinda does stuff and then doesn't think about it #if she lived on her own i would not give a shit but it's impacting my day-to-day life as well! #ARGH #anyway #wow i have a ramble tag now #england adventures

[salsflore]

everyday i wake up and have to start a new boss challenge called dealing with my mother

#not a single speck of consideration for whether or not i'm busy or tired or sleeping #she doesn't even TRY. the text is too small? ok i'll make it bigger. but wait now she's lazy to read. doesn't even want to try to understan #we had this whole thing yesterday where she was raising her voice at me bc she didn't get that #basically free shipping if products r over $500. our Total (incl. delivery) was $488 and she wanted to add on but i told her no... delivery #is $70. and she wasnt getting me so she was raising her voice like holy shittt not everything has to result in you yelling!!!! #you wake me up when i'm sleeping just to help you. you disturb me when i'm studying omggg girl please.... #i remember her [ why does it say– what transaction? i didn't make any transaction ] the text was literally- #[ no current transaction history ] smth like that like MOTHER???????????? and i think she's been telling my sister i'm complaining abt it #should i die. 1 like i'll do it #power outage started so i'm going to stay in my room and nap until lunch fml #but i have to go out and help my mom with an app thing first bc ofc #she admits shes just not bothered to READ. when it comes to emails or ordering food or anything like ohvm mymgodog #and shes so short tempered fuckkk ?!? #AH. EDIT BC I REMEMBERED. when she got an email today.. her application was rejected #for smth smth. anyways it told her she could login to the website using her birth info. (e.g 1870....) and she was like #u typed something wrong bc why does it say 1870... LIKE MOTHER ITS AN EXAMPELREFKWKSABHAHHHHH #THE EXAMPLE DIDNT EVEN HAVE HER NAME?!?£ #💭 #cw rant #negative

[skrunksthatwunk]

found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?

#i didnt really get to process it bc i found out when i was hanging w a friend but. im processing it now #sigh.. i dont know. i dont know. #at the end of the day he is and has always been someone else's cat. i can't control what she does with him #no matter what i think of it. she can always take him away. but every time it happens im just. im tired yknow? #it's worth it to me to have him around. i love him dearly and i want him to be in a home where he's actually cared for (which i have done my #best to provide) but he's just. not mine. and every time it happens i back up and think man. im such a sucker. #i don't think people manipulate me often. not in an ongoing way i mean. i don't think ppl see me as valuable enough to most of the time. #but damn. she really found my weak spots didn't she. free petcare courtesy of one chump who can't live without animals around. sigh #he deserves stability but he deserves love more. this weird shared custody thing is better for him i think. and frankly i also love him. #im not the priority here but my feelings are like. there. him being taken away without even telling me first hurts. i'd like to be able to #say goodbye to him. im not saying he has to stay or this has to go on but couldn't they just.. consider my feelings a bit more? #just bc you're fine with dropping your cat off somewhere for weeks not knowing when you'll see him again and not visiting doesn't mean i am #and i kind of feel like my roommate is part of this. after all it's not like his owner can just break into our room and take him #and if im always out when they do it there's a chance roomie's just shipping him off whenever she gets sick of him. #she's done it before. even after she agreed so vehemently with me about never wanting him to go back to such treatment and stuff early on. #she's been spraying him for little reason lately too. and i mean i get being a little more cautious with some things bc her neck's broken #but she's really fixated on how much he smells and bites and stuff and talks about how if i wasn't around she'd consider eating him #and then other times she's like that's my pookie. i don't get it. like yeah i tell rascal to fuck off sometimes bc he hurts me but it's not #like a hateful thing. i dont resent him for it i'm just annoyed sometimes bc he's maiming me a little. he's my baby. how could i loathe him? #so it makes me think that roomie might be blaming his transfers on his owner bc she doesn't want me to judge her #and like. this is her room too. it's not her fault she's more bothered by the smell than me. if she doesn't want to be bitten and clawed all #the time i can sympathize. i don't wanna force her to house him. but i wish she'd just be honest with me i guess #like. what if his owner decides to give him away without telling me? i'd take him in in a heartbeat. even though i know it's a bad idea. #but i'm worried he'll fall out of my reach completely. and at the very least I'd like to be able to say goodbye first. that's all.

[sukugo]

got COCKBLOCKED in my own HOUSE (both literally and figuratively 🤔)

#f.txt #the house is my dreams. but the dream was in my house #ANYWAYS I HAD A DREAM. WHERE I WAS GONNA FUCK ANAKIN. BUT I DIDN'T BC DGSKDHSJHD #MY MOM CAME INTO THE ROOM 😭😭😭 #so it started with anakin and me in a room. anakin was on a desk with his back to me working on some stuff on a computer #he was wearing s shiny tight leather jacket and jeans. and FUCK did he look delicious. just incredible #so i go to him and i like lift up his jacket from behind and start grabbing his waist. #and then i grab his crotch and start rubbing it (he had a tiny dick <3) (AND I STILL REMEMBER THE FEELING OF IT 😭😭😭😭) #at first he doesn’t want to and he kinda resists. but we all know im into that shit. #but then actually he does get into it and wants to. so i take him and push him into the bed #OK DGDJHF actually there was someone else who wanted to fuck him too in the room with us #idk who it was and for some reason all i remember is that it was spiderman (but i go like BITHC IM gonna fuck him) #(actually i think we agreed to both do it or smth idk) so then there's like some dick grabbing action going on #and then. my mom comes in. #and I'm like. girl. why. why would u do this to me. how could u fucking do this to me. do u not see me having THE moment of my life. #so she uhh sees us. and she's like uhhhh. and we make like if we weren't doing anything ahaaa whaat nothing weird going on here. #so in a desperate attempt to continue i grab anakin's hand and take him to the other room. where apparently there's my brother. #and i want to cry. bc CANT A GIRL HAVE HER PRIVACY PLS (like i get it irl but NOT EVEN IN NY DREAMS 😭😭) #anyways so instead we just like. lay in bed. im between his legs bc no one's gonna fucking get me out of ther now lmao #and we start playing clapping games. bc what else are we supposed to do. and my mom COMES IN HERE too #to u know check up on what we're doing. and the position is uhh not innocent but we're like hey we're just playing. #so she leaves. and then we get up and run in circles lmao. #but anyways yeah that was the end of the anakin fucking 😭😭😭 #then it was hours of me having to listen to my mom and aunt talking about life hardships or smth #OH BUT THE END. i had another lil dream about exo/specifically kai. SPECIFICALLY about his thighs. #like there was a comeback or smth but his thighs were incredible. and then there's like a dance scene but he's mini tiny shorts #and when he moves u can See Things 😳👀 #anyway that is the story. no anakin fucking for me 😭😭😭😭😭😭 #i feel like this dream is so. representation of my Life. like yeah. this is literally my life.

[sungchantual]

can't believe all my roommate's friends were so actively working against me when it came to who gets the big room with the balcony attached to it and in the end she actually got it....

#we agreed to make it fair by drawing lots for it #but i ended up suggesting to use the spinning wheel generator so that it's really up to luck #and i can't believe i shot myself in my own foot with this bc she actually got the big room #even though in the beginning of the year i asked if i could have it when the other roommate moves out #(we knew for a while that she'd move out in summer) #but then my roommate asked if we could draw lots maybe and i said yes bc i didn't wanna be an asshole 😭 #but now she actually got the big room and now i kinda regret not putting my foot down and claiming it #bc on my side everyone told me i could just say that i've been in the flatshare the longest and therefore i could claim the room #but idk i wanted to be nice and look where it got me #it's not the end of the world bc my current room is still nice it's just the smallest #but i'm really complaining abt nothing ig #at least i'm saving money on rent 😅 #but the big room would have been saur nice tbh.... #and the fact that my windows still fave the balcony and now the roommate who constantly invites friends over has the balcony ......... #you see where i'm getting at 😵‍💫 #let's hope i'll get some good sleep the next few week before it's too cold to be on the balcony CJSJCHS #but yeah with her friends working against me i also mean that a lot of them smoke so apparently they told her that she should get the room #bc she smokes and has friends that smoke as if i am not worthy of a balcony bc i don't smoke like 🫠 #idk i felt like i was the only nice on in the scenario who was willing to play fair even though i didn't have to and her friends were still #lowkey pissing on my leg behind my back yk #she was nice about it but her friends get the side eye from me abt the whole thing 😶 #sorry for the rant #delete later #000

[shirtlessradfahrer]

hi sorry I disappeared for like two weeks but I was overwhelmed with the news that there's a significant chance I may be on the autism spectrum (and possibly have a nice side helping of adhd) which if true has a fuckton of implications for how poorly many, many things throughout my life have played out, so needless to say I am not doing very well

(and by that I mean I was mostly crying on and off for days, and then cried some more when I realized it will cost thousands if I want to get a proper assessment done and I'm not confident my insurance would cover all of it, and also depending on how much my hours continue to be cut this month I may not even have said insurance for much longer at all hahahaha)

#i'm so angry #thinking of how many adults complained about me and my behaviour growing up but couldn't help me at all #how long have i suffered for no reason #because i wasn't a completely nonverbal boy who liked trains or some shit #...actually i did really like trains but it didn't matter apparently #but learning about all the signs and symptoms in girls/women has felt like getting punched in the gut over and over #and all the absolute worst of my childhood and teenage years has rushed back to me with new context #and i'm so fucking angry and sad and upset #and now my mom is angry af too because she took me to a psychologist in complete desperation when i was like five #because i couldn't control my emotions for shit once i was home from school #i would just flip tf out and throw stuff around my room and be incapable of saying anything until i had completely calmed down #and this was happening on a regular basis and she didn't know what tf to do #and while at school i couldn't make eye contact or advocate for myself and again i just shut down completely if i was too stressed or upset #and several other things #and the psychologist was basically like lol idk what's wrong with her but you probably just need to be a better mother :) #just slightly more professionally #NO ONE ever mentioned the possibility of autism to her #and i feel like some of these things have...worsened when i'm at work but i couldn't figure out why i was having so much difficulty #and why i felt so drained after even a short shift #but then reading about masking hit me like a fucking freight train #and apparently my brother’s girlfriend-who was officially diagnosed a few years ago-suspected it when she first met me?? #but idk what to do now bc i have an doctor's appointment next week #and i feel like i should bring it up because i hate just self-diagnosing #but even if i somehow managed to pay for an assessment (lmao) i don't feel like my doctor's going to take it seriously #considering he's been our family doctor since my birth #and apparently couldn't be bothered to take my mom's concerns that seriously back then either #jfc I’m rambling again don’t look at me

[selfawxre]

posting separately as to not hijack flowers' post but realising that some of you guys may also not be as into ddlc and not know all the nuances and random tidbits about it and specifically monika. like, for example, the fact that monika's piano playing is a metaphor for her hacking the game/changing the code, the fact that every time one of the girls is acting particularly out of character she isn't present in the room, only to rush back in like "oh what happened? i had nothing to do with this!!", the times where she gets absolutely steamrolled in act 2 by yuri and natsuki and is so clearly taken aback despite the fact she's the one fucking with their codes to make them aggressive enough to do that, etc.

also just, all the lines in act 1 where she's so blatantly talking about her sentience but that you wouldn't pick up on unless you already knew she was sentient. like she is not even trying to hide it from the beginning, you just know when she talks about her "epiphany" she's giggling to herself like "oh they're never gonna believe what i mean by that"

#📁 : // ⦗ out of character ⦘ #📁 : // ⦗ musings ⦘ #monika doesn't really have anything as funny or jarring as the piss poem or any of yuri's uh. quirks. but she's so interesting to me #like when u pay attention to her specifically while playing ddlc #the amount of out of pocket jokes she makes even in act one #of course we all know “you really left her hanging” #but throughout the week she's like “oh it would be a SHAME if something happened to sayori aha ha ha” #and of course her jokes and jabs in act two are a lot more overt #still i love her and her fucked up sense of humour #i also didn't pick up on the times she's late being her actively messing with the other girls until recently #like the day after the argument between yuri and natsuki in act two she's specifically late bc she's making natsuki forget the argument #and of course there's all the times she makes yuri and natsuki do scares while she's “off-camera” #like you'll notice she's never present when the really big scares happen and by the end of act 2 she's almost constantly late into the room #also the fact that she messes with the girls to make herself look better but is still clearly hurt when they take it out on her #one could argue she's making herself sympathetic on purpose but like #she doesn't even get a CHANCE to interact with mc once yuri's at her worst #and she always says she's not the best coder so i fully believe she's like “oh i fucked that up” and bit off more than she could chew #anyway she means everything to me <3

[tvrningout-a]

i take one glance at k.yojuro's one shot and i get all giddy and wanna start screaming about him :' )

#i don't have any coherent thoughts about him rn bc i'm packing up my room but man do i love one flame hashira #looking at the art again makes me wanna icon it so bad too bc it's so pretty :' )) #maybe i will if i can make some space on my computer uvu #anyway hi hello can you believe mitsuri passed final selection after training for six months?? #can y'all imagine the amount of pure talent and physical ability a lot of the hashira have bc misturi didn't even?? come from #a family that would've required much physical labor of her #i mean i'm assuming bc i mainly remember there being an issue with finding a suitor and whatnot and if that #was the main concern she would've come from a comfortable family i imagine #and then kyojuro taught himself flame breathing bc after a point his dad just :( fell apart #anyway before we all get sad i just think all of the hashira are very cool and admirable in their own ways and i love them very much <3 #get ready to ramble | ooc

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

the push and pull of MSR in the cancer arc

Louise Glück, from Marathon / The X-Files 4×14, Memento Mori / Phoebe Bridgers, Moon Song / 4x17, Tempus Fugit / I've Been Thinking Of Ending Things, dir. Charlie Kaufman / 4×18, Max / Sue Zhao (@beamusing) / 4×22, Elegy / Lucy Dacus, Historians / Ocean Vuong, Into the Breach

#the way every time i do something cancer arc i end up deep in scully's pov... #i had room for one thing but it didn't work out so i want to mention Bag of Bones by Mitski which i had on loop while making this #i just... they go back and forth so much #being so soft and yet so tense and holding each other a little apart even though they want to be close #the way they hurt each other without even meaning to but comfort each other without consciously trying #it's simply so much. #there's so much they want to but can't won't say that they're scared of saying and it SHOWS #both in the moments they snap or push away and in the times they hold each other close #scully says it in elegy! ''he's been a great source of strength for me'' but when karen asks if she's told him that fhe truth is she hasn't #and that's so much of their struggle is that they dont know if they can say all they mean to each other #so you end up with the tension and pain of wanting nothing more than to be together and have that safety and comfort #but not knowing if it's allowed and okay and how much it might hurt in the end #they need each other but they're losing each other but they're also becoming closer in an agonizing new way #he's the ONLY person she called #you ever think of that scene in memento mori where they're on the phone and she says ''right now the truth is in me'' #and mulder immediately replies with "i will be right there'' so soft and certain because in that moment #she IS the truth and she is the only thing that matters #and then how she starts to pull away throughout the arc and isolate herself and that causes pain for both of them #and is part of why mulder is a bit of a jerk in gethsemane #but he never fully lets her pull away and she still leans on him she still has him and that doesn't change!!! #it's the push and pull of it all #Lu rambles #txf #the x files #msr #dana scully #fox mulder #usermoody #userscully #usermulder

[tardis--dreams]

Okay but this morning a bunch of people were sneezing nonstop and coughing their lungs out in class (one of them was sitting next to me) and none of them wore a mask. Needless to say, i was a bit. Annoyed. Flashforward to today's afternoon class. Only I and one other girl are wearing a mask. The professor talks about communication and how everything we do communicates something. "For example.. when someone is wearing a mask it usually means they have a cold. They don't tell you directly 'hey i have a cold' but the mask communicates it" BITCH I'M NOT THE ONE WHO HAS A COLD. BUT YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT, IF I DID I SURE WOULD WEAR A MASK

#sorry it annoys me just a Tiny bit #like please. i get it.. it's not mandatory. not even judging if you don't wanna wear a mask regularly. idc anymore #but if you're coughing and sneezing non stop and you're in a room Packed with people.. i may get a little unhappy #funny enough that girl sitting next to me had a mask with her #she just didn't think to put it on up until like 45 minutes into the lecture #babe you sneezed an estimate of 190 times within these 45 minutes and you didn't think to put it on??? #please! i don't have enough cold medicine with me..i wanna save it for later this year. don't make me get sick please ㅠㅠ #and dude #some of us always wear a mask #we don't communicate 'hey i have a cold' ㅠㅠ #i mean. our lecturer wore a mask yesterday for the first time this semester saying it was because she was sick #so i guess you COULD communicate it like that.. #yeah well i guess i just wish people would wear one if they're sick- i might be too annoyed by them not doing it #i should concentrate on other things #void screams

[septimus-heap]

Thinking so so hard abt selkie marcia au rn

#sep talks #marcia overstrand #selkie marcia au #she put it in a box the night she became eow and didn't look at it again until they had to leave via rubbish chute #and right before they all went in she was like WAIT HANG ON and disappeared into her room for 2 minutes and comes back with what looks like #just. A fur coat. And silas is like marcia wgat the FUCK we waited for u so u could go get ur fur coat??? The hell????? #and she's like well u see if I lose this I will simply kill myself (only half exaggerating) #she takes it w her when she does her transport back to the castle. Fortunately dd doesn't know what it is but unfortunately #that means it ends up on the street outside dn1 instead of With Marcia where it should be #she panics to alther abt this and he gets someone to go collect it for her when she gets out but she's still panicking abt it for basically #the whole time she's in dn1. And then the whole time she's on the ship #bc if she just had her coat!! She wouldn't be trapped!!!! She could just put it on and swim away!!!!!!!! #BUT NO #she doesn't get it back until silas+co come back to the cottage #and silas is like well here's ur fucking. Coat?? Idk why u wanted it so badly it doesn't even look that nice #(it's in a box for safekeeping at this point) #and marcia snatches it off him and has a brief moment where she debates transforming right there and then #she decides against it but he catches her sneaking out of the cottage with it that night anyway #he follows her bc like. It Does make sense she'd want to be outside after dn1 but also its the middle of the night??? #and then he sees her turn into a seal and is like oh my god. That explains so much #and then they have to talk abt it and its awkward bc neither of them want to talk abt sensitive topics w each other #it is a very brief conversation involving marcia threatening silas w murder if he ever tells anyone #and silas going jesus christ who do u think I am I'm not just going to tell everyone abt this?? I don't hate u that much??? #and then marcias like well I'm going to go disappear into the ocean for 1-5 business days congrats u get to invent an excuse for me #and then disappears into the ocean #and then after a few days she goes back to being eow and never talks abt being a selkie with anyone ever again #the end <333 #actually that was a lie septimus finds out bc one time the heating in the tower isn't working right and the fire isn't enough #so marcia decides (since sep is w his parents) to just be a seal for the day bc at least it'll be warm #and then she loses track of time and septimus gets home and there is panicked screaming on both sides before alther steps in to explain

[rescuefield-arch1]

thinking about her ( claire post DI being relatively okay except for her silly goofy iris that is now half blue half red since she really was so close to turn )

#this concept really gives me life bc capflop always acts as if once the heroes are cured they're back to normal #but already after sejm claire didn't go back to normal ( only got worse 💀 ) and after being infected with that weird ass t-virus strain #she can only get worse gjhj even after getting the ~vaccine~ she was still wheezing she legit had to sit down once everything was over 🤧 #i do think eventually her lungs will get better again but her eye is fucked up forever since t-p was about to kick in due to the stress #she hates it immensely and makes it even harder to look at herself in the mirror but she can wear cool eyepatches on missions #which is also valid since she's a sniper ( and i hope next time she hops in a control room we see her shoot from the window lmao ) #𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙂𝙎 𝙇𝙊𝙎𝙏 𝙄𝙉 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙁𝙄𝙍𝙀 ⎯ dev

[skrunksthatwunk]

not rascal's deadbeat owner coming around when im not home and telling my roommate she's taking him for a week (our break is 4 weeks or so, implying he's gonna be back here even though That's Her Cat Not Ours) and then just picking up the new toys i bought for him and taking them with her without even asking. hey. hi. those are mine

#like yes i want rascal to use them so he can be happy and fulfilled but also i dont fucking trust you #she didnt even ask. i wasnt even AROUND and she just yoinked them #she also took the new litter box my roomie got for him bc the old one was so caked in shit that 20 mins in a powerful sink didnt even #change it. like bedrock-hard cat shit. who fucking knows how old that was bc they never clean or empty it. fucks sake #and obv he needs a litter box and my roomie threw the old one away bc again it was Unsalvageably And Hazardously Filthy #like we could get sick he could get sick. get a grip #but like i dont wanna be feeding her replacements for her stuff she doesn't take care of over and over #just burning money trying to make rascal's life a Little better bc again our control over his situation is limited bc hes literally her cat #it's so frustrating. like i waited a full month to get him new toys bc i didn't know how long this situation was gonna last and i dont have #cats and cant have them for a while (not that this is stopping me oops) so it's not like the toys'll be used w me #like if she decided to up and drop him at a shelter like she'd planned less than a couple months ago I'd be sittjng in a pile of cat stuff #but he needs more stuff yknow. theyre not providing for him and i have the means to atm. and just when i bite the bullet and surprise him #with a bunch of new things he was SO excited about she swoops in without warning and takes him #god. my roommate told me he just froze up when his owner came in..and he looked so pissed about it #having to go back and leave us and leave all his fun new stuff to go back to the room where they cant even bother to feed him regularly #much less play with him or take care of him #it's heartbreaking. it's such a delicate situation im trying to move carefully so we don't lose him completely but it's so frustrating going #slow. ughhghhgh AND THEYRE ALWAYS LIKE man he's so much nicer to y'all. MAYBE IT'S BC WE TREAT HIM WELL. CRAZY THOUGHT I KNOW #fucking. i love that little man this sucks for him so bad. trying to get him back for a couple days while im here but no response yet #and my roommate's staying on campus over break so she's gonna show up as soon as that week's over like I'm Here For Rascal. Your Time Is Up. #rauguhhhhh sorry if these rascal vent posts are a downer guys. it's just. god dude. fucking hell #i know this is a stupid situation i have gotten myself into i know it's stupid to try and finagle someone's pet from them BUT SHES ABUSIVE #AND SUPER LIKE. INDIFFERENT?? AND APATHETIC ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT THE PPL SHE DUMPS HIM ON CARE FOR HIM WELL OR NOT. AGH #sighhhh. whatever. gotta focus on tmr's exam and then i can complain about rascal some more. #i get she prolly thinks it's a team effort but the only reason we take her stuff is bc we didn't have a cat and werent planning on it #ggggghhzgzzjzjkkzkzkkzkk. grinding my teeth