#she didnt mean anything by it but. im tired | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

puppyeared · 3 months

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man

#maybe im being pessimistic abt this. im not saying u should wear a mask every waking moment of your life god knows i cant #but also. hell no i dont trust u if anything i distrust u ppl even more after how things played out for the past 3 years #like there are situations where it might be inevitable catching covid. most of my family members are nurses and in constant contact #but there are also a ton of ways to make that risk low as possible like masking and wearing a face shield and having sanitizer #for me its not enough to just say oh we're in a small group and we're all vaccinated #motherfucker your kid is sick from preschool EVERY TIME WE VISIT. of course ill be wearing a mask she gave me covid last year #also no the fuck it isnt seasonal the cases go up because lack of caution makes the virus spread and mutate especially around times when #ppl gather. add that with virus transmission in cold weather and its a matter of different factors increasing the risk of spread #im also tired of ppl not understanding that i wont be their responsibility if i do get sick. maybe they can help me recover #but at the end of the day the risk of death and long term health is all on me. i cant change that #the govt barely gives me accommodations what makes u think theyll do anything for every individual case of long covid or worse #im so tired. im so tired #i dont even know if its possible to want this to be over anymore i just wish we didnt have to deal with this in the first place #ALSO COUGH INTO YOUR SLEEVE SERIOUSLY HOW IS THIS SO HARD TO REMEMBER #oh its just a cold/dry throat its not like i have covid or anything. no!! its basic hygiene!!! how is this so hard to understand!!!!!!!!!!#and no this isnt abt whether people have the means to protect themselves this is me bitching abt my relatives not taking me seriously #vent #my art #myart #doodles #covid 19

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betweenblackberrybranches · 5 months

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I just need to rant for a second :)

Screaming into the void please dont judge me

#that feeling when you and the person you live with have to move out of two rooms of your flat because the flooring had to be done there #and your girlfriend just. doesnt. do. anything. unless you strongarm her into it at which point she snaps at you and treats you #like you are unreasonable for not letting her just sit there and ply video games while you do all the work #eventhough its her fault that we didnt even have a full week to prepare for it because she just took the fastest possible appointment for it #when they called her to do the appointment #also sitting there like 'it will be fine we can do it in time' yea no shit because i am actually doing all the fucking work #its not like i usually do almost all the chores anyways #i ask her to help me move her pottet plants she is just like 'no. not because i dont want to help but because i dont want to move them'#why does she have to act as if she is doing me a fucking favour when putting away her own stuff that she never cleans up otherwise anyways #i am tired #like great. let me just do all of the work and then get angry at me when i ask you when you will be able to cook after taking 'me time'#because i have to clean out the kitchen but you thought it was a good idea to bring meat that has to be cooked today #because from tomorrow on we wont have a kitchen for 7 days #but then you definetly wont do the dishes after cooking which means ill have to do it #ontop of all the other stuff #idk im just annoyed #incredibly annoyed

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urostakako · 1 year

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it seems people are already upset that tsumiki is not nice anymore, sorry you dont know her like i do

#cmon. cmon. she has every right to be violent #idk if i trust gege to allow her to be angry (which she also has every right to be?? her life has constantly been people pushing her away #and forgetting about her and her constantly being nice) but if she was nice even now it would literally make zero sense #thats not character development. its not even giving her character. its just megumi's perspective being right that shes some kind of saint #which is sooooooo boring like why would she be nice. i think she should be tired of being nice. i think she should go apeshit. as a treat #and there was so much build up about the curse put on her. making it just some thing like oh shes a sorcerer but shes not gonna do anything #about it because shes so good IS SO BORING #and really it would be unrealistic if she didnt harbor at least some negative feelings i mean megumi was always kind of an asshole right up #until she got cursed and im assuming gojo didnt pay much attention to her as he did megumi. and her mom left her for some shitty dude #why would she not be mad?? just getting stuck being a little angel after all that just makes my skin crawl #and if megumi only really considered apologizing after she got cursed i doubt he really did a lot for her when she wasnt.#so i absolutely think she should be allowed to kill people it would be a disservice if she wasnt and was just again boiled down to the #saintly girl older sister image megumi seems to have of her. so boring #or maybe its just me being an angry sister who has to be nice. but i dont really think it is #tsumiki fushiguro #jjk 211 #jjk leaks #jjk spoilers #jjk #aricouldyounot #oh and before anyone misinterprets i know megumi had some psychology going on as a kid. doesnt mean tsumiki didnt either #or that she has to be so understanding all the time and not consider her own feelings. so boring. so shitty #it mightve sounded like a joking tone when i said she should go apeshit. but i was 100% serious #anyway yeah thats it

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milf-harrington · 9 months

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where im at mentally these days: my mum hugged me and said im doing a good job and i burst into tears <3

#i mean it was a little more fleshed out than that #i asked for a hug and she asked if i was okay and i didnt say anything so she said something about me feeling like #untethered. just kind of floating through life. and i said yeah. and she told me im doing a good job like. getting through the day basically #and i cried about it because i dont even know why its so hard #and i feel so shitty all the time because i just feel like a shit person like i dont try hard enough with my nephew #and hes so little and so smart and im so awful and every day im worried hes going to stop liking me bc im still learning how to be. gentle.#because i grew up with yelling and a locked pantry and an older sister who had to raise me #so i dont know how to not yell and not escape into my own world when i cant be bothered #and i have really good days and really terrible days and hes not a Job hes my nephew and i want to treat him like my nephew #and it feels so selfish to say im tired and that its hard and stressful and i dont know what im doing #bc my sister has to do it too and she doesnt get breaks like i do #she doesnt get to just decide to leave for the night - and i mean i dont do that but i have the option #and everyone keeps. like. telling me im doing good and im helpful and my sister especially tells me often shes grateful for me #and it makes me feel Awful bc i feel like i dont do enough and that the stuff i DO isnt good enough and just argh #anyway #vent over i need to go to bed its 1am and i have to get up in 5 hours #captain speaks

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aastarions · 4 months

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i know ive been complaining so much but can i catch one break like just one break im begging im pleading

#c shut up #my throat is still shot today super achey and talking is difficult #im having some aches in my incisions #also!! ever since i got out of surgery i've had a tapping/popping noise in my chest and its not followed by any pain in my chest but it #could mean anything from just gas trapped there from surgery to a partially collapsed lung #and i know googling things is not always the best but i needed to know what this popping noise was #because it just didnt feel right #it only happens when i switch from like laying down to sitting up or sitting up to standing #idk but my mom is taking me to the drs for my throat today bc shes worried it would impact my surgery recovery #im just really sad :(#and oh even better the house inspection didnt go well meaning its basically 5050 on if we even get this house #that we've put the past 2 months and some money into #and as im typing this our mortgage lender whos turned into an asshole is down our throats like when u closing when u closing #im in agony #can something go right can one thing go right #im so tired

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favvnsongs · 4 months

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nearly two am and I'm thinking bout lina & epsilon again and feeling so profoundly sad lmfao

#like???? .#and i mean part of it is because theyre So Weird with eachother #how theyre nearly every single possible thing to one another and yet none of those and something larger and deeper and messier #and more profound and painful than anything else has ever been ;__;#the whole. she has just about no one. lina and all of her dead friends (save wash) and her dead parents and what even is her life supposed #to Be anymore. the tragic grief and dread that comes from him having to straight out tell her that he's old (comparatively) and tired and #likely doesnt have that much time left. and uet even knowing that he'll push and fray even more st the edges for the sake of helping her #is it awful or merciful or maybe a bit of both that he didnt just wink out of existence between one moment and the next when #he was With Her lmao. yeah sure she sends him off with tucker and the besties but there was obviously the expectation he'd come back #of course he would. in one way or another he always comes back except that he didnt and she didnt even get to Say Anything #and yeah ill fuss about washilon till im blue in the face but #like. they make me So Sad asdfghjkl #anyways #rvb nonsense

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opens-up-4-nobody · 3 months

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#hello darkness my old friend. I have insomnia again #it seems i wont get back to sleep. making this the 4th night in a row of 4 to 5hrs sleep. woof #is it insomnia or am i on the bleeding edge of hyp0mania? idk its weird. i can feel the strain in my head #my thoughts dont connect as well. its like im being pulled in two directions. my brain becoming spaghettified. growing thin around the #middle. but im not as tired as one might expect. ive been pretty productive and optimistic but anxiety and internal restlessness are up #like im tired but also i need to get up and pace around. maybe jump up and down. maybe run in circles.#the energy comes in waves. sitting in lectures or sitting for the extended addition of l0tr has been somewhat unbearable #bc im so contained. i would not ever get up and walk around while those things were happening but i desperately wanted to #ugh. whats my problem? who's to say. could also b the medication. i see the psychiatrist next week and i think ill beg to b put back on #lam1ctal. just bc when i was taking it on a super low does i had a week or feeling the most normal i think i ever have in my life #anxiety and evil thoughts were so small and i felt happy in a way im not sure i ever have been #like i think under normal circumstances i just have a low capacity for joy. at most i feel neutral. like i was telling my friends how i #might do some field work in winter and they were enthusiastic abt it and i kno y bc it sounds cool but idk i just dont feel anything abt it #i cant see past the pain it will take to get there. and i mean mood wise i feel alright on 4bilify like in a nutral way but stable isnt #the same as feeling happy. but maybe its all just in my head. 25mg lam1ctal shouldnt b enough to b effective #but idk i think im just sensitive to the chemicals in my body. including hormone fluctuations. idk. i hope she lets me switch.#itll b a pain in the ass to readjust in terms of going off what im on now and it might not work #but theres literature on retrying lamicta1 and they say to avoid inflammatory reactions in the first 2 months. which i did not do. oops #not that i was trying. i didnt think abt it until id had a million holes poked in my skin and was experiencing a mild tatt00 allergy #ugh. anyway. tbh id prefer this being hyp0mania vs insomnia bc then at least i can continue to function a bit during the day #ive never done anything that wild while hyp0manic aside from injure myself from over exercising and make bad choices in how i spend time #ie become insane abt something and not b able to think abt anything else. ugh. and i guess at this point ive tentatively accepted the idea #of being bip0lar. so i swear to christ if i was misdiagnosed ill b so mad. its just that if i fill out an 4dhd and bip0lar checklist. i #get a way heavy positive with bip0lar and the 4dhd is meh. so i think i just have overlap in symptoms due to dyslex1a and 4utism #ugh. me and my collection of diagnoses. so it goes #unrelated

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timeisacephalopod · 1 year

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I've kinda seen some pushback to the idea of representation in media and I don't necessarily think it's bad to point out actual rights are more important than Disney's thousandth first gay character that's fine, but I've had a LOT of people comment on my works about asexual characters and tell me what I wrote changed their life-and it's always that phrase- because they now have the language to describe what they feel. I've had people who ARENT ace or aro comment that what I wrote finally made a concept they didn't understand make sense, or that the way I explained things was interesting and enlightening and I'm kind of a mediocre writer who hasn't written anything in ages.

Like idk, if reading something from a writer who is fucking around and only somewhat talented can genuinely impact someone because they've not seen anything like them reflected back at them in life or media I don't think pushing for representation in media is as "needless" as some people seem to think and caring about that doesn't mean you don't care about more "important" (although if you think seeing people like you in media ISNT important it's because you already have that representation or are privileged enough to not care if you do, in which case maybe pipe down) stuff. Hell, I even got a Facebook message ages ago from someone who found a comment I left in an ace group about QPR's and what they meant to me and how I perceived them and the person no joke said what I wrote two years before they even found it changed their life forever because they finally knew what kind of relationship they actually wanted.

So like sure, of course there's always bigger fish to fry them diversity in media (you know, like diversity in real life lol) but I don't think it's as frivolous as some people are beginning to act like it is. At least not if you're an aspec person it's not, I STILL don't see ace characters almost ever and I'll bet my whole everything if I asked a writer of a show why they'd tell me that EVERYONE has to be in a sexual relationship and characters that aren't won't sell and are boring- I say this because in film school I had a teacher TELL ME every character needed to basically be sex obsessed and when I pointed out a GREAT MANY CHARACTERS are not revolved around sex (Supernatural stars two brothers, I pointed out) and when she asked if I had love interests I was like ??? That doesn't matter- using my aforementioned supernatural example almost all their love interests die or get mind wiped because at the end of the day that's not what the story was about. So actually I think writers who act like that teacher need like 50 reality checks, and representation in stories isn't unimportant and also support indie writers you'll probably find more funky shit there then Disney anyway lmao.

And also even the asexual characters I DO see in media don't remind me at all of myself even if I appreciate the effort, but they never feel real or genuine and their sexuality doesn't get a lot of exploration so 🤷🏻‍♀️ I actually could use more media focused on characters that I can genuinely see my sexuality reflected in in a meaningful and narratively impactful way because I've got nothing.

#winters ramblings #todd from bojack horseman im sure is SOMEONES version of asexuality but i dont see ANYTHING of myself in him #great character dont get me wrong but not relatable to me on any level including our shared sexuality #sex ed got a bit closer with their brief ace character although maybe she got more exploration in season three or four??#the latest one i havent watched lmao. but being closer and having a moment wjere shes told shes not broken #while DEEPLY vindicating isnt necessarily all im looking for either #like i wamt a REAL character thats ace or aro or both thats written by people who UNDERSTAND what theyre writting #not just well meaning people who dont know what theyre doing its kind of tiring #also idk why theres no dating shows with gay men because reality dating shows are ALL ABOUT who fucks who and who gets together #gay men would be hooking up ALL OVER THE PLACE and the DRAMA youd think reality tv freaks would be SALIVATING #but no none of that lmao. just ru pauls drag race and thats great it is like its not my bag but people love it #back on yrack though the weord blowback representation is getting is strange and its VERY clear to me #the people writing those posts havent gotten dozens on dozens of messages from people like them who found their writing #and haf their life altered forever for the better because someone who KNOWS what theyre talking about wrote a character like them #and it opened doors they never knew existed. doesnt even need to happen with fiction either i had a friend i had in toronto #tell me the info i sent to her on being aromantic changed her life- THAT'S the phrase i keep getting thats TELLING- because it describefld #described** how shes felt her whole life but didnt have words for. how frivolous IS representation if im getting these messages?#not very i dont think if some rsndom indie fic writer who hadnt written anything substantial in years can change someones life #REPEATEDLY might i add. ive been getting a LOT of messages like this lately and seeing this new bramd of discourse latetly too #like maybe YALL have enough that you dont care anymore but speak for your fucking selves

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bunnyb34r · 1 year

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Felt bad ab taking 90 min to do ONE item (had to repackage robes, condense robes, condense jeans (rip me), and then stock the new item) UNTIL I realized that NetflixCoworker had spent most of that same time walking around and SWEEPING

Girl you were sweeping at 4am its 5:30am wtf?? Also matainence comes by with the broom around 6:30 so like why... just do one of the 7 pallets we got dropped

Then I spent an hour or so doing signs bc I had gone upfront for my sign for the new item and low and behold! There was like 20 clothing signs TwT thanks...

So I figured I should get them before we open, plus I like doing signs sggdgdgd I think it's fun

Anyway I feel a bit bad I only did the one pallet but she spent most of the morning doing nothing so obviously it doesnt bother her if we have many pallets on the floor after opening so whatever

#i mean i leave at 8 so idc sggdgdgd and childrens looked decent for once so i didnt feel rushed #marquilla #im so tired though so it's a low brain day meaning i do NOT want to take on big tasks like rearranging stuff for all new work but i #felt i had to with the one pallet bc i had grabbed it frol the back (The Dropper™️ was like you need this? :) and #i had said uhhh no bc i thought it was something we already had out and hes like well it says NEW meaning we have to put it out asap #so i said okay... and took it with me so i didnt wanna be like HEY HERES ANOTHER PALLET GOODBYE! IM GOING TO DO SOMETHING ELSE! bc thats #rude even if she doesnt do anything)#work talk

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n0ct0urn1quet · 2 years

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think i migght acactully drop out of school lmao i cannot do this shit anymore . i was fine a second ago but the thoughts got too strong and so now im Mad

#school doesnt start for another month and im already stressed and i just know that when school does start my mental health is just #going to rapidly decline and im gonna not have energy to do anything anymore n im sjut gonna fucking die #like if im being honest since i stopped going to school last year around like november/december my mental health has been Better #not good and not great but better than it is when im in school and i feel like that says a lot.#idc if dropping out means my entire family disowns me my moms already tired of me not going to school bc ive been struggling since #6th grade and its like. ok.#i might as well just not try #like ill be doing online school this year so not going back to public school but still dude i dont want to #i dont wanna do this shit for another 2 fucking eyars ive struggled enough already i cant Take It #i wanna fuckin move out so bad i dont wanna do this shit no more <3 #evereyones like 'oh i could never drop out of school id ruin my relatinship with my mom' n its like #ok well for me theres no relationship to ruin between us in the first place. she hates me and i hate her n thats just how its gonna be #she already is like ignorant when it comes to school n me being in school so why even fuckin bother this year right #seriously just considering dropping out i really dont wanna do this becauuse doing school is just going to take such a tolll on me and like #i just . dont wanna go through it! im done! the american education system can suck my dick.#i dont even think im gonna graduate at 18. i dont think im gonna graduate ever. i didnt finish 6th grade and completely skipped 7th #i pretty much failed 8th bc my grades went down bc i didnt go to school bc of the whole covid thing n i manually passed but that #doesnt count bc i was already skipping school n didnt do the online classes. i didnt finish 9th bc that was also during like the height of #the pandemic and 10th was just a disaster and on my last day i had pretty much an anxiety attack in my 4th period bc my teacher was #a fucking loser.#so. im just done! im fucking done.#not gonna graduate. oh well.

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ouchhq · 5 months

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venting :-) sorry

#sh tw !!#i am so tired of my mother #last time i saw my therapist i talked about how she drives me insane but still i feel so guilty for getting mad at her because i know she #has issues and literally can not reason but i get so frustrated and exhausted #she took like 9 days off of work to ‘take care of me’ (her words) after my surgery and i didnt ask her to do one thing all these days excep #help me make food and come up with stuff for me to eat bc of my diet rn and thats all #she has been doing her thing all these days like literally just sleeping on the couch and going out with her friends and going shopping and #only made me food herself once (1) in over a week #and i didnt say anything bc i know i cant say anything to her if i dont want to get her to start screaming but today i couldnt take it #i was painting all morning because i am extremely stressed and anxious to make a fucking portfolio to find some work and idk what they thin #i do in my room all day probably sleep but i dont !! im up until 1:30 am working every day even now despite having just had my jaw cut into #pieces and stitched back together #and she went out to the post office for me for a second and then spent the rest of the morning shopping and came back at 12 and had the #audacity to get mad because i hadnt made any food for myself or for anyone else yet #when i literally called her just minutes before to ask her instructions on how to prepare a certain soup for myself and she told me to wait #because she was gonna do it instead #like ???????#and when i told her i had been busy working all morning and that the whole point of her being home from work was that she said she was gonn #make stuff for me she started screaming like an insane person that i was accusing her and it wasnt fair and i was mean and rude and that sh #does EVERYTHING for me and im ungrateful #and when i say my stomach sinks to the floor every time i hear her yelling #it is ingrained into my brain #i have nightmares about her tantrums and her yelling #im so tired #and it always ends with me getting the urge to hurt myself and i want to cry but i cant because my face hurts when i cry and i am not #allowed to blow my nose bc of my surgery so im just here. swallowing all of this once again

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silhouettecrow · 6 months

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365 Days of Writing Prompts: Day 285

Adjective: Rebellious

Noun: Tissue

Definitions for those who need/want them:

Rebellious: showing a desire to resist authority, control, or convention; (of a person, city, or state) engaged in opposition or armed resistance to an established government or ruler; (of a thing) not easily handled or kept in place

Tissue: any of the distinct types of material of which animals or plants are made, consisting of specialized cells and their products; tissue paper; a disposable piece of absorbent paper, used especially as a handkerchief or for cleaning the skin; rich or fine material of a delicate or gauzy texture; an intricate structure or network made from a number of connected items