#she hates being apart from him :’(

[forestgreenlesbian]

.

#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad #we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic #was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though #it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything #also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't #tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer #both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first #time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been #making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said #i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly #implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me #bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication #we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked #& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol #which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't #even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around #a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins #literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww #am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely #concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know

[coulsonlives]

Omg, Dante Basco ships Zutara! My life is complete.

#EDIT: taking this from the zutara tag and locking bc some of y'all are NOT it. #this was never supposed to be a 'gotcha! see i told you your ships suck and mine rule! i have the VOICE ACTOR on my side!' post #i like most of the ships in this show. i'm just happy to learn at least one of the voice actors even ships something #like the amount of ppl who reblogged this to shit on other ships when i also ship those things.. i'm right here.. #have some common courtesy please i beg. because why are we acting like if you ship or post about zutara you have no other atla ships #and that you hate all those other ships #icb i just walked into all of that #ALSO apparently azula is totally irredeemable i guess? i didn't get that impression at ALL #she's a groomed child with clear mental health problems and idk if i can get behind her being irredeemable #doesn't have to be forgiveness but cmon. why are people so pressed about her coming to terms w her actions and finding adequate peace #can we just enjoy the show and not rip each other apart #anyways here are the og tags: #i'm watching the lwatla series with him #every time there's a kataang moment he says 'kataang!' too in a knowing way lol he knows all the ships before he's even seen the show #it's so funny #aang #katara #atla #atla aang #atla katara #avatar the last airbender #dante basco #shipping

[hypervoxel]

Enough discourse, I wanna post about headcanons

The Vees are a polycule to me, but in a way that I can't even explain without an entire slowburn fanfic (stay tuned. I'm a slow writer). But I will try.

Velvette:

I do adhere to the lesbian Velvette headcanon. She's dating Vox and still occasionally joins Valentino for a threesome with him. When she first joined the Vees, Velvette used to identify as bisexual (and still loves the bi flag colors the most) and all three of them used to date, before Velvette realized that she's a lesbian.

She and Vox are still dating, and they have an open relationship.

Vox:

Vox's response to Velvette coming out was, "So you're breaking up with Val?" Yes, his pronouns are he/him. No, he's not a man. He'd long shed the fleshy confines of humanity and gender along with it.

Vox is aspec, agender, autistic. To me. He's sex favorable of the 'I want to do it for my partner's enjoyment' flavor. Watching from cameras brings him just as much enjoyment, and he watches everything and everyone, living vicariously, a voyer through the screen. As a result of that, he's so so touched starved, but his sense of feeling is muted (the consequences of betraying flesh in favor of the machine). Soft touches to his synthetic skin don't really register, his sense of feeling restricted to mostly pressure and pain, so he's become a bit of a masochist in response because that's something physical.

Valentino:

He just likes sex. He chases pleasure in any form he can find, dopamine rushes from numerous drugs, orgasmic release, the rush of power from crushing someone underfoot. Anything and everything, he'll try it all. And none of it is really enough, so he'll never stop chasing more.

Valentino doesn't consider his relationship with Vox romantic, even if Vox totally does. They're friends, sure, business partners, absolutely, and fuckbuddies wherever Val is in the mood for it. But romance isn't Val's thing. That's hard work, and Val saves romancing for potential new hires he wants to sign a contract with. What Vox and he have is also written down on a contract, joining their businesses together too closely to be parted without blood, but it's not the same. Not to Val. So, he wouldn't call Vox his boyfriend, but he also wouldn't correct anyone who said they were. Vox is someone he can let his guard down with, one of the few people who would never want to get out of the contract their names are signed on. They work well together. That's better than any romance you can get in Hell, Val thinks.

Val and Velvette are catty besties. Pan/Lesbian solidarity and hostility all in one.

#the vees #hazbin hotel vees #hazbin hotel velvette #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin hotel valentino #okay i hate typing official tag. we're done here #not done with rambling in the tags tho #ace Vox vs Alastor having wildly different experiences with their sexuality so that even tho they are the same sexuality‚ #that only drives them further apart. is something that can be so meaningful #to me!! #also human Vox in my own little headcanon world had So Many body issues that becoming a TV was an improvement to him #but it's hell so he's still disconnected from his own body by the fact that his skin isn't flesh and doesn't feel #the nerves he came to hate have burned away and the fibre optics glowing inside of him are cold‚ unfeeling light #and now he would rather feel pain than feel nothing #he's rewired his sensors so that pain becomes pleasure - or as close to such that he can feel #velvette is the newest vee of course and she was dropped right in to Vox and Val's situationship #and she quickly found out that Vox doesn't just like watching - he also likes being watched. it was not shocking discovery #he likes her watching Val and him fuck‚ he likes Val watching her fuck him. #and he loves cuddling at the end. she loves it too. they can be so soft. i can make them be soft >:3 #so import to me that their relationships are so fucking toxic tho. they're soft and they're horrible <3 #Ace Vox

[the-most-pathetic-edge-marquis]

maría is a queen she’s an icon, she’s a traumatized teenage girl who lost her home and family twice and rose from the ashes as a ruthless general willing to do whatever it took to reclaim her home and get revenge. she’s manipulative, she’s deeply emotionally intelligent and vulnerable and kind, she’s an unapologetic villain, she’s the most morally righteous in the entire saga, she’s completely unhinged just for the fun of it, she’s the most coldly intelligent person imaginable, she’s in love with jasper, she’s using him for his power, she’s literally everything pLEASE

#maría my beloved #sorry i'm thinking about the terrifying possibility of her being in the tv show #& i'm losing it a little bit #bc i just KNOW #they would make her the villain!! #'blah blah she manipulated jasper she was so mean to him thank goodness alice saved him :(' NO #first of all. HE WAS IN HER HOUSE #secondly. #they are toxic codependent soulmates forged by war and then torn apart by it!!! #she loves him and he loves her and that's why they can't love each other!!! #he's the blade and she's the hand on the hilt and they're both covered in blood #and they both wanted it that way!!!!!!!!!!!!! #he was hungry for the war and she was forced into it and they both love it and they both hate it! #so they both love and hate each other! #they aren't mirrors. no. #they're two wildfires and when they meet it's blinding but also they're going to burn each other out that much faster #okay sorry i'll stop being unhinged now #& for the record i have a lot of love for maría separate from jasper #(in fact i only care abt jasper in the context of maría lmao) #but i KNOW the narrative only cares abt her in this context #& i'm currently spiraling abt bad interpretations of canon thanks

[enagismos]

if I don't see and hug my boyfriend soon I'm gonna kill everyone and then myself i miss him so much i'm going crazy

#my anxiety is through the roof this month and i just need to be HELD!!!! and to hold. #because with my graduation and my new shitty job and still looking for a better job and moving out of the dorm #and looking for a new apartment while not being slavic and keeping my moving in with my bf a secret from my mom #because she's traditional and she's gonna flip #and i HATE lying #it's just too much stress for my little body and I've never had to handle so much unknown shit before #and he's working too so we barely see each other now #so I need him to ground me or something because i feel like I'm losing my mind and doing absolutely everything wrong #also i love him terribly and haven't seen him for two weeks. that's also a thing

[dutybcrne]

Kaeya is definitely the sort of parent who prefers to sleep in the same bed as his baby.

#hc; kaeya #//Birthed that little nugget; like FUCK is he going to leave them out of arms reach #//Especially the first few days after the birth; he'd be SO anxious every time they've gotta be apart #//ESP considering the kinds of shit he gets up to; the last thing he wants if sb with a grudge getting em & him being too far to get there #//Takes a good long leave until they're able to be left with a sitter (gets Noelle to deliver him paperwork so he can still help) #//And even then; after leave’s up; prolly brings the baby in to work to have around for paperwork duty #//Might leave them to Noelle or Lisa if he HAS to head out; or might suck it up & make the trek to the Winery to ask Addie for help #//Gets a protective barrier between himself and the baby so he doesn't accidentally smother them & around the bed so they don't fall tf off #//Love the idea of him being like. Ahsoka’s mom in Star Wars; brings the baby along during patrols when they are old enough to handle it #//Deffo gets an earful from Addie the Instant she hears abt it #//Prolly teaches the kid self-defense Real early on like his dad did for him; too #//Makes Kae feel a little more reassured and comfortable giving them more space/time on their own the older they get #//V smotheringly protective at first; but gets better over time; esp if the kid wants to be more independent #//Or enough ppl tell him to let the kid be such. Knows they gotta fend for themself at some point but like #//He hated having to do so whenever his dad had to take care of things; & felt like he had to even at the Ragnvindr’s #//Never wants his kid to feel that #//Might end up parenting them the same way he does Klee with enough encouragement/time accepting this #//But the first couple years would be Rough #//Idk; brainrotting of Kae being a parent 🥺 #//Rotating the concept in my brain like a centrifuge jdbfbw #//Deffo would be easier on him overall if he had a partner/co-parent; he for a Fact would not mind having a kid without one #//Even with the stresses of it all

[buckttommy]

Going to preface this by saying that this post actually is not meant to be mean or slanderous toward Kristen so if that's your beat, go find someone else to share it with. But here's the thing: it is very clear to me that Kristen has profound respect for Buck and Eddie's dynamic. As friends. Multiple times, she's made it very clear that she views their relationship through a strictly platonic lens. She's even said, paraphrasing, that the will scene (for example) was drawn from her life since her mom (I think?) made her best friend her legal guardian at one point. Kristen very clearly respects who/what Buck and Eddie are to each other, and she treats the intimacy of their dynamic with the gravitas it deserves, but she seems very invested in keeping them platonic, so I don't really trust her to give us canon!buddie. Honestly, with the way she feels about Buddie as romantic partners, I'm not even sure I'd want her to give us canon!buddie.

Now, I know there's the added layer of misdirection; she's never going to come out-right and say Buck and Eddie are soulmates on a crash course to each other, and I get that. I wasn't born yesterday, I know how PR works. But I think it's also fair to reserve a hefty dose of doubt considering nothing in her speech has given any indication that she even likes the idea of Buck and Eddie together as romantic partners.

I'm happy to be wrong. Honestly, despite all appearances, I'm not even really saying I don't believe Buddie is going canon because, to me, that still seems like the logical conclusion to both of their stories. But with Kristen at the helm, if at one point I was 99.9% sure of canon!buddie, I now sit at a solid 50% sure. I'd love to see it, I still want to see it, and we still might see it... but I'm going to keep a big dose of doubt kept in my pocket just in case.

#jack.txt #An anon asked me a couple months ago what I thought the differences between Tim/KR's styles were and it's taken me all this time to piece #my thoughts together. In all honesty I still don't know if I can fully articulate my thoughts because they exist more as ideas than they do #as fully flushed out concepts but one thing I can say concretely is that - regardless of what other problems Tim might have - he knows how #to weave a story together expertly. When Tim tells a story - even if the narrative is fractured initially - he always manages to piece it #back together in a very cohesive way. #I don't see that same attention to detail in Kristen's writing. Which isn't even to say that her stories are bad! She *does* manage to #weave overarching plot points and details together but not with the same meticulous attention. I think that's the thing I miss most about #Tim's imprint on 9-1-1. He's so detail-oriented from the largest details to the smallest and it shows with how smoothly the story flows. #Another difference between Tim and Kristen's styles is that - because of Tim's attention to detail - he is able to weave seamlessly between #both lighthearted and heavy storylines. My guess is because - to him - both the light and the dark exist as part of the same story #(which - to be clear - it IS all part of the same story). #With Kristen there's an almost visible and palpable distinction between 'this is heavy' and 'this is light' with no unifying cohesion to #unite the two as being apart of the same story. #I know this must sound like I hate 6A; I don't. I really really don't. Every week with my weewoos and my firefam is a good week for me #and the criticisms I have this season do not even come close to outweighing the things I've enjoyed. #But as I sit here and reflect on Kristen and Tim as well as the direction of the show #(all of this before 6B airs of course) #this is where I am so far. #I love 9-1-1. I miss my blorbos. I'm ready for them to come back lol

[malikselfindulgence]

Morshid and Marek have a symbiotic relationship except instead of either of them gaining anything useful they r actively pouring toxic chemicals through the other's bloodstream

#they wouldn't survive without each other morshid's entire existence is a paradox #im here to take care of him but I have nothing but claws I can do nothing but hurt him #morshid has to convince himself this is for the best and he's fulfilling his purpose #marek loves morshid too much to call out his hypocrisy so they r just stuck in this loop #at least until morshid thinks critically about swk in terms of his own preception of himself and is like ohhhh my god #what the fuck am i doing #rudely awoken #they work on it ♡ wholesome family shenanigans [they almost tear each other apart] #thing about marek is he keeps saying he doesnt trust morshid and he hates him #he keeps saying morshid is being cruel and this isnt helping any of them #but she doesnt move from her spot . she doesn't try to stop any of it. she hopes and hopes and hopes against all odds #that this time will be different. she hopes that this wretched creature stuck in the past will change for her will grow soft for her #IM SO normal u guys ♡ morshid and marek my horrible terrible children #malik's rambles #ohidk why im not tagging these ocs i should actually wait #oc: Marek lmk #oc: Morshid lmk #shepherd duo

[toytulini]

i know doctor who has never been Perfect, and i love capaldi, i love twelve, but christ alive its a hard watch sometimes

#toy txt post #they just made him so egregiously and blatantly RACIST? like to the point where im like was this like? an on purpose characterization #choice that i just strongly disagree with? or like? is it a consequence of the writers trying to be less racist by including more #characters of color but failing by not checking their own implicit biases so now not only is the doctor racist but like. egregiously so bc #theres so many more opportunities for him to be racist? like just #and if youre sitting here like hes not!!! how dare you: pay attention to the difference in how he treats characters of color vs white chars #he hates soldiers. okay fine thats been fairly consistent. okay but 12 RLY hates them. he hates them so much he cant stand Claras bf Danny #who should be the doctors like ideal soldier bc he was a soldier who didnt want to be anymore and just wants to chill and do good in the #world and for ppl to be safe so hes just a nice math teacher and the doctor calls him stupid and treats him as if hes fucking rambo? but #the doctor is largely fine with: kate lethbridge stewart? hes fine with ogood who may not be a soldier in her own right but shes actively #participating in UNIT as a scientist in a way thats way more ~soldiery~ than anything Danny is doing? and like they clearly wanted that to #be a point of tension to point out the doctors hypocrisy of how the doctor is like a high ranking officer/general whatever #and like thats fine and fair to point out but it just sucks that they do all that and dont seem ti realize how fuckijg racist they wrote #him? he was fucking besties with winston goddamn churchill but he refuses whatshername. journey blue? as a companion bc #shes a soldier. well bro you could make her not a soldier by removing her from the fucking battlefield maybe instead of getting morally #outraged about it? not to mention noticing how when he goes from '900 yrs of space and time and ive never met anyone who wasnt important' #wandering around being fine with UNIT apparently declaring him dictator of earth in emergencies (HELLO?) but dont worry he'll let us know #he disapproves by picking some random UNIT guy to be a really condescending asshole to. pay no attention to the fact that this UNIT #guy happens to be another character of color. ~the 12th doctor is too faceblind you cant call him racist~ well for a guy who cant tell #humans apart from sontarans his accidentaly racism beam is off the charts. its crazy. god #god i wish he'd gotten written better than this #when they do write him good they write him good. but godddddddd its so #doctor who

[wraithsoutlaws]

been thinking about the neglected section of dagger's lore after he leaves the bakkers as a teen and winds up in a smuggler outfit and aaaa for so long i couldn't grasp details of it all but now its flooding in and its coming together :ratscream:

#like. imagining this very old school set of self-reliant outlaws #they have a hq base on a farm where they grow their own food and even have horses (rare and stolen ofc) #very low-tech #the leader was originally a man but gd that was stupid it's obviously gotta be a big buff old badass lady #dagger would never willingly take orders from a dude (daddy issues) and thats a big reason he hates being in the clan #but he would look at this woman and what she does with a little bit of awe and a lot of respect #and the farm brings back nostalgia from his childhood even though so much of it was bad its something he subconciously longs for. some kind #of stability. and he knows how to work because of it and that puts him in good graces right off the bat #he's used to being low tech its natural for him #and this is where he starts his love of knives #guns are a hassle they rely on ammo they're heavy and bulky and hackable but knives are pure fight and skill #and so visceral. and he learns how to fight and has a love affair with close combat and pain and blood and sweat and dirt #but it starts to corrupt him a little bit. he cares less about the jobs and more about causing pain and feeling pain #so it falls apart of course but its a very integral part of his life

[airenyah]

ok so today i had my first thai class after a really long christmas break and somehow andreas gabalier (an austrian folk singer) and his music came up. and i don't remember what exactly my teacher said but he made a comment along the lines of "andreas gabalier is considered a standard good looking dude here in austria, right?" (my teacher is from thailand, so he wasn't sure about austrian people's preferences)

and his question was met with complete silence, because the thing is... our class consists of 3 middle aged guys plus one more guy in his early 30s. and then there's me. the only girl

and since no one answered the question about andreas gabalier's looks, our teacher then addressed me directly and following conversation ensued:

teacher: "[airenyah]?" me: (feeling slightly shy and embarrassed) ".....i don't know what andreas gabalier looks like 🙈" everyone: (breaks out in laughter) middle-aged classmate: (highly amused) "i suspect he's not your type..." (me: "oh 🙈") "you're not missing out on anything :D"

i really like my teacher but god, let me live. don't put me on the spot like that 😩😩😩

#i hate when people ask me my opinion on somebody's looks #esp if that somebody in question is an older dude (as in significantly older than me. doesn't have to be ''old'' in reality) #idk!!! the person looks normal to me!!! person-shaped!!! idk‚ what do you want from me!!! i'm too asexual for this conversation!!! #we're not super close in this class (it's online which doesn't help with that either) so no one actually knows shit about my sexuality #and idk if my teacher put me on the spot for heteronormative reasons bc i'm the only girl in class #or bc he trusts my opinion (technically i could be considered an expert in austrian culture‚ i have a BA for that now lol) #but somehow my classmate's comment felt really reassuring to me somehow #i have no idea what made him think that that singer wouldn't be my type (maybe the age difference??) but like #so true man. so true. you don't even know #what even IS my type #airenyah plappert #stories from my thai class #also yeah everyone was laughing but it wasn't mean-spirited like. they weren't laughing AT me #i think my comment was just funny to them bc they probably weren't expecting it and so maybe they were surprised #or maybe bc i'm also the youngest in the group so maybe in their heads they were going ''aw she's too young to know andreas gabalier'' #(i mean i WAS very much aware of him‚ i just never cared about him and his music and so i didn't care to know about his appearance) #the guys were laughing very amusedly while i was just sitting there like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ lmao (i too was amused when they laughed tho) #anyway i have since looked up andreas gabalier's face and he is literally just some dude to me #i do hate his hairstyle tho. it looks greasy with gel ewww #but yeah apart from that my opinion on his looks is that he looks like an ordinary human being idk #nothing good and nothing bad about it #(except yeah. the hair gel maybe. maybe that IS bad actually)

[lxclerc]

idk about you guys but i personally love charlotte. that's my homie, that's my girl. i love her and you will never see me say a bad thing about her. i'm as in love with her as i am with charles

#she gets so much hate and for what? #has charlotte even done anything that warrants hate? #apart from yk dating charles #same goes for isa #lmk if shes actually done anything problematic bc im pretty sure she's just chilling loving on her bf #and yk what if i was dating charles #id flex him too #charlotte sines #charles leclerc #chacha my beloved #being bi means having a crush on the driver AND their girlfriend

[solomon-tozer]

.

#it was my birthday yesterday #and it was not very nice lol #hardly anyone remembered and said anything #first time in my life not getting a card from my uncle too #my mother also didn't bother to send or leave me a card which... well okay i guess #she has everyone's birthday in her calendar apart from mine and her own (she detests her birthday) #my dad didn't get me anything either but he did buy some food to bbq and spend a few hours with me so that's okay #then i was just gonna chill on my own at home with the cats but my ex fucked that up ofc #then got mad at me for being upset and crying #so yeah yet to have a birthday where i don't end up in tears :') #i hate this so much i want a do-over #i cherish the things i did get i need to see if i can print one of them so i can gaze lovingly at it #but ugh when a server i've been in for over 10 years doesn't even remember... hurts kinda #i don't feel worth much to anyone at all #rhubarb crumbles #i have not been okay lately (well for a while) lol #i also wish i knew what was going on with my uncle #it's been a good few days and my dad hasn't heard anything back #no one's got in touch with him with news either #but my dad said he sounded really bad and - for the first time ever - scared #i don't like not knowing #anyway gonna curl up bc i'm cold and haven't got anything to eat so it's all fun and games #might watch more terror i was doing an armitage watch #which is just watching all the episodes he's in

[pzos-amiserableidiot]

was watching tiktok and a video had the song michael in the bathroom playing and I was vicerally reminded of being in middle and high school and mom always mentioning how much I looked like my dad (his name is michael) and how I slowly was able to start noticing it too and whenever I sang the song it reminded me of him and I felt like we were overlapping too often felt like id never be anyone but a shadow or his mirror and then i began learning i was trans and now the song makes me think of him even more (he’s not a bad dad he tells me he’s proud of me and stuff there’s just two really big moments he unknowingly failed and one long continuous one but he loves me and he’s proud and he supports me and he didn’t mean it and ive learned to make that enough) and the weird flashback I got when I heard that song and overlapping with his face and how if I transitioned I almost fear I’d be his clone and yeah Anywyas banger song

#the moments were that time he told me how he used to want something to be wrong with him and he’d cut himself to try and prove something was #and he showed me his incredibly faint scars and this was after I told them I was depressed and his solution was to tell me he faked it???? #and didn’t even see anything wrong or worrying that he’d cut himself or was self destructive or wished something was wrong so he’d have #something to blame for being the way he was and like DAD THATS DEPRESSION but I was too numb and shocked and felt so so so betrayed becuase #it felt mocking at the time like his way of comforting me. his child. was to fucking show me his scars and be like I faked it so I know #it’s real and sorry I don’t understand WTF DAD #Other time was when he gave me his phone to play Pokémon go and I betrayed his trust (he didn’t like anyone going through his phone) and #went looking through and found Grindr and saw some shirtless photos and people messaging before I left #dad had a shirtlesss photo on there. and I had to pretend everything was fine and erase the evidence and give the phone back and help look #for furniture for our new house and never tell mom cause she’s been through so much already (I really shouldn’t have known I wasn’t her #therapist but this is about daddy issues right now not the mommy ones) so anyways I never told him and years later he told me his friends #signed him up for Grindr as a prank and to make friends and that’s why he thinks someone from his work I pranking him by signing him up #for a gay furry dating site and yet I saw him on his bed sometimes messaging people and yeah #oh and the long continous one was not divorcing mom and defending her saying she loves us when she rejected me and my sister for being trans #and being gone for most of my childhood working and never understanding the fucked up dynamic of home that took place and resenting him for #ruining the perfect routine (sharp words scary feelings always wanting to cry) #anyways michael in the bathroom always gives me weird feelings #cause I hate and love my dad and I looked up to him so much and loooking like him would’ve been a dream but sometiems the wrongs he did #come back haunt my thoughts and I want to scratch and tear apart every feature that makes me look like him. I look nothing like my mom so #there’s nothing physical to tear apart (I just act like her sometimes and have to force myself not the throw up and attack myself from the #disgust)

[sleeperagentclone]

Anyway, can't stop think about Fig and Gorgug being childhood friends

#Fantasy High #Fig Faeth #Gorgug Thistlespring #Like they met in elementary school and they're like best friends but they start to drift apart a bit as they get older #Like they're still friends into middle school they just don't hangout as much #Like that's where you really start to get cliches and I know I personally got insanely insecure and introverted around that age #So Fig is hanging out with the popular preppy girls and Gorgug is struggling with feeling really unsure of himself and like he doesn't #Belong so he is DEFINITELY not friends with Fig's friends #But then Fig's horns come in and Gorgug sees that all of her other friends stop hanging out with her #And he's worried about his friend so he goes and tries to talk to her #But she's confused and hurt and angry and lashes out at him because she's lashing out at everyone #And Gorgug walks away from that thinking that Fig hates him and Fig just starts pushing everyone away #And they both spend the next year? alone at a time when they really need each other #And then they both start high school #And Fig is a little less angry at the world in general having channeled it into being a cool ass rocker chick #And she feels like absolute shit pushing Gorgug away but she can't just say that #She can't just apologize and ask to be friends again #So she starts taking barbarian classes and acting like they already are friends #And the drumsticks are her way of communicating that she's sorry and that she cares about him #Y'know? #I'm watching The Forest of the Nightmare King and it would hurt so fucking much if Baby Fig could leverage Fig lashing out at Gorgug

[kinnoth]

This is all to say that Thor was never Odin's first choice for anything, born as he was under Hela's shadow, born as he was to the purpose of replacing her, born as he was to the fact that Odin did not want her replaced in the first place and it was only bc Hela's ambition outstripped Odin's caution that he had to put her down

That is to say that Odin was always going to be disappointed in Thor, never mind the fact that he was also an anxious and sensitive child, who cried easily and was afraid of things like ghost stories and the dark. He was strongly built, bigger than his peers, and though he always won easily at sport and play, one could easily see how he held back.

(Hela never held back; Hela hurt her fellow children for sport and profit.)

And that's not even touching on the fact that he was always fussing after that Jotun foundling, tending to it and shielding it and mothering it.

By the time Thor met his father for the first time, face to face, he was 8 and Odin had already spent those years nursing his prejudices against him, and there was nothing Thor could do by then to make it up to him.

Anyway this is getting off topic, bc the thing I wanted to talk about is the fact that had Thor and Loki not been the unaccountably, inseparably, soul-bondedness kind of close as they were, they would have had to have been at each other's throats their whole lives. "There are no second princes on Asgard" is an adage that gets thrown around a lot (by me) and it means exactly that: had they not been the sort of unnatural closeness that they were, one of them would had to have killed the other in order to secure his place as heir. It is the way things are done; it is how things have to be.

(I think that this accounts for Thor's complete calm and acceptance when Loki sends the destroyer to Midgard after him in thor1. It has always been Loki's right to kill him in order to claim the throne; it has always his right to kill Loki if he'd ever thought it necessary. But he never did, and he never thought those old rights would have to be invoked between the two of them, but he's always known about them. They both have. It is simply the way things are)

#this is another meta i have in drafts and never finished but #when Odin took Loki it was Frigga who raised the loudest protest #yes it is all well and good for Odin to make all the dynastic plans he wants to make #but a) she doesn't want her son taking some jotun savage for a bride #b) even if she did what's to stop the both of them from growing up and hating each other #and c) the giants are supposedly matched at birth to their fated mates. what is Odin going to do to subvert the will of fate? #Odin of course takes the most literal and mechanical solution to the problem and physically beats their souls into one #so that they cannot be separated by anyone or anything - be that the will of fate or that of his wife #unfortunately this causes some unintended consequences #thor and loki literally cannot be separated #as babies they would scream until they made themselves sick unless they were put in the same crib #they had no interest in anything outside of one another and refused to engage with other stimuli #the only way frigga can wrest her son back from the effects of the soul bond is by magically sedating him for hours then days at a time #to try and acclimate them to being apart #it's better by the time they can walk and talk but then it's still difficult #there's less screaming and sick but now it's a deep-seated and constant anxiety #they ask for each other and then when it's made clear that they have to spend time apart they ask after each other #loki gets sick and thor is consumed with the possibility that they'll never see each other again #thor has to leave the allmother's garden with the other boys and loki forcibly changes his sex so that he can go with him #it's a lifetime of this even as one concession to growing up after another puts another measure of distance between them #i just need y'all to understand when i talk about how their unresolved feelings had ''deformed'' them its bc its 1000 years of this shit #internal thor tag #who's enjoying all this background meta for fic that doesn't even exist yet #odin worst-dad