#she hates therapy so much it’s almost funny

[stxrvel]

the outbreak pt. 2

summary: you've kinda been into therapy and turns out it worked?

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

words: +4k

warnings: nothing really, i think. this is actually kinda fluffly. i was in a good mood.

note: i didn't planned on publishing the second part so soon, but i had a lot of free time and a mind running wild. still didn't liked that much how this chapter turned out tho. hoping i could make another part to see what happened to my girl wanda! see you guys in the next fic, love yall. the feedback is always appreciated! thank u for reading.

(if a part 3 never appears, just know this is an open ending)

part 1, extra: 1.5

“So, how've you been doing these past few weeks?”

“You don't have to make small talk to me, Natasha. I enjoy the silence.”

“I ask genuinely. I barely even see you in the halls of the Complex. We only really talk on missions and we've had three since that happened.”

“Don't worry about me.”

“I just want to know how you're doing.”

You turned your head to look at the woman sitting next to you. The uncomfortable leather chair you two were in did nothing to appease the constant headache you'd been having these past few days. Natasha watched you with an arched eyebrow and her hands in her lap. You knew she was right, everyone was always right when it came to you. Apparently Bucky was right when he said everyone knew but you, and that spectrum extended to everyone always seemed to know how you were doing if only by the movement of your eyelids.

That's why you had begun to avoid people.

You spent more time in your room and in the Complex gym, doing research assignments for Fury that involved leaving the building, the three missions with Natasha (fully mandatory and against your will) and sometimes in the lab with Bruce when he needed someone to hold his canisters full of chemical liquids.

Fury and Bruce were the only people you tolerated lately. No funny looks, no awkward questions, no innuendo; just what they needed and goodbye.

But, that time, you did have to go out with Natasha. You weren't given the option to come on your own and it was understandable. A little bit. Even though you were trying to make amends for what you had done, not only on the mission a few months ago but also for what you had done to yourself for years, you didn't know that recovery meant you had to have a watcher on you at all times.

And what's worse, that watchman came with a bird.

“I'm fine, Nat,” you replied to her liking finally.

A short laugh from across the room caught your attention.

“Tell that to the tantrum you threw Fury so we wouldn't come with you.”

You gave Clint Barton a hard look, almost lying on the other longer couch as if he were admiring the earth from a cloud. He had one arm over his eyes which he had raised slightly to give you a mocking look, and one leg bent so that his foot was on the couch.

“I didn't throw a tantrum.”

“Fury, please, I know how to take care of myself. I don't need two bodyguards behind me all day. I'm fully capable of getting there and back on my own.”

Clint's poor imitation of your voice caused you an undercurrent of irritation, but you easily made the decision not to let it come out against him. It turns out that sometimes you could just shut up instead of exploding against others, crazy, right?

“First, I don't talk like that.”

“That's right. Lousy imitation, Clint,” Natasha had your back.

“Second, I only asked him once to let me come alone. I didn't beg him like a fool.”

“Sam told me otherwise,” Clint countered and you frowned. You felt the smile on his mouth.

“Sam's an idiot.”

“Sam's on Bucky's side,” Natasha mused.

And then, an awkward silence.

That was something you hated and still couldn't get used to. When people would say Bucky's name around you, the atmosphere would get strangely tense and suddenly everyone would go silent. It felt strange at first, but when Wanda did it you understood what was going on.

“Stop doing that,” you grumbled with a grimace. “I'm not fucking marble. I'm not going to crack from hearing his name.”

“We didn't say anything,” Natasha spoke again, her innocent little dove expression getting on your nerves.

Count to ten, Y/N, don't forget…

“You guys always go silent after you say his name like he's going to spontaneously explode. We're adults, you know? There are things to get over.”

“Wow,” you heard Clint mutter.

“Shut up, bird.”

Clint made a negative, game-like sound when you gave an incorrect answer.

“Three points off. Natasha and Clint are in the lead,” the man snorted as he rose from his position on the couch. You couldn't do more than give him another look, waiting for him to evaporate into thin air.

Natasha stirred next to you looking around at her surroundings, the dark colors of the room almost absorbing all the natural light coming through the few windows that were in the building.

“You haven't talked to him yet?”

“No.”

“Do you plan to?”

“I don't know. Maybe not.”

“Why?” Clint inquired, suddenly more interested in the subject.

“Because I don't feel like I give a s-”

Clint made the sound again.

“Two points off.”

“Clint,” Natasha reproached him with her tone of voice and the aforementioned only flashed her a smile. “It's been several weeks since you were last together. And you've had a lot of improvement-”

“That's debatable.”

“… don't you feel ready to talk to him?” Natasha questioned, completely ignoring Clint's intrusion into the conversation, again.

“I really don't know,” you admitted. “She told me I'm on the right track too, but just the thought of seeing him again after all those things he said… that I said…”

You sighed. Your gaze focused on the dark floor, a bluish-green hidden behind a black carpet with red, the most horrible carpet you had ever seen in your life.

“It scares me. I don't think I can do it.”

The woman let out an affirmative sound from her throat and the room became silent once again.

You almost let your mind begin to wander into memories, conjuring up the times when you felt like you were on top of the world when you were really about to hit rock bottom. But you quickly focused on where you were and what you were going to do there.

You were going to pick up Wanda. You had wanted to do it alone because it had been several weeks since you had last seen her. The last thing you told her was that you were going on another mission with Bucky and that you hoped it wouldn't end as badly as the argument you had that half the building heard. After that, she left.

She had made the decision to come and talk to Stephen Strange and had told you a few days before you left on what would be your last (official) field mission. She left the Complex the day after you left and all you had heard from her since then was that she was fine, that Strange hadn't locked her in a dungeon and that she was learning many things about her magic, especially how to control it to have power in things like her dreams. You still didn't know what those lucid dreams she had been having for a while had been due to, but judging from the letter you had received yesterday where she asked you to go to the Sanctum Sanctorum, it looked like she had gotten some kind of response.

When you told Fury what you were going to do, he didn't hesitate for a second to say that he would ask the Wonder Duo to accompany you. Clearly you balked, not as many times as Sam and Clint implied, but you didn't expose any more complaints to the Director's authoritative voice.

So, there you three were. Waiting for the wizards to appear from somewhere as you waited in one of the most horribly decorated rooms you'd ever seen.

“Sorry for the delay.”

The new male voice that echoed in the room startled you. You cringed and turned your head every which way until you came upon Strange's figure standing at the entrance to the room, not far from where you three were standing. Natasha and Clint remained unperturbed and you suppressed your desire to complain about the intrusion. You were the only one who hadn't heard him coming, apparently.

“Y/N!” you heard Wanda's voice.

You shot up from the uncomfortable couch the moment you saw her emerge from behind Strange's body. Quickly, you met halfway and melted into a big hug. You shifted from side to side trying to keep your strength and tears held back because of how much you had missed her.

“You look great!” was what she said to you the moment you parted.

“Don't lie to her, Wanda,” Clint exclaimed, and shortly you heard Natasha hiss in his direction.

“I've had better days.”

“I can't believe the day is here already! You have to tell me everything. What happened on the mission? What happened with Bucky?”

Again, the unpleasant silence.

“Why are you two making those faces?”

Wanda was watching the Wonder Duo right behind you and you couldn't help but let out a big exhale.

You turned to look at the only person who really gave a damn about your life.

“Thanks for everything, Strange.”

The man nodded in your direction. “It was my pleasure. Hopefully everything will be better from now on.”

Wanda waved goodbye to him as you turned around and pointed the other two people in the room toward the exit.

The other goodbyes were short and you were soon finding yourselves exiting through one of the portals opened by Strange, where you met the entrance to the Complex head on.

“Ah, magic. It makes life so much simpler,” Clint commented before starting to walk in the direction of the common room.

Natasha had the decency to bid you farewell and followed the bird's path at a tight pace.

“I thought they were going to join us,” Wanda mused, watching their figures walk away.

“No, they were just my nannies.”

“Nannies?” you saw her frown.

You watched the grimace on her face and almost have the urge to ask Sam to come give her a rundown of what had happened in the last few weeks since that last mission, but you mentally pulled back and offered a small smile to the confused woman in front of you.

“We have a lot to talk about.”

---

“Have you eaten today?”

The haze that clouded your mind slowly disappeared, your head barely registering the movements your body made to stay conscious. The soles of your shoes were too hard for your liking and you'd had to go sit down while you waited for Wanda to return. You didn't know how long it had been since that, but it seemed to be long enough for Steve Rogers to approach the cafeteria table where you were sitting with a tray containing the day's food.

“You look like you could use some of this.”

The blond gently pushed the tray until it was on your side of the table, and the smell of beef stew didn't take long to reach your lungs. It smelled good, to be honest. You looked down at the food and moved your hands to grab the silverware.

“Thank you.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I'm just waiting for Wanda. She went to talk to Fury.”

“I saw her coming in. She said she had a lot of things to tell.”

“She told me exactly the same thing.”

“And did you get to talk about anything before she left?”

You glanced at the fork in your left hand before looking up and meeting Steve's unconcerned face. You had learned very quickly that it wasn't too hard to get to know the captain in your position as opposed to how unreachable he looked to the rest of the population. He was a rough and tough man, but he would do things like bring lunch to a female shipmate who had a blank stare and sit down and try to chat with her.

He was good. Steve was good.

But he wasn't sneaky.

“If you want to know the verdict, talk to Strange. He's a close friend of Tony's.”

The man only sighed, his shoulders slumping in time with his breathing as if he'd been in alert mode all day.

“I didn't mean to sound so…. opportunistic.”

You rolled your eyes.

“You didn't sound opportunistic, Steve, you're just bad at trying to hide your curiosity,” you expressed with a small smile, but the man didn't look convinced by your words. “She's fine. She looks fine. She sounds fine. Whatever they had done, talked about or practiced, it surely paid off. I don't think you have anything to worry about.”

“She looked really scared before she left. You didn't see her. She asked me several times to communicate with you because she didn't know if it was a good idea to do that anymore.”

“She asked you that?”

“Yes. But the mission was very delicate, we couldn't risk it.”

You nodded in your direction, your gaze wandering back over the food.

“I just want her to be okay,” Steve mumbled and you almost missed the way his face contracted. His blue eyes found yours. “She's been through too much throughout her life and now this. It's like a joke of the universe.”

“She'll be fine. She has us. If she needs strength, she'll have plenty.”

Steve smiled, and then you took your first bite of beef stew.

You grimaced.

The blond frowned.

“Was the smell better than the taste, again?”

You nodded with your mouth full. Your hands went to the glass of water in the corner of the tray and you didn't hesitate to down the meat with all the liquid in it. You were almost never lucky enough to taste good lunches in that cafeteria.

“FRIDAY,” you heard Steve say.

“Yes, Captain.”

“Can you order a 12-inch tuna Subway on whole wheat bread with all the vegetables except the bell peppers and olives, please.”

“Right away, Captain.”

“That wasn't necessary,” you turned to the man as his gaze focused on yours.

“You can't go without eating.”

“I would have been able to place the order.”

“Mmm, really?”

“Of course! Do you think I waste the opportunity to spend Tony's money every chance I get? Even, I would have ordered more.”

“Oh, seriously?” Steve had a mischievous grin on his face and you furrowed your brow at his strange expression. “FRIDAY, make it three.”

You half-opened your lips.

“Sure thing, Captain.”

“Are you out of your mind?”

“What's with the attitude? It's Tony's money, isn't it?”

You hadn't heard that kind of boldness from Steve very often, and when it happened it was a complete event to witness. The man was a stickler, everyone knew him that way. He didn't understand the word rest and most of his free moments were only used to keep reconsidering attack strategies. Steve wasn't one to let loose and go with the flow very often, but when he did it was something to be enjoyed.

“You know he doesn't mind, right?”

And the moment was over.

“No? I thought he still hated me from lying to him about the book.”

“Uhm…” Steve fumbled over his words and you were amused at the way his features scrunched up. “He doesn't hate you. He was just angry. Besides, it's been a long time, he probably doesn't even remember that.”

“I think he's going to remember that until he dies.”

“Steve.”

You froze in place.

Abort mission. Abort mission. 911. Mayday, mayday, mayday.

Steve looked over your shoulder and then back up at you, your eyes on the embroidery of his brown jacket. You tried to keep your expression composed and sent him a smile of assurance that even you couldn't believe. But you couldn't do anything else. You couldn't break down at that moment. Besides, he would most likely ask the blonde to come with him and Steve would go. You wouldn't really have to deal with anything.

“He's really coming,” you heard Steve mutter in your direction.

Your face scrunched up in confusion, and you watched his expression of poorly disguised panic. You had told Steve only once, days ago, that you weren't ready to talk to Bucky at all. And, apparently, he had made it his problem too.

“Are you busy?”

You heard Bucky so close that a shiver ran through your body. It had been weeks since you'd last heard his voice. On that mission.

“No, I was just talking to-”

“Captain.”

But what was this, the all-call-Steve-at-once festival?

You sank back in your seat when you recognized the Director's voice. If he was there, it meant Wanda must be coming with him, and judging by the contractions in Steve's face, going from confused to incredulous to dumbfounded to flushed, your friend was most likely waving him out of there.

“A word, please,” Fury spoke again, and Steve barely let a second pass before he sprung out of his chair like a spring. He gave you a look and you could almost see the apology written in his eyes.

“Buck, I'm sorry- I mean, wait here for me.”

“What?”

“I won't be late, I promise.”

“I can wait for you in the living room…”

“No,” Steve contradicted him sharply. You caught a glimpse of his stiff expression out of the corner of your eye. “Wait for me here, can you?”

You didn't hear an answer, but you guessed it was positive when you saw Steve's face a little more relaxed. He looked back at you and barely gave you a nod before he started walking toward the exit. You turned in your seat to see him, and barely caught a glimpse of Wanda's triumphant face before she hid behind the back of a naive Fury as she saw your gaze on hers.

That woman really had no idea…

The chair Steve was occupying shifted and Bucky appeared in your field of vision. He was looking anywhere in the cafeteria before he was looking at you. And well, that was good, it gave you time to analyze what you had missed in those weeks without any communication.

He clearly looked calmer. Even though you two were forcibly put in an uncomfortable situation, he didn't seem to mind too much. He looked a little tense, you could barely make out a twitch in his jaw, but other than that he was pretty relaxed.

You didn't know how to interpret that.

The last time you had thought about seeing Bucky again (which was that very morning when Natasha brought it up) you thought that one of you would run away without even a second's notice. It seemed that the only one too scared about that reunion was you. Surely Bucky hadn't thought about it for a single moment since the last time you were face to face.

And his hair. He had cut his hair much shorter than last time. Its ends were directed to the ceiling and you could no longer mess it up if you ran your hands through it. It would rearrange itself in seconds. His eyes were still the same, clear and bright as the clear sky, his expression just as stoic and unperturbed, his body leaning slightly to one side with his hands clasped in his lap. Almost everything about him remained the same except for his hair.

And except he couldn't look you in the eye.

You looked down where the tray with the stew was still intact. You didn't have anything else to distract you with so you grabbed a vegetable and popped it in your mouth.

Turning your head away, you missed Bucky's gaze on your face analyzing the grimace of disgust you were trying to hide.

You swallowed hard and grabbed the water bottle so that it almost slipped through your hands. It was empty.

You almost threw up on yourself.

“Are you okay?”

You met his gaze and froze. His wary eyes were on your face.

“Yeah.”

“Doesn't look like that food is good.”

“Because it isn't.”

You shook your head and pushed the tray away from your personal space once and for all.

“Why don't you order something else?”

“Steve already ordered me something.”

“Oh.”

And silence.

You usually enjoyed the quiet moments, when no sound flooded the surroundings other than your own breathing and the ramblings in your head. You could really enjoy your solitude and the quiet it brought with it. But this silence didn't come with solitude, it came with tension, strain, uncertainty.

You didn't know if you felt you should say something or if you felt you should run away. If you stayed you didn't know what to say to him and if you left you didn't know under what excuse.

Bucky's light eyes met yours again after wandering his gaze for a while around the room.

“Wanda's back,” was what he said.

You nodded.

“We came with her this morning.”

“Yes, Steve told me.”

“We don't have to do this, you know.”

His neutral expression turned chaotic for a moment. Then he went back to being unflappable as if nothing.

“We don't have to do what?”

“This. Talk like it's nothing. It's awkward.”

“Ah. You find it awkward?”

You furrowed your brow at his genuine curiosity. For a moment you thought he was being sarcastic, but his eyes detailed your expression intently, waiting for an answer.

“Don't you?”

“Why should I?”

“Can you stop answering with questions, please.”

Bucky averted his gaze. He repeatedly ran his hands over his jeans.

“I'm sorry. If it makes you uncomfortable I'll keep quiet.”

“Still, you don't answer my question.”

“It's not awkward for me,” he finally said, his slightly tilted head pointed in your direction. “It's just normal small talk. Between two people.”

You hummed a nod and your head moved in sync.

“It's easier for you to pretend nothing happened.”

Bucky shook his head, attentive. He narrowed his eyes and it didn't go unnoticed the way you tensed your shoulders as the words left your mouth.

“I never said that.”

“It's just what I can glimpse.”

“What you think you see is not true. I'm not trying to feign insanity.”

“Oh, yeah. I forgot you're an expert at knowing what I think,” the words left you before you could process them and give them the proper filter, and you were sure Bucky had noticed the way your composure wavered for barely a second. If he had, he chose to ignore it.

You saw him twist his lips and lower his gaze, as if he suddenly felt distressed even though he wasn't the one who should be worried about something like that.

“You're angry.”

“And why would I be, according to you?”

“Maybe you were expecting a different reaction from me. You don't like what I'm giving you.”

You let out a laugh. “I never thought arrogant was your type.”

Bucky took in your gesture and mimicked it. Seeing a smile on his face after so long brought back images you thought you had sent far out into the ocean of your mind. Maybe you didn't feel your heart racing as it had so many times before, but you definitely felt something different from the fear and dismay that normally accompanied his memory. Even though you didn't want to accept it, you couldn't help but stretch a little towards that new sensation.

“I was joking. I have no idea why you're mad.”

The small smile on your face disappeared, and you allowed your head to wander down the paths of self-healing and self-improvement. Perhaps it was situations like these that your therapist always referred to. Stealthy confrontations that you usually used to avoid like rain, were the perfect moments to divulge a kind of self-reflection and improvement. To, perhaps, make known the emotions and thoughts you used to suppress and keep to yourself, the reason you had ended up that way to begin with. That was supposed to be what people normally did, to talk about their feelings…

So you just let it out.

“I'm not angry. I think I feel… embarrassed.”

“Embarrassed about what?” Bucky cocked his head to one side, his eyes scrutinizing your face as if trying to figure out if you were being serious or not.

“For confronting you.”

“Me?”

“Yes, Bucky. Here's to having you face me and confirming once again that you were right,” you rolled your eyes and took the moment to look anywhere in the cafeteria but into the blue eyes that wouldn't leave yours. “You were always right, I guess. No one else stood up to me like you did and I still lied to you looking you in the eye, wouldn't you feel the same way?”

The movement he made as he shrugged his shoulders drew your gaze, and met you with such a frightening familiarity that you felt old memories and feelings creeping up from the back of your mind to return to the surface. His calm gaze and tension-free body was what you had always been used to, and at that moment it was what you were seeing.

You didn't know how much you missed him until you saw it again.

“It's possible, yes.”

“The point is, knowing that doesn't make it any less complicated. In fact, it's a little harder to cope with. Being aware of the embarrassment… makes you more embarrassed.”

Bucky let out a short laugh. Your gaze didn't leave the way his corners turned up and then how his shoulders moved and his chest contracted in sync with that laugh. You hadn't noticed until that moment the change in the atmosphere around the two of you, much lighter and cozier, not at all hostile and toxic compared to the last few times you were together after the argument.

Mmm, maybe you were liking all that stuff about therapy. To be honest, up until that point you had discerned very few results, although some were quite important. Like, for example, you were able to keep your mind clear of self-destructive thoughts for longer, or that you could look at your past actions and reflect on them, determining clearly what things you were doing wrong and why it was wrong to do them. And there were many, many of them. Not just with the people around you, but more so with yourself.

However, in that moment, having Bucky in front of you and having been able to not only carry on a conversation for more than a minute with him, but also having been able to admit to him how you had felt and show true regret for what happened, you were able to understand that the change was much bigger than you had initially sized it up to be.

“It's serious. It complicates the process for me. That's why I didn't want to see you.”

He nodded without wiping the smile off his face. You could sense the understanding emanating through his gaze and, by the way he straightened his body, you knew he was going to give voice to the thoughts going through his head. Bucky usually kept his opinion of people to himself, he wasn't one to go around highlighting qualities in others unless he was asked or it was necessary for him to say so. Because of this, you could learn to tell when he was going to keep quiet about it and when he was willing to let it all out.

“Still, if it makes you feel any better, I can see you've come too far. Six months ago you wouldn't have said that to my face. I probably would have heard it from Sam who heard it from Clint when he eavesdropped on some conversation of yours with Wanda.”

You were really glad about what he just said, but…. what the fuck?

“Clint eavesdrops on our conversations?”

Bucky went blank. His features froze and the tension emanating from his body enveloped you both.

“Well… I only heard it once. Clint had said he'd upgraded the device for his hearing and was hearing three times as many things as he should. Among those things, he could hear you talking to Wanda in the next room.”

“I don't believe it.”

“There's nothing to tell you for sure that he did it again.”

“And how long ago was that?”

“Mmm, two years, I think.”

“Did he ever say anything to you?”

Bucky didn't answer for a few seconds, his gaze seemed lost in yours, with a solidity and strength too forceful for your tolerance. You suspected the answer was positive, but received the opposite.

“He only told me what had happened. He never told me if he understood anything he heard.”

“Uhm, you're good at getting out of tight spots.”

He gave you another one of those smiles that felt like home.

“I've had years to practice.”

The silence that followed his words was much more welcoming than before. You seemed to be able to move around the masses of air so freely that all the tension in your body could disappear in a gentle breeze.

“I'm sorry this was uncomfortable for you, but it was good to see you. And hearing you.”

“It wasn't that uncomfortable.”

“You're squeezing your legs under the table.”

You looked down, surprised, though you shouldn't be. Bucky had always been good at reading your body language. It was almost like it was his way of communicating. And yes, you were.

“You rocked from side to side. Your hands never stopped clenching in your lap. You were uncomfortable.”

“Still, I don't regret what I said.”

“I know.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

You had a duel of glances and you longed for that comfort you had been missing for so long. During those almost seven months of barely seeing him and not speaking to him, you had learned to appreciate the little moments in life. And you were surprised to think that before you thought you were living your life as you were doing at that moment, the present, but you were not. You learned the cruel difference between existing and living, and it wasn't hard for you to deduce why you had had such complicated moments in your life some time before.

You had never lived anything. You went through your life as a tourist and many times you weren't even in the picture. You tried so hard and constantly to convince yourself otherwise every day that it ended up tiring you out emotionally, and in the process taking everything out on the one person who tried to reach out to help you.

“Buck!” Steve's exclamation echoed throughout the cafeteria, just on time.

You turned to see him in the doorway, his raised hand gesturing for the man in front of you to follow him. Bucky stood up, but didn't leave before turning a glance at you with a warm smile worthy of summer.

“I hope to keep hearing from you more often.”

“We'll see if you're worth it.”

#bucky fanfic #james barnes #james bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #bucky fic #bucky imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #winter soldier #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes x fluff #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x you #avengers #bucky fluff #bucky x you #marvel #the outbreak

[fallinforerling]

LOVE ISN’T ETERNAL. chapter 4 - jb

ೃ⁀➷ jude’s masterlist

ೃ⁀➷ jude’s taglist  

ೃ⁀➷ masterlist

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

The weekend arrived without any nasty surprises, which was very much appreciated. Jobe was still a bit bitter towards Jude for all the lies he told the family, but you convinced him to not pick any fights with his brother. Jude didn't deserve it, but you still cared about his family dynamic staying the same regardless of how he managed the breakup and everything that came after it.

Now you were laying in bed, not having the energy to do much. It's not like you were allowing yourself to be consumed by the grief or sadness (which you still felt), but you were a bit apathetic. Luckily, Nikki and Mia were coming over to help you with that. 

“I want this to end.” You whispered after a while, wanting to say something to fill up the silence in your apartment.

Because you truly wanted to get over him. Why bother grieving him? He has been partying and probably sleeping with girls every night since his arrival to London. And what were you doing? Missing him? Wishing he’d call? Having insomnia?

“Fucking prick.” At least insulting him was good therapy.

Before you could enter the space of mind where all you did was hate him and his existence, your phone started to ring. The only connection to the outside world this past week and a half was that little device.

Nikki was calling.

“Yeah?”

“Check my chat, girl. This is fucking insane. Go! We're almost there!” And then she hung up.

“What's up with Nikk and hanging up after saying things like that?” You laughed, expecting something funny or a photo of them. But no, it was a Twitter thread. When you clicked it, you almost had a heart attack.

“The fuck is this?!” You screamed.

The author of the thread simply wrote: “Jobe's new girlfriend???? I'm so jealous, who is sheeee???” followed with four photos per tweet. They were from the park meeting just a few days ago. There were photos of you hugging, when you were sitting together and when you started to leave the park.

At least it wasn't going viral, but there still were lots of people interacting with it. They were trying to guess who you were and for how long you two have been “dating”. A nightmare.

This had never happened in the ten months you dated Jude, mostly because privacy was important to him... And now you were mistaken for his little brother’s girlfriend? You felt like having a panic attack, but your front door opened and closed loudly, interrupting your thoughts. 

“Did you see it?” Mia said, entering your bedroom after a few seconds.

“How did you find it?”

“Oh, you know I love gossip. I was digging for some information and I came across it. Did you see the date? Someone posted it three days ago.” Nikki sat next to you, biting her lip.       

“Yeah…” Your brain started to analyze how it happened… Who took the photos without you noticing? The park was almost empty the whole time. Unless… “Fuck… I know who took those photos.” 

“Who?” Mia asked with apprehension. “Someone we know?” 

“No, far from it” With a sigh, you sat. “We met at a park near here. I've always liked that place because most of the time is empty… But that day I spotted a group of girls near us; I didn’t even payed them attention, they were far enough to not eavesdrop.” You covered your eyes, feeling frustrated. “They were teenagers, so of course they took the opportunity when they recognized him.” 

“Yikes, girl… Someone’s going to cancel you for dating a minor.” Nikki joked, winning a very small smile from Mia and you. 

“That’s not funny, my god.They probably will if they ever find who I am and my age.” You sighed, absolutely sick with the path your life was taking. “Why can’t I have one day of peace, huh? Life sucks.”

“Of course it sucks, that’s the main thing about living,” Mia said, sitting in your bed. “Well, let’s pray for that threat to die soon enough. You know how people are, they’re probably hunting for the next big gossip of the week.” 

“Yeah…” You grabbed your phone again, thinking about your next move. “I probably should send this to Jobe as well, I don’t want him to be taken by surprise if people begin asking about this.” A tiny smile peaked between your lips. “And let’s hope the girl he likes doesn’t find it either.”

“Do you know what else you need to start doing?” Nikki said while you send the link to Jobe, who started to laugh about the ridiculous assumption those girls made about you. 

“What?” You asked without paying much attention, smiling a bit when Jobe started to call himself Mr. Steal Your Girl. 

“Being a soulless, heartless, and cold girl for once. What about some clubbing, some fun… Some boys?” 

“You’re like the devil on her shoulder, Nikk,” Mia said, nudging Nikki’s arm. “But I agree, you need some fun. We forbid you from staying at home, drowning in your sadness. That boy doesn’t deserve it.” 

“Not one bit,” Nikki replied, hugging you. “I promise it will be super fun, just go out with us tonight.” 

Instead of responding, you took a look at the ground. There it is. You knew them too well, there was no way for them to “casually” suggest a night out; they had a plan. Their bags were on the floor, but you noticed a small bag that Nikki only took out of her house if she was planning to party: her makeup bag, which was essential if she was going out clubbing.

“Are you trying to persuade me into partying tonight?” You smiled, not even mad at the idea. 

“Maybe?” Both of them said, trying to look as innocent as possible. 

The three of you looked at each other with big smiles before laughing. 

“We’re going out tonight!” Mia screamed, gaining more laughs from Nikki and you. 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

The fun part about going out with Mia and Nikki was the part previous to the actual clubbing. There just was something magical about getting ready with them: the makeup with the collaboration of everybody, constantly changing outfits, Nikki persuading both of you to drink a little bit for good luck and Mia insisting that all of you needed smoky eyes, so guys felt intimidated. Most of it was nonsense, but they were your best friends in the whole world and you always felt extremely thankful for their support.

“Promise me you’re going to at least try dancing with the hottest guy that approaches you tonight.” Mia said while doing your smoky eyes (yeah, you gave in).

“I’ll try.” And you will because it wasn’t fair for you to stay in your comfort zone. If this whole thing didn’t cheer you up or make you feel better, then you could always find other ways to keep your mind occupied.

“That’s more than enough for me. Try to have fun, this is a girl’s night.” 

“And talking about girls. Put this dress on, the girls look stunning in it.” Nikki dropped a black dress on your lap. 

“No way!” You lifted it with a smile. “I completely forgot about this dress. I haven’t worn it since…” You paused, feeling uncomfortable. “Uh, Jude’s birthday.” 

“Well, who cares about that? You still look amazing.” Nikki smiled, obviously not about to let you think much about Jude. 

“Done!” Mia said after a few seconds, biting her lip. “This is my best work so far.” Her eyes were sparkling, so you believed her. 

Facing yourself in the mirror, you almost didn’t recognize the face that was looking back at you. You looked amazing; the color of your eyes popped, the glitter was doing the right job of not making it look too dark and the red lipstick was the final touch. You loved it. 

“That’s the face of a heartbreaker, girl.” Nikki admired your face for an instant before smiling. “Ah, I can’t wait for the boys to fight over you.” 

“Very funny, Nikk.” 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

The club Nikki choose was wild, especially since a manager was waiting for you at the door, guiding you to the balcony section of the club- which was the freaking VIP one.

“Nikk?” You half-screamed through the music, dying to know how she managed to pull this off. Mia seemed as confused as you were. “Anything you want to tell us?”

“About what?” She kept walking with the biggest of smiles.

“Uh… Us getting into the VIP section wiht no even five minutes of being here?”

“Oh, that?” Her smile grew bigger, if that was physically possible. “I know someone.”

Clearly, that was all the information you were getting. Mia gave you a look and the both of you silently decided that it was better if you didn’t dig into it.

“Tonight it’s about having fun, girls. My treat, don’t worry.” Nikki said once you were at the table, which already had a champagne bottle resting comfortably on an ice bucket. Three champagne glasses were next to it, patiently waiting for you. 

“Oh, so this is luxury, luxury.” Mia whispered, laughing a bit. 

“The fun it’s all that matters, trust me, Mia.” A waiter appeared out of nowhere, silently grabbing the bottle before smiling at all of you. 

“Welcome, ladies. May I open it now?” You nodded, and with one quick movement of his wrist, he had the job done. Impressive. “Hope you have a good night. Don’t forget you can always call a waiter with the button that’s underneath the table.” And then he was gone. 

“You were right, Mia. This is luxury luxury.” You accepted the glass Nikki offered you, excited for the night ahead. 

“Let’s enjoy it without actually wondering how much all this is, babe.” Was all she said before chugging her glass in one sitting. “I’m ready, give me another one.” 

“That’s what I’m talking about!" Nikki cheered, happy to see Mia engaged with tonight’s mission.                                                                                                     

“Come on, you need to chug that thing too, there’s more in here.” Nikki told you, already serving Mia’s second glass. 

“Fuck it.” You said before doing as Nikki said, chugging your champagne as carefully as possible so you didn’t choke. “If I end up vomiting all over the floor at the end of the night, I want you to know, I’m blaming you.” 

“That’s fine to me!” And then Nikki chugged her glass as well. 

Yeah, this night was going to be hella interesting.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Needless to say that within two hours of clubbing you were pretty drunk. Not to the point of falling when trying to walk because the world was spinning or to the verge of unconsciousness, but a good point between being able to not care if something ridiculous escaped your mouth and dancing with strangers without giving it a second thought. 

Nikki had found some friends along the night, and now three more people, which were the nicest ever, were sitting at your table, chatting and laughing along. You enjoyed the their company, but felt the need to give yourself space to drink a very much needed glass of water in peace. 

So there you were, leaning against one of the multiple spaces in the balcony where little chairs were dispersed. It felt almost peaceful if you ignored the music blasting through the speakers or the many waiters going around the place, dealing with drunks and orders. 

“No way! Is that you?” A voice startled you, taking your mind away from the blankness it was immersed in. “I knew I wasn’t mistaking that face!” 

You turned, slightly pissed at the person that was basically yelling at you, until you realized it was Gio. Gio Reyna himself. 

“Gio?!” You didn’t know why, but the excitement made you scream. Maybe it was because you were drunk, but seeing Gio was one of the highlights of the night. “What the fuck are you doing here?” 

“I’m taking the few days off I have.” He hugged you tightly once you stood up, almost swiping you from the floor. “You look amazing! What are you doing here?” 

“Thanks! I’m with my friends, they’re right there!” You pointed to the table, where all kept chatting without noticing your encounter. “It’s a girl’s night!” 

“That’s cool! I thought you were with Jude, since he’s at London and all that.” 

Your smile never wandered from your face, not caring about Jude’s name being dropped from Gio’s lips. You shook your head, letting him know you weren’t with him today. Or ever, for that matter. 

“Nope, just my girls and I.” He kept looking at you like he was in front of a new person, not Jude’s “girlfriend”. You didn’t know if you liked it or felt bad about it. He was one of Jude’s good friends after all. “What about taking a picture? It’s been so long since we saw each other.” 

“Sure! Are you okay if I post it to IG?” 

Oh?

“Of course, go for it.” 

Then the two of you moved to a more illuminated area, he took his phone and you knew this was one of a kind type of opportunity. Time to be the pettiest bitch I know. Taking advantage of him getting closer to you for the sake of the photo, you passed one arm over his shoulders, and after a couple of pics, you decided to give him a tiny peck on the cheek. 

“Let's see.” He said shyly. Aw.

A few of them were blurry, but most were decent and the peck one was fabulous, not only for the sake of your intentions, but also because of how good the two of you looked. Your makeup was still intact, and with the lighting, it shined in a very pretty way. Gio had a light blush due to the alcohol, his smile being evident, giving his already handsome face something else. 

“That one?” You said, picking the one you liked the most. 

“Yeah! We look amazing.” He started to set it but paused before publishing it. “Do you mind if I tag you?” 

Bingo. 

“Go ahead, I have no problem.” And that was it. 

You said your goodbyes, and while returning to the table, you felt some type of triumph. Did this make you a bad person? 

“Where were you? We thought you got lost or something.” Mia said when you finally arrived, sitting beside Nikki. 

“So… I did a thing…”

#judebellingham #jude x reader #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham x reader #jude #footballfics #footballer fanfiction #footballer blurb #footballer fic #footballer fics #jb22 #jude bellingham x you #jude bellingham #jude bellingham x y/n #jude x you #jude x y/n #football fic #football fanfic #footballer fanfic #footballer imagines #footballer x reader #footballer

[atlafan]

Carnal Attraction - Part One

a/n: sexology professor!harry is here!! Just a reminder, this is the only part being posted on here. The rest will be on Patreon. I can’t wait to know what you all think so far. This is going to be a good one, I think.

Warnings: talk of sexual acts, mentions of sexual misconduct

Words: 4.7K

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The world of academia is astounding. People stay in higher education for so many different reasons. Some go off to become medical doctors, others become doctors in specific fields like psychology or literature or philosophy. Some choose to stay in academia because they don’t want to sell their souls to industry work. Mavis always loved school. She was one of those kids that did well no matter what the subject was. She studied hard, wanting to take in more and more information. She was naturally gifted in the art of time management. Everything clicked for her. If something was puzzling, she’d figure it out.

There isn’t much she can’t figure out. Which is why she’s grown increasingly aggravated with her sexology professor. She can’t figure him out. She swears he hates her. He’s short with her, and less personable with her than he is with the other students. She’s never struggled like this with someone before. And he wasn’t even supposed to be the one teaching her courses!

When Mavis tells people she’s in graduate school for a master’s in sexology, they look at her funny. Furrowed eyebrows, puzzled facial expressions, etc. No one can ever piece together why someone would get an advanced degree in a subject like this. That’s because people can’t get their minds out of the gutter. In undergrad, Mavis majored in psychology, and minored in gender and sexuality studies. She eventually wants to produce literature and perform psychoanalysis on sexual behavior and sexual issues. She thought she wanted to be a psychiatrist, but that involves medical school. And as smart as she is, she’s rather squeamish when it comes to blood. So, then she thought maybe being a psychologist, some type of sex therapist would be good, but she honestly has a tough time speaking aloud about the various subjects. And sex therapy isn’t just for helping couples have better sex, a lot of it is helping people with history of sexual abuse recover and find ways to heal. Mavis doesn’t have the stomach for that. She cried too many times reading case studies about it in undergrad.

All that being said, she eventually wants to get her doctorate in psychology with a concentration in sexology, so when she found a graduate program to help get her started on that journey, she went for it. She could write about sexual disorders and the like all day. When she’s writing and researching, she’s quite helpful to others. She enjoys learning about sexual history, those were always her favorite courses. Learning about how trans people in the 1800’s used binders to hide their breasts, learning about how two opposite sex couples would get married, go in on a duplex together, and use the basement to sneak over to sleep with their same sex partner, learning about different gay and lesbian liberation movements, the HIV/AIDS epidemic, and so much more was where her interest was. It all just fascinated her, it all astounded her, and a lot of it just made her downright upset. Tears would litter her textbooks as she read about people being beaten senseless until they were left for dead in the streets. She’d cry because all of it was happening not too long ago. She cried because it still happens today.

She’s quite empathetic, and almost too much to a fault. But she can’t help that she cares! She enjoys studying the psychology side of things, how the brain functions of these people work, how the brains of bigots function, if there’s a disparity between the two on scans or octopuses. All Mavis wants to do is hunker down in her own academic sanctuary and research and read and write and publish.

Mavis had been assigned an advisor over the summer, one whom she emailed with frequently to make sure she was taking the correct courses in the correct sequence. Her advisor recommended courses with one specific professor, Professor Amaro. Apparently, her classes were top tier, and she was a favorite amongst the other graduate students. No brainer – sign up for Amaro’s courses.

Except when Mavis showed up for her first day of Human Sexuality, a co-requisite for her Sexual Pleasure Education course, there was a man standing at the podium, hooking his laptop up to the HDMI cable so he could project onto the screen up front. At first, she thought maybe he was a TA just setting up for Professor Amaro. She paid it no mind. She found a seat in the middle front, and got her own things set up. It’s syllabus week, so there won’t be much to go over, but Mavis still likes to take handwritten notes. She pulled her agenda, a notebook, and her copy of the syllabus out, and set them on her desk. The classroom is small, only meant to hold about twenty-five people. Mavis prefers small classrooms. She’s not a fan of lecture halls with stadium-style seating.

“Is anyone sitting here?” A woman’s voice took over Mavis’ attention. The desks are set up for two people to sit at. “If it is, I can sit somewhere else.”

“Oh! No, go right ahead.” Mavis smiled. “I’m Mavis.”

“Thanks.” The woman says with relief as she sits down. “I’m Taraji, I use she/they pronouns.”

“Nice to meet you. I use she/her. Thanks for letting me know yours.”

“Nice to meet you too, and no problem. It’s something new I’m trying out. I don’t…I don’t always feel like a she, you know?”

“Totally get that.”

“Sorry, I hope that wasn’t too much info too soon.”

“No worries.” Mavis waves her off. “We’re going to be talking about some real shit in this class, it’s best to just be open and honest.”

“Agreed.” Taraji takes out her own agenda and notebook. “I hate that we have to take this course in conjunction with the sexual pleasure class. I feel like I’ve taken a million human sexuality courses at this point.”

“I know, it seems a little odd, but I figure there must be more high level stuff to discuss since this is at the grad level. And review isn’t always a bad thing, I like refreshers.”

“Well, aren’t you full of silver linings?” Taraji smiles. “We need more people like that in this world.”

The girls continue to chat while the class fills in. At 10:30, the man at the front closes the door and turns the projector on, revealing his screen. Mavis’ stomach drops when she sees Human Sexuality – Professor Styles – M/W 10:30-12:00 in big bold letters.

“What happened to Professor Amaro?” She whispers to Taraji.

“Beats me.” Taraji shrugs. “Maybe we signed up for the wrong section?”

“That can’t be it, this is the only section being offered.”

The man, Professor Styles, clears his throat to get everyone’s attention. He’s wearing a button up, but it’s not buttoned up all the way. You can see his undershirt. His sleeves are rolled up, revealing quite a few tattoos. Round glasses are on the bridge of his nose, and his hair is pushed back with a couple of curls falling forward on his forehead. He looks young. Who the fuck is this guy?

“Morning, everyone.” His deep voice fills the room as he rounds the podium to stand in front of the desk attached to it. He leans back against it, gripping the edge behind him. “I’m Professor Harry Styles, I prefer to be called professor, so please try to remember that. I’m sure you’re very confused as to why I’m standing here and not Professor Amara.” He pauses to take a sip of water from his Nalgene. “I quite literally found out the other day that I would be taking over her courses. To be transparent with all of you, Professor Amaro is under investigation for sexual misconduct with her patients. As many of you know, a lot of the professors in the psychology department have their own practices outside of academia. Summer is when Professor Amaro picks up new patients. There was someone undercover seeing her for therapy, and she was caught taking advantage. It’s extremely disappointing. So, not only will she be losing her licensure, but she has been let go from the institution as well. We do not condone the abuse of patients. We also do not want someone so unethical being the one to teach our future therapists. How many of you are in here as part of the clinical licensure program?” More than half of the class raises their hands. “Right, I thought so. I usually teach undergraduate courses, but I’m fully prepared to teach at the graduate level just the same. I know many of you have already taken different iterations of Human Sexuality, but this course is integral for you so you can fully get what’s needed out of the Sexual Pleasure Education course. It says 10:30 to noon up here, but I’ll typically only be keeping you for about an hour, if that. Many of you have research and other time consuming things to do, and I want to be cognizant of that. I am also working towards my PhD, I’m about two years into my program and research.” He pauses again, knowing he just word vomited. The class is stunned with the bomb he just dropped about Professor Amaro, and they’re whiplashed going from that to the basic information about the course. “Any questions so far?”

“I have one.” A brave soul in the back raises their hand. “Which undergraduate courses do you teach? Will you need any TA’s since your load just got bigger?”

“Great question, thank you for asking. I will end up needing TA’s, but I have to wait to meet with the department chair to see what our budget is. I teach the undergraduate intro to gender and sexuality studies, and I also teach some of the higher level special topics courses. This semester I’m teaching the history of feminism, which is one of my favorites to teach, and I’m also teaching the film history course that focuses on how sex has been depicted in film since its start to the present.”

“You’re teaching a course about feminism?” Another person asks.

“Yes.” Professor Styles smirks. “It’s one of my main focuses of study. I may not be a woman, but I am a man that believes in equity and equality. Plus, I’m a huge history buff, so I enjoy teaching about how the movement began and how feminism has transformed over the years, both the good and the bad of it.”

Mavis swallows thickly. She’s a history buff too. Maybe she could be a TA for one of his classes. The extra money would be nice, and so would the bit of teaching experience if she were allowed to give a lecture or two.

“Let’s focus on this class. We’ll be going over a number of topics, and at times you may feel the need to giggle because of nerves. We’re going to discuss endorsement, communication, fantasy, masturbation, homosexuality, bisexuality, desensitization and resensitization, female and male sexuality, sexual enrichment, special problems, therapy, and cultural expression. So, this gives us a base for what we’ll be discussing in the co-requisite course. Now, I’m going to do something that I do with my undergrads, I’m going to say a ton of words and phrases that you’ll feel the need to giggle about as we discuss certain topics. This is your only chance to laugh. If you do it throughout the semester, then we’re going to have a problem. If you become a sex therapist, you can’t laugh at your patients. We’ll get into why these words make us feel nervous, and why we feel the need to laugh when we hear them.” He grabs the remote for the projector and clicks it. Everyone gasps and starts laughing when they see many words and phrases appear. “Alright: penis, vagina, pussy, cunt, cock, dick, mutual masturbation, anal, penetration, fingering, eating out, going down, blow job, hand job, sucking someone off, breasts, boobs, nipples, fetish, BDSM, whips, chains, handcuffs, threesomes, orgies, condoms, contraceptives, birth control pills, IUD, sex toys, dildo, vibrator, cock ring, lube, dirty talk, dominant, submissive, daddy, baby talk, douching, porn, clit, clitoris, prostate, prostate orgasm, orgasm, vaginal orgasm, stimulation, fucking, fisting, getting wet, wet, come, precome, squirt, squirting, ejaculation, and sex.”

The entire class is snickering and giggling and laughing, even Mavis. Hearing all of those things back to back and watching the words dance on the screen in an animated fashion is hilarious. What a fun approach to getting people more comfortable with these terms.

“There are many more words and phrases, obviously, but these will be the ones we use more often.” Professor Styles explains, smiling fondly to the class. “If you’d like to be considered for a TA position, please come up to me after you’re dismissed. “Any questions?” No one raises their hand. “Great, then you’re dismissed. Enjoy the nice weather.”

Mavis and Taraji exchange contact info, and agree to meet for coffee tomorrow morning before their sexual pleasure course. A few people go up to Professor Styles to tell him they’d like to be a TA, and he takes down their information. Mavis is the last in line, the last student in the classroom with Professor Styles.

“Name?” He asks, not looking up at her.

“Mavis Ashford.”

“Alright.” He looks up at her now, pushing his glasses up his nose. “Do you have a preference?”

“I’d love to help out in the feminism course or the film history course. I like the historical side of things when it comes to studying this content.”

“Great, those are usually the ones I have trouble finding help for.”

“Really? I’m surprised.”

“Since a lot of you are here to become licensed therapists or psychologists, not a lot of people are interested in the theoretical aspect of things.”

“Well, I definitely do not want to be a therapist. I want to do research, eventually get my PhD, like you, I suppose. I’m sad about Professor Amaro, I heard so many good things about her.”

“None of us knew about any of it. She hid what she was doing well. She had been doing it for years, supposedly.” He sighs and takes his glasses off, putting them into their case. Mavis catches how green his eyes are, almost like sage. “Did you have any other questions? I need to get across campus to my office so I can take some time to edit the Canvas courses a little more.”

“Oh! No, sorry. Guess I was just curious to know how long you’ve been teaching for. You mentioned you were in your second year of your doctoral program, so-“

“There’s a bio page for me. My listing lives under the Psychology department. I’ll keep you in mind for my special topics courses. See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, see you tomorrow.” Mavis watches the very flustered, unorganized man leave the room in a rush. His papers were all over the place, and he just shoved all his things in his bag. How chaotic. Maybe if she’s able to become his TA, she could help him with that.

**

Since Monday went so well, including Mavis’ other courses, she’s excited for Tuesday. She meets Taraji for coffee, as planned, and then they head to class. A course about Sexual Pleasure Education at 9AM is wild, but if coffee doesn’t wake the class up, the content of the course sure will. Harry is at the podium, connecting his computer, just as he did yesterday. Mavis and Taraji sit at the same table they did yesterday. The class eventually fills in, and Harry turns the projector on.

“Let’s see, did I scare anyone off since yesterday?” He asks out loud, but it’s more for himself, as he checks off names on his attendance sheet. “Great, you’re all here.” He smiles. “I know you’re probably thinking how I could have possibly memorized all your names already, but I haven’t. I just have your student ID pictures next to your names on my sheet.” He leans back against the table, gripping the edge of it, same as he did yesterday, and scans over the class. “Welcome to Sexual Pleasure Education. In this class, we will discuss strategies for improved sex life, sex aids, sexual approaches, and male and female pleasuring. We will also be stressing the value of various body work techniques for persons intending to work in the field of sex therapy and counseling. Lastly, we will discuss sexological exploration of objects which have been created in response to sexual desire and experience.” He pauses to take a sip of water. “Basically, this is sex ed on crack.”

“Professor Styles?” A girl in the back raises her hand, and he nods for her to continue. “So, are there going to be, like, demonstrations in class?”

“Yes. Most people learn best by doing. And it’s important for you to know what you’re talking about if you end up becoming the type of therapist that has to make recommendations for couples. The conversations we’re going to have in this class are going to feel awkward and taboo. There are going to be days where we look at various sex toys and how to use them, and why people use them.”

“I sort of meant, like, is anything going to be demonstrated on an actual person?” The same girl asks.

“Considering that this isn’t a tantric sex workshop, no.” He smirks. “We’ll look at various anatomical diagrams to go over specific areas where people find pleasure and how best to get them to feel it in those areas.”

“Professor Styles?” A boy in the front raises his hand, and Harry nods for him to continue. “I know this isn’t technically a psychology course, but are we going to get into kinks and why some people have specific ones or like using specific objects?”

“Yes and no. We’ll discuss the psychology behind kinks in our Human Sexuality course. What we do on Mondays and Wednesdays will be more theoretical, and what we do on Tuesdays and Thursdays will be more practical. Great questions so far. Anyone have anything else?”

“Will there be trigger warnings?” Taraji asks. “For both classes?”

“Yes, when we get into some of the heavier topics, there will be trigger warnings. I’m working on updating the syllabus so you’ll all know when to expect those. If the topic is so heavy that you don’t feel as though you can come to class, please let me know so we can have a one-on-one session so we can go over the material. I can meet in-person or on zoom.”

“Thank you.” Taraji smiles softly.

“Are we going to be talking about our own personal sex lives in class?” Another girl asks.

“That depends on how comfortable you feel. We may share anecdotes, and we may not. If you become a therapist, remember that what might work for you, might not work for others. However, your patients will ask you about your personal experience with some of the things you recommend to them. I’m not saying you need to shove a butt plug up your ass in order to have a frame of reference, but sometimes it helps for your patient to know you’re a real person. Just don’t cross any hard boundaries. We all know that many patients tend to experience romantic feelings towards their therapists. That can happen twice as much with sex therapy. You need to make it clear right from the start that even though it’s a safe space for them, things will still be professional. No one is to ever take their clothes off during an appointment. That’s what leads to things like what happened with Professor Amaro to happen. Respect will be integral to this course, as well as not kink-shaming. You may find something weird that someone else may love, and vice versa. You don’t have to agree, but please be mindful of how you speak to and about others.” He drums his fingers behind him as he takes another pause. “All of that being said, if we do discuss personal sexual experiences, you need to speak about them educationally. I don’t want to hear things like, ‘this one time I was fucking this dude and he,’ blah blah blah. Okay?”

The class makes a collective noise of agreement that makes Harry very happy.

“I’m hoping to have the courses updated to my liking by next Monday. I should also know by then about TA positions for my undergraduate courses. Do we have any other questions right now?” No one answers. “Excellent. For tomorrow’s Human Sexuality class, I’d like you all to fill out these surveys.” He starts handing out papers row by row. “They’re to give me a pulse check on what you already know a lot about, and the areas you need a bit more information on. It’ll help for Thursday’s lesson in here as well.” Once all of the papers are passed out, Harry goes back to the front of the room. “If no one else has any questions, you’re all free to go.”

Everyone begins packing up their things. Mavis is stuck looking over the survey questions. Her cheeks are beat red, she just knows it.

“You coming?” Taraji asks her.

“Um, yeah.” Mavis blinks and starts packing up her things. “I just have a few questions for Professor Styles. Wanna get lunch later?”

“I’d love to. Text me later.”

Mavis nods to her new friend, and goes to the back of the line of students that have questions for Harry. Just like yesterday, it’s the two of them alone in the room. He doesn’t look at her as he stuffs his papers into his bag.

“Have you ever thought to use an accordion folder for all of that?” She asks him.

“You waited in line just to ask me that?” He looks up at her, taking his glasses off and putting them into their case.

“No.” She laughs sheepishly. “I just had a few questions about this survey.”

“Alright, shoot.” He tells her, crossing his arms over his chest loosely.

“The first question says to list five common sex toys that I know of.”

“Correct.”

“Then the second questions says to explain the function of each of the toys.”

“Also correct.”

“What if you’re not familiar with well-known sex toys? Is it okay to look up the functionality?”

“No, just give your best guess as to why someone would use it.” He looks at her, studies her. He has a question of his own to ask, but it could come off as inappropriate. “I’m going to try to phrase this in the most professional way possible…do you not have much, um, first-hand experience with sex toys?”

Mavis’ eyes widen. All she can do is shake her head no. Harry nods in understanding, not being the least bit judgmental.

“It’s not that I haven’t wanted to know more about them, like, I know a lot about the history of them, the…the theoretical side of things, as you mentioned before. But in practice…I guess that’s where I need to learn more.”

“That’s fine, you can just say that on the survey. You can keep it anonymous too. I didn’t leave a space for your names at the top.”

“So, it’s not a big deal if I haven’t personally done some of the things we’re going to discuss.” She says for clarification.

“Perfectly fine. You could be a virgin for all I care. You just need to be able to discuss and write about these things knowledgably and eloquently.”

“Well, I’m not a vi-“ She’s about to scoff, but he raises his hand to halt her from finishing her sentence.

“I don’t need to know the particulars of what you have and haven’t done, Miss Ashford.”

“You just said we need to be able to discuss these things, though.”

“Yes, as a class, when other people are around. Not when you’re in here alone with me. Someone could get the wrong idea about why we’re having this very conversation.” He slings his bag over his shoulder. “Don’t over think it, it’s just a pulse check.”

He leaves her there, sweating. Did he think she was coming on to him? Did he think she was flirting? She wasn’t! She would never do something like that with a professor.

**

The rest of the week goes by smoothly. Mavis makes sure not to ask Harry any questions after class. In the second session of Human Sexuality, they went through all the changes Harry made to the course Canvas page and to the syllabus. They did the same for the second session of Sexual Pleasure Education. Pretty easy stuff that the students are thankful for. The other courses Mavis is taking are research methods and a high-level sociology course. So starting off on the slower side is a major bonus. Harry lets them know that he’ll post a paper on his office door on Friday with who has been selected as TA’s.

Around noon on Friday, after a work out and a hearty breakfast, Mavis makes her way to the building Harry’s office is in. She takes her headphones out as she gets inside, and makes her way upstairs and down a hallway until she gets to the psych department office suite. His door is closed, so the paper is easy to read. Her eyes scan over it, and she’s taken aback when she doesn’t see her name. Four students were chosen: Eric, Alyssa, Mohamed, and Liza. Mavis frowns deeply. How could she not have been chosen? She spoke to Harry directly about helping with his higher level courses. What made these students better choices than her?

She hears the squeak of a sneaker skidding, and turns her head in its direction. There Professor Styles is. He looks rigid, almost like he had stopped short and was about to turn around. He sighs heavily and makes his way down the hall.

“Miss Ashford.” He nods and unlocks his office door. “I would have thought you would have been here first thing this morning.”

“Why didn’t you just email the students that got selected instead of making all of us come down here?”

“Because I didn’t make my decision until very late last night.” He tells her, opening his door and setting his things down on his desk. His office looks like a tornado hit it.

“Still, you could have emailed-“

“Miss Ashford, what is it that you need? I don’t have office hours today and I’m very busy.”

“I want to know why I wasn’t selected. I told you how much I love the history courses, I could have been a major help.”

“I’m sure that’s true, but I didn’t think you were the right fit for what I needed.”

“You came to that conclusion from only a week of knowing me?”

“I know the four students I selected better. I had them in my courses as undergrad students. They already know my teaching style and the learning outcomes of the courses.”

“Again, if you knew-“

“You need to go now.” He tells her, taking a dominant step forward, making her take a step back. “Don’t take it personally.”

“How can I not when you just told me I wasn’t the right fit?” She pouts, and she swears Harry’s eyes flicker down to her mouth, only for a millisecond.

“Mavis, I don’t feel comfortable with us being alone like this. There’s no one else in the office right now, I’m one of the few instructors that actually utilizes their space on Fridays.”

“But if you had office hours, I’d be alone with you.”

“Yes, with the door open, while other people are around.”

“Are you afraid of someone accusing you of doing what Professor Amaro did? I feel like you’re being overly cautious…with me.”

“You ask a lot of questions, and it’s annoying. You’re annoying. That’s why I didn’t select you. I don’t have any desire to be around you more than I’m already obligated to.”

“Are…are you allowed to speak to me like this?”

“Maybe.” He shrugs. “Or maybe not. Who’s to say? It’s your word against mine, right? No one else is here. Are you picking up what I’m putting down? I already told you I felt uncomfortable, now please go before I have to call campus police to escort you out.”

Mavis is stunned, and about ready to cry. Harry rolls his eyes when she doesn’t budge, so he goes into his office and slams the door in her face. What the fuck is his problem?!

**

#carnal attraction #harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles fic #harry styles x oc #harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles smut #harry styles au #angst #fluff #smut #fanfic #fic #harry styles fanfic #professor!h #professor!harry #sexologist!h #sexologist!harry

[winns-stuff]

LO RANT:

Not everything is Demeter’s fault or even tied to Demeter, quit using her as a scapegoat for everything just because you don’t like her and can’t accept the fact that your faves are fucking up everything for themselves because they’re way too underdeveloped emotionally to handle decisions. Has anyone ever thought about that? Both Persephone and Hades need a lot of therapy and neither of them are allowing themselves to get it because they are so far up each other’s asses. You cannot form a healthy relationship when you’re both traumatized and have bad communication skills, you can’t necessarily heal someone else when you’re just as broken as they are and that’s what frustrates me about Persephone and Hades as a whole. We all remember Minthe and Hades right? We all agree that they were horrible for each other and they’re only bringing the worst of one another by being together and we see now that apart they’re doing better (honestly not really Hades but Minthe mainly). So how come when it comes to Persephone and Hades being lumped into one being because of their shared trauma being overlooked? I find it funny how everyone was disapproving of their relationship and how they said it was toxic that they were together yet y’all still ship Persades. They are bringing the absolute worst out of each other, they aren’t in a state of healing, they’re both stressed, trying to rush their relationship, not wanting to get to know each other, and hiding their concern for the other ones sake. When has this ever been healthy? Why would we categorize such a draining situation as healthy. Bottom line is it’s extremely hypocritical to say that Minthe and Hades’ relationship is toxic yet turn a blind eye to Persephone and Hades.

Anyways, am I the only one not enjoying the way Morpheus is drawn? I really don’t like how instead of being androgynous or whatever Rachel was going for she looks like she’s slowly morphing into how the men of LO are drawn and I absolutely hate that so much. I hate that she doesn’t have decent panels or different styles, I hate how her design feels so mean and it’s almost borderline transphobic sometimes. I’m not asking her to be a big booby goddess with no waist by the way (Rachel please that’s not what I mean by this, spare my child) I’m just saying that I don’t like how she’s being drawn more masculine for some reason.. Maybe I am just being nit-picky but it’s just been on my mind and I recently saw the panels which included her and I just felt so angry. Why did her entire face change? Her face used to be more rounder and softer yet in the newer chapters it’s a lot more long and chiseled. Again, maybe I’m just tripping balls but it just feels a little mean and she deserves a better design with actual thought and care put into.

Anyways, I believe that’s all I really wanted to say but again I will restate that I’m so sick and tired of the fans trying to drag Demeter in every single situation. Like please figure out another character to call on, y’all don’t even do this with Zeus and I thought everyone hated Zeus because he rightfully banished Persephone’s ass for years. And actually I wanna say that it’s extremely sexist the way that this shit is going down because how the fuck is Demeter still getting shit yet there’s dozens of men in LO who’ve done way worst. You guys barely even get on Apollo like you do with Demeter and we all know what he is, neither do you do to Kronos and he traumatized your favorite character. I’m gonna need you guys to distribute as much hatred as you feel for the female characters to the male characters because it’s honestly embarrassing and just showing what kind of person you truly are. Especially the whole Leuce situation, again she literally did nothing that entire chapter yet everyone was trying to drag her through the dirt. Focus on your moral compass and do better please, it’s getting tiring.

#lo critical #anti lore olympus #anti lo #lo demeter #lo hades #lo minthe #lo persephone

[dxwnfxll]

Hey it's me again! I loved what you made last time so i'd like to make another request. Can i request any member of the foundation or scp with a reader who is really good at analyzing people and remembering there habits. They also know things about people instinctively by studying there body language or just guessing. And they are almost distressingly good at it, they know when you lie, they know when you haven't done something, they know when somethings wrong and are great guessing the problem. Like "mister i know you didn't take your meds this morning! You go do that!" or "oh hi is something wrong? You seem off". They also instinctively know things that most psychologists would take a while to diagnose. Like "oh sweetie I always knew you were gay, i could never imagine you getting with someone of the opposite gender", or "yeah i know you're autistic honey, it's just in the way you act". Like they are literally the lady in this video https://www.youtube.com/shorts/v_v918l58Rg

Thank you! Seriously though you are awesome!

Trying my best to make this, if i get anything wrong pls do tell!

Dr. Shaw (again Genderfluid + all of these will be semi romantic lolol)

-You and Elias have been together for awhile, but even before you two became a thing you seemed to always notice one specific thing about him.

-No matter how badly he tried to hide her depression you always seemed to be really good at guessing when they were depressed.

-he didn't hate it, but she always felt..weird about it. He was so used to just being known as the 'chaotic funny guy' that it was weird when someone pointed out their depression.

-that wasn't really the only thing you were observant about either, you seemed to always be able to tell when he was having a bad day.

-and honestly..he loved that, she loved finally having a support and being allowed to finally lean on someone. Finally able to 'be herself' in a sense.

Dr. Clef

-Clef has always been the secretive type, not cause he wants to...okay maybe it is cause he wants to.

-Clef doesn't exactly like many people knowing much about him, so when you popped up able to see right through him..he hated it.

-no..hate is a lesser word for this..he despised it.

-He despised you being able to tell when he's having a bad day, or when he's upset.

-he despised you somehow already knowing he was Pan, he despised you somehow knowing he didn't take his meds and BRINGING THEM TO HIM??

-...but through all that hate..he felt something else. He knew what it was and he was scared of it, especially with how you were.

-he started to..like you, and like you being how you were. But he still kept up his 'hate' for you.

-as much as he wants to lean on you and cry about everything, he stays far FAR away from you. He's got a reputation to uphold and he refuses to let anyone see him as 'weak'

Dr. Glass

-Glass is similar to you in a way, He's able to see right through people..but not as much as you are.

-Glass is usually able to see through people after therapy sessions, no matter how much they try to hide Glass can see right through them.

-When he had a therapy session with you he just couldn't..see through you, but you could see right through him.

-at first it kinda freaked him out, but then it made him happy. Finally! Someone with his own skill!

-he tried to convince you to be a therapist but you didn't really seem to budge.

-as Glass worked with you, happy to finally have someone who can see through him as he sees through others he felt something.

-a spark of love for you, and he certainly didn't try to hide it. He knew you'd find out, and he was happy when you did.

Dr. Kondraki

-similar to Clef the man doesn't exactly like when someone knows 'too much' about him

-he'd rather everyone ignore him then come up to him and KNOW he's depressed. How the hell did you even know?

-well okay actually maybe it was a no brainer with his eye bags and numb looking face..plus the alcoholism. So he shrugged it off eventually.

-but when you came to his office after a meeting with some coffee, somehow knowing he hadn't had coffee. It made him a lil suspicious of you.

-first he thought you were some anomaly, then he just grew a semi hatred for you after finding out you were uh 'normal' and just had a talent for looking through people.

-he stays away from you, refuses to go near you. Though he can't help but like you a little bit..especially when you bring him coffee.

Mikell Shaw

-Mikell is very similar to Clef, he doesn't like anyone knowing too much about him. Especially with his job.

-When he first met you you both were agents working for the 05, he of course didn't like you at first.

-he had always thought you were some person who thought they were 'better than everyone' because of how you acted.

-But he learned you actually were just..like this? He began to kinda like it. Especially when you began to notice things about him

-what he didn't like was you somehow knowing almost everything about him, how he was feeling that day, how he hadn't had coffee yet, how he had forgotten his gun.

-It drove him crazy, YOU drove him crazy.

-He pretty much tries to stay away from you similar to Kondraki, and luckily his 05 job really helps

073-Cain

-Cain has been 'alone' for a very long time now, He's gotten used to the feeling of never really having anyone that can understand his pain.

-He's so used to everyone around him saying he's lucky and thinking he's lucky..assuming he's happy about being immortal.

-so when you came in, and seemed to immediately sense his sadness

-he just stared at you in awe, it wasn't rare for someone to ask if he's okay..but that was only when he showed his sadness.

-you saw his bright smiling face and seemed to just instantly know, he seemed to adore you for that

-he likes having someone around that can see right through him, someone that just..knows y'know?

035

-035 has lived his entire life around people oblivious to how he is.

-no ones ever been able to 'look through him' in fact he's been the one to look through others

-He's lived life pretty happily without all that..well until *you* came along.

-you were his new researcher, he was so excited to manipulate yet another person

-as you interviewed him he audibly gasped as you said something, something he never expected people to know about him

-"you were once important weren't you? That's why you act like this right?"

-035 seemed to freeze before clearing 'his throat' "what game are you playing at."

-he starts acting aggressive towards you, the more you seem to know scares him

-eventually though he seemed to..miss you? He seemed to request you often even tho during those times he always acted rude towards you

-in truth he was almost happy? To have someone 'see through him', but he'll never openly admit it

-you definitely freak him out a few times as well whenever you say something about him.

049

-049 similar to Cain has been alone for awhile, he hasn't really had anyone he can talk to and seem to just know what's wrong

-well..there was that fellow that one time, but that was so long ago.

-But then you showed up, a JR researcher working with a fellow named Gears.

-He just expected you to be like so many other researchers, ask questions, write things down and then leave.

-but you seemed to actually chat with him, and then he heard it

-"You seem sad today, are you okay 049?"

-He stared into your eyes not even answering you, he didn't know how to answer..no one had ever really asked about him let alone know what was wrong

-"I'm..fine. Thank you Doctor."

-He requests you a lot after that, requests you two have daily talks and 'tea time'

-he likes spending time with you and he doesn't mind you being so 'observant'

-he likes it, he likes someone actually knowing about him.

If you want me to add more characters i will! Lol enjoy!! Edited finally lol

#scp fanfiction #scp #scp x reader #scp dr bright #scp dr clef #scp dr kondraki #scp dr bright x reader #scp dr clef x reader #scp dr kondraki x reader #scp 073 #scp 073 x reader #scp elias shaw x reader #elias shaw #scp elias shaw #dr elias shaw

[vestaclinicpod]

Audio Drama Sunday - 24th September ✨

Happy Audio Drama Sunday, lovely listeners of audio drama. It must be coming in to spooky season because I’ve been getting my spook on this week! 👻

As always, spoilers!!!

🌲@hellofromthehallowoods (134) This episode has made me so excited for the hfth novels! If I’m not mistaken, there was reference to both Amaryllis and the LEM story! My heart felt so heavy listening to Friday try and save O’Connor, what an enigma that man is. I am ROOTING for Victoria, where is Yaretzi to help her shed this self-hate and embrace her sunlight?? 🥺 I also loved that Harrow and Victoria had a moment of power but let’s not forget that they are actual children, they left a friend behind in a burning building during that same moment … And OUGH Writing Desk! It’s so interesting to finally get a glimpse at his actual motives and how it may be too little too late!! 

📞 YAY @thespcpodcast is back!! I thought the premise of this episode was so interesting! Let the nice vampire do their good work! The exploration of how therapy needs has changed with time and how different age groups often seek different things was such an insightful bit of world-building. I’m so excited for more. 

🎞  Congratulations to Tiny Terrors on their release anniversary! I strongly suspect that it IS all connected and I can’t wait for more pieces of the puzzle! 

🤴 InCo (@itmeblog) Terraforming!! They’re terraforming!! And the late King said that the Galactic Union couldn’t have any tech they didn’t understand. Galaxy eyes = galaxy-brained. I didn’t think this story could get cooler!! 

🧛‍♂️ @re-dracula WHAT a week!!!! It’s SO good listening while knowing what happens next, it makes the mourning all the more bitter. This is what Van Helsing must have felt like. This week has also made me realise how much I’ve missed hearing Jonathan Sims absolutely killing a monologue. 

🥾@doyoucopypod (10) Mad respect to Frederick here, I would not have been as calm or as trusting if I stumbled into that situation. It seems like REDACTED is swimming in more guilt that was initially teased. WHO is SHE and why did redacted leave her behind???

🐬 @patterspod P Files #??? Man, this show is so funny. And SO weird. In the best way. Please listen to it. 

⛪️ I finished KILL FM! What a treat! I hope the teams involved in making this episode are really happy with what they’ve created - it’s so good!! 

🐟 New @kaneandfeels is always such a welcome delight!! Me: It’s Freaky Friday shit. Brutus: It’s Freaky Friday shit Me: 😲 The voice acting was so perfectly uncomfortable that when they were back in their own bodies, it almost felt like they were improvising - the chemistry was so immediately apparent. Also, the bit about the mars bars was so my brand of silly, it made me SO happy. 

I can’t wait for more Silt Verses and Moonbase Theta, Out next week! Hope you’ve all had a good weekend 🥰

#audiodramasunday #audio drama sunday #hfth spoilers #the supernatural protection company #kane and feels #finding pattersby #tiny terrors #inco #re dracula #kill fm #do you copy

[redjennies]

a couple more scattered thoughts on TTPD before therapy so I don't wasting time in the session workshopping my material:

I almost want to like Florida!!! if only for Florence and that it's the only track on the whole album where I found the music to be any way memorable, which is a grim statement, but honestly, it's so ugly on the ears and not in a fun way.

I didn't actually hate I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can), but I also found myself daydreaming about how much better this song would sound if Antonoff handed it over to Lana like ten years ago.

honestly a lot of these songs when they aren't just extremely generic Swift songs breathily whimpering about her ex boyfriend, feel like parts of them (if not the whole damn thing) were lifted from the cutting room floor of a Lana Del Rey session and that is possibly the nicest thing I have to say.

But Daddy I Love Him is such an embarrassing song for a woman in her mid thirties to release (also it's literally just Love Story but with western imagery instead of Romeo and Juliet.) also it's always so funny when any of her songs contain a segment whining about her fans being too involved in her personal life. like my brother in Christ, YOU are the one who keeps making direct references to obscure but findable details regarding your personal life in your music as Easter Eggs for the real fans to find and decipher. like a lot of the time I am like yeah it sucks how artists don't have privacy but for fuck's sake, you have intentionally cultivated this fan base!

remember when Taylor Swift released 22 and it was like just a fun pop song you could sing along with in the car instead of needing and failing to prove that she's a Real Artiste? those were the days.

#music tag #joke tag

[flower1622]

Hi 😊 i just wanted to say im sorry for all the bad messages you've been getting, on behalf of people who like annabeth. Shes been such an important character to me since i was a kid because we had kinda similar home lives and i was inspired by how strong she was and how brave she was to still keep putting her heart out there. It really breaks my heart to see people using her to justify sending you hate that you don't deserve. Annabeth gave me a lot of hope as a child but at the end of the day she isnt real and your opinions cant hurt her. Please dont feel like you have to change your views just because people are being nasty. I like you and i think you seem like a good person and no fictional character should ever get in the way of the respect we have for each other ❤ anyway have a wonderful day

Wow! I really liked this message! I didn't know how important Annabeth was to some people. I like that someone shared this with me. Sometimes, I feel really bad for all the things I may have said about her, but I still wish she and Percy could go to a therapy or something and make their communication better because I can't see her undersestimating him sometimes. I'm almost crying right now. But it's the truth. Many people think my page makes no sense or is such a hypocrite. They are right and wrong. As much as I hated Annabeth, I'm trying pretty hard to understand the character even though I end up showing my little dislike for her by the polls as someone commented...I still put her in the option of "another one". What is really funny is that these people don't like me but they don't block me or some even stalk my posts. That's kinda funny.

So, as an Annabeth anti or kinda anti, I'm sorry for all the bad things I said about her. I don't promise I won't say something bad later. I'm still human and make many mistakes. I used to ship her a lot with Percy. I always searched for Percabeth stories. Then I realized that sometimes she could give me a vibe that I didn't like...that person that knows it all and is superior to anyone else (I don't even like Hermione and many other characters because of this too). So, yeah! I'm trying not to mention her that much here on my page (trying... not that I will stop) and sorry for all the people that I hurt with my opinions and comments. That was never my intention. Now, I pratically became one of the most hated pages here. I will try not go by what other people are saying because I know that everyone has your point of view and we need to respect each other. So, if anyone wants to tell me about Annabeth's qualities, I'll be glad to read. I still have a heart, you know? 🤣. Maybe this will make me have more compassion towards her, like the one from the series did.

I'm sorry for my vent. I just needed to let it out a little bit too! Peace and Love! Thanks for the message. Few people like you and the others (who also respected and supported me) can make my day so much better.

#percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson #pjo #pjo tv show #pjo series #heroes of olympus #percy jackson heroes of olympus

[pockets-full-of-beans]

[Been thinking about Duncan lately, so, older Duncan doodle?]

[Some random hcs under the cut?]

The cure, despite miraculously booting the fever from his system and halting the likely degeneration of his body, didn't "fix" the damage the disease had already caused. The boils left discoloration and scarring, his muscles had become too weak to really support his body, and he struggled with speech and memory.

This was probably a bit distressing for Maccready, but also not too surprising? A lot of the kids back in Little Lamplight struggled with various health problems, such as the rickets and malnutrition mentioned in fo3, so he probably wasn't shocked by it nor unprepared, just terribly anxious about anything getting worse and Duncan's health taking a plummet again.

I like to think Maccready brought Duncan to the Commonwealth once things settle a bit, and because of so, Curie was able to assist in furthering his treatment. It helped her research more into the health of children in the wasteland and create better over-all treatment for settlements, and in turn helped Duncan over time regain more of his strength and motor-skills.

It's not often a parent gets to watch their child learn to walk and run for a second time, but Maccready did, and it seems his stubborn determination is quite genetic.

While he is capable of walking and running, Duncan's balance never really returned and he tires very easily, hence the walking cane in the doodle. He likely has a few depending on what he needs for the day or how tired/achy he is, since the "quality" of his health might be a bit more of a day-by-day ordeal.

Hancock tried gifting Duncan a sword-cane he had laying around in the Old State House for a birthday, but Maccready quickly intervened, putting it away till Duncan was older. Maccready did think it was pretty cool though.

In a way, Cait and Duncan somewhat bonded over their recovery processes. (I tend to believe that that really sketchy vault machine also wasn't a "cure-all" type deal, and so, Cait also likely had quite the road ahead of her when it came to recovering.) Duncan looked up to her when it came to stuff such as the physical therapy, as she seemed so strong to him, and he wanted to do his best, but not push himself too hard, to one day be as strong as her. Funnily enough, Cait thought it the other way around, watching this small child carefully build himself back up, she figured he was the much stronger one in a self-loathing way. But eventually she figured "If this kid can do it, why the fuck can't I?"

Weirdly enough, the disease didn't leave many effects on Duncan's eyesight and he has about the same hawk-like vision of his father. However, the disease did affect how steady his hands are, so he can't really shoot as straight without support or leaning against something. He's a good spotter though. Might enjoy bird-watching?

While debatable with the wonkiness of canon, I do tend to lean towards Duncan's mother having been the Lucy from Little Lamplight just because, idk, I really loved her in fo3, and while I hate it meaning she dies in such a way, I do like the idea of Duncan having many of her traits, both physically and personality-wise. He's almost a near-50/50 mix of his parents.

Like Lucy, he's a lot more naturally patient compared to Maccready. Constant physical therapy and medical appointments made that a bit of a heaven sent. Probably, a bit of a funny image from an outside view in the waiting rooms of clinics. (Duncan sitting calmly, perhaps reading a comic or drawing, and next to him Mac just constantly looking around, bouncing his leg, wringing his hands, making small noises to distract from fretting about Duncan.)

Despite the patient nature, he is just about as distractible as Maccready is. Father and son shopping/restocking runs go a little out of hand because of that. They both prefer lists and schedules.

Duncan is a very avid reader, but generally loves stories in whatever form he can get them in. It was a bit of a life-line during the worst of his fever, having someone there to read to him or tell him stories and distract him from the pain. It became a passion of his later on. He loves hearing Daisy talk about the pre-war libraries, and her favorite stories.

Perhaps he'd take up writing? Making up his own stories to read or tell to others just as they had to him. Maybe he'd weasel an extra or un-used type-writer from Piper to write with.

Just like his Dad, fish/seafood does not agree with him. But! Unlike his Dad, he's not allergic to dust lol.

Duncan's soft-spoken for the most part, which just makes his threats or insults all the more intense as he can deliver them with his father's conviction, just a lot calmer and serious.

...Duncan does swear, he just tries to hide it from Maccready. ( Mac knows...)

#idk. i know some folks don't seem very keen on the concept of Duncan. but i honestly love him #most of the hc's are quite random and probably make little sense lol. it's been a busy day lmao #fallout 4 #fo4 #fo4 fanart #fallout fanart #fallout duncan #duncan maccready #fallout #fallout headcanons #fo4 headcanons #pockets-draws #i couldn't decide on like. a color for him? Like. Mac is green. that's a given. But I wasn't sure for Duncan? #Eventually landed on softer greens and yellow tho #fo4 plagues my brain during my own physical therapy. so. idk. i kept thinking about Duncan likely having to go through something similar #granted. Duncan has a lot more going on than I do lol

[fatestayyuri]

Finished Ward Act 2.

thoughts under cut.

I live in hell, lament.

I don't mean to be a hater more than like, what's comedic in the liveblogs to sell the bit. but also whenever i give this fucking serial an inch it throws sand in my eyes and spits on my face. when i go "oh this interaction with children is sweet, i'm glad that Vicky is at least to get some measure of comfort vicariously" they hit me with the "actually one of them might be powered so we have to funnel them into the paramiltary death squad fasttrack" and "Victoria is now going to be a freelance strikebreaker, but this time with Less Oversight". she also wants to fuck her therapist so like, sure. fuck it. i guess we're at that point now.

it's so fucked up very clearly seeing the artifice surrounding the actual genuine compelling core of the story of someone with terminal copbrain due to her trauma and upbringing learning to heal get fucking, impaled fourteen hundred times over by Wildbow moments. There's nascent themes here! of healing! of loss! of taking uneasy, shaky steps forward and trying to mesh the inherent hypocrisy of knowing your abuser deserves a second chance but feeling like that you'd rather kill both of you than be the one to give it to them. I Get It. i really do. but also please stop framing the strikebreaking like it's a good thing.

Sorry i just need to go on here to say that it's supremely funny to me that throwing cars in front of people during a panicked evacuation because they disrespected her Special Baby Girl authority is AFTER all of the conflict counselling is so fucking good. Like??? this is after, huh. it's okay since civies aren't people i suppose, just cargo and luggage

I'm not actually sure if wildbow knows what a strike is. "they're not striking, the two construction groups have just banded together to withhold labor", you say? I don't know maybe it's an intentional oversight on the character's part but at least mention that, goddamn. was he really that proud of the insult Glory Hole to use it twice, too? every time he tries to be witty i genuinely sink into my seat and start boiling alive in second-hand shame. that flirting scene was fucking terrible and the "wow so witty" he gave himself was fucking terrible.

^Wild thing to put slip in there, by the way. "yeah they acted like a union, y'know, making sure the kids were educated, sane, not being SLUTS, not being abused, etc etc"

These writeups aren't edited or like cohesive or coherent at all almost entirely because if wildbow doesn't feel the need to why should i. fuck off, it's ward.

oh right! the therapy group! the therapy group pisses me off so much dude I hate that i love them all i hate that their dynamics are good i hate that they have good chemistry and play off each other and that they feel believable and I hate that i'm gonna read more of this just to see them. Fuck me

uhhh lemme just go down the list... I haven't been given enough information on Chris but I'm liking what i'm seeing tbh, he's cagey and kind of idealistic but also he's like. 13. that's just how they are it's very convincing

Kenzie is good! i like her! she[realises i'm gonna write "is very convincing and compelling for all of these] uhhhhh mirrors a lot of the hangups i had as a kid but also I do in fact completely understand why everyone else wanted me Not In Danger back then

Ashley is too good and hot for Victoria "Cop" Dallon. that is all.

Byron and Tristan are a really interesting character concept to me actually; I have cogent thoughts whirling around in my brain but the only joke i have is that what if they starred in a variant of All or Nothing wouldn't that be fucked up

Rain O' Fire Frazier. She's so trans-coded it's unreal. I love her and how fucked up she is and how she's literally just in this to not get Murderized by her metaphorical family. Girl Same. It is really funny that she gets introduced with a functional kanji pun,

shows up with all her shit fucked up and cracked,

and then leaves with the closest thing of explicit lesbianism that Wildbow has written other than Victoria Dallon's weird thing with the milf therapist.

but from what i hear of Wildbow i'm pretty sure he'll add in a passage about her wanting to settle down with a nice Decidedly Male guy and get pregnant or whatever.

the main thing about Sveta is that she goes "well i *see* myself as disabled" while being like. a quadruple amputee. girl if you are not disabled who is

god. i love these characters. it's such a shame that they're gonna become cops. i hate it here. i hate that i'm gonna read like 1.8 million more words of this. fuck me. fuuuuuuuuuuck.

all in all 7/10 so far

#ward lb

[jukipptx]

omg i love renjun 🙌 could u write where u and him are enemies and one day u get hurt pls? thank u if u do!

Ok I’ve had this idea for sooooome time, but I didn’t know how to write it or where to start. Not exactly enemies but you hate him and you thought he hates you too??? You don’t exactly get hurt but you get so annoyed????🥰🎀💗 Hope you like it bby 😭😭😭😘

there was this tiny little (cute) cocky always late always annoying always staring at you guy named??? renjun was it??? brown hair and brown eyes, wearing specs, beige cargo pants, different graphic tee everytime with a long sleeve buttoned shirt on top, and a hat aaaaalways. you met him in art class. well it was more like an art therapy class??? and omg you haaaaated him so much 😭😭😭 and you thought that maybe he didn’t like you so much either because, why would he be so annoying for???

for starters, the teacher sat him next to you (of course she did); and in the start that didn’t bother you, you were actually happy to meet new people!!! but it was when he started showing up 30 minutes late to class that you started to get annoyed. he was so noisy when sitting down and arranging his stuff on the table 🙄 just hurry up and sit down!!!!

“i’m sorry, practice got long again.” that was what he always said (he blushed all cute omg) to the teacher and she always seemed to understand. practice of what??? omg just be on time for once dude!!!!

he was also super noisy during class. he was always tapping his pencil on the table, always humming to his music and grunting all the time. he kept staring at you??? every time you told him to keep it down, his eyes were looking deeeeeeep into your soul. it almost seemed like he wanted to smile or like he enjoyed this🙄🙄🙄 omg so annoying stooooop!!! why was he doing all of this????!!!!

why was he doing all of this??? girl wake up omg!!! he likes you sooooo much!!!!!

he plans his little outfits with so much care just to impress you. he keeps on wearing different types of blue buttoned shirts just because you said your favorite color was baby blue 😭😭😭 when the teacher sat him next to you, he started shaking because he was ooooh so nervous to be next to you, but acted it off by pretending to be annoyed???

he was so noisy because he wanted your attention so bad. he was so slow on purpose just so you would look at him longer. being late wasn’t on purpose though, practice actually got long every single time 💔💔💔 he hated being late because it meant less time with you 😭 and when you told him to stop being so noisy??? omg he screamed internally. he loved being scolded by you omg renjun 😭😭😭😭😭

there was one time when he accidentally smiled while being scolded by you, he forgot that he was pretending, and you scolded him again and he blushed 🥹🥹🥹

“why are you smiling? it’s not funny, renjun.” you whispered, you guys were in the middle of class and you were so annoyed because the classroom was so quiet, but he wasn’t. he blushed so hard. he even chuckled because you remembered his name (of course you would).

“i’m sorry.” he whispered as well. he wasn’t sorry. he was constantly looking for a chance to talk to you.

“you’re not.” you finally confronted him.

“i’m not.” he confessed.

eventually, as the months passed by, and little by little, he started getting to know you. he stopped being so annoying, he apologized and he got the courage to ask you questions about yourself. then he started bringing extra of everything on purpose just to share with you. Extra snacks, extra new colored pens, extra perfume samples they gave him at the store, extra flowers he found on his way to class??? extra beaded bracelets (matching😭🤢💗) he bought on accident??? extra frappuccinos??? it was so suspicious because, why on earth would they give him an extra frappuccino??? but he believed it wasn’t suspicious at all, and you let him believe because, deep deep deeeeep down (it wasn’t that deep) you liked him, but JUST A LITTLE (you were head over heels falling in love with him omg)

#nct dream #7dream #nct #nct dream fluff #nct dream headcanons #nct dream reactions #nct dream timestamps #nct dream x reader #nct fic #nct fluff #nct dream renjun #nct renjun #huang renjun

[maybeimamuppet]

Veronica and Cady for the character thingy plss

DID I NEVER POST THIS HOLY SHIT OOPS

eeep i just found this and don’t remember when i got it i’m sorry friend!! i’m assuming this is for the list and not the bingo but if i’m wrong i’ll do it again lol

ok i have to do cady first bc it won’t let me type beneath veronica’s picture so woo i love it here soooo much /s

CADY

favorite thing about them

she has so much depth! i love how adorable she is and how bubbly and high energy and yet soft spoken and sweet she is but she also has a dark and vindictive streak in her that’s really fun to play with. also she’s like really fun to torture sometimes lol whoops

least favorite thing about them

again i hate how many people she uses for her own gain and how power hungry she gets

favorite line

“shuck! i started to say shoot and i almost said fu-” for funnies and uhhh

“fearless is the one thing i can be now, no friends, nothing to lose” and whatnot for like more emotional. also all of i see stars i still get misty every time i listen to it

brOTP

damiaaaaan. they wear matching outfits whenever they can, damian comes over to cadnis’ house for movie nights twice a week at least, they watch bootlegs together without janis bc she doesn’t like them. just. mwah. i could go off but i’ll hold back lol

OTP

TAKE A WILD GUESS DUDE

nOTP

aaron. they only worked bc of erikyle. if i could drop kick every other aaron into the road i would.

random headcanon

she can talk backwards!

unpopular opinion

there’s a point where she is fully aware of what she’s doing and how wrong it is and she actively chooses to continue for a hot second until the burn book being released and whatnot snaps her out of it that people do not talk about enough. i know i’m guilty of it too but she is not all innocent and naive and coerced into this shit like she’s a full teenager she knows damn well what she’s doing

song i associate with them

a change in me from beauty and the beast which hath inspired many a fic in my early days. at the plaza from the violet hour loosely inspired i’ll be there for christmas. like very loosely. uhhh and i think the like vibes of true love from frozen (or basically anything anna sings lol) even if it’s not necessarily the same meaning

favorite picture of them

i picked two for both her and veronica bc iiiim greedy lol

alright well one of cady’s is with ronnie for some fuckass reason thanks tumblr!!! i tried i swear

VERONICA

favorite thing about them

honestly this isn’t as much to do with her as a character as it is to do with the people who’ve played her but she has done so much for my self esteem in a really roundabout way. as someone with dark brown eyes and frizzy kinda untamable brown hair reading fic about her helped me appreciate more things about myself.

if you struggle with self image i really cannot recommend highly enough finding a character who looks and acts like you and reading stories where someone is absolutely, irrevocably in love with them. whether that’s platonically or romantically. i know it’s weird but being able to look in the mirror or at some aspect of my personality that i don’t like and say “that’s still lovable” is WONDERFUL.

least favorite thing about them

i despise the way she treats martha and also baby girl is kind of a doormat!! she’s one of those shitty wicker doormats that scratches the hell outta your feet but like dang!!

favorite line

not a line but her face in the musical when jd and kurt and ram start fighting

but also the way barrett delivers the “oH MY GOD!” over chandler’s corpse is immaculate

and i had one of her like super iconic ones everyone knows in my head but now i can’t remember it siiiigh

brOTP

marthaaaaa buddies since babies. also like. still alive and post MUCH therapy jd has a lot of fun potential

OTP

poly heathers!! but to put them individually in order, mac, chandler (those two are almost tied), duke

nOTP

JD. i know he goes by his initials and that’s just his name but i was trying to yell that. i do not like him i think he stinky get him outta there

random headcanon

she’s not allowed to wear pants with drawstrings anymore because she’s gotten stuck in them too many times. also she’s not allowed to use superglue bc she’s glued her fingers together too many times.

yes both of these are true of me shut up

unpopular opinion

she’s a lot weaker than most people think and a lot stronger than most people think st the same time

and i’m not always a huge fan of her being autistic i think she’s just that painfully awkward and dense

song i associate with them

it is so much harder than you would think to pick songs that are not from their shows?? like the only one in my head is i’m blue dabadeedabadie like i don’t KNOW OKAY

favorite picture of them

#the joys of tumblr mobile #lawd #anyway thank you friend!! #entropy with ezzy #ezzy gets an ask #cady heron #veronica sawyer #mean girls #heathers #caps tw #swear tw

[thegreencanary]

Exit night.

Based on this request!:

Summary: you fell asleep with your best friends and boyfriend around when nightmares from the upside down come. Only one person can calm you despite everyone who is trying.

A/N: This is my work and I don’t give anyone the permission to post it anywhere claiming to be someone else’s. I worked hard on this, if you enjoy it please interact. Requests are open.

Paring: Eddie x You (Fem!reader) featuring Best friends Robin and Steve

TW: Talk of violence, gore, upside down scary, cursing

A/N: I’m working through my requests right now! I’m sorry for the delay!

Family dinners, that’s what you called them. Once a month you insisted that everyone, Hopper and Joyce included, came out for a dinner. No one in Hawkins understood what the gang had gone through and it was a good time to get stuff out to people who could understand it. Originally it was for Billy to realize he wasn’t alone when he came back from the Starcourt incident. He’d never be the same after that but he needed to know he wasn’t alone. Slowly the dinners just turned into therapy for everyone. Eddie needed them most recently because he was still healing from the incident with the bats. You were so focused on his recovery and his healing that you didn’t realize the trauma that happened to you. You watched the love of your life get ripped to shreds and technically die. You saw the deep cuts, and you carried him to the hospital with help from Steve. You were covered head to toe in his blood as you waited to see if he was going to come back; yet you didn’t deal with any of it. Repressed emotions have a funny way of showing up.

Yawning, you cleaned up the plates from family dinner. Pretty much everyone had cleared out except for you, Robin and Steve. Eddie was taking some of the munchkins home but he was gonna come back for you soon. Steve took some of the plates for you and eyed you suspiciously. It was pretty obvious by the bags under your eyes that you hadn’t been sleeping.

“Y/N, want to stay for a movie? I brought Overboard from the store. It’s supposed to be cute or something.”

Robin handed you the VHS. You liked horror movies like the rest of the gang, but recently it was hard for you to watch them. A romantic comedy sounded a lot better.

“Eddie said he was gonna come back and pick me up…”

The movie looked really funny.

“You know you both can just stay here. Robins probably going to crash here too, right?”

Robin gave a ‘duh’ look to Steve and he motioned with his hands.

“See? Just stay and relax. Eddie won’t mind. He likes stealing my food anyways.”

True. Steve always packed the fridge really well when his parents fucked off to some random ass place. You knew he hated being alone and he loved to host. Smiling softly you simply nodded.

“Sweet! I’ll pop it in, you can just relax on the couch and mom over here will finish cleaning up.”

Steve rolled his eyes.

“At least call me Dad Jesus fucking Christ. Why am I friends with you two?”

“What did I do!?” You laughed softly. Robin just chucked a dirty napkin at him and headed to the living room to pop in the movie. You helped Steve a little bit he shooed you away from the kitchen.

“Thanks mom.” You chuckled as he spewed some profanities at you. Grabbing a big ass blanket you moved to the bigger of the three couches and curled up in the corner. Robin tossed you a pillow and winked as she started the movie. You felt a heavy presence next you you.

“Now that is a good hairstyle.” Steve mentioned about the lead actor.

“Good lord Steve.” Robin rolled her eyes and started on one of her famously long but quick rants. Something about how the mullet was so dumb looking but you couldn’t focus. Almost immediately you fell asleep, comfortable around your best friends. The warm blanket lulled you into dreamland…which is exactly where you’d been avoiding.

Recently your dreamland was the Upside Down. Often you were just running, not looking back but just pushing forward. The emptiness in your lungs burning your whole body and your legs screaming to stop; but you kept running. Tonight, you weren’t running, you were in an open field. It was a corn field that was by your apartment. You know it well, last summer the farmer decided to plant hundreds of rows of flowers instead. Eddie danced with you under the moonlight in those flowers, it’s where he told you he loved you. The first time you two admitted how much you’d fallen for each other. Now it was barren, scorched and dried out. There was…something in the middle of it. Everything in your brain told you to run, but your legs moved forward. Closer…clooooseer until you recognized something. A severed hand, with the silver rings you knew and loved so well.

“No…”

Now you were sprinting again, Passing one of his legs you tried to remain focused…until you saw it. Eddie’s head was detached from his body. A bat snaking it’s demonic tail around his neck and pulling it apart. Eddie looked at you and screamed out, causing you to scream to him.

Robin was shaking you but nothing was happening. Not even halfway through the movie you were sweating in your sleep. Your breathing was ragged and you looked pale as fuck. Steve freaked out and got cold towels to try and cool you down, but when you screamed he panicked. Robin jumped into action but nothing she was doing was bringing you back. They both got scared that even though Vecna was gone…maybe he got to you.

——————————

“See you later kiddo. Don’t forget to start your campaign for Hellfire! You won’t be a good Dungeon Master if you’re late!”

Eddie scolded Dustin as he dropped off the last kid. You’d convinced Eddie to let Dustin try and take his place in case you and Eddie ever needed to miss a Hellfire night. Will was a really good option as well, but the way Dustin pined after Eddie made him want to give the kid a chance. Driving back to Steve’s, Eddie was thinking about you. You looked exhausted at dinner tonight but anything he asked you, you just ignored it. Eddie finally felt like he was getting back to normal, the nightmares stopped and he was able to go about his days without feeling like he was being watched. He noticed you getting worse and worse.

You’d stopped spending the night with him, and most likely stopped sleeping altogether. You never talked to anyone about what happened to him. Eddie knew it took a toll on you, you saved his life but you just said you were fine. Hell, when he had his nightmares you’d sing him into a calmer sleep. He just wanted to help you but you just wouldn’t let him. The metal head found himself sighing as he thought about you. God he fucking loved you, but sometimes he felt useless.

Pulling in Eddie was whistling, thinking of date ideas to cheer you up when he heard your scream from inside. Damn near kicking down the door he found Robin over you, trying to wake you up and Steve pacing back and forth.

“What the fuck is going on!?!”

“We don’t know Eddie! She dozed off and now she’s broken out into a swear and we can’t wake her up. She’s been screaming and shaking.”

Steve opted to not tel Eddie you were screaming his name and crying. The tears had stopped but you were still panting and whispering Eddie’s name.

“Move Robin.”

“But-“

“NOW……..please.”

She glared at him for a moment, but moved. Eddie immediately situated himself behind you and wrapped you in a hug. Gently he started speaking in your ear, small whispered that only you could hear. Almost instantly at the sound of his voice, your breathing slowed. Gently, your boyfriend kissed your cheek and started singing a slow and soft version of ‘Enter Sandman’ by Metallica.

————————-

You were watching Eddie get ripped to shreds and nothing you did could save him. Every-time you reached for him a bat cut you open. Your body was exhausted but you wanted to fight, for him. Suddenly a warmth surrounded you; like the sun. You felt safe and the Upside Down became brighter, and slowly it became Hawkins. Eddie’s figure faded as his sweet voice filled your mind. The paralysis you felt began to lift and fresh air filled your lungs.

Lurching forward, you woke to strong arms holding you back. Robin and Steve looked frightened and you realized it was all a dream.

“Y/N…what the fuck was that??”

Steve was worried for you but the voice of comfort that came from behind you calmed everyone in the room.

“Not now Steve.”

Robin eyed Eddie.

“How the hell did you do that? I was shaking her for like a minute and a half.”

You chuckled weakly but snuggled closer into Eddie. He was quiet so you spoke up.

“He’s my safe space Robin. If he’s okay, I’m okay. I just needed to know he was okay.”

Steve rolled his eyes but he was happy you were okay. Robin quirked an eyebrow but let it be for the evening. Eddie whispered softly into your ear.

“We will talk about your nightmares later baby. You can’t keep acting like everything is fine.”

A heavy sigh filled the air but you knew he was right. There was an awkwardness to the air but Robin wasn’t the subtle type.

“So I’m uncomfortable now. I’m gonna play the movie so we can focus on something other than the mental breakdown that Y/N doesn’t want to talk about right now.”

You could kind of tell that Steve and Robin were upset you hadn’t trusted them with what was going on in your head. Adjusting your body, you were still attached to Eddie but you patted the seat next to you.

“Come on. When I’m ready, I’ll talk. For now I just want to be with my best friends and my boyfriend. Okay?”

Eddie smiled and kissed your cheek. He’d be here when you were ready. Steve sighed and sat on the floor in front of you and Robin sat beside you. God you had no idea where you’d be without these weirdos.

——————————————-

A/N: I hope the anon likes it!! Sorry if there are spelling errors it’s 2:50am and I’m on my phone. Thanks for the request!! ❤️❤️

#eddie survives #eddie x you #eddie munson #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x reader #eddie stranger things #stranger things #steve the hair harrington #steve harrington #robin buckley #robin stranger things #steve stranger things

[innocentimouto]

Hama deserved a freaking therapy and reunite with Kanna again yet all they did was throw her in the same inhumane conditions she has spent decades of her life in. Hama deserved better.

The bare minimum wasn't done. The bare minimum. How do you justify sticking her back into chains?? She could have died. She could have disappeared and never returned. She could have had a breakdown from the years of trauma and finally finding one of her people and having some hope and sharing her culture to someone who would carry it on but it still not being enough because she lost so much, and appeared sympathetic---

wait that doesn't work in this fandom

This quick episode to show some lesson about 'evil being in everyone' really needed more attention considering half this season was spent humanizing the Fire Nation and yet no season gave any attention to the Water Tribes. I wanted to see the regular people going about their day. I wanted to see a bunch of girls sneaking off to watch Katara waterbend. Some random silly scene about merchants complaining about how weird some parts of the ek are about waterbending. Some old woman talking about back in her day waterbending students were much more advanced.

Any of it would have helped lessen the uncomfortableness of this. Even still, even if writing Hama without any salvation, she didn't have to be stuck back in prison, which almost seems like agreeing with the fn. Like they were somehow right that it was the right choice.

I just feel like this message wasn't necessary for the Water Tribe specifically since we got it enough from the Earth Kingdom. So that's one problem. And then the other half of the problem is making Hama into this one dimensional evil when she is, ironically, one of the handful of characters who hate the Fire Nation. Kind of funny how hating your oppressors always needs to be punished out of you hmm?

#Hama #atla #asks #yes yes I know Hama isn't innocent #that doesn't absolve the writing #and even if the writing is 'sympathtic' #'sympathetic' #it's still not done on the level of the fn which is sketchy and poor imo #I get so tired over people saying Jet and Hama were writing properly #BARELY #the victims of war should be given more attention than the colonizers #so they're sidecharacters? so why aren't there more sidecharacters who are allowed to hate the people who ruined their lives #people are so weird in fandoms #it's all 'you don't owe your abusers anything' #but then 'forgive the people who destroyed your home. hate is dangerous. grow up. move on.' #it's like so many people want Hama and Jet to move on but I never hear anyone want Zuko to forgive Ozai

[fate-magical-girls]

For the choose violence ask game. (1, 3, 7, 8, 9, 10, 12, 18, 22, 25) for Hank Pym and Hal Jordan.

There's so much I want to say about both these characters that I'm gonna do answers for Hank, and then answers for Hal later.

Warning: potential fandom-enraging takes ahead.

Hank Pym

The character everyone gets wrong

Domestic abuser is not the be-all end-all of Hank Pym's character, but it can't be discounted either, because he's not just the sweet, sad, relatable guy most of his fandom find him to be. Hank is the sum of all his parts. Partly because of the writers' divided interpretations of him, Hank is a person who will realize his mistake, work very hard to ensure they never happen again, make a lot of progress, but then hits a point where he stops watching himself and backslides. His compassion, courage, and patience are real, but so is his insecurity, jealousy, and occasional moments of self-centeredness or self-destructiveness. Once he gets too comfortable in a romantic relationship, everything starts being about his needs and his comfort level, with him not noticing whether or not he could make his partners uncomfortable. To his credit, if they point this out, he usually does apologize. (For example, proposing marriage to Jan on the date of their original anniversary) He's also capable of being toxic and spreading his misery to others, especially during a depressed episode, such as his attempt to destroy almost all AI in Rage of Ultron. There's moments when he feels entitled to acceptance in the superhero community, if not also to forgiveness. He also built a prison where shrunken supervillain inmates are terrorized by ants serving as guards, and named it Lang Memorial Penitentiary, presumably because he and Jan found it funny. That said, understanding and dealing with his own flaws makes him very forgiving and empathetic toward others, even those his fellow heroes would consider lost causes.

3. Screenshot or description of the worst take you’ve seen on tumblr

Anything that considers Janet Van Dyne responsible for the marital abuse she suffered, or that considers her as THE toxic one in her marriage with Hank Pym. Just during the marriage itself, Jan was as supportive as she could be, given the constraints of being written during the 80s. It was Hank who was too prideful to admit he had problems as their marriage decayed. Both of them made mistakes and mistreated each other here and there, but it's ultimately Hank who did worse.

7. What character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

Hank Pym, but it's more of a love-hate-obsession for him. Most of the Hank Pym fandom tends to defend him and use him as mental health advocacy. They're right that Hank is struggling, and he is relatable, but he's also a grown man with his own agency and flaws that don't stem from his bipolar disorder. Also, just because of the changing times, characters in his same position, such as Moon Knight and Hank's own daughter, are shown seeking out therapy and a support network to handle their conditions responsibly. Hank is consistently portrayed as someone who, due to both pride and bad experiences with SHIELD handlers, refuses to do that. I hope that when Marvel does bring him back, they'll address that point. I like Hank Pym for both his virtues and his flaws, and if Marvel lets him deal with his condition responsibly, I'll probably stop emphasizing his flaws.

8. Common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

Hank doesn't want to be an Avenger and/or Jan is always dragging him into superheroics when he's more comfortable in a lab. Hank does want to be an Avenger. Moreover, he wants to fit in as an Avenger. He wants to be as impressive and as powerful as the rest of this cool crowd, or at least, he wants to find a niche and be useful. Hank is a person who expresses affection through practical measures, like nursing people when they're sick, or providing them with the info and tech they need to get something done. Tied into this is his low self-esteem where he thinks that if he stops being useful, his friends will no longer want to be around him. That's why finding out Iron Man is Tony Stark proves to be so devastating for him -- he's no longer sure why his cooler and better friends keep him around. It's also why he keeps on redefining himself -- he's trying to be accepted and fit in. It's true Hank has taken physical and mental health sabbaticals, but the Avengers, as strange and stressful as they are, are his only friends outside of colleagues like Bill Foster. Hank needs the Avengers to be his support system, and he definitely wants them in his life, even though he's nervous about how he can keep up with their pace.

Another opinion is that Hank is bad about expressing affection and attraction. Like I said, he expresses affection through practical measures. He is bad about doing emotional labor and remembering comfort zones, more than even Marvel's other geniuses, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have a love language. He's not a smooth talker and he's an introvert, but he can be deeply romantic. He lets Maria Trovaya's memory as well as Jan's memory cast shadows over his heart long after their presumed deaths. He remembers special dates and anniversaries and always tries to do something special for his loved ones to commemorate the occasion. He does spend a lot of time in his lab, and his passions are primarily that of the mind and not the body, but he has no problem initiating intimacy with either Jan or Tigra, or even seeking out one-night-stands. I actually think there's moments when he's more uninhibited than his teammates, especially if he's swinging toward a manic episode, and he's demanding some intimacy from his significant other even though they're in a public place (in the worst case scenario, they can just shrink down and hide in plain sight).

9. Worst part of canon

How Janet was killed off and Hank was essentially rewarded with Tigra's love in the wake of Secret Wars. Sorry to the Tigerant shippers out there, I have some issues with that plot development. For me, it feels skeevy that Hank Pym is essentially given a fresh start because Jan isn't around to make him feel guilty about his mistakes anymore. It gets worse because Tigra was originally a second-wave feminist character. Even before her transformation into a weretiger, she was strong, determined, and refused to be put down or infantilized by the men around her. Her original character arc in West Coast Avengers was about her reconciling the two sides of her soul and realizing that her Greer side wasn't a weak little woman who needed men like Hank to comfort and protect her. Her Avengers Academy years were alright, since she was a good teacher and a good mother, but she also didn't feel like the way Tigra should be. All her edges were filed off and she became an accessory for Hank Pym's happiness. However, I do concede that they seem happy together and fans want their favs to be happy.

As it pertains to Hank himself, his not-quite death in Rage of Ultron. He died almost as an afterthought, and he's only ambiguously dead because Ultron fused into his body. If Marvel really wanted to retire him, they could've chosen a better way to do it.

10. Worst part of fanon

Anything that posits that Hank, Greer, William, and Nadia should form a happy little family without Janet being involved. Jan is Nadia's mother in everything besides biology. Just because Hank is Nadia's biological father and Nadia wants to meet him doesn't mean she should be cut off from Jan. And Jan being Jan probably means she has a split custody agreement set up and ready to go just to prepare for eventualities.

Also, the opinion that Hank, Greer, and William would continue to have a happy, drama-free relationship as time went on. Personally, I think that Hank's insecurities need to be taken into account. His original conflict with Jan leading into his manic episodes was that she was richer, more successful, and performed better in battle than he did. Even if he's gotten past most of his toxic masculinity by now, he still needs to be careful about backsliding. In a way, Greer really is perfect for him because of her lack of employment or respect from the hero community at large means she never triggers his insecurities. He doesn't feel an obligation to respect her or compete with her the way he would with Jan. Greer, being the free spirit and semi-loner she is, also doesn't need Hank's attention or emotional labor to keep loving him. She can just drift in and out of his life as needed. Of course, she might have some strong opinions if she thinks Hank doesn't respect her. There's also the issue that Hank and Greer are from two different worlds, even more so than him and Jan. Sooner or later, as William begins dealing with his cat soul and cat instincts, Hank will want to impose some sort of discipline while Greer wants to give him space to figure it out on his own like she did back in the day. And that would lead to conflict. On the other hand, Hank and Jan would mostly agree as to how to coparent Nadia. I also think that William is mostly his mother's son, so while he would always love Hank as his dad, there would be a gulf between them where they don't share very many interests and thus can't really understand each other. If you factor in Moon Knight, William might vibe more with him as they both understand the thrill of the hunt, and Hank would really start feeling competitive.

12. The unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

Hank is a niche character in and of himself, and I wish more people would love him with all his flaws attached. He's a bit of a paradox, both an ant of a man and someone who casts a long shadow. There's a lot to hate about him, for obvious reasons, like being selfish and insecure. But there's also a lot to love about him, like his curiosity and idealism and his compassion for even the smallest creatures, such as his ants. You can't call him a good person, but he's still a well-rounded character. I also like Eric O'Grady and find him a very distinct character. Like Hank, he's heavily flawed, maybe even more than his predecessor, but he still tries to better himself. He still learns something about letting go of his selfishness and being a hero. Eric's original death was being crushed to death like an ant while protecting a child. Regardless of Remender's writing quality, I can appreciate that he did find the courage to step up and sacrifice himself when cowardice is something he struggled with for his entire existence.

18. It’s absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on…

Both of the other Pym-Van Dyne kids. There's William Grant Nelson, Hank and Tigra's son, of course, but there's also Katie Summers, Jan's daughter with Alex Summers. There's a lot of stories you could get out of them. Katie was stolen from her father's arms by Kang the Conqueror when the Avengers needed to go back in time and erase the bad future that she was born in. Kang's child-rearing methods leave a lot to be desired because he typically dumps children in specifically selected bad future timelines that traumatize them into hating everyone they used to love, like Black Bolt's son Ahura being made to slaughter his own ancestors across time or Archangel's twins being thrown into a mutant concentration camp. How would Hank, Jan, and Nadia deal with Jan's daughter as Kang's angry and traumatized lieutenant? And for William, I've already talked about how I think he and his father might not always understand each other, but there's also the issue of his dad not just being his dad anymore. In a blended family scenario, Hank is also Nadia's dad and Katie's stepdad of sorts. How would William handle not being able to monopolize his father anymore, especially when Nadia shares more of his interests? And for that matter, how does Nadia deal with Jan having a daughter of her own, a daughter that she deeply missed for a long time?

Also, Marvel should hurry up and let Jan design a toyline with Hank's help. She can design the dolls' looks and Hank can help build the miniature accessories.

22. Your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

Hank Pym has hobbies that aren't just science! He plays the piano, snaps candid photos, watches anime, enjoys junk food, and he and Jan both collect stamps. And for the record, back in the Tales to Astonish era, Jan was always trying her hand at stand-up comedy by telling ironic horror stories to people she hung out with. Her performances rarely went over well, especially not with Hank. I like the idea that he and Jan held open mic nights for the Avengers or attended fandom conventions together, because couples need to share some hobbies. He's also good at barbecue, so I imagine he cooked for Greer sometimes.

And neither here nor there, but Hank, Jan and Greer are all characters with horror roots. Hank starts out as a sci-fi horror protagonist, an arrogant scientist whose experiment backfires. He then becomes the psycho-horror villain of Jan's story in the lead-in to their divorce. Tigra was modified from standard superhero The Cat into a horror B-movie style weretiger that was at once attractive, exotic, and dangerous. Someday, these three should deal with some horror story tropes...

25. Common fandom complaint that you’re sick of hearing

Hank deserves to forgiven for his mistakes with no strings attached because the likes of Carol Danvers and Tony Stark have done worse and been accepted back into the fold with a slap on the wrist. If anything, Hank was forgiven and accepted back with no boundaries attached way too easily during the Stern-Englehart era. By the end of Trial of Yellowjacket, he does have a moment of clarity where he apologizes to Jan, but his other teammates like Cap were trying to apologize to him for not doing more to help him. He was then quickly invited back to be the Avengers West Coast's tech support, and while he still felt guilt and self-hatred, most of his friends, his ex-wife included, forgave him for his misbehavior as Yellowjacket. It got to the point that trying to finally hold him accountable and give him harsher consequences 20 years down the road instead looked jarring and out of character. Carol and Tony, for their parts, were let off easily, but Tony, at least, went on an apology tour and deal with some animosity from his friends for a while. To date, the only Avenger who made a big mistake and still gets overshadowed by it, but deals with it responsibly by accepting her own guilt in the matter and accepting that people are right to view her with suspicion until she proves that she has well and truly changed is Scarlet Witch. Hank always falls short of that final part, because there are moments when he thinks he has indeed done enough to deserve unconditional forgiveness.

I do think Hank deserves a chance to be forgiven for his mistakes, but I also think that he needs to accept responsibility for himself, mostly by getting himself the right sort of treatment to make sure his manic or depressive episodes won't overpower him again.

#hank pym #ask game

[feralkwe]

my family lost someone last night.

she's not someone anyone in the family liked very much, though many of us spent portions of our lives loving her. many of us still do in our own way. she was very sick for a very long time and that sickness caused her to do many selfish things that hurt many people. she leaves a legacy of wreckage behind her, for sure. i personally did a lot of work repairing some of the damage left in the wake of her illness. she was for the most part estranged and in almost every way possible it was for the better.

but she died horribly, in a way that no one deserves to, not even if it's partially of their own making. like i said, she was very sick. i spent some time this morning talking my mother and brother through some complicated feelings about her, because i am the only person in my family who has worked to develop tools for dealing with feelings. i endeavored to remind them that while death does not make someone a saint, and that you're not required to forgive a person the wrongs they've done against you, it's okay if you still need to grieve for the love lost. for the person you loved. and also i had to talk them through the fact that she wasn't actually a terrible monster, either. that the thing everyone hates her for doing was, in fact, an act of love. it might be, in my hard won opinion, the most selfless and loving thing she'd done in her too-short life.

it's easy to look at an action someone takes and only see the ways it hurts you while losing sight of the selflessness of the act. almost my entire family hates her for what she did, but through a lot of therapy and talking it through with my besties (ilu both so much!), i've spent several years quietly thanking her for that choice. it gave me things i will always be grateful for, even if it also hurt and still hurts me in many ways. but it was a loving gasp made in a moment of clarity, and something only she could have given.

in her good times she was sweet. funny. she reminded me, both in appearance and style and manner, of avril lavigne (which may be what attracted my brother to her). she liked to team up with me in lovingly dragging my brother, a beloved pastime of mine. she gave us two beautiful boys who were my entire world for quite a while (and in many ways still are). those boys are still too young to understand her illness and the gift she gave them, but i hope that i can guide them toward doing so one day.

it's tragic that her life was cut short in such a horrifying way. no matter what anyone thinks of her, she deserved better. every human being does. we did not speak for the last many years, and i don't know if that was a good thing or not. i certainly could not have prevented what happened. i can't undo it. terrible things sometimes happen for no reason. we can do nothing but continue on.

what i can do is remember her. i can remember she lived, that she loved, that she lost, and that in the height of her illness she did the right thing, even if that thing continues to leave painful ripples through my family. and i can and will do my best to remind people that no human is all good or all bad. that sometimes things hurt so they can heal. that it's okay to mourn someone you loved even if they harmed you, and that doesn't mean you have to forgive them.

i don't need or even want any sort of sentiment extended to me for her loss. we were not close anymore, and like i said, i'm not sure if that was good or bad. i will quietly cry it out and grieve the person i believe she was, and my life will remain largely unchanged by her loss. what you can do for me, if you are moved to do anything at all, is to help me spread the reminder of the complexity of humanity.

#b does life #death cw #grief cw