#she is a narcissist

[kindnessoverperfection]

Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.

NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.

I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.

The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.

Because it's so hard to exist in this world.

My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:

Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)

Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.

Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.

Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.

Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.

Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s

I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.

So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".

Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)

Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.

If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.

NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD

Stigma in the DSM

Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)

"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."

(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)

#actuallynpd #signal boost #actuallyautistic #mental health awareness #narcissistic personality disorder #people also need to realize that mental health professionals aren't immune from bias #(it really shouldn't come as a shock that the mental health field has a longstanding pattern of misunderstanding and mistreating ppl who ar #mentally ill or otherwise ND) #the first therapist i brought up NPD to like. literally pulled out the DSM bc she could barely remember the criteria. then said that there' #no way I have it because I have low self-esteem lmaoooooo #anyway throwback to being at work and chatting with a co-worker. and the conversation turning to mental health. and him saying that #he tries to stay informed and be aware and supportive of mental health conditions & that he doesn't want to be ignorant or spread harmful #misinformation. and then i mentioned that i do a lot of research into mental health stuff and i listed a bunch of things. which included #several personality disorders. one of which was NPD. #and after listening to my whole ass list he zeroed in on the NPD and immediately started talking about how narcissists are abusive and #he knew someone who had NPD and how the person who had it had an addiction and died from the addiction in a horrible way and he #was glad he did #fun times #or when i decided to be vulnerable and talk abt my self-criticism/self-hatred bc i knew my friends also struggled w that and i wanted to #support them by sharing my own coping methods. and they both(separately!) started picking and prodding at my npd through the lens of stigma #bc i'd recently opened up to them abt having it. they recognized self-hatred as a symptom and still jumped on me for it. despite me #trying to share hurt vulnerable parts of myself to help them and connect with them. #again..... fun times

[a-narcissists-warren]

Started working on this February 16th and got too busy to get back on it so </3 i just gave up

#art #a-narcissists-warren art tag #digital art #ibis paint x #osc art #osc #object show community #object show #osc fanart #pmv #inanimate insanity #ii lightbulb #lightbulb ii #she's the main gal but like.. theres other characters so- #ii suitcase #suitcase ii #ii paintbrush #paintbrush ii #ii mephone4 #mephone4 ii #just added in those that aren't a sketch or just vaguely in the background #unfinished

[stealingpotatoes]

*drowns you in love and baked potatoes*

#she died as she lived: narcissistically and surrounded by potatoes #thanks for the ask!

[steveharrington]

eldest daughter posting is quickly becoming the new gifted child

#that post that’s like ‘you have to acknowledge what your eldest sister has done for you’ well she actually hasn’t done anything for me #other than steal stuff and have narcissistic meltdowns and be mean to our mom

[thatnarcissisticfeel]

I think that a lot of people without NPD have a really poor understanding of "narc supply" or the specific type of positive attention that pwNPD crave. Even the egotypicals who are allies, the ones denounce narc abuse and anti-NPD ableism, don't fully grasp it.

There's this false idea that NPDs like to be worshipped and showered with compliments all of the time, and I mean, yeah, most of us would eat that shit up, but I know that for myself and a lot of other pwNPD it's deeper and much more, I guess, personal?

I don't really know how to describe it, so I'll give an example: As a kid, no one really paid attention to my creative endeavors, my accomplishments, my feelings, etc. And if they DID pay attention, the attention was negative. I could always do better, I could always be smarter, stronger, etc. This came from peers and adults alike. So I developed a coping mechanism where I would tell myself that everyone else was wrong, that I'm actually the best person around, etc. I don't have to explain what disorder I ended up with as an adult as a result of all of that. :P

But anyway - the wound of constantly being ignored at best and insulted at worst is still there. You know how when you're in a group chat or a conversation with multiple people and no one ever pays attention to your comments, while paying attention to everyone else? Yeah, that shit hurts EVERYONE, but especially pwNPD. Even the smallest acknowledgment can be "narc supply."

You know how when you achieve something really cool and everyone ignores you - but the people who ignore you will be quick to praise OTHER people?

You know how when you post art/edits online and everyone ignores you - but the people who ignore you compliment someone else's post in the exact same thread?

You know how when you ask your friend to read your favorite book or listen to your favorite artist or whatever because of how much it means to you, and they never do it, but then they read/listen to everyone else's favorite thing at everyone else's recommendation, and how much it pisses you off? (Hurts even more if you have the SAME favorite book/artist and someone reads/listens to it at the other person's recommendation and not at yours.)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I could go on and on. That shit would bother anyone, us narcissists aren't alone in being hurt by that, but my G-d, it impacts pwNPD in such a specific way.

But let me flip it around to the positive!

A narcissist doesn't necessarily get their "supply" from someone telling them that they're the coolest person in the world and that they're a god. (Though if you do want to say that to us we probably won't complain!) Sometimes they get their "supply" from something as simple as someone acknowledging their achievements, and giving specific praise on what the achievement was. ("It's so cool that you won a prize in the music recital. The song you played sounds like it was really difficult and I loved your stage presence.")

Being told, "Wow, you did such a great job on your artwork, I love the colors!" goes a very very long way for a narc, especially when said narc is used to being IGNORED for their art.

Hearing, "it's so cool that you like that book, I'll have to read it and tell you my thoughts!" can help a narcissist's interests feel acknowledged.

You might be reading this and thinking, "well, isn't it just basic human interaction to compliment your friends or try out their interests"? And, well, maybe it is, but the whole point of NPD is that most of us grew up without receiving that type of attention, so now we're very very desperate for it - and very, very, VERY sensitive to when it doesn't happen, or is even perceived to not have happened. Something as small as being talked over in a group chat can set us off, but something as small as a simple, "hey, it's so cool that you did this, I love it." can win us over.

And to be completely fair, most of the time us being "ignored" isn't completely intentional. Like, I get it, yeah, sometimes timing just doesn't work out for person A to read my favorite book at my own rec, but by the time person B is in their life, person A can read it, and it's not anything personal. Sometimes the content I make just isn't someone's ~style~ and they support me, they really do, they just don't know what to say. Sometimes someone forgets to respond, or doesn't get a notification when I send them something I made or tell them about something I did. (There is less excuse for being ignored in face-to-face/offline convos though.) But because of the trauma of us constantly being ignored as kids/teens, the smallest little thing hurts and as a result we seek and crave attention EVERYWHERE.

So now, to give in to narc stereotypes of begging for attention: If you're a person without NPD and you genuinely want to help the narcissists you have in your life, the second best thing you can do for us is checking in to make sure we're not overlooked. Try to be sure you're not ignoring us, and if we do something cool, try to compliment it, even if it's something you don't fully "understand." Ask us about what we've been up to lately, what we're proud of about ourselves, and agree with us that what we've done is pretty cool. I mean, you'd do that for any friend, right? It's really not all outlandish for a narc to want that.

(If you're curious what the FIRST best thing you can do for a narcissist is, it's giving us a million dollars unlearning your anti-NPD ableism and calling people out who use narcissist as an insult as a synonym for abuser. Even in "offline" spaces, even when we're not around, even doctors/therapists. Even "narc" abuse survivors.)

#actuallynarcissistic #actuallynpd #npd feels #npd safe #npd culture #my favorite person is literally my favorite person only because she warned me about media that used narcissist as an insult and listened to #an album i liked when literally EVERYONE ELSE i've recced the album to has ignored it. (I've been a fan of said album for ALMOST A DECADE) #like guys it's not that hard to treat us well #(also i mean favorite person in the cluster b way - she's my favorite person in the NT way for many reasons)

[weirwoodweb]

Vanity

#cersei lannister #jaime lannister #asoiaf #cerseism #illustration #you know when men used to paint women looking at themself and called it vanity? #like they told us that “look she's a narcissist and vain person” #and its a perfect symbolism for cerseijamie #read the post that i linked #koi drew

[mr-payjay]

doodle dump

#juice art #osc #inanimate insanity #osc fanart #inanimate insanity fanart #silver spoon ii #ii silver spoon #payjay #payjay ii #ii payjay #oj ii #ii oj #paper ii #ii paper #salt ii #ii salt #saltfan ii #ii saltfan #fansalt ii #ii fansalt #idk what to call that ship man #fan x salt ii #evil paper ii #ii evil paper #suuuper into narcissist oj right now i might make a ramble about it #addicted to drawing twisty papers too #oh and. One oc :) ofc she's related to oj because everything comes back to oj and paper #even saltfan here comes back to them because i based it off of the fact they both canonically stalk oj #Stalker Love

[bathroomflooder]

my mom said we can have a codependent narcissistic relationship where we both see each other as the only other being as special as ourselves if your mom says it's okay :3

#she also said we could even hold hands if your mom agrees.... #actually narcissistic #npd #actually npd #npd safe #narcissistic personality disorder #npd memes #npd traits #npd positivity #pleaseeee I need this in my life pleaseeee

[thedevilprince]

Collection of Ame being Relatable.

#people talk a lot about how ame has bpd and that's true #but i think people need to talk more about how she very obviously has npd too #ame chan #ame #needy girl overdose #needy streamer overload #nso ame #ngo ame #npd #narcissistic personality disorder #narcissism #actually narcissistic #original posts

[jugger-heads]

trina riffin

#grojband #trina riffin #she will always be the it girl to me #narcissist woman in stem!

[sillynarcissist]

I wish I could kill people who were boring or slightly irritating to me

#npd posting #actually cluster b #npd safe #post dinner talks with my mother always piss me off so bad #at first its interesting then she's like And here's why you're wrong and I'm right #and its my mom not like I can disagree #then she rambles on and on and on and on it gets so boring so fast #today I learned just how fast she'll turn on me if I ever show signs of mental illness that aren't just being sad #oh and she has to top it off with My Life Is Harder Than Yours #narcissistic ass rambling from me over here but whatever I deserve a little pause on self awareness sometimes

[bookinit02]

genuinely i think if i have to see taylor swift’s name one more time i’m going to start breaking things.

#i liked her casually as a kid #and i still like a lot of her music now #but i can barely even fucking listen to it anymore bc she is EVERYWHERE #like literally i don’t care about her and i don’t care about travis whoever #and i don’t even care about her in a negative way like i don’t care if she’s selfish and narcissistic and a performative activist #and her jet emissions or whatever #bc literally 90% of celebrities are like that she’s not special #i am just so tired. of people ALWAYS talking about her #and being expected to have an opinion and be up to date with whatever meaningless drama is going on #genuinely no hate to my friends that like taylor bc i don’t mind that #it is more just like. Everywhere #i cant even go on tiktok without seeing her name 300 times i cant DO THISSS #ok. rant over. 😭

[a-narcissists-warren]

:3

#art #digital art #a-narcissists-warren art tag #magma art #osc #osc art #object show community #object show #osc fanart #osc gijinka #gijinka #artist persona #silly art #bfdi #battle for dream island #bfdi lollipop #lollipop bfdi #should i tag book? #sure whatever she's there #book bfdi #bfdi book #magma

[alicentes]

I initially found it strange that we Lucy Gray doesn’t seem too affected by what happened in the games, she says through music that she’s not going to let the capitol take anything from her and she’s not going to let the games change her or break her. Lucy Gray is a survivor, Because of this you could say that she’s accepted that she did what she had to to survive and she tried to do the least harm as she possibly could. However I find it hard to believe she never got angry or upset about what they put her and the others through, that she never thought about her friend jessup and the other tributes that she got to know, who died horrible deaths.

But then I realised WHY we don’t get to see her feel anything about the games and it’s victims. It’s because we only see the story through Coryo’s POV and he lacks the capacity for empathy. It’s that inability to empathise with people that stops us from witnessing Lucy Gray’s trauma and grief. He doesn’t think about what she went through, he never asks her about how she feels about it or even about how she’s feeling in general. Lucy Gray never confides in him or brings up the games herself because (perhaps unconsciously) she knows he won’t understand or truly empathise and therefore, he wouldn’t be the person she’d choose talk to about how she’s feeling.

We don’t see her trauma because snow never cared about her trauma, he only focuses on how they fell in love during the games, not the horrors of it or what the girl he believes he loves had to go through, despite having a small taste himself of what it would have been like for Lucy during the games despite having a front row seat when he went into the arena and had to kill a person to get out alive, but he lacks the capacity to empathise. Despite his front row seat to Lucy Gray’s trauma as well as the injustices, and poor quality of life that she faces in district 12.

#lucy gray baird #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #tbosas #coriolanus snow #the hunger games #their relationship was doomed from the start because of his inability to feel empathy or understand their differences #he’d never be able to understand why she sees their world differently and respect her difference of opinions or their different in decisions #no matter if he tries to fight his narcissistic tendacies and his lack of empathy those traits still come through and influence #his relationship with lucy #theres a lot i can say about the power imbalance that shaped their relationship from the start and how he had ownership over her and how he #never stopped feeling ownership over her and how his natural lack of empathy shapes their relationship despite his apparent love for her #but that’s a whole other post #i might make a post analysing their relationship and my interperation of it bc their relationship is more complex than just a lovestory

[quillkiller]

outtakes from my rita skeeter character study i did feverishly at 4am last night/this morning

#my delusional princess with a disorder #worlds worst person with narcissistic tendencies #only still alive out of sheer force of will and spite #mediocre journalist and writer with huge dreams and an ego the size of the universe #will sleep her way to the top #genuinely believe shes ’self made’ and ’rags to riches’ when in reality bella’s presence is giving her work and status and clout #she sleeps like 3h a night and wakes up with a cigarette hanging from her lips and face pressed against her notebooks #the type of person who lies to herself so often that shes gaslighting herself into believing it #’god ive been working so hard’ <— girl who stayed in bed all day staring at a notebook and chainsmoking #eventually gave up all together and decided to watch a kathrine hepburn film instead #but she genuinely believes no one is doing it like her……. #she doesnt ever cook only orders in #her flat is a mess and bordering on gross #she hasnt slept in her own bed in a year she always falls asleep at her desk or in her armchair #fails every single job interview and is off putting and intense #MY GIRL THE LOVE OF MY LIFE #rita skeeter

[mistysblueboxstuff]

when you get bullied and abused and then gaslit into thinking you're the bad guy for finally losing your shit xD She's still stalking my blog too lol hope she and her minions are enjoying my dumb posts i guess? 🤷‍♀️

#not art #personal #narcissistic abuse #apparently she had covid 6 times in the last year and every time she has it she stalks me cos she's bored i guess? maybe she caught it again #who knows