nazamil is so silly i love her. party tells her "do not do X", she does X. now she's in her Fucks Off To Who Knows Where era and only pops back in when a racism happens and she goes "dont worry.... all of this will be over soon........ :)" then disappears into thin air
well, she's at that age, you know!
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Daisy, Guardian of the peaches.
@inceptionkitties
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
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why aren't there more mysteries that take place in nursing homes & retirement communities. i want to watch a group of deranged retirees-cum-amateur-detectives combine their powers of:
decades of life experience
boredom-fueled busybody shamelessness
access to the most gossipy next-door-neighbors in existence
"I am too old to be arrested and/or give a shit" attitude
and solve crimes. this should be an enormous subgenre.
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I still remember the nurses who laughed at me after major spine surgery when I was walking around with my butt out because I didn't know to bring shorts to the hospital and wasn't allowed to double my gowns due to the incision location. I still remember the aid who told me that I smelled after days of being unable to move my limbs or get out of bed while sweating uncontrollably from spinal shock and agonizing pain. I sat and cried after that because I had overcome so much that hospital stay just to be dehumanized. Never did they ask if I wanted something to cover up or assistance bathing. Just laughed at me and joked with each other.
I also remember the nurse who checked on me extra during the night with a hospital stay in the middle of covid because they kicked my mom out and I have trauma about being in the hospital alone. She made extra visits to make sure I was okay just like she promised my mom. I remember the nurse who held my hand and called me honey as my limbs trashed and shook from spinal shock.
Basically being a good nurse and being a bad nurse to patients does stay with a person. It's been years and many other hospital stays since a lot of these instances and I still remember them clearly. I know nurses are burnt out, traumatized, and exhausted. Nurses deserve better treatment. But so do patients.
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In a very important home life update: we got a high vis vest for one of our chickens
They apparently have a great unintended use of stopping hens from getting bullied, so we got one to try it out since the above hen gets excessively picked on by the others (we don't really know why).
Shout put to the wonderful @gingervivilou who told me about it!!
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Edit: Yes, the original Sokka sexism arc is great and important. But we don't live in a world where the live action show runners decided to include it in the same form. So:
Unpopular opinion time: Sokka unlearning sexism isn't actually a large part of his character arc--it literally only takes the opening episodes. And removing it COULD be a sign that the live action is taking seriously the complaints I've seen from native fans about the original show runners deciding to make the Water Tribes that sort of sexist to begin with. Sokka's actual character arc is about gaining confidence and leadership skills, and they have the opportunity to focus on that MORE if they change the Kyoshi episode to focus on Suki as a fellow teenager forced into a leadership/protective role in her community and rocking it rather than using her as an object lesson on sexism for a male character to learn from. Whether they will ACTUALLY do that is on them, but it took me less than ten minutes to think up, so I sure hope someone in the writers' room actually cares about using the live action to expand on new angles of the characters. Big ask, I know.
Now the real question is: did they also remove Uncle Iroh's unwanted physical advances on a literally paralyzed Jun, and all of Zuko's snipes about girls? Because THOSE are the actually "iffy" sexism parts in AtLA, not Sokka's five minute arc.
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♡ Oh Barbie, you're so fine! You're so fine you blow my mind!
Jump into the driver’s seat and put it into speed drive! ♡
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