#she is so self absorbed it's unreal

[woahkana]

there is no chemistry whatsoever between zack and nancy it’s seriously painful to watch and knowing how the writers had literally forced them together from the minute nancy returned and she was going through her divorce from tam at the time it was very insensitive.

#ee ramblings #eastenders #these two are seriously painful to watch there’s no chemistry between them and nancy just looks fed up all the time #the way the writers literally forced them together the minute nsncy returned and she was divorcing tam at the time #the only one for nancy is tam and the writers know it because nancy hasn’t mentioned tam once since her return #just shows that she clearly still loves tam #nancy and tam will always be soulmates 🥹💕💗 #zack is just so damn selfish it’s unreal #and he’s self absorbed and the list goes on

[chaosheadspace]

Hi there! For the Valentine asks: 35 but make it in the Dreaming and we get Dream pilfering snacks for Hob from his Dreamers?

(We were absolute robbed of the 'naked Dream razes the buffet' scene from the comics 🤭)

Hi, thank you for sending an ask! So here is the actual fill for the prompt, not what I first understood lol (not beta-read.)

Dream wills a temperate breeze to gently flow through the open windows of the balcony and into his chambers, gently cooling Hob's dreamscape body, flushed and sweaty with exertion, his limbs intertwined with Dream's, his breath just now calming down.

He adores Hob, how he smiles, how he always draws Dream closer, how he narrows his focus onto Dream's pleasure when they lay together, body and mind both. He feels as if he can let go, to some extent, when he is with Hob; his experience of perceiving everything that is his realm at once filtered through the lens of Hob's body, of his easy laughter and gentle touch.

Dream hungrily nuzzles closer to him, carefully brushes back some strands of sweat-damp hair from his forehead, places a long kiss to the side of his neck. The night in Hob's part of the world is close to waning, and he is loath to let him go.

“Don't tell me you want to go again?” Hob chuckles, the deep tremble of it resonating from his throat into Dream's lips. “You need to give a man a breather, dove.”

“Technically, you do not need one. This is the Dreaming. You are as ready as you think yourself to be,” Dream speaks against Hob's Adams apple, moving to straddle him, to cover Hob's body with his own, craving closeness still. 

“Well, technically I also don't need to eat while dreaming, but my stomach seems to disagree,” Hob ponders. Well, they simply can't have that, can they? At least Dream cannot. Hob should not need to want for anything while he is here. 

He sinks into his own consciousness, part of him racing down the arborescent paths of his self, touching, tasting, searching—there.

He gently brushes the dream of a lightly slumbering mother, picking up a dark green artisanal bowl from her breakfast table. She dreams of mundane peace, one of her kids is eating, the other quietly scribbling away on a piece of the morning paper she is reading. It is quiet, and her coffee is hot. Dream’s small smile caresses her sleeping mind and her waking body stills, subconscious easing deeper into the fantasy.

He steps from her kitchen into the dream of a young boy, who has vowed mere hours ago that he will become the best pastry chef in the entire universe. Dream steps up to the table, where the flaxen-haired child is kneading dough next to a row of trays with finished delicacies, all of them unseen and unheard of in the Waking. “May I have one of these?” Dream asks. The boy nods, absorbed in his task.

The final dream he visits is also that of a child. They are imagining for themself the ability to fly, or to be more precise, they imagine the air to be as water and for themself to swim. It is filled with bubbles and bird-like fish, with sun-bright starfish and the slow current of a breeze. Dream conjures up a blue glass flagon and fills it, careful not to spill or take too much.

Then he draws himself up through the roots of his realm, back to Hob’s side, and sets down before him the bowl, containing warm porridge with golden honey and soft raspberries and cream; the tall pastry, filled with berries and vanilla and fervent aspirations; and the flagon, heavy with pearly laughter and liquid air.

“Oh,” Hob breathes in wonder, the image of his dreaming self deliciously close to his waking body. “What's all this?”

Dream touches him, still, again, a shining thread weaving together that which mortals perceive as lesser, unreal, and that which Dream can never truly, fully touch; the roots of Hob's mind tying together Dreaming and Waking under Dream's fingertips, against his body.

“This is a small sample of the finest things the Dreaming has to offer,” Dream purrs. “You will never be left wanting here.”

“Yes, but there is a difference between sating a need and spoiling someone rotten, isn't there,” Hob says fondly.

Dream raises one eyebrow. “Is there a rule that forbids me to achieve both?”

“No,” Hob says with a soft smile, craning his neck to kiss him on the forehead, “absolutely not.”

#chaosheadspace's writing #food prompts #dreamling #dream of the endless #hob gadling #dream x hob #dreamling fic

[deepmochi]

Hi can you do Lilith in 12th house ?

Hello

˚₊· Lilith in the 12th house ˚₊·

Note: this Lilith is not like the others; here things are hidden, and sometimes the native doesn't even notice. It took time for them. [These images aren't mine.]

˚₊· This Lilith can be so hard to read that others just categorize them as "crazy" or "weird ones".

˚₊· They are considered mystic with a detriment. Usually, they have strong reactions due to emotions. Emotions like anger come from emotional repression.

˚₊· Their beauty is scary to others but also desire to others who are already committed.

˚₊· They may spend too much time alone or in their heads. They may have an internal monologue type of thought.

˚₊· They are the "other woman" especially aspects of Venus (all aspects). The reason is that men or women see them as an escape from their problems.

˚₊· They are intangible to society and sometimes even non-productive. This is a capitalist view.

˚₊· These natives can have mental issues, the most common one is anxiety or insomnia.

˚₊· I have mentioned this, but at some point, they were perceived strongly as the "odd" ones; they could have been victims of bullying. Then, gain a certain level of popularity for their looks and "funny" self. After that, they are scared to show their real self.

˚₊· They tend to absorb emotions or energies; be careful of your friends and environment.

˚₊· They know and see things others call illogical or unreal.

˚₊· Pisces rules the 12th house, so it's not a surprise the native is aware of spirits and supernatural things/creatures.

˚₊· They can be delusional about people like their crushes or romantic partner, especially with Venus aspects.

˚₊· They have a natural gift for mystical things, but they also know their risks. So, they avoid them.

˚₊· Mental institution is prominent, again, they probably visit them at least one time or respect them a lot.

˚₊· These natives look naive or dissociated from reality.

˚₊· People get triggered by their innocent and call them delusional or dumb. They are sub-estimated a lot by colleagues and others in general.

˚₊· Men can see them as prey or something to corrupt; little they know. If the native know their innocent privilege, they can use it to their advantage.

˚₊· Lilith is really good at manipulating your deep emotions and pretending she didn't know what she was doing.

˚₊· They were called to be normal or more social in their childhood. In adulthood; now, they can mask themselves in social settings.

˚₊· People want to see their bodies; this Lilith may not be as provocative, wear provocative clothes, or have prominent physical appearances like the 1st house and 8th house natives, yet they are perceived as undiscovered. People want to see the uncovered "naked ".

˚₊· Continuing with the undiscovered body, the native may avoid bikini pictures or limit their social media. People have voyeuristic tendencies toward them.

˚₊· Some may think of them as a nymph; they have this innocent not in a Hollywood-twisted way. Deep down, some natives don't know the world's real face; others know and try to ignore it.

˚₊· They get hurt when people betray them; this is when Lilith gets mad and starts destroying things.

˚₊· Depending on the sign of Lilith, the native's way of self-destruction is when they ignore the red flags.

˚₊· This Lilith is the most shocking one; the native needs to take time and compassion to see who they truly are.

˚₊· They may isolate, but Isolation is okay to some extent. As a social being, you need to go out. You are worthy of friends and social experiences!

˚₊· They need to recharge energy very often, especially if they work with many people.

˚₊· You think, talk, and act differently than others. You are just different. It's okay to admit that. Stop comparing yourself to others.

˚₊· Your shadow is behind you waiting to be asked for a cup of tea. Don't be scared, she feels isolated, too. Go and befriend her, and gain a new friend.

˚₊· The unknown part of Lilith can save her and destroy her. She has the power, but it's hiding it behind the veil.

˚₊· People want a piece of them without remorse, but little do they know that karma always comes right away.

˚₊· You are a ending; for good or bad you know when to end things. If you don't know when to end something, escapism appears.

˚₊· This Lilith is very healing, but without boundaries, they become very toxic to themselves. In extremes, she enjoys self-pity and denies her mistakes.

˚₊· Their seductive style comes from healing and wisdom. People come to you for an out-of-this-world relationship. With them, others feel like they transcend. Trantic sex kinda thing.

˚₊· As you get older, your Lilith becomes erratic or healed. The result depends on how much you have restricted yourself. So, just balance out your quirks and society's standards. Society doesn't define you.

˚₊· Other people but especially women think this native hides something?! she cannot be real? they say. It's true, though, she hides her real essence because others call her crazy. In other words, this native is hiding something that she doesn't even know.

˚₊· Men can see them as "not like other girls" or "too real to be true". Women may think they try too hard. In reality, this native searches for different hobbies or experiences without trying to be perceived as "special". They just feel odd.

˚₊· Their too-nice or too-good actions are perceived as "weird", but they are being a decent human.

˚₊· They use escapism in different ways, not all natives use drugs or alcohol. Your sign will tell your coping mechanism.

˚₊· They have their standards for spirituality even if they believe in a specific religion.

˚₊· In order to find balance, the native should walk to the unknown without judgment. Forgiving the part that she rejects without knowing (consciously). Allowing all the parts to be her.

˚₊· Also, if you have this placement, you may feel connected to some characters like Wanda, luna Lovegood or Heleana. Any character that doesn't fit the standard or is misunderstood. It's like you see through their issues.

Just take what resonates with you. Take care <3

credits to: @deepmochi

#lilith in the 12th house #12th house #astrology #astrologynotes #deepmochi #astrology community #astro notes #lilith #lilith astrology #Pisces #lilith in pisces #astrology notes #2023 #art #spirituality

[bronx-bomber87]

Hello all! We forge onto episode 13 for s1. Super solid ep all around really enjoy this one.

1x13 Caught Stealing

I love whenever Chenford get a cold open. This one doesn't disappoint. After the last ep Tim needed a little fun. What’s more fun than messing with his rookie on her first night shift? Ah the night shift I can’t imagine with that job. Poor Lucy I feel tired just watching her in this scene. Girl needs her some caffeine.

The amount of sass he is throwing her way is hilarious. Being the tough ass T.O. with a little salty sass throw in for his enjoyment. He's definitely have a little fun with how damn tired she is. Poor Lucy is paying for not listening to his nap advice. Lucy see's a random guy in the street. We see them out out of the car because she insists she saw him. Lucy eventually follows this guy Tim doesn't see. Its very evident once she catches up to him this is a dream. She's awoken by laughter and mortified she's fallen asleep on her first midnight shift.

Tim is so pleased with himself she fell sleep. Not only that but he gets to have others in on it with him. Her ‘No No’ as he's laughing and taking pics too funny. Clearly enjoying his damn self haha Lucy didn’t listen to his advice and paid for it. He's not even mad as he's taking pics. He's bemused with her more than anything else. You can see it in his face. There is no anger there. He is very much enjoying giving her a hard time about this. (Work flirt part 1.)

Part 2 is the shirts he makes haha Lucy's face/reaction cracks me up. She's not even the least bit shocked he did this. Such a turd haha. Highly doubt Tim has ever messed with a rookie the way he does with Lucy. Just another work flirt between them. Whether he realizes he's doing it or not. She brings out a side of him rarely seen. His playful side it’s fun to see. Tim knows it’s going to bother her so naturally he does it haha

I'll say it again the absolute sass Tim has with her in this episode is unreal haha He's getting so comfortable with her its just pouring out. They report to a burglary at a fertility clinic. Lucy being Lucy has to question if its an abduction or burglary haha She has a fair point in what she’s asking LOL I do love her little notebook trying to take down everything she can. Absorb whatever knowledge Tim is gonna throw her way. Even when he's being surly with her she's always ready to learn regardless. They end up going to the apt of the woman who stole the eggs. The ex- wives are in the midst of a massive fight about them when they arrive.

Tim steps in immediately as their mediator. This scenario hits a little differently for Tim now. Also for the viewer as well. The way he handles this entire situation is masterful. If this isn’t his entire situation with Isabel in a moment idk what is. Just with the way he responds and de-escalates the whole situation. Using his past pain to do so. Now that he’s removed from it you can see the perspective he's gained since. How he uses it to relate to this woman's distress.

The way he’s talking this lady through her emotional crisis. My goodness. Gets me right in the feels. The reason she ends up listening is because she can hear in his voice he can relate. The tone he is taking with her is so sincere. I couldn't be prouder of him. The Tim that Lucy started with would be floored by the words coming out of his mouth right now. They hit so much differently as he calms the ex-wife down. You can hear the painful experience in his voice.

You can’t tell me Lucy’s words from 1x07 didn’t stick with him. The way she stopped him from this fate, from hating himself. Tim knew deep down he would've had he gone through with his plans. Lucy was there to stop him from doing that to himself. Tim is doing the same for this woman now. This is what growth looks like. Most people might think his growth is more apparent and doesn’t truly start till s2. Where we see Tim start to visibly soften for her, but it started the day he met Lucy Chen.

You can see the impact she’s had on his life. These are the moments that reflect that. How he's changed due to her presence in his life. That small crack in his rigid wall she started on day 1. How it continues to grow. S1 Tim is rough at the start but he is for a reason. It seems like this is a small scene in the ep as a whole if you’re not paying attention. But this scene is absolute growth for Tim. His character arc is primo and Lucy's role in it even more so.

It makes me smile how Tim impresses her with this line of thought. Lucy is genuinely impressed with his attitude about the domestic violence rule. He’s almost offended she seemed surprised haha I think he truly does want her to think highly of him. Tim might actually be slightly offended when she is 'surprised' by him with stuff like this. Where he finds her 'surprised' Lucy is actually expressing 'awe' for him.

We all know underneath that gruff exterior beats a soft puppy of a man. (Especially for her) I dare say Lucy’s attraction to him grows due to this comment he makes about the rule. She tries to rebound by saying he surprises her everyday hehe I know he does. His reply is so cute. They're so married and have no idea.

Tim’s gut reaction is to immediately defend Lucy. *heart clutch* Not only that but compliments her while doing so. Talia calls him out on his compliment. They both know he doesn’t hand those out ever. You can tell he's a little irked Talia has done so. He back tracks a little cause of it but not much. He doubles down on it still and says she’s smarter than this.

He knows her just as well she knows him at this point. Tim is very aware how sharp Lucy is. So if it was even slightly possible she did this would've it would've been executed better. He's almost offended they would attach her to such a poorly thought out plan. Ah if only Lucy could hear him singing her praises Her head would explode. Oh the growth in this ep for him is glorious.

That wraps it up for the Chenford portion of this ep.

Side Notes. Non Chenford

I LOVE how Angela brings Jackson down a peg in this ep. He was insufferable about the rules. Well until he ran into a fiery buzz saw that was Angela and never recovered haha I do appreciate him coming to her at the end and apologizing. Thanking her for never giving up on him. He wouldn’t be here without her and wouldn't let himself forget that again.

Also the beginning of BAMF Lucy where she holds her own against a slew of baddies solo. Then out smarts them by revealing what the guy did and how he stole the money. Love our girl. Like Tim said she’s smart. Too smart for his own good most days haha doesn’t need Nolan by time he gets there. Saves her own damn self.

As always I thank you all for you likes/comments/reblogs. Truly love the comments. Replying to them is one of my fav things. See you all in 1x14 :)

#Caitlin rewatches The Rookie #chenford #chenford hiatus #summer rewatch #waiting on s6 #s1 #1x13 Caught Stealing #the rookie #tim x lucy #tim bradford #lucy chen #lucy x tim #otp: doing my job #eric winter #melissa o’neil #tim bradford x lucy chen

[see-past-the-sky]

Since no one else has made a post about it yet, I want to explain how Normal I Am about the deeply weird sort-of-friendship between Riley, Amy, Ciara, and Jamie Rinke that shows up in Ward. Like, they complement each other’s characters so well it’s unreal. If they could have actually had time to develop their friendship, I would’ve read Ward more than once.

(Disclaimer: I haven’t read Ward in a while, so correct me if I misremember something)

All of them are people who deeply clung to their childhoods, or just weren’t able to grow up. In Riley’s and Ciara’s cases, they literally forced themselves to stay as children. To go a bit deeper, Riley was forced into her childlike persona by Jack, and retains that act for self preservation. While she makes major progress in Worm after Jack’s defeat, Ward shows her backsliding and falling into old behaviors and mannerisms. She never wanted to be Bonesaw, but that persona is so deeply ingrained in her that she has trouble moving on.

Ciara is a bit harder, since we know so little about her life before triggering. Her interlude tells us that her affection for Scion was a coping mechanism to deal with whatever was going on in her life at the time, and since her powers raise the dead, and since her interlude implies that she was “surviving by her own means,” I think that Ciara’s trigger event was something related to her parent(s) dying. Her obsession with Scion locked her into a childish mindset until he proved to not be the perfect parent she saw. Ciara needed to be a child to stave off her trauma.

Jaime Rinke, the great Nilbog, presents the same issue as Ciara. We know that he was an isolated person who, upon being fired from his job, triggered and soon after wiped out the population of Ellisburg to make way for his own goblin kingdom. In Worm, we see that his town and its inhabitants are decorated in a very juvenile way, with whimsical distorted trees and giant-donged monsters. Jaime himself acts petulant and self absorbed as Nilbog. In fact, he seems to have degraded further over the course of the years. Going from a genuinely formidable combatant to a lazy tyrant who can’t even be bothered to eat with his own body. He improves in Ward, getting more lucid with actual human interaction, but that escapist fantasy still lingers. Jaime regressed into a childish state to deal with his isolation.

Ah, Amy. She initially doesn’t seem to fit in with the others, but she’s just as immature as any of them. Her issue here is wanting to go back to the way things were with Victoria. She won’t accept that she’s done the things she has and that she’ll never have Victoria’s affection again. She ignores it, downplays it, makes excuses for herself. Even when Victoria herself outright states she hates Amy for what she did to her, Amy still holds onto hope that she can somehow find a way to convince Victoria to love her again. After all, you can’t go from being emotionally dependent on someone to over them in an instant, especially when you don’t really have any good replacements for that affection. Amy refuses to let go of her nostalgic fantasies and accept that she and Victoria aren’t the sisters they were in Brockton Bay.

In each other, they could see the things they need to see, that they can’t find anywhere else. Amy sees three people who embodied her worst fears about herself becoming better people and coming to terms with themselves. Jamie sees equals who can finally, actually disagree with him after years of ruling a world of doormats. Ciara sees fallible, human people who really care about her and like her as much as she likes them. And Riley finally has a family. Instead of just playing house like she did with the nine, she has people who she can relate to, even some people she hurt, who forgave her.

#parahumans #amy dallon #wildbow #worm spoilers #riley grace davis #bonesaw #nilbog #Glastig Uaine

[lorirwritesfanfic]

Top 10 Choices MCs

1. The Heist Monaco MC: the mastermind behind stealing the big heist while defeating an obnoxious and self-absorbed villain and leaving Monaco unscathed (at least in my playthrough lol) deserves first place;

2. Crimes of Passion MC: I only played book one, but I love MC's personality, backstory, how good they areat their job and how they develop a good partnership (and romance) with Trystan;

3. The Crown and The Flame - Kenna Rys: she belongs to PB, but the woman is a one hell of a warrior and queen;

4. Ride or Die MC: she went from naive nerdy teenager to strong and smart young woman who defeats a corrupt cop and I was living for it!

5. It Lives Beneath MC: This MC faced so many traumatic situations and barely made out alive while taking down a bizarre secret society being so young. The least they deserve is to be on top 5;

6. The Royal Romance/Heir/Finale MC: at times, she seems to be just a not so smart character who often relies on her charm, but she is pretty tough for facing a sexual assault attempt followed by public humiliation, several near death experiences and temporarily losing custody of her child without a single visit to a therapist. Unreal? Yes. But kudos to her;

7. Bloodbound MC: at first glance, MC seems a bit fragile if compared to everyone else, but eventually she becomes the one who would save everyone. Including herself;

8. Mother of The Year MC: she lived my teenhood nightmare, had two jobs and still found time be super mom and three hot potential dates while fighting custody battle against that white trash of ex husband.

9. Save The Date MC: I love her sense of your humour and that she had a backbone to quit a job she hated to pursue a new career;

10. Desire & Decorum MC: I have mixed feelings about her because the writing team itself didn't help much. She does her best to be accomplished lady, fights tooth and nail to prove she's the rightful heir and to show who Duke Richards really is, but at the same time she runs away to the village she grew up and stays there with her friends and LI as if she doesn't have huge issues to solve 🤷 she's on the top 10 because she endured an engagement to Duke Richards and helped put him in jail, just for that she deserves this spot.

Tagging @choicesfandomappreciation

#choicesfanworksday #playchoices

[whatudowhennooneseesyou]

DILF LINO HOLY SHIT YES PLEASE I AM BEING ON MY KNEES ….. 🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️THE LINO BIAS + DILF FETISHIST IN ME IS DYING INSIDE…………………………………………………………..

imagine dilf next door!lino. he is a single dad with 3 cats and 1 child. he recently divorced his ex-wife because she cheated on him and was unhealthily self-absorbed to the point of narcissism. he was blind to fall in love with her and bear her toxicity. he was blind to the red flags she exhibited over the years. the final blow was when he found out she’s secretly been cheating on him with a man named seungmin. he fought extensively for custody of his child and his cats and he gratefully won. he never wants his little girl or his beloved kittens growing up with that wretched woman.

he settles in the spacious condo across from you because he wants lots of room for his cats and his child to roam freely. it all started with a small introduction.

“oh hi! I’m minho. and this is my little daughter minha and my three kitties, sooni, doongi, and dori. im glad to be a new neighbor and hope to get to know my neighbors more sometime!”

his smile is heartwarming and his presence exudes love and warmth. a handsome, wholesome father who wants the best life for his child and his pets. 🥺you’re usually quite busy with work and volunteering. and sometimes when minho’s door is open, his cats like to run out to u to see who’s outside. and he has to pull them back inside. one evening u come home from work and this starts happening.

“sorry about that! my cats can be quite flighty sometimes. they always love seeing who’s at the door” he apologizes. “and feel free to drop by for desserts if you’d like! I just made a ton brownies and cupcakes today.”

you can clearly smell brownies and muffins from a distance so you decide to come in and try some for yourself. the inside of his condo feels luxe, but home-y. well-decorated and well kept despite some yarn balls and bratz dolls sitting around. and pumpkin spice candles lit up on the dining table. as you step into the kitchen and take a bite of his mocha muffins, you let out the biggest MMM of your life. perfectly made. not too sugary but not too subdued. he thinks your reaction is adorable and he’s glad you like them.

“WOW! these are SO good! can you teach me how to make these! i wanna learn how to bake as exquisitely as you.” you suggest.

“hmm…you know, I usually keep my elixir delights a mystery…” minho discloses with a snide smirk on his face. “but I’d be more than delighted to show you. after all, you are my next door neighbor and I find you endearing to be around,” he responds.

his words shouldn’t make u this flustered but you gotta admit. he’s quite the handsome dad. his beauty is ethereal and you could easily get lost in his hypnotic eyes. his body is godly and you do the best you can not to stare at him and drool on the spot. you’d think hes unreal the moment you look at him. he has a subtle, yet deadly sex appeal.

but…….he’s also kindhearted, respectful of your boundaries, & full of love for his child and his cats. and hes got quite the sense of humor….his occasional deadpan jokes never fail to put a smile on your face. and sometimes he makes you laugh until your stomach hurts. the fact that the sweetest dad ever is also one of the finest men you’ve ever eyed is a lethal combo.

you guys decide to reconvene the next weekend and that whole day, he teaches u the intricacies behind his sugary elixir delights. over the months, the two of you bake together more and more frequently and his daughter even comments about how nice you are and how she wishes you were her mother 🥺 both you and minho get flustered by such a straightforward comment. this made u curious to know more about minho’s past but don’t wanna interfere with his privacy. you really wonder what his ex-wife did to divorce such a kind, beautiful man like him. as you two get to know each other more over time, he eventually feels comfortable opening up to you about such personal topics. and once you find out, you start tearing up and give him the biggest hug ever. you cry into his arms and he comforts you with pats on the shoulder.

“I’m so sorry you ever had to go through that. you’re such a good father in every way possible. you deserve the best love on earth. how dare she take advantage of you like this!?” you say as you continue sobbing.

“aw dont cry dear. as painful as that experience was, I’m in a much better place now and we’re doing amazing now.” minho responds with a kiss on your forehead.

it was right then and there when you felt trillions of sparks inside of you. his warm embrace coupled with that forehead kiss. these things have never happened throughout your time of getting to know him. you felt butterflies all over and you look up at him in confusion. “I-…uh…did u j-just kiss m-...me?”

“oh I hope I didn’t make you unco-“

“no you’re good! I was just taken aback by it.”

minho’s expression went from worry to ease. he pecks ur forehead again and you giggle because it makes u so giddy.

“Can I ….kiss you?” he shyly asks. he hopes he’s respecting your boundaries and doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable with such intimacy.

“awe of course! i didn’t realize you could be such a good kisser despite only kidding my forehead!”

minho grabs your lips and gives you the most electrifying, earth-shattering kiss you’ve ever had. he kisses you like there’s no tomorrow and shows you how passionate he is. and you two don’t even realize you’re making out until he pulls away. even he’s a little giddy by you.

“you are amazing. i hope you know that. and uh…i-….I hope this doesn’t sound out of pocket but…. are you willing to be my beloved girlfriend?”

you respond by kissing him again, resulting in another unintentional make out session.

“EWWW COOTIES! DADDY PLEASE STOP SHARING YOUR GERMS WITH OTHERS! GROSS!”

the two of you burst into hysterical laughter and he apologizes to his daughter for having seen that.

“alright sweetheart it’s time for bed now. do you want me to read u a bedtime story?” minho inquires.

“YES YES OF COURSE!” minha eagerly nods. please read jack and the beanstalk to me again! and can she join pretty PLEASEEEE!?”

he looks to you to see if you’re fine with it and you also nod. both of you take turns reading each page of jack and the beanstalk until minha falls asleep and once you guys are done, he pecks her forehead. but she also looks to you and asks YOU for a kiss. and of course you decide to give her a peck as well.

minho turns off minha’s light and says good night. once her door is closed, minho holds your hand and walks you over to the living room.

“I hope I didn’t keep you around for too long. but before you head back to sleep, I just wanted to say thank you for being such a great companion to me over these past few months. i usually don’t open up about my personal life like that but I hope that through this newly established relationship, we can develop mutual love and trust for each other. i want to take things slow with you and make sure you’re comfortable with me. the love I have for you is more than anything I couldn’t possibly express verbally.”

he gives you another warm hug. you could literally fall asleep in his arms if you wanted to. he decides to walk you back home despite it being one door across from his. but of course, minho being him, he loves being a gentleman and making sure you’re safe.

over time, you feel more and more comfortable disclosing your deepest darkest secrets……including a fetish you never would’ve thought he’d be into…….👀

[HOLY FRICK THIS WAS WAAAYYY LONGER THAN INTHOUGHT AND I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE HOW LOOOONNNG IT WAS UNTIL NOW…… OH MY GOD…..AND I WAASS ORIGINALLY GONNA DISCLOSE MY HARD THOUGHTS BUT GOT SOOOOOO LOST IN THE FLUFF AND ANGST INSTEAD🫣🫣🫣🫣WHOOPS! SRRY ABT THAT!!!! my brain really be thinking a million thoughts at 2am… 😳 but I mean….i gotta give the hot single dilf a backstory…..👇🏼😔👇🏼]

Babe, I don't even know what to add to this.

This is an absolute masterpiece.

I don't know what to add to this to make it better when it's already as perfect as it is!!

Would you like a lil anon tag?

Imagine living near Lee Know with his cats!!

I just know he would be an amazing father too!!

The type to constantly give his kids amazing dishes with such nutritious food.

The type to constantly post pics on Instagram of filters with his kids & his cats.

And I just know that he would give the most amazing squishy hugs!!

Please, go more into fetishes!!

I also feel he would love to cover his hand over your mouth when he's pounding into you.

'Shhh, honey. You don't want to wake the kids' he'd whisper into your ear as his fingers are shoved down your throat.

I mean, absolute d!lf energy right here.

#whatudowhennooneseesyou hard hours #whatudowhennooneseesyou #whatudowhennooneseesyou anon asks #lee know smut #stray kids smut #stray kids hard hours #anon you just made my day

[lovelykhaleesiii]

These people who are crying "plagiarism" right now remind me of that infamous A/B/O author who constantly sends (false!!!) DMCA takedown notices to platforms over fellow het A/B/O writers' work because she "originated the concept" and they are all "plaigiarising her" uhhh girl

the comedy in this fandom is peak right now, the hypocrisy is unreal from the amount of “writers” crying wolf.

concepts and plots are recycled, tropes are recycled CONSTANTLY. if you do not realise this now as a real writer you will be lost, self-absorbed and downright ignorant. we might as well cease to write fanfic, right? copyright of characters we love and desire? we’re taking these fictional characters and their storyline’s from authentic authors and using it for our own satisfaction, yes? OH! but you tweaked the story did you? changed the plot, added your own little OC there, I see, I see…

people have been using the term plagiarism very light and excessively in this fandom, and it is not okay. it is a very serious issue and something many writers battle in every fandom. I do not discredit that. unless a piece you have written, is taken and published without your knowledge or consent [but get closer & listen to this] WORD FOR WORD, I don’t want to hear it.

often fanfic writing is incredibly generic. someone claiming a type of AU or format, etc NSFW alphabets [cough cough] as their own is fucking absurd. cry in your naughty corner, reflect and grow some fucking brain cells.

I am so appalled at the behaviour of people in this fandom, right now. and if you think it’s even more okay to publicly out people because you deem it EVERYONE’S BUSINESS rather than resolve issues yourself in a private more mature manner, boy are you going to hate the real world…

seems like high school shenanigans to me. it’s pathetic how delusional people [newsflash, we’re talking about grown ass adults] are in this fandom.

there are people literally dying as we speak, and you’re sulking because a sentence looks oddly similar to yours wowzaaaaaa. touch some fucking grass.

as I’ve said, I think certain people should just STFU and carry on. and be warned, what goes around comes around. this place, I speak for my blog, will not tolerate any bullying or harassment, for myself and my mutuals.

fuck around and find out 🔥

#HOTD #fandom tings

[llycaons]

ep11 (part 1): the tension in this family dinner is insane

I had to cut this in half because I posted too many images but this episode is just chock full of juicy shit. I really feel like this episode is where the series hits its stride and becomes super compelling. ep1 was a bit of a mess, but really interesting. eps 2-10 are okay, pretty good if you like the characters but the plot is hard to stay invested in. but here's where it gets good

it's nice that jc cares about MY dying. also I like his outfit

nmj's robes too. really cool design that matches his personality and surroundings perfectly

sometimes the translations inadvertently (I assume) result in lines that sound very childlike in english. not in a bad way. more like in an endearing and slightly corny way. 'safe and sound' is very sweet

wwx clearly having a good relationship with the merchants, and knowing them all personally, and being greeted by them, it all hurts so much. LP wasn't just a place and it wasn't just his siblings, it was a whole community and a home he was deeply intertwined with. he lost so much...

also jc not speaking with the merchant at all and then physically grabbing wwx's arm and dragging him to the estate is rly telling of how uncomfortable he is...the boy does not endear himself to the people

FEMALE DISCIPLES OOH

YOU ARE HURTING ME

LP is so gorgeous it's unreal

THIS LINE. FUCKERS

LP is a fantastically beautiful place, full of life and love and safety and comfort. maybe unrealistically so. but in stalks madame yu to balance this out, with her cruelty and abuse casting a long shadow over wwx and his siblings' lives. almost an inversion of the wen situation...the wens are almost cartoonishly evil in every way, but after they're vanquished another sect rolls in to take over power in the vaccum they left, and this sect commits the same atrocities with a better public face. behind the fantasy of the villain, there are others, more grounded in reality. this provides a refreshing balance to the character dynamics imo, allowing for both the fun of melodrama and the complexity and nuances of more realistic challanges the characters face

as much flack as jfm gets, his first order of business is to make sure the kids are okay and then that they get something to eat. idk how people genuinely think he's a worse parent than the woman who shows up, makes everyone around his miserable with her cutting remarks, elitism, self-esteem issues she makes her kids' problem, bullying, and genuine verbal abuse towards the children under her care, and then storms off. anyway

god he really doesn't want to see her. and everyone's like 'please yes let's fucking eat without her'

THE BITCH IS HERE. I love her entrance so much. seeing her through slatted wood, then seeing zidian, then watching her come into focus with her BODYGUARDS in attendance

she really is so hot I can't believe she didn't make it into the evilmilf tournament she would have slayed

insane how she turns every single thing anyone says into an attack on her, or something to find fault with. nobody can win in this exchange except her. it's over the top, and miserable to watch, but it tells us so much about her in ways I find very compelling. and the concerns she brings up are significant, but she's not interested in actually planning a solution, just in belittling her kids and complaining and attacking her family. idk why people think she's smart or well-versed in politics or would be a good leader when she's so terrible at communicating, self-absorbed to the point of violence, and uninterested in problem-solving. like yeah this is misogyny at work, but I find her much more compelling if she's a fucking mess of a person and I think her self-esteem issues are really significant and add a lot to her character

the work she gets done in this one scene is wild - she lays out another dimension of the tension between wwx and jc, she demonstrates exactly her issue with wwx, she serves as a template for the audience to connect with later jc, and she also informs the audience of the view many cultivators take of wwx, and how that strains his relationship with other cultivators

the way I can HEAR adult jc saying this. the cutting sarcasm, the contempt, the inability to argue against it because what is he going to say? jc later echoes her in sneeringly calling wwx a good person for trying to be a hero

after she leaves jc looks like he's just woken up from a nightmare...

this is like my favorite expression of lwj's I love it. the contempt. the stoicism. the refusal to be baited or angered. very lwj core

I was so emotional watching this scene I LOVE LAN QIREN!!! I LOVE HIM!!! his care for his nephews is obviously due to the fact that he wants the lan clan to survive, but of course it's also a personal concern. he loves wangji! he's their little boy! and he doesn't just care about the heirs, he stands out there refusing to find shelter until more of the disciples can come in and be saved

this line 🥺

it is so fucked up to see the lans all being murdered. it's a school! it's like a temple! it's a place of learning and contemplation! they're not even taught to fight people, their swords are for cultivation. and wen xu just barges in and attacks lrq! he's an old man you fuck! he's like an old professor! stop trying to hurt him!

also so so sad to see this violence in the halls where wwx laughed and joked with jc, and the little dorms where the kids were staying, where wwx made jyl smile with his paperman. ough

I'm always startled by the raw emotion on lwj's face here. I thought it was because I was getting better at reading him, but no I think he's just very expressive here in ways he isn't almost anywhere else. anyway this expression makes me go 🥺

I can't upload any more pics even tho I love this scene, and it's late and I have to go to bed, so I'm ending at the halfway point here and will come to it tomorrow

#thank fuck we are at the good part #events are TRANSPIRING #cql re-rewatch

[surpriserose]

okay lol it took like 5 stories but i found something that reminded me why i dont go on nosleep anymore lol

And a quick content warning/context is that the premise of nosleep is that as readers you have to accept that every story is real, and that as writer you have to have a reason why your narrator is posting on reddit lol and not be too unbelievable or outlandish. So a content warning for unreality is probably safe.

anyways some more context is that nosleep tends to recycle the same five ideas which fair whatever redditors know what they like i guess but on top of that nosleep authors love to take inspiration from current events. like for example another story i just read was inspired by the james webb telescope news and then was also just hellstar remina lol

anyway i think you can see why this is a bad combination when you see a story titled "Hello from Beijing, I believe I'm patient 0 of a future 'zombie' outbreak" by twophonesonepager which is just well....where do you start? content warning if you do read the story there is: sinophobia, viruses, cannibalism/gore, violence against children (nothing too bad happens but still), and self harm/suicide

I think its a pretty accepted idea that oftentimes horror media, because it plays on fear, often reflects our biases and politics as well. I really think its overdue for people to examine online horror media in the same way where its even more apparent. Online horror media has a low barrier of entry, literally anyone can post to nosleep or...is the creepypasta wiki still a thing? And not only is there a low barrier of entry, the approval process is often just well literal approval. If people like your story it becomes popular and entrenched in the culture of the community. thats kind of obvious im not sure im explaining it well, like its the same thing horror movies and books go through but theres no editors or directors in power, its a very democratic process online. So while one story may be written with one author's biases the community can immediately absorb and approve of them in a way that movies can't, you know? Or like... you can't say its as one to one with movies? like paying for a movie doesnt automatically mean you enjoyed it, whereas an upvote on reddit does, you know? hi hello for the love of god okay ill actually talk about the damn thing just keep all this in mind because this shit is sinophobic as hell

so this author is very obviously an NFT bro redditor trying to write as a chinese woman to a non chinese audience. And because of the rules of nosleep you just have to kind of ignore hes really an NFT bro. While this rule makes sense for most stories it more than kind of sucks in stories like these, where while everyone knows the author isnt really a chinese woman everyone has to keep up the facade and no one can push back on the sinophobia because of that facade. Its like...hold on does anyone remember this tweet?

Its like this but because its in nosleep no one can be like hey this is kind of weird that youre writing as a chinese woman and then specifically making points about how she doesnt eat "strange food" and "most people of [her] generation know" that "China is flawed from a political standpoint." and these are things that are way more indicative of how americans and other imperial countries view china than how chinese people might view themselves and also really have no place in this story? same with the author...randomly pointing out this narrator enjoys bondage? which is a lesser problem but. But remember, you can't really say hey what the fuck because then you are being "out of character." And the mods cant really step in because this story got really popular, even having a bunch of paid reddit awards and winning a best story contest in the subreddit.

speaking of rules, since the narrator needs a reason to post on reddit of all places, the reason here is obviously nebulous chinese censorship. im not really going to get into all that except for the fact that this story is paralleling the hysteria about chinese censorship of how bad covid was at the beginning of the pandemic. which just sucks man like that the problem with being like ooooohhhh the scary thing in this story is a mysterious zombie virus from china. like it just ends up reinforcing sinophobic ideas that came from the spread of covid. especially because the other scary thing is that this scary problem isnt being contained, oh no!

also the writing is just bad lol theres no logic (why the fuck are you working? why the fuck would you be allowed to work if you had flu like symptoms even if it wasnt covid in the middle of the pandemic in CHINA??? where they actually care about covid lol) and the writer seems to think shanghai and beijing are the same city? and also they just copied the last of us lol

#hater hours #sinophobia #racism #unreality #long post #ask to tag #im so sorry but writing essays is how i get enrichment in my enclosure

[dickgoblinpi]

its been more than two years in the making but my love is now reciprocated, we still aren't dating and won't date, we are officially friends who are gay together, we had the most unreal threesome with my girlfriend, two (TWO) supernaturally beautiful redheaded trans femmes, with me?????? in me??????? what did i do right by the universe to be this richly rewarded?

and, i am a spiteful creature even as im filled with love and light, so the fact that we three walked past my girlfriend's cheating ex (who is also my former friend) in the street while we had our matching bruises and scratches and self-satisfied smiles out in the sunshine makes me feel smug and mischievous

im so lucky, im so so so so lucky, when we met two years ago i used to always be the last person awake at the party with her not because i wasnt sleepy but just because even getting to look at her for that little while longer was everything. and now she feels the same as me and its all the sweeter for the deliciously painful waiting and longing and constantly sharing sappho quotes that led up to it

my girlfriend is also the most incredible person, she is so calming, she's like a forest, i speak my woes and she just absorbs and dissipates them and radiates peace and its so still, so wonderful. everything is easy with her, comfortable, it grew that way gradually from the sense that we just vibrate at the same frequency to the point we're at now where i feel like i could tell her anything, be with her through anything, go anywhere, be anything. she's also one of the single most beautiful people on earth

[ziracona]

I'm glad someone finally adressed the thing with Amanda. People on tumblr really view her as some poor unfortunate woman with a hidden golden heart who only has good intentions and deserves better, like she didn't have a choice in fucking over her victims and going directly agaisnt John's teachings. And when someone depicts her the way she is in canon, those very same people scream at them for "writing her wrong" and "missing the point of her character".

Thank u anon I feel very seen in this Chili’s tonight.

I think some people went into Saw II not knowing she was a fake ass bitch and just never got over their first impression feelings, but most of the people I see do it seem to be doing it becuase they’re horny for her. Which like. Idk what ever happened to being able to like a character without liking them and/or stanning them as a /person/.

Here, I was joking in discord about making this and for you Anon, here it is:

#ask #anonymous #Amanda is a terrible person and I will fight anyone for you if they give you shit for recognizing this anon #you can feel however u want folks I can’t stop you but seriously it’s unreal how much sympathy that woman gets when she’s a genuine monster #and also /reall/ annoying in 3. usually annoying bumps people even ones otherwise fitting fandom standards. right off. but not her #Saw #Amanda Young #dead by daylight #she did not get tricked! she happily joins John and then goes so far that /John. Jigsaw. Kramer/ took her out for taking it too far #like if you go so far Kramer takes a shot u done f’d up god help u bc it’s too late for anyone else to #the Angel scene alone is enough to make Amanda a thoroughly monstrous charcter like. did u guys watch the same films??? #anyway I would readily cut off my left arm to get to beat Amanda or John to death with it and I stand by this. #she’s a good charcater don’t get me wrong! I enjoyed her being in saw and Shawnee did a great job! #but she is also a cold heartless remorseless sadistic self-absorbed hypocritical evil piece of shit #I have some friends who like her a lot. but in a normal way where they don’t pretend she never did a thing wrong #if you like her as a character go off! I don’t—I fuuuuhkingg /hate/ her. but to each their own #but I really cannot understand the wild and massive % of stanning of this hypocritical sadist out there in the fandom #wild. and unreal. truly #people do understand you can like a character without liking them or agreeing with them as a person right #like. I almost never see it now so I do get to troubled wonderings

[d-criss-news]

20 Questions With Darren Criss: How Acting Has Helped Him Make New Music

While Darren Criss has graced our TV screens with a range of characters, from high schooler Blaine Anderson on Glee to serial killer Andrew Cunanan on The Assassination of Gianni Versace, he was last spotted just being himself, on our For You Page on TikTok. “I’m walking to rehearsal with a guitar on my back with a Trader Joe’s bag ... I did not bring an umbrella because I forgot that it was raining. I’m rocking that NYC musician life,” the Glee alum explained in the hilarious clip posted three days ago.

While Criss’ acting work has earned him acclaim and stardom, he leaned into making music during the pandemic. On Aug. 20, he dropped a new EP, Masquerade, featuring five new tracks that Criss says were inspired by the different characters Criss has embraced throughout his career. After Criss wrote songs for his musical comedy web series Royalties and Apple TV+’s animated sitcom Central Park before the pandemic struck the United States, he then used those experiences as a precursor to his new EP. As Criss continues to promote his new music, he answered 20 of Billboard's questions��– giving us a peek into how his new EP came together, and how growing up in San Fransisco shaped him as an actor, singer and all-around artist.

1. What inspired your latest project, Masquerade?

Although I would have preferred that it come at a far less grim cost, I finally had the time. Before the pandemic, I had written 10 new songs for my show Royalties -- along with an original song for Disney and another for Apple’s Central Park. These were all assignments in which I was writing for a certain scenario and character. Go figure. It was the most music I had ever written in a calendar year. This really emboldened me to rethink how I made my own music— to start putting a focus on “character creation” in my songs, rather than personal reflection. The latter was not proving to be as productive. The alchemy of having this time and having set a new intention with my own songwriting and producing made me put on a few of my favorite masques and throw myself a Masquerade.

2. How do you think your background as an actor complements your music?

They are one and the same to me. I treat acting roles like musical pieces— dialogue is like scoring a melody; there’s pace, dynamics, cadence, tone. Physical characterization is like producing -- zeroing in on the bass line, deciding on the kick pattern. Vocal characterization is like choosing the right sonic experience, choosing the most effective snare sound, and mixing the high end or low end. It goes without saying that it works in the complete opposite direction. Making each song is taking on a different role literally and employing the use of different masques to maximize the effectiveness of the particular story being told.

3. On Instagram  you wrote that “Masquerade is a small collection of the variety of musical masques that have always inspired me.” Which track do you identify with most in your real life?

Everybody absorbs songs differently. Some key into the lyrics, some into the melody, some the production, some into vocal performance. When I listen to songs, I consider all of their value on totally different scales. So it’s hard to say if there’s any track I “identify” with more than any others, since I -- by nature -- identify with all of them. I think I just identify with certain aspects more than others. If it helps for a more interesting answer, I will say I enjoy the slightly more classical, playful -- dare I say -- more Broadway-leaning wordplay of “Walk of Shame,” but that’s just talking about lyricism. I enjoy the attitude of “F*kn Around,” the batsh--t musicality of “I Can’t Dance,” the relentless grooves of “Let’s” and “For A Night Like This.” All have different ingredients I really enjoy having an excuse to dive into.

4. What’s the first piece of music that you bought for yourself, and what was the medium?

Beatles audio cassettes: “Help” and “Hard Day’s Night.” I just listened on repeat on a tape-playing Walkman until my brother and I got a stereo for our room with a CD player in it, which was  when I just bought the same two albums again, but this time as compact discs.

5. What was the first concert you saw?It’s hard to say, because my parents took us to a lot of classical concerts when we were small. But I guess this question usually refers to what was the first concert you went to on your own volition, and that my friend, was definitely Warped Tour ’01. My brother and I went on our own— two teenagers going to their first music festival, in the golden age of that particular genre and culture. It was f--king incredible.

6. What did your parents do for a living when you were a kid?

My dad was in private banking and advised really, really wealthy people on how to handle their money. My mom was, by choice, a stay-at-home mom, but in reality, she was my dad’s consigliere. They discussed absolutely everything together. They were a real team, and I saw that every single day in the house. They both had a background in finance (That’s how they met in the first place.) and were incredibly skilled at all the hardcore adulting things that I absolutely suck at. They were total finance wizards together. So of course, instead of becoming an accountant, I picked up playing the guitar and ran as far I could with it. Luckily, they were all about it.

7. What was your favorite homecooked meal growing up?

My dad was an incredible chef. For special occasions, I’d request his crab cakes. They were unreal. I’ve never had a crab cake anywhere in the world that was good as my dad’s.

8. Who made you realize you could be an artist full-time?

I don’t know if I’ve actually realized that yet.

9. What’s at the top of your professional bucket list?

The specifics change every day, but the core idea at the top is to continue being consistently inconsistent with my choices, and to keep getting audiences to constantly reconsider their consideration of me. But I mean, sure, what performer doesn’t want to play Coachella? What songwriter doesn’t want to have Adele sing one of their songs? What actor doesn’t want to be in a Wes Anderson film?

10.  How did your hometown/city shape who you are?

San Francisco. I mean, come on. I was really lucky. The older I get, the more grateful I am for just being born and raised there. It’s an incredibly diverse, culturally rich, colorful, inclusive, vibrant city. By the time I was born, it had served as a beacon for millions of creative, out-of-the-box thinkers to gather and thrive. I grew up around that. The combination of that with having parents, who were unbelievably supportive of the arts themselves, laid an incredibly fortunate foundation to consider the life of an artist as a legitimately viable option. It’s a foundation that I am supremely aware is not the case for millions of young artists around the world. I was absurdly lucky.

11.  What’s the last song you listened to?

I mean probably one of mine, but not by choice. I know, lame. But I’m promoting a new EP, what’d you expect? But if you wanna know what I’ve been listening to, as far as new s--t is concerned: a lot of Lizzy McAlpine, Remi Wolf, and Charlie Burg.

12.  If you could see any artist in concert, dead or alive, who would it be?

The Beatles is an obvious "yeah, duh." Sammy Davis, Mel Tormé, or of course, Nat King Cole. I would’ve loved to see Howard Ashman give a lecture on his creative process and his body of work.

13. What’s the wildest thing you’ve seen happen in the crowd of one of your sets?

I feel like just having a crowd at all, at any one of my sets, is pretty wild enough.

14. What’s your karaoke go-to?

The real answer to this I’ll write into a book one day, because I have a lot to say about karaoke etiquette. I have two options here: I can either name a song that I like to sing for me, for fun, or I can name a song that really gets the group going. The answer depends on what kind of karaoke night we’re dealing with here. So I will say, after I’ve selected a ton of songs that services a decent enough party vibe for everyone else, then I would do one for me, and that would be the Beatles’ “Oh! Darling.”

15. What’s one thing your most devoted fans don’t know about you?

What I have up my sleeve.

16. What TV show did you binge-watch over the past year?

Dave is a stroke of genius. There are episodes that I believe are bona fide masterpieces. Also, My Brilliant Friend is a masterclass in cinematic television.

17. What movie, or song, always makes you cry?

It’s A Wonderful Life.

18. What’s one piece of advice you would give to your younger self?

Get used to sharing everything about yourself and your life now, or more astutely, to the idea that you don’t necessarily get to control how your life is shared. I know it’s not really your thing, but you’re gonna have to get used to it, so start building up those calluses now. And don’t worry, all the stuff you love now will be cool again in your mid-thirties, so keep some of those clothes because you’ll be a full-blown fashion icon if you just keep wearing exactly what you’re wearing. Oh nd also, put money into Apple and Facebook.

19.  What new hobby did you take on in the last year?

I’ve always been a linguaphile. My idea of leisure time is getting to study or review other languages. This past year, I took the time to finally dive into learning how to read, write, and speak Japanese. Other than making music, it was one of the biggest components of my 2020-2021.

20. What do you hope to accomplish or experience by the end of 2021?

I hope I get to play live shows again.

#darren criss #billboard #masquerade ep #press #sept 2021

[2tired2study]

hi! i’ve recently finished the picture of dorian gray so let’s go over my favorite quotes (in order from the ones that appear in the book first to last)

if they know nothing of victory, they are at least spared the knowledge of defeat

being natural is simply a pose, and the most irritating pose i know

and as for believing things, i can believe anything, provided that it is quite incredible

when our eyes met, i felt that i was growing pale. a curious sensation of terror came over me. i knew that i had come face to face with someone whose mere personality was so fascinating that, if i allowed it to do so, it would absorb my whole nature, my whole soul, my very art itself

he, too, felt that we were destined to know each other

laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is by far the best ending for one

a man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies

i like persons better than principles, and i like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world

every day. i couldn’t be happy if i didn’t see him every day. he is absolutely necessary to me

he is all my art to me now

it is only the intellectually lost who ever argue

and the mind of a thoroughly well-informed man is a dreadful thing

there is no such thing as a good influence, mr gray. all influence is immoral; immoral from the scientific point of view

he becomes an echo of someone else’s music

but the bravest man among us is afraid of himself

nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul

some day, when you are old and wrinkled and ugly, when thought has seared your forehead with its lines, and passion branded your lips with its hideous fires,you will feel it, you will feel it terribly

man is many things, but he is not rational

examinations, sir, are pure humbug from beginning to end. if a man is a gentleman, he knows quite enough, and if he is not a gentleman, whatever he knows is bad for him

behind every exquisite thing that existed, there was something tragic

there was something fascinating in this son of love and death

really! and where do bad americans go to when they die?... they go to america

well, the way of paradoxes is the way of truth

all i want now is to look at life. you may come and look at it with me, if you care to

punctuality is the thief of time

it is only the sacred things that are worth touching

when one is in love, one always begins by deceiving ones self, and one always ends by deceiving others

there is always something infinitely mean about other peoples tragedies

how different he was now than the shy frightened boy he had met in basil hallwards studio! his nature had developed like a flower, had borne blossoms of scarlet flame. out of its secret hiding-place had crept his soul, and desire had come to meet it on the way

it is personalities, not principles, that move the age

people are very fond of giving away what they need most themselves

he lives the poetry that he cannot write. the others write the poetry that they dare not realize

human life—that appeared to him the one thing worth investigating

to note the curious hard logic of passion, and the emotional coloured life of the intellect—to observe where they had met, and where they separated, at what point they were in unison, and at what point they were at discord—there was a delight in that! what matter was the cost? one could never pay too high a price for any sensation

with his beautiful face, and his beautiful soul, he was a thing to wonder at. it was no matter how it all ended, or was destined to end. he was like one of those gracious figures in a pageant or a play, whose joys seem to be remote from one, but whose sorrows stir ones sense of beauty, and whose wounds are like red roses

the senses could refine, and the intellect could degrade

all that it really demonstrated was that our future would be the same as our past, and that the sun we had done once, and with loathing, we would do many times, and with joy

it often happened that when we thought we were experimenting on others we were really experimenting on ourselves

the joy of a caged bird was in her voice

she was free in her prison of passion

i love him because he is like what love himself should be.

he was like a common gardener walking with a rose

he had the dislike of being stared at, which comes on geniuses late in life and never leaves the commonplace

to be in love is to surpass ones self

my wonderful lover, my god of graces

i wish i had, for as sure as there is a god in heaven, if he ever does you any wrong, i shall kill him

whenever a man does a thoroughly stupid thing, it is always from the noblest motives

i don’t want to see dorian tied to some vile creature, who might degrade his nature and ruin his intellect

we are not sent into the world to air our moral prejudices

and unselfish people are colourless. they lack individuality

you are much better than you pretend to be

of course, it is sudden—all really delightful things are

he is not like other men. he would never bring misery upon any one. his nature is too fine for that

but i am afraid i cannot claim my theory as my own. it belongs to nature, not to me

no civilized man ever regrets a pleasure, and no uncivilized man ever knows what a pleasure is

there was a gloom over him

he felt that dorian gray would never again be to him all that he had been in the past

any one you love must be marvellous

it is not good for ones morals to see bad acting

there are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating—people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing

you taught me what reality really is

you had made me understand what love really is

you are more to me than all art can ever be

there is always something ridiculous about the emotions of people whom one has ceased to love

a faint echo of his love came back to him

we live in an age when unnecessary things are our only necessities

when we blame ourselves, we feel that no one else has a right to blame us

i cant bear the idea of my soul being hideous

one can always be kind to people about whom one cares nothing

nothing makes one so vain as being told that one is a sinner

it is only shallow people who require years to get rid of an emotion

you were the most unspoiled creature in the whole world

of you wish me never to look at your picture again, i am content. i have always you to look at

from the moment i met you, your personality had the most extraordinary influence over me. i was dominated, soul, brain, and power, by you

i grew jealous of every one to whom you spoke. i wanted to have you all to myself. i was only happy when i was with you

i only knew that i had seen perfection face to face

i grew more and more absorbed in you

you are made to be worshipped

in every pleasure, cruelty has its place

but it was to teach man to concentrate himself upon the moments of life that is itself but a moment

out of the unreal shadows of the night comes back the real life that we had known. we have to resume it where we left off, and there steals over us a terrible sense of the necessity for the continuance of energy in the same wearisome round of stereotyped habits, or a wild longing, it nat be, that our eyelids might open some morning upon a world that had been refashioned anew in the darkness for our pleasure, a world in which things would have fresh shapes and colours, and be changed, or have other secrets, a world in which the past would have little or no place, or survive, at any rate, in no conscious form of obligation or regret, the remembrance of even joy having its bitterness and the memories of pleasure their pain

yet, as had been said of him before, no theory of life seemed to him to be of any importance compared with life itself

he saw that there was no mood of the mind that had not its counterpart

art, like nature, has her monsters

is insincerity such a terrible thing? i think not. it is merely a method by which we can multiply our personalities

and mind you don’t talk about anything serious. nothing is serious nowadays. at least nothing should be

i am tired of myself tonight. i should like to be someone else

sin is a thing that writes itself across a mans face

you forget that we are in the native land of the hypocrite

that is the reason why i want you to be fine. you have not been fine

you have a wonderful influence. let it be for good, not for evil

i wonder do i know you? before i could answer that, i should have to see your soul

my god! don’t tell me that you are bad, and corrupt, and shameful

so you think it is only god who sees the soul, basil? draw that curtain back, and you will see mine

each of us has heaven and hell in him, basil

you are the one man who is able to save me

don’t speak about those days, dorian—they are dead... the dead linger sometimes

lord henry, i am not at all surprised that the world says that you are extremely wicked

life is a great disappointment

i like men who have a future and women who have a past

moderation is a fatal thing. enough is as bad as a meal. more than enough is as good as a feast

you always want to know what one has been doing. i always want to forget what i have been doing

his soul, certainly, was sick to death

he was prisoned in thought. memory, like a horrible malady, was eating his soul away

ones days were too brief to take the burden of another’s errors on ones shoulders

it is a sad truth, but we have lost the faculty of giving lovely names to things

to define is to limit

to be popular one must be a mediocrity

romance lives by repetition, and repetition converts an appetite into an art

i am searching for peace

the appeal to antiquity is fatal to us who are romanticists

sick with a wild terror of dying, and yet indifferent to life itself

horror seemed once more to lay its hand upon his heart

how terrible it was to think that conscience could raise such fearful phantoms

he had a wild adoration for you and that you were the dominant motive of his art

when you and he ceased to be great friends, he ceased to be a great artist

if a man treats life artistically, his brain is his heart

art has a soul, but that man had not

the soul is a terrible reality

to get back my youth i would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable

but a chance tone of colour in a room or a morning sky, a particular perfume that you had once loved and that brings subtle memories with it, a line from a forgotten poem that you had come across again, a cadence from a piece of music that you had ceased to play—i tell you, dorian, that it is on things like these that our lives depend

life has been your art

the books that the world calls immoral are books that show the world it’s own shame

the world is changed because you are made of ivory and gold. the curves of your lips rewrite history

it was the living death of his own soul that troubled him

as it had killed the painter, so it would kill the painters work, and all that that meant. it would kill the past, and when that was dead, he would be free

#chaotic academia #dark academia #dark academia aesthetic #light academia #light academic aesthetic #punk academia #writers #museums #punk academia aesthetic #chaotic academia aesthetic #academia aesthetic #oscar wilde #the picture of dorian gray #quotes #my favorite quotes #list #bookworm #booksarelife #old books #classic books #book qoute #book quotes

[jamiemackenziefraser]

All That Was Fair

Chapter 26: Fraser Publishing (part 1)

Summary: Unwilling to leave her at home, Jamie takes Claire into work with him. She makes some rather unexpected friends, resulting in a conversation where Claire has to drop a bombshell.

Read on AO3

Read chapter 26 on tumblr below the cut

Previous, master list, next

Chapter 26: Fraser Publishing

***

Claire was nearly buzzing with excitement the whole car ride into the city. Jamie tried to stay on task in explaining what to expect at his office, but she was so damn adorable that he just kept getting off track. All of him wanted to just tell her to be herself and damn the consequences, but his publishing company was a family business, run by his closest friends and relatives, and he couldn’t afford to have them on his back over his strange girlfriend— well, anymore than they already were. He just needed to pass Claire off as normal enough before hiding her in his office with him for a few hours. 

He knew he didn’t need to bring Claire with him; he’d just feel better if she were by his side instead of facing down God-knows-what human catastrophe by herself enough. Leaving her that past Friday had been nerve-wracking enough, even before coming home to find her terrified by the storm. After his worry over her health the night before, there was no way he could leave alone. 

She’d woken up that morning seeming like her usual self, and it brought Jamie endless relief. There had been a light in her eyes again from the moment she’d woken him with gentle kisses.  Feeling much reassured but still anxious not to leave her alone, he’d come up with a plan while holding her in his arms that morning in bed. He had decided that she would come in with him, give a few smiles and waves to his staff, and then he’d get a few hours of work done with her tucked safely in his office.

Naturally, Claire had agreed to go with him with eager enthusiasm, and she’d bounded up to get herself ready before racing to the car. 

And that was where Jamie found himself then, driving into the city with a vibrating faerie in his passenger seat. 

 “Jamie I can’t wait to meet everyone,” she said, grinning ecstatically over at him. 

Their hands were laced together over the middle console, and she gave his knuckles a brush with her thumb— back and forth. 

“Aye, lass, but maybe it’d be better if ye—”

When she looked up at him, her eyes shining with enthusiasm, he cut himself off. He’d warned her enough. She knew to be careful, he didn’t need to dim her light. 

“Ah, nothin’,” he dismissed, answering her grin with one of his own, “they’ll love ye.” 

*

The building was nothing grandiose, just a one-story office space that Jamie prided himself on being rather homey. He wanted it to reflect the comfort that books brought him instead of being some sleek, modern facility that was cold and distant, and he thought he’d done a rather fine job of it. Claire, of course, had no comments about the finer points of architecture and interior design. She simply held his hand as they walked inside the front door. 

Jamie found himself holding his breath, his whole body tenses with nerves, and it was actually Claire’s squeeze of his hand that calmed him down, rather than the other way around. 

Upon entering, they were met with the sight of Mrs. Crook, his receptionist, sitting at her desk with the phone pressed to her ear. As soon as she caught sight of them, her eyes went wide with delight and she slammed the phone down. She stood up from her desk and came around in front of it, smiling. 

“Hope that wasna an important call,” Jamie joked. 

But the sweet lady had eyes only for the lass attached to his side. 

“Hello, dear. Jamie, who is yer bonny lass?” she asked. 

Claire straightened up instantly, absorbing the praise like it fed her, and let go of Jamie’s hand to step up to Mrs. Crook. 

“I’m Claire,” she said, beaming at her. 

Mrs. Crook was a goner, for sure. 

“Oh, Claire, verra nice to meet ya, I’m Mrs. Crook,” the receptionist answered, looking absolutely tickled by her. 

“I’m so happy to meet Jamie’s friends!” Claire exclaimed. 

His faerie, bold as ever, went straight in for the hug, wrapping her arms around Mrs. Crook with enough sincerity and warmth to bulldoze a person flat. 

Mrs. Crook was a bit taken aback but nonetheless delighted to be on the receiving end of such an unexpected gesture and quickly wrapped her arms around Claire, chuckling softly. Claire squeezed the lady gently once before letting go, stepping back from her to give one more wide smile. 

“Come on, a ghraidh,” Jamie quickly broke in before Claire could delve too much further into the unexpected, “there’s lots of people to meet.” 

Jamie took Claire’s hand, and she stepped back into the safety of his side, nodding. 

“Ye’ve got a sweet one there, Jamie,” Mrs. Crook said approvingly, “come around anytime, Claire, dear!” 

Bringing Claire further into the office, Jamie walked down toward the hall, knowing exactly who he wanted her to meet next. Sure enough, his quarry found them before they could find him.  

“John!” Jamie said as the blonde man stopped in his tracks and looked up in surprise, “I wanted tae introduce ye to my girlfriend, Claire. Claire,” he turned toward his wee lass, who was looking at John with that same beaming smile she’d given Mrs. Crook, “this is my friend, John Grey. He handles the financials.” 

“Hello!” she exclaimed. 

Before Jamie could squeeze her hand or do anything to keep her settled, Claire was flying over to give John a hug. 

“Oh,” John huffed out a laugh of surprise as she embraced him, “hello.” 

To his credit, John barely skipped a beat before hugging her back. Jamie watched his lass fondly, Claire standing on her tiptoes in order to reach John properly. John shot Jamie a helpless and confused look over Claire’s shoulder, and Jamie could only smile and shake his head. 

He loved her more than anything. 

It was so strange to see her here, in this area of his life. The last few weeks with her had been magical, unreal— tucked away in their little bubble of paradise at his home. Now, here she was, in his place of work, and it was like two worlds colliding. It wasn’t unpleasant though, simply jarring. He couldn’t help imagining this being his life— Claire coming into work to visit him on lunch break, bringing everyone cookies during a long evening of work, stopping by with their children to visit….

He was getting ahead of himself. 

With a mental slap on the wrist, Jamie brought his attention back to the scene in front of him where Claire was just letting go of John. 

“Nice to meet you, Claire,” John chuckled. He looked over at Jamie, his brows drawn together, and seemed to war within himself over what to say for a second before commenting, “Jamie, I didn’t know you had a girlfriend.” 

Jamie smiled a bit. “It’s still rather new I suppose, but she’s a keeper for sure.” 

That got Claire’s attention, and she turned back toward Jamie, face soft with affection, and stepped to him so she could press a sweet kiss to his cheek and take his hand again.

Naturally, it was that exact moment when an all too familiar voice called out his name from behind him, the “James” dripping with disapproval. 

Feeling like he was about to face the chopping block, Jamie turned slowly around to see the whole Murray family— Ian, the weans, wee Jamie, Maggie, and Katherine, and of course, Jenny. 

“Hello, sister,” Jamie said, squeezing Claire closer to him protectively. He sent a quick prayer up to heaven that Jenny would take it easy and forgo making a scene. Claire, for her part, glued herself to Jamie’s side as if she fully intended to be a permanent fixture there. 

“Bringing yer trollop into work now, I see,” Jenny gestured toward Claire with her chin, narrowing her eyes. 

“Dinna speak of her that way,” Jamie growled. He felt the hair on the back of his neck standing on end, his patience wearing thin before they’d even begun. God give him patience. 

Ever the peacemaker, Ian chose that moment to break the tension. “Hello, Jamie, good tae see ye back.” 

“Good tae see ye too, Ian,” Jamie replied, but his attention went straight back to his exasperating sister, “what brings ye and the weans in today, Jenny?” 

“I could ask ye the same, seein’ as—”

“Jes’ here for the morning, and then we’ll go out fer lunch,” Ian cut in. 

“Lovely,” Jamie remarked without any real enthusiasm, soured as he was by Jenny’s animosity toward Claire. 

“Dinna take that attitude wi’ me, James,” his sister chided. 

“I believe ye’re the one wi’ an attitude, Janet,” Jamie shot back. 

She put her hands on her hips, leveling him with her best motherly disapproval, but she refused to comment further. She must have known that he was right. 

While Jamie had been staring down his sister, he hadn’t even noticed that Claire had let go of his hand. But he suddenly realized that the wee body was gone from his side, and his heart skipped a beat. He whipped his head around to find Claire kneeling off to the side, talking in hushed tones to wee Jamie and exchanging smiles with the lad. On her right side, Maggie was already wrapping her arms around Claire’s leg fondly. 

Jenny followed his gaze to see her bairns interacting with Claire, and her irritation rose ever further. 

“Jamie, get back here,” she hissed at her son, beckoning him toward her side. 

“Mama, can we play wi’ the nice lady while Da works?” wee Jamie asked, reaching out for Claire’s hand. 

Claire, the charmer, took it with a smile, looking up toward Jenny as innocently as possible. There was no hint of smugness on Claire’s face, no pettiness that other people would have had in such a circumstance. She only looked politely to Jenny for approval. 

Maggie, only 4, was bobbing her head too. 

Jenny sighed, putting her hands on her hips and looking down at them for a long moment. Three pairs of eyes looked up at her in longing, and Jamie’s foul mood was dissolving by the second to see his love looking so soft with his niece and nephew. 

She certainly made friends fast, that one. 

“Alright, I suppose that wouldna be the worst thing. Jes’ stay where I can see ye,” Jenny relented. 

What followed was the most distractingly adorable two hours of Jamie’s life. His office being the biggest (but mostly because he didn’t want to let Claire out of his sight), he’d invited Jenny and Claire and the children in while he and Ian got some work done. Claire had sat on the floor with the weans, playing and chatting amicably, the whole time. She had the most distinct way of interacting with them— motherly, but at the same time, she didn’t baby talk them. She simply engaged their whims, bonding over whatever silly games they were playing, making them feel like they were the most important thing in the world. 

Jamie’s heart nearly burst over the sweet picture. He couldn’t help but imagine Claire with weans of her own— their bairns. She’d make an extraordinary mother, as he saw first hand. Safe to say, he did not get hardly any work done. 

He wasn’t the only one watching the sweet scene. Jenny’s eyes were fixed on Claire the whole time, and Jamie could see the softening in his sister’s posture as she reluctantly came to the realization that the lass who she was so set against truly loved her children. At one point, Jenny even glanced over toward Jamie, catching his eye and giving him a reluctant smile. 

It wasn’t near an apology, not even close, but Jamie still treasured this first step toward a change of heart, and gave his sister a smile and a nod back. 

He thought no one could stay hardened against his faerie for long, not even his stubborn sister, and it brought him comfort to think it was likely only a matter of time before Claire won her over too. 

When the time came for the Murray family to go on their lunch date, the goodbyes were excruciating. 

“Will we see ye again soon, Claire?” wee Jamie asked, clutching Claire’s hand tightly while his mother waited for him at the door of Jamie’s office, holding Kitty in her arms. 

“I hope so,” Claire said with a smile, shooting a glance toward Jenny, “Now you’d better go, your mother’s waiting.” 

Wee Jamie launched himself at Claire, wrapping her thigh in a tight hug before bounding toward his mam. Maggie did the same, hugging Claire quickly before pulling back and saying, “bye-bye, Claire.” 

“Bye, Maggie, darling,” Claire said, giving the wee lassie’s curls a ruffle. 

Soon, the door was closing behind the Murrays, leaving Claire and Jamie alone in the privacy of his office. 

His lass turned to him with a bright smile, starting to say “they’re—”

But Jamie— finding his self control at a minimum and his amorous intentions through the roof— cut her off by pulling her against him by the waist and pressing his lips to hers. 

She melted into the kiss, wrapping her arms around Jamie’s neck and allowing him to kiss her breathless. 

“What was that for?” she asked, panting, when he finally pulled away. 

“Ye jes’ looked sae bonny wi’ them,” Jamie said, “I've been wantin’ tae do that for hours.” 

“Oh,” was all she could say, but looked rather pleased. 

Her lips curved up, raising the apples of her cheeks, but she downcast her eyes. She looked so beautiful that Jamie couldn’t resist reaching out and finding a curl to tuck behind her ear. 

“Listen, we’ve some time for lunch. What would ye say to a wee walk around the park nearby?” Jamie asked. 

Claire nodded, and before he knew it, they were hand in hand, strolling around the empty park. The sun had decided to peak out from the clouds, illuminating an otherwise dreary day, and Jamie couldn’t imagine a more perfect lunch break. Nor could he image spending another lunch break alone after the bliss of having her there— but that was a problem for another day. 

As they walked along quietly, enjoying the day and the company, there was something sitting heavily on the tip of his tongue. He knew in his brain that this wasn’t really the right time to broach this serious conversation, but seeing her with the bairns had done something to him, and he couldn’t seem to taper down the question rising in his chest. 

Before he could stop it, his mouth was saying, ‘Claire, can I ask ye somethin?” 

She looked up at him, face open as always, and replied, “of course, Jamie. You can always ask me anything.” 

“Ehm… well this… this is a bit o’ an odd question…” 

Claire chuckled softly, tugging on his hand. “Out with it.” 

“I was jes wonderin’ how… ehm… how the fair folk... reproduce... and— and if it’s the same as humans,” he finally forced out. 

Claire looked surprised, taken aback for a moment before a soft blush began to spread over her cheeks. 

“Oh,” she said, “well. I… I wouldn’t know about human reproduction, but I can tell you how it goes for the fair folk.” 

She went on to explain, in hushed tones, the physical act of reproduction. To Jamie’s delight, it sounded exactly like the human way of doing things. By the end of Claire’s overview, the tips of both of their ears were flushed pink. 

A variety of feelings all swirled around inside Jamie. Foremost was elation bubbling up inside his chest, happiness as the thought of a future with her, a marriage like he could have with any lass. Accompanying that was desire. He couldn’t help but imagine the possibilities now that he knew sex was, in fact, on the table. Relief went hand in hand, and he nearly laughed at himself over how comforted he was that the secret fear— the fear that he’d never be able to be intimate with her in that way— was no longer an issue. 

As soon as he’d explained that everything she said went the same for humans, he couldn’t help the rush of words bursting out of him, “ye see, I’d been wonderin’ that for a while, but I didna want tae overwhelm ye. Sorry if the question was a bit sudden. It was jes’ seein’ ye wi’ my sister’s bairns, thinkin’ about how great a mother ye’d be... I jes’ had to ken if there was a possibility of that for us. In the future, of course, I dinna mean any time soon. But now that I know there is that possibility, Claire, ye’ve made me sae happy. I dinna want to get ahead of myself, but it’s always been a dream of mine to have bairns, and knowin—”

Jamie— caught up in his ramblings as he was— didn’t notice Claire until that moment. Her face had fallen and body tensed, her whole posture screaming that something was wrong. Jamie’s heart dropped to the pit of his stomach, and the words died in his throat. 

“Claire? What’s wrong, a ghraidh?” 

She bit her lip, looking away from him. Her throat bobbed as she swallowed hard. Something was really wrong, and it sent Jamie’s nerves on edge. 

He stopped walking, pulling Claire to a stop by her hand. She still wouldn’t look at him, so he gently took her face in his hand and tilted it upward. 

“Claire?” he prompted, his voice sticking in his throat, “tell me, lass.” 

She was quiet for a long time before she finally spoke. 

“I don’t think— I mean...” she fumbled quietly, avoiding his eyes, “I… I’ve thought a lot about it. I’ve dreamt of us having babies too, Jamie. But I—” tears beaded in her eyes, and she finally fixed her gaze on him for the first time, “I don’t think we can. I don’t think we’re physiologically compatible enough. We’d be able to be intimate, but… nothing would come of it.” 

The tears in her eyes finally broke free, two perfect lines trailing down her cheek in sync. 

“I know it’s your dream...” she continued, tightness in her distraught voice, “I'm sorry. I’m so sorry, Jamie.” 

“Oh, Claire,” the words tore from his chest like air from a punctured balloon. 

Feeling just as deflated, he drew her into a tight hug, pulling her body against his and squeezing tightly. She went willing, pressing her teary face into his shoulder. His arms wrapped around her back, he could feel her chest shaking with the force of containing her sobs. 

“Claire, mo ghraidh,” he said gently into her hair, “I have no life but you. Dinna cry, a leannan, dinna cry. There are other ways fer us to have bairns, even if they arena our own. And that way I wouldna have tae watch ye suffer.” 

She looked up at him then, blinking, looking confused. “I can bear pain myself,” he expanded, “but I couldna bear yours. It would take more strength than I have.” 

A tear rolled down her cheek, and he brought his hand up to cup her face and swipe it away with his thumb. Her eyes were swimming with disappointment and guilt in a way that tore at Jamie’s insides. 

“I love ye, Claire. I wouldna trade bein’ wi’ ye for the world. Even if it means that our bairns canna be our own flesh and blood.” 

Tear drops were beaded on her eyelashes, and she blinked them away. He couldn’t help but think how heartbreakingly beautiful she looked at that moment. 

“You… you won’t regret that I’m different… that I can’t give you your dream?” she asked. 

“No, no, Claire,” he said firmly, pulling her back into his tight embrace with the same force his words held, “I’ve told ye before, I will never regret who ye are, because I love you. More than anything. Do ye hear me, lass?” 

She nodded against his shoulder, her hands stroking up his back. 

Jamie drew away enough so that he could take hold of her chin with his thumb and forefingers. Her skin was soft under his fingertips, still damp. He brushed his fingers back and forth, trying to dry it. 

“Please, darling, no more tears. I canna stand to see ye weep.” He swallowed the lump in his throat. “I’m sorry for bringin’ this up now.”

“Don’t be sorry, Jamie. I’m the one who should be sorry. I should have told you sooner,” she choked out, a fresh wave of tears rolling from her cheeks and dripping onto his hand. 

“Nah, nah, lass,” he wiped them away untiringly, “please, dinna apologize.” He was quiet for a moment and then said, “I love you, Claire.” 

She let out a breathy sound and a gasp that was almost a laugh, and then smiled with watery eyes. “I love you, Jamie.” 

He took her in his arms then, holding her close, feeling like she— or he— might fly to pieces the moment he let go. Life in the park went on around them, birds singing and wind rustling through the greenery, but Jamie only had attention for Claire. The rending in his own chest would wait. All that mattered was her. 

She was enough. She would always be enough. And he would spend every day for the rest of her life making sure she knew that. 

***

Next

#this moodboard took me 12 years and I still don’t like it #oh well I hope you enjoy the chapter #all that was fair #update #outlander fanfiction #claire x jamie #fae claire

[unimpressedperson]

Diary Entry: Sorority

I spent the year of 2020 cloistered in my home and took this never-ending time to study about the faces of feminism. Some books and articles were revisited, but like ‘The Beauty Myth’ by Naomi Wolf I read it for the very first time. Every new work I absorbed to realize how used to the injustice and pain we’re used, then it feels normal, ordinary. Men underestimating or gaslighting us feels common.

Fighting against this feeling of custom isn’t new, women have been building, dwelling and owning the concept of revolution and equity for ages, trying to be seem as a human, because that’s what we are, not a toy, a joyful little ornament to possess. Striving is a ceaseless occurrence. If we settle, then the tide takes us back to tempestuous times.

Meditating within those thoughts, it’s perfectly possible to see how far we’ve came. From having to watch many sisters die in order to have labor legislation applying in our behalf - kind of -, reading about how Suffragettes were portrayed solely for demanding the voting rights (they were portrayed as ogres, enemies, unloved creatures), the right of maternity leave, choosing to marry and take a last name or keep ours. Black women, their fights were even more brutal, seeking for the right to get a higher level of education, existing without restraints.

Their fight. Our fight. Women’s fight.

Sorority is about supporting each other in our inner-fights, on battles fought as a group and as individuals, ‘cause in the end all the results resounds on ourselves. It’s also the understanding that some of those struggles won’t affect everyone the same, for differences brought by a whole divergent set of bias (racism, transphobia...).

Sorority is what brought me here to write this diary entry.

Yesterday I heard some sad news: Jesy Nelson left Little Mix, after 9 years, in order to work on her psychological health,  following years of virtual harassment.

I could feel my stomach folding and heart aching with anxiety when I read it on Twitter.

Jesy Nelson is one of the most talented people in the world. One of the most beautiful and brave women to ever set a foot in this world. Also one of those whose privileges never stopped the cyberbullying and, consequently, took the mental toll, that dimmed the light and dreams out of her.

Do you know how much virtual attack a person needs to receive in order to give up on a dream?

Jesy spent nine years of her life working with entertainment, a patriarchal industry long known for the mistreatment towards women. Back in 2011 she joined The X-Factor trying to make her dreams of working with art come true. In fact, with three other women (Perrie Edwards, Leigh-Anne Pinnock and Jade Thirlwall) she hiked her way to the top and won that TV show. Little Mix became huge and from the beginning brought messages of sorority, supporting and love for who you are. However, positive messages were commonly replied with attacks, harassment, cruel words thrown effortlessly by people and received hard as a rock by them.

In theory, loving who you are, is easier said than done. A woman who loves herself is dangerous. Throughout the years, their skin grew thicker, but it’s impossible to ignore it, if from the beginning people chose to pinch your insecurities. Jesy went through hell and back because of her appearance, her weight, size, etc. 

In 2019, Jesy released a documentary with BBC called ‘Odd One Out’ and talked openly about the experience as a celebrity, a public person. The whole narrative heart-breaking: what began as an unique opportunity, the Willy Wonka golden ticket for stardom, is now filled with spikes of humour, constant insecurity, panic crisis and an everyday struggling, trying to keep true to herself and healing. Watching someone whose life never been easy, sobbing about how online scrutiny ruined her dreams, that shattered every piece of my heart.

Sometimes people forget that celebrities are humans too.

I’m not a Mixer (I gave up on using fandom names it’s been years now), but as a woman whose been struggling with the consequences of harassment and bullying through 11 long years, her pain resonated. Imagine dealing with mean and destructive comments coming from all over the world, people you’ve never met or heard of, but still they had a say in your appearance, you dancing, your body, your life.

Internet created a whole new layer of problems, both for men and women, but considering we still live in an unstable society, the burden always gets heavier on a female’s back. 

Suddenly peer-pressure is tempting to ruin your confidence on your appearance, intelligence, self-worth, talent, capability, your will and strength. You can get in touch with victims in similar situation, but also opens tabs for more attacks on aspects of yourself you’ve never paid a thought before. It gives you fuel to light a dream and then push you against the cold water. It gives you the right to love sex, but exposes and humiliates you when the opportunity is given. In the end, internet treat a woman’s body as if it is public domain. My body belong to myself.

The only thing we own from the very first breath in this world is our bodies. Everything else we grow up absorbing and learning.

Internet is no longer a no-man’s land - slowly laws are being created to stop cyberbullying -, but the negative content and the nightmares set previously will never be completely erased. It creates new prejudices, new concerns. Our daily fights now approaches the virtual ambience, trying to find justice.

Jesy is indeed a talented women, with an unreal stage presence, an astounding voice. However her sanity is worth more than our happiness and satisfaction. As I mentioned before, we are so used to the pain and masked-injustice, that stepping up against it seems unrealistic, but owning your fate is the best measure to recover.

I’ll always support Jesy, and every women that chooses her happiness and mental health, because in the end of the day it’s all about sorority again.

I feel that every woman loses a little bit as well when one of us gives up on her dreams, surrendering after not being capable of bearing the pressure of existing - simply existing and endeavouring - in a world that doesn’t want us succeeding.

That’s how I realize how far we’ve got to date, yet there’s still a long way down to go.

Once we fought for the right of having dreams, now we battle for keeping them. Dreams should never die.

#Sorority #Little Mix #Jesy Nelson #Perrie Edwards #Jade Thirlwall #Leigh-Anne Pinnock #venting #Diary Entry #Thank you Jesy #Feminism #Simone de Beauvoir #Naomi Wolf #The Beauty Myth #The Second Sex #Blogging #Dreams #Stop cyberbullying #Women