#she is unknowingly destroying me and I can’t even hate her
spicyicyricy · 2 months ago
She really said “I cannot take the fact that you’re hurting lightly”
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elliaze · a month ago
Dancing with you
A/N: I finally managed to finish this one shot. What was supposed to be a short story about how the reader dances with Steven in the rain made a whole story of over 7 pages. But I like it and I hope you guys enjoy it too. 
I recommend turning on some romantic songs to read it. 
And let me know if you want part two, because I have a little soft smut idea for this story. 
Pairings: Steven Grant x fem!reader (main), Marc Spector x fem!reader (mentioned few times)
Warnings: few curses, wedding (not reader’s), mean cousin named Vicky, it’s just fluff and comfort, Steven is the sweetest man alive no one can’t change my mind, italics are memories
Summery: You go with Steven to your cousin's wedding. 
Words Count: 4400+ 
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A sunny Saturday was the perfect day for a wedding. 
The only problem was that you didn't want to be there, and your only solace was the presence of Steven, who had taken control of their body this time. A full hall of people who either didn't give a complete shit about you or absolutely hated you was the last place you wanted to spend your day off. However, the pride and constant nagging from your cousin was enough to show you that she was wrong and that you, like her, could easily make a life for yourself. 
However, you were coming to the realization that the whole master plan that had been laid out already a few weeks ago had fallen apart. Because your cousin, as always, looked almost perfect, much better than yourself. 
“Oh my God! I can't believe it!” You cried out in shock, flicking through your phone. Your mouth opened into a small O and you even gasped at the sight of a picture of your cousin and her boyfriend on your social media announcing their wedding in two months.
“Baby? Are you alright?” Marc spoke up with concern, standing in the passageway between the kitchen and the living room. He looked at you with concern, and you immediately nodded. “Then why are you screaming”
“What?” You lifted your gaze to him. “Oh, nothing like that. Remember how I told you about my cousin?”
“The one you hate? Yes, several times.” 
You rolled your eyes, looking at the photo again. A feeling of jealousy swept over you almost immediately. Your cousin always had to destroy your inner peace at the least appropriate moment. She probably did it unconsciously, because having known her for so many years, you already figured out that she shared practically everything on social media. Which was the complete opposite to you. You were the same age with your cousin, but every time she was able to prove that she was better than you at everything. Whenever you randomly saw her, she would put a pin in your heart with her comments, proving that you were supposedly not as good as her. You genuinely hated her and every time you went back to your home town of Nottingham, you tried to avoid her at all costs. 
“She's just posted that she and that Tobias of hers are getting married in two months,” you said with a sneer. “Actually, I feel sorry for him. Because Vicky's a complete bitch.” 
“I'm sure she says the same about you,” he commented with amusement, crossing his arms over his chest. Marc leaned his shoulder against the wall and laughed briefly as you sent him a deadly look. “Don't look at me like that. I'm just being honest with you.” 
“You know, in situations like this I don't need you to be honest with me” you moved your hand into the space between you and him. “You should take my side.” 
“When I don't? Or Steven? Baby, just don't get offended now.”
“I'm not offended, I just... I hate that every time, she even unknowingly manages to ruin my mood.” 
“Oh, Y/N” Marc moved away from the wall and sat down next to you on the couch. He grabbed your hand and then placed a brief kiss on the outside of your palm. “Do you know that she has no influence on your life unless you let her?”
“When you try to comfort me in some way, you do a poor job of it.” 
“I know Steven is much better at it” Marc kissed your temple and then took the phone out of your hands and put it on the table. “If you need him at this point, then…”
“No,” you shook your head. “It's ok, besides, this was supposed to be our day together, right? Anyway, you're right, Vicky can't have a constant influence on my life. She ruined it enough when I was a kid…” - Marc smiled slightly and pushed a strand of your hair behind your ear. “So, back to what we were doing earlier... Do you need my help in the kitchen?” 
“I was just about to tell you that everything is ready. We'll have dinner and start up one of those favourite movies of yours on Netflix.” 
“Or…” you leaned over him so that your noses were rubbing against each other. Marc put his hands on your hips, and you threw your leg over his and sat on top of him with your arms around him. You kissed the corner of his mouth and then whispered right into his ear. “We can go straight to dessert.”
So, how did you end up in this place? Your mother, who accepted the invitation on your behalf without consulting you beforehand. You didn't hold anything against her because you understood her attitude. She didn't like Vicky as much as you did, but she was grateful to her father for everything he did for you. When your father left you, it was his older brother and Vicky's father who always helped you. If it wasn't for him, you doubted you would have even managed to graduate. 
Getting ready for this party, you were really positive. A weekend in the company of your boys, your mum who adored them and your older brother and his family seemed like a really great idea. The only downside was the wedding, but you still did your best to look beautiful. The pastel green floral dress fit you perfectly, the beige stiletto added a few inches, the perfect make-up highlighted your eye colour, the perfectly styled hair added charm and the finishing touch was the whole set of silver jewellery, which you got for your last birthday from Marc and Steven. You looked truly gorgeous and everyone told you so, yet looking at your cousin, you felt like you looked like shit. It was her wedding and her day and ultimately, she was the one who should look, like, a queen. But in these surroundings, the glamour of the Hall, Vicky's rich friends looking down on everyone, you felt extremely unworthy. 
It didn't even help that you knew how to fight, and most importantly not so long ago with Marc and Steven you stopped Harrow and Ammit from causing total chaos in the world. 
At first, everything seemed fine. The church service was somehow not very interesting, as it had been years since you believed in a god. Steven, despite his different faith, took part in the whole ceremony with the greatest respect, but you knew by the look on his face that Marc must have been constantly complaining about the situation you were in. Later, however, it was time for the party, and consequently the congratulations. The very thought of talking to your cousin made you angry, let alone if you were actually going to talk to her. But the congratulations passed very quickly and there was no time for any conversation, especially as the number of people present completely overwhelmed you. There were at least a hundred people in the Hall and you wondered where your cousin got so many people, considering that after all your family was not that big. Dinner didn't go so badly either, especially since you and Steven sat at the same table with the rest of your family and your cousin's husband's uncles. These two turned out to be very nice, and it was great talking to them. 
But then came the confrontation with Vicky and although it didn't last long, it made you feel like you were a teenager again, and she belittled you in every possible way. 
“Oh, you came after all. I thought you'd have the honour of not showing up after all,” she said with a forced smile when she found you at the bar. Your mother was in the mood for a short drink, and you were going to bring it to her, having argued with your brother earlier that it was your turn this time. It was going to be a short task - go to the bar, order your mum's favourite margarita and return to the table where she sat with your brother and Steven. 
However, Vicky's voice made you know that it wasn't going to go that easily. It seemed as if she was specifically waiting for some moment when you were alone to specifically talk to you. 
“Vicky” you said, trying to sound nice, when in fact you were trembling with anger at her very presence. “Were you blind when I congratulated you?” 
“I didn't particularly pay attention to you, it's true,” she confessed with satisfaction, and you rolled your eyes. You looked meaningfully at the bartender, who was now exceptionally slow in preparing drinks. “Besides, who could pay attention to you? Have you seen yourself in the mirror, Y/N? You look awful. You don't look like anyone around here.” 
Open criticism from her was nothing new for you, but now it hurts twice as much. For a while you thought about what to say to her, to put a pin in her feelings as well, but after a while you came to the conclusion that there was no point. Vicky was heartless and whatever you said, it wouldn't make any impression on her anyway. 
“It was good to talk, really,” you said sarcastically, and almost breathed a sigh of relief when the barman finally put two glasses with drinks in front of you. You grabbed both dishes and forced one last smile, which you directed at your cousin. “I hope we didn't see each other anymore.”
You turned away from her with the intention of leaving quickly, and congratulated yourself for not letting her piss you off. Such conversations always ended that way, and later it was always you who came out as the emotionally unstable one. But then Vicky spoke again. 
“You know, I always thought you were mentally ill, so that's probably why you get along so well with your man. I won't say he's even handsome, and I'd probably sleep with him, but the fact that he's already touched you definitely makes it less so. It makes me sick just thinking about it.” 
Her words were dripping with as much hatred as ever. They pierced your heart to the core, but this time, it was something different. Until now, her criticism had always focused on you. She didn't drag anyone associated with you into it. Until now, and this was the trigger moment. You were able to bear the hatred and criticism towards yourself, but you were not going to let it offend anyone who was close to you and whom you loved. 
You took a deep breath and then put your drinks back on the counter. You turned to face her, and apparently there must have been something in your gaze - probably a total desire for murder - because the smile came off your cousin's face. Suddenly, her figure seemed to contort with fear, and you couldn't help but think that maybe for the first time in your life, the roles were reversed. It also made you have no intention of holding back your reaction. However, you knew that you were in the midst of a crowd of people and ultimately did not want to cause a scene. 
You grabbed your cousin's exposed arm and squeezed your fingers tightly against her skin. Vicky moaned softly, and you knew that before long there would be bruises on her arm because of your attack. And that made you smile broadly, and she looked even more terrified and one who had lost any control over the situation. You bent over her, which wasn't easy at all, considering that her stilettos were probably three times higher than the ones you wore today. 
“You can insult me as long as you like, Vicky. After all these years, it doesn't bother me at all. However, watch your words when you mention people I care about. You don't know them and have no right to judge them. And you must know that I react very emotionally when at least someone takes a bad look at the people I love. Because you see, then no one can stop me, and I am able to attack, and you must know that I have certain abilities that will easily make it easier for me and make you cry in pain in a few seconds”. 
Your voice was cool and icy, yet composed. It was not the first time you had addressed someone like that. However, until now, you had only used such a tone to your enemies, whom you managed to defeat in a fair fight right afterwards. And although you did not like Vicky, you never considered her your enemy, at least not until now. You may have said a few words too many, but you knew she wouldn't say anything to anyone. Besides, the people who were most interested in this knew anyway. After the whole story with Ammit and Harrow and how you lost and regained Marc and Steven and then almost died yourself, you told your mother about everything. Maybe not all the details, because still, no mother wanted to hear that her daughter could fight, handle a gun and kill without blinking an eye. 
“Are you threatening me?” Vicky howled in agitation, and you were shocked that this was all it took to get her to this state. So you tightened your fingers on her hand, and she didn't even try to pull away. 
“I'm just warning you,” you replied, and then moved away from her. You smiled at her with your most friendly and artificial smile and let go of her hand. You brushed invisible dust off the fabric of her dress until finally you turned and walked away, leaving her at the bar. 
The only sign of what you were really feeling were your trembling hands, which were not helping in any way to bring the drink to your mother.
“There you are,” you heard Steven's voice and looked away from Vicky, who acted almost as if nothing had happened. Although it seemed to you that she was a bit shocked by the whole situation, and you were even proud of yourself. “Marc and I were wondering where you had hidden yourself.” 
“I needed some time alone,” you explained, trying not to show that any confrontation took place, but Steven knew you too well. He immediately sensed that something wasn't right. 
“What happened?”
“Why do you think something happened?”
“Y/N, love” he smiled at you. He lifted his hand up and gently stroked your cheek. “I know you, and I know when something's not right. Do you want to talk about it?”
“You know... What's always” you sighed quietly, but cuddled your cheek into his hand. Steven's touch and his presence were the cure for all evil. Actually, everything else didn't matter except for him and Marc. Everything stopped mattering, there were no problems and all you could feel was unlimited love from them. “It doesn't matter at this point.” 
“Are you sure?” 
“Like never before” you assured him. You put your hands on his chest, but you refrained from any kiss, because you both were not fond of such open displays of affection for each other in public places. Such things were reserved only for your flat when you were alone, possibly in the company of loved ones. Then you lifted your gaze to him, and your eyes shone joyfully. “Actually, I have an idea.” 
“Oh, I know that look,” he laughed cheerfully. “What's on your mind, darling?”
“We both don't want to be at this wedding, do we?” Steven nodded his head in agreement. “So, what's the harm in us just running away from here?” 
“I don't know... Wouldn't that be rude?”
“Who cares?” You replied. “Steven, dear, we can say goodbye to my mum and brother, but the others won't even notice that we're gone. Please?”
“You know perfectly well that I can't refuse you” he smiled, resting his forehead against yours. “But we haven't even danced once. I thought this would be a good opportunity to ask you to dance.” 
“I would love to, Steven, but not here.” 
“Whatever you want, my love” he replied, and you sent him a smile that was reserved only for him and Marc. You grabbed his hand and linked your fingers together. 
“In that case, let's go.” 
And without waiting for anything else, you returned to the table, said goodbye to your mother, who was the only one sitting at it, and left the banquet hall.
Getting away from the wedding was the best thing you decided to do that day. The weather was still fine despite it being late evening, but you and Steven decided it was the perfect time for a walk. Nottingham was your favourite place, even if not everyone appreciated it. You had already shown it to Steven and Marc several times, but each time you felt some kind of excitement at the very thought of walking together. There was no better feeling in the world than visiting your favourite places with the person you loved the most. 
You smiled cheerfully and felt that Steven could not take his fascinated eyes off you. 
“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” You asked with amusement, putting your portion of fries down next to you. Together you sat on the concrete steps, which were the only free space nearby. All the people, like you, were taking advantage of the good weather, which was rare for England. “Don't tell me I have something on my face? It's sauce, isn't it?”
You sighed heavily and then nervously started searching through your handbag to find your mobile phone. Steven, however, laughed audibly and grabbed your hand, interrupting the activity. 
“Maybe I just like looking at you, love,” he replied, and you blushed. Steven generally couldn't flirt with you so openly, and sometimes it was still a new thing for you when he did. “You look gorgeous with sauce on your face or not.” 
“Is that your way of saying I have it on my face, though?”
“In a way,” he laughed, but before you could do anything, Steven leaned over you and placed a soft, righteous kiss on the corner of your mouth “There. It's done. You have nothing to worry about.” 
“Thank you, Mr Grant. What a gentleman you are.” 
“Anything for my lady.” 
Steven bowed slightly, and you began to laugh, as loudly as was possible in his company. You loved Marc and Steven in the same way, but Steven had this way that no matter how bad mood you might be in, he knew instantly what to say and how to cheer you up to make it all go away. 
“So, are you going to tell me what happened?” He asked after a while. Both portions of fries were completely finished, but neither you nor he wanted to move from your place. The clouds in the sky were a bit more noticeable, and it was definitely getting colder, but you didn't want to go back to your family home just yet. 
“What do you mean?”
“Your cousin” you looked at him in surprise, and he reached for your hand and grabbed it, joining your fingers together. With his thumb, he began to draw small circles, further reassuring and somehow encouraging you. “Your mother told me that she saw you two talking. And it didn't seem like a friendly chat.”
You sighed heavily. You didn't expect anyone to notice your confrontation with your cousin.
“Yes,” you agreed with difficulty. You wanted to forget about this conversation, but you knew that whatever you said to Steven, he would listen to you and try his best to understand. “As if to say, I threatened her.” 
“What did you do?” Steven asked. But you weren't sure whether he was more disgusted by your behaviour or amused. Probably both, which didn't help at all. 
“I just... Oh, I can't believe this is happening,” you muttered to yourself in frustration. You hid your face in your free hand as you still held Steven's in the other. “I really wanted to be nice to her and not let her provoke me, but when she came up to me on her own and started talking shit... It was stronger than me.” 
“What did she say to you?” 
“Actually, the same thing she always says. That I don't belong in her company, that I'm inferior, and I'm completely used to it, because I've heard it for years. But when she started picking on you and Marc, I couldn't listen anymore. So I started threatening her to watch her mouth because I have abilities that will make her cry in pain. I know, it was inappropriate and... 
“Hey, Y/N, look at me,” Steven asked calmly, and you hesitated for a moment, but eventually looked into his brown eyes. “You know I'm not judging you in any way, right? Neither me nor Marc. You stood up to her, and that was the best thing you could have done. No one has the right to insult you.” 
“I'm used to it from her side…”
“And you shouldn't, Y/N. You know that everything she said isn't true, don't you?” Steven lifted his hand up and brushed a strand of hair out of your face and put it behind your ear. Then he placed his hand on your cheek and smiled sincerely. “You are the best thing that ever happened to us. You are smart, brave, and incredibly beautiful. You give your whole heart into everything you do. And I love you.” 
“Thank you” a single tear ran down your cheek, but you didn't even have time to do anything when Steven quickly wiped it away. You smiled at him and then rested your forehead against his. “And I love you, Steven.” 
“Besides,” Steven added feisty. “I think the way you stood up for us was pretty damn sexy.” 
You laughed cheerfully, tilting your head back. 
Later, the soft sounds of a guitar could be heard from a nearby establishment, and then a male singing one of the popular love songs. Steven's brown irises lit up merrily, and then he quickly moved away from you and got up from his seat.
“May I ask you to dance?” He extended his hand towards you, and without hesitation you took it and let yourself be lifted. 
“This will be the greatest pleasure for me.” 
You paid no attention to whether anyone would see you. Steven joined his hand with yours, and then caught you around the waist with his other hand. You placed your free hand on his chest and the smile never left your face. Your gazes never broke away from each other, and eventually you slowly began to sway to the sound of the music. But as for you, they might not have been there at all, because all that mattered was Steven, who was looking at you like the most beautiful work of art and that alone made your heart incredibly fast and your breathing become extremely restless. 
Those were the kind of quiet, intimate moments you appreciated most. You didn't need great reassurances and confessions, but just moments like that, where you could just be with him, or with Marc and feel with your whole self all the feelings they felt for you. You felt like the luckiest woman in the world, and you didn't know what good you had done before that you had them both in your life. 
When the first drop fell on your nose, you didn't pay attention to it at all. You were so caught up in Steven that the world around you lost all meaning. Then, however, the individual drops turned into a gentle but noticeable rain, and you looked up for a brief moment and started laughing merrily. However, even though the rain was falling, neither of you stopped your dance. The music had long since died down, the people on the street were scurrying for shelter, and you were still standing in each other's embrace, swaying to your own beat. At one point, Steven spun you around, and as he drew you back to him, you almost fell into his chest. 
“Can you kiss me?” You asked, feeling a soft blush creep up your cheeks. You didn't know why, but you felt it was the perfect time for a kiss, even if you were in a public place. There was no one on the street but you anyway, and you couldn't help but feel his lips on yours. 
“I would love to,” he replied, and then he drew your hand that he was holding to his lips and placed a gentle kiss. You smiled as you knew that Steven loved to do this before he actually placed the kiss on your lips. 
His other hand began to glide gently upwards, where he eventually entwined his hand in your hair and ran his thumb over your cheek and jawline. Your hands were still clasped together as he placed them on his chest where his heart was. You settled your free hand on his waist and almost couldn't wait for him to finally kiss you. This waiting was simultaneously the best thing in the world and the worst. You were never one for patience, especially when it came to Steven and Marc. You could have tasted their lips all the time in the world, and you would never, ever get tired of it. 
Until finally, Steven leaned over you and your lips came together in a kiss. At first, Steven kissed you gently, giving all his emotions into it, and you were sure another tear ran down your cheek. In a way you were grateful for the rain, but you still knew that if Steven noticed it, he would still quickly recognise your tears. You couldn't stop it, though, because all that mattered at that moment was how warm your whole heart felt at the mere knowledge that someone like Steven loved you with all his heart. 
Later, his kiss deepened a bit, and you weren't passive in any way. You pulled him close to you, as close as it was possible to feel him with your whole body. Steven was like the ultimate drug. As soon as you tasted him, you immediately wanted more and more. But what was most important was that you knew you could always count on him. You loved him and Marc with all your heart, and you were one hundred percent sure that this feeling was completely reciprocated. 
And that was all that matters.
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anti-catradora-receipts · a year ago
The episode of spop that made me hate c/a, was White Out. THAT was when I stopped shipping c/a(later episodes just pushed me even further away). But, Catra poisoning Adora, just to make her a slave warrior and use her to kill her friends was beyond the pale. And then not releasing her from the influence, that was making First Ones tech monsters go crazy and destroying the base/attempting to kill them, just so Adora wouldn't "win"? Gross. Poisoning the one you "love" isn't romance, it's abuse.😐
Dear anon,
Firstly, I know I’ve already spoken about this scene in this post. But I think the scene should really be highlighted separately and I have some additional points to make. 
Next, yeah the scenes in this episode are absolutely vile. 
And these scenes honestly make my blood boil. 
I remember I had forgotten about these scenes and only found out about these scenes from someone pointing them out on Reddit. And I thought there is absolutely no way the writers wrote these scenes and then decided that Catradora was canon. 
Because what Catra was willing to do to Adora is f***ing horrific when you really think about it. In this episode, Adora has no power or freedom to say what happens to her and what she chooses to do, which is absolutely terrifying and Catra seems to be happy about it. In addition, Catra doesn’t even consider Adora to be a person anymore, but rather an object to be used as Catra sees fit. Catra even admits point blank that she doesn’t want to free Adora because she wants control over Adora. It’s f***ing disgusting.
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Again, I want to restate that what Catra was willing to do to Adora is basically the same thing that Shadow Weaver was willing to do to Adora. Shadow Weaver was going to take away Adora’s power and freedom and force her to become a weapon against her friends. 
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Again, what Catra was willing to do to Adora, Horde Prime had actually done to Catra in S5. Catra’s power and freedom was taken away by Horde Prime and Horde Prime controlled Catra to attack Adora.
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In addition, I just wanted to say if you didn’t expect Catradora to happen in season 5 that makes complete sense. Because season 4 literally ends with Adora not wanting to be controlled or used as a weapon and yet in season 5, Adora ends up with the person who outright said that she wanted to control Adora and use her as a weapon:
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In addition, imagine if Catra had been successful. Imagine if Adora had unknowingly killed her friends and killed so many innocent people. And let’s say Adora somehow breaks free. I genuinely can’t fathom the amount of trauma and guilt Adora would experience even though it wouldn’t be her fault.
In summary, Catra had no problem taking away Adora’s power and freedom, so that she could control Adora. In addition, Catra was going to force Adora to go against Adora’s morals and hurt innocent people. And Catra had the audacity to say “I love you. I always have.”
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F*** that. 
Thank you very much for sharing. ✨
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sevlgi · a year ago
hit and run
requested: no
group: blackpink
pairing: rosé x fem!reader
genre: a  shit ton of angst, some fluff
contents: idol!rosé, actress!y/n, closeted!rosé, costar!au, slight enemies-to-lovers, unhappy endings because i’m a bitch, a lot of attempted cinematic parallels, italicized dialogue is when they’re speaking as their characters
warnings: slight homophobia
synopsis: There’s absolutely no reason for you to get involved with a costar who you should hate by all accounts. But of course, you manage to forget that love is usually more like a hit-and-run than a cruise ship. 
a/n: while i was writing this, i  imagined this as what happened before rosie sang “gone”, so maybe you can think of it like that too? i’m honestly so terrified of this flopping lmao... 
for a little background on the film: Y/N plays Luna, a pirate captain who unknowingly sacrificed her family in order to have the power to fight the regime that Rosé’s character Helen is a part of. Helen approaches Luna, determined to help her bring justice, but Helen is unable to choose between the benefits of staying with the regime, and following what she knows is right and destroying her life as a result.
word count: 6.8k
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The last thing you want to hear on the morning of your first script reading is that the actress playing your love interest in the film has changed.
“What?” you say loudly, straightening in the backseat. Your manager frowns, and you sit obediently, but the scowl doesn’t leave your face. “What do you mean the actress changed?”
“Yeah. She had to leave the movie at the last minute,” he sighs.
Sooyoung was chosen alongside you, after lengthy interviews testing whether the two of you would be able to handle your characters’ dynamic. It took weeks for the director to decide that you were the pair that she wanted, so the news that you’ll be meeting your costar for the first time in front of paparazzi is quite the shock to your system. “Shit. Then who’s the replacement?”
Your manager presses his lips together firmly before answering, “Park Chaeyoung. She’s an idol.”
You groan and slump down again. “Great. Another idol actress? Please don’t tell me that this is her first role too. Oh god, is she straight?”
“Yes to all of the above,” Chan says tensely.
Maybe you’re being dramatic, but it’s honestly a big deal. It’s the first leading role you’ve bagged, especially in a mainstream LGBTQ+ movie, and Sooyoung was the best costar you could’ve picked. You’ve never met Park Chaeyoung before, and you already know that all your plans are going to be messed up.
Chan pulls the car into the parking lot, and you scowl when you realize that most of the paparazzi have arrived. “We’re going around the back. Y/N, promise me one thing: don’t make a scene, okay?” your manager pleads. “I’m not happy about it either, but Chaeyoung has a good reputation. You’ll just ruin yours if you blow up at her.”
“I promise,” you answer through gritted teeth. You slip through the open side door as soon as you get out of the car, ignoring Chan’s call after you to have a good time like you would’ve.
To make matters worse, you don’t even get a chance to talk to the director or Chaeyoung before you’re swarmed by a crowd of reporters, even if that ‘talk’ would’ve consisted of more yelling than anything. “Y/N, Y/N!”
“Okay, let her up!” Seulgi shouts, pushing her way through. She grips your arm to lead you towards the cast table, whispering under her breath, “I’ll explain later. But just run with it, okay?”
You have plenty of problems with idol actresses, but you’ve never been inclined to say all those problems to their faces. Until now, that is.  Now, you’re sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with a girl you know has absolutely no credentials to be playing the other role in your upcoming movie, resisting the urge to ball your script up and throw it in her face.
There’s nothing wrong with Park Chaeyoung as a person-- she’s admittedly gorgeous, probably sweet, and you’re sure she isn’t a bad actress in any sense. The only thing wrong with the situation is that she’s painfully straight and auditioning to be your love interest in what might be Korea’s first mainstream lesbian film, and that you have never spoken to her before.
Chaeyoung avoids your stare with a clenched jaw, and in normal circumstances, you would already be apologizing profusely for making her uncomfortable. In this circumstance, though, your obvious grudge against her only contributes to the dynamic her character is supposed to have with yours.
“Miss Kang, is it true that the actors were only picked today?” 
The director grimaces, and the both of you turn to look at the cameras flashing by the sides of the room. It was never the plan to allow paparazzi to sit in on the first reading that you and Chaeyoung would be doing together, especially since it’s true that Chaeyoung was only chosen hours ago, after the original actress bailed. Even though your grudge should be against the girl who left, it’s easier to glare at the one sitting next to you. “Not exactly. Y/N has been confirmed for the role of Luna for months, but we recently added Chaeyoung as Helen. But we can assure that their chemistry will be wonderful,” Seulgi reassures the audience. What a lie.
Yet another reporter calls out, “How much of the script will we be seeing today, and when will the trailer be released?”
“Since the casting was changed today, the trailer has been delayed,” Seulgi says. You can hear the panic in her voice, and clear your throat. “As for the script… we’re only doing part of one scene that will show up in the trailer today, so we’ll just let them begin. Y/N?”
As you take a sip of water to prepare yourself, you almost hope that Chaeyoung messes up her part. It would be bad press, sure, and it would only contribute to Seulgi’s stress, but it would be satisfying for her to realize that she doesn’t deserve her part. She’s just an idol, after all, and she’s taking away representation from the people who need it.
“Are you saying you’re better than me?” you begin, your voice ice-cold.
You watch Chaeyoung’s throat bob, but her voice is steady and clear when she says her line. “No! I’m not saying that I’m better than you… but by all accounts, there’s no way you should have this power.”
“Would you be less scared then?” You pause, watch as Chaeyoung’s expression changes to the panic that her character’s would. “I’m kidding, Helen. I did things to get these powers, things that I’m not proud of.”
“Why would you do that? You’re strong… you don’t need them.”
“I’ve never been-- shit.” The tips of your ears start to burn, and suddenly, your lines are swimming before your eyes. Maybe all your hoping and wishing that Chaeyoung messes up has reflected onto you instead.
She attempts to remind you, “I haven’t always--”
“I know,” you hiss, but your voice is too loud in the silent room. Chaeyoung turns bright pink, too, but you still can’t seem to say your lines out loud. Shit, shit, shit--
“I’m just trying to help,” she sighs.
You whip your head to glare at her, and she winces at the daggers you send in her direction. “Shut the hell up--”
“Okay, the script reading will end here,” Seulgi announces loudly, and you bite down hard on your tongue. You don’t dare to look at the other cast members, don’t dare to think about how they must be guilting you for cutting their PR short. “Thank you everyone, please leave with security.”
You stay in your seat, staring at your script with burning eyes until you feel a hand on your shoulder and jolt. “Hey,” Chaeyoung reminds you, “we can leave.”
“Don’t touch me” is your only answer, and you storm out of the room. Alone.
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The next time you see Chaeyoung is the next day, at a script-reading that the paparazzi knows nothing about. (You do see a friend request from a Park Chaeyoung the night before, but you ignore it.)
Seulgi attempts a smile, but it doesn’t hide the bags under her eyes. She claps and raises her voice to get the cast’s attention. “Okay, everyone. We didn’t get what we wanted yesterday, but that’s fine. Um… let’s try yesterday’s scene from Chaeyoung’s part, okay? From ‘you don’t need them’.”
Chaeyoung nods. “You’re strong… you don’t need them,” she starts, worry tinging into her voice.
“I haven’t always been strong,” you reply, your voice harsher than it should be just to stop yourself from messing up again.
“Still. Powers aren’t everything, Luna, it’s too hard to have them.”
You sigh. “Newsflash, princess. It’s harder not to.”
“But--” Chaeyoung interjects.
“Did you ever think,” you cut her off, “that I didn’t care that it’d be hard? Did you ever think that the rest of us are tired of you abusing the thing that you’re given, but we have to fight for?”
You look right to Seulgi once you finish, ignoring the part underneath that says you should look to Chaeyoung at the end of the scene. The director smiles anyway. “That was great, you two. I think you capture the tension perfectly, which is a relief.”
You fight the urge to laugh. “I know that changing our main cast so close to the actual production is really difficult,” Seulgi sighs. “And I’m really sorry to inconvenience you all. The schedule is really squished now, and we just have to work through it. Chaeyoung, Y/N, all I ask is that you try to work together, okay? I know you’ll be amazing together.”
Chaeyoung speaks, possibly for the first time besides her lines. “Of course, Ms. Bae. I’ll do my best.”
“I’m sure. We have to cut this short, again, but we’re scheduled for costume fitting right now,” Seulgi groans. “We have to at least get the outfits for the trailer to fit. Sorry, everyone. Down the hall, okay?”
Of course, you and Chaeyoung have to get fit together. The only sound in the hallway is that of her heels clicking on the wood, and you resist the urge to shout at her to stop. Luckily, you arrive in the fitting room before you can.
Your eyes widen at the dress hanging there. It’s incredible, even without the layers that would support the skirt-- you can’t even imagine how the beading and pink silk would look on Chaeyoung. Ethereal, probably. “Y/N, yours is here,” the costume director laughs, beckoning you over.
Even though your own outfit isn’t nearly as opulent, you can’t help but admire the gold detailing on the cuffs and the tailoring. “Thank god yours doesn’t take so much sewing,” the director grunts, pinning the side. “You know, the two of you are going to look fantastic in these, even if we have to spill all that blood on them to shoot the trailer.”
“Sooyoung would’ve looked better.” It’s mean, and it’s a low blow, but the director doesn’t take your bait.
She pokes her head out to where Chaeyoung’s being fitted. “Now? Okay, Y/N, go out there. We need to take a look at the two of you together.”
You can’t stop your jaw from dropping when you see Chaeyoung. She’s all candyfloss hair and gold adorning her tiny waist, and in all her glory, you can’t stop yourself from thinking that maybe she was made for the role. “You look really good,” she compliments softly.
Nodding stiffly, you turn for the seamstresses. Chaeyoung moves to fiddle with her gloves when she realizes that you have absolutely no interest in continuing the conversation.
Well, if there’s one thing you can nitpick about her, it isn’t how she looks; she looks absolutely perfect for the role of Princess Helen, maybe even more perfect than Sooyoung. 
One of the costume directors steps in. “Okay, you can get changed out, but you have to come back in a few hours,” she tells you. “We have to make a lot of changes, then fit you again.”
You step down from the podium, going towards your dressing room without a second thought until Chaeyoung calls for you. “Y/N? Do you want to have lunch later? In your trailer or something?”
“Sure,” you answer, barely glancing back. When you do, all you see is her with shiny puppy eyes, and in her giant gown, it’s eerily similar to the role she’s supposed to be playing.
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“It’s nice. You’ve decorated it?”
You nod absentmindedly, clearing the narrow couch off for yourself to sit on, since Chaeyoung has taken the only chair that could fit in the trailer. “Yeah. I mean, I’ve had it for a few months, so.”
She winces. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” you frown. Chaeyoung apologizes too much, but at least she’s upfront about whatever she has to say.
Your costar sighs, “For usurping the role? You must’ve gotten attached to Sooyoung, and it’s got to be horrible for me to just… arrive like this.”
“You know… that’s part of it.” You can’t lie; a big part of the resentment you hold against Chaeyoung is the fact that she took a role meant for someone else, someone you were friends with. “The other thing… I don’t like idol actresses,” you tell her.
Chaeyoung’s brows furrow, and she leans forward. “Why? I mean, why don’t you?”
You pause to think about it. “Well… I mean, think about it like this. Sooyoung and my auditions went for weeks before we were chosen, as a pair. Didn’t you get this role because you were an idol? You had to audition, sure, but I bet you just flashed a few smiles and read the script and got chosen. How is that fair?”
She opens her mouth to speak, but you hold your hand up and continue, “And the other thing. You’re straight.”
Chaeyoung chokes on air at that, spluttering, “What? You hate me because I’m straight?”
“No,” you say incredulously, “Well, I don’t hate you. But you being straight, and landing the lead role in a film like this… you’re taking away representation. And that’s kind of shitty of you.”
The air inside the trailer becomes suffocating, and Chaeyoung’s fiddling with the jacket in her lap finally stops when she throws it aside and stands up. She sounds like she’s about to cry when she says quietly, “Have you ever considered that I’m not straight? It’s not… it’s not that easy to be out about it--”
“Oh, cry me a river,” you groan. “Look, I apologize for assuming, but if you want to act in lesbian roles, you can’t pretend to be straight. It’s all for your fans, isn’t it? Another part of being an idol--”
She stands up, then storms right out of the trailer without another word, the door banging closed. The only thing you can do in response is sigh and utter a quiet, “Shit”.
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Perhaps it’s just your luck that the first proper scene you have to film with Chaeyoung is your culminating kiss scene.
It shouldn’t be in the trailer at all-- according to the scene schedule, the two of you would’ve filmed your scenes together in chronological order, and the kiss would’ve been at the end, hopefully after a reconciliation between the two of you. However, for some inexplicable reason, it’s going to be the first one you do, without a single second of rehearsal.
You’re a one-take wonder, and you always have been, but you can’t help but think about how impossible it’s going to be to pull off such an intense scene with someone you just fought with. Sighing, you lean over to fiddle with your hair; it’s slightly tangled now, and there’s a fake scrape on the side of your cheek. 
At a side, Chaeyoung is similarly beat up, fake blood smeared on the left side of her face. Her long hair has been put in an updo and then taken down, and parts of her dress are ripped; to you, she looks more like Helen than herself now.
“Okay, everyone, are we ready? Positions, please!”
You arrange yourself on the ground where you should be, holding a handkerchief to your cheek like instructed as Chaeyoung stands by the camera to run to you. Exhaling sharply, your eyes meet hers for the first time in days. “Action!”
Chaeyoung sprints to you as soon as she’s cued, falling in front of you in a heap. “Luna,” she gasps, reaching a gloved hand out to the ‘injured’ half of your face.
“I’m fine,” you smile weakly. The camera hovers by Chaeyoung’s shoulder, and you soften your gaze as much as possible as your hand comes up to hers.
The other girl only moves closer, her eyes scanning yours and her dress surrounding the both of you like a sea of gauze. Her nose is almost brushing up against yours, and you mutter softly, “Be careful. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want.”
“Well, what do you want?” Chaeyoung implores, almost inaudible. Her breath quivers, and you feel it when you reach forward to cup her jaw. “Luna, what do you want right now?”
“I’m not making a move until you tell me to,” you shake your head. 
The blonde’s hands slip off your face, and she braces herself on your thighs instead. She laughs breathily, “Coward.”
“Your coward, huh?”
Chaeyoung pauses, scraping her teeth across her bottom lip. It’s so quiet that you think you could hear a pin drop, and the torches held up by the crew flicker across her face so naturally. “If you want to be.”
There’s probably another line that comes after, but with Chaeyoung so close to you, it swims blurrily in your mind. So instead, you just lean up, pull her down, and connect your lips.
She plays along, thankfully, stumbling slightly in her character’s eagerness to get a little closer. The only thing you can hear is Chaeyoung’s slight gasp when you let your hands wander down to her waist, and it’s almost scary how absorbed you are in the scene.
“Okay, cut!” Seulgi’s shout breaks you from your trance, and you hold your hands up as if in surrounder. Chaeyoung’s cheeks are red yet again when she sits up, staring anywhere other than you.
Your director hops off her chair to run towards you, a huge grin on her face. “That was perfect,” she shouts. “Y/N, I think you forgot a line? But it worked out amazingly. The one-take wonder, right?”
You grin when she pats you on the shoulder, a little harder than necessary. Apparently, all your worries were for nothing, as you and Chaeyoung stand to monitor your own shot in the screen next to Joohyun.
You can’t even hear all the praise she showers on the two of you, and you pay no attention to all the details she points out that apparently showcase your perfect chemistry with your costar. All you feel is a slight squeeze on your hand, hidden in the mess of fabric by your side.
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You jolt awake at the sound of your phone ringing loudly by your side, finding an unknown number as the caller ID. Accepting hesitantly, you greet, “Hello?”
“Y/N? Did Chan give me the right number?”
Oh. It’s Chaeyoung. “Yeah.” You clear your throat in an attempt to sound a little less drowsy, then repeat, “Right number. Why’d you ask Chan?”
“Well, it’s kinda hard to find you when you never accepted my request,” she laughs quietly. “Um, I have to record the OST today, and I was wondering whether you’d want to come watch? Chan said you didn’t really have any scenes later today.”
“Um. Okay. I’ll ask Chan to bring me,” you answer, then hang up. Your head swims slightly, partially due to the fact that you woke up to the piercing sound of your ringtone and partially because you just don’t understand why Chaeyoung’s reaching out again. You should be the one apologizing, after the tangent you went off on, and you highly doubt that your kiss scene doubled as an apology. Of course, you’ll take it.
Your manager is more than pleased to pick you up this time, but thankfully, he doesn’t question you. If he did, he’d probably be the one you shouted at.
The studio is honestly too small for two people, probably hastily set up, but you recognize the recording equipment from a video of Chaeyoung recording one of her group’s songs. And you recognize the girl already standing in the recording booth, waving you over. “Hi,” she smiles, and for all you try, you don’t see a hint of malice.
“Hey,” you mumble, taking a seat. “Uh… I’m sorry.”
“Wow, straightforward,” she tries to joke. “What for?”
You scratch the back of your neck, sighing, “For assuming, for blowing up on you, for… I don’t know, kind of everything. I’m an asshole, even if what I said wasn’t wrong.”
Chaeyoung chuckles, fiddling with the mic. “I mean, I appreciate the apology, but I wasn’t great either. You definitely had some truth behind what you said, even if it was kind of too to the point.”
“I know. You were just trying to apologize and help us become civil, and I kind of ruined it,” you hum. The other girl adjusts the lyric stand as you continue, “But I’m hoping you understand why I had to say what I did?”
“I do,” she agrees. “You’re definitely right that it’s not good representation at all, I just wish you had heard me out.”
You nod uncomfortably, changing the way you sit on the couch just to distract yourself. “So… you’re gay? I’m just asking because I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk about it, and I’ve seen plenty of your interviews.”
“So you watch my interviews?” Chaeyoung teases. When you scowl, she just smiles, “I can’t say specifically, but I am confused. You said last time that it’s just another part of being an idol, and you’re… you’re right. It’s taboo for idols to be gay, even though Korea’s opening up to it a bit more now. So even though I want to, I don’t think I can ever be out about it.”
“I understand. And I’m sorry,” you say quietly.
She swallows, throat bobbing. “Thank you. Hey, Y/N… would you mind singing with me?”
“What?” You stare up at her incredulously; it’s not like your singing would make the other girl faint on the spot, but you definitely don’t possess an angelic voice like hers, either.
But maybe it’s an olive branch. “Just… can you match this note?” She hums, and you attempt to create the same pitch. “Okay. Can you do the chorus part in that key, while I do it in the main one? We’ll sound better like that,” Chaeyoung offers.
Against your better judgement, you stand, and shuffle into the recording booth next to her. “If this sounds bad, you’re taking the blame,”  you warn, and she giggles while twisting the stand so you can see.
You do sound good together, maybe to a level that you would’ve never anticipated.
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You know that something’s off when Chan doesn’t wake you up bright and early on your birthday, even if Seulgi already promised that you wouldn’t have to go to work on the day of. After spending many a birthday with him, you’ve already gotten used to him tugging you up just to take you outside and celebrate somehow.
You know something’s especially off when you hear a female voice cursing from your kitchen, and smell something burning.
“Who the shit-- Chaeyoung?”
The girl turns in surprise, caught red-handed with a piece of burnt toast pinched between her fingers. “Um. Hi?” she offers weakly.
Suddenly self-conscious, you cross your arms over the faded sweatshirt you wear. In your own apartment, Chaeyoung is leagues more put-together in the summery dress she wears, her dyed hair tossed in a braid and glitter shining at the corners of her eyes. “Hello?”
“Chan said you wouldn’t be awake for a few hours,” she sighs, shaking her head as she tosses the toast in the trash. “And I wasn’t supposed to burn the toast.”
“What were you supposed to do?” you question, stepping closer. There’s a cake box on the counter, as well as a couple suspicious tubes of icing right by it, and you think you know what’s going on.
Chaeyoung huffs out an exasperated breath. “I was supposed to surprise you. Chan has something going on at home, so he sent me to supervise your birthday instead. Obviously, I messed that up.”
“It’s fine,” you shrug, taking a seat at the counter and reaching for the icing. “I’ve always wanted to decorate a cake anyway.”
She looks surprised at that, but a smile breaks out across her face. “Really?”
“Really,” you confirm. It’s partially a lie, but you’re decently sure that Chaeyoung will refuse to let you do most of the work anyways. “Uh. I’ll just change first, and then we can get that going?”
“Yeah,” she grins, and you take it as your cue to scurry off to the bedroom.
By the time you come back, there’s a plate of not-burnt toast on your counter, and Chaeyoung’s pouring out two glasses of the juice that you can never bring yourself to buy because of the price tag. “I hope you like it, this is one of my favorites.”
“Like it? I love this,” you gasp, surging forward to pick up one of the glasses. “It’s expensive as hell, though.”
“Well, I couldn’t get you a gift, so I thought a nice morning would suffice,” Chaeyoung laughs. She unties the bow on the cake box to reveal a completely bare vanilla cake, a few packets of sprinkles that you hadn’t noticed now lying next to it. “Do you want to start?”
“Oh, sure.” You choose the blue icing after a bit of debating, and pick up the spatula that your costar offers you. “You didn’t have to, though, I would’ve been okay on my own today.”
Chaeyoung shrugs, “I mean, I didn’t have anything else to do, and I wouldn’t like to be alone on my birthday.”
“How do you usually celebrate?” you question, glancing up at her.
She pauses to think, then answers, “Well, I do live with my members, so we’ll get something to eat. Sometimes, we’re on vacation, so we just do what we can, but I like staying in the dorm to receive the things that their families send me.”
“It sounds sweet.”
“It is,” she grins. “I honestly don’t know what I would do on my own, it seems lonely-- Oh. I’m sorry.”
“What for? It is kind of lonely,” you admit, squeezing a glob of icing out. It’s definitely not as graceful as you would’ve appreciated, and you catch Chaeyoung stifling a laugh. “Chan lived with me at the beginning, but he eventually moved out when I got a girlfriend. Obviously, that didn’t laugh.”
“Sorry,” the other girl repeats again, and you wave a hand out. “When was that?”
“She moved out two years ago,” you answer. “And I’ve been alone since. Or, lonely, not always alone.”
Chaeyoung nods just so that you know she heard you. She accepts the icing tube when you hand it to her, making a spiral that’s infuriatingly better than yours. “How about you? I know you said you aren’t out, but have you dated yet?” you question.
She shakes her head, admitting, “Not yet. I don’t really know how to, you know? You assumed I was straight when you first saw me, so I think everyone else does too.”
“Sorry,” you say, an echo of her.
Your costar doesn’t respond, only setting the spatula down once the basic blue icing is smooth. “I think we’re supposed to refrigerate this before decorating, right?”
You grimace. “Well, I don’t know. I stopped watching cake videos years ago, so I’ll just listen to you.”
Chaeyoung hums and ties the box back up. “Okay, then I’ll just do it. Um, do you mind ordering chicken or something while we wait?”
“Sure.” Reaching for your phone, you ask, “Would you be opposed to romcoms?”
“I’m never opposed to romcoms,” the other girl answers.
You have to remind yourself to order two servings of chicken, something that you haven’t done in a while. But it’s comforting, in a way, to not be alone again.
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“Can you believe we’ve only got a week left of filming? I feel like I haven’t seen you at all.”
You wince guiltily, even though you know that Yerim doesn’t mean it. Acting with your friend was originally a huge incentive for you to accept the film’s role, but the two of you quickly discovered that you had almost no scenes together, and with your push-and-pull with Chaeyoung, you forgot all about it. “Sorry, Yerim.”
She makes an incredulous expression, swatting your arm. “Don’t be ridiculous, Y/N. I’m happy you’re pursuing love and all that, and besides, we’ll have plenty of opportunities to act together.”
Blinking, you set your cup down on the counter. “Pursuing love?”
Yerim raises her eyebrow and says, “Yeah. Aren’t you and Chaeyoung together yet? We’ve been filming for two months, I’ll be shocked if you still haven't kissed and made up.”
“Uh. Well, we’ve kissed, but I don’t think it counted,” you frown. 
Your friend sighs and rolls her eyes. She’s all too used to how dense you are, and apparently, she’s finally gotten tired of it. “You’re an idiot. You literally met the morning of your first script reading, and you knew each other for… what, a week before you had your kiss scene? There’s got to be something there.”
Right on cue, a few of the other cast members arrive, Chaeyoung sandwiched between them. “Have you seen the articles?” Nayeon grins, waving her phone around in the air. She’s drunk, obviously, but you have to indulge her.
“Which articles?”
She shoves the screen in your face as an answer, and you cringe when you find a screencap of you and Chaeyoung. “You won’t believe the chemistry-- nope, I’m not reading that.” You hand the phone back to Nayeon, then press it in her hand when she doesn’t take it. Yerim sends you a knowing expression, one that you definitely don’t like.
“Aw, come on! It’s good press,” Nayeon whines. “And a great kiss scene.”
“Don’t be weird,” Chaeyoung warns. She doesn’t seem to be drunk at all, though she does look fantastic in the silver dress that she wears. Your eyes linger on her for an embarrassing amount of time.
Nayeon pouts. She’s bubbly-- you’ve learned that much through acting alongside her in a total of three productions so far. You note that your costar doesn’t seem to be so accustomed to her temperament yet. “You’re no fun, Chaeng. We all know you enjoyed it.”
She goes bright pink at that amidst Yerim’s joking coos. “The token straight, converted?” your friend gasps, and you elbow her to stop her from going too far.
Apparently, it already has. “I didn’t!” Chaeyoung defends herself.
“Prove it,” Nayeon demands, slipping when she attempts to lean on the counter next to you.
Chaeyoung goes silent at that, apparently unable to find a way to ‘prove it’. You finally sigh, “Okay, I think that’s enough teas--”
If it wasn’t for the fact that you’ve long since memorized your entire script book, you would almost think that Chaeyoung reaching forward to tug on the front of your shirt is a scene between your two characters. After all, it’s perfectly in character for your eyes to widen comically as the other girl kisses you right on the lips. 
It’s also in character for Nayeon to start whooping next to you when your hands wrap around Chaeyoung’s waist to pull her in closer. You part at the noise. “You certainly look like you liked it,” Nayeon grins. 
“Yeah, get a room,” Yerim follows, and you shove her.
“You know what? Maybe we will.” Ignoring your friends’ jeering, you grab Chaeyoung’s wrist and lead her down the hallway, though not to a bedroom like you joked you would. “Hey. You okay? I didn’t know if that teasing crossed a line,” you whisper worriedly.
She bites down on her lip, but instead of answering you, Chaeyoung tilts your face up and leans closer, only stopped by your hand on her wrist. “Chae…”
“I’m sorry, this… this isn’t what you want, is it?” She steps back, mouth already opening to apologize, but you stop her from leaving you alone in the hallway.
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” With the flashing neon lights echoing in her eyes, you can’t tell what Chaeyoung’s feeling, and you can’t tell if she’s willing to answer you properly at all. “I’m not making a move until you tell me to.”
Still, you don’t hear her say a word, until your grip starts to loosen on her wrist. “Did you drive here yourself?” she finally asks, barely audible. You nod hesitantly, and Chaeyoung’s voice grows firmer when she says, “I’m telling you to make a move.”
“I thought you were questioning?”
She swallows hard and takes your hand. “Not anymore.”
You don’t taste any alcohol when you lick your lower lip, and so, you nod. It’s stupid, especially considering how quickly your time together is about to end.
But for once, you know what you want.
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“Good luck out there, Chae,” you smile, arms wrapped around the girl’s waist. 
“Thanks,” she hums, adjusting her hair yet again in the mirror. “We’re almost done filming, I have to promote us well so that we have enough money to at least put the damn film out.”
“Mm.” Your thumb smooths over the sliver of skin exposed by her top, and you place your chin on her shoulder to look at the two of you together.
She glances down at you. “What? Are you thinking about something?”
“Sort of,” you shrug. “I just can’t believe we’re almost done, but we… we just started this. You know, this thing between us.”
“Yeah, it’s definitely a thing. But it doesn’t have to stop with filming,” Chaeyoung says offhandedly.
Raising an eyebrow, you question, “Doesn’t it? It’s going to be suspicious for us to constantly be seen together after filming together, I’ve seen the way your fans behave. Especially while you’re not out.”
“I think I can negotiate that with my company,” the other girl shakes her head.
You joke, “What, you release another two albums if you get to come out about having a girlfriend?”
“Do you want to be my girlfriend?” Chaeyoung responds immediately. Her ears pink endearingly, and you wait for her to clarify, “In secret for now, obviously. But… one day, I’ll be out about it. I promise.”
“Don’t make empty promises, okay?” You press a kiss to her bare shoulder and let her go when you hear a knock at the dressing room door. “Do good!”
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“Alright, Chaeyoung, it’s about time that we ask you some questions about your upcoming film, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, absolutely,” your costar smiles, and you raise your head from your phone to watch the screen. She’s sitting cross-legged across from some of the most famous idol interviewers in Korea, absolutely poised and natural even in front of the crowd that cheers over the interview.
The woman behind the podium clears her throat. “A huge talking point in Korea right now is your chemistry with your costar, Y/N. How exactly do you pull that off, since you’ve never experienced a relation like that?”
Chaeyoung laughs nervously, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Oh. Well, um, I don’t have much experience with relationships at all, so--”
“Really? A pretty girl like you must have had a boyfriend or two before.” You despise the way that the interviewer leans in conspiratorially, as if the prying questions weren’t completely scripted. “But you seem a little to pretty to have experienced that, am I right?”
The crowd laughs with her, but Chaeyoung glances behind the scenes, probably to where her own staff sits. “You know, you can tell me if you ever felt… uncomfortable during filming,” the interviewer continues on. “Y/N has been out for years, hasn’t she?”
“Oh, she has…” You’re practically fuming, but you also can’t seem to pry your eyes away from the screen. All of Chaeyoung’s practiced idol-charm has seemed to dissipate into thin air, and she’s practically blending into the wall as she sits there.
The Chaeyoung you know-- no, the Chaeyoung that you’ve come to know, wouldn’t stand to hear something like that. You’ve watched her argue with a scriptwriter, and you’ve watched him get fired because he said something incredibly offensive, even though it wasn’t about you. But here, she sits still and just listens to the interviewer discuss you behind your back, and she says nothing about all the disgustingly backhanded comments.
The thing is, you don’t care about Chaeyoung not being out. You were closeted for enough time yourself, and you know how hard it is, so you’d never wish it on her; but watching her completely let go of all her personal principles just for a stupid interview is just another reminder that you’re letting go of your own. Chaeyoung won’t ever speak up, you realize, because her career comes before anything else. And you can’t stand for that.
“I’m leaving,” you tell the guard standing outside of your door. Only increasing your anger, tears start to burn in your eyes, and you scrape your sleeve across your face as roughly as you can. Chan picks up on one dial, and you say furiously, “Pick me up. It’s over.” In more ways than one.
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Chaeyoung shivers at the top of the hill, where she’s supposed to be filming her closing scene with you. She hasn’t seen you for the past week, and after how disastrous her interview was, she’s pretty sure she knows why.
“Where’s Y/N?” she finally asks her makeup artist, giving in to her own curiosity.
Felix shrugs, reaching to mess with the blood on her hairline. “I have no idea, honestly, I haven’t seen her yet. She’s never late, though, you don’t have to worry. You’ll get your scene done.”
“That’s…” Chaeyoung sighs. That’s why she should be worried. “Right.”
“Okay, can we start?” Seulgi shouts. It’s started to rain, but with the excited look on the director’s face, Chaeyoung figures that it suits the scene even better than the gray clouds that had been planned. “Great. Chaeyoung, Y/N!”
Your hair is plastered to your forehead with the rain, and water makes your blouse cling to your curves; with the grim expression on your face, Chaeyoung could easily just mistake you for your character. “Hi,” you mutter, taking a seat on the grass right next to your costar. You say nothing else.
When cued, Chaeyoung takes a deep breath before her line. “Luna. I love you.”
For a second, Chaeyoung thinks you won’t respond, but the rasp to your voice proves her wrong. “No. No, you don’t.”
“I think I’m the one who should be deciding that, don’t you?” The blonde raises her eyebrows, reaching forward hesitantly for your shoulder.
Of course, you dodge it. Blinking the rain out of your eyes, you’re resigned when you ask, “You have your birthday gala tonight, don’t you?”
“Yes, but--” Chaeyoung swallows, lets her hand make contact, then continues, “I’m spending as much time as I can with you, aren’t I with you right now?”
“But you’re going.” It feels like you’re staring right into Chaeyoung’s soul when you speak, as despondent as your voice is. She nods, and you stand, her hand slipping off of your shoulder and into her lap. “Then go. You’re still a princess at the end of the day, aren’t you?”
“At the end of the day, yes…”
“You can’t do that. You sneak out onto my ships, get my people to love you and protect you, and then turn right back to your family to stay safe while we die for you. You can’t say you support our cause and then go back on it when it’s inconvenient for you, it doesn’t work like that!” Chaeyoung flinches at how intense you sound; at this point, she barely knows if it’s still acting. She can only hear her own heart in her ears, can only see your chest heaving from how quickly you spoke, and it all feels too real.
“What, do you want me to get found out?” Chaeyoung demands, getting to her feet as well. The rain becomes harsher, angled so that it perfectly blurs her vision of you. “I’ve saved your ass just as many times too, don’t pretend like I’m not a valuable part of your ship!”
“You’re still pretending.” Realizing that it’s not the right line, Chaeyoung opens her mouth to stop you, but your voice chills her into silence when you speak again. “You’ll always pretend, as long as it benefits you, won’t you? You can’t do that, Helen, not if you ‘love me’. Putting a crown on your head doesn’t mean that you’re a princess. Until you realize that, and until you’re willing to embrace it, you don’t love me. and I don’t love you.”
None of it is the script. None of it is the scene that you rehearsed a thousand times together in your trailer, but somehow, it makes Chaeyoung’s heart quaver in her throat so much more than the original lines ever did.
And when you drop your gaze to the ground, turning to walk off into the rain alone, she knows that to you, your entire relationship is already done.
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bts-trash-blog · a year ago
Best Of Us
Chapter 5:Flipped
Summary: Being an Omega is hard, it could be so lonely. The hardships that you would sometimes feel seemed to much, always expected of things you could never fully reach. Always seen as a piece of meat to some, seen as weak and stupid. So you worked your ass off to finally work your dream job. And the world all changed when you met one of the bosses. And couldn't help but end up falling.
Paring: Rap Line X Fem!Chubby OmegaReader
Warning: A/O/B!VERS, mentions of sexual harassment, heats, ruts, knotting, breeding, angst, possessive behavior, more warnings will be added as needed.
An: Holy crap thank you guys for all the love on this story!! i can’t wait for you guys to see where this story goes,  and I know this chapter is on the short side but the next couple of ones are going to be long. Also you are going to get pissed at the OC, no doubt. She hurts the boys, but I swear the wait, the pain, will all make sense at the end.
Chapter Edited
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Your hands were shaking, wrapped in a sweater paws, back against the cold metal wall of the elevator, mind racing. Your eyes closing as you let out a whine at the thought of the three ,and you were going to be spending the night with what your best friend Bambam pointed out were most likely your mates. No it can’t be. You shake your head, arms winding themselves around yourself as you take a deep breath in.  How didn’t you notice? How didn’t you notice the way their scent affected you, well you did you noticed in your own way, you just decided what you felt was the need of another. Yet when these words hit you, it felt as if the whole world hit you. Taking another deep breath in, you unknowingly had tears falling down your eyes as you sniffled, making your scent grow thick, sour. Why didn’t they say anything? What if you lose them? What if they don’t want you? No. Stop thinking that.
Your plan of wanting to calm down before you enter the floor, but your anxiety was up just as the doors flew open and suddenly Namjoons scent of pears and peaches swarmed you, arms around your waist and head buried into your neck. The feeling of his nose against your scent gland had your body feel as if it was vibrating, twisting into his touch. Your hands gripping his waist as he rocks your back and forth, the doors closing, as he lets out a purr against your neck. Your eyes letting tears fall onto his chest as his laced hands rests on your back, chirps and purrs coming from Namjoon filled the elevator as you let out a whine.
“Shhhh.” Namjoon mumbled against your skin, making you tighten your eyes, keeping them close as you moved a hand from his waist up and against his chest, gripping the sweater he was in. It smelt of him. It smelt of a mouth watering pear and sweet desirable peaches, it had your eyes almost rolling back, as your hand let out another whimper. “Stay with me, with us.” Namjooon whispered into your skin, his nose running along your scent glane making him whine against you. The thick distress scent that was swarming the two of you was dultining, lessioning as the doors opened again. The smell of a minty vanilla scent had Namjoon relaxing more than he was when you had wrapped your hands around him.
“Joon, come on.” Hoseok's voice had your head moving away from Namjoon chest, sniffling as Namjoon still clung to you. “Joon..Omega come on.” Hoseok's words were almost a growl, as Namjoon let out a whine and pulled away. You took a deep breath as you looked at the Alpha, his eyes lingering on the two of you. “You two, Yoongi's office.” Hoseok's voice softened as Namjoon's hand laced with your own making you flinch, having him whine as Hoseok grabbed Namjoon, hand resting on the back of the male Omegas neck. you glance to see his thumb rubbing at a mark on the right side of his neck. You hand absentmindedly reaching for the same spot on your own. It had you shaking your head as you followed after them. Jin now at the desk, his eyes staying on the screen as you  follow after the two with caution.
As you follow, Namjoon keeps looking back at the scent of you swarming his senses, it had his head spinning in the elevator, that he couldn’t help but rush to when you and Bambam had walked away. He waited outside the door for ten minutes. Ten minutes that had his skin crawling, that had his heart pounding and his mind racing. You had scented with another Omega, an Omega the smelt like another Alpha. You were going to nest with another Omega. You were gonna cuddle, and sleep with another Omega. You were going to laugh, and joke in what they assumed would be a nest that the two of you were going to put together. That was meant for him. He and you were supposed to gather blankets, pillows and anything elses the two of you wanted to burrow in. He was supposed to make you laugh, and help you destress. It was supposed to be him, to be the omega you turn to when the world got too much. Yet it was that Bambam that you had gone to. It had hurt his heart, and destroyed him to the core. Already having, and still feeling the rejection of earlier that day, this was just another blow that his Omega couldn’t take. Couldn’t handle it. So he had snapped, had taken it a step too far when he had seen the two of you, had seen that Bambam scented you. They had proceeded to scent you right in front of them. He saw red watching as Bambam ran his nose over your scent gland, having made a giggle one they had never heard before pass your lips.
Hoseok and Yoongi were the same way, though it was more so the thought of this Omega, and the lingering scent of who they assumed was his Alpha. Wondering if the two were courting you, trying to make themselves a trio. Logically the Alphas knew that it wasn’t the case, but they couldn’t help but grow protective at the thought. That this Omega and his soon to be Alpha had also started courting you. It drove them insane. It drove Hoseok crazy and it drove Yoongi to anger. You were his. Theirs.
Yet all three felt guilty, when you had come in with a slight gleam in your eyes, how excited you sounded when you talked about nesting with the Omega. You were stressed. You need to destress, need to feel safe and comforted and they took that away. They didn’t even ask what your relationship was with the Omega, which seemed more likely to be a friend, hell they don’t know what your favorite color is let alone who your friends were. And they thought they had any right to control who you spent your night with? Its fucking selfish. They hated that they did it, Yoongi hated that he had used his authority of being your boss over your head, having most likely called your friend a distraction. He hated that he was possessive over you as quickly as he was. You drove them crazy.
It wasn’t like you were feeling much better.
If you were stressed before, you don't know what you were now. Anxious might be the word to explain it, and you could tell the Alpha and Omega in front of you smelled it. Felt it. So as they opened Yoongi's office door, Namjoon lingered back, hand reaching for yours making you stumble forward. Your large frame smashing into his, making him slightly giggle as he stabilized you.
“You’re okay.” It wasn’t a question, it was a reassuring statement towards you. Nodding he had you letting go of his hand and moving inside, a chair already next to Yoongi making you glup as he justers for you to sit. As you move across the room, as quickly as you could, your clumsy self had you stumbling as you trip over your own shoes.
“Sorry.” You squeak moving to sit down as you are suddenly spun around, Hoseoks towering over you making you glup as he bends down. The sound of his knees cracking had Namjoon smile playfully, as he rolls his eyes and smiles at you. His eyes shine against the arifically light, mixing with the moon behind you. It had your brain go blank as his hands rested, hovered over the tops of your thighs once again.
“Sorry about Namjoon. He gets like that when he’s needy.” His words had Namjoon scoffing as he ran his hand through his hair. “Namjoo-”
“Just tell her, good fucking god.” Najoon growled, making your eyes widen as you look back to Hoseoks, his hands, for the first time since you first started working there, touched you. Your muscles flinch involuntarily making Hoseok's eyes snap to you. “Tell her, or I will.”
“Namjoon, stop.” Yoongi growls making both Namjoon and you whine as you pull your hands to wrap around yourself at the tone making Yoongi's eyes widen. You bow your head, body spinning the chair back to face the paperwork in front of you as Yoongi lets out a sigh.
“Y/n, I didn’t mean to use the Alpha tone like that.” You nod awkwardly as you start to flip through the paperwork in front of you. “Y/n.” He mumbles softly making you look over to see his eyes were soft, his lips part as you made eye contact. “I’m sorry.” You once again nod, turning back to the paperwork as you hear Namjoon grunt.
“You’re our fourth.” The room went quiet, so quiet it had the whole room spinning for a split second as you took a deep breath and flip through the paperwork some more.
“I know.”
And the whole world flipped.
Tag list:
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snailsgoingdowntown · a year ago
The Birdie that Fell | Xiao x Reader
Xiao x fem! Reader (The next fic that is not for Xiao, I’ll do gender neutral. And then I’ll try to get started on requests for both Tumblr and Wattpad. I can’t promise anything though, inspiration literally hits me at the worst of times and with stuff that is not part of a request. I am sorry for that.)
Warnings: blood, death, self-loathing if you squint, barely a constant plot. This is literally all over the place. Oh, and if you look really hard enough towards the end, very slight yandere themes. It goes hand in hand with one of the different endings. Read authors note at the end to see what I mean.
Wordcount: 1238k
Kinda edited.
  Xiao never told you anything relating to his past.
And you never asked, despite the curiosity that crawled up your back like an insect that would not stop bugging you. As much as you’d like to know more about him, to understand him even, you keep your distance; he would tell you whenever – if – he is ready. But that thought makes you want to laugh, sorrowful eyes hidden behind a glare of golden amber. Xiao was many things, and yet you know none of them, except for this polite, emotionally distant yaksha who does not like people in general.  You thought you okay with that, you really did. But as luck would have it, your curiosity devours you like snake in whole – you cannot escape it.
And maybe that’s why he had started to appear at the inn less frequently these days.
Maybe he could sense it in you, from the way your eyes tried to see through him, to how you would choose your words very carefully, as to not offend or alarm him. He was not dumb he has a sharp wit that helped him on many occasions. This was one of them, it seems.
It was your fault in the end now that you think about it.
(You’re sure he hates you which is why he left. You just wished he didn’t stay around long enough for these feelings to blossom like wildflowers. And maybe then, you wouldn’t be crying at the thought of not even seeing his face one last time, or his voice as he calls you ‘idiot’.)
Which is why, as your choke on your final breaths, you refuse to call his name. Crimson blood that coated your mouth and the ground, sinking into the fabric of your clothes, filling the air with a scent of copper. You choke on it. Your vision is blurry, the…what were you doing again? Ah. Yes. Climbing the mountain to find herbs for Verr, as she asked you to. You never thought it would result in your early death, much less falling from such a height it left you breathless. You wonder what her reaction will be once she hears the news of your death. Would she even hear it, though?
You want to laugh – it was just all so funny.
You think you can hear footsteps. You think you can hear yelling, but your body is turning cold, eyes closing, breathing slowing down. It’s becoming hard to breathe. To see. To even think. But as you close your eyes one final time, you managed to utter a single apology:
“I’m sorry, Xiao…”
(You apologize, thinking that all you’ve ever done to him was bother him.)
He thought leaving you would be better for your safety.
He’s an adeptus – something that is not human. A yaksha who knows only the art of fighting and killing, bloodstained hands that he couldn’t bare to touch you with. He’s seen many things, done many things, seen civilizations that fell to the most minor of things. Seeing a death or two does not affect him much, if at all, not even blinking an eye to the sight of it. He kills monsters daily, helps mortals if he must, huffing in annoyance if it is something unimportant. Something that is not fatal to them. Xiao has seen many things, done many things, and the cycle will continue for as long as he lives, the suffering hidden behind years-worth of a defensive wall he’s built around himself. It was for the best.
But then, you just had to come into the picture.
(He wants to hate you for it, he really does, but it’s so hard to when you’re the best thing that’s happened to him in years.)
With your stupid laugh, stupid smile, stupid voice that soothes him. Stupid touches that made him shiver in delight, stupid mindless chatter that filled the room, stupid gaze that tried to not only see through him, but to understand him.
Mortals are so utterly dumb and reckless, It’s almost laughable.
But he destroys everything he touches, fingers bleeding as they shatter like glass. In the end, Xiao a demon, and will always be a demon. And demons cannot love, for they can only kill. And to kill is to hurt. And dammit, fucking hell, he tried his best not to hurt you; kept his distance despite his longing for you and just you. The sound of your voice that helped him sleep at night when he decided to, hands running through his hair that lulls him to sleep, smile that makes his heart swell in love –
An emotion he thought he was no longer capable of feeling.
Demons always ruin things they touch. And he is a demon.
He didn’t want to destroy you.
(He thinks he can hear his own breaking.)
So, as his gloved fingers push away stray hairs from your face, he can’t help but think the sight is so hideous. You didn’t deserve any of this- you didn’t deserve wild animals feasting off your corpse, the people who found you being chased off by said creatures. You didn’t deserve the flaking brown blood that nearly covers your entire body. Lifeless eyes that stare into his very core, it makes him want to vomit. He wants the life in them, he wants you to get up and say it’s a prank. Even if it pisses him off to such a degree, he wants this to be nothing more than that – a prank.
But as he growls to scare off any animal that dares to show its teeth, the scent of copper fills his nose. He never wanted to smell blood from you. And he hates himself for leaving – maybe this could have been avoided if he watched over you, at the very least. Even if it was just in the shadows, he could have seen you fall, he could have made it in time to catch you, he could have saved you. But he didn’t, and that’s all he can accept. He can only accept the fact that you are dead and will always remain dead.
(Silently, he wonders why you did not call his name.)
(There’s a forbidden thought in the back of his mind – do you really have to stay dead…? There’s a way to…he shakes his head before the thought spreads throughout his mind. It goes against his morals he knows what will happen if he turns you into a zombie; he’s seen it with Qiqi. And like with Qiqi, he knows you won’t have past memories, won’t remember him, and there’s a very high chance that unliked the girl, you will have to be given orders to function.)
Under his breath, Xiao curses these emotions of his. If he didn’t have them, then he would not be so affected…and yet, and yet, and yet, he would have it no other way. Unknowingly you taught him to love, and again, he’s cursing you under his breath. If only he hadn’t fallen for a mortal, he thinks. Everything is so confusing. He hates you. He hates you he hates you he hates you-!
(Yet when he picks up your lifeless corpse, he holds it gently, as though he would break you otherwise.)
And, as he carries you, he wishes this was all a dream. Because then, at the very least, he could hold you in his arms, feeling your chest rise and fall, breath on his neck.
A/N: haha this is legit everywhere. I had no…complete plot for this if there’s even a plot. Just wrote what I wanted to. And…I am planning on writing two alternate endings that could be considered the ‘real’ ending for this depending on which one you want. This fic on itself can also be considered the ‘real’ ending as well. Personally, the happy one is going to be my ‘real’ ending because I actually hate angst to a certain extent…yet…I write it…and plan on writing more…
I’m kinda trying a new writing style? I wonder if I’ll even keep it, though. Also, sorry for making him so out ooc…thank you for reading!
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mskimkaty · a year ago
Quit | J.JH
Angst, Smut, fluff (little bit on the end)
Synopsis: You might think that some people who did you bad have little impact in your life, tip toeing from situations that you knew could repeat the same mistakes but there will always be that one person who will destroy all your resolve and you’ll find yourself fucking your rules for them.
Word Count: 7.1k
A/N: love u all. pls enjoy! (not really proof read)
Edit: uhmmm pls don’t judge me but this is actually my bf and my story of how we met to how we become couples. Alright. Enjoy!!!!
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You hated how you didn’t take “searching for college schools” seriously, and now, you’re all but stuck for the rest of your college years in the same school you graduated from High school. You know it’s a good school, having to be in the top 7 elite schools all over the country that has an institution that offers all levels of education— but you honestly don’t care about that right now. You wished you didn’t choose the easy road in finding a good college because now you’re stuck with a university that has zero-base for their grading system, 75 marks as their passing grade, and put their students with fully loaded units— having up to 30 units per semester. How Asian can it get?
 Fourth-year high school wasn’t your year, when a particular boy, Jeon Jungkook broke your heart. He was a close friend first before he became someone more than that, you told yourself not to be involved with the likes of him in any way, you first meet during your junior year by a mutual friend—Joy, your best friend, was in the same class as him, thus, the reason the both of you became close.
 Joy warned you about him and you knew because that’s what you told her base on your first impression on Jungkook, but you still tested the waters. And that’s how you broke your heart for the first time, you let yourself trust him despite all the bad things that you heard about him, you ignore everything because you were happy around him, but you were tired of having a relationship without a label and the fact that he doesn’t want you to be seen together speaks so much. You went on a retreat for 3 days in your senior year as it was a requirement for every graduating students by your catholic school, you weren’t going steady per se, but you still talked nonetheless, as he was getting busy with basketball, and you, having the cheerleading competition around the corner, training, exams, and graduation. You both have so much on your own plates.
 You kept on seeing red flags— the way he’s not responding to your calls and messages for a week, you haven’t really seen him around the school as varsity players have their own retreat, and when you saw a photo posted in his Instagram account with a girl in your year. She was a transferee, that’s all you remember after receiving a text message of him saying sorry. You hated how forgiving you can be, you hoped you can be tough and talk back to him— but no, you never had the chance to say what you wanted to say to him. You just let everything go. You can’t even ask someone to comfort you because of the fact you were a secret. You didn’t even know why you agreed with that kind of set up in the first place. Why did you choose something temporarily for a piece of mind? You hated how easy you can get sometimes, but you closed that chapter in your life after cursing him for months in your head and some Friday night parties until you graduated High school.
 And now, you’re in your second year of college and very much single. You received a message from Seulgi, saying that she needs to cancel your plans from eating out because of a midterm exam that got rescheduled she was your best friend together with Joy, Irene, and Wendy since high school but college happened and the five of you went with different schools except for Wendy and Seulgi who enrolled at the same University. You have a heavy sigh, it’s not that you don’t have friends in your own department, you do. It’s just that all your girlfriends have classes and won’t be done until 3 in the afternoon— and you’re very much hungry.
 You saw a very familiar face exiting the lesson hall next to yours and you’re quick on your feet to hide behind the walls of your classroom.
 “Y/n, I’ve already seen you, you know.” Suh Johnny stands beside you with Ten beside him smiling at you, you three both did your handshakes after getting drag out of the room. “Have you eaten already?” Ten asks and you shook your head. Johnny put his arms around your shoulders and the three of you walked out of the campus to eat out.
 “Oppa, what’s that?” you asked Ten preferring to his phone when you all settled down while Johnny browses the menu on what to order. “Jaehyun asked if he can join.” He says to the both of you, you look at Johnny as you both shrugs. Jung Jaehyun was once an IT student, he shifted after a year into your department and incredibly smart in mathematics. He was instantly everyone’s friend in your year.
 “I’m cool with him,” Johnny says and they both look at you. You’re not really fond of everybody and not entirely friendly with everyone. You’ve been close with Johnny and Ten who were much older than you only because you knew them since High school. “It’s cool.” You muttered.
 “But you wouldn’t be comfortable around other people, though.” Ten commented. They were completely aware of your introverted ass. They know what happened to you during your fourth-year high school, not only with Jeon Jungkook but the fact that all of your female classmates during your senior year made you an outcast. You honestly find it funny now, since you know that you have four amazing friends who stuck with you through thick and thin. You wished you had taken up the opportunity when Seulgi asked you to join her for hunting college schools before graduating High school so that you can be with her throughout your college years, but what’s done is done, what happened to you in the past brought you here right now and made you who you are. It wasn’t a problem for you— you like having the quality over quantity. You like how your circle of friends isn’t that big, too many people in your life can cost you too much trouble in the end, you know that because you’ve already experienced it first hand, having many people in your life will only lead you to disappointments.
 You weren’t familiar with Jung Jaehyun, per se, you just had a class with him during the second semester of your first year of college, that one professor you disliked so much teaching algebra instead of business mathematics and had the audacity to fail you. You hated how you got a failed mark while Jaehyun passed the subject despite his absences, you acknowledge him for having a big brain when it comes to numbers but you still find it unfair how he passed and you failed, you wished you could be as smart as him. You first met him when Mark introduced you to him after your Psychology class, you were talking with Mark about your Final output for the subject when he came up to Mark— fist-bumping, while wearing a white hoodie and black jeans, had those big Nike bags that you knew Basketball players uses, his white sneakers clean and you look at yours— completely worn out and definitely needed a new pair.
 He was smiling at you, eyeing Mark while waiting to be introduced to you. That got you rolling your eyes at him unknowingly, making him slightly intimidated with you. You shot Jaehyun a fake smile— he was cute, charming, tall, and obviously another varsity player. God, your skin starts to crawl, another varsity player is being too friendly with you. You bid Mark goodbye, and that was the start of your acquaintances with Jung Jaehyun, he was everywhere, becoming the Mr. Congeniality of your Department in no time when he shifted after a year in Information Technology.
 The three of you waited for Jaehyun to arrive before ordering your lunch, you waited for another minute before the door opened and Jaehyun walked in wearing a black long tee and denim jeans paired with his clean white sneakers. He settled down beside Ten who was in front of you and you started to become uncomfortable. Johnny and Jaehyun decided to get your orders and you were left with Ten in your booth.
 “Y/N, Jaehyun’s a good guy, you already know him for half a year, why are you still uncomfortable around him?” Ten asks you as you heave a heavy sigh. It’s not that you're uncomfortable around him because of your trust issues, you’re uncomfortable because clearly, he’s your type, and you’re not comfortable with the idea of it, you know he already had a girlfriend, you saw his wallpaper for a second when he put it down on the table before locking it. “I’m not. It’s just that—Oppa, can’t I be shy around people?” you countered, Ten looked at you funnily. “Don’t kid with me, y/n- ah. You guys both have International Cuisine, right?” he asks and you nod. “Then, you’ll be around him more often from now on, loosen up, He’s a great guy, if he did something to you, just tell me and Johnny and we’ll take care of it for you.” he flashed you a smile and you brush it off while giggling at him. “Thanks, Oppa, but no thanks.” You say and the two came back with two trays full of food. “It’s on me.” Johnny settled down next to you and you shoot him a grateful smile as the four of you started digging.
 “Are you throwing a party for your birthday?” Johnny suddenly asked, you nod at him and he muttered a small okay while your eyes darted at Jaehyun— it would be totally rude not to invite him for your birthday party when the topic is already laid on the table. Plus, he was looking at the three of you intently, seemingly out of place with the subject of the conversation. “Jaehyun, you should come on my birthday, It’s on the 19th, just some drinks and food on me, nothing too grand.” You find yourself saying and Ten and Johnny were shocked that you invited him. you clear your throat and continued “Can you guys ask everyone? I haven’t seen Yuta, Jungwoo, and Taeil Oppa but I already asked a bunch of people.” You added. They all agreed. “Thanks for inviting me, I think I don’t have anything going on that day,” Jaehyun commented. “Sounds like a plan.” You say and the four of you continued digging in.
 That night on your birthday, everything made a 360-degree turn in your life. Having 23 boys in your flat and some of your girlfriends turn out to be so much fun. When you run out of drinks you find yourself on Jaehyun’s passenger seat as the two of you drive to the nearest store to purchase some alcohol— You and Jaehyun seem like the only person sober enough to walk and drive your way outside the comforts of your home. You felt really comfortable around him, he hasn’t made a move on you or anything, and you think that maybe it’s because he already had a girlfriend and is faithful to their relationship.
 “Why didn’t you bring your girlfriend with you?” you asked just to start a conversation. “You knew?” he asked you while throwing you side glances, you nod your head yes. “It’s kind of complicated, plus, we're not official.” He continued which made you shocked, he was being open with you shockingly. “What? Why?” for some reason, it made you really curious. He gives you a heartily chuckle “It’s complicated.” You only nod.
 When you came back to your flat, you and Jaehyun were left to sit together, Mark and Haechan were completely out of it, while Joy and Irene are having a conversation with Jisung and Chenle. It’s nice to see them conversing with each other. Johnny was busy preparing the drinks with Yuta, Taeyong, and Seulgi, while the others are setting up the karaoke on your flat screen Tv hanged on your living room’s wall.
 You thought that was the last time you’ll see Jung Jaehyun, or you thought that was the last time you’ll be together in the same room as well as be at the same table together. You forgot that you both have classes together, that you’re practically in the same department, you honestly forgot that you’re both in the same circle of friends.
 You’ve been closer with the guys as time goes by, they were nothing like the people from your High school, they were honestly cool to be with, it just that, they like to unwind sometimes, and that “sometimes” means every Friday of the week, unwinding with drinks and such. This time, Jaehyun was the host, and Jungwoo together with Taeil managed to dragged and convinced you out of girlfriend nights. You have been hanging out with them more than usual and you were getting closer with Jaehyun, particularly, you keep on looking for him at gatherings and he kept on looking out for you. There was an unspoken mutual understanding between the two of you, you know it was wrong, even if you find yourself giddy and happy when he messages you or when he calls you before you go to bed when the two of you meet in between subjects just to eat together. You knew you were repeating the same mistakes as you did with Jungkook, and you can’t help but fuck yourself because everything is wrong at the same time feels right. How screwed can you get? Why do you always choose temporary happiness over a peace of mind?
 That night, when most of the guys left to go home and some of them left to smoke outside, you find yourself alone with Jaehyun in his living room. You poured him and yourself a shot, the guys were surely taking their time outside. “One-shot.” You tell him and you both down the tequila in seconds, hissing at the taste burning your throats. You stared at him, thinking that you have to start distancing yourself from him, you don’t want to ruin what he had with his girl. Your stomach turns just by thinking about the possibilities of ruining someone else’s relationship. You were better than that.
 You move your gaze away from him, you were about to pour another shot when you felt Jaehyun’s warm hand on your neck pulling you closer. You felt his warm lips on yours, it was sweet and warm, burning you within, but the taste was anything but sweet— you tasted the tequila out of his lips as he licks your bottom lip that got you responding to him, you closed your eyes and find yourself fucking your boundaries for him. You wrap your arms around his neck as he pulls you closer by the waist, rubbing small circles on your skin. You break the kiss as you put your forehead on his, trying to catch your breath. He was about to kiss you again when you move your face away from him, trying to put some distance away from him. “Did I do something wrong?” you heard him saying. You wipe the smudged lipstick on your skin below your lips as you face him. “Jaehyun, you’re not completely single.” You said. “But I’m not in a relationship either, I told you months ago, it was complicated.” He sits beside you properly, a hand clamped together as you look at him.
 “Jaehyun, this is non-negotiable. I don’t want to ruin someone’s relationship.” You say, and Johnny walks in. you poured yours and Jaehyun’s shot glass clicking with his before downing it in one go. If Johnny felt the thick air between the two of you, he doesn’t comment on it.
 You choose to forget what happened when all of the guys started walking back inside. Started conversing with Johnny about this student in your department that got kicked out of the university because of some issues. You got your self a couple of drinks before standing up to head to the bathroom, but since it was your first time at Jaehyun’s house you ask him where it was, plus Lucas was incredibly taking his time in the bathroom so Jaehyun leads you to his room instead. “Just use mine, Lucas is taking forever.” He said. You nod and head for the bathroom in his room. His room was surprisingly clean and very much boyish in your opinion, the walls are painted blue, his bed covers are white and was neatly done, the cabinets are on the side while a bunch of basketball trophies is beside his computer.
 When you were done with his bathroom, you find him sitting at the end of his bed, browsing his phone while waiting for you. “I thought you already went down,” you said. Jaehyun looks up at you. “Can I look at your trophies?” you asked him and as he walks to you and standing beside you to look at his achievements during his High school days.
 “Wait, you went to Santa Clara?” you asked him. “So, you know, Jeon Jungkook?” you asked shocked at the information when he said as small “Yes. Why?”
 You shook your head and muttered nothing. “We went with some tune-up games in the past, but I know him, he and his group keep on hitting on our cheerleaders it was kind of funny.” He says to you and you laughed. “What’s new, but— wow, what a small world.” “Oh, that’s right he graduated from St. Vincent, right?” you turn your head at him and you see Jaehyun looking at you while waiting for your answer, you only nodded your head, not having the gusto to talk about Jeon Jungkook at the moment. You felt Jaehyun’s hands circling around your wrist, turning your body against him making you look up to him.
 You were completely drawn to him, from the way he pulls you closer by the waist, the way he lifts your head as he put his other hand to your face, he has you completely wrapped around his fingers. You felt his lips doing wonders to you and this time you let him kiss you. You find yourself wrapped around him for the second time. “Jaehyun—”
 “Hmm.” You felt him deepened the kiss as he pulls you impossibly closer, hips to hips pressed together and you hated how right it felt. “We need to go down.” you tried to push him away but he won't budge. Jaehyun, slips his thumb just above the exposed skin on your hips, rubbing small circles that got you moaning “If you haven’t noticed, I’m actually crazy for you right now.” He says under his breath and you felt warm all over. Jaehyun has his brows furrowed, his expression as if he was hurting all over the place, and you laugh at him. “Fine, I’ll spend the night here.” You hear yourself saying and Jaehyun only pulled you closer for a hug.
 When the night ended, Jaehyun tells the guys that he’ll be the one to give you a ride and no one suspects it— agreeing to him and biding the two of you goodbye while the two of you cleaned up the living room. Moments after, you find yourself having second thoughts about staying the night with him. You know this will only lead to you on Jung Jaehyun’s bed. “Do you want to go home?” he asks you as if reading your mind, and you shook your head. “But can we go grab some late snacks? I’m kind of hungry.”
 The both of you drove to McDonald's and ordered some take-outs, Jaehyun drove to a good spot and parked his car, handing you your orders after putting on some good music— fit for the atmosphere. “Ohhh, this is actually good, huh.” You say while smiling at him. Jaehyun put your drinks in the cupholder between the both of you and handed you some tissues after. The warm feelings are back and you hate to admit that he gives you butterflies in your stomach.
 “I mean, this could be our thing, y/m.”
 You didn’t comment on that. Digging into your burger as a distraction to the strange sensation that you kept on feeling. You were quietly eating your food while having mixed feelings about him. you know this familiar feeling— you’re not stupid enough not to know your catching feelings and that you’re starting to fall in love again.
 When you finished up, you turn your body towards Jaehyun, deciding to confess, it’s better to be turned down than to keep on catching feelings for someone who isn’t going to return it at all. It’s not like you to be so brave, in the past, you always wait and that was the problem. You wait until the opportunity slides away from your fingers— from you. Deciding to risk everything this time, you braced yourself for the rejection.
 “Jaehyun.” You started and he turns his head towards you. “You know, I like you, right?” you continued. “You’re not stupid and you know there is something going on with the both of us.” Silence feels inside his car to the point it got so thick you can even cut it with a knife. “I may sound like a bitch but you have to choose between me and her.”
 “Remember when I told you on your birthday that my relationship with her is complicated?” you nodded your head. “I wasn’t lying about it. We’ve known each other for a while and it’s been eight months that time when I wanted to take our relationship to another level.” Hearing him talk about some other girl and the fact he wanted to make their relationship official hurts you in so many ways possible. You find yourself nodding at him as you ignore the lump in your throat. “But she won’t even admit that she likes me, not even one “Thank you” for all the effort I’ve given her, I understand that saying she loves me is a different level, it’s an understatement, but you know, I’m just someone who also needed affections. I don’t understand her for being so high maintenance.”
 “I actually talked with her personally this morning.” He continued. “Was that the reason why you’re absent?” you asked mad over the fact that he was absent for some uncalled reason. “Okay, let me finish before you get mad at me, baby.” You hate how endearing that sounded but you let him talk anyways. “I told her, I was done waiting and that I was sorry that I didn’t keep my promise.”
 “You actually courted her?” you asked and he nods. “Yeah, she is high maintenance and stupid.”
 “And you know what she replied? She says that she’ll say yes to me if that will make me stay or shut my trap, even, you know how the thought of actually agreeing to that one person to be together was gone just for the benefit of the doubt? She should have said yes from the beginning, I don’t have issues with waiting, I waited for almost a year, I know I can do it again, but not like this.” He moves his hands in the air just to set his point. “Was it my fault that I fell out of love?” He asks you and you turn your head away from him, guilty with the fact you are the reason he fell out of love with her. “Y/n, just give me time, I don’t even need that much.” He says and you nod your head.
 When both of you got back to Jaehyun’s flat, it was already midnight, Jaehyun handed you his white clean shirt and boxer shorts to change in to. Giving you some privacy that you needed while he brushes his teeth downstairs. So many things have been running through your mind for the past hour, Jaehyun didn’t turn you down but he didn’t say that he likes you back, either. So where do you stand in his life? You should have gone home; you didn’t want the same mistakes you did in the past to be repeated, but you were tired of waiting and beating around the bush.
 Confessing to Jung Jaehyun that you liked him first made you feel naked around him, having your feelings out in the open. When Jaehyun walked in you were still dazed, thousand of thoughts running through your mind. This wasn’t the first time that you’ve to spend the night with him having sleepovers at Johnny’s or the others but this was definitely your first time spending the night with him.
 It wasn’t an issue for you to sleep beside him since you already confessed, anyway. And in no time, you slip off to dreamland instantly, shocked at how comfortable you are with having his arms around you as you drifted off to dreamland.
 You stir in your sleep when you felt Jaehyun’s hands all over your upper body as he peppers your neck with wet kisses. you fight the sleepiness and look at his nightstand to see that it’s only been two hours when you drifted off to sleep. “Jae, It’s only three in the morning. Can’t you do this later?” you asked as you fight the sleep in your eyes. You felt Jaehyun’s hands hover around your left mound, squeezing it slightly and you look at him fully. “You agree on doing this later?” he asks out of breath.
 “You expect me to fall asleep when you’re on my bed in my clothes?” he whispered in your ear and you moan when his fingers slip in your undies— rubbing circles in your clit. “Already this wet?” Jaehyun continued his ministration on you, adding another finger inside you while he kisses you on the lips. You felt him retract his fingers away and you were about to protest when you felt him lift your shirt just below your chin, your mounds completely in view and ready to be played with. His hands went back on your thighs as he separated your left leg from the other, urging you to open your legs more. His fingers are back on your clit, drawing small circles that made you clenching on nothing. Jaehyun frowned when he felt your walls incredibly tight when he inserted two fingers at a time. “Baby, so fucking tight.”
 Jaehyun throws his shirt over his head and helped you undress, completely impatient, and you tried palming him just to get a reaction. You heard him grunt lowly, shocked at how big he is when Jaehyun got rid of all the clothing. “That won’t fit on me.”
 “Where’s your casual bravado at?” he asks as he pulls you to his lap. You look anywhere but him as your cheeks started to flush. “Don’t tell me— are you a virgin?” you nod your head at him as you felt his cock stood out more to the revelation. “Fuck, well take it slow, baby.” Jaehyun guided you to his lap as you ride him, moving your hips as you coat his dick with your juices. You have your bottom lip trap between your teeth as you let his dick slide in your pussy’s lips. Feeling embarrassed but desperate you tried to push yourself back to meet his hips as you whine with the newfound sensations. You look so lewd above him riding his cock as your tits bounce from your movements, your eyes start to water from the thrill Jaehyun gives you. “I need to hear you.” Jaehyun pushes the messy strands of hair that frames your face.
 You moan at the feeling of his veiny cock sliding in between your pussy’s lips. He hums, pleased with your sounds around him, and rewards you by inserting his fingers all the way inside you, the numbers doing wonders and stinging you a bit, but it still felt better than having to clench at nothing. Jaehyun marks you up all over your neck and just above your mounds, flesh to flesh as you moan for him. He pumps his fingers in and out of you as you ride his cock continuously. He gathers you in his arms and lays you on your back, pulling your thighs against your chest, keeping your legs spread as he pushes inside you slowly, grunting. “I wasn’t planning on putting it inside, but you just feel so fucking good.”
 You cried at the stretch, slowly tearing you apart as he moves inch by inch just to be inside you fully. When he’s all the way inside of you, his breath leaves him in a shaky sigh, and he takes a couple of moments for the both of you before he started moving. You know Jaehyun was holding back, as he focusses on your breast as they bounce up and down in a humiliating manner as he pushes into you slowly for his liking, while his hands keep your legs spread wide for him, you felt embarrassed and humiliated with the way you’re positioned under him, but you can’t help every moan that escapes you as it started to feel amazing more than a while ago. The sting you felt was gone and all you can think is the pleasure that he gives you.
 “Fuck, you’re tightening up.” You turn your head to the side, trying to bury your face in the pillows around you as you hide your face from him, but Jaehyun doesn’t allow it, he bends down— his upper body draped over you, his face mere inched from yours, the new positions has his right hand pulling your right leg further upwards, thigh pressing harder against your chest. “Say it, baby. I need to hear you.” His gaze pierces through you, ordering more than asking you to obey him, and you find him looking sexier as he looks even as his skin glistens and how some strands of his hair started to stick over his forehead.
 Docilely and submissive, you answered him. “I- I want to cum, please.” You sounded so lewd; you didn’t even recognize yourself anymore. His gaze doesn’t free yours as his hips started to pick up the pace. “Do you know how hot you look right now? Spread out on my bed with nothing but my cock in you? fuck, fuck.” You started clenching around him as he put his thumb on your clit, drawing circles as you cry out his name in ecstasy.
 He fucks you through your orgasm, grunting as your walls get even tighter, making it harder for him to keep on moving inside of you but that made him ravish you more with fervor. Your orgasm feels like it will never end as he drags it out in order to reach his own high, finally, his hips stutter as he pulls out of you and pumps his dick more as he comes in your stomach and breasts.
 When he was done, he moves away from you and walks to the bathroom, you heard the faucet running and Jaehyun came out with a wet, warm towel in his hands and uses it to clean up the mess the two of you made. When he’s done, he tosses it to the side and scoops you in his arms, covering both of your naked bodies with his blanket that smells like him. He had you trap in his arms and sure it felt good to be treated like this, the feeling new to you.
 “Sleep, let’s not think about what happened for now.” He murmured and you agree. “I’m sorry.” You heard him say. You look up at him and see different emotions flickers in his eyes. “Honestly, I’ve seen this coming, I’m not usually like this but I always find myself fucking my rules just to be with you.” Jaehyun pulls you closer to him. “That’s because you liked me.” He told you before you drifted off to sleep for the second time.
 The next morning, Jaehyun give you a ride home, you— being awfully quiet after realizing everything that happened when you saw the bloodstains in his bedsheets that morning. You didn’t utter a word throughout the ride, reality downing to you one by one. Did you just sleep with a guy who wasn’t your boyfriend in the first place? When you got in the comforts of your home you smack your head for the stupidity. You knew how boys can be, and you just give Jaehyun the chance to have his way with you easily without a fight.
 When a day passed by without seeing even a shadow of Jaehyun, you sent him a message asking what was he doing. You waited for hours but you didn’t get a reply from him that day. You’ve been overthinking things and didn’t have the energy to be productive at all, you tried calling him but he wasn’t answering at all. The next day came and you checked your phone for any notification from him but there was none, you were about to get up when you heard a car honking in front of your house— you walk towards your window and there, you saw Jung Jaehyun, standing beside his car in your front yard, smiling up at you with his hands tucked inside his jean’s pockets. You ignore the raging butterflies in your stomach and hide the blush creeping in your cheeks with your hair as you give him a bashful smile in return.
 When you came down after washing up and getting ready for school, you kissed your mom goodbye saying you’re skipping breakfast and will just eat out in the café next to the University. You run to Jaehyun, his arms open and ready to catch you in his arms— and you embrace him. “Haven’t heard from you yesterday.” You push your self a little away from him to see a smile playing at his lips. “I miss you too.” He answered and for some reason, cat got your tongue.
 “It’s still early, do you want to eat out?” Jaehyun asked you when you both settle down inside his car and you nod your head after checking your wristwatch, you still have two hours to kill before your classes start, it’s Tuesday, so the both of you are packed up with your chef’s uniforms in your bags.
 “I hate cooking.” You tell no one in particular as Jaehyun started to drive away, “But you’re the top in our department.” you only give him a glance as you relax your body.
 When you arrived at the café next to your University, it was still spacious as it was still early, most of the time students would fill the room up, studying or just talking with their peers. You both settle down on the booth next to the window— Jaehyun, ever the gentlemen ordering and buying you your food. “Jaehyun, I really appreciate you spending your money on me, but next time let me pay for my own food.” You say when he came back with a tray of pastries and coffees in his hands. “Why?” he asked.
 “Because it’s your money, and we’re still students you know, we shouldn’t spend recklessly.” Jaehyun was bewildered by what you said and it was clearly written on his face. “Why?” you asked scared that you might say something wrong. “It’s just that, I was used to spending money for her even if I get to eat nothing as long as she gets hers.” He says. You felt horrified after hearing that. “No way, if you ran out of money, you say it and I’m going to pay for us, all right?”
“You sure you haven’t been in relationships?” there was a bashful smile playing at Jaehyun’s face, “No, it’s called basic manners, Jung Jaehyun.” You laughed at him. “So, I haven’t heard from you at all yesterday.” You watched as Jaehyun sipped at his iced americano— nodding at you as if you’ve stated the obvious.
“I ended everything with her, what she said doesn’t really sit on me right. I didn’t take her to be that hypocrite in the first place.” Jaehyun started. So, he was with her last night, you think, but not in the way that you think, he meets with her to cut and finish everything between them. “I just hate that every time we fought, she would always turn the tables around, guilt tripping me so I can admit that I’m wrong when she also has her mistakes in the first place. Don’t think that this happened because of you, it started happening before you even came, I don’t want you to beat yourself thinking that you ruined my relationship with her, because in the first place there’s no relationship between us.” You nod your head and all you can do is listen.
“Do you regret everything that has been happening?” you asked as you hear your heart beating rapidly inside your chest, you look at him and he did the same. “No. You happened unexpectedly, but no, I don’t regret you.” you fought the tears away, feeling the warmth and comfort inside, this has never happened to you, someone choosing you over anything, and you can’t help but tear up.
“Why are you crying? It’s not me who’s choosing you but you’re the one who is choosing me. If you haven’t noticed a lot of guys wants to be with you, so I’m really grateful that you liked me instead.” Jaehyun wiped the tears that threatening to fall down your check and pulling you close in his arms after. You put your head in his arms, everything feels surreal and if ever you are dreaming you don’t want to wake up anymore. “I really like you,Y/n.” you look up to him laughing as you cry harder, all this baggage and walls gone because of one person.  
That was the start of your relationship with Jung Jaehyun, all those crazy days and nights with him, long drives and Friday nights, eating and pigging out with him, he knows you more than the back of his hands, he knows that you get moody every month, he knew about your introverted ass, he knows that you can be basic and simple at times— you don’t expect too much of him and he does the same with you, on your first year of being together, you introduced Jaehyun to your whole family on your reunion day and they instantly love him— specially your brother and cousins. They enjoyed talking to him, and you’re honestly surprised at how welcoming you parents are to him, asking him to sleep over, Jaehyun and your brother having the same interest, playing computer games until the sun rises, His mother sending a box full of apples to your mother because he mentions that it’s your mom’s favorite.
Sometimes you get scared of breaking up with him, fighting isn’t something that the both of you can avoid, there are times the you just want to strangle him to death, but that makes everything real, being jealous and having make up sex, all those time the both of you fight for something trivial, those moments make your relationship stronger. And now you’ve been with him for the past 4 years, going steady and strong.  
“Babe, you ready?” you both settle down on his car, you just finish your final exams for this week, you and Jaehyun are up for a 2 hour long drive to get to your vacation house, most of your family are already there since this morning and the both of you have to finish your exams and classes first before joining them, you nod your head at him as he pull his jacket over his head and handing it you. Jaehyun knows that you get easily cold but you don’t want to turn the heater up and make him suffer as he tends to sweat a lot, that leads you to having his hoodies stack up in your closet.
“You have to cut your smoking off you know it’s not good for your health.” You say as you saw him scratch the back of his neck, a freshly lit stick in his mouth, when the both of you started going out you have seen him smoke a couple of times to the point that it got you curious and tried it, you have been smoking in the past but you cut it off as it was unhealthy. Jaehyun on the other hand finds it hard. “old habits die hard.” He told you once.
“You got to compromise, baby.” Jaehyun blew the smoke outside— his window rolled down and one hand on the stirring wheel, you got to admit though, your boyfriend looked hot. “Fine, what do you suggest?”
“Marry me after we graduate.” Your head snap back to look at him, as you waited for him to laugh and say that he was joking. Jaehyun throw the cigar outside reaching for the rubbing alcohol to clean his hands, you tend to hate the smell that clings to his hands whenever he smokes. You were awfully quiet, shocked at what he said, and you found yourself caught in your thoughts.
“If you promise to be with me forever, until the day that our hair turns white, then I promise to cut my smoking off.” He smiled at you, reaching for your hands that was placed in your lap as he pulls it closer to his mouth to give it some kisses. You can’t really say anything as tears started to fall one by one, you we’re just so happy that he thinks of being together with you for that long. “I know I’ve done so many things that disappoints you, but you still choose to be with me, and for that, I’m really grateful. So, I’m asking you this right now, I know we still have to graduate and we still have a long way ahead of us. And I would still have to buy you the most beautiful ring in the world. What I can give you right know is my hopeful words— promising you that I would be faithful and love you until the end, so are you going to say yes?” he asks while holding your hand.
“Yes.” the both of you laughed at the situation as you reach out to kiss him in the cheeks. “Babe! Stay seated or will get into an accident” he shouts but laughs with you.
You definitely don’t regret falling in love with Jung Jaehyun.
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har-rison-s · a year ago
protected, well enough: finale
rogers! reader x peter parker
request/synopsis: could you maybe write something about the  reader being steve rogers daughter, who’s very similar to pre serum steve, (polite, a bit shy, and artsy) and peter having a massive crush  on the reader? and ALL the avengers going full momma bear mode on the  reader bc of it. if you want to of course. i think it’d be interesting  to see something with the reader being a rogers instead of a stark, yaknow? thank you !!
also, this is an AU where everyone’s okay and no one’s a fugitive and everyone is friendly, like in other writings all over tumblr :)
please read !!! a/n: so, part of the journey is the end. woah, that gave me chills, but it's true. hi ! series finale, i can't believe a day like this has come. me finishing a series? since uh when !! anyways, um. this is a bit sad for me, and i'll have to say goodbye to all my pwe tagged people :') i hope you all have enjoyed the ride. i'll be holding a q&a in honor of this series' ending, but i doubt anyone will drop any questions because no one did the last time i held a q&a.... but you can ask anything about the series, about the finale, about possible sequels, about the writings process - whatever you wish. this has been great, everyone, i am truly happy with how this series has worked out and i hope you've had fun. remember, none of this would have been written if it wasn't for you guys. so thank you so much. happy reading and goodbye <3
main masterlist
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chapter twenty-five
warnings: mentions of stress and infinity war scenes and events :)
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‘i’ll be there in 20 mins, how far away are you :>’
‘just got on the bus :)) bridge in about two minutes’
‘okay, i’ll get some coffee on the way. want anything?’
‘hot cocoa?;)’
‘you got it <3’
Y/N smiles to herself as she slides her phone into her coat pocket, and keeps walking across the Washington Bridge. The sun is out today, which only amplifies her already perfect mood and its indestructability, and she feels like the happiest girl in the world. She’d even call this day the happiest day of the year, or maybe even her life, but it’s only eleven in the morning.
There’s no wind today, as well, and it only makes the weather all the more pleasing to Y/N. Wind gives her headaches and messes up her hair, and would only have been very inconvenient and uncomfortable with her outfit for the day - a floral dress. She loves it always, but it’s hard to manage in windy weather because it’s so flowy and gets stuck places or blown up too high. But today’s not a day of struggles, today is a windless, happy day.
Y/N’s proven to herself that she walks faster than she thinks. Crossing the Washington Bridge takes her only fifteen minutes, and she doesn’t even feel out of breath. Am I going to be the first one there again? She hates to always arrive early, it’s sort-of a bad habit of hers. But at least she’s got time to wait in line for coffee and Peter’s hot chocolate.
Oh, Peter… Ever since that faithful day, Y/N thinks she’s thought of Peter than anything else she usually thinks about. Their first kiss happened barely two weeks ago, and they haven’t seen each other since, but have been feeling more head-over-heels in love than ever. And they miss each other. Y/N misses Peter so bad sometimes she can hardly stand it. Missing him creates almost a physical pain in her chest. Yet when she reminds herself she’ll be seeing him soon, and today’s the day, she almost wants to jump so high she’ll hit the ceiling from excitement.
Excitement or happiness? They’re really the same thing when you’re their age. Y/N is buzzing with electricity while standing in line to get their coffees, her fingers are shaking at the thought of seeing Peter in probably less than half an hour. MoMA is just across the street from her now, and she can’t wait for the moment for when she walks up to Peter and hugs him again. Should she kiss him once more? Would that be okay? Oh, now she feels awkward.
The Starbucks worker takes Y/N’s order and tells her to wait while he makes it. So she does, she sits on a small table next to the cash register. Her chin rests in her hand as she looks past the TV on the wall, instead watching the busy life of New York through the window. She sits with her own thoughts, completely in her own world, a smile across her face. You could tell she’s in love by just looking at her.
“What the hell is that?!”
“Aliens? Again?!”
She hears the gasps and exclamations of surprise all around her, and she looks around to see what everyone’s making a mess about. The customers’ and staff’s attention is drawn to the TVs in the café. Y/N has a clear, straight view on it, and she puts on her glasses to see better. Breaking News is written on the banner at the bottom of the screen. A staff member turns all the TVs’ volume higher.
“A foreign aircraft is seen in Greenwich Village just now, creating mass hysteria and destruction to the buildings and vehicles around it.” A news man reads. “Please, do not attempt to engage, we do not know what this aircraft contains, we advise everyone to stay indoors and keep away from Greenwich Village until the situation is handled.”
Y/N covers her mouth with her hand. An alien spaceship in New York? Again? She doesn’t even notice the barista putting down cups of her orders next to her, though he himself seems to be in awe of what he’s seeing. The aircraft looks like a vertical donut, it has wind all around it, and chaos, from what the broadcasting provides in terms of visuals. Cars and buildings are destroyed, that’s true, people are running around, running away from the donut.
Then Y/N notices familiar faces on the screen. Tony and Bruce, along with two other men, unknown to her. Then the camera pans to…. what even is that? Is that meant to be a person? Or to resemble a person? Some creature—oh, no, two—are standing before Tony, Bruce and the other two. Rather, opposite them. Some big guy that resembles the Chitauri aliens from many years ago has a weapon in hand. The other guy, who looks more human than his accomplice, is levitating above ground, however, and he holds an angry expression on his weird face. What the hell is going on?
Y/N breaks out of her daze and looks at her phone. Where’s her dad? She notices her order made, standing on the table, takes the two coffee cups and exits Starbucks. Everyone on the street seems to be walking normally, acting normally as if nothing’s happened. Y/N pushes her dad’s name in her call list and then presses her phone to her ear, with a bit of struggle, mind—she’s holding two coffees in her hand, as well. The line beeps, and she impatiently waits for her dad to answer her call.
“Come on, come on, pick up.”
“Dad! Oh, my God. Um… Have you seen the news?”
“Yes. We noticed a breach in the atmosphere, so we decided to round up everyone. We’re on our way to get Wanda and Vision out from Scotland.”
“Scotl—oh, right, their holiday.” Y/N unknowingly distracts herself from the main issue. “Um, I, I’m crossing the street to MoMA right now. God, I just—I wanted to call you to make sure you’re fine cause I didn’t see you with Tony and Bruce on the TV… I don’t know what to ask, dad, I have so many questions, I’m just…” Y/N shakes her head.
“Sweetheart, it’s alright. I’m safe, you’re safe, too. Just stay inside for now, okay? Wherever you can. Museums are safe.”
“Yeah, against people, not whatever they are. Do you even know what that is in Greenwich?” Y/N’s heartbeat picks up pace.
“No idea so far, but looks like aliens. You stay at MoMA for now, okay? I’ll come get you as soon as I can. They don’t want anything from you, that’s for sure.” Steve assures, at which his daughter sighs. She now sits on the entrance stairs of MoMA, head in her hands, the coffee cups standing by her side, waiting to be drunk. “You will be fine. I would come get you right now, but all of us are on the jet and we better get Vision somewhere safe. Word is, whoever they are, they could be with Thanos.”
“Yes.” Steve sighs into the phone. “I’ll get you as soon as Vision is safe, alright?”
“Oh-okay,” Y/N nods, “y-you’ll come get me as soon as you can..” she repeats to herself out of anxiety.
“Yes, I will, I promise, sweetheart. I want you by my side, so you’d be safe.”
Y/N chuckles. “Well, that’s not always the right place to be in terms of safety.” She says, and to her relief, she hears her father laughing at the other end.
“True enough.” Steve says and pauses. “You have to stay calm for now, honey. I know it’s—I know you’re scared right now, but keep a clear head. Try, at least.” He tells his daughter.
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll—I’ll try.”
“As soon as we get Wanda and Vision, our next stop is you. We can pick up both you and Peter. That sound good?”
“Yes, yes, absolutely.”
“Okay. I’ll let you know when we’re close.”
“Yeah, okay. Be safe.”
“I’ll do my best. Love you, sweetheart. See you soon.”
“Yeah, bye-bye.”
Y/N ends the call and stuffs her phone into her purse. Her elbows on her knees, her head in her hands, she feels shaky, nervous, afraid. Why hasn’t Peter’s bus arrived already? Her eyes cautiously scan the skies that she sees around her, but they’re clear—no other alien donuts visible anywhere. Y/N blames it on her paranoia, but she feels like she can hear the whirring of the alien aircraft from here. That’s impossible, she’s miles away from Greenwich, plus there’s tons of cement blocks called buildings between her and Greenwich. But they’re aliens, and maybe the noise she thinks she’s hearing is actually real. Who the hell knows?
She decides to drink her chai latte, try to ease herself with something warm, and as soon as she’s drank almost half of it already at light speed, she sees the yellow school bus coming towards where she sits. She takes both coffee cups in her hand and raises to her feet. The bus stops directly in front of the entrance and as Y/N steps closer to it, she searches for Peter’s familiar face in the pile of students who are getting out of the bus. She doesn’t see him. Not yet, at least, she doesn’t know where he likes to sit in the school bus, anyway.
She spots Ned, though, and he sees her soon enough, too. He immediately smiles and waves at her, his face alight with relief and delight to see her. Y/N comes down the steps and jogs up to meet Ned. With her coffee cups in hand, she hugs him tight with a relieved smile on her face.
“Hi, Y/N,” the boy greets.
“Hi, Ned.” She returns the greeting. “Gosh, I’m glad to see you.” She says once they’ve pulled apart and have a chance to over-look each other closer. Ned still has that same optimistic smile and look on his face that Y/N loves and is so envious of. She almost wants to boop his nose. She’s missed him.
“Did you see the spaceship?” He muses. Y/N nods.
“I saw it on the news.”
“Oh, we saw it closer. From the bridge.” Ned boasts and Y/N gives him a small smile.
“It looks pretty scary.” She says. Ned agrees with a nod.
“Yeah, for now,” he says, “I bet Mr Stark will have no trouble in taking it down, though.” He admits, and they both chuckle. Y/N’s chuckle is strained and awkward. She’s fearful and anxious, and she can’t avoid asking the burning question any longer.
“Where’s Peter?” She softly asks Ned as they now go upwards the entrance steps of MoMA. Ned’s optimism falls. He knew she was gonna ask him that, I mean it was obvious, but he wasn’t prepared to give her the answer.
“Um, well…” he trails off, and that only amplifies Y/N’s worries, “he told me to cause a distraction. And then he disappeared.”
“What?” Y/N gasps. Disappeared? Did the aliens take him? “Wh—Did he—Where—Maybe they—“ possibilities and questions race through her mind like Formula 1 cars in races, and she kind of wants and kind of doesn’t want to hear answers to them all.
Ned stops them both from walking further and turns to face Y/N. “This certainly won’t make you less scared, but I think he went on that ship. Maybe we can call him…” He tells her, concern and worry painting his face a certain color. Ned can see Y/N’s heart dropping to her toes and her spirit leaving her body. Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything…
“But he—Oh, my God, no,” Y/N squats down again, head in hands, lungs collapsing, heart beating a hundred miles per hour. She can’t even care about the cup of hot chocolate for Peter, she can’t care for it having gone cold now. She’s having a panic attack, “no, no, no, he can’t be. Peter can’t be on that—that thing.” Her world feels turned upside down. Her fingers are smearing sweat over her forehead, yet they feel cold against the skin of her face. Her lungs feel to be growing smaller and smaller with every breath she tries to take. Y/N feels like fainting.
Her eyes are blind, her ears are deaf. She can’t see Ned sitting down in front of her, she can’t hear him calling her name and trying to calm her down, she can’t hear the incoming call from her father to her phone, she can’t even hear the usually insane New York traffic to her left. All she can hear are her own panicked wheezes, she only sees red and can’t feel nothing but panic and fear to the point of losing unconsciousness.
If Peter is on that spaceship right now, who knows what happens next. If he’s on there, she’s lost him. And for how long? She doesn’t know. They were so close, and all the time they’ve spent together already still feels too short. She was so close to everything with him, and now she’s got nothing. Peter’s gone.
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quirklessidiot · a year ago
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Title: coward :: epilogue Pairing: Y/N x Miya Atsumu Genre: angst, romance, and very slow burn [ex to lovers au] Warnings: Cursing, alcohol, mentions of unprotected sex, unplanned pregnancy, heavy mentions of abortion, and brief mentions of trauma
we’ve finally reached it guys! the end :”> this story has been one of the things i’m very much proud of. From this chapter onwards, it’s all just fluff and well Atsumu and Y/N content. thank you for sticking around despite the slow burns and see you on the side stories and the drabbles. ill be accepting eight drabbles for this story and it’ll be open after all the side stories are complete, uwu.
previous    masterlist  [ ss;; one, two, three, four ]
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“...I wonder how you put them to bed.”
“They usually sleep immediately after I give them a glass of milk.” You blinked, looking up from your paperwork, “Did they give you a hard time again?”
“They chunked a pillow at me and that started a pillow fight.”
Soft laughter filled the room and Atsumu felt his heart soften at the sound of that, such a beautiful laugh you had. 
It’s been a year since that confrontation but it feels so surreal whenever he wakes up to see you lying next to him, snuggled on his chest or the kids suddenly barging into the room to catapult themselves to bed with you two.
Him, you, children. 
A family.
“Are you not going to sleep yet?”
“No,” You breathed, shifting through paper works,“I have to finish this if I want to watch your game next week.”
“Can I lay on your lap then?”
“We have a very big bed.” You deadpanned, you were still stoic and blank as ever but comparing to before, you were more open to him with your emotions and thoughts. Albeit, he didn’t know much about why you ran away -  Daiki says to give you some time -  or what happened with your family, he doesn’t mind because he promised he’d wait and be patient with you. 
Atsumu even suggests that if you can’t talk to him about it, he’d willingly look for good psychiatrists around the area to help with your trauma. The sessions seem to be going well so far, albeit it was slow, you were finally taking the proper steps to heal.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” Atsumu grinned childishly and situated himself on your lap. Unknowingly, you’d start playing with his hair. He suddenly feels like he’s about to doze off by the domestic gesture and the familiar sound of your breathing but he is immediately awoken by the small voice of yours.
“Do you want to know why I never introduced you to my family?” you suddenly asked, his eyes slowly turned towards you yet you continue to play with his hair nonchalantly as if you weren’t talking about a heavy topic, “Our situation was a lot like my parents. I was born when my okaasan was in the middle of studying medicine and my otosan was a law student.”
Atsumu remains quiet as he listens to your story.
“They were both from very rich families with promising futures, they dated, they were happy until I happened…” You paused, continuing to play with his hair, “Okaasan wasn’t able to finish her course and she got depressed because of that, her family had turned her back on her. So she begged otosan to marry her even if he didn’t want to so that she could finish her degree and return to her family.”
You continue your story; telling him everything about how your father fell out of love with your mother, how scared you were of your mother growing up, how she quit being a doctor because she was an alcoholic and almost sued for drinking on the job, and how you came to the realization that you weren’t supposed to be born when you were only eight years old, “...that night we met at the frat party was the day of my otosan’s wedding to his mistress, they had called out how the previous wedding and me was a mistake as a joke but it still kind of stinged.” You confessed, “I didn’t know what I’d do if I hadn’t met you that night.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice was soft, comforting even and it made you smile because despite his rather loud attitude, he understood you very well and was very patient with you.
He’s empathetic and it makes you wonder why you even ran away in the first place, maybe Daiki was right that night seven years ago, maybe you should’ve told him and stayed with him.
“Whenever I was with you back then, you didn’t make me feel that way so I didn’t want to spoil it or destroy that feeling. I didn’t want you to see me in that light.” You divulged, recalling the memories you had with him, “I felt like I was supposed to be there with you. You were a reminder that it was alright to be alive. That I wasn’t a mistake.”
Comfortable silence fills the air as he takes it all in.
Atsumu takes a hold of your hand that’s playing with his hair and gives it a comforting peck, “Was that also why you couldn’t tell me back then that you were pregnant?”
“You were being scouted for the jackals that time and I was scared we’d end up like my parents because I disrupted your dreams.” You ran your hands through his hair again, playing with the blonde strands, “I didn’t want the kids yet at the same time I couldn’t abort them because they were yours.It was very confusing.” 
“Would you...Would you have pushed through with it? With the abortion?”
“Probably.” you blinked, recalling that moment you were at the clinic,you recalled the feeling of nervousness as you waited for them to call your name,  “With the past I had, I doubt I would’ve made a good mother. Would you have hated me if I had done it?”
“No. I don’t think I would.I mean, don’t get me wrong. I love those brats, I love this family but at the end of the day, it would’ve been your choice.” He replies softly, drawing small circles on your hands, “It would’ve been better if you went up to me and told me though, at least I would’ve been there.”
“Well, in the end, I didn’t push through. I couldn’t do it. They were yours as much as they were mine and I couldn’t let that go after breaking off with you.” you paused, “I also told myself that they’d never feel that way, that they’d never feel as if they were born out of a mistake.”
“And you did a damn good job at it.” He complimented, “You placed your own okaasan to shame.” 
“You placed my otosan to shame too…” You smiled softly, suddenly a question popped in your head, you might as well ask it now since the timing seemed to be better than ever, “Would you like to get married?”
Atsumu’s eyes immediately widen at what you said and he sits up, “What the hell, Y/N? I should be the one asking that!” He loudly exclaims and you cover his mouth to muffle his voice.
“The kids are asleep.” You choke back a laughter, shushing him, “And I think it should be me the one who should ask for your hand, after all the shit I put you through-”
The blonde setter takes your hands off his mouth and cuts you off, “First of all, that was my choice. Second of all, how many times do I have to tell you that we were both at fault there? We’re doing a damn good job now. Mind you,” he immediately scrambles out of the bed right after before you could say anything else and looks through his sock dresser, he takes out a small box and your eyes widen, is that what you thought it was?
“I was supposed to give it to you when I officially got in the jackals back then.” Atsumu sheepishly confessed, “I couldn’t throw it away after you left, it was the little hope I guess that you’d come back. I mean, I’ll get you a new one now since i got-”
“I didn’t think you were the sappy type.” You glazed, cutting him off, completely enamored by the gesture, “You’re very cheesy.”
“Only to you.”
You scrunch your nose, faking a disgusted look but Atsumu knows better than that and just crawls back in your arms and gives you a chaste kiss on the lips that you reciprocate almost immediately. It’s slow, languid, and passionate. Something people wouldn’t expect from someone like him.
“Don’t bother buying a new one, I think I like this one better.” You smiled, pulling away as you hold out your hand in which he happily puts on the simple band. He looks into your eyes again, the eyes he loved looking at since he was nineteen. The eyes that were filled with so much emotion that it always contrasted your face that was void of emotions. The same eyes that he dreamed his kids (and they did) to have when he asked you that one night if you wanted to have a family.
“I’m in love with you.” you break the silence.
You never said those words out loud before to him but hearing it now, after all that you’ve both been through. It’s worth it.
He’d do it all again just to be in this moment.
“I’m very much in love with you too.” He grins, leaning back in for another kiss.
Finally he was able to catch up with you.
taglist [officially closed, if you guys want to be removed for the side stories, feel free to tell me hehe ilyasm and thank you once again, coward wouldn’t be possible without all you people + other readers]
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highfaelucien · a year ago
On Mor, Azriel, Gwyn, and abuse rep in ACOTAR
@ancientlibrarymagic​ the aforementioned tea...Long, messy, confused tea. But tea all the same.
The TL;DR version of this post is: SJ/M retconned Mor/Moriel to shoehorn in some queer rep and #Drama. Gwyn takes on the role Mor would have played in that dynamic with Az (as an assault survivor that Az rescued, helped to rebuild, and then build a tentative flirtatious relationship with). Shockingly, this isn’t going to be entirely ACOTAR/SJM positive. But I don’t see it as spiteful bashing and more like...shit that needs to be said, at this point.
Preface: tbh I’ve been wanting to vent for a while about Mor’s sexuality reveal, and sprint-reading Gwyn’s story last night made me think about it again.
I also dislike the feeling that someone has to disclose personal details to have a valid opinion/critique of something. but I also feel that context can be important, especially in discussions like this, and so I’ll note that I’m both a lesbian, and a rape/abuse survivor.
Okay now that’s out of the way....hoo boy. here we go.
I’m the acotar fandom grandparent at this point. I read acomaf right after it came out, and I did the Long Wait for acowar. This isn’t to say ‘I’ve been here longer than some of y’all, so my opinion is more valid’ but to explain to those who weren’t there what happened in that year long gap between books fandom wise.
Mor/Az was one of the bigger ships. It didn’t have as much of a following as Feysand, or Nessian, but more so than Elucien. A steady, solid third. It was something everyone was fairly certain Maas was building up to, at some point. Likely with a lot of angst and pining along the way.
There was never any indication in acomaf, or in any of the press/extra content/Maas interviews around that time that this was a bad thing to ship, since Mor was gay*.
*For the purposes of this post I’m assuming Mor is a lesbian. We can discuss romantic/sexual attraction later, and the absolute fucking fiasco that is her sleeping with men to put Az off elsewhere. But the crux of the matter is: Mor tells Feyre that she cannot be with Az, a dude, due to her sexuality. She also sleeps with guys and then looks “vacant/tortured/sick” afterwards. The only person she ever states she’s actually been in love with/felt true attraction to was Andromache. A woman. We’re lesbianing here.
So back to Moriel: this wasn’t just fandom. There were pins on  Maas’s pinterest boards that were tagged with the ship name, and were clearly intimate/romantic/hinting at the ship.
Then there was the actual text of acomaf itself. Where there were a lot of hints/it framed the relationship as one of a woman terrified to upset the balance of the only family she’d ever had, and a man still riddled with insecurity and not feeling he was worthy of Mor. Mor deadass tells Feyre: “ “The issue, actually, wouldn’t be me. It’d be him. I could peel off my clothes right in front of him and he wouldn’t move an inch.”
Obviously Mor could have been lying to Feyre, which I guess is how this conversation is being spun. But the point is that: we had a LOT of evidence, textual and otherwise, that this ship was A Thing that was going to happen, and I wasn’t the only queer person who shipped it, either.
Pre-ACOWAR there was a lot of querying around diversity in SJM books - both queer and POC (Lucien’s father is......a whole other kettle of fish but we won’t go there here). Regardless, it made sense that SJM wanted to add some queer rep to the books. Which. Yay. Mor? Less yay.
Lesbians are fabulous. I myself, am a lesbian.  And I’m fabulous. Lesbian Mor? Fabulous. Lesbian Mor that comes as part of, less a plot twist, and more a complete plot U-Turn, makes Az look like an incompetent, predatory asshole, and makes Mor ‘petrified’ of the only safe space/family that she’s ever had who’s cared about her welling...............Less yay.
The Moriel reveal caused a lot of anger/confusion in the fandom. Especially between bi and lesbian readers who were...super confused about how Mor identified/how to read her story. (To my knowledge, this has still not, technically, been cleared up/confirmed in any way, one way or another).
It was less about a ship and more about the fact that:
1)- queer fans felt baited into shipping a lesbian with a straight dude. There had been a lot of fic produced (by myself, and other fans, queer and otherwise) and it felt...Wrong? To have been involved in that? Even unknowingly, it was gross. Shipping lesbians with men is a big problem already in fandom, and having been dragged into it was...Unpleasant.
2)- it assassinated Az’s character and the complex, nuanced dynamic he had with Mor. Instead of both of them suffering from a shared, understood trauma, having a deep, complex connection built on various different forms of love, and longing, not feeling worthy of each other for various different reasons...The whole dynamic changed.
Suddenly Cassian was closer to Mor than Az (I ADORE Cass and Mor’s friendship, and I actually really enjoyed their scenes in ACOWAR/the development they had. It brought nuance to both. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was that this came at the EXPENSE of Azriel/Az’s relationship with Mor?) and acted as a “buffer” between them. Because suddenly Mor needed someone to ‘shield’ her from Az, to protect her, to stop them getting too close.
Mor was shown to be afraid of Azriel. In the scene where he reacted against the insults thrown at her at the High Lord’s meeting. Then sleeping with a man she isn’t attracted to to put him off/push him away/stop him looking too closely at the situation. And that is: Fucked. On...So many fucking levels I can’t even articulate them all. It’s fucked.
Then there was the whole Eris palava. Jesus. I still can’t reread that scene. It’s fucking horrendous. They utterly undermine  Mor, not only as Rhys’s Third, but also as a woman and a survivor. Both  Rhys and Az go behind her back and set up the meeting with Eris without trusting her to know about it. They sell out her safe space and invite her abusive, homophobic father into Velaris whenever he pleases. And Az is complicit in this. Az hides it from her. And like I’m sorry but #ACOMAFAz would have fucking NEVER. Not to Mor. Not to any fucking abuse survivor. (Rhys I can actually get on board with because he’s done far worse for the sake of his court. But for Az? That crossed a personal line and I’m still not okay with it).
3)- It makes Az look like the world’s worst spymaster. It completely undermines all of the textual assurances we get that he’s great at his job. Because what kind of fucking IDIOT doesn’t notice their friend is taking them to a gay bar every fucking night for 500 years (I will never recover from this, friends. Never).
4)- It actually destroys the whole dynamic/sanctity of the Inner Circle itself. Because Mor cannot be herself with ANY of her friends. Not just Az. But Cassian. Amren. Rhys. It’s...Painful, tbh. They were supposed to be her respite. Her dreamers. Her people. The ones who understood and supported her. And after 500 years she still can’t share this piece of herself with them. Is literally ‘petrified’ to.
5)- It COMPLETELY undermines absolutely everything Mor stood for/symbolised for Feyre/survivors in ACOMAF.
(Continued under a cut for length)
This part still gets me, honestly. Mor was portrayed as the survivor. The shining example that it was possible to heal from abuse. That you could emerge from a horrific ordeal without losing your self, and your truth, and your power.
“A queen—a queen who bowed to no one, a queen who had faced them all down and triumphed. A queen who owned her body, her life, her destiny, and never apologized for it.”
Except she doesn’t, does she? How can she own her body when she sleeps with people she feels no attraction for to stop a man making advances on her? How can she own her life when she cannot ever be with the people she loves around her family, because she’s too petrified for them to know she’s gay? How can she own her destiny when she, the Morrigan, whose power is supposed to be truth itself, cannot be honest with anyone around her? Who hides in secrets even more than Azriel does?
That was probably the biggest slap in the face, honestly. It shattered her entire support system. The one person she was seemingly closest with in ACOMAF, who intimately understood her trauma and her self, and loved her for all of that, never really knew her. Secretly ‘petrified’ her, and brought her no comfort at all.
I bring all of this back up again because...Well partly I feel like it needs to be said. This isn’t talked about, and it should be. Because this is like. A big fucking problem in Maas’s works. I get it, okay. I write. I write a fuck tonne. Sometimes shit doesn’t work out. Sometimes you think of a better idea than one you had. Sometimes you want to make changes. And that’s valid. But you can’t assassinate your characters and relationships and established canon for the sake of a shock plot twist and the potential for further drama. And that is EXACTLY what this felt like/how it played out.
I’m uncertain how this hit for fans who came into the series later, and perhaps already knew about Mor’s sexuality/the doom of Moriel. But it was. A Fucking Experience going through it as a queer survivor who had found so much comfort in Mor, and so much nuance in her relationship with Az, a fellow survivor. And it just got all fucking shot to pieces.
So. With that rant over. How does Gwyn fit into all of this? I feel conflicted about talking about this, honestly. I liked Gwyn a lot. Rape is used as a ‘tragic backstory’ far too much in media, and that’s true. It’s used for shock value far too much as well. But it’s also an unfortunate fact of the world we live in, and survivor’s stories need to be told.
I was okay-ish with Gwyn’s story/arc. I hate the trope of a woman being raped/abused by a man and choosing to become stronger so she’s ‘never helpless again’. Because that is a valid emotion, and one many survivors relate to and experience. But when it’s done over and over again in a series, and it seems to be the ONLY answer to a woman’s trauma, it starts to become a little more damaging.
Because the idea seems to become the remaking of the person into someone, who, if they went back in time to the moment when they were attacked, would have been able to escape/fight off their attacker.
And that’s a very valid fantasy to have, believe me. But it also reframes the assault as the fault of the victim? If they had been able to fight back it wouldn’t have happened. If they’d been stronger they’d have gotten away.
I think both Gwyn and Nesta would have been a very positive and powerful way to explore different ways of healing from sexual assault. The survivors’ library is one of Maas’s better additions to the series. A safe space where survivors can support one another and help each other heal is incredibly powerful and meaningful. I just...Wish she hadn��t gone down the warrior road with both of them.
There are other ways to survive an assault. There are other ways to heal that don’t involve being able to beat the shit out of someone. Because that’s great, but it’s also genuinely just not possible for a lot of survivors out there. But. Regardless. I’m getting off topic.
What I wanted to discuss at this point is my fear that Gwyn has effectively become...A stand-in for Mor for Az’s story? Now that Mor has been....taken off the table, so to speak.
She and Mor share a very similar backstory, with regards to Az – both horribly brutalised and assaulted at the hands of men, they were both then rescued, in terrible condition, by Az, who then brought them somewhere safe.
They both train with Az, and develop a deep, intense relationship where there’s a shared understanding of trauma/survival, and the scars that people can hide.
I’m not sure where I’m really going for this. If it’s altogether a huge problem, in the grand scheme of things, if Gwyn takes up the story that should have been Mor’s with Az. I just. I don’t know. It makes me feel a little weird.
Gwyn is obviously a character in her own right, and I’m incredibly fond of her. I just hope she doesn’t become swept along in the chaos that’s already plagued Azriel’s love life/become another casualty for angst and drama. She deserves better. And so did Mor.
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wolfish-trickster · a year ago
Part 3
Loki x female!reader
Word count: 1,7K
Warnings: angst, typos, everything sad besides doggo
Tag list:@gaitwae @lucywrites02 @hard-to-be-the-bard @birdgirl90 @laramoonworld @belovedadam @mascaracoffee @serebrum @myworldgoesboomz
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Loki felt miserable. If only he knew what would he start with that lie. Why couldn't he tell her Y/N is his cousin or something? She and her golden-fish-like IQ would've believed him. Damn him! Damn him and Tony for making him do this! Why couldn't Stark do it himself! It was his idea afterall!
Loki was lying on a rug in his bedroom. He didn't feel like he deserved the luxury of a warm soft bed. He was looking through photos and selfies of Y/N in his phone. Her happy smile, her arms wrapped around him in a hug in his favourite selfie of you (his wallpaper), her two fingers giving him horns from behind his back and him doing it back to her. He counted, he had only 7 pictures of her in total. 'I should've taken pictures of her more often,' he thought to himself and wiped his eyes to get clearer view. He should've took a picture of her doing the most mundane things. Reading a book, drawing on a windowsill, chatting with someone. She always had this spark in her eyes whenever she talked about some of her interests. He wanted to see that spark again.
Loki caught himself dreaming of you again. 'Let her go,' he told himself. 'It will be better for her and you.'
But he didn't want to get better. Not without her. But he fucked up big time. He apologized. He showed her a proof of his innocense. She chose to put space between you two. And that was okay, right? He's already used to it, right?
His eyes were staring outside the window the whole night, but he wasn't watching anything. He needed them open, for whenever he closed them he saw you. Either crying and screaming like you did few day ago, or sad smile you gave him few hours ago, or your happy grin you have worn what seemed like ages ago.
Sky changed its shades of blue from dark to light. The morning sun made him realize that no, he isn't used to it.
The need to walk to your room was big. But he couldn't. He promised to leave you alone if you wanted. And you did.
So instead he hid in one of the old rooms everyone forgot about and never really used. He needed to be alone.
No one came looking for him yet. The only sign of someone remembering his existence was one message from Tony. Something about the info Loki got from that woman being useless and agents are taking the lead from the Avengers. Good to know he unknowingly destroyed his whole relationship with Y/N for nothing.
When he read those words the first time he wanted to smash the phone on nearest wall, but that meant losing all the pictures with you and he simply couldn't do that.
Loki wandered where where you. If you were safe. Maybe you took your dog out. Or made someone do it, so you didn't have to risk meeting him in the halls. Thought of you still avoiding him sickened him.
His lower back started to ache from sitting in pragraph position for too long. He decided to stretch and walk a little, clear his head. The plan was to go to kitchen, steal something small to eat (not because he was hungry, he needed a distraction) and go back to his secret room. Or the roof. What will came first.
With a glass of water and pockets filled with chocolate he started walking towards the exit.
Suddenly he heard small clawed paws hitting the floor making soft clicking noises. He followed the distand sound to find your little pup, Rex, walking around as if he owned the place. If he was here then you'll be nearby. Loki looked around the room, but besides the small dog and him it was empty.
When the little guy got his sent into his nose, he turned and sprinted towards Loki. He expected the pup to bite him, just like you promise you will train him, and mentally prepared himself for attack of small dull needles on his ankles.
To his surprise Rex started jumping on his leg, trying to reach his hand. When Loki lowered it to his level he started to lick it, his tail wagging wildly. Good to know at least he doesn't hate him.
"Did you escape her and went on an adventure, little guy?" he asked scratching behind his ears. Rex rolled on his belly and silently asked for scratches. Loki was more than happy to provide.
"Well, we can't leave it like that now, can we? She'll be worried sick if she doesn't find you in her room. Like this one time when she couldn't find her favourite plushie from childhood. We turned her whole room upside down just to find it. Later that day she realized she accidentally left it in my bedroom," he smiled sadly at the fond memory. "We laughed a lot afterwards. I fear she'll never laugh in my presence again," he stopped scratching.
Rex sat up and tilted his head at him.
"I know, I know, it's basically my fault. And I understand why she feels like that. Who wouldn't after their best... ex best friend said those things about them. I just wish I could turn back time and change everything."
"And why would you do that?" loki turned around to be met with face of none other than Tony Stark.
"You would never understand," he looked away.
"I'm capable of undertanding a lot of things, don't underestimate me."
Rex found new sent in the room and ran up to Tony. "Aaaw, is he yours? I never thought you'll be a dog person," Tony picked him up and got a good look on him, while Rex was trying to reach his face with his tongue.
"No, he's Y/N's. He must've escaped from her bedroom. Please, take him to her," he started walking away.
"No way, your friend, your problem. I'm already a very busy man even without pets," he put Rex on the floor and gently nudged him towards Loki.
"Here's the thing, I can't. I can't face her. And I am more than sure she doesn't want to face me."
"What happened? Don't tell me it's some petty reason like 'you picked the wrong movie' or 'those flowers don't go with ma vase'."
Loki rolled his eyes and took Rex to his hands. "No. She heard me telling lies to that woman we needed for those informations and now she doesn't trust me. I doubt she ever will."
"Just tell her how it was. How hard can that be?"
"Don't you think I already thought of that? I showed her the video from security cameras yesterday and she still doesn't want to go back to being my friend. And I understand why," he stared deeply into Rex's puppy eyes. As if the little dog felt his sadnes he tried to cuddle up to his chest.
"Then pray tell, cuz I could never understand women's logic."
Loki played with Rex's soft fur. "She knows I'm a great liar. She might think if that was a lie and she couldn't tell, then might be wondering how much of other things I told her were lies," Rex started chewing on Loki's thumb. "The truth is I never told her a single lie. Only that one time when she asked me if I'm smiling because I saw Thor fall down the stairs," he chuckled.
"Then tell her you never lied to her," Tony suggested.
"I can't. She won't believe me. Didn't you hear what I just said?"
"I did. But listen, life is complicated enough already, why making it more miserable by not talking each other's issues out? Just go to her, return her dog and ask to talk to her."
"What if she slams the door in my face just like the last time? Then what genious?"
Tony shrugged. "I don't know. Write her a letter and slide it down her door?"
Loki rolled eyes and started walking in the direction of your bedroom. "Your advices suck," he called behind his back.
Here he was. Standing in front of your door, which was slightly ajar. Explaining how Rex got out. Behind those doors he laughed with you, played games with you, watched movies while cuddling with you. So many pleasant memories. Scarred by the freshest one.
He remembered the fear and panic he felt when you started shouting at him. He remembered every last word you told him. Those kinds of words only left your mouth in his worst nightmares. He never thought he'll hear them in real life.
Tiny bites along his wrist brought him back to present. He didn't know what to do. Should he stand there and wait until you come out? Or should he knock? Call out for you?
His questions got answered sooner than he thought. "What are you doing here?" he heard her voice coming from the opposite end of the hallway.
He quickly looked down at Rex in his arms, the opened doorand realized how it must look to you. "I'm not stealing him, I swear. I found him wandering around the Tower," he held him out to you.
You took him, your fingers brushed his for a moment. You coughed. "Ehm, thank you. For bringing him back, I mean."
"No problem," he stood there awkwardly, hamd behind his back.
He figured you didn't want to say anything more and he took a step to walk around you.
"Hey," you called out.
"Yes?" he asked hopefully, waiting for your next words.
"I...... uhm," you bit your lip nervously.
He saw her wilingness to talk as his chance. "Can I speak with you? About all of what happened? Please?"
You looked up at him, a small relief in your eyes. "Actually, that's what I wanted to ask you."
"Oh, okay," he felt like an awkward teen rather than over century old man.
Both of you stood in the hallway. Until you broke the silence. "Well, do you want to come in?" you pointed at your door.
"Yeah, okay. Why not? Your bedroom is nice for talking," Loki mentally slaped himself across the face for saying such stupidity.
"Yes. I suppose it is," you gave him a small smile and closed the door behind the two of you.
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lickitysplitfic · 11 months ago
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Ashes [Chapter 1] by lickitysplit
Fandom: Resident Evil Characters: Jill Valentine/Carlos Oliveira Rating: M (Mature)
Summary: A year after the destruction of Raccoon City, Jill is ready to put the past in the past and get back to her life. When she and Chris are recruited to go after Wesker, it seems like the perfect opportunity... until she's partnered with the last person she ever wanted to see again.
Read below or on AO3 ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
Jill jumps when a hand presses to her arm, and she swings her gaze from the window. She relaxes immediately when she registers it was just Chris, slumping a bit in the back of the taxi as she catches her breath.
“You okay?” he asks, half-concerned and half-laughing.
“Yeah. Wool gathering.” She shakes herself and blinks at him. “What is it?”
“Just wanted to check,” he says. “You seem nervous.”
Jill chuckles a bit to hide her nerves that are very much on edge. “Nah,” she scoffs, shifting in her seat to adjust her seatbelt.
“I get it if you are. I mean it’s not every day we meet with the feds.”
“Maybe for you,” she laughs, “but I saw plenty the past eight months or so. No big deal.”
Chris’ lips press together in that look he gets when she makes light of Raccoon City. But he nods and turns to look straight ahead as the taxi weaves through the traffic. “Still…”
“Don’t tell me you’re nervous,” Jill says, keeping her tone light. “You’ve been meeting every official who’s crawled out of the woodwork. This should be a cakewalk for you.”
“County, yeah. State sometimes. But the DOJ?” Chris shakes his head. “This is gonna be big. I can feel it.”
Jill folds her arms and turns to look out the window again. He’s probably right; Chris usually is.
The taxi pulls up outside of a slick-looking office complex, and Chris pays the fare as Jill climbs out. She holds her hand up for shade against the late morning sun that is reflected brightly off the windowed stories. “Looks like something the feds would waste money on,” she comments after he joins her on the sidewalk.
Chris chuckles before giving her a nudge. “Let’s go.”
They pass through metal detectors that are set off by Chris’ weapon, which he surrenders at reception while they present their ID’s. Jill eyes the Glock almost longingly as it is tagged and set inside a locker, scowling a bit as Chris is handed a ticket to retrieve it later. It’s not fair that he’s been allowed to keep his weapons while she hasn’t, but that is an argument she’s been having with anyone who cares to listen for months. Not that it's gotten her anywhere.
She takes her license back from the receptionist before being pointed towards the elevators. They wait in silence until the doors open, and when they step inside Chris presses the button for the fifth floor. “Did you read the stuff I sent you on this guy?” he asks once the elevator begins to move.
“Yeah,” Jill replies. “Agent Donner, DOJ, blah blah. Probably wants to ask us about everything again, like we haven’t told them everything we know about Umbrella a thousand times.”
Jill can practically feel him give her a side-eye, which does little to help her already dampened mood. “Maybe not.”
“If it was just you, maybe not. But all I’m good for now is giving blood samples apparently. Can’t let the bioweapon have a badge.”
Her tone is harsh, and she hates taking it out on Chris. It’s not his fault that he’s been allowed to keep working, now reporting to the county since Raccoon City is gone. But it still stings that whatever powers-that-be that still exist won’t trust her to come on full time as an agent. Nobody knows Umbrella more than the former S.T.A.R.S. team, and as one of the surviving members, it’s beyond frustrating that she’s the only one not allowed to actually do anything.
The elevator dings and they step into another reception area. The secretary offers them something to drink before heading down a hallway, leaving them to wait. Jill examines the pictures on the wall, most of which are group photos of recruitment teams by year, alongside a handful of formal portraits of agents in dress attire. A pang presses sharp into her stomach, thinking of the similar memorial wall in the police station. Do all law enforcement groups have such traditions? Jill had never thought to wonder before.
“Agent Redfield!” They both turn as a man enters from the hallway, walking over to shake Chris’ hand. “I’ve heard so much about you. Welcome.”
“And Miss Valentine,” he continues, turning to her with his hand outstretched. “A pleasure.”
“Agent Valentine,” she corrects as she returns the shake.
He clears his throat. “Of course. Henry Donner. Let me show you where we’ll be meeting.”
They exchange a glance before following Donner down a long hallway. At the end is a meeting room, and conversation stops as they are introduced to a handful of other agents. Two are also from the Justice department, one from FEMA, and the final one is an FBI agent. It annoys her how Chris seems impressed, taking a seat quickly once the introductions are done.
“Do you need anything? Coffee?” Donner offers.
Chris declines but Jill decides to get to the point. “Why are we here?” she asks.
Donner clears his throat. “As you can imagine, the United States government is interested in finding all responsible parties for the unfortunate incident in Raccoon City. The FBI and the Department of Justice have been working closely together to track down the former executives of Umbrella, as well as information on any and all scientists who were knowingly or even unknowingly working on bioweapons.
“The search is going well,” he continues. “We’ve taken dozens of people into custody, and thankfully many former employees of Umbrella have come forward to volunteer information.” Donner glances around the room. “However, the investigation is not moving as quickly as the department, or even the president, would like. That’s why we’ve asked you here.”
Jill sighs. This seems like another afternoon of questions going hours on end, and she tries to think of a way to shut it down quickly. “What do you want exactly?”
“Your help, Miss— Agent Valentine,” he replies with a little wink.
Jill narrows her eyes as Chris quickly interjects, “We’ve given dozens of interviews. They’ve been recorded and on tape, we’ve handed over everything we know from our investigations. What more can we give you?”
“Agent Shields?” Donner prompts.
The one from the FBI stands, walking around the table as he carries a folder. “We’re prepared to bring you both on in an official capacity. Not as members of the department, mind—that would be impossible giving the time constraints. Rather, you would be sworn in as ad hoc agents, to assist with finding one particular suspect.”
Shields lays the folder down in front of Chris, and he opens it as he moves it so Jill can also see. Her eyes go wide as they fall on the picture paperclipped to the front cover. “Wesker?” she asks in confusion, looking up.
“He’s dead,” Chris argues. “He was killed in the Arklay Mountains.”
“We have reason to suspect he is alive,” Shields replies.
There is a moment of silence as Jill absorbs the information. Wesker, alive? Images of the mansion and the last time she had seen him form a grotesque slideshow in her mind. “That bastard,” she mutters. “He started this. He’s behind all of this.”
“How do you know he’s alive?” Chris demands.
“There’s intelligence the federal government has received that he’s been spotted overseas,” Donner replies. “I can’t indulge too much, but his identity was confirmed via DNA. Only…” He clears his throat, glancing at the other agents. “There were markers in his DNA that indicate some kind of mutation. We’re working with FEMA and the CDC to identify exactly what and how he has mutated, and there is suspicion that it’s an ongoing condition. Which is why we must find him, and fast. There’s no telling what he has, and what he can spread.”
Donner glances at her, and Jill’s face heats. “If he was infected with something, you’d know it,” she says. “It’s not like the infected were hard to miss in Raccoon City.”
“We know it’s not the T-virus,” the FEMA agent interrupts.
“It’s a yet-unidentified strain,” Donner continues. “Further intelligence from other Raccoon City survivors confirm at least one other Umbrella strain exists, known as the G-virus. Whatever is in Wesker, it’s neither of those, as we have samples of both.” He nods at Jill before saying, “You have antibodies from the vaccine you were given, as does Sherry Birkin, another survivor who had been inflicted with the G-virus. But we can’t say for sure that Wesker has such a precaution. And until we know for sure, we need him in custody, or else the entire world is at risk.”
Jill’s heart pounds as she looks back down at the file. Finally, a chance to do something, get the hell out of the lab and her cramped apartment where she’s under near-constant surveillance. A smile curls on her lips as she thinks of finding Wesker and bringing him in, right after she puts her foot right up his ass.
“So you’re sending us to find Wesker?” Chris asks. “Why us?”
She resists the urge to poke him. “Do you want to do this or not?” she hisses.
“Of course I do. I’ve been wanting to get my hands on Wesker since that damn mansion.” He frowns at Donner. “You have every agent probably looking for him. So why us?”
“It’s a fair question,” Donner says. “Truth is, we’ve been chasing him for well over a month. There’s just not enough information to get a lock on him. We can’t predict his movements, and with almost everything from Umbrella now destroyed, we’re fumbling in the dark trying to guess his associates, his contacts, find his safe houses.”
Shields leans against the table and taps on Wesker’s picture. “You two worked with him. You know him, his movements, how he thinks. We’re confident if we put you in the field, you’ll be able to identify the right movements for the department.”
Jill is nearly vibrating with excitement. “You’re going to deputize us then?”
Donner nods, and Jill grins, giving Chris an elbow. “Come on, Redfield, don’t you want to partner with me again?”
He gives her a wry look, but Donner shakes his head. “You won’t be partnering together. That was the original plan, but things have changed.”
Jill’s brows go up as Chris looks unconvinced. “What changed?”
“New intelligence points to Wesker making contact with an arms dealer,” Shields explains. “Seems like he’s running out of cash and needs to sell a few secrets. Problem is, we don’t know which dealer.”
“We’ve narrowed it down to two,” Donner finishes. “You’ll both be sent on recon with an escort. Interpol is also interested in securing Wesker, and we’ve been given additional support from the UN to find him.”
Now even Jill is impressed. “Interpol? Really?” She decides she doesn’t care what Chris says; this is too good to pass up. “I’m in. I’ll do it.”
“Me too,” Chris agrees, closing the file. “Finding Wesker is what’s important.”
“Great!” Donner rubs his hands together as he stands. “Let’s get started then. You’ll need to fill out some paperwork, get briefings, and we’ll take care of onboarding this afternoon. Follow me.”
They say their goodbyes and follow Donner out again, who takes them back towards the elevator. “Oh, wait here,” he says once they return to the reception area. “I need to get a few things. Then I’ll take you down for processing.”
As soon as they are alone, Jill turns to Chris with eyes wide with excitement. “Can you believe this?” she whispers. “The fucking FBI is sending us on a mission. We’re working with fucking Interpol. Can you believe this?”
“No,” Chris chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck. “This is the last thing I expected. I mean, can they do this?”
“It’s the government, they can do whatever the hell they want.” Jill sighs, her eyes closing briefly. “Finally, I’m going to get back to my life. I’ve been sitting around for months as they’ve poked and prodded and ran every test on me, and even with a clean bill of health they still won’t let me go back to police work.” Jill smirks to herself, folding her arms. “Bet that county sheriff is gonna eat his words now. Not cleared for duty my ass . Can’t wait for the prick to find out I’m an FBI agent now.”
Chris gives a snort as Jill enjoys her moment of smugness when Donner returns. “Perfect timing! Your partners just finished their own briefing, let me introduce you—Redfield, this is—”
But Jill doesn’t hear the rest, because as she turns, her smile melts into surprise when she sees Carlos Oliveira standing in front of her.
He looks exactly the same, without the blood and grime. Same curly hair that is way too long and falling into his eyes; same dark eyes that remind her of a puppy dog, eager and bright; same build, tall and broad and definitely a soldier. Her face heats as they stare at one another for a long moment until Carlos breaks into a grin. “Supercop! Are you kidding me? How are you?”
Before she can answer he sweeps her up into a hug, and Jill gives an oof as she is squeezed tightly against him. His arms are solid and his grip is strong as he presses his cheek to hers, but Jill is in too much shock to return the embrace. When he finally releases her, he keeps his hands pressed to her arms, smiling wide as he looks her up and down. “Thought they were messing with me. I can’t believe it’s really you! You look great!”
Jill stammers, “C-Carlos? What are you doing here?”
She looks around for an answer. Chris and the other guy are chatting, but Donner gives a nod. “I thought it would be a good idea partnering the two of you,” he says. “Oliveira’s been working with the UN in establishing protocol for viral outbreaks around the world.”
“I’m a liaison,” Carlos grins. “Pretty sweet, huh?”
“But you…”
She shakes her head to clear it, not even sure what to say. Thankfully, Carlos releases her arms, turning to Chris with his hand outstretched. “Redfield. Heard a lot about you. Nice to meet you, man.”
“Uh, same,” Chris answers awkwardly, glancing at Jill. “You’re the one that rescued Jill in Raccoon City, right?”
“I rescued him,” she mutters.
“Yeah, supercop here saved my ass more than a few times.” He pats the other man on the shoulder. “You teaming up with Nathan here? That’s awesome.”
“But what are you doing here?” Jill asks, louder this time.
All four men look at her. She can feel the color blooming on her neck, but she refuses to be the first to glance away. She had not gone through all the shit from the past year and a half, hell the past ten years : surviving the army, putting up with every comment and remark when training for Delta Force, fighting and clawing her way to prove that she was more than a girl with a gun, surviving a zombie apocalypse and a damned nuclear bomb to be ignored now.
“Well?” she demands.
“What do you mean?” Carlos laughs. “We’re partners again. Ain’t that great news?”
Partners. With Carlos Oliveira. The last man on Earth she had ever wanted to see again.
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masterhandss · a year ago
How would you describe the original Katarina’s personality?
Hmm, that's kinda hard to answer. I feel like I've read so much FL!Katarina fanfics that i'd be combining canon and fanon interpretations of her haha.
(I'll be calling Hamefura Katarina "Bakarina" and Fortune Lover Katarina "Catarina" so I don't have to write FL!Katarina lmao)
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There's not really a lot we know about the Fortune Lover version of the characters except for the surface level stuff. People have come up with their own explanations and extensions to those incarnations of the cast based on what little we know, creating interpretations based on our own suspicions and understanding of the life they could have lived if Bakarina had never bumped her head.
Bakarina described herself as a spoiled, prideful and selfish wealthy lady. She is far too spoiled, to the point where her selfishness causes problems for others. She is catty and brat. She was raised like a princess during her childhood, which made her haughty, but is nonetheless well-mannered is aware of her station (probably not as perfect as Mary's, but is still prim and proper). Since she is so used to the spotlight being on herself, she bullied Keith who was a threat to her position and because of the influence of her dejected mother, Miri. She doesn't care about anybody who isn't on her radar (people like Alan and Mary, who even her own fiance is indifferent towards) but will visibly act hostile to people she does not like (people who either not of noble birth or those who don't deserve to be, like Maria and Sophia).
Being the haughty daughter of a duke, she has high regards towards the importance of ranks in high society, making her hate Maria the commoner. She would belittle and put her down at every opportunity she can get, in order to make sure that Maria does not forget her status as a commoner even as she continues to stay in the academy and interact with their peers. Her feelings of disgust and betrayal over being on equal grounds with a commoner in the academy, as well as being surpassed by her magically and academically, leads Catarina to bully and harass her to an extreme degree to destroy her self-esteem and eventually make her leave the academy entirely.
In Fortune Lover 2, she returns as a villain who is intent on making Maria pay for her downfall. It shows that she isn't remorseful, and still thinks that she had done nothing wrong. At this point, Catarina goes from a selfish and spoiled brat duchess to a vengeful (and kinda murderous) villainess.
That's kinda all that I got from skimming Volume 1 or the light novels at the moment; I'm sure there are still some insight on what Catarina was like in the other books, besides what we know of her relationships with the other volumes.
While Verge of Doom in mind, we see that Catarina's overconfidence in herself can become a positive as well. She is so sure of herself that she declared anyone by her side is excellent and worthy to a degree, which had helped Sienna feel comfortable being in the academy. Katarina always has her chin up high, even though she is intellectually and magically weak, because her upbringing has made her feel like she is naturally leagues above everyone due to her status.
Catarina is just your typical surface-level villainess character, who is prideful, selfish and mean to other people who isn't in her circle. That's pretty much it to be honest.
Anything beyond this is pretty much laced with analysis and interpretation. One of the reasons why I really like reading FL-verse fics is the different ways they interpret the personalities and motivations of the characters with the little amount of history that we know of. Some of it are pure interpretation, while some of them are good extensions to the stuff we already knew.
Since Catarina is implied to not being good at reading the room, it'd be no surprise to imagine that her growing love for Prince Geordo is the outcome of not being able to read beyond his princely facade, thinking that he genuinely is returning the feelings rather than just being polite since that is expected of him. She lives in this perfect world where everything is made for her, and anyone who threatens it or disturbs it is worthy of her malice.
Some interpretations of Catarina say that she never bothered to try academically because of her status, since she's a prince's fiancee and a duke's daughter, she already has everything so there's nothing she would gain from a good grade. She had probably used her time socializing and growing her circle of followers rather than reading and studying. Since Catarina and Bakarina share the same soul, some would say that maybe she is airheaded and socially dense as well which is why she can't tell that other people dislike her (and even if she did know, depending on who they are she'd be so full of herself that she wouldn't care). Some have said that her physical abuse towards Keith as a child is more than just arrogance about wanting to keep the spotlight on herself and rejecting the idea of having a brother, but a reaction towards feeling threatened and (initially) scared rather than pure jealousy and anger. Some have even made her an accidental seductress who is unknowingly using her charm, wealth and arrogance to gather people to her side. Miridiana from what we know is an insecure person growing up due to her face, so some people have said that Catarina's arrogance is encouraged by Miri, if it helps her be more confident in herself as a duchess, and that in her eyes Catarina had grown into a perfect noblewoman.
Whenever fic writers try to draw lines between Catarina and Bakarina makes me happy actually :DD I love the idea that two have some similar quirks in the same way Aachan and Sophia does. It's so fun when writers make Catarina dumb in the way Bakarina is, while still maintaining her air of arrogance and poise.
It really makes me wish we could have seen more of Catarina in Verge of Doom. Like, have more flashbacks to Catarina's original personality, or have more scenarios where she is forced to act like her villainous self in order to get through a situation. At this point even the main story has more instances of this qwq. I mean it's really good that VOD gives a more remorseful Katarina, and it is interesting to see Catarina and Bakarina react to situations in the exact opposite ways, but one can dream, ya know?
Catarina is as simple of a villainess as one can get, but it's nice to see people try to give more history, detail and nuance to that villainy. It's fun to see it in fanfics, but let's not forget that she's a simple character in canon.
There's still so much I could say, but it's been so long since i've read a hamefura fanfiction so my stock knowledge is dried out lmao. I'm not a writer, so I can only really describe what I remember from reading Fortune Lover-verse fics. I really like them, even if they can be out of character and too different from the source material at times.
If anyone wants to add with more details about Catarina, or their own interpretations of her character, that would be awesome! :DD
Thank you for the ask :DD
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seriouslysam8 · 10 months ago
Hello, Sam!
I have just started reading your series Moments in Time that I saw Breanie recommended and I must say, it is absolutely wonderful so far!
Croup: This was not at all what I expected! I stumbled across this universe recommended on Breanie’s tumblr and thought I better start in order. PUH-Tunia really is a bitch! You can just see the abuse already inflicted on him and he’s only three! The mental anguish of a three year old being told he can’t have nice things because he breaks them can’t have been good for poor Harry! No wonder’s so unsure of everything later on. Yelling at him because he’s sick like it’s his fault! Im surprised she even gave him medicine! Wanting him to sleep outside in the “frigid air” and only deciding not to because the neighbours might see really says a lot about her personality. Ive never read anything from Petunia’s point of view before but well done. I hate her even more than before. I look forward to following this new adventure that is your moments in time universe. Great read!
The Boggart of Grimmauld Place: This was just so heartwarming! Harry getting to spend even a little time with Remus and Sirius at Grimmauld Place was what was missing from canon. Memories of his grandparents, learning about them. It was just lovely! When Harry is ashamed of wanting Sirius to embrace him a little longer my heart ached for that poor boy who never got to feel real hugs and affection. He thinks he should be ashamed for wanting to feel it and he shouldnt! I blame for petunia for that. I meant to say that in Croup how she touched his forehead to check for a fever and he flinched like he’d been expecting her to hit him. Poor poor little Harry. I love how you play on the connection here between Harry and Sirius and even parallel it to the Potters and Weasleys. Harry being surprised that he would be in Sirius’ will at all. Harry just being surprised that people care about him. Makes me want to just give him a hug! What abeautiful story! Thank you.
Hide and Seek: This was so fun! I love the thought of them all playing hide and seek in Grimmauld Place and everyone joining in! Remus and Tonks making out in the cupboard was the best! It was definitely my favourite part and Sirius just teasing them! Hermione thinking something happened between Harry and Ginny. I loved how Harry opened up a little to Ginny. You could see he was actually really comfortable with her in a way he’s not with people. Absently massaging her wrist, touching her. He was caught up in her without realizing he was caught up in her. Adorable! The second addition was wonderful! I love how Ginny just took control, loosening his tie, taking off his jumper… they are the superior couple! While I am a tad disappointed to not see them making out at the end, I loved this story. Thank you.
Seventeen: Wow! This was a story I didn’t know I needed. Harry and Ron lovingly admitting they’re brothers warms my soul. I love that touch of giving them matching watches! Was that canon? If not it should be. Mrs weasley feeling guilty over Sirius is so like her. She loves and cares for Harry as if he’s her own son and it’s wonderful to see. The last bit with Ginny was perfect! They definitely had to do more than the uninterrupted kiss and I love how Harry just basked in her. The end made me so sad! His heart breaking over missing her birthday, lost opportunities. Very beautifully done! These one-shots are amazing and I look forward to reading more of them. Thank you.
The Demise of Walburga Black: This was absolutely amazing! The image you crafted of them laughing like lunatics as they destroyed her portrait was awesome! What I like most so far about your writing is how you gently weave in Harry’s relationship with the Weasleys. I love the idea of George moving in with him and Ron, that Harry would offer his home to him like that. I love that Harry goes to Mr Weasley for renovation advice. I think its so hot that Harry would renovate the Muggle way (so sexy to see men in a tool belt and I’m going to assume he’s shirtless and sweaty). I love that it was Angelina’s idea and how you casually had Ron toss in that George and Angelina were already sleeping together. George not really being drunk, is that because he drank a lot to cope with Fred’s death? I think it is. Harry’s reaction to being caught by Mrs Weasley, how his guilt eases into pleasure that Mrs Weasley would call both himself and Ron George’s “younger brothers” and his glee in being lectured by her in a motherly fashion. And dont even get me started on the scene with Ginny! The way he gushed on his drunken ramblings about making a home with her and wanting to raise a family and her not wanting to get her hopes up because he’s so drunk! I laughed out loud when Harry said that drunk Harry wants to do dirtier things with her or something like that. Just wonderful all around! Where’s Teddy in this story? I know he lives with Andromeda in canon but I thought I read that you have Harry raising him. Ah well, maybe the next tale will answer that question! Thank you.
That’s all I’ve had time to read so far, but I just wanted to say thank you for writing such a rich and vast universe! I can definitely see why Breanie recommends you so much! I have a few questions if you don’t mind.
1) What made you decide to write a story about Harry’s early childhood from the point of view of Petunia instead of Harry?
2) Do you think Petunia and Vernon physically abused Harry when he was little? It’s fairly obvious he had psychological abuse, but do you think there was more?
3) Do you think Ron and Hermione knew Harry had never played childish games like hide and seek as a child? Do you think the others knew and that’s why they all agreed to join in?
4) When do you think Harry actually started to notice Ginny? Was it in his fifth year and he just didn’t realize or do you think it was later? There is the scene where she puts him in his place over the possession bit and of course when they get kicked out of the library together. What are your thoughts?
5) Was it canon that Ron and Harry have the watches of Mrs Weasley’s brothers?
6) Do you believe George could handle his alcohol better because of his age or were you insinuating he had become accustomed to the drink after losing Fred?
7) Where is Teddy when Harry lives at Grimmauld Place? From the summaries of your stories I got the impression Harry raised him. But I haven’t read any further so I may be wrong.
Sorry for so many questions, but I am curious. I look forward to reading more. Thank you for your time. You’re amazing and I love your work! Thank you.
I have been following your review journey and getting more and more excited the further you get into the universe!! I am going to try my damndest to answer all these asks you’ve sent today but I have an incredibly busy weekend, so it may take me a little bit to answer them all especially if you’re asking specific questions since I won’t have access to my computer a lot. So, I will answer all your asks, but give me the weekend because I want to give you the best and most detailed answers I can!
1.) Honestly, Croup and Brontide (I promise, no spoilers) are the reason I started this as a series. I mentioned Harry had croup a lot as a child in Brontide and then wanted to write a companion piece. I thought, what better way to demonstrate Harry’s childhood then telling a story through Petunia’s POv because she’s absolutely horrible. Plus, I didn’t think I could get into the mindset of any other POV for that story.
2.) I definitely think there was physical abuse as well. It’s indicated in the books (Harry knowing to dodge away from a frying pan or something). So, I do feel they did physically abuse him as well. He has a few scars to show from it.
3.) No, I don’t think they knew. Maybe some suspected it but not know. I think everyone was just sick of cleaning Grimmauld Place and wanted to do something fun. It didn’t matter it was a child’s game. They just wanted something to do.
4.) I think he started to like Ginny as a friend in fifth year. I think he started to notice her as someone more than just Ron’s little sister. I don’t even think he noticed how he felt comfortable around her in fifth year either. I like to think all the dots started to connect earlier than 6th year but Harry just didn’t know what it all meant. Then 6th year come and he’s like crap… I really her! But it was building, unknowingly, to Harry before then. Ginny had been slowly forming into her own person in Harry’s mind and he felt comfortable and liked what he saw. He just didn’t connect it romantically at that time.
5.) No, the watches isn’t canon. I wish it was though. Honestly, when I wrote it, I totally forgot they mentioned Ron getting a brand new watch in canon until months after I wrote the story.
6.) George was a bit of an alcoholic after the war. It’s mentioned more in-depth in Brontide. But he definitely held his alcohol better because he has been spiraling into alcohol abuse for months by that point.
7.) So, again it’s mentioned in Brontide, but Teddy lived with Andromeda for the first year of his life before Harry gained custody of him. Andromeda didn’t feel comfortable with Harry raising Teddy at first. Once she got to know him and see how much Harry cared for Teddy, she handed over custody to Harry so that Teddy could live a more normal life and have parents and siblings.
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atlas-of-a-human-soul · a year ago
Let him go (Nick Scratch)
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Pairing: Nick Scratch x reader
Summary: Being best friends with someone you’re in love with isn’t easy when he starts to fall in love with someone new.
Warnings: ANGST
Word Count: ~ 1.5k
There are two types of girls in the world - the ones every guy drools after and are everyone's first choice; girls like Sabrina Spellman, and then there are the girls that remain in shadows - the ones that are overlooked, the best friends; girls like me.
It's a sad truth, one I was forced to discover once she walked into our lives and the Academy of Unseen arts.
Nick was smitten from the start, his eyes lingered on her for a few seconds too long for my comfort, he'd arrange his schedule so he'd always be around when she is, even his flirting wasn't subtle.
While Sabrina was at the Academy, I didn't exist. While she was back in her mortal school, he'd speak of her as if she was still here.
I couldn't even blame him - Sabrina was truly alluring. My jealousy didn't cloud my vision and it certainly didn't affect my way of life.
I helped her survive The Weird Sisters, for Nick.
I helped her embrace her powers, for Nick.
I helped her protect her mortal friends, for Nick.
I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when she stole his heart...with my help.
All for Nick.
Lupercalia came and Nick was gone. Our friendship was gone. All his free time was spent with Sabrina, all our conversations reduced to her issues and I'd be around only when they need help or when he couldn't sleep.
"You're my lucky charm, Sunshine." He whispers softly, closing his eyes as our fingers intertwine. It was our thing, the one and only thing that remained.
It is the only time I have Nick and while he sleeps, finding comfort in the familiarity of my touch and scent, I lay awake and weep silently. When the morning comes, the tears dry out and my lips paint on a happy expression.
Perhaps it's easier to smile and pretend I'm fine rather than admit my heart is still a little swollen from losing someone that wasn't even mine.
"Morning, Sunshine." The low tone sends chills down my spine and for a moment my smile is true.
"Morning, Nicky." I mumble.
Mornings are far from my favorite time of the day, hating conversations so soon after opening my eyes when I'm meant to collect myself and prepare for the new day. Despite it all, I feel my heart is light and my mind is willing to converse with him, painfully aware it's the only time we get to be us again.
"You look tired." He notes, his eyes narrowing, going over my weary ones, searching for the reason. Nick could always read me if he wanted to. If he looked in my eyes, he'd find the answer of my pain and I had to stop that from happening.
"You snore." Deflecting, I raise an eyebrow as his lips part in surprise and his eyes light up. Leaving my hand empty, he places his over his heart, throwing his head back. Letting out a fairly convincing moan of hurt, he proves once again why he always gets the lead in plays.
"You wound me! My heart is torn!"
Cackling, I slap his chest playfully, watching his smile return and that cute dimple takes my breath away.
I pause where I usually make a friendly, sometimes flirty, jab. My eyes are focused on his black orbs and the worry in them reignites.
"Y/N, you're scaring me now. You always have a witty remark. I was waiting to be called a drama king, so tell me....what's going on with you?" Moving closer, his arm moves over me, pulling me further into his chest and I can't help but shake my head. Splaying my palms against his chest, I bite the left corner of my bottom lip and push him away.
"I can't." I breathe out, desperate for my own personal space where I wasn't his platonic bed warmer.
I needed to feel as anything but the second woman and while we hadn't done anything sexual, this was intimate. We were so intimately involved, so comfortable with each other and it felt wrong...it felt wrong when I know even this will end once Sabrina let him in her bed. And I am surprised she didn't do it during Lupercalia or in months that followed after, but it will happen.
When the inevitable comes, I will be the one left alone.
"Can't what?" The dejected look on his face as he pushes himself to sit upright clutches at my heart.
I wish I could hurt him as bad as he unknowingly hurts me every single day, but I can't. To hurt him is to destroy me. But I can create some distance between us.
"You and I...this arrangement can't keep happening. Not while you're with Sabrina Spellman." Leaving the comfort of my bed, I push my hair back, my hands remaining at the back of my neck as I look to his anguished expression.
"Does she even know?" I ask, my voice shaky as his gaze falls and I cover my mouth in disbelief.
"Fuck." I mutter, shaking my head before sitting back down on the mattress.
"I can't be your crutch, Nick. I...I care for you. A tremendous amount. But I can't be the girl you run to. Not when she's the one you kiss and hold dear." Releasing a heavy sigh, I look away. I can't look at him and say what I need to do or I will change my mind and keep breaking my own damn heart.
Smiling in disbelief, I rub my forehead as I realize I'm pushing him toward her. I'm not even fighting.
Why would I? Girls like me never get the guy.
"I won't tell her, but this can't happen again. If you can't sleep, I suggest you check the library for a sleeping spell." I sound harsher than necessary, my tone is cold and decisive and if I was braver, I'd look back at him and face him. But I'm not.
"You're my best friend." Nick tries, desperation laced in his voice and I nearly falter at the sorrowful tone he used.
"Is that true? We only talk when you come to me because you can't sleep." I frown, forcing myself to look him in the eye and not get lost in the alluring darkness they hold.
Some fear the darkness, but his darkness is like a starless night that can be set ablaze in the most unexpected times - all you have to do is be patient for the clouds to disperse and the sight will capture your heart for eternity.
"We talk!" Nick defends, his voice raised slightly above his usual tone and I can't help the dry chuckle that passes my lips.
"The last time we talked that wasn't in this bed was when you needed my help to save Sabrina!" I exclaim, reminding him of the latest misadventure his girlfriend caused. "That's the only way I see or hear from you! And I get it. I do. I get that you have feelings and she's a true force to be around, but I am not your priority anymore. You are mine still and it's not fair, but I understand. You have new priorities now and I need one of my own."
Speechless. For the first time in forever, Nicholas Scratch is left speechless, clutching the sheets.
"Sabrina is in deep shit with the dark lord and you're her knight in shining armor. She died the other night and came back to life! She needs you. And you need her too."
Nick frowns, fixing his gaze on me once more. "And you don't?" He pauses, uncertainty evident in his eyes. "Need me?" He clarifies and I press my lips together, holding my breath not to cry. I can't cry. Not now.
"I do. I've needed you for months, but you didn't need me back. I'm learning how to not need you and these sleepovers are only confusing me." Wetting my lips, I stand on my shaky legs.
"You can come to me for help. I will always be there for that, but I need you to go." Drawing in a shaky breath, I force a faint smile. "I need you to be happy so all of this makes sense. So I know it was worth it."
Running a hand down his face, Nick shakes his head. "You've got it all wrong, Sunshine. But I'll give you space. Just enough for you to see it too." Gnawing on his bottom lip, Nick stood, causing my heart to thunder inside my chest.
He steps closer, enough for his familiar scent of pinewood to intoxicate me - close enough for his lips to press a tender kiss on my cheek, inches away from my quivering lips, whispering a spell.
"Lanuae Magicae."
And just like that, he was gone.
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anthonyed · a year ago
For the kissing writing prompts: 19 + Stony
elle, neither you nor i can choose enemy to lovers / friends to lovers so, i meshed them both together (from this list : One person stopping a kiss to ask “Do you want to do this?”, only to have the other person answer with a deeper, more passionate kiss.)
“Are you both gon’ keep doing this thing you’re so keen on doing?” Fury asks, teeth gritting on ‘keen’ as he glares at Steve.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Steve says, poker-faced, eyes blank, staring right back at Fury.
Fury looks away, “And you?” He barks. “Mr Stark!”
Tony Stark looks up, exaggeratedly startled from his lounging; one hand over his glowing blue chest and another clutching his phone and he gasps, “Who? Me?”
Steve couldn’t help it, he snorts. Next to him, Tony’s mouth twitches.
Across them, Fury closes his one eye and takes a long deep breath. “Listen here, motherfuckers,” he states, “I do not have time to deal with the repercussions of your scream fights in the middle of streets; in the broad daylight while the media is zeroing in on your grown asses like vultures – Look!” he snaps, blue lights flickering mid-air over his office table and a video starts to play.
It's a footage of their post battle disagreement – which Fury so eloquently called a ‘scream fight’ -; in which Captain America and Iron Man, with their faces exposed, are yelling at each other, hands flying out in accusations and pure temperament.
In the office, Steve sits in his casual wear, back ram-rod straight, still poker-faced but knuckles white, fists clenched on his lap.
Beside him, Tony Stark looks eerily composed; not a single emotion in his face, eyes hidden safely behind his tinted glasses as he continues to rock back on forth in his chair. When the video ends, he looks at Fury. “I’ll talk to Pepper,” he shrugs, “If your PR is incompetent, mine can take over. No need to get all riled up over it - Look, you’re even getting wrinkles -,”
“Stark!” Fury barks. “What I want.” He grits out, one eye dancing from Steve to Tony, “Is for that to never happen again,” he jabs at the screen. “This is not about your image. This is me, being concerned about the state of your team.”
Tony scoffs. Steve on the other hand, flushes with shame. “It won’t happen again,” he tells Fury. The chair beside him creaks and Tony stands up straightening his suit. Steve looks at him expectantly, hoping he’d say something, but he isn’t even looking back.
Instead, he turns around, already making his leave. Steve hastily promises Fury, rising from his own chair and he hurries after Tony.
He catches him outside the elevator, but he waits until they’re both inside, stares at the one agent in there, holding the open button until that agent leaves and he rounds up on Tony.
“What’s going on?” He asks, not bothering to beat around the bush anymore. He’d done it for the last two weeks and he’s tired. “Tony.” He presses when no response comes.
Tony snaps, “What?!” Looking more than affronted; livid. Mad.
And Steve reels back, shaken by the unexpected venom dripping from his friend. Or who used to be his best friend – he doesn’t know where they stand anymore. Not after how everything changed – don’t know what caused it even – after Tony returned from Belgium a fortnight ago, and he started treating Steve differently. Worse than he used to before they were friends – No.
Even then, Tony would still talk to him. Needle him, taunt him or something to get a reaction out of Steve. But this time, he’s just plain ignoring Steve; acting as if Steve isn’t even there and then they were called out for a mission and Steve yelled at him because he was trying to get himself blown up again and only then he yelled back at Steve and now. Now, Steve’s trying to talk to him, ask him what’s wrong, and he’s apparently angry at Steve.
It wouldn’t have hurt if they never had ever become as close friends as they had, but they did, and now it just hurts.
“What did I do?” Steve asks. Ready to amend, do something – anything - to mend whatever he had unknowingly broken to have their friendship back.
Tony blinks, as if he’s surprised; the only genuine emotion Steve ever saw from him today, then he looks away.
Swallowing the sharp pain behind his throat, Steve looks at him and demands again, “Tony. What did I do?”
Then why!? He wants to wail. Why are you – Why are we like this? What is happening? What’s going on? – So many questions and he stops to think because he’d learned from the past that when it comes to Tony Stark, he cannot be rash. He needs to properly assess every angle, consider every option before he opens his mouth.
But the problem is, he’s so blinded where he stands that he doesn’t even know if there are any angles around him. What more, what shape or state they are.
He pulls in a breath and declares, “I want to fix it.”
Tony’s gaze snaps towards him. “Fix what?”
“Whatever I did.”
“You didn’t do anything.”
“Then why -,” Steve begins, promptly interrupted by the elevator door opening and he’s so frustrated that he jabs at the door close button and swipes his hand across all the floors; ensuring no interruptions until they reach the topmost floor of the premise.
“Really?” Tony snorts, one eyebrow arched up at a challenging angle and Steve frowns at him.
“Why are you avoiding me?”
Tony’s face carefully blanks out and he looks away again before he answers, “I’m not. I’m a very busy man – as a matter of fact I have a meeting to attend in five minutes and you’re going to answer to Pepper when she calls because -,”
“I’ll answer her, don’t worry about it," Steve cuts him off. "Now, you answer me – and don’t lie – why are you avoiding me?”
Tony scoffs, as if Steve’s spouting nonsense, “I just told you that -,”
“You’re a very busy man,” Steve cuts him off. “I know. But you used to talk to me. Since you came back from your last business trip, you never said a word to me, never came out of that lab of yours, refused me access to -,”
“I texted you I was working on something dangerous!”
“JARVIS texted me, Tony. I may be technologically inept but I know when it’s you texting me and when you’re asking JARVIS to do it. You’ve been avoiding me -,”
“I was busy!” Tony hisses, marching out of the elevator as soon as the doors open; glad to rid himself off of Steve.
But Steve doesn’t let him get too far; follows him until they pass by an empty room and he yanks him in. 
“What did I do?” he asks again. Almost begging, feeling that sharp prickling behind his throat ascend to the back of his nose and then his eyes, watery.
“Tell me. I want to fix it.” And he can’t help it when his desperation leaks through, if he sounds like he’s begging, because he is. There is no doubt in that. 
Tony has somehow become the single most important person in his life after he’d given up and accepted that nothing is permanent; after he was robbed 70 years of his life, after he’d lost everything he’d known and was asked to start over and he had been so lost.
He was so hateful; he was so done with everything, numb to the world, apathetic, except for Tony Stark who just couldn’t stop bothering him and time after time managed to rile him up something different. He hated Tony too, once upon a time.
Then things changed. 
Out of all those angry snipes, and jibes, something pure blossomed. They became friends, and it’s the most hard earned relationship in the entirety of Steve’s life, he doesn’t want to lose it. He refuses to lose it. 
Even if this ship wants to go down, even if Tony is adamant to burn it to the ground, Steve will single-handedly fight him for it. 
He can’t lose this. He can’t lose Tony. He loves them too much; loves Tony too much, and he knows how Tony has tendencies to sabotage himself, self destruct in the process, but Steve won’t let him destroy this. Won’t let him destroy them.
He'd already fought himself - burnt his own illicit desires to keep them alive - and he can do it again. 
“Let me fix it.”
Tony’s eyes seem to soften marginally before they harden and he bodily slams Steve up against the wall. Everything happens so quickly then forth that Steve's first conscious thought is: Is he kissing me?
But that’s too late because Tony’s already pulling away; hands still fisted around Steve’s collar, head hung low, hair brushing the front of Steve’s shirt and he exhales, “I can’t,” broken and raw.
Still shaken, Steve reaches to hold Tony’s arm to ground himself, but it only makes Tony flinch and step away from him. One second, he’s a flash of pain and the next, it's cold indifference.
“This is why,” he states, turning away from Steve. “I need time to fix me.”
Frowning, Steve tips his head sideways and asks, “Why?”
Tony’s head whips around to face him, “Why?” he asks back, scandalised, “I just jumped you, you blonde idiot. I’m in love with you! You want friendship while I want to fuck you and then take you out on dates and do that over and over for everyday of my life and Steve. I want to see your face the first thing in the morning, I want to kiss you awake, I want to kiss you to sleep, I want to burn omelets trying to make you breakfasts in bed, I want to hold you, do all those juvenile things teenagers do, bring you to Disneyland, see you smile, see you laugh and I want to be the reason why -,”
“But you are the reason why,” Steve interrupts, stepping away from the wall, into Tony’s space. “You make me smile, you make me laugh -,”
“As a friend!” Tony steps back. “You want me to be your friend.”
When Steve shakes his head and says, “I didn’t say that,” Tony stops. 
“What?” he blurts out, brown eyes blinking wide in surprise. Steve's own chest is blooming hopes like daisies in spring. 
“I love you,” he tells Tony, first and foremost. Because that, is the truth. And important. Then, “All those things you said? Tony. I want them too. I've been wanting them for a very long time. But I need you in my life in whatever way I can have you and if it would only be as my friend, then I was happy to accept it. But, Tony. Trust me. I do. I do want everything with you. And more."
And Tony, he takes in a shuddering breath, leaning into Steve, speechless with his face cradled in Steve’s hands; soft and gentle. Listening to him say, “Don’t fix yourself, Tony. You’re perfect as you are,” - And the part of him he’s been trying to rip off from weeks ago; the part of him that’s so attached to Steve, that needs him every second of the day to breathe, that loves him so bad, pushes him forward and makes him taste those words from Steve’s lips.
Kisses him hungry, yearning and when he’s running out of breath, he pulls back, realises he’s practically wrapped around Steve but doesn’t care. He asks, “Do you want to do this?”
In answer, Steve kisses him back; deep, walking them until Tony’s back hits the wall, head cushioned under Steve’s palm, fingers twining through his hair and he licks into Tony’s mouth, whispers his firm ‘yes’ in there and everywhere over Tony’s face. 
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