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auteurdelabre · 7 days

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SO MUCH TO LOSE part 10 - dark!Joel x f!reader

rating: 18+

words: 7.5k

TW: HEAVY EMOTIONAL CHAPTER. MENTIONS OF TRAUMA. Allusions to oral sex, m receiving, allusions to f/m penetrative sex.

a/n: I told y'all this chapter's a doozy. Well it is, but maybe not for the reasons you think. . . To me its one of the most important chapters of this whole story.

series masterlist

REBLOGS, COMMENTS, ENGAGEMENT ARE WHAT KEEP US FIC WRITERS GOING. PLEASE REMEMBER THAT IF YOU ENJOYED THIS.

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SO MUCH TO LOSE CHAPTER 10

You visit Maria the following week with a plate of cookies in hand. She’s the one to answer the door and you are relieved when you see that she is showered and dressed. Things must be improving. She brings you into a tentative hug when you arrive, urging you inside out of the fresh dusting of snow.

“Tommy has Douglas out for a little walk. I’ll make you a coffee.”

“I’m fine,” you insist. “Just came to drop off some baking. I’m heading to Ellie’s later this week and needed to get some practice in. I haven’t done much baking lately and wanted to make sure I wasn’t rusty.”

You join her on the couch, watching as she wraps her hands tightly around her coffee mug. She takes tentative sips between munches of cookie. At the first bite she literally moans.

“This is so good.”

“Thanks. They were Charlotte’s favorite.”

Maria licks the crumbs from her lips before leaning back on the sofa. She’s always been slender and she looks almost as she did back before she gave birth, except for the small pouch at her lower belly. You think she looks better with it.

“Was Charlotte your daughter?”

“Oh no. I never had kids.”

“We’re you ever married?”

“Me?” you almost laugh. “No.”

“Oh,” Maria blinks and her mouth tugs to the side. “I thought you might be. You have a nurturing quality about you.”

“I think you give me too much credit.”

Maria grins, taking another bite of cookie. The two of you chat amiably a bit about the changing weather, of the way the inhabitants of Jackson City get along so well. Of how she feels the pressure of being Jacksons’ ‘First Lady’. Of how the bandits that fuck with the dam that supports the city stresses her daily.

“It’s a fucking nightmare some days,” she cites with a grumble. “Thank goodness for Tommy.”

“He’s a good man,” you tell her.

“He is,” she smiles indulgently before shooting you a lingering look. “What do you think about Joel?”

“How do you mean?”

“You do patrols with him, right?”

“Can’t say I was always his biggest fan,” she says, taking another sip from her mug. “But he’s grown on me.”

“Yeah.”

You hold in the scoff that’s already begun in your throat.

“My friend Jennifer seems to think he’s pretty wonderful,” you offer instead. “She was delighted to help him repair the window last week.”

“She the blonde one? Used to do textiles?” Maria knows everyone thanks to her position.

“Yeah.”

“Not his type,” Maria insists with a shy grin. “She’d eat him alive.”

Jennifer doesn’t seem like she would eat anyone alive.

“Joel is all harsh edges,” she explains when she sees your confusion. “He needs someone soft to balance him out. That Jennifer girl is hard.”

You don’t think that you would consider Jennifer hard and you don’t fight Maria on it because the conversation quickly turns to Jackson’s continued increase of population, the place swelling with new life.

“Plenty of single men,” Maria says with a quirked brow in your direction. You give a soft laugh.

“Not really interested.”

“Single women too.”

“No no,” you laugh again, cheeks pinking. “I like men, I just . . . I don’t think I’m the partnering type.”

You think of Luke and his sweet features and his muscled forearms. For him you could perhaps be the partnering type. Perhaps. The thought of romance appeals to you; it just doesn’t seem realistic at times. A crush feels fun and safe.

“You must have had your share of dates,” Maria insists. You can see her relaxing and you think she must be enjoying what she views as girl time. You think she must not have had much of it lately.

“Normal crushes and stuff,” you shrug. “But I was a late bloomer and then the outbreak started when I was a teenager so I didn’t have a chance for a lot of firsts back then.”

“Sex,” Maria nods.

“Uh yeah… that…” you say, trying to appear nonchalant. “And uh, kissing, dating, all that stuff.”

“But you did eventually,” Maria cites smiling.

“Sex? Oh yes,” you nod. You weren’t a monk or anything in your time before Jackson City.

“What was your first time like?” Maria settles back against a cushion, nibbling at her cookie looking at you eagerly. “I remember mine was all fumbling in the backseat of his truck before curfew.”

You laugh and think Maria must be starved for company to be intrigued by your limited romantic experience.

“Uh… fast,” you say with a laugh before allowing yourself to be transported back to that time. “He worked at one of the bakeries that I assisted in. I remember he had the longest eyelashes I’d ever seen on a man. They were so blond you could only see them if he turned at a certain angle. He made me laugh. One night he invited me back to his apartment and… that was that.”

“How old were you?”

“Uh, twenty two, twenty three?”

“And you didn’t date after?”

“Nah, my family left that QZ kinda in a hurry.”

You aren’t expecting your voice to hitch on that last sentence, but it does. Maria grows somber, her dark eyes expressive.

“Can I ask why you left?”

You blink back the sheen of tears starting and gaze around the room, trying to land on something that will steel you. You find it in the small carving of a horse on the bookshelf nearby. You tell your story to that delicately made creature instead.

“We moved east through the QZ’s for about ten or eleven years. Stayed in a few of them before we’d pick up and keep moving to the next one. Hard to make connections and date with all that. I didn’t trust that I’d have the time.”

Maria looks like she wants to ask more when the door is opened and Tommy’s cheerful voice rings out announcing he and Douglas are home and ready for lunch.

“We have company!” Maria says cheerfully.

Tommy turns the corner to see you and he greets you. He wears Douglas strapped to him with fabric, snuggled under his large jacket. Jackson is sleeping soundly and barely notices when Tommy unwraps and hands him off to his mother.

Douglas squirms, his tiny head burrowing into Maria’s neck. She smiles and for the first time you’ve known her it looks sincere. There is a lightness in the house you realize, something that had been missing before.

“He enjoyed being out in the fresh air,” Tommy announces. “Everyone who saw him wanted to kiss him.”

“Tommy!” Maria looks horrified.

“But I didn’t let ‘em,” Tommy finishes, pressing a gentle kiss to his wife’s worried brow. “I’m gonna make some soup. You two want a bowl?”

“I’m alright,” you say. “I just brought by dessert. I’m actually heading over to Ellie’s to do some baking.”

“Joel’s letting you use his place to bake?”

You still, brows raised. “Uh… yeah. Is that… should I not be?”

“No, I’m just surprised,” Tommy admits after a pause. “I don’t think he’s ever let anyone in that house aside from me and Maria. Think the only reason he and Ellie don’t kill each other is ‘cuz she’s in the garage.”

“Oh.”

You don’t know what else to offer besides that.

Tommy nods and for a moment you see something in his expression, a pinched look when Maria looks away from him. You realize that Tommy looks harried, running a hand through his glossy curls.

“What’s up?”

“Nothin’,” Tommy replies too quickly.

You see the panic in his eyes as his gaze darts from his wife back to you. You understand immediately. Maria is doing well, if there’s something stressful in Jackson City he doesn’t want to bother her with it.

“Thanks for the tea Maria, but I better head out,” you inform them both.

Maria wraps you into a side hug, one arm around your shoulders, the other holding her son. You run your knuckles down his spine gently.

“Come back soon,” she whispers.

“I promise.”

“I’ll walk you out,” Tommy says, feigning manners. The two of you walk to the front door around the corner. As you toe on your boots you look up at him expectantly.

“Well?”

Tommy looks over his shoulder anxiously before dropping his voice to a conspiratorial whisper only you can hear.

“Rumor is Raiders were spotted by A Patrol this week,” Tommy says with a sigh. “Up by the traps.”

“Fuck,” you breathe. “Really?”

“Not positive. A Patrol isn’t always the most reliable. They spook easy and are overly cautious. But I’d rather that than the alternative.”

“Of course.”

“Just make sure you and Joel are extra cautious,” Tommy says. “I know you’re both responsible but, you know…. Just be extra responsible.”

You nod, feeling your heart thrumming in your chest as you make your way to Rancher Street.

///

You didn't really want to go to Joel's house today. But Ellie had found you last night heading home from The Tipsy Bison and had guilted you into it when she told you that Joel had brought back all the supplies needed.

You'd tried to sway her into baking at your place but only the burners on your oven work. You'd never really considered getting the main oven fixed, since you take most of your meals in the dining hall.

But in moments like this, you heavily regret that choice.

You feel like even your footsteps sound timid as they make their way up the wood steps.

Ellie is at the door, pulling it open before you can even knock. She must have been looking for you at the window, counting down the seconds until your arrival. The thought warms you. She gives you a broad smile that lights up her face.

"I got everything set up!"

She takes off down into the kitchen and you venture into the Miller home tentatively, still anxious about what happened last time.

A sound to your right draws your attention and you take in the tall form of Joel coming into the room. He's dressed in jeans and a sweater, obviously feeling the chill despite the cheery fire that roars behind him.

"Mornin'," he greets.

"Morning." You lick your lips nervously. "Thanks for letting me bake with Ellie."

"'Course. She's been looking forward to it for weeks. Can't stop talkin' about it.'

Joel gives you a whisper of a smile but the thing that really throws you about this interaction is that he looks almost nervous. You've never seen Joel look nervous.

He'd been so stiff after last patrol, not even saying goodbye to the group after you'd all disembarked off the horses.

It had been embarrassing. Him storming off like you'd all done something wrong. Only Jennifer seemed to still be under Joel's spell citing that watching him hammer the window would fuel her fantasies for months to come.

You're still really irritated with him but it's lessened slightly because his greeting isn’t hostile. You could almost relax if it weren’t for the intense way he’s staring at you.

You hear your name being called by Ellie in the next room so you toe off your shoes and head into the kitchen. She's got an apron on, borrowed from the kitchen or Joel because it's far too big for her small frame.

"Alright," you give her a warm smile as you enter. "You got everything?"

"Yep."

You place the bag you brought on the counter. You remove your own apron, baby blue with ruffles on the end. A recent gift from Jennifer who told you “since you’re a real chef you need your own apron”. You tie it as you speak to Ellie.

"So what I like to do is set up all my supplies on the counter just to double check I have everything. Nothing worse than being halfway through a recipe and finding out you you’re missing ingredients."

The sentence isn't even out of your mouth before Ellie’s opened up her cupboards and ice box and begun to take everything out. Flour, eggs, bowls, milk and more, all the items you gave Joel on the list. She places them on the counter before looking at you like a proud student.

"You'll need measuring spoons."

The two of you turn at the same time to see Joel standing by the entrance to the kitchen, lingering. His hands are in his jean pockets, standing like a chastised student outside the classroom.

"I brought some," you inform him, trying to hold in your irritation. You pull them from your bag, putting them next to the eggs.

You feel Joel's eyes on your back and you're sure he's silently judging you, eager to point out what you're doing wrong. You stiffen under the perceived scrutiny. Ellie must sense the change in the room because she whips around to shoot him a jeering look.

"Joel you don't need to supervise," Ellie says rolling her eyes. "We won't break the damn stove."

Joel looks at his feet mumbling something about needing to do stuff upstairs anyway before he's making his way out of the kitchen.

You go back to your lesson with Ellie who turns out to be a very focused student.

She asks smart questions, measures everything perfectly and takes her time. It's only when you put her in charge of cracking three eggs into the bowl that she gets frustrated.

"Fuck, it cracked wrong. Shell got in."

Her fingers pinch into the egg bowl, trying to grasp the fallen eggshell. Of course the viscous nature of the raw egg makes it impossible and it’s not long before she pushes at the bowl angrily, her face is set into a deep frown.

“S’fucking bullshit.”

"Happens all the time," you tell her kindly. "Don't stress about it. I’ll show you a secret my mom taught me and my sister to get ‘em out."

Ellie watches as you take the empty shell half still in her hand. Her brows knit in confusion as you lower it into the bowl, using it as a scoop. Unlike with her fingers, the egg shell piece floats easily into the makeshift scoop. You pull the shell from the bowl, tossing the mess into the garbage.

“Holy shit that actually worked.” Ellie smiles at this and it transforms her pale pinched features into that of a warm, approachable teenager.

You smile, feeling strangely proud. You’ve never baked with anyone else before, aside from the kitchen. But that was following the same boring recipes given by the head chef. You were usually boiling rice, cutting onions or apples. Baking is a different beast, a calmer, more relaxing one.

After that hiccup Ellie is more patient with herself. She's keen to learn about baking but she's very eager to talk to you about you. When you pop the formed pastries into the oven and set the timer she decides that now is the time to chat.

"What kind of music did you used to listen to before?"

Memories of Joel’s warning float in your mind. The reminder not to tell her too much. To make her long for a life that he can’t give her.

"Enough about me,” you deflect. “I want to know about you."

At this Ellie balks slightly, the smile wavering just a fraction before the mask is replaced and she nods. Her mixing increases but now her eyes are on the batter.

"Whadda you wanna know?"

"What was your life like before Jackson?"

"I was in the QZ back in Boston,” she says slowly, as if she's trying to make sure she doesn't give too much away. "Hated it."

"Parents?"

"Never met 'em."

"What brought you to Jackson City?"

"Joel."

She doesn't offer you more or less than that. You understand it, you don't push it.

"How'd you end up here?" She asks, mixing the dry ingredients.

You realize the stupidity of you asking her those questions. How easily you opened them to be doubled back on yourself.

"You asked me what kind of music I listened to before?" You smile, hoping that this will distract her. "I remember I saw Chicago about a billion times," you laugh. "I was obsessed. I listened to the soundtrack over and over."

"Chicago," Ellie says slowly as if trying to recall before a light seems to go on. "Oh, I've heard of Chicago. Joel likes ‘em."

Them?

It takes you a minute to understand what she's talking about. You finally answer giggling.

"Chicago the musical, not the band. The musical had great songs. And dancing."

"Do you dance?"

"Not very well."

Your dual laughter combines and you can't help but enjoy the sound. Ellie really does make you laugh. She reminds you of how life was before. When everything seemed new.

You can tell Ellie wants to know everything about your life before the outbreak. And you want to indulge her but Joel's words rub their imprint on your the inside of your skull.

"Hey I promised your D- Joel that I wouldn't keep talking about this stuff with you," you explain quietly. "He's worried it makes you want stuff you can't have."

"Jesus," Ellie says rolling her eyes. “Overprotective much?”

"No he's right," you insist truthfully. "I mean, I get where he's coming from. He doesn't wanna keep disappointing you."

"Joel could never disappoint me."

The timer goes off and you peer into the oven. The pastries are a golden brown. You smile before taking them out with the oven mitt. Ellie closes her eyes, inhaling.

"They smell so good."

"Just wait until you put icing on them," you encourage with a grin. "Delicious."

The two of you get to work making the icing while the pastries cool.

"It's gonna snow," Ellie comments out of nowhere as she peers out the window, mixing idly.

"Hate to break it to you, El, it's already snowing."

Ellie gives you a smirk along with her side eye. You don't know if it's from your sarcastic comment or the fact that you called her El.

"I mean I think it’s gonna snow a lot." She explains. "I heard some of the other kids talking about it at school."

"Huh," you offer noncommittal as you look at the consistency of the icing. "Wonder how they can tell."

"They said they could smell it," Ellie says with a grin, pushing up the sleeve of her shirt so that it doesn't drip into the icing bowl. "They said tha-"

You can't hear anything she's saying after that. All you can focus on is her now bared arm and the ugly bite mark. Blood rushes in your ears and you cry out before giving a blood curdling shriek.

“No!”

Ellie jumps, startled at your sudden screams. She throws herself back against the wall, eyes wide and glancing around as if she expects hordes of infected to come streaming in.

"What? What is it?"

You know she's never seen you be loud, never seen you scream and the sight must terrify her.

But all you can focus on is the clear outline of bite marks on her forearm visible after she rolled up her sleeves. The clear sign of an infected’s mark. She’s going to turn into a clicker before your eyes. She’s going to become soulless and inhuman and you need to go. You need to get somewhere safe.

Joel. He’ll be so devastated.

You can hear the heavy footsteps of Joel approaching the kitchen but all you can think of is escaping and getting yourself safe. You have to warn the town. You run towards the front door, your socks slipping over the smooth floor.

You're still screaming incoherently, your voice cracking as you lunge for the doorknob, tears in your eyes. Your hand closes around the brass knob just as two muscled arms go around your waist, pulling you back harshly. A hand covers your mouth and a deep voice is at your ear.

"Quit," he repeats, shaking you slightly in his arms. "Stop screamin'."

There's an increasingly paranoid thought that believes this was all a trap. A way for Joel to get his daughter fed. You feel it, Joel's arms wrapped around your entire body, pinning your arms to your sides. His body is warm and solid behind you, terrifying in its strength. It takes you to a time you've tried to forget.

"Get the fuck off of me!" You shriek against his palm, trying to wriggle out of his grip but he holds firm. You're screaming expletives, trying to kick out. You shake his hand off your mouth. "She's bit, Joel! I saw it!"

Ellie hasn't moved from where she stands cowering in the corner of the kitchen. But you can only imagine how soon it will be before she turns. You can't be here for that. You can’t watch that sweet girl turn into one of them.

"I know," Joel rumbles against your temple, hands still gripping you tightly.

"You know," you repeat and now a dread begins in your feet and floods the rest of you.

Joel knows she is bit. Joel welcomed you into his home knowing she was bit.

You are going to die.

"Let me go!"

High on fearful adrenaline you give a frantic kick backwards, elbowing into Joel's abdomen at the same time you thrust the ball of your foot onto his socked toes. Joel gives a strangled grunt and his arms loosen in pain momentarily allowing you a chance to break free from him.

You tug open the door and speed out without your boots. You feel the snow on the porch under your feet, freezing your toes immediately. You throw yourself down the porch stairs, feet slapping the wood as you hold back sobs. The street is deserted; the houses all empty as they usually are on bright Saturday afternoons. You go to cry out for someone, anyone, when Joel's arm bands around your waist.

You give a devastated howl of defeat before Joel is dragging your struggling frame back into the house, telling you to calm down.

Ellie is by the sink, her eyes on the ground.

But you still struggle, trying to get away from this house. Joel gives a frustrated growl before he pushes you up against the wall, pinning you there with his hips. His hands hold your wrists on either side of your head, pressing them into the wall.

"Stop fuckin' strugglin'," Joel seethes when you jerk against him, his chest pressing you so tightly to the wall you can't breathe.

"Please let me go," you beg brokenly as you continue to struggle in his arms. "Please I just-“

"She's immune," he rasps in your ear. "She's fucking immune! Stop!"

Immune. Immune.

"What?" You stop your screaming just long enough to twist your head to face him. "Immune? That's not possible."

But you’ve stopped struggling as hard.

You take a closer look at Ellie’s arm from where you stand, noticing that it doesn’t look particularly fresh. In fact it looks scarred. And yet something in you is still terrified. So terrified that you yelp when you feel Joel's wide hands go to either side of your face, forcing your face up and eyes to his.

"Everything is okay," Joel tells you in a husky rasp. "You're safe, I promise. I've got you. You're safe."

His eyes are locked with yours as he says this and you don't know how those words work their way into your body, but they do. The same way they wind around you as you allow yourself to get lost on patrols with your mouth on him. That sense that someone else is in charge, someone else is protecting you.

You're safe.

Your entire frame goes boneless in his arms and when he finally releases your face your head drops to your chest. He continues to press you gently against the wall with one heavy hand holding you there.

"What if it's slow acting or -" you whisper quietly, "or what if you can still pass it on with saliva or-"

"The dogs don't detect it," Joel tells you, his hold on you not lessening. "Ellie and I've shared drinks plenty a' times. She's immune."

You stare at the girl at the table, her entire countenance shifted. You can see the devastation, the fear and anger floods out of you immediately, like a deep sigh. You sag in Joel's arms, feeling as he slowly loosens you.

"She's had it for months," Joel tells you, no longer pinning you to the wall.

"Months?"

You're still stunned by the developments but it doesn't stop your eyes from traveling over to Ellie. You see now that tears are slipping off the end of her nose as she silently cries. She’s pulled her sleeve back down, covering the scar.

Your heart immediately breaks because it's you who did this to her. This girl who trusts so few. You treated her like she was a monster.

"Ellie I'm sorry, I just..." You trail off, your heart still beating wildly.

But Ellie has tears in her eyes, her neck blotchy. She's raced to the garage, slamming the door after her. You flinch at the sound of it.

Then it’s just you and Joel in the quiet kitchen.

"How long have you known?"

"Since I met her," Joel explains quietly. "Was bringing her to the fireflies with a friend in exchange for a battery. Rumor was there was a cure."

"Guess not if you're both here," you say absently, missing the pain in his dark eyes when you say it.

"Not a lot of people know about it. We'd like to keep it that way."

You nod, your mind whirring. You realize you've never seen Ellie in anything but long sleeves. Never seen her wearing bracelets or anything that would draw her attention to her arms. She’s been hiding in plain sight. You think of the friendships she hasn’t made, the way she keeps to herself, the hostile way she is with most and it all clicks into place.

"We were thinking of gettin' her a tattoo to cover it up,” Joel continues. “Haven't found anyone to do it yet."

You nod again, eyes falling on the pastries now lying squashed on the floor, the warm berries oozing out onto the wood.

“I’ll take care of this stuff,” Joel mutters, dropping to his knees and starting to pick up the supplies you brought. You think of how excited Ellie had been to recreate the pop tarts, how devastated she’ll be when she realizes they’re all ruined.

"I- I think I should go talk to Ellie."

"She doesn't wanna talk. Trust me."

"Just lemme try."

Joel looks as if he's about to protest but you're already walking quickly until you've reached the door to the garage. You knock gently.

"Ellie? It's me. Please don't be upset ... I was just startled."

There's a pause, then a sniffle that makes your heart lurch.

"Can we talk? Please, Ellie?"

You hear shuffling and then finally the door to the garage is opened a crack and you see Ellie peering through. Her eyes are swollen and red, the end of her nose pink. She glares at you through the small slit in the door.

"Fuck off."

"I just want to explain. Just let me explain and then I promise I'll leave."

She doesn't move, doesn't attempt to close or open the door. She just stands there like some sentry.

“Five minutes. That’s all I need.”

"You think I'm a freak."

"I don't," you insist, palm on the door as if you could transfer your emotions by osmosis to her. "Ellie I was having fun right before all this. I really was. Can we talk? Please? I want to explain properly."

Ellie’s glossy eyes scan your body and with a labored sigh she steps back, opening the door and allowing you entrance.

"Come in."

You follow her into the warm space, watching as she drops onto her made bed. Ellie hugs her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them as you look at her. Ellie's eyes drag from the floor up to your face and you see her chin trembling as she holds in tears.

“Can I sit?” you ask motioning to beside her on the bed. She nods, shuffling to give you room to perch there.

“I know you’re not gonna come back after this,” Ellie says, eyes wide with a quiet pleading as you look over at her.

“Of course I am.”

“No you’re not,” Ellie says shaking her head and rubbing angrily at her eyes. “You’ve seen my arm. You think I’m a fucking freak.”

"Ellie I swear I don't think you're a freak," you emphasize as you shuffle on the edge of her bed. "I was just... That bite took me back to a really scary time."

"Yeah," Ellie says with her chin balanced on her kneecap. "No one wants to think about... All that stuff."

You see the desolation there in her eyes. She's hurt and even though you didn't mean to do it you did. You feel responsible for her sadness. Your eyes go to her closed door, wanting to make sure you have privacy before you turn back to her.

"Ellie, can I share some stuff with you?"

"Yeah.”

"It's not happy stuff," you tell her.

"Figured." Ellie shrugs again like it doesn't matter. Like she's seen it all. Maybe she has, but you doubt it. She doesn’t make eye contact with you.

“It’s just. . . I’ve never told anyone this stuff before. Ever.”

Ellie’s eyes go to your face now. She can see how serious you are and she straightens slightly. She goes from being hunched and holding her legs to sitting cross legged across from you on the bed.

"Okay..." You take a sharp inhale. “So, I was about your age when Outbreak Day happened. I was with my Dad and my sister. My mom was visiting my Aunt in Wyoming-“

“How come?”

“Ellie you gotta let me get this all out quick okay?” you say gently. “No interruptions.”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” you breathe deeply again. “She was visiting my aunt because my aunt was getting a divorce and my mom wanted to support her. Anyway, about ten years ago my dad and my little sister and I were travelling between QZ’s. We were looking for my Mom because my Dad was convinced she was still alive and she’d be out in this direction.”

You swallow; hating talking about this but knowing that Ellie deserves this truth. So far she looks intrigued, her eyes wide.

“So one night we were exhausted. We’d been travelling for days and we were low on food and water. We see this old cabin and it looks like it’s abandoned. We figure it’s a good spot to hunker down and get some energy before we keep going.” You exhale a shuddering breath.

“Except it wasn’t abandoned. It was a trap set up by this group of Raiders. I called them The Group. They killed my dad and they were gonna kill me and my sister when one of the guys had the bright idea that they could use us as bait.”

"Bait?"

Ellie seems to remember she’s not supposed to say anything because she ducks her head slightly.

"Yeah. they made us go into new places first," you explain detached, as if you’re talking about another woman in another life. "So if there was anything dangerous it would get us in enough time to give The Group a chance to escape.”

Ellie is staring at you wide-eyed, all her teenage ambivalence lost as you detail the most terrifying years of your life. You omit lots of the more gruesome details and you definitely don’t tell her about Rock River.

"Once they hung me from a tree," you tell her, trying not to sound emotional. It's not hard. Years of hiding how that part of your life affects you makes you good at it. "They tied me to a rope and hung me on a branch to attract clickers."

"Jesus."

"Yeah," you nod. "It worked really well. There was a big group and they piled underneath me, trying to grab at me, their mouths all black and their teeth gnashing and...” you stop yourself when you see Ellie’s eyes widening. “Anyway, The Group got ‘em all and managed to get some good supplies in the town because of it. I just... It just left me kind of..."

You wince when you realize you’ve trailed off, your focus blurred.

"The point is that when I saw your arm it just all came flooding back and I reacted out of instinct. Not because I think you're a freak. I could never think that about you.”

Ellie is quiet, digesting all that you've told her. You think you hear a creaking outside her door, but you're not sure. Your attention is drawn back to the girl who’s eyes hold such a myriad of emotions; pain, empathy, fear, anger.

"How did you end up here?"

You think about not telling her. But it feels so good to be getting some of this information out, like you’re coughing up a thick black piece of flesh that’s been festering in your lungs for years, making it so you can now finally breathe.

"One guy, Chiyo, he joined up with our group a few years after I was taken. He owned a shooting range before everything.... You know…. Well, he'd broken his ankle in a recent raid and couldn’t really move much. If we hadn't come upon him when we did he probably would have been killed by another group of raiders. But as it was he had this giant stash of weapons and The Groups ranks were thinning so..."

You trail off, thinking of how you'd come upon him first when you and The Group got to town. How the leader you thought of as Red due to his hair (you never learned their real names), shoved you brutally by the shoulder.

Always the bait.

But after what had happened only the week before you didn’t care anymore. Red pushed you and you entered willingly, your feet not even dragging as you walked. It was either be shot by one of The Group attempting to escape, or see what resided inside the shop with the boarded up windows.

Chiyo’s gun was trained on you the second you walked in. The way you held your hands at your eye level when he told you he was going to shoot.

“I’m gonna blow your head clean off if you take another step.”

And suddenly you’d decided that you were done. You were so tired. And at least this way it would be quick and it would be away from The Group. And so you’d taken another step towards Chiyo, hands still raised.

You can still recall the furrowing of his thick brows and the lowering of his weapon as he stared at you.

"You want to die?"

You hadn't answered him but that had been answer enough for Chiyo. He'd hobbled over to you, dragging his lame leg, dark eyes fixed on your face.

"I'm not gonna hurt you."

And when he'd said it, you'd believed him.

You remember the way you'd convinced the rest of The Group they needed someone like him. A crack shot, you told them. You'd had no idea of knowing if it was true. But there had been warmth in Chiyo's eyes that was missing from the rest of The Groups. Something that you clinged to in the coming months.

"Thankfully he was a really good shot,” you explain. “He joined up and we stripped his shop of his guns and eventually his ankle healed thanks to the medic in The Group and he was suddenly part of the team.”

“Was he nice to you?”

“Yeah. He was really kind. Whenever they used me as bait he insisted on going with. He said it was so we could save me for really bad missions, but I knew it was to protect me. They let him get away with it because he was such a good shot, I think. Everyone liked him. When the rest of The Group was asleep we'd talk by the fire. Chiyo was afraid of horses," you tell Ellie with a small smile. “Was about the only thing he was afraid of.”

You don't tell her everything. You don't tell of the tender way he fucked you in the wee hours of the morning before The Group rose most mornings. How he whispered that he missed his dead wife and would never dishonor her memory by kissing you. But you hadn’t minded, you understood and you’d both been gentle with each other.

You’d enjoyed getting lost in the sensation of him. Of his cock in your mouth, of your cunt stuffed full of him. The rhythmic sensation of sex that took you out of your body and away from your every day horrors.

You remember how he would hold you, tears sliding onto your collar as he spilled himself onto your belly whimpering his dead wife’s name. How he would thank you over and over with your hand at the base of his skull, mouth against his shoulder while you quietly sobbed your own gratitude.

"After a few months he told me he was escaping. He'd heard about Jackson City and that's where he was headed. He wanted to bring me to see if we could find my Mom."

"Holy shit,” Ellie breathes. “Where is he now?"

"He didn't make it," you tell her tightly.

And now the shield is back in your voice and eyes and she must sense it. Ellie doesn’t press this, seems to understand that there is more there. With a teenagers’ sensibilities and a teenager’s romanticism she asks you her next question.

"Were you in love with him?"

Chiyo is a faint memory, a watercolor blur if you think about him in too much detail. When you try to recall things like the scar over his left eyebrow or the dragon tattoo on his inner thigh. But these are just pieces of him. They aren't him.

When you think of Chiyo there is a warmth. But it's the warmth that comes from having a benevolent savior. One who never told you that you were in his debt. Yes, you cared for him. Of course you did. He was gentle and he was kind and his heart was soft.

"No," you say firmly. "He was nice though and I cared about him. Probably as close to love as I'll ever get."

You and Ellie are quiet for a long time.

“I tried saving a bit boy once,” she finally offers. “His name was Sam. Tried rubbing my blood on him. Thought it would save him. It didn’t. He turned and his brother had to kill him before he killed himself.”

You don’t allow yourself to cry. You know that isn’t what Ellie needs right now.

“I’m the reason so many people are dead,” Ellie explains when you say nothing in return. “My Mom died having me. Riley… Tess… Sam…Henry... Ellie’s voice is doing that same detached thing yours does. “Sometimes I honestly think it would be better if I was never born.”

You can’t help the way your arms leap out in front of you to gather the girl into your arms. She tries to fight you on it, flinching from the contact before your unrelenting arms pull her into a tight squeeze, tugging her into your lap. Angry tears slip down her red cheeks, her cries breaking free as you wrestle her into a bear hug.

“I’m so glad you exist, Ellie.”

And then all the fight is gone from her body and she’s sobbing quietly into your shoulder, her tiny frame shaking. You hold her against you, wanting your adoration and affection to move through your body into hers so she knows how much she’s wanted.

“The world would be so much worse without you in it,” you assure her honestly. “You’re special, Ellie. And not because you’re immune. Because you’re smart and brave and funny and you make people like me feel like we’re worth something.”

Her arms wrap around your neck, face in your shoulder and she allows you to continue holding her, rocking her gently in your lap as if she were your own teenage daughter.

“And yes you’re stubborn and you can be annoying,” you add, trying to lighten the mood. “But there’s no one I like talking to as much as I like talking to you. You made me look forward to breakfasts in the dining hall because it meant I got to speak to you.”

“You’re just saying that,” she sniffles, arms loosely circling your neck.

“You don’t like liars, right?” You remind her. “Well I’m not lying. Plus, I know Joel loves you and he doesn’t seem like the kind of guy that loves many people so you must be pretty great.”

Ellie gives a shallow huff of amusement in your shoulder.

“And I know Maria and Tommy adore you just as much if not more than I do. And if you opened up a little more with the kids around here I know they’d love you just as much as we do because you’re a wonderful person. The world would be so much worse without your light, Ellie. You bring light to the darkness.”

You continue rocking her for several moments, waiting until her sobs turn into hiccups and then gentle swallows. Finally she pulls back from you, almost embarrassed at the emotional display. She shuffles back onto the bed, picking at the loose string hanging from her pillow.

“I think I’m cursed.”

“Hey now that’s not true,” you insist. “I’m here aren’t I? How is that a curse? If anything it’s a blessing.”

She gives you a weak smile that you return.

“C’mon, let’s go and finish the pop tarts.”

“We’ll have to start all over again,” Ellie almost whines.

“Then I guess I’ll be staying here a little longer.”

Ellie wipes at her blotchy face, running her hands down her cheeks before nodding and standing abruptly. You two make it back into the kitchen, surprised to see Joel standing there. His broad shoulders ripple as he works on something in front of him, his back to you.

Ellie sails over to him, her eyes wide when she sees what he’s done. “Wait are those the pop tarts?”

“Yep.”

“I thought they were ruined.”

“Yours were,” Joel shrugs, spreading icing onto one of the homemade pop tarts. “Mine went okay.”

You feel as if you’ve been physically pushed.

Joel baked?

Ellie snags one of the still warm pastries from the plate as Joel starts running the cloth over the counter and wiping the crumbs into the sink. You look at the joy on Ellie’s face as she takes a bite.

“Holy shit, Joel, these are so fucking good.”

“Language,” Joel admonishes over his shoulder, though there’s nothing harsh in it. He turns around, hip resting against the counter.

“I’m gonna have you do all my baking,” Ellie continues as if she hasn’t heard him. “I’ll just be your taste tester.”

You want to grin at this but all you can do is stare at Joel and the soft way he’s smiling down at Ellie. This open look of adoration you so rarely see. Like there’s this secret Joel inside the mean Joel shell that the privileged few witness.

Joel could never disappoint me.

Joel seems to feel your eyes on him because he blinks over at you, dark eyes darting around your face. His expression is unreadable, but there’s nothing cruel or cold in it. He’s just looking at you, almost as if he’s trying to figure you out as well.

“Well looks like we’re all set here so I should go,” you start awkwardly, suddenly feeling strangely light headed. Joel steps towards you, brows rising.

“You could stay for a dr-“ Joel begins, but you’ve already made your way to the front door, pulling on your boots and jacket.

Your hands are trembling for some reason and you think it must be all this emotional turmoil you’ve shared with Ellie. It has you feeling vulnerable and exposed and you want to escape home to the safety of your bed, away from soulful brown eyes and soft smiles.

“Ellie you wanna grab breakfast before patrols?” you ask, studiously ignoring Joel who stands next to her looking at you. You don’t want her to think you’re rushing off and forgetting about her.

“Sure,” Ellie says brightly before motioning to the plate of pastries. “You want any of these to go?”

“Nah, you enjoy them,” you insist with a flash of a smile. “You worked hard.”

You don’t look backwards as you rush out the door of their home and down the sidewalk of Rancher Street, convinced you can feel Joel’s dark gaze on you the entire way.

-----------------------------

secondary a/n: The other parts I wanted to include in this chapter were gonna bloat this installment into over 10k and I wasn't even finished so I had to break it up!

CHAPTER 11 SPOILERS BELOW THE JOEL

in chapter eleven there be smut.

TAGLIST:

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@joeldjarin

@elegantduckturtle

@cosmic006533-blog

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@valkyreally

@multiversed-daydreamer

@deninoe

@ashleyfilm

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magics-neptunes-things · 3 months

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Hi guys!

This new chapter is a little bit more angsty but also very sweet 😇

Please enjoy!

TW : Injury, nightmares, mention of bad past, angst.

PART 1 I PART 2 I PART 3 I PART 4 I PART 5 | PART 7

______________________________________________________________

You didn’t give Alessia all the reasons for your nightmares, not because you don’t trust her, but because you don’t want to put her in front of the darkness of some people. When you see her the next morning for breakfast, Leah singing in the shower, it was without daring to look at her that you spoke.

"Less?"

"Mhm?"

Lost in her thoughts until now, the blonde looked up at you. You are leaning against the island of your kitchen while Alessia is seated at the table. You are never very in talking much in the morning, both needing time to wake up.

"You know, for last night…"

"You don’t have to explain anything to me" Alessia kindly assured you with a smile. "It’s okay"

"I know" you answered with a slight smile back. "It’s just that sometimes my dreams are a little too realistic. Things have happened in my past, but… well, you know."

It’s a very awkward explanation, but the blonde didn’t seem to want to hold it against you.

"And thank you, for staying and being there for me" you mutter shyly.

"You would have done the same for me"

The calm, safe tone that Alessia used made you look up at her. She’s not wrong, obviously.

"Yeah. I know you already have your share of best friends, but I’m happy with the place you’re taking in my life. You’re more like a sister to me than a simple friend"

Alessia’s chair rattles on the floor when she gets up, something that would have made you moan in everyday life. But since it’s to offer you one of her biggest teddy bear hugs, you don’t take the time to scold her, choosing to hug her back.

"I love you too" she whispers affectionately, rubbing your back.

Even if it’s not exactly what you told her, you understand the message and you hug her back even harder. That’s when Leah showed up in the kitchen, ready for today’s game.

"Molesting my girlfriend again, Russo?"

********

You and Leah are in the restaurant face to face when you talk about the subject that has been bothering you for a few days. It’s not a huge stress, but you’re wondering how to approach it, fearing a negative response from Leah.

The evening is going well, you have already come twice to this restaurant and each time you liked it very much. The choices are not multiple, but there is enough to satisfy your cravings for culinary discoveries and the list of foods rather restraint tolerated by Leah. The blonde is breathtaking in her outfit, once again, and you are happy to see that she made this clothing effort just for you.

It’s at dessert that you finally broach the subject, swinging nervously on your chair.

"Besides, I was wondering… do you have any plans while I’m away?"

You are called to training camps for the national team, Norway having to pass the play-offs to qualify for the next competition. With England already being on, Leah is kind of on vacation next week.

"No, not really. Probably spending time with my family, seeing Alex… that kind of things. Why?"

Leah looks at you curiously over her ice cream and you play mechanically with your spoon and a piece of cake.

"Would you like to come with me?"

"In Norway?"

You nod at her, without daring to look at her. The only time you offered it to Alina, she laughed and asked what the hell she would do there. You may not have chosen the best time since it was in summer and most people prefer to fly somewhere warm, but still.

"I thought I could show you some places I like and grew up in. And my parents have really wanted to meet you, since I’ve been talking to them about you. You can say no, if you don’t want to. There is no pressure and I will understand."

Leah’s hand gently settles on yours, making you look up at it immediately and stop your rambling.

"I'll come with pleasure Honey."

The simple answer makes you feel so relieved that you feel like your anxiety is deflating like a balloon.

"Yeah?"

"Of course"

"Awesome"

You can’t mask your smile, which makes Leah laugh softly. Her hand gets loose from yours when she starts eating her ice cream again, but you don’t take it personally. You have neither confirmed nor denied the rumors of relationship between you, preferring to live your story day by day. Plus, who are you against a mint chocolate chips ice cream?

Leah asks you what kind of clothes she needs to take and you laugh when she pouts when she learns the temperature differences between London, Oslo and your hometown. You have already spoken to her several times about your parents and she doesn’t seem otherwise stressed at the idea of meeting them. She’s right, you know your parents are going to love her very much. You’ve been working on it for a long time now anyway.

"Oh and there will surely be Mapi with Ingrid too" you inform Leah with a little amused smile.

"Excuse me?"

********

A few days later, you are on the plane to Norway, with some of your compatriots but especially Leah. You have another flight of a few hours to reach Tromsø, where you lived and grew up until you were stupid enough to want to run away with your first girlfriend to a bigger city. Having met her on the Internet, you have no memories with her in this city, which pleased Leah rather well. It’s not exactly the same for Oslo, but we’ll talk about it later.

Your parents, delighted to have their only child for a few days, have both picked you up at the airport. If Leah hasn’t been stressed in the last few days, she seems to have skyrocketed in the last half hour and the blonde didn’t stop talking for a single second. It made you laugh, but remembering how stressed you were when you officially met Leah’s relatives, you patiently answered each of her questions.

"It’s going to be ok Babe" you smile when you see her playing nervously with the tag of her suitcase while waiting to pass the security.

Since you are behind her, you step forward to put a kiss just behind her ear and you smile as you feel her letting her go against you. In recent days, it was rather her role to reassure you, the blonde fearing that your nightmares came back constantly. That hasn’t been the case, but Leah’s increased attention to you hasn’t been unpleasant. Especially because it means you get even more hugs and kisses than usual.

You have one of the biggest hug from both of your parents at the same time, before detaching from them to turn to Leah and make the introductions. As you might have guessed, the first contact is more than successful. Your parents speak English very well, which is lucky. Leah speaks a few words of Norwegian that you taught her, but she might not be able to have an ongoing conversation in that language.

On the way home, your parents ask you about the trip and your level of fatigue. If you slept during the first flight, the second not. They also inquire about what you are planning to show Leah over the next few days, also informing you that they are planning a dinner with some of your family members. Your cousin will come to see you play in Oslo too, this will allow Leah to meet her before finding herself with her in the stands of the football stadium. Your parents will be there too.

Dinner goes well (you made sure to give your mother the list of things Leah eats) and the kindness of your parents seem to help Leah relax quickly. You show her the house of your childhood, finding your bedroom that you had at the time.

It's a fairly simple room whose only large window overlooks your garden. Your double bed is glued against the back wall in the middle of the wall with your collection of stuffed animals. Your black carpet on which you have spilled paint hundreds of times above is at the feet of it, giving in your opinion an artistic touch to the latter. There are old trophies you won with your football teams on a shelf, a desk full of memories and useless things in its drawers and dozens of photos hanging on the wall.

"Is that you?" laughs Leah as she approaches the photos on one of your bedroom walls, picturing you behind your first birthday cake.

"No, that's the neighbor" you answer with a grin.

Leah laughs again and you let her discover your room quietly, taking the opportunity to join the bathroom adjoining your room to change and refresh a little. You see Leah entering the bathroom too from the mirror, which allows you not to jump when she sticks to you to put kisses on your cheek.

"How are you feeling?" you ask the pretty blonde.

"Good. Your parents are adorable, but it’s not surprising when you see their daughter" Leah says maliciously.

You roll your eyes and close the water tape, then turn in her arms to put your arms around her neck. That’s all Leah needed to put her head on your neck and put some kisses in it.

"What about you?" she asks between two of her kisses.

"I’m glad you’re here" you smile.

********

The next two days were spent in Leah discovering your hometown, your favorite places and different members of your family. As you would expect, Leah are doing perfectly well in the setting, getting along wonderfully with everyone. Despite the difficulty of the language sometimes, but you gladly play the interpreters between the two different worlds. Only the cold seems to be a bit of a problem for Leah, but you are in the very north of Norway, even further north than if you were in Iceland.

One day before the day set by the Norwegian federation, you fly back to Oslo. You managed to get a room for Leah in the same hotel where your team is staying and you’re counting on your family to keep Leah busy during practice. You don’t know yet whether you’ll be able to slip into her room at night, but you’ll see. For the moment you share the hotel room with Leah and it suits you very well like that.

While waiting for the gathering, you show Oslo to Leah and you have an appointment for lunch with Ingrid and Mapi. The idea that the two blondes meet makes you laugh a lot and you know that it’s the same thing for Ingrid.

"Does she speak English?" asks Leah as you join the restaurant where you are supposed to meet.

"She understands it very well but answers Ingrid in Spanish. But I'm talking English with her, even if she speaks great Norwegian. Anyway, I never had any problems communicating with her."

Leah drops a little grunt as a simple answer and you roll your eyes. You managed to get from Leah that this tension would have been born since the elimination of Spain during the Euro, which is in your opinion a little futile.

"You’d better pass over. Ona and Lucy don’t seem to have this problem" you noted with amusement.

"Don’t count on me to coo with Maria Leon" grumbled at Leah.

"I don’t ask that much" you laughed before changing the subject.

You are the first arrivals and you inform Ingrid of your presence once seated at the table. Leah asks you some more questions about the city, which you answer with pleasure, happy to see your girlfriend take so much interest in your native country.

A few minutes later Ingrid and Mapi arrive, and you get up to greet them, imitated by Leah.

(The words in italics are in Norwegian but for the good of all I have not translated them)

"It’s good to see you" Ingrid smiles, hugging you before looking at you. "You look good."

"It’s fresh Norwegian air" you joke, before resuming in English. "Ingrid, this is Leah. Leah, this is Ingrid."

You let your best friend greet Leah, knowing your girlfriend is in good hands when you hear Ingrid greet Leah in a joyful tone. You turn towards Mapi, to whom you also give a hug. You then turn to Leah to redo the presentations, between Mapi and her this time. The exchange is a little more tense than with Ingrid and you roll your eyes when you see them shaking hands, but it’s already that.

The conversations finally go very well, even if Ingrid and you are very often the ones who link things. Leah’s hand settled right at the beginning of the meal naturally on your knee and you didn’t hesitate to interlace your fingers.

After the meal, you decide to take advantage of the mild weather (the term makes Mapi snorts) to go for a walk a little more. You know you’ll see Ingrid again in the next few days, but if your respective girlfriends can get along well and discover commonalities, why not.

"Hot chocolate?" offers Ingrid when you walk past a hot drink stand to take away.

"I’m coming to help you" you tell Ingrid, dropping Leah’s hand to follow her to the booth.

"I like her" immediately announces Ingrid in line to get your drinks. "You did well about listen to yourself"

You smile softly, your chaotic beginnings being far behind you now. Well, only a few months but a lot has already happened between you and you feel so good with the blonde that you have the impression that all this is far behind you.

"She’s great, really" you answer always smiling.

"And you look so happy" Ingrid adds without leaving your face with her eyes.

"I am" you confirm sincerely.

You have no trouble supporting Ingrid’s inquisitive gaze, which nods with her smile. You don’t have to add anything to convince her, but she will tell you a little later that she already was just by hearing you on the phone.

"Look at them" you laugh softly pointing at your two blondes.

Ingrid follows your gaze on Leah and Mapi, both talking from the tip of their lips at eachother as if they were afraid of being seen by someone. The scene seems to amuse Ingrid as much as you since she also laughs before it’s your turn to order.

Your return is greeted with a big smile on both sides and if Leah isn't begged to recover her hot chocoalt, she also doesn’t hesitate to put her arm around your waist. There are fewer people on the streets of Oslo than in London, but if Leah is spotted in the stands of your next match, people will probably quickly draw the right conclusions.

It’s finally in the late afternoon that you say goodbye to the couple who must join Ingrid’s family for dinner. You propose to Leah to show her the citadel, the nightfall offering you magnificent colors. Leah graciously accepts when you ask her to take pictures together before you return to the hotel.

It’s on the way back that your eyes are hung by a shop front that you know rather well. Your glance is noticed very quickly by Leah, who slows down a little. She understands very quickly.

"Do you mind if we say hello?" you ask Leah.

She seems to hesitate a little and you gently tighten her fingers in yours, trying to make her understand that you will respect her answer regardless of her nature.

"I guess" she finally answers, shrugging her shoulders.

You drag her to the tattoo shop, the doorbell ringing when you open it. It hasn’t changed much since the last time you came, except that other drawings were added to the wall. Leah quickly spots your signed football shirt on the wall.

"Y/N"

Leah’s eyes follow the sound of the voice to fall on a young woman of your age, whom she hadn’t seen. The girl gets up from the desk behind which she was half hiding, resting the pencil she had in her hand to come to you. Well, right up to you because she’s hugging you for a warm embrace. What annoys Leah a little, she was often talked about Spanish and their tactile side but she was never warned that in Norway we also went without stopping touching her girlfriend.

"I didn’t expect to see you! How are you?"

"I’m fine" you answer with a smile, casually getting out of her arms to introduce Leah.

You slide an arm in the hollow of her back to advance her to your height, resuming in English.

"Nora, this is Leah. My girlfriend."

If the blonde couldn’t help but feel a touch of jealousy, she can only smile when seeing the smile and the pride with which you designate her. Finally the ball is put back in the center quickly, she thinks, before extending her hand to the tattooist to greet her.

"I don’t speak good English" Nora apologizes to Leah.

After your blonde assured her that it was fine like this, Nora’s attention turns to you and you exchange your latest news. You didn’t lie to Leah, you didn’t have any recent contacts, the jersey she hung on her living room wall was from the last international game you played before moving to Manchester. Leah quickly notices this by paying more attention to the frame. She also realizes that a photo of you and your tattoo are displayed just below, under your jersey.

What she doesn’t appreciate is the affectionate tone with which Nora seems to talk to you. Leah therefore takes care not to let go of your hand for a single second during your exchange.

"Does she know about us?" asks curiously Nora after a few minutes.

As if she had understood that you were talking about her, Leah looks away from the photos of tattoos displayed on the wall to report her attention on you two. You smile at her before you answer Nora.

"Yes. I don’t think there’s much she doesn’t know about me" you answer honestly and shrug your shoulders.

You are interrupted by another couple of clients entering the establishment and Nora apologizes for taking care of them, letting you drag Leah a little back from the entrance.

"If you tell me that it’s on her tattoo table that you did your disgusting business, I’ll burn the store" whispers Leah from the corner of her lips.

You laugh softly as you hear her, glancing at her in astonishment. You did notice Leah’s touch of jealousy at first, but there was nothing special about the rest of your conversation.

"This isn't where we did our disgusting business, likeyou say" you smile and roll your eyes. "You can calm your inflammatory tendencies. Plus, I have done way more disgusting things with you, Williamson."

"Not if she keeps looking at you like she does" the blonde grumbled, ignoring the second part of your sentence.

"Don’t be jealous" you say while tiptoeing to put a kiss on her cheek.

"You slept with her"

"It was a long time ago. I find the best one since"

"Hm."

You roll your eyes one more time and you cross her eyes without letting go of your smile. Leah ends up not being able to hold her smile and you deposit a new kiss, on the corner of her lips this time.

********

A few hours later, in your hotel room, you find yourself awake very early in the morning. Which is surprising since usually Leah almost have to push you out of bed. When you look at the time on your phone, you realize it’s barely 5:00 in the morning. And no matter how hard you try to go back to sleep, you can’t. Your mind flies over the different places in Oslo that you visited with Leah.

And the part that you’ve carefully avoided, afraid of running into Helena. You don’t know if she still lives here, you don’t know what happened to her either. But you could still find the house in which she lives (lived?) very easily. Without giving yourself too much time to think, you end up getting out of bed by taking all the precautions to not wake Leah. You dress quickly and before looking for what drives you to do this, you find yourself in the streets of Oslo in the direction of Helena’s house.

As you expected, you quickly find the way to this place that you hate more than anything. The lights are on upstairs and you take care not to being visible from where you are. With the day beginning to rise, you can observe the garden and see that it is still poorly maintained. The walls are even more decrepit than before and when a silhouette passes in front of the window without curtains you suddenly freeze.

It’s her.

But, unlike the last times you saw her, you didn’t feel the terror that inhabited you in her presence. Which is intriguing and difficult for you to understand. Then, finally, you realize that you don’t care. You can’t say that you don’t feel any negative emotions when you think about her, but you don’t care what she’s become.

On the other hand, thinking about the panic that Leah could feel if she wakes up without seeing you by her side makes you retrace your steps.

Leah is still asleep when you find your hotel room, but she quickly starts moving as soon as you get rid of your shoes and coat. You get back on the bed and put a hand in her hair, only now realizing your body temperature difference.

"Your hands are freezing" Leah complains, shivering, trying to stick against you probably to regain a little warmth.

"I'm sorry" you mumble while laying a kiss on the top of her head.

It only takes a few seconds for Leah to realize that you are no longer wearing your pajamas, stepping back to better observe you. Her eyebrows are frowned when she looks at your clothes and her eyes are uncertain when she rises on yours.

"Where did you go?"

"I went to Helena’s"

You didn’t hesitate a second to tell her the truth, but you flinch when you see Leah's face drops.

"Why? What happened?"

"Nothing. It’s okay Babe"

But Leah doesn’t seem convinced and even seems to have trouble understanding what pushed you to go there. And honestly, you wouldn’t be able to explain why either. Actually, you recognize a little of panic in her eyes and in her voice when she talks again.

"Did you talk to her?"

"No" you answer by shaking your head, taking her hand in yours to play with her fingers. "I didn’t see her either, just out the window. Nothing changed there, it’s still creepy and poorly maintained."

"Why didn’t you ask me to come with you? If something had happened to you, I wouldn’t have even known where to get you Y/N, you’re completely unconscious"

"Leah stop, I’m fine"

Leah looks at you with a skeptical air before suddenly drawing you against her by mumbling things far too quickly and too low for you to understand something. But you let her do it, pressing your face on her chest and letting your hands slide on her arms.

"Never do that again. Never leave without telling me where you're going."

"Promise" you sigh softly, lulled by the beating of her heart and her arms around you.

"No sleeping now" Leah grumble while tickling your ribs.

"Leah" you moan, wriggling on her to avoid her fingers.

"I’m serious Y/N. If anything happened to you…"

You quickly understand that under her grumpy air, there is also a great deal of concern. So you hurry up to look at her. It will be necessary to quickly clarify your ideas to try to make her understand what you have done.

"Nothing will happen to me, Babe. I think I just needed to see this place again to realize where I am now. To realize how far I’ve come since. And to realize how lucky I am, too."

"It has nothing to do with luck. You’ve worked a lot to get where you are" Leah says, finally relaxing a bit.

"I wasn’t just talking about football" you point out with a smirk. "But the beautiful blonde in my bed, too."

Leah laughs while hearing you and you take advantage of her change of mood to deposit several kisses on her face, in the hollow of her neck and about every square centimeter of her skin that you can reach.

********

The match being important, the training camps were rather harsh and severe. You get up early in the morning to have breakfast with the team before going to train until lunch. A short walk through Oslo follows to relax before resuming training for the afternoon. In the late afternoon you have either physical strengthening or other activities such as swimming pool or other things that are supposed to increase your chances of winning.

Needless to say, when you return to your room at night, you are exhausted. Luckily Leah continues to discover Norway with your parents or cousin, or all three, which doesn’t make you feel too guilty for bringing her here without being able to take full care of her. The team is staying in the same hotel, three floors below Leah’s room. You managed to sneak into Leah’s room several times during the stay, regaining the comfort and benefits of her arms.

The massages and baths she offers you are much more pleasant than the care provided by the team caregivers, we will not lie.

The day of the game comes quickly and you learn that you will be part of the eleven players of the beginning of the game. You play against Italy, a team that you don’t know too well but that has shown its qualities many times. You are not extremely confident, but as you have nothing to lose it’s with some form of conviction that you join the field.

The stadium is pretty full and when you listen to the Italian national anthem, you look for Leah in the family area. You can’t help but smile when you see her, even if you quickly realize that she put on a Norway team jersey over her jacket. When she realizes that you are looking at her, she turns around before pointing to the back of the jersey. If you can’t read the name from where you are, you have no problem recognizing the number. And it’s yours.

"If that’s not dedication" mumbles Guro next to you with an amused smile.

You give her a quick look in turn, before greeting the Italian players who parade in front of you. You spotted Mapi a few rows above Leah and your family in the bleachers, all also dressed in a Norwegian jersey.

As you might have guessed, the game is physical and tactfully hard. Italy play in a rather rough way, each time flirting with the limit of the yellow card. So you find yourself quite often on the ground and it starts hitting on your nerves from the middle of the first half. You swear in Norwegian when the referee whistles after another tackle against you, accepting Ingrid’s hand to help you get up.

"Don’t let them get in your head, that’s exactly what they want. Stay focus." Ingrid tells you before joining the players standing close to the goal to try and get the free kick to the bottom of the net.

In Arsenal, it’s Katie who shoots the free kicks, but in the Norway team, it’s you who does it. You have been watching her a lot over the last few months, her kick and the precision she shows have always given you a lot of admiration. Even when you played her in Manchester City. Trying to remember the advices she gave you over time, you exhale before you step out of the ball to hit it.

You have the impression that it flies in slow motion, before finding the head of Vilde Bøe Risa and finishing at the bottom of the nets. The shouts of the crowd suddenly resound and you quickly join the rest of your teammates to celebrate the goal. You smile when you feel a few of them tapping on the head to congratulate yourself, returning to your place to allow the match to resume. When you look towards Leah, you can only smile when she raises her thumb in your direction.

It’s only with a small advantage on the counter that you find the changing rooms, but as your coach says, it’s better than nothing. You take advantage of the warmth of the changing rooms to warm up a little, accompanied by a hot tea. When you find the ground fifteen minutes later, the cold is still present but it seems to you less unpleasant.

Italy manages to equalize at the sixtieth minute, but thanks to a good pass from Ingrid you manage to allow Norway to regain the advantage about ten minutes later. The tension is palpable as the minutes pass the contacts become even more brutal than before.

And what was to happen happened.

It’s in the eighty-eighth minutes that you are again launched towards the goal.

You know that if you manage to score, it will definitely qualify your team. So you try to ignore your painful muscles and the different bruises that will definitely mark your body in a few hours to move away at full speed towards the opposing goalkeeper.

You only have one opponent to eliminate to get there, but she seems determined not to let you pass. The tackle you undergo is far from clean, your leg gripped in pincers between her two, emiting a sinister crack when you fall back on the ground.

The pain is immediate and so intense that you cannot hold back a real cry of pain. With your face leaning against the grass, you try to grab your leg to try to reduce the pain but you release it quickly when you understand your mistake. You’re in such pain that you can’t figure out exactly where you’re hurt.

Above you, an argument quickly broke out between several of your teammates and the player responsible for the tackle. The medical team is quickly at your side and you can’t help but push their hands when they start examining your leg.

"Don’t touch me" you beg by turning on your back.

Mixed up in the argument, Ingrid ends up shifting her attention to you by hearing the talking you have with the doctors. When she kneels beside you, one of the doctors quickly asks her to hold your hands to let them work. Ingrid obeys, letting you grab her hands as hard as you can.

Your best friend looks up at the family stands in front of you. She can therefore see that Leah has left her seat and moved as close to the field as possible, seeking to see as best as possible what is happening. Her face is twisted by worry, but what surprises Ingrid above all is to see that Mapi joined her and put a hand probably supposed to be comforting on Leah’s shoulder.

At their side, your parents and your cousin don’t seem to be particularly comfortable either.

Her eyes then rest on you when you are given morphine, before transferring to a stretcher. You leave the field under applause, but the pain and fear of the reality of your injury don’t allow you to appreciate them. Stretcher movements give you intense pain and you have to bite your hands so you don’t scream again. It’s a real relief when morphine finally takes effect some minutes after.

On the field, the end of the game is quickly whistled after the incident. When Ingrid joins her family and yours, she hugs Mapi while being having to answer hundred questions from your parents.

"Is it her ACL?" is the only question Leah asks.

"I don’t know" sighs Ingrid shaking her head, always in Mapi's arms. "She was... She wasn't able to say where exactly her pain was. I can try to get you into the locker room and infirmary if she hasn’t already left for the hospital. But maybe not everyone."

"Go ahead, Leah" your mother replies almost immediately, tapping on the blonde’s shoulder.

Leah hesitates for a split second, not wanting to interfere with the needs and desires of her in-laws. But one look at your father is enough to convince her and she skillfully jumps over the fence.

Ingrid trains her more or less discreetly towards the tunnel to reach the inside of the stadium, exchanging only a few words with your national coach in Norwegian. Obviously Leah doesn't understand a word of it, she only has in mind to be able to find you and know what you have.

Only a few dozen minutes have passed since the shock and your injury, but it seems to you that it's rather long hours. Despite the morphine, you continue to feel spikes of pain. You have never felt such intense pain and you find yourself having to focus on the painting of the ceiling to not lose consciousness.

After three knocks against the door, it opens slowly, letting your best friend and girlfriend pass.

"Leah" you manage to croak and she rushes towards you.

One of her hand squeezes your hand and the other gently caresses your hair while her eyes search for yours.

"What did they say?" Leah asks

"Nothing" you admit pitifully "They were waiting for morphine to take effect, it was hurting to much until now"

Speaking of which, you see two doctors come back inside the room and Ingrid slips away without having laid a kiss on your forehead. And after getting Leah’s promise to keep her informed.

Some new swearing in Norwegian escapes from your lips when they start auscultating you, Leah mentally promises herself to ask you about it in a few days. But right now she’s too busy sympathizing with your pain and looking for a way to turn you away from what’s happening.

"Did we win at least?"

"Yeah. 2-1. You were amazing by the way, we’re gonna have to fight to keep you at Arsenal if you keep playing that well."

You roll your eyes but you are quickly brought to the heart of the matter by the main doctor. He speaks Norwegian, so you have to translate it to Leah.

"What did he say?"

"He thinks it’s a fracture. They’ll transfer me to the hospital."

"At least it’s not your ACL" Leah sighs of relief.

You grimace before addressing the doctor again, asking if it's possible that someone could bring the things you left in the locker room.

Ingrid brings them to you, already changed and showered when she appears. Your parents, your cousin and Mapi follow her. All these people are not allowed to follow you to the hospital, but you reassure them as much as possible. You promise once again to keep them informed and you kiss them before going to the ambulance. Quickly realizing that it's impossible to put your foot on the ground or even hop while holding on to Leah, you are pushed on a bed to the vehicle.

Arriving at the hospital, you enjoy being able to wash yourself, with the precious help of Leah. You sigh with despair when you have to put on one of these hospital gowns, but this gives you the right to have access to a room and it's always more pleasant than the ambient noise of the reception of the emergency.

You leave Leah for a few moments to go for the scanner and she's eating the vanilla pudding of your meal tray when you come back.

"You hate vanilla" she exclaims for an excuse with an innocent face when you look at her with an half amused-half severe smile.

It also turns out that this is the only food that the blonde likes on what is offered on this set. You eat without much conviction under the insistence of Leah, the blonde certifying that she promised your mother to take care of you and that it begins by ensuring that you eat properly.

You both doze off when the doctors come back with your test results, you on your bed and Leah in a chair next to you. The blonde stubbornly refused to lie next to you despite your insistence, being too afraid to hurt you.

Leah’s frustration is at its height when you are given information in your native language, not understanding any of the words spoken. There is no similarity between these two languages and she wonders how you learned to speak English so well under these conditions.

"So?" she asks barely a second after the doctor has finished talking.

"Tibial tray fracture" you mumble

"Do you need surgery?"

You shake your head negatively, a little stunned by all this. You are interrupted by the doctor who tells you a few more words before leaving the room, shaking your hand then Leah's.

********

The night at the hospital was complicated for you, apart from the pain that kept you awake for many hours, you had to be taken away so that they put a cast that you will have to keep for a few weeks, before changing it for a splint. The only time you got your smile back was when you could choose the color of your blast.

"Red" you answered without hesitation.

"Red?" Leah asked when she saw the nurses preparing the mixture.

"If I have to stay stuck in the bleachers for a few weeks, I might as well match the colors of Arsenal"

You shrugged, trying to hide your sadness from this idea. Leah went through a lot more difficult than that and you don’t want to impose your moods on her. But she seems to have perfected her ability to read your thoughts since she immediately raised your face gently for you to look at her.

"Oh no, not that. You have the right to be sad, you have the right to be angry and you have the right to blame the whole world. But you don’t have the right to shut yourself up and not talk about how you feel. You don’t have to tell me if you’d rather confide to Less or someone else, but don’t shut yourself. Please."

Throat knotted, you couldn’t say anything, so you just nodded. That was enough for Leah who laid a tender kiss on your cheek.

"And you can count on me to be there every step of the way"

"I know" you smiled softly

With you and Leah not leaving until two days later, you mostly stayed in your hotel room after leaving the hospital. You have been busy for a long time with the various calls and messages you have received from many of your relatives. Instead of calling you once a week, your mother called you every day. And of course you got calls from Ingrid, Leila, Laia, Alessia (who in the meantime changed her name in your phone by Sis ✨), Katie and finally almost all of Arsenal.

"Nice free kick" told you Katie when she called you via FaceTime "I will have competition to take it at Arsenal, it’s good."

When you flew back to London and you’ve never been happier living in an elevator building. All that remains is to hope that it doesn’t break down for the next six weeks, when you can apparently start walking again without having the leg immobilized.

Leah will keep her promise to not to leave you alone for the slightest minute as she will establish a whole program with the club’s doctors so that your rehabilitation and the strengthening exercises you have to do will be planned at exactly the same times as the workouts of the others. When you’re not at Arsenal facilities, you are at home with her.

And on game days, you watch them play. The next match is against Aston Villa and you regret a little not participating in the game alongside Leah. Being able to beat the team in which your two exes evolve is a little too interesting idea for you, but it will wait next time. Meanwhile, you just follow Leah with your eyes, carefully studying Jordan’s behavior towards her.

Arsenal wins hands down and even if you are disappointed not to play with your team, you are very proud of your teammates. At the end of the match, you follow Lia who was replaced towards the end of the match on the field with your crutches, struggling a little because of the slippery ground. But you quickly reach the height of Alessia that you take in your arms to congratulate her on the goal she scored.

You’re having a hard time finding Leah in the crowd of players and you can’t help but get a little nervous about Jordan getting her before you. It’s however Katie who turns you away from this idea when she suddenly arrives behind you to lift you and begin to carry you like a bride.

"Let go of me, you maniac" you laugh when you see her starting a lap without letting you go.

"Why? Show everyone your cast!"

During one of the lunch breaks, her and Leah worked hard to reproduce the Arsenal logo on your cast and they are both very proud of their work. Your cast also has the names of all your teammates, a cat drawning made by Viv supposed to represent Raven, flowers made by Alessia and an Australian flag made by Kyra.

You roll your eyes, your arms around Katie's neck to stabilize you.

"Uh, the other way please" you mumble realizing that Lia is now exchanging a few words with Alina, right in the direction that Katie is going.

"Oops."

The Irish changes direction, only so that you find yourself facing Leah who looks at you both with fun.

"Can you give me back my girlfriend now please?"

"Dunno. I like her" Katie tease Leah as she tighten you up against her.

"I’m here too, by the way"

You see Caitlin waving her arm with a big smile a few meters from you, making the three of you laugh. When Katie finally puts you down, Leah beckons you to climb on her back, making you frown.

"People are gonna think this is weird, no?"

"Leah was in the stands of your last game with a jersey named after you. What would be weird is that they haven’t figured it out yet" Manu, who joined you, says.

"She’s right" Leah shrugged. "And at worst, we don’t care?"

Since the blonde doesn’t seem to see the slightest inconvenience, you don’t make yourself pray any longer. Leaning on her shoulders, you jump on her back, Leah passing her arms under your thighs so she can carry you properly. You greet the crowd from time to time when you hear your name, talking about everything and nothing with Leah and your teammates.

"So, we don't care right?" You ask Leah after a few minutes.

"Yes, why?"

You’re not answering her question. Instead, you lean over her and kiss her cheek, then the corner of her lips when she turns her head towards you. She grins and you grin back at her.

"Hard launch" Caitlin sings, her arm around Katie's waist.

"Yeah, you're the one to talk" Leah laughs while looking at them.

You didn’t see Jordan after the game and when you ask Alessia a little after, she will tell you that she actually went back to the locker room almost right after the whistle. It probably means to you that seeing you with Leah is difficult for her, probably confirming your theory. But the photos you see on social media a little later, while you are peacefully lying in Leah’s arms in your bed, could alone confirm that the blonde has indeed moved on.

The way she looks at you on those pictures gives you butterflies in your stomach and a wave of affection for her. Leah will only have two seconds to understand what happens to her when you drop your phone on the mattress to go up for her lips and kiss her passionately. She’s yours.

#woso x reader #woso imagine #leah williamson #leah williamson x reader #leah williamson imagine

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pynkgothicka · 9 months

Text

ＤＥＡＴＨＪＪＫ

Synopsis - After your husband passes, your therapist gives you a new opportunity to be with him. (Part one of The Monster Series.)

Pairing - Yandere! Dark! Android! Jeon Jungkook x Widower! Fem! Reader

Featuring - Steven Yuen

Tags and Warnings - Violence, Death, Yelling

Authors Note - One down 5 more to go

A friendly reminder that all my works are dark fanfiction! Please if you do not like that do not read them! This is your final warning before hitting the keep reading button!!

“Ma'am, he's not coming back.”

You stared in shock at the body on the side of the road. Your husband was laying dead a bullet wound in his chest and you couldn't do anything about it.

“Kook…. No…. Kook….”

The cop there had to physically drag you away. You crying and sobbing as you watched him get dragged away.

But that was a long time ago.

Sitting down in your therapists office had you in a daze, your mind on a constant loop of that night. Hands covering your tear stained eyes. “Miss Jeon, his death was over a year ago. Yet you can't seem to get past it. Why is that?” Your therapist commented as she sat in the chair in front of you.

“I miss him, he was my life. Jeon Jungkook was my everything.” You said looking down at your lap. “I sit in the house he saved up to buy for us and I'm just surrounded by him.”

“He was taken when you needed him most…”

“You know this… Why are you asking me this?” You say looking at her with a aggravated look on your face.

Your therapist let out a sigh before reaching into her desk. He then handed you a card. On the front read DEATH.

Deceased

Electric

Android

Therapeutic

Humanoid

“Take it. You need it. Call the number on the back and they'll set everything up.”

🤖

That's what led you to sitting in a random office. You came about 30 minutes before after setting up a appointment.

The entire building had this futuristic build to it. Every light had a light neon blue glow to them. And almost everything was automated through technology. Outside the large glass window and saw all sorts of people with androids in general. It was kind of creepy yet sad knowing what the company was for.

“Hello Mrs. Jeon. I heard about your situation.” You were pulled out of your gaze as a man in a sleek white lab coat walked in. His name tag read, Lead Scientist Mr. Yuen. “It's quiet, sad really. Having your husband taken from you at such a crucial part of the relationship.” He walked to sit behind the desk in front of you.

“Yes, so… what exactly do you guys do?” You ask trying to pull away from the topic of your husbands demise.

“Well,” He pulls out a hard drive, written on the front in sharpie the letters JJK. “This is your husband's entire consciousness. We'd gotten access to your husband's brain. Your lucky he was a organ donor.”

You could feel tears prick your eyes. Your husband was right there.

He was so close.

“We take this and put it into a android. That android is as close to a human as we could get it. Even the skin feels realistic. Height, weight, even a replica of all that junk down there. Practically a one to one ratio.” Mr. Yuen chuckles. “And this will cost nothing as our company is pretty new. We really just need people to say what we offer works.”

You were desperate. You do care anymore, it was something. You nodded as Mr Yuen smiled and placed a stack of paperwork in front of you. “He'll be ready for you in a few hours.”

🤖

You sat in a lounge area waiting patiently. You looked mindlessly through a magazine, trying to be as level headed as possible.

“Mrs Jeon!”

Your head shot up at the sound of your name being called. It took you a bit to stand up but when you did you were in shock.

There he stood.

The love of your life.

Jeon Jungkook.

“Baby?”

His voice sounded exactly the same. It was him. Your mind was clouded at being reunited with him, and all you could do was cry and run towards him. You hugged him, and you could feel him hug you back. His strength showed as he nearly crushed you.

“Okay okay you have to let go!” You said giggling. Jungkook did, him looking at you with nothing but love and adoration. You looked at the side of his forehead seeing a blue ring of light.

It reminded you of what this actually was. And how this wasn't actually him…

“It doesn't have to be there…” Jungkook said looking at your eyes on the led light. You watched in bewilderment as his skin tone covered the blue circular ring. “Is that better?”

You nod mindlessly as you take Jungkooks cheeks in your hands to kiss him.

It was quick but needed.

Even his lips were just as soft as Jungkooks.

Mr. Yuen stood off to the side and when he felt it was needed walked up to you to shake your hand.

“It was a pleasure doing business with you Mrs Jeon. If you have any issues please do call.”

🤖

Things started to go wrong almost a week into bringing him home. You were seated on the couch with him, going through a old photo album. You were pointing out memories the both of you had, trying to see if he had the memories of your lost love.

And he was struggling.

“Kook, baby… you don't remember this?” You said pointing towards your first date. He'd taken you to go to a book store. But He just stared at it trying to process what he saw but he just couldn't.

“I'm sorry. I can't… I don't remember.” Jungkook said putting his head into his hands. “I-I’m so sorry.” It sounded as if he was crying, which was something you didn't even know he could do. Then again he is supposed to be the closest thing to a human.

With a shakey hand you patted his back trying to comfort him. Then your wrapped your arms around him, kissing the side of his face. “It's okay. Trust me we'll get through this one step at a time. I should be apologizing, I tried forcing way too much onto you.” You say kissing the top of his head once again.

“I don't get it… I don't fucking get it.” He growled the grip on his head getting harsher. He then reeled his head back and slammed it into the coffee table. You quickly grab his shoulders to pull him back.

“Kook! Kook! Stop!” You yelled as he struggled against you, trying to punish himself. He then seemingly stopped, artificial tears cascading down his face.

“What happened…?” He asked looking at you with those same soft eyes you fell for.

“Nothing. Nothing at all.”

🤖

You spend about a month with your new android husband, his mood changes still existing. But you looked past them, and instead just tried to work with him.

Like now you two were on a date and Jungkook was a gentleman and his usual playful self.

“Honestly I like eating. It's something about all those textures in your mouth that just make the experience!” Jungkook stated describing eating as if it was the best thing in the world. But all you could do was laugh at his antics. You wish you had that much joy for living.

Jungkook stared at you dumbfounded. “What's so funny?” He said beginning to laugh with you.

“Your just, so amused by seemingly little things. It's kind of funny.” You reply smiling. This was almost reminiscent of how you and your actual husband were. That was until the waiter cam around for about the 5th time that night. Jungkook would get more angry by the minute anytime he was around. Like now, as Jungkook stopped laughing and side eyed the waiter as he passed the drinks. As soon as he left you spoke up, “Kook, baby you have to calm down.”

“I'm calm. He just needs to leave us alone.” He seethes under his breath.

Then the waiter returns.

And Jungkook shoots up, grabs his arm and begins to yell at him. “Leave us the fuck alone!” People gasp as the waiter groans out. “Man you're bruising me!” The waiter says trying to prey Jungkook off. You get up and grab his shoulder.

“Let go! Let go now!” You yell and Jungkook almost immediately retracts his grasp. Your left embarrassed, and finally state that this is the last straw as you leave in a hurry.

🤖

“Hi I was told to call this number if I something was wrong with my product.” You stood outside on the porch of your house.

“Ma'am. I'm afraid there's nothing we can do.” The receptionist replies. Your face furrows as you raise your voice.

“What? There's obviously something wrong, my husband has never acted this way. I need to talk Dr Yuen. Please!” You practically begged.

“Ma'am. DEATH company has ceased to exist. Too many bugs, and you seem to have one. I say either get rid of the product or live with it. Good day.” Then the phone hangs up.

The first option was out of the question.

You couldn't see him die again.

But you didn't know how much longer you could live with the android. His mood swings become more and more drastic every day.

With a heavy head and heart you walked back in, bumping into Jungkooks hard chest.

“You think something is wrong with me.” He said solemnly.

“Kook baby, no… you're just… I think….” You couldn't even muster up a excuse for him. “It's just that… your not… my husband…”

You tried to walk past him but he moved in your way. “I'm not? Then why do I have all these thoughts? Why do I consistently feel plagued by him?” He spat at you. You moved to one side and quickly went the other way around him. “My mind is filled with you! His thoughts about you … I'm him!”

“Calm down… Please! I'm- I didn't mean what I said!” You beg putting your hands up as a act of defense. Jungkook seethed grabbing at his hair. He moved it forcibly.

“Is it this?” He yelled showing the led ring on the side of his skull. “Is it the fact that your “husband” wasn't a robotic freak!” You quickly love your footing falling onto the carpet. You felt a sharp pain in your arm as your forced to drag yourself away.

In fear, you watched as Jungkook took to a nearby mirror throwing it to the ground. You screamed as glass shot near him everywhere. He picked up a sizeable piece and took it to the side of his head. “I can change… I will change…” He then began to cut at the piece, all the while stepping towards you. He yanked it out throwing the circle to the side.

Jungkook now stood over you.

“Am I like him now? Am I your perfect husband….” He taunted. You shake your head no as you cried beneath his form. He just smiled. “Your lying… and in denial. Look at that arm… you broke it. All because you tried to get away from me.”

“Your…. you're not my husband. Your a monster.” You said with finality. The pain in your arm made your vision spotty.

“No baby… I'm your love. And I'm not leaving anytime soon.”

Let me know through a dm or ask to be included in my official Taglist- @darkuni63

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bonny-kookoo · 5 months

Note

I have a question since all the guys have pretty much enlisted now, where’s snowball? Is she on her own? Was that possible? Did she get entrusted to someone else’s care?

The fact that someone remembers Snowball...

---

Time is ticking by. Jungkook's apartment has never felt this big before.

You've been spending the past hours staring at the front door, expecting the familiar chime of his door code to signal his return- but he won't be coming back.

For a while.

When the door does open, it's not Jungkook- but your hybrid staff, picking you up with a kind expression. He knows that you must feel awful right now with the last one gone, and especially the member who's had the most contact with you recently- but at least, you won't be all alone.

Jungkook had taken you everywhere these past few months. To every concert, photoshoots, has even had you featured in one of the vogue photoshoots for japan- the country a lot more eager for hybrid content, fans happily devouring the special edition magazine with your pictures in it. And back home, the waves of hate have begun to die down as well- now many of them simply question how you'll cope for the next eighteen months without your lover.

You'll have to manage. You promised him.

In the car, it's quiet. You don't want to leave Jungkook's place, but you can't stay there all on your own- so you had to leave, at least for now, until you can visit and help keeping it clean and ready for his return, a job you'd requested to help with.

You stand in front of the door, hybrid staff having left you with a kind hug, bags next to you. It takes ages before someone opens- though it was realistically only maybe three minutes.

"Hey there." The familiar, gentle voice rings out, and you walk in at that, carrying your bags, before you let yourself fall into his arms. "It'll be fine." He reassures you with his arms around you. "Time will fly by, I promise."

You don't see that happening yet. It all seems like forever right now.

But right here, on the couch in the much darker designed home, time might just pass by at least a bit softer. Because Jungkook was right when he tried to reassure your almost panicking mind when you saw him off for his service- you're not alone. The world wasn't that harsh on you.

It's just during the day that you'll have to occupy yourself.

And you already have put multiple projects on your plate- from learning how to knit to make them all blankets to have in their homes, to practicing your language skills so you can be usefull overseas with translating. There's a lot you want to do. Maybe time will indeed pass by quicker than you think right now.

"Let's go to bed for now, hm?" He hums, before he kisses your cheek. "I'm sure your head hurts from all the tears." He teases, and you playfully growl at him, before you lean back into him to have him hold you- have him remind you that it's all just a bit weird right now. But they'll soon be all together again.

For now, you'll just stay with Yoongi.

And that's not a bad thing at all.

#bts imagine #bts fanfic #bts fic #min yoongi imagines #yoongi imagine #yoongi x reader #yoongi imagines #hybrid imagine #bts yoongi imagine #min yoongi imagine

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sorcerersandskillusers · 1 year

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Bungou stray dogs takes forgettable characters and turns them into flushed out fan favourites, without it seeming forced or rushed

This series can take completely random characters and in just a few panels/lines get me fully invested in there stories and lives.

There are so many examples of this

Tachihara: No one really cared about this guy at first, a lot of people (myself included) even got him confused with Tanizaki, he was the definition of forgettable.

Then boom, they reveal that not only is he a traitor, but he is also struggling with his identity and finding a place to truly belong, this inner conflict making him feel way more human and making him a fan favourite.

Rimbaud: During 'Dazai Chuuya 15' I just thought Rimbaud was a typical " I have to kill you for power and I'm evil bad guy" and I never thought I'd end up liking him.

But then in 'Stormbringer' with less then 10 pages worth of story, He was transformed into an incredibly tragic figure who desperately wanted save his partner from the pit of despair and loneliness he was falling into; but couldn't, and in the end had to give up his humanity to prove that he really loved him. and suddenly I'm crying over him.

Aya: When she was introduced I just thought she was purely motivation for Kunikida, she was kind of annoying and seemed like a very one off character.

But then they bring her back as one of the most important characters in the current conflict, and are showing us her backstory. which is a horrifyingly realistic case of child abuse, and a parent who loves the memory of his wife and daughter more then the real daughter still Infront of him. And now I just want to hug her and tell her that she is perfect the way she is.

There are loads more so here some rapid fire.

Higuchi: Wan gives her the chance to fully embrace the #girlfail lifestyle she has in the show, which made me like her a lot more

Gin: Seeing her have a life outside of the mafia, and that not taking away from how terrifying and competent she is as an assassin, expands her character and humanises the Port Mafia as a whole.

Bram: Not just making him "I am the lord of darkness, who just wants to consume the whole world and destroy everything because evil"

But instead making him feel like as much of a victim as the agency in The Decays plot and letting him want a radio so he can listen to music.

There are loads more but you get the picture.

So if you ever feel like a character was completely waisted, or that they never had a satisfying arc, just give it time and have faith in Asagiri.

He takes his time sometimes but keeps surpassing my expectations.

Characters Im excited for in the future:

Margret Mitchell.

Agatha Christy.

Alexander Pushkin.

#bsd higuchi #bsd rimbaud #arthur rimbaud #bsd stormbringer #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #bsd tachihara #gin akutagawa #aya koda #bram bsd #bungou stray dogs character analysis #analysis #bungou stray dogs analysis #bsd analysis #character analysis #kafka asagiri

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thanksjro · 5 months

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Transformers Holiday Special (2015) — Wishing You and Yours a Delightfully Secular Wintertime, Containing Absolutely Zero References to the Birth of Christ

Despite what some might like to think, Christmas isn’t for everyone; even with all the commercialization, at its heart, it’s still about the Baby Jesus. You can tell that we haven’t shaken the Christian connection, because the cover for this special issue has the father, the son, and the holy spirit, which is hidden behind the company logo.

And if Rodimus doesn’t stop screwing around, his resurrection’s gonna have to happen a lot sooner than Easter.

Because this is a comic special, things are going to be a little different. Instead of one standard-size issue, we’re getting three mini-stories, each with their own writer (from each of the comic runs that were publishing at the time) and artist. Our stories are listed here:

Don’t worry about what Ultra Magnus is up to behind that text.

Now, you may ask, why on earth am I covering this issue, which is a specifically Christmassy one, now, when it’s not currently Christmas? Well, according to Roberts, the story “Silent Light” takes place after MTMTE #49, and #50 is when the crew manifest for the Lost Light gets shaved down some, so realistically, this is when “Silent Light” happens in continuity. So I want you to keep in mind that Getaway’s Christmas isn’t going so great.

I won’t be going back to catch up on the other runs’ plots, as the Christmas stories are stand-alone.

Getting into it, our first story is:

Penned by Mairghread Scott and drawn by Corin Howell. We open up on a cityscape featuring a happy sun and some eye-searing narration boxes.

I went to Howell’s Twitter to see what her deal was, and was greeted with a banner consisting of a sexy succubus lady with her boobies out, so I’m going to assume she simplified her style for this issue, since mecha are hella difficult to draw.

Also, I hope you like the structure of How The Grinch Stole Christmas!, because that’s what we’re getting for the next little while, complete with chunky, white text on painful-to-view red.

Our story opens with all the transformers from the colonies visiting Cybertron and making friends with each other. Everything is beautiful and nothing hurts, which pisses off President-King Starscream to no end. Being the drama queen that he is, Starscream feels that everyone should be paying attention to him 24/7 and feed him grapes as he reclines on a sofa, because hasn’t he done enough for all these sorry sacks of shit? He hasn’t even caused a war, unlike the last guy who was in charge. Bumblebee (who is a ghost) tells him to just be fucking nice for once in his miserable life, but Starscream wouldn’t be Starscream if he could settle down like that.

Our god-king of the planet calls for his aide, Rattrap, who is going to be in his alt mode for the entirety of this story, to help him set up for a public broadcast addressing his need for attention and adoration.

He sends Rattrap off to deliver the tape to the news, which seems to consist of two very sleep-deprived individuals. Because they’re apparently the only two robots stupid enough to attempt to cover the nightmare hellscape that is Cybertronian current events, the last bit of Starscream’s tape is cut off when one of them falls asleep on the switchboard. This turns Starscream’s personal worship holiday into “For the Love of God Be Nice to Each Other” Day. Everyone takes to it beautifully, getting BFF tattoos, going on vacation with their husbands, hugging in the straightest gay way possible, holding parades, giving each other bombs, and getting absolutely shitfaced.

Starscream, distraught that nobody is giving him the emperor treatment like he had wanted, sulks in his twin bed, then moves to his dinky little throne as the night wears on, making the most miserable faces he can the whole time. Eventually, Chosen One Day ends, and he’s been completely ignored. Very sad.

Then, there’s a knock on his door, and Starscream creeps over to the peephole just in time to be smashed flat by Wheeljack slamming the door open. Last time we saw Wheeljack he was assumed dead by most, and floating in a tank at Starscream’s behest. He’s gotten better since then, clearly.

Wheeljack came with friends— the entirety of the main cast for Windblade/Til All Are One, to be exact— and they’re here to make sure that Starscream isn’t completely alone on this friendship holiday he accidentally invented. Everyone toasts to his good, totally intentional idea, and Starscream decides against killing all of them for at least the next 24 hours.

Now pay attention to this next story, because it’s actually canon-relevant, because of course Roberts would write a holiday special mini-comic that ties into his overarching plot. Fucking nerd.

Our artist for “Silent Light” is Kotteri (or Kotteri!, as it’s been written on some of their other publications) the pen name for Ikumi Fukuda. Kotteri is primarily a manga artist, having created their own works and well as working on other projects. I admittedly can’t find much on this person, not even their preferred pronouns, TFWiki itself using “they”, which I will default to. All of the info they’ve provided themself is, of course, written in Japanese, but even running things through a translator only proves that information to be purely professional. Their personal Twitter is protected, and my follow request was never answered, as far as I know. There’s a fan Twitter account for their art that claims “she”, but I have no way to verify, and I don’t want to assume anything based on art style, because that’s sort of shitty. Let it never be said that I didn’t do my due diligence here— I fucking hate using Twitter.

We open with Rodimus having just returned from Meteorfest, a festival where you surf on meteors and avoid your co-captain and SIC’s calls like the putz you are. He’s greeted by said co-captain and SIC decorating assembling a Christmas tree cloaking machine and finishing each other’s sentences like an old married couple. Rodimus tries to deny the existence of Minimegs, then we get our heavy-handed and lampshaded explanation for the crux of the issue. Megatron handles Minimus like a baby doll as the two of them explain that the Lost Light is about to hit Mauler territory.

Maulers are notorious for wanting the Cybertronians dead, but Megatron is too much of a macho man to pussy out and go around them. So instead, the crew will be hiding in special sleeping pods that will mask their spark signatures, and pray to their pantheon of gods that no one notices the ship the size of Manhattan. Brainstorm has like fifteen new inventions, despite being on house arrest from his lab. Megatron’s autobot badge is wearing a hat. Merry fucking Christmas.

Over at Swerve’s, it would appear that everyone’s favorite television junkie is closed for business, as it’s just him, Nautica, and Whirl, sitting on the floor getting absolutely shit-faced on subspace-filtered engex. This might’ve been an issue, as folks are supposed to be bedding down in their B.E.D.s for the next leg of the trip, but Swerve slipped Magnus some Bing Crosby earlier so they’re cool right now.

There’s a banging at the door, and Whirl decides to answer, even though it’s not his bar, because if it’s trouble come a-knocking, it was probably looking for Whirl anyhow.

When Whirl answers, however, it’s not Magnus having caught wind of Nautica disrespecting the Autobot code, but an entirely different flavor of problem.

Now, I know that thing Whirl’s holding looks like a fucked up Hitachi Wand, but it is, in fact, an entire-ass baby robot. It seems that when Cerebros (Fortress Maximus’s friend, if you’ll recall) sent the engex through the subspace, this infant Cybertronian (Luna One-ian?) got mixed in with the other supplies.

We learn a bit about how baby Cybertronians work before we remember, oh right, this kid is gonna get everyone killed if they catch wind of her spark, since there isn’t a B.E.D. for her. Yes, it’s a girl! Congrats to our three idiots on their Cybertronian gender non-conforming little princess.

They gang decides to shunt her back through the subspace hatch, so they head over to where it’s currently being housed— the office of Ultra Magnus. Nautica, using her wits and all the tools in her arsenal, smashes the window to the office and they break in. The empty Magnus Armor sits in the dark like a grim monument to being married to your job. Whirl informs Nautica how to comfort the baby that he super for-sure doesn’t care about, handing her off while he uses his titty glass to replace the window in the door. Swerve tries to bite through iron chains holding the subspace hatch hostage, only to be stopped by the sound of justice coming down the hall.

The gang, of course, looks suspicious as hell standing stock straight immediately in front of Magnus’s office, but Minimus rather likes the change of pace out of these goofy morons, and is maybe also trying to deflect his embarrassment at being caught performing his own personal karaoke. He sends them off to their B.E.D.s, and it looks like all’s well that ends well until Whirl asks where Sparky is.

Yes, he named the baby.

Don’t worry though, he’s totally not attached or whatever.

Nautica, in her panic to not be caught stealing/vandalizing/using equipment she doesn’t have the clearance for, stuffed Sparky in the Magnus Armor. And also put the helmet portion back on the body, for some reason. Anyway, it looks like our little princess is gonna be a load-bearer when she grows up, because Magnus is up and looking for hugs. Nautica, a paragon of level-headed thinking in times of crisis, handles this in the best way she can.

And that’s a wrap on Minimus Ambus! Let’s give him a hand, folks! And let’s also give a hand to the new Ultra Magnus, Miss Sparky Whirldòttir! Where did that little scamp get to, anyhow?

Swerve nominates himself to be the one to drag Minimus to a B.E.D. to sleep off his concussion, leaving Whirl and Nautica to track down the baby.

The scene changes to Megatron announcing a last call for beddy-bye time on the intercom, just as Ultra Sparky enters the room. She looms over Megatron, putting him in a very compromising position as he hits the intercom button with his arm. Rodimus, climbing into his own B.E.D., wishes that his co-captain and SIC would stop being gay for, like, five minutes, or at least wouldn’t do it where it can be broadcasted throughout the whole ship in audio format.

Whirl and Nautica come save Megatron from the onslaught of physical affection, stating that “Magnus” has had a bit too much to drink. Megatron orders them to bed from his fetal position on the countertop.

It’s bedtime, but we still haven’t figured out how to get the kid back to Luna 1 so the Maulers don’t super-murder the whole crew. Nautica leaves Whirl to figure it out, getting into B.E.D. and wondering who the fuck knocked on the door in the first place. Whirl tells her not to worry about it and to go to sleep, so he can be the one to deal with this mess.

Whirl, notorious for doing all the nastiest jobs— former Wrecker, intended bullet sponge for the time travel situation, attempting suicide via Megatron— is going to add another tally to the list labeled “Reasons My Peers Don’t Really Like Me All That Much”, by throwing an entire baby out the air lock.

However, Whirl is being written by Roberts, who would never allow the number of robot babies to go down, so Sparky’s adorable assimilation of Whirl’s signature physical features gets him right in the soft underbelly he swears doesn’t exist.

Wow, Roberts put a baby in that robot. Surely this is as overt as we’re going to get with this imagery, since we’re in a major publication and not some fan-fiction!

ANYWAY

Whirl wakes up in the Medibay, emptied of infant and freaked the hell out about it. Velocity— who I will remind you is basically the only medical doctor on the Lost Light, since everyone else is too busy getting railed by weeaboos and joining unethical polycules to do their actual jobs—informs him that his daughter is, in actuality, a massive colony of scraplets that combined to look like a newborn.

It turns out that Nautica is a bit of a snitch, having spilled the beans after she woke up. Whether or not she thought Whirl had thrown the baby out the air lock isn’t really addressed, but thank god he didn’t, because then we would have had to send everyone’s favorite gun-addled dipshit to jail for the rest of forever. Checking security footage revealed who the mystery knocker was— it was the scraplets, forming the shape of an arm.

When Nautica asks how the hell they all survived this, seeing as Whirl kept the murder baby, Whirl informs her that he cut off power to his own spark to allow everyone else to live, including his sweet baby princess, winning him a #1 Dad mug, and also several emails from Rung to please make an appointment with him.

Whirl’s miracle Christmas baby lied and stole with the intent to murder everyone on board, and that makes her the ultimate daddy’s girl.

I hope you’ve all enjoyed this canon-important holiday special story about Whirl becoming a father.

In our third and final story, it appears we’ve been transported to Whoville, by the talent of our MTMTE Season 1 colorist, Josh Burcham. Within Whoville resides Anna Log, a human woman who owns two turbofoxes and sleeps in full military body armor on her couch. The wall in her living room suddenly explodes, revealing a late-night visitor.

Motherfucker, you are supposed to be on the ship right now.

Mega-Claus fusion-cannons Anna Log, and we cut to a film noir office where none other than Thundercracker has his feet up on the desk. The art grayscales for this section, as he narrates that he’s a detective. He’s wearing a fedora. It’s January 7th. He has a mysterious past and probably thinks that makes him very sexy.

The phone rings, cueing Buster, Thundercracker’s puggle, to put on her own fedora, and the two go to see the crime scene, where Thundercracker is the same size as a normal human man and wears a trench coat.

It turns out that Anna Log is the director of security for the entirety of planet Earth, which is sort of a big deal. When Thundercracker and the cops look at the security footage, they see who did it— Santa Claus, played by Megatron himself. Fucked up.

Sure, pal.

Thundercracker must now fly to the North Pole and kill Santa, because that’s how the law works. He transforms, flies by Club Penguin and a Coke commercial, reflects on his job, and then gets ready for a fight with Santa’s security measures, as Busters glowing nose warns him of incoming danger. She’s very talented, Buster.

Thundercracker makes quick work of the cybernetic security reindeer with his twin energy katanas and Buster’s jetpack. He kicks down Santa’s door to find the jolly elf himself standing in the dark, potentially rabid. The two start kung-fu beating the shit out of each other. It should be noted that this Santa isn’t the Megatron Santa, who shows up behind the two as they brawl, but rather original-flavor fat man Santa. How Thundercracker didn’t notice this isn’t addressed.

Thundercracker demands to know why Megatron dressed up as Santa Claus to commit a murder— the murder part made sense, Director Log and Megatron would be diametrically opposed— and Megatron reveals the greatest slight against himself he’s ever known.

Framing Santa for murder ain’t exactly gonna turn that coal into a diamond, Meggy baby.

Thundercracker clocks Megatron, he becomes besties with Santa Claus, and they ride a flying tank into the sunset. Thus ends Thundercracker’s most brilliant writing project yet, which he was reading to Marissa Faireborn this entire time.

Marissa isn’t terribly impressed, poking holes in all the little nonsense bits, while also not feeling thrilled about having been killed off in the first two pages of Thundercracker’s book. While the two argue, Buster and Ayana Jones make a Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown! reference together, and the issue closes out with a big ol’ Autobot symbol, even though Thundercracker was a Decepticon, Ayana and Marissa are humans, and Buster is a goddamned dog.

Thus ends the Holiday Special. Up next, more direct story progression!

#transformers #MTMTE #holiday special #jro punches me in the face #maccadam #Hannzreads #text post #long post #comic script writing

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avrelia · 3 months

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Zuko, Mai, and their love

I adore Mai and Zuko romantic relationship on avatar the Last Airbender. Not because they have a perfect relationship, or perfectly healthy one, but because that relationship is a realistic hot mess that is true to their characters, the world they live in, and the story.

And being realistic means I see similar people with similar problems in real life, in various combinations even if they cannot bend elements and don’t stand in line to inherit a throne.

At the same time Mai and Zuko are unique in fiction and make a total sense inside their story, narrative sense and symbolic one.

We see two kids who grew up in privileged, but toxic environment, steeped in propaganda and manipulation. We don’t know much about their relationship before Zuko was banished, and it is not necessary. They meet after three years, now 15 and 16 years old, and soon they are together, and here their love story starts. It is an inversion of a familiar trope, or most tropes popular these days that emphasize slow burn and feelings developing over time, in the right order and on as steep a scale as it can be. That’s one of the reasons why enemies to lovers is so popular – it makes for a better contrast and longer road. The characters are supposed to learn about themselves and the other, to become better people, to experience all that delicious unresolved sexual tension, and then to start good and wholesome relationship that make the world a better place.

Mai and Zuko don’t do that.

They skip all the steps and start the relationship. And only then they have to deal with the problem that they don’t know each other and hardly know themselves.

Is it GOOD? no. I wouldn’t advise anyone to try that. But is it believable? Absolutely. Mai and Zuko are two traumatized teenagers who really have no idea how healthy relationships should work. They barely function as is, and not good about connecting to people beyond their immediate circle. Which is why they have easier time connecting with each other.

There are many examples of Zuko’s people skills throughout the show, but Mai hardly fares better. She can pretend she is fine, but that’s because she was trained to stand pretty and be polite to people at the parties. She can appear aloof and bored, which is way more socially acceptable than whatever Zuko (and Azula) do at parties, but she can’t really connect to people, either.

With each other, they don’t make that effort, they get together, and it is a relief and solace for both of them at that moment, even though it brings problems in the future.

And they share a lot in common – it is ridiculous to downplay those similarities or pretend that they don’t matter. They have a similar upbringing, and while similar upbringing is never a guarantee of having a good relationship, it makes many things easier at the time.

Another thing I see in their on screen interactions and the one people tend to discard – The physicality of their relationship. Mai and Zuko seem to be genuinely attracted to each other and very comfortable being physically close with each other. No speculation on how close they got, just what we see on screen – they keep touching each other, they kiss, they keep close unless they are arguing (in the Beach and the Boiling Rock). But as soon they are back together, we see them embracing. And looking rather happy while embracing each other.

Both are touch starved and have spikey demeanor with the rest of the world, both desiring contact and shying away from it at the same time, Mai plainly saying to her best friend Ty Lee that she doesn’t like hugs and showing her reluctance to return Ty Lee’s hugs. But Mai is different with Zuko, and Zuko is different with Mai than with the rest of the world. And it is not bad, it is human.

Mai and Zuko love each other, but they also prove that the famous quote “all you need is love” is not quite right. Love is there, but it doesn’t work, and these two won’t stop trying to make it work.

We are seeing them in the very beginning of their journey. Book 3 lasts three months, and half of that time they were not together. And they managed a fine progress over that time. They talk, they learn about each other, they are being stupid and awkward and wrong, but they try to understand and support each other as much as they can. They learn to trust each other. And their confrontation at the Boiling rock is all about trust.

Mai is feeling betrayed and confronts Zuko. Zuko tries to explain his reasons – and maybe it is all shocking and uncomfortable for Mai, but she trusts Zuko at the end. Even if she is not ready to join his cause, she knows him enough to trust him again. To trust his reasons and his actions to disregard her own life (and social position) in order to save his. And that’s more than love.

What about symbolism? I talked about characters, but what about overall place in the story for Mai and Zuko’s relationship? When we talk about narrative and symbolism in any story, it is important to note that there no single understanding of which symbol must mean for everyone. Not for creators, not for viewers. There no agreement even in the simple question what narrative is there. And some fans, sure, see the narrative where Mai is an evil ex or symbolizes the past one has to move on from. But I see a narrative of kids growing up in oppressive state, under propaganda, struggling to find themselves and express themselves. And it is a difficult road to walk on, so they stumble a lot but they keep going.

Another possible aspect is the one where we see Mai as the Fire Nation. The marriage between a ruler and a country is one of the oldest myths, existing across different cultures, so the relationship between Mai and Zuko get that powerful mythic aspect as well. We know that Zuko is leaving Fire Nation and is coming back to it. Of course, as any symbol, it does not fit precisely, but the parallel is there, and it is fun to think about it.

But what does that relationship give Zuko? What does it give Mai? Except for some make-out sessions? Well, a bit of refuge and solace is not that little and useless benefit. Those were teenagers who were fighting in war, on the villainous side, sure, but still Mai’s previous months were unhappy, and Zuko’s previous years were filled with anguish and trauma. Right now they can be comfortable with each other, and it’s a lot. They also help each other to change for the better. It is not a huge and sweeping change, but Mai becomes more willing to talk about feelings, her own and Zuko’s, and for Zuko his experience of Mai’s love and support gives him respite and helps to realize the truth about himself – that he has to join the Avatar and help to end the war. He knows he is not alone in the Fire Nation, that even if Mai doesn’t see that the Fire Nation is in the wrong yet, she agrees that something is wrong with the world.

Mai and Zuko’s relationship works, and not because it is perfect, wholesome and unproblematic, but because it is believable that these particular people would have this particular relationship, and at the same time it shows new, unexpected sides of the characters and highlights their problems and, provides refuge, challenges and makes them change for the better.

#atla #atla mai #zuko #avatar the last airbender #atla maiko #mai #atla meta #my posts #YMMV

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alaskaartz · 6 months

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Silk Song RAMBLE.

I have a really hard time containing my excitement so

SPOILERS FOR SILKSONG! do not read anymore of this if you want to go into silksong spoiler free!

OK BUT LIKE- The updated HK wiki was a thing today and I went and looked at the silksong part of it. and OH MY GOD- I know most of these things already but everything about silksong makes me just so excited- silksong has a lot of things that I love and adore already and team cherry really just picked up everything I love and put it into one game, which makes me literally wanna jump around my room cuz I'm so happy

Ok rambling about things now

Up first moss grotto:

THIS PLACE MAKES ME SO HAPPY. I love moss, and I love lily pads. I love EVERYTHING about this place! I love the atmosphere of it and the feeling it gives off. It feels very comforting in an odd way, with all the moss and plants mixed with what I assume to be bones makes a really comforting place. The enemies shown here are also really really cute, I just wanna hug them, they look like they'd be soft. Something about moss grotto makes it seem like the perfect place to come sit and stay if you needed some alone time, I know that sounds weird but it's the best way I can describe it- Random but in the nintendo treehouse live from forever ago you could see the shell shards ROLL on the ground! and when Hornet walks on the moss it actually looks like she's walking on it! I bring this up because of how cool but more, real feeling? It makes everything feel. The fact that the currency and the shell shards roll on the ground gives it more gravity and just- overall a very cool feel to what it would be like to, idk, hold it? Geo in Hollow Knight kinda bounces around so it's like, not as realistic idk man- Another thing is Hornet, she seems to have more gravity to her, she can't jump as high or walk/run as fast as the knight did making her almost feel, heavier. She seems like she's much heavier than Ghost was

Next up, Deep docks: (the second one is my PC's wallpaper lol)

Deep docks feels very, hot, for obvious reason. Something about deep docks aesthetic is just SO COOL. I'm writing this part from memory of the treehouse live so if I'm wrong about stuff, sorry I love the rocks and bones in Deep docks, actually I love the amount of bones in most of the screenshots and trailer things I've seen- so cool, but also in deep docks it's really cool to see the bones, rocks, magma, and machinery all mixed together I really love Lace's arena, if you look in the background you can see some moss vines (?) hanging down so that makes me think It's really close to moss grotto, but it also gives her arena a more of an overgrown feel, which is really nice ALSO CAN WE TALK ABOUT LACE'S CRAZY AIR ATTACK?? That attack is probably my favorite out of all her moves, the way she comes back down to the ground and shakes the whole place is SO COOL- she's definitely gonna be a hard boss for me to beat but DAMN she's gonna be a fun boss Also the fact that Hornet and Lace are just fighting above flowing magma like it's nothing is badass The Citadel:

HOLY SHIT?? THERE'S SO MUCH I CAN TALK ABOUT WITH THIS ONE SCREENSHOT. The way the floor is makes the room feel very omen and very big. The room also feels old, and dusty- What seems to be torn cloths and curtains around the place makes it seem like that place has been there for a very long time. I assume and guess the Citadel is doing to play a very big and important role in the story of this game, and in the lore of Pharloom. Idk who this warrior is but he seems cool, two swords and everything. There isn't much footage of the Citadel at all which makes me a little upset because this place seems just so, so grand, so big, so IMPORTANT. I also don't know why but the colors make it feel royal. This- Place:

I'd live here, saying that right now, I'd live here. I'd find a cozy little bell to live in and stay there forever. I know the guy to the right of Hornet is singing so maybe this is a safe space in Pharloom? I would think it to be like how dirtmouth is, shops but also a calm place to be after fighting for your life for the millionth time. It's really cool how bells have been turned into homes, It's a really cool touch to this place and it makes it feel really cozy. I think the bell homes would be hanging from the ceiling, cavern roof, whatever you wanna call it- And the bug either fly or climb ladders to get into the bell houses! This place just radiates safe, and homey- once again, I will find a bell and make it my home.

This:

Not much to say about it because I know so little about it, but the fact that Hornet is fighting what I assume is I giant robot bug? omg, Also it looks like it's rusting so is it not affected by the magma but affected by something else? Or is that just weird red plants, Idk

Coral Place:

THERE. ARE. FISH. This place feeds my internal love of pirates, and anything ocean. The coral looks so alive and this place seems like it's gonna have cool stuff in it

PLEASE TELL ME THIS GUYS IS A PIRATE OR SOMETHING- He looks like a pirate, I'm not the only one who think that right? Like, a knight pirate This arena feels very small and, humid. Probably because it is either underwater or close to water. it seems really misty in there. The fact that the lanterns are held with coral, vine, things is so cool- Also there's pipes in the background! Maybe those are connected to something? I'm not trying to theorize everything I just think the possibilities are cool- I'mma call this the swamp place:

This looks like a swamp, what kind? an eerie one. It almost looks like there's ash in the air! Also the vine things in the back? so cool, the more faded they get makes this area feel very misty or foggy, which gives it a feeling of, idk, eeriness? spooky? The guy here looks like he's using a fishing pole as a weapon- which makes sense given the amount of water. The grass and, I forgot what those are called. SWAMP REEDS- are really big so it makes this place feel WAY bigger, or hornet way smaller. Not sure but I can't wait to explore this place and Probably get lost along the way.

GEARS:

I don't know what this place is, what it's for, but it feels almost steampunk so that's an automatic love from me. Also love these little flying guys, they're really cute and yeah- The gears are also super cool! It almost looks like she's inside a clock :0 This place feels warm but not, dry or humid. Just warm, a comfy warm

This section is just stuff I wanna ramble about/add so:

Cutely going insane over the fact that this place is probably a Giant rib cage

THIS PLACE. IDK WHAT IT IS OR WHAT IT'LL DO BUT I LOVE IT. JUST LOOK AT THAT BACKGROUND- Like, the 'sky' looks blue. ARE WE OUTSIDE? omg- I also love all the building in the back I just OMGOMG- It also looks like there's giant pipes, maybe it's close to the Citadel? Idk but this place makes me feel so happy I just wanna stare at it, I WANNA EXPLORE-

If you've made it this far thanks- This was the only place I could actually let out my excitement over a game that's not even out yet so- yeah- If you have any questions about stuff I rambled about or said then feel free to put something in my inbox about it so, yeah-

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halesinger · 7 months

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⟡ 𝔱𝔴𝔦𝔩𝔦𝔤𝔥𝔱 𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔯𝔞𝔠𝔱𝔢𝔯𝔰 making art with you <3

✦ jasper is the type to put paint on your face instead of the canvas.

. you're painting your own canvas then out of nowhere you feel something cold and wet on your left cheek. you look over to jasper to see a shit-eating grin on his face and red paint smudged on his finger.

✦ rosalie is secretly a very talented artist.

. "your's is really pretty." rosalie's voice cut through your train of thought on what color you were going to use next. you smiled at her and gave a quiet 'thank you' in response. "i don't really like mine that much." you heard rosalie mutter. but when you look over the most gorgeous, realistic painting of the outside scenery is on her canvas.

✦ alice isn't the best painter but still enjoys it.

. she lightheartedly laughed at her poor excuse for a painting. you grinned along, still painting your own canvas of art. her laughter eventually died out so you looked over, catching her staring at you with a look of adoration across her features. "what?" you asked, tilting your head slightly. alice scooted closer and gave you a tight hug. "you're the best piece of art." she whispered.

✦ emmett is a messy painter.

. you were showing emmett techniques to make different textures on the canvases, but now he made it seem like he was just flinging the paint everywhere. "emmett!" you shrieked as he got some on your shirt. he laughed loudly at your reaction and continued shaking the brush. thank god you decided to place a towel down before this.

✦ edward would rather paint on your arm than the actual canvas.

. the canvases were long forgotten about, because edward wanted to see if the paint would look the same on your skin as the canvas. now it has just turned into him doodling on your arm. you giggled softly as the paint brush tickled a sensitive spot, causing edward to smile. "how does this look?" he asked quietly. you nodded in response and he continued moving up your arm to paint.

↳ sorry jasper's is short, couldn't think of anything for him. hope you enjoyed! :)

⟡ likes and reblogs are appreciated !!

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saltmannequin · 1 year

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i didn’t know you could sing

Eddie Munson x fem!Reader

[2.1k] summary: you are performing at the hideouts open mic night to get the attention of your best friend Eddie, while he seems completely unenthused about you performing.

a/n: this is my first fic so please be nice! feel free to give feedback :))

Your heart pounded as you bounced back and forth on the balls of your feet. You stood nervously backstage, guitar ready and tuned, hugging your body. The microphone stood smack bang in the middle of the stage ready for you to perform. It was the first time you had ever performed to a crowd, opting to practise guitar in the confines of your bedroom. You had always been quite shy and reserved, keeping your guard up. Playing guitar wasn’t something you really wanted people to know about, as you doubted your abilities greatly and thought that if anyone were to ever hear you play, they would immediately hate it and make fun of you for years to come.

Your whole life revolved around music, your biggest dream as a child was being the next Chrissie Hynde, Debbie Harry or Joan Jett. You would talk endlessly about this to just about anyone who would listen, which was very few people. Most usually rolled their eyes and told you to think of something realistic, while others told you that you seemed far too shy to ever be a performer. So, eventually you stopped talking about it, not daring to ever share it with anyone.

It was Robin who had encouraged you to perform at the Hideout’s open mic night after coming over to your place a little earlier than intended and walking in on you strumming along to your Pretenders record, singing along. She practically begged you to perform and insisted that it would impress a certain long haired metalhead you were far too fond of. The idea of him seeing you on stage, performing, left you both excited and simultaneously wanting to throw up out of nervousness. After a long debate with your forever running brain, you decided to go. You told Robin that you were doing it because it could be fun, but she could see through you like glass, knowing that the major reason was because Eddie would be there to see you.

You had known Eddie ever since you had moved to Hawkins in the winter of 1983, both of you in Junior year. You became fast friends due to your similar music tastes and shared hatred of Mrs.Fitzgerald, your English teacher, who seemed to love berating the class just a little too much. You went on to graduate in 1985 alongside your other close friend Steve Harrington, while Eddie had to repeat his senior year. Another year passed and you got a job working in the town’s local record store, which you adored, while Eddie had to stay behind once again to retry senior year. He insisted that this year would be different and that he would finally get out of the hell that was Hawkins High.

You had an instant crush on him the moment you saw him. His brown doe eyes sparkled whenever he spoke to you and your heart did backflips any time he looked in your direction. Over the years, you figured that he didn’t feel the same about you as he never showed any interest in you beyond friendship, so you vowed to never tell him in order to keep the friendship going because, as much as you wished he would know how you felt, you couldn’t risk losing him over your unrequited love.

After hearing that you would be performing at the open mic night, Robin took it upon herself to invite along Nancy, Steve and Eddie. Everyone seemed shocked when they found out you would be performing, but seemed excited nonetheless. Steve patted your back, giving you a warm smile and cheer while Nancy applauded slightly and insisted that she help you pick an outfit for your set. Eddie, however, seemed a little wary of the news, only squinting his eyes

at you slightly and saying “I didn’t know you could sing.” You could say that his lack of enthusiasm didn’t hurt at all, but you would be lying to yourself.

The night finally came, and Nancy did an amazing job at dressing you up. She chose one of your favourite skirts, which was cut short enough to leave little to the imagination, a pair of black patterned tights and a band tee which, may or may not, had been Eddie’s at one point. You took control of your makeup, choosing your favourite shade of lipstick and a dark smokey eye, completing the look with a little bit of glitter on the inner corners of your eyes.

Nancy drove you both to the Hideout, picking a very over-excited Robin up on the way. You felt envious of her, wishing that you were just as excited as she was, however all you could think about was messing up in front of everyone and most importantly in front of Eddie.

The car ride was mostly silent, only the faint sounds of Blondie playing through Nancy’s cassette player, until the girl in the driver's seat spoke.

“Nervous?” Nancy asked.

“Is it that obvious?” You sighed, twiddling your fingers in your lap.

“Look, I’ve never heard you play so I can’t say much, but from what Robin has told me, you’re going to do great.”

“You are absolutely amazing, I wouldn’t have pressured you into this if I didn’t think you were good.” Robin chimed in.

“Thanks, guys.” You smiled slightly, feeling a little better from your friend’s compliments.

“Just walk onto that stage and show everyone how much of a rockstar you can be. Goodbye shy nerd who fell on top of Mrs.Click during lunch!” Robin exclaimed.

You let out a short exhale, cheeks reddening at the embarrassing memory of being so engrossed in one of Steven King’s novels to notice Jason’s foot in front of your own and subsequently toppling onto Mrs. Click. “Would you please stop bringing that up?”

As the MC announced your name, you knew there was no turning back now. Taking a deep breath to calm yourself, you strode onto the stage. ‘So what if Eddie doesn’t like my set? I’m gonna have a blast.’ You thought to yourself.

The bright blue lights shone around you creating a serene ambience for your set. You had told the light technician your setlist, and he opted for a more whimsical mood in contrast to the extreme red lights of the angry punk girl band that had just played before you.

Scanning the crowd, you could see Robin, Nancy, Steve and Eddie all huddled around a table at the far end of the venue. They were all waving and smiling, Steve giving you a thumbs up and Robing whistling. Eddie, however, looked unamused and bored, like he would rather be anywhere else but watching you play.

You felt a pang in your heart and fully considered running off of the stage, but you felt something inside you make your feet stay planted on the floor. ‘Prove that you can do this and you will no longer be the shy loser everyone thinks you are.’ You wanted more than anything for people to see that you had promise, and you wanted to show Eddie that in fact you could sing, and you weren’t ashamed to prove it.

Your grip tightened on the neck of your guitar as you introduced yourself to the crowd and announced the first song of your set.

“This first song is called White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane.”

You allowed your fingers to work along the fretboard without a thought and after a while began swaying to your own performance, mimicking the crowd who were loving every moment of your time on stage.

You peered over at Eddie throughout the song, watching as his face went from uninterested to shocked and you smiled at the thought of proving him and subsequently everyone who ever told you that you couldn’t do this wrong.

Weaving your way through the crowd after your set, you felt your blood buzzing in your veins. Everyone seemed to love your set and you felt like you were glowing, thriving off of the adrenaline rush you received from the surreal experience. It almost felt too good to be true.

Nancy and Robin met you halfway, suffocating you with hugs and compliments. “Oh my god you were absolutely amazing!” Nancy squealed.

“I told you you could do this! You rocked!” Robin gave you a high five and another tight hug before grabbing your hand and leading you over to Steve and Eddie.

Steve gasped as soon as he saw you, screaming and grabbing your hand dramatically, which earned a few odd looks from people surrounding you both.

“Guys look it’s the world famous rockstar Y/N! Please give me your autograph! I'm your biggest fan!”

You laughed dryly. “Very funny Steve.”

He smiled before turning to Robin and Nancy, who were making their way over to the bar. You turned to look at Eddie, who was looking at you with that same sparkle in his eye.

“So rockstar, how did I do?” You nudged his arm playfully as he smiled softly and nudged you back.

“I should be calling you rockstar, not the other way around. You were awesome.”

You sighed a breath of relief. “Good to know.”

Neither of you said anything for a moment until you both spoke at the same time.

“I thought you-”

“You know I-”

You both chuckled at the awkwardness and Eddie motioned for you to speak first.

“I kind of thought you wouldn’t like my set...you know ‘cause you didn’t look all that excited to be here.”

Eddie looked down, almost as if he was nervous. You instantly felt bad for making it seem like he wasn’t being supportive of you, him always being the first person to cheer you on. After a moment, he responded.

“To tell you the truth...’was kinda bummed you didn’t tell me you sang, let alone played guitar. We always share everything with each other and you’re my best friend and it just hurt that you kept something from me.”

Guilt hit you like a freight train. He was right. He had shared so much of himself with you, never keeping secrets while you kept this from him.

“Eds I’m so sorry. I just...I’ve always been secretive about it you know? Never really thought I was good enough.” You laughed slightly to distract from the obvious insecurities you’d been hoarding. “It wasn’t ‘till Robin walked in on me playing that I thought I could do something like this and even then I was so worried people would hate it. I didn’t tell you ‘cause I thought you'd make fun of me since you're so good at guitar.”

Eddie stood there for a moment, unspeaking. He shuffled nervously and it was as if you could see the cogs turning in his brain.

“Y/N I’d never make fun of you. I think you're amazing, a-and you're so talented and kind and god after seeing you play it made my heart hurt ‘cause you're just so beautiful and you looked amazing up there I mean you’re like made for the stage you know?” He chuckled nervously as you just stood there, gawking.

“You think I’m beautiful?”

“Shit did I say that out loud? I mean yeah, you always have been, I've always thought that I just havent had the balls to say it ‘cause you know you're so gorgeous and I’m me and- I mean I don’t know I just- Yeah I think you’re beautiful.”

The familiar feeling of your heart practically break dancing in your chest returned and this time you didn’t ignore it.

Within the blink of an eye your lips were on Eddie’s. He went rigid for a moment, before melting into you and returning the kiss. One arm grabbed your waist, while the other cradled your face, pulling you impossibly closer to him. It was as if the world disappeared around you both and all you could feel was Eddie. He smelled like cheap cologne and cigarettes and tasted like beer and spearmint. His lips were soft and slotted perfectly between your own. You couldn’t get enough. Eventually, you both had to breathe. His hair tickled your face as you both pulled apart, gasping for air.

“Well I think we can all agree when I say that was long overdue.” Steve interrupted, giggling like a schoolgirl with Robin and Nancy behind him.

You turned to Eddie, beaming with joy. He returned your cheesy grin and squeezed your waist with his ring-adorned hand, that had not left since the kiss.

“Yes I think we can.” Eddie agreed, more to you than anyone else.

“So can I be one of your groupies?” He whispered into your ear just as the next band came onstage.

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fic #stranger things fanfic #stranger things #eddie munson fluff

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woso-fan13 · 1 year

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NO. 2 NOWHERE TO RUN

Cornered

You hadn’t meant to take the other player down. Honestly. But you’re a forward, not a defender, you aren’t great at defending. And the ball was right near you, you weren’t just going to let it past you. So you successfully took control of the ball, but you just so happened to take another player down.

You watched as she fell and you knew it was bad. You could see the way her leg twisted and you instantly knew her acl was torn. Recently coming off a torn acl yourself, you knew the excruciating pain she must be in. You kicked the ball out of bounds, not quite caring where it went. You squatted down next to the other player, trying to reassure her and help in any way that you could.

That was your second big mistake of the game. Her teammates swarmed the two of you as soon as she hit the ground. A few players tried to take your place, helping until the medics could get there, but the majority stared at you. One player reached forward, grabbing a hold of your upper arm. She yanks you away from her fallen teammate and you end up in a circle of the opposing team.

You could not understand most of what they were saying, as they were speaking in a foreign language. But there were a few words that you were able to make out and they were extremely hurtful.

You stood in the circle as they yelled and screamed, one player maintaining a tight grip on your arm that was certain to bruise. You just stared up at them, eyes wide and full of fear. What was their coach feeding them? They were all easily a head taller than you, although this wasn’t a major feat, you had been described as a generous 5 foot multiple times before.

You see the medical staff support the player as she gets up, refusing to put weight on her knee. You know that her teammates saw when the hand on your arm managed to tighten and the yelling somehow increased in volume.

You liked to consider yourself fearless, but you were scared. This was the scariest moment of your life. People were swarming you, threatening you, and nobody was stopping them. The refs were too occupied with something unimportant and your coach had called your teammates into a huddle. Realistically, you knew nothing was going to happen to you. But you were still frozen to the ground in fear.

Finally, you hear a whistle blowing loudly and relatively. One of the refs must have finally realized what was going on, as they were screeching and making their way to the commotion. The other refs were following suit as they realized what was happening.

The noise attracted the attention of your teammates who instantly took off running to you. Even the players on the sidelines came running in- it was very clear that rules were optional today.

You don’t fully remember what happened next. One minute your arm is in a death grip, harsh words being pushed in your face and the next you are free. You can’t process this before a gentle hand is grabbing yours, pulling you off of the field.

Looking up, you see Sophia Smith guiding you away from the hubbub. She smiles softly at you when she sees you looking, releasing your hand to wrap her arm around you. When she first saw you, she wanted to scoop you up and carry you off of the field. But you were panicking and there was no telling how you would react to touch. Now, you seemed to understand what was happening and leaned into her.

She guides you behind the bench, pulling you into a full hug and swaying the two of you back and forth softly. You have your head buried in her neck, breathing in her sweet perfume to try and keep from crying. It wasn’t working well.

“Soph?” You ask quietly. It was such a whisper that she had to strain to hear you.

She hums softly to show that she’s listening.

“I’m really scared,” you admit.

She stays quiet for a minute and you’re afraid she might not have heard. Eventually, her voice comes out softly.

“I’m sorry I didn’t notice you struggling sooner. How can I help you now?”

You think for a moment, how did you need help?

“I wanna go.”

Almost instantly, her hand is on your back, pushing you towards the locker rooms. She makes eye contact with Ashley, nodding her head towards you then the locker room. The message must have been received as Ashley gives a thumbs up and heads towards Vlatko.

The locker room is quiet, the locker room is safe. Inside, it’s just you and Sophia. You trust her completely, she is safe. You still back yourself into a corner, pulling your knees to your chest. Sophia sits next to you, grabbing one of your hands and joining you in silence.

#uswnt imagine #uswnt x reader #uswnt players #woso imagines #woso imagine #uswnt imagines #reader insert #uswnt woso #woso #woso soccer #womens soccer

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katyspersonal · 10 months

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Top 5 Elden Ring's demigods

Argh... Could you've given me any HARDER top to make? :') No matter who I put below 5th place, I will feel like a huge prick @_@ Because they all deserve some praise, and some love. It is just incredibly good writing. Well, fine then, let's try.

Five - Morgott!

I talked about him already. The absolute tear-jerker character, a member of oppressed minority, that is defending the very corrupt system that deems people like HIM worthless.... He made me cry (/srs ) more than once upon just this sentiment. He is very realistic, and very easy to sympathise with and feel bad for. He certainly radiates a giant soft spot, though (and not JUST because he has dad bod that is completely naked under his robes, hahaha). In a weird way, he reminds me of Asg0re, a character from my other fandom - a big "monster" King who did a lot of bad things on his way, and because of his mental wound, but in the end might melt upon a simple hug or be easily convinced. It is just not what a Soulsborne game would've let us experience, but... honestly, he has not only huge muscles, but also a huge HEART. I love this combination a LOT, it pulls the richest spectrum of emotions.

Four - Malenia!

She is such a beautiful and impressive boss.... ...that I never talk about her. x) I can't quite explain how my focus works, sorry </3 She scares me a little - and it is not even her fault, but the thing that casually claimed her body, because superior deities have nothing better to do I guess :/ She is holding up very well for someone who has to live in a constant struggle with the horror plaguing her very being. And for someone having to hold up as a warrior of her dear brother's interests despite her body rotting as she goes. And having to repeat 'I am Malenia, blade of Miquella' like a mantra, since Rot is infamous to destroy the memories, and she must not forget what and who she is fighting for.

"She deserved better" is an understatement, I'd say. Her personality shines through the 'influence' that has been ruining her quite well, I'd say. She is a strong warrior, very determined, but very full of honor and love at the same time. I say this in every other post about strong Soulsborne characters, yeah. True bravery is not lack of fear but going despite fear, true power is not being callous unbreakable wall but to still hold your weapon firm through struggle and pain, true personality is what you ARE and not what you are 'not', etc etc. It is always about the feelings.

Three - Godwyn!

I could not explain why he made it to this place very well, honestly. First, he stroke my weird spider-sense intuition. I was going into Elden Ring mostly in blind, and still keep whatever I can to be revealed as I go! Thus, I did not know anything about Godwyn besides the fact that he was the golden child (metaphorically and literally) that went down as sacrifice during Night of the Black Knives as one having his soul killed. And that he used to be a lovely person. But one day, as I was playing Elden Ring and progressing casually, from nowhere, for no reason, I started to think of this character. Again, for no reason, I was thinking of the 'Deep Sea' and imagining him becoming a mermaid (?), and healing/truly dying/letting new soul grow/whatever by returning to the sea. I even started crying, and I swear, those emotions felt like they were not even mine.

It felt very random, but you can't even imagine my surprise when that same day, I just coincidentally travelled to THAT location, and found him. And, coincidentally, he was posed like this with a mermaid tail. I take weird 'intuition moments' (dreams or waking) very personally as I have many of them (and funny enough, they always have to do with the 'sea' theme). No matter how I feel about this character in the future, but the weird "foretelling", "intuition" bond fixed my attention, so yeah.

He seems like a very loveable person, though... From narration standpoint, it does make the most sense that he of all people had to suffer this way. It just would not have had the same effect if someone less likeable/innocent had to go down. It is... sad, how much of this character is his tragedy alone. But, he befriended a dragon and bridged the gap between conflicting forces, and from what I gathered losing him specifically was what broke Marika, and Mohg named his new dynasty after himself AND Godwyn. Clearly, the guy was the best thing to ever have been associated with the Golden Order, and manifesting everything good about it within his personality alone. Whenever I bash the Golden Order as inherently corrupt thing, I just always think back on Godwyn as a confirmed exception from the judgement. And, of course, he would have enough "kindness" to spread death as new form of existence... despite the fact that his 'true' self would've probably dreaded to manifest living in death of all things.

Two - Rykard

I talked about this guy since the day ONE I've picked even remote interest in Elden Ring, isn't it so? @_@ Well, I still stand by what I was talking about. Tanith is absolutely justified for being obsessed with this guy. He is like uh... Aldr1ch but executed much better, or rather, in more sympathetic light? I for one honor the narrative of a character who has the GUTS, the S P I N E to sacrifice a lot, their morals included, to just get OUT of the corrupt (!) way their world works. And I have a feeling that so does Miyazaki. x) I think it is a twisted sort of bravery that we are lucky to never experience and only perceive through fiction. But, unlike Aldr1ch, who revels in his corruption and the horrible things he has to do, Rykard, 1) has a loving family and 2) hinted to have or have had sympathetic traits and simply lost his way from.... heheh.... biting more than he could chew... xd heheh... :drum emoji because I am a comedy genius:

But, in either case, ya'll are lucky that the guy is happily married. Ya'll would not survive the intensity of my thirst otherwise. It is just my rule to not touch married characters. I still admire the guy though. Not to mention the fucking UNREAL AWESOME FUCKING DESIGN, one of the best I've seen ANYWHERE, and him having my favorite theme in entire Elden Ring. Like, it was legitimately hard to live down the crisis of him being "taken", because this guy is really loveable, both as a man and as a monster.

One - Ranni!

Honestly, I always liked the mysterious aura, the clairvoyance and the uhhh... I guess, machiavellianism of this character? "Ends justify the means" character who does some unforgivable things but believes there is no other choice, and the grander purpose is more important. But, she has so many layers. She stepped away from her mother's teachings yet still created a badass illusions to protect her and clearly loves her forever, she has trust issues but in the end needs true friends and true kindness (something even an idiot like Seluvis can see!).

You could see it hurt her to do all that, but whatever freedom could be was worth it. She is just a very complicated character, that goes above and beyond. Letting her own body be killed is badass but understandable, since her body was inextricably tied to the Golden Order, as an Empyrean. Letting her somewhat-brother who was a genuinely good and radiant and loveable person be killed? That's a bit... more drastic... And so on. Indeed, she IS like Rykard in how far she had to go, and how much she had to sacrifice, but nonetheless I uh... would not say she lost clarity of her mind like him? It is interesting how by Dante's Divine Comedy though, Herecy is associated with fire but only on 6th level, yet it is treachery that is considered to be THE sin of sins, and it is the lowest level, and associated with ice, like her element. I am thinking about this very often @_@"

-------------------------------------------

Honorable mention - Radahn!

Sorry, but I love the guy, despite lack of deep discussion (and becoming a mascot of the most toxic fans). This is ADORABLE that he learned Gravity Magic just so he could still ride Leonard. He appears to be such a goofy dumbass, wholesome person in the "wrong" way, opposing a character that is actually likeable and loyal to the things and people that arguably never deserved it?

But you know I am a huge fan of Rom Bloodb0rne, right? He gives off the exact same 'person that seizes and conceals the horrors of the cosmos from humanity, although their personality and intellect are gone' vibe. It is just... that same vibe of a "silly" character, the comic relief, that turns out to either face a tragic fate or reveals a much deeper personality. He is simple and complicated at the same time! And, well, him having been such a legendary and impressive warrior that so many people gathered just to give him honorable death. This is somewhat impressive. He was actually a very close tie with Malenia.

#elden ring #ranni the witch #rykard lord of blasphemy #godwyn the prince of death #malenia blade of miquella #morgott the grace given #starscourge radahn #ask replies #ask meme #use later #no seriously ya'll would not survive the raw cataclysm had rykard not been taken #all two of you who heard me simp for Aldr1ch thought THAT was bad? you don't know what IS 'bad'#good family though him and tanith hella deserve each other /pos #but yeah this is the hardest 'top 5' i've done yet because i can say good things about everyone #even mohg lol #it is just the magic of fuckin awesome writing skills #thanks for the ask!#lol i have mixed feelings talking about 'telepathy trips' as i call them (like with godwyn)#because i swear i can foretell what i will learn/feel few hours before it happens for SOME reason #but it is so weird that i don't know what to make out of it besides 'time is a social construct anyway' sfdhfdhfhds #at least it was not as bizarre as my dream about golden tree before I even LEARNED of ER let alone played #*X-Files music bass-boosted and deep-fried*

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princess-of-the-corner · 7 months

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I've been thinking about some of ML's most questionable writing choices, and from what I've kinda pieced together it seems like, at least regarding the stuff around Adrien, the writers prioritize what will make Adrien both static and happy the fastest over what makes sense for the characters to do or what actually would make the story feel the slightest bit satisfying.

((This is not me bashing Adrien as a character, but the writers for their inability to use him as an actual character and not barely more than a prop that can talk))

Like, Adrien learning that Gabriel was Hawkmoth and that he's both a Sentimonster and that his very existence was what kinda started everything from his mother's death to him becoming a superhero fighting his own father would, realistically, screw the kid up for a good long while. With very good reason, imagine getting something like that dumped on you.

But, that would make Adrien upset, it would take time to work past, and it would challenge the writers Perfect™ sunshine macguffin. Challenging characters is what causes them to go through arcs, confront their own flaws and mistakes, and ultimately change, whether for better or worse depending on the author and what story they wanna tell.

But the writers don't seem to want to change Adrien from the character they made all the way back in S1. So they never gave him an arc, and jump through hoops to ensure nothing that would truly challenge him as a character, like keeping Maribug from telling Chat Noir the truth about Hawkmoths identity for no reason, bc all of their trust issues were dealt with by that single hug at the end of S4, remember? That plot line is over, all their issues with Maribugs Atlas complex keeping her from fully trusting her partner were fixed by...losing every ally she had except the one she had specific trauma around and then getting a hug.

But hey! Fixing everything with a single hug means Adrichat can go back to being happy with his lady, and that's what matters, right?

And that's why I'm 100% positive that, if Adrien ever does discover the truth about his family in a later season, if we have most of the same writing team still, Adrien will immediately forgive everyone who hid everything from him, and probably even instantly forgive his father for *gestures at cannon* that whole situation.

Bc Adrien is Perfect™, so of course he'll brush off all of those massive violations of trust, he understands they all came from a place of love! And him brushing everything off instantly means he can instantly go back to being happily in a relationship with Ladybug, like he's wanted since Origins.

Bc that's what makes a good story, right?

I love how you said "the writers don't seem to want to change Adrien from the character they made all the way back in S1" when they very much /have/ changed Adrien from his Season 1 self, just not through character development!

Because Season 1 Adrien was rebellious as hell, disobeying Gabriel's orders and sneaking out all the time. He loved his father and wanted his love and attention, but he was also aware that things were a little fucked and he deserved better.

By Season 4-5, he's so obedient and it's not even the Amok doing it most of the time it's just Gabriel giving him A Look™ and he shuts down.

But yeah anyway!

If Adrien ever finds out in Canon? It's gonna matter for a single episode. Maybe he'll even get Akumatized about it. Assuming it doesn't get erased by Bunnyx so he doesn't know anymore, Adrien will instantly forgive everyone who lied to him and even agree that Gabriel 'was a Hero in the end' and all and be totally cool with all of this and it never comes up again.

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sp00kycrumpet · 5 months

Text

Paradise (8/10)

Pairing: Javi Gutierrez x f!reader

Rating: E

Tags: Javi is baby, fluff, holiday romance, Nick Cage is Nick Cage, reader is bilingual

Warnings: swearing

Summary: Working as Nicholas Cage's personal assistant was your favourite job; so when he asked you to accompany him to Mallorca for this birthday party he'd been invited to, you were more than happy to go. What you didn't anticipate was the host himself.

Will also be posted on my AO3

(Part One) (Part Two) (Part Three) (Part Four) (Part Five)

(Part Six) (Part Seven)

You were all taken to the hospital to be checked over, mainly superficial bruising and scrapes. The girls were dehydrated and Maria was a little worse for wear but everyone was given a pretty good bill of health. You finished redressing and stepped out of your room to go and meet Nick and his family at the police station to give your statement when you spotted Gabriela. You felt that cold jolt in your stomach as your mind replayed that kiss against your will. But as you tried to turn away, she spotted you and called your name, you braced yourself before turning and giving her a polite smile as she approached and asked how you were.

"I'm fine. Are you?? Where…. Where's Javi?" You looked over her, seeing barely a scratch on her as she watched you.

"Lucas shot him. Struck him in the shoulder but he will be fine. He's in surgery now getting the bullet removed." You let out a sigh of relief, smiling softly at her.

"Good. I was worried something worse had happened." Gabriela nodded in understanding, pausing before glancing towards the room Javi would be in.

"I'm sure he'd love to see you when he wakes up." You shook your head a little. You selfishly couldn't bring yourself to see him and pretend you were fine after seeing him and Gabriela. A confused frown worked over the other woman's face, she'd clearly expected you to be desperate to see Javi.

"I have to go and give my statement, sort out going home and whatever. The embassy sent a police escort. Tell him I said goodbye though and I hope he recovers quickly." You smiled, impressed by your own acting as you hugged Gabriela briefly. "Look after him. Javi is such a wonderful man." You added quietly before you pulled away and turned to follow your police escort out. It was just as intimidating being in the station giving your statement, you were worried they wouldn't believe a word you said. But, somehow, they did. They were aware of the shady businesses Lucas had been running and had already been building a case against Javi before learning he was just a prop being used to take the fall.

You were all checked into a hotel for a couple of nights before you could head home, just in case additional information was needed. You slept for most of it, allowing yourself to process everything. Part dealing with almost dying and part dealing with the whole Javi and Gabriela thing. You knew realistically you should just talk to Javi about it but you also didn't want to make things uncomfortable, especially since Nick seemed to still be looking forward to making the movie with Javi. The last few days of his stay at Javi's home had apparently been the spark of inspiration he needed. As it drew closer to going back to America, Nick approached you to go with him back to Javi's place to get your things that were still there. You were almost reluctant at first but you figured you could just go in quickly, pack your stuff then leave again. Avoiding everyone as much as possible. At first you declined but eventually gave in and agreed to go with Nick.

The compound was pretty quiet when you arrived, a few staff still here and there as well as security just in case. You greeted a few people you knew as you made your way to the room you'd been staying in. Nick promised to be quick as he left you at your room and headed to his. It felt weird being back, almost sad but you kept it to yourself since Nick had been so happy to be back. You knew he'd probably go and seek out Javi, you'd overheard him on the phone a few times over the past couple days. You paused in the room, your belongings exactly where you'd left everything. You took a moment before starting to pack your bag, making sure you had everything. As you pulled your dress from the closet, you felt a twist of sadness in your stomach. Javi's party had been such an amazing night, you'd loved every second of it. The way Javi had looked, the happy sparkle in his eyes when Nick had agreed to do a movie with him and the way he'd been so attentive to you. A sigh left you as you folded the dress carefully and placed it into your bag before fastening it. A knock on the door pulled you back to the present as you placed your bag on the bed.

"Come in, I'm almost done." You called out, expecting it to be Nick telling you he was done. You grabbed your backpack from the bottom of the closet, putting your book and laptop into it as you heard the door open behind you. You turned around and froze as you saw Javi standing there. He looked tired and his right arm was in a sling, but he had that same soft smile on his lips that he only seemed to have for you. Or at least you used to think that, maybe it was just a normal smile for him.

"Javi…" You breathed his name, cursing your heart for the way it leapt against your chest at the mere sight of him. "How are you?" He shrugged his free shoulder slightly, glancing at the sling before his gaze was back on you.

"Tired. Sleeping is not easy when I can only lay certain ways before the pain wakes me up again but, I am okay otherwise. How are you doing?" He stepped into the room properly, his eyes landing on your bag on the bed. "You're going home?" You fiddled with the strap of your backpack before nodding.

"Yeah…" You didn't know what to say really, your heart begged for you to go over there, tell him everything and just hold him close one last time but your brain was saying the opposite. Sadness flickered over his features as he stood there for a moment, glancing over at you. You avoided his eyes as you took a breath and moved to shove the last few things in your bag.

"I know what happened was scary and I never wanted you and Nick to be dragged into it all. I'm sorry." He said softly, his gaze never leaving you as you did a once over of the room to make sure you had everything.

"It wasn't your fault Javi. It was all Lucas and his bullshit, you really don't need to apologise." You grabbed your phone from the bedside table, finally looking up at him and found him still watching you.

"I am still very sorry for everything." He took a step closer and you instinctively stepped back, if he hugged you now, you knew you'd cry. He looked hurt, a small frown creasing his brow. "Are you afraid of me now?" You blinked and shook your head.

"Of course not Javi." He shifted his weight on his feet, pushing his free hand through his hair.

"Then did I do something? Something feels… off with you and I can't figure it out." He seemed nervous of your answer, and you weren't sure what to say. Do you just risk it all by outing your feelings for him before leaving? Or keep your heart closely guarded and tell a lie? You turned your phone over in your hands, needing something to fiddle with as you heard him say your name softly. You hated how hearing him say something as simple as your name still gave you butterflies in your stomach. You glanced up at him from under your lashes, those big puppy eyes breaking your resolve as you took a breath and moved to perch on the edge of the bed.

"I… uhm…" You frowned a little, fixing your gaze on your hands. "That day everything happened. When we left you to face Lucas, Gabriela told me to stay in the truck before quickly following you. When we drove away, I looked back. Hoping you were looking because you seemed to avoid me when you got out of the truck…" You paused, feeling Javi watching you. "And I saw you… and Gabriela…" You trailed off, hoping he wouldn't make you say it. The room fell silent for a moment, you almost regretted not just following Nick and risking being alone here.

"Oh." Was all he said at first, you frowned softly and felt a little irritated that's all he could say. You pushed yourself up, moving across the room to try and put some distance between you and him.

"Yeah but, y'know, it makes sense. You've known each other so long, she's gorgeous and lives here, she's always got your back and whatever." You shrugged a little, folding your arms over your middle as you looked out of the window. If he didn't realise how you felt about him now, then he never would have. You hadn't noticed him walking closer until you heard your name and realised he was standing behind you. You sucked in a breath, keeping your eyes glued to a gardener working outside.

"Please look at me." You closed your eyes for a second before slowly turning to face him as he said it again. The look on his face was unreadable as you finally looked up at him. "It's not what you're thinking." You scoffed a little, squeezing your arms under your hands.

"Oh? Because it looked pretty obvious to me, Javi." Javi shook his head, holding up his hand in a show of sincerity.

"It definitely isn't that. Yes she kissed me. But what you missed was me pulling away from her. We didn't speak about it until we were in the hospital because, well, our lives were on the line at that moment. But she got caught up in the moment, the fear of not knowing if Lucas would kill us and how she felt for me. But I do not feel like that for Gabriela. I swear to you." You watched Javi, staying quiet to encourage him to keep talking. "I admit at one time, many years ago, I had feelings for Gabriela. But the life I was trapped in, made it dangerous to even have friends. Never mind romantic relationships. So I got over it somehow and just appreciated having a friend. I came to only love her platonically. I swear." He placed his hand over his heart to show his sincerity. You suddenly felt a little embarrassed but given the situation and circumstances, surely Javi couldn't blame you for thinking he and Gabriela were romantically linked. Especially since nine times out of ten, it had been her interrupting your moments together.

"So why did you avoid me when you got out of the truck? You didn't say goodbye or anything." Javi laughed a little, rubbing his hand against his cheek.

"Because if I looked at you, I knew I'd want to get back in the truck and stay with you instead of facing Lucas. As I said back then, I needed to stand up to him once and for all. I wanted to speak to you properly afterwards but you'd already left when I woke up from surgery. Now I understand why. I knew it was because you had to go and give statements but if Gabriela could stay then they surely would have let you stay too. I was worried everything had changed your opinion of me so drastically." He watched you, like he was trying to read your reaction as he spoke. You realised you had been too hasty in your exit and should have just spoken to Javi. Been there when he woke up. A quiet settled over you both as you just watched each other, you could feel your heart racing in your chest as Javi moved to hold out his hand to you. You hesitated for a moment before reaching to slide your hand into his. He squeezed your hand as he stepped closer.

"I gave up on the idea of love and dating, knowing Lucas would ruin everything he could. Hell, you saw how he almost ruined my friendship with Nick from the second you two arrived. But when I saw you waiting on the dock that first day, it stirred something up inside of me. It took a couple of days before I could place what it was and I realised it was my heart wanting to reach out to yours. I constantly wanted to be around you, sometimes more than I wanted to be around Nick."

"Wow, that is serious." You teased, Javi finally smiling then laughing.

"Absolutely. I found myself seeking you out every night and just enjoying being in your presence. With or without Nick. I tried to resist at first… not wanting to put a target on your back since Lucas had left you alone at first. But it was useless to resist." His thumb gently traced the back of your hand, his eyes on yours as he spoke. "Then that night you fell asleep on me watching movies, my heart was racing so fast at you being so close to me and feeling so comfortable that you could sleep with your head on my shoulder. And I knew it was game over, my heart was yours." You couldn't help the smile that tugged at the corners of your lips as your eyes dropped to your joined hands. "I almost told you the night of my birthday when I walked you to this room but…" You chuckled a little.

"Gabriela interrupted." You finished for him, Javi nodding with a laugh.

"Unfortunately, yes. I don't want to speak ill of my oldest friend but I can't help but feel it was intentional. Because by the time we got back to the party, the guests she'd been talking about were already gone." He shook his head, you finally found the nerve to look at him properly. There was still a hint of exhaustion to his features, but there was more. A nervous shine to those dark eyes, the way his lips twitched slightly as his brain offered a million thoughts and half formed sentences.

"Javi." You started but found he interrupted you suddenly.

"Stay here with me?" His voice was quiet, insecure almost as he lifted your hand to nervously brush his lips over your knuckles; testing if he was pushing his luck or not. You blinked in surprise.Your brain immediately screamed yes as you watched him. "Just a little bit longer. Allow me to make it up to you how things went wrong so fast." You thought about it for a moment, knowing you probably should go home but you wanted to be here with Javi. Finally tell him properly how you feel about him and see where it would go.

"Okay." You agreed and the grin that broke out over Javi's face made your stomach twist happily. "I'll need to speak to Nick first though."

(Part Nine)

#no use of y/n #pedro pascal #the unbearable weight of massive talent #javi x you #javi g x you #javi g x reader #javier gutierrez

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