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lavendertales · 1 year

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Sweet lies: Chapter 11

pairing: Frankie Morales x f!reader

summary: you break things down to Rose, while Frankie seeks some understanding at Santiago.

word count: 3.3k

Comments & reblogs are always appreciated 💕

gif: @pedro-pscal

series masterlist | AO3

Anxiety seeps through your every pore as you approach the apartment. There is no reason for you to feel this nervous about opening up to your best friend, and yet there you are, gulping with each step you take.

With one final sharp breath to be drawn in, you ring the doorbell and wait. There’s some music that’s distinguishable from where you stand. Amy Winehouse’s “You Know That I’m No Good”, to your surprise. You raise your brows, waiting still.

“Hi!”

The sight of a shirtless Santiago, wearing only a silver chain around his neck and some shorts isn’t what you expected, and clearly he’s just as taken aback by your presence as much as you are by his, but it only makes the moment more comical for you.

“Good morning,” you greet him cheekily.

He clears his throat. “Morning.”

“What’re you guys doing?”

Santiago purses his lips, avoiding the answer like the plague, though it is painfully obvious. You decide to spare him of the additional pain.

“Relax, I’m just fucking with you,” you smile at him. “I’m glad things are going so well for the two of you.”

“We weren’t—I mean, not right now, but—“

You chuckle, eased to see Rose’s face appear from behind Santiago. She greets you with a big smile, welcoming you in.

“Aren’t you cold? It’s a bit chilly outside,” you ask Santiago, who faintly blushes.

“Uh… it’s kinda warm in here. It’s fine.”

Rose raises her brows suggestively at you, to which you frown and chuckle some more.

“Would you mind if I spoke alone with Rose?” you check with Santiago. “It’s very important.”

“Not at all. In fact, I should get going too. I got a meeting with Fish.”

Your face instantly drops, and you swear you detect something more on Santiago’s face. Despite that, neither of you mentions anything of the sort.

“Yeah, he’s supposed to help me with some stuff at the shop,” he adds, trying to ease your conscience.

You nod. “If you get to talking…”

“Yeah.”

There seems to be some sort of mutual understanding between the two of you, one that Rose does not understand. She watches patiently as Santiago rushes to get dressed, but not before kissing her cheek.

“Coffee?” she offers you.

“Sure, thanks.”

“So what’s up? Pretty early for a visit. Not that I’m complaining! You know I’m always up for you.”

“And for Santi too, by the looks of it.”

Rose’s cheeks get flushed instantly while she tends to the coffee in the kitchen. You sit at the table, fumbling with your fingers, trying to figure out how you’re going to break all this down for her. You know she’s the most understanding person in the world, but such news would shock her without a doubt, and truthfully, you could use some of her fire to bring you down to earth.

Once Santiago bids you both goodbye and you have the apartment to yourselves, you breathe in one more time.

“I did something terrible,” you say, your voice ominous.

Rose’s face shows concern within the next second as she sits down in front of you, two mugs of coffee in your hands.

“It began in February.”

“What did?”

The more you look at her, the wetter your eyes get, but you force yourself to not break down, not right now.

“I turned into one of my worst nightmares,” you say darkly. “I’m—I’m the other woman. Or I was. I won’t even know for sure till today.”

“What are you talking about? You’re not making much sense.”

You close your eyes as you exhale, wearing your most serious face as you whisper, “I’ve slept with someone who’s engaged. Was. Still is. I don’t know.”

Rose frowns, trying to piece together the information you’re nervously spewing at her.

“Engaged? What are you—“

And then, her whole face drops. Mouth ajar and eyes wide, Rose simply stares at you for seconds on end as realization hits her.

“No. No way. Seriously?!”

“Yes.”

“Are you serious right now?!”

“Why the hell would I joke about this?!”

Rose leans back on the chair, staring back at you with blank eyes. She’s clearly processing the situation, but she doesn’t seem mad like you would’ve expected.

“Before you say anything, trust me, I feel beyond shitty,” you tell her. “I can’t sleep properly, I can’t focus… I keep seeing Andrea’s face and the one word that’s always on my mind is ‘traitor’. Others too, but this one is recurring.”

“Oh sweetie… what—I don’t even know where to begin, what to say.”

You huff, reminiscing of that cold Valentine’s Day on the porch when Frankie kissed you for the very first time, how it felt and how it triggered so many other emotions for the both of you.

“All the conversations and the bickering and the feelings that were still there…” you start, visibly distraught. “One night it just happened, and then… we both swore that was it. And then it happened again. And again. And now—now I’m a horrible person, especially because I like Andrea and I think she’s going through some shit of her own that makes her anxious and even if I suspect that she doesn’t really want this wedding to happen either for various reasons, it still doesn’t seem fair and I just—“

Rose reaches for your hand, giving it a gentle squeeze to ground you.

“Breathe,” she tells you. “In and out, slowly.”

You follow her instruction, and soon you do feel your heart race a little less.

“What does Frankie think about all of this?” she proceeds to ask.

“He’s as messed up as I am, if not more. I told him to tell Andrea and… make a choice. And he said…”

“What?”

The memory of that brief conversation in the closet at the bowling alley, where Frankie told you how much you meant to him all that time and how you’re both his dream and his nightmare, it’s conspiring against you. It weakens your whole body just to think about it, let alone reminisce the hasty way he kissed you, the way it deepened so easily and speedily and how you were both chasing the same high, the same rush that you only felt with each other.

“What did he say?” Rose asks.

You gulp. “He said… there’s no choice to make. He said it’s always been me.”

Rose’s face lights up, and you wish you could display that same reaction as easily as she does. You won’t allow yourself to be this happy at the words you’ve always longed to hear. You fear that if you do, it’ll all get ruined. You fear that if you allow yourself to feel anything other than misery, guilt and shame, Frankie will tell you that he is getting married after all, and that would make you feel like the most horrible human being on the face of the earth.

“Andrea’s flying back home today,” you continue. “They’re gonna talk and whatever they decide, tonight everything will be settled. It will be over, one way or the other.”

“Oh, they are so not getting married.”

Now that surprises you.

“What makes you say that?” you ask. “Andrea’s been calling and texting him a lot, apparently insisting that they gotta make things work no matter what.”

“That’s a bit suspicious, to be honest.”

“Even if it is, Frankie is a loyal, devoted man. Leaving aside what happened between me and him, he’s been with Andrea for years. He might still choose her.”

Rose shakes her head delicately, sipping from her coffee.

“Mark my words, they are not staying together,” she insists. “And I am not only saying this because I want the best for you. Andrea’s perfectly nice and lovely, but she and Frankie are pretty much done.”

“You sound so sure.”

Rose sucks in a sharp breath as well, as if trying to organize her thoughts into coherent words that might make you understand better.

“Well honey, it’s always been you and him,” she coos sweetly. “The love you have for each other, the care, the laughter… come on! We all see it, we all know it. Everyone was just trying to make Andrea to feel as integrated and as welcome as possible in the group, but you and Frankie go way back, and the feelings you have for each other run too deep to be severed by time or distance. It’s been ten years, and you still think of him as the love of your life. We all know what you mean to each other. So much so that everyone hid the full history between you two when Andrea came into picture. She never knew just what you meant to each other, how much. You’re that intimidating shadow that neither of them can get rid of.”

“But I don’t want that! I just want—“

“What do you want?”

You suddenly recall asking Frankie the same question the night you last met before going away at Cambridge, and a painful knot appears in your stomach.

What? C’mon, just tell me. What do you want, Francisco?

You finally got your answer to that question. He wants you. Frankie wants you.

And what do you want, after all this time, after all the trouble and the heartache?

“I want… I want something good for myself. For once,” your voice shakes the answer. “I want him. I want to be with him. And I know it’s selfish and cruel and painful to say, even shitty, I know that. I fucking know that. But life is not fair, and it certainly hasn’t been fair to me, and I just want… for once, for just once, to have what I want. Just once.”

“I know, sweetie. And you absolutely deserve it.”

“It’s always been him. You know, I used to say that I would’ve killed and cheated and lied, I would’ve done whatever if that would’ve meant that I could be with him. Isn’t that funny? How the universe is mocking me?”

You’re half laughing, half crying by this point, and Rose stands up, taking a seat closer to you and hugging you from the side.

“If wanting something good for myself makes me horrible, then so fucking be it,” you cry.

“It doesn’t make you horrible. It makes you human.”

She caresses your hair, simply holding you for a while. You’re surprised she didn’t tear into you after hearing what you did.

“You can snap at me, you know?” you say.

“Why would I do that?”

“Because this is—this is wrong, Rose. I hooked up with someone who’s engaged! It’s… it’s icky and—“

“Frankie and Andrea have been separated for quite some time. I understand all this happened during their break, or?”

“Yeah, but—“

“Did anything happen before?”

“Just the kiss.”

Rose pauses, inspecting your face up close.

“Frankie left immediately after it happened, went to tell Andrea what happened… and she said she wants a break. That’s what I know.”

“Okay, for that I can snap at you a little if you want.”

You actually break into a smile. “That would be nice.”

“You kissed someone who was engaged?! How could you do that?! Are you insane!”

You chuckle, holding her hand.

“Feel better now?” Rose checks.

“A bit. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I did partially mean it.”

“I know, which is why I asked you to do it. For the record, he initiated the kiss.”

“Oh, shit!”

“But I reciprocated, so I’m equally guilty.”

“Hey, listen. Maybe this story isn’t even about Frankie and Andrea and why they got together in the first place if they have issues or doubts or whatever. You’re not the side character.”

“In their story, I am.”

Rose makes an unimpressed face like she’s judging you, and you try not to smile.

“I think this story is about you and him. Like I said before, it’s always been you and Frankie. Maybe this story is about finally getting your happiness. And maybe it’s about Andrea getting her real happiness, too.”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

There’s a moment of silence, a moment which you relish into.

“Did you say you suspect she has other reasons for wanting the break?” Rose asks you.

“I told her what’s been going on with me and Frankie—more or less—and she was super calm about it. Super understanding and nice. And it was… okay, but also—“

“Suspicious.”

“A little.”

Rose frowns, staring into the distance. “What if she has the same moral dilemma as you guys?”

You return her gaze, quite surprised at her suggestion. Though you can’t say the thought hadn’t crossed your mind, either.

“You think there’s someone else for her, too?” you mutter.

Rose shrugs. “Could be. It would explain why she seemed to understanding when you told her.”

“She said she did think something might happen with me and him.”

“Huh. See, even if you do suspect it, when confronted with the situation, you’re still gonna be angry or pissed, something. Who knows what she has on her plate?”

You think back on the conversation you had with Andrea; you recall the speech she told you about her family and the huge pressure lingering on her to this day, and chills run down your spine.

“I’d say she has a lot to deal with,” you answer.

Frankie is more than thankful that Santiago had asked him to give a hand at the hardware store. It’s not too spacious, which means decluttering is a real pain in the ass. Moving tools and supplies around seems like a good distraction, but Frankie knows he can’t keep all of this bottled up, not anymore.

Besides, Santiago already suspects something. Hiding the truth from his best friend for too long seems like a stupid idea.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Santiago’s question does take him aback; Frankie quickly realizes he’s been mindlessly misplacing several screws in the drawers for the past half hour, only Santiago was too nice to mention it earlier. He shakes his head, desperate to have a clearer mind, but he knows that won’t happen unless he actually talks.

“Seriously, you good, man?”

Frankie stares long at him, gulping and clearing his throat, putting down all the items in his hands.

“Remember that morning when you barged into my apartment, asking me what was going on with—“

Santiago raises his brows, looking around briefly.

“You mean the morning I don’t know anything about?” he retorts.

“I’m serious.”

“So am I.”

“No more of that bullshit. I mean it.”

Santiago follows his example and puts down the cloth with which he was cleaning the counters, and grabs two of the little chairs in the back, offering one to Frankie.

“Okay,” Santiago starts. “What about that morning?”

“What you saw… it was right. You were right.”

Santiago stares at him with a blank expression, which only makes Frankie more restless in return.

“Well color me intrigued and shocked,” he replies, to which Frankie rolls his eyes.

“You know me. You guys know me. I’m not a cheater. It’s not who I am, it’s not what I do. It’s not what I would ever do. I am not the kind of man who hurts those he loves. I just—I couldn’t help it. And I know that’s weak and pathetic and a fucking cliché but I—from the second the stood before me, that fucking moment in the restaurant when I saw her again, I knew it was a sign. Maybe a dark omen, I don’t—I don’t fucking know. I knew it was something.”

“Does Andrea know about any of this?”

“I don’t know exactly what she knows. I know that the two of them spoke about this, and apparently Andrea was very calm and understanding about this, which only makes me doubt things even more.”

“What are you doubting?”

“Everything! Every single fucking thing! Andrea’s been acting a bit weird with this break and I just can’t shake the feeling that something’s up, but I can’t really say anything, now can I? How the fuck can I when… look at what I did.”

Frankie lowers his head into the ground, leaving his friend to contemplate and glare at his figure. He hasn’t seen Frankie so down in years, and it’s clear he’s struggling with a lot of things, but he also needs to at least try to have a clear mind.

“Were you two together when this happened?” Santiago asks, and Frankie immediately shakes his head in denial. “Well listen, if you were separated when this went down, I wouldn’t call it cheating. She’s the one who decided she needed time away from you and your relationship.”

“I still feel… dirty.”

Santiago searches for his eyes, and when he finds them, they’re teary and gray, possibly from the lack of proper rest.

“Fish,” he calls out to him in a grave voice. “Do you love her?”

This isn’t about Andrea, Frankie realizes. That’s not the “she” he’s being asked about, and it’s not the “she” he had in mind, anyway.

“I’ve always been in love with her,” he confesses. “I never stopped. All that I felt for her… it never stopped. When I met Andrea, I did like her. I’ve grown to like her, I’ve learned to love her, how to fall in love with her, but it just… it wasn’t the same.”

“Okay, so you’re not just messing around.”

“No, fuck no! I love her. I love her so much it actually hurts. It physically hurts. Like my heart’s not even my own anymore. It’s hers. It belongs to her. And I know she loves me, too.”

“You gotta clean this up then.”

“I know. And I want to, I will. I’m picking up Andrea tonight, and I’m gonna tell her.”

“What are you gonna tell her, exactly?”

Frankie freezes, realizing he doesn’t actually have a speech prepared or anything of the sort. Truth be told, he’s too nervous to lay things down logically. All he knows is that he has to get his feelings out and be honest.

“I’m gonna be honest with her,” Frankie says. “She’s been calling and texting like crazy, said she wants us to work no matter what, and it’s just making things worse. I can’t keep doing this.”

Santiago pats him on his shoulder.

“I’m gonna tell her… we can’t go through with the wedding,” Frankie continues absentmindedly. “And that she was right to have doubts, because there are things between us we never even talked about. Her parents basically shoved us together, didn’t give us much say in the matter. I think she’s still feeling intimidated by them, like she still has to earn their approval for everything, including a marriage.”

“That’s just messed up.”

“I know.”

“Why propose in the first place then?”

“Because! Because I was convinced it was the right thing to do, the smart choice. I care about her, so I thought sure, why not? It’ll do her good to be with someone with an apparently good reputation, and it’ll be great for me too.”

“Fish…”

“Andrea is nice and warm and safe and… I do love her in a way. Theoretically she’s good for me. It’s just—“

“But it’s not the same.”

Frankie shakes his head slowly. “It’s not the same. I mean I love her because of and in spite of that.”

“Dangerous territory to be on.”

“Tell me about it.”

“But hey, you’re gonna tell her tonight, and things will be better after that.”

“I hope so.”

“Just stop fucking around with the mistress till then.”

Frankie throws him an ugly glare. “We’re not fucking around. And don’t ever call her that.”

While Santiago nods in approval and resumes his work, Frankie still contemplates. Just a few more hours, and he’ll be a free man. He’ll set himself and Andrea free, as well as you.

Just a few more hours.

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ichig00 · 9 months

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Back To Black

Ethan Winters X Reader

A/N: Now that I'm done with my first Au, I would like to open up to some requests now with this Ethan Winters mini series! So please, if you like the works I post and would like to request, feel free to do it.

This story would also most likely include the reader who is in a situationship with Leon. I named this after one of my favourite songs called "Back to Black" by Amy Winehouse. I couldn't stop imagining myself slow dancing and laughing with Ethan, which is just soooo romantic. I feel like Ethan is a shy type of guy that his shyness would wash away after a few glasses of wine. So I decided to make this and put some twist on it. I also ship some specific characters whose prob canon, if you dont like the ship- welp, jump out of it.

Included characters: Ethan Winter (Mia Winters), Rosemary Winters, Leon Kennedy, Claire & Chris Redfield, Carlos Oliveira, Jill Valentine, Rebecca Chambers and Steve Burnside.

Warnings: home wrecker (kinda), physical touch, jealousy, and some teasing.

It's been hell of a whole year that had been passed, and you are now on your way to welcoming another whole year, which you wish would be a lot better than the other one.

You're on your way to a cabin that you and your friends have rented to celebrate the upcoming New years.

Finally, at some point in your life this year, you had a time to take a break and relax for sometimes with your friends who had been mostly on your whole life.

Being part of BSAA, especially being THE captain of one of the special forces that could put up to the strength of Chris Redfield's group, is one of the heaviest work you've been on. The pressure of being the captain of a special group and pressure of carefully trying to not lose them in every mission you've been through is being a huge worried on your life that you end up having anxiety attacks when you're alone.

Well, at least you had someone who could rest your head in with his shoulder.

Leon S. Kennedy, the MORE than friends for you but LESS than lovers, too. You couldn't really point out your relationship with him, but you sure now that there is something between you and him. With every touch, every look and every word you exchange between each other has a deep meaning to it. It's fragile and yet blurry at the same time. It's like it's near, but you couldn't get a hold of it.

Afraid of commitment? Maybe, afraid of love? Never cross your mind. You know and would never deny it that you love every single bit of Leon and every moment you spend with him.

From the day you met during the Racoon City out break, from doing missions together as a federal agent under government's hold and up until now. Even if you left being an agent and got promoted as a Captain in BSAA.

BSAA saw your potential. They saw Leon's too, but the government couldn't lose leon out of their touch. The president was very fond of you two, but he has to pick one between one of his best and favourite agents. He couldn't lose both.

You pull up in the driveway of a huge cabin in the middle of the woods, but there is also a frozen lake at the side of it. Not far away, and you could literally see the reflection of the sunset through the frozen cold waters of the lake as snows fall down from the sky.

You couldn't help but sigh and admire the view after parking your car next to Carlo's car, which you easily recognize by the brand of it.

Your gaze shifted to the main door of the cabin where you saw something move there from your peripheral vision. You're lighted like a moon in a deep dark sky as you saw little Rose who just turned 4 years old months ago.

You chuckled as Ethan followed her around as Rose recognized your car and immediately got excited after knowing you arrived. You hoped off of your car immediately as you open your arms while Rose stumbles on her way to you. Good thing she was near for you to catch her.

"Rose!" You happily exclaimed in excitement as you lift her up and twirl yourself with her, making you both let out a giggle.

You swear this kid has a great memory, especially when it comes to you. She immediately remembered you even though it was just your car but couldn't even remember Who's Chris and Carlos. Maybe because of their similar body built and skin colour which you all laugh about as you find it cute.

More than 3 years had passed since what happened at Romania, Ethan and Rose were saved, and as for Mia. She was found dead after a year from the kidnapping incident that happened. According to Chris, Mia left Europe without telling Ethan, you or Chris. For the third time, it was from her work, and now it killed her.

There was conflict between Chris and Ethan after the kidnapping, since the way Chris is doing things is inappropriate for Ethan to approve.

"You could've warned me!" Ethan insists for many times now, resulting for you to be assigned to handle Ethan now that he is considered as a 'bioweapon'.

He was under monitor for a year and a half, and they ran experiments on him. He has no choice but to agree because if he couldn't, BSAA might not even give him a chance to see his daughter again. Though they let him be for now as long as nothing goes bad to him, they left you to monitor them.

As for Rosemary, BSAA decided not to do anything with her YET. You insisted it, you could never allow them to use or hurt her. BSAA now how much power you hold, that's why they obey you with your words and reason why they hire you here.

You glad you accepted working for them because they were the reason for you to meet Rose.

"How's my favourite baby?" You cood as lightly pinch her puffy and red cheeks. She giggled again, and your words and voice tickled her.

She knows understand things and learn more and more as each day goes by. You watched her grow up after you found out that Mia Winters is found dead. It was hard for Ethan. It was very hard for him.

You were checking on him everytime specially when he lost his wife. You take care of Rosemary too when Ethan undergoes through experiments or training.

Now, he was undergoing more military training for two years to enter as a BSAA member.

You didn't question that BSAA is now using a bioweapon to kill some bioweapons because you know to yourself that it will happen in the future. You and Chris had a topic about it before.

"M-mommy!" Rose babble out of her mouth, making you stare at her in awe. Of course, during the times you were with them almost every day, you couldn't help but treat Rose as your own child, too.

"Not mommy Rose, just Y/N." You said to her and touched the tip of her small nose as she played with your finger.

"She's still calling you that?" Ethan said, walking past the two of you to get your luggage out of your car.

"Well, I must be a cool mom." You said proudly to him as you continue to play with Rose, who is still in your arms.

You heard Ethan said something, but you couldn't hear it.

"Y/N!" You have a very familiar voice at the distance. You look over to the porch of the cabin and see your best friend Claire leaning on the ballisters while waving happily at you.

You felt excitement in your heart the more people you see in here. It's been a while since you saw Claire. The last time you saw her was when you visited Chris' home, and at the same time, she was also there just dropping off some things for Chris. That was 4 years ago.

"Long time no see, Y/n!" You smiled at the person who stood beside Claire.

"Still alive, Steve?" You said smiling widely as happily Rose waved back to them when they saw them waving at you, making you all giggle at his cuteness.

"What a reunion." You heard Carlos say, coming out of the garage from the side of the cabin. A cup on his hands as he nods at you with a smile.

"Yup." Ethan said as he stood next to you, agreeing at what Carlos had said. You smiled at him as you locked your car while still holding Rose at your side.

You tried to drop her down earlier, but she keeps crawling to you and whining about now wanting to get away from you.

"Alright, Rose, stay with y/n as long as you want." Ethan said, chuckling and shaking his heas before following you as you walk towards the cabin.

You look back at him smiling.

The sky is already dark, lighted up by the bright moon with the stars. The music that's been playing eversince earlier surrounds the living room as you and your friends dance and drink together.

Carlos and Jill are happily dancing together at the wide space in the living room. Carlos took a lot of convincing just to ask Jill to dance, but glady they're having fun now.

Carlos likes Jill a lot, but never know if Jill really likes him back. You and Claire ask her before but never get a straight answer.

"Nice of you to show up." You heard Chris said, making you turn your head to hi. Who's sitting at a stool at the mini bar here in the living room, beside him is Ethan, who looks tipsy by the red on his face.

You know you couldn't have him tipsy since he had his daughter here who will need him sooner or later.

You'll just have to find a way to sober him up later.

It was Leon! He has bits of snow in his leather jacket and his hair, too. He looks awfully tired, though.

You walked up to them and brushed off the snow out of his leather jacket. He immediately tensed up and turned to you. He relaxed when he saw it's just you, smiling at you.

"I'm glad you made it here safely." You said to him as you crossed your arms above your chest while smiling at him too.

"Same here to you." He replied, knocking off the snows out of his hair and looking up to you after with a small but tired smile.

"Looks like the president keeps you up too long." Chris said, breaking the eye contact between you and Leon. You both look at Chris, but you end up looking at Ethan, who you can feel staring at you.

He immediately looks away after you catch him staring, his already flushed face turning more into dark red.

"Ethan? Are you okay?" Rebecca asked while getting drinks from the other side of the counter at the mini bar. She also noticed the reaction Ethan did after looking at you.

You tilted your head a little, watching every move Ethan makes. Somethings seems so off with him.

"Y-Yeah." He answers Rebecca's question and waves his hand off.

"Too drunk already?" Leon said to Ethan in a teasing way. Ethan shook his head and took a sip on the glass in his hand. You watched him drink as he made a sour expression after chugging the alcohol.

"Please, Leon, don't be an ass." Claire butted in walking near you and putting an arm above your shoulders. He was followed by Steve at the stool next to Ethan

"I'm not." Leon glared at Claire, but she laughed it off. "He wasn't being an ass. He always was." Chris said and took a sip on his glass and gave Leon a glass that Rebecca poured in.

"Seems like Carlos and Jill are having fun over there." Steve said, watching the two who's obviously having fun dancing together. Carlos doesn't seem to not want to let go of Jill, and Jill seems to have fun. You haven't seen her laugh in ages.

"You wanna dance?" Claire asked Steve, Steve smirked without saying anything and stood up before pulling Claire towards the space where Jill and Carlos were having fun.

"Wow.. fun." You mumble to yourself as you took another sip to your glass, not expecting anyone to hear it and walking up near Rebecca. You ask her for another, which she gladly gives.

"I'm glad you guys had time for a vacation." You said to Rebecca as she pours into your glass. She smiled sweetly and nodded.

"Yup, what a hassle year for us." She agreed, making you smile back at her.

"Wanna have fun too?" You heard Ethan ask beside you, you look at him. He was smiling drunkly at you.

"Ethan, have this before having 'fun'?" Rebecca handed him a bottle of water. He thanked her and accepted it before drinking it.

"Come on!" Ethan said excitedly after he finished the bottle and pulled you towards where the others danced.

The music that is playing is now Back To Black by Amy Winehouse. The meaning of the song doesn't match the atmosphere of the surroundings, but no one actually cares about it, and their mind is set to having fun with each other.

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condemnedtranscendent · 2 months

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Could you please tell me about your of bloodline (the daughters of eve)? 👉👈 they sound so interesting!!

:O thank you for asking!

tw: for murder, toxic relationships, mental illness and vampire nonsense

i don't remember where exactly i got the name daughters of eve from, but it was from i believe a non-canonical biblical source?? they're not *literally* daughters of the biblical eve, but as eve = sin in some interpretations, it makes sense w the vampires of vtm lore. but they are all full blood sisters from the same parents.

there's seven sisters total, one put into each clan (just the primary ones in bloodlines). they were all turned on the exact same night at the exact same time (7pm). the event was not planned by any one or group, and none of the sisters were in the same location. some people think their coming is a sign of gehenna and that they all share the same soul, but whether you believe that is up to you. all of them are very different personality wise, and all have various levels of relevancy/power/influence.

meta wise, they represent each of my bloodlines playthroughs, so right now i only have two written out evas and entigone.

evas is the gangrel also known as the ugly german bitch because shes not afraid to look like "trash" (being fat, as i know personally, was NOT in, in 2005, but she dresses as she wants anyways and uses the term ugly to show she doesn't care what others think, i for one think shes hot) she will beat you over the head for talking shit. but shes also in general mean. so that's the bitch part. she has no problem or grief killing people. shes gangrel but down with the brujah. doesn't mind doing tasks/quests just because it gives her something to do and someone to beat up, but she doesn't like to be pushed around like a pawn. shes her own person and fights for her own cause, no one else is on her side, and anyone close to her she sees as temporary (whether they will betray or end up dead). evas probably the most sane out of all of them, and is the eldest sister of seven. also shes bi if you're interested. her ending was the brujah one.

entigone is batshit obviously being malkavain, but moreso than the typical malk. she had ocd before turning, and becoming malkavian turned that shit 100x worse. its very hard for her to sort out whats true and whats not. she is incredibly off putting to be around. she will attack randomly if she feels threatened (even if the person said nothing to her) and because of this she has the most masquerade violations out of any daughter of eve. also loses control when feeding and sometimes drains them without meaning too. big lesbian and trusts women too much, but never trusts any men. her hair is naturally curly, and meant to have greasy roots and matted ends (i use gerard way, amy winehouse, and britney spears for hair reference). she cant take care of herself physically. unphased by violence (the lollipop piece was meant to have a layer covered in blood from one of evas' kills, hence the surprised but not horrified expression) but is terrified of losing anyone she loves (heather is NOT leaving that fucking apartment shes probably locked in a goddamn cupboard if were being honest.) and lives in constant delusions, not being able to tell whats true from the malkavian voices and her ocd, and the x% of the time the voices are right. i haven't finished her playthrough but she was "fooled"* by ming xiao and that's her ending.

her name comes from the ancient greek figure antigone, who was present in oedipus rex. i haven't really figured out if she'll have any true connection to her namesake, their stories don't really cross very much other than i can read antigone's with the Eye Of OCD (only fellow crazies will get me here lol)

*"fooled" bcuz i really disliked they made the kuei jin evil and sneaky, it just felt kinda racist (and i love xiao) butttt i also like the idea of entigone following her ocd compulsions leading to her death like tragedy and comedy, (also since i suffer with ocd irl, and doing compulsions often leads to opposite results its sort of a cautionary tale, again like a greek tragedy)

i really wish i had more to this written out i'm sorry 😭 ill start posting stuff under the tag #daughters of eve when i come up with it from now on if you'd like to follow the story :}

#thank u for asking hehee #🛎️🔔come again sooooon #vampire the masquerade #bloodlines #answered #oc tag #evas #entigone #vtm #daughters of eve #ask #writing tag #fan character #sketch tag #my art #all art

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wildernessuntothemselves · 3 years

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#seriously can't tell if hyuna is addicted to some drug or if her make up and weight loss are that severe that it looks like it #could be both #no hate on hyuna #i love her #but what is going on #she kinda looks like amy winehouse in a way now #hope she's okay and it's just a style #mort talks

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dailytomlinson · 4 years

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The last of the One Direction lot to release his debut album, Louis Tomlinson took his time making his first full-length.

"It's taken me the best part of four years to finish it, so naturally, you know, there's a lot of heart in it," he considers, "a lot of emotion, a lot of honesty I think. And the most important thing for me, whenever I'm writing a song, is that the lyrics are really important to me. I just want to make people feel something, and through honesty, that becomes a little bit easier, you know? So I feel like, hopefully, I've made an honest and interesting record."

A lot has happened for Louis in the past ten years. He was catapulted into stardom as part of One Direction in 2010, left that group in 2015, returned to The X Factor in 2018 as a judge, became a footballer for a bit, had a child, and sadly lost his mother in 2016 and sister Felicité in 2019. A lot of those themes make it onto 'Walls', the latter forming the lyrics for the record's lead single 'Two Of Us'.

"Honesty and vulnerability at times is relatable, and it's important sometimes talk about certain things. I'm always conscious of being as transparent as I possibly can to my fans and to any listener."

Of course, his first solo ventures, 'Just Hold On' with Steve Aoki and 'Back To You' with Bebe Rexha and Digital Farm Animals, are miles away from the music he returned with in 2019, but he maintains the change of direction was for the best. "I just don't think that those songs are true to the artist that I want to be. Although they were right to me at the time, if you put them in the middle of this album, they would definitely stand out."

Where Harry's albums channel 70s rock and artsy pop, Niall's debut had the singer/songwriter vibe a la Sheeran and Capaldi, and Liam and Zayn opted for chart-friendly R&B pop, on 'Walls', Louis goes back to his roots, doing his best to emulate the Northern indie rockers he grew up on. "I feel like a lot of influence happens subconsciously. It's what you're listening to at the time or what you've grown up with. In terms of who I look up to, Alex Turner and the way that he writes as a lyricist is incredible, especially in the early Arctic Monkeys stuff. I always talk about Amy Winehouse's level of detail, again as a lyricist, and how descriptive she was was incredible. Obviously, I'm a massive, massive Oasis fan that goes without saying."

"Coming out of One Direction, it was a bit of improvising, a bit of trial and error"

Chatting to Louis, it's easy to forget he was part of one of the biggest groups of all time, because he just comes across as a down to earth and, well, normal bloke. It's like seeing an old school friend in the pub and having a catch-up.

He's never lost his accent, and his dedication to his hometown of Doncaster is unmatched. He's returning to the Doncaster Dome on tour, was signed as a Doncaster Rovers player, and even in his early solo days, took Bebe Rexha to the Keepmoat Stadium for a video shoot.

"I always try and be as true to myself as I can. I've always been very aware of where I've come from, and very proud of where I've come from. I fuckin love Doncaster. My family still live there, I go there all't time, well, not all't time, but as much as I can. Those influences that I've grown up with were vital on my first album, they're definitely part of it's DNA.

"This was always where my heart lies. I mean, I spent most of my youth in Priory, back when it were ten quid all you could drink – which was fucking mint. That really pushed me towards big choruses and guitars, basically - you know, like a Catfish and the Bottlemen kinda record, that's the sound I really love."

Likening his experience of finding his feet after 1D's disbandment ("hiatus") to that of a brand new artist, it took Louis a while to get comfortable with the music he was making.

"A lot of developing artists when they first start their career, they spend two, three, maybe even five years in the background developing and waiting for that one moment, that one song, that one album. And I kind of had to live out that whole development period in the public eye. Naturally, after coming out of One Direction, it was a bit of improvising, a bit of trial and error and working out exactly who I should be as an artist. It took some time, I didn't want to rush it."

He did dip his toe into the songwriting waters during his time in 1D, if getting a writing credit on 37 of their songs counts as dipping a toe, but felt he needed time rediscovering himself.

"It was really important to me; it was only from the third album onwards that we really got trusted with having a real influence on the songwriting. It's something I'm really proud of, and they're definitely skills that have helped me in the solo career."

Funnily enough, One Direction's third album seemed to be the point where their music took a stadium rock-ish turn, which never really let up for the remainder of their career (see: 'Midnight Memories', 'Where Do Broken Hearts Go', 'Drag Me Down'). Maybe Louis always had those big choruses in him after all.

"I have the luxury of being a positive person"

There are plenty of references to walls and fences on (aptly titled) 'Walls', which could easily be read as feeling like he needed to break out, but he says that's not necessarily what he means.

"I normally shy away from metaphor, but it was relevant in the song definitely. I'm sure that's how some people might interpret it. But it's more about general growth in life and any problems or mistakes that you make along the way. It's more about realising that, and I'm very proud of my One Direction roots, massively."

Strangely, he says joining One Direction humbled him. As a cocky teenager, being thrust into the spotlight and feeling like a small fish in a very large, Simon Cowell-controlled pond affected the boys in different ways.

"I was a bit of a show-off, really. I came into One Direction with a bit of an ego; I did think a lot of myself, I'm not gonna lie. It was quite a sobering experience. I was a bit of a show-off when I was a kid to be fair, like I love making people laugh and all that. I wasn't very hardworking. I'd say I'm hardworking now, but I definitely wasn't when I was a young lad."

And does he feel like he's changed much since finishing with the group five years ago?

"It feels like it did in One Direction, just a diluted version really. I'm lucky I still have a certain amount of hardcore fans who follow my every move. So in terms of the difference in like privacy and stuff, that hasn't really changed too much. But, you know, it is what it is. It's what I've signed up for, apparently."

It doesn't come across like the fame gets to him, perhaps in a way it has done in the past. He seems relaxed, confident, more candid than he was on any 1D press run (e.g., he's allowed to swear now), and like genuinely, despite everything, he's in a good place.

"I have the luxury of being a positive person and seeing the glass as half full. Whenever I reflect on those times of me feeling a little bit emotional, I always do see a light at the end of the tunnel. It's just extending that idea that you know, trying to induce hope."

Louis Tomlinson's album 'Walls' is out 31st January.

#louis tomlinson #wpress #readdork #300120 #death tw #tw death #stunt mention

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louistomlinsoncouk · 4 years

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The last of the One Direction lot to release his debut album, Louis Tomlinson took his time making his first full-length.

A lot has happened for Louis in the past ten years. He was catapulted into stardom as part of One Direction in 2010, left that group in 2015, returned to The X Factor in 2018 as a judge, became a footballer for a bit, and sadly lost his mother in 2016 and sister Felicité in 2019. A lot of those themes make it onto 'Walls', the latter forming the lyrics for the record's lead single 'Two Of Us'.

Likening his experience of finding his feet after 1D's disbandment ("hiatus") to that of a brand new artist, it took Louis a while to get comfortable with the music he was making.

He did dip his toe into the songwriting waters during his time in 1D, if getting a writing credit on 37 of their songs counts as dipping a toe, but felt he needed time rediscovering himself.

There are plenty of references to walls and fences on (aptly titled) 'Walls', which could easily be read as feeling like he needed to break out, but he says that's not necessarily what he means.

And does he feel like he's changed much since finishing with the group five years ago?

Louis Tomlinson's album 'Walls' is out 31st January.

#louis tomlinson #30jan20

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1004

survey by lalabby

Have you ever been to a gay pride parade? Several ones. There’s Metro Manila Pride and my university also holds their own Pride March every year. Would you take your dream job if it were out of the country? I’m assuming the concept of dream job would also include perks, like provided accommodation; if that’s the case, I would absolutely take it. I don’t want to sound too bratty but I can’t just relocate and start in square one in a completely foreign country with no relatives, no resources, and only a job. Just basic benefits that will help me settle would do. What is your zodiac sign? Man is this asked a lot. Taurus. What do you like to do when you're home alone? When that was still possible, all I really did was play my music or whatever I’m watching a little bit louder, since I wouldn’t be disturbing anyone. Otherwise I kept the same routine I would’ve had if I otherwise had company. These days my siblings are home 24/7 so I don’t get the chance to be home alone anymore. Should the guy always pay for the date? No? Couples should at least take turns but personally, I always believed in splitting the bill. The idea of being treated for an entire meal never sat well with me.

What kind of music calms you down? Soft indie tunes, like Hozier’s. How many sex partners is too many? Not gonna judge. Who did you last go to a park with? I can’t even remember the last time I was in any kind of park, considering we have so few of them as it is. Have you ever been robbed? Yeah somebody stole my wallet back in high school, but it’s only been that one time. I’ve been a little lucky when it comes to my things, ha. Are you working, a student, both, or neither? I’m kinda working, I guess. My title’s an intern but they give me such heavy load and have been assigning me to more serious tasks lately that I might as well call myself working. I didn’t work while I was in college. What's your favorite holiday? Holidays are a nightmare for me. All holidays are ways for people to show off their lovely family dynamics on social media, and that always sends my anxiety into overdrive. Not fun. Do you prefer male or female friends? For the most part, female but that’s because I have more of those. My guy and enby friends are cool too! How often do you wash your hair? Everyday. I get verrrrry irritated once I feel my hair going greasy or dry, and I shower as soon as I can to make the sensation go away. Is anyone close to you an alcoholic? No. I have family members who used to be, but I am not close to them precisely because of their drinking habits and the trauma it gave me as a child. How does your natural hair look? Black, super thick, frizzy if not combed for a while, lots of baby hair. Have you ever dumped anyone? No. What race/heritage are you? Brown/Asian/Filipino. What's your favorite dessert? Macarons and cheesecake. So, opinions on Amy Winehouse's death? That was devastating to learn about. In the weeks leading up to her passing, I remember how she was increasingly covered in the news as her personal issues were getting more and more out of hand; it definitely felt eerie and sad reading about her death when it did happen. Are you currently wearing any jewelry? What? Nope, haven’t had to do so in a while. Do you ever go on chatroulette or omegle? Only when I was at other friends’ houses. I never explored or fucked around on my own on either. What kind of tea do you drink? Lemonade iced tea for the most part. I don’t like tea. What's in your purse right now? I don’t have a purse but in my wallet I have old receipts, my old vape pen, some change, and important cards like my license and debit card. Do you know anyone in a gang? No. What does your last received text message say? It was my service provider telling me my text and data promo has expired. Recommend a great book for me: I’d rather refer you to other survey-takers who would have much better suggestions than I could come up with. Ever traveled outside of the country? Where? Yes. I’ve listed them down soooooo many times now, but suffice it to say I’ve traveled around East and Southeast Asian countries. Do you have insomnia? No. Have you had sex in the past 48 hours? Nope. Do you wear glasses or contacts? Glasses. Who were you last in a car with? Cooper. When was the last time you were on an airplane? Early last year. I miss the feeling of taking off :( My stomach always feels funny when it happens, but I miss it all the same. What's the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you? Hold me through the tough times.

Where do you hope to live when you're older and settled? I can’t see a place yet, but I just wish I’ve found peace, wherever it is. Now say goodbye in three different languages: Adios, paalam, annyeongkaseyo.

#survey #surveys

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elceeu2morrow · 4 years

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Published: 2:45 pm, January 30, 2020 Words: Abigail Firth.

The last of the One Direction lot to release his debut album, Louis Tomlinson took his time making his first full-length.

Likening his experience of finding his feet after 1D's disbandment ("hiatus") to that of a brand new artist, it took Louis a while to get comfortable with the music he was making.

He did dip his toe into the songwriting waters during his time in 1D, if getting a writing credit on 37 of their songs counts as dipping a toe, but felt he needed time rediscovering himself.

There are plenty of references to walls and fences on (aptly titled) 'Walls', which could easily be read as feeling like he needed to break out, but he says that's not necessarily what he means.

And does he feel like he's changed much since finishing with the group five years ago?

Louis Tomlinson's album 'Walls' is out 31st January.

#dork #lt interview #walls promo #1.30.20 #baby stunt #rip fizzy #rip jay #literally one line with all 3 mentioned #hardworking #glass half full #1d mention #dork 2020

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hlupdate · 4 years

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The last of the One Direction lot to release his debut album, Louis Tomlinson took his time making his first full-length.

"Coming out of One Direction, it was a bit of improvising, a bit of trial and error"Louis Tomlinson

Likening his experience of finding his feet after 1D's disbandment ("hiatus") to that of a brand new artist, it took Louis a while to get comfortable with the music he was making.

He did dip his toe into the songwriting waters during his time in 1D, if getting a writing credit on 37 of their songs counts as dipping a toe, but felt he needed time rediscovering himself.

"I have the luxury of being a positive person"Louis Tomlinson

There are plenty of references to walls and fences on (aptly titled) 'Walls', which could easily be read as feeling like he needed to break out, but he says that's not necessarily what he means.

And does he feel like he's changed much since finishing with the group five years ago?

Louis Tomlinson's album 'Walls' is out 31st January.

#louis tomlinson #stunt mention #300120

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photolover82 · 4 years

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The Masked Singer Season 3 Episode 14: The Quarter Finals (Commentary & Guesses)

Hello fellow Masked Singer fans! It’s that time of the week aka Ana’s Masked Singer recap time, with your typing host Ana, because nobody else will do it for me haha. We are truly getting down to the wire with only 5 masked contestants left (well 4 after we are done here with this recap lol). So, again, we will be honoring the judges with some trophy emojis because they are getting there and I am kind of shook, but this time I am also gonna give the judge with the worst guess ever a poop emoji because it was a horrible guess. Yes, I am having too much fun with this, let me enjoy my moment. I think I am gonna call the segment “Panel Spotlight.” Ok, so having said that, let’s get started! (Disclaimer: Spoilers ahead, proceed with caution.. don’t say I didn’t warn you)

Alright, so let’s start with the elimination/mask coming in 5th place was:

*DRUMROLL PLEASE*

THE KITTY

Ok, so this one was also pretty upsetting, but at this point I knew this was going to happen even though I was hoping Rhino would go home instead. The only person I am like really routing for is Turtle at this point (I also really miss Astronaut so I am still sad over that elimination) so whatever I guess. However, I don’t think she should’ve gone home. Her performance of Back to Black by Amy Winehouse was really great, even though it wasn’t her best performance. Anyways, I did know who she was ever since the Super 9 and I was sure...

Having said that, Kitty was revealed to be...

JACKIE EVANCHO

Alright so yay the Internet convinced me and I got it because of them, thank you Internet! I kinda love you... sometimes. Anyways, if you don’t know who Jackie is, she was on America’s Got Talent when she was 10 as an opera singer and became one of the most successful & youngest platinum musicians ever. Now, she’s almost 20 which is insane and 10 years later full circle moment with Nick Cannon. Anyways, she really killed it as the Kitty, singing not just opera but all types of genres and killing it. Wow, yup, her voice is insane, we are the same age and she is so freaking talented, I can't even. I am so excited to see what the future holds for her. Anyways, here are the new clues that made sense for it to be her:

Clue package, traveling through St.Petersburg, Japan, the Vatican, etc. = all places Jackie has performed

Somewhere over the rainbow= performed it on Oprah’s TV special in 2011

After Performance clue this time was a “borrowed package.” Hers contained a Bow & Arrow= she is a talented archer as well as singer (this is news to me but I looked it up)

Now time for the PANEL SPOTLIGHT:

Nobody got the 🏆 because the judges were so clueless.

However, the worst guess aka the 💩 was the guest judge, comedian Jeff Dye, who said “one of those Olsen twins.” I gave it to him because he couldn’t even distinguish which one & the Olsen twins don’t make sense with all of these clues.

Alright, now we have our top 4 contestants, woo hoo! These are our semi-finalists, my guesses, and commentary, let’s do this:

1. The Frog

Performance: Yeah, I’m sorry, I just am not a big fan of Frog. He switched up last week and it was better than his normal stuff, but he just reverted to the same thing again and it’s getting annoying. This time, he performed Bust a Move by Young MC.

Guess: Bow Wow

Clue package, calling his “little frog” = he has a 9 year old daughter

French Bread on the ground = he has a song named Long Bread

Falcon Figure= Atlanta Falcons (where he lives & he is a fan of them)

Borrowed Package= Model Airplane= The Bow Wow Challenge from 2017 when he faked going on a private jet & was caught in a normal airplane and a challenge was born on the Internet about this

Now time for the PANEL SPOTLIGHT:

Yay! Robin Thicke caught on! He gets the 🏆 for guessing Bow Wow.

On the other hand, the worst guess aka the 💩 was of course Mr. Ken Jeong, who guessed Derek Hough?! What?! His logic for that guess was way off and Derek Hough cannot rap like that (but it would be cool for Derek to be on the show tho)

2. The Rhino

Performance: Ok, so he sang “You’ve Lost that Loving Feeling” by the Righteous Bros and it was impressive. This is another one of his best performances. It was a very romantic version of this song and he played into the romance. Also, you could hear some rasp to his voice that shows some versatility, I really really enjoyed this one wow. I think I might have been underestimating Rhino’s performance ability.

Guess: Barry Zito

In the package, he said that he had struggles before meeting his wife= he was a bad boy in baseball & his wife straightened him out to be a man of faith.

3 little elephants’ picture= reference to his 3 kids

Turkey hand drawing= has his own Red Turkey baseball card

Borrowed Package= Navy Hat= he was in a 2003 episode of JAG playing a Navy officer & him/his wife have a charity to donate to the military

Now time for the PANEL SPOTLIGHT:

Ok so this one is gonna be surprising because nobody said it but somebody was close. Surprisingly, Ken was close so I am going to give him the 🏆 for mentioning JAG when seeing the Navy hat clue, so let’s give him some kudos there.

Tbh, none of the guesses were absolute 💩 so we are going to skip this one for the Rhino.

3. Night Angel

Performance: Ok, so not a fan of the Night Angel either (she is way too inconsistent for my liking), but this was probably one of her best performances so far, if not her best performance. She sang “Last Dance” by Donna Summer and the song choice was perfect for her voice. I really liked this performance too, wow this episode is actually pretty good performance wise (except for Frog, but whatever)

Guess: Kandi Burruss

Lipstick = has a makeup line & final studio album of Xscape was called Traces of my Lipstick

"Say Baby I Love You”= hint to her writing for Destiny’s Child

Columbia on a map= her first studio album was recorded in Columbia Records

Borrowed Package= Ski Gear= reference to her Bravo special Kandi’s Ski Trip

Now time for the PANEL SPOTLIGHT:

Nobody caught on this episode so nobody gets the 🏆.

On the other hand, I also can’t give a 💩 to anyone because the guesses were pretty tame & okay. They didn’t hit the mark, but they weren’t overly horrible.

4. Turtle

Performance: Best for last, baby! The show allowed him to perform Fix You by Coldplay for last, because he is the best & nobody could tell me otherwise. Ok so now that I have professed my love for the Turtle, I just wanna say dude this was one of his best performances (I still think his best one was his first one when he sang “Kiss from a Rose”). The song gave me chills, it was so good. It was raw & emotional, you could really feel all the words he was singing. Best performance of the night 1000%!!

Guess: Jesse McCartney

Wanted poster with $1999 on it as a reward= he joined Dream Street in 1999

Wedding Cake Topper= the man’s engaged to his girlfriend of 6 years, Katie Peterson

Green Mop= Known for his “mop top” haircut in the 2000s

Poker Chips= Voiced Theodore in Alvin & the Chipmunks

Borrowed Package= Zombie= appeared in the Walking Dead as a zombie

Now time for the PANEL SPOTLIGHT:

Yay! Nicole finally caught on! She gets the 🏆 for guessing spot on Jesse McCartney even though her reasoning was a bit off & kinda weird.

On the other hand, the worst guess aka the 💩 was again our guest judge with the ever so terrible guess of Norman Reydus. This is so far off, it’s almost laughable.

Anyways, we are done! As always, let me know what you guys think... do you agree? Disagree? I wanna know your guesses too ofc. Did I convince you? Alright, so that’s it! I will see you guys next week for the semi-finals wow! BYE!

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the--blackdahlia · 5 years

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Long Live Rock (Non Reader Insert)

Title: Long Live Rock

Summary: Sequel to The Day the Music Died. Sam and Dean stumble upon a town where the residents were rockstars.

Warnings: M/M smut, bottom!Sam (Not wincest), angst, sad Sam

AN: So, here’s this. And please check out my Patreon so I can keep making things like this! And please no hate. I can’t really take it.

It had been a while since Sam had come home from 1959. He almost acted like a heartbroken lover at times. And Dean would catch him humming some of Buddy’s songs when he walked around the bunker. And when Charlie found out, she asked a million and one questions. Dean was sure that it was hard for Sam to talk about, but the light that shined in Sam’s eyes when he talked about Buddy, Waylon, Ritchie, JP, and Maria was something that Dean hadn’t seen in a long, long time.

“They sound amazing!” Charlie said. “And with Maria still alive, at least you still have a friend to talk to.” Sam shrugged.

“I have a picture from Bobby’s stuff of him and me meeting Waylon at the South Dakota state fair. Bobby said it was just a depressed drunk, kinda acting weird around us. But I guess it’s because he knew me when as an adult, and he just met me as a kid.”

“That is so meta! It’s awesome!” Charlie laughed. “You need to write a book or something.”

“I think I’ll just stick to my memories.” Sam smiled at her.

“So, what’s next for you two?” Charlie asked.

“Well, Kevin has a couple of books in Wichita he wants us to pick up for him. So we’re going to do that.” Dean told her. “Wanna come?”

“And miss my chance to explore your lair? No thank you.” Charlie winked at Dean.

“Just try not to wake up any more wicked witches.” Sam joked.

“Oh, believe me, I won’t.” She stood up.

“Just stay out of my room,” Dean said. “I have everything exactly the way I want it.”

“Okay, okay. I won’t.” Charlie rolled her eyes some.

“We’ll be back,” Sam said. “Just have fun and don’t get into too much trouble.”

“I’ll try.” Charlie headed off to go exploring, leaving Sam and Dean shaking their heads and laughing.

“She has way too much energy,” Dean said. “Think we can siphon some off?”

“I don’t think we could handle her energy.” Sam joked. “Come on, let’s get going.”

****

“Why couldn’t Kevin have just ordered these books through Amazon?” Dean asked as they headed towards Wichita. The sky looked like it was just going to start storming at any minute. The radio was being a little bitch and would only play sometimes. And Sam wasn’t in a very talkative mood.

“I guess they don’t sell word of god on Prime,” Sam said with a shrug. Dean sighed.

That’s when they passed a sign saying Welcome to Azmar: Home of the Best Pie in Kansas.

“Sammy,” Dean said. “We have to stop.”

“What? Why?” Sam asked.

“Best pie in Kansas? I have to be the judge of that.” He laughed. Sam sighed.

“Sure. We can stop.” Sam said, leaning back in his seat. Dean smiled and parked the car in front of Patsy’s Diner. It had a banner hanging that said: “Best Pie in All of Kansas: America, You’re Next”.

“Challenge accepted,” Dean said. Sam was looking around. “Sammy, aren’t you hungry?”

“Yeah. There’s just a couple stores I want to check out.” Sam said. “Why don’t you go ahead and if I get hungry, I’ll come by.”

“Suit yourself,” Dean said with a shrug. He headed into the diner, leaving Sam standing out on the sidewalk. Sam looked over at a storefront. Romeo’s Place. It was a bookstore and cat sanctuary according to the lettering on the window. Sam pushed open the door and headed in, immediately being greeted by several cats.

“Uh, hey kitties,” Sam said, bending down to pet some of them.

“Hello, darling.” A man at the counter said with a bit of a laugh. “What are you looking for?”

“I...I’m not sure,” Sam said, looking around.

“Not all who wander are lost, darling.” The guy said. Sam turned and got a good look at him then, his eyes widening some. “What is it?”

“Has anyone ever told you that you look like Freddie Mercury?” Sam asked. The man laughed.

“Only all the time. And I guess it works because my name is Freddie.” He said. He scanned Sam up and down as the cats continued to rub up against him. “You know, I think you might find what you’re looking for next door,” Freddie told Sam.

“What’s next door?” Sam asked.

“Charles’ Music Emporium is on one side, and Penny Lane Market is a couple of storefronts down.” Freddie explained to Sam. “Might do you some good to go to one of those.”

“Uh, sure,” Sam said with a shrug. “Thanks.” He turned and left them. Freddie smiled as one of the cats jumped up on the counter.

“What do you say, Delilah? Do you think we’re going to get that grumpy man out of his funk?” Freddie said, scratching his cat’s head. She just purred and rubbed up against him. “I hope so darling. I hope so.”

****

“Welcome to Patsy’s diner. What can I get you?” A woman asked as she came up to Dean’s table. She hair was done up in a half beehive and she had winged eyeliner and tattoos on her arms. Dean looked up at her, a little in shock. “Hey, you okay? I got other customers if you’re not ready.”

“Uh, can I just get started with a coffee...Amy?” Dean asked, reading her nametag.

“Sure thing.” She said, leaving Dean’s table. Dean glanced at the menu before looking outside. He watched as Sam left the cat sanctuary place and he rolled his eyes.

“Kid better not be getting a damn cat,” Dean grumbled. He watched him for a moment, watching how he was looking around, unsure of where to go. Dean pulled out his phone and called him.

“Yeah?” Sam answered.

“Get in here and eat,” Dean told him. “You look like an idiot.”

“Um...yeah okay. I’m coming.” Sam hung up and crossed the street to the diner, finding Dean easily and taking a seat.

“Dude, you okay?” Dean asked. Sam blinked a few times.

“I could’ve sworn I just met Freddie Mercury,” Sam told him. Dean didn’t laugh.

“Well, I think I just met Amy Winehouse,” Dean told him, motioning over at the waitress who was taking someone else’s order. “And what were you doing out there, looking around.”

“He told me that what I’m looking for might be next door. There’s a music store right next to the cat place and I just felt a connection there.”

“Think we should leave?” Dean asked. “You and connections aren’t always a good thing.”

“I’m fine,” Sam said, shaking his head. Amy came back over then to get their orders Sam got a salad and Dean ordered a barbecue burger. Dean and Sam were both scanning the diner, trying to figure out what was going on here. Sam looked out the window then and pointed to two guys walking down the street with dogs. “Holy shit.”

“What?” Dean asked, looking.

“That looks like Sid Vicious. And Kurt Cobain.” Sam said. He looked at Dean. “Where the hell are we?”

“I don’t know,” Dean said. Amy sat his burger down in front of him and he took a big bite. “But wherever it is, it has great food. My god, this burger is amazing.” Sam nodded and picked at his salad while Dean had his burger and ordered some pie and ice cream, which was just as amazing as the burger had been.

“Well Sammy, I don’t know about you, but I’d kinda like to stay the night here and see what’s going on ” Dean said, leaning back in the booth. Sam kept looking outside. “Sammy, you hear me?”

“Huh? Oh yeah.” Sam said. “Here’s some money for all this. I’m gonna go check out that music store.”

“Gonna take up the kazoo?” Dean asked with a laugh. Sam rolled his eyes and headed out of the diner. He made his way back across the street to Charles’ Music Emporium. He pushed open the door, making the little bell ring above it. There were instruments out on display and sheet music sitting around. Sam took it all in. He didn’t really think this was his place and turned to leave.

“Welcome to Charles’ Music Emporium. Is there anything I can help you with?” A voice asked. Why did it sound so damn familiar?

“I was just looking,” Sam said, turning around to look at who spoke. And when they locked eyes, neither knew what to say for a moment or two. “B-Buddy?” Sam asked.

“Oh my god. Sam.” Buddy gasped. “What are you doing here?”

“I was going to ask you the same thing. You’re…”

The demon plunged a knife into Buddy’s side.

Buddy reached up and grabbed Sam’s hand. “A-are w-w-we going to d-die?”

“S-Sam!”

“Dead?” Buddy asked. Sam nodded. “It’s hard to explain. I’m dead, but I’m alive. I’m in this town and we’re all alive and dead and…” Sam stopped him then by wrapping him in a hug. Buddy instantly returned it, holding on to Sam like he might disappear if he let go. “God Sam, I missed you so much.”

“I miss you too,” Sam said. “Everywhere I went reminded me of you and…” It was Buddy’s turn to cut Sam off then. But instead of a hug, he kissed him. Just like that night Davenport when it was just the two of them alone. Sam didn’t pull back that night, and he didn’t pull back now.

“Sammy,” Buddy whispered, resting his forehead against Sam’s. “I was in heaven and you were there, but it wasn’t the same. I could just feel that it wasn’t real, no matter how real they tried to make it.” He kissed Sam again, holding on to him. Heaven had gotten a lot of the details right, but there was something missing that made their Sam different than his.

His. God, what was he thinking?

Buddy and Sam were both about to say something when the door starting to be opened distracted them and they pulled away from each other as Dean came in. He took one look at Sam and knew something was up. Especially because Sam looked happy. And that was something Sam just didn’t do.

“So I found us a room for the night. Get this, it’s called that Morrison Hotel. And dude, I think Jim Morrison runs the place.” Dean said.

“He does,” Buddy said. Dean looked around Sam to see who had spoken.

“Dean, this is Buddy. Buddy Holly.” Sam said with a smile on his face. “Buddy, this is my brother Dean.”

“Oh, you’re Dean!” Buddy said, offering his hand. “It’s great to finally meet you. Sam spoke very highly of you.”

“Dude, is this the Buddy Holly that you went back to 1959 and met?” Dean asked, shaking Buddy’s hand. A small blush spread on Sam’s face.

“Yeah.” He said. He looked around. “Are the others here?” He asked.

“Waylon and all of them?” Buddy asked. Sam nodded. “I haven’t seen them. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t here.” Sam nodded. Dean stood there awkwardly.

“Uh, should I go?” Dean asked. “Were you two in the middle of something?” Sam and buddy glanced at each other before shaking their heads. “Okay well, let’s go to the room and get settled before scoping out the town.”

“Yeah, okay.” Sam looked at Buddy. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Yeah,” Buddy said, a little upset but nothing he couldn’t handle. “What room are you guys in?”

“5A,” Dean said. Buddy nodded and watched as Sam and Dean left.

****

“So, what exactly happened between you and Buddy back in ‘59?” Dean asked as they got to the motel. “Were you two just friends or…”

“We were just friends,” Sam said, looking around the room.

“Hmmm. Sure. Whatever you say, Sammy.” Dean said. Sam turned and glared at him. “Well, I’m going to go hit up that bar in town and see what I can find out. What are you going to do?”

“Research,” Sam said. Dean rolled his eyes.

“Spoilsport.” He said. “I’ll be back later.” With that, he left. Sam showered, standing under the warm water for a while. He wasn’t used to places they stayed in to actually have this much hot water available. He changed into a pair of comfy pants and a shirt. They always took bags with them, even on simple runs. You never knew went a simple run could turn into a three-day hunt and you could only wear the same underwear so many days in a row.

Sam settled on his bed, ready to start doing a little research on things, when there was a knock at the door. Carefully, Sam got up and went to the door, opening it slightly to see Buddy standing there.

“Hey,” Sam said, a smile lighting up his face. He opened the door to let Buddy in. “What are you doing here?”

“I thought we could catch up,” Buddy said with a shrug. “Where’s Dean?”

“He went out,” Sam said. “I opted to stay in.”

“Lucky for me then.” Buddy laughed. Sam shut the door behind Buddy as he took off his jacket and laid it on a chair. “So, how have you been Sam? Really?”

“Honestly, I felt like my heart broke when you died,” Sam told him. “I know that it’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid,” Buddy said. “I remember things. When that demon possessed me and hit you. Then the time between him leaving me and the plane crashing. I remember holding on to you. I remember you being taken from me.” He set down on Dean’s bed as Sam set on his own. “There were so many things I wanted to say before we died together that I didn’t get a chance to. Things that at the time, would’ve probably gotten me put in jail or killed.”

“Buddy,” Sam said softly, seeing how upset he was getting. But Buddy just shook his head.

“I…” Buddy looked away from Sam so he couldn’t see the rejection. “I love you, Sam.”

“Buddy.” Sam moved to kneel in front of him, looking up into his eyes. “I love you too Buddy.” He held his hands in his. Buddy looked down at him with a smile before he stood up, pulling Sam with him, and kissed him deeply. Buddy held Sam close as he deepened the kiss. When they parted, one look told the other that they wanted this.

Buddy pulled off Sam’s shirt as he kissed his neck, hearing the small noises Sam made as he did. Sam took off Buddy’s glasses and laid them on the table so there wasn’t a chance of breaking them. Buddy took Sam’s hand then and led him to the bed, pulling him on to it with him.

“Do you want this?” Sam asked, leaning into Buddy’s touch.

“I’ve wanted this since the day Waylon brought you to the house,” Buddy told him, kissing him deeply. As Buddy kissed Sam, Sam made work of unbuttoning Buddy’s shirt and sliding it off of him. Sam pushed Buddy to lay back on the bed before he started kissing down his chest, working his pants and underwear off of him as he did. Buddy couldn’t stop the moans that slipped from his lips as he watched Sam.

“Sam.” Buddy sighed. He closed his eyes as Sam took him into his mouth, sucking on the head for a little bit. It didn’t take long for Buddy to respond “Oh fuck Sam.” Sam took him deeper, swallowing him all the way down. Once Buddy hit the back of Sam’s throat, Sam started to move his head. Buddy gripped the blanket and threw his head back. Fuck, if he had known that it was going to feel this good, he would’ve fallen into bed with Sam back in Milwaukee.

This went on for a little longer before Buddy touched Sam’s cheek, getting him to look up at him.

“You can stop.” He said. “I don’t want this to be over yet.” Sam moved his mouth off of Buddy slowly, sitting back on the floor. Buddy set up and helped Sam to his feet, working him out of his pants. “Do you have anything for this?”

“I have lube,” Sam said with a blush. “It makes it easier to jack off sometimes.” Buddy smiled as Sam’s blush. “I want you to do it.”

“Are you sure?” Buddy asked. Sam nodded. “Then get on the bed.” Sam nodded, but first, he grabbed the lube that was in his bag. Sometimes it came in handy for other things, but Sam mainly kept it hidden there for those brief moments he had to himself. He handed the bottle to Buddy before getting on the bed.

“I can do the prep part,” Sam said. “I do it often and it’s not too bad.”

“I get a show?” Buddy asked with a wink. Sam laughed some and nodded.

“I’ll need the lube though.” He said. Buddy nodded and handed it to Sam. He watched Sam put some on his fingers and pushed them into himself, stretching himself to fit Buddy. If Buddy wasn’t already hard, he would have been right then. Sam took his time working himself open, when he felt his fingers being pulled from himself and replaced by Buddy’s.

“Fuck.” Sam moaned. Buddy had been watching and taking notes, and he was sure he knew what to do. What Sam liked. He had Sam a withering mess on the bed in no time, and not long after that, Sam was begging. “Buddy, please.”

“Hold on baby.” He said, slowly pulling his fingers out and using the lube to slick himself up. “I’ll take care of you.” He crawled between Sam’s open legs, lined himself up, and slowly started to push into him, making Sam gasp.

“Fuck,” Sam whispered, closing his eyes. He had been with guys before, but something about being with Buddy was different. He wasn’t sure if it was actually love, or lust, or what. But he wanted only Buddy and no one else in his life. He spread his legs as far as he could as Buddy settled between them, like it was where he always belonged.

“God, this feels amazing ” Buddy whispered, holding himself up as natural instinct took over and he moved his hips slowly. “You look amazing.” He leaned down and kissed Sam gently, nipping at his bottom lip some. “I love you.”

“I love you,” Sam whispered back. Buddy pulled back some to find a pace that would work for both of them. Sam held on to him, the intensity fueling him. Every time Buddy brushed his prostate, it was like seeing stars. Sam knew that it wouldn’t be much longer.

“Sammy, I’m close,” Buddy whispered in his ear. He placed gentle kisses on his neck.

“M-me too,” Sam told him. He held on to Buddy tighter as he felt Buddy’s thrusts getting sloppy, his need to cum overcoming the pace they had going. And Sam was thankful, because he was ready.

Not too much longer and Buddy was cumming in Sam, moaning his name over and over and praising Sam as Sam came between them.

“Oh fuck,” Buddy whispered, slowly pulling out of Sam and laying beside him. “We should have done that sooner.”

Buddy wrapped an arm around Sam, holding him close to him. Sam rested his head on Buddy’s shoulder, letting himself relax and feel safe. Buddy was tired, so was Sam, but they were both so happy. Buddy traced shapes on Sam’s bare skin for a moment as he tried to think of the right words.

“Sam,” Buddy said softly.

“Yeah?” Sam answered. Buddy took a second before he spoke up.

“The world has given us another chance.” He said. “Will you marry me?” Sam looked up at him.

“Are you sure you want that?” Sam asked. Buddy nodded.

“More than anything.” He told him. Sam smiled and nodded.

“They yes. I will.”

They drifted off to sleep then, holding on to each other.

****

It was early morning when Dean unlocked the room door and stumbled in, a shit eating grin on his face.

“Man Sammy, you missed it.” Dean laughed. “I just played darts with the Ramones. And then I had a poker game with Janis Joplin, Bon Scott, John Bonham, Jimi Hendrix, Elvis Presley, and Keith Moon. Dude, this place is awesome.” He turned to look at Sam’s bed and gasped. Because Sam wasn’t alone.

He and Buddy were curled up together, fast asleep.

“I knew it! I fucking knew it!” Dean laughed. “Sam, you sly dog.” Dean was planning on teasing Sam in the morning. But right now, he was tired and he was ready for some sleep.

****

Sam woke up the next morning to someone playing with his hair. He slowly opened his eyes and looked up at Buddy, a smile on his face. But snoring cut through their peaceful moment and Sam turned his head to see Dean asleep on the other bed.

“Well, that ends that plan.” Buddy laughed playfully. “I wanted another piece of you this morning.”

“Maybe later.” Sam laughed. “We need to get up and in some clothes before Dean wakes up. He’s already going to tease me to no end.” Buddy laughed and kissed Sam gently.

They quickly got up and pulled their clothes on, trying to be as quick and as quiet as possible so Dean wouldn’t wake up. Finally, once they were dressed again, Buddy kissed Sam one more time.

“Can you come by the store later?” He asked.

“Of course,” Sam said. “Any special reason?”

“Just because I love you,” Buddy smirked before he left.

“So, did he rock your world?” Dean asked from his bed. Sam jumped and turned to look at his brother. “The clothes all over the floor didn’t help matters.”

“Shit,” Sam mumbled under his breath. Dean rubbed his eyes.

“Hey, I’m just glad to know you’re not a monk again.” Dean laughed, getting a pillow thrown at him in return.

****

Dean went out to find his friends from the night before while Sam went to Buddy’s store. There were a couple of people shopping, but not many. When Buddy saw Sam, his eyes lit up and he motioned for him to go to the office. After about ten minutes, Buddy came in.

“What took you so long?” Sam asked.

“I was closing up, just in case,” Buddy said, winking. “So, you know what I asked you last night?”

“Yeah…” Sam said, afraid that Buddy was going to say it was a mistake. That it was a one-time thing.

“I wanted to make it right.” Buddy pulled out a small box. Inside was a simple black band. “To act as the engagement ring. I’ve got a matching one that I’ll wear too.” He slid the ring on Sam’s finger and kissed him. “It’s official, I’m yours and your mine. And I love you.” He kissed Sam. “And now you know why I closed the store.” Sam laughed but kissed him back.

****

“Buddy,” Freddie said as Buddy left for the evening. Sam had gone to catch up with Dean.

“Hey. What’s up?” Buddy asked.

“Buddy, they have to leave.” He said. Buddy closed his eyes. He knew this. “It’s going to kill them. And yeah, they’ll be here forever, but they’ll be dead.”

“I know,” Buddy said. “But if they leave, they can’t ever come back. And…” Freddie saw the ring on Buddy’s finger.

“He was the one you lost, wasn’t he?” Freddie asked. Buddy nodded. “Damn it. I’m sorry. If I would’ve known…”

“I would still be a miserable asshole.” Buddy pointed out. “I just wouldn’t have my heart broken for a second time.”

“I’m so sorry ” Freddie told him. “We’ll figure this out. I’ll convince one of them.”

“I’ll get Sam,” Buddy said, looking down. “I’ll deal with it.”

****

Freddie found Dean at the bar. He was surrounded by people he had played cards with. They were watching him play pool against Frank Sinatra and Hank Williams. Freddie waited until the game was done and he pulled him to the side.

“So, the town will kill us if we stay?” Dean asked. Freddie nodded.

“This place is perfect, but it’s dangerous,” Freddie explained. “And as much as Buddy doesn’t want to lose his fiancè, it’s for the best.”

“Wait...what?” Dean asked.

“Shit,” Freddie mumbled. “You’re focusing on the wrong part. If you stay, you die. And yeah, you’ll live here forever, but here is the only place you’ll ever live. You won’t go home. You won’t move on. You’ll stay here.”

“Damn it.” Dean sighed. “Okay, so I take Sam and we leave?”

“Buddy has to convince Sam to leave,” Freddie said.

“So, Buddy and Sam are engaged and he has to break Sam’s heart to get him out of town?” Dean asked. Freddie nodded. “That’s fantastic.”

“Get your car and get out of town. Because if you leave, it might be easier to get Sam to follow you. But the longer you both stay here, the harder it will be to leave.” Freddie explained. “And I’m tired of this town taking victims.” Dean nodded and gave up his beer. He went back to the motel, but Sam wasn’t there. He packed their things, go into the Impala, and drove to the city limits. He felt something pulling him, trying to get him to stay. But he fought it and before he knew it, he was outside of Azmar and he didn’t feel the urge to go back.

****

Buddy and Sam were at Buddy’s place when he got the call. He knew what he had to do, not that he wanted to. But he had to, for Sam’s sake.

“Sam, I need you to follow me,” Buddy said.

“Uh, sure. Where are we going?” Sam asked.

“To see your brother,” Buddy told him.

“Why?” Sam asked. Buddy didn’t answer, just leading him towards the city limits. Sam could see Dean standing out by the Impala, waiting on him. “What is he doing?”

“He got out for his safety,” Buddy told him. He turned to look at Sam, trying to not let his emotions show.

Ending #1

“This town is draining your life,” Buddy said, cupping Sam’s face in his hands. “You need to leave. Dean already did. He’s waiting for you. Freddie convinced him it was time to leave. Now I’m trying to do the same for you.”

“I can’t,” Sam said, coughing some.

“And why the hell not?” Buddy asked.

“Because if I leave, you’ll…” Sam trailed off.

“Die?” Buddy asked. “Because I already did that once. And I died not being able to tell you I love you. But I got the chance this time. And I can go back to that heaven where we were together.”

“Buddy…”

“Sam, if you don’t go, you’re going to die. And you have so much good you have to do in the world.” Buddy told him. “The world that is out there. Where the sun is real and everything isn't perfect. And that’s what makes it so great.” He leaned in and kissed Sam gently. They both had tears in their eyes. “I’m sure we’ll meet again Sam Winchester. Life doesn’t seem to want us apart for long.”

“I love you,” Sam said, touching Buddy’s hand and holding it for a minute.

“I love you too Sam.” He smiled softly. “Next time you’re in heaven, look me up.” Sam looked past the city limit sign where Dean was waiting for him. He looked back at Buddy. “Go, before I beg you to stay.” Sam nodded and slowly walked to the town line. Taking a deep breath, he stepped over. Out of Azmar. Sam turned around to see Buddy’s smiling face one last time before he started to disappear.

“Sammy…” Dean said. Sam didn’t look at him, instead, he climbed into the Impala and waited for Dean. “Sammy, are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Sam said, choking back tears. He played with the ring on his finger, trying to hold everything back. “We’ve got work to do. Let’s go.”

The End

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#supernatural #sam winchester #buddy holly #dean winchester #sam x buddy #smut #fanfiction #jensen ackles #jared padalecki

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rwbyremnants · 5 years

Link

WARNING: Depressing talk.

=Chapter 33

The flight wasn’t terribly long, and Penny and Ruby were both ready to pick her up straight from the airport. Ruby had even taken the liberty of making a sign up so it was easier for Weiss to spot her at the lobby, as ridiculous as it seemed for her to do. Of course, there was the inevitable few people that recognized her and wanted a signature, but thankfully no paparazzi.

A quick drive back to the dorms later, Penny had just started to pull into the parking lot, having only made simple small talk until they got back home. Both Ruby and Weiss seemed to think that best. But now that they were here, Penny tried to start for them.

"We really are sorry, Weiss. She made Ruby promise not to tell you anything other than her being safe. I know it doesn't help, but please don't think badly of us."

“It’ s alright, ” Weiss said in a weary voice, finding it within her to spare the girl a smile. All of her crying and thinking had been done during her hours on the airplane, leaving her more drained than anything else. “ I, um … I understand the situation a little better now … thanks to my former sister. Not yours or Ruby ’ s fault. ”

"I still feel awful…" Ruby admitted, only just unbuckling her belt and opening the car door. They may have been talking, but all the while, Ruby was quiet, and continually looked towards the ground. She clearly felt guilty about the whole ordeal. "I feel bad for breaking Yang's promise, too! But… you needed to know. I can't keep something that big to myself."

Once out of the car, Penny went to get the luggage from the trunk while Weiss drew Ruby into her second hug since landing and gripped her tightly. In a quiet whisper, she said, "I'm sorry… I'm sorry you have to deal with my crazy family, I d-didn't want this to happen to Yang…"

"No… nononono, Weiss. This isn't your fault at all, d-don't…" But as she noticed tears forming in Weiss's eyes once again, she just hugged her back, nuzzling against her neck. Weiss needed someone to be close to her just as much as Ruby did. Sure, she had Penny, but the more the better. "Don't cry… Please, you had no idea any of this was happening. None of us did. Yang never told me how much was going on in her brain until today. I don’t even think Blake knew."

"Yeah, I know that… I know. God, I'm so sorry for what Winter did; she has no excuses. None. Interfering with our lives that way…" With one more good squeeze, she stepped back and shook herself. "Anyway, we can mope and be gross in your dorm. No sense standing around out here in the parking lot like this."

"Good point. And, uh… I'm sorry in advance if any of the girls ask you for an autograph. Some of them have been kinda, uh… pushy toward me once learning I knew you…"

Following her redheaded girlfriend, the two began to make their way inside. Thankfully, it seemed like the other students were out, only the odd one or two sat in the common room with a coffee, which made it easy enough to slip by and head to their room on the middle floor. As soon as they got there, it became clear Ruby had already tidied up, clearing the spare bed they normally used as both table and sofa back to a spare bed for Weiss again, and all the fast food boxes had been put in the trash can – or at least near it. Typical student living, but it was Weiss's temporary home.

Normally, Weiss might have commented on the dubious tidiness or offered to help, but she was too emotionally drained; all she could do was flop down on Ruby's bed. She hadn't even picked it intentionally, only headed straight to the nearest one.

"Ugh… I can't believe this is my life right now…"

"U-Um…" Ruby mumbled, looking back and forth between Weiss on her bed, and toward Penny. Of course they knew she hadn't realized, so neither said anything. All Penny did was bite her lip nervously while her blushing girlfriend slowly approached, and sat down by her side. And then remembered what Yang would do; joke.

"Come on, our room's not that bad is it?"

Another long groan. "Your room is fine. The rest of my life isn't." Then she rolled onto her side and looked up at Ruby. "So um, about Yang. I… I don't know if I really want to know this, but… how did she… try to…?"

The jokey attitude had completely disappeared, and she breathed out sadly. These were the awful questions she knew she'd have to answer, not that it made it any easier. "I didn't ask, but Yang mentioned Blake tackling her off a stool, so I assume…" She didn't say the word, only brought her hand up toward her own neck, gesturing as though she was going to grab it.

"Oh…" Weiss squeezed her eyes shut, forcing tears out and down onto Ruby's pillow. "I… I'm so stupid, why didn't I realize? Here I am, walking around in a stupid daze like I’m the only one who… and there's Yang, she's in pain because of something my sister did, and I never put it together…" Sniffling, she breathed, "I'm not worthy of her. So stupid."

"You can't blame yourself, Weiss." Thankfully, Penny was a lot calmer than Ruby was, having acted as her rock for the whole day since she got the terrible news. At least she could speak up a little more than she could right now. "What your sister did… It's not fair, not one bit. But you are not her. That's not your fault. You'd have never let any of this happen if you knew."

"She's right," Ruby managed to force out, sniffing herself as she held back the tears that were forming. She'd done more than enough crying today. "Penny's completely right. How could you have known she'd try this? I'd never suspect any of my own family; even if I had another sister like Winter, I'd have never thought someone that close to me could be so mean."

Nodding weakly, Weiss let out a long, would-be cleansing breath. But what she said was, "I didn't… didn't love Yang enough. Or obviously enough, maybe. If I had just shown her a little more clearly how I felt, maybe Winter wouldn't have been able to scare her into running away…"

For a full minute, they all sat in silence. Then Ruby whispered, "Penny, can you make me and Weiss some hot cocoa? And, maybe pester Pyrrha into giving me my DVDs back?" Her girlfriend nodded, giving them both a quick smile when she grabbed the two empty mugs sat by the open laptop on the desk, quickly vacating the room and shutting the door behind her.

Once she was gone, Ruby pulled out her phone again, quickly unlocking it, clear in Weiss's view. The pop star only stared at what Ruby was doing for a few seconds. Then she finally whispered, "Do you want me to give you some privacy?" Clearly, she assumed Ruby was going to make a call.

"Nope." The girl dialed her voicemail, switching the phone to speaker so the both of them could hear the monotonous voice of the menu. "But I can give you the privacy if you need it. Just… hit One to play."

"What?" Her brow furrowed as she looked at the phone, then up at Ruby again. She didn't bother to ask her to leave; only reached up, hesitated, then pressed her index finger against the screen.

"First message. Received earlier today."

"Hey, Rubes… It's me." Once the message began to play, it was obvious who the voice was. It was her Yang's. Undeniably Yang's.

"Oh…" Weiss's voice grew tear-soaked within mere seconds of hearing the one on the phone, and she sat up, clutching the other girl's phone as if it were suddenly made of gold.

"I'll go help Penny." Ruby barely whispered, quickly getting up and exiting the room, shutting the door quietly behind her. Leaving behind the voice of her sister on the phone, one which Weiss couldn't even respond to. But she needed to hear it. Even if the very first bit appeared to be Yang herself sobbing, and speaking in a clearly drunken slur.

"I screwed up, Ruby. I screwed up big time. I thought I could do all this myself, that I could be happy and that she could be happy and it would all work out after a while like Winter said… But it's not. I can't sleep, I c-can't eat… I'm a mess. A complete mess."

Tears had already begun flowing from Weiss's eyes again by this point. Never before had she heard Yang in so much pain, so much unlike herself. She'd never even heard her drunk on more than one occasion. What had this unfortunate situation transformed her ex-girlfriend into?

"I can't even smile anymore, or laugh. I can't even make a pun, a fucking pun. How d-dumb is that?" The voice seemed to chuckle very slightly. Even if it didn't last long at all. The sorrowful monologue continued. "You're probably thinking I shouldn't have listened, right? T-that I shoulda just come home, punched Winter in the face and said a great big 'Fuck You' to her stupid face… I keep wondering that, too. Like, what would have happened if I didn't listen to her, if I'd just have let her put those photos out…"

Weiss leaned closer, hanging on every word. This had been something she thought a lot about during her flight; why did she give in? Let Winter control their lives this way? It seemed so unlike the bodyguard she had come to know and cherish …

"I couldn't risk it. I couldn't risk the media making stories. Not of me, I don't give a shit about me. But about Weiss… doesn’t take some fancy degree to know what stories like that can do to a star, how cruel the media can be. I remember we learned about Amy Winehouse in my media class, how they trashed her like they wanted her to die. Then where does she end up? Exactly." There was another deep breath and a sniff. Yang was well and truly broken on the other side, apart from the odd hiccup, which re-affirmed she was drunk as well. But perhaps, for the sake of telling the truth, she needed to be. "I CAN'T let that happen to her, Ruby. I can't even risk it… I…"

Yet another deep breath, and then the sentence Weiss had been waiting so long to hear. She just wished it was under better circumstances.

"I love her, Ruby. I love her, a-and now I'll never get to tell her. I should have told her when I had the chance, told her how much she meant to me, that I can't live without her… but I was too fucking SCARED to say it. And now it's too late. ”

"No, it's not!" Weiss found herself whispering to the phone uselessly, tears running down her cheeks and onto its touchscreen. But she also couldn't help but feel like maybe she had been the worst kind of girlfriend for the special type of girl Yang was: one in the public eye. Given her gender status, there was nothing more dangerous to her than that. She had been the one taking too many chances, she had ignored the dangers. Not Yang.

"It's way too late… I've been away for so long, I've turned into such a mess, putting Weiss through all my shit, and now Blake… everybody has every reason to hate me now. I really am a circus freak, everything Winter said was right…" But a few more sniffs later, she managed to power herself to keep going. "You have to be strong, okay? Stronger than I was. And I don't want you to be upset, or beat yourself up, because I don't… I don't deserve to keep being here anymore; you do. You need to be the amazing daughter that Dad deserves, okay? Study hard, achieve your dreams, all that shit. Even look after Zwei… Tell Dad I love him. And… and tell Weiss, I'm so, so sorry."

"End of message. To delete, press seven. To save…"

Why did this hurt her so much more than Yang leaving in the first place? Finding out that she did still love her, loved her so much to sacrifice their happiness together for a perceived need to protect her… it was too much for her heart, and she let the phone fall to the floor as she convulsed, curling into a ball on the bed and pressing her hands to her face.

Ruined. Her entire life had been ruined by the actions of her sister, and by her own inability to reassure Yang in the correct ways that she wasn't a danger, she wasn't a mere obstacle to her future. How could she have been so stupid, so careless?

Such a mood was interrupted when the phone vibrated once more. A text message had come through. One from Yang herself to Ruby.

Srry I scared u. Jst got back to Blake's. I'm safe n I mean that honestly this time x oxo

And even though there was another wave of relief, one so similar to the one she had felt when Ruby first told her she was okay, it couldn't quite erase Weiss's own growing guilt that the entire situation came about in the first place. That she had let Yang go… that she hadn't figured out she was at Blake's, hadn't gone after her physically. Been too confused and hurt to try anything besides calling her over and over.

Maybe she really didn't deserve her. As much as she had been tempted to think Yang failed her so many times, this only showed her it was clearly the other way around. She was such a pitiful excuse for a girlfriend that she had let Yang slip through her fingers, let her fade away and nearly die. And that was the worst thing she had ever done, however inadvertently.

But then another vibration, yet another message. Actually, R u free? Not for skype, jst voice call?

This was an opportunity that might not repeat itself. Her one chance to actually tell Yang she was sorry; after all, there was no guarantee if she went to Chicago that Yang would want to see her. She only hesitated for a second out of guilt for deceiving Yang before she texted back: Yea I am

Not even a minute later, the phone began to ring. Typical of Ruby, it was one of Weiss's songs playing for a short moment. But the instant it was answered by Weiss, there was a moment of silence. Before the clear voice of Yang spoke again. "Hey, li’l flower. Sorry about all this, I just… I don’t know."

"Don't hang up," Weiss breathed desperately. "Please, can you just… just listen for a minute?" There was no answer from Yang. Of course not; she had ruined her life so much that she had nothing to say to her. Therefore, she pressed on.

"Yang, I'm sorry. I had no idea Winter did any of that, that she went behind my back and… but that's not an excuse. I should have known something happened, should have figured it out instead of just… just whining into your voicemail a billion times. God, I feel so stupid…" She took a breath, pushing up from the bed to pace back and forth. All the while throughout, there was no voice from the other side. It was only the odd shaky breath outwards that was the indicator that Yang was on the other line. "But you're probably better off without me. I mean, if I wasn't smart enough to figure this out, and we've only been dating for a few months… what happens a year from now? Five, ten? What if you need even more and I’m even less ready? You need somebody who's smarter than that, who won't… drag you into the tabloids, even if it's just on accident. Somebody who isn't me, clearly."

A few seconds after Weiss had stopped, she sniffled and whispered, "Y-You heard…"

"Yang?" But she cut herself off from hoping Yang would say more. This wasn't right. "Sorry for, um, picking up Ruby's phone, but she's honestly out of the room right now. That was… I'm sorry for so many things." Her voice grew tight. "But I don't agree with what Winter said; I want to make that completely clear, okay?! She can go sit on a rusty garden rake for all I care! I think you're… you're a beautiful, perfect, incredible woman! And I always will!"

There was a sudden intake of breath from the other side, as though Yang were beginning to cry as well. The majority of the call between them was silence, just listening to the other with only the odd one or two words. Especially from Yang, anyway.

"I'm s-sorry…" She was barely holding herself together. "S-sorry if I-I… scared you…"

"You did," Weiss admitted. "Twice now, I… I don't know what I would do if you… had really…" Now she was crying again, though she had been doing so well up until that point. "You can't do that! I don't care if you hate me for making you promise not to try again – go ahead! Hate me, but hate me because you made the promise! Please?!"

And the crying had gotten worse. Now she was sobbing rather loudly the other end, shakily breathing in and out all through the call. It wasn't what Weiss wanted or intended of course, but she couldn't hold it in anymore. Everything was just too much after hearing her voice again since so long had passed.

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry that I failed you, twice now, I… but you have to promise. Right now, promise me!"

"I should be apologizing," Yang stopped her, attempting yet again to try and keep herself from sobbing ridiculously loudly, taking a deep breath in, and then releasing. "So I can't promise exactly that… I w-wish I could. But I promise, I'll work to make myself how I was again. And I’ll really try this time, I’ll bust my ass. Swear to God, I’m… I’m not giving up."

Another broken sob came from Weiss's throat. "No… no, you can't try it again – ever! Please?!" No response, other than sobs. "Damn it… I can't even do this, I can't do anything, I'm such a…" But she couldn't even finish that sentence. She wasn't sure what she was.

"I want you to be happy." That was all Yang could say. Even as she heard Weiss sobbing and shakily breathing, barely keeping it together, she continued, "But you won't be with me. Obviously. I’m just a mess right now, and you deserve better; I was supposed to protect you, and that's impossible for someone like me to do… when I can’t even save myself from myself."

"I… I don't agree, but… but I don't really have any right to say anything." Pressing her hand into her face, she tried to think of what else she could say. There were three words she wanted to, but she didn't have any right to those anymore, either. "How did everything go this badly, this suddenly? Like… what happened to us? Everything was perfect, and now…"

Instead of answering directly, she changed the subject. Perhaps she had given up trying to explain anymore after all. Or perhaps… Perhaps she wanted to keep Weiss in her life, talk to her as a friend. Even if they both didn't want to be distanced. "How come you're at Ruby's? Like, why would you be all the way out there?"

"Well… Ruby wanted to explain to me in person. What happened, and… I mean, it's no big deal." Her fingertips ran through her fringe as she stared at a spot on the floor, leaning up against one of their desks. "You… ended up at Blake's, huh?"

Sniffing, Yang was at least able to hold herself together now. Better than she was anyway. "Been here for about two months. I thought… thought it would keep Winter off my back."

"She didn't say she was still trying to mess up your life further, so I guess it worked. I'm… I won't make excuses for her. She crossed the line in a big way, with both of us."

"I think I left her a voice mail…" That sounded very uncertain. "I can't remember… I was pretty… drunk, high, distraught. I've been… Well, I am , a mess."

"High?" Then Weiss forced herself to back down from that particular topic; she didn't exactly approve, but it wasn't currently any of her business. "Well… What's important now is that you get better, right? Just… you're still my b-best…"

Yang had a feeling she knew where that was going. And she stopped it before it did. It was one thing to know, but another to hear it fall from her mouth. She wasn't ready for that yet.

"I will, eventually. G-Good luck next week at Beach Fest… I'll watch it on TV, okay?"

"Thanks!" she half-laughed, half-sobbed. "I'll dedicate a song to you, if… if that's okay with you."

"Why wouldn't it be?" She tried to laugh herself, by now sounding as though she had perked up a little bit more, even though there was occasional sob and sniff in between. There was so much she wanted to say, so much more she wanted to confess. But it seemed she wasn't brave enough to do that anymore. "I should let you get going."

Again, the weak laughter. "And where the hell am I going?" But once the laughs faded, she whispered, "It was… really good to hear your voice, Yang. Take care of yourself for me."

"Yeah… Yeah, you too. I lo-" But instantly she cut herself off, and made out that she was clearing her throat instead. "L-Later."

"Later."

And the instant they hung up, Weiss began weeping. Partly out of pain, and a regret for what they lost… but partly from relief. Now she had something else: hope. That had been the word Yang was about to slip into the conversation. It wasn't certain, and she didn't assume it meant they would ever get back together… but at the very least, Yang was relatively alright and still cared about her. That was better than she was doing before the call.

After a few more minutes, finally Ruby and Penny reappeared into the room again. Ruby headed in first, peeking her head around the door to check on her. Seeing she was just staring at the floor, Ruby held a steaming mug out toward Weiss.

"We added some cream and marshmallows, Pyrrha let us have some when we got the DVDs. Lemme know if it's too hot."

Taking a long sip, the pop star smiled gratefully up at her friend and friend's roommate. "It's perfect. You guys…" She sighed, the smile slipping down a notch. "God, should I feel bad? I'd rather be here with you guys right now than with Neon, and that seems wrong somehow… it’s like… I don’t know. I really don’t know what’s going on with me anymore. "

"Oh, shit! I completely forgot!" Ruby instantly closed her eyes tightly, sitting by Penny's side with her own drink as she took a sip of her own drink. "How is she? Is she still, um… performing with you in a couple of weeks?"

"Yeah, yeah she is. Oh! That's right, I have…"

Jumping up from the bed, Weiss did get best not to spill any of her cocoa as she went to her suitcase and unzipped it quickly. "I was going to mail you a little surprise, but… well as long as I'm here, I can give it to you in person."

"Huh?" Ruby looked toward what she was doing, but seeing the glimmer of shine on two strips of paper gave away instantly what it was. And Ruby's eyes went to the size of dinner plates. She had to struggle not to suddenly drop her own drink or end up screaming. "Tickets?! You got us both tickets to Beach Fest?!"

"Of course I did," Weiss sighed with a smile — one markedly less morose than her others of the day. "Backstage passes! I want you and whoever you pick…" There, she paused to glance pointedly at the placidly waiting face of Penny. "To really enjoy yourselves, alright? It… will be nice to have a friendly face in the crowd, and not just people who see stars when they look in my direction."

Penny laughed. "Well, Ruby still does at times, as much as she hates to admit it."

"Shut uuuuup." Ruby insisted, pulling the hood of her hoodie back over her head to try and hide her slight embarrassment over Penny's words.

Not that it did much good. After taking a sip of her cocoa and smirking at her girlfriend however, she looked over to Weiss again and asked, "Would you like us to stand in a certain place so you can see us while you perform? I think that'd be nice for you."

"Oh, I'm sure I'll see you wherever…" Then she shrugged one shoulder once she had thought it over. "Off to stage right is usually where the people who can come backstage end up. If you're not there, I'll look for you in the front row where your seats are. Really, as long as you enjoy the show, that's all I wanted."

"They're front row, holy shiiiiit!!! " Ruby had grabbed one of them to get a better look at, holding it quite close to her face so she could read the smaller print at the bottom. It included all the details of the event, and their backstage coverage, and terms and conditions.

Which was something Penny was interested in particularly. For one moment she was lost wandering her own trail of thought – tapping her chin thoughtfully. The next, she asked, "For the backstage part… Do we need anything that lists names? Like, say if I fall ill and can't go, could Ruby take someone else and they can get backstage fine?"

"No, just those tickets. Ruby will have to give her name to get you backstage, of course; they're in her name. Security measure, you understand." But her pleased smile was entirely unconcerned about such minor details; she had succeeded in inviting her friends to the show. Things were finally beginning to look up.

"And I'm probably dragging you there even if you are ill, anyway," Ruby insisted, finally taking a sip of her own cocoa now that she wasn't as distracted as she was, but all the time she was grinning in glee. She barely even noticed her own girlfriend was sat perplexed in thought, staring out blankly. But she would learn why, in just a few short hours.

It didn't take too long before Weiss called it a night, only managing to get through a few episodes of Doctor Who on Netflix before she retired back to Ruby's bed, snuggling into the sheets, headphones in to block out the noise of rowdy and randy students as Ruby recommended, completely asleep.

And her temporary roommates would have been as well, if they weren't occupied with different things. As usual, Ruby was scrolling through Tumblr for posts to add to her blog, occasionally showing Penny a funny meme or two; while her redheaded girlfriend however was still staring blankly at her phone. Still thinking.

Until at last… "Hey, Ruby?"

"Yeah?" Ruby asked, still not having looked up from her laptop screen.

A quick glance to make sure that Weiss was certainly asleep later, she shuffled up to Ruby that bit extra, leaning a head on her shoulder. And then covering her mouth, she attempted to cough, even though it was the most fake sounding one ever.

"Oh, oh dear, I seem to be feeling ill. Looks like you'll have to take someone else to the Beach Fest with you."

"Cut that out," Ruby snorted, navigating a page on her browser with the greatest of ease. "You know there's nobody I wanna go with besides you. Well, maybe Dad, but he wouldn't have any fun; all the musicians are under the age of thirty."

"Oh, really? Poop… it's a shame you don't have someone who would absolutely love to go. Like, I don't know, a sister, or something." Penny continued, and then slowly tilted her head to watch for Ruby's reaction, no matter how slow it came.

"But you don't have a sister! Or… wait." Finally looking away from her screen, she rolled over to look at Penny, a delighted expression in her silvery eyes. "Are you plotting what I think you're plotting? Because if you are, then… then I think I might want in on it!"

"Sshhhh!!!" Penny pressed a finger to her lips, quickly looking toward Weiss again to make sure she didn't stir. Not even a peep, excellent. Diverting her attention back to Ruby again, she was grinning giddily. "Think about it; you're in the front row, and Weiss is gonna be looking for you. If you and Yang are standing together, she'll see you both! And then they can head backstage, talk things out in person, and then they'll be back together!"

"Yessss," Ruby whispered in a hushed voice. "Oh my god, it's so PERFECT! This is why we're bee-eff-eff, you know!" Sitting up cross-legged again, she rubbed her face. "Though the real trick is getting Yang to come down there… I mean, she's halfway across the country from here, and in a funky mood…"

"Which is why I thought we should probably start working on convincing her. Do you have the friend she's staying with's number?"

Nodding, Ruby offered her phone, unlocking it and handing it over for Penny to peruse the contacts. "Her name's Blake."

"Blake… Blake… Blake!" Finding the number in there with ease, she went into the messaging application, she quickly typed the following message.

We think we have a way to deal with Yang's funky mood, or even fix her relationship with Weiss! Do you think you can get Yang to come to the Cali Beach Fest for Friday? Penny'll pay for any travel costs with her allowance, of course <3

And of course, Ruby had been watching over her shoulder as she typed up the message, her smile slowly growing the entire time. She had never really done anything this sneaky before… and the fact that it was for such a worthy cause made her even more wickedly gleeful.

“Heh heh hehhhh… this is gonna be AWESOME!”

#white noise #freezerburn fanfic #rwby fanfiction #rwbyremnants

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ceciliafrom5to7 · 5 years

Text

Choose life.

I hate this sick world. Everyone's ill, we're all hopeless, everyone is giving in and giving up. I'm not gonna do this again, I know I'm much stronger now, but I can't stand seeing people I care about and love hurting themselves. I can't save them which is so frustrating to me, thus they're tired of everything, they stopped fighting, because they're struggling so much and it makes me cry. Fuck. I'm sobbing right now. I reckon it's a hard life-Oh baby it's a wild world, it's hard to get by- I just see myself as a dreamer and I'm kinda excited to see how my life will turn out to be, that's why I haven't given up completely. I did though, I had given up, but somehow I was resurrected by myself, I changed my life to be in peace with my own self. I'm so fucking proud of my ass for doing this, god damnit.

Now that I'm satisfied with the person that I am, I watch my friends kill themselves and it just fucking tears me apart. Oh my, here I am crying again. They are bringing me down with them, I don't wanna end me once more, I don't wanna die again, I don't wanna give in. But I also don't wanna see them ending their lives. I don't know what to do. I'm not Nietzsche's superman, I'm not Parmenides' being, I desire to be happy again, I desire to forget all this, start all over, I aspire to be the person that I'm not, the one I daydream about, but it doesn't exist. I can't be perfect, I hate this, I loathe this, I fucking loathe myself. Oh my god, there goes me AGAIN, Cecília, the girl with a self steem lower than Lil Wayne's trousers. The girl who's known for being desperate for attention (that's what people say about me, right?), The girl who cannot be alone because she needs to be continuously reassured that she's not hated or that she's "loved", am I though? The girl that's literally so fucking scared of everything that she just hides her paranoia even from her shrink, because she thinks that she'll be judged by her fucking shrink. What a fucking waste of time. I'm so fucking tired of fucking drama, of fucking useless pieces of fucking everything. Why can't I live my dream? Why can't I chose life? Choosing life like Renton did in Trainspotting, I don't want to turn out like Tommy. I don't want to turn out like Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Amy Winehouse, Kurt Cobain. FUCK THOSE PEOPLE, I don't want to die. Fuck. Fuck. I don't want to do this again. I don't want to do this again. I don't want to do this again. Mother I can feel the soil falling over my head.

When will I see the light at the end of the tunnel? I'm screwed either way, I'm far sighted. So I guess I won't. FUCK THIS SHIT. I want to see it ahhhhhhhhhhh can't do this anymore. I'm not capable of taking care of people, I won't allow myself to look after sick people no longer. It hurts me too much. I can't ever live for myself, I feel like I'm always living for someonelse's life. Will I ever live for myself?

I'm gonna stop living in fear, I swear. I won't live in fear like I did, like I've been living since I was 8 years old. There's something I recall from when I was about 11 (the saddest 11-year-old out there), I wrote a piece of poetry I'll never forget, because it impressed my teacher way too much and I cried that night. It's written that I was sick of being afraid of being afraid which it made a lot of sense to me back then. I realize that I've always been afraid of THE fear. "Fearing fear" is the title of the poetry I wrote, actually it's in Portuguese ("medo do medo"). SHIT GETS ME EMOTIONAL.

I don't know by this point.

I guess I'll go back to writing, it's been so long, too long. I guess it helps me in a way. I used to write a whole lot. But I used to write about what reminded me of troubled times and shit like proana. I've written stories with mourning endings. From now on, I'm writing stories with happy endings.

This is not the end

I'm gonna make it and so are you

Fuck yeah my dudes

I am choosing life.

(thank you Danny Boyle and Irvine Welsh)

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beadonovans · 6 years

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talk about dumbass bitch energy...now posting from the correct blog, its ya girl LARA with nobody’s favorite trash baby BEA. she’s a lot. so i’ll keep this short and just say she’s the worst and leave it at that.

( BENEDETTA GARGARI, CISFEMALE, SHE/HER ) i hear that BEATRICE DONOVAN has a link to CRASHING CORNERS. rumor has it, the TWENTY-ONE year old is RYAN DONOVAN’S SISTER. her life is sure to change now that the band’s fame is rising. she is said to be FUN-LOVING but also UNAMBITIOUS. i wonder how they’ll handle it ?

— ☁ HISTORY

you are the SECOND child, which is to say the baby. which is to say, a reason to stay TOGETHER. you had a mission, a quest assigned to you without your consent from the moment you were born. you were set up for failure, so FAILURE shadows you for the rest of your life.

you’re a normal kid with BEAUTIFUL green eyes ( which no one forgets to point out ). nothing else about you stands out. there’s no other reason for anyone to look your way.

your BROTHER is a bright boy and a fast talker who’s words bounce off the walls of his mouth and out of his lips in an melody you can’t quite understand, but enjoy listening to.

perhaps because of this, it’s your brother gets all the ATTENTION. good or bad, it’s his. you’re just a girl who lives in the shadows and blindspots. you don’t mind too much.

you’re EIGHT when your failure is confirmed. your parents SEPARATE. you leave your childhood home with your brother and mother. having failed your mission, you realize not WORTH much more. you’re always on the sidelines, so you make the best of it.

you have the ability to slip in and out of focus; no one is EVER watching you too closely. you always find ways to entertain YOURSELF. you learn that you can do WHATEVER you want.

you’re an AVERAGE kid at school. always come in the middle of the pack. you never excel, but your shortcomings are never a cause for concern. not even your failure is spectacular.

as a TEENAGER, you learn how to touch people, and let them TOUCH you. you learn that boys will LOOK with their fingertips on your skin and your green eyes SHINE once more. teenage boys can marvel at you. you mistake EYES for hands, windows, mirrors.

the boys at school all know your NAME. you’re almost proud of that.

you finish high school EMPTY handed. even your friends are TEMPORARY. you don’t even take a stab at UNIVERSITY, and it doesn’t matter. no one expected you to.

as you GROW, men continue to curl themselves into a question mark around you. you BELIEVE yourself the answer.

your BROTHER leaves your hometown. leaves the country. you look at him with STARS in your eyes, and think he’s just fucking COOL.

you work odd jobs here and there. you live with your MOM who still doesn’t think much of you. you find a few MEN who think you’re just oh so PRETTY. they give you cash to buy yourself something NICE.

LOS ANGELES calls to you with the banging of drums and electric guitars, you follow your brother, because his friends are cool. you VISIT as much as you can, familiarizing yourself with the city of ANGELS. you have FUN with his friends, his band and everyone that surrounds him.

LA equals fun, and parties, and music, and everything you’ve always reached for. so you move. you pack up everything. you land in LA. you’re here to stay.

— ☁ PERSONALITY

❝ i destroy myself repeatedly then wonder why i’m the way i am. ❞

ZODIAC SIGN: scorpio ( october 29th ) PERSONALITY TYPE: esfp – the entertainer ENNEAGRAM: type 7 – the epicure TEMPERAMENT: choleric HOGWARTS HOUSE: slytherin MORAL ALIGNMENT: chaotic neutral PRIMARY VICE: sloth PRIMARY VIRTUE: n/a ELEMENT: earth MORE STATS HERE !!

ok so let me tell you about my trash daughter beatrice. let’s start with this:

that single text tells you pretty much everything about bea.

i’m not gonna beat around the bush, finding positive traits for bea was a struggle. other than being generally fun to be around, kinda funny sometimes, and kinda resourceful, she doesn’t have a lot going for her.

she’s loud, obnoxious, not very smart, capable of fucking her way in and out of any mess. she’s lazy, unmotivated, unambitious, irresponsible, reckless, tactless, selfish, and i could definitely keep going. she’s an unapologetic disaster who’s coming to la to steal her brother’s cool friends, flash a few bands and score free tickets and backstage passes.

she’s a trainwreck. she’s trashy. she’s messy. if the song tik tok were a person, it would be beatrice donovan.

she functions on survival mode 24/7, she only does what she’s required to do to survive. not really a passionate person. she’d save herself above anyone else ( except ryan ). she doesn’t like relying on other people, except she kinda does because she has sugar daddies in la and in england who pretty much paid for her move to los angeles. still. she did get those sugar daddies on her own. i guess.

she doesn’t care about anyone but herself and ryan. and she doesn’t even care that much about herself. she’ll put herself in dangerous situations all the time, because she lives for that sort of thrill.

she’s extremely apathetic, just kind of coasting through life. just here to have a good time. at least that’s what’s written about her in the bathroom stalls at the satellite.

she smokes like a chimney and drinks pbr like it’s water.

currently crashing on ryan’s couch, but she’s ready to start looking for a job, and her own place.

— ☁ EXTRAS

here’s a bonus picture of bea in her natural habitat:

— ☁ CONNECTIONS

your character and bea dated for a pretty long time, at least by her standards. they both fell pretty hard for each other, enough to power through the distance every time she went back to england. eventually bea’s self-destructive tendencies kicked in, and she ended things in the worst possible way [ taken: orion / harley’s 2nd character ]

your character can’t stand bea. for whatever reason, they abhor bea. they think she’s obnoxious, annoying, and gross. bea knows, and just doesn’t care, and won’t waste any opportunity to make this person feel even more uncomfortable around her [ open 0/1 ]

your character is, just like bea, at a crossroads at their life. for one reason or another, they need a place to live. just like bea. already friends through the la music scene, they’ve decided to find a place together [ taken: macy rhyes ]

your character kind of has a crush on bea ( for whatever reason ), but she has no idea [ open 0/1 ]

your character and bea are just good friends. she doesn’t have a lot of friendships who are purely platonic, so bea values this friendship very much, even if she doesn’t say it [ open 0/1 ]

your character cares enough about bea to help her get her shit together. they’re a positive influence in her life. sometimes they can take on a role of savior because, well, bea’s a disaster who sometimes can’t stand on her own two feet [ taken 0/1 ]

your character and bea haven’t slept together yet ( shocker ), but whenever they’re in the same room everyone can feel the sexual tension. for now, they’re just enjoying flirting incessantly [ taken: ben odell ]

your character and bea work together ( or will, eventually, once she gets a job ) [ open 0/?? ]

your character and bea hooked up once, or more than once, or they still hook up every once in a while [ open 0/?? ]

your character and bea dated for a few months, but ended things before she moved to la. they always had fun together, and despite having a bit of unfinished business, they still enjoy each other’s company. they still sleep together sometimes, but they’re not together anymore [ taken: knox kennedy ]

your character is an artist bea’s been a fan of for a while. she went to a show once, while she was visiting ryan, and found her way backstage, as she always does, where she made a friend for life [ taken: isis ]

literally anything else you can think of, i’m open to any and all connections !!!

#scene:intro

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makingitourway · 6 years

Text

85 Questions Tag

rules: answer these 85 questions about yourself and then tag 20 people

the shanster @mysteryoflovemyway tagged me, ty shan ily!!

last?

1. drink: water

2. phone call: my work!

3. text message: THE SHANSTER HERSELF

4. song you listened to: “Lefty” by Title Fight

5. time you cried: I watched the Amy documentary again last night and bawled my lil eyes out

ever?

6. dated someone twice: negative

7. kissed someone and regretted it: negative

8. been cheated on: negative

9. lost someone special: lots

10. gotten drunk and thrown up: I’VE NEVER HAD A HANGOVER AND I’VE NEVER THROWN UP WHILE DRUNK I AM INVINCIBLE

fave colors?

11. black

12. blues

13. greens

in the last year have you?

14. made new friends: yes!!!!!!! a handful of which are from this very website!! go figure!!!!

15. fallen out of love: I HAVE BEEN SINGLE MY ENTIRE LIFE STOP ASKING ME THESE THINGS

16. laughed until you cried: duh!!

17. found out someone was talking about you: yes i went to middle school hello

18. met someone who changed you: fer sure!

19. found out who your friends are: ????????yes??

20. kissed someone on your facebook friends list: negative

general

21. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them, i only have like 100-something friends, and I never go on it.

22. do you have any pets: all my pups are deceased

23. do you want to change your name: “nik mf nasty” has a really nice ring to it, don’t you think?????

24. what did you do for your last birthday: I went to my favorite bar with my mom and aunt and my favorite coworkers and had a really fun night :)

25. what time did you wake up today: 9ish

26. what were you doing last night at midnight: crying bc of Amy Winehouse

27. what is something you can’t wait for: TO GO ON MY CALL ME BY YOUR NAME NORTHERN ITALY PILGRIMAGE WITH MY MOM

28. what are you listening to right now: “Mind Fields” by No Vacation

29. have you ever talked to a person named tom: p sure yes; but also what does “talked to” mean in this context??

30. something that gets on your nerves: PEOPLE WHO DON’T KNOW HOW TO USE A MOTHERFUCKING BLINKER

31. most visited website: tbh probably netflix

32. hair color: dark brown!

33. long or short hair: it’s damn near past my butt, she needs a haircut

34. what do you like about yourself: my ability to adapt

35. want any piercings: I kinda want my other nostril pierced. we love balance.

36. blood type: um, no?

37. nicknames: my gov’t name is *********, but i’ve been called nikki since I was little. will respond to: nikki, nik, nik (mf) nast(y), slick nik, nicholas, la nini, etc.

38. relationship status: someone find me a mans to date

39. zodiac sign: gemini ass bitch!!

40. pronouns: she/her

41. fave tv show: I LOVE TELEVISION UMMM the office, parks & rec, people just do nothing, parenthood, jane the virgin, this is us, food network competitions????!!?!

42. tattoos: I have ten I think?? mostly all my bigger pieces are on my leg, and I have a few lil ones on my arm

43. right or left handed: right

44. every had surgery: root canal??

45. piercings: ears, septum, nostril (I always lose the jewelry for my nostril tho so rn I’m only rockin my septum and my regular ol’ ear piercings)

46. sports: I played soccer for a really long time but i would rather do anything else than watch sports on tv

47. vacation: yes?

48. trainers: what does this mean I AM THOROUGHLY AMERICAN

49. eating: she big, so yes pls tysm!!

50. drinking: we love to be hydrated henny!!

51. i’m about to watch: tbh probably the office or great british bake off

52. waiting for: my laundry to be done!

53. want: money

54. get married: HARD PASS, MARRIAGE AS AN INSTITUTION IS A JOKE AND IS SO UNNECESSARY

55. career: i want to make/write movies, but anything where I get to utilize my voice and my creativity would be tight

56. hugs or kisses: hugs??

57. lips or eyes: LIPS

58. shorter: who wrote these non-question ass questions???????

59. older or younger: ????????????????????????older?? what are we talking about

60. nice arms or stomach: i’m tired, NEXT

61. hookup or relationship: the latter

62. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant troublemaker ((((gemini ass bitch))))

have you ever?

63. kissed a stranger: no

64. drank hard liquor: i love tequila

65. lost glasses: yes all the mf time

66. turned someone down: there was someone to turn down???

67. sex on first date: yolo?

68. broken someone’s heart: my own????????fuck that was deep

69. had your heart broken: ^

70. been arrested: no

71. cried when someone died: i cry at everything

72. fallen for a friend: there was a time i thought i had a crush on one of my bffs in hs but now i look back and i’m like bitch you were so bored go do your hw (so, no)

do you believe in

73: yourself: yes but i don’t apply myself in the ways i should so nothing ever gets done

74. miracles: sure

75. love at first sight: there are many different kinds of love according to sternberg, so yes, sure.

76. kiss on the first date: why tf not i have my hpv vaccine

77. whoever made this question list is fired

other?

78. best friend’s name: I have multiple best friends

79. eye color: brown

80. fave movie: are you kidding i have so many???????? Goodfellas, Call Me By Your Name, Little Miss Sunshine, Grand Budapest, Deathproof, Chef, Baby Driver, School of Rock, Moonlight, Florida Project, Lady Bird, Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist, Superbad, Like Crazy, Once, Sing Street, Begin Again, I Origins, THE LIST IS SO LONG I LOVE FILM

81. favorite actor: of my generation? tomato chandler

82. favorite food: any food of my ethnic background is a-ok w me

83. extrovert or introvert: both??????? (((((gemini ass bitch)))))

84. favorite flower: peonies, carnations

85. favorite hello kitty characters: I used to love Badtz Maru and Kerropi but THIS IS THE MOST RANDOM QUESTION WHAT IS GOING ON

I can’t believe I sat here and answered all of these kind-of-questions omg.

shannon tagged almost everyone I would’ve tagged so -- @chezchalamet @wedoitallthetime @statistics-statistics, if you guys want to, go off!!!!!!!!!!!

#this shit is LONNNNNNG #i put it under a keep reading bc everyone is gonna scroll past it anyway so #about me?

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fa-nfiction · 6 years

Text

Thunder #38

December 26th, 2015

“So … he’s your … boyfriend or what?”

Caitlin’s arms were crossed as she looked at me.

“Don’t, Cait … I don’t know. I’m just as confused, honestly.” I sighed and let my shoulders drop. The global sign for “I really have no clue anymore”.

“Caitlin, honey, I appreciate the fact that you and Cassie’s other friends are here, I really do, but maybe you can tone down that … tone.” My Mom chimed in as she came through her living room carrying a tray of cookies before putting it down on the table. “She’s been through enough, don’t you think?” She asked rhetorically before exiting the room again. Having turned into some kind of Christmas saint, she had - without my knowing - invited Megan, Caitlin, and Chris for coffee. Now, here they were, and the truth was out. I understood their concern, but I was too tired to really appreciate it.

“And the baby was his?” Megan suddenly asked, and I nodded in return.

“Yup. Haven’t been with anyone else. I thought I couldn’t get pregnant so soon, and -”

“You could.” Megan replied and ate one of my Mom’s cookies.

“And now he’s moved, and you’re doing some kind of long-distance thing?” Caitlin asked. She had dialed down the anger, but not by much.

“We’re … we’re doing the FaceTime thing and all that. But it’s been hectic, he’s only just moved in with Nathan, and they’re trying to get the new pub ready and-”

“Hmm.” She stated in return. Her boyfriend, Chris, sat beside her, stoically calm. He knew there was no stopping her and simply let her run loose.

“Hmm, what? Enough with the subliminal crap, Caitlin. I’m a mom, god damn it. I slept, perhaps, 10 minutes last night, and I have zero ability to read your fucking mind.”

“Oh, nothing. Besides the fact that you know. It’ll be awfully easy for him.”

“What will be?”

“You know. Having you come to London once a month. And being free the rest of the time … free to do whatever he wants.”

“What the hell? It’s not like that.”

“Don’t tell me you haven’t thought the same.”

“Even if I had, what’s it to you? It’s not your life.”

She uncrossed her arms and leaned forward, her eyes pleading with me.

“Every time something bad happens, every time you come running for help. Every time. Back at the office, you were grumpy for days whenever he didn’t text you back. Back then when that thing happened between you - I still have no idea what that was all about, but you called me and you sounded like you were manically anxious. Back when he cheated, there you were again. Wanting to … to get help to call a midwife. I’ll just be honest with you, Cas, because we love you. Every time he’s fucked it up, it has been us that had to pick up the pieces of you again.”

“She’s right.” Megan chimed in. “Us and your Mom.”

I looked at them and suddenly felt tired. I knew they were right. What kind of mess is this. Should I get out of it now? I rubbed my eyes and tried to convince myself that they weren’t right.

“Uuuugh.” I exclaimed as something suddenly dawned on me. “There’s just that thing … he’s asked me to come with him.”

“What?” Three voices sounded in unison from around the table. Each one looked more flabbergasted than the next.

“To come and stay. I know, right?”

“You … and Teddy … and everything?” Megan asked.

“No, naturally not Teddy, why on earth would we want to live with our child, Megs. Ew.” Megan and the rest began to howl with laughter. I could even hear my mother laughing from somewhere in the house.

“But … you’re not going, right?” Caitlin asked. Her anger seemed to have vanished completely now. She just looked surprised. “I mean, you have a nice apartment … and your mom. And us.”

“That’s exactly what I told him.” It felt like a hole in my heart was screaming at me. Go to London. “That I couldn’t.”

“Hm.” Caitlin replied. A strange calm came over the table as we ate our cookies in peace.

( … )

“Hold up, hello-” The screen on my phone was utterly dark, and the noise coming from its speakers was some kind of electronic rustling. I recognized Nathan’s voice and as always, it made me feel better.

“Hello, Cassie?” The phone said, but there still wasn’t any picture on the screen.

“Yeah, that’s me. Hi, Nathan.”

“Hi, love. I can’t seem to get this bloody thing to work, hold up.”

He was rustling some more, and I thought I saw a few light spots on the screen, before it turned jet black once again.

“Oy!” There he is. My heart was doing jumping jacks at the mere voice of him. “Give me that ... Christ, you old people and technology. God.” I heard him teasing Nathan and giggled at the banter between them. Suddenly, the phone lit up and there he was. Michael.

“You shouldn’t tease him, you know.” I spoke at the smiling, handsome face on my phone. “You’re not awfully young yourself.”

He cocked an eyebrow at me as his eyes shifted completely. He looked like he was going to make me regret what I’d just said in the sexiest way possible. I felt my cheeks redden and had to cross my legs at the thought of it.

“You best be happy you’re all the way over there, darl’.” He said in a low voice, and I could almost feel myself tremble at the sound of it.

“You’d never catch me, old man.” I smacked my lips at him and tried to ignore the want that he caused.

“Oy, you two. There are other people present, you know.” I heard Nathan’s voice from somewhere else in the room and felt like the poster girl for complete embarrassment. I could see from Michael’s face that it was just friendly teasing, and that helped.

“I had forgotten you weren’t alone. Sorry.” I said.

“Don’t mind it.” Michael replied.

“It’s kinda cramped, isn’t it? With Nathan and the wife and you … they have a kid too, don’t they?” He shook his head in return.

“He has a flat on his own. He’s only coming for dinner once in a while. I’ve gotten his old room, actually. And haven’t I told you this? Nathan and his wife got separated a while ago.”

“They … what?” I was shook. I couldn’t believe the words I was hearing. “What on earth went wrong? They’ve been together forever.”

“It’s a long and dull story, Cas.” I heard Nathan reply from somewhere else and knew that I shouldn’t pry anymore.

“He’ll tell you some other time.” Michael smiled at me. “But there’s plenty of room as it is now. When are you moving in?”

I stuck my tongue out at the screen and tried to look serious. It failed.

“You’re an ass.”

“Yup. But you love this ass.” He replied. The smile on his face made the small creases around his eyes more visible. I wanted nothing more than to run my fingers along the fine lines.

“How’s our boy?” He turned a bit more serious at the thought of Teddy.

“Missing his Dad, I think. He’s slept terribly for the past few nights.”

“I’m sorry about that. You’re getting help from Liz?”

“Yeah. But I can’t just drop him off at her place every night. He’ll end up calling her Mum.”

“I get that. If you come over here, I’ll take the night shifts, hmm?”

“Don’t tempt me.”

“Can’t promise anything, darl’.”

I bit my lip and smiled like an idiot at him.

“Say hi to Nathan, okay?”

“Hi back!” I heard Nathan shout from somewhere across.

Michael blew me a kiss and hung up. I didn’t get to sit there giggling for myself long, though. Teddy had woken up again.

( … )

“Megs? Oy?”

“Cassie? Hey!”

We almost ran into each other in the street where I’d spent so much time. The street with the pub - our pub. I thought to myself that if I had to move, if I had to go back to England, this street would be the thing I would miss most about Kenmare.

“Going out?” She looked me up and down, and I could see why. For the first time in forever, I was wearing high heels and makeup. “The pub?”

“Ye. I felt like shit. Missing Michael, and … yeah. Yasmin told me she needed to chat about something. So I thought, why the hell not.”

“I get that. You look great, though.”

“Thanks, Megs. Where are you off to?”

She looked like she was blushing, but then again, it was a cold day.

“I’m … uh … I’m just out for a walk.”

“Okay? Have a nice one, I guess?” I was confused with her strange behavior but didn’t pry any further.

“Thanks. See you, Cas. Give a kiss to your boy.”

“I will.”

We hugged, and she was on her way.

“Cassandra!” Yasmin waved enthusiastically for a second before she vanished out back, an apologetic smile on her face. I knew what it meant, as the boss of the place she had enough to see to. I remembered from the time I’d worked here.

Patiently, I sat down at the bar and made eye contact with one of the new bartenders.

“Hi. I’m Allison. How may I help you?” She yelled through the music.

“Just a coke, please.”

She found one in the fridge below and handed it to me with a smile.

“One of the boss’ friends, yeah? It’s on the house.”

“Thanks, Allison. She busy right now?”

She laughed a bubbly laugh and reminded me of careless evenings from before. “As always. But she should be here in a minute or so. Make yourself at home.”

“I will.”

The pub looked like itself, but then again, it didn’t. The walls had been painted a different color, the furniture had been switched to a more modern style, and throughout the walls, there were pictures of powerful women instead of football teams. Marilyn Monroe, Madonna, Aretha Franklin, Amy Winehouse and, naturally, all of the Spice Girls.

The roaring football fans had their own corner as usual, but somehow, they weren’t as noisy as they used to be. The football wasn’t as important as it had been before. It could be the fact that the clientele had changed as well as the chairs and tables. Everywhere, the women had seemingly taken over. Dancing, singing, enjoying themselves, once in a while taking a man out to dance and having fun. From my spot, I could see Cerys sitting on James’ lap, chatting and caressing him and trying to stay professional. I smiled at the sight. Before I knew it, Yasmin appeared out of the blue and hugged me tightly.

“Cassie! So great to see you.” She exclaimed and gestured around the pub.

“You like what I did?”

“It’s … magnificent. I love it. Well done.”

“I’ve had help, of course. But yeah … I’m proud of it.”

“I can see why.” I smiled at her. “You wanted to see me about something?”

“Ah. Yes. When are you going to move to England?” She looked at me with a completely serious look on her face, and I was utterly confused until she dropped the act and burst into a big, flashing smile.

“My GOD, you’re just like him, you know.” I exclaimed and slapped her shoulder playfully.

“I know. He’s great so I’ll take it as a compliment.” She teased back and we both laughed. “But seriously. When are you going to see him?”

“Uh … I haven’t really planned anything. I really haven’t got the finances right now, so that doesn’t help, either. And Teddy is so small, and I …” I could hear myself ranting.

“Ah. Excuses, excuses. He misses you, do you miss him?”

“What? Of course I do, Yasmin.”

“Then go to him.” She handed me an envelope and leaned back in her seat.

“What is thiiiiis. You didn’t … oh, fuck you, you did.” I had opened the envelope and there was no way of mistaking the plane ticket inside of it. Yasmin simply smiled at me.

“Only one condition, Cassandra. You have to take some things along to him. It’s not much.”

“Of course. But, Yasmin … this is too much. I can’t possibly accept this.”

“Shut your mouth. Of course you can. I love you both.” She grabbed my hands and looked me in the eyes. I was tearing up, the sweetness of her gift was just too much. “And frankly. You both look completely miserable when you miss each other.”

That last sentence had me exploding with laughter. Yasmin laughed as well before pulling me in for a big hug.

I felt like I could jump with excitement.

I’m going. I’m going to him. I’m going to see him.

( … )

Saturday 29th, 2016

For some reason, everyone was smiling at me as I stood, freezing on the pavement on a street in London. I pondered whether they thought I was lost or if I simply radiated so much excitement that it made people smile. It had been a month since I last saw him, and the way I missed him could be felt into my very bones. Of course, he didn’t know I was here. Nathan had picked me up at the airport - all part of Yasmin’s devious planning - and driven me to their apartment and then, to here. My phone was pressed against my ear so I could hear their conversation inside. I feared that my heart would beat so loud that it could be heard through the phone.

“The boss man!” I could hear Michael say through the phone as Nathan locked himself inside of the pub. “Coming by to see if I fucked it up already?”

Nathan laughed in return. “Yes, exactly. How’s things?”

I couldn’t hear anything through the phone, but it was clear that Michael sighed.

“Still missing half the furniture. Delivery problems, something like that. And I need to paint upstairs as well.” He sounded exhausted. I wanted to run inside and comfort him, but waited patiently instead.

“Hmm.” I could hear Nathan pacing about the room. “ Well, I have two surprises for you. One: I’ve arranged for some of my people to come and help you tomorrow. They’ll help you paint and whatever.”

“That’s … that’s great, Nathe. Thanks a lot.” I felt a tender moment between them. Nathan had grown more and more into some kind of father figure. Not only to me, but to Michael as well.

“Only the best for this place. This will be our flag ship number two.” He laughed. “Of course you need a bit of help.”

“That’s amazing. Thanks again, mate.”

“No problem. And your second surprise -”

“Yeah?” Michael replied.

“It’s a box of things that Yasmin thought you needed. Things from the old pub, back in Kenmare.”

“What? I took everything with me when I stopped.” I could hear the confusion in his voice.

“Not all, mate.” Nathan replied. “It’s outside the door, I brought a courier along. Go and get it, boy.”

“What?” He said. I could feel my heart beating harder than ever before as his steps moved quickly across the floor.

The door flew open, and he was there. The change I saw in his eyes - from confused to surprised to beyond happy - was making my heart burst.

“Courier service. Where should I put this box?” I asked and tried to keep cool all the while the smile on my face was doing the exact opposite.

He didn’t speak. Instead, he closed the distance between us, lifted me up and spun me around, until he kissed me.

It felt like the world disappeared around us.

#thunder #the thunder series #thunder series #thunder 38 #michael fassbender fanfiction #michael fassbender fan fiction

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