#she likes 'em nice and beefy

[martuzzio]

HERMITCRAFT CATCHPHRASES

Hi, here's a (hopefully comprehensive) reference list of hermit catchphrases! The main goal here is to help writers and artists who (like me) might struggle with getting the characterization of some hermits right. Check out more info at the end of the post!

Note: this list updates a lot whenever I get new suggestions, which means reblogs aren't always fully accurate. I've linked this post to the top of my blog so it's easy to access the most recent version :)

Bdubs Shreep / uh-oh, gotta shreep! Crastle I love ya to death It’s gorgee Beyootiful Uh oh! Hell’s blazes! Hawsies YOU'LL SPEAK WHEN SPOKEN TO! Shuddup! Judas priest! Bdubs' PERFECT REDSTONE!! What in the world! Holy cow! Nuh-uh! Hoimycraaaaaf Whimsy Trying my heart out

Beef EEskall That was my nickname in college! Nailed it! Dangit! Beefy Tunes Smelly Etho Opulent Etho? Oh, yeah, I own him Eyy, I go up and I go down. Ladders! / Eyy, ladders! Beef taught Etho about redstone Oh my goodness! Oh boy! What the heck Oh, baby! Quote unquote A ton of __

Cleo Class dismissed! I don’t need your stinky torches I will break your legs Trash is fish The answer to everything is leather pants Not because it’s the sand castle you deserve, but it’s the sand castle I need! What did you do, Joe…. It's FINE, everything's FINE Lovely Silly I mean... Not gonna lie... To be fair...

Cub DA CREAMADA CROP Alright guys Nice, nice Ladies and gentlemen / ladies and gentlemen, we got ‘em Eeeeasy money Beautiful, absolutely beautiful Mmmmmhmmmmmm Holy smokes Let's goooo! Sweet Oh, baby! Man, oh man Without further ado Peace out Cheers / cheers, man There's some heat coming off that thing

Doc Are you kidding me now? Alright guys Can’t touch this The G.O.A.T. Etho, get to the damn land man! It all started when Grian touched my redstone… Epic

Etho Uh-huh Like-a so Oh snap Get your snacks! Holy smokes! Take care, have a good day, bye bye Aww snappers! Aww yeah Von Sway I barely know ‘er! Speaking of llamas Bright blue bamboo E. to the T. to the your mum Beefaroni / Beefers Speaking of llamas… That’s what she said! Free glass Eyy, I go up and I go down. Ladders! / Eyy, ladders! Suckerrrr! Check it out

False Blimey Awh dude Frick False Supremacy Oh my goodness I don't know about you guys, but... Props to __ I'm not gonna lie...

Gem Gem is great Her [name] is [adjective]! Gem will __ ("Gem will watch Impulse") Perfect! Epic It's true, I swear! Not gonna lie... Oh gosh! Trust the process Nailed it!

Grian Hello! My name is Grian Good… byeeeee! Pesky bird My heart! My little heart! Mumbo Mumbo you are AFK Can we just agree that Mumbo loses? What in Queen Elizabeth’s shiny crown was that? It wasn't me, it was the man in the chicken costume! SaAaaaAaAnd Chobblesome SCAR NO— / NO SCAR— In theory… Electric boogalooo What does this button do? What on earth? This is in shambles Get outta here! Hear me out... We don't have __. What we DO have is __ Just straight up Without further ado Crack on Bingo bango Yes. 100%

Hypno Right, right Mmhmm You guys Dang guy

Impulse What’s goin on everyone? Shovel Shuffle BEHIND YOU GEM! Peeps Geez Let's goooo! Are you kidding me? Oh, man Now we're talkin'! Holy smokes Oh my gosh How cool is that? Jeez! Dang it! Buddy Presi (for present) You bet!

Iskall Hallo -skall ("richskall") That’s mega / that’s looking absolutely mega Omega “Excuse me? Sir?” __ of doom Okay, lol And I will see you dudes in the next episode I’ve had a realization Oh for goodness sake! It’s not fat, it’s big-boned Not gonna lie SaAaaaAaAnd Very fine Great success! Bird poop Bumbo Cactoni Do you even bust? / Do you even bust bro E Pag

Jevin Hypno smells! Oh my god Sucker What the heck Dude Man I swear

Joe Howdy y’all! That’s the Joe Hills difference! I will now say a poem of my own devising Core concept Keep adventurin’! Time skip! Who’s the guy who conquers death? That’s Joe Hills No not rage quitting I have to pick up my daughter from school or my wife will rage quit me! Grow Hills / Expand Joe Joepacity / Jhost

Keralis Look into my eyes and nothing but my eyes Wanna buy a book? Spank you very much Just sit back, relax, and enjoy Like this, like that I can see my house from here! Bubbles, Shashwammy, Sweetface, Princess Lookie lookie at my cookie / lookie lookie at my cookie… no, please don’t Like-a so I love your face I’m a real boy! I don’t k-nove (know) Not like this! Booshes Clever girl But first… lemme take a selfie I’m sinking… mayday mayday we’re sinking! Hallo yes dis is de German coast guard what are you sinking about? Scary harry larry I’m alayve! Breathtaking — no you’re breathtaking Mm-kay Oh behave I’m a simple man MeOOOow Welcome to my humble abod-ee Not too shabby My face! My palms are sweaty, mom’s spaghetti Tag 2 Booga Booga Stiffy nipples Batman! First I was afraid, I was petrified...

Mumbo I worry about myself sometimes I'm not really quite sure if I like that or not Yeah… yeah that's looking good… I guess… Dude! Chuffed to bits It’s a bit pants I’m such a spoon Oh my word It’s quite simple, really / it’s actually quite simple Bonkers I’ll catch you in the next one. See ya Off you pop Oh goodness me! Hermit challenges — initiation! All done and dusted To be frankly honest Seriously seriously cool Absolutely nuts I don’t even know what to say Iskall I feel sick Peace, love, and plants Moon’s big Mumbo for Mayor Quite simple

Pearl Lovely Bonkers At this point... Cheeky / you cheeky What's this? Mate

Ren Now we’re cooking with gas / we be cooking with gas today Ladies, get in line! / ladies, gentlemen, everybody get in line! You picking up what I’m putting down My dudes Y’know what I’m sayin’ Coming atcha frommmmmm Dude Coming from left, right, and center Greetings cyberdogs and citizens of the Interwebs, this is Ren-diggity-dog comin at ya in another episode from the Hermitcraft server (ey!) Automagically Jazztastic Janktastic Oh baby Like nobody’s business Looking absolutely magnificent Anyhoozle Twaddle Renstone The Octagon is a well-oiled machine! [word]-age [word]-ation [word]-i (to make things plural You love / hate to see it I'm just sayin' / if you know what I'm sayin' Professional __ Jazz Anyhoozle Exqueeze me? Freakin' Some serious __ What's happenin', baby? Chesticles

Scar Scarred for life Woah, what in the world! It’s gonna be am-ay-zing LOOK at the siiiiize of that Well, hello there my fellow miners and crafters, GoodTimesWithScar here. Welcome back to the wonderful world of Hermits and crafting Don’t forget to subscribe or you might just become scarrrred for life! Looking super fancy Let’s hit super fast build mode! Look at the size of that Appreciate ya Hotguy! Operation: Aquathunder! That’s what she said! Rapscallion You silly goose Oh, sweet baby Jellie! Bayum! / Bam! The bee's knees Easy peasy, orangey squeezy

Stress Are you havin’ a giggle? / are you takin the mic? Mate Oh my god / oh my gosh / oh my good gordons Gorgeous Plonker Geezer Ohhhhh nooooo! Yeeeesshhh I legged it Such a pro / I'm such a pro Proper __ Cheeky Bloke Thingamajig Ain't [word]-age [word]-ies

Tango Happy fun sauce -ificator, -inator, -ness, -tastic Skadoodle Fearsome bunny slippers Noob juice So here’s the deal Holding shift Shwoop Flim flam Poop came out Extra dumb with dumb sauce / __ of extra dumb Flee with extra flee! / fleeing with terror! Boom booms Gah! The dungeon is ready for its next victim Behold! Results may vary! I think my math is correct, but it’s been known to be wrong This is the worst timeline. I hate everything Big no! You— you freak of nature! Jerkface Jerkbutt Excellent How embarassing This is true Zombert Bits This I gotta see! Right in the face! [word] is happening Yeah baby! Stupid jerks Boop This is the best / worst thing ever! Niner niner niner [general unintelligible noises]

TFC What in tarnation! Crap-tacular Humongous Butt-ugly Ugly as sin Oh, goody Ender-twits Bugger Oh, fart For crying out loud

Wels Words are hard If you will Super __

xB Aww yeah Mmkay Son of a biscuit Pretty frickin' __ Man Get frickin' wrecked! Chestacle Dang it Staaph it Oy vey Crap on a cracker Dang it, Bobby! Dang guy

Xisuma Oh goodness me Oh dangit Geez Peeps I’m such a derp Oh my days Chooturial Issooma Allo Woa’ah Brought (instead of bought) My dude Achacha

Zed Hello hello hello A-good a-bye Muckin' about I lied TaaaAAnnGoOOooooOOOo Hu-jah! Pretty darn __ Certainly Rubbish I'm [word]-ing [word] me [word]-iness What happens is... Get kersplatted! Epic Oh my goodness!

More Info

So I'm currently writing a HC fic and realized how little I know about some of the hermits (I unfortunately don't have time to watch all of them), which made it really difficult to depict them properly in my writing. I'm assuming at least some of you might also struggle with this, so, here we are!

If you know of a catchphrase from any hermit from any season, comment, reblog, send me a an ask or dm, dm me on discord, whatever works the best :D

Note: when I say "catchphrase," I mean anything a hermit repeats over an extended period of time. It can be something said during a single season (like "You'll speak when spoken to!" or "Hermit Challenges!"), or something that spans their entire careers (like "Aww snappers!" or "Plonker"). I'm not looking for one-off quotes that are never bought up again — there's some great sources (like @hermitcraft-correct-quotes) for that already :)

Sources (which will hopefully expand with time): This reddit post from four years ago This other reddit post also from four years ago Reddit from three years ago This cute diagram A more up to date source Another Xisuma's dictionary on his website HC character tv tropes page This incredible google doc

#Hermitcraft #hermit catchphrases #hermitcraft catchphrases #hermit quotes #hermitcraft quotes #This post is going to update many many times so reblogs might not always be up to date #if you have a suggestion to add please let me know!

[abbysdruidess]

˜”°•.˜”°• cuddling with Abby headcanons - modern au •°”˜.•°”˜

wc: 1.2 k

summary: how you and Abby share your bed and exchange affection throughout the course of your relationship

tags: domestic fluff, smut, abby strapping you into the next millennium, desc of oral(Abby receiving), she’s a doc in this one, mentions of nightmares

a/n: this is in the form of headcanons and slight drabbles- it's also on par with the entirety of my modern au fics so make sure to check em out if you already haven't:))

and ofc, don't hesitate to send me more asks abt my lovely Abigail-I'll always be there to respond<33

ꜱꜰᴡ

❦ In the beginning of your relationship, Abby isn’t particularly affectionate - you two aren’t very close and are still forming mutual habits with one another. At this stage, you don’t know much about Abby’s past relationships, although you assume they have gone poorly by the way she seems to keep you at arm's length. Our lil Abigail still feels cautious about letting another person in her life, the harsh words of her ex had managed to get under her skin and make her feel like Frankenstein’s monster-defeminized and unloveable. Time after time though, she manages to warm up to you, keeping you close to her heart and allowing herself to feel loved. She indulges herself in both your sweet words and your physical affection, which renders her complete again. She encompasses you in her big, beefy arms and she can relax and unwind after a long day at the hospital. Now, she swears to you she can’t fall asleep if you aren’t in bed, or she hasn’t kissed you goodnight.

❦ Seriously, there’s no better therapy for Abby Anderson than when you plop on her chest, nuzzling in between her breasts and leave soft lil kissies on her neck. Bonus points if you wrap your arms around her neck and your legs around her waist. The more skin on skin contact, the better.

❦ When you started going out though, Abby overloads on the affection she’s never experienced and finds it appropriate to tease you for your cuddling habits.

“What’s up babe? Can’t handle falling asleep without me?” she grins from ear to ear as she changes into her pajamas, which are a pair of soft drawstring sweatpants and nothing else:))

“C’mon Abs.” You pout. “Don’t get cocky.”

She reaches for you from across the bed and wraps an arm around your waist, squeezing the soft fat that pools there. “Not unless you ask nicely babe” She whispers in your ear.

❦ Thus, she nicknames you ‘snuggles’ whenever you get too touchy feely, and uses it a little too heavy handed for your liking. 

 She had just gotten home from a 12 hour shift, and she couldn't feel more exhausted; her feet were screaming after standing up all day, her eyes were droopy and her briefcase was unceremoniously tossed on the coffee table along with her keys. 

“Baby?” She heard your endearing, sickly sweet voice calling her from the kitchen along with the smell of her favorite pasta dish and she let out a slight groan of delight.

Suddenly, your head appears on the doorframe and you close the distance in between you in a few, wide steps. You wrap an arm around her upper waist, rubbing up and down her sculpted back, while the other one reaches to pull the hair tie off her hair and let it loose.

“Mhmm, I missed you Abs.” You bury your face in the space between her neck and her shoulder.

“Me too baby. Are you up for lying down on the couch for a little bit? We can eat in an hour or so. Right now, I just wanna nap with you, snuggles.”

“Abby-”

❦ Seriously though, her façade crumbles easily in the early mornings, when she is still comfortably numb with sleep and doesn’t care if she comes across as too needy. She’ll bear hug you from the behind, and happily nuzzle her face in your hair, breathing in your familiar, comforting scent. She’ll pepper soft kisses on your neck, and put one leg over your hip so you don’t astir before her. When she’s on her back, she cups the back of your head with one hand as the other one wanders on the plush skin of your thigh, rubbing circles on it with slow, hypnotizing movements. 

“Bee” You stroke her long wisps of dirty blonde hair out of her face. “We have to wake up sometime.”

“S’ five more minutes” She insists, and wraps her arms tighter around you.

❦ Of course, she still gets nightmares every now and then, and cuddling with you helps her land back to reality. It isn’t unusual for you to wake up to the alarming sound of her teeth grinding. When you do, you call out her name until she has finally woken up, so you can calm her down. 

“I-I don’t know what happened” She stammers, reaching for the glass of water on her nightstand. “All I remember is you screaming for help, and it was very dark and i was alone and fuck-”

You gently shush her, wrapping your arms around her and rocking back and forth. “We’re both safe Abs.” You kiss a line from her cheek to her mouth. “Go back to sleep. I’m not going anywhere.”

❦ When she gets sick, Abby insists you don’t go within three feet of her to avoid her contagion. Again, this crumbles very quickly, and you end up laying with her head on your lap as you routinely check her temperature and plop a pill in her mouth. Whenever you’re sick however, Abby couldn’t care less about getting sick herself, and has an arm wrapped around you at all times as you’re lying in bed, trying to make you feel better.

“C’mon baby, come closer, I won’t get sick. Dr Anderson is gonna make you feel all better.”

ɴꜱꜰᴡ

❦ The first time she ever gave you her strap, she could tell it completely knocked you out. Of course, she made sure to prep you correctly and use plenty of lube, but it was still quite the experience to say the least. The way your skin was soaked in sweat, breathing heavily, hole clenching and unclenching after the pounding it took definitely did things to her. After she cleaned you up and hand fed you some leftovers from her fridge, she instinctively wrapped her arms around you, wanting to preserve the sanctity and the quietness of post-coital bliss. Something inside her told her she had to keep you close, had to take care of this woman lying on her bed and make sure she’s safe and content. That night, you fell asleep on her chest, listening to the little boop boops of her heart and basking in her pine scent and miles of freckly skin.

❦ You also make sure to take her especially well after long, tedious work hours by making her come again and again on your tongue. It’s exceptionally good when she’s on her back on the bed, you under the sheets, and she buries a hand in your hair and she groans and moans loudly enough for the whole neighborhood to hear. Once you’re through, she’s pulling you by the hair to kiss you all over and tell you what a great job you did, how you always care for her and make her come so good. 

Hazy eyed, smiling softly, her cheeks flushed red she connects her mouth with yours, as you suck on her tongue slowly, letting her taste herself. 

“Mhmm, such a good wife for me baby, giving me head so good” She murmurs, the tiredness seeping in her voice. She lowers your head to lie right above her shoulder, the comfortable silence lulling you both to a soft, dreamless sleep. You’re sure that she’ll want to return the favor, but right now you’ll happily sleep alongside Abby, hoping she gets her well deserved rest.

#abby anderson x reader #abby anderson x y/n #abby anderson x you #abby the last of us #abby x fem!reader #abby anderson x female reader #abby tlou #abby anderson tlou2 #abby anderson headcanons

[ddejavvu]

the ultimate boyfriend james potter in my head will forevermore be big beefy rugby jamie because that is SO boyfriend material so here i am projecting <33

James with a bestfriend (wink) or s/o that has cold hands 90% of the time. like, cold hands and cold feet . but cold hands so it takes so long to text back sometimes if they’re out n hes like “oh god am i in trouble she’s been typing for three whole minutes now” but it’s literally just ice fingers taking ages to work

very clear image of him being like - like you’ll both be out somewhere so he’ll ‘accidentally’ brush ur hand but when he notices how cold it actually is he drops all coyness and he’s just like “bug what??? ur hands r freezing why wouldnt you tell me 😡😡👎” while he’s blowing into em and then he gets to use the excuse allllll the time to hold ur hands cus he’s just being a good friend, wouldn’t want ur hands to freeze off! (even if ur hands r warm like ur sat watching a movie he’ll just hold em, and if u give him a look he just :]] )

oh god he’d probably also use it as a way to flirt even harder. like he’d notice ur hands are ice and ur maybe sat on em to warm em up so he’ll drop in a cheeky comment about how his tummys(abs he means his abs feel em it’s okay) always super warm and to use it as a heater. okay fine 🙄🙄 my arms are red hot too, go on, i suppose u can use them instead and ur like “james i am not going to feel u up” and he just :]

he definitely sends u lovey dovey taylor swift songs all the time cus he heard u humming one ONCE. he sends u wonderland, enchanted, U BELONG WITH ME, invisible string, lover, cardigan (he makes a playlist with these + others on and ur sat there like ‘🤨🤨🤨 is this..platonic?’)

(other honourable mentions on the playlist that I love and James would think he’s so sneaky and smart for adding: vanilla baby by billie marten, here you come again by Dolly Parton, uptown girl, build me up buttercup, hopelessly devoted to you, be my baby, i know it’s sapphic but he’d add she by dodie, cant take my eyes off you, my kind of woman, kiss me) n he would jokingly sing them to u randomly even when he knows you’ll get embarrassed and try and escape the area as soon as he starts up but that then gives him a reason to silly sing and hold onto u so ur now close to him, in his arms, and he can see u all cringing and embarrassed but at least ur attentions alllll on him [ie you’ll all be out at a pub and you hear the first four words from “cant take my eyes off you” come out of James’ mouth and ur immediately up n ready to bolt]

i thjnk i just enjoy the pining too much so all of this is James Potter Pining Pre Relationship thoughts because as nice as relationships are, the little bit before them is so sweet too <33 especially when reader is a bit blind lmao like UR SO STUPID HE OBVIOUSLY LIKES U (sirius would definitely shout this repeated from the get go, he’s like “babe he added paper rings and willow by Taylor fucking Swift to ur fucking COUPLES playlist after hanging out today - all he did was make moon eyes at u as he rubbed ur hands pls OPEN UR FUCKIN EYES” and Remus would have to redirect him cus he’s going a bit red in the face from lack of oxygen 💀💀)

today is multiverse monday! send me any au you can think of :)

--

BIG !! BEEFY !! RUGBY !! JAMES !! i actually got this ask like.. 9 seconds after u sent it.. bc i was obsessively refreshing tumblr while waiting for my dad in the car.. and the way that i giggled and kicked my feet and twirled my hair and skgsndjfanfkskjnakfnSNGKSJFNJFSND every single thought you send me scratches my brain in just the right way, i know when i see you pop up in my inbox i'm in for the treat of a lifetime <333

ICE FINGERS!!! i swear my poor best friend has to wait 20 minutes for little responses, i totally identify with that <33 no sometimes he just calls you like 'honey baby love darling are you hurt? are you okay?' and you're like >:(( i'm cold >:((

“bug what??? ur hands r freezing why wouldnt you tell me 😡😡👎”

he totally gets snippy about it!!! like 'that's my job, y'know, as your best friend. can't believe you'd lie to me.' / 'i didn't lie?' / ' you didn't tell the truth either!'

so he grabs em and gives em a good rub, and you swear you're about to short circuit when he raises them to his lips and blows hot air into them, rubbing them together with his own large, calloused ones <33

LMFAO SGKJDNFD NO BC he's like did u know my abs r actually so warm. they're a heater. biceps, too, it's a natural heating pack. and oh, god, don't get me started 'bout between my legs- and ur like JAMES!!!! NO!!!!! but he's >:)) why not sweetheart, afraid you'll like it??

HEHE i don't listen to much of her music but i know a few songs on there and yes, they're all on my james playlist!!! he slaps 'em on there, definitely plays love story at parties so he can kneel and pretend to propose to you and if you do not say yes he gets so butthurt. but not mean butthurt, pouty butthurt, and you'll have to rub his back and promise you didn't mean to hurt his feelings <33

NO BC SO MANY OF THOSE SONGS ARE ON MY JAMES PLAYLIST??? he's a loverboy fr, and he can't stop embarrassing you in public by singing to you. it's two birds with one stone, yk? one because he gets to basically confess to you, serenade you in front of a crowd and treat you like a princess the way you deserve, but two, because you always get all flustered!! and it means that you'll bury your burning face into his chest so no one can see you, and he can spin you around and sing about how much he adores you :')

no you are so right!! that's why i love slow burns so much, because the build up is so sweet!! i shit you not, the majority of my roommate!marauders fic plans are literally just reader and james growing sickeningly close and pining all the time because it's what i want in life!!! james potter loves hard and he should love me.

LMFAO SIRIUS IS LIKE REALLY.. REALLY BABE? AND I THOUGHT REMUS WAS SLOW ON THE ROMANTIC UPTAKE.. he definitely locks you in rooms together or ditches you on walks or pushes you into james so the big beefy guy can catch you <3333

#rugby!james #james potter x reader #james potter #james potter fanfiction #james potter fluff #james potter x reader fanfiction #james potter oneshot #james potter imagine #james potter headcanons #james potter au #ddejavvu's multiverse mondays #multiverse mondays

[onsunnyside]

i was so excited for trailer park daddy night and then i realized it’s not actually trailer park daddy night lmao rip 🧘‍♀️

Oh it’s okay, bestie !! hehe to make you feel better, here’s an snippet from the unedited chapter 2: (pls ignore typos/mistakes !!)

“C’mon, Jake at the tech shop gave you a pair of headphones yesterday—for free. He checks up on you during his breaks too.”

“So what?” You fix the little tie around your neck, the green and pink fabric matched the headband on your head. “He rambles a bit but it’s cute and he’s funny.”

She pouts, “Awh, isn’t that ado’able.” She speaks in a baby voice, pinching your cheeks. “But, you don’t want that, huh? You don’t like ‘em nice and shy…” She holds up the biggest lollipop, waving it before your nose like a tempting treat, “You like ‘em big and bad, rugged and rough Mr. Rock ‘n Roll in denim and driving a bright red Chevy. Tell me if I’m wrong.”

You twiddle your fingers, those little nail decals peeling off already. “You’re not wrong…”

“Knew it.” Natasha, inches closer with a mischievous grin, “My girl loves ‘em built like a tank, beefy enough to crush you like an empty can, rail you into your pretty princess bed—”

You shove a fistful of cotton candy in her mouth, shutting her up. “—Can you be quiet!”

She just eats the candy, licking her blue-stained lips. “What? Are you turned on?”

You have to physically cover your face to preserve a smidge of your honour, god, Natasha was the worst—but also the best. If you didn’t love her, you'd kick her out of Toothache.

“Oh, baby, look at these texts.”

“You coming by The Den tonight? I’m performing. Unanswered. Missed you tonight, hope you’re safe. Unanswered. Did you know there are hundreds of candy shops in the city? I think I’m craving something sweet, any recommendations? Unanswered.” She reads off the screen then winces, “poor fella, it’s like he’s talking to a wall.”

You slump over the counter, eating a piece of cotton candy as if it’ll help—and maybe it does, a little bit. “I’ve been stuck in my trailer for days, you know I haven’t done laundry for almost two weeks?”

Admittedly, you were a little ashamed of that. You wanted to, but doing laundry meant going outside and then hanging up your clothes to dry on the line, which happens to be right in view of your intimidating neighbour.

You’ve resorted to sleeping in the nude after you’ve sweat through so many t-shirts. And you were currently wearing bikini bottoms in lieu of panties.

“You’re embarrassed, and that’s okay.” Natasha reaches over, rubbing your shoulder soothingly. “He’s clearly fine with it if he still wants to see you. Why are you standing him up?”

“Because, I-I don’t know!” You stare down at the one-sided conversations on the little screen, “I like him so much, but, god, he’s so much.”

“As in?”

You gesture to the lollipop, “not just physically, but like, he’s experienced.”

#sneak peek time #fk ask #fk drabble #snippet more like #fk: fluff #fic ask

[tabbycat-of-hatchetfield]

Hatchetfield Is No Place For A Tabby Cat - Chapter 6: The School in the Heart of Shit City

Tabby arrived outside Hatchetfield High School at 7:10, 20 minutes before classes started. It was a large, brick building, just like many high schools were, but this one was a little different, on account of it being an ancient relic of the town’s past.

On the ride into Hatchetfield, her father had explained a lot about the people who built the town from the ground up all the way back in 1824. She had remembered him saying that the Waylons–the people that the Danehower family were descended from–had built the schoolhouse that eventually became Hatchetfield High, which was evident from the fact that the front face of said schoolhouse still stood proudly alongside the brick mass that was the rest of it, much of which was tacked on in the 80’s when the town started to expand a lot more. 

The schoolhouse was made from weathered, beaten wood. Tabby supposed that in its time, it would have been fresh and new, though. The entryway was grand for what was now a public school. 

She stepped up the front steps, which were made of ragged stone, something she thought she would have to complain to health and safety agents about if she got the chance, because a clumsy bitch like herself would have no trouble cracking her skull open on those steps. She heaved open the front door and was greeted with chaos. 

Absolute fucking chaos. 

There was a crowd of students in the front hall. It couldn’t have been more than 200 people, but still, that was pretty much the population of the school! She tried to slip in unnoticed, but was, as she should have expected, immediately noticed. 

“Nice sweater, fatty! Where’d you get it, kids’ section at Walmart? Nah, you’re probably too big for the kids’ section, who am I kidding?”

She eyed the perpetrator: a tall, dirty blonde kid with a jawline so square he looked like a whiter, uglier Minecraft Steve. He was cackling like a fucking hyena, surrounded by a posse of cheerleaders and beefy football bros. 

Oh yeah, this was gonna be great.

She ignored him, though tempted to stomp really hard on his stupid snow-white Nikes, and turned away. 

“Scared, you fucking cow? I haven’t seen you around. That’s weird.”

“Are you from Clivesdale?” One of the cheerleaders, with unnaturally pale blonde hair, put in. 

“Fuck Clivesdale!” The other cheerleader added hastily. They high-fived and giggled. 

“No, I’m from Canada.” Tabby said calmly. “Toronto, actually.” 

“Canada? What, do you bleed maple syrup or something?” Asked one of the guys, tall and dark-skinned. 

“No, Jason!” The leader guffawed, “They don’t bleed! They apologize to whatever cuts ‘em so much, the wounds just close right up.”

Tabby rolled her eyes, trying to let this blow over. She tried to walk away, but felt the first guy’s hand touch her shoulder, spinning her back around. 

“Listen, bitch,” he growled, his voice low and husky, “I don’t know who you think you are, but I know who I think you are. Another fucking nerd come to get the shit beat out of her.”

“Get her, Max!” One of his bros cheered, and ‘Max’ slapped him. “Not now, Kyle! Give me and fatty here some space!”

Max advanced on Tabby again, and she could see a malicious glimmer in his eyes. “You heard the man. Name’s Max. Max Jagerman. You better get used to hearing that name.”

“Tabatha Danehower. Nice to meet you. Never thought I could come across someone more ugly than the homeless guy I met downtown, but I guess you’ve proven me wrong, Max! Congratulations on that, truly incredible.”

Max’s eyes widened in anger. “Watch what you say.” He turned and left, with Kyle, Jason, and the two cheerleaders close behind. 

“What was that?!” 

Tabby spun around to see another figure standing there. A girl, slim and short. Calling her 5 feet tall would have been generous. She wore a thick, body-hiding striped sweater with a mushroom-shaped patch sewn onto it, a pair of bell-bottom red pants, and the ugliest sneakers Tabby had ever seen. She had headgear on, as well as a look on her face that reminded Tabby of a small prey animal, probably a rodent of some sort. 

“Uh..what was what?”

“You just told Max Jagerman off! You are so fucking dead.”

Tabby gulped back her anxiety. “And uhm…what exactly do you mean by that?”

“I mean now that you’ve done that, you’ve got a target on your back! Well, the fact that you’re not 5’5 and skinny already puts a target on your back, but you have enlarged the target! You have made it double in size!” 

“Thanks for the advice, but…I can just tell a teacher? Or like, the principal?

“Good luck with that. You think they’re really gonna expel the Hatchetfield Nighthawks quarterback?” The short girl giggled, arms wrapping around herself as if giving herself a hug. “You’re crazy. I think I’m in love with you.”

Tabby shifted her weight from one foot to the other, the awkwardness in the conversation escalating tenfold. 

“Good to know, ah…?”

“Ruth! Ruth Fleming. But, uh, people like Max just call me Flem-Wad.” 

“Good to know.” There was more awkward silence. Tabby cleared her throat again. “So…can you point me in the direction of the chemistry classroom?”

#tabby cat chat #hatchetfield rp #hatchetfield oc #hatchetfield #hatchetblr #tabatha danehower #my ocs #ocs #tabby danehower #HINPFATC

[treehouse-anon]

Another RP, this time fantasy. Lazy, but it's something.

The Bucking Boar tavern was the last stop at the edge of the dark forest. Sylvania had been traveling to collect magical artifacts for years, and her latest squire was holding up well. He was a puny human boy named Robert, and comically obedient. Whether her needed to carry all her bags across a swamp for 10 miles or massage her bum all night, he rarely complained. Sometimes, he would even… pleasure her, subserviently, but that was a shameful secret for an elf of her status, as functional and taboo as training a dog to lick her. Today, she had been on the horse all day, and she had let Robert ride behind her, slamming into him with her giant bum at every step. She was sore, and too tired to recruit, but they needed muscle for the dark forest ahead. While Robert tied up the horse, she went to her room, yawning and stretching. "Human boy, you go ahead and find the strongest warrior in the tavern, whatever it costs. And then meet me in my room with dinner. I need another massage…"

“Yes Sylvania! Right away” He replied as he finished tying the horse to the post. Robert watched Sylvania walk up to her quarters, that big booty he kept bumping into all day jiggling as she walked away. He looked to the tavern, hearing some hollering and a bottle crashing followed by more yells and laughs. The first thing he did was order some food for Syl then turned around to study the tavern. Folks drank and joked but one person seemed to stand out in the crowd. She was tall and imposing with tremendously wide hips who was destroying each man who attempted to arm wrestle with her! He realized that this is certainly who Sylvania would want and she wouldn’t accept any less. After watching her destroy another strong man in a competition, Robert approached. “Excuse me M’Lady” he started politely, drawing some snickers from others in the tavern. “I humbly request that you lend your services to the good lady Sylvania. We will pay you handsomely in return” He explained, feeling his face blush as many hardened men and women were looking at him!

The huge barbarian, with long braided red hair, was only wearing an armor bikini and a short plaid skirt. She yawned, and effortlessly slammed down the main trying to arm wrestle her. Then, she chugged an entire mug of ale in one gulp and turned to the pipsqueak, belching loudly in his face and blowing back his hair with the beefy smell of ale and roast meat. "UUURRPPPPPPPP~ Wh… what was that, twerp? Y-you wanted to fight huh? Think you can take me? You got uh- got a date with-kissing my fat ass you little runt…" She slurred, clearly drunk, got up and lifted Robert by his shirt with the crowd laughing.

Robert’s speech was cut short as she belched right in his face! The smell of beer invaded his nose as she began slurring her words, clearly drunk and not understanding him! “Wait no…” he started, trying to take a step back as she rose from her chair, towering over the squire! “I wasn’t saying I’ll fight you!” He said, his voice becoming more frantic as he was picked up by the collar of his shirt! His legs kicked a bit as he struggled to find the ground. “Please you’re not hearing me! We’ll pay you good!”

"Pay me, huh? You looking for some kind of URPP cheap whore? How much are you offering, to URP uh…" Laughing, she tossed him to the ground and jumped up, slamming her giant butt onto his chest, leaning back so her glistening cheeks were looming right over his face. It wasn't the first time he'd been pinned under a big ass, but this one was more dense and muscular, and covered in musky sweat. "How much coin you got? I have a high price for HIC a nice romantic kiss, with my sweaty ass cheeks HAHA! Tell me y-your budget and then I'll decide how long you can lick em." Her skirt barely covered her meaty rear, and neither did her loincloth cover her hairy red bush.

“No not like that either… you’re not understanding-!” Robert said as he was pushed over, knocking over a chair as he landed on his back! He barely had a moment to react before she jumped onto his chest, knocking the wind out of him! He could hear people murmuring and laughing as they watched the drunk barbarian have her fun. He looked up at that glistening rear as he wheezed, greedily sucking in as much air as he could with her sitting high up on his chest! “H-here…” He said, his voice quiet as he fumbled with the bag of coins on his waist! It was tough to get it off since he couldn’t see past the massive ass cheeks taking up his vision. He could feel the warmth coming off her body as he finally got the coins loose, raising them up to her as best he could!

Sonja got quiet and leaned forward to coin the coins, muttering. She was so focused that she didn't realize she had scooted back and smothered Robert's face in between her cheeks, making it impossible to breathe anything but sweat odors. "Wow, you got a lot of hic money. Usually they just hired me for urpppp my axe, but sure, if some little pervert wants to keep me around a few weeks and kiss my butt all day, I won't say no to the money. Let's shake on it. And to seal the deal~" She grabbed his hand tightly, and then leaned to one side and let out an explosive fart directly into his face, smelling exactly like the cured meat and fermented cabbage they sold at this tavern. The whole crowd laughed and went back to their own business.

Robert’s hands reached up, grabbing on the barbarian’s sweaty ass cheeks! As she counted the coins, she didn’t realize that Robert’s face slipped beneath her rear! His head was hidden by her skirt as his face was pressed tightly against her uncleanly knickers! Robert groaned as he couldn’t get her to budge off him! The smell of her musk overwhelmed his senses, even as he was smothered beneath her! Once it seemed she had accepted his offer she peeled a bit of her ass off his face and he gasped deeply, right as she farted on him! He immediately went into a fit of coughing and gagging as he rolled on the floor, feeling humiliated! “Okay….” he said, “Can you get off me now? I need to return to my lady’s chambers and we have a busy day tomorrow!” He said, hoping she would get off him fully!

She snorted, laughed, and reached back to grab his head and motorboat him between her cheeks one last time, leaving his hair messed up and his face covered in even more butt sweat. Then, she finally got up and stumbled back to another mug of ale, burping and scratching her butt. "See you tomorrow, twerp… tell your boss to hire me herself next time and not send some pervy little squire!" Meanwhile, in her room, Sylvania was reading her spellbook and laying on her stomach, with her large bottom sticking up. She sipped a glass of wine and spoke without turning to the door, "Did you get the food? I'm starving…"

Robert slowly got to his feet, his face flushed hot with embarrassment as he could feel people watching him as he tried to wipe off her ass sweat from his face! Despite getting most of the sweat off, he was going to have trouble removing the stink! He didn’t have time however as the food for Sylvania came out and he wanted to deliver it to her hot! He quickly arrived at her room, seeing her laying in bed, reading with a glass of wine! “Yes I did. I also found us a barbarian for the voyage” He said, setting the plate down on her bed and quickly stepping back, hoping she didn’t notice the smell of ass lingering on him!

"Mhm," she nodded coldly, still reading her book. She took the plate of hearty tavern food and started cutting it into delicate bites, then gestured with a pat on her butt. He knew what this meant - she needed another massage. Sylvania was heavyset for an elf, and embarrassed about it sometimes. Her extra cushioning made her sore on long journeys, so it was important to have a squire who could do deep tissue massage.

Without responding, Robert knew what he was supposed to do. He hopped up on the bed and got on his knees right below Sylvania’s ass! As he looked at her peachy butt, he couldn’t help but think of being smothered in the tavern, just moments ago! The thought made him hesitate a moment but he reached forward and began massaging her butt, kneading and pushing into the soft flesh. He squeezed her cheeks, pushing them together and rubbing all over as he looked to her face to see if she was content.

With his face right up close to the huge soft mounds, he could smell her natural flowery fragrance. Then, something happened he was never expecting. A gentle squeak, and he felt a blast of warm air that smelled like spicy food with hints of cinnamon. Sylvania giggled. "I used a scrying spell to watch you in the tavern… it seems like this is a human custom to show dominance over males? And I detected an elevated heartbeat. Do you appreciate it? Or are you disappointed it's not as powerful as that human woman's? You should have told me sooner that this is how your species forms bonds of servitude."

Robert was taken aback as the booty he was massaging suddenly erupted a little bit! The warm air hit his face as he scrunched his nose a bit at the smell! “Oh you saw that…” He said, face growing red once more from embarrassment as his heart picked up! “I dont think its a normal thing… She was awfully intoxicated, perhaps one to many ales”

Sylvania's cheeks clenched and flexed, and he could hear her grunt, but then she sighed. "That's all I have for now, but I'll try to get better at it. I can sense an awestruck feeling in you, like you're amazed at seeing something from a being so high and mighty, or, rather smelling. Hehe. That could be useful, to make you more loyal to me and protective. After all, not many human boys have gotten a present like that from an elf. From now on, you might be sharing a sleeping bag with that human woman though, so I can have some space and comfort. We will find her in the morning, good night!"

[bewitchingbaker]

B = Body part

Chris loves hips and a nicely toned rear end when it comes to his partners. Why? He can't give you a legit reasonong but he does like having his hands on a nice butt when he's cuddling. Big butt, petite butt, no butt is a bad one in the baker's eyes.

But if he had to pick his favorite body part? He would say his arms. He used to have string bean arms so it was nice to have some mass to em after so many years. Plus it makes picking up his partners easier.

[ @brooklynislandgirl ]

The baker's eyes were shut, hands extended to hold his friends clothing. It was no secret to Beth hated clothes, especially in the Arizona heat. They just made things so restrictive and added to the already sweltering and dry desert heat. So any opportunity to shred some layers, she would take it.

Finding a pool at this time was always hard, thanks to school being out and every family desiring even the briefest of escapes from the heat. If anything, the number of people filling the chlorophyll waters would just make it that much hotter.

Thankfully, these two had other options. A witch and rokea, blessed with the ability to walk between both worlds. Something that came in handy for moments like this. If there wasn't a pool to go to, there were more solitary alternatives. Through word of mouth of the local undead, the duo was able to find a spot just outside of Sedona.

"You can open those eyes of yours, ya know."

Feeling the familiar weight of Beth's outfit in his arms made him open his eyes.

"...!!!"

It would be a good idea to mention that the baker had seen Elizabeth Irene Riley in a swimsuit many times before. Childhood parties and swimming lessons. But there was something different about their swim.

Those brown hues glanced over his friend's figure, taking note of every detail. Even before the baker hit puberty, he thought Beth was more beautiful than any painting in MoMa. Those freckles sprinkled along her cheeks never failed to make him smile. That trademark red hue filled his cheeks at even the slightest glimpse of those sharp teeth of hers, hands unknowingly rubbing his lips. His eyes trailed down, thoughts filled with what hid under that bikini top.

But watching Beth dive into the crystal clear water made that blush grow. It was no secret that the baker was drawn to a nice pair of hips and a very nice backside. Admittedly, seeing Beth dance through the years always made him nervous. Ya, don't wanna get caught staring at your best friend's rear (though she didn't mind getting a good look at his).

"Are ya just gonna look or are ya gonna dive in?" Beth called from the water, sending a small splash his way.

"Hmm, looks fun." Chris chuckled as he slipped off his flip-flops, dipping his feet into the cool sensation.

The baker stared at his reflection. Boy does time fly. It wasn't that long ago that Chris was described by Jess as 'my tall string bean brother!'. Thanks to taking on more physical labor at the bakery, his arms began to fill out. Combien that with some workouts from his aunt and uncle and the baker grew into the beefy individual you saw today.

Chris was never short on compliments when it came to Beth but would always run out when it came to himself. But for once, he found himself smiling at those masses he called arms. Not bad for a shy nerd. Slowly, he eased himself into the water, joining his friend in their escape from the desert heat.

#brooklynislandgirl #ic #loving spoonful|verse painted desert moons|arizona ; #mini drabble #suggesttive

[rosymorns]

[thinks about the devs saying halsin might be romancable] [thinks about the devs saying halsin might be romancable] [thinks about the devs saying halsin might be romancable]

#marian would be extremely into lae'zel if she were like. um. nice to her or anyone ever. #she had her gay awakening after a very strong sailor lady asked her to dance. she's a str 8 wizard ok!!! she likes em beefy!!!! #so druid mcbigarms over here who is ALSO very nice to her. i mean listen she has a crush on most people. #but her crush on halsin would be Large. #carly.txt #carly plays bg3 #carly's ocs #oc: marian

[evansbby]

hiii i was wondering if you could right a smutty fic about chris and fem gf reader. Chris and gf fem reader are going to meet up with some of chris's friends and hes kinda teasing fem reader the whole time. I was thinking of a scenario where everyone is seated and fem reader is on chris's lap and she is like "chris what is in your pocket" but it is actually his hard dick so he just smirks. maybe ending with a quickie???

you're a doll, you are flawless

Pairing: Chris Evans x naive!reader

Warnings: daddy!kink, humiliation, dumbification, dubcon, dark elements, public touching, teasing, minors dni

Summary: Chris can't seem to keep his hands off of you, especially when his friends are looking.

(A/N: my first request! i hope you enjoy. idk if this is exactly what you had in mind but this is my interpretation! also, requests are open, everyone! send me your requests here )

“Relax, sweetheart. It’s just my old high school friends. They won’t bite, I promise.” Chris' got his heavy arm around you, and he rubs your shoulder warmly in assurance. You instinctively lean your head against his chest. It’s a cold November evening and you’re in Chris’ hometown. He’s currently leading you towards his friend Ransom’s house, where he’s assured you that a small reunion type get-together is taking place. A dinner party that Chris’ friends apparently insisted he bring you to. “They all wanna meet you, princess. I can’t blame ‘em. I’ve told them all kinds of stories about you.”

You looked up at your boyfriend in alarm, your face beginning to burn despite the frigid cold air. “What kind of stories?” Chris just smirks, and you bury your head further into his strong chest. You love how solid he feels, how earthly, familiar and safe. It’s one of the reasons you’re so attracted to him. “I just hope they don’t think I’m a total weirdo.”

Chris chuckles, pressing a quick kiss to your forehead. “Please. They love you from everything I’ve told them.”

You’re still wondering what exactly he’s told his friends about you as Chris goes up to ring the doorbell. The oak double-doors of the considerably large house open almost automatically, and a brunet whom you can only assume to be Ransom, greets Chris with loud, booming enthusiasm. The two embrace, clapping each other on the back the way that boys and men do, both of them as tall and imposing as the other. You hang back, shifting your weight from one foot to the other, until Chris grabs your arm and pulls you forward.

“Here’s my girl. Isn’t she just gorgeous?”

Your eyes widen as you’re suddenly thrust into the spotlight. You mumble a quiet hey, nice to meet you and offer your hand to the brunet, but Ransom pulls you in for a huge bear hug, his fingers squeezing your waist. “Wow. Finally seeing you in the flesh, instead of in some paparazzi photo. What’s been keeping you from meeting us, huh? Don’t lie, does Chris just keep you hidden away so he can have you all to himself? I wouldn’t blame him.”

Your eyes widen as Chris pulls you back, securing your hand in his and giving it a squeeze. You swallow, smile and shake your head. “No, no. Of course not. I’ve been wanting to meet you guys too. I’ve just been so busy.” Lies. You had all the time in the world, what with essentially being Chris’ trophy girlfriend. But your anxiety had got the better of you, second-guessing yourself and thinking Chris’ buddies wouldn’t like you – or worse, find you boring.

“Well, come on in. Don’t freeze to death outside!” Ransom ushers you both in, and you’re grateful for Chris' warm hand squeezing yours. It gives you the comfort you need as you take in your surroundings. The interior of the house is dark and rich, all mahogany furniture and dark wood detailing. It’s clear that this is a man’s house, with no feminine touch at all. Evidently, Ransom didn’t have a wife or a girlfriend.

What you do see is five or six men milling about. Yep. All men. A sausage party. With all of them just as big and beefy looking as Chris. Jeez. Was he, like, only exclusively friends with jocks in high school? You think back to your own schooling experience; being so quiet that you wouldn’t even raise your hand during class, never really fitting in, always just floating around in the background, like a wallflower.

Your anxiety has improved since then, but you still feel overwhelmed at the number of new faces you see. Instinctively, you step closer to Chris, and he rubs your back soothingly. You exhale. They’re just a bunch of guys, you think. How bad could it be?

Chris’ hand suddenly meanders lower and gives your ass a quick squeeze. You squeak, jumping slightly and staring at your boyfriend with wide eyes, a deep red blush tinting your cheeks. Your boyfriend just smirks, pulling you forward to meet the rest of his friends. You try and keep track of them all, but it’s difficult. There’s Ari, Frank, Andy, and some others. All of them seem to be just as touchy feely as Chris, giving you big, lingering hugs before Chris pulls you back to his side.

You can feel Ransom’s breath on the back of your neck when he takes your coat, his strong cologne making you slightly heady. You bite your lip and glance at Chris, who happily pulls you to the living room. “Relax, baby,” Chris says to you, “I told you, they won’t bite.”

“So, tell us. Is Chris as unbearably bossy with you as he was back in high school?” Ari asks you, scratching his full beard as he looks you up and down, a friendly smirk on his face.

“Bossy?!” Chris scoffs, “Oh please.” He casually slings his arm around you, pulling you closer to him – if that was even possible. It’s nothing new to you, Chris has been very obviously into PDA since you guys started going out. His arm always snaked around your waist, your hips, your shoulders – anywhere he could reach, really. Hell, even before he’d asked you out, he’d always find a way to touch you during any conversations you had. It’s just the way he is.

“Why don’t you let your little girlfriend answer?” Ransom snickers.

You laugh nervously. “What? Oh no. Chris isn’t bossy at all.” Which is true, for the most part. Except it isn’t. Chris is bossy – in the bedroom. And sometimes his dominant persona spills outside of your sex life too. Like how he insisted on choosing your outfit for tonight, for example. He put you in a snug crop top which shows off quite a bit of cleavage, and these tight denim jeans which – in his words – made your ass pop. You don’t mind giving up the control, in fact; you crave the direction and Chris gladly gives it.

The conversation moves on to football – which is honestly not one of your favourite topics, but you’re happy to have the attention off of you. There’s a game playing on the TV, and everyone gathers to sit. Chris makes himself at home on one of the couches, his large frame sprawling out comfortably, taking up about 75% of the space. God. He’s so big. You try to perch down next to him, but his hands wrap around your waist firmly and pull you on top of his lap.

You squeak in embarrassment, but looking around, none of the other guys seem to bat an eye as they continue on with their conversations. You sigh, giving the room another once over before turning to Chris. “Hey, how come I’m the only girl here? Do none of these guys have wives or girlfriends?”

“They do.” Chris replies, rubbing your thigh slowly, his features slowly turning sheepish. “But they’re not here tonight. It’s meant to be guy’s night.”

“Guy’s night?!” You raise an eyebrow, “Chris, why am Ihere then?”

Your boyfriend shrugs nonchalantly, “I told you. They wanted to meet you. And who am I to say no? Is it a crime that I wanted to show you off?” He looks at you expectantly, chucking you under the chin until you shake your head and he smiles. “Good. That’s what I thought. Now socialise with my friends, sweetheart. I want them to know how amazing you are.”

The night carries on. Ransom asks everyone what they want to drink. Chris gets two beers for himself and another for you. “Baby, I don’t think I wanna drink tonight.” You tell him, but he just looks at you with those blue, puppy-dog eyes framed with those long, irresistible lashes, until you agree and take the bottle from him.

You get asked a lot of questions by Chris’ friends. It seems they can’t get enough of hearing you talk, and the beer helps in loosening you up a tiny bit. They want to know everything from how old you are, to how you met Chris, to why you liked Chris, to your most embarrassing moment in life, and everything in between. And all the while, Chris sits back and watches you answer, a proud and almost possessive look on his face.

“So, what was your first time like with Chris?” Andy asks, a devilish look on his face. The others who weren’t already tuned into the conversation all turn their heads towards you, ears perked up and eyes sparkling. You stilled. What kind of invasive question was that? You glance at Chris, who just smirks, continuing to rub your thigh through the thin material of your jeans.

Taking another swig of beer, you shrug. “I mean, I don’t ever kiss and tell.”

They all hoot and boom with laughter. You feel Chris’ large hand press against your throat lightly, shifting your head back and pressing a soft kiss on the back of your neck. And then another one. And another one. And they’re not little pecks either, he’s fully going for it – you can even feel his tongue swipe against your skin, causing little butterfly flutters in the pit of your tummy. His other hand continues to pet your thigh, fingers closing in dangerously between your legs.

How many beers had he had?

“Chris.” You say softly, “What are you doing?”

Azure blue eyes look back innocently, hands continuing to pet you less than subtly. “What? Baby, you just look so hot right now. I can’t help it.”

You bite your lip, trying to ignore how positively your body is responding to his not-so-innocent touches. The wetness is beginning to pool between your legs – you know your panties will be soaking soon. It’s laughable, actually, how fast Chris can get you wet. And despite feeling slightly uncomfortable in your current situation, it doesn’t change the fact that your big, strong, beefy boyfriend currently has you propped up in his lap where his friends can clearly see him unable to keep his hands off you.

“But they can all see!” You protest weakly. You can see all of them sparing glances towards the two of you every now and then – despite being seemingly engrossed in their own conversations. Ransom is especially attentive; you can see his eyes zeroing in on Chris’ hand that keeps crawling up your thigh.

“Trust me, sweetheart. They don’t mind.”

And so, the night goes on and so does the conversation, with you finding yourself growing less shy as the time went on. You finish your beer and immediately, Chris’ friends are running to get you more. “Sorry guys.” You laugh, shaking your head. “One’s more than enough for me. I have an early morning tomorrow.”

They boo and complain, but thankfully, Chris doesn’t insist for you to have another drink. You relax, and the conversation shifts to other things. You’re in the middle of telling Ransom and Ari about a charity dinner you’re planning next week, growing excited as you talk about all the proceeds you hope to make. Chris chimes in every now and again, but for the most part he just lets you speak. Which is weird, considering the social butterfly he can often be.

“And all the proceeds go to Puppy Planet, which is a charity that helps find homes for homeless dogs – so that’s really good.” You chatter away, with the men nodding and smiling at everything you say. It’s only when you feel Chris’ hand snake up between your legs, his fingers stroking against the seam of your jeans that covers your pussy, and you audibly gasp and bat his hand away. And from the snickers coming from Ransom and Ari, they’ve seen it too. You feel yourself growing hot again.

“Chris, please.” You plead softly.

“What, princess?” He feigns innocence. “I’m just listening to you talk. You’re so cute when you talk about things that make you happy.” His hand repositions itself back on your thigh, squeezing slightly. You sigh and go back to your conversation. He’s just really horny, you reason to yourself. And you know you’ll be in for it once you’re both back at his place after this. Often, when Chris got horny in public, the two of you would barely even make it to your bedroom before he had you naked and bent over whatever surface he could find.

“So, have you ever thought about being a mommy?” Ransom asks you suddenly, a glint in his eye that seems less than innocent. Your eyes widen and you cough, taken aback from how out of nowhere that question had come from.

“Yeah,” Ari pipes up. “When are you guys gonna have little mini-Chrises running around, huh? We all know Chris here’s been wanting a big family for a long time.”

You giggle nervously, shifting uncomfortably in your boyfriend’s lap. There’s something pointed and hard underneath you, and you shuffle around trying to make yourself more comfortable. You hear what sounds like a low growl emanate from Chris behind you, and you silently hope he’ll answer this one for you. But he seems content with letting you speak, his focus occupied with other parts of your body which he continues to pet and stroke.

“Uh, we haven’t really thought about that yet.” You say awkwardly.

“She’s being shy, guys,” Chris finally decides to speak, sitting up and pressing you flush against his chest. “It’ll be soon. Real soon. And don’t worry, you guys will be the first to know.”

Huh? Real soon? You weren’t aware of these plans. But you can’t seem to concentrate, between Chris’ incessant inappropriate touches to the hot flush imprinted on your cheeks to your sweaty palms to this damned thing that kept poking upwards underneath you. Your nerves are on end, which is probably why you can’t seem to put two and two together on what it is.

“Babe, what’ve you got in your pocket? It keeps poking at me–” You stop short immediately when you realise what you’ve said out loud. If your cheeks were red before, it’s probably nothing compared to the red-hot sensations currently heating up your face and neck. Oh God. No. Please.You did not just talk about Chris’ hard-on underneath you – out loud, no less!

Multiple pairs of eyes stare at you. They’ve all heard it. They’ve all got that mischievous twinkle in their eyes, as if they just caught a child with her hand in the cookie jar. You crane your head back to see Chris looking the smuggest of all, his features painted with a devilish smirk.

“Yeah, Chris,” Ransom mocks, the first to speak after a silence that has you wishing the ground would open up and swallow you whole. “Whatcha got there in your pocket, huh?”

“Nothing that my girl won’t take care of.” Chris answers easily. He smoothly stands up, hauling you – all mortified and everything – to your feet as well. “Where’s the bathroom, Ransom?”

It’s like you’re struck dumb from the embarrassment of it all. You know every eye in the room is on you, so you keep your gaze focused on the floor. Ransom chuckles; “Up the stairs, first door on the right.”

Without hesitation, Chris’ hand is pressing against your lower back and he’s leading you out of the room. Mutely, you follow him, kicking yourself mentally for humiliating yourself like that. See, this is why you’ve always kept your mouth shut during social gatherings! There’s less room to embarrass yourself when you don’t say anything at all.

“Don’t have too much fun, guys!” You hear Ransom call out, followed by a wave of raucous laughter. You barely have time to process that when you feel Chris give your ass a small slap as you both make your way out of the living room and up the stairs. A small yelp escapes past your lips.

“God, you were so hot back there,” Chris’ hands are all over you – even more so compared to before. He’s behind you, nudging you up the stairs, his hardness pressing into your lower back, and his hands literally pawingat you from every angle. “You don’t know what you do to me, baby. Acting all innocent like that, with that whole pocket thing.” He gives your ass another slap, as if he genuinely can’t seem to help it. “You’re so fucking hot, baby.”

You’re about to reply, tell him that you weren’t acting innocent – that you genuinely just had an extremely dumb and mortifying moment back there. But your tongue catches in your mouth when you hear his friends’ muffled voices from downstairs.

I hope her daddy doesn’t go too rough on her.

You stop dead as you reach the landing. Daddy? How could they possibly know that? Chris is hot on your tail, and immediately, his lips latch on to your neck, kissing and sucking at the sensitive skin almost obscenely as his hands reach up to cup your breasts through your top. He’s pressing his hips into you from behind, his dick hard and eagerly poking against your lower back.

“Chris,” you squeak out as he continues to manhandle you, locating the bathroom door, opening it and unceremoniously shoving you inside before following you and locking the door behind him. “Chris, do they… Do you tell your friends about our sex life?”

The brunet smirks against your neck, where he’s currently sponging desperate, sloppy kisses. His beard is scratching against your sensitive skin, making shivers run up and down your spine. “Of course I do.” His answer is almost too casual; “Come on, princess. Don’t tell me you don’t tell your friends about us.”

You shake your head. “Everything? They know everything?”

Chris remains nonchalant, his main focus being your body and his assault on it. He quickly clears the sink counter and lifts you up, placing you on the hard marble and quickly slotting himself between your legs. “If you’re asking if they know how hot you are when you’re begging for daddy’s dick every night, then yeah. They know.”

Your gasp of embarrassment is swallowed up by his kiss, rough and possessive as his lips claim yours. His eyes are a dark, navy blue and he looks down at you as if he really wants to just devour you. “They all think you’re so hot, baby.” He whispers against your lips, eyes boring into yours; “They’re jealous I’ve got such a fucking hot girl in my bed every night. My baby girl who I just can’t keep my fucking hands off of.”

And his touch grows more carnal, more desperate; his hands going under your top to squeeze your breasts indecently hard, his kisses growing rougher, leaving your lips bitten and bruised and utterly claimed. And you’re – as usual – at a loss for words. Between the shock of all those men downstairs knowing exactly how you act like in the bedroom, to Chris currently rubbing his clothed dick against your core. You’re embarrassed yet turned on beyond belief.

“I don’t think we shou –” You’re quickly cut off by Chris yanking you off the sink. It’s in moments like this that you truly see how much bigger and stronger he is than you. It’s in the moments when his dominant side is taking over, and he’s rougher than ever, not giving a second thought with how he easily flips you around and bends you over, your face now pressing against the marble countertop, and your ass pointed up towards him.

“Don’t think, baby.” Chris says easily, giving your ass another hard slap and admiring how it jiggles even through the material of your jeans. He suddenly presses up against you, his dick so hard against your ass, you’re surprised it hasn’t ripped through his jeans. “You know they all wanna fuck you?” He says suddenly.

“Wh-What?”

“Mmhm. I can see it in their eyes. They’re all fucking horny for you. And I don’t blame them.” A breathy gasp escapes your throat when he unceremoniously yanks your jeans down to your knees. “That’s why I have to keep touching you in front of them, baby. To let them know you’re a claimed woman. That you’re mine. I gotta let ‘em know.”

In one quick motion, he rips your panties off of you, the sound reverberating off the walls of the bathroom. You can’t see him but you know when you hear a long exhaling sound that he’s got the wet lacy fabric up against his nose, taking a good sniff of your wetness and juices that have been gathering ever since the night began and he started teasing you.

“They’re all probably hard right now, knowing they’re about to hear you get a good fucking up in here.” Chris gives your bare ass another hard smack, and this time you howl at the pain, arching your back as your core quite literally begins to throb. You can’t help but be turned on when he gets like this, gets so carnal in his lust that he kind of loses himself.

“Chris, please!” You mewl shakily. It’s crazy, the feelings he awakens in you. On one hand, you’re embarrassed out of your mind. But at the same time, you can’t help but want to be claimed by your big, strong, extremely alpha boyfriend in this bathroom while his friends listen from downstairs. By his actions, you can tell his testosterone levels are at an all time high, he’s basking in his own cockiness, his animalistic need to claim you in front of all his friends.

“Oh, you’re begging now, huh?” Chris immediately forces a thick finger inside of you. Usually, he withholds, makes you beg. But maybe he can see how mortified and embarrassed you are, maybe he knows how badly you need this edge taken off. You sigh, biting your lip hard as your wet pussy swallows his finger. The squelching sounds are almost as embarrassing as everything else, and he begins to finger fuck you hard.

“God, baby, you have no idea how fucking cute you look right now. All bent over and blushing.” He adds another finger, pumping hard. “You have no fucking idea what you do to me. I wish I could fuck you in front of them. You’d like that wouldn’t you?” You let out a lewd moan when he slaps your ass. “I know you’d love it. You act all innocent but, in the end, you’d do anything for daddy’s dick, wouldn’t you? And you want all of them to know who you belong to, don’t you?”

“Y-Yes, daddy. Yes, yes, I would!” You cry out, praying to God that his friends can’t hear your wanton moans that sound like they’re straight out of a porno. You hear his belt unbuckle, his fly unzip, and all the while he’s still fingering you, scissoring you open, getting you ready for his big dick.

“I know, baby. I know.” Chris strokes your hair with his other hand, as one might do with their pet. “Look how fucking drippy you are for me. Fuck, you’re so irresistible. I can’t fucking take it. Lemme fuck you quick and hard, baby. And then when we get home, we have all night. I promise you won’t be able to walk tomorrow. Daddy’s gonna have to carry you everywhere, won’t I?”

You’re thinking about what that entails when, with a quick snap of his hips, he impales you. Fucks you up straight to the hilt, till your poor pussy is stretched out and full of his engorged dick. It stuns you just how fucking big he is, just how full he makes you feel. You let out an unrestrained cry of pleasure – the burn of his dick just feels so good.

“Your little pussy’s almost too small to take me.” Chris smirks, giving your ass a lewd squeeze and pulling all the way out. “Why is that, baby? Why is it that after fucking you multiple times daily, this little pussy still can’t get used to daddy’s dick?” And then he slams back into you, and the force is so hard that you jolt forward, knocking down multiple toiletries in the process.

“I don’t know, I don’t know!” You cry, grinding back on his dick because it feels so fucking good. He begins fucking you in earnest, developing a quick, dirty rhythm that’s enunciated with the slap of his balls against your pussy, and the squelch of your juices as you take in his dick. “Oh, fuck, daddy, please don’t stop! Feels s-so so good!”

“My little baby,” Chris coos, hand reaching out to cup your jaw, the other firmly on your hip to keep you in place. “You look so fucking adorable like this. Bent over and taking daddy’s dick like a good little girl. God, you don’t know what you do to me. Sitting on my hard dick all night in front of my friends, teasing me – you knew exactly what you were doing, baby. But that’s okay.”

Well. That wasn’t entirely true. He’d practically hauled you onto his lap and not allowed you to move the entire night. But you’re in no position to argue with him. In fact, you don’t think you’re capable of doing so at all. It’s the effect his dick has on you, and his touch, his body, his everything. It dumbs you down, till you’re almost delirious and all you can think about is the pleasure he’s giving you. And it’s happening again now, while he fucks you quick and dirty in his friend’s bathroom.

“Daddy, f-feels so good. You feel so good! I – I…” Your voice trails off, fingers gripping the hard marble of the countertop. You cry out as the tip of his dick rams against your G-spot again and again, the sensations are overwhelmingly good, and Chris grabs a handful of your hair, pulling hard.

“You look so pretty when you’re dumbed out on my cock, princess.” Chris sounds composed as ever, his fluffy brown hair flopping over his forehead, his hips a blur with how fast he’s thrusting into you, how hard he’s making you take his girth. “My little princess. You made me so proud today, talking to my friends like a big girl. Letting me touch you however I wanted right in front of them. You were such a good girl down there, baby. My good little girl.”

You can’t string together a coherent thought, but your heart glows from his praise.

Your pleasure is mounting; it’s at an all time high and you’re concentrating hard, waiting for his permission to crescendo. The lewd slap of his balls against your pussy is mixed in with your now unrestrained cries of his name, and something tells you that this bathroom is by no means soundproof. Chris doesn’t seem to care, though, pumping in and out of you like his life depends on it.

“Is my pretty little girl gonna cum?” He asks you, yanking your head back by the grip he has on your hair when you don’t reply. You nod ferociously, moan out yes, daddy and please, let me cum, daddyand his entire being radiates with pride, looking down at you taking his cock so readily. “After teasing daddy all night, and finally getting daddy to fuck you, you’re gonna cum on my dick, huh?”

“Yes, yes, yes!” You chant, because it’s so easy to agree with anything he says despite it not being one hundred percent accurate. His dick feels too good inside you, overwhelmingly good, as if any moment he’ll tear you in half just because of his sheer size and power. “Oh, please, daddy! Please let me cum, please, please!”

Chris leans down over you, till his taut abs are flush against your back, his pink lips ghosting over your ear; “Cum, baby.” He commands, his voice so velvety smooth, with no trace of exertion at all; “Cum all over daddy’s big dick like the good, obedient little girl you are.”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, daddy!” You cry, your pussy pulsating around his dick as your orgasm crashes over you hard. And it’s so deliciously, overwhelmingly good – the burn from the humiliation he caused you mixed with the pure, unadulterated pleasure he’s provided you with. You break down completely, screaming his name like a broken wind-up toy. Till everything loses meaning, and all you can feel is the white-hot pleasure coursing through you, and his hard dick riding you through it all.

“That’s right, princess, scream for me.” Chris strokes your hair softly, “Let all of ‘em downstairs know exactly who’s fucking you. I own you princess. I own this tight fucking pussy. Fuck.” His words make you squeeze violently around his dick, almost like a choking vice, and he lets out a string of expletives before his cock twitches, and he spurts his hot seed inside you. Spurt after spurt till you’re so filled to the brim, you can feel his cum dripping down your legs, falling onto your jeans which lay pooled by your feet.

You’re still breathing hard, trying to gather yourself when you hear Chris do up his fly and buckle his belt back up. He gives your ass another hearty smack before pulling your jeans up your legs, your tattered panties long ago stuffed into his own pocket.

“W-Wait, I have to clean myself up.” You say weakly, turning back your head to look at him. God, his eyes are still dark as ever, his dick is still hard in his jeans. His pale skin is slightly flushed but apart from that he looks the same as he did twenty minutes ago. You, on the other hand, are a mess. A sweaty, dishevelled mess dripping with his cum.

Chris smirks, pulling you up to your feet. Your legs feel like jelly and you immediately sag against him head falling on his hard chest. He chuckles as he holds you up. “No, baby. I want you to keep it all inside you.”

“Th-They’ll know.” You whimper as he forces your jeans up your legs, does up the buttons, smooths down your top. You can see his cum stains on the denim of your jeans, a reminder of just how full of his seed you currently are. A blush covers your cheeks and neck. God. No way. You can’t go back down there like this. You can’t. They’d definitely know…

“I want them to know.” Chris replies easily, opening the door and practically half carrying you out. His face radiates bucketloads of charm, his smile so winning that, despite everything, your heart skips a beat. His arm snakes around your waist and gives your hip a harsh, possessive squeeze. “C’mon, baby. You teased me all night. You owe me this one.”

the end

(A/N: if you made it till down here, hiii!! i hope you enjoyed, please do let me know what you think! also, as mentioned before, -> requests are open <- i write for chris evans and his characters!)

#chris evans #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans x reader #dark chris evans #steve rogers #ransom drysdale #dark steve rogers #ari levinson #andy barber #chris evans characters #request #anon

[jobean12-blog]

My Girl

Pairing: Bucky x reader (red henley super delicious beefy bucky) 

Word Count: 1,360

Summary: Bucky wants you to be his girl but he’s a chicken. That is, until someone makes a HUGE mistake and he goes into protective!bucky mode! 

Author’s Note: This is for the HBC’s @the-ss-horniest-book-club drunk drabble clean up and the prompt below! Love when Bucky swoops in to save the day especially when mutual pining is involved! Hope you enjoy this anon and thank you all so much for reading! Much love always! ❤❤❤

Warnings: soft, fluffy shy Bucky, lots of the sweet stuff, Bucky being a doofus and tiny angst for a second but protective!bucky fixes everything! :) 

Bucky quietly removes his hoodie and drapes it over your sleeping form, tucking the ends around you before gently brushing the hair from your face.  “What are you doin’ Buck?” Steve’s question surprises him, and he swings around to glare, “will you keep it down punk! Y/n is passed out, don’t wake her up!” 

Steve shoots Bucky a knowing look and shakes his head, “come on man, when are you gonna ask her out!?” Bucky immediately covers his lips with a finger, hurrying over to Steve and punching him in the arm. “Shut it. If you wake her, I’ll knock you out. She’s been working so hard this week.” 

Rubbing his bicep Steve snips back, “skirting my question again I see.” Bucky pulls the bag of chips out of Steve’s hands and takes a handful, whispering through his munching, “when I’m ready. Every time I try and bring it up, I sound like a bumbling idiot.” With a quiet laugh Steve agrees, punching Bucky back before grabbing the chip bag and walking off.

“Hey Buck, what are you snacking on?” At the sound of your voice Bucky whips his head around to see you walking over with his hoodie wrapped around you. “You look really cute.” It slips out and before he can stop himself he keeps going, “you had no blanket and I couldn’t find one and I didn’t want you to be cold so I covered you with that. I hope we didn’t wake you. Did we wake you?”

He takes a breath and dips his head, rubbing the back of his neck, clearly feeling a bit embarrassed. “Thank you! It’s perfect and warm and it smells nice.” He looks up and smiles, that sweet smile that crinkles the corners of his eyes and makes his nose scrunch up. “And no. You didn’t wake me. My stomach did!” You giggle and start to rummage around the kitchen, searching for something to eat.

“Want some pancakes? I’ll make ‘em!” You perk up at Bucky’s offer and ask, “what can I do to help?” The next two hours go by in a flash while you cook and eat way too many pancakes, really enjoying your time together. Bucky walks you back to your room, shuffling his feet and looking awkward again. “Thanks for eating with me. That was fun.” You smile, “it really was, and you make delicious pancakes! Thanks!”

You start to take off his hoodie, but he stops you, “you can keep it, this way you aren’t cold tonight.” Your cheeks warm at his sweetness and you take a step closer, letting your eyes drift to his lips, “thanks Buck.” He reaches out a hand and pulls the hoodie higher onto your shoulder, lingering a moment longer before pulling away and saying, “sweet dreams. Goodnight!” With those last words he rushes down the hallway and you sigh, deflating and pushing the door open.  

“Nat, he had the perfect chance last night! I even leaned in and took a good look at those beautiful lips and nothing. He practically ran off! He’s just a nice guy. He would have given his hoodie to anyone. It’s not because he actually likes me. I don’t have a chance.” Nat makes a disgruntled sound, clearly displeased with how your night went. “I’m going to ask that cute agent, Chris, if he wants to come hangout and watch a movie tomorrow. What have I got to lose?” She agrees and wishes you luck as you hang up and get ready for the day. 

“I’m telling ya Steve, she was literally waiting for me to kiss her and I chickened out and literally ran down the hall. It was awful. She probably liked the pancakes more than me! Argh!” Bucky drops his head, letting his hair fall in front of his face to hopefully hide some of his shame. “She definitely thinks I’m a total idiot now.” Steve pats him on the back, looking apologetic but not disagreeing, “come on punk, let’s go train. Maybe you’ll feel better if you punch me some more.”

They head down to the gym and Bucky perks up when he sees you there, talking with one of the agents. He watches as you smile and chat, your hands moving this way and that. “Wait, what? Are you asking me out?” Bucky’s stomach sinks when he sees you shake your head yes, confirming his worst nightmare. “Ugh no, you’re ugly. Not interested.” With that Chris walks away, still looking shocked until he sees Bucky.

You rush by them in a blur of blue and before Bucky can even think to chase after you, he has Chris pinned to the mat, a heavy knee on his chest and his metal hand at his throat. “What did you just say to her?”  Chris can barely speak with Bucky’s fingers tightening around his neck and Steve quickly jumps in. “Take it easy Bucky, let him explain himself.”

Steve stands next to Bucky looking equally as intimidating, “well.” Chris sucks in a breath and tries to get some air before he rasps out, “she’s wearing your hoodie and I saw you guys hanging out last night. I figured she was your girl, and I didn’t want you to kick my ass for hanging out with her.” Bucky’s look softens at the thought of you being his girl, but it quickly disappears when he says, “and you thought telling her she was ugly was a better way to handle it. What the fuck?”

Bucky’s voice is loud, booming through the gym and Steve has to calm him down again. “You’re right Buck, just don’t kill him.” Chris tries to sit up, but Bucky pushes down harder with his knee, “do you know how upset she must be right now. You better go apologize and explain yourself before I do fucking kill you.”

The second Bucky eases up Chris scrambles away and runs up the stairs, Bucky hot on his heels. He waits while Chris explains what happened and apologizes profusely, adding in that he thinks you’re really beautiful. He gulps and looks to Bucky, cringing at the now murderous look on his face, “see, now he’s gonna kill me anyway because I said that! But it’s true! You are beautiful! I was just so scared of him kicking my ass I said the opposite because I wasn’t thinking.”

You start to giggle, much to the surprise of both men, “ok Chris. I get it. He can be pretty scary. But it did hurt my feelings, even if you were just trying to save your life.” Chris apologizes one last time and goes to hug you, thinking better of it and waving before he runs off. You pull Bucky’s hoodie tighter around your body and shift your weight, hoping Bucky will talk to you now.

Thankfully, he walks over, wrapping you in his arms and crushing you to his chest. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles into your hair, sniffing it before pulling away. “Did you just sniff my hair?” He laughs, tucking it behind your ear, “yea, sorry again. I just can’t seem to get this right, can I?” Your fingers play with the hem of his tee shirt, “get what right?” 

Your coy look has Bucky cupping your cheek and brushing his thumb along your jaw, “I think you’re amazing and I’ve been wanting to ask you out for weeks but every time I try I just can’t seem to get it right. I end up sounding like a total idiot. And then when I heard what Chris said I just lost it. I never want you to hear those words again, there is nothing further from the truth. You’re gorgeous.”

Your hand wraps around his wrist and you rest your cheek against his palm, closing your eyes. “He thought I was your girl, and he was so scared. It doesn’t excuse what he said but it is kinda funny.” Bucky backs you up to the wall, leaning closer to your lips when he whispers, “would you be my girl?” Tilting your head forward you brush your lips to his, “I thought you’d never ask.”

@addikted-2-dopamine @bugsbucky @bisousbucky @book-dragon-13 @buckstaybucky @buckys-henley @breezy1415 @chuuulip @eurynome827 @harrysthiccthighss​ @hawksmagnolia​ @hiddles-rose​ @hailmary-yramliah​ @ikaris-whore​ @jhangelface0523​ @jewels2876​ @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123​ @loricameback​ @lookiamtrying​ @lokilvrr​ @littledarlinhavefaithinme​ @littleredstarfish​ @lorilane33​ @marvelandotherfandomimagines​ @marvelgirl7​ @nano--raptor​ @pinkdiamond1016​ @randomfandompenguin​ @sallycanwait68​ @tuiccim​ @the-wayward-robot​ @this-kitten-is-smitten​ @yansi1923​

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes #bucky x reader fluff #bucky barnes fluff #protective!bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky fluff #bucky #bucky barnes x you #bucky drabble #bucky barnes drabble #bucky imagine #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x reader fluff #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #protective!bucky #beefy!bucky x reader #beefy!bucky x reader fluff #beefy!bucky #protective!bucky x reader fluff #hbc drunk drabbles #ladies of the hbc

[doctor-plagueis]

RWBY Booty Tier List

Hi I said it would happen so now it's gonna happen, time to rate asses and explain why I gave them that rating...

(also they are in order from flattest to phattest)

[This took way too long (T-T) ]

Starting with D TIER Aka Flat as fuck

Raven: Ya go to the lowest tier in D tier ya all-tits-no-ass having ass, you deadbeat fucko (I really don't like parents who leave their children, how'd you guess?).

Weiss : Sorry girl but even with all your dance training, your Sperm donor's DNA is in you, if it was just your mom's DNA you'd rocket up to A TIER, still more ass than Raven tho, which says a lot about Raven since Weiss is as flat as a wooden plank (sorry @naughtyweiss your girl has no ass).

All of team NDGO: these bitches show up once or twice, and, in the novels they do something bad? I didn't read it, but they like sacrifice some people to the Grimm or something? Anyways they have almost no ass too little to actually matter.

C TIER Aka Too much muscle

Pyrrha : Sorry unbeatable girl your life style is just too healthy, with all her exercises and no fat foods she has no cushioning, I'm sorry Pyrrha you just have too much muscle.

Reese : With all her skating she must have some muscle in the back, like literally, her muscles are trained to keep her on the board during combat so her ass is super firm, but that's a bit of a downside since it's too firm, kinda hard actually like really hard.

Also she gives me party animal girl vibes, that doesn't affect anything just thought I'd mention it.

Elm: Have you seen how tall and beefy that girl is? Now does this affect her backside...mmm...kind of? Her ass is just and, I mean just muscle which is bad because no cushioning.

But her thighs tho mm~mm delicious.

Yang : Yang is all about her upper body, she's proud of her tits and her arms, she is Miss "punch first ask later" after all, so i can actually see her skipping some leg days, like Reese her booty is alot of muscle but not so much cushion, sorry Yang.

Arslan : Like Yang, Arslan is all about working out and honing her body to peak physical fighting ability, however, this girl has genetics on her side, her tits aren't as big as Yang’s however, she make up for having a tentsy little bit of cushion for the pushin' not really enough to be B TIER though.

B TIER Aka Now were gettin' good

Penny Ver.2 : Penny Version 1 was pure metal (at least in my headcanon) so she was all legs no butt, however, Penny Version 2 (again in my headcanon) had synthetic skin, now I'm not saying Pietro is some weird pervert giving his child a fat ass, but he was "generous" which was inaccurate as...

Penny (human) : Penny as a human never had the chance to exercise [fuck you RT (T-T)], so her booty was a little lacking but it was still bigger and rounder than her robot body.

Ruby: Now you and I both know that with all the sweets Ruby eats she isn't exactly thin, good thing though is all the fat goes to her ass, Ruby has that fatty y'all!

Neo : I'm sure people will question this one but, Neo's height is a detrement on her ass, since she's so short her ass has to be proportional to her actual height, so for women her height she has so much ass but compared to the others in this list it isn't as much.

Coco: Coco takes care of her fashion and her body. She does squats often and keeps a balance between fat and firmness. Unfortunately genetics gave her a cute face but not a phat ass, sorry queen.

Summer: Same as Ruby except she has that MILFY boost to her hips and booty (she also has bigger tits but, oh well this isn't the Titty Tier list so...).

Winter : Training for the military helped null the taint of Jacques DNA in her, so she took a bit more of her mother’s blessed genes, her ass isn't exactly impressive like the girls in A TIER but it's nothing to scoff at either, unlike her sister (sorry Weissey).

Miltiades "Miltia" : both sisters wear heels, however, Miltia has bigger boobs than her twin while Mel has a bigger booty, still wearing heels and being as acrobatic as they both are requires a lot of lower body training, and also since they work at a club as security they do know how to seduce people, and that did affected their rating.

A TIER Aka Nearly perfectly fuckable

Harriet : Now to be one hundred percent honest Harriet has more thighs than ass, however, with her focus on speed and the training she does, she must have a nice fuckable ass, not the biggest or roundest but really, really nice.

Melanie: Both sisters are guards for Junior's club, but, I like to think that Mel also works as a Stripper or Lap dancer (Hooker if you got enough to buy her services and have a dick big enough, she's a bit of a size queen), so she worked on making her already fat ass even better and also took the time to hone her sex appeal, those being her twerking and lapdancing.

Velvet : Bunny gal has some phat Bunny Buns if ya catch my meaning, like go back to volume 3 and get a good look at her costume, girl's got hips and ass like she was bred for it!

Willow: Have you seen her in the newest volumes?? She has a chance (admittedly small) against the legendary bellabooties Gahtdayum!

Too bad she wasted it with a nearly sterile fucking shit pile of a human like Jacques, ugh... (How he managed to have 3 children baffles me, must've taken half the world’s supply of Viagra)

[Side note our favorite Schnee femboy took after his mom, if he was on the list he'd be just below Harriet hehe].

A+ TIER Candidates for the Bubble Booty Brigade (BBB)

Glynda : Glynda is a professional huntress, she is a teacher and she's decked out in dominatrix gear, can I make it any clearer?

Salem : Salem is the original MILF, the thiccest witch of remnant , and also, she has magic and is technically a monster girl sooo... that gives her extra points (who would've guessed I like monster girls hehe).

The next entry might be blasphemous for some and for that I apologize but...

Blake and Kali : I'm sorry kitties, even though the belabooties are know world wide they are not yet in the BBB. Blake has the firmer booty because of her time in the Fang but Kali has the MILF bonus.

Because of their similarities and their diferences they tie for top of A+ tier.

S TIER The BUBBLE BOOTY BRIGADE

The three heavenly asses of remnant, only three girl stand a top the mountain of the perfect Bubble Booty and they are in order...

May Zedong : May has been depicted by the fandom as being really curvy, especially the cow udders she calls breasts, however she hides her curves under her clothes. The same applies to the fucking badonk she hides in her baggy pants, so much so in fact, that May should be number two of the BBB but because she's so shy about her body she's demoted to number three, still, being a member of the Brigade is a blesing of itself.

Emerald Sustrai : As stated in the previous entry Em should be number three, but because May is so shy and Emerald isn't they swaped places. Em is number two because of one singular thing, she knows her ass is her best atribute, and she fucking flaunts it, she knows she can make men and futas pitch tents, and make women stare like horndogs just by walking past them. Not only that, but she wear clothes that accentuate her ass from short shorts to miniskirts, she knows how to make anyone undeserving cream themselves just by swaying her hips a little and winking. Her seduction skills boosted her above everyone else except one.

NORA VALKYRIE THE ONE TRUE BUBBLE BOOTY OF REMNANT

Every single step a jiggle, every single jump or tiny hop and the world stops to stare, every time she passes by jaws hit the floor, every man woman and futa either wants Nora or wants to be Nora.

Nora's voluptuous cheeks are legendary and the worst part of it all is: She does know the effect she has on people, and she gives zero shits about it.

Because no one is worthy of her divine ass cheeks, except for two men: Jaune Arc and Lie Ren.

She's found her studs the ones who care for her, love her, give her the world AND the ones who have huge bitch breaking cocks to fuck her into the sheets like rutting animals.Every.Single.Night.

Every day of her life is one big teasing session for her studs, she purposefully wear skirts just short enough to see the glorious bounce, she always finds excuses to bend over, she sits on their laps as often as possible.

Just so she can have the mind blowing three ways she has every night.

All hail Booty Queen Nora Valkyrie.

Now everyone thank you for being patient this was something i spent a few days writing (like 3-4 days) and I only wrote this for that time so I hope y'all like it.

Some chacters are missing I know, but I really am comfortable with how it is now.

As always this SHOULD NOT AFFECT YOUR WRITING.

This was a thought experiment of mine, and like I always say in this sort of thing WRITE HOW YOU WANT TO WRITE I hope this was clear.

Thanks for reading and please if you so desire share it with friends.

But for now see ya!

#Rwby #NSFW-ish #raven branwen #weiss schnee #team ndgo #pyrrha nikos #reese chloris #elm ederne #yang xiao long #arslan altan #penny polendina #ruby rose #neopolitian (rwby) #coco adel #summer rose #winter schnee #Miltiades Malachite #Harriet bree #melanie malachite #Velvet scarlatina #willow schnee #glynda goodwitch #rwby salem #blake belladonna #kali belladonna #may zedong #emerald sustrai #nora valkyrie

[time-to-cause-chaos]

i didn’t finish my chem homework yet

Peter and MJ get kidnapped after school and Tony is a worried overprotective dad™ who just wants his kid back.

(This used to be a two-shot but since I’m re-uploading it, I thought i’d just smash both chapters together, here you go)

AO3 link   WC:5,426

The first thing that Peter noticed through the harsh pounding in his skull was that he couldn’t see and there was a heavy metal weighing down his wrists.  He figured those two out pretty quickly.  He couldn’t see because he had a blindfold covering his eyes and his wrists were shackled to the ground, so he assumed he had been kidnapped.

Don’t get him wrong, he was freaking out, but the last few times he’d been kidnapped they weren’t that bad.  Either Mr.Stark came and helped him get out- with a lot of fussing afterwards - or he got out himself.  No one had figured out that he was Spiderman, which was good, it made it much easier for him to make like and get out of there without looking back on it.

His head was still dully throbbing but it was much less worse than it originally was, then the memories came crashing onto him, with another agonizing squeeze of his head.

Him and MJ were talking in the school parking lot, helping each other on the chem homework, ah shit we didn’t finish it, when those people in the cars came and...what happened after that? He racked his brain trying to remember, but no memories popped up.  

Wait.. MJ, dammit

He bit his lip frowning and, achingly, reached a leg out trying to see if she was there or at least close to him.  He would have called out her name but he didn’t want to alert the people that captured them, at least, not yet, he didn’t even know if anyone was even in the room with him.

His toe prodded something and he poked harder-

“Ow, Parker that’s my freaking thigh” 

“Oh, heh, sorry MJ”, he said, voice cracking slightly

“Mm-hmm, so how are we going to get out of here?”

“Can you see?” he tried

“Nada”

Peter fumbled blankly for a moment, “Do you remember what happened?”

MJ didn’t respond for a couple of seconds, “You don’t?”

“Must’ve hit my head”

“Yeah, ok, so those guys came and..took us?  Yeah, you weren’t waking up in the car so you probably hit your head in the parking lot, I’m pretty sure nobody saw anything so I don’t think anyone knows we’re gone”

“That's fine”, he could see- well, not really -MJ judging him

“You really need to rethink your sense of ‘fine’”

Peter would have said something but a bang shook the walls, effectively, cutting off his words.  

MJ’s foot was, lightly, leaning against Peter’s knee, and his blindfold was harshly ripped off, eyelids immediately shutting back, unaccustomed to any sort of light.

Before he could even try again to see again, “Look, I want something”

“Well duh, I want to get out of high school, but at this rate it’ll never happen”, Peter snarked, thinking of all the treacherous finals they were preparing for.

He could see now and the lights were actually pretty dim, compared to the normal brightness lights usually were.

There was a man standing in the center of the room, he seemed pretty normal, if you passed him on the street, you probably wouldn’t have blinked twice.  He was wearing a faded red t-shirt with a motorcycle on it and he had a light tan with brown hair, he seemed pretty young, no more than 25.

“Listen, I don’t want to hurt you, I swear on that, but I got friends in the other room who wouldn’t hesitate, so you’re going to unlock your phone and call up Tony Stark” his voice shook, and he sounded...scared.

Scared people do reckless things.

The man held up Peter’s phone in 2 fingers, and Peter turned his head to see MJ fully staring at the man(let's call him Jeff) down with a glare.  Sadly, Jeff didn't even blink in her direction, because if he had he would be terrified.  Peter knew that first-hand, he had been pinned with that look way too many times.  MJ could be very scary when she wanted, like Natasha.

“Look, man, you know Tony Stark could track my phone before you could blink, right?” the man’s face was paused, “He’s Tony Stark” Peter emphasized.

“We have advanced hackers protecting this area, so at least for a little bit, we’ll be safe.  Thanks for the concern though” his face hardened, “now call”

“Alright, fine”, he surrendered.

MJ cast him a side-glance and he gave her a nervous smile in return

“Can you uncuff me, so I can call him?”

“Sure, kid”

On cue, 3 beefy men stalked in, forming a half-circle around them.  One more person walked in, a woman, muscular with her ginger hair in a ponytail.  

He grimaced, he couldn’t take on everyone in such a small room, especially with MJ still chained to him, he didn’t know if he could defeat them even if they were out on a field with no one around.  Those guys looked like an elephant couldn't make them budge, they were literally covering half the lights, filling his eyes.

Jeff came behind him and freed one of his wrists from the miserable cuffs, and handed him the phone. 

The lady who had come in, pulled out a sea green dagger bejeweled with gems, it was beautiful but not helpful in this scenario.  Don’t let it fool you, it may have looked lovely but one look at the blade would show it’s still efficient.  

She knelt down next to him and gently held it against Peter’s chest, “try and cry a little, sweetheart, we want our money”

Ok, they want money.

MJ next to him tensed, “Be careful where you put that thing” 

The lady, now called Cam because Peter’s brain said so, pulled another dagger out of her pocket, a purple one now equally pretty as the other- what did she collect them? -and directed this one at MJ.

“Listen, or else your girlfriend’ll get it”

“She’s not my girlfriend”, he muttered.

Peter chewed the inside of his cheek, these people were much harsher than Jeff, who was now standing towards the back of the room watching them silently with his arms folded over his chest, eyes avoiding his.

Peter couldn’t risk getting MJ hurt so he typed in the password and made a show of him raising it to his ear.

The dialed ring took 10 seconds before it clicked and Mr.Stark picked up.

“H-hey, Mr.Stark”, his throat was dry and he cleared it, trying to get the squeak out of his voice.

“Sup, kid” Mr.Stark said, “Is May home?”

“Yeah, uh Mr.Stark, I’m not really at home right now” a small whimper broke out as Cam pressed the knife’s blade into his chest, a dribble of blood ran under his shirt.

Geez, why was she pressing it so hard, he wasn’t going to teleport through the phone line and escape.

Tony paused, “Ok, I’m tracking you right now, unless you tell me what’s going on.  Are you hurt?  Where are you?”

 MJ looped her ankle over his knee and she threw him another weak smile, probably to distract him from feeling a knife pressing into his chest.  It wasn’t even cutting deep but knowing that Cam easily could, made him worry.

“No I’m good, just-”, the phone snatched out his hands before he could respond.

“Hi, Stark, hope we’re not bothering you, but we need something from you”, Cam said, setting the phone on speaker, with a bored expression

“Actually, I am quite busy, just got pulled out of a meeting for this, but I suppose I could hear you out, as long as you let the kid go”, he replied coldly, Tony already got the gist of what was happening, good.

Faintly, in the background noise coming out of the phone, Peter heard FRIDAY’s voice saying she hasn’t tracked the call yet, he only picked it up because of his advanced hearing.

He let out a low groan, leaning against the wall behind him, trying to ease his headache, and scooched a little closer to MJ.

“There’s two of them actually, we got his girlfriend holed up here too”, MJ glared at her, “You were just sent an email, Stark, follow the simple instructions and you’ll get ‘em back, and in one piece” she added with a sick grin.

“Do you know how many people have tried this trick before? Yeah you probably do, Daily Bugle usually gets to them, anyways, not one of them has worked before.  How do you know yours will?”

Peter knew Tony was trying to stall so he could track the call, but Cam caught on, “Nice try, see you later, Iron Man, and try to remember who we’ve got over here, okay? For their sake” 

She ended the call, cutting off Mr.Starks protests, knelt down next to Peter and squinted, “So kid, why are you so special to Tony Stark?  What’re you his secret love child?”

“I’m just an intern”, Peter replied, his headache had decreased just enough to where he could ignore it, and now that the dagger wasn’t cutting into his skin anymore, he could finally breathe without worrying a blade was about to stab him.

“You’re lying”, she says with an air of finality, standing up, “but that's fine so long as we get our money” she shrugs

“Your daddy’s got 4 hours to do what we sent him or else your brain’s gonna go ka-plooey” she mimics getting shot in the head, twirling on her feet, as an extra, the big guys in the back each pulled out a gun which Peter and MJ shrink back at.

MJ had been quiet this whole time save for the occasional remarks and with a start he realized that she was scared.

It wasn’t too visible but her fingers were having a silent tap-dance on the floor next to her and she was biting down on her lip, and then there was the occasional shine of tears in her eyes that quickly diminished immediately after appearing.

Peter wanted to slap himself, she’s MJ, yes, but she’s never been kidnapped and threatened to be killed before, and to top it all off, her life is depending on a billionaire who has to pay up.  Of course, she’s going to be scared.

One of the big guys came and reattached the cuff, blocking MJ from his view for a few seconds, before everyone, even Jeff, walked out.

She looked at the floor, and only after the door to the room slammed shut again, did she look back up at him.

“MJ, I’m so sorry I got you into this mess, but we can get out, we’ll find a way and maybe Tony got the location and is already on his way”, his eyesight got blurry, MJ shouldn’t be here, she could get hurt and that couldn’t happen.  MJ knows the basics, throwing a punch, kicking someone in their stomach, but that wouldn’t help against a stupid gun.

She breathed in, “Yeah, I know we’ll be okay, it's still scary though, don’t look at me like that, dork.  It’s not your fault, and I’ll be fine just give me a second”

She closes her eyes sucking in deep breaths and Peter is unconsciously doing the same, taking in air that wasn’t there before,  forcing his tense muscles to relax. They both sigh melting against the wall.

“Mr.Stark is gonna get us out of this”

-

“You sure?” MJ asks, 2 hours later.

“Ok, well I’ve tried to break the chains, they’re not budging”, Peter answers

The past 2 hours, MJ and Peter had been joking around and laughing, almost as if they were back in the school cafeteria with Ned, snorting their eyes out over a stupid joke that was way too old to be funny at that point, and not in a dingy, dreary room, kidnapped, and out for ransom.

Still, it was easier to put on a front then, now they had around 2 hours left based on MJ’s mystical time-guessing.  Now the deadline was much closer and with their kidnappers out of sight for so long- they hadn’t reappeared after they left with Peter’s phone - anxiety was building up and it was getting harder to joke and act like they were fine, you could their smiles being forced to show and a small sheen of sweat breaking out on either of their foreheads.

Now they sat in silence waiting, Peter tried a couple more times to break through the chains or get out of them but each time they just chafed his wrists a little bit more, and MJ forced him to stop before he hurt himself more.

MJ found her eyes starting to slip closed, and she shook her head a little bit to try and clear the mindless fuzz out of her head.  Peter next to her didn’t look far from passing out too, it should have only been 5 in the afternoon about now, though they both seemed ready to zonk out of the world for the next 12 hours.

Peter was more unconscious than conscious when the door slammed open, Peter yelped at the harsh bang and jerked up.  He felt exactly like he had just woken up from an afternoon nap and he had no idea where he was.  MJ was also up and looking around like she couldn’t believe where she was.

“Ah shit, that wasn’t a dream”, she groaned

The only people who came in this time, though, were Jeff, Cam, and one of their meaty bodyguards.

Peter was still blinking ripples out of his eyes as he watched Cam come closer to them.

“Call Stark again”, she shoved, his phone into his face, and he took it nearly dropping it out of his fingers

He huffed but called, he was doing it mostly for himself though.  He wanted to hear his mentor’s voice talking, it always seemed like Tony’s words calmed him down, and he wasn’t complaining, hearing Tony Stark talk about something dumb one of his rich ‘friends’ did at a banquet was always perfect after a nightmare.  At this point, he would settle for anyone’s voice; Steve, Thor, Nat, May, Pepper, Bruce, Bucky, Sam, Rhodey, literally anyone.

If you had told a 13 year-old Peter, who had just lost his uncle and felt 100% guilty for it, that in a little over a year he’d have half the Avengers as his own little makeshift family and Tony Stark as an almost-dad, he’d have called the cops on you, but here Peter was now having a whole home in the Avengers.

He also called without protesting because as much as he wanted to listen to Tony's voice, he also wanted to know what in the world Tony was doing, because Peter wanted him and MJ out of there yesterday.

Tony picked up the first ring and Jeff stepped up this time to speak into the phone, “Where’s the money, Stark?” he hissed

“It’s only hour 2 and you gave me 4 hours, time’s not up yet”, despite his cool exterior, Peter could imagine Tony right now, sweating with anxiety, voice trembling when he fails to catch and correct it, getting frustrated because FRIDAY couldn’t get a location yet, and Peter really wants to get out of here geez.

He wants to get out of here because MJ’s here too and she could get injured and because he still has a lot of homework that’s due tomorrow and it’s really hot in here, and he’s tired because his head is pounding-

“If you wanted these kids you would've transferred the money a long time ago” Jeff spoke

“Fine, I’ll transfer it now-” Cam smirks, hearing Tony agree, “only if you let me talk to them first, give me two minutes with them and you’ll have your money then I can get them both back”

Cam frowns, “no” she says bluntly, as if she’d let him gain the upper hand in this situation

“Then my money is staying my money”

“Jessie-”

So that’s her real name.

“-give him two minutes, and we’ll get our money” Jeff said, trying to persuade her.

They had a silent conversation, staring each other down with their eyes, and Peter noticed they looked really similar, their eyes were each an emerald green and they had the same high cheekbones sculpting their face.

 They’re siblings, he realized.

Jeff didn’t look like he wanted to be there at all, in fact, he looked sick of all this, so Peter assumed his sister was forcing him to be there to get some cash.

 “Jess! Please! Let’s just get this over with”, he pleaded again.

Her eyes flashed and Peter felt compelled to scooch farther away from her out of instinct.

“Fine! This isn’t working, get out of here!”, spittle flew from her mouth and Peter had seen a fair share of crazy, broken people during his time as a vigilante.  She didn’t look so good at all, she actually looked pretty close to ripping her hair out and stomping the hell out of there.

He could tell MJ could sense that too, casting him a concerned look and gesturing her head towards the woman.  

Jeff - Peter wanted to know his real name now that he knew the sister’s - looked lost and he raised his hands, weakly, in a plea, “Jess, this was never supposed to go this far” his face broke down, and he was full-on crying now. 

Peter felt close to crying too, he absolutely despised when people were forced to do something against their will, and by his sister too.  That must feel awful for him.

MJ tried to reach out, but her fingers barely brushed his shoulder until the chains stopped her.

“Peter, please breathe” she whispered

He gasped, face unbearably hot, and the image of Tony popped up in his head-

“You gotta breathe, kiddo, you know oxygen, yeah that, you need that unless you want to pass out”, Tony knelt down next to him on the lab floor, “Can you tell me 5 things you see?...”

His breathing slowed down gradually, Tony helped me calm down from a panic attack, he thought, hazily.

MJ bit her lip, “You okay?”, Peter couldn’t feel anything at the moment but he gave her a small ‘mm-hmm’ from the back of his throat, chest aching.

He realized MJ was still staring at him, and he tilted his head just enough to look at her, “What?”

“You’re pale, how’s your head?”, he shrugged in response

The two siblings were still fighting and he couldn’t hear what Tony was saying through all of their yelling, he strained his ears, and right before, Jess caught on and hung up, he heard Natasha yell through everything else, “держись, детка” (hold on, kiddo)

He managed a smile, and looked to MJ, “They’re coming”

-

The after-effect of all the fighting had the buff guy with them in the room leave - presumably to get out of there - and had Jess pointing a gun at both Peter and MJ’s heads.

“We’ll kill them and get out of here” she spoke, Jeff was frozen watching her, hands frozen in outreach as if to stop her.

She glared, teeth bared, and aimed one gun in each hand, Peter wanted so badly to grab MJ but he couldn’t, he steeled his face and tried to give a reassuring look to her, but the realization that they were actually about to die was looming over them.

Peter strained to hear the sound of familiar repulsors but they didn’t come.

His eyes pressed shut and he heard the safety of the gun click off-

“Wait!” he yelled, “Let MJ go, please!” Jessie, looked him up and down, “please”

MJ was ogling her eyes at him, “Peter, I swear-”

“Stop, just stop, both of you are dying” 

Peter heard the gun go off, yes, but he also saw Jeff lunge at his sister knocking her and the gun down.

Coincidentally, it hit Peter’s chains against the wall, causing the socket it was in to pop out.  He yanked off the other one with his now free hand so that he could move his arms freely with only the weight of the chains hindering his movements.

He lunged for the gun on the floor and kicked it to the corner of the room, getting it out arm’s reach from either of the siblings.

“Ryan! Get the fuck off of me!”, Jessie yelled

As Peter pried MJ’s hands out of the cuffs, his brain started auto-correcting Jeff to Ryan.

Got it.

Ryan was a twig, which wasn’t a bad thing necessarily, but it made it much easier for Jessie to throw him across the room.

Peter had heard first-hand stories of Ned and MJ fighting with their siblings but this seemed a little extreme.

He threw a punch at Jessie as she ran at him, pushing MJ to get her out of the way.

They went back and forth one kick to his shin, an elbow to her stomach, and Peter had her in a good spot, ready to flip her to the ground but he’d underestimated her.  She jumped up, kicking Peter hard on his chest.  He coughed and - how the hell did she get the gun? - slammed his head with the butt of the gun, causing him to scream from the pressure on his head.  

“M-MJ” he managed, trying to get her attention from where she was preparing to knock Jessie’s head to the wall, “Tony” he whispered, as repulsors came firing into Peter’s ears, he had never appreciated the sound more.

Her face turned solemn and she ran back out of the room, nodding her head, Peter smiled, she got it.

Out of the side of his eye he could see Ryan struggling to lift himself off the floor, and Peter’s eyes fluttered as Jessie slammed him against the wall holding him up against the wall, stretching the small cut on his chest.

Throwing him over her shoulder and walking out the door, Peter agonizingly watched as the hallway they were walking through blurred through his vision.

Exiting the building, Peter saw the sun setting colorizing the sky with purple and orange.

She grabbed him and manhandled (or technically, womanhandled) him to his knees, pressing the barrel of the gun to his head.

“Stop!”, he heard Tony yell.

Oh, Tony, yay

Natasha was posed next to Tony keeping a sharp eye that she softened the slightest bit for him to see.  Next to her was MJ, a little farther back, but still holding a knife pointing towards them.  

“How about no, Stark”

Ryan ran out from behind Peter yelling for his sister to stop, Peter sluggishly blinked trying to focus the double-visioned image blurring into his eyelids.

“Kid! Focus on me”, Tony yelled

He could do that.

Tony’s voice was easy to pinpoint and he zeroed in on him, taking in the hot-rod red of the Iron Man suit.  

“Mr.Stark, I didn’t finish my chem homework” he called, earning another harsh stab of the gun into his head.

“Yeah, buddy, we’ll get to it”, Mr.Stark probably thought he was delirious, who knows, maybe he was, he wouldn’t know.

Peter remembered reading stories about loved one’s dying, they’d plead and yell, and the descriptions would say time seemed to slow down but for Peter it sped up.

“Say bye-bye”, Jessie smirked

“NO!”

“Stop!”

“PETER!”

Peter also remembered watching a video where it said if you don’t hear the bang of the gun going off, it’s because it hit you and you’re either dying or dead.

But Peter heard it, Peter heard it as clear as he’d hear music blasting in his crummy old earbuds.  

-

Tony wasn’t busy, he never really was anyways.  Sure there were board meetings and the occasional meet-ups for SHIELD, but being the Tony Stark had its perks, meaning it was pretty easy to get out of things unless Pepper was after him for a signature or conference( he’d been able to slip out of some of those too though, so hah!).  

The point is, Tony basically was able to do whatever he wanted all day which, when his mind was zooming through ideas faster than a car on a race track, was helpful and somewhat enjoyable with new theories pumping through his veins and having FRIDAY take notes of the gibberish he spewed out for later.  

Some days though, the days when that zooming car kept stuttering and stopping, was pure agony, because there was so much he could be doing - there always was - but he couldn’t get them done because his head wouldn’t cooperate with him and it felt he was ripping up, inside and out.

Today was not one of the latter days, he was going at a steady pace in his lab, the oil smudged across his arms and the music moving him as he bopped his head to the beat.  Grinning, he finished the last part of the specs and pulled out some small spare pieces for a prototype.  This was just a random idea he’d had in a dream and it wouldn’t amount to anything too special but it was pretty fun and he had an abundance of ideas on how to advance it further.

Then Pepper came, which he knew was coming because he’s been skipping way too many meetings lately and he could only hold out for so long.  

The meeting was boring, as expected, and it seemed to be dragging on forever.  He wasn’t even paying attention at this point so when Peter called, he was glad he had an excuse as he quickly turned to Pepper and showed her the ringing phone before running out of there.  Those fancy-schmancy business people could think anything they wanted about him, he’d never cared anyways.

The thing was, when he picked up he was ready to hear the kid’s ramblings of what happened at school or some weird fact Ned told him that would make Tony regret picking up.

What he wasn’t expecting was Peter’s words to be shaking and someone else speaking into the phone, cutting Peter off mid-sentence and thank god for FRIDAY who had alerted him, she was already trying to track the signal.

She didn’t get in time though and he almost yelled when the call ended with nothing solved. 

He went up to the living room where Nat was upside down on the couch watching some cheesy sitcom (it was a spectacle when he found out the great Black Widow watches sitcoms but she’d threatened him to stay quiet about it.  She had weird ways to love them.)

“Tasha?”

“Mm-hmm” , she asked, biting into a strawberry distractedly.

“I’m pretty sure Peter got himself kidnapped”

She’s up in less than a second already stalking towards him.  Her face is passive but you can tell she’s worried.  

“Of course he did, why wouldn’t he have?” Nat murmurs, “Do you have a location yet?”

“I didn’t get it in time but Friday’s still trying and I’m pretty MJ’s with them”

She nods, “Have you called Ned yet?”

“Yeah, he said that went out to the parking lot to go home and he hadn’t seen them after that.”

“What about May?” she prods.

“I tried her, she said she wasn’t worried since he usually stays out at school after hours and Ned checked the parking lot and said he found their backpacks there but that doesn’t really help with anything”

“What’s the plan then?” 

“They sent me an email, it’s instructions to deposit money into an account”, he grimaces.

“You know if you hand in the money, you’re going to get in trouble”, she glances at the clock.

“I know, it’s just a last resort.  He’s been in situations like this before, hopefully he won’t get into too much trouble.”

Nat raises an eyebrow, “Are we talking about the same Peter?”

Tony winces.

-

2 hours later, Friday still hasn’t got a location and they got a second call.

He just needed a few more minutes and they’d have a location, Friday was already so close to cracking it.

The call ended just as Nat yelled something in Russian to Peter and just as Friday, claimed she found the place.

Oh thank god

The last time Peter was kidnapped it had been max, 45 minutes and the first time had been around a little less than an hour.  This time it had been over 2 hours and he knew that lady hadn’t been joking when she’d set a deadline.  Right before they’d hung up, she seemed angry and Tony didn’t like to jump to conclusions but she didn’t seem too merciful or lenient.

“Let’s go,” he said, face hardening.

-

They were just a few minutes too late.  Who knows, maybe even 30 seconds would have been enough. 

Peter had still gotten shot though.

His blast had messed up her aim and thank heavens for that because otherwise it would have shot his head.

Instead, the bullet went sideways, stopping just hitting his collarbone.

There was still blood though, and plenty of it at that.  It had run red underneath his nails, staining them and despite their protesting, MJ had been right next to him the entire way drenching the front of her shirt with red.

Peter had passed out along the way, which was a small mercy in itself.  Helen had gotten the bullet out without too much difficulty.  She’d huffed a small laugh afterwards, exasperatedly, saying if it was even a centimeter lower it would have hit his organs, a part of his collarbone was still shattered a little which they’d done a small surgery for before the shards could hit any of his blood vessels or arteries.

He’d also had a pretty bad concussion which Helen had said shouldn’t have done too much permanent damage, he’d just have to be monitored closely for the next day or two.

She’d practically begged him to stop bringing broken teenage spider-boys to her, and Tony would’ve loved it if he could promise her that, but considering his life and Peter, he didn’t think he could hold out on it for too long.

Peter slept for almost 7 hours before he woke up, throwing out his arm and letting out a small gasp when he felt the bone ache.

Luckily, Tony was still wide-awake at that point and gently grabbed his wrist, putting it back on his side before he could rip his stitches.

“T’ny?” Peter asked, struggling to lift his eyes.

“It’s me, kid” he says, placing a hand on Peter’s head.

Peter blinks his eyes open and glances around, before settling on him again, “,‘s MJ o-kay?”

“She’s fine, asleep”, Tony sighs, “You should probably get some more sleep too, bud.  You lost a lot of blood.”

‘I will if you will”

“Oh you’re evil” Tony groans, “Fine then, scoot over”

Peter manages to move one leg a smidge over and Tony laughs, pushing him to the side as he settles in next to Peter, pulling him close to his side and pressing a kiss on his forehead.

“Did you get the guys who got us?” Peter asks.

“Yeah” Tony tightens his grip, “We got them all”

“You know the lanky guy who looks like he just came out of a noodle machine?”

“Weird way of describing him but yes” Tony looks at him.

“Just,” Peter sighs, “Can they cut him some slack, he didn’t mean to do anything.  His sister was making him do it, he shouldn’t be held just as responsible as her.”

“He was still a part of it, Pete”, Tony tries.

“I know, I know, but it wasn’t his fault, he didn’t want to,” Peter insists.

“I’ll see what I can do for him, kid” he settles.

Peter hums in agreement already shutting his eyes.

“You know, you better not be doing this again anytime soon, you managed to scare Tasha”, Tony says.

“Don’t worry I wouldn’t want to anyway, it sucked.  I rate it 0/10, definitely would not recommend”.

Tony chuckles just as Natasha walks in, “I heard you guys talking about me” she observes, smirking.

She sits, pulling up a chair next to the bed and putting her feet on top of theirs from her seat.

“But seriously, don’t do it again”, Nat warns.

Peter smiles, hiding his face in Tony’s shirt.  He falls asleep to Tony’s fingers running soothingly through his hair and the comfortable weight of Tasha’s legs on top of his.

#moira writes #my fics #marvel #avengers #spiderman #ironman #peter parker #tony stark #natasha romanoff #MJ #michelle jones #fanfiction #ao3 #kidnapping #irondad #irondad fics #irondad and spiderson #jdbejbc

[sombruhmoment]

the correct ‘hottest character’ tier list

not actually please dont yell at me

E: Unavailable for ranking

Hammond + Winston; Animals

Bastion + Orisa + Echo; Naive, ‘childlike’ robots that just are not attractive.

D: Hot only to very specific people

Widow; My issue with Widow is she’s basic. I’ve seen this dozens of times. Her hotness is artificial - everything about her to shove in your face her hotness, and unless you’re a very meek lesbian or a weird creepy dude, she just isn’t that hot. She’s a gimmick. If she was more professional and less for show, she’d be higher.

Tracer; Yorkshire terrier. She’d be a great s/o and friend, but she’s not exactly hot. She’s plain jane. Only especially hot to very Jane Austen lesbians and again, weird creepy dudes. 

Mercy; Boring. She doesn’t really have much personality in the media she shows up in beyond ‘angel’ and ‘tired’. The latter is the smallest portion of her character, but the most embraced. This is why she’s only hot in the fan portrayals of her in fic or art. She’s too plain and basic to be more than conventionally attractive.

Junkrat; He just ain’t, dude. Unless he’s your type, he isn’t hot. His personality doesn’t lend to his sex appeal, either. Very specific taste needed.

Mei; Only if you’re a butch lesbian or an even weirder dude. Very plain, but the body shape rep is nice. Her personality is probably only attractive if you’re into the same interests as her, or are familiar with your interests being shut down. This relationship will be a lot of gushing about fun science facts and god dang, you go you funky butch lesbians. Still not hot. 

C: Boring + bad idea

Brig; She has a hotness factor from the muscles. She still is not hot because she is so plain. She is white bread incarnate. Her personality of sweet, ‘girl-next-door’ is appealing for a relationship, but she just isn’t that hot aside from her buffness. 

Sigma; He’s often cited as one of the hotter guys, but is he, or do you just like the idea of cosmic horror? Is he hot, or do you want to be a monsterf*cker without actually commiting? He’s a traumatized Grandpa. He’s like an old, white man Mei. I’d go to the park with him and feed ducks. I would not canoodle.

Ashe; Like Widow, but more professional. She’s still boring, but at least the outfit makes her have some intrigue. Her story has the potential to make her more interesting, but let’s be real, she was only made as an attempt to stop the McHanzo shippers. 

D.va; She’s fine. She’s just a young adult. Nothing much to say. Blizzard really wants you to think she’s hot, though.

Hanzo; Look. This man, no matter when you approach him, is in a crisis. Before meeting Genji, he’s stuck in the past. After, he’s gone full white girl reinvention. I wouldn’t be surprised if your hookup was a rebound. If you canoodle him, there will be strings attached. He will call you afterwards and ask if you happened to find one of his nipple piercings in your sheets. You’ll get text messages asking if you want to smoke a joint. He has no skill in this. Until he goes to therapy, wide berth. He’s hot, but the consequences and implications outweigh the good time. 

B: A lil spice to ‘em

Torb; The personality is there. He’s a dilf. He’s a serious, but not without humor, haunted man who loves his family dearly. He gets made into a joke, but guys, this man would be a fan favorite if he wasn’t short. 

Ana; She’s adopted the Grannie personality, which knocks her down a bit, but Ana is hot even as an older woman. Not my cup ‘a joe, but she oozes sarcasm and confidence. Also, strikes fear into the rich and corrupt? Hot. 

Genji; He’s Hanzo, but after therapy. He’s got his ish together. He’ll treat you right. It’ll be the best relationship you’ve ever had because he’s so good at communication. But this isn’t about relationships. He’s hot because he’s vanilla. He’s a simple guy - and lets face it, a bottom. One of the plainer options, but still has some appeal to him with his maturity.

Zarya; Buff woman. Hot. Her personality isn’t for everyone, and her racism is...ugh...but c’mon. Look at her biceps. Look at them.

Moira; Will experiment on you in more ways than you expect. Androgynous, David Bowie. Not for the faint of heart. You’re definitely a lesbian or a femboy. Hot for her evilness. Not so hot for her nails. Not a good idea. Be careful.

Reinhardt; Big grandpa man. A gentle soul. Very loud. He’s hot for his confidence and voice. But, again, sooner feed ducks with him than anything else.

A: Hot

Sombra; Evil, intelligent, mischievous woman who is always one step ahead? Hot.

Doomfist; You are lying to yourself if you think he isn’t attractive. Jerk? No question. But listen to his voice. He’s classy, humorous, and very nicely muscled. Do not pursue a relationship under any circumstance, but look all you’d like. 

Zen; Like Genji, but hotter because of the inherent controversy of canoodling a monk. 

Soldier; Raspy voice, nice bone structure, haunted past, beefy but not too beefy. Kinda basic, but still appealing. 

Roadhog; Voice. Voice. Voice. This man is hot. You are a coward. Dad bod x 10. 

Lucio; Anarchist, fights corps, very kind and sweet. Lean muscle and fierce. Gentle and plays with kids. Cutie.

S: Hottest

Baptiste; Beefy, has some cake, romantic flirt, will take C A R E of you and make you breakfast. Look at him. Haunted past, muscles, nice voice, you KNOW he takes care of his nails and hygiene. Not just a good night, marry this man. Someone else will if you don’t. Hottest character in Overwatch.

McCree; Voice, dad bod, tanned, probably smells like smoke and sand. He’s a sweetie, but has some edge to him. A nice middle ground between Hot Evil and Hot Cute. Beard is definitely scratchy. 

Pharah; Buff woman with a nice voice, cute sense of humor, and sense of loyalty and responsibility? Like a female Baptiste. Go get the ring. Now. 

Reaper; Haunted past, claws, monster/inhuman, and that voice. Don’t pursue relationship. Casual meetups? Sure. Do not catch feelings, this isn’t a Wattpad story and you are not y/n, you will not change him.

Symmetra; She’s kinda confused but she has a good heart, good voice, and very nice legs. She’s dripping charisma and confidence, look at her. You are below her and that is quite an enjoyable experience. Would be a decent s/o, would have a lot to learn but she’d try her best. 

#jesse mcree #overwatch #hanzo shimada #genji shimada #lena oxton #gabriel reyes #jack morrison #solider 76 #gangpost

[mylevisdontfitanymore]

Pre-war au in which Steve and Bucky are the same height as canon but Steve weighs as much as Bucky did and vice verse?

Thicc, sturdy boy Steve with a good constitution, he’s got some muscle under all that doughy fat, and has a near-endless appetite — Sarah couldn’t afford much, but she could afford to put food on the table so that was always how she spoiled him, the only real way she could. So now he’s all good 5’4, but he’s pure beef — the good kind, prime, lean with good fat.

Bucky’s a good half-foot taller, but half his weight, and with none of the muscle mass. He’s got a list of allergies and intolerances a mile long, and a list chronic illnesses longer than that. He’s canon Pre-Serum Steve, but taller and with dark hair. And with some kind of health insurance too.

I headcanon often that Bucky’s parents were business owners, so maybe Steve gets a job there? Its a bakery and Steve helps out in the back, doing the heavy lifting — carrying huge sacks almost as big as he is over his shoulder. It always does things to Bucky, sat studying for college while watching this little butterball throw a fifty kilo bag like it’s nothing.

Ooooh, this is an interesting idea! I like it! 

Putting most of this under the cut because there are specific weight discussions (re: weight discussions with numbers) that can be a trigger if you’ve experienced disordered eating or eating disorders (as I have). Just FYI. 

I love this idea! The trading weight is so fun!

Although, I know right off the bat that there’s no way, looking at the movies at least, that Bucky would ever be as light as Steve was pre-serum. It’d be pretty impossible/near-deadly for Bucky (since he’s played by Seb, who’s 6’0” not 5’7” to 5’9” as Bucky is in the comics). And I don’t wanna go there exactly, so… Bucky will be very light but not that light. I’m gonna go for the skinny Steve look but not literally is weight, y’know? 

Anyway, information dump lol~

In the movies, Steve was 5’4” before the serum and weighed roughly 95lbs whereas Bucky was 6’0”, and the “average” weight for someone that size (who’s male) ranges between 160-196lbs. However,  this was during the Great Depression so it most likely would’ve been either the low end of that range of a “healthy” weight or below the range itself, since food was rationed and expensive. However. We like ‘em thick here, so just because, we’ll say that Bucky in the films, pre-war, weighs 180lbs. Meaning… using as BMI visualizer, they look like this:

(Steve left; Bucky right)

But if they swapped...

(Again, Steve left; Bucky right*)

They’d then look like this! Look at that, that fat little Steve 🤤🤤

*note: according to the BMI visualizer I was using, to get Bucky to look like Steve from before they swapped weight, he’d be 115lbs which is still very scary to me, someone that tall being that thin but… this is fiction. This is fiction. Poor baby’s never actually gonna be that light.

Looking at them is really interesting and woof, yeah, imagining Steve walking around, beefy and strong and sturdy™️ is really fucking good. Like...

His thighs rub together. He flexes and his arms are HUGE with both fat and muscle. His belly jiggles except for when he’s put in a good day's work and returns home only to scarf down as much food as he can, packing himself tight. Filling up that tank of a belly on baked sweets. Mmm. 

And poor Bucky! Baby has a lot of issues, just like canon pre-serum Steve, but also he’s got a fainting issue. So sometimes when he feels extra faint upon waking up, he just stays in bed. And if Steve isn’t out working (or if he can get away from work), he’ll stay with Bucky, getting up to fetch Bucky (but mostly himself since Bucky’s appetite is tiny) snacks or something to drink. However, when he’s in Bucky’s bed, he lets Bucky lay his head on his lap- his thighs making a nice pillow. Or he lets Bucky put his head on his fat, pillowy tummy when he begs with those big puppy-dog eyes and that soft mouth that wouldn’t even melt butter. Bucky likes the contrast between them. Skin and bones versus soft, plush fat. Well. Soft when Steve isn’t full. But it’s not that Bucky doesn’t like when Steve is stuffed, he also likes resting his head on Steve when he’s full. He might even like it more when he’s full because when he’s full his tummy gurgles and makes sounds as it tries to plow through everything Steve’s shoved into it, trying to turn all that good food into even more fat and beefy muscle. Those gurgles often put Bucky to sleep. And that fat and beef keeps him warm when he can’t do it himself. 🤤😍

And, YES, "It's a bakery and Steve helps out in the back, doing the heavy lifting - carrying huge aacks almost as big as he is over his shoulder. It always does things to Bucky, sat studying for college while watching this little butterball throw a fifty kilo bag like it's nothing."

SAME BUCKY. IT DOES THINGS TO ME. (Btw for other dumb Americans like me, 50 kilos is about 110 lbs)

Thank you for this little AU, I love it!!

#ask #belly kink #text #weight gain #stuffing #steve rogers #bucky barnes #stucky #chubby steve #pre-serum steve #mylevisdontfitanymore

[emerald-echeveria-plant]

[[Part 4 of ???]]

Stuck with you

//Baozhai and Islay walked through the jungle. Islay cutting down leaves in their way with her sword.//

Baozhai, looking at the map: You think we'll find any skeletons through here??

Islay: How should I know? I Never heard of this place before.

Baozhai: Oh well, then allow me to tell you about this place!

Islay: please don't-

Baozhai: The Paititi was a civilization that were known for having tons of gold and practically living in it everday! Everything they had was made out of gold. Bowls, statues, and even clothing! Isn't that amazing to know??? Then one day the the civilization just disappeared! As well as the gold items and riches they had. Once outsiders arrived, all they found were statues and the abandoned villages. The weirdest thing they found was murals, depicting where they supposedly hid their treasure...

Islay:

Islay: How do you know all that? I thought you were supposed to be stupid or something.

Baozhai: Oh Ironbeard told me- HEY! I'm not dumb! I have the intelligence of a highschooler thank you very much! >:(((

Islay: Yeah, yeah whatever you say.

Baozhai, still angry: I could literally wire your mouth shut if you said that in front of a crowd of people..!

Islay, stop walking and turns to Baozhai: Baozhai, let me get one thing straight with you. I don't care for your threats and I'm not afraid of you. Everyone else on the ship might cower in fear when you brutalize someone but I've seen other pirates with less anger issues do worse. You're just a temperamental brat who gets offended at the slightest comment that criticizes you. Now all I want to do is get this treasure, leave, and ignore the fact that you still exist... You think you can manage shutting your mouth for once?

Baozhai:

Baozhai, pouts: fine I'll be quiet but I won't be happy about it >:(

Islay, rolls her eyes: Just make sure you don't loose the map.

//Islay took a few steps forward. She pushed some giant leaves out of the way. In front of them was a stone path with strange runes drawn on them. Baozhai looked at the map. She took a step forward and put her pressed her foot down on the path. Immediately, arrows came flying out from the walls. Baozhai quickly backed away before one of the arrows could pierce her.//

Islay: The classic arrows coming out of walls and trying to figure out the correct pattern on the floor... How cliche.

Baozhai: Good thing this map shows you how to cross.

//Just as the two were about to cross, a gunshot fired near their feet. The two women jumped back. A few feet from the left of them, stood Flint and Billy. Flint had the gun pointed towards the women.//

Flint: Not so fast ya' harlots.. give us that their map and we'll let ye both walk free..

Islay: Fuck off mate! This is our map and we're getting to that treasure!

Bones: Islay, we all know where this is going. Ye really want to risk a limb over that map?

Islay, holding her sword towards them: I'd rather die for it then let ye rats have it!

//She rushes towards the two. Unfortunately, she was taken down by Billy with a swift kick to the stomach. Billy put himself on top of her, putting her arms behind her back. Preventing her to do anything else harmful.//

Islay, struggling underneath Billy: Doesn't matter! My accomplice will tear you both apart!!

Flint: Well then I guess we'll have have pry it from their cold dead han-

Baozhai, hands him the map: Here you go :)

//Flint, Bones, and Islay all stand there completely stunned for a few seconds. Islay stared at Baozhai with her mouth gaping. Flint snatches the map out of Baozhai's hand.//

Flint: Seems like yer accomplice is more accommodating than ye..

Baozhai, hugs Flint tightly: you're so handsome..

//Flint stared, unamusedly at the small woman. He tried gentle pushing her off of him. But alas, Baozhai stuck to him like glue. Flint attempted to shove her off but still she stuck onto him. With all his strength, he tried to shove her off.//

Flint: LET GO OF ME!

Baozhai: 💕

//Flint grabbed Baozhai by her shoulders. He put his foot up against her, trying to pry her off of him. Fortunately, he managed to get her off of him.//

Baozhai: sorry... Couldn't help myself from wrapping my arms around your big, beefy, frame~

Flint, obviously disgusted: ...

Flint: tie em' both up Billy..

//Billy nods as he takes out some rope. A few minutes later the two women are tied, back to back to each other. Flint and Billy leave them behind as they successfully cross the booby trap.//

Islay, eye twitching angry: I cannot ... BELIEVE YOU HANDED OVER THE FUCKING MAP! WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO IT YOU FUCKING IDIOT. YOU COULDN'T DO THAT BRUTAL SHIT YOU LIKE TO DO TOWARDS THEM?? DID YOUR TWO FUNCTIONING BRAINCELLS GIVE UP ON YOU???

Baozhai: I'm sorry! I couldn't help myself.. he was just so dreamy💕 I feel like we had a real connection there!

Islay: HE PUSHED YOU OFF OF HIM! HOW WAS THAT A "REAL CONNECTION"????

Baozhai: it didn't seem like through his actions but I could feel it.. emotionally 🥺

Islay: OH I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU A REAL CONNECTION YOU STUPID SON OF A BI-

//Cut back to Billy and Flint walking through the jungle. Flint was holding the map.//

Bones: you think those two ladies will be fine..?

Flint: I'm sure they will. If they don't, too bad.

Bones: I mean, I feel a little bad.. I knew Islay for a few years and seeing her again was pretty nice... Until she tried killing me. That other girl seemed to like you a lot too..

Flint, sighs: They're the enemy, Billy. Don't think you should feel bad for em'. If the captain was here, he'd smack you on the side of the head.

Bones:

Bones: but he isn't here..

Flint: I can clearly see that-

//Suddenly, Flint fell through the ground. Flint was clinging to the edge of the ground. Below him was molten lava... Seemed as though it was another one of the booby traps. Unfortunately they had overlooked it. Billy, quickly began to pull Flint up. As he began to pull him up, the map slowly slipped out of hands. Flint, just now realizing this, tried grabbing the map. Unfortunately, the map fluttered down into the lava.//

Flint: No, no, no!

//Map: disintegrates.//

Flint: GODDAMNIT!

//Billy successful pulls Flint out of the hole.//

Bones: You okay??

Flint: No! Damnit I lost the FUCKING map!

Bones: It's okay maybe we can-

Flint: No, it is not okay! I lost the fucking map because I chose to talk instead of looking where I was walking! GODDAMNIT, GODDAMNIT, GODDAMNIT!

//Cut back to Islay and Baozhai. Baozhai was trying to figure out a way to untie them.//

Baozhai: maybe if we... No that wouldn't work.. how about! No, no, that wouldn't work either.. HUH! I've got it!

Islay, dying on the inside: what is it...?

Baozhai, slowly tries to use her knees to get up: we'll... Stand up.. and walk to the treasure tied together!

Islay: Sounds stupid.. but by this point what choice do I even have..?

//Islay uses her knees to also get up. Struggling but successful the two were able to get off the ground.//

Baozhai: Okay! Now we just run across the trap!

Islay: If I die doing this... Tell the crew... I hate you more than that warden that almost killed me..

Baozhai: I'll keep that noted!

//Together the two began to run towards the trap. Immediately tons of arrows flew out of the walls. They screamed in terror as the arrows came close to piercing their skin. With luck on their side, they managed to get across without any arrows sticking to them.//

Baozhai, breathing heavily: see.. that.. wasn't.. so bad..

Islay, white as a ghost: I think I may have wet myself there.

Baozhai: ... Gross...

Islay: I SAID I MAY HAVE!

//Cut back to Flint and Billy. After Flint got over his breakdown of losing the map, him and Billy began to walk around the jungle.//

Bones: uhh, let's take this direction..? *Points to a path*

Flint: we already walked through there...

Bones: Oh, um, then how about through here-

Flint, facepalms: we already walked through there too... ten minutes ago.. WE'VE BEEN WALKING IN CIRCLES FOR FUCK SAKE!

Bones: um... how about we try to walk back and retrace out steps?

Flint, let's out a long sigh: ... Fine.

//The two walk back in order to retrace their steps. Behind a bush they saw, Islay and Baozhai. Who were still tied up together.//

Baozhai: I'm telling you, if I was captain I'd be great at it!

Islay: if you were captain, the ship would immediately blow up from your incompetence.

Baozhai: Hey at least I'm the one who memorized the map! That has to count for something when it comes to leadership or captainship..

Islay: Since when do you have photographic memory???

Baozhai: Ever since I could remember ever little detail of me getting "treated" at the mental asylum I was forcefully put in. Like how they'd lock me in a padded room for hours on end in complete darkness and isolation or how they stuck a needle into my eye and into my brain to get the bad spirits out of me.. god it was painful.. haha! Those were the worst times of my life..! :D

Islay:

Islay: Let's just try to get to the treasure in one piece.. and maybe figure out a way out of these ropes.

//Behind the bush, the two clearly heard what they were just talking about. Billy nudged Flint.//

Bones: I've got an idea..

Flint: Let me hear it..

//Baozhai and Islay continued to walk together. It looked like the sun was starting to set. Islay took notice of this.//

Islay: Damnit, night's gonna arrive soon. As if we need any more problems..

Flint, comes out from behind the bushes with Billy: Stop right there!

Islay: Speak of the devil.

Baozhai, gasps: You came back for me! :D

Flint: I'm not here for you, you stupid cow!

Baozhai: yes you are~! I knew you couldn't resist me..

Flint, groans: I swear I'm going to punch you again.

Baozhai: Ooo, sounds hot..

Flint:

Bones:

Islay:

Flint: you know what nevermind... Tell us how to get to the treasure or we'll cut out your tongues!

Baozhai: Oh okay! Make a-

//Islay hits her head with Baozhai's head.//

Baozhai: Hey! Ow...

Islay: Don't tell him anything you idiot! The last time you did that you got us into this mess! Who knows if they'll do it or not!

Baozhai: okay fine

Flint, holds a knife against Baozhai's neck and growls: Talk..

Baozhai: I'd love to but I'm caught between wanting to tell you or possibly being strangled to death by my crewmate..

Flint: I'm going to count to three and if you don't tell me I'm going to kill you and her..

Baozhai:

Flint: One...

Bones: don't you think we should torture it out of them at least?

Flint: two.. *puts the knife and his head closer to her*

Islay: Whatever you do, don't tell him anything Baozhai!

//Baozhai with precious seconds passing by did the only reasonable thing imaginable. She gave Flint a kiss.//

Flint, cutting him off from saying three: *proceeds to gag and quickly step away from her* WHAT THE HELL??

Baozhai: I'm sorry you were getting close to my face and I couldn't help myself~ It was worth it~! Albeit your teeth did kinda cut my lips..

Flint: FUCK THIS *pulls out his flintlock pistol and presses the end against Baozhai's forehead* I'm gonna put a bullet in this cunt's head!

Bones: What about getting to the treasure???

Flint, growls: ... We can figure that out later..

Islay: Hold on now! How about we all get there together..

Flint: What are you talking about?

Islay: I'm saying how about we NOT kill each other until we arrive to the treasure..? You help us get out of these ropes and we lead you guys to the treasure.. then when we get there we can go back to hating each other as normal... That sound like a deal..?

Flint: Why would I trust you.. you could betray us or strand us at any moment when we let you go..

Islay, looks at Baozhai: even if I wanted to, I couldn't because of the simp next to me..

//Flint stared menacingly at Islay. He took out his knife again and held it against Islay's neck. Islay tried moving her head away her from the knife. Instead of slicing her neck open, he swiftly cut the ropes.//

Flint, puts away his gun and his knife: let's get a move on then. The sun is getting low and I'm not planning on carrying the either of you.

Baozhai: ha, I knew you would do that. You care about me too much to ever do such a thing..

Flint: talk one more time and I'm throwing you down a lava pit.

Baozhai:

Baozhai: my lips are sealed..

//The four walk off straight ahead with Baozhai taking lead.//

To be continued...

#sorry if this didn't include your ocs chaosmith2 :(( #in the next one I'll make sure to do so! #oc insert #treasure planet #treasure planet au

[vannahfanfics]

The Sacred Art of Hamburger-Making

Category: General Fluff

Fandom: My Hero Academia

Characters: Momo Yaoyorozu, Denki Kaminari, & Hanta Sero

Hey, hey, everybody! This is the second story I wrote for @cuizineco​’s Heroes in the Baking zine, which is free to download!

Momo hummed under her breath as she filed her nails, sitting between Hanta and Denki on the common room sofa. The air was filled with clacking and clicking as the two boys feverishly jabbed the buttons and spun the joysticks on their controllers; both of their eyes were fixed on the martial arts video game they were embroiled in. Momo enjoyed the rare instances where they came down to the common room to play; she found something about their competitive energy so invigorating, especially after a hard day’s training. 

Just as she had finished buffing her shiny, neatly-trimmed nails, a deep voice boomed from the television to announce with dramatic fervor, “Fatality!” while thick red blood splattered the word across the screen. Hanta jumped up from the couch with a triumphant crow, nearly flinging the controller as he flung his hands into the air, while the defeated Denki melted into the couch cushions with a groan. 

“Don’t worry, Denki. You’ll beat him next time,” Momo encouraged with a sweet smile. 

“No, he won’t, because he’s a loserrrrr!” Hanta teased while making an L-shape on his forehead with his fingers. Denki stuck out his tongue angrily to his friend before humming thoughtfully. 

“Man, we’ve been playing for hours. I’m starving… You know what I could go for right now? A big, greasy, cheesy, American-style hamburger,” he sighed dreamily, salivating at the words alone. Momo perked up, her interest piqued. 

“Oh, I’ve never had a hamburger before.” 

If they were on a comedy show, one would have heard a record scratch. Denki’s head whipped around to stare at her with owlish eyes for a second before he chuckled magnanimously and slipped his arm around her slim shoulders, his expression melting into one a mixture of pity and mischievousness. 

“Momo. Dear. Honey. You’ve never had a hamburger?” the blond asked in a polite but disbelieving voice. Unsure what all the fuss was about, Momo slowly shook her head. 

“Now that’s what I call a got-damn tragedy,” Hanta observed before shoving a handful of potato chips into his mouth. As he munched on the barbecue-flavored crisps, crumbs and powder raining from his lips down onto his tee-shirt, he looked at Denki pointedly. “We have to amend that, don’t we, Denks?” 

“We most certainly do,” the blond nodded sagely, pinching his chin and closing his eyes like the picture of a pensive philosopher. “We cannot allow Momo here, our dear friend, our beloved classmate and light of our bleak lives, to remain in such a sorry state. So… To the kitchen!” he announced and jumped up, pointing a finger into the air. “By our hand, we will allow Momo to suffer no longer!” 

Are hamburgers really that good? Momo wondered as she followed the two boys to the adjoining kitchen. They probably weren’t, but watching the two tear through the cabinets and refrigerator to gather all the necessary tools and ingredients was so energizing that Momo found herself growing excited. She’d never seen Denki so animated about cooking before; he was all smiles as he pranced around wearing a “Kiss the Cook” apron of All Might in a chef’s hat, so she couldn’t refuse him even if she wanted to. 

“All right, Chef Denki,” Momo chuckled as she tied an apple-patterned apron around her waist, “I’m under your tutelage tonight.” 

“It’s the only thing he’ll ever tutor you in,” Hanta joked, earning a sharp jab in the ribs from his cohort. 

“Anyway,” Denki said and cleared his throat, “pay close attention, Momo. I am going to teach you the sacred art of making hamburgers. First, we have to make the patties.” He took a few packs of ground meat and sliced open the plastic, dumping the stringy pink-red meat into a large aluminum bowl. 

“Everyone says they’re down with hamburgers tonight,” Hanta reported, sitting on the counter typing away at his phone. 

“Let’s see— with twenty people plus Mr. Aizawa, with an average of two burgers a person, that would be… forty patties,” he rattled off, using his fingers to count as he multiplied in his head. “We should be able to manage that between the three of us. Hanta, would you go ahead and plug in the mini-grill so it’ll be heated up?” 

“Sure thing, boss.” 

Denki returned his attention to the patiently-waiting Momo. 

“Now then. First, you want to make sure your patties are the right consistency, so you mix it with bread crumbs.” Momo watched with raised eyebrows as he took a box of them and dumped some into the bowl. “You want your patties to stick together, obviously, so you add eggs—” he continued as he cracked some open, spilling the golden yolks into the bowl— “and then milk to soften up the meat a little. Finally— and this is the most important part, Momo— you season it to perfection!” 

Momo watched in wonder as he added several spices and a dark brown sauce to the mix, saturating the meat in flavor, without even taking measurements. As he was telling her how to mix it up, scrunching the meat and other ingredients together with his hands, she smiled endearingly. 

“Wow, you’ve cooked this a lot, huh?” 

“Yup! Me and my folks took an overseas trip once to America when I was young, and we loved the hamburgers so much that we got a recipe from one of the locals! It became a staple in my household! Fast food burgers are nice n’ all, but nothing really compares to a good ol’ beefy homemade burger!” Denki grinned widely. 

“I think that’s great! Would you like me to get started on another bowl of ground beef, then?” 

“Yes, please!” 

Under Denki’s careful guidance, Momo added the ingredients one at a time to the bowl. When it came time to combine them, she squealed at the odd sensation of the sticky, gooey meat, fluid sauce and egg, and gritty powder squishing between her fingers. Denki laughed heartily at the disgusted faces she made while mixing up the ground beef, squeaking and shuddering all the while, until it was uniform. In the background, Hanta had been doing other small tasks like chopping lettuce and onions, slicing tomatoes and cheese, and setting out condiments. He finally joined them at the counter, wiping tomato juice off his hands with a dishtowel. 

“It’s a messy job,” Denki said as he grabbed a fistful of the meat, “but we’re not done yet! Now it’s time to make the patties.” 

“Ooh! My favorite part!” Hanta grinned, grabbing hamburger meat from Momo’s bowl with both hands. “Ya just roll it into a ball, then flatten it into a nice, round patty,” he said while demonstrating the motions. He then walked over to the simmering grill to plop it on the ridged surface. “Then ya grill it until it’s just right, and boom! Nice, tasty, juicy hamburger.” 

“Hanta, have you been to America, too?” Momo inquired as she slowly replicated the motion, still cringing at the sliminess of the raw meat. 

“Nah. I spent a lot of summer break at Denki’s house, though, and his old man taught me how to make ‘em!” Hanta said as he slapped another patty onto the small grill and closed the lid, filling the air with sizzling and popping. While he waited for the meat to brown, he leaned against the counter and flashed Momo a wink. “I felt kinda honored being included in the Kaminari family tradition of summer cook-outs!” 

“You’re my best friend! Of course you would be!” Denki grinned, sauntering over to bump elbows with Hanta. “And, since Momo is our best girl,” he continued while turning around to wink saucily at Momo, “it’s natural that she be included, too!” 

“Ah! Stop it; you’re going to make me blush!” Momo cried and, in her momentary embarrassment, slapped her palms to her cheeks. All the blood drained from her face as she realized she was smooshing raw meat and seasoning on her face. She screamed shrilly and ripped her hands away from her face, horrified by the bits of pulverized meat falling from her cheeks. As she raced to the sink, Hanta and Denki fell to the floor howling with laughter. “Stop it! It’s not funny!” she cried as she scraped at her face with a soapy sponge, tossing a glare over her shoulder. 

“Actually, it really is, Yaomomo,” Denki snorted as he climbed back up to resume making hamburger patties. Momo just sniffed dourly, thoroughly embarrassed. Then, an evil idea hatched in her mind; stealthily, she filled her cupped hands with ice-cold water and crept up behind Denki. Just as he took notice of her presence, she dumped it down the neck of his shirt. He yelped and his back arched backward as the cold liquid hit his skin. 

“Aye, aye, what the hell was that for?!” 

“Serves you right!” Hanta laughed, pointing at him and completely unaware that he was the next in Momo’s cross-hairs. “Wha—?” he blinked owlishly as Momo flung a glob of the raw meat at him; it collided with his cheek with a wet slap, slowly sliding down before landing on his tennis shoe. “I guess I deserved that.” 

“Hey, you morons! Don’t tell me you’re messing around in the kitchen!” boomed a grouchy voice. Momo turned to see Katsuki stomping in, his hands buried in his cargo pants pockets and his lips stretched in a scowl. His vermillion eyes slowly slid down to the chunk of meat dripping on Hanta’s shoe. “What the hell?! You can’t just waste food like that! Who taught you losers to cook?!” 

“Oi! This is my show! Go yell at someone else, Baku-bro!” Denki whined and poked at Katsuki with his foot as he continued to quickly pile up patties on aluminum foil next to Hanta, who returned from cleaning off his face to take the broiled hamburgers off the grill and put them on some buns. Katsuki slapped Denki’s foot away but obediently shambled out of the kitchen to join the rest of their peers, who had been attracted by the savory aroma now clouding the air. 

“All right, the guest of honor gets to try first,” Hanta grinned as he presented Momo with a fully dressed hamburger complete with a side of potato chips. As she took the paper plate, she was amazed at the weight of the thing, nearly spilling it all as she hastily recovered from the plate dipping. She set it safely on the counter before looking at it, wondering how the heck to eat it. 

“I… With my hands…?” 

“Hell yeah, girl! Get in there!” Denki encouraged with an airy laugh. Momo blushed before timidly grabbing the hamburger, grimacing at the juice that leaked onto her fingers when she lightly squeezed it. She craned her neck over the plate as she leaned in for a bite, trying not to drip it all over her clothes. First came the soft bread, then crunchy lettuce and tomato, then melty cheese, and then finally the savory meat. Momo hummed as the robust flavor exploded on her tongue, complemented by all the toppings. 

“Well? Amazing or what?” Denki grinned as he sidled up to her, wiggling his golden eyebrows expectantly. Too busy savoring the symphony of flavors on her tongue, Momo only nodded with her eyes fluttering shut. “Woohoo! Atta girl! Look at our Momo, getting messy with a big ol’ hamburger!” Denki laughed as he did a celebratory jig. 

“Ehhh? Did I hear Momo eating hamburgers?” Mina said as she poked her head in. Momo was mid-bite, her mouth stretching wide to accommodate the thick patty, and she froze to blink owlishly at the pink girl. “Ahhhh! Look how far you’ve come! Finally embracing the ways of us commoners, eh?” 

Instead of replying, Momo just crunched down on the burger, smiling dreamily as the deliciousness once again graced her senses. 

She had the answer to her question. Hamburgers were really that good! While the others began to file into the kitchen to claim their meals from Denki and Hanta, Momo savored hers bite by bite until she was finished. When she sheepishly presented her plate to Denki for seconds, he laughed and began fixing it for her. The others had vacated the premises, leaving only the two of them. 

“Thanks for sharing this with me, Denki. I had a lot of fun, and it was really good!” she said as he plopped a piece of pale green lettuce atop her patty. 

“To be honest, I was a little scared you wouldn’t enjoy it,” he admitted shyly, giving her a side glance as she gasped in shock. “I know you come from a really wealthy family, Momo, and generally… Rich folks don’t think highly of us little guys, you know?” 

“I know.” Though Momo’s family was kind and tolerant, that still didn’t mean that she hadn’t seen the uglier side of the bourgeoisie. With a soft smile, she wrung her arms around Denki’s waist and laid her head on his shoulder to squeeze him in a tight hug. “But I consider myself lucky! You guys teach me all kinds of neat and wonderful things, and I get to share things about my life with you all, too. I would never, ever judge you.” 

“Yeah, I know,” Denki hummed and gently bonked his head with hers. “Here you go, Momo. I hope you enjoy your seconds.” 

“Thanks,” she said as she took the plate. She then grinned roguishly. “To be honest, I might be up for thirds.” 

Like the hearty scent of homemade hamburgers wafting around the small kitchen, her and Denki’s laughter filled the air. 

Nope. In Momo’s book, nothing really did compare to one of Denki’s hamburgers, and it soon became one of her favorite things to cook with her friends, even out of all the things she learned from them.

Enjoy this oneshot? Feel free to peruse my Table of Contents!

#my hero academia #mha #boku no hero academia #bnha #denki kaminari #kaminari denki #hanta sero #sero hanta #momo yaoyorozu #yaoyorozu momo