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intersex-questions · 6 months

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I brought this up to another intersex blog a while ago and ended up just letting it go but due to repeated issues I've been thinking about it again. This will be kinda long, sorry.

I went to a real gynecologist for the first time after a traumatising experience with one when I was 10 (they did a swab test that hurt so badly they had to hold me down for it even tho my sister had it done too and it wasn't bad for her, I was told I was just very sensitive compared to her, I can't tell if this might be important or not so I'll include it just in case)

I'm 19 and AFAB, I've always struggled with periods, they happen twice a month and are 9-12 days long each. The only time they're easier is when I am on birth control, which still make them last 9-12 days but make them only once a month. I got on birth control a few years ago but stopped because of issues with my family not letting me take it. Now I went to this gynecologist and all we did was discuss putting me on birth control. She didn't look at my body or ask any questions about it besides about my period and how it was affected last time I went on birth control. Then she prescribed me birth control and set up an appointment to check in a few months later.

Before the next appointment, my mother's friends were talking about how my mom decided I was female when I was born. I asked what they meant and they said the doctor wasn't sure of my gender when I was born so my mom decided it. I talked to my mother and she told me she doesn't remember the doctors saying I was female when I was born, she says she doesn't remember what I was born as. My uncle, who was there like her friends were, also says he doesn't remember if I was actually born female, just that it took a very long time for them to figure it out.

I mentioned this at the appointment and that I was concerned I might be intersex (I have many other reasons to think this, not just them not knowing. I've always dealt with being way more manly and having more hair than the rest of the women in my family, my genitalia is bigger than it's supposed to be - I did check that to make sure as I felt weird saying it without knowing it for a fact -, puberty was hell because of the pain and change in hair and body odor and periods, etc.) and I asked if there was any way she could help me in figuring it out. She flat out told me that I'm not intersex and she would know if I was just by looking at me.

Part of me is very upset that she refused to even check, but the other part thinks maybe I should just accept it and she's right because she's a professional. I'm not a professional and the only thing I know is my body, everything could just be a coincidence. Any help on this? Do professionals often refuse this stuff? What should I do?

And I'm fully willing to accept if I'm wrong here, I'm just confused on a lot of things abs need some help figuring it out

Hey there, thank you so much for sharing this with me. I know that this all can be a really hard thing to talk about, especially after trying to talk about it with others and getting a bad response or no response. I recognize how brave this is of you and how scary of a thing sharing all this can be. I really appreciate you reaching out!

I'm responding to this ask completely out of order of your statements in which order I feel are most relevant to discuss first, so apologies if that is a bit confusing.

That was absolutely unprofessional and cruel of your gynecologist to do that. I'm so sorry that happened. You are completely valid to be upset. You do not have to just accept it nor do you have to accept her treatment of you. It is okay if you feel hurt by that experience. It was, objectively, intersexist, and regardless of that, a cruel thing to do to a patient. Medical professionals don't always know what's happening to us better than we do. The reason they are often able to help us is because we speak up and say, "Hey! I have this thing that's happening to my body, and I know my body and know this is different or not normal for it or the general population. I need help with it!" Professionals often do refuse that sort of thing, but that is because intersexism is incredibly common in the medical field to the point that I'm unfortunately willing to wager that an intersexist medical professional is more common than an intersex ally of a medical professional.

Your periods absolutely are considered irregular, although I'm glad birth control has been able to offer you help with them. I am unsure what it is like where you live, but are you sure you need to go to a gynecologist to be prescribed them? You may be able to go to a different medical professional or general care physician. I was on birth control (pills and depo shot) as a minor for help with my period and was prescribed it by my pediatrician. I've never been to a gynecologist before (although I do want to) and haven't needed to in order to be prescribed any form of birth control. You might be able to look into if it's possible for you to not go to the gyno in order to get birth control pills.

Pain at the gyno is different for everyone. Some people will experience immense pain, while others do not. However, a good gynecologist will do everything in their power to reduce or eliminate pain. It is, however, absolutely important that you were in pain at the gyno. They should NOT be holding you down in order to perform whatever they need to perform. They SHOULD offer ways to relieve pain. This article offers an insight into the problem of pain in the field of gynecology. This page talks about pain management for the gyno. And, it is an unfortunate truth, that some or many gynos simply will refuse to treat pain no matter what you say, and that finding other gynos isn't an option. Or that certain providers won't even offer pain relief for procedures. I'm not sure what to do in those situations, and I'm sorry if that's a situation you end up in. But you should try to stay strong and speak up. Don't let medical professionals belittle you or traumatize you into staying quiet when you're in pain.

Reading on what you were saying about it being difficult to assign your sex at birth...that's just like, wow. That is a very strong sign you're intersex! In my opinion, if one's sex is ambiguous enough at birth that it can't be easily determined or took a long time to determine, I think that the individual is definitely intersex. Like, let's say they decided you were male. Can you imagine how that would have impacted you, being raised as male and treated medically as male? Would they have done procedures to make you align more with being "male"? Since it took a long time to determine, you likely had (and possibly still have) ambiguous genitalia. This might sound silly, but have you taken the time to examine your genitalia? What is your (presumable) clitoris like? What does your entire vulva look like as a whole? What about the inner and outer labia?

Warning for illustrated images of genitalia

Upon examining yourself, do you feel like your genitalia start to lean away from the 6/7 area? (And even if they don't, that's okay, you could still be intersex, but ambiguous/different genitalia are a definite sign you are intersex.) (And also, I'd like to apologize greatly in advance if you are visually impaired. I am writing this as if you are not as most people on this blog are not and they might find help in your experiences later. If you are visually impaired, I will do my best to help how I can with visual traits of being intersex, but, as of writing this, I'm unsure how to describe or find ways to self-examine oneself for visual signs of being intersex while visually impaired. There's more information about the scale I posted here.) You might want to try to ask about your medical history and if you've ever had any treatments for things like your hormone levels or your genitalia.

Regardless of that, you're mentioning things that are signs of hyperandrogenism and/or hirsutism. It's possible you have those things, or both. You could look into things such as NCAH, PCOS, and hyperandrogenism in general. I have any posts about those and any asks about people who do have or show signs of those tagged on this blog.

Again, I'm really sorry that happened to you. No one deserves to be treated that way. It's really, really hard to, but please do your best to stay brave and strong. I know it is hurtful to go through, but don't let medical professionals, doctors, or anyone deny your experiences or refuse you treatment or things you may need. You deserve medical treatment and medical reassurance. You do not deserve to be treated that way. You do not have to accept things at face value or the word of a medical professional who is mistreating you. Don't let them win. The medical field as a whole is unfortunately inherently intersexist. Medical professionals will often refuse that sort of treatment, even though they shouldn't. However, the answers are within your own body. In some cases, being intersex is only really able to be determined through testing, and most types of intersex diagnosis can only be determined through said testing, but, in a case like yours, one is able to determine if they feel the intersex label/community is right for them based on what they know about their own body. I know it's hard, but please keep advocating for your medical treatment. You might have to see if you can find other doctors or medical professionals who will treat you. And, also unfortunately, you need to consider that, even if you were able to be determined as intersex by a medical professional, it isn't unlikely that they'll try to conceal it. I am truly sorry the world isn't a better place for medical treatments in the fields of intersexuality and general sexology and gynecology.

You are stronger and braver than you know. You deserve to feel empowered about your body, not belittled. I hope I answered all of your concerns, and let me know if I missed anything! You aren't wrong or in the wrong. You are perfectly okay for questioning this, and you are right to feel hurt by such things happening.

#asks #Anonymous #questions #ncah #pcos #hyperandrogenism #hirsutism

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bottomoftheriverbed · 2 years

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I think the world needs more non-binary characters whose assigned gender at birth is never revealed

#i understand why it can be relevent but i also think that we need more characters who cannot be forced into male or female #this post was inspired by my oc camille who is genderfluid and i have absolutely no idea what gender they were assigned at birth #she might be intersex he might not they refuse to tell me what is in his pants and i do respect her for that #i think they present publicly as male because it's historical fiction and she also definitely chose his own name #that's it #non binary #non-binary #nonbinary #non binary character #writblr #lgbtq+#queer characters

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just-a-sewer-goblin · 2 years

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May I request a short story based on this idea please?

My idea is she has a grandmother that was a witch that worked for krolock making potions for him,mostly for Herbert's hair and stuff. Her grandmother died and willed all her things to the reader but the towns people feared the witch and was going to burn down the small witches home and farm but now they can't because reader has come and claimed the land. After krolock learns there is a new witch he sends Herbert to greet them. They can become friends first but Herbert can't stop thinking of the reader which he finds odd since he thought he was gay. Anyway the villagers get the courage one night, aka very drunk, and actually do burn the place to the ground. The reader is ran out of town after escaping the dangerous flames and rescued by Herbert. Maybe they end up as guests at the castle as they recover from burns and love begins to bloom. He would find out about the readers genitals when he helps with a bath that of course the reader was against at first but couldn't refuse.

Important! The reader in this is intersex but identifies as a woman; Their genitals are discussed; There is nudity (non sexual) ~3,300 Words This is my first time ever writing for an intersex character and I tried my best. If you notice anything offensive or inaccurate please tell me so I can change it! Also, I'm sorry you had to wait this long, please don't hate me! I have a hard time writing Herbert but I tried Warnings: non sexual nudity, discussion of reader being intersex, Herbert x intersex woman (Herbert is bisexual in this oneshot), reader being stuck in a burning building

Herbert hadn’t been able to contain his sigh when his father had sent him to greet the newest „witch“. Apparently the long lost grandson of their late friend had appeared and claimed the cottage and garden.

Herbert wondered how long it would take for the village to turn against this man too. He had to admit, it took balls to move somewhere where people had killed your grandmother for being a witch.

But it was of no significance to him. He just needed to be nice to him, so he would brew him his hair color. Maybe if the man was handsome he could also admire him a little. And if he got especially lucky he might even get a good lay out of it.

The leaves under his boots crunched while he made his way to the newcomer. It was a perfect evening. The warmth from a long summer day lingered but the air wasn’t stifling anymore. Through the green leafs he could make out stars twinkling, watching over the lone man.

As Herbert walked along the path under the moonlight the cottage just outside of the village came into view. The closer Herbert got the better he was able to see the garden surrounding the cute little house.

Plants were growing everywhere in thick bushes; moss and lichens were growing between the plants. Most flowers were closed due to it being night, but he could also spot a few open ones. The pale colors seemingly glowing in the dim light. There were mushrooms of all kinds and even the walls of the house were overgrown with well-kept twiners.

As Herbert approached the intricate iron fence he could make out your figure next to some blooms growing from thick stems. You were carefully touching the plants, strewing some powder onto the soil at the foot of the plants and watering them.

Herbert cleared his throat.

“Good evening Sir.” You gave no indication of noticing Herbert and he nearly called out to you again - maybe you were deaf - when your warm soft voice washed over him like a gentle summer rain.

“Good evening Herbert. To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?” As you stood from your crouched position and turned around Herbert got his first good look at your figure and he felt himself gulp.

Gods, this man had been crafted by the ones above themselves. Your posture, your figure, your eyes, your face, your hands, everything called out to the young vampire and he very nearly leapt over the fence to touch you. You cocked your head at Herbert and he eyed the strong column of your neck. Suddenly he felt like a newly bitten vampire once again. The sudden strength of the hunger in his chest surprised him and had him balling his fists.

“You know my name but I have yet to hear yours, Sir. I’m merely here to welcome you on the lands of my family.” He inclined his head and watched enthralled as you bowed to him and told him your name.

“I’d like to extend my condolences about the passing of your grandmother.” Herbert continued on, trying to get a reaction out of you before him and he noted with interest how your lips pressed into a fine line.

“Thank you, Herbert. That’s too kind of you. Now, if you don’t mind, I have a garden to tend to.” With that you turned around once again and crouched down in front of the next plant.

Herbert’s mouth hung open. How dare this… this guy treat him so casually? Why weren’t you scared of him? Why weren’t you intimidated by him?

And just like that you had him hooked. Maybe he wanted to get to know you better. Maybe you weren’t as boring as he thought.

After that first encounter the two of you fell into an easy friendship. Herbert would stop by whenever he needed new hair color and you would provide him with it in exchange for protection. The Krolocks made sure you stayed out of harm’s way and placated the villagers whenever your craftiness and knowledge got to be too much, to consider you a mere human.

Poor, stupid humans. As soon as someone who was more intelligent than the average person came along, they searched for explanations that didn’t take their narrow minds into consideration. After all, who would be willing to admit to the lack of knowledge that would expose the insularity of their mind?

He also came by when he was bored. Or missed you. Or wanted to see you. Or needed to hear your voice. Or wanted to confide in someone. Or had any other grain of reason to see you.

In conclusion Herbert came by pretty much every night and the initial awkwardness quickly gave way to animated conversations beneath the stars or, if it rained, under your roof.

Herbert’s flamboyant personality attracted you like nothing else ever had and when he confided in you about his attraction to males you hugged him tightly. He couldn’t see the way your expression fell while he buried his face in your nape.

You already had guessed but to have it confirmed hurt more than you thought. Sure, he assumed you were a male, but once he knew the truth all your hopes of him catching feelings for you would be for naught.

One late evening Herbert watched in rapt attention as your deft fingers mixed herbs and liquids to create the perfect shade of color for his hair. The way your fingers worked quickly made him think about just how talented your fingers were. Would they be as delicate and sure during other activities as well?

He quickly shook the thought from his head when you turned around and presented the hair lock you had colored as a test. A wide grin settled onto his lips and your eyes fell to his sharp teeth. What would they feel like, gliding along your skin?

You cleared your throat. “Is the shade to your satisfaction, von Krolock?” You bowed deeply and presented the golden locks to him in an exaggerated gesture.

Immediately he matched your proper tone. With two outstretched fingers he plucked the hair from your hand and examined it long and critically.

“I believe, my good Sir, that the shade will be perfect to emphasize the worth of my luscious hair.” Coquettish he threw his hair over his shoulder and fluttered his eyelashes at you. He held out the hair again and in an overly subservient gesture you bowed again, placed your palm beneath his fingers and placed a kiss to the back of his hand.

He let the locks fall into your palm and took back his hand, looking at it in mock offense. “Peasant scum! Daring to touch my divine skin!”

He rubbed the back of his tingling hand on his overcoat and both of you started laughing. He wasn’t able to shake the feeling of your lips and he balled his fist tightly. If only you’d touch him like that without joking!

You had turned around to put your herbs and utensils away and quickly touched your fingertips to your burning lips. If only you could kiss him like that everywhere!

That evening you parted with lingering looks and a long handshake. Neither of you wanted the time spent together to end. But alas, you were still human and needed your sleep.

When Herbert arrived at the castle about a quarter of an hour later, his father greeted him.

“Evening Herbert. What happened at the Witch’s? Did they need that big of a fire for something? It has been burning for at least half an hour now.”

Herbert turned to a window with rough movements. “What do you mean father?”

Krolock sighed. “There is a mighty fire at their place. You can’t see it from here, we have to go up two stories. The trees are blocking the view.” He turned to lead the way to a window with a better view.

Herbert’s voice was tight. “We didn’t light a fire.”

Krolock turned around so quickly his cape twirled dramatically behind him. His eyebrows had risen in concern and Herbert didn’t like the images of angry villagers and burning witches that crossed his mind. “Koukooooool!”

Immediately the servant came hobbling down a flight of stairs, grunting in answer.

“Koukol, you went to the village today. Did they talk about the witch?”

Koukol thought hard, scratching the top of his head and, finally, nodded.

“I whe. Ta-ta-talk o hu…”

Koukol strained his throat to get the words out, groaning in frustration when he was unable to formulate a word, much less an understandable sentence. His posture slouched even more in defeat.

But Krolock had heard enough and so had Herbert. He wasn’t one to usually use his abilities, seeing no need to, but as soon as Koukol had finished he had vanished to get to you as fast as possible.

Von Krolock softly patted Koukols Shoulder and smiled toothily at him. “Thank you.”

The servent perfed up immediately and went on his way humming. He had a whole castle too look after! He had no time for leisure.

Krolock sighed. Hopefully nothing too bad had happened. They had promised to ensure your safety and he would hate if he had to break his word. In addition to that he saw how happy Herbert had gotten since you moved into town. His son needed someone, who was able to meet him eye to eye. Someone to banter with and to confide in.

As Herbert appeared beside your home his stomach dropped to his feet.

A throng of villager stood a good twenty meteres away from your home, fleeing from the heat of the fire. There were flames everywhere. Your entire house was on fire and he could hear desperate bangs against the front door. Bile rose in his throat. No!

“Let me out!” He could make out your voice and everything in him tensed up at the desperation. He had to get to you. He had to safe you, he had to open the door, he had to touch you make sure that you were alright-hehadto!

He didn’t spare the villagers still lingering a single glance as he rushed through the burning plants and broke down the door. In the seconds it had taken him to get to you, your shouts had stopped and he felt a painful throbbing in his temples. If you were hurt… God have mercy on the villagers.

Once the door opened you practically fell into his arms. Your body must have leant against the front door.

You were unconscious and your pants had caught fire. He dragged you outside by your arms, shed his cape that was now burning as well and quickly patted at your leg until the small flames went out.

You didn’t move and he felt for your pulse with trembling fingers the rhythmic beating was the only thigh that helped him calm down. He took you into his arms and disappeared. He didn’t care if the villagers saw.

No, he wanted them to see. Wanted them to realize you had friends beyond human understanding. And if they hurt you again, he would have their hearts for supper on a silver platter.

The protests and shouts of the angry people didn’t even fall on deaf ears; they floated into the night sky and were immediately swallowed by the roaring fire.

Krolock watched his son, as he took you to a bathroom, shouting at Koukol to get water for the bath. The door closed behind you two. And the unever sound of Koukols footsteps faded.

Carefully Herbert laid you down onto the floor and touched your shoulder gently. “Sweetling? Can you hear me?”

When you didn’t react he gently placed his hand on your cheek. Nothing. Frustrated by his unability to do more than wash the smell of fire and the ash off you, he started peeling of his sweaty clothes and let the fall to the floor.

In the meantime Koukol had started filling the bathtub.

Herbert waited until the servant was finished, then he began taking off your dress-shirt. His hands trebled as he peeled the smelling clothes off you and he angrily wiped at a stray tear. He couldn’t lose you.

Once he had gotten the shirt off of you he eyed the white bandages tightly wrapped around your chest. His brows furrowed in confusion. Did you have an older injury? He didn’t remember you saying anything about it.

Well, he would take it off last and take a look at the wound.

Carefully in order not to bend your body into an unnatural position he started taking off your shoes and pants.

Once that was done he went for the bandages. He would leave your boxers on, maybe you would wake up in the bath. If you didn’t he still could take them off and wash you. But, and he prayed for the first time in his life, please wake up.

Carefully he started unwrapping your chest. With every layer he took off his confusion grew. He wasn’t crazy, was he? Did you…. Did you have breasts?

He forced himself to concentrate on getting you clean and conscious. This… this reveal, no matter how big, had to wait.

The last layer peeled away and he was left staring at your breasts. Those were definitely breasts. And they definitely belonged to you. Were you a woman? His head swam. No, he couldn’t think about this now! There were much, much more pressing matters at hand.

Taking a deep breath he lifted you up into his arms and settled into the bathtub with you. Carefully he shifted your positions until he comfortably leant against the edge. Then he leant your frame against his and made sure your chin stayed above water.

Your frame settled against his as if it had always been meant to be this way. If only you would wake up, he could die a happy man, having felt you in his arms. He snorted dryly. Yeah, as if he could die that easily.

He felt you stir and stayed as still as possible. You came to with a jolt. And he could feel some of his tension dissolve into the warm water.

The first thing you noticed was, that you were in a bathtub, with someone behind you. Naked. Looking down you realized your chest was uncovered and immediately your arms went to cover them. Nononono, who had seen you like this?

“Hello, sweetling.”, the hesitant voice of Herbert reached your ears and you turned your head looking at him over your shoulder.

“How are you feeling? Do you remember anything?” He watched the way your brows furrowed and had to hold himself back from kissing your forehead.

Your voice sounded hoarse, your throat abused by the smoke you inhaled. “I remember. You got me out?”

He nodded and both of you went silent. The most pressing matter had been addressed and now both of you were left to decide how to breach the second topic.

The tension was nearly palpable and if you moved too much you would bump against Herbert’s body, that fit against yours perfectly and oh god, what did he think of you now? He must think you were a horrible person for keeping this from him. He would never love you as you were… he…

“You are a woman?”, he asked softly, almost inaudible.

He practically heard your gulp and the tense line of your shoulders made him want to reach out and smooth his palms over them. God, why did he feel like this for you? Yu had lied to him… deceived him…

“I’m not… I’m… I was born both.”, you quiet voice soothed him. You were willing to talk.

“Huh?”, he answered intelligently. He didn’t want to say anything before you had explained. For all he could talk, he needed to make sure, to listen to you.

You still hid yourself with your hands but your shoulders dropped the slightest bit when you realized, that he had invited you to explain.

“I’m neither a woman nor a man. Well actually, I see myself as a woman, but everyone else sees me as a male because of my looks… I’m just too ugly to be a woman. At least that’s what I’ve heard.”

You felt Herbert wrap his arms around you, carefully staying on your stomach, in silent consolation. The quick squeeze of his arms told you everything he didn’t say in that moment. You weren’t to ugly to be anything you wanted to be.

“But despite having boobs and a… female part down below.”, you stumbled over your words, searching for the right way to describe your body to the man you loved “I also have … male equipment, so to say.”

“You’re a hermaphrodite!” You heard him exhale and his warm breath on your shoulder made you shiver. His arms held you tighter, growing more sure in their grip. The fact that he knew at least in some form about people like you somehow calmed you.

“You… you aren’t disgusted with me?” You hated the quivering of your voice. What if he decided he didn’t want you in his life anymore? What if he thought you were an abomination? Tears gathered in your eyes.

“Sweetling.” One word and all your tenseness faded. “Sweetling, I could never be disgusted with you.” He stalled for a short moment. “Would you… would you let me see?” He felt you stiffen again. “You don’t have to of course!”

He felt you leave his hug and held his breath as you turned around. Did you no longer feel comfortable? Had he overstepped? Did you…

You slowly, oh so slowly lowered your crossed arms and his eyes fell to your breasts. He could feel heat rising in his cheeks. But he stopped breathing completely when you stood from the water. Instead of leaving, you grasped the waistband of your boxers and began tugging them down.

Stepping out of them you let them fall to the bathroom floor with a wet splat.

You had turned your head to the side unable to look at Herbert’s face, when he took you in… took all of you in.

You drew in a sharp gasp when you felt his hands on your thighs.

Your gaze snapped downwards and you saw the way he looked at your most intimate part. The way his eyes were transfixed on your lower body made you feel hot all the way up to the tips of your ears.

His eyes, full of admiration, slowly traveled along your frame until he met yours.

As you saw the pure reverence in his expression all your insecurities faded. His eyes shone with emotion while he looked up at you.

“You are indescribable. Breathtakingly beautiful.”

You couldn’t help yourself as your tears began to fall and Herbert urgently tugged you down into the warm water again, hugging you to his chest.

“I… I thought you would be disgusted. I’m… I was so afraid of you hating me. I couldn’t bear it. I love you so much, I can’t lose you.”, you hiccupped.

His hand had found your hair and began petting you in slow repetitive motions. But upon your admission the movement halted. You drew back. Had you just said that out loud? In your relief the words had just dripped from your tongue.

“Oh no. No sorry. I didn’t mean to. I promise I won’t say it again. I know you are attracted to men and I know you…”

“I love you.” You came to a screeching halt.

“Gods, or whatever above, I love you. I may not know a lot of things. But this I know: I am attracted to you. It doesn’t matter what your body looks like. I love you.”

With wide, glassy eyes you held his gaze. Neither of you dared to look away. The moment was as precious as the first spring flower in your hands and you couldn’t risk to trample it by ignoring his eyes.

Cautiously you leant forward. Without hesitation he met you halfway. Your lips met in a kiss that was long overdue.

#Tanz der Vampire #tdv #herbert von krolock #herbert x reader #herbert x intersex!reader #bisexual!herbert #herbert x intersex!woman #pining idiots #a love confession!#witch!reader #but like #just a very intelligent person #who is very good with herbs #but people call her a witch

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veldian · 3 years

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tell us more of ur think tank hcs i personally am at the edge of my seat

HELL YEAH ALRIGHT HERE WE GO. some of these might be against canon in some way but that's your fault for trusting me with this

ALSO, AS USUAL, I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE. THIS GOT VERY LONG. when i think about the tanks i go fuckin wild with it

starting with pride headcanons to get the ball rolling

all the tanks are nonbinary, but additionally, dala is a trans woman and 0 is a trans man

8 hates gender he fucking hates it. every day he wakes up and says "today i will make gender my bitch" and then he does. he says this in the game too you just don't know cuz he only speaks in static (don't factcheck this)

if you ask 8 what pronouns she uses, they will shrug and give you a "i dunno" noise. sometimes it'll make a non-committal hand movement and some unintelligible noises. good luck

god this bitch (borous) is gay! good for him! good for him.

he's also intersex! i don't remember where we got that hc but i like it and im holding onto it

okay but borous calls himself bi because yeah Men, but he also loves dala very much and doesn't want to misgender her. also as previously stated, 8's main goal is to confuse everyone about their gender so the tanks all stick with mspec labels to be on the safe side. you never know what'll happen. gender is a ticking time bomb

bi gang: klein, borous, 0

pan gang: dala, mobius

don't ask her about any of her identities she doesn't know the answer either: 8

have i gone off about polytank dynamics enough? i don't think so

8 and dala started dating first because horny bitches gravitate towards each other. they can also "pass" as a "straight couple" so hopefully no one at work will look at them and call them slurs. hopefully

klein and borous knocked things out of the park for being the first gay scientists ever

8 and dala became polyam icons and pulled 0 in. trans bitches gravitate towards each other

klein and borous did the same with mobius. bitches with facial hair gravitate towards each other

???????

idk and then all six of them started dating somehow. the end

somewhere along the way klein and 8 were like "i like you a little too much" and now they're inseparable

okay anyway. misc hcs

ive mentioned this before but when i pretend everything is in modern times, 0 is a tiktokker and he thrives on the attention and making fun of his coworkers on the internet

"watching steven universe repeatedly when i felt even slightly bad transed my gender" - doctor 8 old world blues

i just remembered i made a carrd for the tanks as if they were kinnies in their early to mid 20s

8 kinned pearl su. borous kinned werewolf cookie. 0 kinned rimmer red dwarf. mobius kinned... morbius forbidden planet. obviously. klein refused to put his kins on it. DID DALA KIN FROM DANGANRONPA

i think at one point we had a half-joking hc where klein gets nauseous if he sees blood

and then that changed to he can't see others blood, only his own

while borous can't see his own blood, but he's fine seeing other ppl's

i know borous said that gabe barked at everyone, but i think gabe trusts the other tanks because he knows borous does

borous set up a kissing booth with gabe. the crowd goes wild

when the tanks get together they usually go to klein's. he's the leader or something. also he has a fucking bar in his house.

he complains about them the whole time but you can really tell he loves having people over. why else would he deck his house out like that? he LOVES hosting stuff. house husband

if you saw my chart where i said klein would rather die than do dishes, i was so wrong. his house is pristine. its easily the cleanest

klein's love language is acts of service. he goes over to his partners' houses when they feel awful and clean stuff up for them when they can't. he also makes them food if they want it. he only complains a little, but you can tell he's mostly teasing

did you know klein has five mugs in his kitchen in-game. he's literally prepared to host his partners at any given moment.

the group have learned that letting 8 come over when their house is a mess is a Huge mistake. it goes from 8 trying to help "tidy up" to "im going to put your books and albums in alphabetical order by artist also your clothes are going to be hue-sorted"

"8 why are there only 8 books on each of my bookshelves"

"it looks better"

"it literally does not"

8 can no longer stomach going into 0's house

on the other hand, 0 hates staying in 8's house. the ticking of all their clocks is sensory hell

on 80 date nights they have to do rock-paper-scissors for which house they go to. or they go out. they love each other but their houses drive the other fucking nuts

oh speaking of their houses. yes dala said she didn't like Literal Teddy Bears but that is null and void considering she has teddies in her house

and she has 5 on her bed. five of them :)

she named all of them after her partners! its mostly cute but there is a slight bit of concern because they know what she does with them <__<

not that 8 has any place to judge. mobius found batteries under its pillow once. all 8 said was "they can vibrate." mobius regrets touching them.

i don't know what to say about dala's mannequins i don't have anything funny im just scared

WHY ARE 0 AND KLEIN THE ONLY ONES WITH BATHROOMS IT DRIVES ME INSANE 0'S BATHTUB ISNT EVEN LAYING DOWN ITS AGAINST THE WALL WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT GENERATOR IN HIS BATHROOM DO THE OTHER TANKS JUST SHIT OUTSIDE I'M SEEING RED

mobius and 0 are both into robotics, and they worked together to make muggy, so they've had date nights where they mainly tinker with electronic things.

0 gets very excited when he makes a breakthrough, and seeing that warms mobius's heart. mobius made a habit of kissing 0 on the forehead or squeezing 0 into a hug when they figure things out.

(0 remembers he likes men.) 😳

dala/klein date nights are essentially just them drinking and gossiping chatting

i asked polycule for some more, so here are ones from your local think tank kinnies

borous -

"klein and borous both like classical music in very different ways. klein mostly likes it to feel smart (see: wheatley) but he just started associating it with the others so it felt nicer And borous just likes it bc hes borous"

klein also likes jazz, but so do all the rest of them

8 has a cochlear implant

"dala likes dressing up to look pretty (see: runway) but is personally embarrassed by it (until she gets encouragement) bc she feels like the others dont support that"

"0 loves collecting and reading those stupid magazines with the birthday party products and themes that ud wanna buy from as a kid but are way too expensive"

"mobius has a secret love for puppetry and will try to bring it up sometimes whenever he can. hes made 3 separate sets of the other tanks as puppets and they freak 0 out"

"borous, in an attempt to better his faults, has started learning from dala and 8 on how to take care of plants instead of what he did before. his basement turns into a cool little green house cozy cuddle area"

"to add on: 8 gardens to cope whenever hes alone bc (projects onto ur kin) he mood drops very fast when alone"

"mobius likes dressing in cozy sweaters and fancy stuff"

0 -

"0 doesn't like anal that much" (thanks.)

dala -

"their new rap album called boyz in the tanks" (THANKS.)

and to top things off, :) here are the normal names for them all, created primarily by our borous kinnie

klein - Ernest Klein (nicknamed ernie)

mobius - Wilbert Mobius (nicknamed bert)

borous - James H. Borous (nicknamed jamie)

dala - Dala Theodore (HER NICKNAME IS TEDDY ITS GENIUS)

8 - Emmett Handley (nicknamed 8 + emmy)

0 - Robert O'Barrick (nicknamed 0/O + robbie (HIM SHARING HOUSE'S NAME IS INTENTIONAL. HE'S TRANS HE PICKED HIS NAME WHY DID HE DO THIS))

#tech.txt #old world blues

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rivetgoth · 3 years

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I had this friend I met in the Hetalia fandom in like 8th-9th grade who was like, a lot older than me (I was like 12-13 when we met and she was like 17 or so), and we were REALLY close for a really long time, we'd talk and call every day and it got to a point where she was really dependent on me in this awful way where she would like constantly threaten suicide if I didn't answer her texts fast enough and shit like that. She was really rich cuz her dad was a doctor and one time she bought me an entire fucking Xbox One (I did not ask for it like... I'd always been a PlayStation gamer LOL) because she didn't have anyone to play Halo with her. My family still has it and uses it as a DVD player/Netflix machine.

Anyway the really batshit thing about this person (BESIDES the fact that she was like, definitely a pedophile who loved shota and frequently sexted me after she'd turned 18+ and I was like 14 and she also had both a bestiality and incest fetish that she'd talk to me about constantly — I was a kid I had no moral concept of anything and just liked being edgy and feeling mature) was that she was like. A chronic liar who constantly faked identities. And for years after cutting off contact with her I would look back and realize that she had faked even more than I had noticed at the time. The thing is, I knew for sure she wasn't lying about her home life -- Her address, what she looked like, her dad's profession, her age, her house, her pets, etc, were all things I had proof of. But when I knew her she was constantly remaking her Tumblr to escape drama she'd start, and she would constantly make side blogs under pseudonyms and pretend it wasn't her (sometimes it would be random shit like aesthetic blogs under different names or ask blogs for characters or smthn, other times it was like, callout blogs for people she had gotten into drama with where she would pretend to be someone else defending her). I assumed back then that I was always going to be in on it, because she would always tell me whenever she made one of these fake accounts, and sometimes she would encourage me to make a new account too as a sort of roleplay thing where we both pretended to be people we weren't... Until I learned that she wasn't always telling me. Every so often, I would become mutuals with a new account who would start messaging me about my interests and strike a conversation with me. Then something would slip and my "new mutual" would admit that they had actually been my friend all along... Which should have made me immediately cut contact because that's weird as shit, but I was young and she was a close friend, so I would just sorta accept it.

She ended up being like, horrifically transphobic. She got run off her blog twice for being specifically transmisogynistic, first insisting that she was allowed to headcanon canon trans women as feminine men and then on her next blog insisting that lesbians couldn't be attracted to trans women. I was still young and closeted and she was one of my closest friends and was constantly messaging me that the situation was making her suicidal and she was just wording things wrong and totally supported trans people and people just weren’t giving her the benefit of the doubt and she was still learning so I tried to just stay out of it without losing her. Then... I came out as trans lol. She stopped replying to me when I first came out and then made a bunch of vents on her tumblr about how much it upset her and about how “using he/him pronouns for AFAB people is triggering” for whatever fucking reason. She told me her “best IRL friend” who she had introduced me to once on Skype but who never logged in again after and who refused to ever do a group call or anything (definitely another fake account) said that it was irrational for me to expect my friends to respect my pronouns so soon after coming out and that I shouldn’t be upset if I get misgendered. Then she apologized but told me my name and pronouns would never fit me. As you can imagine, as a little baby trans kid who was closeted from my family and terrified of even having come to terms with being trans, I didn’t really have a great defense.

Soon she started being really woke like 2014 style Tumblr SJW to save face, she came out as nonbinary and told me in private it was because she felt bad when people called her cis during discourse (she absolutely wasn't nonbinary) and she coined a "new sexuality" that was "attraction only to people you perceive as feminine, regardless of how they identify" -- what this actually meant was "attraction to cis women and not trans women." She ran an aroace help blog despite not being aroace? And made a bunch of pride flags that I still see around sometimes to this day. She would start fights a lot and try to out-woke people and got into a bunch of drama with other SJW types of the day, got into a bunch of drama with TumblrInAction and Mogai-Watch and shit like that, and she claimed for a short while that she had a headmate (FWIW I totally believe DID is a legitimate thing but like. Trust me on this one.) who was transphobic and that it made her so sad, she told me that it was actually that headmate that had been transphobic before, and every so often her headmate would front out of nowhere and misgender me and use really abusive language like calling me a cunt or a bitch or whatever. She started making these "intersex nonbinary" OCs who she would constantly make porn of under the guise that they were representation for LGBT people who were just like, extremely fetishistic cuntboys and dickgirls (they were “intersex” to explain why they could be “girls with natal penises” or “boys with natal vaginas”).

At that same time, she somehow always managed to have these random, very sporadically active trans women mutuals who were apparently amazing friends of hers, who shared some interests with her but also would defend her when people brought up her past, with these long-winded “Well, I’m a trans woman and I think what she said is perfectly justified and everyone makes mistakes and she’s always been a good ally!!” Then one day some trans woman received an ask from her account where she claimed to be a “black trans woman” (she was, of course, a white cis woman) and she freaked out and claimed she had “been hacked by TiA or 4Chan to make her look bad” — I realize now she had just been sending anon messages pretending to be things she wasn’t and forgot to hit anon LOL. Late in all of this she also got into a bunch of hot water for being really antisemitic and saying she didn’t trust Jewish people because they were just like Christians and like, 5 seconds later she came out as Jewish and wrote this whole long sad vent about how she had had internalized antisemitism and then started going by a random Hebrew name LMAO.

In the end the final breaking point was when I found her secret TERF blog, where she had been making posts for months about how trans men are just insecure women who are trying to escape misogyny by stepping on the backs of “fellow women” and using me as a fucking example, and also saying that me not coming out as a trans man had been “basically rape” since she had been SEXTING me when she was 18+ and I was 13-14+ and that it was traumatic to know someone she had trusted was secretly identifying as a man LMAO. She was also obviously saying all sorts of transmisogynistic things, but also had these really bizarre fetish posts about wanting trans women to fuck her...? I confronted her about it and she literally fucking out of nowhere told me that she was in the emergency room with a mysterious illness that might kill her and she was allowed to have her phone but due to privacy laws couldn’t send a picture as proof. While “in the hospital” she deleted the TERF blog and her personal blog. I had known her for literal YEARS at this point (we had met when I was 12-13 or so and by the time we no longer spoke I was a few months from 17), and I was completely stunned to fucking hear this person trying to pull “I’m in the hospital with a deadly disease” at being confronted for some shit like that LMAO. I made a post about it on my public and another “trans woman friend” of hers logged in to vehemently defend her by saying that there’s nothing wrong with AFAB women being untrusting of trans people because female oppression is uniquely traumatic and that there’s nothing wrong with women expressing their sexuality by sexting minors as long as the minor consents and that I was the real predator for “hiding that I was a man” (remember, I’d been a 13 year old closeted trans boy), before never logging in again... 😭 One of the last times we ever talked was when she demanded I refund her for the fucking Xbox and I refused.

Anyway, the long-term aftermath of that is that a few people online (in some random cringe areas of the internet) who archived some of her antics still think that I also wasn’t a real person, since they caught onto how much she lied about too, so they think I was also a sock puppet and I have no interest in clarifying and making myself known to those people LOL. I have no fucking idea where she is now, she deactivated everything after her being a TERF came out. There’s like, so much more to that I could say because I knew her for YEARS and, like I said, she was one of my “closest friends.” Her parents had wildly expensive pure bred designer dogs that she would make Vines of. She wrote Beatles real person fan fiction. For her birthday one year I made her a shirt on Zazzle with an inside joke about one of her OCs... does she still have that? Either way, she was easily the most batshit person I’ve ever known closely online and I will forever associate the Hetalia fandom with people like that.

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atruththatyoudeny · 4 years

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Monthly Reads | July 2020

Happy 28th! As always, my undying love goes out to all the amazing authors this fandom still has. You are all incredible! Thank you for sharing your work with us ♥ Here are all the 21 fics I read and enjoyed this month:

⋙ The Murmur of Yearning | MediaWhore | historical - no smut - arranged marriage past rape/non-con - implied/referenced dubious consent - minor character death - slow burn - 93k Four years ago, Harry Styles was forced into a marriage of convenience to enrich and ally both his and his promised's families. The sudden, and slightly suspicious, death of the Marquess of Haxshire, however, brings great disturbance to Crescentfield Hall and, as his late's husband's closest male relative, Harry unexpectedly finds himself the head of a family he never felt he belonged to. Between a meddling distant cousin hellbent on inserting himself in Harry’s life, his wicked and mistrustful mother-in-law and his late husband’s advisors refusing to help or take him seriously, Harry struggles in the fight to keep what he’s earned and make the Estate finally feel like home. Luckily he doesn’t stand completely alone and finds himself an unlikely ally in Mr Tomlinson, the elusive Land Stewart who has been taking care of the property in the shadows for years. Louis Tomlinson is caring, patient, and unlike everyone else, he doesn’t seem to think Harry committed a murder.

⋙ Donor-Conceived | jaerie | a/b/o - omega/omega - friends to lovers - intersex omegas - pregnancy kink - unplanned pregnancy - fertility issues - miscarriage mentioned - male lactation - lactation kink - 31k When Harry receives the worst news of his life, it's now or never if he wants to carry a child of his own. Without an alpha, it's a daunting idea. But after it's a go, he finds another omega having a child from the same donor and become fast friends. It is only logical that they raise the boys as half brothers, making sure their sons keep up the relationship with the only connection to their anonymous father. It seems like the perfect plan but life doesn't always work out that way.

⋙ Just a touch of your love | anonymous | a/b/o - touch-starved - past abuse - past rape/non-con - miscommunication - anxiety attacks - 12k “What if something happened to you? What would I say to Niall?” “Nothing, he would have to wait to see my corpse on the news like everyone else.” Deadpanned Harry. Louis’ gasp was all the answer he got. Ok, so that might have been a bit too much. With a calmer voice, he said, “It’s really fine. I’ve walked to the tube countless times, I can handle myself. Just go home and tell Niall to stop mothering me.” Louis was finally walking by his side and gave him a sideways glance before talking. “He doesn’t know, does he? Of your, uh, condition.” Harry tensed and his breath became erratic, but he didn’t say a word. Louis continued. “His nose probably hasn’t picked it up, and you’re lucky Liam’s also a beta, but it took me a minute to confirm it. Your scent is gettin’ so…” He seemed to struggle to find a word. He didn’t finish the sentence, but the emotion in his voice made Harry’s tummy churn. -- Or, Harry is a touch starved omega trying to get through it on his own. Louis happens to be the only alpha around to realize it and offers to help.

⋙ We're Not Who We Used To Be | jaerie | trans female character - trans Harry - childhood friends - friends with benefits - transitioning - gender dysphoria - body disphoria gender identity - first time - self-medicating - reference to depression - 7k Louis comes back to his childhood home and sees an old friend who has changed quite a lot since the last time they saw each other.

⋙ Sincerely, Yours | anon | strangers to lovers - military - 25k Prompt:Historical AU where Louis is a soldier on his way to first deployment and Harry is working at a diner. They meet there when Louis is waiting for the bus, Harry tries to cheer Louis up and agrees to write to him while he's deployed because Louis doesn't have anyone else to write to. People kinda make fun of Harry for writing to (and falling for) a virtual stranger but otherwise everything is great until Louis stops writing. AKA travelin' soldier by the Dixie Chicks but gay and with a happy ending.

⋙ Ever Since I Tried Your Way | anon | historical - 1940s - 1950s - farm/ranch - internalized homophobia - hurt/comfort - emotional hurt/comfort - fluff - smut - gender exploration - body worship - 26k Harry had been kissed before, but never like this. He’d shared sweet, curious kisses behind bleachers and in soda shop booths, one or two more daring ones in cars parked on dark suburban streets, but the girls he’d kissed had never filled him with the desperation that erupted from Louis’ touch. He parted his lips and pulled him closer, as though he could breathe Louis straight into his lungs, as if he could swallow him. He wanted to consume Louis the way he consumed the body and blood of Christ. He wanted to place Louis on his tongue and feel him dissolve into a frothy mess of starch and saliva. He wanted to gulp him down until his teeth were stained purple and he was drunk on him. He wanted him in some violent holy way that made his hands shake where they were twisted in Louis’ shirt. In 1949 Harry left his bride at the altar, running away from the only life he'd known. When a kindhearted farmer offers him a ride in his truck and a place to sleep the two find themselves inexplicably drawn together. Isolated on Louis' farm with nobody but a field of dairy cows to intrude, the men are finally able to explore the parts of themselves they've spent their lives hiding away.

⋙ sleeping on our problems | falsegoodnight | a/b/o - college/university - mpreg - friends with benefits - angst - slow burn - hurt/comfort - 67k I’m in love with you, Louis thinks. He feels empty, weighed down by his sadness and the loss of Harry inside him just moments ago before his knot finally went down. There’s moments where he’s sure Harry feels the same. Like now, when he’s gazing down at Louis with so much adoration and tenderness. It’s like they’re both on the cusp of something more, but neither of them ever say a word. His confession is on the tip of his tongue ready to slide out like honey, and yet he remains silent. They both do, looking at each other and recognizing the reluctance mirrored in each other’s eyes. It’s then that Louis realizes they’re both scared. - Or Louis sleeps with Harry and they have more than just catching feelings to worry about.

⋙ in a world alone | falsegoodnight | a/b/o - Swan Lake AU - historical - royalty - magic - curses - friends to lovers - slow burn - mpreg - 51k Harry’s breath catches as the glow grows bigger and bigger until he’s squinting his eyes and blinking at the sudden intense brightness. He closes his eyes, rubbing at them helplessly. When his eyes open again- he gasps, grip loosening on his bow as he gawks at the sight before him. Because the swan is gone. And in its place is the prettiest omega Harry has ever seen. - A Swan Lake AU

⋙ The Baby Whisperer | jacaranda_bloom | strangers to lovers - prior mpreg - neighbours - fluff - smut - kid fic - 19k Harry’s newborn baby is having trouble sleeping and nothing he does seems to work. Tired and alone and at his wits end, Harry is at a loss until a new neighbour arrives to turn his world upside down. OR the one where being neighbourly takes on a whole new meaning.

⋙ was in no hurry, had no worries | defencelouis | strangers to lovers - car accidents - smut - daddy kink - 21k The year is 1999 and Harry can’t stop dedicating songs to Louis on the radio. Or the one where Harry hits Louis with his car.

⋙ Strong Enough | jacaranda_bloom | enemies to lovers - exes to lovers - angst - smut - divorce - 21k “So…” Liam starts, and Louis instantly knows where this is going. He’s actually glad it’s Liam that's dragging the subject out from the shadows and into the light. Louis turns to face him, mirroring his position on the couch and nods, ready for him to continue. Liam takes a deep breath. “Have you spoken to Harry recently?” Five years after Vertigo goes on hiatus, the band comes back together for a benefit concert. Can Louis and Harry work through their complicated past, or are some wounds too deep to be healed?

⋙ What's It Gonna Be? | zeldasayre | high school - 37k Louis looked thoughtful for a moment. “When are you meeting with Clare again?” “Thursday,” Bebe said, looking over at him, the ice clinking in her glass as she stirred it with a long spoon. “Why?” He grinned, narrowing his eyes. He took a long, dramatic pause, sipping his lemonade, and then said, “Scheming.” aka I've watched Shura's "What's It Gonna Be?" music video one too many times. ((Or, Louis and Bebe, best friends since childhood, have crushes on two of the most popular kids in school, and in an attempt to increase their respective chances, Louis befriends Harry Styles, quarterback of the football team, while Bebe befriends Clare Uchima, head cheerleader. Only... the plan... doesn't go exactly as planned.))

⋙ There Goes My Life | anonymous | older larry - colleagues with benefits - mpreg - unplanned pregnancy - smut - lactation kink - 8k Metallic taste in the mouth, check. Aversions to favourite foods, check. Nausea without throwing up, check. A heightened sense of smell, check. Sore and sensitive nipples, check. It had felt as though Harry had been ticking off boxes from his own mental checklist and every new addition brought him closer to an existential crisis. Pregnant. Everything over the last few weeks began to make sense; thoughts he pushed from his mind because he was too busy, and to be honest too scared, to think about. Getting knocked up from a few-night’s-stand was something that happened to teenagers and/or uni students, but certainly not to a forty-year-old Member of Parliament such as himself. *** Or, the one where Harry is single, a Member of Parliament, gets knocked up and has to deal with navigating motherhood in his forties. And Louis? Well, his life is about to change forever as well. This is a tale about colleagues with benefits and the consequences that can come with that.

⋙ Mother I'd Like to * | anonymous | implied mpreg - MILF Harry - 4k “What’s up, dad?” Oliver asks Louis, standing in front of Harry in a way that hides his friends from the view. “Is there something wrong with your mom? Your friends are staring a lot.” Oliver goes beet red at that. He groans and hides his face on his hands. “Oh my god. Oh my god.” --------------------- Written for the prompt: Harry’s and Louis’ son is like 16, so he is hanging out with his friends and his friends are teasing him about how hot his mother (aka harry) is, just like the 1D boys always did with Harry about Anne. The son feels super uncomfortable and Louis is super confused why these little teenagers boys always stare at Harry’s body when he is cooking for them whenever they visit until he finds out they think of Harry as the hottest milf in town (more humor than actual sexual references pls, this is supposed to be more funny than awkwardly sexual :D)

⋙ An Invincible Summer | Brooklyn_Babylon | farm/ranch - historical - 1940s - period-typical homophobia - adoption - minor character death - epilepsy - homophobic language - smut - 44k Never content to stay in one place for long, a few months down south researching for his novel seemed like an idyllic, slow-paced summer to Louis. He wasn't ready for the blistering heat, the backbreaking work of watermelon picking, or how stifling the attitudes in rural Georgia would feel. And he definitely hadn’t anticipated falling in love with the farmer’s son. The summer of 1946 would turn out to be everything worth writing about.

⋙ a trail of honey through it all | faeriestyles | strangers to friends to lovers - mild violence - D/s undertones - 27k The boy in front of him, well really, the man in front of him, was like something out of a confusing wet dream. Built, tall, tan and muscular, his skin glistened with sweat after a long day of working outdoors with his hands. He was wearing a cut up old American football shirt, the bottom hem was torn and the sleeves were cut off to the point where the t-shirt was really just a loose tank top. The shorts he had on had clearly been full length jeans at one point, and were now just crudely cut off above the knee. His white socks were pulled up too high on his calves, and the brown work boots he had on were old as fuck, the leather peeling along the edges of the soles. Curly brown hair stuck out from the edges of his backwards snapback, and there was a smudge of grease wiped along his brow bone. The smattering of hair along his jaw proved that he hadn’t shaved in a week or two, the hair growing in thicker across his upper lip and around his chin. His sinfully bowed mouth was pink and plump, and Louis was suddenly hyper-focused on the way that he chewed at the toothpick stuck between his lips. He looked like he needed a shower. Louis wanted to lick him. Or, the TPH fic we’ve all been waiting for.

⋙ The Recklessness in Water | LarryOn | light angst - smut - 50k Louis Tomlinson is miserable. He's stuck on a family vacation at a lake cabin in New Hampshire when all he wants to do is bemoan his sorry existence and wallow in his sweatpants. As if the humidity and mosquitos weren't bad enough, he becomes the singular target of an obnoxious lifeguard named Harry.

⋙ baby blue | soldouthaz | cowboy AU - famous/not famous - angst - hate to love - enemies to lovers - smut - hurt/comfort - minor violence - 39k Harry Styles takes his time coming out to greet them. Louis only knows what he’s seen on file and what he’s heard them talking about, but he fully lives up to the image he had inside of his head. He saunters down the front steps of the farmhouse in his Levi’s, brown snakeskin boots curving out from underneath the denim Louis’ sure he had specially made. He’s got on a plaid button-down tucked into the jeans because of course he does, curls spilling out from either side of his cowboy hat around his sunglasses and country-tan skin. “Harry Styles,” he drawls, extending a hand to Louis’ manager, “Pleased to meet ya’ll.”

⋙ with no way out and a long way down | we_are_the_same | royalty - soulmates - strangers to lovers - fluff - angst - no smut - emotional hurt/comfort arranged marriage - 31k Prince Harry is ten when he receives his soulmark.

⋙ adjudication | bottomlinsons | royalty - historical - enemies to friends to lovers - enemies to friends - love letters - betrayal - slow burn - light angst - arranged marriage - 75k Harry's been engaged to Princess Charlotte of Ryde for as long as he can remember. He's come to know her, to love her, through the letters she's sent him over the past three years. But when the wedding finally arrives, Harry quickly learns that nothing is as it seems. With his crown and country at stake, Harry must decide who to trust in this strange new land. And the sly Crown Prince of Ryde doesn't seem inclined to make things easy.

⋙ Something to Prove | trysomecats | a/b/o - enemies to lovers - mpreg - smut - 9k Louis is the first and only omega to work at Red Valley Medical Center. Despite being more than qualified, he still faces prejudice for his career choice everyday. From patients refusing his treatment to condescending alpha doctors intervening with his work, practicing medicine in Boston is more challenging than Louis had ever thought it would be.

#fic rec #28th appreciation #monthly reads #monthly fic rec #my reads #larry fics #completed fics

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you-can-be-what-you-want-to-be · 3 years

Text

Blink of an Eye 20

Warning for like, police. Basira briefly shows up and talks about her and Daisy’s police brutality, and it’s vaguely mentioned that the justice system is transphobic, but only in that Sasha, who is intersex and put down as male at birth, is roomed with Tim, who’s cis, and Jon and Martin both being trans men are grouped together.

The heist of the century as Tim calls it, goes off without a hitch, despite Helens “coming along” apparently meaning “will pop in to watch you and refuse to let you use my doors to help.”

The blowing up of the unknowing goes... moderately well. The beholding shows the group that it can in fact distract people and pull their gaze away, allowing them to set up the charges in relative peace, and it lets Tim see the death of his tormentor, which after causes Martin to excitedly yell “did you SEE THAT?!?!” Like an excitable child after the explosion.

The issue of course comes with the fact that they get arrested after as blowing up buildings is illegal. They give their story about the unknowing and being kidnapped by clowns/ revenge, and are left to sit for several hours in a jail cell, and because police are horrible, and Sasha’s parents had decided wrong what to put on her birth certificate, and Jon and Martin were both trans, they get divided into two different cells.

Helen is again no help and only pops in to laugh at them briefly.

“Well,” Jon says “this is better than the last time I was held against my will somewhere.”

“Yeah....... not alone this time, so that’s good?”

There’s a long tense silence, and the awkwardness only gets worse when beholding decides to give Martin information.

‘He finds carousels thrilling’ ‘he likes your laugh’ ‘you both like carnations’ ‘he doesn’t like poetry but thought yours was alright’

He isn’t sure but he thinks.... he thinks Jon might be trying to give him a sign to shoot his shot. He really hopes he’s right because otherwise the next however long this is going to be will be really awkward, but he can’t think of a better reason he would start sharing facts about Jon liking his laugh of all things.

“Jon there’s.... there’s something I have to tell you, something important, and I don’t know if I’ll have the nerve to say it later. I’m- I like you.”

Jon furrows his brow a bit at this.

“While I’ll admit I was rather unfair to you when we first started working at the Archives, I was rather hoping that it was obvious that we like each other.”

Martin is torn between face palming and dropping the topic, and kissing this ridiculous man, so he settled for laughing uncomfortably.

“No like, I’m.... I have a crush on you, Jon.”

Jons mouth drops into an o shape and there’s a long moment where they just sit there.

“God I’m sorry that was stupid of me to say, obviously you don’t feel the same and now I’ve made things weird while we’re in here for who knows how much longer alone-“

“Martin, stop, it’s fine it- it’s fine. I uh- when I was... when I was kidnapped I didn’t just have your tapes that you sent me. The eye, it sent me some as well, just a lot of moments of you, or sometimes would update me on how you were doing or little facts about you and.... I’ve been trying not to think about it, to be honest. It was a horrible month, and I wasn’t sure if it was just because it’s really all the comfort I had at the time or if- if what I started feeling was genuine.”

“Jon I- are you saying-“

At that moment a nearby door opened and a cop wearing a hijab walks up to the bars.

Spooky Jon seems strangely excited about her appearance though, so Martin figures this is probably okay.

“Why’d you blow up the museum?”

Martin wants to tell her that they already gave their statement, to just ask the other officers, but beholding pulls st his and jons vocal cords, and they’re suddenly spilling almost everything.

When they’re done, she gives them a long look.

“You said a tape monster or something pushed you to do it?”

“Well, I mean it was more the revenge and the whole ‘being kidnapped’ thing and it just helped, but yeah.”

“Hm. There’s- we had a run in with that too.”

“Oh? Well, would you want to make a statement, pool our knowledge so to speak?” Jon asks.

“No,” she says firmly, but Martin can feel the static in the air that comes with a statement.

He doesn’t like that he’s so comfortable ripping peoples stories out, he doesn’t understand why, but that’s the least to be expected when you’re a fear god of knowledge he supposed.

“A few months ago, I got a tape in my living room. I listened to it pretty much immediately after having it checked for any weapon mechanisms that might be in it, because in this line of work something mysteriously showing up in your home tends to either be a threat or a ransom of some kind. Still might of been in a way.

The tape had audio of D- of my partner talking to someone. Everything they said was cut out but the things she said- well it wasn’t nice. I always knew a little bit what she was doing, but I didn’t know it had gotten so bad. Or that I had either. When you’re job has you against the worst of society, it gets engraved in you that you’re all the other has, that everyone else is out to get you so you better have each other’s backs.

The tapes made it clear that she’s been hurting people, and that she hates it. I assumed she was trying to admit it with the tape, but more kept showing up the longer I didn’t bring it up, and some had my voice on them, complaining about her being weak, about her being dead weight because she was trying to avoid hurting people, and I realized that the guilt, the... the withdrawal or whatever it was being described, was something that hadn’t happened yet but needed to, and that I was part of the problem.

We still don’t really know what it is that’s going on though, just that something is making her hurt people and that it hurts her to not, so I’ve been keeping a closer eye on her and we’re only trying to take cases with really bad people, repeat offenders who are more likely to be guilty, just in case my eye slips off her and she’s.... tempted.”

There’s a tenseness in the air.

“That’s- that’s horrible.”

Martin hmms in agreement with Jon and silently asks beholding for any input.

“If you have any alternatives I’d be glad to hear them.”

“Hold on,” Martin says “I just might. It sounds like a fear addiction.”

“A what?” Jon asks incredulous while Basira just looks at him, waiting for him to go on.

It’s really unnerving.

“Well it’s- her entire thing is chasing people down yeah? She’s not breaking into cells or anything to beat at people, and the- the beholding’s telling me hunt? The um... the avatars kind of feed off fear so I guess.... you guys could make it so that she can’t hunt anymore? Amputation or something.”

Basira glares at what feels the depths of his soul.

“No.”

“Ok,” he squeaks “it was just an idea.”

Beholding decides to help him a bit more and a tape appears.

“‘What? You think people are so special it’s only our fear that counts?- Everything feels afraid sometimes. Sure, maybe it’s not as complicated or… existential as our fear, but it’s real. And there’s, what, twenty billion chickens in the world? A few billion pigs, cows… How many of them are dying of old age? All that terror, it has to go somewhere.’”

Basira gives the tape an untrusting look, but seems thoughtful.

“That’s an idea.”

She looks back at Jon and Martin.

“You’re being released by the way.”

“Really?” Jon asks “it’s that easy? You just... decide to do it, no paper work or anything?”

“Oh no, I came in to let you out actually, I just wanted to hear about your whole deal first, see if you had any useful information, and you did.”

“WHAT-“ Martin starts, but Jon puts a hand on his shoulder to ground him. He’s pissed too, but he knows how to best interact with officers for his safety. There’s no guaranteed way of course, and he’s never been very good at social interactions, but not actively yelling at them when they’re about to be let go is a good first step.

Basira just shrugs.

“Worked out fine didn’t it?” She asks as she digs out the keys to let them out “your stories checked out, and there’s a few less monsters in the world now. Also someone paid big money to have you released so.”

“We don’t know anyone who isn’t here, much less anyone who’s rich, who’d have us released?” Jon asks.

They get out of the holding area and barely have time to reunite with Tim and Sasha before a head briefly pops around the door and disappears again, followed by someone with horrendously dyed hair and boba tea coming in the room on heelies and then promptly tripping and falling on the floor.

“ELIAS?” Tim chokes out.

“Glad to see you doing better” Martin says. “ Coordination could use some work though.”

“Oh fuck off,” he says, voice surprisingly high. “I was supposed to gouged my eyes out, of course I’m not very good at this. Give a blind man a break.”

“You aren’t blind though,” Sasha says “or at least you have both your eyes.”

“Fine then, I am uncoordinated because I lost twenty years of my life and didn’t have the ability to walk on my own all that time.”

“It’s been three months,” Martin says.

“LOOK ok, do you want me to bail you or not?”

“Shutting up.”

“Sorry what is HAPPENING HERE” Tim asks.

“Oh yeah so. I’m Elias, nice to meet you all, Jonah Magnus was possessing me for a long time, it was hella bunk but your evil eye dude helped me out.”

“What’s with the uhhh...” Jon vaguely gestures to all of Elias, except for the horrendous 90’s slang which isn’t a physical thing that can be gestured about.

He takes a long sip of his boba.

“The guy who stole my life was filthy rich, and I’m like, traumatized. It’s called coping bitch.”

“Have you perhaps tried therapy?” Sasha asks.

“Oh shit, is that a thing you can do now without getting any flack? Nice! Oh BTW, beholding told me to give you guys these, don’t know why but enjoy.”

He hands Tim and Sasha two tickets to Malaysia and Jon and Martin two tickets to Scotland.

“And as your boss technically, I’m giving you a mandatory month off, sorry. Anyway, byezz!”

They all look at each other shocked.

“What the fuck.”

Everyone kind of just nods in agreement, and beholding drops plane times into their heads.

“Right then. We only have about an hour to pack, so best get going,” Sasha says “See you guys next month.”

#tma #the magnus archives #Blink Of An Eye #Beholding #beholding jon #god jon #my fic

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the-mad-starker · 5 years

Text

Starker RP: Diamonds and Roses

If you’ve seen this moodboard before, don’t worry, I’m just reposting cause I’m too lazy to make a new one.

BUT! @lovely-garnet and I have been teasing people with our prison AU rp... And we’ve finally starting posting it. Here’s chapter 1 and 2 together since we didn’t post chapter 1 previously. We’re hoping to update once a week.

AO3 Link: Chapter 1 (2359) | Chapter 2 (6101)

Summary: Prime Alpha Tony Stark is sent to prison. He can get out in a second, but instead, he decides to play nice and bide his time. Do things the legal way, for now anyway. While incarcerated, a sweet faced omega wants his help but at what cost?

Notes: Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics, Prime alpha Tony, Omega Peter, intersex omegas, prison AU, future smut including anal sex, vaginal sex, blow jobs, etcetcetc...

💗 💗 💗

Chapter 1: The Boss

When the news broke out, the public reactions were a mess.

Those who only knew him only as a kind benefactor cried out against his imprisonment. Those that worked in the shadows alongside him were either pleased or worried about the status quo. After all, Stark Industries was a big name that had its fingers in many pots. With its head cut off, or in this case, imprisoned, there would be an inevitable chain of events if SI couldn't remain on top.

Tony Stark didn't worry about that. Even though the great mafia boss Tony had ended up in prison, things weren’t that much different after all. He did what he always did.

Walk in.

Take control.

By the end of Day One, he had most of the prisoners under his thumb, ruling over block B with everyone falling in line. It wasn't a complete takeover, of course, but the ones at the top of the food chain… Those people were his now.

It would've been easy to just buy out the compound. Tony could afford it but why get rid of all the excitement in his life? No, sometimes it was good to have fun.

Still, this whole prison thing was a bit of an inconvenience. He had to waste his time here when he could be out playing in the real world instead of having to eat sloppy food and sleep in a single creaking bed. But this was a necessity. There was a reason Tony was here and he'd sit tight and endure it.

The prison was a bit unusual, of course, as the prisoners here weren’t just common riff raff. It was huge and spacious with some amenities, but… It was still a prison.

There were beta guards everywhere, personnel trained specifically to go toe to toe with alphas. Supposedly, they could take an alpha down. 9/10, Tony heard they could subdue a raging alpha. It might take a couple of them to do it, but they did it nonetheless.

The prisoners had a rigid schedule. Specific times for sleep, showering and eating - filthy bathrooms and tiny cells. Violence was pretty common around here, not that Tony would know… If there was any violence going on around him, he was never the one on the receiving end.

Now, his prison sentence was set for as long as he would be able to sit still in this place - that was Pepper’s advice on the matter. But even though it had only been a week behind bars for Tony, the tension in the cell block was already quite high.

For whatever reason, he had to share the cell block with another prime alpha, and that had lead to many of the other weaker alphas to choose sides and start up fights. And he was the one that had to keep the peace, somehow.

A lazy Sunday afternoon was coming to an end when his right-hand man passed through his open cell door. It seemed as if he was hesitant to disturb Tony for the laying man had his eyes closed. So for a moment, Happy waited to see if the other would notice him. But the matter was important so he decided to clear his throat before speaking to announce himself.

“Boss,” he greeted with a low voice.

Tony didn't give any indication that he heard the man, except for his eyes barely opening. His entire posture was that of a man relaxing but anyone smart enough knew who he was. What he was.

So the correct analogy to make would be a predator lying in wait. Not resting. Waiting. There was a glimmer in his eye that proved it, a sharp, brilliant gaze that belied the relaxed posture of his body.

He knew Happy wouldn't disrupt him for anything that wasn't essential. And for Tony, essential meant business. He didn't get to the very top by letting others handle his business, oh no, his gang was built from the ground up by his hands and molded to his liking by his every decision.

“Hmm?” Tony prompted.

“Ms. Potts has some news for you,” Happy told him, making sure to keep his voice a low murmur.

Tony heard it clearly. With a single fluid motion, the alpha sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He got up, stretching relaxed but powerful muscles.

“Does she now?” Tony smiled, a sharp grin that normally put others on guard. “How do you feel about taking a walk with me, Hap?”

It had only been a week, but Happy was still wary about the prison rules and their reward/punishment system.

“I think it's almost time for lights out, sir,” Happy hedged. Smart beta, not outright defying Tony but saying enough that he let the prime alpha know his concerns.

“Take a walk with me,” Tony said simply.

“Okay, boss.” Happy agreed despite his concerns. He knew better than to refuse such a simple request.

Tony led the way out with Happy following behind him like a shadow. He could feel the eyes of his fellow prison mates on him before they darted away. No one would be caught dead staring him down, not if they wanted to keep their eyes.

It was close to lights out. On a Sunday like this, they preferred to keep the inmates indoors. But as Tony had mentioned, he was in the mood for a walk.

The beta guarding the door leading to the yard outside didn't meet his eyes. He turned to the side, peering at something in the distance, pretending that he wasn't allowing Tony Stark to just wander outside as he pleased.

The air here was refreshing but the towering walls were an eyesore.

Tony ignored them and turned to the man behind him.

“What do you have for me?”

The yard was empty as the light of day was quickly fading, but even if no inmates were nearby, Happy was being extra careful to ensure that no one was listening. Happy turned behind him to check if anyone was around and then looked over at Tony again.

The night breeze chilled him to the bone but he didn't flinch. He was a tough guy but most importantly, he was standing face to face with Tony Stark. Keeping his stern and controlled appearance was crucial.

For a moment, Happy seemed to be conflicted, an attempt to speak that was delayed for reasons unknown. Then he reached in his pocket to pull out the smallest looking scroll that ever existed. It wasn't at all acceptable to make Tony wait so Happy let out a sigh and spoke.

“Ms. Potts sends word that there is some progress being made...” His voice trailed off and then stopped as he glanced at his closed fist where he was palming the tiny piece of paper.

“...But I have something else that may be of interest to you. I was approached by a... kid... saying he needs to talk to you.” Happy crossed his arms in front of his chest as he recalled the weird encounter. “I told him to get lost but he was adamant.”

Happy shrugged in an indifferent manner but then his expression grew concerned, darker. “An omega.”

The information from Potts, Tony filed away for later. Happy was right that the second part was more interesting to him. Entertaining was maybe a better word.

Tony watched the expressions play out on his second's face as he talked about the omega. Happy was a beta so these things didn't really make much sense to him.

“An omega, hmm?” Tony watched Happy with hooded eyes. He folded his arms loosely, tilting his head at the beta.

“Who told you that you can have an opinion regarding who sees me and who doesn't?” Tony's pose was relaxed but his voice was icy with disapproval.

He looked away from the man, not bothering to wait for a reply. A lot of people came to see Tony when he got admitted to prison. Alphas, betas, omegas. Tony was proven to be the best of them, the strongest, the prime. Everyone gravitated to him for one reason or another, but whether or not he had a use for them, that was a different matter.

Happy making those decisions on his own without informing Tony first was a rookie mistake. So Tony made sure his displeasure was known.

“Hap, buddy,” Tony said casually, “we've known each other how long? Years. No one ever needs to talk to me. If there was ever a need, I'd get to them first. Tell me more about the omega.”

To try to make excuses now for his decision to dismiss the boy would only make his situation worse, so Happy stood in silence as Tony spoke. In truth, he didn't believe that there was a reason for his boss to waste his time with that... mousy omega.

Of course, he didn't really understand what it all meant. He only knew in theory how things worked for alphas and omegas. What he knew first hand, though, was that Tony's displeasure could result in very unfortunate outcomes, so he noted to never repeat such a mistake again.

Feeling intimidated but refraining from showing it, Happy nodded with a stern and collected expression. His opinion was that the omega was complete nonsense but decided not to share it. Tony didn't seem like he would appreciate it very much so he stuck with the facts.

“He gave me this,” Happy said, opening his palm to reveal the paper he was holding on to. “The letters are tiny but it writes the place and time that he wants to meet with you. Now, before you say it, I know this is...” He waved his hand and shook his head as to indicate how unacceptable this all was.

“But I looked him up and found out why he doesn't want to meet you out in the open. Thing is, he is under Thanos.” Now the beta paused.

His opinion was - again - to not bother with this but he kept it to himself. He glanced towards the back to make sure that no one was listening to their conversation and then his eyes returned to Tony, concerned and heavy.

“I don't know what he has to offer, yet, but I can get him to talk,” Happy promised.

“Under Thanos,” Tony hissed, a tiny bit amused.

He knew the guy. Big, beefy alpha that was always waxing on about the necessity of balance. They weren't at each other's throats, not yet anyway, but Tony wasn't entirely fond of the man.

Then again, the fact that Tony was sharing space with another prime alpha when he didn't choose to was probably the cause of that. It didn't matter that there was plenty of room for multiple alphas, there was something about Thanos that Tony didn't particularly like.

He waved away Happy's suggestion and plucked the piece of paper out of his hand. His eyes scanned the words, noting the time and place before he tore it to shreds and let the wind carry the tiny bits away.

“If he didn't talk to you then,” Tony said, “he's not going to talk to you now.”

He patted his second on the shoulder. “You did your job, Hap. I can take it from here.”

Then he smiled, a curving of his lips that was just a bit dark.

“Besides, it doesn't seem like I'm leaving this place anytime soon,” Tony sighed. He knew he was getting out, the question was when. “I may as well pick up a hobby or something.”

An omega. He had his pick of people to choose from to keep him company. But an omega that was under Thanos might just cause problems.

Why would Tony bother with that? And yet, the boredom was already setting in. He had sway over the prison, but even then, demanding a lab and whatever he needed to keep his mind entertained would either be too much or take too long.

He could use a bit of entertainment.

“I'll handle the omega,” Tony told Happy, “In the meantime, you can handle Thanos. Not directly, of course, but you can distract him or something.”

He glanced at Happy with a smirk. “I can trust you to do that, can't I, Happy?”

Happy was right to believe that this would pique Tony's interest. After so many years of knowing the man, he understood that he was easily bored. An omega would be entertaining for him, at least for a while. That's why he had brought this information in the first place even though it was against his better judgment. This omega could cause undesired complications, though, and he wasn't even really worth it in Happy's eyes.

Such a small and young little thing, but he had fire burning in him to make such a bold request. Happy would give him that, at least. Or the omega was just stupid, that could always be the case.

Maybe Happy was wrong to worry that this situation could get out of hand. It was just one tiny omega that could be used to keep Tony occupied and not bored out of his mind while they do…

In truth, Happy wasn't sure what they were doing in the prison. He only knew that where his boss went, he followed.

It wasn't his place to think about it anyway, but despite knowing he should just shut up and obey, Happy said a hesitant, "Boss?"

Maybe the news of fresh entertainment had tempered Tony's mood since he gave a small, indulgent smile at the beta.

"Yes, Hap?"

"Why are we really here?" The beta asked, a hint of uncertainty in his tone.

That smile didn't fade even the slightest.

"Diamonds and roses," Tony Stark answered and that was all he said on the matter.

It didn't make sense to Happy but he had already dared as much as he could stomach for the evening. So, Happy nodded with obedience, “Boss.”

That was enough to show that he would do anything that Tony asked of him - or rather, commanded.

<hr>

Chapter 2: Deals in the Dark

<hr>

(AO3 Link)

The time of the meeting had drawn near.

That was why Peter was pacing around in his cell unable to calm his nerves. Clenching his jaw in an attempt to control his fear, he finally gathered the courage that was needed to go along with this plan. There was no other way and he knew it. This was his only chance.

He walked out of the cell and down the stairs, relieved that none of Thanos’ men were around. Weirdly enough, the guards didn't pay him any mind either.

It was late in the afternoon, and at this hour, the prisoners were free to use the common areas or rest in their cells. It was the only possible time to slip through the prison grounds unnoticed.

Light on his feet, he made it to the hallway that led far and away from the main living area and down to the boiler room. Peter had snatched away the keys to this place when he had first arrived a few months ago.

It hadn't come in handy up until now, but this was a perfect spot for a secret meeting. It was secluded so his scent wouldn't draw any unwanted attention and it had only one entrance. One entrance, one exit. Safe and dangerous at the same time.

It could also be the perfect place for a trap, but Peter dismissed that thought with a shake of his head. If Tony Stark was to harm him... He could only hope that he wouldn't do that. That the prime would listen to him, that he would help him.

Perhaps, he was naive but there was so much riding on this meeting. Not to mention the very fact that his heart pounded at the thought of meeting the prime…

It was time.

He walked inside the room and it felt like he was entering the wolf's den. Peter shivered as anticipation and dread grew in equal measure. He was risking everything to be here in this tight and dim lit place.

His lean and frail body was dressed in the standard prisoner’s uniform but around his neck, Peter had a makeshift, tight collar made out of bandages. It was so feeble that it could be ripped off by anyone, let alone an alpha that would want to mark him. Yet there it was, an attempt to shield oneself.

With his hands already covered in a thin layer of sweat, he walked to the back of the room next to the tubes and pipes that came out of the wall and hid in wait.

<hr>

Tony's footsteps made soft little clicks as he walked. The man could be quiet, of course, he could, but he didn't need to.

The guards didn't look at him, averting their eyes in respect. The prison uniforms were ghastly and ugly and even Tony couldn't get out of wearing them. But the way he walked, his strides confident, face forward, eyes unwavering, no one noticed the uniform.

He walked with a confidence that many tried to imitate. It wasn't exactly a strut, no, that was too arrogant and arrogance implied unworthiness. No, Tony was confident and that confidence played a big part in making others bow to him.

He caught the faint scent of omega as he grew nearer to the meeting point and here, he paused, inhaling and scenting the air to get more intel.

The omega was anxious, a distasteful note of bitterness that Tony could almost taste. It made his nose wrinkle but it did make him curious. Omegas were flighty things and briefly, Tony wondered if the omega would run after all.

It would displease him to have his time wasted, but as he continued walking to the destination, the omega's scent only strengthened. He was certainly there, a thought that pleased Tony's alpha side.

The boiler room, a particular choice. Tony wondered at the reasoning. Did the omega really trust Tony to let him go if things went wrong? What a peculiar thing to do.

And yet, as he stepped through, Tony felt a bit more entitled to be a gentleman. It wasn't every day that something caught his attention this much. And he hadn't even met the omega yet.

Time for that to change.

“An interesting place for a meeting,” Tony noted out loud.

His voice carried just enough to fill the room. He moved away from the entrance, leaving it free as a show of good faith.

Long before the prime spoke, Peter was already aware of his presence.

He had heard him come. Those confident steps were unmistakable but most importantly, he could smell him. And this wasn’t just any scent, it was a prime alpha’s and it flooded the room the moment he stepped inside.

To the sensitive senses of the omega, it was deafening, overpowering. Peter needed time to adjust because his breath had been immediately cut off, his ears ringing, and he hadn’t even seen the man whose commanding presence it belonged to.

Truth be told, he hadn’t expected the prime to show. Why would he? But now that he was here, Peter felt unbalanced, his resolve weakened.

“Come out, little jailbird,” Tony called out, “Let me see who has the balls to summon me, hmm?”

At once, Peter’s entire body urged him to obey, but the boy felt his knees tremble and stood frozen with a hand tight above his pounding heart.

After only a few moments of mustering up the courage needed, Peter revealed himself. Not that he was ready, but he would never be. He had his fingers curled in tight little fists as he tried to appear in control and failing all the same.

Nevertheless, he walked in small but steady steps out of his hiding spot to present himself to the man that had gone out of his way to meet him. The alpha had answered the request of a stray omega and as unexpected as that was, the boy had counted on it with all of his heart.

Peter wasn’t stupid, he understood that Tony had shown him grace by being here. That was what he told himself, at least. He was trying desperately to not give in to the intimidation and fear he felt.

His big brown eyes were fixated on the floor. He would never dare to plainly look at the prime alpha. That would be too bold, too disrespectful. But even with his eyes averted, his mouth was tight with determination.

“This was the only place I could think of,” Peter replied, his voice steady for the time being. He dropped his gaze further down and to the side. “Thank you, alpha, for meeting me.”

There was a slight tremble in his muscles, a shiver as if the boy was cold.

Glancing at Tony’s general direction, he realized that the man had stepped away from the entrance. That made the tightness in his chest ease a little, his body a bit more relaxed. And that had to be enough.

After days of watching from afar, finally, the prime's eyes were on him. His breath caught, heart stuttering as the prime alpha eyed him up and down.

Tony wasn't sure what he expected when the omega came out of his hiding place. Happy had no information to give him besides saying the omega was a kid. At least that much was true, the omega certainly was young compared to Tony.

Observing the boy, Tony couldn't help but wonder how he had gotten into this place, how he even survived. He looked so small and vulnerable that Tony's alpha side wanted to react in one of two ways.

It wanted to stalk forward and destroy. Something so weak seemed almost too pitiful to exist in these walls. Why even bother?

But a larger side overtook it. At first glance, the omega didn't seem like much but his actions spoke of a deeper depth that Tony found intriguing. It was already a good sign that the omega was seeking to talk to him. Tony could only imagine a few reasons why an omega would seek an alpha out.

That was just the way of things.

Truthfully, Tony wasn't surprised.

It was nature, really. The weak turning to the strong and Tony was the strongest of them all. And yet, despite knowing this, Tony still felt something when he looked at this omega. To his surprise, he felt more inclined to lure the omega in, to find out more about him. To protect him.

Such dangerous thoughts for an alpha like Tony Stark. He'd have to monitor himself to make sure none of these unexpected feelings turned into a weakness that could be exploited.

The alpha leaned against the wall, arms folded as he looked at the boy. He tilted his head in acknowledgment, not that the omega would see it.

“Your name, kid,” Tony said firmly, “You know mine, obviously. It'd be rude to speak otherwise. And that would be such a pity since you've tried so hard to be respectful.”

Peter lifted his gaze, curious, as he peeked at the alpha in front of him. The prime asking for his name had caught him off guard. In prison, hardly anyone had used his name, especially alphas.

It was an unexpected… surprise. A good one since the alpha was almost trying to be civil.

“I’m Peter... Parker,” he answered with a hint of excitement that he tried to push down while smiling gently at his feet. The prime’s presence was intimidating, yes, but also... soothing.

“It's true, I know who you are,” Peter continued in a small voice with that smile lingering on his pink, hesitant lips.

He took another step towards the alpha and then stopped. The omega wouldn’t approach any further than this, even if the Stark’s demeanor and overall posture were relaxed.

“Everyone knows who you are... You're kind of a big deal,” he said demurely. He nervously scratched his cheek, not knowing what to do with his restless hands.

Tony smirked at the omega's words.

“Kinda a big deal, hmm?” Tony echoed, amused, “That's cute, Parker.”

At the alpha's casual response, Peter relaxed further. The gentle approach calmed his nerves. Maybe it would have been better for him to hold onto his fear- this was a prime alpha, after all. In this world, alphas like Stark were at the top of the food chain, the hunter, and the omega was at the very bottom. The prey.

But then, as if Peter remembered the reason he had requested to meet with him, the boy’s expression turned serious. Unsettled even.

“Alpha, sir, I–” he stuttered and got mad at himself for showing weakness in front of the alpha.

Clenching his jaw, Peter turned to the man and looked at him. The distress he was trying to hide was clear in his wide eyes. “I need to ask for your help if you would give it.”

Ah, Tony finally thought.

He worried for a moment that the boy would beat around the bush. Essentially, that this Peter Parker would waste his time. It was good that he got to the point.

The alpha watched and learned with keen eyes, taking in every quiet detail that gave him clues as to who he was dealing with.

Omega body. Omega gestures. Omega submissiveness. Everything about the kid was omega which was appealing to Tony's alpha nature.

A slight sniff to the air showed that Peter wasn't afraid of him though. That was good. Even though omegas were programmed to be the more submissive of the trio, Tony didn't want to bother with someone so weak.

He tilted his head in thought, listening with some interest.

Then the omega met his eyes and Tony's breath caught. The omega's eyes were so captivating, so determined. There was an edge of desperation there and it just made Tony so damn curious.

Lured in by those brown doe eyes, Tony pushed himself off the wall. The alpha prowled forward, eyes hooded as he came to a stop in front of his prey.

Peter didn’t waver, he stood his ground looking up at the alpha as he approached. Even if he felt his cheeks heating up, the redness spreading to the top of his ears, Peter stood still.

Tony took the omega's chin between his fingers, making sure Peter wouldn't look away.

“Spit it out then, kid,” Tony said softly, “A man like me isn't just going to agree without hearing your offer. So, what is it, hmm? What has you in such a bind that you came to me?”

Then his lips quirked up into a wicked smirk.

“And more importantly, what are you willing to offer me?”

The boy’s lashes fluttered because of the alpha's proximity. Tony didn't seem affected, his gaze steady and smile, unfaltering. Was Peter the only one being affected? He couldn't shy away, even if that was the case.

It was pointless to try and hide. The alpha could surely scent him and hear the pounding in Peter's chest. And he could see the small flames dancing in the brown of his eyes.

No matter the foolishness that was going on in his mind and heart since the first time he had gotten a glimpse of the prime... It was not the point of their meeting. And so, he pulled himself together, furrowing his eyebrows and tightening his fists.

“It’s Thanos,” Peter spoke and his muscles tensed, the mere mention of the name made him flinch. “He… promises one thing and does another. He makes himself out to be a… a savior but he lies. He's not what he seems... He's… a bad man.”

In his strained voice, the hatred was evident. The things he had seen… he couldn't forget or forgive but he also couldn't go off on a rant no matter how easy it was to do so. Peter knew he had to be quick, concise, and as persuasive as he could.

“I know I’m young and... But– Is it wrong to seek shelter away from him? He does as he pleases with omegas, with everyone that works for him, and–” Peter averted his eyes now, even if Tony was holding his chin up. He was embarrassed by his outburst but tried to push it all down.

“He means to humiliate me, to take my suppressants away... That’s inhumane.” He gritted his teeth, looking down and to the side.

“So, I’m begging you to take me under your wing.” He turned back to Tony with wide, hopeful eyes. The omega’s scent unleashed in waves since the need and vulnerability had shone through.

“And I’ll do anything you want,” Peter continued, voice steady and a fierce look in his eyes.

The scent made Tony's lip curl but besides that, there was no other reaction.

Every word, every sentence that came from the omega's mouth had conflicting emotions rioting inside the alpha. The information on Thanos caught his attention but it didn't matter. The gist of the matter was that this omega wanted to switch sides and while it could be done, it could be messy too. Would it be worth Tony's while?

The offer he dared to give the prime was what made the alpha's mind go quiet with dangerous intent.

“Now,” Tony purred, a low sound. In another world, it might've even been soothing, but here and now, it should've sent alarms ringing in anyone's mind. “That's a bold faced lie.”

The alpha smiled, but it was empty. A mean smile that held nothing back of what Tony was.

The hair at the back of Peter’s neck stood as the atmosphere in the room shifted. At once, uneasiness crept into the young one’s heart as an underlying fear made itself known. That Tony Stark was like any other alpha. That Tony Stark was another Thanos...

“You can't– Or well, I suppose, you shouldn't be offering things like that, omega,” Tony said casually.

He rubbed his thumb across the other's cheek, playing up all the dangerous signs that omega mommies told their sweet faced omega children about alphas like him. He grazed his thumb against the soft swell of Peter's lips, eyes dropping to where he touched him.

“Is this what you promised Thanos? Anything?” Tony continued, “Why are you surprised he wants everything then?”

He pushed his thumb inside, ignoring the heat that started to swell in his own body. As much as he was down for a fuck, there was something more important for the omega to learn.

Paralyzed by his words and actions, Peter looked up at him with huge eyes. His breaths became shallow, one by one, before stopping altogether once the alpha’s thumb was pressed between his trembling lips.

“You say something like that, you better deliver,” Tony said darkly. “And I know you can't, won't.”

He paused then removed his hands but continued to stare down at the boy.

“There are things people are willing to do and things they aren't so willing to do,” Tony scoffed. “When I said what are you offering me, I don't want some bullshit answer. You think you're willing to give me everything?”

Tony chuckled then jerked his head towards the wall. “Strip. Present for your alpha, omega.”

The omega was utterly shocked and frozen in place. Once the words made sense, he stepped forward, unwilling to let Tony’s accusations unanswered.

“I didn’t promise anything to him!” Peter cried out in protest. The insult was too cruel, too false to accept.

It couldn’t be true! Peter refused to accept it! That instead of finding a savior, he would be made to choose between whose hands he would suffer in.

But the injustice and the heartless words were too much to keep quiet even if it was against his instincts to defy the prime in front of him. It hurt him deep down because the omega had been enamored by the alpha in the few days that had passed. Looking at him through shy eyes from a safe distance.

His young innocent love had been allowed to bloom deep within. Peter knew that he shouldn't have, that it was a road that led nowhere, but he couldn't stop himself from dreaming.

This very dream flickered before his eyes, at this moment, as he stood before the man that threatened to crush Peter's heart in his palm.

“...So you think to humiliate me, as well?” He almost choked as tears burned at the corners of his eyes but there was no chance to back down now. If Thanos learned of this, he would strangle Peter to death with his bare hands.

“I wasn’t lying,” he sobbed, lowering his head and tugging his uniform shirt over it, making his hair a mess. He let it slip through his fingers and drop to the floor.

His chest was left covered in a white undershirt and the boy clenched the fabric, trying to silence the nerves that shook his body.

He had to prove himself. He had to. While looking down, he lowered his pants and stepped out of them.

But that was it. The boy couldn’t do anything more.

Paralyzed, he stood in his underwear and shirt, his hands close to his chest. His eyes were wet with tears but he didn't dare let them fall. He couldn't look the alpha in the eye, his face was burning with mortification. Instead, his eyes were pinned to the ground as he waited for the alpha’s judgement. This was far from the presenting that the alpha demanded of him, but Peter couldn’t find the strength to do it, not all the way.

Some alphas got off on the scent of fear. It smelled sickeningly sweet with just a hint of sourness underneath.

Tony had learned to tolerate it, but never cared for it much. He might even learn to detest it, especially with the small omega trembling in front of him. The scent of his fear was almost offensive compared to how it was before Tony revealed himself to be the monster he was.

Tony could even muster up a tiny bit of regret if he wanted to. Scaring the omega was his goal, but he hadn't expected– What a mess.

He sighed, a deep heavy sound before he ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

“Christ, kid,” Tony huffed, “The point was to be careful with what you're offering. You can't say you'll do anything then be surprised if they take as much as they can. Ever heard of give an inch, take a mile?”

He deliberated his choices. He could just walk away. The omega would probably count himself lucky. Maybe even avoid all alphas and primes in the future. Lesson learned and all that.

Alphas were scum.

He could wash his hands of this. Maybe even keep an eye out for the boy as recompense for the rude awakening Tony had given him. But did he want to walk away…?

Tony could make this right. Walking away wouldn't solve the boy's issue with Thanos. Wouldn't save him from becoming a prison bitch. Not with that attitude and no protector.

Another sigh, but truly, there had never been another choice for Tony.

He stepped forward, knowing his actions might be read wrong but doing it anyway. He enveloped the omega in his arms, scenting him in the only thorough way an alpha can claim another without actually getting down and dirty.

The boy in his arms had been through a rollercoaster of emotions already and it didn’t seem like there was going to be an end to it any time soon. In his confusion, Peter tried to back away when Tony stepped closer, still too agitated, too unnerved to think clearly.

“I'm not so heartless. I'm not so greedy or cruel,” Tony admitted reluctantly. “But others aren't that way. You can't trust anyone, kid. Better you learn that now.”

Peter flinched, barely able to listen to what the alpha was saying through the hammering of his heart.

In the next moment, however, the alpha’s scent bathed him in comfort, in warm and fuzzy feelings of protection that Peter had never known before. And that made his body relax, whether he wanted it or not.

To be granted a prime’s protection in such a gentle and caring way made Peter’s knees weak, his body calm and pliant. He was young, inexperienced, never marked or claimed in his life and now he had been completely overwhelmed in the arms of the powerful prime.

His instincts had risen within him, taking hold of his mind as Peter pressed his face against Tony’s strong chest. He lifted his head towards the man’s neck, taking in the scent that was even more intense there.

Soon, Peter was so much calmer even though his heart was beating fast but that was for entirely different reasons.

"What– what is this..." Peter murmured, dazed, scent drunk and barely fighting. "Why are you..."

The alpha held him and he even felt fingers stroke through his hair.

"I'm giving you what you want," Peter heard the alpha say, his voice so soothing that the omega felt like he was sinking into a soft cloud.

The scent tapped into Peter’s instincts, forcing his body in this more relaxed state. He felt how it soothed his mind, pushing aside his previous fear and almost leaving him in a drugged out state.

It felt good but… Alpha wasn't angry with him… His mind was in a haze and the clarity that he had before… When adrenaline made his heart pound and his mind skip a thousand thoughts a second of what he could do, had to do… It was gone, out of reach and he almost… almost didn't care to have it back.

Something about that was wrong.

Primes were dangerous, Peter always knew that but now, more than ever, he understood why.

Their scents were potent and whether or not Tony only meant to soothe him, not steal away his mind, it was affecting Peter too much.

It was casting his inhibitions and logical thinking to the side. He didn't want that, not when so much was unclear between them. He needed clarity to not be tricked by the alpha if that was his intention. Tony could not be trusted.

All this could still be a game, a farce, something to entertain this man for a few minutes… hours… days? The fear of being such a toy made his heart seize and where it was content and excited by being so close to the alpha, it now threatened to break. It was more than enough to clear his head.

Uncertainty made Peter's form stiffen and he pulled his nose away, seeking to escape the gravitational pull of the alpha.

"But… Who's to say that…" he uttered. He was fearful, yes, but also determined. "That… you're not just like him? Just another alpha." Peter asked and glanced at the alpha with furrowed eyebrows.

Tony's eyebrows rose in surprise.

He has given the kid what he wanted. His scent would be on the omega and as soon as he walked out, the other inmates would know. They wouldn't touch Peter for fear of angering Tony Stark.

Once Thanos learned of it, surely there'll be a clash between the two primes. When confined in such tight spaces, it was always meant to happen but the omega in his arms would've been a catalyst.

Protection. He was giving Peter what he wanted... Or was he? Under his wing…

Tony was intrigued.

"That could almost be an insult," Tony said with a devil may care smile. "Just another alpha… Are you always so impulsive, sweetheart?"

He let the boy go, stepping away and looking around the small, dark room to gather his thoughts. Even if Tony had his equipment and toys right in front of him, his attention would still be captured by the omega waiting for him.

"Who's to say I am any different," Tony considered, not at all offended. Then with a sly smile, he turned back to the omega, settling his hands on the boy's slight shoulders. "Except you. You're the one saying that by coming to me. Have I proven you wrong then? Am I just… another alpha?"

His own conviction had saved him but the alpha pulling away had certainly helped. Even then, the powerful scent was pulling him in but he resisted. It was getting easier to manage through it the longer they talked.

They… They were truly engaging each other now, something Peter didn't think would happen. He needed his wits together to be on par with the prime.

Peter shook his head and his curls bounced around with the movement. Insulting the prime had not been his intention, of course, and he became flustered. Even so, he still would not back down. The scent coming from the man was not agitated which helped Peter continue.

An omega's place was not to judge or measure alphas, let alone primes. Unless they were asking for trouble... Which Peter did just by requesting this meeting.

"Alpha… seems different," he admitted, keeping the rest of his heart's secrets to himself. "I…" he swallowed, "I have seen you…"

The boy had heard of Stark's ways within the prison. That he didn't mistreat those that were vulnerable and if there was ever a reason to fear an alpha… Stark's people feared him for the right reasons. But maybe he hadn't had enough time to show what he was capable of.

The boy’s admission made Tony wonder what exactly Peter had seen. What had Tony done to invite such curiosity and trust?

To his knowledge, he took over his side of the prison almost ruthlessly, all kinds of people bowing their heads to him.

The omega continued to speak though, so Tony put the thought aside for now.

"What if… Alpha promises…" Peter proposed shyly and bit his cheek. "No tricks or games…"

Tony raised a brow and stepped closer, their chests almost brushing. It pleased him when the omega continued to gaze up at him, expectantly and with such an unnerving gaze.

"Did you learn nothing from what I did?" Tony murmured, not unkindly but curiously. "How can you trust me? You're asking me to promise something with no way of holding me accountable."

His smile turned almost sad then.

"No tricks, no games?" Tony repeated, "Don't you know who you're talking to? Ah, you shouldn't be in this hellhole, kid."

Peter tilted his head, while still looking up at the man. Young innocence flickered in his eyes, so easy to be extinguished at the hands of an alpha. He stared into Tony’s dark gaze, wishing he could see what went on in his head, his thoughts and desires, his motives and wishes.

The boy was guilty of his crimes… That was how he had landed himself in this mess. But even with the fear that one of the primes could take him apart, Peter wouldn’t change what he had done. He kept that to himself, however, since he truly believed that Tony had no idea. Tony didn’t even know he existed before this meeting, no doubt.

He shrugged his shoulders, but his eyebrows twitched upwards, making an arch. He recognized now that Tony called his bluff and hadn't expected Peter to actually go through with the request. To Peter, it told him that the prime hadn't had bad intentions… Stark just had a shocking way of doing things.

But what could Peter use that Tony would abide by…?

“I will hold you to your word,” he said and lines of distress formed across his smooth little forehead.

“On a prime’s honor,” he continued with a stern expression. His scent was giving away, however, how intimidated he really was.

Would this boy ever stop surprising him? The alpha wondered.

"A prime's–" Tony ended up chuckling.

He couldn't even fathom– It was ridiculous. The omega was holding him to a promise based on such a fanciful thing. And yet, something stirred inside the prime and it… It didn't exactly ache, but it was bothersome.

Then that scent reached him… Sour… His nose twitched in agitation. Rather abruptly, the alpha decided that he didn't like that scent, not when it was previously so sweet and alluring. Before Tony had played his game, as the omega called it.

"Honor, huh?" Tony smiled indulgently, "That doesn't exist in this world, sweetheart. But…"

His chin dipped, just the slightest acknowledgment.

"If you want that promise, then you can have it," Tony relented with a careless shrug. "Is that enough? Or should I sweeten the deal… Add something nice to make up for what I did. Diamonds, perhaps?"

Peter smiled at first, a bit hopeful since the man gave him the promise. He shouldn't trust him fully, Tony had said it himself, but Peter did. He trusted that he would keep his word, even if it had been given to someone insignificant like him, a stray omega.

Then his eyebrows lifted at the alpha's curious proposal.

Diamonds…?

With a tilt of his head, Peter looked up at him, his expression softening in wonder. It was meant as a joke, he was certain. It couldn’t be that the prime would truly offer this to him. But even if he was, the omega had no use for precious stones. What good could they do… They were just for show, void of true meaning.

He smiled innocently.

"No… no need for diamonds," he said lightheartedly while shaking his head. The omega's defenses had fallen. He was exposed again, letting go of his reservations and fear. His smile turned tender and apologetic almost.

"A rose would be nice, though," Peter gave back. His inner thoughts and emotions were bare for the alpha to witness in the vastness of his brown eyes.

Ironically, the request would be more difficult to fulfill. Diamonds, Tony could have smuggled in. They were tiny and easily hidden. Peter would perhaps have a hard time keeping them but anyone who knew they were a gift from the prime wouldn't dare touch them.

But a rose… Another fleeting thing. Something that wouldn't survive here. And yet, Tony wanted to get it for him.

Maybe it was because it was a challenge to do so. Maybe it was for some other reason…

Roses and diamonds… He thought wistfully. It didn't mean anything to the omega, but it did for Tony.

He dismissed the thought and instead gave the omega a charming smile.

"A rose… It would suit you," Tony told him. "A rose and a promise then, along with my… protection. What then are you giving me in return, hmm?"

Peter would not repeat the same mistake as before. Offering anything to the alpha was just not persuasive enough since he had already backed down from such claims. Yet the omega was determined and would go very far to have Tony as his protector.

“I’m tough. I may not look it, but I am,” he said and gulped, his cheeks getting a bit rosy.

The words didn’t match with his softness, his vulnerability that was so obvious in his scent.

“I can work for you, obey, and be devoted. I can… do the dirty work.” He glanced to the side, unsure.

The omega knew that he didn’t seem like much, but this… he really meant it.

Tony hummed in response and gave the boy a look over.

Whoever heard of an omega doing dirty work? That'd be interesting, indeed. Tony couldn't even really think of what task he would give the omega, but then, having a potential piece is better than not having one at all.

He'd find a use for Peter eventually, he was sure of it. At least the boy learned quick.

"You want to be a grunt in my… organization?" Tony said thoughtfully but shook his head, "I don't need more grunts. I have those in spares, even here."

He gave another thoughtful hum and let his eyes linger on the omega's pretty features. He circled the waiting boy, considering… Considering…

No tricks or games was what he had just promised. He'll stick to it then.

The prime prowled forward, every step a confident stride. His chest pressed against Peter's back, firm and unyielding.

"I have a better idea and you can decide yourself," Tony purred as he curled an arm around the omega's neck. His lips brushed against Peter's ear, soft and intimate.

"How about you keep me company, hmm?" Tony suggested, "Be mine. My omega. I have business to take care of and a fickle heart can cause trouble. Keep all the other omegas from interfering and we have a deal."

It was such a minor thing but Tony's interest wasn't so easily won. It would be one less worry, one less quarrel that he could somehow get caught in.

Peter felt Tony’s chest rise and fall against his back, with the man’s steady breathing. He turned his head, for a moment, to look at him, before lowering it again. His chest raced, and how could it not, after this proposition.

Just business… a cold deal. Well… not for Peter, since being Tony’s omega was his heart’s deep desire. He wanted to be close to him, to accompany him… to talk to him… To stare up into those beautiful dark eyes…

But it was not easy to say yes, even if it was what Peter wanted. It was risky, but the man had promised… And Peter believed him.

“Then we have a deal.” Peter nodded, and his form stiffened.

To belong to the most powerful man in prison was a serious matter. And yet the omega didn’t care as much for this as he cared for the fact that he would belong to Tony Stark and be his. Peter’s young love surged even greater with the possibilities. The omega tried to not fool himself and still, that hopeless dream of true love didn’t seem as unattainable…

Or maybe…

Maybe he was giving himself away for false hopes and empty promises. A flower cut off the garden, to be scented and of use until… deflowered.

Even though Peter couldn't see it, Tony's smile grew once the deal was made. The omega also wasn't pulling away so Tony felt a bit... daring.

He turned his face, nudging his nose against the boy's ear. Peter's scent had turned sweet again, like honey on his tongue and the alpha breathed it in like it was a drug.

"Deal," Tony said, lips curved up in a devilish grin.

#starker #madstarker writes #lovelygarnet is amazing #madlove roleplay #nff #prime alpha Tony #omega peter #prison au #omegaverse

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curlyjoe7 · 4 years

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Hi. I feel the need to explain myself so here it goes: I deleted my post that included MOGAI don’t interact at the bottom and the ask I got (if you don’t know I posted a picture about a flag I made for myself and asking people if they wanted one but I included a banner at the bottom saying “MOGAI Don’t Interact” and I got an ask about it saying me stating this is a safe place but being anti MOGAI is controversial). Why? I really don’t want discourse or to invite more discourse on my blog but I realize I have no choice. I am not trying to cover shit up and in return I feel I should respond to the ask again and explain myself more clearly:

@ Anon, I am not sorry about my beliefs offending you. Though I am not completely against MOGAI I do have a lot of problems with it. It just feels like they sit there and make a fool out the LGBTQ+ community a lot of the time. Do I care if you use neopronouns? No. Go ahead! Do I care if you can’t find an identity that truly encompasses how you feel so you make one up? No. Go ahead! Do I think you always need to have dysphoria to be trans? No. You can just feel more comfortable in another gender and that’s totally okay and valid! Go ahead! But do I care when people who aren’t trans at all identify as a gender that is just their personality traits? Yes. And honestly why does the MOGAI community have to exist? The LGBTQ+ is growing everyday to add more identities for everyone. I know some people try to just call it the LGBT but it’s not just that anymore. It’s so much more than that. If you don’t see your identity under the LGBTQ you are the +! And you are valid regardless of what anyone says as long as you’re not using your “identity” to be cool. Aros are valid! Aces are valid! Mspecs are valid! Gays are valid! Enbys are valid! Transgender men and women are valid! And they all belong in the community. Intersex/intersexual people also deserve a place in the community as they experience a lot of gender identity issues themselves and should not be left out! But softgenders (a gender that feels soft and sensitive) and recugenders ([believe that is the name for it] someone who identities with the gender assigned to their sex but refuses to be cis) and everything like them are just not valid at all. I shouldn’t have to tell you this. Gender is how you feel between female, male and gender neutral/genderless. Nothing else. There can be combos but that’s it. You’re not softgender, you’re just a soft and sensitive person, that has nothing to do with your gender. Anyone can be soft and sensitive. And regardless if you like it or not “recugenders”, you’re cis. I know you want to be special but being trans doesn’t make you special. It’s who you are as a person that makes you special. You don’t need a fancy label to be a good product.

Your personality traits are not a gender. Gender is who you are not what you choose. It’s not dress up. It’s a serious thing that needs to be respected as such. I know the MOGAI community is just trying to be more inclusive for people and that’s wonderful but it’s been taken too far. Now you are just doing more harm than good. Because of people like you I have to endure hearing those stupid “I identify as a [random object]” and “DID YOU JUST ASSUME MY GENDER?????” “jokes.” They are not in any way funny and actually just degrades a community that is already looked down upon. I know some people are just trying to have a laugh and I get that but it’s spreading the idea being trans is weird. And it’s not. And MOGAI is just contributing to the problem by spreading nonexistent genders and romantic/sexual orientations that are just personality traits, personality preferences in a partner or someone refusing to admit they’re cishet cause they want to feel special. And you’re also spreading this message to young, impressionable, naïve people that don’t know any better and that’s just plain wrong. Your personality preferences in a partner is not a romantic/sexual orientation. A romantic/sexual orientation has to do with how much romantic/sexual interest you have and/or the gender(s) you are romantically/sexually attracted to. Liking goth people is not a romantic/sexual orientation. Again, I shouldn’t have to tell you this. And just fyi people are always going to misgender you, it’s a normal human reaction to call someone who looks male a he and someone who looks female a she. They are not transphobic, they are just unaware. Everybody assumes people’s gender based on looks. Just correct them politely. They’ll never know how to refer to you if you don’t tell them and you’d be surprised the response you might get. So yes I have a problem with a good bit of the MOGAI community besides neopronouns and the actual real identities that help people. I said don’t interact with my blog if you are a terrible person and going around acting like being queer is a fashion statement rather than a legitimate thing makes you a terrible person. I’m not going to accept your toxicity and harmful behavior into my safe space. And that’s that on that.

P.S. Do I know if all the MOGAI communities are like this? No. There could very well be a chance there are some MOGAI communities that do more good than harm. And I am willing to give the community a second chance as I only know the bad people in it. I am also willing to give the community the benefit of the doubt that there are good things about it. Cause like I said earlier, there is. Having an accepting community to help you find a term that is more tailored to how you feel is a great thing. It really does help a lot of people and I’m glad it does. But regardless of the good it does, we can’t ignore the bad it does. Which is all I’m saying.

#my thoughts on mogai

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gaarfielf · 6 years

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Not to be that guy but here’s an analysis on LGBT characters/rep in the lupin iii universe nobody asked for. I’m gonna cover Twilight Gemini, Harimou’s Treasure, Angel Tactics, TWCFM, Part 2, Part 3 and Part 5

Twilight Gemini is arguably one of the least popular films of the series pretty much based on the fact it’s just not a good movie. But this ain’t a movie review that’s just the facts. Anyway the villain’s henchman, Sadachiyo, is gay and the movie does not skirt around it at all. Lupin makes several “jokes” about the character being gay and the character is written to be very perverted and evil (obviously because he’s a henchman) but nonetheless very stereotypical to downright offensive (his character wearing lipstick is a little uh). Ultimately, Goemon returns at the very ass-end of the film to stab him directly in the chest and that’s where that story ends. Now, there isn’t much to say about this character because he really was only around for Lupin to make jokes that weren’t funny before dying. Gotta love them yep huh /eye roll/

Harimou’s Treasure gave us the double whammy of not only a bad joke against intersex people and trans women, but also a nazi joke! hooray. The film uses a slur that some may argue “wasn’t a slur back then” but nonetheless leaves the film to have aged terribly. The character...../sighs/ Herr Maphrodite /SIGHS LOUDER/, is once again a huge offensive stereotype and coincidentally, another villain. By the end of the film Fujiko manages to take him down by.... kissing him.... and he’s so repulsed.... that they just... win somehow. It’s really just an unpleasant scene. But luckily the film isn’t hugely popular (in comparison to Secret of Mamo, Cagliostro, Fuma, etc).

Angel Tactics threw in a new idea with a bisexual woman........... who is also a villain. Detecting a pattern yet? Her name is Lady Joe /HUGE SIGH/ and she is shown to be pretty masculine which there isn’t necessarily anything wrong with until you consider that TMS might have argued otherwise, but the film eventually reveals her “true form” (???) where she’s actually really perverted and her outfit changes to be very revealing and “sexy” (TMS wouldn’t know sexy if it bit em in the ass tbh). It’s almost as if TMS associates being gay with being evil and perverted? Wild.

TWCFM is a split audience in this aspect, with a gay character that some believe is pretty accurate representation and others believe is just another TMS classic gay stereotype. Personally speaking, the fact that Oscar was designed to look like a woman (the same head shape, wide hips and skinny body as Fujiko) and also being notably... /excited/ around Zenigata, I disliked the representation. However, other people (gay people specifically b/c why would I ask straight people how they felt about him lol) believe that he’s actually really speaking to them as a gay character. I mention this because I didn’t personally finish TWCFM so I don’t wanna throw him under the bus as a character, but I will say, he is still a villain in the series as made apparent by his strict hate for Fujiko (presumably out of jealousy).

Part 2 gave us a fast one with the Rose of Versailles episode. It was a crossover episode between the two series and TMS decided to do a very interesting take on it where Lupin literally falls in love with a character disguised as a man. In the episode it’s very apparent he has no idea that the character he’s in love with is actually a woman and actually convinces Jigen and Goemon later that it’s not a big deal. Jigen and Goemon by the by, are not cool with their relationship but eventually grow more neutral about it as the episode progresses. Speaking bluntly, this episode is a very wild outlier in Part 2 as an episode which literally outright confirms Lupin as bisexual (or pan, or any degree of not-straight that tickles your fancy). However, it’s often not acknowledged for ??? reasons. Alongside this in Part 2, there is another episode Lupin disguises himself as a woman to seduce a man for his money, only to find that after revealing himself that the man... doesn’t care. They get married in the episode. I don’t know how this goes over peoples head. Granted, Lupin was in it for the money but I think Lupin of all people could’ve come up with a different plan if he really didn’t want to legally marry a man.

Part 3 also gave us something new with various episodes that imply Jigen might swing that way too. Bear with me here but Part 3 delivers /a lot/ of secluded scenes with Jigen outwardly upset that Lupin ditched him for a woman. Scenes where he looks away from women that Lupin are talking to/about, scenes where he leaves the room when there’s women, scenes where he refuses to look at Lupin when he’s with a woman and just generally more outwardly not interested in women compared to previous Parts where he more-or-less ignores them. Previous Parts, Jigen might not be crazy about women but there isn’t really as many strong visuals as their are in part 3 that suggest he’s explicitly attracted to men (though there are scenes in Part 1 and 2 where he quite literally goes into hysterics over Lupin, thinking he’s dead, though take it as you will). Speaking of more visuals surrounding Jigen specifically related to being gay, I’ll bring up the obvious one being the classic Play Bohz scene, where Jigen is very visibly reading a muscle magazine (a kind of magazine that was specifically popular among gay men in the 80s as a more ‘discreet’ way of essentially reading filth) and I mean. That’s pretty concrete. But there’s also other nods to it like him and Lupin smoking under a billboard with two men kissing on it, Jigen telling Goemon he looks cute in women’s clothing, etc. Part 4 even gives us Fujiko implying that Jigen is jealous at Lupin and Rebecca’s wedding which Jigen.... doesn’t respond to.

Part 5 is where TMS reverts back to its old ways. Actually it’s new ways because part 2 and 3 were the 70s and 80s and all these outwardly homophobic movies happened in the late 90s through the 2000s. But nonetheless we get....another... gay.... villain. hooray. again. His name is Albert in case you haven’t watched it yet. Not only that but he is mentioned offhandedly to be gay in one (1) episode before it’s never mentioned again (not exactly what I’d call representation) and the series also doesn’t shy away from gay jokes that purposely make fun of fans for shipping the characters and just in general make fun of gay people. TMS, it’s 2018, can we stop making gay jokes? They aren’t funny. Zenigata pulling his gun on Lupin for making the joke wasn’t funny, Jigen attempting to kick Lupin’s phone out of his hands wasn’t funny, and even the article claiming they were dating wasn’t very funny because it was deadass a joke made at the expense of fans. A wacky gay joke accompanied with hating your fans is a funny way of writing, huh?

In conclusion, why is it that the 70s and 80s somehow handled hinting at these supposed “controversial topics” better than it was in movies made in the 2000s and then rinsed and repeated again in the year 20 fucking 18. I think if Part 2 can have an episode where Lupin deadass flirts and falls in love with a man, Part 5 should have been capable of not writing homophobic characters. and thats the hot but true take of the day.

NOTE: if y’all try to message me to argue keep in mind 1) theres literally nothing straight about Lupin falling in love with a man and Jigen reading a muscle magazine literally known to target gay men and 2) theres nothing you can do to convince me otherwise so you best be ready to swallow that pill and 3) Don’t @ me with ‘bUT lUPIN lIKES wOMAN’ because yeah. no shit. read up on what being bi means before opening your mouth.

#and thats that on that #lupin iii #long post #sorry but not really

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puffinmaster246 · 5 years

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Uneducated people aren’t always bad

Not to be controversial but literally everyone has biases and stereotypes.

It’s not fair to hate someone because they accidentally agree w/ a stereotype.

Obviously I’m excluding people who are douchebags about their biases (legitimately hate ppl for stereotypes and refuse to acknowledge they’re wrong)

But overall everyone has biases and everyone acts on them sometimes

One time I was walking to school and I was late so only one faculty member was outside. It was just be and him. He didn’t do anything to provoke me, I don’t even think we made eye contact, but I automatically thought “what if he assaults me.”

I didn’t mean it. I immediately realized I shouldn’t have thought that. But the truth is it happened.

I’ve never experienced assault and no one I am close to has either but I’m just so used to seeing things about men assaulting women that I automatically get a little nervous about it when I’m alone with a man.

It’s wrong. I know it’s wrong. I try to stop it but it still happens

This happens with EVERYONE! I don’t think I’m a bad person for doing that. I recognize that it’s wrong and I don’t hate all men because I think they’re all rapists. It’s just a bias I have

And plenty of women are more likely to assume a woman is telling the truth in a rape case because of bias they might not even realize they have

I don’t think that makes you a bad person. Not at all.

Religions do this with other religions (Jews vs Christians, Christians vs Muslims, etc etc)

Queer people do this with cishets and vice versa

POC people do this with white people and vice versa

It’s not our fault that we have these biases

And I don’t think having these biases makes us bad people.

It just makes us uneducated

And you shouldn’t attack people for being uneducated.

Little detour from the point but I see poc get mad about/joke about when white people ask them where they’re from, and I admit: that’s a weird way to phrase it

But also you know what the person is trying to ask. They’re trying to ask what your ethnicity is. I don’t think it’s so they can put a stereotype and label on you, I think they’re generally curious about your culture/your family’s culture

I don’t think that’s racist. You can be curious. Plenty of white people are curious about other white people’s bsckgrounds too

I think if that happens you shouldn’t respond with “I’m from America” or “I was born here” but rather something more like “well I was born in America but ethnically I’m ____” because that’s actually what the person’s asking. And then you can explain to them why their wording is weird

Because some people don’t realize! If you grow up around a certain type of people you don’t understand the rules for interacting with other peoples because you’re just not exposed to it!

My father thought tr*nny was an okay term to use because he never heard that it wasn’t (it was socially acceptable when he was growing up). When I told him he couldn’t say that he apologized and never said it again

I didn’t realize “hermaphrodite” was an offensive term for intersex people because I’d only heard of it from my mom and when she was in med school that’s what the name for it was. I was scolded for saying that by someone and told it was offensive. I don’t use it anymore. (I think the person could’ve been a little more polite tho bc it’s not like that’s common knowledge but that’s irrelevant)

The point of this long tangent is that when you’re not educated on certain subjects it’s very easy to make mistakes. Instead of yelling at people for making those mistakes you should calmly inform them what they did and why it’s wrong!

And I’m not saying you should be okay with the shitty stuff people say and I’m definitely not telling you that if you’re biased against certain people that it’s totally uncalled for and you’re awful. I’m just saying you should try to be aware of it and try and work on it

Because of course there are always going to be people who are legitimately just assholes, but I promise you there are plenty of people who genuinely don’t mean the things they say

((If you want to respond to this do NOT be rude. If you say anything foul or aggressive I will block you))

#this is long #sorry #ive just been thinking about this for a while #rant #vent #opinion #puffs opinions #mentions of rape #mentions of assault #trans slur #mentions of transphobia #hermaphrodite slur #intersex slur #mentions of racism #memtions of homophobia #stereotypes #mentions of queerphobia

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darkwingggggdyke · 5 years

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Yo, so I set up this tumblr to just sorta let myself live a little so I’m gonna just make my first official post some meaningful rant bullshit to just....vent. Fucking somewhere. Ya know? And then it’ll just be stupid memes or whatever. I don’t know, I’ve never been good at sticking with any particular sort of content on here haha.

So I’m here to sort of allow myself to explore my sexual identity. And how I got to this point in my life is one hell of a story, honestly, and it’s one that seems like it would have been more commonplace a good ten years ago or so- but I’m from the Bible Belt so I guess being in a weird time loop is just. Normal.

A good chunk of my life, I assumed I was asexual. And I still think, to some degree, I still fall somewhere on that spectrum. But while I had boy crazy phases, once I actually interacted with boys it sort of died. I always preferred “going after” people I didn’t think would ever like me back. Be it polar opposites or teachers, the more unattainable the better. It was safe that way, because I’d never have to actually do anything.

And honestly I cannot think of a single instance in my high-school career where that wasn’t the case. Meanwhile, I kept weirdly intense female friendships. One of which I may bring up again at some point if anyone gives a shit about life story stuff. And while a generally masculine girl, I never really questioned my sexuality. Or I guess to be more accurate, I never allowed myself. I was homeschooled by a manipulative and mentally ill woman obsessed with religion and the only time I could leave my house was church. And if you’ve ever been to a southern baptist church, you can see why it wasn’t something I let myself think on.

Growing up, I also had my uncle who helped take care of me when shit got too nuts with my mom. Which, trust me, was more often the not. The thing about him though was that not only was he gay, but he was completely disowned by his parents and they spent about 12 years not speaking to him. And it killed him. Killed him to a point that he let “Jesus heal him “ and he’s been broken and alone ever since.

As I got older, I didn’t care too much about romantic stuff. I acted like it, because boy howdy does my ass love the flair of a good romantic drama, but not to a point I thought it was something that would ever actually happen for me. I just knew it wasn’t something I could do. No matter who I loved I didn’t think I’d be good enough. Some of that was warping from the people raising me, some of that was mental illness. All of it pushed people away if they actually got close.

At 18, I met a girl. From the first second I saw her sitting in the floor of the upstairs dorm, I could sense there was something almost cosmic about her. She had the body of a Greek goddess and a wit and soul that seemed far older than anyone in the written pantheon. She’s important to the story as a whole, but that first year in Christian college we became best friends and now a part of my soul resides in hers and I don’t know if she realizes that it’s hers forever. Again. She’ll come up not just later in this story, but I can bet your sweet asses I will post about her from time to time.

At 21 I had my first kiss, and while there were plenty of things that I can say made him an unlikeable douchewad, the thing I hated the most about that guy was that he wanted to have sex and the thought genuinely repulsed me. Which seemed normal to my mentally ill and borderline asexual ass, to not want that. But all of my experiences with him did very much point out that it isn’t. At least not how I experienced it, I guess. I didn’t put out and he ran for the hills and I’d never been happier to be over something- but I spent a good chunk of time in this pit of self hatred because I couldn’t comprehend why I didn’t want to have sex with him.

From that point, I lowkey gave up. Because if I can’t have sex with a person, I assumed I had no romantic value. I decided I’d let myself try to figure out my gender identity. Because as someone who’s intersex, 21 is about when it started becoming a major problem for me, my naughty bits trying to kill me and all. But I’d always had a complicated relationship with femininity- maybe that was why. I talked to the people who were close to me, reached out. Explored. So on.

I also realized that my feelings towards the aforementioned darling girl weren’t super platonic, got the balls to ask her out (she said yes), but I assumed because I was still so weird about the sex topic that she wouldn’t want to be with me like *that* so I changed my mind a few days later.

For some reason she didn’t hate me.

I would have.

But I guess the point of this whole rant is that THATS the mindset that’s fucking stupid.

So time rolls on, and aforementioned girl also comes to where I live to visit me, as gals who are pals are want to do, and has a surprise gay intervention awaiting her at home. I tell her not to fly home. She doesn’t. With nothing to her name, she stayed with me and chose her own happiness over people like that.

I admire her so much for that.

I wish I had gotten to that point myself so much sooner.

More time passes. Friends come and go, hookups come and go sparser. She finds a guy that asks her out and I slowly lose my mind all while refusing to asknowledge why. I finally have sex with some dude I found online that seemed like he’d handle it pretty clinically. And I wanted to see what was so great about the ordeal. Turns out nothing. It was miserable. And not just because I ended up injured and you’d think since he was a nurse he wouldn’t panic about injuring someone with a shallow ass puss but he ran out of the house in panic and I was left somehow so much more goddamn shallow than i started.

The guy my best friend is with starts to treat me like shit. I try not to say anything so I don’t look jealous and instead come up with nonsense reasons to hate him. But then he starts treating her worse. Leaving without any notice. Stalking the house for no reason.

And she just... rolls with it. And I can’t help but find myself overcome with the knowledge that I would be better for her. I would love her, for starters. I would worship her. I would make sure she remembered that she is so smart and brave and the kindest person I know. She has so much heart that I don’t, and she’s so sure of herself- even when she’s not.

And that’s when it hits me that my feelings are still not platonic.

She dumps him because she loves me, and finally telling her he was a jackass to me is what makes all the difference.

But even still, I keep my realization locked air tight. I can’t tell her. If I end up not able to have sex with her, I wouldn’t just be robbing her of a relationship people would approve of. Sure I’ve thought about her ass a lot. But everyone does. (If anyone gets a time machine and gets to talk to me, please tell me how stupid I am)

And then she goes to see her family for Christmas and it all comes crashing out of me. And I tell her. I tell her that I am madly, suffocatingly, life alteringly, unshakably in love with her.

And she loves me too.

And even now I still kinda feel like I’m being punked. But then I remember that I love her so much that it’s almost easy to forget what hating myself feels like.

And then time rolls by and I let myself think the things I never let myself before. And I realize I might not be robbing her of sex after all because goddamn is she sexy. Her eyes are like forget me nots, her mind never ceases to amaze me. She permanently smells like lavender and spices that speak of magic. Her thighs as soft as the laughter that bubbles from her lips like honey.

So yeah. That’s why I’m here now. To just revel in being gay. To sorta document the process of figuring this shit out. To talk about my hot as fuck future wife. And Gina Rodriguez. Because the more I let myself, the more I think I might have been a little wrong in how I’d viewed myself previously. Because I was still trying to find a lens I could be viewed in that would still let me have the family that honestly doesn’t even matter anymore.

#coming out post i guess?#coming out #queer #lesbian #bisexual #pansexual #wlw #intersex #lgbtq #gay #gay rant #older gay #personal

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justaprettylittlesoulwriter · 6 years

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albatris replied to your post “SOMEONE ASK ME ABOUT MY NEW CHARACTER”

!!!!!! TELL US

OKAY SO.

I made the offspring of a Celestial and a Fiend.

Their name is Nabarzeth and I have a backstory, hold on:

Jogthamok, a member of the Vrock demon class, is a bird-like humanoid with massive dark wings and a razor sharp beak. They feast on the flesh of humanoids and lay claim on pretty things, such as jewels or even people.

Hecca, a member of the Deva Celestial class, is silvery skinned with massive white wings. These Celestials are divine messengers and oftentimes make themselves look human to be capable of walking among their followers to lend hope and aid wherever they can.

While Hecca was walking as a humanoid in Faerun, she was approached by Jogthamok, who came to her as a massive bird before revealing their true form. Even then, rather than be repulsed or threatened, she found herself interested. She'd had her fair share of traveling through the planes to deliver messages and was always curious about the other deities as well as the much darker counterparts.

After some time speaking, Jogthamok following Hecca as she traveled through the dark forest during the night, they went in for the attack. Hecca, unwilling to dispel her humanoid form to fight back to her absolute strength strikes up a deal so the demon wouldn't tear her flesh.

Interested in this deal, Jogthamok restrained from attacking, but made it clear that if unsatisfied, they would devour her.

But Hecca made a deal they couldn't refuse. For a night of companionship, she would give them a whole cave worth of treasure they could claim. The companionship Hecca was searching for wasn't sex, but friendship. However, a Celestial will get it wherever they can for they often spend much time alone.

After the deal was struck and completed, Hecca returned back to the Material Plane, only to discover through dismay that she was pregnant with an unnatural hybrid child. It was one thing for Cambion's to exist for demons often kidnapped and raped their victims, but for a pure Celestial to willingly have intercourse with a demon was against all ethical codes.

Chastised for this behavior, Hecca was told to abandon the child, and she agreed. If it wasn't against their codes to kill life, Hecca was sure they would have, but that wasn't under her laws. When she gave birth, Hecca left the crying hybrid child inside the forest she first saw Jogthamok and left.

Jogthamok found the child only a few short hours later, having already known that it was theirs. They took the child underground and raised them until they were five years old, giving them their name and teaching them how to care for themself before leaving them.

Nabarzeth, experiencing many situations in which they nearly died at a young age, defied the odds and survived. They learned early on that going into towns and cities was dangerous because of their inhuman limbs and strange silvery-purple skin tone and the unnatural power in their dark red eyes. Not to mention the two different limbs extruding from their back; one long white feathery wing and the other a thin, black bat-like wing.

Having spent their years growing up alone and instilling fear in anyone they came across, Nabarzeth accepted that they'd always be alone and never fit in anywhere.

But this realization still lead to some troubling thoughts and feelings, and often, Nabarzeth considered trying to seek out their parents. However, due to the anxiety of coming face to face with the beings that didn't want them, they haven't made that move yet.

By the time Nabarzeth turned sixty five years old, they decided to at least make a calling out of their unusual existence. With no idea how long they would live, but knowing that a human only exists for a hundred years and they'd already reached the sixties without having physically aged at all, meant they'd definitely live long.

And having something to do with their time meant they wouldn't spend so much of it wandering aimlessly and thinking of their parents.

It was hard to find a temple willing to accept Nabarzeth, since it seemed as though most deities were good in the area of Neverwinter. But after traveling far to the East, Nabarzeth finally came across some surprisingly welcoming people.

Being able to sit down with someone and talk was almost more than they could handle, but a lovely female halfing took the time to explain to them the various deities surrounding this area with temples and asked Nab what they would want to do.

And Nab didn't know. They didn't have a clue as to what they were even good at.

It took some trial and error, but after a few years of practicing different potential classes, Nab found themselves standing before the temple of Ralishaz. Although intended for the more darker alignments and not necessarily the sort of deity one would seek out for Clerical duties, Nab felt good here.

They pledged themself to Ralishaz and began their clerical work under the forge domain, feeling for the first time like they might be finding what their purpose was.

So, Nabarzeth, born to Jogthamok and Hecca was abandoned to grow up on their own. They are a Nephalem (half-celestial, half-fiend). They have dark red eyes, silvery-purple skin, dark skin freckled in a pale dust of spots along their face and arms. Along with the wings on their back, they have sharp jagged spikes protruding from their spine below where the wings extend.

They are also a panromantic ace and intersex due to the genetics being all messed up. They identify as he/him or they/them, but typically just goes with nonbinary because it’s simpler.

Nabarzeth has small horns that come up and go back over their head, and a short thin tail. They very much look inhuman (especially when they smile because all of their teeth are sharp and jagged).

Because Nabarzeth is back and forth between good and bad, they can either be an absolute sweetheart, or literally kill you without mercy. They struggle to make sense of their worth and their life and don’t understand why they were created if neither parent wanted them.

#albatris #my writing #Nabarzeth #D&D related #character related #my creation #so yes #this is my nephalem #my beautiful wonderful clerical child that i am #going to protect with my life

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pseudoneiiric · 3 years

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meta post: lili and her gender

let me go on the record to say that i fucking love lilian eyler with my whole heart, like, i typed all this out and im so fucking emotional about her! in the past, i've written things about hello charlotte and how the lgbt representation is... lacking, let's call it, and i've also made a few headcanon posts here and there about lilian's transition and her relationship with gender. so i thought, you know, let's actually write a whole ass thing about it. so here it is.

content warnings: gender dysphoria, suicide attempts, homophobia/transphobia in the original source material

PART 1: ETHERANE'S BAD TAKES so... etherane did not handle lgbt stuff well, like, in the slightest. lili is canonically genderfluid, as seen in one of those little profile things that etherane drew that doesn't actually show up in any of the games. but her genderfluid identity isn't handled well at all in the actual source material. actually, in general, hello charlotte is pretty transphobic. to cite one example, there’s this journal entry in hello charlotte 3 talking about “defective” charlotte vessels, and one of the things that can make a charlotte vessel “defective” is for them to be born amab or intersex. this already has some really bad vibes, but then we remember also that one of the big functions of charlottes is apparently for them to be sexualized (yikes!!!!!) and so we also get this weird kind of like, “trans people aren’t hot” kind of take?

but anyway. when it comes to lilian specifically, she never actually states in canon that she’s genderfluid or otherwise trans, not even in the spinoff visual novel, which, by the way, would have been the perfect place to address her gender identity, and she consistently uses he/him pronouns. we don’t actually get to see any of her thought processes about her gender at all — like at this point, i can’t even say it’s a non-issue because that would imply that they even mentioned her gender in canon. the only time we can potentially extrapolate from canon that lili might not be cis is when anri mentions that charlotte is lili’s self-insert oc. that’s kind of heavy-handed with the whole “charlotte being the female name for charles”, but that’s another matter. the point is, with the lack of any canon basis that lilian’s even vaguely questioned her gender, the reveal that she’s actually genderfluid with like, two pieces of artwork that are detached from the actual game feels very pxrfxrmxtxvxly xnclxsxvx (performatively inclusive) especially considering how.... etherane talked about lilian’s gender in particular within the actual canon material.

after all, the story behind lilian is effectively that, after she was born, her mother was forced to abort her second child, a daughter that she would name scarlett. doing so plunged her into a really deep depression that eventually took on delusional qualities. so ever since lilian was about three years old, her mother has been referring to her exclusively as scarlett, asking her to ‘ be a good girl ’ and similarly raising her as a girl. we can see here that etherane seems to have implied that genderfluidity is something that happens because other people make it so, and isn’t an identity and lived experience. (bad take!) although, albeit unintentionally, i think etherane did lay some groundwork to talk about lilian’s relationship with her gender, specifically with regards to her projection onto her oc, charlotte. in high school, when she’s more active on the internet, we see that she’s going by charlotte and using she/her pronouns. anri, her irl friend, is pretty openly critical of that, but she sort of brushes off anri’s complaints and continues to present as feminine online. now, there’s this fanfic writer who goes by the pseudonym “c”, and lilian very quickly takes an interest in him. the way she talks to c, who doesn’t know her irl, compared anri, who does, is just like flat-out like they’re completely different people.

compare, her with c:

to her with anri:

i also wanted to mention that lili does occasionally act more “femininely” with anri, but it’s never to the extent that she does with c, and in general, affectionate banter is sort of... outright ridiculed in their friendship both ways. see this one exchange:

anri: >:) always up for some roasting lili: right? <3 <3 anri: now you’re the one being gross

unrelated but it fucking kills me that anri was like “ily <3” and lili went “gross” so she went “kys” and lili deadass goes “that’s better” like that’s what anri is referencing when she says “now you’re the one being gross” and im like... please just be healthy friends who don’t wish death on each other???

it’s also worth noting that c doesn’t know that she’s not “actually” a girl, and literally when they meet, she goes like, “it’s you who should be disappointed in me. charlotte turned out to be charles, whoops! i bet you were hoping that i’d be a cute girl.” and that’s... really depressing, like, she ended up really leaning into that cutesy side of her when she was talking to c and now she feels the need to be a lot more... sarcastic and bitter, like how she is with anri, because now c “knows the truth about her”, that she’s “actually been a guy all along”.

in any case, i think the intent that etherane was going for with this was kind of like... “lilian’s actually a repressed cis gay man!” which is . not great. it gives off this really gross vibes where it’s implied that since lili was raised as a girl and is into men, she got “confused” and started going by she/her online because she couldn’t come to terms with her sexuality or whatever. and that’s just such a bad take!!!

not to mention that a really important part of lili’s backstory is... her germaphobia. she has persistent delusions accompanied by visual hallucinations where she sees people as “parasites”, which visually manifests as them rotting or decomposing. because of that, she wears gloves all the time and is repulsed by physical touch. but when she meets c (whose real name is vincent) in person, she pretty much instantly goes for skin-to-skin contact with him, where she takes off her glove and holds his hand. and like, sure, that’s sweet, but that’s really not how mental illness... works. in the slightest. she doesn’t react at all when his hand touches hers, despite the fact that she has literally had panic attacks in canon from touching things without her gloves. and it gives off this implication that mental illness can be cured with romance somehow, and that’s a really bad take!

this feeds into fandom understanding that like, well, if lilian sees vincent as pure and allows him to touch her, then Obviously she’d let him kiss her, they could probably have sex, etc. and like... she’s canonically asexual though! and that brings us to the other implication, that asexuality is somehow... caused by something. like, there’s nothing in canon to state that lilian experiences sexual attraction (or even really romantic attraction, like i know etherane went off in heaven’s gate and did a lot of ship tease, but she never really outright says she’s crushing on anyone), but judging from the way etherane handled lilian’s gender identity, i have a sneaking suspicion that she established lilian’s asexuality with her mental illnesses specifically in mind. lilian’s autistic, germaphobic, has severe ocd, and she’s been sexually assaulted in the past. therefore, she must be asexual! that’s the sort of vibes i get from the game, and im not here for it. similarly to how her genderfluidity was handled, she makes no actual statement in canon that she doesn’t experience sexual attraction. the closest she’s ever come to this is when she says to anri in heaven’s gate that she is just straight up not interested in kissing (to which anri is like, “well what if it were vincent owo??” which. ugh. anyway). it just seems really strange to me to design a character with severe mental health issues with regards to physical touch and then just sort of treat it as a given that she’s asexual. it’s another example of etherane implying that lgbt identities are results of traumatic experiences or symptoms of mental illness and not an identity or lived experience. you can be sex-repulsed and not be asexual, and while i understand that many people do identify as ace due to trauma and other such things, it still feels like really bad rep when taken with the way lilian’s genderfluidity was portrayed.

PART 2: HOW “CHARLES” IS DIFFERENT FROM “LILIAN”

throughout hello charlotte, lilian identifies herself as a passive observer, someone who doesn’t directly interfere in events. this applies mostly to her existence in false realm, where she’s like... a god, and doesn’t want to interfere in the balance of the world. but i believe she also has always seen herself as an observer. in her very first scene, the one where she and anri are watching someone get bullied, she’s the one who tells anri that there’s no point in getting help. because her role is just to observe. to take pictures for anri, to be a good girl, to say yes to everything and to never express her opinions, feelings, thoughts.

and honestly, i think the main reason for that is that she’s dysphoric. whenever she talks about herself, she’s really self-deprecating, especially compared to when she talks about charlotte. i feel like the main reason why lilian detaches herself from the world and refuses to really perceive herself is because she’s fundamentally disgusted with her gender presentation. and like, we can see in the two times that she’s presented femininely (with c and in that one comic) that lili is just so much happier and more bubbly when she’s presenting as feminine. you can literally see her stop dissociating and becoming more present in the moment because she’s just. so much more comfortable in her skin. compare:

these pictures with this one:

it’s funny i was going to say that there is a picture where she’s presenting as masculine and actually smiles like a person, but guess what! she’s texting c! so she’s actually performing femininity!

but the point is, like... when she’s presenting as masculine, especially in the canon pictures rather than etherane’s art, she just doesn’t look... happy. and then we compare that to how much more present she seems when she’s presenting as feminine, and how much more comfortable she seems in being, like, happy! and cute! but there is a downside to this. and that is...

PART 3: DIFFICULTIES IN LILI’S TRANSITION

in my sort of... “main verse” for lili, i have it so that her suicide attempt failed and that she was somehow... saved from drowning. mother passes away and she starts to... soul search a little bit and find a reason to live, and somewhere along the line she starts to transition socially. that means she starts transitioning at a pretty... extremely vulnerable point in her life. in the year between 18-19 years old, she’d be a wreck. she’s growing her hair out, but she feels insecure about it. she starts to wear skirts, but only at home. she buys makeup and never wears it. it’s a long process for her, because it’s one thing to go by she/her online or to claim she’s just a gender-confused gay boy and a completely different thing to come out as a trans woman and to actually see herself as a woman and not some kind of imposter. considering that she was raised as a girl, she would have a large amount of guilt over transitioning, feeling like she’s going to be seen as confused, or that her gender identity is a direct result of her childhood trauma. but she’s not just worried that others will see her that way: she’s worried that she’s going to see herself that way.

and for a long time, she probably does see herself that way. for a long time, scarlett would probably treat her transition as some kind of attempt to personify her unborn sister and comply with perceived expectations rather than an attempt to feel comfortable in her own skin. she’d get nervous that she’s somehow becoming scarlett, because though she’s always thought it would be easier if she’d just been her sister, she’s never really wanted to be scarlett. she’d be scared to wear mid-length skirts, scared to put her hair up in a bun, probably even scared to wear red for a time, all because she’s scared of somehow losing herself and becoming her alter.

because of her caution and concern with identifying as a trans woman and not as the “safer“ gender identity of genderfluidity (where she can say she’s trans but never actually have to “push boundaries” by wearing feminine clothing or using any pronouns besides he/him), it would likely take her a very long time to take the step to medically transition. she’d likely never get any gender affirmation surgeries just because of how invasive the procedure is, but hormones would probably be something she’d look into once she’s much older and has a more stable income.

i mentioned before that before her transition, she uses dissociation and observation as a way to cope with her gender dysphoria. she saw herself as someone who didn’t really participate in the world, was a class ghost, invisible to everyone and a minuscule part of a vast universe. but upon transitioning, she’d feel much more actively self-conscious. once she starts to present in a feminine way, she’d feel like she’s being seen, like she’s actually participating in the world, and that’s both a blessing and a curse.

she’d be much more prone to stammering, especially when saying her name, and would blush far more often. she’d be afraid of saying the wrong thing or messing up somehow. and on top of that, she’d likely feel predatory for talking to others, always wondering if others find her cute or repulsive, always wondering if someone will perceive her and harm her in some way.

she’d very likely also feel really guilty about her own emotional experience. because she’s so used to being a passive observer, a puppet that only does what others want, she would feel like it’s selfish to be just... content. she’s so actively disgusted with herself before she transitions that she’s never allowed herself to be mentally present for a happy moment in her entire life. she always second-guesses, always dismisses positive things as a mere coincidence, and after she transitions, when she starts being more present in her life, she’d feel so guilty for just allowing herself to be happy.

because of that, she has some trouble with presenting as feminine consistently — she’d vary the “level” of her feminine presentation from day-to-day, where she might go full femme one day and another day stick with a beanie and a pair of slacks. she’s much more comfortable with presenting as more traditionally feminine when she’s at home or with trusted friends in a private space, but around 19 years old, she makes a vested effort to remain in public spaces. she’d time herself, saying, “for one hour, i’ll stay in this café while wearing a skirt, and then i can leave,” and she’d gradually increase the amount of time she spends in public spaces. and eventually, eventually she does end up feeling really comfortable with her gender presentation and falls into a more static sense of style. she really likes clothing design, so she ends up wearing a lot more dynamic outfits when she’s more comfortable with herself, and she probably also mildly gets into cosplay.

i also like to think that she reconnects with anri during her young adult years. either it’s like, right after her suicide attempt (i’ve written before that she’d had anri listed as her emergency contact and forgot to change it when she moved), or it’s at some point after she starts transitioning socially. i think it’d be really sweet for them to be friends in a more real way, and the sheer concept of anri teaching lili how to properly apply makeup and to set her hair is just so fucking sweet i might die. they both deserve to have friends so i think this is just a step up from hello charlotte canon.

#long post //#lilian eyler: study.#ive been working on this post for days. im fuckign emotional about her

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