#she shouldn't have them

[kindnessoverperfection]

Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.

NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.

I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.

The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.

Because it's so hard to exist in this world.

My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:

Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)

Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.

Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.

Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.

Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.

Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s

I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.

So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".

Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)

Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.

If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.

NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD

Stigma in the DSM

Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)

"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."

(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)

#actuallynpd #signal boost #actuallyautistic #mental health awareness #narcissistic personality disorder #people also need to realize that mental health professionals aren't immune from bias #(it really shouldn't come as a shock that the mental health field has a longstanding pattern of misunderstanding and mistreating ppl who ar #mentally ill or otherwise ND) #the first therapist i brought up NPD to like. literally pulled out the DSM bc she could barely remember the criteria. then said that there' #no way I have it because I have low self-esteem lmaoooooo #anyway throwback to being at work and chatting with a co-worker. and the conversation turning to mental health. and him saying that #he tries to stay informed and be aware and supportive of mental health conditions & that he doesn't want to be ignorant or spread harmful #misinformation. and then i mentioned that i do a lot of research into mental health stuff and i listed a bunch of things. which included #several personality disorders. one of which was NPD. #and after listening to my whole ass list he zeroed in on the NPD and immediately started talking about how narcissists are abusive and #he knew someone who had NPD and how the person who had it had an addiction and died from the addiction in a horrible way and he #was glad he did #fun times #or when i decided to be vulnerable and talk abt my self-criticism/self-hatred bc i knew my friends also struggled w that and i wanted to #support them by sharing my own coping methods. and they both(separately!) started picking and prodding at my npd through the lens of stigma #bc i'd recently opened up to them abt having it. they recognized self-hatred as a symptom and still jumped on me for it. despite me #trying to share hurt vulnerable parts of myself to help them and connect with them. #again..... fun times

[anti-terf-posts]

hot take but plus size/fat people shouldn't have to sexualize themselves for you to be accepting of them.

#enough of “all bodies are beautiful!! but only when theyre wearing miniskirts and thigh high tights” #all bodies are beautiful. full stop. end of discussion. #ive seen too many videos of fat women throwing on their sexiest outfits to “prove” that fat women are beautiful. #its one thing if she's doing that to feel good about herself #but a whole other thing if she's doing it to convince other people that her body is beautiful #i dont blame her i just think that fat women shouldn't have to do that #if what it takes to accept fat people is fetishizing them maybe you're not actually an ally to fat people #just a thought #body acceptance #body positive #feminism #anti terf #anti gender critical #anti radfem #terfs dni #radfems dni #intersectionalfeminist

[fictionadventurer]

Maybe the problem with Christian fiction is that it's non-denominational. People are just "Christian", with no effort put into showing what practicing that religion looks like for them specifically. No indication that there are other Christians who could have different beliefs. No wrestling with differing ideas and the struggle of how one should live out their Christian faith. And that makes it unrealistic and unrelatable.

#me reading any christian historical fiction set in england: why are none of these gentry anglican?? #they ARE all anglican and if they are not it is extremely plot and character relevant you can't just have them using evangelical buzzwords #but i'm also thinking of this because i started another charlotte yonge book #that is by far my favorite of the things of hers that i've read #because it has characters who have different upbringings and religious opinions #instead of just 'here's a bunch of high church anglicans judging people who don't live up to their victorian standard' #you have the very high church anglican rector whose wife is worldly but still a very good person #the girl raised in a very strict protestant family who is more scrupulous than the anglicans but is still recognized as a good person #you have people who are trying to work out the nuances of different issues #and that makes it so much more realistic and so much easier to integrate into the story #(the politics though are hilarious) #(most of the classics that survive are the ones that were 'ahead of their time' in politics) #(so it's equally fascinating and refreshing and a bit infuriating to see one that is very very of its time with regards to women's rights) #('why did this woman get up at the meeting and explain her very good ideas for rebuilding after the fire? she should have had a man do it') #(meanwhile i'm just screaming 'why on earth SHOULDN'T she???') #(it's almost enough to make a feminist of me)

[lunarin64art]

That feeling when he can't stand to see you that way, no matter what you do, no matter what you say😩😭💔

#scott pilgrims precious little life #scott pilgrim vs the world #spvtw #spto #scott pilgrim #wallace wells #lisa miller #scollace #kim pine #natalie adams #envy adams #don't rlly know if I like how this turned out but oh well;;; #hope its obvious that this is based on the song “Scott Pilgrim” which the creation the comics were inspired from #the lyrics always make me think of Wallace and Lisa's feelings for Scott every time I hear it #ofc you could also relate it to Kim especially since the singers voice kind of reminds me of her #but overall the lyrics fit these two much better since Scott never truly “saw them that way” despite how long they've liked him #and they always seem happier to see him compared to Kim #Im surprised tho that I havent yet seen anyone draw these two together now that their dialogue parallels have been acknowledged more lately #also tho I wish more people pointed out that they both got cucked by red heads LOL #and Kim and Envy actually do look really similar when scott first meets them #makes me wonder if Scott subconsciously went for Envy since she reminded him of Kim (which would be fitting given that you could argue that #Envy dated Scott because he reminded her of Todd. Since he and Scott are confirmed to be meant to be seen as similar to one another #so much so that even their first and last names rhyme #last thing I'll add tho is that while Wallace and Lisa are very similar even personality wise #the one big difference is that despite that whole conclusion on vol4 of Scott not cheating on Ramona with Lisa because he loves her #the writers apparently think it would be “organically correct” for him to have an affair with wallace LMAO #but I guess we shouldn't be surprised since Wallace and Ramona are both in the front of the official valentines art which is clearly #a deptiction of Scotts wet dream or smth (oh and you could also argue that Wallace and Lisa parallel on that art since they're both #shirtless with white socks.. which could be a reference to how lisa wears skimpy clothes for Scott and Wallace often only wears boxers #to like sexually frustrate Scott for fun or smth

[poisonousquinzel]

if y'all ever want a bit of modern harlivy angst that ends happy and doesn't feel laced with ooc toxicity in the like "oh the writer's apparent reference for ivy's characteristics in their relationship is plant ivy and that's it wow..." I'd recommend their little story from DC's Harley Quinn Romances cause <33333 it's very special to me

they make me unreasonably emotional

Ivy after reading Harley's au fic where she gets to punch Joker with her at prom:

#girlies really went and started making out in a rare flower very iconic #and the comment about ofc a plant would come before me 😭😭😭😭 because everything has always come before her in past relationships #so she shouldn't be surprised #but like it was only So important to get there on time so Harley could have the full experience of HER present #and like the way Ivy wasn't expecting her here #so she was fully ready to flat out take the whole ass plant back to her just so she could see it bloom #harley quinn #harleen quinzel #poison ivy #pamela isley #dc comics #harlivy #also there are full pages of the fic thats why it seems abrupt in the parts posted where Harley's asking if she's listening #there's time between them skdjsks #tw clown boy #even tho he is just being humiliated <3 skdjskks

[orobty]

Family Tradition

#rottmnt #rise leo #rise karai #rise krang #rise shredder #animation #my art #if it looks a lil rough in some parts no it doesnt #the hamato instinct to trap yourself in an alternate prison world with something that hates you not knowing if you'll ever be able to leave #the hamato misfortune of having to interface with krang tech to protect your family #(the hamato ability to pull your family right back out of that dimension) #(*donnie voice* classic hamato self sacrifice) #been thinkin about karai and leo having to fight a krang effected family member and about them both being still so young and having to take #on the role of leader when they really shouldn't have had to yet #and certainly not under the potential world ending duress they both endured #cause like how old are we really thinking karai was guys #when she first entered a prison dimension with something that looked like her dad and didnt come back out #also thinking about how the scroll ansestors prioritize karais mission and keeping the shredder contained over everything else #but how the second she gets out she emphasizes how proud she is of splintz for letting them be a family #this has gotten to long but *slaps roof* this family can fit so much trauma AND love in it!!

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

He's the biggest kid here. Large and In Charge.

[First] Prev <--> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #su she #lan jingyi #lan sizhui #jing ling #Who are the other juniors? Who ever you'd like them to be. I will probably have to retroactively tag them #(Hello! It's Fer from the Future. Here to retroactively add character tags!) #ouyang zizhen #nameless red disciple #The camp councilor energy continues! WWX's secret power/talent isn't demonic cultivation #its herding teenagers. One of the hardest entities to rally #I adore the uncle energy he has with Jin ling here. Oh you're gonna start banging at doors? No no don't stop #you're sooooo good at it why don't you keep going? Yell some more. Use your talents #If he keeps yelling he *might* summon the purple uncle so its a fine line to walk #The goal with jin ling in that last panel was the same energy as when you catch your dog eating something they shouldn't #and instead of running you enter a staring contest. Does this make any sense. #EDIT: I went to check my notes for this post last night and went “oh geez y'all hated this one huh” only to realize that I uh #saved it as a draft and didn't actually put it into the queue. MASSIVE head empty moment. #So sorry for ppl who got worried or were looking forwards to the comic update. I wish this one was funnier to make up for it.

[inkskinned]

it's the levels of scrutiny too.

a movie that has a largely-female cast has to be well-written, well-shot, well-acted, well-advertised. people will spend 2 hours on youtube talking about a single plot hole; about a moment of bad pacing, about a singular background character's poor scripting. if there isn't something obvious, they will say - well there's nothing specifically bad, but it wasn't specifically good either.

they will turn out another all-male movie, and it's just a movie.

a book that has queer representation in it has to defy every convention of writing while also being true to traditional plot, structure, format, and pacing. it must have no boring chapters, no missteps, no awkward dialogue. it must be able to "prove" that any queer relationship "makes sense", their sparks must fly off the page and their love must be eternal. the writing must be clear and beautiful, the storyline original and fresh, the values traditional but with an undercurrent that is modern and saucy.

they will turn out another book without queer rep, where a man and woman just-fall-in-love, and it's just a book.

i am latinx. i am queer. i am nb & neurodivergent. my father said to me once: you will need to be exceptional to be just-as-good, and you will need to be beyond exceptional before they see you as just-a-person, and not your labels.

i am not beyond exceptional. i am a human person. i am skilled because i worked my ass off to be skilled.

i am currently reading a book that's so-bad-it's-good about a girl that falls in love with a vampire. i was 64% of the way through the book before she figures out tall-dark-fanged is not natural. i like books like these, i like letting myself relax while i just enjoy the read. but i do spend a lot of time wondering - would this have been published if it was about queer people? would this have gotten past the editors if the characters weren't white and sexy?

i want to write a movie about being a woman in a male space, and i want to start that movie with a 10 minute scene where the woman is lectured with the exact same whining that occurs in the youtube comments of even the trailers for those movies: "haven't we had enough diversity?" "we've had enough girl power movies" "sorry, this is just pandering. it's boring."

here's what's fucked up: it shouldn't matter, you're right. my identity shouldn't fold after my name like a battalion of stars: a cry of what i've gone through. what we all know i had to move past and through. i should just be a writer, plain and simple, without my work being shifted through with tweezers - i know everything i make, always, i am incredibly responsible for. beholden to. i don't like knowing that if i fuck up, i am also fucking up for every person like me. every person in a community i belong to.

once, back in undergrad, i wrote a short story about a girl who had been kicked by a horse. it was my first time writing about my experience with my ocd; i felt proud of it. the story was mostly about grief and slow recovery. the queerness of the main character was not important to the plot, my main character was just-queer. there wasn't even a romantic interest in it.

i remember one of my classmates being disappointed. "i just feel like you always write about girls who like girls, and i'm bored of it," he said. "you're a beautiful writer, but i'm like - oh, at some point, it's gonna be gay again." during the workshop, he folded his hands over my story and said, "and okay, i'm just going to say it. she's ocd, she's gay, she's depressed - it's a little much for me to believe is all happening to one person."

it is a little much to be that person (and more besides). i have therapy weekly, after all.

over and over, belonging to exception.

#spilled ink #poetry #prose #warm up #idk what this is #maybe more of a confession #btw the book is called crave it's OKAY #it's very straight #main character keeps being like totally okay with situations where dude is DEF #being a stalker villian #she's known him for a WEEK and shes like #'hes all that matters' #girlfriend ur parents only died a MONTH ago #there's a lot about timing in that book im like .... did this author ever have any #actually bad experiences #like main character being like ''i shouldn't cry over them it's pathetic'' a mONTH after her parents die #btw this isn't bc she's in denial/suffering/etc it's bad writing #the narrative is instead like #'' .... bc the author doesn't want to remember to discuss it'' #she forgets she has a sprained ankle a lot #tbh im THIS close to saying ''fuck good writing'' #and writing my OWN stupid supernatural school YA romance #and YES!!!!! IT WOULD INDEED BE GAY #''oh this school? we're all... different here....bc... of the witches??oh . i mean yeah but no actually we just really believe in a diverse

[ro-bee]

Some doodles I drew last night of the best character ever (I am in pain)

Also jiginkas of the ships because I'm proud of them 🔥❤

#one piece #trafalgar d water law #one piece fanart #donquixote rosinante #trafalgar d. water lammy #lammy my little child #i want them to be together i shouldn't have ended like that 🥺 #in my heart law and lammy live in the tang don't look at me #she's alive in my heart... #thousand sunny #going merry #polar tang #my art

[zellk]

Forgot to share here.... old doodles of when I finally came around to finding a design I like for Qalaari's mom !!

#it's so fucking funny to me that i inadvertently gave her a variant of the “mom about to die” haircut because... well... #surprise... she did die when Qalaa was young (12) :'^) #Qalaa (now between 20 and 22) still hasn't gotten over it #her mom had really weak health and really shouldn't have had a child but she made her choice #it turned out to be not the best one for her health LMAO #who wouldve thunk #but hey she wanted it and i'm pretty sure she doesn't regret it #but well... Qalaa does feel like she was a participant in her mom's death #(the other participant being her biological father who ran away before she was born and shattered aamira's heart) #ANYWAYS #i love qalaa's messed up familly #it's like a regular messed up story where actually no one (and everyone) is to blame (except Qalaa lmao she asked for NOTHING) #Aaamira gave so so much love to her child ;;;;;; this built the unbreakable core of Qalaa's kindness #aamira #aamira croquelune #aamira molandine #croquelune #still thinking about making that potentiel small DnD 'lore addon' of Qalaa's village that you can take and plug in your very own campaign #as long as you have 'far from civilization' woods or mountains you can put them in there #a village that welcomes the 'monsters' and the cast out #(like aamira) #look at me rambling in the tags lmao i just love qalaari (& her background) so much #last thing tho : you have to understand that Aamira is small and very slight and Qalaari was a HUGE baby and is a really big girl overall

[uncanny-tranny]

On the topic of hormones, the people who say that women, notably, are inherently weaker or less competent/competitive than men (especially physically) because of their estrogen are the same types of people to have said that women shouldn't run or ride trains because their uteruses would fly out of their bodies.

#feminism #in mythologizing hormones misogyny is not reinvented but reinforced #misogyny especially has been defended 'based on natural and inherent biology' since the dawn of time #and especially with a trans lense this is exasperated #you have people who simultaneously say that hormones are useless to pursue... #...but hormones are also SO powerful and potent that we shouldn't have the ability to consent to using them #i had a huge long talk about this with my dad and i think he's much more a feminist than he wants to admit #i love talking about hormones and bodies but holy shit there's no inherent holiness/mythos about it #my testosterone is wayyy higher than serana williams but she would kick my ASS in tennis all day every day #because (get this) hormones aren't this mythologized superpower. they're hormones. and they're found in all of us in different levels

[tardxsblues]

Seriously? Oh, Doctor. To save her soul? But who, my dear, will save yours?

#this is so personal to me #the eye contact? #the way missy just watches like 'oh shit maybe i shouldn't have put them together' #the offering to kill for her so that she doesn't dirty her own hands #which is so interesting because it's another piece in the doctorification #he won't let her go that far #he's trying to preserve some of her humanity #he's trying to preserve her soul #i'm emotional #doctor who #dwedit #dwgifs #dw companions #twelve #twelfth doctor #clara oswald #missy #the master #dws8 #episode: death in heaven #peter capaldi #jenna coleman #michelle gomez #gif warning #i fought with the lighting for far too long #and it's still making my eye twitch

[elisedonut]

thinking about Pre-canon and Pre-Hogwarts Percy, Fred and George dynamics

I know I've said it before but once again thinking about them following him around like little ducks

Like He goes outside they want to go outside

he's reading in the living room they want to play in the living room and inevitably end up somehow ruining his book

he's sent on an errand to a neighbor's house they try to sneak out to follow

Like this only lasts until Percy starts going to Hogwarts because even if they don't say it they felt abandoned by it

#percy weasley #eldest daughter syndrome Percy who ends up being a main caretaker for the twins even through he really shouldn't have been my beloved #Molly is distracted with two babies there's only so much she can do for them #and Percy tries to be helpful and instead of stopping him Molly encourages it because she doesn't understand why its a bad thing #leading to fucked up family relations all around #fred weasley #George Weasley

[rox-of-iu]

bought "immortal life" as a gift for myself and I'm immediately obsessed

it's stardew valley style farm sim but xianxia (said by someone who never played stardew or farm sims this is guesswork lol)

anyway it's early access now but it will come out as a full game in Jan 2024! and I guess there is a possibility that the price will go up once it's a full game cuz that happens sometimes so if ur interested now is your chance hah (its on sale rn for 11,19€)

#immortal life #immortal life game #chen yuanzhou #Mu Xia #wei hong #oughhh its so charming i love it #funnily enough every time i play rpg games i pause the plot to go fish or farm whenever I'm allowed but I'm not really into farm sims lol #but this one spoke to me due to obvious reasons hahha #shout out to yumehbby who mentioned this under my yi xian post some time back and its been in my wishlist on steam ever since lol #im holding all of the characters gently all of them are my beloveds #i wont go too indepth over it here cuz A. im just 10 hours in lol B. i will talk more about it in a post I want to make in the future #rec list with other wuxia games and such #anyway as you may have noticed in the drawings my squad is very broke. but especially me hfjkdhgk #why is it my job to pay for the rebuilding 😭😭😢 im just a farmboy shouldn't that be Ji Yaohuas job shes in charge of the finances??? #girl i love you but where am i supposed to get 5k spirit shards i just paid 3k ur killing me #is this her punishment for my unwise financial decisions of buying hair bleach for 100 gold pieces?? im sorry pls Ji-shijie......

[coldshrugs]

there's your trouble

#azia gposes #io laithe #estinien varlineau #io/estinien #god i should never have done this. i..... #listen i'm from north carolina i was born in the 90s. i shouldn't have put them in the western fits #this was meant to be funny but i'm bi. why did i DO this #sorry about the wild lens flare but i love a lens flare. and the reshade dof sucks out in the big maps. you know how it is #so i leaned into what i had #ANYWAY. thank you gigi for the shirt suggestion for esti mWAH! #this was supposed to be about him only but then io's drg glam is western themed so she got a feature too

[fromtheseventhhell]

Renly had seemed anxious to know if the girl reminded him of anyone, and when Ned had no answer but a shrug, he had seemed disappointed. The maid was Loras Tyrell's sister Margaery, he'd confessed, but there were those who said she looked like Lyanna. "No," Ned had told him, bemused. (Eddard VI, AGOT)

This is literally people in fandom trying to make shallow connections between Lyanna and [X character] and presenting them as equally important as parallels drawn directly in the text. In fact, this coming after Ned tells Arya she reminds him of Lyanna (in looks and behavior) feels like George cementing the importance of their likeness. Other characters might have passing similarities to Lyanna, but Arya's parallels are much more meaningful than that and are being highlighted for a reason.

#arya stark #lyanna stark #asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #George foresaw people ignoring their parallels and put this in just to emphasize them lol #sorry but I'm not going to pretend that Lyanna has equally important or relevant parallels to other characters cause she just doesn't #George doesn't /hide/ parallels like that if he intends two characters to be related to each other then he clearly states it #He does so with Arya/Lyanna and Dany/Rhaegar #it works both ways...it's a way for us to gain insight on them by having them related to the behavior of POV characters #trying to split that between two characters who are written to be FOILS is so ridiculous #you could parallel damn near any two characters in the story but that doesn't mean that George is emphasizing them for a reason #tired of people acting like Arya stans are crazy for pointing out what's directly written in the books #this shouldn't even be an issue but people hate acknowledging anything of importance in Arya's arc #aside from Arya and Jon the parallels to Lyanna are just not that deep sorry