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#she was always the best of us

quick reminder to please try and refer to ji soo with they/them pronouns!! it’s their preferred pronouns (and what they respond to the fastest!), and i’d prefer to keep it as consistent as possible!

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#literally how do you stop missing someone, #it’s been over a year now since i’ve had that final™️ convo with my best friend, #and my chest still literally aches with how much i miss her, #i have never missed someone like this before in my life, #i literally look at pictures of us and instantly start to cry and it’s been over a YEAR, #we literally grew up together, #i have a photo of us when we were four years old, #but we grew up and grew apart and suddenly our needs changed, #and ultimately i am not what she needs anymore, #and i respect that really, #i just wish i could fucking move on too you know, #i’ve learned so much about friendship from her, #and there was definitely a lot of times where i was straight up unfair and asked too much of her, #and she wasn’t perfect either i know we both let each slide too often and called each other out when it wasn’t necessary, #but this time it was like i was talking with a whole other person, #our thing was we would always have sit down convos and talk about what’s bothering us instead of bottling it and it helped create a really, #healthy dynamic for us, #and when i communicated that my needs as her friend weren’t being met i just wasn’t expecting her to literaly verbalize that she was pickin, #her boyfriend over me, #to quote ‘you are not my priority anymore and i’m sorry but you’re just going to have to be okay with that now’, #which felt so weird to me because i never asked her to choose, #she just was suddenly not texting me and leaving me on read and standing me up for planned events, #and i think there was just so much miscommunication, #but i see her at work all the time, #and she just doesn’t even look at me, #and hangs out with people who hate me. people who very proudly hate me and have hated me for three years now, #and i have so many reasons to hate her but i cannot bring myself to ever think badly about her, #there was legit one point HAHA HERE WE GO IM CRYING, #there was one point in my life where if i had to choose her or my husband, #i would have picked her
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If I become completely inactive the wifi was taken.

#my mom is on a power trip and doesn't seem to realize how contradictory her rules are, #she hates me right now because i couldn't help her how i usually do one day, #i was having allergic reactions all day because a cat was let inside the night before and im deathly allergic to them, #i was still watching them as best as i can but it was too much for my body at one point and i passed out, #its still taking a toll on me because the fur was never cleaned up properly but its just me being lazy y'know, #totally not something out of my control i got in a lot of trouble because i was 'faking' it and trying to make it about me, #i get my moms health is terrible and she is in pain but she literally ignored my cry for help bc i said it was her partners fault, #which it was he admitted to purposely letting cats in and their fur because he didn't believe i was allergic to them, #my life is going great right now, #yesterday the house was pretty clean and i had all my sisters showered and hair up something no one else can seem to get them to do, #but still had to here the entire day that my mom does everything for us and im lazy and all these 'subtle' digs at me, #real fucking fun, #i honestly don't care as long as i have wifi, #my life has always been pretty shit, #and i have always been treated like im a worthless piece of shit who should just clean cook take care of kids and maybe sleep, #my mom is just now the person demanding me to do so, #it was bound to happen, #i hope the wifi doesn't go out but idk yet so just a heads up
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Like, I know I adore the “wholesome jock” as a character archetype, but in my heart of hearts I sadly know that I can never befriend one in real life.

Because while I truly admire their personality and the general vibes they’ve got going on, their idea of “fun” is usually some bull like “a casual jog through the woods”, “making laps in the swimming pool” or heavens forbid, “playing sports”, and they’d hate to leave any of their friends out of the fun all the while I would literally rather die than do any of the above in my “fun” time.

#like....., #it's not like I don't excercise, #but for me it's purely for....... survival purposes y'know???, #like I exercise for a set amount per day to keep my body functioning, #but I don't think I can endure being in the vicinity of someone who genuinely enjoys the process, #it's unsettling, #it's like that guy at work who enjoys his work way too much when his job is literally just making spreadsheets, #like technically I guess that's the healthier attitude to have, #but just because they're right doesn't make them normal, #like I do take time to excercise but in my head that's more like having a time set apart for cleaning or doing the dishes, #time for chores I'd rather not do but need to in order to survive, #and once I've done that I would like to not do any more of that for the day please and thank you, #'free time' is for watching netflix or daydreaming about my OCs or somesuch, #I say can't make wholesome jock friends but one of my best friends is a wholesome jock, #she used to swim competitively and was on the regionals in middle school, #(In my defense I didn't know any of that when I first became friends with her), #(she was really petite and seemed to hate PE as much as I did so I had???? no idea?????????????), #(by the time I realized she always had her swimming supplies in her bag), #(and would drop by the local swimming center each day on her way from school to home), #(and not even for a fun little dip where you just float around and have fun in the water----), #(---her idea of 'destressing' was swimming laps full speed over and over again for 45 minutes or so), #(it was too late we were already friends), #(and so I just bobbed up and down in the water while she just. really went at it like some sort of a sugar-high dolphin), #(it wasn't actually too bad because swimming is one of the few physical activitues I sort of enjoy), #(but I don't think I'll be able to survive making friends with someone who enjoys more landlocked (and generally sweatier) sports), #mmari rambles, #JYJ if for some freak chance of circumstance you're seeing this, #this is not a dig at you ily💖
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hehe edward brainrot (: so i’m ramblin!! it got a lot longer than i expected and it’s a bit of a mess, but to spare u all, it’s under the cut! 

Keep reading

#// i'm allowing myself to write a lil here cause i actually caught up with half of my classes sO reward time, #// also yes my icon is because of this mood MAKHRKGJ, #// i am still an annoying pelleas stan but i refuse to let anyone forget how edward is second best boy for the tellius cast, #// also fr!! edward's friendship with micaiah has my uwus... i didn't even mention it in the post but --, #// -- i cry thinking about how leonardo and micaiah both saved up personal funds to try and buy edward a really nice blade ;___;, #// the amount of unconditional trust edward puts in micaiah... how he swoops in to try and ease her worries even when she won't open up, #// edward goes through fe10 really... not being told a lot but he cares the world for his friends and i think it's so cute how he keeps --, #// -- visiting even after the war. i totally hc that he's always excited to mention even the smallest of things each time, #// like oh!! so and so had a kid recently or nico won a tournament or something!!, #// and i'm sure micaiah probably appreciates it as she used to love being with the people and helping them directly, #// hell i'm sure they probably went together down there a lot to help the common folks between part 1 and part 3-6, #// ok i started rambling too much even in the tags so i'll cut myself off here LMAO, #// everyone sleeps on edward and micaiah's friendship tho and i will not!! be having it!!!!!, #+.  /   hcs & metas., #+.  /   caladbolden ( muse: edward. ), #long post ---
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