#she was an abusive piece of shit towards her son and wholeheartedly believe that it is the fault of his parents that he turned out so fucke

[the-kestrels-feather]

Im not done with ABOSAS quite yet but I know there's no way Snow and Lucy Gray get a happy ending (and thank GOD honestly, Snow is an abusive possessive piece of shit) but since I don't believe Coryo is capable of love in the slightest, except for maybe towards Tigris and the Grandma'am and even that's iffy, but because Snow has a grand daughter I choose to believe that he married Clemensia or Lysistrata. Maybe not out of any sort of love or anything, but from how he talked about, well, every other female in the book that's not his cousin, grandmother, or Lucy Gray, he seemed to at the very least hold more affection for her than anyone else. I don't think he loved either, even a little, It'd be more a marriage of convenience than anything, but in terms of how he talked to them.

EDIT:

Headcanons about the marriages:

Clemmie: I don't think it would've ever been a happy marriage. Not hostile, but more of a mutual toleration I guess? At the start at least. Clemmie's parents are thrilled, and of course Snow lands on top. I think Clemensia would slowly grow to resent him, especially knowing he worked under Gaul. She still has nightmares filled with colorful scales and neon puss, and the fact that her own husband can still stand to work beside her despite knowing what she did to her, despite witnessing it firsthand, sickens her. They spend most of their time in separate rooms, however when facing the public or Clemensia's parents they're the "happy couple", and all of the Capitol is secretly jealous. They have one son that Clemmie raises almost entirely on her own, rarely getting the time of day from her husband. After she dies it creates an even larger rift between Snow and his (now adult) son, who has married and had a child while Coriolanus was busy chasing power. He joins a rebel cell along with his wife, and Snow quietly has them killed to avoid public scrutiny, staging it to look like a random accident rather than a planned assassination. He adopts his granddaughter to appear the hero and model grandfather, trying desperately to ignore the fact that she has her grandmother's eyes.

Lysistrata: Lyssie didn't want to marry the already Apprentice Gamemaker Snow, but did so to please her parents. And maybe just maybe because a small part of her believed that with Coriolanus in the room she could advocate for change, real change. However that dream died quickly, as it became clear her husband's ambitions were set on something else. She resented him wholeheartedly, quietly withdrawing from the public under the guise of giving the one son the couple has together a normal life, while in reality she and Coriolanus have separated. Divorce would mean prying eyes and public scorn, but that didn't mean Lyssie had to live with him and subject her son to Snow. She raised him entirely on her own, trying to pretend that he wasn't the spitting image of his ruthless father. As the child grew, Lysistrata became involved with supporters of the rebellion, serving as a Capitol contact of Plutarch Heavensbee right under her husband's nose. Snow knew he couldn't outright kill his wife, that would be to obvious of a move. And maybe, deep down, a small part of him held some form of affection for her. His now adult son that he'd had little interaction with and his faceless wife, that was another story. The news stated it was all a terrible accident, but Lyssie knew the truth. She fought like hell to get her granddaughter, her baby, away from Coriolanus but wasn't able to reunite with her until after the events of Mockingjay. She and the girl live free from the Capitol, deciding to live elsewhere rather than stay with bad memories.

FUCK Snow though, Clemmie, Lysistrata, Lucy Gray sweethearts you can all do SO much better

#a ballad of songbirds and snakes #coriolanus snow #clemensia dovecote #lucy gray baird #coryo fucking sucks lmao #fuck snow the 3 of the girls should kiss #Lysistrata Vickers #the hunger games

[x-ero-x]

You know what, I’m gonna say something, and some people aren’t gonna agree with me:

As a child abuse victim myself, I’m so glad that the show didn’t have BoJack forgive his mother, and I’m glad he was shown to be antagonistic towards her in her final moments.  It’s incredibly selfish of him, and I acknowledge that his behaviour was shitty, but at the end of the day, the way she treated him shaped who he was for the rest of his life, and he hates what he’s become.

As much power as he had to change his own circumstances, he was still a product of his youth--  as everybody is, and he wasn’t equipped with the tools to combat what he became.  It was refreshing to have a show feature a character that didn’t forgive their abuser.  Yes, he pitied her towards the end when he painted her that picture to allow her to return to her delusions, but that illustrates the good that resides in BoJack, not in forgiving somebody who was awful to him.

I personally love that BoJack was vindictive until the bitter end--  and then some, considering he smeared her at her funeral too.  As much as you could argue that it was needlessly cruel, the same can be said for the way she raised him, and I feel as if BoJack deserved that sliver of power over somebody that made his life miserable and set him up for failure.

I really wish he’d gotten that “Fuck you, mom.”  in.  She didn’t deserve his kindness.

#🞮 — 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒... ❜ ( HEADCANONS. ) #child abuse / #[ funnily enough-- the show painted a picture of bea that made me feel sympathy for her #and i DO feel sympathetic towards her-- she was troubled and traumatised from a young age #and had such a fucky life #but at the end of the day #just like bojack's actions can't be excused with his mental health; bea's can't be excused with her shitty upbringing #she was an abusive piece of shit towards her son and wholeheartedly believe that it is the fault of his parents that he turned out so fucke #and jaded. #( also the reason i didn't mention butterscotch is because we don't. really get that much about him #it's hard to make any conclusive comments about his upbringing because we're not given anything #we can gather he's absent-- even if only by the fact that his father is replaced by secretariat in tvfhd #and i think that was done deliberately #bojack didn't know his father at all and only had a handful of memories with him-- so we only got to see that much as an audience ]

[staticscreenwriting]

All you have to be is here - Part 3

Synopsis: Billy has fucked up and has to do 60 days of community service at a home for troubled kids and youth. Working with the kids there makes him learn a lot about himself. Also there’s a girl there his age who’s smile is phenomenal and who is way too nice to him.

I guess I should mention there’s a lot of angst in this. Talk of substance abuse later on, physical abuse, emotional abuse. All that kind of gnarly real life stuff. It deals with kids and teens struggling with a a shitty family life so be aware of that.

Part 3 of ?

Part 1 // Part 2 //

[additional note: I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please.  I’ll make a header image at some point.]

I never really ever felt so adored before Never really ever felt this type of vulnerable Don’t have to hide, don’t have to fear All you have to be is here Never really ever felt so adored before And I said I wanna feel like this forever Even if forever’s just for now We’re on fire, let us burn As the outside world, it turns We are here and alive In our corner of time Forevermore

The rain knocks heavily against the windows of (Y/N)’s flat as Billy slowly strolls around the living room. 

“ Feel free to put on some music, there should be a tape in the player “ (Y/N) hollers from the bathroom. The door is slightly ajar and Billy can just about catch a glimpse of her lathering her lips in a bright red color. 

There’s a cassette player on a side table, next to some books and some picture frames. It’s held together by entirely too many pieces of shiny grey duct tape. Billy wonders just how well this thing is still working. Then again, he of all people, should be the expert on broken things working just fine.

As he presses play the opening chords of Bennie and the Jets start filling the room, making Billy screw up his face in disapproval. 

“ Elton John ? “ he asks, raising his voice a little to make himself heard over the music.

“ Fuck yeah, he’s a musical genius. This song is so catchy. “ 

He’s about to skip the song, hoping the next one to be something more suitable to his taste, when he sees her through the crack of the open door. She’s dancing along to the song, mouthing the words and shaking her hips as her hands work on styling her hair.

He stops himself, keeps the song on, if only to see her move like that. She’s cute and who is he to deny himself the pleasure of seeing a cute girl dance. And to deny her the pure joy of listening to a song she likes.

His eyes drift towards one of the picture frames, it’s made of dark wood and it looks quite heavy. In the picture there’s a little girl with a bright smile and a gap between her front teeth. Those eyes staring back at him, he’s seen before. He looks at them every time he arrives at HHTCY. She looks happy in this picture, there’s a bunch of daisies in her hair and she’s holding onto a popsicle. Next to her is a woman who has the same hair color and the same smile and she looks at the little girl with an adoration he’s hardly ever seen in a person before. 

“ That’s my mom. I mean — it’s pretty obvious but yeah. That’s her, “ (Y/N) speaks up from beside him. She’s all done up, her lips a cherry red color and her hair styled to perfection. She looks great, he thinks. Then again, she is naturally that pretty so this shouldn’t be a surprise really. 

There’s a lot Billy wants to say then, most of all he wants to ask what happened. To the happy girl in the picture and the mother that looked at her with love that is almost palpable through a photograph. You don’t ask people that though. You don’t ask people why they used to be happy and why they aren’t anymore. The woman in the picture though, she doesn’t look like someone who’s kid would have themself emancipated at 15. It looks like another life all together. 

Billy wonders if his mom ever looked like someone who’d abandon her family. Who’d leave her son with a cruel cruel man. A man she knew was gonna turn her son into a monster. He wonders if other people saw that in her, a woman who’d run. He didn’t. Maybe he was just too young or maybe he just didn’t want to see it. Or maybe mom was just good at hiding the person she truly was. A quitter. Not a mother after all.

The unshakable truth is that she’s gone god knows where and he’s not going to find an answer to any of his questions so it’s best to lock those thoughts up in a chest and bury them deep inside himself where no one can find them and none of it can hurt him. Not anymore. 

“ You ready to go ? “ he asks, trying to steer the conversation into another direction. Any other direction.

- OOO -

Tina Warren lives at the end of a cul-de-sac. Her light blue house with the white columns and the big front lawn stands proudly in a sea of several other houses that look exactly the same. Like little doll houses mass produced for the perfect suburban family to spend their perfect life in these walls. Billy thinks it’s a bit ironic. He knows that Tina’s dad fucks his secretary and that her mother throws back diet pills and painkillers as if they’re tic-tac. 

But it’s alright, right ? As long as the lawn is exactly the height it’s supposed to be and the paint on the door doesn’t chip and everyone is smiling. God, all of this is so fucking fake. It all feels artificial and wrong. Plasticy. As if someone took the town and replaced all the residents with barbie copies of themselves.

“ Is this Tina’s house ? “ (Y/N) voice janks him from his thoughts.

“ Yeah. You know Tina ? “ 

“ I mean, I don’t know her personally “ (Y/N) replies and shrugs her shoulders making the slightly too big denim jacket slide down her arm a little, “ I’ve heard of her though. Her uh — skills are quite talked about. Also I’ve been to a party here before. Don’t think I ever talked to her though. “ 

Tina Warren thinks her pussy is magic. Thinks that once she sleeps with a guy it inevitably turns him into a lovesick fool for her. That, he knows, is bullshit. It’s not as magical as she thinks it is and everyone is either too nice or too desperate to tell her otherwise. And really, he respects her for her decisions in a way. People, Billy believes, should be able to fuck whoever they want if no one gets hurt in the process and both parties are willing participants. He just hates the fact that Tina makes a big deal out of nothing. Hell, she showed up at his fucking house when he didn’t call her back after — well afterwards.

The house is filled with people, most of them Billy recognizes from passing them in the hallways or staring at the back of their heads during class. None of them are his friends though. He had friends in California. Real ones. Ones that — that tried to see the good in him. That knew and wholeheartedly believed there was a person in him that wasn’t just the monstrous creation of his father’s rage. 

He had friends. Past tense. None of them called since he’s moved here so he assumes the don’t care so much anymore. 

As he walks through the house, (Y/N) on his heels, he can feel the crowd’s eyes on him. When he first arrived here, he thrived at the admiration. He liked when the girls threw themselves into his arms and how the guys seemed to look up to him. The novelty of it all has worn off a while ago though. Now it’s a nuisance. The guy they all seem to admire ? That guy is an absolute asshole and Billy hates him. Though that’s the role he’s played since a very young age, since he was left to face his nightmare all alone. That guy is tough, he’s cold and bulletproof. 

If that’s the guy he needs to be to survive, it’s who he will be. Doesn’t mean that’s who he wants to be though.

He maneuvers his way into the kitchen which is way less crowded. As he takes a beer from the counter he can tell why, they’re lukewarm. Disgusting. 

“ This is honestly the worst punch I ever had “ (Y/N) exclaims and Billy looks up at her, standing by the bowl of punch, red solo cup in her hand.

“ Beer is lukewarm “ 

“ Ok great so it’s either pisswarm beer or terribly mixed punch. So much to chose from “ (Y/N) chuckles before grabbing one of the beer cans. 

“ I’d rather drink this than whatever that concoction pretends to be. Whoever mixed that has no taste buds, I swear “ 

As if on cue, Tommy storms through the door, throwing his arms up above his head all the while sloshing his drink everywhere. “ Hargrove ! “ 

“ Tommy. “ 

“ Hey man, have you tried my punch yet ? It’s real fuel, my man. Real fuel. “ 

Tommy’s punch, huh ? That explains a lot. Where Tommy is loyal to those he thinks will benefit him, he is dense as a poundcake. 

“ Dude this punch sucks. “ 

Tommy turns towards (Y/N), who he hadn’t seemed to notice just a minute ago and now she was occupying his full attention.

“ Who are you ? “ 

“ (Y/N), who are you ? “ 

“ Tommy ?!” 

“ You say this as if I’m supposed to know. Either way, Tommy, your punch tastes disgusting. “ 

Tommy looks at Billy as if asking for help which only earns him an indifferent shrug from the boy. 

“ It’s not. I uh — I’ve only heard good things before. People like it. “ 

“ Or they just don’t wanna hurt your feelings. Taste it man, it’s shit. “ 

To Billy’s surprise, Tommy actually walks towards the bowl and pours himself a cup of punch only to screw up his face in disgust at the first taste of the sugary liquid.

“ You might have a point. “ 

“ What did you put in there ?” 

“ Uh — everything. “ 

“ Everything ? “ Billy asks, inserting himself into the conversation for the first time since it started.

“ Yeah. Just poured in whatever I could find in my dad’s liquor cabinet. Rum, Vodka, cointreau. “ 

“ Jesus christ “ Billy scoffs and takes another sip of the lukewarm bear.

“ Thomas my friend, maybe you should let other people handle the punch next time. Or at least stick to one kind of alcohol “ 

Tommy nods and reaches for a can of beer “ I guess. “ 

As he leaves the kitchen, Billy can’t suppress the chuckle leaving his lips. 

“ He’s not usually this reasonable when I tell him he’s being a dumbass. “ 

“ Probably because you tell him he’s a dumbass. Also you’re not nearly as cute as me. “ 

She has a point there. Not that he’s ever going to admit it. But she does have a point.

“ Ah shit “ (Y/N) cuts in before Billy can even reply to her comment.

He follows her eyes towards a group of people entering the house. Two of them he’s never seen and the other one is Keith Kinsella. Keith is rich, that’s all Billy knows. He’s rich and his mother drives a Porsche that he gets to borrow every once in a while. 

“ What are we looking at ? “ Billy asks, unable to figure out the shift in mood just then.

“ Keith “ 

“ Why are we looking at Keith ? “ 

“ He’s my ex boyfriend and I don’t wanna have to socialize with him. “ 

That is something Billy hasn’t expected. Keith is so — so Keith. He is one of Hawkins typical rich kids who seem to think a bad hair day is the end of all things. A kid who seems so fundamentally different to (Y/N).

“ Keith ? Keith Kinsella. “ 

“ Look I am not judging your taste in girls, alright. I — he was nice. Then he fucking cheated on me like the pig he is. That’s how I know people from Hawkins High. Keith introduced them to me when we were together. Even introduced me to his other girl, although I didn’t know at that point that that was what she was. I gotta get outta here. “ 

“ You wanna leave ? “ 

“ Nah. I just need to get some air. Just — just come find me when you’ve got enough of this. “ 

With that she finishes her beer and grabs another can before rushing towards the back patio doors leading outside where the rain had stopped a while ago.

Billy tries to mingle, tries to enjoy his night. It just all feels wrong. Like the shine has washed off and all that he’s left with is a dull hollow feeling. All these people don’t give a shit about him and he doesn’t care about them either. It’s nothing personal, really. If this was another life where time hadn’t made him numb and bitter, maybe he’d be friends with a bunch of them. It’s not a different life though. It is here and now. 

He moves around the party clouded in a haze. It’s like for the first time since he’s arrived he finally sees his situation for what it is. A desperate measure to cope with his emotional turmoil. He doesn’t like these people, the music sucks, the punch is toxic and the beer is lukewarm. And when before he could push all those thoughts to the side, he can’t do that any longer. Whatever has shifted in him makes him painfully aware that none of his coping mechanisms work anymore. There’s no desire in him to drink his pain away, to fuck a random girl and forget about life for a short moment. He just wants the world to stop for a single second. To be able to breathe. 

It’s about an hour later that he steps onto the back patio, the same beer still clutched in his hand. It’s a warm night and he should be able to see the stars though the backyard is illuminated by all kinds of fancy garden lights and he can hardly make out a single star. He wonders if rich people like the Warren’s just don’t give a shit about trivial stuff like looking at the stars. Maybe the artificial light means more to them. He wonders if they know what they’re missing out on. 

There have been countless night, back when things were — different. Nights that Billy has spent in his back garden sitting beside his mom and looking at the night sky. And she would tell him stories about all the different constellations. Looking back now, half of her stories were probably made up bullshit, but Billy liked them anyway. They always fascinated him. It felt like the world was so much bigger than he could even begin to grasp. He truly believed there was more out there than the tiny house he was stuck in, where anger lived and sadness and yelling. Always yelling.

Now the sky is just a sky and stars are just stars and made up stories don’t give him hope. Looking at the sky now makes him feel very small. Very insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

(Y/N) sits at the end of the patio, legs tucked beneath her, can of beer by her side.

“ You alright with some company ? “ 

“ The company you ? “ 

“ Mmh. “ 

“ Then sure. Sit down. “ 

They don’t talk for a moment, just take in what lies before them. A lawn that looks like a carpet it’s that neatly cut. It’s bordered by perfectly symmetrical hedges and at the far end of the garden there’s a wooden pedestal that proudly presents the family’s own hot tub. 

“ Do you think people live here ? “ 

“ Huh ? “ 

“ I mean — “ (Y/N) starts then takes a breath as if considering her words carefully “ — do you see people actually going about their lives here. Pigging out on chinese takeout on their white suede couch and having a water balloon fight on this lawn ? “ 

“ Not really no.” 

Because it’s a fucking doll’s house. A movie set. People put on a show. They always do. 

“ Me neither. I know I am always wishing for better things. A better job, a better apartment, a better car. But honestly, looking at this makes me cherish what I have. Maybe materialistic things really aren’t all that matters. “ 

“ I like your apartment. “ 

He really does. It’s so unapologetically her. She’s present in every corner and every crack. Her personality floods the halls and makes them — hers. And he is forever envious of that. 

“ Yeah ? Well the couch is yours whenever you feel like staying over. “ 

Being welcomed into someone’s life is a weird feeling that Billy has entirely forgotten about until just now. He’s so used to being a footnote in someone else’s life that it makes him feel strange when someone deliberately and consciously chooses to welcome him into theirs. 

“ Your cat needs to learn how to respect personal space first. “ he laughs but really he already looks forwards to sleeping on her tiny couch again.

“ Can’t believe you dated Keith Kinsella of all people. He’s — he’s Keith.” 

“ Yeah so ? “ 

“ You ever met a single guy called Keith who didn’t turn out to be a complete dumbass ? Like a massive fucking idiot ? Have you ever met a single Keith you could trust ? “ Billy asks, raising his eyebrows in question.

(Y/N) screws up her face in confusion for a moment then shrugs her shoulders “ I guess you have a point. “ 

“ I always do, babe. “ 

“ Do you huh ? Well I’ve never met a William I could trust before either. “ 

“ Good thing no one ever calls me that. It might as well not be my name, honestly. William is a little kid somewhere in California, chasing seagulls by a beach and listening to his parents argue. I’m Billy. Just Billy. “ 

“ Well, “ (Y/N) exclaims and pushes herself to her feet before reaching out his hand “ I think just Billy is a pretty decent guy. So does just Billy wanna get the fuck outta here ? “ 

When he takes her hand, the world for a small moment feels like it allows him to breathe. So he takes a breath wishing things could feel like this forever.

- OOO -

After assuring her multiple times that he’s only had half a lukewarm beer and is okay to drive, Billy and (Y/N) cruise around Hawkins for a while with no place to go, no direction, no destination. 

That’s until (Y/N) makes him stop by a gas station and wait in the car as she goes inside. She doesn’t answer any questions about why and what but honestly, Billy doesn’t care. He’s just glad to be spending time with someone that a) doesn’t hate his guts and b) isn’t so dull and boring it makes him want to bash his head against a wall repeatedly. 

A glance at the clock in his car tells him that it’s just a few minutes to midnight. How ironic. A gas station of all places huh ? It’s weirdly fitting.

(Y/N) hurries back into the car, a small plastic bag clutched in her hand.

“ What’d you get there ? Condoms ? “ 

“ No you asshole. I’ll show you in — a minute and 12 seconds. “ 

“ That’s weirdly specific. “ 

“ Uh-huh. Well can you do me a favor and close your eyes for a moment. ? “ 

“ Why ?” 

“ Billy, “ she says and looks at him in that specific “just do it” kinda way that girls have perfected over the course of time “ can you just do as I tell you, please. Trust me! “ 

Trust. It’s been a while since Billy trusted a person. And that turned out to be a complete shit-show. So for a second he hesitates. Though as he looks at (Y/N) and the honesty in her eyes he can’t help himself but close his. Can’t help himself but to trust her.

She fumbles around with the bag for a moment then the clicking sound of a lighter echoes through the car. “ If you burn my car you’re toast. “

“ I’m not an idiot. Okay turn around — now “ 

The car is illuminated by the shine of a single candle stuck onto a Twinkie. (Y/N) smiles the biggest smile he’s seen her smile in — well ever since they met. 

“ Happy Birthday, just Billy. “ 

Billy Hargrove turns 18 years old in the parking lot of a gas station while some shitty pop songs plays on the radio and a girl he hardly knows hands him a birthday cake substitute made out of a Twinkie and a pink birthday candle. 

Billy thinks this is probably the best birthday he’s had in a while. 

“ How do you know it’s my birthday ? “ 

“ Told you I read your file “ she laughs and nods towards the Twinkie “ make a wish. I have approximately 12 seconds until the wax starts dripping onto my hands so — please. “ 

Looking at the candle, Billy remembers the first Birthday wish he’s ever consciously made. He remembers it so vividly because it’s been the same one ever since. He was 5 and mom had gotten him a really cool race car themed cake from the grocery store. It was white and red and yellow and there were lighting bolts on it and a toy car. He loved that cake, thought it was so cool.

He remembers sitting by the kitchen table, cake stood before him, candles burning. He remembers looking up at his mom who smiled with a smile that rivaled the sun in its radiance. Then his eye drifted towards Neil. Neil and his ever present scowl. His inability to show even the smallest amount of compassion. Of love.

5 year old Billy closed his eyes and blew out the candles wishing one thing and one thing only. To never become his father. 

As he looks up at (Y/N) and her smile and her gorgeous eyes he thinks that maybe it’s time for a new wish. So instead of wishing to not become Neil, he wishes to be Billy. Just Billy. A better version of the person he is right now. One capable of great things. One worthy of being loved. 

A version of himself that deserves (Y/N). 

Billy looks back down at the Twinkie. It’s probably the best present he’s received since his mom has left. And that says a lot because he hates Twinkies.

But it’s a present given to him solely because (Y/N) thought it would make him happy. Because she wants to let him know she’s thought of him on his birthday. 

Whenever he gets presents from Neil, for his birthdays or Christmas, they come with scowls. They’re empty gestures that are meant to keep up the image of a perfectly normal, perfectly happy family. They’re usually accompanied by a talk about how disappointing Billy’s been lately. 

Presents are not fun in the Hargrove household. They’re reminders to keep the image up. Reminders that things could be so much worse. Only could they really ?

“ Do you not like it ? “ (Y/N) questions.

He doesn’t think there’s words to express just how much he likes it. Not the Twinkie but the gesture.

So he doesn’t say anything. He pulls her closer and kisses the top of her head. As if he’s known her all his life. 

Maybe that doesn’t matter though. Maybe all it needs is a few days for someone to become an important part of your life. Time is relative anyway, isn’t it ? Time doesn’t fucking matter. 

“ No I love it. Thank you, (Y/N)”.

For everything.

- OOO -

The skies open up again at exactly 1:34. Billy looks at the clock just when the rain starts pouring down on them. They’ve spent the last hour and a half munching on various snacks (Y/N) has purchased at the gas station and talking about various people from their High schools. 

“ What about Tina then ? “ 

“ What about her ? “ (Y/N) answers around a bite of an oreo cookie.

“ What’s your take on her ? “ 

She shrugs “ I guess she’s kinda unconventional compared to some other girls around, like — I don’t know, Nancy Wheeler ? But I mean, good for her. Right ? If that makes her happy who am I to judge her for that. She seems fine with how things are going and I think that’s respectable. “ 

“ Alright. I agree. “

“ Course you do, you fucked her. “ 

“ Maybe I didn’t “ 

(Y/N) only raises her eyebrow.

“ Ok, yeah I did. “ 

“ I’m jealous of Tina. “ (Y/N) confesses, looking at the raindrops racing each other down the windows. 

“ Because I had sex with her ? “ Billy questions, unable to keep the smirk of his lips.

“ No. No not because of that. I — I envy the way she gets to experience things. She just does things. She’s fearless. She doesn’t constantly have to question herself about every little thing she does. You know ? She gets to try things out and properly figure out who she is. “ 

“ And you don’t ? “ 

“ I’ve been living on my own since I was 15 and even before, things were — difficult. I don’t have the comfort, the stability to try stuff and figure things out as I go. I have to pay rent, I have to keep my job and make sure my grades are up so I get to keep living the way I do right now. I have to be a responsible adult. There’s no room for me to mess up and make mistakes and learn from them. I always have to have a plan and stick to it and make sure that I do things right the first time. I don’t have parents to fall back on when I fuck up. Sometimes I feel like this whole situation, the emancipation and all that is more restrictive than it is liberating. Sure, I’m good with how things are I just — envy people who get to be teens during their teen years. Who get to mess up and not fear that the consequences might ruin their life. “ 

He’s never thought of it like that. Ever since she has told him about her situation he’s been nothing but envious of her. But this is a whole new perspective and for the first time Billy realizes that maybe not everything in her life is as great as it seems. 

“ Olivia Newton-John “

“ What ? “ 

“ You asked me about my childhood crush the other day. It was Olivia Newton-John. Mom had me watch Grease one day and I — pow. Little Billy didn’t know what hit him but it hit him hard. “ 

“ She’s pretty. “ 

“ Yeah, but I’m more of a Michelle Pfeiffer kinda guy these days. “ 

“ You’re ridiculous is what you are “ she says with a smile. He decided then that her smile if probably one of the best smiles he’s seen in his 18 years on this earth.

“ Hey Billy ? “ 

“ Hmm ? “ 

“ Do you wanna stay on my couch tonight ? I just — it’s your birthday and I don’t want you to be sad or go home to a situation that doesn’t make you feel completely and utterly happy. Because that’s how you should feel on your birthday. I’ll even make you pancakes and bacon. “ 

He doesn’t need pancakes or bacon. All he needs is a place where he’s wanted. That’s all he needs to be happy and that is just what she’s willing to give. 

“ I’d love to. “ 

- OOO -

As Billy settles down on her couch, he can hear (Y/N) softly humming along to the radio while getting ready for bed. 

It’s that annoying “Only You” song playing, the Alison Moyet version. Though with (Y/N) singing along while wiping makeup from her face, it’s suddenly way less annoying.

“ Have you ever thought about doing that for a living ? “ Billy asks, hoping she can hear him over the music and into the other room.

“ Taking off my makeup ? “ 

“ Singing. “ 

“ Oh I — oh no. I have to pay rent remember. Can’t be going out there chasing dreams that don’t come true anyway. “ 

It breaks his heart a little, to hear her say that. It’s not like Billy has a bunch of big dreams he wants to accomplish but he also doesn’t have a talent that lends itself as the basis of big dreams. Back when he was really young he always wanted to be a professional surfer but that dream was squashed when mom left and he hasn’t been on a board since. Sometimes he wonders if he’s even still able to surf properly. 

“ I think you should. You sound good ! “ 

“ Even when singing cheesy pop songs you don’t like ? “ she teases. 

“ Don’t be annoying — but yes, even then “ 

Especially then, he thinks, because she makes them less cheesy and entirely more bearable. He keeps that to himself though.

“ Alright, whatever you say. “ she brushes him off with a smile and goes back to cleaning her face though he swears once she continues she sings just a bit louder.

- OOO - 

The racoon is staring at him. He’s 100% sure. It’s staring right into his soul. Dr. K is ramblingon about one thing or another but all Billy can focus on is the stupid taxidermy racoon and the fact that his little beady glass eyes seem to be able to swallow him whole and figure out his deepest darkest secrets.

“ Billy ? “ 

“ Huh ? “ 

“ I said I would like to talk to you about your community service. How do you like it ? Please talk me through a typical day of yours. “ 

Billy pulls his glance away from the critter and towards the doctor before him. It’s his second session and he really wants to be here just as little as he did the first time. It’s not like he’s gonna pour his heart out to this guy anytime soon. To Billy this is a waste of both their time.

“ I get there, we usually set up some things for either arts and crafts or some other group activity. We sit there during those and listen, sometimes I don’t listen I’ll be honest. Afterwards we clean up. Then we have lunch. Then we — “ 

“ Let me interrupt you there “ Dr. K says moving his too big glasses down the bridge of his too big nose. “ You keep saying we. Who is the other person involved ?  “

“ (Y/N) “ 

“ And (Y/N) is … ? “

He doesn’t want to talk about (Y/N). Not because she’s not important or because he’s ashamed or anything. But (Y/N) is the one good thing in his life right now his — his friend ? She gets him. She understands and most of all she doesn’t judge. He doesn’t want to share any of that with Dr. K or anyone else. This is his little piece of happiness and he’s not ready to show it to the world.

“ She’s just (Y/N) “. 

And that’s all she ever has to be.

#billy hargrove imagine #billy hargrove fanfic #billy hargrove fanfiction #billy hargrove x reader #stranger things imagines #stranger things imagine #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things fanfic #dacre montgomery imagine #dacre montgomery fanfiction #dacre montgomery fanfic

[cajunpotateaux]

An open letter to my dad’s side of the family,

I don’t quite really know where to begin.. I could start with the beginning of my life, but I don’t have many memories to recall, but from what I hear y’all have some pretty golden memories of me..  I can’t really start with the early childhood-adolescence either, because it wasn’t enough for any of y’all to worry about, much less the 5-15 year old, (lol?)  Okay then, I’ll start there, 2012, sophomore year of high school, the best and my best year, (special thank you to the Badeaux Family.)  This is the year that Johnny stopped paying any of the bills he was paying... I remember Gamy filling our fridge, because there was literally only mayo in there...  We ended up being evicted, so all 4 of us packed up and moved in with Grandma Cindy and Grandpa Wayne..  Thank you, for opening up your home to us and doing the best you could, I unfortunately did not stay because I preferred to stay at my high-school, but I am glad I didn’t because I could only imagine the responsibility of mediator.  BUT like wtf.... I can only imagine how this single of mother of three, teetering in such an abusive relationship must’ve felt gathering her kids up to stay at her EX-HUSBAND’S FATHER’S HOUSE?? And y’all judged the fuck out of her, for the men she talked to and confided in you in, to her whereabouts when she was trying to find a job, and whatever the fuck. Y’all think she wanted to have to do that? You think she was trying to do it for her own benefit?? If your son, would’t have up and left her with 2 fucking kids, do you think she’d be in this position? Or wouldn’t you think all of this was because she needed to take care of the family HER AND JOSHUA started???? DO YOU REALLY THINK IT WAS ONLY HER RESPONSIBILITY?? Okay, whatever it didn’t work out (not surprised) and Mama moves in with Gamy and Gampy, cool, i missed my siblings anyway.  Once mama gets back up on her feet again, gets a house (right down the road from kaylyn which saved my life,) and low and behold, guess which motherfucker weasels his way back into our lives’?  Oh boy did you guess it!  Johnny E. Taylor, made his way back into my moms heart because he was tired of staying on his mama’s sofa, tsk tsk.  I’m 15 at this time, 2014, teachers talk to Mrs. Christina Badeaux at this time and tell them how much my attitude and dedication have really taken a downturn, I also started smoking weed this year.

Johnny’s around for a couple of months, but I’m too strong minded at this point.. He can’t abuse us anymore, physically, mentally, nothing.  He’s weak and he leaves, but I’m sure he still managed to drain my mom of what he could..  My mom and I had a rough time after he left, I’m sure I could have been a little more sensitive to her “withdrawals” but I was just too damn happy, I was just too damn safe.  Once he left, mom and I had some problems.. I can’t recall exactly where they lay, but there were some pretty flamboyant altercations.  From there I went into my senior year, the first part of that year was fun, honestly, I was so in lust with that I wasn’t thinking straight, but who could blame her?  2015..  5 years ago from where I am now, that’s ringer year.  That boy I was so in lust with, was cheating on me and breaking up with me every holiday (you’d think I’d realize,) got my first job at Black’s, and basically stopped going to school.  I got arresting Mardi Gras night this year, as a 17 year old passenger, with less that .5 gram of weed in my purse and 1 item of paraphernalia, with no identification.  AND Y’ALL LET ME PLEAD NO CONTEST, WITH NOT A LAWYER???  You mean to tell me my FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION working grandparents, let their 17 year old granddaughter, walk into a court room with no lawyer... Ok, whatever. I took my lick, sentencing went a little something like this:

Judge: we’ll drop the paraphernalia charge, and your punishment is $800 in fines or 10 days in jail.

Me: Do I have a certain amount of time to pay the fine?

Officer: Yes, we can suspend your license for 30 days and you have 30 days to pay that.

Me: Ok, but I’m a 17 year old senior and I live in Abbeville, and take a bus to and from school or have my mom bring me to work.

Officer: Ok, then I’ll have to book you until you pay, and every day a balance drops off your fine.

Me: uh ok...

I then went to jail for a total of 5 days, of my 10 day sentence, before Gampy came to get me (:  He paid my fines, and just reminded me to be sure to pay him back.  I could absolutely do that, thank you Gampy. After this, spring break started and after that, I couldn’t deal with the shit of walking into that school after being arrested and gone for almost 3 weeks straight now.  I just stopped going.  I later on got a call from the school board in April, and they wondered about me, they had faith in me, it felt like, “we don’t even know your father, so we have no preconceived idea of who you’re going to be other than, you’re wonderful school record up until the last couple of months.”  They let me finish my classes online, and walk with my class through that rachet ass gym. You should have seen my peers faces (;  Only downside was, I no longer had to pay back the $300 left to Gampy as a graduation gift. Now mind you I’m more than happy to have my debts paid, but I’m a little sentimential when it comes to gifts for my achievements and its sucks to look back and my ONLY graduation gift was $300 to a fine.. My dad got out of jail the next day...

I graduated and was determined to get my boyfriend back. So I did, and we moved in together that June.  Had a great time, it was nice to get out of Abbeville.  August of this year was the worst, but now that I look back was a form of rebirth for my self.  The first week of August, just days after paying rent, my boyfriend admits that he doesn’t love me (surprise!) I refuse to move out, until the month is over ( have to wait for my mom to help me move.) We break up, and a couple of days later I get to see Ethan, I didn’t know this, but it would be the last time I’d ever see him.  We laughed about him being in room 420, and he tells me happy birthday..  A couple days later it’s my 18th birthday!! Which was super overrated, and my dad got arrested a couple of days later, and Ethan found peace after a long fight.  Completely defeated after this month, I moved home and I didn’t finish my probation.

The next couple of months are a blur but also survival mode.. Mom was going to work, and cosmetology school. I was sleeping, watching Andie and Aiden, cleaning the house and trying to figure out what to make for dinner with $6.29 at the dollar store.. I got caught shoplifting at wal-mart, moved in with these 30 year old lesbians, and lost the most important chest, containing birth certificates, letters from my dad, any hs artwork, ALLL my important personals, gone. Forgot in a house, and thrown away.  Moved back in with mom, and wasted away on a sofa from November till March, until I called Grandma and Grandpa, asking for help to regain direction in my life, so they offered to move me out to Idaho and do their best. Yay!  I moved here thinking of how great of a relationship we could create and how much I could learn, I mean I have so much fun with them on vacation, lol.  Grandma, I love you and I thank you for your hardworking genes, but like c’monnnn I’m you’re closest blood, and I’m not just talking miles. I’m talking my existence is literally due part to the being you had. And you don’t even put an effort into knowing me, you think you have me all figured out with everything you’ve heard through grape vines or whatever, bullshit.  I’ve been closer to you than I ever been and it doesn’t even feel like it.  You’re the only family I have in a great radius and I’ve literally had to create my own at 22 years old without creating the same mistakes as my parents. So give me a round of applause because we all know I deserve it.  You were gunna let me get wrapped up in a system just like my father.  AND THEN GRANDPA ROY TELLS ME HE’D LIKE TO SMOKE WEED AGAIN AT HIS RETIREMENT PARTY??? that’s really how y’all let that go down, and then have the nerve to make judgement of my life thinking that I may take a path of my father???  To restrict nurturing and love towards me because you can’t control the freedom therefore outcome of my life.. Is it because you feel accountable in some way??? I overcame all odds, and I will destroy the generational muck you’ve left for me. 

With that being said, you can deny your accountability, but the way I see it, Josh wasn’t there for Andie and I.  My parents created a life the both wanted, and my dad left, leaving ALL responsibility on my mom.  Now I definitely know that if the 2 families that make up my father’s side of the family, stepped up the best they could like Gamy and Gampy to fill in the pieces my mom couldn’t, I wholeheartedly believe that Andie and I’s perception of childhood could have been a little lighter.  A couple of months ago, Grandpa Roy said a comment while I was working that really shook my world.. We were talking about my mom, as it so causally comes up, saying, “we had to draw the line at buying her a house.”  Initially, I laughed it off, because my mom is known of asking a little too much.  But as a 22 year old, I couldn’t imagine having a kid, much less another 4 years after that, and then DADDY LEAVES.  But I could only imagine, what not having to worry about putting a roof over the children's heads’ could’ve prevented.  Maybe my mother would have been more confident to do it all on her own, less dependent on the man that’s abused her kids.  I can only imagine.

With that being said, none of this mentions any of Andie’s story, the one who I tried my hardest to protect, but was always the easier victim.

I am thankful for the blood I have received, I believe the strong mentality is what got me through the hardest parts of my life so far.  I will continue to look for solace for my childhood Lilly, for she deserves the world.

#diary #openletter #thoughts #prayers #solace

[californiannostalgia]

Holy Shit Voltron Season 6

They did NOT pull their punches, WOW. This has gotta be my favorite season yet. Emotions were flying, space was beautiful/terrifying, important plot points were coming together, and the action was AMAZING.

*SPOILER ALERT IMMA GONNA START BLATHERING*

1. Lotor: Lotor is fucking insane and the creators played it PERFECTLY. His childhood was obviously one of continuous abuse, and I’m guessing the derision he faced for being a half-breed was worse than we’d thought, because he outright despises the Galra. He doesn't want to hear an apology from the monster that wears his mother's face, and when his father is mentioned, he FLIPS. 

It’s hard to wholeheartedly hate him because we’ve seen the potential for goodness inside of him, but with no one to teach him that genocide or forced sacrifices is wrong, he's grown up warped and twisted. What he did to the Alteans strikes me as especially awful because he genuinely sees himself as a savior of Altea. I think his falling for Allura might have been partly because she was the first sincerely kind being he's interacted with, and partly because his ideals of a perfect Altean future included the Princess in it.

Whereas Zarkon felt like a dark, immovable force, Lotor is intelligent, flexible, and much, much scarier. He fooled the Paladins, his Generals, the Galra, the Alteans—like Lance said, he fooled everyone. If he emerges from that overcharge of Quintessence for a final boss fight, he's going to be utterly terrifying. Madness runs in his family, it seems, and it's rendered more disturbing by the tragic circumstances behind it. Lotor should be proud, though. He has more than outdone his father.

2. Allura: Her Altean magics gave the enemy an impossible advantage, but also saved everyone over and over again. When she blasts Lotor with that crazy amount of Quintessence, a part of me felt disturbed by how sad the situation was. This stupid war is forcing a kindhearted child to push someone she cared about (even if it was a relationship built on falsehoods) straight into madness's open arms. Fuck war, really.

Part of her wanted to save him from becoming even more of a monster, but Allura knows where her duties lie. She doesn't have the luxury of feeling sympathetic towards the enemy. She leaves Lotor behind to his madness. She doesn't even blink at destroying the Castle of Lions, the one last piece of Altea she has left. She's a lion goddess, and I love her.

3. Keith: THAT'S WHAT I CALL CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. Marmora training plus two years in the presence of a solid parent figure and a space pet did him good. When he returned, he came back decisive, hardened, and completely ready for Black. Watching him claim his seat without a moment of hesitation gave me the shivers. The backstory episode was so good, too. This kid loves his fellow paladins with all his heart, and it's great to see his love giving him the strength to save the people that matter to him. Especially Shiro.

Oh, and you know that moment at the end of the fifth episode, when Keith nearly gives up on himself? Not caring about himself is what he does, what he’s used to. But at the last moment, he remembers how Shiro pleaded him not to give up on himself, and opens his eyes. That moment he decides to live is the definition of epic. (Also, HOLY FUCK THAT MARK WAS A SCAR??)

4. Clone Shiro: I can't believe they made us grow fond of the Shiro Clone through the D&D episode (showing off Takashi's dumb nerdy core, god I love him) before pulling the inevitable betrayal. Even though we saw it coming, they made us remember that part of him is the Shiro we love, so that the battle between the two Black Paladins could carry a sufficiently devastating note. 

I now understand why Shiro seemed so obsessed with playing a Paladin. It was because a Paladin is what the Clone was programmed to be, the only thing he knew how to be. Add that to the fact that the last thing the Clone says is Keith’s name? Yeah, the Clone Angst was strong.

5. Shiro: I'd forgotten how good and pure the real Shiro was. His acceptance and encouragement is like hot chocolate. BUT WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOUVE BEEN DEAD ALL THIS TIME. WHY WOULD YOU DROP SUCH A BOMB SO MATTER-OF-FACTLY? 

God, I'm ecstatic to have him back, grandpa hair and all. Thank you, Lion Goddess Allura. (Since this means he didn't go through any more suffering after the end of season 2, I'm strangely relieved?) (Does this mean we get a Shiro video diary now?)

6. Hunk: That first episode of him using his understanding of Galra culture to save an innocent planet was amazing. (I also really liked the command structure the team has. They readily defer to whoever has the most knowledge about a given task and follow that paladin's orders. It's a jarring contrast with how Clone Shiro was acting last season. But I digress.) Watching Hunk being a genius engineer in action is the best. I love one sarcastic, pessimistic child who basically has a heart of gold.

6. Pidge: She hesitated once and failed to stop the Clone Shiro from leaving with Lotor. When the Castle is hacked and her programs are being taken down, she pulls out her last resort card. Using that program is tantamount to admitting that she cannot trust her Shiro, and it is a crushing revelation for her, the team, and us. But she doesn’t hesitate again. (Always a joy to see her work her programming magic.)

7. Lance: The rapport Allura and Lance have with each other is the purest thing. He throws himself into harm's way for her and nearly dies. She jumps out of her lion to go help him when there's a radioactive flare moments away from coming into contact with her position. If one of them is sad, the other is there to offer emotional backup, without question. I dig this healthy supportive relationship.

What’s special about his character is that Lance is a solid presence to lean on for the others—whether he’s providing emotional support for Keith, Clone Shiro, and Allura, or taking command in the absence of a clear leader. Funny thing is, he can’t do shit for himself. His self-esteem is getting lower than ever. He openly cried (something he never lets himself do) thinking he failed Shiro. The self-hatred at his own mistakes and supposed uselessness is gonna blow up sometime soon, and I look forward to the day that time bomb finally goes off. 

8. Coran: I could feel his grief for his dead planet, his sense of inadequacy compared to his grandfather. Very pleased that they gave us quality Coran Feels. (Also, Dungeonmaster/Dragon Coran was amazing.)

9. Krolia: Keith's parents fought so hard to protect the universe and their child. I can't forget the look in Krolia's eyes when the memory beam showed her a tiny Keith standing in front of a tombstone.

10. Acxa, Ezor, and Zethrid: They're trying to be loyal to the Empire, trying to save their people. They're being faced with impossible decisions left and right, and I'm curious what they'll be doing next.

11. Haggar/Honerva: She is genuinely sorry to Lotor, but sorry can't erase a millennia's worth of abuse and she knows it. I wonder what she will think when she finds out her son has followed her and Zarkon's descent into madness? I wonder what plans she has in place. (Could she be the final villain?)

12. Team Voltron: Here's the thing. In previous seasons, they were Paladins, yes, but they were still kids. They messed around with cows, made stupid jokes, generally powered through hard battles with the help of luck and sheer determination. But this season, when they charged into battle screaming, shield up and sword drawn? They no longer felt like brave kids going to war. They felt like the motherfucking Defenders of the Universe, through and through. (I didn't think I'd ever be this into a show about color-coded robot pilots. I was wrong.)

The scene where they pack their things to leave the Castle behind communicates the sense that there is no going back for them, that they are permanently changed and will constantly continue moving forward. It’s exciting. I can't wait for them to return to earth as hot badasses and bask in the respect they deserve. (Also someone needs to punch Iverson.)

13. Overall: The gorgeous backdrops, the pacing of the plot, the presentation of the scenes, the action sequences, the sound effects and acting—they were faultless. The soundtrack was great. There were countless moments of pure badassery: Krolia's fight, Keith vs. Clone Shiro, that Pidge-and-Lance tag-teaming action, Hunk's powerup, Voltron tearing a rift into the fabric of reality, etc. I loved it, I loved every precious second of this season, and I am blessed to be able to witness this masterpiece unfold before my eyes. 

#voltron #my thoughts #my reviews #voltron spoilers #voltron season 6 #keith kogane #lance mcclain #pidge gunderson #katie holt #hunk garrett #takashi shirogane #vld allura #vld shiro #acxa #ezor #zethrid #haggar #honerva #vld coran #krolia #character analysis #voltron season 6 review