#she was raised in an environment that would’ve accepted her wholeheartedly if she’d come out earlier and accepted herself

[uhhbeans]

thinking about,,,,,ladder n dusk again :]

(tag rant moments//)

#mack shut the fuck <3 #oc// dusk #oc// ladder #i designed them to be both foils and parallels and i think that’s very sexy of me #okay i’m making playlists for them atm (it’s. HARD) butttt a song i put on both of theirs was #our word from 36..questions/ and mama by m/.cr #because they both hold different parts of the song #like the line ‘you should’ve raised a baby girl/i could’ve been a better son’ applies to ladder first and dusk second #because ladder’s main issues regarding their identity are apart of this philosophy of ‘i should’ve been raised different. i should’ve had my #father there with me. i should’ve believed my grandmother/mother’s capitalistic values and continued in the med field’ #he’s heavily tied to this part of his identity being based on what could’ve happened if he were different #if he wasn’t ashamed of being non-binary and feeling foolish for even Wanting to be taken seriously. essentially it’s #‘if i was raised attached to womanhood and christianity like my guardians wanted i could’ve been better off instead of being this mess of a #man right now.’ and it’s difficult because he *wants* to be cis. he wishes he were just a cis woman instead of transmasc to make it easier #on himself. he’s still a ‘man’ and he can’t get rid of that but it hurts that he has to hide his real identity even moreso than before #while on dusks side: #she was raised in an environment that would’ve accepted her wholeheartedly if she’d come out earlier and accepted herself #but she went into the stem field to uphold the model minority myth and to make her family ‘proud’. she didn’t transition until 34 because #she wanted to make sure her father wasn’t disappointed in not having as many sons as before. #her entire life was based on pleasing others who wouldn’t be hurt either way if she didn’t. and it left a mark on her #‘i should’ve been a better son’ is a line reflecting how she wished she didn’t feel like she fucked up by transitioning. even if that’s not #the case at all. #can you tell i’m projecting onto both of them lmao #our word is the other one i mentioned where it directly relates to the terms ‘she’ being used in different ways #the line ‘she’s always been so goddamn independent’ relates to the both of them (ladder’s guardians in scorning/dusks in pride) #ladder’s transition was seen as a problem while dusks is seen as a virtue. #ANYWAY long rant over sorry have fun #ok to rb idk why u would but you can!!