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oldguardhc · 3 years

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Old Guard hc #101

Summary: Part 2 of the Decennial Awards (Part 1)

“Our next category is the Weirdest Sleeping Spot! As the title suggests, this category is based on the weirdest spot one has been caught sleeping.” Joe turns on the TV behind him and starts the slideshow of them all snoozing in various spots and positions. “We require plenty of rest to remain youthful. This, unfortunately, means we have to catch our Z’s in some unconventional places.”

“When did you take all these pictures?” Booker asks, leaning forward on the couch. Joe glances back and sees a picture of Booker asleep on top of a fridge. The man wasn’t even curled up on top like one would assume. No, he was half-draped over the top, head and arms hanging on the other side, looking as close to dead one can be while still alive. He looked like a poor Halloween decoration. “I don’t even remember that.”

“That’s because you’re senile,” Joe retorts and immediately wishes he can take it back. Three unimpressed faces stare back at him from the couches and Joe knows that this is going to be counted against him. Dammit. He wants to win the best host at the end of the century. Joe plasters on a winning smile. “I apologize; that comment should have been saved for after the show. All of the pictures were taken some time in the last 10 years; anything before was disqualified. Now, our first nominee, Nicolò, fell asleep in-“

Booker stands up and turns around to look at Andy and Nicky. He gestures wildly at them, some of his drink sloshing onto the floor and all over his hand. Booker slurps up what he can on his hand before saying, “Are we not going to talk about how Joe’s been taking pictures of us sleeping? For more than a decade?”

Andy lobs a peanut at him. “Sit down!” Booker catches the peanut and pops it into his mouth. For a second, Joe hopes he chokes on it.

When it’s clear that he will not, Joe says, “No, we are not. Please take a seat, sir.”

Booker whirls around, spilling more of his drink. “This is an invasion of privacy!”

“You were in a public area.”

“Technically-“

“If you have to start with technically, you’re wrong,” Joe sighs, motioning to the couch more insistently. He feels like he has just finished 8 hours of customer support and was told by his manager to cover for the coworker they’re currently sleeping with. Andy snags the back of Booker’s pants and whatever was left in Booker’s cup is now sitting on the carpet. Wonderful. “As I was saying, Nicolò, over here, fell asleep on a crane that was on top of a 500m building. He had a couple of hours to kill until his target arrived and rather than playing on his phone like any other sane person, he decided to take a nap.” Everyone turns to look at Nicky.

“I still don’t see the issue here. I even set an alarm for an hour before the scheduled arrival,” Nicky says and Andy squints at him.

“The construction workers were using the crane. It was literally spinning the entire day,” Booker says and Joe nods. Some carousels spin less than that crane.

“You cost me 500 euros,” Andy adds with a scowl. “It was supposed to be an easy win. You puked after the teacups.”

Nicky gapes at her. “That doesn’t count! Booker made me eat 5 bananas and drink 2 cans of sprite!”

“It was a projectile. You could calculate the angle of it.” You could. It was absolutely disgusting. Joe had made sure to slip the janitor an extra hundred as he tended to his violently sick husband.

Knowing that this will lead to a full-blown argument, Joe quickly interjects, “Now Sebastien, he fell asleep in the trunk of the wrong car and ended up giving a poor old lady quite the scare. Later, I would like to discuss Sebastien’s concerning taste for younger women.”

“Yeah, she was less than half your age. That’s gross, Book,” Andy teases.

“Preying on the young and vulnerable?” Nicky tuts. “Where're your morals?”

“Fuck you guys,” Booker groans.

“I like older men,” Nicky says. “Thank you, though.”

With a smirk, Joe continues. “Next is Andromache, who fell asleep on top of a moving train and managed to stay on it the entire duration of her nap. In fact, she did not even sway an inch; not even when the train was climbing the side of a mountain.”

“Less stuffy up there,” Andy says, taking a sip of her drink.

“I believe you.”

“Plenty of space.”

“No one’s going to join you, Andy,” Booker groans, leaning back on the couch. “It’s fucking cold up there.”

Nicky tilts his head, eyebrows furrowing. “That’s-,” Joe shares a look of incredulity with his husband and slowly shakes his head. It’s probably best that they leave this one alone for a couple of centuries.

“For our last nominee, Yusuf managed to find a yak and fall asleep on its back.”

“You conveniently left out the part where it woke up startled and kicked you 20 feet away.”

Joe gives him a tight-lipped smile. “Thank you, Sebastien. As always, your contribution is entirely unwanted.” Joe pulls the second envelope out. “Now for our winner,” he opens it and snorts as he reads the card. “Sebastien! Congratulations! You won this decade’s weirdest sleeping spot.”

Booker slowly gets off the couch, like he expects Joe to say ‘Psych!’ and call out somebody else’s name. Andy decides he’s moving too slow and slaps him on the ass.

“Here you go,” Joe hands him the prize when he’s a foot away and Booker frowns.

“A sleeping mask from Delta Airlines?” It’s folded in half and barely thicker than a paper towel.

“To make your sleep more pleasurable.”

“There’s a better one in the bathroom upstairs.”

“Don’t be ungrateful, it’s rude.” Did no one teach their kids manners these days? “What do you have to say?”

Booker shrugs and rubs the back of his neck. “I’m sorry, Margaret. Both cars were extremely similar.” It’s not a bad apology. Joe has definitely heard worse.

“One was a minivan, the other was a hummer, you dumbass!” Andy heckles. Sadly, she’s not lying.

“Looks the same when you’re drunk and have your eyes 90% closed.”

“Alright, thank you, Sebastien,” Joe nudges him back to his seat. “Continuing with the weirdest theme, our next category is Weirdest Death.”

Andy and Nicky groan, Booker smirks.

“Just give it to Booker already,” Andy says. “Fucker always dies in the weirdest manners.”

“He’s won every single time since he joined us,” Nicky adds, waving a dismissive hand. “Give him his prize and let him do his speech.”

“So you guys can count me off later? No way!” Joe’s not a fool. This is their test. “Unlike our previous categories, this nominee will cover both Nicolò and Yusuf. Our dearest Nicolò and Yusuf were having a lovely picnic in the middle of the safari. They were enjoying a nice Pinot Noir with some young cantal cheese when they were rudely trampled by a stampede of elephants. ”

“Picnic,” Joe really wants to wipe that stupid smirk off of Booker’s face. Nicky, his dearest heart, reaches over to smack the bane of Joe’s existence over the back of his head. It’s a satisfying thunk too. “Ow! I only have one brain, Nicky, Jesus!”

“More like one brain cell,” Nicky responds. Joe almost bends down onto one knee right there.

No. He has a plan. He’s not going to ruin it because he’s too impatient.

Joe gestures to Andy, “Andromache, was taking a stroll in one of Colorado’s mountains when she accidentally walked into a cult’s trap. After being shot with an elephant tranquilizer, she woke up tied to a tree and was shot with a special marijuana filled bullet as a sacrifice to their Marijuana god.”

“Bullets filled with marijuana,” Booker says, impressed. “If I weren't here, that’d surely be the winner.”

“I know,” Andy grumbles, taking an angry swig of her drink.

“For our reigning titleholder, Sebastien continued to drink an excessive amount of soda, despite everyone telling him that there were not going to be any bathrooms for another hour. Our stubborn Sebastien, of course, ignored us and after drinking 64oz of Pepsi, he had to pee. So in the pouring rain, Andy pulled over. Sebastien sprinted to the treeline and as he began to relieve himself, Zeus struck our poor nominee. He died in his puddle of pee.”

Nicky shakes his head, looking at Booker with a little bit of awe. “How do these things keep on happening to you?”

“The comedic gods really like me.” Something out there really likes him, that’s for sure.

Joe pulls out the correct envelope and is completely unsurprised with what he reads. “Our winner is, of course, Sebastien! Congratulations!” Joe picks up the prize and holds it out; Booker takes it with a grin.

“A voodoo doll of myself?” The doll has a denim jacket and the same haircut Booker has been sporting for the last six years. Booker pokes the doll’s eyes and squishes its plump body. “I’m keeping this.”

“And not the other prizes?”

“This one is custom made; it gets custom treatment.” He has a point. “As for my speech, I would like to thank myself, the greatest and worst person to exist.”

Joe shares another look with his husband. Andy, on the other hand, says, “The prize should’ve been therapy.”

“Okay,” Joe says after an awkward moment of silence. “Thank you for your speech; please return to your seat so we can continue.”

#the old guard #joe x nicky #sebastien le livre #andromache the scythian #tog crack #hc #i'm thinking 3 more parts?#since there's 6 more categories

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charonaraccoon · 4 years

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off the leash -a dog’s tale

Chapter 4: The one about pretending, plans and partners in crime

We stayed in F1 together. It was really nice here, but way too warm for my liking. I had to pant a lot because of the heat and then I was drooling and it was all a mess and I didn’t really like it. Kevin on the other hand really liked the sun and laying on the hover-floor outside, until he turned red like a lobster and hissed a lot. It’s weird, that the sun can burn people, because it’s not really a flame or one of those red rings on the black square in the kitchen. The sun is just that bright white thing in the sky, you know? I know that this is called sunburn and it’s very serious, because I once got it as well! On my nose! And then you can’t smell properly for days and the cooling paste Kevin rubbed into it smelled really bad and tasted even worse.

Other than that we had a great time! We went to the beach and played in the sand (the sticks in Roskilde are still better, though!) and we went to restaurants and Kevin fed me the best fish I’ve ever tasted!

I almost forgot about the annoying ball of fluff and its huge human, until one night the doorbell rang.

We were laying on the couch after a long day outside and shopping (noisy plastic bags are beautiful!) and I felt Kevin slowly falling asleep underneath me. His breathing evened out and the hand on my head grew heavier with every passing second. Suddenly there was a sharp ring and I almost fell off the couch from my own surprise at the loud noise and from Kevin jolting awake. “What the hell…” he murmured and staggered to his feet. I knew, I shouldn’t bark and I was too tired for that anyway, but I followed him into the hallway, stretching in the door to get ready to fight, if need be and…

Need be. Definitely.

It was the tall blonde, but he didn’t look that tall with his fur a flat mob and clothes deranged – he almost looked like Kevin on an early morning at home, when I drop the newspapers on his chest to wake him up and play fetch. Just not as handsome… maybe… “Hallo, sorry, I know, it’s late, something’s wrong with Zeus.”

“What?” I could see all the questions flickering over Kevin’s face in a split-second. That’s interesting about humans, they have a variety of facial expressions and sometimes they mix them up, too. Now Kevin was supposed to close the door with a huff and return to the couch with me – quality time! Instead he stood in the doorframe and stared up at the blonde, worry and doubt clouding his bright eyes. “What happened?” he asked again, while the German (Kevin explained it to me, they mostly work a lot and drink a lot of beer) shifted from one foot to the other and looked terribly insecure. “I don’t know. He just stopped eating yesterday. I thought, it was because of the heat, but he’s not better yet. I was out with friends tonight and when I came back, he was still laying on the sofa, breathing heavily.” Idiot, I thought. “Idiot.” Kevin said, adding “You left your visibly sick dog alone and went out to have dinner with friends?!” Now there was the reaction, I wanted to see, Kevin gripping the doorknob tighter, ready to throw the door shut in an instant.

Nico’s shoulders dropped and now he truly looked miserable. I could see, that he contemplated explaining himself to Kevin like a puppy tries to defend himself for peeing in the corner of the flat (young bladders are a catastrophe, I can tell you!), but he shook his head in the end, wiped his face and sighed. “Can you help me?” followed by an even lower and desperate “Please.”

I looked up at Kevin and nudged his thigh slightly. Come on, human, I know, we don’t like them, but we can’t let the fluff ball die, either, can we? I blinked at him. I mean, can we…?!

Kevin bit his lip and nodded curtly. “Alright, give me a second.” He grabbed his car keys, some dog treats, no, my dog treats; all right, could you at least ask, Kev?!, and slipped into his shoes.

He turned around in the doorway and looked down at me, patiently sitting there and waiting for the leash. “Okay, kage, you stay here!” No way, where Kevin goes, Elsa goes. I’m not leaving you with these two. I growled and rubbed my head against his thigh again, stepping on his shoes just to make sure he won’t leave without me. Kevin visibly argued with himself, before ruffling his head fur and nodding. “Alright, maybe you can calm Zeus down a little, mh?” I wouldn’t go that far, but alright…

Nico watched us in silence, something close to a smile spreading on his lips, before he led the way downstairs and out of the door. I already wanted to head for Kevin’s car parked in the asphalted back yard of the building, as Nico set off towards the building on the other side of the street. Wait, you live just opposite of one another?! Kevin didn’t answer, of course, but I was truly astonished. F1 was way smaller than I’d expected it to be, then.

We climbed up another staircase and I could see Nico’s hands trembling as he fumbled for his keys. We entered the flat and the smell hitting my nose made me frown. Normally, sick dogs smell, you know? Not necessarily bad, but you can just tell, that something isn’t right, their weakened and tired. Nico’s flat smelled of nothing else but Zeus and Nico, tasty leftovers of Nico’s dinner and the same detergent Kevin used.

“He’s in here.” Nico pointed at Zeus laying on the sofa and I could see his disappointment of his dog not having moved in the slightest since he left the house.

Kevin and I both pretended we weren’t evading Nico’s space too much, as we entered the living room. Strange, for two males hating each other so much their rugs were quite similar and the cushions were exactly the same fabric, even the wall colour fitted with Nico’s being painted in just a tad lighter shade of green.

I trudged towards the couch, having to bend between the low table and the sofa and took a closer look at the black and white animal. His eyes were bright and his nose looked rosy, his breathing was shallow, but it could be because of the warmth in here…

Mh, I made mentally and nudged his back lightly. He didn’t turn around.

"Mh… you alright?” ”Yeah, sure, why’re you asking?”

Y- what?!

“He looks sick.” Kevin stated petting Zeus’s flanks ever so lightly with his fingers being instantly swallowing by black fluff. “Yeah, he hasn’t eaten anything since yesterday…”

”Yeah, because I’m fasting, idiot! It doesn’t just help you racing lunatics, you know?! Same rights for everyone!”

”Y- what?!” Now he did turn around and huffed as if he was in pain – which he wasn’t, he was perfectly fine.

”Aren’t they cute together?” I followed his line of sight and looked at Nico and Kevin silently debating, which clinic they should take Zeus to. ”I’m at a loss of words…! You’re actually pretending to be sick, so Nico has to take you to the clinic?! What kind of dog are you?!” ”For being at a loss of words, you talk a lot…” He huffed again and whined theatrically, a sure sign for the humans in the room to look at Zeus worriedly, Nico borderline frightened. Boys, he’s laughing, calm down, I thought and rolled my eyes.

”And you’re wrong, too, brownie. Wait a moment and you’ll see.” ”Elsa. My name is Elsa.” ”Great, I’m Zeus. I’d greet you properly, but that might blow my cover.”

I was still too shocked about that little cur’s shamelessness, to even register that Nico came over, lifted Zeus up and put him into a transportation box – doggy-bag.

“See ya!”, he chimed and I sat down for a moment to digest the news. Kevin saw and misread the situation once again (What was the matter with him today?!).

“This doesn’t look that good, huh?” I took a deep breath and said nothing.

The drive to the nearest vet was short and I was grateful for the quietude in the car. Kevin concentrated on the streets in stony silence, Nico bit his knuckles as if they were chewing toys and Zeus pretended to die any second. I sat in the back and sulked. Whatever his plan was, I didn’t get it and I didn’t want to be involved, either. I stared out of the window and watched the bright lights of “F1” flicker on every side of the road.

We arrived at the clinic and Kevin spoke as calmly as possible to the female in white behind the counter and she seemed very confused, as she looked alternately at Kevin and at Nico and back again. But unlike in Roskilde, when we met the female, who nearly jumped at Kevin, she was more confused and strangely satisfied with the two blond humans and their two dogs standing in an animal clinic in the middle of the night. humans and their strange behaviour, I thought and ignored all four of them.

Once Kevin had registered Zeus, we sat in the empty waiting room, Nico with his arms resting on his thighs and eyes fixated on the transport box and Kevin fidgeting with some vexation booklet. Then Kevin sighed and looked up, staring at Nico with an expression, I’d never seen before.

That was the moment, when I got it. In the exact moment, when Kevin placed a hand on Nico’s shoulder and squeezed and the tall man snapped out of his trance and smiled at Kevin. I perked up my ears, because that was the most beautiful smile, I’d ever seen! Honest and open and thankful and without any hint of arrogance or aggression. Nico nodded and petted Kevin’s knee. “Thank you.” “It’s dogs. We’d do anything for them.”

”See?” Zeus jeered from inside his box and I crouched down to look at him properly. ”So you pretend to be ill, so they spend time with each other. What makes you think this would work?” “I hate the women he brings along. And I like Kevin’s directness. I figured, it would work, since we dogs are the only things connecting them at the moment.” I shook my head in disbelief.

”You’re a terrible dog.” ”I grew up with cats.” Well, that explains a lot, I thought, but couldn’t help myself and wagged my tail a little. Zeus instantly grumbled ”Hey, stop being so happy, I’m awfully sick here! Come on, we need to keep our play up.”

So it’s ours now, I thought, but somehow this didn’t annoy me half as much, as it did earlier and a glance back at our humans proves the point.

So I didn’t answer and just kept looking at Nico and Kevin – busy having a quiet and calm conversation with Kevin’s hand still resting on Nico’s shoulder.

#fanfiction #archive of our own #mystuff #Formula 1 #Nico Hulkenberg #Kevin Magnussen #Hulknussen #Elsa Magnussen #zeus hulkenberg

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jflashandclash · 6 years

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The Attrition of Peace

Forty-Three: The Pax Brothers

We Crash the Wrong Person’s Vacation

Note: I do something a little different with the point of view in this chapter. I hope it isn’t too distracting! Let me know if it is!

In the ensuing chaos—of Alabaster snarling a quick, “Dawn will make your ghosts worthless,”

And the boar with a bowtie withdrawing a pocketwatch from a pocket that involved cartoon logic to say, “Oh, my good boy, we have plenty of time,”

And Reyna’s and Melinoe’s troops engaging—Pax frantically searched for his friends who were less trained in the art of not dying during war.[1]

He didn’t catch sight of Kally or the others as Reyna and Alabaster shoved him and Axel backwards across Camp Half-Blood’s boundary lines. But, he did see another figure.

Off to the side of the Roman wedge formation and the line of ghosts, there was a girl with a leather jacket, multi-colored hair, and a crowbar and sledge hammer in either hand. Atë didn’t have her usual bounce to her, nor her serial-killer-doll stare. Her shoulders slumped. She looked sad while waving her crowbar at Pax in some form of parting. Either that or a threat. With his family, you could never be sure.

Despite being out of breath, Pax puffed up his cheeks and popped them. He turned from Atë, the ghost army, and the Roman defenses and ran alongside Axel towards the creepy pit of nothingness and frowny faces that had destroyed half of Hera’s cabin.

He and Axel donned their helms for ease while running, the Silver Tongued Snake’s head narrowing his peripheral with more darkness. He stayed close to Axel, knowing his brother had better spooky time vision.

As they stumbled back through what was left of the strawberry fields, towards the central hearth of camp, Pax wondered if this was the best choice. He hadn’t thought the ultimatum would be—A: let Euna vacation in Tartarus or B: abandon his friends to a ghost army and the Roman army, both of which probably wanted to kill them.

Pax snapped back to the present when Axel hissed, “You didn’t tell me campers were up.”

Ahead of them, Pax could see one of the many lumps had risen from the ground, hopefully a camper.

Without breaking stride, Axel sprang over the camper, using the camper’s shoulder for balance. Meanwhile, Pax skid between the campers legs and rolled back into a run. In their split second of passing the camper, Pax recognized the trembling child of Hermes as Chris Rodriguez. And he was pretty sure the Leonis Caput and Silver Tongued Snake had just made Chris pee his PJ pants. Memo to self: mock Chris forever.

“In the words of Alabaster,” Pax responded as they saw the gaping hole in front of Cabin Two. Several sleepy campers gathered around it, gawking down and saying they needed to find Chiron. “’Jack’s voice wasn’t exactly soothing.’”

In retrospect, Pax wished he’d have said something cooler when they bolted past the gawking teenagers. Like, “Zeus’s farts smell like Aphrodite’s perfume,” since neither god would know which one he’d insulted, or “Weasels forever!” to commemorate the Triple W team that he, Axel, and Alabaster had left in the Paxmobile.

He didn’t have time to add on before Axel stepped into the narrow corridor with Pax following after. With each step down, the walls narrowed. By the time Pax counted step fifteen, he could feel cool stone press against the arms of his weasel sweater. The light from the campfire above them had dwindled to a mocking hint of glow off Axel’s golden helm.

With that and the dim light of Pax’s celestial bronze daggers, all he could see was the looming Nemean Lion pelt descending ahead and the red plumes of the helm undulating in the tunnel’s slight breeze. Pax remembered stories of the Leonis Caput “stalking the labyrinth,” as the monsters liked to call it—the monsters that placed bets on how Pax’s brother would kill Roman captives.

After Pax saw Axel win his first coliseum fight to secure their entry into Camp Othrys, Axel forbid Pax from attending the whole “stalking the labyrinth” shindig. Something about how Pax wasn’t old enough to watch R rated films? Pax had never thought about it much, since it was prime prank time, but now, he wondered if this was how the Roman victims saw his brother.

The updraft blasted Pax’s face with the smell of… seawater? Why seawater? It would be awesome if Euna took a detour to some beachfront real-estate, but that didn’t seem to fit the whole bent on godly destruction thing.

Axel stopped moving.

Pax could taste salt when he swallowed. He got the uncomfortable urge to scramble back up the stairs, until the plumes on the Leonis Caput helm faded into the darkness.

“I can’t see where we’re going,” Axel said. Pax could hear his brother puff his cheeks.

Pax swallowed again, trying to rid himself of the ocean taste. Something felt wrong about the smell of openness in this black confinement. “Aren’t you supposed to have like, bat sense or whatever?” he squeaked.

“I’m not sure this is part of the labyrinth,” Axel said, “If it is, either something is blocking my view, or it hasn’t linked fully into the network yet. I’m not sure how this works if Jack bent the labyrinth to his will. The labyrinth is a living thing. It doesn’t like to be controlled.”

Axel’s voice trembled and Pax slowly put the pieces together. Cages. Confinement. Control. Santiago.

Pax wanted to tease Axel for getting claustrophobic, but that would be like punching a honey badger in the nose: both upsetting because honey badgers are cute and because they are incredibly dangerous.

“There’s a door here,” Axel finally said, “Be on your guard.”

“Oh, I wanted to relax with Reese’s Sticks and Kool-Aid the whole trip to Tartarus,” Pax whispered.

The door didn’t open the way he was expecting. Instead of hearing the click of a knob or the ominous swing of a dungeon gate like Pax had heard in video games, the barrier gave way noiselessly.

The brightness blinded the Pax brothers when they stepped out of the darkness. Instead of some dank cavern, they exited into overcast sunlight. The brothers paused to allow their eyes to adjust to the brilliance, their bodies to the warm breeze, and their noses to the intensity of salt and smoke.

When they’d adjusted, neither moved. Both were too stunned.

They were on a huge ship.

A grey ocean bled into a colorless sky every direction they looked. Parts of the deck were smoldering, the smoke curling to disappear into the bleached landscape. Various charred boards looked like they were patched together with broken dreams and wishful thinking.

There was a hollow carnival atmosphere to the ship, like an abandoned theme park. A pool was in the center, filled with crystal clear water and formerly white patio chairs with blue towels scattered around. A bar extended from the deck into the pool for easy access.

Before the Pax brothers recognized any of the people drearily shambling past the broken spots in the floor, they saw the posters on the bar shack’s outer wall: one was for an Orpheus Metal concert. The depiction of Jack’s maniac grin above his emaciated body felt uncomfortable. Axel and Pax looked so much younger with their drums and guitar. That was back when Axel had long hair in a ponytail and Pax had pink highlights.[2]

A few feet away, another poster depicted Percy Jackson with a drawn on mustache. Several knives and tail spikes protruded the wall, illustrating someone’s target practice.

Axel didn’t need to see the mast’s statue of a princess in chains to state, “This is the Princess Andromeda cruise ship.”

They both puffed up their cheeks and popped them.

Axel and Pax removed their helmets and attached them to their belts so it was easier to look around.

Pax felt himself tremble. He glanced at the door they’d come through, only to find a Johnny Rocket’s entrance. The circular window in the center of the door showed the remains of a food fight in the restaurant. But there were no grinning Camp Othrys members. Just a few people scrubbing the floor with their heads down. Something about them looked familiar.

“But… but why is it here? And… and how? Did the whole ship decide to take a joy ride out of Tartarus? Are we in Tartarus already?” Pax whispered.

Axel shook his head. He clenched his jaw, trying to pretend the sight of their dilapidated ship didn’t bother him. “What did Jack say when he sang?”

“What? The song about geography?”

“No,” Axel shook his head, “It’s about being there for a lover and conquering geography to get to them, right?”

“I don’t listen to old people music and I was a little preoccupied with the earth splitting to listen to lyrics. But, if it was something about that, then why are we on a ship looking for Jack’s lov—”

Then Pax saw her.

He felt like he’d eaten a full backpack’s supply of walnuts. The world tunneled until everything was fuzzy but her black, jagged hair and her mutilated, scarred face. Pax didn’t know he’d stopped breathing until he gasped out, “Flynn.”

She was mopping the deck, staring at the boards with that icy, absent glare she often got when Jack wasn’t around. Like when he’d last seen her at the Massacre of Mount Othrys, her legs and lower waist looked crippled and crushed from where Jason Grace had blasted a pillar onto her and Krios, and from when Pax couldn’t protect her like he’d promised Jack he would.

The random shades doing chores on the boat weren’t strangers. They were their friends that died during the war.

Pax could feel his cold sweat when Flynn looked up at the sound of her name. Her eyes softened for an indiscernible moment, then they narrowed. Get the fuck out of here, she mouthed.

Yep. That was Flynn.

But Pax couldn’t move. He felt too nauseous. He wanted to curl up and sob on Axel’s arm, but he also wanted to never touch another human again.

Axel would have normally noticed his brother’s increase into hyperventilation, but movement from one of the only non-ghosts aboard distracted him.

A beautiful woman stretched out on one of the white beach chairs. There was another non-ghost beside her, lounging on a chair facing away from them. All Axel could see was the man’s muddy sandals.

She folded up her tanning reflector, set it on the stool beside her, picked up a bottle of suntan lotion and a fruity drink, and stood.

For an instant, Axel thought it was Reyna. The woman’s hair billowed in loose, black waves down her back. A complicated, revealing purple swimsuit clung tightly to her caramel skin, one with way too many unnecessary straps. Something Reyna would never wear.

“Fei Lin, my wonderful daughter, you missed a few spots on the deck. And you forgot it’s rude not to properly welcome guests,” the woman said with a warmth of a pillow used to smoother puppies.

She’d walked up to Axel before he smelled the aroma of roses intermixed with the smoke and seawater.

Faster than he could block, Aphrodite slapped him across the face with the bottle of suntan lotion. “You,” she said with the same tight sweetness, “scorned me for a demigod. And not just any demigod, one that gets all sweaty and gross from fighting too much, and reads really boring books!”

Axel thought about breaking Aphrodite’s neck. The more childish side of him wanted to uncork that suntan lotion bottle and pour it on her hair, since he knew it would make her squeal and amuse Pax.

But Pax was trembling so violently, Axel feared the shakes might dislodge a floorboard and drop them into the mess hall. Pax probably wouldn’t notice Aphrodite’s cringe.

They didn’t have time for the Goddess of Love. He hadn’t registered that she’d stopped her night visits when they got to New Rome. Too much had happened.

And this wasn’t the place for a confrontation. He needed to get Pax away fast.

Axel focused on Aphrodite’s ear, to prevent himself from identifying any of the ghosts around them, and to decrease the effectiveness of her love magic. Despite his attempts, he was furious to find himself thinking about nipping her lobe.

“Why did you bring us here?” he demanded, trying to find something wrong on Aphrodite to ward off any attraction.

“Eris brat, take this,” Aphrodite instructed, handing the bottle to his little brother.

Pax squeaked as the charmspeak took over. He reflexively extended a trembling, sweaty hand. Tears streaked down his cheeks when he glanced from the goddess to Flynn, who had gone back to swabbing the deck.

Aphrodite began to rub herself down with the lotion, moving her straps in a way that made Axel avert his gaze. Each motion was so deliberate and tender. He tried to picture Reyna’s face when they were cleaning up the war tent, the way her cloak had loosened on one side to look goofy and lopsided, the strands that had come out of her braid—

“Stop that,” Aphrodite snarled, the sweetness temporarily dissipating. When Axel glanced back at her, she went back to smiling and applying lotion.

“I didn’t bring you here. I was just having a pleasant, quiet vacation with one of my lovers and your friends interrupted it. The Plague Bringer and the clueless daughter of Demeter, right?” She sighed and went to flip her hair, though the locks had shortened to a dark, pixie cut and her eyes shifted from dark to brilliant blue. “It seems like Jack was looking for his love as a way to lead him and his friend to Tartarus. Oh, Jack and Flynn’s love story!” She grabbed the suntan lotion from a flinching Pax and hugged the bottle to her chest. “Such a delightfully tragic one. Just a pity the heroine forsook her beauty and cut up her face.”

Flynn had stopped mopping. She glared at her mother in a way that told Axel—if Flynn’s charmspeak worked on Aphrodite, Flynn would force her mother do worse than cut up her face.

“Flynn’s still beautiful,” Pax whispered.

Aphrodite dabbed the lotion along the ridge of her brow and gave the bottle back to Pax. He jumped. “That’s cute and sweet of you to say that, Ajax. Peitho[3] and I were wondering if saying that makes you feel better about what happened.”

“Which way did they go?” Axel interrupted. Out of all their fallen comrades, Pax had the hardest time with Flynn. Pax could make jokes about everyone else, and reminisce on stories, or cry about how much he missed Alabaster, but never anything about Flynn. Axel didn’t need Aphrodite teasing his little brother when the dead girl was in front of them.

A glance down at Pax confirmed Axel’s suspicion. Pax was biting his lip to keep himself as together as the softhearted kid could.

“Hm?” Aphrodite asked, “Did you say you wanted my help?” In a gesture that looked absentminded, she took the suntan lotion from Pax and motioned it towards Axel. Meanwhile, she licked the rim of her fruity drink.

Axel had nothing to bargain. He could try to kill her again, but that had left him on his knees, pining over her for weeks. He knew what she wanted, but he could never humiliate himself like that. As much as the smell of her perfume made him want to droop his eyes, they were surrounded by the destruction caused by negligent, vengeful, and sadistic parenting by her and gods like her.

A thunk came from the chairs by the pool. Aphrodite’s boyfriend stood up, stretched, and slung an AK-47 across his back. He wasn’t wearing a shirt over his muscles, but did have a scarf tied around his head to hide his face, like a Somalian pirate. His sunglasses blazed with a backlit fire. Just the sight of him made Axel furious.

Aphrodite sighed and tossed her suntan lotion onto the ground.

“Oh, you’re not going to be able to follow your friends off this ship. If you want to tail them, you’ll have to go a different route, assuming I let you,” Ares said, smirking.

Axel scowled. Any worry he had about Aphrodite’s wiles evaporated in the presence of the war god. He reflexively went to grab his sword hilt, only to remember that all his weapons other than his obsidian blades were in pieces in the Paxmobile. He didn’t even have his frying pan.

“What in Xibalba are you doing in Tartarus?” Axel snarled.

“What in Tartarus are you doing in Tartarus,” Pax corrected quietly.

The war god gave a billowing laugh. “We’re not in Tartarus! What? Did you forget I control the souls and vessels of all the fallen losers in battle? Hades and I had a field day—”

“—Fields of punishment day—” Pax said.

“—drawing lots on who got your crew.” Ares reached over and ruffled Flynn’s hair. Axel could feel her hatred. He remembered how she’d publically humiliate people if they dared to initiate contact with her at Camp Othrys. Well, everyone other than Jack or Pax.

Although Axel hadn’t always agreed with Flynn’s brutal methods, he found himself wondering how he could free her and the rest of his crew from servitude to this godly child. But where else would their souls go? Could they have a worse fate?

Ares released Flynn. He cracked his neck. “I couldn’t justify getting Jack though. He had to get his own specialized eternal torment. Though, it looks like he’s got the Orpheus curse now.”

As much as Axel wanted to obliterate his least favorite couple off this ship, Euna and Jack were getting further away every second, and Pax looked closer and closer to a mental breakdown.

Axel set a hand on his brother’s arm.

Pax flinched.

Axel withdrew and frowned. “Ajax, let’s get out of here. I’m sure we can find another labyrinth entrance somewhere on the ship. I think we had one in the boiler room.”

If there was one thing Axel knew gods hated, it was being ignored. He went to gently corral Pax towards the Johnny Rocket’s entrance.

“Oh, you think I’m going to let you go after you helped Hephaestus gather the parts for his giant rat trap?” Ares asked.

Rat trap? Axel paused. He remembered Hephaestus hiring him for a retrieval quest in exchange for the location of Leo Valdez.

“Ugh, Stygian ice is SO bad for your skin!” Aphrodite complained. When Axel glanced back, he could see both she and Ares rub their arms at the distasteful memory.

Despite everything, Axel crackled a smile. He hoped Hephaestus enjoyed hatching whatever trap he’d concocted.

Pax released a nervous laugh. Since Axel had directed him away from Flynn, color started to return to his face.

Ares seemed too relaxed with their reactions. The war god lowered his hands, resting one on the pistol grip of his rifle. “I gotta hand it to you, kid. Normally, I like punks like you with all of your spirit and anger—”

“—oh, it’s monologuing time—” Pax said.

“—but, at least pricks like Percy are useful. You… I haven’t hated anyone as much as you since Ghandi.”

“Give me a medal of honor,” Axel grunted.

“After upsetting this fine lady—” Ares gestured beside him to where Aphrodite was examining her perfect nails like she wasn’t part of the conversation. “—I’ve been thinking a lot—”

“That must have been very difficult for you,” Pax said sympathetically. Axel probably should have stopped Pax’s side commentary, but he was a bit too proud of his little brother to do so.

The war god seemed unfazed as he finished, “—thinking about what to do with you.”

“I’ve beaten you before, Ares,” Axel reminded him, struggling to ward off a smirk.

Though… Axel wasn’t sure he could defeat Ares now. He had no weapons but his claws and teeth. He was exhausted from fighting Percy and Reyna. And he needed to keep Pax safe and hunt down Euna and Jack. Plus, there was the ghost army at Camp Half-Blood with Reyna…

Axel thought about continuing to ignore Ares to find the closest labyrinth entrance. Then every ghost on this ship—all their dead friends—would be sent after him and Pax to drag them back to the deck.

He was not in the strategic position to smirk. Axel sighed.

“No… no…” Ares chuckled and unslung his rifle. As though to emphasis how unnecessary the weapon would be, he leaned it against the closest patio chair. “You’re not going to fight me. See, I’ve been Googling the best godly punishments. Normally, I just kill people.” Ares shrugged. “But I found out Hera had a way more brutal suggestion.”

Axel wanted to make some snarky comment about a 4,000 year old man going to his mother for advice, but the words died on his lips.

“Some little myth about a guy named Hercules? Something about his first family…?” Ares said.

Aphrodite giggled.

Axel couldn’t puff up his cheeks and pop them. His insides felt frozen.

Ares couldn’t do that, could he? That wasn’t normally in Hera’s department of power either but, she was the queen of the gods—

But Axel could already feel his claws lengthening without his consent.

From the energized grin on Ares’ face, the god knew what Axel was thinking. He slung an arm over Aphrodite’s shoulder and pulled her close as they watched Axel struggle with himself. “I know you love to hunt and battle, kid. Now you’ll hunt and battle the things that you love. I think that’s well within Aphrodite’s and my domain.”

Throughout their trip down Jack’s corridor and onto the ghost ship, and—really—throughout most of his interactions with the Greek gods, Axel hadn’t been scared. Annoyed and enraged? Definitely. Now, for what Axel thought was the first time ever, he found himself trembling in fear before a god.

When Pax saw Axel’s shaking hands reach up and clutch his head, Pax asked, “Um, Lord of Primordial Awesome?”

“Ajax…” Axel whispered, “Run.”

We’re almost at the end! Only one chapter and an epilogue to go!!!! :D Thanks for reading! *ehem* please don’t kill the author.... >>’‘

Footnote:

[1] As Mel pointed out: books Pax should write.

[2] This is actually a continuity error from Ch 21, Blood of a Mayan. Making a note here for me to fix it (since I care deeply about my character’s hair… apparently?) XD

[3] Goddess/personified spirit of persuasion, seduction, and charming speech.

#Traitors of Olympus #Heroes of Olympus #Percy Jackson and the Olympians #HOO #PJO #fanfiction #The Attrition of Peace #Pax #Axel #Chris #Ares #Aphrodite #And this is why the Triple A Chimera can't sleep at night ^^#And why I'm terrified of what my characters will do to me if they ever come to life >>''

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the-firebird69 · 3 years

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She's mad and came up with some ideas and had him come up with ideas and his plowing through you now because we're deploying and employing those ideas they are huge huge concepts and they're flattening you and you can't help it and you're retreating and you go around making noises and you're bothering people and we're taking you up on the offer and we're going into your malls and stores putting our products in in slowly going to take over because you guys don't want to do anything if you want to sit around and just have everything handed to you like fat slobs that you are saying that you're threatening somewhere and it will never figure it out because you're making everything. Come to find out that you don't understand any scam of any kind ever under any circumstances for any reason and you don't know what any of us look like for any reason under any circumstances for any reason ever at any time so coming in and we're giving you that flat back and you can't stand for millisecond and start yelling and screaming and start tearing and then we just grab you and throw you in the truck and drive away so fuck you. And yes we're advertising in your cheap flyers and yes a whole bunch of you bums and you really are bums you're like bums right off the street come walking up with your stinky clothes and your smelly look and the hair that's grown haphazardly in your stupid face and you start saying stupid things and you start threatening so we arrest you we have tons and tons of these out now just this morning pumped out like millions went to the advertisers this morning some yesterday and we crank them out are you trying to block him by grabbing them all so everybody is going around saying it and we started to pick up on something he's got an idea and he's telling us and we put out more cops and you've ever seen and we're going around grabbing you all the time and it's just ridiculous because you're a bunch of idiotic bombs trying to stop something huge by putting your finger on one little thing and none of your people follow what you're doing by the way your bunch of idiotic asshooe liars you just bothering him and us.

Fairly soon we're going to have the cops out that you had out in Africa and we're going to use them on you because you're acting like a bunch of poor indigent people like your African versions were of you and them black people you're going to hate it but you really need it because we don't want to listen to you and we certainly don't want to bother playing back whatever you do and also the crap that you say it's going to say you're on tape we don't care we're just going to download you and kill you show up where you're dead now unless you die just turn the refrigerator on the other so mad because it's cold as hell this is the fun part of our lives because this is the cake this is what we waited to do our whole lives is to take you in like this I'm having a good time but boy are you people aggravating so I'm going to go ahead with this idea and I'm going to start pilot testing now cuz we have plenty of robots want to make these cheap ones who can make billions of that you made an African we're going to copy him think I'm a little better cuz some of your parts stuck stuck they're bad in a Sim factories will be making them somewhere else so really they may or may not be Sim you won't know. It's going on now all over the world people see you too you're supposed to be the upper cast the upper hair salon and you're going after like the end result of the advertisement just to take 20 or 30 of them and you're not even paying attention that people around want them and they want to look at them and they're beating you up regular people are beating you up because you're not leaders you're not doing your job you're just here sitting here pissing them off and pissing you off and you they think the correct thing they're waiting for them to build tons of robots so we're going to do that and we're going to start being proactive and I'm going to send corky out with units and people that look like him that f** and we're going to use them up because it's such a freaking homo

Thor Freya

We applied Zeus and he's my husband and I love him to death and you can't wait to be with me and he wants to show me his love and what he can do for me all the time he's doing it and I know that he knows and he saved my life so many ways and me his and it's just a bond that you can't break and it is a pain in the neck because you start doing your poop but people have to know that they can't stand us together and they can't stand what we're doing and I'm going to say this just like Garth you won't be able to handle it because if I come down as a familiar and I'm hanging out with him you're going to have your nuts are going to go all the way up into your throat and it happened with Garth a few times not many but it sent them way up there and you started whining and tearing and peeing your pants is a horrible site I've been to what happened all the time and for some people be a lot of fun like Thor Freya me and Zeus and it would be fun for Preston and thrim.

Hera

Zues

We like his ideas and her idea is fantastic and he was saying it and he's saying that she plays games with him and doesn't really tell him who she is or that she's in there and it's kind of a pain in the ass because he won't really know if she's doing it or not and she's always giving him digs but she likes to control him that way and it does manipulate him to do things and it's our way so it kind of give it up a little bit we've done it in the past and people can't figure it out it wouldn't be like they'd be full-blown dating cuz he's not doing that he wants wants to just go do things so we figured out what she's saying that she'd be like this friend to come by and they hang out and talk instead of him and the homo and Ken would be trying to figure out if it's her which is cool and she wants to sell the bike to him and so now she's bringing it up and her plan after that which he respects and wants to do is kind of worried about it because it'll probably be very hot but it's not a bad idea because they think that she may have scored with him into a pyramid or a sphere

Arrianna

It's not a new idea but it is kind of interesting because he's got so much attention and tons of people are now paying attention to it and thinking that it might be an idea because they thought that in westborough and a lot of them were playing that game and failed and want to try playing it again and they noticed that the balls might be missing there and that she was around and that she was dating and that the boss may have gone missing while she was dating him and he says it's probably what happened because you are so mean to her that she used it and it's not hard to use it's almost like you wouldn't stop to bothering her all day and all night while she's doing things and it happens to me you just keep on going on you and you're ridiculous because you're just going to get creamed all of you will who is this tour

Nuada

We have a huge amount of money and time and personal invested in him and don't want to lose him at all and you people are so damned mean that I can't stand you your faces are all contorted and if these evil little brat ass kids your old pieces of s*** they're going to come in there and pull you out it's time for you to leave that's screaming and yelling at your computer anything is funny and says take the cash make a stack of it and try and get it to me all over the place and get agents near me constantly trying to do it and we say this it's a great idea so you start screaming and yelling are going to do that and people see it's your money and they'll start screaming and yelling I will go in and take all your stuff

Thor

Freya

Olympus

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imnottrulyjust-blog · 7 years

Text

What depression is like

I wake up from a stupor fully remembering the nightmare was experiencing. The demons haunting me in my sleep. Her voice so clear near my ears just to have it muted by her mocking laughter.

♪I’m friends with the monster that’s under my bed ♪

I reach or my phone to answer, but it’s not ringing. “Am I awake or still dreaming?” I could’ve sworn I heard her ringtone. I wonder if she went to sleep okay last night. I hope she wakes up well today. If I pray to an apparently non-existent deity, will she have a nice day today? Wait, what day is it today?

My body feels the net force of a neutron star acting on it while trying to will my ass out of bed each morning. Almost all light sources damage me; I say almost, because the light displayed by my smartphone while verifying if she still has me blocked on social media gives me a few seconds of hope while the apps load; almost, because the same light displayed by my phone while browsing my collection of pictures of her bring you a smile that is shattered by a scream of agony mixed with an endless stream of tears flowing from my dead eyes. Then again, she hated seeing me cry.

My pets, my loyal guardians and companions, whimper at my feet due to the lack of affection from their master. How long until they turn feral? Doesn’t matter. They’d be doing me a favour if they ate away at my body while I sleep. Then again, she wasn’t a huge fan of pets and would’ve taken them to a shelter to find a new home.

Oh, shower time. Some say the water running down your body washes away your pains. Fools! You’re just making space for new miseries. The only solace of being inside your shower is not having to be worried about flushing the toilet after taking a piss. So what if you pee on your feet? She’s gone anyhow; you don’t matter. A bit of body wash and nobody will even know you also stepped on a bit of shit after cleaning your anus. Then again, she was always a clean freak.

Well, I guess there’s also a benefit in being able to clean up fast after masturbating inside the shower. Oh, that sweet mixture of serotonin and oxytocin. What peaceful 60 seconds after cumming! You work at it for 60 minutes while trying to think of anything other than her and you get a full minute of relaxation. Whoop dee fucking do! Then again, she would get upset if I was moody.

Medical experts say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, fuck you. I wasn’t even supposed to wake up today, or ever again, and now you want me to cook something for myself? Then again, she would get worried if I didn’t take care of myself.

Need to get dressed for work. How bloody stupid is it that we can’t go to work wearing sweat pants and a comfortable t-shirt? Who the fucking hell cares if I don’t wear a suit every day I need to have a meeting with the higher ups? What does it matter if I don’t wear a button-up shirt every other day? Let me wear my Rick & Morty shirt or my witty engineering shirt every now and then. I know my boss wears his when he’s out with his family. Then again, what if I see her on my way to work? She liked when I dressed up nice.

“You’re a great manager! Keep up the good work! You saved the company millions with that study, so we hope you stick around for many years to come!” What does it matter? Any jackass with half a brain and respect for the job can achieve good result, until a student trained by me shows up asking for a job and takes mine away. Then again, on special occasions, she’d tell me how proud she was.

♪ I’m friends with the monster that’s under my bed. Get along with the voices inside of my head ♪

Did my phone get hacked? I swear I keep hearing her damn ringtone.

Lunch time. I remember a time when friends would make fun of how much I would eat and envy the fact that I would stay in shape. That seems like ages ago, back when I still felt joy from doing physical activity. Back when I tried my damnedest to look good for her. Why should I care if I look good for myself? It’s not as if I’m a narcissist. Then again, she was always fond of looking her best. She always did, even when wearing sweat pants, a Star Wars shirt, and no makeup.

I look at the time, and somehow it’s already time for me to go to the university to help students with their final projects. What the fuck? Can I travel through time? I was eating lunch just a few minutes ago and it’s suddenly 4:30pm. I hope she was able to have lunch.

I dread going to the university. She’s still taking classes there and our times coincide. However, the students need me. They’re all missing titles for each figure, table, and chart; figures are not properly aligned; the data is poorly explained; the table of contents is manually formatted; no APA-style references; lackluster conclusions. Honestly, these reports are almost as mediocre and worthless as I am. I can’t let them hand in that shit. Just the way I helped her out polish her own work until the Sun rose in the morning.

“Since you’re too busy helping others, I can go fend for myself. I can take care of myself just fine. I have my own resources.” Is that all I am to her? A resource? No. I’m beneath that. KNOW YOUR PLACE, FOOL!

It’s late. I can finally go home, but why should I? My pets are there, but if anything happened to me, my closest friends would make sure that my furry pals get new, proper homes. I can easily build up enough speed on the highway to smash into a fully loaded semi-truck. Although, what if I survive? What if I only get badly injured? How am I going to explain what happened? “Sorry officer, I just really wanted to end it all and thought that ignoring my knowledge of physics and probabilities was a fantastic idea!”

What if my mother tries to keep me alive as a vegetable? What about my friends?

What about her? Would she care? Yeah, what about her?! Somebody, please, tell me! Would she care?! IS SHE EVEN AWARE OF HOW I FEEL?! GOD, ZEUS, BUDDHA, ANYBODY, PLEASE!!!! DOES SHE EVEN REALLY GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT HOW I FEEL?!?!?!?!

My chest hurts. I can’t breathe. Stop yelling at me! My chest fucking hurts! Am I having a heart attack? I can’t be having a heart attack I’m too young for a heart attack whatthehellisgoingon STOP YELLING what is this amIgoingcrazypleasestopyelling AM I GOING INSANE PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!!

♪ I’m friends with the monster that’s under my bed. Get along with the voices inside of my head. You’re trying to save me, stop holding your breath. ♪

My phone’s battery is dead. I must be hallucinating her ringtone. More importantly, how the hell did I get home? I know I was getting into my car just a minute ago. Maybe I should have dinner, albeit a late one. How about a banan… where did this box of fried chicken come from? When did I stop for food?

I eat about a third of the fried chicken.

And a banana.

With chocolate milk.

…because I can.

She’d probably scold me for eating poorly.

Time flies when you’re correcting written reports, browsing memes on social media, watching Netflix on your smart TV, and absentmindedly looking at all types of porn on Pornhub, Gelbooru, and Tumblr. How the hell did I reblog 100 images, gifs, and videos?

5:00 AM. Must’ve dozed off at some point. I can finish correcting tomorrow along with the 3 reports that are due in the afternoon, 2 meetings, e-mails, phone calls… I hope she’s okay.

♪ I’m friends with the monster that’s under my bed. Get along with the voices inside of my head. You’re trying to save me, stop holding your breath. And you think I’m crazy, yeah, you think I’m crazy. ♪

Yeah, I think you’re crazy, but I know you’re amazing.

Good night and sweet dreams. If anything is to happen to you, may the universe instead direct it towards me. I love you.

♪I’m friends with the monster that’s under my bed ♪

Wait, what day is it today?

#i feel lonely #i feel like shit #i feel like crying #thoughts #my dark days #missing you #missing her #thinking of her #thinking of you #depression #poetry #poets on tumblr

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