#she’s joking (

[aaandbackstabbed]

Donald: they… well I would exactly call it inheritance. What do you call when you kill someone and take their stuff?

Huey: Urm murder

Della and Louie: adventuring

Goldie: Tuesday

#she’s joking #mostly #all round concern #but not shock #no one is surprised #by this information #Goldie- does what she wants when she wants-O’Gilt #goldie o'gilt #louie duck #della duck #donald duck #huey duck #ducktales #incorrect quotes

[autisticlancemcclain]

stop fucking wishing her happy birthday she’s gonna get an even bigger head and then she’ll explode and she needs to finish tramp stamp before that can happen goddamn

bullying ‼️ on my BIRTHDAY ‼️ get her girls!!!!

#i don’t mean that literally this is my best friend no one be mean or i’ll go insane #she’s Joking #mwah u meanie <3 #ask

[melody-smith]

[attemps to quietly sneak out the door while keeping Willow and Oak inside]

Elm

[She notices him, having been sat on the sofa reading]

And where do you think you’re going?

#she’s joking #r.elm

[ask-the-usa-manor]

Cheese sucks ass, and you know who I am Wis.

“Minnesota! Minnesota, your son’s back from lamp rehab!” Wisconsin grinned, “Can I please gut him? He just insulted cheese.”

#She’s joking #Maybe #USAManor! Wisconsin #Screw Quebec

[clandestinegardenias]

My therapist just told me my problem is that I need to write more fanfiction.

#NOT A JOKE SHE LITERALLY DID

[ruushes]

sleeping arrangements (not sure tara would ever actually deign to sleep in the same 20ft radius as shovel but who can resist those big shiny insectoid black eyes 🥺)

plus:

#gale dekarios #shadowheart #astarion #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #my art #want to promote a greater shovel presence in the fanbase. where is all the shovel content. where is my beautiful daughter #she is gale's familiar. to me. #he may not necessarily *want* shovel #but it's too late now #he's her wizard it might be more apt to say #tara is not in any way shape or form a familiar she's like. his aunt. #also i have GOT to develop a faster way of making things like i have so many dumb joke ideas i can’t be rendering shit. unsustainable! 😭😭

[pirateprincessjess]

When I was a kid my family pretended to get raptured so I would think I was left behind on earth while they all went to heaven.

I was like 8 years old and my sister and mom had gotten really into the Left Behind novels (bible fan fic about the rapture). In the books when the rapture happened the clothes that people were wearing when they got raptured were left behind in neatly folded piles.

One day when I was getting home from school my family decided that they would leave piles of neatly folded clothes around the house, and then hide in the basement.

The intended effect was that I would get home and see the clothes then, think that my family had been raptured and that I wasn’t good enough to get into heaven… or something?

The problem was that I had never read these books, and didn’t really think about the rapture very often. There was no reason that I would see some laundry on the floor and think “The rapture happened and I’ve been abandoned by God! I’ll never see my family again!! Oh nooo!!!!”

I just sat down and watched cartoons and eventually my family got bored and revealed that they were all hiding in the basement.

It’s a good thing I didn’t understand the joke, otherwise that shit would have been traumatic.

#still not really sure what part of this joke was funny? #cuz if the prank had worked #then they would have made an 8 year old think she had lost her family and been rejected by god #which isn’t really much of a joke #Christian’s are weird yall #pirateprincessjess

[vraska-theunseen]

DID YOU ALL KNOW THAT YOU CAN DO WHATEVER UOU WANT WHEN YOURW MAKING ART ISNT THAT WILD

#alex talks #this was a piece i didn't really know what to do with so i put the holes in at first and then someone im in class with suggested i bite it #(i think she was joking) and after i took out a chunk she said she meant just put an indent so i tried that too and that's why it's mismash

[nostalgia-tblr]

re-reading my own fic because the author has exactly my taste in tropes, ships the same ships in the right way, and also shares my sense of humour. what a find, what a revelation. i hope they write more of this sort of thing.

#she should POSSIBLY scale back a bit on the inappropriate dick jokes but nobody's perfect right? #fic related

[passiunclepaltry]

if golbetty is really omnipotent and whatnot . she woulda giggled

#she finds his dorky little jokes so so charming #anyway i SNORTED @ this line idk why i found it so silly #betty grof #golbetty #simon petrikov #petrigrof #adventure time #fionna and cake #artists on tumblr

[tittyinfinity]

I was hanging out at the karaoke bar, chatting with a beautiful woman, and we were really hitting it off. I threw a couple of flirtatious comments her way. She giggled nervously, but abruptly stopped and looked at the floor.

She told me that she was too nervous to hit on people because she's trans and worries that people will view her as a predator and that she might get hurt.

My heart sank. I let her know that she could hit on me in whatever way she wanted and I would LOVE it. We spent the rest of the night hanging out and flirting. We ended up making out. It was great.

But I can't stop thinking about how that wasn't the first time a trans woman has said that to me. About how unsafe it is for some women that they feel the need to give out fucking disclaimers to have normal interactions with people.

We have GOT to make the world a safer place for trans women. It pisses me off that there are men at the bar who are openly predatory towards me without fear of consequence, yet a trans woman is too scared to even fucking call me pretty. And that's because she IS more likely to face worse consequences for lesser things! Like what the fuck!

You need to always check on your internalized biases. Being queer yourself doesn't absolve you of transmisogynistic thoughts and behaviors. Being bi/pansexual doesn't mean you don't hold those biases either! If you feel differently about a trans woman hitting on you than you feel about a cis woman or a man hitting on you, you need to evaluate that.

Trans women, I love you so fucking much. You should be able to express attraction and love as freely as everyone else. I hope you can always feel safe around me. And I'll never stop fighting until you can feel safe period.

#her name was Kara which we joked about bc I came with my other friend named Kara and we were at the Kara-oke bar lol #i told her about how last time i was hit on at that same bar was ALSO by another woman named Kara #she said ''i need to find a man to transition right now so we can have more karas'' 🤣😭 she was so great lol #and I'm texting another friend named Kara right now😭 soon everyone will be Kara #transmisogyny tw #.bdo

[nerdpoe]

Phantom, the newest addition to the Justice League, pulls Wonder Woman aside.

He has...a strange request.

He's nervous, flustered, fading in and out of the visible spectrum. It's clear that what he's about to ask of her is important to him, and even though she has an uncomfortable voice in the back of her head telling her this young hero is about to ask her out, she resolves to listen before she jumps to conclusions.

She's glad she did.

"Can...can you put a grave for me in Themyscira? I know it's just for women, but it's the safest place I can think of for it! I just...I don't have a grave, and Clockwork says it's starting to stunt my growth as a Ghost, and I have too many enemies on American soil, so. It's okay if you say no, though, I'll figure something out, it's fine."

Diana lets him ramble to the end, already knowing what her answer is going to be.

"We would be honored to host your grave, Phantom. Do you have any remains I can take home? Do you require a funeral service?"

Phantom looks...he looks beyond grateful. Close to tears.

"No, no remains. A symbolic grave is fine, it just. It has to have my real name on it, my mortal one." He says, looking hesitant. "Please don't reach out to my family, Wonder Woman. They don't know."

With that, he hands over a small slip of paper, torn from a notebook and clearly folded one too many times.

She takes it as though he were entrusting her with the rarest diamond in the world. She wants to, but she does not ask how they could not notice the death of someone so very bright.

Instead she nods, tucking the paper away.

Phantom will get a grand grave, one worthy of a friend to the Crown of Themyscira. She will ensure it.

#dpxdc #dcxdp #dp x dc #dc x dp #phanfic #story prompt #she builds him a superb grave #and makes it a point to leave flowers at it whenever she can #the paper also had his birthdate and deathdate #she doesn't know who clockwork is but she's heard phantom talk highly of him #so she trusts that this clockwork fellow wasn't joking around #she also makes it a point to take phantom for ice cream or other treats now that she knows he died so young #she keeps her word #she doesn't contact the fentons #she doesn't look into them #she's not bruce and she knows how to respect a boundary

[jupiterlandings]

“How is 12 year old Annabeth head of the Athena cabin??”

1. Demi gods have the life expectancy of a lemming.

2. Gifted kids often burn out by age 16 & I doubt any of the Athena teens have the energy or desire to argue with their little sister who willingly takes care of all the family paperwork.

#ramblings #percy jackson #pjo #OMG PEOPLE THIS IS A JOKE I KNOW SHE WAS THERE THE LONGEST #ITS STILL P WILD TO HAVE A 12 YEAR OLD IN CHARGE OF ALL HER SIBLINGS CALM DOWN PLS #I READ THE BOOKS I DID MY TIME LET ME JOKE ABOUT THIS

[brookheimer]

awards shows are ridiculous and asinine and are everything wrong with the entertainment industry. that is unless my favorites win in which case awards shows are wonderful and objective and are arbiters of merit and justice in a world devoid of true talent recognition

#this is a joke i still hate awards shows. but i am eating well tonight i must admit!!!! #golden globes #succession #kieran culkin #sarah snook #<— speaking it into existence #edit: SHE WON ! #not like there was any other possible outcome #sister sweep!!! #100 #500 #this time on posts i didn’t expect to get notes #1000 #lolol #5000 #damn y’all

[chloesimaginationthings]

The actual lore in FNAF ultimate custom night

#myart #chloesimagination #comic #evan afton #fnaf cassidy #fnaf crying child #fredbear #fnaf andrew #toysok #fnaf #fnaf 4 #ultimate custom night #fnaf ucn #fazbear frights #fnaf fanart #five nights at freddy's #this comic is unserious btw #sorry if this is your first introduction to Andrew #BUT HEY ANDREW MENTIONED 🔥🔥 #I wanted to make a little joke comic around the lil guy #cause seriously anytime someone learns of Andrew they go ‘who?’ #Cassidy getting all this bad rep for no reason #she’s (maybe) not even the one who made Williams super hell #Andrew gets to scoot by smh

[inkskinned]

probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.

#this is true #writeblr #warm up #relatedly for some reason one of our Favorite Jokes #amongst the Siblings #is like - ''this is so good u will love it'' #while we are reacting to something we OBVIOUSLY find viscerally disgusting #like we will be actively retching and be like ''nooooo it's so good'' #to the point that i sometimes get nervous if someone outside my family is like oh u should try it its good #(obvi we never force each other to eat anything. we are all just curious birds and #like. we're GONNA try the new thing.) #edit to answer why we had so much vanilla: #my mom is a very good cook and we LOVE to bake. so she just had a lot of staples in the house. #it's one of those things that's like. have u ever continuously thought ''ah i should get butter im probably out'' #even tho u are not out of butter. so u end up with like 5 years of butter. #my mom would do that in a costco but like with vanilla extract #to be fair we WERE always using WAY TOO MUCH bc we were kids #so like she was right to stock up #ps. yes we were VERY sick after this lol i just didn't want to include it in the post in case ppl had an ick about that #u can tell it's real bc we knew "oh no we fucked up that's too much vanilla to waste'' but our reaction was to just. keep drinking it #> sibling understanding that vanilla extract isn't free > knowledge mother doesnt mind if we use it for milkshakes #> sibling choice to maybe get in a loophole of ''not wasting it'' if we drink it bc that's the same as using it (not throwing it out) #listen bud i was like 13 and my sister was like 9 #when my mom discovered this we. got in. A LOT. of trouble. a lot of it. a LOT of it. #3rd edit bc i guess it isn't clear - i am 1 of my brother's 2 little sisters #i am the middle child #out of all the ways i have had to explain a post before being like ''did u forget a middle child can happen'' is my favorite