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possamble · 10 days

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do you have any particular thoughts regarding marcille being a half-elf? its interesting to me considering the fact that she seems self-conscious about being a half-elf, but denies it when its brought up

i remember marcille looking visibly uncomfortable over laios simply asking her how old she is, which i think the only reason she might feel nervous about this is because it might reveal her as a half-elf to him.

she's never corrected anybody whose called her an elf either.

never mind the circumstances of the reveal, in which thistle goes on about how half-elves are inferior and accusing her of wanting to become full blooded elf, she seemed particularly upset like he struck a nerve-

i wish the half-elf thing was built upon more. also, underrated marcille line:

okay so i revisited this sequence just to make sure I could back myself up and it's just... man. there's a lot going on.

the first reaction we get from Marcille is this huge panel that takes up half of the page

she is viscerally affected. flushing to the tips of her ears with the intensity of it. and we see it again, a few pages later

so it might seem like she's embarrassed about it and lying to herself, but... I really think it's just that Thistle is accidentally hitting sore spots. If you really look at what he says to get these reactions

"you'll live out your entire life [...] and die that way too"

"a hundred years from now, nobody will be there"

Hear me out. I think, if he stuck to harping on about her inferiority without bringing up how terrifyingly long-lived she is, she wouldn't have been as bothered. But right now, Thistle is accidentally hitting all the marks on Marcille's deepest fears-- and this is after the Winged Lion promised her that her dreams could come true in an extremely vulnerable moment, so it also hits her slightly guilty conscience as well.

I do truly believe that Marcille isn't bothered about being a half-elf the way that people assume she'd be bothered by it. To her, the biggest problem with being a half-elf is that it's isolating.

On one hand, it's not hard to imagine why she'd distance herself from elves in the west. A lot of them can clock her as a half-elf on sight, unlike other races, and therefore she's always branded with this weird stigma of being Othered -- I would even say that she considers herself lucky for being born outside of elven culture instead of having to grow up in it. I mean, just... look at the way elves talk about her.

Skipping past the uncomfortable implication of what 'not tolerating the existence' of half-elves would actually entail, this is incredibly fucking annoying. You can see why she wouldn't want to be around elves much. You see a lot of Marcille reacting badly here, but honestly, almost all of it can be attributed to her freaking out that her bluff completely failed. She's honestly more paying attention to Izutsumi's footsteps and trying to coordinate an opportunity to escape.

And in the end, you see her built-up frustration at being asked if she wants to be a full-blooded elf like 2-3 times in a row.

Yeah, yeah, "the lady doth protest too much," and all. But we know Marcille. We know that she's a lot more embarrassed and horrendously unconvincing when she's being prodded about something she's actually self-conscious about.

Moving onto the flipside of things, it might seem weird that she "pretends" to be a full elf around other races, but it's not really that strange if you think about it. Again, people are weird about her being infertile or whatever, and a lots of them don't even know much about what sets half-elves apart from everyone else. I mean, look at how uncomfortable Laios is just asking her about it

and look at how exasperated and resigned she looks

And like... she's right. Where would that come up in normal conversation? Why would she go out of her way to tell them? She's functionally a normal elf to other races anyway -- got the ears, the abnormally long "childhood", and the huge mana capacity. Unless it's directly relevant or important for people to know, I don't think it's all that strange or indicative of insecurity that she prefers not to bother with it.

(This combined with her sense of being an "outsider" to elf culture also explains why she thinks elf superiority is embarrassing. She sees the way elves treat short-lived races from the "outsider" perspective nonetheless, and thinks it's obnoxious; especially more so because she usually has to play the elf around short-lived races and deal with the reputation of arrogance that elves have built up.)

The sad thing is, this all means that... she doesn't actually fit in anywhere. She doesn't like going out West much because of how elves treat her. But she's also an outsider in the continents she was born in, treated like this exotic long-lived alien choosing to live among short-lived races for some reason. She is always an outsider, the Other, no matter where she goes. Add in the fact that she'll live longer than literally anyone she knows, and it's honestly kind of heartbreaking.

And I think that's the crux of it. Marcille really doesn't act like she's at all self-conscious about being a half-elf because of any feelings of inferiority or being half-made or whatever. She considers herself a perfectly legitimate being and might even, in some ways, consider herself superior to normal elves because she's not blind with elf supremacy or whatever. (And whatever "elven biases" she displays, all of them are born more out of the fact that she's kind of bad at conceptualizing how other races age and mature compared to herself, not that she actually considers herself better or more mature simply for being an elf.)

I think that whatever self-consciousness Marcille has about being a half-elf is, instead, related to terror and loneliness. The reminder that it ensures she'll never truly belong anywhere for the rest of her very long life. The reminder that, in truth, even she's not actually sure how old she is by other races' standards (hence the discomfort when asked how old she is). She doesn't want to not be a half elf, or be a full elf or full tall-man-- in her ideal world, she's still a half-elf. She just gets to live out her life at the same pace with the people she loves and doesn't have to say goodbye again and again and again until she dies.

and one last very important panel, right after Mithrun tells her that all her desires would be devoured

In her ideal world, she's still a half-elf and reality magically starts marching at her pace. But failing that, the second best thing is that she's still a half-elf-- but one who is able to accept reality and let go of her fear.

(But the rest of the story pans out the way it does because, to Marcille, taking reality apart and reshaping it was less scary than simply and fully reconciling with it.)

#asks #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #marcille donato #manga panel analysis #this is probably riddled with typos sorry #readmore cut bc it got long lmao #i ended up babbling about it bc it's such an important character detail to me #bc like... wow. she's so normal about it. she's literally just chilling.#the only thing that really bothers her is the material reality of it and how people treat her #the stereotypes the stigma etc. etc.#otherwise it just..#literally doesn't factor into her criteria for self-worth at all #the basic truth is that marcille likes herself on a fundamental level #she's not plagued by a deep and festering self-loathing the way a lot of characters in her archetype are #she likes herself and is proud of her successes and accomplishments #its just that shes terrified of failure and can have *episodes* of self-loathing when she fucks up #but who doesn't yknow #i know its a very slight nuance that makes very little difference in how her 'overachiever' problems manifest but its there #the sword of abandonment issues that hangs over her head has nothing to do with her self-worth or self-esteem or meeting her own standards #it has to do with the fear of not living up to *other* people's expectations and not being useful enough to be worth keeping around #she's good enough for herself but she's always so so so scared that she's not good enough for other people #i wont say much about what ryoko kui is saying using this as an allegory for real world racial biases but #dungeon meshi's treatment of marcille's relationship with her being half-elf is so incredibly important to me because it gets it so right.#a trauma about inferiority or being a half-being isn't inherent to the experience of being 'of two worlds' at all #that's something that's unfairly drilled into people by their environment #the *inherent* anguish is the loneliness. the constant longing. the fact that you are always homesick no matter where you are #always just a little bit of an outsider and never fully at home #and dungeon meshi gets that.#edit: cleaned it up a little

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spoonsock · 10 months

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Show me love pt.1

Part 2

Gwen Stacy x fem! Reader

No Spider-woman AU!!

This is basically a retelling of the movie “Show me love (1998)” or “Fucking Åmål (1998)”, I just switched the characters but the plot is practically the same. I only kept Jessica’s name from the movie, I gave the rest of the characters other names. I definitely recommend watching the movie! I also recommend reading the synopsis for it before reading this but it’s not necessary to watch the movie to read this.

This is all soooo chaotic but tbh the whole movie is chaotic so don’t blame me if you simply don’t understand some parts because honestly neither do I🤷‍♀️

Considering that this will only cover up like the first part of the movie, I’ll write a part two and possibly a part three, but only if this gets some attention, which I doubt cuz it’s awfully written but still please lmk if you want me to write the rest 😭🙏

Synopsis: After the death of her best friend, Peter Parker, Gwen Stacy doesn’t do friends. She’s sad and a loner, the quiet, weird girl who sits alone at lunch. But she’s also secretly in love with the popular, beautiful and upbeat Y/N, who yearns for an interesting life.

Warnings: homophobia, underage drinking, mentions of (underage) drug use, has some angsty parts, OOC Gwen, reader and the rest of the characters do not really know how lesbianism works, all the characters are dumb little teenagers don’t expect much maturity in this, not proofread whoops, also wrote this when I was sleep deprived so I guess most of it doesn’t make sense

“Happy birthday to youuuu! Happy birthday to youuu!”

Those were the first words she heard when she woke up. Groaning, she opened up her eyes and sat up straight, smiling at the sight of her dad holding a delicious looking cake in front of her.

“Happy birthday dear Gwen, happy birthday to you”, he sang as she grinned up at him and blew the candles on the cake. “Thanks dad”

He sat down next to her when she noticed he was holding some papers in his hands, aside from the cake. “What’s that?” Gwen asked as he handed her the papers. Birthday invitations. Her smile turned into a frown as she gave him a disapproving look.

“Dad-“ “Before you say anything, please, just consider”, he interrupted her, already knowing what she was going to say. He knew she wasn’t the most social person, especially after the death of her friend, her best friend, Peter Parker. He knew she didn’t have anyone aside from him. Not even the girls from the band she used to be in, before she gave up on that too. But then she lost him, and he saw her whole world fall apart. He watched her lose interest in everything that used to make her happy. He watched her lose her spark. And it pained him so much. But he hoped that maybe, all she needs is a little push. She can’t be alone her whole life. So, a party, he thought, couldn’t be a bad idea.

She looked at him, then down at the invitations, and then back to him. “Dad, I don’t have who to give them to”.

“Honey, you have to find some friends. I know it’s hard after Peter’s de-“ Gwen tensed up at the mention of his name and suddenly moved around on her bed to get up, making the cake almost fall down and smudge everywhere. “Fine, I’ll give them out!”, she rolled her eyes before getting up to get ready for school. “Gwen, you don’t have t-“, he was interrupted once again by the aggressive slamming of the door. The cop sighed sadly.

———————————————

To say that you never had the best relationship with your sister would be an understatement. Sometimes, even the smallest, pettiest things she did would absolutely infuriate you. Today on the repertoire of shit she did that pissed you off was taking the last of the chocolate milk.

“I HATE YOU” you screamed as you poured the containing of her cup right onto her head. “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??!” She yelled as she grabbed on your hair and threw you on the floor. You kicked and trashed around as your poor mother came in asking what what the hell is happening. “YOU CAN ASK Y/N”, said your sister, Jessica, as she ran out of the kitchen.

“I don’t understand, I am so tired of this! I’ve been working all night!” Your mother said, as you looked down in shame. “Sorry. We didn’t mean to wake you up”

She sighed, “What was it this time?”

“She took the last of the chocolate milk” you answered quietly, feeling guilty. “She took the last of the chocolate milk?” She repeated, disbelief in her voice. You nodded and started swiping the spilled milk off of the floor with a piece of paper with your foot.

You got ready and exited the house, about to make your way to school, when you saw a guy with a moped who you recognized as Jonah.

“Hi”, he said. “Hi, you live here?”. “No, just had to do something here. You want a ride? You can take the helmet” he offered but you rejected, claiming you’ll walk and hoping he’ll leave you alone.

“You coming to Christian’s tonight?”. “Maybe”, you replied while still heading off. You heard him mumble something but ignored it.

—————————————————

Taking out the stuff from her locker, Gwen saw a classmate she acquainted sometimes. She remembered the party invitations before deciding, fuck it, she’ll try. So she went up to the girl in the wheelchair, who’s name was Marie, and gave her the invitation. “Here”, she said, “I’m having a party apparently”. Thanks” replied the girl.

“You? Having a party?”, asked one of the mean, popular girls, who’s name Gwen didn’t know and frankly didn’t want to know. “No”, she said quickly and tried to stop the girl from taking the invitation from Marie, but she wasn’t fast enough. The bitch took the card and started teasing Gwen, but she grabbed the invitation back and shooed her off. She was about to go back to her locker when she heard a certain voice. Your voice.

“Jessica, I’m so sorry, I’m such a fool. I promise to never spill chocolate milk on you”, you hugged your sister tightly and continued to apologize, feeling genuinely sorry. Gwen didn’t know what it was about you that made her like you. She wrote songs about you, she wrote about you in her diary, she dreamed of you and all that stupid shit. It made her so confused. You had a reputation of being with so many guys, it didn’t make sense to her as to why she was so attracted to you of all people. But it is what it is, and she continued to stare at you as you talked to your sister.

In class, she wrote your name over and over in her notebook, drawing stars and hearts around it, while you were bored to death in another classroom, not even attempting to listen to what the teacher was droning on about.

During lunch, you sat with your “friends” and talked about how you wanna go to a rave or something, complaining about how bored you are, unaware of the certain blonde staring at you, sitting a few tables away, next to Marie. “You are so boring!”, you exclaimed to no one in particular before laying your head on the table.

“We could go to Gwen’s party”, one of your associates, the very girl who teased Gwen just a few hours ago, mentioned. You knitted your eyebrows together in confusion. “Which Gwen?”

“Gwen, aren’t you having a party?”, the girl turned to Gwen and sneered at her, while she tried not to listen to the bitch.

“Everything is so boring! I hate my life!”, you cried out, ignoring whatever was happening around you.

“Gwen!”, the mean girl continued yelling at the blonde as she got up. “Gwen, we’ll come to the party!”. Gwen flipped her off and ran out of the cafeteria. You didn’t bother to raise your head even when the other girls from your table started yelling at the blonde.

——————————————

“Mum, it isn’t a rave, it’s just a normal party!”, Jessica tried explaining to your mother, who caught you both in the lift while you were half naked. To elaborate, you have no mirror in your house so to see what you look like you have to use the mirror in the escalator. You were getting ready to go to Christian’s, you took off your pants in the lift, looking at yourself in the mirror, waiting for Jessica, who you told to bring you your skirt, but she forgot, and as the two of you were arguing in the lift, the door of it opens and reveals your mother who sees you hiding behind your sister in a tank top and underwear and throws a tantrum, saying you can’t go out.

“You can stay here together and have fun, while I’m at work. I bought chips and soft drinks”

“Well done, Y/N. Welcome home”, your sister says sarcastically making you roll your eyes.

The moment your mother leaves you start rummaging through the medicine cabinet, complaining how you wanna do drugs. “None of those will do anything”, Jessica retorts making you pout and spit out the random pill you put in your mouth. “I’ll do something else then. I’ll fall in love”, “I thought you already were. With that Italian guy?”, “He wasn’t Italian. Maybe Bosnian. Whatever. I’m not in love with him”, you speak as you lay your head on your sisters lap when suddenly the phone rings. Jessica answers and says it’s the guy you saw this morning, Jonah. “He wants to know if you’re coming to Christian’s. He’s in love with you.” You make a sour face. “Ugh!” You groan. “What? I thought you wanted to fall in love?”, “Not with Jonah Hult! There’s no way I’m going to Christian’s now. I’d rather go to Gwen’s”

Your sister turns to you with wide eyes, “To Gwen’s? Are you braindead or what?” You throw a hairbrush at her. “What if there’s nice guys there?”, “At Gwen’s?”, your sister asks again. “Might be! Please!!” You give her your best puppy eyes and she looks at you before tsking “Fine, fine”. You squeal in happiness and kiss her cheeks.

—————————————

Gwen and her dad sit in their living room in an awkward silence.

“No one’s coming dad, let’s just eat”. “Have some patience Gwen”, he tries lightening her up. Soon enough the doorbell rings and it’s Gwen’s classmate, Marie. Chief Stacy helps her with her wheelchair and they all sit together in the living room. Gwen opens up the present Marie got her, a bottle of perfume, before saying how she can’t accept it. Something snaps inside her before she yells at Marie, calling her a crippled idiot and saying how she never even wanted to be her friend, while her dad tries to stop her. Marie goes home and Gwen storms to her room. Her dad tries to comfort her while she cries and yells at him, about how she has no friends, about Peter’s death, about something being wrong with her, about wanting to die. She lays there as chief rubs her back not knowing what to do or to say, then finally proposing to go eat the special dinner he prepared for her party when she calms down.

They eat peacefully until the doorbell rings again and Gwen shakes her head, telling her dad to not let in whoever’s there. He tells her to put away the dishes while he tells off the people who came. Gwen does as told then goes to the bathroom to wash her face. Her eyes are puffy and red from crying and she looks like a mess. She hasn’t looked this bas since Peter’s death.

————————————————

You ring the doorbell a couple of times. No one answers and Jessica urges you to leave it, until the door opens and, the person you suppose is Gwen’s father, let’s you in. He gives you some wine and tells you to wait in Gwen’s room so you go up there. You fill up your two glasses with wine and clink them together while looking around the room. It’s filled with posters on the walls, there are many cds and books on the bookshelf, and there is a drum kit in the very middle of it all.

“What party is this? Are we the only ones?”, your sister asks you and you shrug. “Why complain, Jess? We’ve got wine and everything”, you smile at her. “Yes but like…….Okay, we’ll drink the wine and leave”, “Deal”, you say as you continue to sip on it happily.

Unbeknownst to you, Gwen gets out of the bathroom to see her dad sitting on the couch, watching the TV. “Wasn’t someone there?”, she asks. “Yes, but they weren’t hungry so I gave them some wine and sent them to your room”. Confusion arises in her “And who was it?”. “Y/N and Jessica”. At the mention of your name, panic wakes in Gwen.

Meanwhile, in her room, you see some notebooks sprawled across her work table so you rummage a bit through them, but one of them falls down and opens on the floor, giving you access to what’s inside and the contents of it do surprise you. Inside of it are written poems and you can tell they’re beautiful even though you don’t get to read them fully because you suddenly hear the door knob shuffling. But whoever is trying to enter is unable. “What the-, open the door!”, you hear from the outside.

“Did you lock the goddamn door?”, you turn to Jessica but she just gives you a look and starts giggling. She runs to the door, “I’m just ummmm….I’m just-I’m just changing!”, she tells Gwen on the other side and you accidentally let out a loud chuckle. “You’ve got a skirt on!”, you whisper-yell at her while still trying not to laugh. Gwen sighs and leans on the door, waiting for you to finish changing, apparently.

“Have you heard she’s a lesbian?”, Jessica asks you. “What! Really?”, you reply and your sister makes gagging noises saying how that’s gross.

The wine made you a little tipsy and you don’t think it through before you start speaking to the door.

“Gwen, is it true that you-“, Jessica quickly covers your mouth while giggling her ass of with you.

“Aren’t you done yet?”, comes from the other side of the door and Jessica tells her you guys will be finished in a second.

“I think it’s cool”, you say and receive a blank stare from your sister. “Cool? Are you serious?”, “Yeah. I’m gonna be one too when I grow up”. “Come on”, your sister tsks at you.

“Open up now!”, Gwen yells and you turn to Jessica. “Let her in, she’s nice”

“If she’s so nice, go out and neck her then, Y/N”, she challenges you and you chuckle.

“Okay. And what do I get if I do?”, “If you do what?”, “If I neck her.”, “You’ll get AIDS probably”, your sister says matter of factly.

“If I kiss her, will you give me 100 bucks?”, she laughs and your request and offers 20 bucks, to which you agree and tell her she’ll have to leave.

“You won’t dare to do it, though”, she sneers and you whisper bet to her as you unlock the door and let the blonde in and your sister out. She doesn’t even acknowledge Gwen as she leaves the two of you alone in the room.

“Hi”, you tell her and she says hi back while picking up the notebook from the floor and putting it away. She leans on her worktable and avoids eye contact with you while you intently stare at her. The wine made your vision just a tad bit blurry, but even through clouded eyes you still admire the blonde’s beauty.

“Why can’t you sit over here?”, you ask referring to her bed on which you are sitting. “Why, what for?”, she asks back with suspicion laced in her voice. “There’s something I wanna tell you”, you answer knowing damn well you ain’t got nothing to say, you just want the 20 bucks.

“Can’t you just say it?”, she crosses her arms and you look around, catching Jessica’s eyes. She’s in front of the room watching you through the crack of the slightly opened door. You try not to smile when you see her and put a fake pout on your face. “I-I just don’t want Jessica to hear it”, you fake out a stutter, inwardly laughing at how stupid you sound.

She looks at you for a second before mumbling a fine and sitting next to you. “It’s just that”, you move closer to her. “You’re so pretty”, her eyes widen slightly when you say that but before she can react, you grab her face and kiss her passionately. She finally starts returning the kiss as the butterflies erupt in her stomach but you accidentally catch Jessica’s stare again and suddenly break contact with Gwen and run out of the room. Your sister grabs your hand, “Jesus, Y/N, you’re insane! That’s is so disgusting!”, she laughs as you two leave the house and run as far as you can, leaving Gwen in her room to process what just happened.

You kissed her. Y/N kisses her. But then you ran away. Your laughter and Jessica’s words suddenly echo in her mind. “That is so disgusting!” All the butterflies disappear from her tummy and that awful feeling in settles in her gut. She feels…humiliated. She guesses you probably ran of to all of your stupid bitch friends to tell them how you kissed Gwen and how stupid she probably looked.

Tears appeared in her eyes. She wanted to scream and to yell and to beat you the fuck up for making a fool out of her. But you were God knows where laughing and making fun of her. Gwen laid down on her bed and let out all of her tears, as if she hasn’t cried enough already tonight. This was the worst birthday ever.

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT A PART TWO CUZ I AIN’T WRITING THAT FOR NO ONE!

I’m impulsively posting this and I’ll regret it in the morning.

#gwen stacy x reader #spider gwen #spider gwen x reader #spider man: across the spider verse #spider woman #into the spider verse #show me love #spider man #reader insert #no spider woman sry #ooc gwen #she’s basically not even gwen lmao #but i’m literally just following the script of the characters in the movie sooo #fem reader #this is bullshit

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