#she's gone and I'm at fault

[givehimthemedicine]

never forget El isn't just touchy feely as a random personality trait, she's spent most of her developmentally critical years horribly starved of touch and warmth and love :)

and every moment of physical comfort she receives is precious to her as an antidote to some specific moment in her past when she suffered the lack of it :) and you can also see the shadow of her traumas in the ways she thinks to give physical comfort :)

and also don't forget that her trauma didn't end with the lab :) when we first meet her her traumas are drawn from lab days but by later seasons it's clear some of the traumas guiding her behavior are just... the show :) such as the crushing pressure of everyone counting on her to find Will :)

and if I spend more than 2 seconds thinking about what any simple little moment of closeness/physical affection/comfort must mean to El I will start sobbing and never stop :)

#eleven #lab feels #the max ones are heavily relevant to my fic #el is fairly into touching peoples heads during hugs in general #but her comforting max involves a lot of head stroking and i'm thinking it's because that's an old self soothing habit :( #also I realize 'its okay' is an extremely standard thing to say to a distressed person but #what if she says that to max because she remembers joyce saying it to her in the void and it making her feel better #and what do you wanna bet she held onto max's hand like that because she remembers going into the void to find will #and knowing she's his only hope and his fate is completely on her shoulders and all these people are counting on her #and then feeling will's hand dissolve in hers. and not knowing where he went or how to help him #and now she's gone in to find max and it's the same thing all over again and she's max's only hope #only this time it isn't some kid it's her best friend and the person she probably loves most in the world. and who trusts her to save her #do you know how terrified she is that max is gonna turn into smoke too. and disappear to somewhere el can't find her or help her #do you know how terrified she is that she's going to fail her #do you get what unfathomable trauma it is that she did fail her (it wasn't her fault but with her hero complex she'll feel like it is) #i will be adding to this gifset in season 5 when max wakes up #im fine (im not) #angst #mine #bestof

[mishkakagehishka]

Every day i open insta and then come on here to talk ab #society

#girlie with a mouthful of baby teeth talking ab her sephora haul and folks in the comments telling her #yknow the whole ''you're too young for those products they'll actually ruin your skin bc they're not made for kids' skin'' #and this girlie says she puts on make up bc she's insecure at times #i'm. grabs your face. instagram and tiktok are at fault for the fact that we have babies 7-10yo (she says she's 13 but i DOUBT it she really #looks like a toddler) talking about being so insecure they put on make up #little girls ! not even old enough to get used to how their face looks like naturally! #putting on make up even before their baby fat is gone and their true features reveal themselves #i'll actually be sick. we're failing gen alpha. make fun of them however much you want #but between tate's influence on the boys and tiktok beauty/skincare culture on the girls... it's over

[arsonist-chicken]

Anyway I hope the audience is still screaming Cha Cha Cha in their minds. I hope Käärija got serenaded backstage with people aggressively screaming Cha Cha Cha so loud he couldn't hear the sad noises of being disappointed by not winning anymore. I hope he goes home and the Finns will hold some sort of event where he'll be met with people singing Cha Cha Cha and doing the dance moves. I hope he gets a week off just to walk around different places that have put up Käärija stuff and look at all of it and see how much people loved his song. I hope Cha Cha Cha gets one billion streams and that people will also listen to his other music.

#come on. he deserved this. loreen already won once what was she even doing back there #i see people saying it's not her fault she won but no one forced her to go again now did they #that just seems really selfish to go again when that spot could have also gone to someone who wasn't already internationally known #and yes i'm including alexander rybak in that he also shouldn't have gone or been allowed to go again #actually i'll even say if you competed already you shouldn't be allowed to go again. every country has so many wonderful artists #it doesn't seem fair that an artist should be allowed to take the international spotlight like this twice #esc23 #mine #käärija #esc finland #cha cha cha bitch

[fruitsyrups]

Random yes but thank u for making that frusan art awhile ago it's adorable and i love seeing more art of this underappreciated ship :D!!!

ahhh thank you!!! frusan is so underrated FOR REAL, i guess it's probably because after Islands they all but disappeared (like i think they were only shown twice after that and that's including in Fionna & Cake (which i actually missed when i watched it bc its such a brief glimpse)) but like. still. I actually have a little idea for another frusan drawing (frieda and susan talking on a roof grown-up edition) but I have to break up the dialogue into parts & think of more Susan Reactions so it's not just Frieda monologuing at her lol

#frieda is such a compelling character to me augh because seriously living on the islands sounds like. idk. scary in an existential way #like if I lived on that tiny(?) island always with the same people and didn't have hope that I would maybe someday get to explore someplace #new and meet new people. i would explode i think. #and frieda HAS hope & the drive to follow through with it #but then susan goes robo-mode and like surely any hope is just GONE after that #thats such a crazy interesting dynamic can't believe everyone else on earth isn't also insane about this #obviously it's not susan's fault that she went robo-mode but it's still recieved as a betrayal yk. so sad :( #and then susan went after finn & they probably all assumed she was dead #AHHH??? i can't even imagine how that would have felt for frieda?? like imagine you're trying to get off the islands and your favourite #person won't go with you but she helps you. but then she betrays you (not her fault but yk) and then (i'm assuming its not even that long #after) she's sent off the islands and she goes willingly #like wowww way to rub salt in the wound susan omg (i love susan this is not susan negativity) #my little angsty hc about that is like. frieda still holds a little bit of resentment towards her for what happened but she knows she #shouldn't because what if susan was right? what if she left the islands and it wasn't safe and she DIED? #but then also what if she isn't? what if she just left and it wasn't worth coming back? what if frieda wasn't worth coming back for? yanno #stuff like that. AGHHH hhh i love frieda #and then they go adventuring together and work it out and kiss on the mouth #uhhh i'll stop myself there before i write a whole essay in the tags (or maybe i already have ahahah...) but yeah. i love frusan :3

[feluka]

i'm going to be embarrassingly open about something very personal right now: as stupid as this sounds, the finale of GOS2 has entirely reverted me to the moment in my life when i was a bright-eyed lovestruck teenager who put *all* my plans and hopes and dreams for a better future for myself into one relationship, and then got horrifically dumped in a way that made me feel entirely worthless as a person for a long, long time

#like suddenly i can feel it like it was yesterday that it happened to me and i just feel something awful in the pit of my stomach #and want to curl up and sleep and not talk to anyone for at least several months #which is a sign of good fiction when it makes you project THAT STRONGLY onto a character. it means they did something right #but good god it doesn't stop it from hurting OWWWWWWWWW #god i swore i's try to keep the gomens posting to a minimum because #i know the dash is about to become intolerable for people who don't care about it because so many people are talking about it #but at this point i would say. if you find this annoying i really wouldn't fault you for unfollowing! #bec i feel like i've just gone on an entire spiritual journey in one night and i'm only going to get more annoying about it lol #gos2 spoilers #also im pretty sure she won't see this considering she's never been on tumblr (or any social media really) #but if she somehow does: hi! i'm still damaged! no hard feelings tho!

[marshmelonfluff]

also i have doubts that they would have tai feature heavily in a volume again but i really want him to meet up with the gang in vauco bc i want ruby to get a hug from her dad. please. just let this girl get a good cry in about everything she's been through and have her dad hug her afterwards

#rwby #rwby spoilers #like ik its not gonna happen but in my head i want rwby+j to crash their own funerals and have their tearful reunions #(nora must tackle hug jaune i just know it) #and then yang just shoves ruby at tai and qrow like PLEASE TALK TO HER ABOUT SELF WORTH #and ruby's all 'no i'm fine it's okay!' and wbyj just. looks at her. and yang just says 'please for me' and ruby relents #and just. lays everything on her dad who hugs her and crys with her and tells her she did everything she could and hes proud #and qrow can pat her on the head and tell her that it may feel like everything thats gone wrong is her fault but its not #please let this girl get some emotional support from the two adults she can trust at all PLEASE let this girl hug her dad and her uncle #i know she chose herself and had her realization that ruby rose is enough but i think it would help for her to hear that #from the two men she admired as a child #anyways. thats my little fanon thing thatll live forever in my head until we get vol 10 #and afterwards she can talk to weiss yang blake about her breakdown and get reassurance from her team again and everybody hugs hooray #seriously though if nora doesnt see jaune and immediately sprint towards him at full speed to tackle him to the ground in a hug #immediately followed by ren who hugs them both as everyone cries then WHAT is the point

[farragoofwires]

don' dweeblog

#the one mass fanon I do NOT buy is how the malpractice dept is found family. #have you. SEEN this show?????

i have seen this show and i can say without a doubt that the malpractice department is definitely found family. because i know what their families are like.

#house: that. #foreman: self-disinherits because he loses religion and his mom gets dementia. takes medical power from his father to give it to a colleagu #he just stabbed and said isn't his friend. #chase: so mad at his dad for leaving his alcoholic mother that he moved from australia to the malpractice dept. #cameron: who knows what the family who raised her is like except that they did apparently think it was fine for her to marry a terminal can #...cancer dude she'd just met. and also chase. and then she apparently immediately remarried because she has a decently aged kid w/in 2 yrs #thirteen: oh baby. she's got a brother she killed; a sister she doesn't talk to; a dead mom; and a father who we literally cannot know abou #taub: lol #kutner: MY BABY DARLING GONE TOO SOON!!!!! i'm giving him a pass because i love him. #amber: honorary because she got so far in the competition and then dated wilson. who then inherited all her shit and apartment. #relatedly: wilson: honorary because he clocks in so many hours for them. anyway. lol. #park: a NEURO RESIDENT and LIVES WITH HER PARENTS. hashtag girl. hashtag did you even apply to any med schools not w/in driving distance. #whatshername: way too traumatized by growing up rich. like get over yourself. #and last but not least honorary: cuddy: THAT!!!!!! #everyone is ABSOLUTELY found family. not my fault you assumed found family is a good thing. #f: house #m: house

[1ouis]

.

#oh my GOD. my sister's work (Amazon) really screwed us over and now she's feeling suicidal and idk what to do?? #she's at work and they're trying to find her. i'm so scared rn 😭😭😭 #her amazon building belatedly announced that they won't be giving holiday pay and the days they cut for the holidays won't be paid in full #just the hours they cut. so many coworkers and their families are being screwed over as well. some at risk. #we are too but i obviously can't reach my sister for the exact amount. i just know it's in the hundreds #& now the building also cut people's paid time-off. literally hundreds upon hundreds of secured dollars gone. #if i lose my sister it will be AMAZON'S fault for stretching her thin financially physically and emotionally #i can't help because i can't get paid until next month and our family's too poor... #should i set up a mutual aid post? would anyone care enough to donate or reblog?? idek. i'm so scared. #i'm close to panicking and i feel so helpless 😭 #idk how to word this better. i can't. i'm just in a state of shock at how horrible life is rn #tw sui talk #not sure what tags to use to avoid getting shadowbanned #reblogs are ok

[fazcinatingblog]

Waking in the middle of the night thinking about those two ASIC things that were lodged a day late and how shitty my boss will be and how the superfunds need to be uploaded to BGL and that those two new guys keep asking dumb questions and one's quite nice, the other is really sour, almost grumpy, he's not really a bully, just really "wait I have to do that?" Like yes, you have to data entry into our software and I think I'm adopting his mannerisms especially talking to Sophia but maybe I always had that in me, maybe I've always been grumpy "no I don't know how long I worked on it, I kept getting interrupted" but also those stupid ASIC things I should've taken more notice of the date and I'm so dumb and there were two of them and

#i just want to go back to sleep!!!!!! #but no i have to stress out about how angry Sophia will be #plus the invoices total was only $4500 like kill me?????? she'll be shitty all week #why am i going on Monday oh right because she'll need a coffee and water #i just #plus the super funds like it's her fault that we've waited this long to do it she should've organised it all months ago #but she puts it on me and gets mad at me for it not getting done???? #As if it's my fault #maybe i should just work Tuesday and I'll be alone and be able to get it all done #no interruptions on Tuesday #once it's all done and then i quit and move to Mexico and change my name #come back every weekend for the football #Just fly in fly out for Collingwood games #do that until the annual leave payout is all gone #this is fine #i could work Tuesday at my parents house because the work laptop is still there like I'm still set up to work from home #but going into the office would be fine too just lock the doors no one is coming in anyway #unplug the phone #forever #listen to Taylor Swift

[genspiel]

the broken kingdoms is like the opposite of middle book syndrome. it was so good; a big step up from the hundred thousand kingdoms, tbh. i'd stopped mid-kingdom of gods bc it wasn't really holding my interest, read several other books in the interim, and have now come back to it, aaaand.... it's still not really holding my interest so much............ sigh. i do want to know how this all works out in the end, but unfortunately it looks getting there could still be a bit of a chore.

#tre reads #the inheritance trilogy #nk jemisin #tbf part of this is kind of my fault for reading her works so out of order lmao #black future month was the first; then broken earth; then... i think great cities came before dreamblood...?... and now inheritance #it's almost perfectly in reverse order lol (barring the jump forward in time for great cities ofc) #so it 100000% makes sense that her writing got... not bad exactly but. less polished...??? the further back i've gone #there's also like. so many things about inheritance that remind me of like. prototypes almost of broken earth stuff tbh #and i feel like she did them much much better in broken earth so i keep directly comparing them in my mind and that's not helpful either lo #(might even make a post about that at some point tbh) #although upon looking just now it does seem that i'm closer to the end of the kingdom of gods than i thought i was #only about 200 more pages and then the rest of the omnibus is the novella which i forgot about #((also holy shit what did sieh do to the glossary for kingdom of the gods i'm--)) #so maybe i'll just keep on powering through here........... -w- #at least eventually ahaha. we'll see. <3 #i'm also just starting two other new books simultaneously lmao so who knows what my brain will feel like continuing tomorrow !!! #but for now i shall be off to other things ahahaha

[rxvera]

whyyyyyy

#why call me late at night when I'm tired and already feeling horrible this couldn't have gone well #vera talks #''you're just upset now because you were crushing on him and he didn't like you so you made it all up and how you're sad it's your fault'' #she sounds like my fucking mother #99% sure she's just digging her grave because she's stubborn and can't accept that she was in the wrong #but it still hurts

[brawlqueen]

it was inevitable i think, not me musing her, but just....the fc and my p.sd for mizu.ki just fits really well and i'm using the same icon p.sd for f.go jeanne that lynnie thinks fits me so i'll use her too . i just. i love...man, everyone's designs in o.shi no ko. it's wild. but if you know me well, are one of my friends, you know how much i love purple. i'll try to work on the meme today i reblogged and at some point i want to get into the ma.nga tho hoo it's way ahead and i'm behind whoop.

also just a side-note, since i feel i've been kinda tame about this? miz.uki has 0 tolerance for disrespect and this isn't like about anything just....if your muse doesn't respect her, she will eviscerate you verbally be at 12 or 18. she has the godlike battle (frankly is she a d.bz chara now damn ) ability / physical strength to back it up, and also the high IQ / wit far above her classmates reading thesis works at 12. to me, i really haven't seen a muse more traumatized, or in so much pain, and in the same breath so strong. we all have that one character we go, 'well damn'.

i have no intentions of woobifying that but being respectful because the queen deserves it and it's just...not appropriate like....they're still people. people who are traumatized are still people with agency and dreams and personalities and choices. so no woobifying the queen. just a head's up i won't hold her back if your muse gets mouthy. this is a girl who with a slight tighter grip, could make a cup smash into ceramic powder or accidentally shatter bone. after things no one can ever understand / go through, she has zero patience. if you know ait.sf, than you know this very well, but not all my mutuals do so just a head's up that there are consequences so i don't want anyone like...surprised rip. she isn't gonna break your character's bones but she will turn into a wildfire.

#seriously this girl if a.ini didn't prove it the og game did my beloved og game...that she is insanely massively overpowered and #a.ini just....it's like she's from d.bz she'd fit RIGHT in while being this detective so yeah sometimes she holds back that biting tongue #but she's gone through too much for someone to do that. #i've been thinking about it a lot lately. #𝐏𝐒𝐀 *ೃ༄ do you wanna get your ass kicked? #𝐎𝐎𝐂 *ೃ༄ what looks gone but comes back even stronger. #if you play a.i you'll know what i mean. i'm not exaggerating this girl being absolutely busted. #but i will explore mizuki's trauma and how she really...doesn't want to. #you only unlock much of that in her route #it's...she's from her experiences with shoko learned to get real quiet about her feelings. #and also just...doesn't want to worry people. #she'll have moments like in the game itself where she's like is this my fault. did i deserve this? is it because of me etc #and she'll always be regressing and progressing. #getting a true family doesn't...erase ...well...insane hell she went through before she ever turned 12 and onward. #it's just tricky for me to write since i don't want to make it too much but also very miz.uki #implied abuse tw

[animals-why]

So our boss exploded on us, we showed her bad behavior to all her little board friends, and nothing happened except that she shut up for a few days.

She's still refusing to acknowledge that someone can be a manager without working 40+ hrs a week despite being repeatedly explained that doing so will 100% wind me up in the hospital.

At least we're probably hiring some people.

#it's my fault we didn't hire anyone who she kept from talking to me #while dealing with a triple disease outbreak #i'm so upset #she wants me gone #if I leave the shelter dies

[aw-bean-s]

.

#When you cry because you're ugly but you've literally always been ugly #✌️✌️✌️ #Listen I KNOW this is a lame as post but I need to express this SOMEWHERE because anyone irl will get mad or weird abt it #And I got kicked out of fucking therapy so #Here #Here is what I have #But yah I'm ugly and proms today and I spent an hour and a fucking half past midnight trying to get my hair brushed and dry #Only to find out my dye job is patchy and spotty and ugly as all hell #But I can't tell anyone that because mum helped me! #So she'll get upset and angry and cry and be all 'i did my best' when I KNOW she did and I'm grateful #Not her fault my hair sucks and I'm too ugly to pull off patchy hair #God I just. I'm gonna be in a room with a bunch of ppl I either don't know that well or don't like #And I have it on good authority at least some of em think I'm a bitch #I just. I don't wanna go. But it was eight five stupid fucking dollars that couldve gone to something USEFUL like shoes that don't break #But my friends organised the prom so I gotta fuckin go to the stupid bland expensive party #And they wanna all go get ready at this (really nice honestly) girls house that I've never been to and everybody knew the plan before me #But also all of my friends have been so busy and all hanging out with each other without me that I don't even wanna go! #Like I don't even have the appeal of 'hang out with friends and laugh about how bad it is' OR ' #'get ready in the comfort of my own home because I'm insecure as all hell and the thought of putting makeup on in front of evryone makes me #Want to vomit my guys out' #Specially since there's this one friend we have that. He's fine. Kinda. Idk he makes me uncomfy sometimes because he's so fucking judgy #Didn't even fully realise till this year what a judgy bitch he is but hey always fun to learn new things about the people you care about! #He always gives me weird side eyes when I wear makeup #I already feel insecure enough mate I'm just trying to look presentable enough that at the 'party but full of stupid cameras' #I won't be getting made fun of the week afterwards because they post allllll the photos online #Kill me #Kill me kill me kill me #God I wanna throw up #But instead I will go to bed

[firstluvlatespring]

i was having a good day and then friend's roommate came over to quickly borrow something and in the 5 min chat that i had with her, my anxiety went 📈📉📈📉📈📉

#my roommates have gone home for the summer so i have the house to myself #i don't talk to anyone except family on phone every 5 days and my days were going fine only #sometimes hell is other people for me #to be fair it's not her fault she only talks about a) jobs b) how much those jobs pay c) housing and how expensive it is #and unfortunately for me all those things are easy downward spirals #going to salvage the remaining 3 hours before sleep by doing some work #i also started annihilation the audiobook and i like it so far #i have to remember that things have a way of working out i will get through this too #i'm not going to think about it #anymore

[draconiccatgirl]

I truly, truly, truly hate this holiday.

(Angry because she is alone and to an extent it’s her own fault)

#Being traumatized and abandoned is not my fault. I guess. None of it is really my fault. #Christ. #Today just ain't a good day. I'm still not over it all. #The blade was hanging over her head anyways. The ball is in her court. Etc. #What ifs and all that don’t really help. She’s gone and I’m deathly alone. I hate Valentine’s Day. #I hope you can learn to accept other’s help though and be vulnerable as I have been #I tried to offer to show you love that neither of us have experienced. But you chose to shelter up. I understand as to why. #But I don’t want you to continue to be alone- no matter how much you say you’re used to it.