#shes updated for the first time in months i think shes adjusting...thats all

[sequinsmile-x]

Stained Glass Windows - Chapter Forty Six

Life was complicated, but they wouldn't have it any other way.

-x-

Hi friends!

As ever, thanks for the love on this fic!

I really hope you like this chapter, it's a bit silly and has some of everyone's favourite chaotic trio - the BAU ladies!!

That's right everyone, it's girls night!!

Please do let me know what you think!

-x-

Words: 2.9k

A full list of warnings for the fic can be found on the Series Master List and will be updated as we go along.

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

Aaron smiles down at Lily as he feeds her, chuckling when she pulls back from the bottle, frowning the way Emily always said reminded her of him.

“Sorry, Lilypad,” he says, placing the bottle down on the table next to him, “I know it’s not as good as the real thing, but Mommy is going out tonight and she’s getting ready,” he says as he lifts her to rest her against his shoulder before he gently starts to tap her back, “So you’re stuck with me and the bottle tonight,” he smiles as she burps and he kisses the side of her head, “I love you, angel.”

“I decide to go out one night and you’re already declaring your love for another woman.” 

He smiles as he looks up at Emily, and he’s briefly left breathless by her. She was always beautiful to him, never more so than the last two months since she’d had their little girl. He knew she’d been feeling self-conscious lately, that dealing with the changes to her body had left her unsure about herself in a way he’d never known her to be. Her eyes lingering on new curves whenever she looked at herself in a mirror.

He knew from how long she’d been upstairs, how long it had taken her to pick out an outfit, that she’d probably gone through several options. Desperate to find something she felt comfortable in. She’d settled on a pair of jeans and a dark green wrap shirt. It hugged her in all the right places, his eyes lingering on her chest before he looks back up and meets her eyes, clearing his throat when she smiles at him, a tinge of pink to her cheeks he recognised from across the room.

“You look beautiful,” he says, standing up and adjusting his hold on Lily, keeping her secure to his chest. He turns so Lily is facing Emily, “Doesn’t Mommy look beautiful?” 

Emily looks down at herself and tugs at the material of her shirt, scrunching her nose as she watches how it settles before she looks back up at her husband, “It’s really okay?” 

Aaron closes the gap between them and stamps a kiss against her lips, “You look incredible,” he says, kissing her again before he steps back, “Are you excited to see JJ and Penelope?” 

She shrugs half-heartedly, unsure how to answer. She was excited to spend time with her friends, to spend time with them like she hadn’t in months, but she was also anxious. Worried about leaving Lily for a few hours for the first time, even though she was only leaving her with Aaron. 

She wondered if this was what it would be like forever. Pulled between who she once was and who she was now. So desperate to prove she was different to her own mother that she knew she was letting parts of herself slip away. She knew thats why Aaron had organised this night out with JJ and Penelope, so she could slowly start to regain her footing. She was only a month away from going back to work, unable to take any extra time than her original plan of 12 weeks, and she knew she had to start somewhere. 

And drinks with her friends seemed like a good way to do that. 

“Yeah,” she replies, smiling tightly at him, “It will be fun.”

“It’s okay to be nervous sweetheart,” he says, “It’s totally normal.”

She nods and smiles at the sight of them together, at how small Lily looks against his chest, love for the two of them making her heart skip a beat. She closes the gap between them and kisses him, placing her hand on Lily’s back. 

“You know, you look very good holding a baby,” she says as she pulls back, running her fingers through his hair, “I might not let you go to the park without me just in case all the moms swarm.” 

Aaron chuckles and leans in to kiss her, his lips gentle against hers, “You should get going sweetheart, you’ll be late.”

She tenses, her body frozen against his, and he watches any excitement she may have had at going out with JJ and Penelope disappear in an instant. 

“Okay,” she says, swallowing thickly, “Well I pumped earlier so there is-”

“Milk in the fridge,” he finishes for her, smiling softly, “And there is a supply in the freezer just in case we run out of what is in the fridge,” he adds, “And she seems to take to the silicone bottle nipples better than the latex ones.” 

She bites the inside of her cheek to try and suppress a smile, “I get it, you’re her dad. You know all these things. It’s just…” 

“Hard,” he says, once again finishing her sentence. He kisses her once more and pulls back, “Go. Have fun. We’ll be waiting here when you get back.”

She nods, knowing if she didn’t leave now she never would. She cups the back of Lily’s head and leans down to kiss her temple, “Mommy loves you, sweet girl,” she says, kissing her once more, “Be good for Daddy.” She stands back up straight and kisses Aaron, “Love you. If you need anything, call?”

He smiles, “Of course, and we love you too.” 

Anything she could have said was cut off by the sound of a car horn outside indicating her cab had arrived. She says goodbye one more time and heads out, her hand tight around the door handle when she hears Lily start to cry.

She’s proud of herself for not turning and heading back inside, and nothing short of grateful that the cab driver doesn’t say anything about the tears she wipes from her cheeks as she climbs into the back of the car. 

___

Emily laughs as Penelope comes back from the bar with another round of cocktails and some shots she knows she’ll regret in the morning.

“God, Pen,” she exclaims as her friend slides her drinks over to her, “I have a baby to look after in the morning.” 

“Hey,” JJ says, picking up her cocktail, “So do I. And mine can run,” she says, her smile getting wider, “And talk. Besides, remember my first night out after I had Henry? You were the one forcing drinks in my hands.”

“That was different,” Emily says, sipping her drink. JJ laughs and looks at Penelope before she turns back to Emily. 

“How?” 

“This affects me,” she replies, laughing when JJ rolls her eyes. 

“Time for shots,” Penelope says, placing one in front of each of them before knocking hers back. Emily and JJ grimace slightly but clink their glasses against each other before taking the shots. 

Emily grimaces at the burn in the back of her throat, shaking her head against the fuzzy feeling that was already sneaking in, months of not being able to drink severely diminishing her alcohol tolerance. She groans as she slams the glass back down. 

“Fuck,” she says, shaking her head, “What was that?” 

“Absinthe,” Penelope replies, giggling when her friends both complain, “What, it’s a truth serum. It’s the only way I can get you guys to talk about sex.”

Emily shakes her head, sipping the sweet cocktail Penelope had bought to get rid of the taste in her mouth, “No way, I promised Aaron I wouldn’t tell you anything,” she says, blinking as she tries to clear her vision, “Not that there is anything new to tell anyway.” 

She only realises what she’s said after she’s said it and she groans, closing her eyes and cursing under her breath. 

“The doctor hasn’t signed you off yet?” JJ asks and Emily shakes her head. 

“Oh she did, we just…haven’t had a chance yet,” she explains, “I want to but it’s hard.” 

“Is Hotch not putting out?” Penelope asks, raising her eyebrows, “Want us to talk to him?” 

Emily laughs, and she knows her friend is only half joking, that if she even hinted that there was a problem Penelope would talk to Aaron whether it was embarrassing or not. 

“God no, it’s okay,” she says, shaking her head, “It’s not that. It’s just hard to find the time,” she smiles, “Lily hates sleep unless she’s sleeping on one of us,” she shrugs, “I just miss him thats all.” 

“Well, when you get back on the horse,” Penelope says, smiling when Emily almost chokes on her drink, her laughter making the alcohol catch in her throat, “You’ll have to let us know.”

Emily coughs and pats herself on her chest, “Absolutely not,” she says, chuckling as she shakes her head, “He asked me not to tell you anymore so I won’t.”

Penelope huffs out a sigh and nods as she concedes, “Fine,” she says, fake annoyance dripping from her tone, given away by her smile, “You used to be a lot more fun,” she says, winking, “Okay, what about you both tell me the nicest thing your lovely baby daddies did for you after you had my precious nephew and niece?” 

JJ thinks about it momentarily before she replies, “Will shaved my legs for me for months when I could no longer reach them.” 

“Oh, that’s so sweet-”

“Aaron unblocked my milk duct for me,” Emily says, speaking before she thinks about it, the alcohol making her head feel like it was swimming, “It stopped me from getting mastitis.” 

There’s a beat of silence before JJ gasps, the sound turning into a disbelieving laugh, “He did that?” 

“Wait,” Penelope says, her eyebrows furrowing into a frown, “What does that mean? How did he unblock it?” They fall into silence once more before JJ starts to laugh again and Emily’s eyes go wide as she realises what she’s said, her cheeks turning pink. She watches as the penny drops, her friend’s eyes going wide, “Oh. Oh god.” 

___

Aaron hears footsteps on the porch, followed by loud giggling and shushing. It makes him smile and shake his head. He makes it to the door and opens it, his smile only getting wider when Emily all but falls into him, laughing as she grasps his arms. 

“Hi honey,” she says, her eyes slightly glazed over as he gathers her into his embrace, “I missed you.” 

“Missed you too, sweetheart,” he says, kissing her forehead before he looks at JJ who is still standing on the porch. He looks past her to the car in the driveway and waves at Will, the pair of them exchanging an amused smile, “Thanks for getting her home safe, JJ.” 

“Of course,” she says, almost stumbling on the steps, clearly as drunk as his wife was, “Now you look after her.”

He smiles, nodding as he accepts the slurred instruction from his wife’s best friend, “Of course.”

“He always looks after me,” Emily says, reaching around and grabbing his ass, making him grateful JJ wouldn’t be able to see from where she was standing, “He’ll help me take off my make-up and make me a hot chocolate,” she adds, attempting to cup his cheek, but missing due to her lack of coordination, catching his jaw instead. 

“With extra milk?” JJ asks, an amused smile on her face that quickly turns into a laugh, something Emily briefly joins in on before she goes tense in his arms, a look in her eyes that is clearly telling JJ to shut up. JJ clears her throat and nods, “Anyway, I should go.”

After they exchange goodbyes with her, and Aaron watches to make sure she’s safe back in the car with Will, he closes the front door. He briefly lets go of Emily to make sure it’s locked, and when he turns to look at her she’s already halfway to the stairs. He catches up with her quickly, his arms around her waist. 

“Hey, sweetheart,” he says, “Where are you going?” 

She pouts, something she’d deny when she was sober, “To see my baby,” she says, “And cuddle her.” 

Aaron smiles and kisses her cheek, suppressing a grimace at the smell of alcohol rolling off of her breath, “She’s sleeping, Em,” he says, “Which you should be too so why don’t we get you ready for bed.” 

Emily groans but lets him guide her up the stairs, his hands on her hips the entire time, “I missed her.” 

“I know. She missed you too,” he says, moving Emily towards the ensuite the moment they were in the bedroom, grateful he’s able to get her past the bed and the bassinet next to it in one movement. He guides her to sit on the toilet and reaches for her make-up remover, “Let me get your make-up off for you and then we’ll get you into bed.” 

She hums as he kneels in front of her, his touch delicate as he wipes the cotton pad across her skin, “I had fun but I missed her,” she says, repeating herself, “I feel like I always miss her when I’m not holding her.” 

He smiles softly as he puts some more make-up remover on a pad and tells her to close her eyes before he carefully wipes away her eye make-up, “That’s totally normal sweetheart,” he says, paying close attention to his task, well aware of how uncomfortable she was when she woke up still wearing make-up in the morning, “You had a baby 8 weeks ago.” 

“I…I think…”

He pulls back as she drifts off, and she reopens her eyes, a sheen to them that was different to the glazed look she’d had when she got home. She wasn’t just drunk, she was emotional too. Her carefully crafted defences pulled down by tequila and a vulnerability she rarely showed anyone. He felt honoured he was someone she showed this side of herself too, and he hoped one day that he would feel worthy.

“You think what?” He asks, watching as she looks down at the ground, and he hooks a thumb under her chin, smiling encouragingly when their eyes meet, “You can tell me anything.”

She nods, “Sometimes I think I let her down,” she says, sniffing as she shrugs, “I was unconscious when she was born, you couldn’t be in the room,” She shakes her head, “The first person who held her wasn’t me or you. It was a nurse. I just…I wish it all could have been different.” 

It’s everything she hadn’t had the words to say for weeks, the truth brought forward by alcohol and a night with her friends, time to get her head around everything that had happened without her baby within reach. 

He sighs and pulls her into a hug, his heart clenching in his chest, their embrace slightly awkward due to the way they were sitting, “Sweetheart,” he says, kissing the side of her head before he pulls back, “You could never let her down. And none of that was your fault.” 

She hums, and he can tell she doesn’t quite believe him, but he also knows now isn’t the time to have this conversation. That he should wait until she’s sober, something he would tentatively bring up over the next couple of days if she didn’t remember saying it. 

“You’re an excellent mom,” he settles on, cupping her cheeks and kissing her forehead. She smiles at him and it shakes a little. 

“You think?” She asks, and he smiles and kisses her forehead again before he stands, offering her his hand to help her stand. He pulls her into a proper hug, one she returns gratefully. 

“I know.”  He replies, and she smiles and kisses him, pushing the taste of a type of alcohol he can’t quite place onto his tongue and he chuckles, “Come on baby,” he says, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and leading her back into the bedroom, “Let’s get you to sleep. Lily will be awake in a few hours and I think all the tequila and absinthe in the world wouldn’t let you sleep through that.” 

He helps her change into her pjyamas, and just about convinces her to leave Lily asleep in her bassinet after she’s dropped a kiss onto the baby’s forehead. He gets Emily into bed and curls around her, tugging her into his arms, enjoying having her so close in what feels like forever. 

“You’ll be happy,” she says as she snuggles into him even further, sighing contentedly as she settles into his embrace, “I didn’t tell them anything about our sex lives this time.” 

He smiles, hiding it in her hair before he kisses the top of her head, “Thanks, sweetheart-”

“I did tell them about you unblocking my milk duct for me though,” she says as she pats his chest, her words slurring together with alcohol and the lull of sleep.  

He sighs deeply, the comment that JJ made about milk when they were on the porch finally making sense. He shakes his head as he thinks about how embarrassing work would be on Monday, how he wouldn’t be able to look JJ or Penelope in the eye.

“Em.”

When he looks down, she’s already asleep. 

-x-

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#aaron hotchner #emily prentiss #aaron hotchner fanfiction #emily prentiss fanfiction #hotchniss fan fic #hotchniss fanfic #aaron x emily #aaron hotchner x emily prentiss #hotchniss fanfiction #hotchniss

[kirbyofthestars]

ok um look at the images at the bottom first because this is an ask and i cant put them first HELP. just screenshotted the wiki since i dont feel like getting them from the game itself even if i have the costume . head in hands okay

so . for context langue de chat is a Very ambitious overachieving lawyer who takes great pride in themself but also crumbles easily under any sort of pressure or stress. This costume makes me want to gnaw on something because GOD DAMN does this tell us a lot like THEYRE A FUCKING WORKAHOLIC. BY DEFINITION. They cannot fathom NOT working for three seconds while theyre on vacation. they usually speak in a very professional and confident manner but they use so many elipsies(or however you spell it the three dots) here Girl their ass does NOT know how to relax!!! "Ah! I got sugar water on the files!" THEIR ASS IS NOT RELAXING STOP WORKING LITTLE SHIT YOURE ON VACATION!!!!!

also in the last image i included thats their costume banner, you can see them playing in the water with their parents which is actually adorable but i think its safe to assume their parents planned this vacation for them and they literally just. Dont know what to do with themself. So used to working 24/7 whether it was in school or lawyering and they dont know what to dooo GAUGDJJ girl youre so fucked up

(also the left side of the photo is cappuccinos banner which is another piece of one full photo which i think is ADORABLE i fucking love that detail)

and then you can see by their lines they actually start to adjust to everything and they learn to relax and have fun and end up Really really liking it and i absolutely love that for them yes girl have fun!!! its not really mentioned or implied in the costume itself but i like to think that theyre carrying around the sodas to feel useful. Like they hate not feeling productive and their parents never asked them to but theyre carrying it around awkwardly because they want to feel like theyre doing something good

this isnt from their costume its from a cutscene from the update a few months ago but theres a scene from this one camping update where they say they remember camping with their family as a kid and that they studied in the tent the whole time GIRL!!!! they were STUDYING while camping and they say it all proudly like they see nothing wrong with it like its a completely normal and reasonable thing to do Their ass is NOT relaxing!!!

ok sorry this ended up longer than expected um. if you dont want to read/respond to this thats fine HVSJF /gen i just really love this stupid goober. Kills them affectionately

sorry for the late reply ive been super busy with school but THIS IS ADORABLE OH MY GOODNESS???? thank u for educating me abt blorbo i feel wiser now. they look so so happy playing in the water im glad she gets a nice vacation :]

#letterbox #no-california-all-adventure #crob #i should start playing again >:3

[harryfeatgaga]

Okay girls this is 🤰anon and I need some advice badly. So I feel like you all know my baby daddy has been like completely uninvolved this whole time and wanted nothing to do with me since I told him I was pregnant. But like I've still (probably stupidly) been sending him updates and ultrasound pictures and stuff just bc I've wanted to give him the opportunity to change his mind I guess. I didnt want him to have made a hasty decision at the beginning bc he was freaked out and then completely shut him out bc of that, I've wanted to keep the door open so he knows he can still be involved if he ever wants to be. Well he's literally never answered any of the texts I've sent him this whole time but I let him know I was going to the hospital the other day and he actually texted me back the next morning???? And asked if everything was okay and if the baby was here???? And I told him no it was just a false alarm and he thanked me for letting him know and said he was worried about us 😭😭😭 and we just like texted for a really long time and he apologized for not being there this whole time and said he was just terrified and unprepared but he said when he found out I could actually be having the baby soon something changed and he realized he didn't want to miss out. So ofc I was like extremely wary bc we literally have had zero contact in the last 7 months and now all of a sudden he's like talking about wanting to be in the room when she's born and asking if he can help buy anything for her or come to my next doctor's appointment or my birthing class and it's all just so much at once 😭 like I'm used to doing this alone and was fully prepared to give birth and parent by myself and have been getting myself ready for that this whole time and now it's like everything has changed for me as well and I'm gonna have to think about another person's wishes for my child??? And like obviously I was hoping he would come around and that's why I kept extending an olive branch even when he never answered but now I'm like do I immediately let him back in and let him participate in everything he wants to be a part of now or do I keep him at arm's length and have us slowly adjust to this in these last few weeks of pregnancy and first few weeks of her life?

thats so fucked up that now hes interested tbh yeah its nice and all but tbh imo thats 7 months too late I wouldnt personally let him in the room but obvi let him in to see her but def set up rules and boundaries to protect you and especially her cause even though he may seem involved and interested if hasn't been the last 7 months I dont think suddenly over night hes gonna be like this caring great and involved father

[myrcenegirl]

well the fun just doesnt stop! the speeding ticket i got where the person in the picture is wearing a mask apparently is undeniably me and the ticket isnt dismissed so like i guess im out of fucking options and the police dont actually need evidence to give me this ticket if they want to so that means i get to spend probably around 230 on traffic school before the end of next month. and i made really great decisions this weekend which yes i take full responsibility for so im dead broke again and have my moms birthday coming up and would like to do the bare fucking minimum for her but that of course costs money and seeing her itself means im missing two days of making money and it costs a tank of gas to see her which is ridiculous. im probably going to have to ask my brother if its okay if im short on my rent giving the reasoning that i would normally ask mom for a loan and i obviously dont want to ask her that on her fucking birthday so im thinking hell understand but then i have another bill right after i would get back from my mom so if i dont make enough money before going up there im going to once again be scrambling to pay this bill while owing my brother money and then the weekend after my moms bday its one of my best friends bday the one who her birthday is sooooooooooooo fucking important to her and im just like dude i cant get you shit i cant help out with your party at all im not even sure i can sacrifice yet another two nights of not working to celebrate with you for 48 hours like i know you want. like im sure she would understand like its not within my total control here obviously i would love to have tons of money and like idk she can be upset sure but at the same time im struggling here lol. oh and to top it all off this is the first time ive hung out with my best friend alone in like 4 months and we were having such a great fun night although making really bad decisions and having great talks all fucking night and THEN GUESS WHAT he got fucking weird again and its like well great can i even spend time alone with my best fucking friend without him making me uncomfortable like do i have to question this friendship now because i guess he actually really did completely end things with his ex so what am i suddenly after all our years of friendship now for some reason on his radar??? does he just want to fool around or is he like trying shit with me? doesnt matter cause i dont fucking want any of that shit im genuinely not to be rude i see him as a family member at this point and im not in the slightest bit sexually attracted to someone i see as family like sorry. i guess it could be worse tho! i found 140 in my savings in another account so the fact that i didnt work saturday or sunday cause i was too fucking strung out was a little less severe. also technology popped off a bit with my lost card when i ordered a replacement it said that the ‘card’ on my phone will immediately update so i can access my main account without having to get a temp card so one less errand. and while i had a little bit of money the other week i did buy a little bit of groceries so i have been able to make it by not eating out since friday so woo. i went out earlier and stayed out a little later working tonight and did get a good amount of money. some gas stations are 40 cents cheaper for some reason although i didnt see those until after i filled up today so cool for tomorrow tho we know. ughhhhh im wondering if the constant stress of not having money is better than the constant stress of hating 9 hours of my day at a shitty job getting yelled at by random cunts im trying to help its really weighing on me! like i could just be making a lot of bad decisions thats probably the obvious detail here lol but damn its like it never ends. ugh lets be extra extra responsible for some time here and adjust

[abcdosaka]

the life update 2.0

the unformatted stream of consciousness edition

i started working on monday. it's alright, been connecting with ppl, not being overly shy but i'm still adjusting to actually working 8 hours straight bc i've been doing legit nothing for 5 months straight. the people at my workplace are nice enough especially the ladies like there's one who i was lowkey scared of bc she kinda has a rbf and just looks so girlboss and professional but i messaged her and we talked and she's actually really nice :) anyway i've had enough work experience being the new guy and onboarding online that i'm not as scared as i would've been + i already know people at this company so i can kinda show my worth from the start

i got my period on friday and i was fucked up yesterday and today from cramps/headache so i got barely anything done so i need to do some work tmr cry T_T i need to remember work is not school i can't just procrastinate everything and i should actually work during and only during work hours. i give myself a pass though bc friday was just awful. also i was supposed to learn python before i started working but i didn't but idk feel like i can wing it there. i already know r and i learned java in highschool so it might actually be a breeze not to toot my own horn but i'm like pretty smart so

it feels like my pms (except its not really pre- more like first/second day of period) symptoms are getting worse the older i get. sometimes the symptoms are okay but more of them are just awful than not. i get really nasty headaches and intense fatigue for one, really bad cramps, joint pain and lower back pain, sometimes my boobs swell up and are really tender (compared to the normal level of tender), i'm either very irritable or sad, i feel like i can't eat and i'm bloated or gassy, i'm like constipated but i also need to shit all the time. like i cannot focus with these conditions. i couldn't this week bc its legit my first week lmao but i might start taking sick days for really bad periods. also maybe bc i took a walk before i started work but my allergies were REALLY bad all day

idk if it's my body aging (which is crazy bc i'm not even 23) or if it's bc i don't exercise as much as i should but idk i still do, like yes i do sit on my ass a LOT but i use the exercise bike a couple times a week and i lift a little bit (not as much as i used to). i haven't been able to go swimming in a while bc i think i had a uti (i didn't bother going to the doctor bc i've gotten 2 in like the last year and i hate taking antibiotics so i was like man lets just wait this out) and now i'm on my period. but other than that i swim pretty frequently.

the only issue w me is i'm a homebody but thats just bc i have almost no friends in my city lmao. esp since n has moved. (i kinda wanna call her but idk our in person chats are always so much better than calls like slight tangent but i can never hear her on the phone lmao)

honestly not mad at it like. did we only talk to each other out of circumstance? i think it's just a fact of life that most of our friends are borne from necessity at work school etc but once that ends only a few of them, maybe 1 or 2, will really stick around. but still like most ppl from uni i just don't think i'll ever talk to again and i wonder if that should matter to me or not. ngl sometimes the loneliness hits me but i don't think i've really lost my social skills in fact i think i've gotten a lot better compared to this time last year like sept 2022 - april 2023 was just a downward spiral for my social skills everything was so hard and my anxiety was prob the worst it had ever been and i wasn't very forgiving of myself. maybe bc i spend a lot of time at home but also i just don't really have a hard time talking to randos on games or in shops or whatever now. idk maybe i give less of a shit now or maybe my solitude is making my ego rise like it tends to.

i heard that was a thing, like if you spend too much time alone your sense of self becomes insanely inflated or deflated there is no middle ground. kinda facts like people are weird

but anyways i feel, for the most part, pretty chill these days. i think i could stand up for myself better now vs in the past. i texted sp again to say like "we should make plans" but i set up the last plan and like i drove her home last time too and we met at this kinda lame plaza bc she had an errand nearby so if she doesn't start the convo this time then i legit can't be arsed like i'll never talk to her again bc i'm gonna return the same effort i get. in fairness she told me that work is really exhausting for her and her commute is ridiculous like she lives by fucking farmland and has to take public transit everywhere bc she doesn't have a car. but we've never been close and i don't think our sense of humour or what we're interested in is all that similar so i get why she's not feelin it honestly me neither. no hard feelings but i will drop her tho.

holy shit this post is loooonggg. i'm not even done writing about shit but i think thats it for the life stuff so i'll make a new one

[bean-pole-art]

Ed’s Borderlands Fics Masterpost

well finally

here is the masterpost of all of my Borderlands fics posted. most of them are Rhysothy focused to various AUs. I’m gonna update it as I post more but here it is, along with some of my commentary

right from the start big big BIG shoutout to @spoks-illogical-art​, my partner in crime, my biggest inspo, without them honestly most of these fics wouldn’t exist, please check out their amazing art <3

(latest edit - 21/02/2021)

Atlas AU - our main timeline, follows events of Moxxi’s Heist. lots of different concepts and ideas but the core really is Tim moving to Promethea to get help from Rhys. gonna sort em here with posting date, check the ao3 series for the “timeline”

Hypothetically - 2240 words summary: Rhys talks a lot, but usually thinks about it too little.

coffee, cats & monographs - 2880 words summary: “Hey hey, easy. You don’t want to repeat the accident from last week, do you?” Rhys cooed towards the cat and picked her up, just as Timothy instructed him to. Hearing these words, Felicity meowed. “Oh, don’t say that. This is my office and I have the power here,” he answered, carrying her back to his personal space.

Or Timothy's cat pays a visit to Rhys' office in the morning. note: I am a stupid mofo and at this point Tim would also have Loader Bot fkjbfd just imagine hes not mentioned cause hes wandering off, typical LB

Have Faith - 1470 words summary: During the 7 year lockdown at the Handsome Jackpot, Timothy couldn't really have any hope for himself. But maybe on Promethea it could be different. note: sudden feelings while watching JoltzDude139′s stream

Warm Cheeks, Cold Hands - 1170 words summary: Rhys comes home early and wants to say hi to his husband. With no ulterior motive. None at all. note: first fic Ive ever posted where characters are married, actually. fuck it, Rhysothy Real, his name is Rhys Lawrence

the battle (and the aftermath) of the ages - 2970 words summary: In a situation like this everything was possible, they could pull any punches they could think of. Four beasts playing against each other, every single one of them thinking of striking the winning blow.

Or Promethea Squad plays UNO. And then watches a movie. note: I love Promethea Squad with my whole heart

okurimono (贈り物) - 4/4, 17170 words summary: “Not a bomb. Just a device with a message for Rhys. Trust me on that,” this time an emoji of both winking and showing off a tongue [;P] appeared on the surface of Zer0’s helmet. Ah. So they were definitely trying to mess him up. In a way. Unfortunately, he really didn’t have any other options. Almost with a defeat, Timothy took the ECHOrecorder right from their hands and looked around it again. Or Zer0 gives Timothy a peculiar mission. note: my first ever multichapter fic. took me legit abt 8 months to finish but I am absolutely satisfied with this. also the bonus ending. yes

(there is) something I see in you - 8690 words summary: How one Rhys Strongfork met one Timothy Lawrence and how they fell for each other. More or less. note: best to go into this one blind, I swear. dumbest fic Ive ever written and please take this as a recommendation

this world is gonna pull through - 14380 words summary: Timothy really hoped it wasn’t anything important. He had that tendency to forget things easily, even if he tried to fight it. But Rhys kept on smiling and went by his side. So it couldn’t have been that bad. Still dumbfounded, he felt Rhys leaving a kiss right on his cheek.“November 11th? 

That- That seriously doesn’t ring any bells?” Rhys continued, brushing his hands against his shoulders. Or how Timothy spent one of his birthdays. note: also a love letter for Tim but a nicer one I guess kdjfnb dont ask how old is he i have no gdamn idea man

Strawberry Sweet - 3560 words summary: Rhys surprises Timothy with a gift for their date night in.

Happy Mercenary Day, Mr. Lawrence - 4670 words summary: How Timothy spent his first Mercenary Day on Promethea. note: I swear this is the best writer night Ive ever had. Ive written this whole thing in one night on Christmas day, solely on the inspo of that song I linked

Don’t Go Wasting Your Emotion - 4/4, 17080 words summary:  Afterwards, he went around with his usual duties. Getting a quick roundabout from his PA, checking several sectors himself and looking through the thousands of messages already sent to him via ECHOs. Rhys was ready to finally take on the day, yet when he made his way to the office, he saw the unusual envelope right by the edge of his desk. “For Rhys” was written on it. Straightforward enough. Or Rhys gets a letter from a secret admirer. note: another multichapter fic!! this one also took some time and well. its inspired by ABBA songs. cause only I would write a Rhysothy fic inspired by ABBA

Ratchet Effect - 7130 words summary: Knowing just how much overworked Rhys has been, Timothy wants to let them have a nice getaway in Lazy River Land. There's only one problem to overcome - ratch infestation. note: first fic of 2021!! Ive been playing a lot of bl3 suring the writing of it so it has a lot of stuff I had observed both on Promethea and on Jackpot

Reflections - 2250 words summary: Sometimes, Timothy needs a reminder.

Tales AU - second most important timeline. it’s Tales but Tim is a part of the group. sorted chronologically

A Story For Another Day - ongoing, for now -  2/25, 15280 words Tales AU main fic. it’s gonna be a big one

Connection Interrupted - 3240 words summary: With his driving shift finished, Timothy checks up on Rhys and Vaughn's plans.

Completely Hopeless - 1040 words summary: In which Fiona notices that Rhys behaves differently in front of a certain doppelganger.

infinity times infinity times infinity - 3460 words summary: Rhys and Timothy share some dreams and secrets underneath the stars. note: the beautiful combination of Sleeping At Last and Minecraft parodies. I promise it makes sense

reality can be whatever I want - 11420 words summary: “Hey, Tim?” Timothy didn’t even spare him a look, “Are we alone, or is he there with you?” Oh, this definitely won’t be pretty.

After the confession of Handsome Jack's AI in his head and his plan to infiltrate Helios, Rhys needs to set things right with Timothy. Somehow. note: thanosdancing.gif to Backstreet Boys’ “I Want It That Way” 80′s remix and a guest appearance from Ferocity but I cant legally say her name here

still here - 2820 words summary: It all had to go down, after Helios crashed. note: I have...a love/hate relationship with this one kjdfbfg I like it but it’s honestly an alternate ending and doesnt fit within our usual bad ending, so take it with a grain of salt. i ten jebany błąd językowy w summary, kiedy ja go poprawię

together at last - 5590 words summary: It all struck him down in an instant, in this one minute. They were all safe. And they were all alive. Nothing was threatening neither him, nor Timothy, nor Fiona. He could finally breathe out.

They all found each other again. note: I am multitasking most time of my life but I dont relate any other fic to multitasking more than this one. I was honestly doing 10 things at once while writing this dfkjbndf

David AU - this one is a sub AU to Tales AU and the plot is kind of complicated dfjkbfb please check the fic for further explanation

building in curved lines - 22490 words summary: “To be fair, you look terrible. You’re barely standing in one piece and none of your coffees will hold you together for that long,” Lilith paused, seemingly weighing the correct words in her head. “You haven’t really been holding on since… We rescued The Double.” Rhys sighed heavily. Why did she have to be so right about everything. Or how Rhys and Timothy adjust to the reality after the Handsome Jack AI. note: bday gift for Spok, EASILY one of my absolute faves and the longest fic Ive written thus far

outside of AUs - some concepts I play with that are honestly outside any of our concrete timelines/concepts + fics not focused on Rhysothy

Real - 770 words summary: Reconciling with your past is a little easier, when you have someone you love right in your arms. note: first blands fic I’ve ever written. the characterization isn’t really there yet but as a first shot at the game and my kind of “introduction”, I am still satisfied of it

(Un)Familiar Faces - 9620 words summary: Timothy pursed his lips and leaned over the wall a little. He’s had enough of this solitude of closed doppelganger cabinet. Today wasn’t the day for another self-loathing session. Today, he should go off on Helios and do something for himself.

Or Timothy spends the night at a Helios bar. But not as Handsome Jack. And not as Timothy Lawrence either. note: personal favorite of mine, tough love letter to Timothy Lawrence. I have so many fond memories of writing this, including getting drunk out of my mind just like Tim and Rhys here

basics of survival - 2010 words summary: Athena taught Timothy everything he needed to know about survival. Now, it was time to put these skills into use. note: wrote this right before rona outbreak on last day in my dorms. thats all

#borderlands #fic masterpost #fanfiction #fanfic #rhysothy #rhys strongfork #timothy lawrence #just tagging characters that I write the most #fiona the con artist #zer0 the assassin #lorelei the coffee commander #athena the gladiator #Ędi's writing

[lightwormlol]

ACOFAS REVIEW -INC SPOILERS

4.5 stars.

Okay, so! This was the first book I was able to finish in 2021. I've kinda been in a reading slump, and struggling to get past the 30-50% of books. I think its because I took essentially 3 months off my normal (daily) reading schedule and have been prioritising other things (health, fitness, job applications etc) - I think it's a testament to how addicted I was to this that I finished and consumed this at the rate I did! I recently went back and added some things to my ACOWAR review. To briefly summarise, I feel that, at the time I read it, it kind of gave me what I needed, but it definitely isn't getting a re read - my love for feysand has definitely lessened over time, but honestly i'm not that mad at sarah for this, as I find that whenever I've passed the sexual tension part of relationships in books, I tend to get bored of the domestic bliss. Like, leave that shit for an epilogue and keep it at that? As someone generally averse to relationships, but there is definitely a grace period for how long I can actively be smitten with a couple... before it becomes sickly. Taking all this into account, I honestly was nervous for this book, its release date totally took me by surprise, and I read it on a whim. As a Nessian shipper (I mean we didn't really have a choice after acomaf but to delve into the world of fanfic to keep us going) - this book gave me most of what I wanted and needed from them! I think,(some) kudos to SJM, for not disappointing in their relationship. This was definitely a character > plot driven story. In terms of the plot, I wasn't really invested until around the 38% mark? I'm not sure if I was adjusting to the writing style (lots of dramatic. sentences. that. are. so. abrupt. Nesta Archeron. Death etc) - or if it was bc I hadn't read an SJM book since the novella, which I basically skimmed. I was obviously reading for Nessian, but I didn't really feel intrigued by the wider plot (death gods, the human queens? Given I had lost my previous obsession with the world/ have outgrown 'fandom' culture, that made me actively update my knowledge, I couldn't remember a lot!) I think its clear that SJM excels character driven stories, but I think her worldbuilding and execution is significantly better in the throne of glass franchise. Now, I did say this was a character driven story. This is mostly regarding Nesta, Cassian and Azriel. I loved pretty much any interaction they had! I love a good training montage. Ngl though, I think, unless you possess an ardent love for Nessian, you're not going to be particularly wowed by this, if you've read heir of fire, or even acomaf. I obviously am never going to be able to be objective, because I've loved nessian so much from 2017-now, but I loved the dynamic those two (and three - friendship wise between nes/cass/az). One of the highlights of ACOWAR for me was the snippets of Az, showing tenderness, and opening up to the newer members of the inner circle (and i'm excluding any hint of an Elriel ship because FUCK THAT LOL) For me, the tip with SJM books is: once you outgrow them/the particular mode of narrative style, is to not anticipate anything other than a character driven story, albeit one riddled with smut. I personally am a romance heavy reader, so I'm honestly deconditioned to it at this point, (like, when I see reviewers scandalised I'm like... wow, the amount of trash I have consumed in the last five years loool.) While I disagree with the fact SJM marketed this series as y/a (or maybe it wasn't her per se, but the key booksellers definitely did this for her) - I think its clear enough now she's descended into the adult/borderline erotica genre.(very mild imo). I personally like to adopt a policy of skimming sex scenes when I find the dialogue cringy (most the time it is lets be honest any talking is v second hand embarrassment). Cassian and Nesta were definitely better than Rhys and Feyre post chapter 55 though! I was so glad there weren't a million moments of Cass/Nesta betraying their arousal with their scents, in front of everyone (like feysand, the voyeuristic pda pricks they are). I found the slowburn ish nature of their relationship great, and I actually think if you're a virgo/emotionally stunted reader, you will be happy with their relationship dynamic. It contrasts with the daemati sexual snark of acomaf, but it felt right, and authentic. This book was a journey of personal growth, for Nesta. It is clear SJM loves books about strong women, and maybe thats what makes me love this book so much. I think, out of all the archeron sisters, I love Nesta the most. This is for my Rose Calloway fans, my misunderstood, somewhat cold/left out girls, who are less receptive to being vulnerable. If you're a slowburn fan, it's not Mariana Zapata levels of slowburn, imo it's the perfect combo. Addictive enough that I don't want to put it down, but not so fast moving that I couldn't believe it. I loved the sex without emotion relationship they had!! This is honestly never done in mainstream n/a fantasy, unless its a caricature of a 'slut' that normally rivals the main character, lmao. Even if their inner conflict was p transparent, this gave me everything I needed! I know this is vapid lol but I also love the physical dynamic between the two, they just look so good together, the amount of fanart I'm going to reacquaint myself with after this review!! I adored seeing Nesta grow, (even if towards the end I kind of resented her sudden acceptance into the inner circle, i get SJM loves her and just wanted a fluffy ending, but, as a Nesta like character, it's awkward and stilted on her end to adjust to the inner circle like this - i mean, hugging rhys, really??)

I think, if I had to compare this to any other SJM book, I would say Chaols book (though I obviously preferred this). That being said, I felt less attached to new characters in this book than I was in even Chaols book (and even then ngl I remember nothing?) Obviously I loved what it represented, as a trio of traumatised women. I just, didn't love this the way I loved other inner circle members! I get that they gave Nesta exactly what they needed, a family that doesn't hold the history of her sisters, who she doesn't have to worry about holding preconceived notions of disappointment. I loved this for her! Even then.. I just wasn't attached to either of them. I found their interactions cute - but boring. Towards the end, when their stories/pasts are revealed, I couldn't help but cringe slightly, I can't put my finger on why, but I just didn't buy it. Maybe it's the brit in me but I couldn't be moved by this slightly forced bonding moment.. which was so anticlimactic. My 'aww how cute' tolerance is defo deserved for characters whose tropes I love. Maybe they just didn't fit into this list. Maybe I'm just being a cow here?

Now, let's speak about the real star of the show.... A FUCKING MAGICAL HOUSE FRIEND??? YESSSSSSS. IF YOU ARE AN ILONA ANDREWS INNKEEPERS CHRONICLES FAN, U WILL LOVE! How was the animation of this somehow more touching than all of nesta's other friendships combined? Exactly what I ordered, thank you. This trope somehow touches more than any material bonding!! The cute witch x house dynamic (also maybe howls moving castle vibes?) I loved the trying to reach the target of 10,000 steps (a little Celaena HOF). I think this, heir of fire and acomaf are my favourite SJM books for this reason. Gripes: I definitely had some personal gripes with how other members of the inner circle treated Nesta (rhys i'm looking at you. Disappointed doesn't even cover it.) I inherently take offence to any elain scene, as i'm so over bland characters whose existence is reduced to wanting to fucking plant flowers?? like?? really? To go from moriel to that is such a downgrade, even if I fell out of love with Mor due to the way she snubbed Nesta (you're a 500 year old being and you can't see someone is clearly traumatised?). I adore Az so much, but if it aint polyamorous, I cannot see any pairing with Elain making me happy. (wouldn’t mind gwyn though) I think the whole mating bond that I do not want is a good dynamic, but I really hate that everyone has to be mates in this world. I don't think we were that surprised, but it would've been nice if the somehow, idk, developed a strong bond over time, without it being preordained? Like, even if they do not all actively stay with their mate, given how disproportionate mates are among the general population, what's the likelihood 6 members of the inner circle (including lucien) have mates?

My advice? Read this book if you love nessian and the acotar world in general, but don't expect the world building to be consistent with greater fantasy series'. This style of story is obviously what to expect. She writes what she likes, and if her fantasy is this - then who are we, as readers, to expect otherwise?

Final rating: 4.5 (no, i'm not objective, but objectivity does not exist if you are a real, human being, lol)

Original Characters: 5/5 (nessian/az/house wise) 1/5 (feysand - really over how they essentially take over the very end of the book - ugh, I wanted nesta's arc to be wholly separate from them) Writing style: 3.5 Cringe Scale: Low, with the exception of some dialogue. New Characters: 2 Plot: I went into it with a 2 and came out with a 4. Not in terms of complexity, but in terms of how addictive and enjoyable this reading experience was! (less)

#acofas #sjm #sarah j maas #acotar #nesta #nesta archeron #nessian

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Saving Grace - Part 13

Note: Poorly written smut happens in this part! I apologise now!! 😂 But we all knew this was happening in this part. Hope you all enjoy this update i know its been a while.... please be kind! I love you and thanks for reading 💕

Somewhere on the way to the bedroom I had pulled off Bucky's t-shirt in between heated kisses. I pulled back for air and saw he had somehow stumbled his way into the kitchen.

"Buck....wrong room!" I laughed, he looked around and chuckled before righting his course to the bedroom. He held me against the bedroom door trailing kisses down my neck before falling back onto the bed with me straddling his waist making us both laugh. I run my fingers over his stubbled jaw as i looked into those beautiful blue eyes of his....i still couldn't believe he was mine.

"You okay?" He asked tucking some loose hair behind my ear so he could see me clearly.

"Im good, just admiring the view" i smirked wiggling my eyebrows at him.

"Makes two of us doll" he smiled before flipping us over so i was laying on the bed "lets get rid of these shall we?" He asked reaching for the waist band of my sleep shorts, i bit my lip nervously and nodded quickly before i thought too much about it and ruined the moment!

I felt my panties being removed with the shorts and took a calming breath.

"You okay?" He checked again.

"Mmhmmm"

"If you want me to stop i will...."

"Dont you dare!" I snapped playfully sitting up on my elbows to look at him as he stood up from the bed and dropped his sweatpants to the floor. Once he was free of them he crawled back up the bed towards me, one of his knees nudging my legs apart to make room for him between my legs, i felt him running his cock through my wet folds and he let out a sexy as fuck moan.

"Im not gonna last long doll, not this first time anyway..... i feel like i could cum already just thinking about how your gonna feel around me..."

"I dont care i just need you, we've waited so long for this Buck"

"Okay baby"

"Just go slow okay.... its been a while and after having Grace....plus wow! your packing Barnes!" I said making him laugh before he kissed me as he lined himself up with my entrance.

"I got you baby dont worry".

I moaned in delight as i felt him pushing inside, he buried himself to the hilt and held still for a few moments letting me adjust to him.... he started slowly thrusting his hips and i swear i can i already see stars!

"Ah fuck......" he moans "your squeezing me so good baby"

"Ahhh fuck Bucky!!" I said loudly as i felt him hit that special spot.

God i forgot i how good sex felt.... and sex with Bucky.....wow!! His grip on my hips is tight and im sure i'll wake up with bruises but i dont care! 

His metal hand trailed up from my hip and cupped my right breast, his thumb rubbing over my nipple gently...he leans in and kisses me, my hands slide over his shoulders to the back of his neck so i can hold him in place as i return his kiss. Bucky's hips start to thrust quicker as he nears his end but i can tell his still trying to go easy on me.... his right hand suddenly moves down to my clit and before i know it we're both falling.... that coil snaps and i bury my face in his neck as my walls clench around him, i let out a loud moan when i feel him bite down on my shoulder as his warmth fills me.

"Jesus christ....." he muttered resting his head against my shoulder trying to catch his breath.

"You've ruined me for all other men Buck" i chuckled scratching the hair at the back of his neck.

"Good! That was my plan all along doll" he laughed lifting his head to look at me "for the record... their won't be any other men. Your stuck with me I'm afraid"

"Your the only man i want anyway, i love you Buck" i told him as i closed the distance and kissed him.

Bucky and i couldn't get enough of each other, we spent the rest of the night and most of the following day in bed making up for all these months we waited. But it got to the point where i had to have a rest, we dont all have super soldier stamina! A fact i had pointed out to Bucky!

After a hot bath together Bucky told me he was cooking us dinner, a date if you like, he wanted to treat me right and do the proper thing....little things like this just made me love him more.

While he cooked dinner i was in the bedroom going through my clothes for something 'date worthy' and talking to Wanda checking in on my babies. As much as i was loving my time alone with Bucky i was really missing the kids.

Wanda had just finished telling me about their day and how well they had been behaving. Grace had been with her all day but Harrison had been out with Steve and Sam, they had taken him to the park and had dinner and ice cream, he'd been so tired when he got back he just crashed out for the night.

"Thats great Wan, that makes me feel so much better"

"I'll send you some photo's their very cute"

"Okay" i laughed as i carried on pulling clothes out my bag, nothing was date worthy all i had was comfy clothes!

"So how's it going with you and Bucky?" She asked in a teasing tone.

"Shit Wan..... im not gonna lie its been amazing!... HE is amazing" i gushed falling back on the bed and covering my eyes with my arm.

"Really??! details!"

"Yes really and No! No details" i laughed at her "all i will say is wow!"

"So his packing huh?"

I burst out laughing especially as i had said the same thing myself!

"You could say that" i nodded even though she couldn't see and she screeched excitingly down the phone.

"Worth the wait i take it"

"Definitely!" I sat up to start looking for an outfit again and came face to face with a grinning Bucky.

"Hey Buck...."

"Hey beautiful"

"Oh my god..... did Bucky just hear all that?" Wanda asked and Bucky just smirked, oh he heard!!

"I think thats a yes" i told her making her laugh like it was the funniest thing in the world.

"Hey Wanda" Bucky called out still looking amused while i sat here feeling myself blush like crazy!!

"She says hi back"

"I just came to tell you dinner will be ready in 10 doll" he said before disappearing back into the kitchen.

"And his cooking you dinner?? Y/N marry that man!!"

"Dont tempt me!" I chuckled "right i gotta go, gotta find something to wear for my date"

"Call me tomorrow with DETAILS!!"

"I'll call you but no details Miss Maximoff! Im keeping them to myself! Kiss my babies for me, i love you all"

"I will and we love you too".

Saving grace tags: @jennmurawski13 @kenzieam

@captainchrisstan @s-t-r-i-k-e-us

@lets--be-honest @ms-betsy-fangirl

@damnaged-princess @farfromtommy

@disneylovingal @lbuck121 @billweasleey

@rynabarnesrogers @heathens-takeitsl0w

@lacontroller1991 @supervengerslock

@barnesandrogersworld @mariswritingforfun

@perpetually-tuned-out @thummbelina

@marvelousstyles @broco8 @ineffableg-irl

@ilovesupersoldiers @writeroutoftime

@ek823 @Imjstaghoststory @patzammit

@cap-just-said-language

#reader insert #steve x reader #chris evans #bucky x you #bucky fanfic #friendstolovers #bucky x reader #bucky barnes #sebastian stan #saving grace

[fuzzylumpkins]

I GIVE UP. (a secret open letter)

Hi. I know youre a morning person, and you're always busy everyday. especially on a Monday, and i really dont wanna rain on your parade, but given the situation, i just know na hindi ko na kaya patagalin pa to ng ilang araw, or iset aside nanaman. So im sorry if your first day of the week and your day itself starts off with this letter.

I also know na you dont really read my long messages and youre probably thinking, "Hay, ito nanaman si Mara and mga long letters nya." But im asking you to please read all of these. Alam ko pag gising mo you will shrug this off, and it's okay. who would want a buzzkill to start their day with, diba? Hehe but again, please. Please take time to read this and understand where this is all coming from. You can always save these messages to your vault and read it later kung nasa mood ka na, or if me time ka na. But please dont disregard this letter.

Anyway,

It's exactly 2:15 in the morning. I havent slept since i messaged you last night/kanina. I had to stop crying, and collect myself entriely, para kalmado ako (kanina kalmado actually ako. You just got scared na magstorm off ako, and turned off your phone. Pero thankfully, kalmado ako nun. And i guess thats a really good thing, kasi di na ako galit. But i guess that's also a sign na pagod na ako talaga.

So yeah, i needed to collect myself, hindi na ako umiiyak as i am writing this (but i probably will cry at the end or maybe even in the middle of writing of this letter! hehe) Nag relax muna ako from my last message sayo, doing nothing, because I needed to calm myself even more, kasi I wanted to write this letter, na yun nga, kalmado, that way, mas sure ako sa mga sasabihin ko, and sa magiging decisions ko.

Love, im giving up. This time it's for real. Ayaw ko na talaga. Alam ko ilang beses mo na narinig sakin yan. And i end up eating my words, as soon as you talk to me, throw me nice words, treat me with kindness. parang bigla nalang, "nabibihag" mo nanaman ako. Pero ayaw ko na love. Suko na ako. Surrender na ako. Matigas ka talaga. 😢 hehe And honestly, hindi ko na mafeel yung worth ko sayo. I feel useless, and i feel like im worth nothing to you because of these feelings, na matagal ko na nararamdaman, but i always choose to ignore. Kasi in denial ako. These are the red flags i'd like to let you know.

You never gave me any compromise.

Thats one thing i wanted to hear from you, never mo naman ginawan ng paraan. Parang tinatawanan mo lang yung hurt na nararamdaman ko. Never mo ginawan ng solusyon.

You dont give me an assurance.

Wala akong peace of mind. Im sorry pero, wala na akong trust. You lost my trust, i cant trust you, i wont trust you — kasi never mo naman ako pinafeel good, and never mo naman ako binigyan ng assurance na never mo na gagawin sakin na mahurt ako. Parang feeling ko never mo gnawa yun, kasi ikaw mismo sa sarili mo hindi mo masigurado na kaya mo.

I gave you a second chance , but you never valued that second chance.

Tandang tanda ko pa how you hurt me that night na nakita ko yung unang time na finollow mo yang nur aypha na yan. We talked about it sa Biton. You said sorry you cried. —- hindi ko akalain na ung cool guy lawrence would feel so guilty that day, and cry, and lunok his pride and say sorry to me. Sobra kong happy that moment kasi akala ko sobrang love mo ako. September 21 yun. DO YOU KNOW WHY DECEMBER 23 KO PA ULIT NA NALAMAN NA NEVER MO PALA INUNFOLLOW? Because i dont check you, i dont check your account because i trusted you. Sobra ko lang katrust sayo. Ganun ako kaconfident sa love mo sakin. Pero that december night na nalaman ko yun, it was my gut telling me na something’s up. And ever since then, HINDI NA AKO NATAHIMIK. Hindi ko akalain na yung time na akala ko ok ka, na nagsorry ka, na binigyan kita ng second chance, hindi ko akalain na in that span, may pa like like ka pa ng LAHAT ng pictures nya. As in every upload. Alam mo yung nasa isip ko? Isahan mo lang gilike lahat yun. Tapos nakita nya, na “uy may flood likes ako from an ex..” and thats already enough reason to start a conversation between you two. :”( or hindi ko alam kung lahat ba ng stories nya, gina reactan mo, kasi pala react ka sa stories. Dun mo nga ako una nakausap diba? Thats your conversation starter, and that fucking kills me. Yung thoughts na yun never ako pinatahimik. KAYA GSTO KO LANG NAMAN MAWALA SYA SA ACCT MO KSI HINDI KO NA ALAM ANO NA GINAGAWA MO. Hindi ko na alam ano na ginagawa nyo privately.

Kasi you have intentions. You had intentions when you kept liking her photos. Kasi MAY PINAGDAANAN na tayo na issue sakanya, but you still secretly kept liking her pictures. Up until your birthday, sya nasa isip mo while ako i was doing my best effort to make you feel happy. To surprise you. Lahat. Kaya pala when i asked you to come to mabini to get my bigger surprise, parang “ugh” ka pa na ano ba to. bat kelangan pa mag pnta pnta. Then until new year of 2021, kung d ko pa nahuli nung jan 7, nakalike ka pa and updated ka masyado sknya.

So hindi mo mwala sakin yun magisip ako ng , ah baka sa instagram stories ito naga landian itong dalawa. Thats why i dont have my peace of mind. Thats why i want you to remove her. Pero hndi mo magawa, hindi mo kaya.

You never adjusted even for a bit. Para sakin. 

Para sa tao na dapat sana mas iniisip mo kung mahal mo tlaga.

Sobra kong selos kasi bakit ako, yung kinulang na sa oras sa buhay mo, yung pinipilit mag habol ng oras na nawala, bakit ako yung wala sa social media mo? Bakit ako hindi mo malagay jan, na yan lang yung isang way na makabawi tayo sa lost times natin. Bakit sila, mas nakikita mo yung everyday ig stories nila, yung personal life nila, mas ginapili mo na yun makita kesa updated ka sa simple things in my life na sana nakikita mo, nahahabol mo. Ung mga interests ko na sana alam mo. Yung mga interests mo na sana alam ko, na sana nadidiscover ko pa ngyon na nagahabol ako ng nawala na panahon? Na bawat ig story mo nakikita ko na “uy mahilig talaga si lawrence/mara ng ganto.” Or whatever. Pero wala e. Ung simple joys ko na ganun, you stripped that away from me Because you CHOSE to keep them instead. You chose them and still choose them to this day over me.

Di ko talaga alam bakit? Kasi

You blame me?

Blame me for fucking what?! Tangina. Lagi mo reason “o, ngayon alam mo na feeling ng di pinapakinggan?” Putang ina naman you pnly felt that for 2-3 days na nag matigas ako to not block an ex. Compare mo sa 2-3 months na nagmamatigas ka hindi ako pagbigyan. Fuck. That. Hurts.

And yung blame na yan, kung hindi mo yan maalis sa isip mo, even if i said sorry, even if pinagsisihan ko na, even if i did everything to change that, wala pa rin, then i think that’s also a reason na istop nalang din ito. Kasi yun yung gusto mo na justification sa actions mo, that one single thing na hindi ko naman pinalala, pero yun pa rin yung ginagamimt mo na dahilan to justify your actions, then  i really think it’s time to stop na rin. Oo na, kasalanan ko nalang.

Love the very same reason bakit ayaw mo nagafollow sakin sila, o finafollow ko sila, THATS THE VERY SAME REASON BAKIT AKO NAGA PA BLOCK DIN SAYO. Kung ano yung pakiramdam mo ganun din yung akin. Pero bakit never mo kaya gawin for me yun? Yun yung hndi ko magets. Kung snasabi mo “wala dn man ako gnagawa” WELL GUESS WHAT? WALA DN AKO GINAGAWA, yet i blocked them para wala ka na maisip, THATS ME GIVING YOU YOUR PEACE OF MIND . Para matahimik isip mo and ma feel confident ka about me. E ikw nga MAY GINAGAWA NA.

Di ko talaga alam. Sabi nila it comes with age. Meron mga lalake na maaga nasstop yang stage na ganyan, meron din never na talaga. I dont care if you admire those tiktok type girls, lahat ng mga “wow” for guys. Pero pede nyo naman iappreciate yun without engaging anything with them. Pde mo naman daanan lng without clicking the heart button, or without reacting.

Pero un sa ex mo, tapos hindi pa malabong magkita kayo. Naku, no no na yun. Hindi ako magiging katulad ng asawa natin na nalulusutan natin.

But anyway,

that’s it. Surrender na ako. Masyado na talagang mababa yung tingin ko na worth ko sayo. Masyado na din mababa tingin ko sa sarili ko na naga makaawa ako sa SIMPLENG bagay na hindi mabigay sakin ng tao na nagasabi na mahal ako.

have your freedom, hindi naman kita prisoner. Baka isipin mo sobra pa ako sa asawa mo. Si R nga d naga ganto ganyan, si mara oa, HINDI NAMAN ASAWA. Well maybe because maybe i know you more? I know what youre capable of. You cheat pn ur wife with me, and she doesnt know that. So alam ko na, sya asawa mo kaya mo lokohin, ako pa kaya na kabit mo LANG. If youre gonna b with me, just stay loyal, and be honest. That's all i ask.

Yun lang.

I give up.

💔

💔

💔

Dont worry it’s not you who’s giving up. It’s me. I’ve given up. I’ve given up on hope and love na pjnipilit ko na meron tayo.

Kasi ang dami pa natin pagdadaanan, pero kung ganitong bagay lang hindi mo kaya macompromise for me, then might as well stop this. Pano nlng sa next challenges ? Iwan nlng ako sa ere kasi wala akong support system. So ayoko na dumating sa point na kawawa na ako masyado love. hehe

------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes it takes an experience na masasaktan ka, or may mawawala sayo, for you to realize the value of something. “You never know what you got til it’s gone” kasi you take it for granted.

If youre gonna be with me, be with me all in. Make me feel secured. Give me that trust, kasi yun yung building block ng lahat ng relationships. I told you my deal. D na ako babalik sayo unless you remove that person in your life (na obvious na d mo magawa) Actually, simula ngyon ayaw ko na rin mag-asa. Kasi the more na tumatagal, mas sobrang sakit on my part. Kasi “bakit hindi maaksyonan agad?” Bakit kelangan pa patagalin.

The more you take time, the more it hurts. The more theyre in your life, tapos ako wala? The more it hurts. The more you keep them, the more you dont value my worth.

--------------------------------------------------------

I dont want to leave by giving each other wounds. Ayoko na dn matapos ito na puro away nalang. Thats why im giving up. Para wala na ako gnaisip na akin ka, na love mo ako kc i end up getting hurt.

PS: If youre gonna change, dont change for me. Change for yourself. I do believe people change. Yun yung kelangan ko linawin. If you are changing for me, then chances are baka bumalik ka lang sa dati mong ugali, or dati mong ginagawa, because ayaw mong magbago for yourself. If youre gonna change, that has to be for u. Kelangan nasayo yung “narealize ko how much i value my relationship, ayaw ko masira ulit to. Im not gonna give anyone a chance to ruin my relationship.” Because you know the value of this once in a lifetime love story. But if youre changing because naku, “baka magalit si Mara.” Then iba din yun. iba yung reason why youre changing. You might just go back to the way you were. I do believe that ppl can change. Yun lang minsan ang sad dun, it takes a painful experience, para matuto tayo ng leksyon.

Also, i just wanna ask you to not feel AWA towards me. Kasi hindi tama na anjan ka nlang kasi makaawa na ako. Leave that “awa” to me. Kasi ako honestly? Awang awa na ako sa sarili ko for stooping so low sa mga ginagawa ko. Awang awa na ako na i go through hell just to save and value this relationship.

Awang awa na ako na ang dami kong niririsk and pinagdadaanan only to come “home” to a relationship that cant show me my worth.

Parang hindi na tama yung pinagdadaanan ko , tapos ako yung simpleng bagay na hinihingi ko, d mabigay sakin. Unfair na yun. D na ko willing mapagod for nothing.

Pack up na ako, love. Youre only showing me na you dont wanna make it work anymore, and ako nlang yung lumalaban. And I dont think thats fair. but thats ok.

Im sorry, im gone from now on. I give up.

As for your obligations and responsibilities, this current problem/issue im dealing with — my pregnancy. Dont worry anymore na. Ayoko rin n nagastay ka lang kasi naawa ka sakin, or kasi you feel bad na naka take part ka sa pinagdadaanan ko ngayon. Wag ganun. 

Wag mo nalang din ifeel na obligtion mo to. It’s not. Thankful ako anjan ka when i found out and helped me how to deal with it. So wala kna to feel guilty about. Know that im thankful. Sabi mo nga love diba 🥲 Strong girl ako, matapang ako.🥲 I just no longer want you involved in this. I’ll be on my own from now on.

Im not asking u to call na pala, kasi baka isipin mo ang toxic ko na kausap na umiiyak. Hehe

Goodbye. Sorry this has to come to this. Thank you sa lahat. Mahal na mahal kita, always. 😢

Mar 01, 2021/ 05:37am

#LA88 #fuzzylumpkins

[sopeyb23-blog]

Coming Home

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6

Summary: As Spencer recovers in the hospital OC struggles with being back home

Warnings: Injury, hospitals, anxiety, swearing, angst?

Parings: OC x Spencer Reid

words: 1K +

A/N: still behind on updating so i’ll probably spam today. also, definitely lmk if there is something you want me to put on my warnings or tagging lists, i’m kinda new with all that.

* I don’t own any CM characters.

~~~~~~~~

Part 6

Spencer~ 

Even in her sleep I could tell how uncomfortable she was being back here. Whenever I used to ask her about why she hated Maine so much she always brushed me off - “i have a history there thats all”- after a few months I decided not to push it anymore. I knew better than anyone that pushing would get you nowhere, she would tell me, in time. Penelope sat in the chair next to my bed with two laptops and her phone out as she tried to communicate with the team from the room. Every few minutes she would look up at me and give me a wide eyed smile before handing me another Jell-o. My favorite.

“Hey Garcia?”

“Yes my dear boy?” I laughed weakly before and looked over at my sleeping girlfriend.

“How hard would it be to convince you to help me sit up?” she laughed at me before stopping abruptly.

“Are you being for real? Oh no. no way. Yeah no way. I don't want to get killed by the sweet baby angle that is about to be my newest best friend. No thank you.” I gave her a pout but agreed. For now I would just have to live with the short glances I got of her when I could get enough strength to briefly lift my head.

“Hey Spencer?” Penelope shut both of her computers to look at me.

“Does she usually do that in her sleep?” immediately I started to panic. The cot was directly across the room from my bed, and with the way my body was positioned I couldn't see whatever the “that” Penelope was referring to was.

“What do you mean? Is she alright? Help me sit up!”

“Woah, woah, woah. Hold on a second, no need to panic, she's not like dying or anything, just twitching. Weirdly.”

“What do you mean weirdly! Like a seizure kind of weird or a muscle twitch Garcia?” I scrambled trying to sit up but the wave of pain that I immediately felt discouraged me.

“Garcia, if you help me sit up, i’ll- i’ll tell you every single detail of how I first met her, and I’ll throw in a new glow in the dark piglet for your desk!” She did a classic sounding ‘Garcia Groan’ but finally grabbed the remote for the bed and tilted me up just enough to see the cot across the room.

 I had seen her do this before. We called it her, ‘Holy trinity of anxiety’ - “I was doing it again last night wasn’t I?” “don’t worry about it Soph, it's not a big deal okay?” “will you at least tell me what it is?” “It's just something your body does to cope with the anxiety that you feel even when you are asleep. You only do it when something is really really bothering you, that's how I knew I needed to make you pancakes today”- After the first time I noticed her doing that in her sleep when we started dating, she had done it maybe three times total. The first was when I had just come home from the first case I had taken while we were dating, the second, was the night after she found out her childhood best friend killed himself. Her personal ‘Holy trinity of anxiety’ was when she combined three of her worst nervous tics, all at the same time, while she was sleeping. Her three worst are common ones, but also the hardest to control, leg tapping, cheek biting, and either picking relentlessly at her fingers, or digging her nails into her palms.  

This wasn't just because I was shot, this was what she did whenever I mentioned her home here when she was awake. Something happened here. Something so bad that she wouldn't tell me what. I hated it. The not knowing. It was something that I rarely have to deal with. One of the reasons that I constantly like to read and learn is so that I never have to be in a situation where I don't know anything. The only two areas that I was constantly stumped by were social interactions, and my girlfriends past.

Sophie~ 

When I woke up on the cot in Spencer’s hospital room my first thought was that I must have dreamt it all. As soon as I shook that off after seeing the docks of Portland out the window, my second thought was to really check on Spencer. I had been in such a panic all of yesterday the only real information I was able to retain was that he was shot, but he was alive. Now was time for my medical degree to come in handy.

“Why are you all looking at me like i’m a lost puppy?” As soon as I sat up Penelope closed her computers and Spencer slightly tilted his head and smiled. 

“Wait. a damn. Minute” I immediately noticed that Spencer was sitting up and Penelope was trying to cover the bags of dum dum wrappers and empty jello packs at her feet.

“Spencer, who helped you up?” 

“Ummmmm, I don't know what you mean?”

“Spencer Reid. For a profiler you are the worst liar in the world. And Penelope, I know you did it, but I don't blame you because I know exactly how persuasive his eyes are” she sighed and gave me a big smile.

“RIght? I mean look at them, it's a crime!” Spencer blushed and looked back at me with a face I had seen plenty of times. It's how he looked at me whenever he promised he would be there for something and had to leave. It was his guilty face.

“Spence, what’s up?”

“I'm just sorry.”  my shoulders dropped in response to hearing his voice, much louder and much more normal than last night.

“Baby there's nothing you could have done, we all know that.”

“I know its just, I know how much you hate it here, and I never wanted to worry you so much that you did a sleeping holy trinity, and now i'm afraid that you'll never not see me as hurt, and what if i just become a reminder of the pain you feel, and-” I shut him up by placing a very gentle kiss to his lips as I sometimes did when he went into rants. 

“Well, looks like you two have things covered, i'm going to the cafeteria to give the team some updates” Penelope grabbed her purse and phone and left the room with a few excited glances back at us. 

“So I was doing a sleeping trinity?”

“Yeah, a bad one”

“Did you tell Garcia about-”

“No, I would never, not unless you want me to.”

“No, the only person who knows i’m here so far is my mom so-.”

“Will you tell me what happened now?”

“Later. I just need to adjust for now” I didn't want him to be disappointed by me not telling him. But I needed time. Well, more time. For now I needed to focus on him, and get both of us out of here. He moved toward the clothes bag I bought for him that was hanging on the edge of his bed. 

“And what do you think you're doing?”

“I hate these gowns you know that”

“That does not give you a free pass to move around, here let me help you” I could tell that the slight movement toward the end of the bed was enough to make even Spencer (who always refused pain medication because of his past addiction) want double doses of morphine. He groaned when I helped him take the loose gown down from his shoulders and I expertly guided the large sweatshirt over his head.

“I can do it-”

“Hey, baby, I’m here for a reason, and I've looked at your chart enough to know how bad that shoulder must hurt. No more of your trademarked ‘I'm the brilliant Spencer Reid and I dont need anyones help’ crap, okay?``Eventually he relented and seeing him in his own clothes again brought me a new level of peace that just a few hours ago I thought I would never feel again.

#Criminal Minds #spencer reid #Spencerreid #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid angst #OC #original work #CM #criminalminds #spencer reid fanfiction #fanfiction #injury #Drama

[lesbianshonen]

omg my headphones broke and my laptop is like on its last legs fuck this gay earth <\3

#i think my laptop will be okay...maybe i think i can save her #shes updated for the first time in months i think shes adjusting...thats all #me and her r gonna get through this or else i stg #rose meows

[fatrainbowmermaidunicorn]

Common, Regular, Ordinary (Jungkook x You x Taehyung ONESHOT)

A/N: Hello @you-need-namjesus Thankyou for your request. I am sorry to hear that. No one deserves to be feeling like you do right now and I might not know you are or know what you are going through but there's always gonna be sunshine after a storm. Im glad you find my writing to be helping you through the rough times, as so many other writers has done for me. If you ever feel the need to talk or rant, feel free to slide into my DM or ask box. I can talk to you about the seriousness of things to the silliest of topics 😊. You can even go anonymously if you prefer. I want to be here for you. And I want you to remember you are not alone. 😘

And I hope this story fits your request and please enjoy <3

MASTERLIST

Y/N pulled her mask to secure it around her face and adjust her black trench coat around her body. Its going to be a long day today, she can already feel it.

"You ready?" She smile behind the mask and nodded her head to the girl next to her, her most loyal assistant and pushed her sunglasses on.

"Lets go," the assistant ushered her out. Y/N takes a deep breath and steps out from her private plane. She secretly thanked god for the invention of private planes, or else she wont know how her tired body is ever going to able to cope. She's been basically living on air and airport to airport for the last six months with her hectic schedule thats being planned for all around the world. Looking back, its funny how just a few years back she have to save up all her money for months just for an economy ticket to Jeju and now she owns not one but two private jets and have a whole entourage walking out behind her. She walks out and lifted her head to sniff the fresh air that smells so familiar and she badly missed.

She's finally back home.

After five most tiring years of her life, shes back.

Shes finally back after she swore to herself five years ago that she wont ever step her foot in her home country ever again before she made it big.

She work night and day to achieve that dream, believing and knowing that someday she will be able to fly home again.

They start walking into the airport and she can already hear the faint screams of her fans. Barriers are already set up along the walkway from her plane to the car and security dressed in black lined up, ready to protect her if need be. Once the main arrival door opened, the screams got so loud and the crowd was overwhelming. She took in her surrounding and saw the whole airport is deck out with her fans, screaming and shouting her name, she felt bad for the other people who is unfortunate enough to fly out at this airport today. She look around and some fans are even crying, some are holding cardboard cards with her name on it and shoving flowers and gifts towards her, which her assistants happily accepted on her behalf. Her managers used to tell her that its dangerous to get close to the fans just to accept their gifts, but Y/N insisted that they do. The fans worked hard to make or buy the gifts, especially for her. The least she could do for these people who made her who she is today is to accept it with a smile and an open heart.

Afterall, without them, L/N Y/N is just another ordinary girl from a small little town.

Ordinary.

Regular. Common.

"We cant do this anymore. I...I mean, I cant do this anymore," he gather all courage and try to look into her eyes. What he sees is clear  pain and sadness. "I'm sorry Y/N. I love you. But... my career doesnt allow me to be with somebody... ordinary,"

"Ordinary?" She mumbled the words. Yes, she knows she is just a normal university student who everyday life only includes attending classes and a part time job in a student's cafe. She doesnt go on tours or spend her days in studios and practice room. But... does Jungkook, the love of her life Jungkook, who was supposed to make her feel special, need to call her ordinary? Y/N looked down at her attire and self conciousness starts to overwhelm her. Jungkook looks like a God with his perfectly fitted skinny ripped jeans and white shirt, paired with a leather jacket and here she sat, in last night's overside shirt and worn out shorts. She starts to pull on her shirt, adjusting it and tucking her hair, trying to make her look more 'less' ordinary, feeling self concious about her looks.

"I... I know I'm just a normal girl, but we are in love... arent we? Does it really matter to you that I'm just someone living an ordinary life?"

"I do love you... but Y/N... its something I have to do. I need someone who is more suited for me,"

Y/N shakes her head to clear the painful memory from her mind and picked up her pace to get to the car faster. She only just landed and she already feeling extremely exhausted, wanting nothing more than to get into the hotel and rest her tired mind away as fast as she could.

/////

"You have this first week free Y/N, before the landslide of schedule comes in. What do you want to do?" Meen A smile at her. Meen A is one of her oldest assistant. She was with her when she was just a young, naive, ordinary girl, and with the years they have spend together, she quickly become her best friend rather than her assistant. "Shopping? Spa? Facial? Walking around? Or just sleeping?" she chuckles. Y/N giggle. Sleeping does sound tempting. She rarely have enough time to sleep as it is. But... she has another exciting plan to execute.

"Do you even have to ask?" They look at each other before squealing at the same time.

"Food!"

/////

They walked along the busy street hand in hand, Y/N wrapped in her masked, coat and scraf, sunglasses donning her face to conceal her identity.

"Do you really think people wont recognize you with this silly getup?" Meen A eyes her before looking at the people walking who are already whispering.

"They wont! Im not that well known! Besides, they are just looking because who wear black clothes that covers almost everything in the middle of summer," Meen A rolled her eyes.

"Are you kidding me? You are currently the world No 1 celebrity! You are the most sought after multi talented singer, composer, actress, director, entrepeneur, model, fashion icon and girl next door rolled in one!" She exclaimed. "You hang out with Taylor Swift! You walk the runway with Kendall Jenner! Tyra Banks invited you to tea and Drake to his album launch! Even Justin Bieber tried to make a move on you. I cant barely keep up with your social calendar. Everybody wants to be you or be with you! How is that not considered a No 1 celebrity?"

"Stop exaggareting! They are just my friends! I'm not all that and you know it,"

"No. You stop being so humble! You are all that and you know it" Meen A huffed in frustration, as she always does whenever they have this conversation, making Y/N smile. "I think you are the only celebrity in this world who didnt let all your fame and riches get over you head. You are really great. But I always wonder why,"

"There's a special someone that I once met and there's just something that he told me that stays in my heart. His words hit me hard and after all these years, I believe he has a point," Y/N smile softly at the memory.  "And I want nothing more than to just be an ordinary girl,"

Her mind drifted back to the day he met that particular stranger. The day that mark the changing of the rest of her life for good.

/////

"Lets eat here! Its secluded and not many people around. Also, I heard they served the best food here!" Meen A pulled her hand into a restaurant and they took a table at a back corner. This restaurant was said to be popular among celebrities and is often frequented by them.

"Oh my god. Isnt that-" Meen A gasps in excitement when they make their way to the back table, making Y/N raised her head from shoving her mask and sunglass inside her bag and look at what is making her friend so happy. She looks up to find seven pair of eyes with a table filled with food, all looking at the two of them. She was confused as her eyes roamed to each and every one of them.

Who are they? Are they someone well known too?

Y/N doesnt really update herself about the celebrities and the music industry in her home country. Not because she thinks she's too good for them. No, not at all. Its because she didnt want to know about a certain someone. She doesnt want to know anything at all.

"But... my career doesnt allow me to be with somebody... ordinary,"

And that certain someone is looking straight back at her as her eyes falls on the seventh person on the table.

"-Bangtan!" Meen A squeal.

Y/N automatically starts to panic as she tries to grabs Meen A, dragging her out from there, surpising her friend who was too caught up with the shocmed of finally meeting her favorite idol.

Jungkook quickly rise from his seat the moment her eyes catches his. The eyes that is so familiar, too familiar. The eyes that he has been looking for for the past five years. Seeing how panic she is and how she started to reached out for her friend and make her exit immediately, Jungkook rushed over and grabbed her hand, the rest of his hyungs watching in confusion and amazement.

What is going on?

"Y/N! Wait. Please. Plesase I'm begging you. Wait," he pleads, but Y/N maintained her head looking at the ground, her body slightly shaking and Jungkook realized she is crying. Meen A finally snapped herself out from the shocked and held onto Jungkook's arm that's holding her hand.

"Sir... I think its best you let her go,"

"No," Jungkook shakes her head, frowning and desperate. "I cant. I wont be able to see her again. Please Y/N. Look at me. Talk to me," he turned towards Y/N and beg. Meen A sense the distress her friend is feeling and her hold on Jungkook's arm tighten.

"You have to let her go. Now. Or else I have no other choice but to call Miss Y/N's security team,"

"No. No. There is no need for that," Namjoon is immediately by their side, smiling his dimpled smile at Meen A. "Im sorry. I dont know what is going on with our maknae. But we will let her go now. Jungkook, let go of her hand," his voice is filled with dominance that Jungkook shakes a little. Its rare to see Namjoon like this. Only during times when he knew he had screwed up big times. And apparently today is one of the time.

"Now, Jungkook,"

"But hyung..."

Y/N's body shakes even more although she kept her head low and turned, not wanting to see even a strand of hair that belongs to Jungkook. Everything about him hurts her and reminds her of the heart break she felt that she had never really recovered from. Meen A began to worry. Y/N is slowly starting to go into hyperventilation.

How does she know Bangtan? She never speak of them before? And what makes her so scared of the maknae? So many questions filled Meen A mind but her hand is quicker as she dialled the other manager who is with the car. Y/N might think that she is able to walk freely, but little did she know that with her mega celebrity status, her manager and security team is always only a few step behind, hidden, whenever she goes out.

Specifically for an emergency occasion like this.

"Kookie... I think you should let go okay. We promise we will get to see her again," Taehyung stood up and try to persuade the determined maknae. He dont know who Jungkook is clinging on to but it seems that the girl is trying her very best to get away from him.

"How do you know hyung? I...I," Jungkook's eyes are already glazed with unshed tears. He cant let go. Not now, when he finally gets her back.

"I know... uh because we will contact this Miss and we will meet them again!" Namjoon quickly came out with something and look at Meen A for help, who nodded her agreement quickly.

"Here is my card. Call me and make an appointment to see Miss Y/N. But for now, please let her go," she tugged on Jungkook's hand who finally lets go. Y/N immediately ran out of the restaurant before Jungkook could say anything.

"Uh thank you. Just... call. If you need anything," Meen A ran out immediately only to find Y/N collapsed on the sidewalk not far fron the restaurant, crying her eyes out.

Oh, Y/N. What happened to you?

"What the hell was that Kook?!" Namjoon yelled at him the moment Y/N and Meen A ran out of the restaurant. "You cant just grab random people like that!"

"Yeah, especially girls who look deathly afraid of you," Yoongi added from the table.

"She's not a random girl..." Jungkook managed to meekly defend himself.

"Yes. She is definitely not random. She's L/N Y/N, the mega superstar. She could sue us and Tae would have to sell every Gucci he owns to pay for it, and that still wont be enough! What are you thinking Kookie?" Hoseok yelled out from across the table.

"Shit. That's the Y/N?" Namjoon turned to Hoseok who nodded. Just realizing with whom they just encountered. "I didnt get to see her face clearly just now,"

"She's not just Y/N to me..." Jungkook explained, head bowed down to the table. The rest of his hyungs looks at him curiously. "She's my first love,"

"What?!"

The rest of the boys starts to bombared him with questions. Demanding the maknae to explain everything that happened between him and Y/N.

During the commotion, they didnt realized that there is someone who is still repeating the recent event in his head, throughly trying to memorize the face that she tried to hide from them. Taehyung is still staring at the door where Y/N just ran out from, his mind spinning, lost in thoughts.

Why does it feel like I have known her before?

/////

"Are you okay? What happened back there?" Meen A turned her body to face her friend who is now wrapped in a blanket curled up in a ball on her bed. It took her a while to dragged Y/N from the sidewalk and coaxed her to stop crying, before the by standers who started to give them weird looks recognized who she is. Y/N was short on breath and panicking the whole time and Meen A was worried to death. She had never seen her like this. Not even before one of her biggest performace. She was always calm, happy and all smiles.

What does Jeon Jungkook have, or possibly did, that could possibly make her like this?

"Y/N? Dont you want to tell me?" She asks softly, as she slides into bed beside her, hands carressing her hair. "I have never seen you like this. Im worried. Can you please tell me what happened?" She tries again and is still met with silenced. Meen A takes a deep breath and reluctantly asks the question that she knew could trigger her best friend.

"Is it... something to do with Jeon Jungkook?

At the sound of his name Y/N turned around and hug her tight, tears wetting her tshirt as she starts to cry again. Meen A just hugged her back and wait until she calms down. Whatever happened between them must have broken her into pieces.

"He... he," she tried to spit out the words between sobs. "He... Jung...Jungkook... is my first love,"

"What?" Meen A's eyes widen. How come she didnt know about this? Y/N was in a relationship with a member of such a well known group? "What happen then Y/N? You can tell me..."

"He broke my heart Meen A," she raised her head and stare straight into her eyes. She can see the hurt and pain in Y/N's eyes so vivid and clear, it gives chills down to her spine. "He broke my heart and changed my life forever,"

People say that being a teenager in love is the best feeling in the world, and Y/N couldnt agree more. She was only 15 when she and Jungkook got together. After countless exchange of shy smiles and late night texts, Jungkook finally found his courage and ask her to be his under a starless sky.Their relationship was strong and happy, even when Jungkook was accepted as a trainee, nothing seem to change for them.

"Nothing will change. I promise. Maybe I wont be able to see you or call you as much as before, but I love you Y/N, wait for me. I will come back for you and make you proud," was the promise Jungkook made her and the promise that she strongly held on too. True to his promise, Jungkook never forgets her, he still comes home to see her whenever he could, spending sleepless nights kissing and holding each other tight.

The success came to Jungkook and his group like rapid fire the moment they debuted, and soon enough his schedule was packed to the brim. Y/N maintained her ordinary life as an ordinary teenager, getting a placed in one of the country top university give her the opportunity to move to town and be closer to Jungkook. Their relationship, although always comes second to Jungkook's career, is still filled with loved and happiness. Y/N was too drunk in love and consumed with happiness that she doesnt care that Jungkook has to hide their relationship, or the fact that he barely has time for her. She thought they would last forever. She thought his love for her would be enough to last them till eternity.

But everything change one fateful day.

She hasnt seen him for months since he was on tour, a normal occurance when you are dating a celebrity. What's not normal is Jungkook seems to call her less, replied to her text less and doesnt seem too excited to hear her voice whenever she managed to call him. She shrugged it off as exhaustion and think nothing of it. They have been together for so long, its already his fourth year after debut. There couldnt possibly be anything wrong right?

"Kookie!" She jumped on him for a kiss the moment he entered but he dodged her, making her confused for a moment before shrugging it off. Maybe he is just tired. They havent seen one another for months now and he is finally back from tour! She miss him so much. "Where's your luggage?" She looks behind him to see nothing.

"I..ah left it at the dorm," he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Why? You are not staying over tonight?"

"Listen... about that. I have to tell you something," he held her hand and lead her to the couch. They sat with their body turned to faced each other.

"What's wrong Kookie? Did something happen? Is everyone okay?" Jungkook just look at her face. The face he knows he's going to miss so much after today.

"Everyone's alright," he answered softly. "Y/N... you know how much recognition Bangtan is getting now right?" She nodded and smile. She couldnt hide how happy and proud she is for him, although nobody knows her relation with the maknae.

"And you know how our every move is being watch right?"

"Yes..." Where is Jungkook going with this?

"I dont think we can hide our relationship anymore," Y/N's eyes widen and sparkle.

"Kookie, are you saying we should go public?" She squeals. "I can finally do boyfriend things with you! I had always wanted to go to the park and watch the city from the top of the ferris wheels with you!" That was her only wish. She didnt want to ride on Jungkook's popularity. She just wants to be in love and spend time with her boyfriend like everybody else does. That is the only thing she ever wanted from him.

"Urm... no Y/N.I'm sorry but that's not what I meant..." her face fell.

"Oh. Its okay Kookie," she let out a small smile. "Then what is it?"

"Listen... urmmm," Jungkook hesitates. "It wont be a problem if any one of us is caught dating. Our fans can accept that now," Y/N kept silent and focus on listening. "Who we are dating is going to be the problem,"

Y/N starts to feel anxious and felt her hear beats faster. What is he implying?

"What are you trying to say Jungkook?"

"We cant do this anymore. I...I mean, I cant do this anymore," he gather all courage and try to look into her eyes. What he sees is clear  pain and sadness. "I'm sorry Y/N. I love you. But... my career doesnt allow me to be with somebody... ordinary,"

"Ordinary?" She mumbled the words. Yes, she knows she is just a normal university student who everyday life only includes attending classes and a part time job in a student's cafe. She doesnt go on tours or spend her days in studios and practice room. But... does Jungkook, the love of her life Jungkook, who was supposed to make her feel special, need to call her ordinary? Y/N looked down at her attire and self conciousness starts to overwhelm her. Jungkook looks like a God with his perfectly fitted skinny ripped jeans and white shirt, paired with a leather jacket and here she sat, in last night's oversize shirt and worn out shorts. She starts to pull on her shirt, adjusting it and tucking her hair, trying to make her look more 'less' ordinary, feeling self concious about her looks.

"Y/N, stop. Please. That is not what I meant..." he grabbed her hand to stop her from covering herself from him. Maybe she wont believe him, but it pains him too to see her this way, hurt and on the brink of crying. But its just something he has to do.

"I... I know I'm just a normal girl, but we are in love... arent we? Does it really matter to you that I'm just someone living an ordinary life?"

"I do love you... but Y/N... its something I have to do. I need someone who is more suited for me," The moment he said it, Jungkook regret it. That is not definitely how he wanted the words to come out.

"More suited?" Her voice cracked. Years they have been together, and her status as a normal girl is apparently more important to him than their feelings. Well, maybe its just her. Maybe Jungkook has lost all feelings for her after all those years he debuted. After all, he met thousands of beautiful celebrities that is 'more suited' for him.

"Y/N..."

"No... its okay.I think you have made yourself perfectly clear. I'm too common. Too regular. Too ordinary to be with you... Jeon  Jungkook, the Golden Maknae of Bangtan, the most popular band right now. Its okay Jungkook, I get it," with that she gave one small smile and walked out, trying her best not to let the tears spilled. But who is she kidding? Jungkook has owned her heart from the moment she even know what love is, and now... he has broken it in every way possible.

"What. A. Fucking. Asshole!" Meen A is fuming with anger once Y/N finished her story. "Does he thinks he is all that?! He is just a singer and a dancer! I'm going to beat his ass up when I see him, that fucking asshole!" Y/N giggled at her friend between her tears.

"Its okay Meen A. It was five years ago. Its his life... I cant force him to love me,"

"But Y/N!" Meen A whined. "Why are you so nice?!" She huffed. "So... did you become this successful because you want to prove him wrong and make him eat his words? He must be crying seeing you now!"

Y/N giggled again. Meen A never fails to fascinates her. She shakes her head.

"Actually no. Contrary to that, its actually the opposite. I didnt want to know about anything in the industry anymore. I didnt update myself about anyone well know, mostly because it reminds me that I'm just ordinary, like Jungkook puts it, and also I didnt want to see him,"

"Then, what made you become... this?" Meen A motioned to her.

"I met a stranger one day. And that was the day my life changed forever," she smile.

She was crying as she finally found a bench in the quiet park. After months of being able to avoid hearing about any news regarding Jungkook, which is very hard since he is really popular, it finally come to her knowledge that Jungkook is now dating another maknae from a popular girl group. Her classmates has forcefully showed her the article, of course, not knowing the history she had with the said man and she cant help but feel her heart clenched at the sight of Jungkook happily kissing a pretty girl.

The girl is beautiful, and Y/N bet she is multi talented too. She is perfect for him. Special, wanted and definitely not ordinary.

"What are you crying for?" A voice from behind her startled her, only then she realized that someone has already occupied the bench that is placed back to back with hers. She turned her head and saw a man with a hat and masked secured on his face. She couldnt see his face clearly, but his piercing gaze is enough to fascinates her. However, there is a clear sadness in his eyes.

"I could ask you the same thing," she whispered back.

"If I tell you my story will you tell yours? I just need someone to talk to," Y/N contemplate for a moment and finally agreed to it. He is a stranger. She will never see him again anyway.

"My fan- urgh I mean my friends expected so much from me. I'm tired of it. I'm still just a normal man. Why cant they see that?"

"But... if they believed in you, doesnt that mean you are not just an average guy to start with? There must be something about you that makes them expect so much from you,"

"I guess... but... I dont like it,"

"Isnt that a great thing?" Y/N raised her eyebrows to the masked man. "To be loved? For people to think you are special? Capable of doing things? Not just someone normal and ordinary?"

"Not for me. I dont want people to see me as someone extra ordinary. I am not. I am just being me. This is who I am. Sometimes I wish that I could just blend in with others and not stand out so much,"

"You are really funny," she chuckles. "In this world where everybody tried to be special, why do you want to be ordinary?"

"No. You are the funny one," he retorted and his sharp gaze look straight into her eyes. Y/N swear she has never seen a pair of eyes looks so beautiful. "Because in a world full of people trying to be special, what is so wrong to ordinary?"

"Wow... that's deep," Meen A exclaimed with her mouth wide open. "But still, what I dont get is how does that makes you want to be who you are now?"

"Well... after I went home that day, I started thinking and he was right. He made me feel that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being ordinary. You might think I become who I am today to prove a point, but no... I just want to send a message to everyone out there, that ordinary people can be and do anything they want too if they put their mind to it. Just because people see you as nothing special, that doesnt mean you are short on deserving anything,"

Meen A looks at her in awe. "You are really something Y/N,"

"I might be something... but I will never be enough for Jeon Jungkook," she smile sadly.

"Y/N... do you... perhaps still love him?" Y/N was silenced for a moment by the sudden question. Jeon Jungkook... Does she still loves him? Its a question that she herself is afraid to ask.

"I dont know Meen A. But all I know is that I could never hate him. He might break my heart to pieces... but he is also the one who taught me what love is..."

/////

Y/N is back.

Jungkook ran his hand across his face as he slide down on the floor. Its been a day since the incident at the restaurant and he is restless. He has been pressuring Namjoon to contact that girl who was supposed to set up an appointment with Y/N but Namjoon has been hesitating, saying he should clear his mind first. He doesnt need time to clear anything! He has been waiting to see her for five years and now she's finally home. He needs to see her now!

His last memory of her has haunt him for years and he needs to talk to her. Even for just a second.

"No... its okay.I think you have made yourself perfectly clear. I'm too common. Too regular. Too ordinary to be with you... Jeon  Jungkook, the Golden Maknae of Bangtan, the most popular band right now. Its okay Jungkook, I get it," with that she gave one small smile and walked out, trying her best not to let the tears spilled.

Jungkook sat on the couchof her apartment after she left, not moving even an inch for hours as he still try to register the fact that he broke Y/N's heart. To say he fully regret what he did wont be true, since a part of him knows Y/N is really too normal to be with him. But he loves her, that much is true, and seeing her hurt is too much for him to bear. He shakes his head to get rid of the feeling and leave the apartment, turning around one last time to say goodbye to the years of memories he had with his first love.

A month passed and all sadness and regret seems to leave Jungkook's mind when he started a relationship with one of the other maknaes from a girl group. He finally got what he wanted. Being in a relationship with someone who is at the same level as him. Yurin is beautiful and talented, Jungkook loves everything about her. The only problem is that he dont feel in love with her.

The kisses are great, nights spend together are amazing but something just seems off. They talked about their music and live the same lifestyle, there is nothing wrong with their relationship at all. But... she's not Y/N.

As time passes by, Jungkook starts to miss the ordinary things that Y/N do. He misses the days when she would talk about her classes, telling him things that he didnt get to experienced as a college students. He misses her stories of working at a student's cafe and how some days she has to starve herself with only instant noodle when the funds ran low. All he ever talk about with Yurin is the new comeback, which designer to wear to the award show and which expensive restaurant they should try next. There is nothing wrong with all that, really, but its the exact same life he's living. He already know all that. He dont need someone else to talk to him about it.

Jungkook only realized too late then, that Y/N being an ordinary girl is what makes their relationship works. They were the opposite, she is e eeythung he is not, and thats why she completes him.

He shouldnt care about what the society demand from him. Y/N didnt, he shouldnt have either. But its all too late when he found out Y/N is no longer living in her apartment or studying in the same college. She's gone and he didnt know where else to find her.

Until he sees her face on an international interview while he's channel surfing on one boring afternoon. Y/N still looks like the Y/N he knows. Beautiful, sweet, her innocent laugh filled the screen. But the way she talked, dressed and interact with the interviewer, amazed him. Jungkook cant take his eyes off her and continue to watch the show until the end. He learned then that Y/N has become an international sensation, a newly debuted singer/songwriter who is also on her way in making a name in the filming and modeling industry.

Y/N has become a mix of everything he had ever wanted.

And he has been trying to find a way to see her again ever since.

"Hey Kookie," Taehyung entered the practice room and slide down on the floor besides him. "Are you okay? You dont seem so well since what happened yesterday,"

"I am not okay hyung," Jungkook turned to faced Taehyung, face etched with sadness. "Y/N... I need to see her but Namjoon hyung is not letting me," Taehyung kept quiet and nibbled on his bottom lips, thinking.

"Kookie... I know you told us she is your first love. But if you dont mind... what happened to the two of you?" Taehyung is really curious about this Y/N girl and the only person who seems to know her personally is Jungkook. "She seems... terrified of you yesterday,"

Jungkook looked hurt by Taehyung's words. He already know that. When he dreamt about seeing Y/N again, he didnt think that she would hate him that much. Its as if she is scared of him. Scared that he will hurt her again. She dont even want to look at his face yesterday. That feeling... the feeling when someone you love is afraid of you, hates you, not even want to look at you... hurts, and Jungkook dont ever want to feel anything like that anymore.

"I... I break her heart into pieces hyung," Jungkook pushed all his pride aside and finally opened up to Taehyung about everything. When he finished his story with a sob, Taehyung was speechless.

"So you are saying... you two were dating during the years we all live together?!" Taehyung exclaimed. How is it possible that none of the boys found out the maknae is dating? "How did you managed to hide a girlfriend that well?"

"Really hyung? That's what important to you right now?" Jungkook give him the stink eye and he chuckle.

"Sorry. Sorry. But you know Kookie... her face and your story sounds familiar. I wonder if I have met her before?" Jungkook shakes his head.

"Im positive you didnt. I never brought her over to meet any of you guys. Maybe you just think you know her because her face fills up every magazine and tv shows you see?" Jungkook guess. He is pretty positive none of his hyung knows Y/N before she becomes well known.

"Nah... that's not it," Taehyung shakes his head. "Nevermind. I'm sure I will figured it out later,"

Before Jungkook can say anything else, the practice room door opened and walked in Namjoon, looking straight at him.

"Kook, your dream has come true,"

"What do you mean hyung?" Jungkook is confused.

"We are having a collaboration with Y/N while she's in Korea,"

/////

"What?! No, no, no, no,no, no!" Y/N slammed the schedule on the desk and wailed her hands around. This cant be happening. A collaboration with Bangtan? Two whole months of composing, performing, photo shoots and interviews with them? With Jeon Jungkook? This cant be real! "Why am I not informed about this earlier? I wouldnt have agreed to it if I knew!"

"But Y/N... you never go through your schedules before. You always leave it up to the management!" One the managers tries to explain. Y/N was neber demanding kr a diva, she is akways essy to managed. Seeing her like this scare him a bit. Why is she so hellbent on not doing the schedule with Bangtan? "Besides, Bangtan is one of the most successful group in the country right now and they really want to work with you! Its a great opportunity to make your mark here, in your home country,"

Y/N bite her bottom lip. Of course it makes sense when they say it like that. Y/n has rejected everything that has to do with her home country before. She didnt want to come back before she's ready. But now that she's here, she didnt think they would be the first thing on her schedule.

"Is there really no way for me to cancel?" She sighed weakly.

"I'm sorry sweetheart," the manager gave her a regretful smile. "but no,"

/////

"Y/N, these are the boys. Boys, this is Y/N," the staff introduced them once Y/N arrived on the set. She pushed her sunglasses up her forehead, smile and bowed to them, introducing herself and gave them their greeting, all the while avoiding eye contact with the doe eyed boy who is shamelessly staring at her.  The older members introduced themselves first, making silly jokes in between to ease the tension that they can feel rising between Y/N and the maknae, but the time for Jungkook to introduced himself finally arrived.

"Hi Y/N. I'm Jeon Jungkook, but I think you already know that," he held out a hand and his bunny smile grew wider when Y/N accept the handshake. He held her hand tight and keeps on staring at her, the smile never leaving his face, making her squirm uncomfortably. Y/N tried to shake her hand lose but Jungkook only held on tighter, as in trying to enjoy every tingling sensation he felt from their touch.

He misses her so much.

"Ehem," Jungkook was broken from his trance and look to his left to see Taehyung looking at him, then their entertwined hands. "I think you can let go now Kook. Its my turn to introduced myself,"

Jungkook huffed and reluctantly lets go, not at all trying to conceal the fact that he was holding her hand hostage on purpose. "Hi," Taehyung flashed her his signature smile. Y/N swore he has never seen a smile so beautiful and sincere given to her before.

"H...hi," Shit, why did I stutter?

Taehyung laughs at how adorable she looks. "So cute," he mumble, making Y/N who heard it blushed hard and Jungkook frowned, sending his hyung a death glare. "I'm Kim Taehyung or V. But you can call me Tae. Nice to meet you Y/N,"

"You... you too Taeyang. I mean Taehyung. I mean Tae," Seriously, what is wrong with me? "Nice to meet you," she slowly brace herself and look into his eyes. Those sharp gaze... it looks so damn familiar.

Taehyung laughs again and shakes her hand. "I have to go with the boys but I will see you in a bit ya?"

Y/N quickly nodded as Taehyung drags Jungkook with him, living her sweaty and blushing. Jungkook who witness the whole exchange happening looks back from his hyung to Y/N and start to feel anxious.

Is something going on with those two?

Days spend with Bangtan passes by in a blur. They were a fun group to be with; funny and talented. There was never a dull moment with them. The best part is always whenever she gets some time alone with Taehyung. There's just something about him that never ceased to amaze her, fascinates her. She loves hearing his deep voice, his laughs, his weird views on things and his funny thoughts. Being able to see Taehyung was always the highlight of her day with Bangtan, and there's just something so familiar about him. About the way his piercing eyes looks at her. Its as if she has seen it before somewhere, some time, long ago. However, what Y/N dreaded the most was when she and Jungkook were left alone, as if it was planned by the boys. She will try her best to get out from the situation, leaving Jungkook who tried hard to get a chance to talk to her frustrated.

She had always managed to get out from the sticky situation until today. She was in the music room during one of their long breaks this time. The boys will usually hang out with each other in their own waiting room, so feeling bored, Y/N sneaked out and found a lone piano in a what she assumed is a music room and started playing one of the song she is currently working on. She only started playing a few lines when a voice surpised her.

"That's beautiful," she turned to her right to see Jungkook already seated down beside her on the piano bench. She immediately stood up, ready to leave but Jungkook pulled her back down.

"No. Please, stay. Can you play the rest of the song for me? Can I hear it? Please?" He plead, eyes looking straight into hers, bringing back both painful and beautiful memories she had tried to forget. Y/N hesitates as she looked around, wishing nothing more than for someone to come in and save her. But no one did and Jungkook is still gripping her hand and looking at her. "Please?"

"O..okay," she nodded her agreement and sat back down, fingers poised to play her song.

I really love the role I play The songs I sing But with all the fame The things that seem so simple Suddenly, so far out of reach Wish that they could see That underneath I'm just an ordinary girl! Sometimes I'm lazy I get bored, I get scared, I feel ignored, I feel happy I get silly, I choke on my own words. I make wishes, I have dreams, And I still want to believe, Anything can happen in this world For an ordinary girl! Like you like me For an ordinary girl Like you like me

The room waa silent when she finished playing. Jungkook felt a lump in his throat as the memory of him recklessly breaks her heart came back to him.

"But... my career doesnt allow me to be with somebody... ordinary,"

"Y/N..."

Y/N stopped him and smile before he could continue, already oredicting what he would be saying. "No Jungkook. Dont say anything. You dont need to say anything. I'm over it," she stood up and bowed, hastily trying to escape but Jungkook is too fast for her and grab her arm.

"But I'm not,"

"What?"

"I'm not over it Y/N. I'm not over you..."

"Stop joking around Jungkook. Its not funny!"

Jungkook stood up and turned her to face him. "I'm not. Y/N... I swear I'm not! Please listen to me first," Jungkook pleaded. "What I did, what I said, everything was wrong. A mistake," Y/N shakes her head, denying his claim.

"No. You were happy without me Jungkook. You were happy with the girls you dated after me. All those girls who are beautiful and a somebody," Y/N blinked back her tears. No, she promised herself that she wont cry for Jeon Jungkook ever again.

"Thats what I thought I wanted Y/N. But I was wrong. I was so wrong," he gripped both of her hands, making her gasps. "I'm so sorry for what I did Y/N. I tried to look for you after you left, but I couldnt find you... and now you are here..." he cupped her chin to tilt her head to look at him. "Y/N, looking at you now, I regret everything I ever did and say to you. Please forgive me Y/N. Please... can we... can we try again?"

Y/N was shocked. She didnt think Jungkook would ever ask her to be together again. She is afterall, still just an ordinary girl... and him. Look at him, he is as perfect as he could ever be.. Then his words appeared back in her mind.

Looking at you now.

"Is this what this is? You want me back because I'm no longer the ordinary little town girl I was five years back? Because I'm successful now?!" Y/N was furious. How dare he. Jungkook was startled by her assumption. How did she even come to think of that? That is absolutely not what it is at all!

"What?! No! Y/N no! That is absolutely not what this is about. Y/N... you are everything that I want. I just realized it too late. Please Y/N. Lets try again. I'll treat you right this time,"

"No!" She shakes her hand loose from his grip. "You cant do this to me Jungkook. It took me five years to even be able to hear your name again. You broke me beyond repair. You make me judged myself to the point where I hated myself Jungkook. You dont know how broken you make me when you left. I loved you. I really really loved you... but you..."

"Y/N, please just give me another chance. Lets try this again," he begged.

"No!" Y/N start to walk out as fast as she could but what Jungkook said next stopped her in her tracks.

"I love you Y/N. I have never stop loving you," Y/N's whole body shakes as tears starts to stream down her face. She ia grateful for the fact that she is not facing him. Jeon Jungkook shouldnt see her cry. Not now. Not ever. But hearing those three words comes our from her one true love, her first love, Y/N felt her heart bursting in both pain and happiness again.

"I love you... please believe me Y/N..." he repeated softly. His voice shocked Y/N out from her tranced and she quickly continue her exit, never once looking back.

Y/N managed to bring herself to an empty park, well, of course its empty, its past midnight, after sending a quick text to Meen A to tell her to cancel the rest of her schedule and postponed it to tommorow. There is no way she is able to face Jungkook again. She close her eyes and leaned her head back, enjoying the cool breeze.

"Do you think the stars are watching we live our life like we watch a reality drama series?" Y/N was startled by the deep voice that suddenly appeared in the dark. She looks up and saw Taehyung walking towards her, smiling and sitting down besides her.

"What are you doing here Tae?"

"The question is, what are you doing here? I have always come here after schedule. This park is very near to my dorm," he pointed somewhere behind him.

"Ahh. Okay. But...what do you do here all alone? You are not a mass murderer or a rapist right?" She jokes and he laughs.

"Nothing. Just sitting in the dark and asks random questions like the one I asked you just now," he grinned.

"Really? You have to do it here? Alone? In the dark?" Y/N questioned, eyebrows arched. "Why cant you discuss it with your group mates? Isnt it better to talk to someone who could actually respond?"

Taehyung hung his head at her statement, feeling sad. "Not really. Sometimes I just want the peace and quiet to think and play with my own thoughts. Sometimes I even wonder if I made the right decision to live this kind of life," he chuckles.

"This kind of life? What do you mean?"

"This life we are living Y/N. People expect so much from us. To be flawless, remarkable in everything," he sighed. "Sometimes I wonder what its like to live an ordinary life,"

Y/N laughs. There's that word again. It seems no matter where she goes, that words haunts her like a nightmare.

"I wouldnt know what you are feeling Tae, because I have been ordinary all my life,"

Taehyung looks at her as if she doesnt make sense at all. Well, to be fair to him,she really doesnt make sense. How can a mega superstar like her, living life that people only dream of could possibly say shes been ordinary all her life? But Taehyung figured she has a reason for saying that and just lets it go.

"You are lucky then," he stood up, both hands in pockets and smile down at her. "Because Y/N, in a world full of people trying to be special, what is so wrong to be ordinary?"

Y/N's mouth drop open. Those words... they are like her secret mantra to survive the broken heart Jungkook left her with. She blinked and look at Taehyung. Those eyes staring back at her. She remembers now. The deep voice, the piercing gaze.

That stranger is Taehyung.

The man she has been searching for all these while is Kim Taehyung.

But before she could say anyhing, he is already gone.

Y/N tossed and turn the whole night. The whole conversation with Taehyung, the recent one and way back five years ago when he was just a stranger, played continuosly in her head. Its Taehyung.

Kim Taehyung.

Everything fits now. For the past month she has been getting to know him, she fell for his dorky ways and the unique things he did. She see the sadness in his face when his fans criticized his fashion choices or hairstyles, how sometimes he rather stay home and not come with them because he is tired to conceal his real self in public. She understand now why the stranger wants to be ordinary. Why Kim Taehyung wants to be ordinary.

Taehyung is beautiful, inside out. And its a shame people are more focus on the facade he puts out rather than his true self. Y/N thinks back about all the time they spend together. Taehyung will mostly ask about her life way back before she was a celebrity, asking her stories about her classes, courses, her part time job and he enjoys her stories. Every bit of it. Sometimes it seems as if he loves it more than listening to her experience touring around the world, working with all these influential people. Its... different. Most people she met in the industry are only trying to be close to her for her name, for her connections, but Taehyung felt sincere.

Taehyung loves how she is when she's just an ordinary girl.

And Y/N finally admits it now. She's in love with that extraordinary boy.

Unfortunately for her, no matter how much she wanted to she Taehyung again and proclaim her love for him the next day, they are having a one day break. So instead, she peeled her sleepless body for a morning walk towards the rows of restaurant. She needed something to clear her head.

Just her luck, she saw Taehyung sitting alone on one of the sidewalk cafe, his breakfast still full on his table, playing with his phone.

"Tae!" A wide grin stretch across her face as she walks over. How can someone look this beautiful?

"Oh, Y/N. Nice to see you here," he smile, and Y/N felt her heart beats faster.

"Are you alone?"

"I'm actually with-"

"Y/N?" Shit. The voice that calls out her name makes her heart rscing and palm swearing in fear, and she wanted nothing more than just to get out from there.

"I..I'll be going first Taehyung," she bowed quickly and make her exit, confusing Taehyung who didnt understand the situation.

"Y//N, please wait," Jungkook grab her arms and turn her around. "Please... dont run away from me,"

"Let go Jungkook,"

"Not until you give me a chance," he gritted his teeth in determination. "Y/N... I love you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I was a fool, an idiot. I care about my status, my job more than I ever did about your feelings before. But all that will change now. I have changed now. I will love you right this time. Baby... please," his soft doe eyes pierced through hers, begging her for another chance. The way he looks at her, the feeling of his touch on her arms, his familiar scent that filled his nostrils the way he calls her baby... her heart is aching. She misses him so much.

She raised her eyes to look at him. His handsome face and the way the mask hang around his mouth and nose.

The mask. The mask that he needs to conceal his identity. His identity that makes him too good to be with her in the first place.

Jungkook will always be a somebody. He has to hide his identity even he is having his breakfast. And although she is a part of that life now, deep inside she is still just an ordinary girl who unfortunately falls in love with someone extraordinary like Jeon Jungkook.

And what happened five years back proves that Jungkook would never accept that ordinary part of her. And if he cant accept that, then he cant have all of her.

"I'm sorry. I cant Jungkook," she trembled. "I have only known and love you all my life. I love every part of you... but you dont love me for who I really am. I am just still me Jungkook. Underneath all this, I'm still just that girl you broke for being ordinary. You wont and cant ever love me fully... and I wont force you too,"

"Y/N. No. I love you. I love all of you. Everything about you. Please. Give me this chance and I will prove it to you," Jungkook is panicking. He cant loose her like this. She didnt even give her a chance to get close, to show her how he has change. He has been looking for her for five years, how can he just let her slip away?

"You think you do. But I know you better than that. You are just in love with the idea of me," she smile sadly. Oh, how she wished they were still young lovers. Happy and in love. "I thought no one could ever like me for who I really am Jungkook. I loathe myself. For years I loathe myself. But I know now, not everybody hates ordinary. We ordinary girls have to right to be love too,"

"I didnt me-"

"I cant be with you Jungkook. I thought I wont ever get over you, but I was wrong. I fell in love. I found someone worthy to love me now. And I would do anything to make him love me..." she finally quietly admits, leaving Jungkook speechless.

"Wh..what?" Jungkook shakes his head in disbelief. This cant happen. His baby is in love with someone else? Who? Who is the man who stole her heart away? "Who is it? Tell me Y/N! Who is it! I will show you I can love you better than him," his face is etched in anger as he shakes her shoulders.

"You dont need to know..."

"I do. I do need to know Y/N. I need to know so I can show you how much more I will love you than he ever will!" He insisted, crazy with anger. Y/N looks around and see they are starting to catch attention and people are starting to recognized them. She cant let them happen.

"Stop it Jungkook..."

"No! I love you Y/N. Why wont you believe me?" He cried. "Tell me who is he?"

"Its Taehyung!" She screamed, tired of Jungkook's tireless persuassion. "Its Kim Taehyung! Are you happy now? I love Kim Taehyung and he didnt even know! So you dont have to do anything Jungkook!" His grasp on her shoulder soften.

"You are in love with Tae - hyung? My hyung?" His eyes roamed all over her face, looking for any sign that shes lying. But theres none. His heart starts to ache, a feeling so foreign to him. "Since when?"

"Since... sinc..," her eyes flickered behind Jungkook and her mouth dropped in horror. "Taehyung!" Jungkook whipped his head to see what Y/N is looking at, and true enough, his hyung stood there behind him and with the look on his face, its clear he heard everything. His eyes looks straight at her, dark and blank, she couldnt understand what emotions are playing within him right then and it scared her.

"Tae, wait! I can ex-" Y/N started to run after him when he abruptly turned around and walked away towards the other direction.

"Y/N, please. Choose me. Please. I love you. I cant live without you. Choose me Y/N. Dont leave me for Tae," Jungkook held on to her jacket's sleeves, begging her with his brown eyes. Y/N felt her tears finally fell at the sight of Jungkook, the mighty Jungkook begging for her, an ordinary girl.

"Then you have to learn how to Jungkook. Just like how I did before," she shakes her sleeve loose and run after Taehyung. Jungkook was left alone, stunned, and after years of being strong and believing he can do anything, he fell to his knees for he knows this time he wont be able to do it.

Losing Y/N all over again.

/////

"Tae! Tae. Stop. Just stop," Y/N was breathless as she managed to grab Taehyung by the arm. The said man turned and emotionlessly turned to face her. She felt her heart break. Does Taehyung really doesnt have any feelings for her at all?

"You shouldnt say things that you dont even understand Y/N," he suddenly broke the silenced.

"What are you talking about Tae? What you heard-"

"How can you say you love me? How is that even possible?"

"Why isnt it possible? I'm in love with you Kim Taehyung! Why is that not possible?" She huffed. Did Taehyung really thinj no one would ever love him? "I'm in love with every part of you. The real you! Not the facade you put out for everyone around you. But the you that you showed me during the talks we had. I'm in love with that Kim Taehyung!"

"I cant be with you," his words came out so smoothly out from his mouth, it hurts her to think how he doesnt even have to think about it at all.

"Why?" She cried. Y/N can feel her heart broke for the second time after a long time. "Why cant you give me a chance? I know you felt it too. I can see it when you talk to me. When you look at me. Please Tae, why cant you let me?"

"Tae... is there really no chance for us?" Y/N asks again when he kept quiet, eyes fixed on the ground. "You... really cant love me?" Y/N lets out a deep breath and weakly lets go of his hand when he still didnt answer. "Okay... I'm sorry. I just thought..." she didnt finished her words before she turned around, wanting to just walk away from the situation and just buried herself in her blanket back at the hotel. She was always a fool in love. Ordinary or not, no one will ever love her for her. She just need to braced another month of schedule with Bangtan and she can forget all this ever happen.

"Do you want to know why we could never happen?" Taehyung's voice reached her ears, sounding so soft and sad, making her turn around even though she dont think she can ever face him again. Y/N stopped in her tracks for a moment and decide to just walk away. There is no need for her to listen to the list of reasons as to why Taehyung would never ever love her.

"Y/N, listen to me," Taehyung grabbed her hand. Why is he doing this? Why is he forcing her to listen to things that she doesnt want to? Is he intentionally wanting to hurt her?

"I...I dont want to Tae," she sobbed. "I dont need to know why you wont ever love me,"

Taehyung immediately cupped both of her cheeks and make her look at him the moment she said that. "Y/N... I'm sorry for what I said. And I never said I didnt love you back..." he said so softly Y/N almost missed it, but she didnt and her eyes widen. Did... did Taehyung just confess?

"Please dont cry..." his thumbs wipe the tears that slowly rolled down her cheeks. "Look around you Y/N... this is the reason why we cant be together,"

For the first time since they talk, Y/N raised her head and look around her. Fans are gathered all around, cellphones out and snapping photos. She looks up and billboards with her face on it filling the view. Even if the passerby didnt know who they were before, they sure do now. "You are too special to be with me Y/N. I am not the one for you. I'm too strange and weird to be with you. You deserves the world. You are remarkable, and you deserves the best. Me? I'm just an ordinary small town boy who accidentally passes an audition Y/N. I'm not for you. So dont cry for me. These people doesnt like to see you cry," he smile at her. She feels her heart beats faster. She wants that smile. She wants to wake up to that smile everyday and she wont let who she became now stops her from the happiness that is right in front of her.

"Taehyung... I'm still that same ordinary girl you met in the park five years back. The girl who cried because the person she loves broke her. Dont you remember her?"

"What? What are you saying?"

"You are really funny," Y/N repeated what he said to her way back then. "In this world where everybody tried to be special, why do you want to be ordinary?" Taehyung's eyes widen at that. Little did she know, just like her, their encounter that day changed his life forever too. He accepted his life more after their little talk and since then he starts not to think about what his fans would want from him. He is just an ordinary man and if they dont love him for that, then they didnt love him to start with.

"That... that was you?" Y/N nodded with a smile and tears in her eyes.

"Tae... what you said to me that day changed me. Because of you I start to believe that ordinary girls like me deserves to be loved too. I came back to the park everyday in hope to see you again but I never did. You have been a part of my life for a long time Tae, whether you like it or not," she laughs. "And if you think I am too special to be with you, then you are dead wrong. You are everything I could ever want. You are the only person in my life who loves me for that dorky college girl that I am and I'm in love with you for that," she rajsed her hands and carressed his cheeks. Taehyung slowly leaned in into her touched. "You love every lsrt of me and you deserve to have all of me Tae,"

"Dont see me like what the other see me Tae. See me for who I really am. I am just an ordinary girl who falls in love with an amazing man, and she hopes that amazing man would someday fall in love with her too,"

"I am already in love with you Y/N. From the moment you stutter my name the first time we officially met," he laughs out loud at the memory as Y/N blushed. "Why were you so nervous anyway? You are already in love with me back then arent you? My good looks got nothing on you,"

"Yah!" She hit his chest and Taehyung pulled her close in his embraced. "Dont tease me,"

"You are adorable," he kissed her head and they can hear the camera shutter clicking from all around them. They have a lot to answer to their own management tomorrow, but for now that didnt matter. "My beautiful ordinary girl, you make me realized that nothing else matters that just to be and love yourself. You are the best thing that could have ever happen to me, eventhough I dont even know who you were back then. I love you Y/N," he whispered.

"And I love you Kim Taehyung. Just my weird fascinating Kim Taehyung," Taehyung smile and leaned his head closer to her as his lips tremble when he touched the lips of the girl he has dreamt about for years.

As the couple shared their first kiss, and the people around them starts to busily clicking their cameras and cooing at the adorable couple, a pair of teary doe eyes looks from afar...

And for the first time in his life, he admits that his heart is broken to pieces.

By an ordinary girl.

A/N: Ordinary Girl that Y/N played on the music room is actually a real song by Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus, with the same title. All credits goes to the original artists and everyone involved in it.

#bts #bts jungkook #btsv #bts fiction #bts scenario #bangtan #bangtan boys #bangtan scenarios #bangtan seonyeondan #jeon jungkook #jungkook #jungkook scenario #jungkook fanfic #bts kim taehyung #kim taehyung #taehyung #bts taehyung #taehyung scenario #taehyung fanfic #kpop #kpop fanfic #kpop scenario

[prettywordsyouleft]

Becoming Human - Chapter 9

Previous Chapters:  1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 

“So far he seems to be progressing well, all levels of his intelligence have improved from last time he sat in this chair.” Doctor Jung spun around on his seat and smiled at me. “How have you found him?”

I glanced at Leo, offline for the very first time in front of me. His eyes were closed and he looked peaceful in his resting state. I smiled. “It’s been an adjustment from just interacting at work with a robot. I admit my original stance has changed.”

“What do you mean?”

“I never understood the need for them. My background in psychology found some people who used them generally sounded like they could do with some psycho-therapy treatment for their social anxiety issues. I feel like my opinion is changing. Leo has made me question a lot about my own way of existing in the past three days.”

The doctor chuckled and took off his glasses. “Miss Choi, you mentioned to me about my thesis the other day and how this is a waste of my talent. This lab is creating miracles every day. Psychologists sit in an office and give an hour a week to their clients to help them. My bots can be in your home and be a listening ear. They won’t judge you for your faults but find ways to build you back up. Isn’t that a blessing?”

“Leo isn’t like that. He has opinions. He has experienced multiple emotions already. I feel like he could help people further. In a way, the current AI program is giving false confidence. Yes it works and I believe there is a place for it, but humans won’t build you up the same and can bring all that falsity right back down on the customer in one blow. I’m not saying everything about Leo’s mannerisms is desirable, but I’m learning a lot from him in how he views the human race. We are crueller than I imagined.”

“Do you worry about your own blurring of lines around Leo? You have stated in your files before that is your biggest concern of customers. Can you feel that?”

I didn’t respond immediately, my mind thinking over the small instances we’ve had. Even earlier this morning our fight had felt organic and I hadn’t even felt there was a difference in us. Human and robot weren’t a factor, even though I had used it as his weakness, on a whole, I had viewed him as just Leo during that moment. Biting my lip, I looked up at the man and finally sighed. “I’m unsure if I will fully blur lines but sometimes he does seem more human than he should.”

“In three days you’ve managed that conclusion. It will be interesting to see the version of yourself in a month’s time. Gunhee will keep me updated with your progress, but let’s meet up for another session of looking into his functions within a week’s time.”

I nodded and got to my feet, watching as the doctor pressed a few buttons on the screen that allowed the lines that were hooked to Leo’s neck to wake him back up. His eyes slowly opened and he looked around the room, his focus finally landing on me. He smiled warmly and I couldn’t help but feel at ease to see him alert again.

 “Did you rest well, Leo?” Doctor Jung removed the cables and the robot glanced at him, nodding once. “Good. We need to let Miss Choi go to work now. You can come and watch how we do things in the lab if you like.”

“Really?!” He got off the chair and straightened himself up, waiting beside the doctor eagerly. “I can really have a place here?”

“I need to watch you in action too, come on.”

“One moment, doctor.” Leo then grabbed my arm and took me out of the room, leading me down the hallway before stopping. He smiled again at me and reached to muss my hair a little, my hand instantly moving to smack it away.

“What are you doing?!”

He leaned down into my face a little, still smiling giddily. “It’s my first day having a job; I feel very happy right now. And I get to do what I wanted to the last time you left me in that room to go back to work.”

“And what’s that?”

“Have a good day,” he said, placing his hands on my shoulders. “I’ll see you later.”

And with that, he went back to the Doctor’s office. I, however, was reeling from the interaction, my heart beating faster the more I repeated the sentence internally. I’ll see you later.

It felt odd to have someone out there waiting to see me again in their day. I found there was a bounce in my step as I made my way back to my department, smiling and greeting my co-workers happily. Even Daniel waved at my arrival and I grinned brightly back at him, before sitting down at my desk.

“Something good happened to you,” Sohyun stated, leaning around to observe me more closely. She gasped and grabbed onto my arm. “You have a boyfriend?!”

“Yah!” I hissed and shook my head rapidly. “You know that’s so not the case.”

“You look like you’re in love though. Like you have someone who waits for you.”

I froze at her choice of wording and then shook my head and hands at the same time. “Honestly, your imagination.”

“Right, you claim dating is for those who have too much time on their hands.” Sohyun tilted her head to the side and then laughed. “Maybe you should be forced into a situation where you have to interact with another guy. You might find yourself falling for him way too quickly because you’ve lacked dating experience.”

“Let’s work, yeah?” I told her, feeling a little haunted at how her words were lining up. Thankfully, once switching on my headset the first call was connected. I noticed the caller was calling from overseas and made effort to answer in English. “Welcome to KBoys Cyborg Call Centre, you’re speaking with Yerin, how may I help you today?”

“Hi Yerin, it’s Kate Sheparton here, how are you?”

Looking at the screen, I realised it was one of our top weekly callers and composed myself for what her predicament was today. She was sweet in nature but rang way too many times. Mostly for unnecessary things, like how to train her Junhoe to cook more authentic meals or how to stop him from looking in the mirrors more often than she did. I cleared my throat and smiled. “I’m fine, thank you, how can I assist you?”

“I’d like to trade in my Junhoe, please. He’s just a complete nightmare. I’ve had enough of his behaviours and need a new idol that can suit me better instead.”

I was shocked, just last week she was gushing to me about how she would marry him if it were legal to do so. “Are you sure that is something you’d like to proceed with? Once it’s done, we won’t be able to fully return him in the future if you change your mind again.”

“I’m certain, today was the last straw. I asked him who was more beautiful and he answered himself. Without even hesitating! I cannot be with someone so condescending anymore. So can I purchase a face-up please?”

“Certainly, who would you like to swap to?” I went through to the face-up request aspect in her file and waited for her selection.

“It’s an easy choice and someone who I feel is more mature completely. Johnny Seo from NCT, please.”

I paused, remembering crossing TV channels once and finding the idol in question doing bird impressions on Weekly Idol. Trying not to laugh, I clicked into the idol she requested and started the process. After explaining to her what to expect next, I finished the call and then thought over my reaction towards the girl.

I was starting to feel uncomfortable in who I was, realising how judgmental I could be towards some of the things I thought of customers. Although I was nothing but professional on the phone, it had never bothered me beforehand on how I would view some people. Vowing to be more productive and less opinionated for the rest of the day, I picked up the next call, hoping my work day would finish on a better note than I had started it. 

Next chapter

A/N: Is that... expectation building in Yerin?! Doctor Jung is right, look at how many changes have occurred in three days. Who knows what else might change?

Next chapter will be posted Monday 3rd (NZST)!

Want to be added to the notified list? Leave a comment or reblog letting me know that you wish to get tagged in the upcoming chapters! Thanks everyone for the continued support!

@cramelot @chanyeolol @annoyingtiger888 @reddragon2 @this-song-thats-only-for-you @tanithrea @pastelsweaters-and-bubble-t @babybee05  @strwalight  @chakkyeonie​

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#jung taekwoon #taekwoon #vixx #vixx leo #leo #vixx fiction #vixx fanfic #vixx imagines #vixx scenario #vixx au #vixx fluff #taekwoon fiction #taekwoon fanfic #taekwoon imagine #taekwoon scenario #taekwoon au #taekwoon fluff #prettywordsyouleft writes #pwyl; different kisses

[the-everlasting-dream]

The Revelation - Drake x MC, Part 6A

Summary: Drake struggles with the jarring reality that the woman he loves holds no feelings for him now. 

A/N: Oh god I really am the worst at updating, I’m so sorry for making you guys wait over a month for updates with this hiatus. Y’all are the real MVPs for sticking with my inconsistent ass so heres another instalment! This chapter got so long I had to split it in half. 

Once again thank you to @chantelle-x0x for making the wonderful aesthetic for this part! Don’t forget to check out the masterlist for the musical accompaniment for each chapter! 

Word count: 4000+

CATCH UP HERE

‘How is she today Doc?’ Drake asked tentatively. He was standing beside one of the doctors in charge at the foot Elizabeth’s bed, watching as she lay there, almost motionless except for the gentle rise and fall of her chest. 

Four weeks had passed since he’d watched the balcony of the Vancoeur mansion give way, plunging his fiancé down to the rocks below. For a terrible moment, Drake had believed that this was it, this was the end. And he would have been right if not for a small outcrop along the cliff face a few feet below the balcony that had interrupted her descent towards the jagged shoreline. 

 Dr. Jillian Thomas glanced at her notes for a long moment. 

 ‘She’s getting there alright. The broken ribs and shoulder are healing well, they’ll still hurt when she wakes up so she’ll need pain meds for another two or three weeks and physical therapy after that. Same with the pelvis. She’s lucky it was only a fracture or we would have a bigger problem on our hands. In a way its good that she’s been unconscious all this time. Gives her body time to heal.’ 

Drake nodded seriously as he considered the doctor’s words. ‘What about the brain injury? You guys were pretty worried about that one at first.’ 

 ‘The skull fracture was our biggest concern because it caused an minor intracranial haemorrhage - bleeding within skull outside the brain,’ she clarified, seeing that he was confused. 

’Due to the way the brain tissue presses against the skull it can cause some impairment but we can’t tell for sure. But they got her to the hospital pretty quickly and she pulled through quicker than normal so I am very optimistic that she will recover well. She’s a tough one.’ The doctor finished nodding at her still figure.   

 ‘Thats my girl.’ Drake couldn’t help but break into a huge smile of relief. If the experts said Elizabeth was going to be fine he trusted them. 

Dr Thomas smiled genially. ‘One of our nurses observed that she was conscious for a few seconds yesterday so she should be waking up soon. You were listed as her first point of contact and I thought you should be here so she’d have someone familiar to wake up to.’

The possibility of her waking up soon thrilled him beyond description. In the weeks past, Drake had spent as much time as he could at her bedside, hoping, wishing, praying to every god in the universe that she’d come back to him. He thought back to their last encounter, hating the way he’d raised her voice at her on that balcony. He knew he would have never forgiven himself if those had been the last words they’d ever get to exchange. Now that he was he was willing to put all of it past him if she just gave him the chance. 

He’d made countless silent promises to her as he watched her sleep, pledging that he would be a better man, that he would be the best fiancé that ever lived, he’d take care of her and never, ever hurt her like he had. And when Elizabeth woke up, he’d be there. He would fulfil all the things he’d promised, giving her everything he had if she would only let him. 

Before Elizabeth, he’d been nothing but a cynic towards love, like he’d been towards most other things in life. Growing up the way he did, in Liam’s shadow, Drake had seen his fair share of women only taking an interest in him to get closer to his best friend. After countless romantic prospects that only ended in failure, he could hardly blame himself when Elizabeth walked into his life, intelligent, engaging and incredibly beautiful, she seemed too good to be true. When he had inevitably found himself attracted to her, that was when the walls came up again, more out of habit than anything else.  

He’d almost driven her away too if not for Elizabeth’s stubbornness and sheer strength of will. Drake had thanked his lucky stars every day that she had not given up on him 

She had shown him what love really was, what it was like to be wanted, to be needed by another person in a way that he could not possibly have fathomed before. Each touch, each kiss they had shared brought new meaning to the the very gestures themselves. Every whisper of I love you, every act of love had seemed so right as if being with her was the only thing that would ever make sense. After the accident he’d seen a glimpse of what life could have been without her and he never wanted to be without her again. 

Eventually Elizabeth began to stir, pulling him out of his thoughts as she lifted her eyelids, blinking a few times to get used to the lights of the hospital room. He watched on with anxious eyes as she glanced around the room, dazed and bewildered. Her confusion only grew as she tried to lift her arms only to be hindered by the sling on one shoulder. 

 ‘Hey,’ Drake began awkwardly as he watched her take in her surroundings. ‘It's so good to see you.’ 

 ‘H-head hurts.’ Elizabeth's voice was thick and garbled from disuse as she blinked a few more times, still adjusting to the light. 

 ‘The doctor said you’re going to be a bit groggy,’ he told her, fashioning his voice into a gentle tone not wanting to panic her. He had so much to say to her but he pushed it all down for the moment, not wanting to overwhelm her all at once. ‘Can I get you anything?’ 

She cleared her throat roughly. ‘Water... please.’ 

 Drake readily complied, filling a paper cup from the jug in the room and handing it to her. 'Do you know your name?’ He ventured hesitantly. 

‘Elizabeth Richmond.’ She nodded once after taking a deep draught and immediately winced, the action obviously causing her pain. 'What happened? Where am I?’ 

 ‘You’re in a hospital in Cordonia,’ Dr Jillian chimed in, entering the room. ‘You were in an accident, you fell and hurt your head but you’re okay now.’ Elizabeth’s confused gaze flitted around the room. Drake watched her brow furrow, processing the information, her throat bobbing as she swallowed hard. 

‘I’m so glad you’re okay,’ Drake burst out, unable to take the suspense as relief formed thickly in his voice. 

Her dark eyes continued to move around the room, taking in her surroundings and when her vague stare rested on him, Drake felt the sudden need to touch her. Moving to sit in the chair beside her, he reached for her hand, craving her warmth but before his fingers could close on hers, Elizabeth jerked her arm away. 

 'What are you doing?’ she accused, staring at him in alarm. 'Please don’t touch me.’ 

A a pang of pain flitted through his chest. She must remember our last encounter. He dropped his hand to his lap awkwardly. He didn’t blame her though, he shouldn’t have expected her to take him back so easily. 

 ‘That’s right. I’m sorry. You must still be mad at me..’

Elizabeth shook her head once more, confusion written all over her face. She stared at him for a moment with her brow creased. ‘Mad? Why would I be mad at you? I barely know you.’ 

 Drake’s stomach lurched at her words. She didn't know him? He might have anticipated some resistance on her part to forgive him but this was almost too cruel. 

 ‘Good one Elizabeth. You gotta know who I am right?’ He told her, allowing some humour to enter his voice because she was just playing a joke on him. Right?   

'I-I think so? You’re Drake right? Liam’s best friend.’ A dim light of recognition glowed in her eyes as she said his name, but there was something in her tone that was just… wrong. He couldn’t put his finger on it but he could tell there was something off about the way it came from her lips. 

 ‘Yes. Yes I am,’ Drake confirmed, mind still grappling with the previous thought. She was not wrong though, he rationalised to himself… The doctors said she’d had a major head injury, they wouldn’t know the full effect until she woke up but surely this wasn’t… This couldn’t be happening. Did she really not remember him? His brain raced ahead working out all the possibilities, considering all the options but the more he dwelled on it the more possible it seemed. 

Elizabeth had been watching him carefully all this time, as the storm of emotions played out on his face. 

‘You don’t look satisfied with that,’ she began, shaking her head as if to clear it before continuing almost hesitantly. 'A-am I missing something here? Are you not...' 

‘No I am,’ he interrupted, wishing to stop her train of thought before it went any further. ‘It’s me... Drake but do you really not know who I am? 

 Her eyes filled with confusion as she glanced around frantically. ‘Know what? I-Is there more to know?’ 

 The crux of her statement pressed on his chest like a boulder. He drew a shaky breath before trying to find the words but how could he?

‘Elizabeth… I-I don’t know how to tell you this,’ he eventually croaked, unable to dislodge the words from where they clung to his throat. ‘Elizabeth I-I’m your fiancé. We’re supposed to be getting married soon.' 

 Elizabeth’s eyes widened in alarm as she shifted in bed, legs scrabbling at the mattress as she tried to push herself away from him. Her breathing now came in uneven gasps and in the dimness of his peripheral senses, Drake heard the pace of the heart monitor speed up. 

 ‘Thats-thats not possible. You can’t be my fiancé. I barely know you,’ she burst out, raising one hand to her head, her fingers brushing the bandage wrapped around it. 'What about the prince? The social season? I was supposed to be competing to marry him n-not you. What about-’ 

Before she could continue Drake cut her off, almost stupefied at what she was saying. ‘The pr- Elizabeth, Liam is the king now. The social season was months ago. Are you -' 

 Dr Jillian, who had been listening to the entire exchange, now interrupted both of them, stepping forward with a pointed look. ‘Mr Walker may I speak to you outside?'

Visibly rattled, Drake complied with her instruction and as soon as they were out of earshot he turned on the shorter woman. 

‘You said things were good. You said she was recovering fine. You said she was going to be o-‘ 

‘Mr Walker,’ she cut him off, her voice taking on a slightly authoritative tone now. ‘I said I was optimistic that she would recover well but brains are not like broken bones. They have a degree of plasticity to them that makes it hard to predict what the outcome will be. We do attempt to gather some idea of how the patient will turn out from the rate of recovery but the best we can give is still only an estimate. It all depends on the way the tissue presses against the skull as this can cause some impairments-‘ 

 Drake had been running his hand through his hair but when she said this he dropped them to his side, almost reflexively balling them into fists. ‘Some impairments?! You mean to tell me that my fiancé not remembering who I am is ‘some impairment?’ 

 The doctor took a cautious step back. ‘I did not mean that at all. What I mean was her brain is still recovering from the trauma. This process takes a while so it is possible that she might be experiencing retrograde amnesia.’ 

His mind struggled to grasp what she was saying. ‘Amnesia? Retrograde? Lady you better start making some sense real quick. What the hell are you talking about?’ 

Drake ignored the stares he was getting from other hospital patients, glancing back towards Elizabeth’s room where she watched in terror through the glass window pane. ‘You’re saying she’s permanently forgotten me?' 

 ‘I can’t say for sure but usually our amnesia patients do seem to recover most of their memories but this takes time. We can’t say for certain how much she does remember or how much she will gain back. She might remember everything or she might remember nothing-‘ 

Drake immediately felt sick to his stomach and, unable to keep listening to the doctor, he stalked off blindly as his feet carried him to the nearest bathroom. Once inside he hunched over the sink, almost hyperventilating as the urge to hurl only grew stronger. 

After his breathing had evened out a little, he splashed his face once, twice before exiting the bathroom, reaching into his pocket. His fingers trembled as he shot a quick text off to Liam before dropping onto a nearby seat in the waiting room outside Elizabeth’s ward, fingers carding roughly through his hair.

Had it all really been so easy to forget? The closeness they’d shared, the smiles, the pure and simple unbridled joy that they’d felt when they were together?  Their entire relationship, the happiness, the struggles the future they could have had now seemed so far off… 

Or perhaps, Drake's mind suggested, feeling the worm of doubt come burrowing back into his soul, it hadn’t been the same for her, maybe she had not felt as strongly about him as he felt about her… she had been and still was everything to him but was it the same for her? 

The thought jarred him to the very core and he gripped the armrest of the chair, knuckles blanching at the pressure. He didn’t even want to entertain the very possibility of it being true. She couldn’t, she just couldn’t…. His brain scrabbled at the threads of hope that perhaps this was all a bad dream, that he’d wake up with Elizabeth in his arms, smiling at him with her memory intact. While it was all to easy to lose himself in the fantasy deep in his heart he knew it wasn’t true. Around and around Drake went in mental circles, picturing the blank look in Elizabeth’s eyes when she said she didn’t know him, trying desperately to figure out what he could do, what he could have done to make things better, to change the past because there was nothing he wouldn’t do, nothing, to have her look at him the way she used to. 

But this provides fruitless, only driving him madder as he fought to find a solution by the time he saw Liam’s dark blonde hair headed toward the waiting room, Drake was barely able to string a sentence together. His best friend’s blue eyes were clouded with confusion as he choked out a disjointed explanation of what had happened as they walked back to Elizabeth’s room. 

‘Liam,’ she exclaimed softly, immediately recognising him as he stepped across the threshold. As Drake followed behind, he couldn’t help the rush of jealousy that arrived when her face lit up at his best friend’s entrance. Why did she remember Liam and not him? In the interest of finding out how much she did remember, he hung back in the doorway, watching the interaction take place.

 ‘Elizabeth,’ Liam was saying, having taken a seat in the chair at her bedside. ‘How are you feeling?’ 

'Um.. okay I guess…’ She began, shifting a little as tugged her fingers through her dark locks. 'My head definitely hurts a little... but the doctor said it was normal. I’ve got some pain killers if they get worse...' 

 Drake couldn’t see it but he could tell that Liam was smiling as he replied, ‘Let me know if there is anything I can do to make you more comfortable.' 

 ‘I... uh thanks…' The corners of her mouth picked up a little before she cleared her throat again. 'So they tell me you’re king now?

’Thats right,’ Liam confirmed with a nod of his head. 'I have been for a few months now...' 

 Her features fell at his response and her voice was quiet when she spoke.. 'I guess a lot has happened in that time huh? 

 Liam nodded again, the pleasant smile turning apologetic. 'I suppose it has.' 

Elizabeth nodded as she digested the information, picking at the threads of the blanket on her lap and when she looked up again, her brown eyes were filling with tears. 

 'I’m so scared Liam. I-I don’t know… so much, so much I don’t remember….’ Her shoulders shuddered as she drew in a shaky breath, her tears glistening under the fluorescent lights as they slid down her cheeks. Drake felt his heart break even more when she said this. It pained him almost physically to see the woman he loved like this. He wanted so badly to wrap her up in his arms and protect her. But how was he to protect her from the things inside her head? Her next words, however hit him like an eighteen-wheeler.   

'I just… I don’t even know who I am anymore…’ She whispered, barely audible to him but still visceral nonetheless. Half way through a step towards her, Drake's progress was halted when he saw Liam reaching for Elizabeth's hand, wrapping her small one in his, squeezing it lightly while Drake  wince inwardly as their hands made contact. The tiny gesture stirred up a tornado of feelings for him. How far back did her memory loss go? How much did she remember? Why did she seem to remember Liam and not him? Why him? What about Hana and Maxwell and everyone else? Had she forgotten them too? And more importantly, he realised with a jarring force, what were they going to do now?  

These questions swirled around in his head blocking out all everything else until he heard Liam’s voice cut through. 

 ‘Drake…. Drake? Are you okay?’ 

Only then did Drake realise that he has been gripping the doorframe so hard the metal had left an imprint in his hands. His racing heart only sped up when he realised that both of them were staring at him, Liam in concern and Elizabeth in fear. The expression on her face seemed to open new wounds in his heart, he couldn’t stand to have her look at him like this. 

 ‘I.. uh… I’ll be outside,’ he answered lamely. ‘You two… you….’ 

Unable to bring himself to finish the sentence, he exited the room flopping down limply into a nearby chair, head in his hands. It was only then that the tears began to flow, fat hot tears that dripped off the end of his nose to pool in a puddle on the floor. Fierce deep pain gripped his soul and he could think of nothing else until a soft hand was laid on his shoulder, making him look up.   

‘Hey, we came as quickly as we could,’ Hana told him gently with Maxwell in tow. She wrapped him in a brief hug. ‘How is she?’ 

‘She’s… she’s inside. With him,’ Drake croaked, motioning passively in the direction of Elizabeth’s room. He gave them a brief run down of what had happened watched as their jaws fell in shock before rushing to the room. His limbs screamed in refusal to move but in the interest of seeing how Elizabeth would react to their friends, he trailed behind them, keeping a safe distance. 

‘Elizabeth, hi.’ Hana began softly, with a gentle smile on her face.   

'You remember us right?’ Maxwell put in anxiously. 

 The light of recognition in Elizabeth eyes as they settled on the pair. ‘Hana, Maxwell?’

‘Yep that’s us,’ Maxwell chimed in cheerfully. ‘You remember!’ 

‘I-I do. At least I think I do,’ Elizabeth tried for a smile. ‘You called me little blossom? Or am I just imagining that?’ 

‘No no, you’re right!’ he reassured her enthusiastically, coming to sit on the edge of the bed. 

 ‘Maxwell,’ Liam began in a cautionary tone. 

 ‘Its alright,’ Elizabeth told him. ‘It’s nice to see a familiar face.’ 

‘We were so worried about you,’ Hana told her, coming to stand at her side. ‘We’re just so happy you’re okay.’ 

Elizabeth’s features creased into a slight frown. ‘I don’t know about that…' 

‘We’ll help you get better. Anything you need, we’ll get it for you,’ Maxwell exclaimed perhaps a bit too loudly before leaning in conspiratorially. 'Between you and me, I tried to sneak Cooper in here but Bastien caught me before I could get him to the limo. He misses you so much.’ 

‘Cooper?’ Her tone was slightly puzzled. 

 Maxwell slapped a hand to his forehead. ‘Oh you must have forgotten. You Elizabeth are the owner of the cutest, wiggliest, most adorable corgi in the world Sir Cooper the Valiant of Houses Beaumont and Richmond.’

 Elizabeth’s eyes grew round. ‘I have a corgi? They’re adorable!' 

‘Thats what I said!’

‘Maxwell’s been taking good care of him while you were under. We’ll find a way to sneak him in here soon,’ Hana promised with a slight wink. 

 ‘I’d like that.’ Elizabeth smiled, a real smile now, the first one Drake has seen on her face in a long time.

 As she continued chatting amicably with Maxwell and Hana, he suddenly felt extremely out of place, almost as if he was a stranger interrupting a private family gathering. It seemed like she really did remember everyone except him and that only deepened the hurt in his chest. Unable to take this anymore, he exited the room but was followed by his best friend. 

‘Drake?’ 

‘Liam I can’t. I just can’t be in there…’ He told him, his voice cracking with emotion. 'It seems like she remembers everyone except me… I can’t tell you how much that hurts. In her mind she’s still pursuing you and I can’t tell you how much it hurts, how much it fucking hurts… Its like everything we ever went through, all the things we said and did, they mean nothing now…' 

‘I know what you mean.’ 

For a moment Drake thought he heard a hint of bitterness in Liam's words but this evaporated when the king laid a comforting hand on his shoulder. ‘But you should get some rest, you look exhausted. You’ve been here almost every day.' 

 Drake lifted his head to look at the other man. 'How can I, Liam? Do you really just expect me to walk out of here and pretend like nothing happened?' 

'Listen man,’ Liam’s blue eyes bored into his. 'I know you’re upset but is staying here really gonna do anything to help her? Go home, get some sleep and we’ll work on fixing this problem tomorrow.'

Begrudging his friend’s annoying ability to be right, Drake heeded his advice, heading back to his family home. The place always brought back a wave of nostalgia and a yearning for better, simpler times with his family. He hadn’t been back in months, since the start of Engagement Tour and there was tons of repairs to do. Right now he didn’t care. Those could wait. For now, he just wanted to block out the last few hours, hoping that sleep would be able to provide some relief to the agony in his soul. 

-

A/N: Currently writing the next chapter but as my exams start this friday, 6B might only be out after the 30th sorry. Hang in there because I will definitely make it worth the wait!

Tags: @chantelle-x0x @choicessa @pbchoicesobsessed @mariamatsuo @lizeboredom @xxrainbowprincessxx @tmarie82 @mfackenthal @topsyturvy-dream @drakewalkerwhipped @laniquelove @theroyalweisme @diamond-dreamland @missswalker @lovemyrestingplacethings @american-duchess @withice @ayo-minty-jess @sirwigglesworthiii @ninamckenzie22 @drakewanker @drakelover78 @h3llostrang3r @cocomaxley @zarina-x-zig @nicestrokepam @bizzyschoices @kellyale1804 @mrswalkerreynolds @kamybelen-blog @hhiggs @boneandfur @jenjosh5 @natalievgoodehenry @bruhvs @choiceswreckedme @jamielea81​ @penguininapinktuxedo​ @crookedslimecreatorpasta @asprankle @client327 @graceisgone56 @josieschoices @drakewalkfantasy @bobasheebaby @ineedpeetalikehekneedsbread @diamond-dreamland @srawesleyghuewrites @ekhw1989 @mymandrake @writtenbycandy @andy-loves-corgis @alwaysthebestchoice @snyggflicka @mrsdrakewalkerblog @jessieray98 

I hope Tumblr notified everyone that they were tagged, idk why some aren’t working. Click here to be tagged 

#this was so angsty to write #next chapter is just gonna be worse #drake x mc #it doesnt get better until like chapter 15 #if you guys stick with me for long enough lol #i wish i could write faster #but damn uni for getting in my way #two weeks until i'm done #drake walker #trr drake #king Liam #trr liam #maxwell beaumont #trr maxwell #hana lee #trr hana #the royal romance #the revelation fic #the revelation au #choices #playchoices #choices fandom #choices fanfiction #long post

[revol-lover]

I havent posted (personally) here as often as I used to. Mostly becuase I dont know how I feel about using tumblr for that type of content anymore. I’m blocking pxrn blogs that have followed me like every time I log on and its frustrating that tumblr doesnt really feel like a safe place for “mom” content anymore but anyway I did want to make a little update on how Julia is doing.

She started walking 3 days before her birthday and she is officially running which is amazing!!! If you havent been following since the beginning, she suffered a birth/brain injury during labor and the future has been pretty uncertain since day 3 of life when we were told to expect potential delays in her motor skills, speech, learning etc. So far she has met all her milestones early or on time and is doing great. So we are very thankful for that!! And celebrate everything. With that being said:

 she ditched her bottle around 11 months to use a sippy cup exclusively. Were on lactose free cows milk which she loves, and she also loves to drink water. 

Food is a silppery slope still. She definitely has preferences and isnt crazy about a lot of vegetables but loves cheese so much lol She also really likes pasta dishes, blueberries and pinto beans. With time more things are being added in that she likes so its just about being patient with her taste buds right now.

She got her first tooth at around 11 1/2 months (pretty late). And her second around 12 1/2 months. She is 14 months and still only has two teeth. But it doesnt stop her from eating a variety of textures. She’s just a late bloomer teeth wise.

She still has early intervention services for her development and she is doing great. Her nurse is obsessed with her and is so happy with how well she is doing.

She babbles a lot! She can say, mama, dada, daddy, hi, hello, crunchies, cheese, what’s that, and a very cute but butchered attempt of “sesame street”

...which she adores. She loves sesame street. She gets especially excited by mr noodle haha

She is super outgoing and friendly. She rarely gets spooked by people but does once in a while.

She loves other kids, especially her older cousins. 

She takes 2 naps a day. Averaging about 1 1/2 hr each

* but also is still an early riser and nothing we have done (adjusting naps, bedtime, etc) has worked. Its just who she is. Asleep by 7:30 pm, but awake, always, between 5am-6am (6am is a treat).

I think thats about it?? Theres been a ton of development since like 10 months to now its insane to think about. I really love the toddler stage so far. Its exhausting in its own way of course. But she’s been doing really well and has this sweet but feisty personality that I love. Shes definitely a true Leo! But I love that about her. She is my opposite and I think that she will probably grow up to teach me a thing or two, honestly :)

[deeeelightfuldee]

surveyss 008.

1. Can you remember what you were doing at 8:15 this morning? I was just staring at my ceiling. 2. In your phone’s contacts, who is the first person listed under the letter ‘R’? When did you last see that person? Rana. Uhhh, I don’t think we ever really saw one another in person because of Covid, but maybe once or twice in passing 2 years ago. 3. If someone is sticking their nose into your business where it isn’t wanted, how would you deal with that? Would you say something to them?I tend to either withdraw entirely, change the subject, or just flat out say well that isn’t something I feel comfortable discussing. I’m kind of over spending so much energy to make everyone else comfortable and myself miserable.

4. What did you have for lunch today? Or, if you haven’t had lunch yet, what do you think you will have? I had a bagel for breakfast/lunch.

5. Is there someone you desperately want to see/speak to atm, but you can’t? Yeppppppp. I really want to talk to and see kile, but that won’t happen. He won’t message, or try to contact. I’m pretty convinced he never wanted to come out here anyway, so I guess it’s for the best. It’ll get easier.

6. Do you and your significant other have a special song? What is it? no sig other at the moment. 7. If you HAD to sing something on karaoke, what song would you choose? Turn on the radio by reba is the first one that came to mind hahaha.

8. Can you remember the last time you felt ill? What was wrong with you? Yeah, today! I think some of it is stress related.. not sleeping, not eating the best, but I have been having these awful headaches and it’s been making me super nauseated. 

9. What time is it now? Are you tired?  It is 10:35 pm and I’m not really tired. Mentally I’m freaking wiped, but I won’t be able to shut my brain off for some time. 10. If you wear make-up, do you take it with you, to reapply throughout the day? Does your make-up stay for a long time after you first apply it, or do you find that you need to reapply often? Are you wearing any make-up atm? I seldom take it with me unless I plan on being super warm, wet, or gone overnight. It typically stays for a long time. I have a little left over but I am not feeling up to going and washing it off.

11. What if you found the last person you kissed, in bed with the last person you texted? Hahahahahaha, well I know that they are both straight so I doubt it would happen. If it was the last opposite sex situation uhh, it would be very surprising because she is happily in a relationship and he has no idea really where she is. 12. The last person you held hands with - have you ever kissed them? Not yet.

13. Can you remember what your parents bought you for Christmas last year? My mom got me so many lovely gifts. She got me an awesome speaker, art stuff, slippers, perfume, etc. She spoils me. My dad has never gotten me anything for Christmas.

14. Think about the person you fell hardest for. Why do you think your feelings for this person were so strong? How is he/she different compared to everyone else you’ve had feelings for? Oooo boy. There are two people that I have had really strong feelings for that are completely different from one another. One of them was just... so .. in sync with me. I could flirt shamelessly with him, he calmed every insecurity, had this smile that melted me, and we were like the most beautiful fit at the worst possible time. He was smart, super dang funny, helpful, patient, kind, driven, talented, hard working, thoughtful, and made me feel so safe and so special. The other guy I had fought feelings for for a while. I was determined not to like him because he was self-centered, hard-headed, cocky, and it just bothered me. However, over time he morphed into this like... completely different person. He began to work on himself and he poured SO MUCH time, effort, money, and energy into making me feel like the most incredible creature he’d ever encountered. He is intelligent, stubborn, generous, and was my very best friend that I just felt whole when talking to him. We didn’t live near one another, but it felt like I took him with me everywhere every day because we just stayed in contact constantly. He became this amazing version of himself that just... so fit me.

30. Have you ever caught your friend cheating on their boyfriend/girlfriend? If you have, what did you do about it? If you haven’t, what do you think you would do? Yeah I have and I called her out on it haaaaaaard core. Her sig other found out and even saw the texts of me saying “you need to tell him NOW.”

31. When your last relationship ended, how long was it before you felt ready to think about being with someone else? I think it’ll be a while. I wasn’t even in an official relationship this last time, though it felt like it. The previous one it took me maybe a year or so before I dated again, but a lot of that was because I just genuinely didn’t have the schedule. 

32. Has any of your friends ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend that you found attractive, and you would secretly have liked to have for yourself? Hmmm.. I’ve found some attractive, but no not for myself. I’m very picky and (without sounding terribly cocky) I know what I am worth. I bring a LOT to the table and I just don’t want to settle. The guys that I’m thinking of are PHENOMENAL fits for the girls they are with, but not for me. My needs are different.

33. How many guys do you know named Matthew? Love that name. always wanted to marry a matthew. I know probably 5? --- none are marriage material HA

34. Think about the last person that made you cry. Would that person be there for you if you needed help? Uhhh, I guess it depends on the help. I honestly think a couple months ago he would have dropped anything to help me any time for any reason. He was always dependable. But now it kind of seems like .. idk. He just doesn’t care about me. I think if I needed help that was financial? maybe he would step in. But beyond that, no I don’t think so. Wow, thats.. hard to think about.

35. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to sleep last night? Do you remember what you talked about? Kile. We talked about how we were done. We discussed an airbnb for some reason.

36. Has someone of the opposite sex made you cry at any point during the last 24 hours? Yeppppppppppppppppppp. Which is unusual for me, but this is the loss of a really very close relationship. It’s the adjustment period.

37. Is there anything you would like to say to your most recent ex? Depends on what you call an ex. an official boyfriend, gosh no. I am very much OK not ever talking to him again. If it is this semi-relational situation, yeah there’s a lot I would say, but it doesn’t quite seem.. no. 

38. If your friends are sexually active but you aren’t, does that bother you? Have you ever felt pressured to have sex before you were ready, because your friends had done it? It doesn’t bother me at all. My friends have different viewpoints regarding sex and they know mine is totally different than theirs because of my trauma. Definitely never felt pressured by them.

39. In your opinion, what is the difference between having a crush and being in love? Have your own experiences helped you to realise that there is a difference? Crushes are like “eek, I hope he looks at me! I hope we bump into one another! I hope our hands “accidentally” brush against one another” whereas love is just consuming. It’s loyalty. It’s the deeper... passionate and steady feelings. It’s working towards making another persons life better without looking for anything in return.

40. Did the last person you hugged have any of these letters in their name: T, R, K, P, J? R 41. What’s the most unhealthy thing you’ve eaten in the last 24 hours? m&ms

42. What was the last compliment you received from someone of the opposite sex? I was just asked if I could be someone’s sugar baby because “your eyes scream beauty while looking trustworthy and genuine” lololol. 43. Who did you last say ‘I love you’ to? What colour are that person’s eyes? My sister, blue eyes.

44. If you took away the first and third letters of your name, what would you then be called? Ina.

45. Name 7 things that make you happy, and explain how it might affect you if you had to give them up. Benny, family, school, air conditioning, pools, bobs burgers, bread --Some of these things I don’t have access to and lemme tell you it is BRUTAL. Some of these things would destroy me if I lost them.

46. Think about your Facebook profile photo. What kind of assumptions do you think a stranger might make about you, from seeing that photograph? Would any of these assumptions be correct? Yikes I don’t even know what that photo is. They’d probably think “wow, thats an old looking photo and why doesn’t she ever update her profile” and each of those statements would be correct.

47. You buy a bar of chocolate, but you decide that you don’t want to eat it now, and put it in the fridge. When you go back later, half of it’s gone - someone else has started eating it! Who are you most likely to blame? My grandma forrrrrrrrrr sure.

48. Choose 5 friends, and talk briefly about each person’s longest/most serious relationship. Who was the relationship with, and how long did it last? Oye. No. 49. Do you think it’s wrong for someone to commit themselves to a long-term relationship at a young age? Explain. No. I think the only downside is that you lose the ability to learn who you are on your own, your beliefs, values, standpoints, non-negotiables, standards, etc. without the influence of the other person. Plus, getting together really young takes away the ability to think about yourself solely which is kind of a bummer. 50. Is there something happening in the near future, that you’re looking forward to? The distraction of the holiday will be wonderful.