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#shit post

I’m definitely not making all 31 posts so sorry for anyone who wanted to see 31 monster shit posts.

I will however finish the suggestions in my inbox

By the way I base this shit post off of the only depiction I’ve seen of a Tanuki which is from a asmr artist who did a cute like bakadere (I think that’s what it was) Also #6 came from me thinking a Tanuki was a squirrel but it’s apparently a raccoon, still applies I think.

Mary’s Monstober 2020~ Day 9: Tanuki

Why I would date a Tanuki

1. Adorable - It’s a raccoon, what’s not to love!? Such cute chubby cheeks.

2. Dummy - dumb as a brick and still cute. I love how innocently dumb they would be.

3. Enthusiasm - I lost that emotion in my early teens so it’d be nice to have them be so excited all the time

4. Smol - I can be the big spoon!!!! I am small and I appreciate being the big spoon once in a while. They would be small compared to me.

5. Affection - this ties into enthusiasm but they would be so happily affectionate and they’d appreciate my kisses on their little forehead or cheeks.

6. Protein - Sorry to anyone who hates that I always tie my period to this but also fuck you I wanna complain. There would be an infinite supply of nuts of all kinds and nuts have protein. They’re the one thing I don’t have trouble keeping down and the protein will help me feel better.

And last but not least

7. Fast - they’re fast as fuck boi! I wanna see them run through my backyard as we pick flowers.

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The real reason Chat came back after deciding to leave New York:

Adrien’s subconscious mind.

“Ladies and gentlebugs, welcome to the final round of who wants to be the next chat noir. Here are our contestants once again. Ladybug, Luka, Sabrina and Hawkmoth.”-fever dream Master fu was wearing platform rollerskates and zimmer frame, flared white glitter jumpsuit and a green feather boa. And he still spoke as if he were the presenter of who wants to be a millionaire, expecting to be taken seriously.

“Well Fu, the competition here today isn’t to be taken lightly. The underdog here of course being Hawkmoth. Couffaine is the one to watch. Despite having no experience in the field he managed to beat the standing record and also appears to have won over the Princess.” -since when was Alya a sports commentator? She was speaking into a microphone held close to her mouth and was standing at the edge of the stage facing the camera instead of the audience.

Marinette was dressed in an elaborate pink poofy dress that midly resembled a wedding dress. A large tiara glittering in her hair. She was currently sat giggling and blushing as Luka whispered in her ear.

Adrien was furious. He couldn’t hear what Luka was saying. How dare Luka make her laugh like that. How dare he beat his record in Chat skillz. His jealousy was overwhelming.

As Chloé walked onto the platform, where Marinette’s throne stood towering over everything, she pulled a tray covered in freshly baked croissants from behind her back. It was a little strange to see a clown act as a bulter, even more so when that clown was Chloé. But at this point Adrien didn’t question it.

“And the next round isssss… befriend Chat’s best friend.” Master fu announced and his show girls, Ivan and Kim, who’d appeared out of nowhere wearing tiny little red showgirl dresses, glided across the stage to open the curtains graciously.

The area behind the curtains was lit up and in the centre Plagg stood on the ground, taller than everyone else on the stage. Floating beside him was a small Nino who held a selection of camembert which he fed to Plagg every few seconds.

Ladybug sprung into action and scooped Plagg up bridal style. “I am perfection. A godess. Chat Noir is obsolete. No one is worthy to stand beside me as an equal.”

In that moment donkey kong, aka Lila, came crashing through the roof snatching Marinette from her place on the throne. Luka jumped in the air and there was a chime. Suddenly he was wearing a boiler suit and a green hat that had an L on it. In Adrien’s mind it finally clicked. Mario Cart. Ivan and kim opened yet another curtain to reveal a row of fancy race cars. Luka stole a chunk of plagg’s cheese and jumped on his head squishing him down. Flattened Plagg yelled out in anger as Nino toddled around him in confusion and despair. Luka jumped into a sleek red convertable and sped off. Sabrina followed suit, instead choosing a star shaped motorbike. Hawkmoth ran to catch up but as he sat in the car it transformed into a baby stroller.

Marinette bit Lila’s giant gorilla hand and freed herself as the chaos ensued. Lila had found barrels lying around and had begun throwing them at the contestants. Adrien ran over to Marinette who was straightening out her dress. She placed her tiara onto Adrien’s head, smiled at him and pointed to his shoes. His sneakers had turned red and glittery. They sparkled as he moved them. When he looked back to Marinette she was in a bubble floating away. She was saying something about no place like gnome or was it no face like clone? It was difficult to hear from so far away.

The lights went out and freddy’s music played. Adrien knew what was coming and it still made him jump everytime. A mechanical black cat sprung up and screamed in his face as ‘who are loved by no one’ echoed through the now vast and empty space.

Adrien woke up with a start as Uncanny Valley broke into the plane. For some reason ‘no place like home’ sat on the tip of his tongue. Whatever Uncanny was here for the answer was yes. Also he decided he should stop playing horror games with plagg. Wouldn’t want to give him any ideas.

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I think eventually everything’s going to be okay, but I have no idea what’s going to happen next.

And neither do any of you, and neither do your parents, because there’s an indie band loose in Vinyl City. It’s never happened before. No one knows what the band is going to do next, least of all the band! They’ve never played for all of Vinyl City before, they’re as confused as you are!

There’s no experts.

They try to find experts on the news. They’re like, “We’re joined now by a man that once saw an object head eat a Dodo pop.” Get out of here with that crap! We’ve all seen an object head eat a Dodo pop, this is an indie band loose in Vinyl City!

When there’s an indie band loose in Vinyl City, you got to stay updated. So all day you walk around, “Oh, what’d the band do, What’d the band do?” The updates, they’re not always bad. Sometimes they’re just odd.

It’ll be like, “The band hijacked a concert? … I didn’t know they could do that…“

The scariest days are when you don’t hear from the band at all. You’re down in Akusuka like, “Hey, has anyone… has anyone heard…” *distant guitar playing*

Those are those quiet days when people are like, “It looks like the indie band has finally calmed down.” And then ten seconds later the lead guitarist is like, “I’m gonna start a revolution and take over NSR. I’ve got no shoes and the power of rock, I’m a guitarist!“

That’s what I thought you’d say, you dumb fucking guitarist!

And then… then.. then you go to lunch with people and they’re like, “There Shouldn’t Be an Indie Band In Vinyl City.” And it’s like, “We’re well past that.” Then other people are like, “If there’s gonna be an indie band in Vinyl City, I’m going to graffiti the walls of the districts!” And those don’t match up at a l l.

And then, for a second, it seemed like maybe we could survive the indie band, and then, 50 miles away, the CEO of NSR was like, “I have bias for EDM and I’m going to ban rock!” And before we could say Anything, the guitarist was like, “If you even think about banning rock, I will hit you with my guitar. I dare you to do it. I want you to do it. I want you to do it so I can Hit You With My Guitar, I’m so crazy.”

“You think you’re crazy? I’m the fucking Leader of NSR. I live in a fucking bigass tower. I’m freaking crazy.”

And all of us are like, “Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.” Like poor Zam when he’s trying to keep things on topic. “Okay. Okay. Okay. O K A Y.”

And then, for a second, we were like, “Maybe the Other NSR Artists will stop the the Indie Band.” And then the band is like, “We have Taken Over The NSR Districts.”

They can do that!?

That shouldn’t be allowed no matter w h o the band is!!

… I don’t remember learning this in college.

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So Why Don’t We’s Fallin’ came on on the radio in Odessa and I am honestly surprised. The only thing is Amaya got pulled over right before it started playing 😂 Shout out to the occassionally nice cop and the fact that he asked what our majors are and I’m a criminology major. She said that’s what saved her from getting a ticket 😂

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